May 6, 2025 • 20 mins
This episode breaks down two powerful approaches to nervous system regulation. First, we explore body-based processing techniques including orienting, vocal vibration (dhikr), butterfly taps, deep sighing, and cold water resets. These bottom-up approaches allow your body's intelligence to interrupt panic cycles when thinking has become part of the problem.
Then we go into mind-based regulation through the C-NEAR method (Circumstance, Nervous System Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, Results). This approach helps you catch the thoughts driving chaos, create space between triggers and responses, and consciously choose different perspectives that bring your system back to safety.
What makes this work profound is understanding that these complementary approaches to the same destination. Sometimes processing through the body clears mental fog, while other times changing a thought gives your body permission to release tension it's been holding.
Put these methods into practice and then look for micro-shifts: Are you pausing more before reacting? Sleeping better? Recovering from stress more quickly? Small improvements signal your practice is working.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
In the previous episode, wetalked about how regulating your
nervous system will changeeverything.
It will literally fixeverything, inshallah and in
(00:26):
this podcast, I want to give youhow to exactly do that, how to
process the change.
There are two main ways that Iwant to simplify for you to
regulate your nervous system.
One is body-based and the otherone is mind-based and I know it
might sound like acontradiction to what I teach
all the time, and that is mindand body are not separate.
(00:47):
They're the same system, theyspeak the same language.
What happens in one echoes inthe other, and yet here's what I
absolutely love.
I love living in paradox,because paradoxes make space for
truth that doesn't always fitinside a clean category.
So, yes, mind and the body arethe same when the truth serves
(01:07):
your healing, and also they'redifferent when it helps you to
see where to begin, how to makea difference.
You can regulate your bodythrough your mind, through
reframing, questioning, inquiryand dismantling old thoughts
that keep you stuck and you canregulate your mind through your
(01:28):
body, through breath, grounding,movement that changes the
signals being sent to your mind.
This is not a contradiction.
It's living in the gray.
It's using whatever door getsyou closer to yourself, to a
regulated nervous system.
And I give you full permissionto be contradictory, to flow
between both doors, to letintegration look messy and
(01:52):
circular rather than linear.
And this is exactly where realnervous system safety lives, not
in the black and white roles,but in the fluidity of being a
full human mind, body, soul allat once.
So if the secret to living asuccessful life is a regulated
nervous system, then I want tobreak it down to two pathways,
(02:13):
just to make it simple for you.
One says process it it'sbody-based.
The other one says change it.
That's narrative orlanguage-based.
Now, most of your healing willcome from a combination of one
or the other.
Most of your mental wellnessjourney will include components
of both, but I do want to showyou how they are separated in
(02:35):
case you don't know if you'redoing the right thing or not,
which.
If you choose one, it hasn'tmade a difference.
You'll know why it hasn't If,despite doing the work, you find
yourself with a dysregulatednervous system.
That's because you findyourself stuck somewhere between
the two approaches.
Both of these matter, and oneof them doesn't matter more than
(02:55):
the other, but it will matter,depending on if it serves you
and your emotional wellness.
So how do you choose which oneto proceed with?
How do you know which door towalk through?
Which one of these approacheswill give you emotional leverage
the mind-based or thebody-based?
So I'm going to help break itdown.
When you're feeling overwhelmed,anxious, heavy-hearted, you're
(03:17):
likely reaching for processingtools, body-based tools, the
deep breaths, the scanning ofthe body.
You're slowing down and you'reletting the emotional rise.
You can try to name it.
You ask yourself where it livesin your body.
You give it space and that actalone, the act of emotional
intelligence, the act ofnoticing and naming, starts to
(03:39):
release the emotions, trappedenergy.
When you say this is sadness orthis is shame, instead of
collapsing into it or reactingfrom it, you create a separation
.
That's a level of emotionalregulation.
This is body-based processing.
It's a science in its own merit.
You feel it, name it, witnessit and eventually it will digest
(04:04):
.
That's how your body stopsholding on to a background
emotion that it's been holdingon to for a while.
But there are also times whenyou don't need to process the
emotion.
Sometimes you just need tochange it, because all emotions
come from thoughts and if athought is rooted in a lie, then
no amount of breathing, bodywork or naming emotions will fix
(04:26):
the core issue.
