February 4, 2025 • 14 mins
Discipline isn’t punishment, it’s the highest form of self-respect. It’s waking up and choosing your future, even when no one is watching. It’s keeping promises to yourself, following through on your goals, and refusing to let procrastination or perfectionism steal your success.
If you’ve ever wondered why others don’t respect your time, your boundaries, or your priorities, ask yourself: Do I respect my boundaries?
This episode will shift the way you see discipline, confidence, and self-worth forever. Discipline is the strongest form of self-love.
Press play and start showing up for yourself the way you deserve.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I'm going to give you adefinition of self-love that you
most likely haven't heardbefore.
A little while ago, I cameacross a very strong concept
(00:27):
around self-love.
It says discipline is thehighest form of self-love, and
it stuck with me so much that mybrain's been churning on it
ever since my wheels are turning.
So then I finally decided tomake a podcast out of it,
because it is such a helpfulconcept.
If you started measuringself-love based on the level of
commitment to yourself that youkeep, as in if you want a
(00:49):
business, a new life, stability,purpose and you do what you
said you would, that's youprioritizing yourself, and
through this level of self-loveyou create peace and you wake up
one day knowing that you'vebuilt something real, something
meaningful.
Loving yourself so far has beena little bit about relaxation
me time it's a little bit aboutcomfort, and it's also a little
(01:11):
bit about feeling inspired andmotivated, but it is much more
about your commitment toyourself if you keep the word
that you give to yourself Everytime you wake up and you
recommit to a dream.
Every time you sit down andtake even a smallest step
forward, you're proving toyourself that you're someone
that follows through.
(01:32):
Just because you committed tothat to yourself Someone who
values herself enough to keepgoing, even when it's
uncomfortable.
Discipline is self-trust inaction.
It's proof that you believe inyour own potential enough to
nurture it every single day,even if you don't feel like it.
And if you want others torespect you, if you want to be
(01:54):
seen as capable, strong, worthy,even an object of admiration,
then don't worry about how theyare showing up for you.
Focus on if you are showing upin the highest form of
self-respect for yourself.
Focus on if you are showing upin the highest form of
self-respect for yourself, andall of these things will come
into place.
No one else will respect youand none of their respect will
ever matter if you don't respectyourself first.
(02:16):
We make other people's respecttowards us so much about them
following our boundaries when weare the first one who are
breaking our boundaries with us.
It's only about how you treatyourself.
Every time you make a promiseto yourself and you keep it, you
reinforce your own worth.
Every time you say I'll startthat tomorrow and you actually
(02:36):
do it, there's trust buildinghappening.
But every time you push yourneeds aside, your brain gets a
little better at ignoring you.
Every time you break yourcommitment aside, your brain
gets a little better at ignoringyou.
Every time you break yourcommitment to yourself, you send
a different message, which ismy goals don't matter, my dreams
can wait.
I am not a priority.
Imagine if a friend treated youlike that Constantly canceling
(02:58):
plans, making big promises butnever following through,
ignoring what's important to youand always putting you last.
How long would it be before youstopped believing her?
How long you'd be before you'dknow in your heart that you're
not important to her?
And now just ask how often doyou do that to yourself?
Showing up for yourself is anact of self-loyalty.
(03:18):
It's standing by your side evenwhen it's hard, even when you
don't feel like it, even when noone's watching.
It means choosing your owngrowth, not because it's easy,
but because you've decided youdeserve it.
It's doing the things you saidyou'll do, not just for the
results, but because keeping thepromise to yourself is that
important to you.
(03:39):
Self-respect is that importantto you.
If you don't show up foryourself, then it's not
reasonable for you to expectthat others will.
Choosing progress overperfection.
Choosing showing up foryourself is how you make
self-love a daily practice.
You have big goals, ambitiousgoals, the kind that stretch you
and challenge you.
(04:00):
If you're being honest, theyscare you a little.
