January 27, 2025 • 32 mins
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Feeling unattractive? You're not alone! Discover 10 uplifting strategies to reclaim your self-worth and feel fabulous again! Tune in to our latest episode and transform your outlook! What's your go-to feel-good strategy?
Your Host: Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement and Relationships
Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master's degree in psychology for over ten years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching how attraction affects relationships. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 500,000 people a month who are making changes and becoming the best they can be.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
On today's episode, we're going to be talking about
what you can do if you feelunattractive.
Listen, this happens to meevery so often, maybe even more
than every so often, but forwhatever reason, either because
I'm just depressed, feel kind ofdown about myself, or maybe
it's because it's during theholidays or right after the
holidays and I just feel a bitmore bloated than normal.
(00:23):
I just go through a phase whereI just feel unattractive, and
if you are in that phase or havebeen in that phase, you're not
alone.
I would venture to say probably100% of people will feel this
way at some point in a month orin a year, and especially in
their life.
So then, what can you do?
Because here's the thing Mostof the time when we get to
(00:45):
feeling bad about ourselves, wetend to turn towards habits that
aren't healthy for us.
Whether that's going back to aperson that you shouldn't go to,
or eating overeating, stresseating, or getting that pint of
ice cream to make you feelbetter, or just doom scrolling,
(01:06):
there are typically unhealthybehaviors or habits that we turn
to when we don't feel goodabout ourselves.
So in today's episode, we'regoing to cover the 10 things
that you can do that are healthy, that are good, that are
positive when you're feelingunattractive.
Let's dive into point numberone.
The first thing that I want todo, actually before we even get
(01:28):
into point number one, is givethe framework for how I've been
thinking about this and howwe're going to talk about it in
today's episode.
As many of you know, if you'vebeen longtime listeners of the
show, the pies is the frameworkthat we use to help us center
ourselves and focus ourselves onthe things that we can do to
help us look and feel our bestfor where we are in life, and
(01:52):
that PIES framework stands forphysical, intellectual,
emotional and spiritual.
These are the four areas ofattraction.
They are the four ways that wecan focus on becoming our best
selves, and so it gives us aframework to build upon, to work
from, and so, in many of theepisodes on, it Starts With
(02:12):
Attraction.
We talk about physical parts ofattraction, we talk about sleep,
we talk about food, we talkabout exercise, the things that
you can begin to do physicallyto feel the best that you can
for your age and situation inlife.
Intellectually, this is allabout continuing to grow your
mind, continuing to invest indoing things that you enjoy,
(02:35):
doing that make you afascinating person.
The E is emotional attraction.
If I didn't say it that I isintellectual attraction, the E
is emotional attraction, andthat one's all about evoking
emotions that we enjoy feelingwithin ourselves and evoking
emotions within others that theyenjoy feeling.
Both of these are really keyaspects of emotional attraction.
(02:58):
And then we have spiritualattraction, which is living in
line and growing in your beliefsand values.
And so here it's taking thefocus outside of ourselves and
focusing on something muchbigger, which we're going to
talk about today.
So that's the framework we'reusing to go through how we can
begin to feel attractive whenwe've been feeling unattractive.
(03:22):
So the first point that we'regoing to talk about today is
change up how you look.
I don't know about you, but forme, typically when I'm feeling
unattractive, it's mostlybecause physically I'm feeling
unattractive first, and it'smostly because I have neglected
to focus on some area of myphysical attraction, whether
(03:46):
that be I've been just stresseating or holiday eating, and I
haven't really been focusing oneating as healthy as I can.
So then I start to feel alittle more plump than normal
and that just can get me down.
Or it's because maybe I haven'ttaken taking care of myself,
like gotten a haircut recently,or some of those things that can
(04:09):
just spruce up and freshen uphow I feel about myself.
So for women, some of thosethings can be getting a haircut,
getting your eyebrows done ifyou get your lashes done, and
then going to get your lashesdone just to kind of that
general grooming.
Or maybe it's going and gettinga new outfit, something that is
going to accentuate yourcurrent body and your current
(04:31):
body style that you have andmake you feel good.
