February 18, 2025 • 17 mins
Empathy is a beautiful gift—the ability to deeply feel, understand, and connect with others. But when left unchecked, it will turn into something else entirely: an emotional burden, a trap, even a silent form of self-destruction.
In this episode, we’re breaking down the fine line between using empathy as a superpower versus letting it turn you into an emotional pack mule. If you constantly feel drained, overwhelmed, or responsible for everyone else’s emotions, this episode will shake you awake.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- How empathy really works (and why most people misunderstand it)
- The #1 mistake empaths make that leads to burnout
- Why absorbing other people’s emotions doesn’t actually help them
- How to use empathy as a tool instead of letting it control you
- The difference between healthy empathy and becoming a doormat
- Why guilt is a liar—and how to stop falling for it
- How to set boundaries without feeling like a terrible person
If you’ve ever felt emotionally exhausted from carrying other people’s feelings, this episode will give you the perspective shift you need to start using your empathy for good—without losing yourself in the process.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I want to talk about avery incredible concept, a
superpower that women carry andthat has to do with their
(00:27):
ability to empathize, ability todeeply sense and understand
other people's emotions.
This is a level of an invisibleworkload that you're carrying,
but it is a superpower when youuse it right.
Empathy comes very naturally toa lot of women, and it's like
feeling other people's emotionsas they're your own.
(00:47):
This is a skill of a very highprocessing, intuitive mind, and
it allows deep emotionalconnection, but it definitely
requires boundaries to preventemotional exhaustion, and that's
what we're going to talk abouttoday.
So there's a big differencethat I want you guys to be clear
about and that will save a lotof emotional suffering in your
(01:09):
life, and that is since empathycomes very naturally to a lot of
women.
They also think that taking theemotional burden of everyone
else is love, and that level oflove is an inescapable reality,
and no one teaches you as ayoung girl, or as an adult woman
for that matter, how toseparate the two.
And when nobody teaches you,then your empathy turns you into
(01:31):
a doormat.
An empath who's been conditionedto absorb, manage and take
responsibility for otherpeople's emotions at their own
expense.
Someone who struggles to setboundaries.
They can't prioritizethemselves and they equate
self-sacrifice with being a goodperson.
Empathy is an incredible gift,one of my highest values,
(01:53):
something that the worlddesperately needs.
That kind of emotionalsensitivity is a gift.
But you do have to retrieveyourself a little bit when an
emotional intelligence inside ofyou is making you turn into an
emotional pack mule for thepeople around you, pack mule
being the carrier of allemotional burden.
(02:14):
But I guess you understood thatIf you are the kind of person
when you walk into a space youjust know who needs support.
You sense a shift in yourfriend's voice even before she
admits she's upset.
You feel the discomfort in agroup setting before anyone else
acknowledges it.
This is an amazing quality.
But if you're that person butyou can't realize your full
(02:38):
potential, you avoid socialinteractions because it's just
too much to handle, because youhaven't learned how to be an
empath in a healthy way, you canrecognize other people's
emotions your children's, yourcolleagues, but you don't know
how to stop takingresponsibility for them.
That's where I need you to drawthe line and that's what you're
going to learn in this podcast.
(02:58):
That's the difference betweenempathy as it is supposed to be,
a superpower, a sign of a highprocessing brain, or an empath
who turns into a doormat.
And the key here is how to useit without losing yourself,
because no one benefits fromyour emotional exhaustion.
When a mildly sad commercialsends you into an existential
(03:20):
crisis.
That's the real cost of empathyNot just feeling for other
people, but keeping thosefeelings, storing them like they
belong to you.
And your mind becomes anemotional Airbnb, hosting
everyone else's worries, fears,frustrations, while your own
thoughts don't even get a placeto sit.
And then it's no wonder thatyou feel mentally crowded.
(03:43):
When there's no space left foryou, where does your own
creativity go?
What happens to your owndesires?
Where do they fit?
Where does your peace get toexist?
Your mind and your body is notdesigned to be a storage unit
for everyone else's emotions.
But when you're used to feelingeveryone else's emotions so
(04:03):
deeply, letting go will feelunnatural.