You want to build somethingmeaningful, create a life of
freedom, impact, fulfillment,but perfection creeps in, it
stops you.
You think to yourself it has tobe flawless, it has to be the
best.
If I can't do it right, Ishouldn't do it at all.
And that's where dreams go todie.
Perfectionism is very lucrative.
(04:22):
It makes you feel like you'reholding yourself in a highest
standard, when really it's justfear wearing a fancy disguise.
It convinces you that waitinguntil you have everything
figured out is the wise thing,when really it's just an excuse
to stay stuck.
Progress, not perfection, is howyou build self-trust, is how
you build the life you want,because nobody's success ever
(04:45):
came with giant, flawless leaps.
It comes in small, messy,imperfect steps.
Every time you move forward,you teach yourself that you are
someone who takes action,someone that trusts herself,
that you'll figure things out asyou go, that your worth is not
tied to an idealized version ofsuccess, but the fact that you
(05:07):
show up for yourself daily.
That's self-love in action.
Not waiting for a perfectmoment, not waiting until you
feel confident, not waitinguntil everything is just right,
but just choosing to move, togrow, to build, even when things
look messy, because, at the endof the day, it's not perfection
that ever got anybody theirgoals, it's momentum.
(05:30):
If you're trying to buildwealth, it doesn't just happen,
and it's not luck or magic,something that's reserved for
those people who just get themoney.
If you want to build wealth,it's built step by step,
decision by decision, and themoments that matter the most are
the ones where no one'swatching and you use your money
(05:51):
in a way that you said you would.
It's very easy to get excitedabout financial goals when
you're feeling inspired, whenyou're talking about investments
, business strategies.
But what about when you're notriding that high, when no one's
cheering you on, when you're notlearning new information?
That makes you feel excitedabout this prospect?
(06:11):
When that excitement fades,when you're alone with your
thoughts, that's when you get tochoose do you follow through or
do you let this slip?
That's when self-worth shows up, because honoring your
long-term financial goals ifthat happens to be your value is
never, ever, just about numbers.
It's about the kind of personyou're becoming.
(06:33):
It's about seeing yourself assomeone who's worthy of this
wealth, worthy of financialindependence.
As someone who's worthy of thiswealth, worthy of financial
independence, making smart moneymoves even when instant
gratification calls your name.
It's choosing to invest inyourself with your own attention
and your commitment, instead ofwaiting for someone else to
give you permission.
Whether it looks like settingaside money for the future
(06:57):
investments, financial planning,whether it looks like meeting
up with a financial advisorsaying no to impulse spending,
all of those decisions aredeposits in your self-love bank,
not because you're deprivingyourself, but because you
respect yourself enough to buildlong-term security.
When you make these disciplinedfinancial choices in private,
(07:19):
you build a foundation ofself-trust.
You prove to yourself thatyou're not just sitting hoping
for wealth.
You're creating it.
Your higher brain, the part ofyou that wants to be disciplined
, intentional and connected toAllah, sets goals with the best
intentions.
It says I will wake up fortahajjud, I will read Quran
(07:40):
every day.
I will make dhikr with presence, I will prioritize my prayer to
be on the perfect time and whenthe moment comes your toddler
brain, which is wired forcomfort, distraction, instant
gratification, it will throw atantrum.
It will say I'm tired, I'llpray in a little bit.
It will throw a tantrum.
It will say I'm tired, I'llplay in a little bit.
One skipped day won't hurt,I'll start fresh tomorrow.
(08:04):
This is where true confidence isbuilt, true self-respect,
strongest form of self-love.
Not in the planning, not in theimagining the best outcome, but
following through when thetoddler brain is screaming
comfort.
But following through when thetoddler brain is screaming
comfort.
When you consistently breakyour own promises, your
subconscious learns that yourword does not mean much.
(08:27):
But when you follow through,every time you keep your promise
, especially when it's hard, youprove to yourself I can trust
myself, my word to myself holdsweight, I do what I say I will
do, and then your whole identityshifts for the better.