Here's another thing thatdoesn't make us feel good is
when we have those clothes fromthree, five, 10 years ago that
are hanging in our closet.
And we're like from three, five, 10 years ago that are hanging
in our closet and we're like, oh, I'm going to wear that again
(04:52):
as soon as I lose this weight.
But we're just staring at itand we are feeling frumpy about
ourselves in this venture tolose this weight so that we can
wear these clothes that we feellike we look good in again.
Just don't do that.
Buy some clothes that look goodand make you look good for
where you are right now.
Instead of trying to punishyourself back into those old
jeans, buy a pair of jeans andfeel freaking good about
(05:16):
yourself.
It's going to give you theencouragement and the motivation
you need to actually stay ontrack.
I understand it doesn't seemlike that's what it's going to
be.
It feels like if we punishourselves and try and force
ourselves to lose weight to getback into those clothes we love
that that's going to be themotivation, but it's the wrong
kind of motivation.
The right kind of motivation iswhen we do something because we
(05:40):
genuinely want to do it, notbecause we feel like we have to.
So go buy yourself clothes thatlook good for where you are
right now and then get to thereal positive motivation of
doing what you actually want todo to lose weight and to get
healthy and to feel good aboutyourself.
But don't punish yourself onthe way there.
For guys, some of the thingsthat y'all can do is kind of the
(06:01):
same like get a haircut, trimup your beard.
Maybe you even want to try acompletely new style.
Then go get some new clothes.
It's very similar.
Maybe you're not going to goget your lashes done or your
eyebrows or anything like that,but there are things for both
genders that we can do to justfeel better in our skin right
(06:21):
now.
That can really change the waythat we feel about ourselves,
especially in the short term,which may just be the boost you
need to keep you motivated.
Point number two is try out anew hobby.
Sometimes we can get soenveloped in our own mental
state and the overwhelm andstress of life that we forget to
do the things that make lifefun.
(06:43):
Think about some hobbies thatyou've been wanting to try.
Maybe it's you want to go paint, or you want to learn a new
language, or you want to learnto play a musical instrument,
whatever it might be.
Carve out the time on yourschedule, maybe once a week or
even once a month, and make it apriority to go do that thing.
It'll get you out of yournormal routine.
(07:04):
It'll get you doing somethingdifferent, which is a great way
to boost creativity.
It's a great way to change yourdemeanor and your outlook on
life and can definitely resetyour focus into more positive
things.
So what's a new hobby you wannatry?
Go and make that a priority.
The third thing is to go and dosomething fun.
(07:27):
Plan a night out with friends.
Go get your girlfriends, yourguy friends, maybe even just
going to lunch with someone orgetting coffee, even going for a
walk or a hike.
Go and do something withsomeone who is going to lift up
your spirits.
Laughing is a great way tostart feeling good about
yourself again.
(07:48):
And here's another great thingwhen we laugh, we're seen as
more attractive, especiallywomen, and I know there's a
double standard there, but it'sso true.
Like having joy is actuallyattractive.
Because who wants to be bestfriends with Eeyore?
I love Eeyore, he's one of myfavorites from Winnie the Pooh
(08:09):
because I feel for him.
But at the end of the day, whenwe're constantly around someone
who's just doom and gloom,really, really in a sad state of
mind, then it's hard.
It's hard for us to be excitedand happy and have a good
outlook on life.
And so if you're strugglingwith being negative, nancy, then
(08:29):
maybe it's time for you tochange your outlook by going and
doing something fun laughingand being a person of joy once
again.
The fourth thing that you can dois go and volunteer, find a
place to go and serve others.
As I said earlier, when we arestuck in our own mental messes,
(08:52):
when we are frustrated with thesituations happening in our
lives, that tends to lead tothese unhealthy behaviors
overeating, not exercising, notgetting enough sleep, and
everything can fall out of whackwhen we go and we volunteer and
we serve people who need someextra tender love and care.
(09:12):
That is a great way to resetour mindset and reset our
priorities.