Like you're being careless,like you're used to feeling
everyone else's emotions sodeeply, letting go will feel
unnatural, like you're beingcareless, like you're not
helping, like you don't lovethem.
And in that spirit of helping,that's what keeps you locked in,
because it feels like holdingonto somebody else's emotions is
a form of care, like you,keeping their pain close is a
proof that you're a good friend,a good partner or a good human.
(04:26):
Except it's not.
Holding on to somebody else'semotions will not heal them.
It just makes you hurt as well,and if both of you are drowning
in the same feeling, who'sactually getting to be saved?
One of the most powerful thingsyou can do as an empath is to
not carry other people'semotions.
It's to use them andredirecting that energy into
(04:49):
something that creates ease,relief or joy for you, for them
or for the world.
Empathy is one of the biggestunpaid emotional labor you will
ever do.
There's no paycheck, there's nobenefits, there's no paid time
off, so let's understand thescience behind this as well.
All emotions have a half-lifeof 90 seconds.
(05:11):
That's it In their rawest forms.
Feelings move through your bodylike a passing wave the worst of
the anger, the deepest sadness,frustration.
They arise, they peak and, ifleft alone, fade naturally.
But that's not how most peopleexperience emotions Because,
(05:32):
instead of letting them pass,making space for them or
observing them, the mind goes onto continue to think about the
situation in a way thatreproduces those emotions over
and over again.
As an empath, if an emotion inyou lingers for hours, days,
weeks, it's not because theoriginal feeling is still there.
(05:53):
It's because your brain keepsresuscitating it.
It keeps bringing it back tolife.
How?
By replaying the situation, byanalyzing every detail, by
thinking of it over and overagain, making it seem very
important that you think hardabout it, by imagining other
people's pain over and overagain, until you reproduce it
(06:15):
and it feels like yours.
And most empaths get stuck here.
No matter how long you'reholding on to somebody else's
sadness, hurt or stress, younever actually feel their pain.
You feel the pain that yourmind creates when you think
about their suffering.
Your body reacts to the storiesyour empathic brain is telling.
(06:37):
Since your empathy is a proofof a high-processing, highly
intelligent mind, there'snothing to fix about this.
Of a high processing, highlyintelligent mind.
There's nothing to fix aboutthis.
The only thing that needsadjusting is where you stop
taking responsibility for theiremotions and stop justifying
having to stay in that stateJust because you're so good at
detecting somebody else'semotions does not mean you have
(06:59):
to reproduce them with your mindover and over again.
This, along with another concept, creates the entire difference
when you fall into becoming adoormat, when empathy becomes a
weakness, this is when empathyturns into self-sacrifice and it
starts small.
You sense somebody else'sdisappointment and before they
(07:19):
even say a word, you feel it inyour body a sinking stomach
feeling, a quick rush ofthoughts about what you did
wrong.
Did I say something offensive?
Did my boundary hurt them?
Did I make their life harder?
And just like that, your brainhands you a guilt trip that you
never signed up for.
Just because you sense whatsomebody else is feeling does
(07:43):
not mean that their emotions areyour responsibility.
You are mirroring theirexperience, reflecting them
Mirrors don't own what theyreflect.
But when you don't see thisdistinction, you start taking
responsibility for emotions thataren't yours.
You convince yourself that ifsomeone is upset, especially
(08:04):
with you, it must be your fault.
If only you had said yes, ifonly you had softened your
boundaries a little bit, if onlyyou had made them more
comfortable.
But that's not how emotionswork.
People don't feel bad because ofyou.
They feel bad because of theirthoughts about you.
Their frustration, anger,sadness, disappointment even if
(08:28):
it is directed at you, isn'tbecause of you.
It's not caused by you.
It's because of the storythey're telling themselves about
your actions, about yourbehavior.
And if you don't recognize this, you start bending over
backwards to manage otherpeople's feelings.
You let go of your no so theydon't get upset.
(08:48):
You take an extra work shift sothey don't feel stressed.
You make yourself smaller sothey don't feel uncomfortable,
and this is the recipe thatturns an empath into a doormat.