Discipline in Islam is a part ofyour spiritual strength.
(08:48):
Following through to yourworship goals.
That's true sincerity.
It's the waking up for fajrwhen your bed feels like a cloud
.
It's resisting the urge to rushthrough the prayer even when
you're busy.
It's keeping up with your dailyQuran learning habit.
This is how you forge your real, true spiritual confidence,
(09:10):
because you are trustingyourself, you're honoring your
commitments to worship, and youbuild an inner certainty that
then extends to every part ofyour life, inner certainty that
then extends to every part ofyour life your finances, your
relationships, your ambitions.
Your self-love is about showingup again and again, even when
your toddler brain protests.
It's about choosing your honorwith yourself, and the more you
(09:33):
do it, the stronger yourself-trust becomes, until one
day that discipline isn'tsomething that you're struggling
to find or creating.
It just becomes a part of whoyou are.
Just like you label somebody asdisappointing and unreliable
when they promise something butthey never follow through, your
subconscious mind is labelingyourself as such when you say
(09:53):
something and you never followthrough.
Your subconscious mind islabeling yourself as such when
you say something and you neverfollow through.
The way you show up foryourself is what teaches others
how to treat you.
When you respect your own time,your own energy, your
commitments, you carry yourselfentirely differently, and that's
how other people learn to treatyou with respect as well.
(10:14):
And you don't treat yourselfthis way just by accident.
This level ofself-prioritization takes
intention, because perfectionism, procrastination and self-doubt
is what comes naturally.
That's what comes by default.
So spend some energy and decidefor the next few days that
(10:34):
you're going to prioritize yourword to yourself, because people
aren't you just don't treat youthat way by accident.
They take cues from you, theywatch how you carry yourself,
how you speak about yourself and, most importantly, how you
honor yourself.
If you constantly put yourselflast when you say yes, when you
actually mean no, or you allowyour own needs to be an
(10:57):
afterthought, don't be surprisedwhen others do the same.
If you cancel on yourself,skipping personal goals,
procrastinating on dreams,letting your boundaries slip,
you are silently teaching othersthat your time, energy,
priorities are flexible,optional or, even worse, just
plain, outright unimportant.
(11:18):
When you respect your own self,you walk differently, you set
the tone and you radiate apresent that says since I take
myself seriously, you should too.
When you honor your boundaries,when your highest self set for
you, then people stop assumingthat they can push them.
When you prioritize yourselfwith respect, people respect you
(11:43):
.
And if they don't, you start torecognize it immediately,
because you're so used totreating yourself well that any
sort of mistreatment will standout like a red flag.
And this self-respect is notabout arrogance.
You don't demand respect fromyou because you're judging them
to be inferior.
You model it, you lead with itand people see that you hold
(12:06):
yourself to a higher standardand they will rise to meet it.
So give them that chance or letthem fall away because they
can't keep up.
So, before you start askingthis question, why don't people
respect my time, my energy, myworth, my effort?
Ask yourself this where am Inot respecting my time, my
(12:27):
energy, my worth, and am Ishowing up for me?
Because the answer will becomevery clear.
The way you treat yourself isthe blueprint of how the world
will respond to you.
It's a set of instructions thatyou're putting out into the
universe, instructions thateveryone else will follow.
At the end of it all, disciplineis not about restriction, as
(12:51):
otherwise believed.
It is all about freedom thefreedom to build wealth, create
success, deepen your faith andlive a life that reflects your
true worth.
So start asking yourself whatwould change in my life if I
treated my goals asnon-negotiable.
What would my life look like ifdiscipline was the highest form
(13:17):
of self-love I give myself?
With that, I pray to Allah SWT.
Ya Allah, make us the peoplewho keep our promises to you, to
others and especially toourselves.
Give us the strength to do whatwe said we would do, especially
when it's hard, especially whenno one's watching.
Ya Allah, remove the hesitation, remove the fear and take the
(13:39):
doubt away that holds us back.