If the brain is repeatingthoughts like I'm failing, they
hate me this always happens tome then what you're actually
doing is living inside a falsereality that keeps recreating
the emotion, and you won't beable to keep up with your
body-based approach of naming it, digesting it, no matter how
(04:48):
much you do it, because thebrain will continue to recreate
the same emotion, new every time, emotion coming from your
thoughts.
A thought created fiction thatfeels like a reality to your
body, and the only way to exitthat fiction is to change the
script, and in these cases youchoose different tools.
They're language-based tools,left brain journaling,
(05:11):
monitoring your thoughts,awareness, mindful exercises.
In these cases, you trace thethought back, you question it.
You ask yourself is this eventrue?
Sometimes that questioningalone is enough to release the
thought and the related emotion.
Other times, the belief is soembedded it feels like a brick
(05:32):
wall, and that's okay.
In that case, you take it apart, one sentence at a time, one
moment, one brick at a time.
That's what changes emotionsthat are chronically living in
you.
Time, that's what changesemotions that are chronically
living in you.
Body-based processing andthought elevation and narrative
changing aren't opposites.
They're different sides of thesame coin.
(05:52):
You're not doing it wrong ifone isn't working.
It just means you may need tointegrate both.
Sometimes processing theemotion through the body clears
the fog so that the mind can seewhat's really true, and then
you can lean intonarrative-based processing.
Other times, changing thethought is what gives the body
permission to let go, and thiswork is dynamic, not linear.
(06:18):
If you've been doing all of theemotional work but feel stuck,
here's the question I want youto ask Am I trying to process
something that actually needs tobe changed, or am I trying to
change something that firstneeds to be felt and experienced
and given space to, and don'tovercomplicate it?
From there, simplicity ispowerful.
Simplicity is how we heal,which is why I'm giving you
(06:42):
these two broad categories.
We heal, which is why I'mgiving you these two broad
categories.
The brain craves clarity, andclarity is where pain finally
starts to loosen its grip.
That's the freedom ofsimplicity.
That's how you will regulateyour nervous system most
effectively.
So I'm going to give youexamples of five very simple
somatic practices body-basedexercises that you can utilize
(07:05):
to create a regulated nervoussystem.
This is to apply when you can'tthink your way out of a
dysregulated moment.
And again, which method appliesis entirely up to you.
One is not better than theother.
I'm going to only mention ahandful.
There are multiple, multipleother methods out there, but
these are just examples.
(07:26):
One is orienting, slowly,moving your head and eyes, and
take in the environment what isin front of you, what is in your
peripheral vision, what is theclarity of focus with your
vision.
Give you how safe your bodyfeels when you're focusing on
the current moment.
Moving your eyes left, right updown, just noticing the things
(07:51):
in your environment.
This is basically helping yournervous system register that I
am safe in this moment.
Next is vocal vibration of asort.
You can pick a verse or a zikr,just recite it for five minutes
.
It stimulates your vagus nerve.
It's literally the peacekeeperof your body.
(08:12):
Next example is butterfly taps.
You can cross your arms overyour chest and tap left and
right, left and right.
This is kind of like rockingyour nervous system to sleep.
This is an EMDR-inspiredgrounding technique where you're
trying to light up bothatmospheres of your brain,
rather than just the fear-basedbrain that's active.
(08:32):
The next one is deep sighing,big inhale and a long exhale,
and do it as many times as ittakes for you to feel a reset in
your body.
This is you tricking your braininto believing that whatever
danger there was has passed.
Or a cold water reset Splashyour face or dip your hands in
(08:53):
cold water, make wudu with coldwater, and it signals your brain
that this is a quick reset.
There's no fight and flightanymore and, again, there's no
shortage of body-based nervoussystem regulation exercises.
This is the bottom-up approach.
When your body leads, your mindfollows.
These are the types oftechniques that I want you to
(09:15):
reach for when you can't thinkyour way out of your body's
dysregulation, because,technically, when you are
dysregulated, your mind is wherethe problem is being created in
the first place, especially ifit's spiraling, it's
catastrophizing, it's making upworst-case scenarios and calling
it logic.
