March 4, 2025 • 18 mins
This is Part 1 of a 4-part series on microaggressions, framed through the lens of spiritual purification in preparation for Ramadan.
Microaggressions may seem subtle and harmless, but they are anything but. These small, everyday slights accumulate into patterns that erode confidence, distort self-worth, and set the stage for bigger harms, whether in relationships, communities, or even within ourselves.
This episode explores:
What microaggressions are and how they differ from overt discrimination.
The spectrum of awareness—from calculated subtle attacks to unintentional biases.
How microaggressions shape the brain and train us to tolerate disrespect.
Why these behaviors are not “just jokes” or “small annoyances” but the early signs of emotional harm.
The impact of microaggressions in marriage, community, and personal relationships.
How to recognize, name, and interrupt microaggressions before they become the foundation for toxic dynamics.
You’ll walk away with a clear understanding of why microaggressions matter, how they impact you long-term, and the power of awareness to break the cycle.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Atar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
I've been meaning to talk aboutthis topic for many, many weeks,
and it turns out that I justcouldn't condense it into a
(00:25):
20-minute podcast.
But, alhamdulillah, liberationfrom my confusion came as an
answer to my dua.
I asked Allah, subhanahu wata'ala, to guide me through this
particular concept, which isextremely powerful and
life-changing.
So, instead of squeezing thisconcept into one podcast, I made
it into pieces of four and,keeping with the welcoming of
(00:48):
Ramadan, this is about spiritualpurification.
I'm going to go through thesefour podcasts through the month
of Ramadan, inshallah, with theintention of purifying our
psyche, our emotional well-being, just like our intention is
physical and spiritualpurification in this month.
So the topic I'm talking abouthas to do with microaggressions.
(01:09):
Microaggressions are behaviorsverbal, non-verbal that are
subtle, sometimes unintentional,sometimes intentional.
They can be statements oractions that convey prejudice
towards a marginalized group orto assert dominance over
somebody in a relationship.
Microaggressions are differentfrom overt discrimination
(01:34):
because they're typicallyexpressed through everyday
interactions and they may lookharmless, but they carry a very
deep impact.
Microaggressions, like I say,verbal, non-verbal, behavioral
they all communicate negativemessages related to a person's
race, gender, religion,socioeconomic status or any
(01:57):
other aspect of their identity.
For a Muslim woman, it could beprejudice towards working
outside of her house, prejudicetowards her as a mother, her
religious identity, how shedresses and the like.
Psychologist David Wing Su atColumbia University is one of
the leading experts on thistopic.
(02:18):
He defines microaggressions aseveryday verbal, nonverbal and
environmental slights, snubs orinsults, whether intentional or
unintentional, that communicatehostile, derogatory or negative
message to the target person,based solely on their
marginalized group membership.
(02:38):
And while the research and thestudies that I'm quoting might
seem like it only applies to therace in general or a bigger
population overall, this topictotally applies to you as it
relates to your life as anindividual in each specific
moment, and this podcast seriesis designed to help you identify
where microaggressions arehappening against you, how to
(03:00):
identify them and how to dealwith them.
Then there's a study by Williamset al, published in 2021, built
on this definition of DarylWingsu, that emphasizes that
microaggressions are not justinnocent mistakes, but they are
part of a larger pattern ofaggression rooted in social
dominance, power dynamics, andthis research found that
(03:23):
individuals who engage inmicroaggressions are more likely
to exhibit aggressivetendencies.
This is the connection that weneed to make between the subtle
acts of prejudice,discrimination, need of control
and more overt forms ofaggression.
So now trying to narrow it downand how to apply it in your
life.
(03:43):
For example, as a Muslim woman,if somebody says to you you're
so articulate, implying thatyour ability to speak well is
unusual for someone of yourbackground, this is a
microaggression.
Another one is, let's say, asuccessful woman has a good
position and saying things likedid you get in through diversity
(04:06):
scholarship?
Were there minority seatsavailable?
Again, if you're not payingattention, they're not going to
look overtly malicious.
These comments are going tolook very harmless, but they
carry this hidden message thatreinforce more harmful
stereotypes.
All of these types of commentsestablish dominance in the
(04:29):
subconscious mind of theperpetrator.