Ya Allah, replace it with trust, action and commitment.
Ya Rabb, let our discipline bethe reflection of our self-love
and the reflection of ourhighest faith in you.
Ameen, ya Rabbul Aalameen,please keep me in your du'as.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I'm going to give you adefinition of self-love that you
most likely haven't heardbefore.
A little while ago, I cameacross a very strong concept
(00:27):
around self-love.
It says discipline is thehighest form of self-love, and
it stuck with me so much that mybrain's been churning on it
ever since my wheels are turning.
So then I finally decided tomake a podcast out of it,
because it is such a helpfulconcept.
If you started measuringself-love based on the level of
commitment to yourself that youkeep, as in if you want a
(00:49):
business, a new life, stability,purpose and you do what you
said you would, that's youprioritizing yourself, and
through this level of self-loveyou create peace and you wake up
one day knowing that you'vebuilt something real, something
meaningful.
Loving yourself so far has beena little bit about relaxation
me time it's a little bit aboutcomfort, and it's also a little
(01:11):
bit about feeling inspired andmotivated, but it is much more
about your commitment toyourself if you keep the word
that you give to yourself Everytime you wake up and you
recommit to a dream.
Every time you sit down andtake even a smallest step
forward, you're proving toyourself that you're someone
that follows through.
(01:32):
Just because you committed tothat to yourself Someone who
values herself enough to keepgoing, even when it's
uncomfortable.
Discipline is self-trust inaction.
It's proof that you believe inyour own potential enough to
nurture it every single day,even if you don't feel like it.
And if you want others torespect you, if you want to be
(01:54):
seen as capable, strong, worthy,even an object of admiration,
then don't worry about how theyare showing up for you.
Focus on if you are showing upin the highest form of
self-respect for yourself.
Focus on if you are showing upin the highest form of
self-respect for yourself, andall of these things will come
into place.
No one else will respect youand none of their respect will
ever matter if you don't respectyourself first.
(02:16):
We make other people's respecttowards us so much about them
following our boundaries when weare the first one who are
breaking our boundaries with us.
It's only about how you treatyourself.
Every time you make a promiseto yourself and you keep it, you
reinforce your own worth.
Every time you say I'll startthat tomorrow and you actually
(02:36):
do it, there's trust buildinghappening.
But every time you push yourneeds aside, your brain gets a
little better at ignoring you.
Every time you break yourcommitment aside, your brain
gets a little better at ignoringyou.
Every time you break yourcommitment to yourself, you send
a different message, which ismy goals don't matter, my dreams
can wait.
I am not a priority.
Imagine if a friend treated youlike that Constantly canceling
(02:58):
plans, making big promises butnever following through,
ignoring what's important to youand always putting you last.
How long would it be before youstopped believing her?
How long you'd be before you'dknow in your heart that you're
not important to her?
And now just ask how often doyou do that to yourself?
Showing up for yourself is anact of self-loyalty.
(03:18):
It's standing by your side evenwhen it's hard, even when you
don't feel like it, even when noone's watching.
It means choosing your owngrowth, not because it's easy,
but because you've decided youdeserve it.
It's doing the things you saidyou'll do, not just for the
results, but because keeping thepromise to yourself is that
important to you.
(03:39):
Self-respect is that importantto you.
If you don't show up foryourself, then it's not
reasonable for you to expectthat others will.
Choosing progress overperfection.
Choosing showing up foryourself is how you make
self-love a daily practice.
You have big goals, ambitiousgoals, the kind that stretch you
and challenge you.
(04:00):
If you're being honest, theyscare you a little.
You want to build somethingmeaningful, create a life of
freedom, impact, fulfillment,but perfection creeps in, it
stops you.
You think to yourself it has tobe flawless, it has to be the
best.
If I can't do it right, Ishouldn't do it at all.
And that's where dreams go todie.
Perfectionism is very lucrative.