That's when your body'sintelligence needs to step in as
(09:37):
a wiser guide.
You regulate through yoursenses your breath, movement,
sound, temperature changes,orienting yourself into the
environment.
You interrupt the panic.
With the presence of your body,you send your brain a new
message I am safe now.
And that shift doesn't happenthrough more overthinking.
(09:59):
It happens through sensation.
Now, if your brain tells youthat you need more information
about this, just gather alimited amount of research about
what body-based exercises arebest for you and start putting
them into practice.
Don't go overboard bycollecting information.
This is all about gettingunderneath the noise and feeling
(10:20):
your way back to calm, notstaying in information and
intellectualization of theexercise.
These grounding techniques,where the mind continues to spin
but the body becomes thegrounding truth.
They don't get enough exposureas they deserve.
These are the most underratedways of regulating your nervous
(10:40):
system.
Okay, now the other side of thecoin, which is now we start to
explore the mind as the key tohelping us regulate our nervous
systems, because sometimesthat's the most powerful way and
that is to catch the thoughtthat's driving the chaos.
This is the top-down approachand it works because your
thoughts are not just chatter.
(11:01):
They are biological, subliminalinstructions that your body is
following, even if you're notaware of it.
The subconscious mind doesn'tknow the difference between
imagination and reality, so whenyour thoughts say I'm unsafe.
This always happens to me.
Your body will react as if it'strue.
And this is where my C-NEARmethod comes in very, very handy
(11:24):
.
It's a replicable process tomonitor and shift your nervous
system.
It stands for C forCircumstance, n for Nervous
System Thoughts, e for Emotions,a for Actions and R for Results
.
First you name a circumstancewhat actually happened factually
?
Then you get curious about whatis it that your nervous system
(11:48):
told you about the circumstance,what is that language?
What is a thought?
Then you get curious about whatam I feeling in my body right
now as an emotion.
Have I fallen into a fight,flight, freeze or fawn state?
Naming that emotion.
Then you track into whatactions have these emotions led
you to perform, because all ofour actions are fueled by our
(12:11):
emotions, and what you will findis that you would have created
a result with accumulation ofthose actions.
And what you will also noticeat a more meta level is that
every result in your life isgoing to loop back to the
thought that was driving theaction.
When you use the C-Nearalgorithm method, you start
(12:32):
reshaping your nervous system inreal time.
This is you creatingneuroplasticity.
You learn to catch thedysregulation at the source and
intervene with awareness andwith a little bit of
understanding and repeatpractice, it becomes extremely
practical and powerful.
So I'm going to give you asimple but powerful framework,
(12:52):
again line by line, just so youcan remember a little bit better
.
And this is a gentle way tounderstand what's happening in
your nervous system and how toshift it, based on your mind.
C for circumstance.
So maybe any given moment, justbring to mind something that
recently activated you or amoment that's currently
transpiring around you where youfeel stressed, anxious,
(13:16):
rejected, frustrated, anythingthat pulled you out of your calm
.
Hold that moment gently in yourmind.
Now just ask yourself whatexactly happened.
What are the bare minimum factsof the moment.
Try to do that without judgmentor interpretation.
This is the first step of themethod where I teach how to
(13:37):
separate the story in your mindfrom the facts as they're
actually transpiring around you.
When you do find thisseparation, just pause and let
it settle.
Then comes the nervous systemthought.
Now tune into your mind.
What thought came up first?
What sentence ran through yourhead like a headline, or was it
(13:59):
running more like in asubconscious mind?
A sentence that wasn't loud,the sentence that was barely
detectable?
It might be something like theydon't respect me.
I always mess things up.
I have to fix this.
Say it out loud or write itdown, or do whatever you need to
to make it visible for you, tobring this into awareness for
(14:19):
yourself.
This is a thought that yournervous system believed in that
moment.
Now, based on these thoughtsthat you become aware of, you
will notice that it creates oneemotion.
Ask yourself what emotion didthat thought create?
Name that feeling Is it sadness, guilt, shame, hopelessness,
(14:40):
rage?
See if you can find it in yourbody.
Where is it living right now?
Just observing no need tochange it, just witnessing it.