So all of thesemicroaggressions exist on a
spectrum of awareness rangingfrom highly deliberate and
calculated to completelyunconscious patterns that people
engage in without realizingtheir impact.
At one end of the spectrum,there are those who carefully
craft these words and theyundermine you or diminish you
(04:53):
while maintaining complete,plausible deniability.
These are highly intentionalmicroaggressions designed to
exert control, reinforce poweror dismiss you in a way that
allows the perpetrator to avoidaccountability.
Examples of suchmicroaggressions are
passive-aggressive comments thatare clothed in politeness, Like
(05:16):
I'm just joking.
Why do you have to be sosensitive about this?
They are strategically placedat a criticism meant to
destabilize your confidence, butthey're.
They are meant to hurt, butdone in a way that leaves the
recipient second-guessing theirown experience.
(05:36):
And then, on the other hand ofthe spectrum, you have
unintentional microaggressions,behaviors and comments that stem
from unconscious biases,cultural conditioning and
personal blind spots.
I've seen that very commonly inmarriages for Muslim women.
I've seen that very commonly inmarriages for Muslim women
(05:57):
because husbands who areotherwise good fathers, good
providers, overall caring, fallinto this trap, very commonly
trying to establish theirdominance in the hierarchy of
this relationship, when marriageis supposed to be a partnership
.
So these types ofmicroaggressions aren't
necessarily rooted in malice,but in a lack of awareness.
Again, this is not a get out ofjail free card.
(06:20):
Lack of awareness is not goingto get you out of questioning on
the day of judgment, which iswhy this awareness is very
important.
But for you as a woman, if youare in this type of relationship
, it is extremely important foryou to start to recognize it so
that you can figure out ifthere's malintent or this is out
of ignorance and you can decidewhat steps to take.
(06:41):
Further, some of these examplesmight be a well-meaning comment
about your body, about yourparenting style, about what
cultural and religious practicesyou adopt and practice, and
again, they might seem harmlessto the speaker, but they land
very hurtfully and theyinvalidate you as a human being,
(07:02):
as a person, as a wife, as amother, and it's your
responsibility to correctlyidentify it as a microaggression
and label it as such, becauseif there's any repair to happen
in a relationship, it's going tobe through this recognition.
So what makes this intentionalversus unintentional spectrum
very complex is that intentdoesn't always align with impact
(07:27):
.
Even when microaggressions areunconscious, they still create
harm.
The emotional toll is whatbuilds over time.
This is why focusing on theimpact rather than the intention
is extremely important.
If you only measure harm bywhat somebody meant, you can
(07:47):
always continue to excuse theirbehavior and leave yourself as a
receiver to carry the burdenalone for a very long time,
which is why most of the womenin these relationships are burnt
out and completely spent.
But the beauty of therecognition of this spectrum is
that it creates space for nuanceand growth.
And you also come to realizethat not every microaggression
(08:08):
deserves the same response.
Some require firm boundariesand others might invite gentle
correction and education,depending on how you want to
nurture that relationship.
Understanding where thecomments or the behavior falls
on this spectrum allows you torespond with clarity and
intention, rather than reactingout of primal emotions.
(08:32):
And this is not about policingevery word of every human being.
It's about creating a cultureof reflection within yourself
and within your relationships,and being intentional about how
to move forward.
It's about creatingaccountability and healing.
The main thing to remember ismicroaggressions are not
(08:52):
harmless, even though they aredisguised as such.
They are early signs ofsomething bigger and that's how
usually most abuse starts.
And if there are seeminglyharmless comments, you've been
home all day.
What have you done?
Well, you're too sensitive.
I was just joking.
You'd look better in that dressif you lost a little weight.
(09:12):
Joking, you'd look better inthat dress if you lost a little
weight.
If they're hurting you, theyare seeds, and these seeds, if
they go unchecked, grow intopatterns, patterns that are
subtly teaching your brain whatis acceptable and what you
should ignore, and eventually,what you learn to tolerate.
Tolerating microaggressions isnot about putting up with small
(09:36):
annoyances.
It's about training your brainto get comfortable with
disrespect.
And the more you do it, themore brain allows disrespect as
normal and the more your brainwill learn to accept subtle harm
.