(04:22):
It makes you feel like you'reholding yourself in a highest
standard, when really it's justfear wearing a fancy disguise.
It convinces you that waitinguntil you have everything
figured out is the wise thing,when really it's just an excuse
to stay stuck.
Progress, not perfection, is howyou build self-trust, is how
you build the life you want,because nobody's success ever
(04:45):
came with giant, flawless leaps.
It comes in small, messy,imperfect steps.
Every time you move forward,you teach yourself that you are
someone who takes action,someone that trusts herself,
that you'll figure things out asyou go, that your worth is not
tied to an idealized version ofsuccess, but the fact that you
(05:07):
show up for yourself daily.
That's self-love in action.
Not waiting for a perfectmoment, not waiting until you
feel confident, not waitinguntil everything is just right,
but just choosing to move, togrow, to build, even when things
look messy, because, at the endof the day, it's not perfection
that ever got anybody theirgoals, it's momentum.
(05:30):
If you're trying to buildwealth, it doesn't just happen,
and it's not luck or magic,something that's reserved for
those people who just get themoney.
If you want to build wealth,it's built step by step,
decision by decision, and themoments that matter the most are
the ones where no one'swatching and you use your money
(05:51):
in a way that you said you would.
It's very easy to get excitedabout financial goals when
you're feeling inspired, whenyou're talking about investments
, business strategies.
But what about when you're notriding that high, when no one's
cheering you on, when you're notlearning new information?
That makes you feel excitedabout this prospect?
(06:11):
When that excitement fades,when you're alone with your
thoughts, that's when you get tochoose do you follow through or
do you let this slip?
That's when self-worth shows up, because honoring your
long-term financial goals ifthat happens to be your value is
never, ever, just about numbers.
It's about the kind of personyou're becoming.
(06:33):
It's about seeing yourself assomeone who's worthy of this
wealth, worthy of financialindependence.
As someone who's worthy of thiswealth, worthy of financial
independence, making smart moneymoves even when instant
gratification calls your name.
It's choosing to invest inyourself with your own attention
and your commitment, instead ofwaiting for someone else to
give you permission.
Whether it looks like settingaside money for the future
(06:57):
investments, financial planning,whether it looks like meeting
up with a financial advisorsaying no to impulse spending,
all of those decisions aredeposits in your self-love bank,
not because you're deprivingyourself, but because you
respect yourself enough to buildlong-term security.
When you make these disciplinedfinancial choices in private,
(07:19):
you build a foundation ofself-trust.
You prove to yourself thatyou're not just sitting hoping
for wealth.
You're creating it.
Your higher brain, the part ofyou that wants to be disciplined
, intentional and connected toAllah, sets goals with the best
intentions.
It says I will wake up fortahajjud, I will read Quran
(07:40):
every day.
I will make dhikr with presence, I will prioritize my prayer to
be on the perfect time and whenthe moment comes your toddler
brain, which is wired forcomfort, distraction, instant
gratification, it will throw atantrum.
It will say I'm tired, I'llpray in a little bit.
It will throw a tantrum.
It will say I'm tired, I'llplay in a little bit.
One skipped day won't hurt,I'll start fresh tomorrow.
(08:04):
This is where true confidence isbuilt, true self-respect,
strongest form of self-love.
Not in the planning, not in theimagining the best outcome, but
following through when thetoddler brain is screaming
comfort.
But following through when thetoddler brain is screaming
comfort.
When you consistently breakyour own promises, your
subconscious learns that yourword does not mean much.
(08:27):
But when you follow through,every time you keep your promise
, especially when it's hard, youprove to yourself I can trust
myself, my word to myself holdsweight, I do what I say I will
do, and then your whole identityshifts for the better.
Discipline in Islam is a part ofyour spiritual strength.
(08:48):
Following through to yourworship goals.
That's true sincerity.
It's the waking up for fajrwhen your bed feels like a cloud
.
It's resisting the urge to rushthrough the prayer even when
you're busy.