The world does not need moredoormats.
It needs well-boundaried,empathic women.
Women who care deeply but donot self-destruct in the process
(09:12):
.
Women who show up withcompassion and self-respect.
Being kind is not the same asbeing a doormat, but when
kindness turns into chronicself-sacrifice, that's what it
becomes.
Struggling to say no, puttingyourself last, feeling drained,
underappreciated, avoidingconflict at all costs, and what
(09:36):
that might look like is loaningmoney that never gets repaid and
you're too uncomfortable to askfor it back.
Chairing a committee because noone else stepped up.
Covering for co-workers whenthey don't turn up, when it's
their turn to help, doing favorsover and over again,
over-apologizing All of theseare doormat behaviors.
(09:57):
If any of this makes you feelcalled out or sensitive, that's
okay.
It's actually a good thing.
Recognizing this pattern is thefirst step to changing it,
because you were not meant to bea doormat and you were not
meant to release your empathycompletely.
You are meant to stand tallwith empathy and self-respect.
(10:21):
One of the things that fixesthis hardest of the hardest made
people pleaser is remindingyourself just because you can
feel somebody else's emotiondoes not mean you're responsible
for it.
I'll say it again Just becauseyou feel someone else's emotion
does not mean you areresponsible for it.
(10:41):
The quicker you can stopfalling into this trap, the
quicker you will heal.
When you feel someone else'ssadness, frustration,
disappointment, you also equatethat to you causing these
emotions, and then you start torearrange your life to make sure
that they don't feel badanymore.
(11:03):
And the worst part is thatpeople get used to it.
They aren't even aware of howmuch energy you're pouring into
this.
They're living their lives justblissfully, unaware that you're
mentally exhausted andemotionally drained.
A very gentle reminder that Iwant you to start practicing and
keep practicing until it issecond nature is just because I
(11:26):
feel other people's emotionsdoes not mean I am responsible
for them.
This is a very basic foundationof even start to set boundaries
, because if you don't setboundaries, the world and the
people in it will set them foryou and you will not like the
terms of those boundaries, trustme.
And also let me be clear aboutsomething else the most common
(11:48):
advice that you hear on this isjust be direct.
Communicate your needs.
Say no with confidence.
Yeah, okay, if it was that easy, we wouldn't be having a need
for this podcast.
The real way to stop being adoormat is stop feeling
responsible for other people'semotions.
Let them be uncomfortable, letthem be disappointed and let
(12:12):
them figure it out.
Allow them to own their ownemotions and if you're in a
position and if they will allowyou, you can teach them that
that's their emotion.
But for that to happen, youhave to first stop treating
their emotions as if they belongto you.
The second real way is to getcomfortable with discomfort.
(12:33):
When you set a boundary, expectpushback, expect people to be
shocked that you suddenly havestandards.
That's okay.
Let them be uncomfortable.
The world will adjust.
People who love you will adjustfor you.
The third real way isrecognizing that guilt is a liar
.
Guilt does not mean you didsomething wrong.
(12:55):
Guilt might mean that you didsomething different that you're
not used to, but this is exactlywhat you need to do right now.
The fourth real way to stopbeing a doormat is start small,
but start immediately.
Say no to something today.
No explanation, no overapologizing, just no, and see
(13:17):
how the world doesn't actuallyexplode.
Keep creating your emotionalsafety.
Keep reminding yourself thathis emotion or her emotion is
not yours, even though you feelit so deeply and it feels so
real in your body.
You feel your emotions.
Other people feel theirs.
All of our emotions asindividuals come from our own
(13:41):
thoughts.
Just because you can replicatesomebody else's emotions painful
or joyful in your own body,you're only doing it because of
your own thoughts, because youhave this God-given gift of
putting yourself in their shoesand seeing their experience
through their eyes.
But all the while, no matterhow quickly or efficiently or
(14:05):
naturally you're able to do this, you're not feeling their
emotions.
You're feeling your ownemotions, and that comes from
thinking about what you thinkthey're experiencing.
This is the superpower.