Last year, I went to Kenya andit was such an amazing trip.
Not because really of what Iwent to go do it wasn't, like
you know, I went and changed abunch of stuff, but I did have
(09:32):
an amazing opportunity to takethe things that we teach at
Marriage Helper and take some ofour team members at Marriage
Helper and go and teach pastorsin Kenya the Marriage Helper
methodology so that they canbegin using it in their churches
.
And they had never been trainedon marriage ever.
I mean, these are pastors thathave congregations and they had
(09:53):
never been taught how to have ahealthy marriage themselves,
much less how to teach onmarriage, and so it was a great
opportunity to take somethingthat we had and to go and teach
other people, not because wewere better than them, but
because we genuinely cared andwanted to partner and help them
do something that we knew how todo, and that's really what
volunteering is it's takingsomething that you care about or
(10:17):
something that you know to doand helping other people to do
it as well.
Or maybe another way to view itis it's going and taking of
your time or your talents andgoing and serving to help others
.
And it may be that you justvolunteer at a soup kitchen or
at a crisis pregnancy center,but that makes such a difference
(10:38):
for the people who come toutilize that service.
The other thing it does is ittakes you out of your worldview.
I can tell you that when I waswalking through the slums of
Kibera in Nairobi, kenya, whichis the largest slum in all of
Africa, and as we were takingfood to widows, I felt so
(10:59):
completely Like what can I evendo to really truly help these
people?
Because it was hard to lookpoverty in the eye.
It was so overwhelming.
And when we got back to theplace that we were staying, I
remember just going into thebathroom and just crying,
(11:20):
thinking poverty seems sounsolvable, like where do you
even begin to help these peoplehave a different future and a
different life?
And while it can sometimes feellike you're throwing the
starfish back into the ocean,where there's hundreds of
thousands on the sand and we canjust do one at a time, and we
(11:42):
can look at it on the grandscale and say, gosh, what
difference is this even making?
But on the micro level scale,for every one starfish that's
thrown back, it matters to them,and that's true of every way
that we serve, and you know whatPeople have served me in ways
that have absolutely changed mylife.
And so find a place that youcan give back, that you can
(12:05):
mentor, that you can serve, thatyou can volunteer, and you'll
begin to feel different aboutyourself, and maybe the
situations going on in your lifethat are leading to some of
your unhappiness and feelingunattractive will look
completely different in light ofyour new worldview.
The fifth thing is praying forothers.
(12:30):
As I said earlier, thespiritual part of attraction is
a really important part of howwe grow.
When you think about the pies,it's kind of like layers of an
onion.
That's not necessarily thegreatest example, because onions
don't seem super attractive.
They make people cry, but youknow that the deeper you get
(12:51):
there's these.
There's a outer layer, and thedeeper you get you get to the
core of it.
Maybe you can think of it as acake that has like a bunch of
pudding and sprinkles in thevery middle.
So it's like an exciting thingto try and get to the center of.
But the key here is that thedeeper you get into your pies,
the physical is that first outerlayer.
(13:13):
It's kind of the most shallow.
That doesn't mean that itdoesn't matter, because it does.
But bear with me, when it comesto being attractive to other
people, physical is actually theleast important part of
attraction long-term.
It doesn't mean that it's notimportant.
It just means of all the otherones that end up being important
in long-term relationships, thephysical one is the least
(13:35):
important, but we tend to go abit deeper.
Intellectually, you're gettingto know how someone thinks, what
they like, what they don't like.
Emotionally, you're getting toknow about who they are, about
how they treat others, about thethings that have affected them,
about past childhoodexperiences, about future hopes
and dreams.
But then when we get to thespiritual part, you're getting
(13:56):
to the core of a person.
This is where their deepest andinmost secrets live.
Their sins, their desires,their passion, the things that
make them angriest and thethings that they care most about
are on the deepest level.
And that's where this spiritualpart comes from, because so
much of the spiritual part ofattraction is about wanting to
(14:19):
make a difference.