This mind and body package isyour nervous system state
Collectively.
You're going to find out ifyour body is in a dysregulated
state or not and again, there'sno right or wrong answer.
(15:02):
We're just doing this forawareness reasons.
Next comes the A for action.
Ask yourself, based on theemotion I'm feeling, what do I
do next?
In case of sadness, anxiety orshame, you might notice that the
action consists of you shuttingdown.
You might notice it mightinvolve people pleasing or you
(15:24):
over explaining yourself.
In case of anger or rage, youbeing reactive or lashing out.
In case of hopelessness, youmight notice yourself
withdrawing.
These are all visible actionsthat you will perform as a
result of the emotion.
Just notice your response.
Notice how it came from thethought that led to a feeling
(15:45):
that led to an action.
Then comes the R the result.
Now reflect on what was theresult of the action you ended
up taking.
How did that moment unfold?
What did it cost you, ifanything?
What did it teach you, ifanything?
If the thought was, I don'tmatter and you feel hopeless,
(16:07):
the action will be that you'llstay quiet, you'll remove
yourself from the scene, youwill not participate and the
result will be that you willremain unseen and continue to
not matter.
The result will prove thethought correct.
That is how your brainfunctions.
This is a loop.
Your brain only creates prooffor what is already thinking.
(16:28):
And what we're doing right nowis, through the safety of our
nervous system, throughregulating it, we're learning
how to step outside of thiscycle.
The final step of doing all ofthis work is to shift with
intention.
Once you realize this is what'shappening, based on a sentence
in your mind, just ask yourselfis there another thought that I
can practice?
(16:49):
What makes this thought truerthan the other one?
What can I tell myself from aregulated place about the same
exact circumstance?
Maybe it just starts with I'msafe, I'm allowed to speak up,
I'm allowed to take space.
Starts with I'm safe, I'mallowed to speak up, I'm allowed
to take space.
Maybe it is.
I'll pause before I act.
Choose one thought, just one.
(17:09):
Say it slowly, experience it inyour body and let that be your
anchor.
This is the top-down approach.
Doing all of this might seemlengthy in the beginning because
there is a learning curveinvolved, but this practice
alone will immensely regulateyou.
This is where you've made spacebetween the trigger and the
truth.
(17:29):
You've brought safety back intoyour system.
Keep practicing this, even whenit feels small, even if you're
not doing it perfectly, becauseevery time you notice a loop and
pause, you're changing theentire trajectory for your
nervous system.
So, whatever practice you adoptto regulate yourself if it's
breath work, movement, groundingor thought work if you notice
(17:54):
even a slightest shift, juststick to it.
Stay consistent, because nomatter how small the change
feels right now, it's not smallto your subconscious mind, it's
life-altering.
Because when you continue toput that same action into
practice, that's when you'llstart compiling the results.
Here's what usually happensyour brain will try to convince
(18:18):
you it's not working fast enough, because you've expected
instant peace, stillness, acomplete transformation
immediately, and when thatdoesn't happen in three days,
you'll want to abandon it.
Don't do that.
Neuroplasticity itself takestime.
Some studies say as much as 21days, but maybe your nervous
(18:39):
system hasn't read thatparticular study.
Maybe it takes longer or maybeshorter.
The point is give it the timethat it needs.
Give yourself the time that youneed.
Don't measure progress byperfection.
Measure it by micro shifts.
Are you pausing more beforereacting now?
Are you sleeping a little bitbetter?
(19:00):
Are you recovering from stressquicker?
If there is a small yes to anyof those questions, then it's
working.
Keep going.
You're not going to find theperfect practice.
What works today might not worktomorrow.
It's only about finding whatworks for you and doing it
enough times that your nervoussystem starts to believe that
(19:20):
I'm safe, I don't have to livein survival anymore, and your
nervous system starts to beregulated With safe I don't have
to live in survival anymore andyour nervous system starts to
be regulated With that.
I pray to Allah SWT.
Ya Allah, help me learn what tofeel and what to change.
Guide me when I don't knowwhether to slow down and feel or
stand up and shift.
Let me trust my body when itsignals for stillness.
(19:42):
Let me trust my thoughts whenthey speak truth with clarity.