And that way, overall, overtime, it becomes easier for your
brain to overlook bigger harmswhen they show up, especially in
(09:58):
abusive situations.
And I always have told you guysthat the brain learns what it
lives.
It is incredibly adaptive.
It builds habits based on whatit experiences repeatedly.
And if microaggressions seemsmall at first, every time you
dismiss them the brain takesnotes and adapts that habitually
(10:19):
.
If you say yourself thatcomment wasn't nice, but it
wasn't a big deal, I could justlet it go, or maybe I'm too
sensitive, I could learn to takea joke, and that's just how
they talk.
I need to stop overthinking it.
Each dismissal teaches yourbrain that this kind of
treatment is acceptable.
It builds tolerance, notresilience, tolerance for being
(10:44):
dismissed, invalidated andslowly disrespected over time.
And that's where I say it's soimportant to not tolerate
microaggressions, because theyalways grow into accepting more
harmful dynamics inrelationships.
And if you're already there.
It's never too late to startbreaking this pattern Because
before long, the line betweenwhat's small and insignificant
(11:09):
and what's gone too far getsblurry.
And what's gone too far getsblurry, your mental patterns
will start to pave the way oflarger forms of emotional harm
and bigger abuse is going tostart sneaking into your life
unnoticed.
If currently it feelsoverwhelming for you to confront
these microaggressions, itmight be because they've been
(11:30):
building on for very long, andthat's okay.
Again, it's never too late tostart.
Part of the series of these fourpodcasts is we're going to
recognize how thesemicroaggressions are dealt and
how you're going to delineatewhere you want to deal with them
assertively and where you wantto deal with them gently.
One thing to remember and it'scoming from the most loving
(11:53):
place in my heart for you it isthat abuse grows in environments
where boundaries are eroded.
One tiny comment at a time.
It thrives where discomfort isnormalized.
If microaggressions are allowed, they create an internal
emotional landscape in you wherebigger harm, emotional abuse,
(12:13):
manipulation and control feelsless shocking and more familiar.
But there is power andawareness, and this is the best
news, because the moment youbecome aware of these patterns,
you can interrupt them.
You have the power to stop thehabit of tolerating
microaggressions before theybecome tolerance for abuse.
(12:35):
And this is not going to beabout self-blame for allowing
what's already happening.
It's not about victim blaming.
It's about stepping into aplace of strength and clarity
and not allowing any space whereany potential abuse can grow
and start with small steps.
Notice when someone's words feeldismissive or cutting.
(12:56):
Trust that little voice ofyours inside that says that
didn't feel right.
Speak up when someone crossesthe line, even if it feels
uncomfortable at first.
When you name microaggressionsfor what they are, you break the
cycle.
You start to teach your brain anew habit, a new pattern to
(13:18):
follow, and this is the patternof self-respect and protection.
Those moments when somethingfeels off, they're not your
weakness as a woman, they'reyour wisdom.
That's your inner healingintelligence trying to protect
you.
You're not too sensitive.
You're incredibly wise.
Don't dismiss these subtlevoices.
(13:39):
Honor them.
When you stop toleratingmicroaggressions, you're not
just protecting yourself fromsmall harms, but you're creating
a higher standard that protectsyou from bigger harm down the
road.
And where your real power liesis not fighting every comment or
policing every word, but inrecognizing what deserves a
(14:01):
response from you and whatdeserves to be removed from your
life entirely.
Your boundaries are sacred,your peace is sacred, and the
first step towards guarding bothis seeing the small things for
what they really are.
Repeated exposure tomicroaggressions has been linked
to chronic stress, anxiety,depression, decreased life
(14:23):
satisfaction.
In the context of relationships, especially in marriages,
microaggressions erode intimacy,they take away from trust and
mutual respect.
While microaggressions inMuslim communities and marriages
are unique in their own ways,they are very intertwined with
cultural expectations, genderroles, religious interpretations
(14:47):
.
And while on surface levelagain, they might seem subtle,
they reinforce power imbalances,diminish emotional safety that
a marriage is supposed to offerand they create an environment
where one partner feelsinvalidated.
And if they're coming fromunexamined biases, if they're
(15:09):
coming from adapting culturalnorms or misunderstanding of
religious principles, then theyabsolutely need boundaries.