It's about, I mean, for me as aChristian, the things that I
want to do and the desires thatI have are completely formed by
my faith in Jesus, and sowanting to align with His
desires for my life and seekingHim is a huge part of what
guides my goals, my intentions,the things that I care about,
(14:43):
the things that I want to do inmy life.
But the thing is, I can get soinvolved in thinking what does
God want from me and for me thatI can forget that God is the
God of everyone in the entireworld.
He doesn't just care about me,but he does care about me.
(15:04):
But he cares about you and hecares about entire nations, the
entire world.
And so one of the things thatmy pastor said this past Sunday
was if you feel like your prayerlife is getting boring, maybe
it's because you find yourselfpraying mostly for you.
That hit hard.
(15:27):
And I thought, man, yeah, likethe majority of my prayers are
God, show me this, do this forme.
And it's not that those thingsare bad, but how much more
important is it to see thepeople in my community, see my
friends, see my family andremember to consistently be
praying and seeking and askingGod for the things that they are
(15:52):
wanting change for in theirlife.
And so this week I've beenincredibly intentional about the
friend I have that's strugglingwith fertility.
The things that are pulling onmy heartstrings this week have
been so much more communal innature, and it's been so
refreshing to pray for others,especially when I feel like I've
(16:14):
only been praying for myself.
And you know what I feeldifferent?
I feel different about my life,I feel different about myself.
I feel better.
So, while it may sound strange,my fifth point is to pray for
yourself and for others and seehow that changes your outlook.
(16:37):
The sixth point is stop thenegative self-talk and start the
positive self-talk.
As many of you know, I'mcompleting my PhD in psychology,
and one of the things that Istudied early on in my PhD
process was about how importantvisualization and self-talk is
(16:58):
in performance psychologyspecifically.
So for people who are superhigh performers and get a lot of
stuff done think CEOs, highlevel athletes, navy SEALs, all
of those kind of people that areconsidered elite, that elite
group of people Well, what arethe things that they do that
allow them to accomplish so much.
They have a mental vision andan image of what they want to
(17:23):
accomplish, and an image of whatthey want to accomplish.
They can see it incrediblyclearly and the way that they
speak to themselves about itallows a growth mindset to
happen.
So saying things like I'm justnot smart enough, I just can't
do that, there's no way I couldfollow that exercise plan.
(17:44):
Or I'm just so stupid.
Or, gosh, I'm just so ugly, Iwish that I was thinner, I wish
my arms were bigger, I wish mylegs were smaller.
Whatever it is you might besaying to yourself, the positive
or the negative self-talk isabsolutely thwarting your
efforts to feel attractive again.
Instead, focus on saying thingsthat are true and also that are
(18:09):
positive, things like I amcapable.
Things may be hard, but I canfigure it out, I am strong, I am
getting to where I want to be.
Look for the good things in youand say those things and when
you're feeling maybe kind offrumpy, say I am worthy, I have
(18:35):
value, I have purpose.
Instead of putting so much ofthat on your looks, really think
of who you are as a person.
Your looks are not who you areas a person.
When you focus on that positiveself-talk.
It can get you further, faster,to feeling attractive again.
(19:16):
I can't tell you how many timesI have felt really unattractive.
Maybe it was, you know, in themiddle of the holiday season I
feel this a lot.
I'm like, oh it's so hard for,but that shouldn't affect my
self-worth.
And so what I say to myself isI'm going to use this energy and
go and kill some workouts.
I'm going to use it as fuel togo and lift some heavy things or
(19:36):
run really fast, and thatalways makes me feel better.
And maybe for you you're notwhere you want to go and try and
back squat 200 pounds or run aseven and a half minute mile and
you don't have to.
But when you're feeling kind ofdown, especially about yourself,
even just going outside andgoing for a walk can help you to
(19:57):
feel better.
It gets your blood circulating.
It's good exercise.
Exercise, especially the moreintense it is, does things in
your muscles.
That releases these differentchemicals that have these feel
good qualities that you beginfeeling.
So go walk, go work out.
And the next point that goesright into that is get some
sunshine.
(20:17):
Especially in the months ofwinter it can be really hard
because we can tend to strugglewith seasonal depressive
disorder.