Ya Allah, let my breath bedhikr, let my pause be prayer.
Let my awareness be a doorwayand a path back to you.
Ya Rabb, show me how to live ingrey without needing perfection
, and remind me that regulatingmyself to this level is an act
(20:05):
of worship, because peace insideof me makes room for love,
leadership and presence.
Ya Allah, help me find theright practice for myself to
stay regulated so that I cancome close to you.
Ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, pleasekeep me in your da'as.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
In the previous episode, wetalked about how regulating your
nervous system will changeeverything.
It will literally fixeverything, inshallah and in
(00:26):
this podcast, I want to give youhow to exactly do that, how to
process the change.
There are two main ways that Iwant to simplify for you to
regulate your nervous system.
One is body-based and the otherone is mind-based and I know it
might sound like acontradiction to what I teach
all the time, and that is mindand body are not separate.
(00:47):
They're the same system, theyspeak the same language.
What happens in one echoes inthe other, and yet here's what I
absolutely love.
I love living in paradox,because paradoxes make space for
truth that doesn't always fitinside a clean category.
So, yes, mind and the body arethe same when the truth serves
(01:07):
your healing, and also they'redifferent when it helps you to
see where to begin, how to makea difference.
You can regulate your bodythrough your mind, through
reframing, questioning, inquiryand dismantling old thoughts
that keep you stuck and you canregulate your mind through your
(01:28):
body, through breath, grounding,movement that changes the
signals being sent to your mind.
This is not a contradiction.
It's living in the gray.
It's using whatever door getsyou closer to yourself, to a
regulated nervous system.
And I give you full permissionto be contradictory, to flow
between both doors, to letintegration look messy and
(01:52):
circular rather than linear.
And this is exactly where realnervous system safety lives, not
in the black and white roles,but in the fluidity of being a
full human mind, body, soul allat once.
So if the secret to living asuccessful life is a regulated
nervous system, then I want tobreak it down to two pathways,
(02:13):
just to make it simple for you.
One says process it it'sbody-based.
The other one says change it.
That's narrative orlanguage-based.
Now, most of your healing willcome from a combination of one
or the other.
Most of your mental wellnessjourney will include components
of both, but I do want to showyou how they are separated in
(02:35):
case you don't know if you'redoing the right thing or not,
which.
If you choose one, it hasn'tmade a difference.
You'll know why it hasn't If,despite doing the work, you find
yourself with a dysregulatednervous system.
That's because you findyourself stuck somewhere between
the two approaches.
Both of these matter, and oneof them doesn't matter more than
(02:55):
the other, but it will matter,depending on if it serves you
and your emotional wellness.
So how do you choose which oneto proceed with?
How do you know which door towalk through?
Which one of these approacheswill give you emotional leverage
the mind-based or thebody-based?
So I'm going to help break itdown.
When you're feeling overwhelmed,anxious, heavy-hearted, you're
(03:17):
likely reaching for processingtools, body-based tools, the
deep breaths, the scanning ofthe body.
You're slowing down and you'reletting the emotional rise.
You can try to name it.
You ask yourself where it livesin your body.
You give it space and that actalone, the act of emotional
intelligence, the act ofnoticing and naming, starts to
(03:39):
release the emotions, trappedenergy.
When you say this is sadness orthis is shame, instead of
collapsing into it or reactingfrom it, you create a separation
.
That's a level of emotionalregulation.
This is body-based processing.
It's a science in its own merit.
You feel it, name it, witnessit and eventually it will digest
(04:04):
.
That's how your body stopsholding on to a background
emotion that it's been holdingon to for a while.
But there are also times whenyou don't need to process the
emotion.
Sometimes you just need tochange it, because all emotions
come from thoughts and if athought is rooted in a lie, then
no amount of breathing, bodywork or naming emotions will fix
(04:26):
the core issue.
If the brain is repeatingthoughts like I'm failing, they
hate me this always happens tome then what you're actually
doing is living inside a falsereality that keeps recreating
the emotion, and you won't beable to keep up with your
body-based approach of naming it, digesting it, no matter how
(04:48):
much you do it, because thebrain will continue to recreate
the same emotion, new every time, emotion coming from your
thoughts.