Now, your only job here is toremind yourself just because I
can empathize with someone doesnot mean I cause their
(14:27):
experience.
Come back to this basic teachingas many times as you need.
Your self-sacrifice is not apersonality trait, it's a
learned behavior.
If you don't catch uncheckedempathy, you start to live your
life through other people'semotions which are never in your
(14:48):
control, and that is a verydisempowered way of existence.
You start to filter everydecision, every boundary, every
moment through one toxicquestion how will this make them
feel?
You soften your words, yourearrange your schedule, you
take on more than you can handle, and the irony of all of this
is nobody ever explicitly askedyou to do it, and they always
(15:10):
fall back on that excuse that wedidn't tell you, we didn't ask
you, I didn't say that, andthat's just what you've been
conditioned to believe a goodperson does.
Now people set boundaries foryou if you don't give them
explicit instructions, notbecause they're trying to take
advantage of you, but becausethat's how human nature works.
If you never say no, peoplewill assume you're fine with
(15:32):
saying yes.
If you never push back, they'llassume you have no limits.
And when you finally do startto set boundaries, they'll be
shocked, not because you'redoing anything wrong, but
because they're just so used toyou carrying the emotional
weight for them.
(15:55):
Your only job is to honoryourself as an empath, to honor
it as a superpower that it is.
With that I pray to Allah,subhanahu wa ta'ala.
O Allah, the most compassionate, the all-knowing, you've gifted
me with a heart that feelsdeeply, a mind that senses what
is unspoken, and a soul thatseeks to ease the burden of
others.
I thank you and I'm grateful toyou for the blessing of empathy
(16:16):
, for the ability to connect, tounderstand and to bring comfort
to those around me.
But, ya Allah, protect me fromlosing myself in the emotion of
others.
Strengthen my heart so that Imay care without carrying Guide
my mind so that I may supportwithout sacrificing my own
well-being.
Teach me to set boundaries thathonor both my kindness and my
(16:39):
dignity.
Ya Rahman, help me recognizethat I am responsible for my own
feelings.
Let me be a source of warmthwithout being consumed, a source
of comfort without beingdepleted.
Ya Allah, grant me the wisdomto know when to give and when to
step back, and the courage tosay no without guilt.
(17:00):
O Allah, let my empathy be alight that guides, not a weight
that exhausts.
Let my kindness be a strength,not a weakness.
Fill my heart with peace, mymind with clarity and my life
with relationships that upliftme in your path.
Ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, pleasekeep me in your du'as.
(17:21):
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizably successful.
Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I want to talk about avery incredible concept, a
superpower that women carry andthat has to do with their
(00:27):
ability to empathize, ability todeeply sense and understand
other people's emotions.
This is a level of an invisibleworkload that you're carrying,
but it is a superpower when youuse it right.
Empathy comes very naturally toa lot of women, and it's like
feeling other people's emotionsas they're your own.
(00:47):
This is a skill of a very highprocessing, intuitive mind, and
it allows deep emotionalconnection, but it definitely
requires boundaries to preventemotional exhaustion, and that's
what we're going to talk abouttoday.
So there's a big differencethat I want you guys to be clear
about and that will save a lotof emotional suffering in your
(01:09):
life, and that is since empathycomes very naturally to a lot of
women.
They also think that taking theemotional burden of everyone
else is love, and that level oflove is an inescapable reality,
and no one teaches you as ayoung girl, or as an adult woman
for that matter, how toseparate the two.
And when nobody teaches you,then your empathy turns you into
(01:31):
a doormat.
An empath who's been conditionedto absorb, manage and take
responsibility for otherpeople's emotions at their own
expense.
Someone who struggles to setboundaries.
They can't prioritizethemselves and they equate
self-sacrifice with being a goodperson.
Empathy is an incredible gift,one of my highest values,
(01:53):
something that the worlddesperately needs.
That kind of emotionalsensitivity is a gift.
But you do have to retrieveyourself a little bit when an
emotional intelligence inside ofyou is making you turn into an
emotional pack mule for thepeople around you, pack mule
being the carrier of allemotional burden.