We can tend to have seasonalaffective disorder because we
aren't outside as much.
Right now, as of the time offilming this, it's been like
(20:37):
seven degrees in Nashville for aweek.
It's been insane.
It's been so cold and sotypically y'all know me I'm the
one who's always like I'moutside doing my walk at 7 am.
I have not gone outside to gofor a walk in several weeks.
So what have I been doing?
Because I know it's stillimportant to get that sunshine,
(20:58):
to get that fresh air, to keephaving these healthy habits
because it helps me to feel goodabout myself.
So I have a vitamin D light.
I got it on Amazon it was like12 bucks and I have it in my
kitchen so that every morningwhen I wake up and it's kind of
just like propped up against thewall, where there's a window,
there's like a coffee bar or youknow, um, just like where I
(21:19):
pull up some bar stools and acounter.
There's a countertop where wepull up some bar stools and so
that's where I do my morningBible study, it's where I drink
my coffee and I just turn thatlight on and it's not even light
outside yet, but this has.
I think it's like 10 or 12,000lumens, so it's a super strong
light that is similar to nothingcan ever be the equivalent, but
(21:43):
it's as similar inside as youcan get to the strength of the
sun.
And so I sit in front of thatfor a good 30 minutes as I'm
reading my Bible, as I'mjournaling, as I'm drinking my
coffee, and so at least I'mdoing that.
And then I have a treadmill inmy garage and I only use it in
months like this where it's justso freaking cold, and I just
(22:03):
open up the garage door and I'lldo my walk, I'll do my zone two
, maybe I'll do a run, but I'lldo it on the treadmill.
I open the garage door so thesunlight can come in, and my
treadmill is kind of pushed upas far as it can be to be as
close to the garage door aspossible, and it's a little bit
warmer because I'm not gettingthe wind.
(22:24):
You know, half of it's inside,but also I'm bit warmer because
I'm not getting the wind, halfof it's inside, but also I'm
working up a sweat, so I mayhave on a sweatshirt, but it's
enough.
And so that's what I do andthat's how I continue to get
sunshine, continue to getexercise, even when it's cold
outside.
And it makes such a differencebecause, y'all, I can't tell you
(22:44):
how bad I feel about myself ifI don't have my habits, if I'm
not waking up, doing my Biblestudy, doing my journaling,
doing my workouts and eatingright.
It absolutely affects how Ifeel about myself and I can feel
really unattractive prettyquick.
So, find a way, find a way.
There's going to be a ton ofexcuses that you'll think of of.
(23:07):
Well, here's why I can't do allof this in the winter.
Where there's a will, there's away.
That's the one thing that mymother, my mother, taught me a
lot of things, but that is onekey thing that my mother always
taught me.
And also, if you don't haveanything nice to say, don't say
anything at all unless you'regoing to say bless your heart.
To say don't say anything atall unless you're going to say
(23:27):
bless your heart.
Those are key wisdom insightsfrom Alice B.
And then, eating right.
That's another key point.
Here, again, you have theability to make smart choices
and it doesn't mean that youhave to throw everything out and
only eat the whole 30 startingtoday.
Just make wiser choices everysingle meal.
Yesterday I made a choicebecause I've really been
(23:50):
struggling with eating sweetslately.
I am just craving sweets everysingle day, which is probably
part of why I have felt frumpyrecently.
But yesterday I thought youknow what?
And there's a Texas sheet cakehere in the office, in the
kitchen, and I had it the daybefore and it was delicious.
But yesterday I thought youknow what.
(24:11):
Today I'm just going to choose.
I'm going to make a anintentional decision that
instead of eating that, I'mgoing to eat this protein bar.
That decision is a win.
Does it mean that I ateperfectly all day long?
Actually, yesterday I ended upeating pretty good.
I'm tracking my macros right nowand tracking calories, not
(24:31):
necessarily to stay within acertain amount, just trying to
see like, where am I right now,as I'm naturally, intentionally
or intuitively eating, and thatwas a good choice I made
yesterday.