A thought created fiction thatfeels like a reality to your
body, and the only way to exitthat fiction is to change the
script, and in these cases youchoose different tools.
They're language-based tools,left brain journaling,
(05:11):
monitoring your thoughts,awareness, mindful exercises.
In these cases, you trace thethought back, you question it.
You ask yourself is this eventrue?
Sometimes that questioningalone is enough to release the
thought and the related emotion.
Other times, the belief is soembedded it feels like a brick
(05:32):
wall, and that's okay.
In that case, you take it apart, one sentence at a time, one
moment, one brick at a time.
That's what changes emotionsthat are chronically living in
you.
Time, that's what changesemotions that are chronically
living in you.
Body-based processing andthought elevation and narrative
changing aren't opposites.
They're different sides of thesame coin.
(05:52):
You're not doing it wrong ifone isn't working.
It just means you may need tointegrate both.
Sometimes processing theemotion through the body clears
the fog so that the mind can seewhat's really true, and then
you can lean intonarrative-based processing.
Other times, changing thethought is what gives the body
permission to let go, and thiswork is dynamic, not linear.
(06:18):
If you've been doing all of theemotional work but feel stuck,
here's the question I want youto ask Am I trying to process
something that actually needs tobe changed, or am I trying to
change something that firstneeds to be felt and experienced
and given space to, and don'tovercomplicate it?
From there, simplicity ispowerful.
Simplicity is how we heal,which is why I'm giving you
(06:42):
these two broad categories.
We heal, which is why I'mgiving you these two broad
categories.
The brain craves clarity, andclarity is where pain finally
starts to loosen its grip.
That's the freedom ofsimplicity.
That's how you will regulateyour nervous system most
effectively.
So I'm going to give youexamples of five very simple
somatic practices body-basedexercises that you can utilize
(07:05):
to create a regulated nervoussystem.
This is to apply when you can'tthink your way out of a
dysregulated moment.
And again, which method appliesis entirely up to you.
One is not better than theother.
I'm going to only mention ahandful.
There are multiple, multipleother methods out there, but
these are just examples.
(07:26):
One is orienting, slowly,moving your head and eyes, and
take in the environment what isin front of you, what is in your
peripheral vision, what is theclarity of focus with your
vision.
Give you how safe your bodyfeels when you're focusing on
the current moment.
Moving your eyes left, right updown, just noticing the things
(07:51):
in your environment.
This is basically helping yournervous system register that I
am safe in this moment.
Next is vocal vibration of asort.
You can pick a verse or a zikr,just recite it for five minutes
.
It stimulates your vagus nerve.
It's literally the peacekeeperof your body.
(08:12):
Next example is butterfly taps.
You can cross your arms overyour chest and tap left and
right, left and right.
This is kind of like rockingyour nervous system to sleep.
This is an EMDR-inspiredgrounding technique where you're
trying to light up bothatmospheres of your brain,
rather than just the fear-basedbrain that's active.
(08:32):
The next one is deep sighing,big inhale and a long exhale,
and do it as many times as ittakes for you to feel a reset in
your body.
This is you tricking your braininto believing that whatever
danger there was has passed.
Or a cold water reset Splashyour face or dip your hands in
(08:53):
cold water, make wudu with coldwater, and it signals your brain
that this is a quick reset.
There's no fight and flightanymore and, again, there's no
shortage of body-based nervoussystem regulation exercises.
This is the bottom-up approach.
When your body leads, your mindfollows.
These are the types oftechniques that I want you to
(09:15):
reach for when you can't thinkyour way out of your body's
dysregulation, because,technically, when you are
dysregulated, your mind is wherethe problem is being created in
the first place, especially ifit's spiraling, it's
catastrophizing, it's making upworst-case scenarios and calling
it logic.
That's when your body'sintelligence needs to step in as
(09:37):
a wiser guide.
You regulate through yoursenses your breath, movement,
sound, temperature changes,orienting yourself into the
environment.
You interrupt the panic.
With the presence of your body,you send your brain a new
message I am safe now.
And that shift doesn't happenthrough more overthinking.
(09:59):
It happens through sensation.