It's keeping up with your dailyQuran learning habit.
This is how you forge your real, true spiritual confidence,
(09:10):
because you are trustingyourself, you're honoring your
commitments to worship, and youbuild an inner certainty that
then extends to every part ofyour life, inner certainty that
then extends to every part ofyour life your finances, your
relationships, your ambitions.
Your self-love is about showingup again and again, even when
your toddler brain protests.
It's about choosing your honorwith yourself, and the more you
(09:33):
do it, the stronger yourself-trust becomes, until one
day that discipline isn'tsomething that you're struggling
to find or creating.
It just becomes a part of whoyou are.
Just like you label somebody asdisappointing and unreliable
when they promise something butthey never follow through, your
subconscious mind is labelingyourself as such when you say
(09:53):
something and you never followthrough.
Your subconscious mind islabeling yourself as such when
you say something and you neverfollow through.
The way you show up foryourself is what teaches others
how to treat you.
When you respect your own time,your own energy, your
commitments, you carry yourselfentirely differently, and that's
how other people learn to treatyou with respect as well.
(10:14):
And you don't treat yourselfthis way just by accident.
This level ofself-prioritization takes
intention, because perfectionism, procrastination and self-doubt
is what comes naturally.
That's what comes by default.
So spend some energy and decidefor the next few days that
(10:34):
you're going to prioritize yourword to yourself, because people
aren't you just don't treat youthat way by accident.
They take cues from you, theywatch how you carry yourself,
how you speak about yourself and, most importantly, how you
honor yourself.
If you constantly put yourselflast when you say yes, when you
actually mean no, or you allowyour own needs to be an
(10:57):
afterthought, don't be surprisedwhen others do the same.
If you cancel on yourself,skipping personal goals,
procrastinating on dreams,letting your boundaries slip,
you are silently teaching othersthat your time, energy,
priorities are flexible,optional or, even worse, just
plain, outright unimportant.
(11:18):
When you respect your own self,you walk differently, you set
the tone and you radiate apresent that says since I take
myself seriously, you should too.
When you honor your boundaries,when your highest self set for
you, then people stop assumingthat they can push them.
When you prioritize yourselfwith respect, people respect you
(11:43):
.
And if they don't, you start torecognize it immediately,
because you're so used totreating yourself well that any
sort of mistreatment will standout like a red flag.
And this self-respect is notabout arrogance.
You don't demand respect fromyou because you're judging them
to be inferior.
You model it, you lead with itand people see that you hold
(12:06):
yourself to a higher standardand they will rise to meet it.
So give them that chance or letthem fall away because they
can't keep up.
So, before you start askingthis question, why don't people
respect my time, my energy, myworth, my effort?
Ask yourself this where am Inot respecting my time, my
(12:27):
energy, my worth, and am Ishowing up for me?
Because the answer will becomevery clear.
The way you treat yourself isthe blueprint of how the world
will respond to you.
It's a set of instructions thatyou're putting out into the
universe, instructions thateveryone else will follow.
At the end of it all, disciplineis not about restriction, as
(12:51):
otherwise believed.
It is all about freedom thefreedom to build wealth, create
success, deepen your faith andlive a life that reflects your
true worth.
So start asking yourself whatwould change in my life if I
treated my goals asnon-negotiable.
What would my life look like ifdiscipline was the highest form
(13:17):
of self-love I give myself?
With that, I pray to Allah SWT.
Ya Allah, make us the peoplewho keep our promises to you, to
others and especially toourselves.
Give us the strength to do whatwe said we would do, especially
when it's hard, especially whenno one's watching.
Ya Allah, remove the hesitation, remove the fear and take the
(13:39):
doubt away that holds us back.
Ya Allah, replace it with trust, action and commitment.
Ya Rabb, let our discipline bethe reflection of our self-love
and the reflection of ourhighest faith in you.
Ameen, ya Rabbul Aalameen,please keep me in your du'as.
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
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