(02:14):
But I guess you understood thatIf you are the kind of person
when you walk into a space youjust know who needs support.
You sense a shift in yourfriend's voice even before she
admits she's upset.
You feel the discomfort in agroup setting before anyone else
acknowledges it.
This is an amazing quality.
But if you're that person butyou can't realize your full
(02:38):
potential, you avoid socialinteractions because it's just
too much to handle, because youhaven't learned how to be an
empath in a healthy way, you canrecognize other people's
emotions your children's, yourcolleagues, but you don't know
how to stop takingresponsibility for them.
That's where I need you to drawthe line and that's what you're
going to learn in this podcast.
(02:58):
That's the difference betweenempathy as it is supposed to be,
a superpower, a sign of a highprocessing brain, or an empath
who turns into a doormat.
And the key here is how to useit without losing yourself,
because no one benefits fromyour emotional exhaustion.
When a mildly sad commercialsends you into an existential
(03:20):
crisis.
That's the real cost of empathyNot just feeling for other
people, but keeping thosefeelings, storing them like they
belong to you.
And your mind becomes anemotional Airbnb, hosting
everyone else's worries, fears,frustrations, while your own
thoughts don't even get a placeto sit.
And then it's no wonder thatyou feel mentally crowded.
(03:43):
When there's no space left foryou, where does your own
creativity go?
What happens to your owndesires?
Where do they fit?
Where does your peace get toexist?
Your mind and your body is notdesigned to be a storage unit
for everyone else's emotions.
But when you're used to feelingeveryone else's emotions so
(04:03):
deeply, letting go will feelunnatural.
Like you're being careless,like you're used to feeling
everyone else's emotions sodeeply, letting go will feel
unnatural, like you're beingcareless, like you're not
helping, like you don't lovethem.
And in that spirit of helping,that's what keeps you locked in,
because it feels like holdingonto somebody else's emotions is
a form of care, like you,keeping their pain close is a
proof that you're a good friend,a good partner or a good human.
(04:26):
Except it's not.
Holding on to somebody else'semotions will not heal them.
It just makes you hurt as well,and if both of you are drowning
in the same feeling, who'sactually getting to be saved?
One of the most powerful thingsyou can do as an empath is to
not carry other people'semotions.
It's to use them andredirecting that energy into
(04:49):
something that creates ease,relief or joy for you, for them
or for the world.
Empathy is one of the biggestunpaid emotional labor you will
ever do.
There's no paycheck, there's nobenefits, there's no paid time
off, so let's understand thescience behind this as well.
All emotions have a half-lifeof 90 seconds.
(05:11):
That's it In their rawest forms.
Feelings move through your bodylike a passing wave the worst of
the anger, the deepest sadness,frustration.
They arise, they peak and, ifleft alone, fade naturally.
But that's not how most peopleexperience emotions Because,
(05:32):
instead of letting them pass,making space for them or
observing them, the mind goes onto continue to think about the
situation in a way thatreproduces those emotions over
and over again.
As an empath, if an emotion inyou lingers for hours, days,
weeks, it's not because theoriginal feeling is still there.
(05:53):
It's because your brain keepsresuscitating it.
It keeps bringing it back tolife.
How?
By replaying the situation, byanalyzing every detail, by
thinking of it over and overagain, making it seem very
important that you think hardabout it, by imagining other
people's pain over and overagain, until you reproduce it
(06:15):
and it feels like yours.
And most empaths get stuck here.
No matter how long you'reholding on to somebody else's
sadness, hurt or stress, younever actually feel their pain.
You feel the pain that yourmind creates when you think
about their suffering.
Your body reacts to the storiesyour empathic brain is telling.
(06:37):
Since your empathy is a proofof a high-processing, highly
intelligent mind, there'snothing to fix about this.
Of a high processing, highlyintelligent mind.
There's nothing to fix aboutthis.
The only thing that needsadjusting is where you stop
taking responsibility for theiremotions and stop justifying
having to stay in that stateJust because you're so good at
detecting somebody else'semotions does not mean you have
(06:59):
to reproduce them with your mindover and over again.