They are your healthyboundaries.
If you're a highly ambitiousperson but you're in a culture
where a woman's role is narrowlydefined as managing the home,
then even if you're successfullymanaging home and career at the
(15:33):
same time, thenmicroaggressions can be
disguised as traditionalteachings of a real woman
wouldn't need help with kids,like you're supposed to be able
to do it all.
These might be culturalcontexts that you want to look
out for, and in religiouscontexts.
Microaggressions happen whenreligious teachings are taken
out of context and weaponized,like the concept of gawam men as
(15:58):
protectors or the concept ofallowance of polygyny.
Turns something sacred into atool of control and manipulation
.
This distorts the true meaningof deen, but also creates
emotional and spiritual harm inone of the most sacred
relationships in Islam, and thatis the relationship of marriage
(16:19):
.
What begins as small commentscan become a pattern of chronic
emotional disconnection, andthis is what creates cycles of
withdrawal, resentment andgrowing distance.
Cycles of withdrawal,resentment and growing distance.
Emotional safety for bothpartners is extremely important
for a healthy marriage, and inface of microaggressions, a
(16:40):
healthy marriage is replaced bydefensiveness and mistrust.
When you notice something thathurts, trust that instinct,
follow that wisdom.
Allow the discomfort to alertyou that something isn't right.
You don't have to overanalyzeit, you don't have to justify
why it hurt, just acknowledge,because that's the first step to
(17:02):
undoing the conditioning thathas made you constantly
second-guess yourself.
So now, since I've introducedthis topic of microaggressions
and why they matter, so nowsince I've introduced this topic
of microaggressions and whythey matter, the next step is to
recognize where exactly theyshow up in your life, and in
part two I will break down thedifferent types of
microaggressions so you can spotthem clearly, whether they come
(17:24):
from others or even,unknowingly, from you.
So look out for the nextepisode, for part two of
microaggressions.
With that, I pray to Allah,subhanahu wa ta'ala.
O Allah, you are all-knowing,the most merciful.
Grant me the clarity to seewhat is unseen and wisdom to
recognize the words and actionsthat cause harm, whether the
(17:44):
harm is to me or through me.
Protect my heart from acceptingdisrespect, no matter how small
.
O Allah, fill me with thestrength to honor my boundaries
you've given me.
Make me a person of truth,compassion and integrity in
every interaction.
Ya Allah, guide my tonguetowards the words that heal and
(18:05):
protect me from the words thatcause harm.
Ameen, ya Rabbul Alameen,please keep me in your du'as.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Atar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
I've been meaning to talk aboutthis topic for many, many weeks,
and it turns out that I justcouldn't condense it into a
(00:25):
20-minute podcast.
But, alhamdulillah, liberationfrom my confusion came as an
answer to my dua.
I asked Allah, subhanahu wata'ala, to guide me through this
particular concept, which isextremely powerful and
life-changing.
So, instead of squeezing thisconcept into one podcast, I made
it into pieces of four and,keeping with the welcoming of
(00:48):
Ramadan, this is about spiritualpurification.
I'm going to go through thesefour podcasts through the month
of Ramadan, inshallah, with theintention of purifying our
psyche, our emotional well-being, just like our intention is
physical and spiritualpurification in this month.
So the topic I'm talking abouthas to do with microaggressions.
(01:09):
Microaggressions are behaviorsverbal, non-verbal that are
subtle, sometimes unintentional,sometimes intentional.
They can be statements oractions that convey prejudice
towards a marginalized group orto assert dominance over
somebody in a relationship.
Microaggressions are differentfrom overt discrimination
(01:34):
because they're typicallyexpressed through everyday
interactions and they may lookharmless, but they carry a very
deep impact.
Microaggressions, like I say,verbal, non-verbal, behavioral
they all communicate negativemessages related to a person's
race, gender, religion,socioeconomic status or any
(01:57):
other aspect of their identity.
For a Muslim woman, it could beprejudice towards working
outside of her house, prejudicetowards her as a mother, her
religious identity, how shedresses and the like.
Psychologist David Wing Su atColumbia University is one of
the leading experts on thistopic.