Now, if your brain tells youthat you need more information
about this, just gather alimited amount of research about
what body-based exercises arebest for you and start putting
them into practice.
Don't go overboard bycollecting information.
This is all about gettingunderneath the noise and feeling
(10:20):
your way back to calm, notstaying in information and
intellectualization of theexercise.
These grounding techniques,where the mind continues to spin
but the body becomes thegrounding truth.
They don't get enough exposureas they deserve.
These are the most underratedways of regulating your nervous
(10:40):
system.
Okay, now the other side of thecoin, which is now we start to
explore the mind as the key tohelping us regulate our nervous
systems, because sometimesthat's the most powerful way and
that is to catch the thoughtthat's driving the chaos.
This is the top-down approachand it works because your
thoughts are not just chatter.
(11:01):
They are biological, subliminalinstructions that your body is
following, even if you're notaware of it.
The subconscious mind doesn'tknow the difference between
imagination and reality, so whenyour thoughts say I'm unsafe.
This always happens to me.
Your body will react as if it'strue.
And this is where my C-NEARmethod comes in very, very handy
(11:24):
.
It's a replicable process tomonitor and shift your nervous
system.
It stands for C forCircumstance, n for Nervous
System Thoughts, e for Emotions,a for Actions and R for Results
.
First you name a circumstancewhat actually happened factually
?
Then you get curious about whatis it that your nervous system
(11:48):
told you about the circumstance,what is that language?
What is a thought?
Then you get curious about whatam I feeling in my body right
now as an emotion.
Have I fallen into a fight,flight, freeze or fawn state?
Naming that emotion.
Then you track into whatactions have these emotions led
you to perform, because all ofour actions are fueled by our
(12:11):
emotions, and what you will findis that you would have created
a result with accumulation ofthose actions.
And what you will also noticeat a more meta level is that
every result in your life isgoing to loop back to the
thought that was driving theaction.
When you use the C-Nearalgorithm method, you start
(12:32):
reshaping your nervous system inreal time.
This is you creatingneuroplasticity.
You learn to catch thedysregulation at the source and
intervene with awareness andwith a little bit of
understanding and repeatpractice, it becomes extremely
practical and powerful.
So I'm going to give you asimple but powerful framework,
(12:52):
again line by line, just so youcan remember a little bit better
.
And this is a gentle way tounderstand what's happening in
your nervous system and how toshift it, based on your mind.
C for circumstance.
So maybe any given moment, justbring to mind something that
recently activated you or amoment that's currently
transpiring around you where youfeel stressed, anxious,
(13:16):
rejected, frustrated, anythingthat pulled you out of your calm
.
Hold that moment gently in yourmind.
Now just ask yourself whatexactly happened.
What are the bare minimum factsof the moment.
Try to do that without judgmentor interpretation.
This is the first step of themethod where I teach how to
(13:37):
separate the story in your mindfrom the facts as they're
actually transpiring around you.
When you do find thisseparation, just pause and let
it settle.
Then comes the nervous systemthought.
Now tune into your mind.
What thought came up first?
What sentence ran through yourhead like a headline, or was it
(13:59):
running more like in asubconscious mind?
A sentence that wasn't loud,the sentence that was barely
detectable?
It might be something like theydon't respect me.
I always mess things up.
I have to fix this.
Say it out loud or write itdown, or do whatever you need to
to make it visible for you, tobring this into awareness for
(14:19):
yourself.
This is a thought that yournervous system believed in that
moment.
Now, based on these thoughtsthat you become aware of, you
will notice that it creates oneemotion.
Ask yourself what emotion didthat thought create?
Name that feeling Is it sadness, guilt, shame, hopelessness,
(14:40):
rage?
See if you can find it in yourbody.
Where is it living right now?
Just observing no need tochange it, just witnessing it.
This mind and body package isyour nervous system state
Collectively.
You're going to find out ifyour body is in a dysregulated
state or not and again, there'sno right or wrong answer.
(15:02):
We're just doing this forawareness reasons.
Next comes the A for action.
Ask yourself, based on theemotion I'm feeling, what do I
do next?
In case of sadness, anxiety orshame, you might notice that the
action consists of you shuttingdown.
You might notice it mightinvolve people pleasing or you
(15:24):
over explaining yourself.