This, along with another concept, creates the entire difference
when you fall into becoming adoormat, when empathy becomes a
weakness, this is when empathyturns into self-sacrifice and it
starts small.
You sense somebody else'sdisappointment and before they
(07:19):
even say a word, you feel it inyour body a sinking stomach
feeling, a quick rush ofthoughts about what you did
wrong.
Did I say something offensive?
Did my boundary hurt them?
Did I make their life harder?
And just like that, your brainhands you a guilt trip that you
never signed up for.
Just because you sense whatsomebody else is feeling does
(07:43):
not mean that their emotions areyour responsibility.
You are mirroring theirexperience, reflecting them
Mirrors don't own what theyreflect.
But when you don't see thisdistinction, you start taking
responsibility for emotions thataren't yours.
You convince yourself that ifsomeone is upset, especially
(08:04):
with you, it must be your fault.
If only you had said yes, ifonly you had softened your
boundaries a little bit, if onlyyou had made them more
comfortable.
But that's not how emotionswork.
People don't feel bad because ofyou.
They feel bad because of theirthoughts about you.
Their frustration, anger,sadness, disappointment even if
(08:28):
it is directed at you, isn'tbecause of you.
It's not caused by you.
It's because of the storythey're telling themselves about
your actions, about yourbehavior.
And if you don't recognize this, you start bending over
backwards to manage otherpeople's feelings.
You let go of your no so theydon't get upset.
(08:48):
You take an extra work shift sothey don't feel stressed.
You make yourself smaller sothey don't feel uncomfortable,
and this is the recipe thatturns an empath into a doormat.
The world does not need moredoormats.
It needs well-boundaried,empathic women.
Women who care deeply but donot self-destruct in the process
(09:12):
.
Women who show up withcompassion and self-respect.
Being kind is not the same asbeing a doormat, but when
kindness turns into chronicself-sacrifice, that's what it
becomes.
Struggling to say no, puttingyourself last, feeling drained,
underappreciated, avoidingconflict at all costs, and what
(09:36):
that might look like is loaningmoney that never gets repaid and
you're too uncomfortable to askfor it back.
Chairing a committee because noone else stepped up.
Covering for co-workers whenthey don't turn up, when it's
their turn to help, doing favorsover and over again,
over-apologizing All of theseare doormat behaviors.
(09:57):
If any of this makes you feelcalled out or sensitive, that's
okay.
It's actually a good thing.
Recognizing this pattern is thefirst step to changing it,
because you were not meant to bea doormat and you were not
meant to release your empathycompletely.
You are meant to stand tallwith empathy and self-respect.
(10:21):
One of the things that fixesthis hardest of the hardest made
people pleaser is remindingyourself just because you can
feel somebody else's emotiondoes not mean you're responsible
for it.
I'll say it again Just becauseyou feel someone else's emotion
does not mean you areresponsible for it.
(10:41):
The quicker you can stopfalling into this trap, the
quicker you will heal.
When you feel someone else'ssadness, frustration,
disappointment, you also equatethat to you causing these
emotions, and then you start torearrange your life to make sure
that they don't feel badanymore.
(11:03):
And the worst part is thatpeople get used to it.
They aren't even aware of howmuch energy you're pouring into
this.
They're living their lives justblissfully, unaware that you're
mentally exhausted andemotionally drained.
A very gentle reminder that Iwant you to start practicing and
keep practicing until it issecond nature is just because I
(11:26):
feel other people's emotionsdoes not mean I am responsible
for them.
This is a very basic foundationof even start to set boundaries
, because if you don't setboundaries, the world and the
people in it will set them foryou and you will not like the
terms of those boundaries, trustme.
And also let me be clear aboutsomething else the most common
(11:48):
advice that you hear on this isjust be direct.
Communicate your needs.
Say no with confidence.
Yeah, okay, if it was that easy, we wouldn't be having a need
for this podcast.
The real way to stop being adoormat is stop feeling
responsible for other people'semotions.
Let them be uncomfortable, letthem be disappointed and let
(12:12):
them figure it out.