(02:18):
He defines microaggressions aseveryday verbal, nonverbal and
environmental slights, snubs orinsults, whether intentional or
unintentional, that communicatehostile, derogatory or negative
message to the target person,based solely on their
marginalized group membership.
(02:38):
And while the research and thestudies that I'm quoting might
seem like it only applies to therace in general or a bigger
population overall, this topictotally applies to you as it
relates to your life as anindividual in each specific
moment, and this podcast seriesis designed to help you identify
where microaggressions arehappening against you, how to
(03:00):
identify them and how to dealwith them.
Then there's a study by Williamset al, published in 2021, built
on this definition of DarylWingsu, that emphasizes that
microaggressions are not justinnocent mistakes, but they are
part of a larger pattern ofaggression rooted in social
dominance, power dynamics, andthis research found that
(03:23):
individuals who engage inmicroaggressions are more likely
to exhibit aggressivetendencies.
This is the connection that weneed to make between the subtle
acts of prejudice,discrimination, need of control
and more overt forms ofaggression.
So now trying to narrow it downand how to apply it in your
life.
(03:43):
For example, as a Muslim woman,if somebody says to you you're
so articulate, implying thatyour ability to speak well is
unusual for someone of yourbackground, this is a
microaggression.
Another one is, let's say, asuccessful woman has a good
position and saying things likedid you get in through diversity
(04:06):
scholarship?
Were there minority seatsavailable?
Again, if you're not payingattention, they're not going to
look overtly malicious.
These comments are going tolook very harmless, but they
carry this hidden message thatreinforce more harmful
stereotypes.
All of these types of commentsestablish dominance in the
(04:29):
subconscious mind of theperpetrator.
So all of thesemicroaggressions exist on a
spectrum of awareness rangingfrom highly deliberate and
calculated to completelyunconscious patterns that people
engage in without realizingtheir impact.
At one end of the spectrum,there are those who carefully
craft these words and theyundermine you or diminish you
(04:53):
while maintaining complete,plausible deniability.
These are highly intentionalmicroaggressions designed to
exert control, reinforce poweror dismiss you in a way that
allows the perpetrator to avoidaccountability.
Examples of suchmicroaggressions are
passive-aggressive comments thatare clothed in politeness, Like
(05:16):
I'm just joking.
Why do you have to be sosensitive about this?
They are strategically placedat a criticism meant to
destabilize your confidence, butthey're.
They are meant to hurt, butdone in a way that leaves the
recipient second-guessing theirown experience.
(05:36):
And then, on the other hand ofthe spectrum, you have
unintentional microaggressions,behaviors and comments that stem
from unconscious biases,cultural conditioning and
personal blind spots.
I've seen that very commonly inmarriages for Muslim women.
I've seen that very commonly inmarriages for Muslim women
(05:57):
because husbands who areotherwise good fathers, good
providers, overall caring, fallinto this trap, very commonly
trying to establish theirdominance in the hierarchy of
this relationship, when marriageis supposed to be a partnership
.
So these types ofmicroaggressions aren't
necessarily rooted in malice,but in a lack of awareness.
Again, this is not a get out ofjail free card.
(06:20):
Lack of awareness is not goingto get you out of questioning on
the day of judgment, which iswhy this awareness is very
important.
But for you as a woman, if youare in this type of relationship
, it is extremely important foryou to start to recognize it so
that you can figure out ifthere's malintent or this is out
of ignorance and you can decidewhat steps to take.
(06:41):
Further, some of these examplesmight be a well-meaning comment
about your body, about yourparenting style, about what
cultural and religious practicesyou adopt and practice, and
again, they might seem harmlessto the speaker, but they land
very hurtfully and theyinvalidate you as a human being,
(07:02):
as a person, as a wife, as amother, and it's your
responsibility to correctlyidentify it as a microaggression
and label it as such, becauseif there's any repair to happen
in a relationship, it's going tobe through this recognition.
So what makes this intentionalversus unintentional spectrum
very complex is that intentdoesn't always align with impact
(07:27):
.
Even when microaggressions areunconscious, they still create
harm.
The emotional toll is whatbuilds over time.
This is why focusing on theimpact rather than the intention
is extremely important.