In case of anger or rage, youbeing reactive or lashing out.
In case of hopelessness, youmight notice yourself
withdrawing.
These are all visible actionsthat you will perform as a
result of the emotion.
Just notice your response.
Notice how it came from thethought that led to a feeling
(15:45):
that led to an action.
Then comes the R the result.
Now reflect on what was theresult of the action you ended
up taking.
How did that moment unfold?
What did it cost you, ifanything?
What did it teach you, ifanything?
If the thought was, I don'tmatter and you feel hopeless,
(16:07):
the action will be that you'llstay quiet, you'll remove
yourself from the scene, youwill not participate and the
result will be that you willremain unseen and continue to
not matter.
The result will prove thethought correct.
That is how your brainfunctions.
This is a loop.
Your brain only creates prooffor what is already thinking.
(16:28):
And what we're doing right nowis, through the safety of our
nervous system, throughregulating it, we're learning
how to step outside of thiscycle.
The final step of doing all ofthis work is to shift with
intention.
Once you realize this is what'shappening, based on a sentence
in your mind, just ask yourselfis there another thought that I
can practice?
(16:49):
What makes this thought truerthan the other one?
What can I tell myself from aregulated place about the same
exact circumstance?
Maybe it just starts with I'msafe, I'm allowed to speak up,
I'm allowed to take space.
Starts with I'm safe, I'mallowed to speak up, I'm allowed
to take space.
Maybe it is.
I'll pause before I act.
Choose one thought, just one.
(17:09):
Say it slowly, experience it inyour body and let that be your
anchor.
This is the top-down approach.
Doing all of this might seemlengthy in the beginning because
there is a learning curveinvolved, but this practice
alone will immensely regulateyou.
This is where you've made spacebetween the trigger and the
truth.
(17:29):
You've brought safety back intoyour system.
Keep practicing this, even whenit feels small, even if you're
not doing it perfectly, becauseevery time you notice a loop and
pause, you're changing theentire trajectory for your
nervous system.
So, whatever practice you adoptto regulate yourself if it's
breath work, movement, groundingor thought work if you notice
(17:54):
even a slightest shift, juststick to it.
Stay consistent, because nomatter how small the change
feels right now, it's not smallto your subconscious mind, it's
life-altering.
Because when you continue toput that same action into
practice, that's when you'llstart compiling the results.
Here's what usually happensyour brain will try to convince
(18:18):
you it's not working fast enough, because you've expected
instant peace, stillness, acomplete transformation
immediately, and when thatdoesn't happen in three days,
you'll want to abandon it.
Don't do that.
Neuroplasticity itself takestime.
Some studies say as much as 21days, but maybe your nervous
(18:39):
system hasn't read thatparticular study.
Maybe it takes longer or maybeshorter.
The point is give it the timethat it needs.
Give yourself the time that youneed.
Don't measure progress byperfection.
Measure it by micro shifts.
Are you pausing more beforereacting now?
Are you sleeping a little bitbetter?
(19:00):
Are you recovering from stressquicker?
If there is a small yes to anyof those questions, then it's
working.
Keep going.
You're not going to find theperfect practice.
What works today might not worktomorrow.
It's only about finding whatworks for you and doing it
enough times that your nervoussystem starts to believe that
(19:20):
I'm safe, I don't have to livein survival anymore, and your
nervous system starts to beregulated With safe I don't have
to live in survival anymore andyour nervous system starts to
be regulated With that.
I pray to Allah SWT.
Ya Allah, help me learn what tofeel and what to change.
Guide me when I don't knowwhether to slow down and feel or
stand up and shift.
Let me trust my body when itsignals for stillness.
(19:42):
Let me trust my thoughts whenthey speak truth with clarity.
Ya Allah, let my breath bedhikr, let my pause be prayer.
Let my awareness be a doorwayand a path back to you.
Ya Rabb, show me how to live ingrey without needing perfection
, and remind me that regulatingmyself to this level is an act
(20:05):
of worship, because peace insideof me makes room for love,
leadership and presence.
Ya Allah, help me find theright practice for myself to
stay regulated so that I cancome close to you.
Ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, pleasekeep me in your da'as.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
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