Allow them to own their ownemotions and if you're in a
position and if they will allowyou, you can teach them that
that's their emotion.
But for that to happen, youhave to first stop treating
their emotions as if they belongto you.
The second real way is to getcomfortable with discomfort.
(12:33):
When you set a boundary, expectpushback, expect people to be
shocked that you suddenly havestandards.
That's okay.
Let them be uncomfortable.
The world will adjust.
People who love you will adjustfor you.
The third real way isrecognizing that guilt is a liar
.
Guilt does not mean you didsomething wrong.
(12:55):
Guilt might mean that you didsomething different that you're
not used to, but this is exactlywhat you need to do right now.
The fourth real way to stopbeing a doormat is start small,
but start immediately.
Say no to something today.
No explanation, no overapologizing, just no, and see
(13:17):
how the world doesn't actuallyexplode.
Keep creating your emotionalsafety.
Keep reminding yourself thathis emotion or her emotion is
not yours, even though you feelit so deeply and it feels so
real in your body.
You feel your emotions.
Other people feel theirs.
All of our emotions asindividuals come from our own
(13:41):
thoughts.
Just because you can replicatesomebody else's emotions painful
or joyful in your own body,you're only doing it because of
your own thoughts, because youhave this God-given gift of
putting yourself in their shoesand seeing their experience
through their eyes.
But all the while, no matterhow quickly or efficiently or
(14:05):
naturally you're able to do this, you're not feeling their
emotions.
You're feeling your ownemotions, and that comes from
thinking about what you thinkthey're experiencing.
This is the superpower.
Now, your only job here is toremind yourself just because I
can empathize with someone doesnot mean I cause their
(14:27):
experience.
Come back to this basic teachingas many times as you need.
Your self-sacrifice is not apersonality trait, it's a
learned behavior.
If you don't catch uncheckedempathy, you start to live your
life through other people'semotions which are never in your
(14:48):
control, and that is a verydisempowered way of existence.
You start to filter everydecision, every boundary, every
moment through one toxicquestion how will this make them
feel?
You soften your words, yourearrange your schedule, you
take on more than you can handle, and the irony of all of this
is nobody ever explicitly askedyou to do it, and they always
(15:10):
fall back on that excuse that wedidn't tell you, we didn't ask
you, I didn't say that, andthat's just what you've been
conditioned to believe a goodperson does.
Now people set boundaries foryou if you don't give them
explicit instructions, notbecause they're trying to take
advantage of you, but becausethat's how human nature works.
If you never say no, peoplewill assume you're fine with
(15:32):
saying yes.
If you never push back, they'llassume you have no limits.
And when you finally do startto set boundaries, they'll be
shocked, not because you'redoing anything wrong, but
because they're just so used toyou carrying the emotional
weight for them.
(15:55):
Your only job is to honoryourself as an empath, to honor
it as a superpower that it is.
With that I pray to Allah,subhanahu wa ta'ala.
O Allah, the most compassionate, the all-knowing, you've gifted
me with a heart that feelsdeeply, a mind that senses what
is unspoken, and a soul thatseeks to ease the burden of
others.
I thank you and I'm grateful toyou for the blessing of empathy
(16:16):
, for the ability to connect, tounderstand and to bring comfort
to those around me.
But, ya Allah, protect me fromlosing myself in the emotion of
others.
Strengthen my heart so that Imay care without carrying Guide
my mind so that I may supportwithout sacrificing my own
well-being.
Teach me to set boundaries thathonor both my kindness and my
(16:39):
dignity.
Ya Rahman, help me recognizethat I am responsible for my own
feelings.
Let me be a source of warmthwithout being consumed, a source
of comfort without beingdepleted.
Ya Allah, grant me the wisdomto know when to give and when to
step back, and the courage tosay no without guilt.
(17:00):
O Allah, let my empathy be alight that guides, not a weight
that exhausts.
Let my kindness be a strength,not a weakness.
Fill my heart with peace, mymind with clarity and my life
with relationships that upliftme in your path.
Ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, pleasekeep me in your du'as.
(17:21):
I will talk to you guys nexttime.
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