If you only measure harm bywhat somebody meant, you can
(07:47):
always continue to excuse theirbehavior and leave yourself as a
receiver to carry the burdenalone for a very long time,
which is why most of the womenin these relationships are burnt
out and completely spent.
But the beauty of therecognition of this spectrum is
that it creates space for nuanceand growth.
And you also come to realizethat not every microaggression
(08:08):
deserves the same response.
Some require firm boundariesand others might invite gentle
correction and education,depending on how you want to
nurture that relationship.
Understanding where thecomments or the behavior falls
on this spectrum allows you torespond with clarity and
intention, rather than reactingout of primal emotions.
(08:32):
And this is not about policingevery word of every human being.
It's about creating a cultureof reflection within yourself
and within your relationships,and being intentional about how
to move forward.
It's about creatingaccountability and healing.
The main thing to remember ismicroaggressions are not
(08:52):
harmless, even though they aredisguised as such.
They are early signs ofsomething bigger and that's how
usually most abuse starts.
And if there are seeminglyharmless comments, you've been
home all day.
What have you done?
Well, you're too sensitive.
I was just joking.
You'd look better in that dressif you lost a little weight.
(09:12):
Joking, you'd look better inthat dress if you lost a little
weight.
If they're hurting you, theyare seeds, and these seeds, if
they go unchecked, grow intopatterns, patterns that are
subtly teaching your brain whatis acceptable and what you
should ignore, and eventually,what you learn to tolerate.
Tolerating microaggressions isnot about putting up with small
(09:36):
annoyances.
It's about training your brainto get comfortable with
disrespect.
And the more you do it, themore brain allows disrespect as
normal and the more your brainwill learn to accept subtle harm
.
And that way, overall, overtime, it becomes easier for your
brain to overlook bigger harmswhen they show up, especially in
(09:58):
abusive situations.
And I always have told you guysthat the brain learns what it
lives.
It is incredibly adaptive.
It builds habits based on whatit experiences repeatedly.
And if microaggressions seemsmall at first, every time you
dismiss them the brain takesnotes and adapts that habitually
(10:19):
.
If you say yourself thatcomment wasn't nice, but it
wasn't a big deal, I could justlet it go, or maybe I'm too
sensitive, I could learn to takea joke, and that's just how
they talk.
I need to stop overthinking it.
Each dismissal teaches yourbrain that this kind of
treatment is acceptable.
It builds tolerance, notresilience, tolerance for being
(10:44):
dismissed, invalidated andslowly disrespected over time.
And that's where I say it's soimportant to not tolerate
microaggressions, because theyalways grow into accepting more
harmful dynamics inrelationships.
And if you're already there.
It's never too late to startbreaking this pattern Because
before long, the line betweenwhat's small and insignificant
(11:09):
and what's gone too far getsblurry.
And what's gone too far getsblurry, your mental patterns
will start to pave the way oflarger forms of emotional harm
and bigger abuse is going tostart sneaking into your life
unnoticed.
If currently it feelsoverwhelming for you to confront
these microaggressions, itmight be because they've been
(11:30):
building on for very long, andthat's okay.
Again, it's never too late tostart.
Part of the series of these fourpodcasts is we're going to
recognize how thesemicroaggressions are dealt and
how you're going to delineatewhere you want to deal with them
assertively and where you wantto deal with them gently.
One thing to remember and it'scoming from the most loving
(11:53):
place in my heart for you it isthat abuse grows in environments
where boundaries are eroded.
One tiny comment at a time.
It thrives where discomfort isnormalized.
If microaggressions are allowed, they create an internal
emotional landscape in you wherebigger harm, emotional abuse,
(12:13):
manipulation and control feelsless shocking and more familiar.
But there is power andawareness, and this is the best
news, because the moment youbecome aware of these patterns,
you can interrupt them.
You have the power to stop thehabit of tolerating
microaggressions before theybecome tolerance for abuse.
(12:35):
And this is not going to beabout self-blame for allowing
what's already happening.
It's not about victim blaming.
It's about stepping into aplace of strength and clarity
and not allowing any space whereany potential abuse can grow
and start with small steps.
Notice when someone's words feeldismissive or cutting.
(12:56):
Trust that little voice ofyours inside that says that
didn't feel right.
Speak up when someone crossesthe line, even if it feels
uncomfortable at first.
When you name microaggressionsfor what they are, you break the
cycle.
You start to teach your brain anew habit, a new pattern to
(13:18):
follow, and this is the patternof self-respect and protection.
Those moments when somethingfeels off, they're not your
weakness as a woman, they'reyour wisdom.
That's your inner healingintelligence trying to protect
you.
You're not too sensitive.
You're incredibly wise.
Don't dismiss these subtlevoices.
(13:39):
Honor them.
When you stop toleratingmicroaggressions, you're not
just protecting yourself fromsmall harms, but you're creating
a higher standard that protectsyou from bigger harm down the
road.
And where your real power liesis not fighting every comment or
policing every word, but inrecognizing what deserves a
(14:01):
response from you and whatdeserves to be removed from your
life entirely.
Your boundaries are sacred,your peace is sacred, and the
first step towards guarding bothis seeing the small things for
what they really are.
Repeated exposure tomicroaggressions has been linked
to chronic stress, anxiety,depression, decreased life
(14:23):
satisfaction.
In the context of relationships, especially in marriages,
microaggressions erode intimacy,they take away from trust and
mutual respect.
While microaggressions inMuslim communities and marriages
are unique in their own ways,they are very intertwined with
cultural expectations, genderroles, religious interpretations
(14:47):
.
And while on surface levelagain, they might seem subtle,
they reinforce power imbalances,diminish emotional safety that
a marriage is supposed to offerand they create an environment
where one partner feelsinvalidated.
And if they're coming fromunexamined biases, if they're
(15:09):
coming from adapting culturalnorms or misunderstanding of
religious principles, then theyabsolutely need boundaries.
They are your healthyboundaries.
If you're a highly ambitiousperson but you're in a culture
where a woman's role is narrowlydefined as managing the home,
then even if you're successfullymanaging home and career at the
(15:33):
same time, thenmicroaggressions can be
disguised as traditionalteachings of a real woman
wouldn't need help with kids,like you're supposed to be able
to do it all.
These might be culturalcontexts that you want to look
out for, and in religiouscontexts.
Microaggressions happen whenreligious teachings are taken
out of context and weaponized,like the concept of gawam men as
(15:58):
protectors or the concept ofallowance of polygyny.
Turns something sacred into atool of control and manipulation
.
This distorts the true meaningof deen, but also creates
emotional and spiritual harm inone of the most sacred
relationships in Islam, and thatis the relationship of marriage
(16:19):
.
What begins as small commentscan become a pattern of chronic
emotional disconnection, andthis is what creates cycles of
withdrawal, resentment andgrowing distance.
Cycles of withdrawal,resentment and growing distance.
Emotional safety for bothpartners is extremely important
for a healthy marriage, and inface of microaggressions, a
(16:40):
healthy marriage is replaced bydefensiveness and mistrust.
When you notice something thathurts, trust that instinct,
follow that wisdom.
Allow the discomfort to alertyou that something isn't right.
You don't have to overanalyzeit, you don't have to justify
why it hurt, just acknowledge,because that's the first step to
(17:02):
undoing the conditioning thathas made you constantly
second-guess yourself.
So now, since I've introducedthis topic of microaggressions
and why they matter, so nowsince I've introduced this topic
of microaggressions and whythey matter, the next step is to
recognize where exactly theyshow up in your life, and in
part two I will break down thedifferent types of
microaggressions so you can spotthem clearly, whether they come
(17:24):
from others or even,unknowingly, from you.
So look out for the nextepisode, for part two of
microaggressions.
With that, I pray to Allah,subhanahu wa ta'ala.
O Allah, you are all-knowing,the most merciful.
Grant me the clarity to seewhat is unseen and wisdom to
recognize the words and actionsthat cause harm, whether the
(17:44):
harm is to me or through me.
Protect my heart from acceptingdisrespect, no matter how small
.
O Allah, fill me with thestrength to honor my boundaries
you've given me.
Make me a person of truth,compassion and integrity in
every interaction.
Ya Allah, guide my tonguetowards the words that heal and
(18:05):
protect me from the words thatcause harm.
Ameen, ya Rabbul Alameen,please keep me in your du'as.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
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