But you know what, there was aday before where I had like
three servings of that Texassheet cake, and so the key is to
not fall off the wagon, to nothave that all or nothing mindset
(24:53):
where it's.
Either I'm completely followingthis diet or I'm just going to
eat everything bad in my pantryso I can clear it out and start
the diet tomorrow.
Don't do that.
Just make the next best choicewhen it comes to working out,
when it comes to eating right,when it comes to doing what's
best for your health and foryour body.
So those three things togetherare point number eight sunshine,
(25:15):
exercise and eating right,which is called a bonus.
There's a lot in that one point.
The ninth key or tip that I havefor what to do when you feel
unattractive is to journal.
Many of you know that I've beenin the habit of journaling, for
I mean, I've been doing it onand off for probably a decade,
(25:36):
but I've been really intentionalabout that habit the past nine
months and man, it is so good.
Some mornings I just I wake upand I don't really have anything
that I'm prompted to journalabout.
I have other things on my mindand so I kind of write about
some different things, maybethings I want to get done at
work that day.
But some mornings I wake up andI just have a lot that I want
(25:58):
to get off my chest and I justneed help kind of organizing my
thoughts and my feelings aboutthings and my journaling habit.
I do that at least three timesa week.
It's been so fruitful for me.
And you may be thinking but,kimberly, how does that help you
feel more attractive?
I feel better mentally when I'mable to put the things that I'm
(26:23):
worried about.
That I'm happy about that.
I'm scared about the areas thatI don't feel good enough, and
when I'm able to express thatand then get to the point, after
putting all of that on paper,of coming back around.
Putting that on paper allows meto get to the point where I can
come back around and then seethe good and see the positive,
(26:48):
come back around and then seethe good and see the positive,
and so I'm able to feel goodabout myself again and see a
path forward, because I've beenable to sift through the muck
and the mire, and so I highlyencourage you, if you have not
engaged in a journaling habit,to do so.
And then point number 10 is tofind something that gets you out
of your own head and gives youpurpose At the end of the day,
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feeling attractive or feelingunattractive.
If we're just thinking aboutphysically what that means, then
I believe we're missing themark, because our purpose isn't
to just walk around lookingpretty.
We're missing the mark becauseour purpose isn't to just walk
around looking pretty.
As one of my friends says, ourbodies were not made to be on
the covers of magazines and Idon't believe the purpose of our
(27:33):
lives is to do that either.
Yes, we want to honor ourbodies and we want to live
healthy lives.
I know I do and that's animportant part of what drives me
and I love that.
But more than anything, if I doall of these things in order to
be the healthiest that I canbut I'm still just completely
(27:54):
selfish and focused on my ownhappiness and what I can do to
further the kingdom of Kimberly,then I've totally missed the
mark, because that's not thepurpose.
I believe the purpose of life isto love other people, to serve
them, to bring people intorelationship with Jesus, to tell
(28:17):
other people about Jesus and toshow the love of God and the
actions and the way that weserve each other.
I believe kind of ultimately atmy core that that's the only
purpose.
In fact, several years ago Iwas thinking through, I think I
was prompted, I think I was atlike some kind of conference or
(28:39):
listening to a podcast orsomething where someone much
smarter than me said to create amission statement for your life
, and I've never told anyonethis, but for me, from that day,
I thought this isn't sexy, likeit's not this, like super, you
know catchy, catchphrase,tagline type thing.
(29:01):
But I really feel like thepurpose of my life is to point
people to Jesus.
I feel like that's my purposeand I don't think that I've
always lived in line with that.
I think there's definitely beentimes where I've missed the mark
and that I've forgotten myfirst love and have gotten way
(29:23):
more caught up in beingsuccessful than doing what
ultimately I feel like I'm herefor, but you know what I am
trying to fix that.
And so, for me, when I get myeyes off of the real prize and
when I'm focused on all of theseother things in life that
(29:45):
ultimately don't matter, theidols that we make with our own
hands, that we think are goingto satisfy us and save us that's
when I care more about lookinga certain way and it's fleeting,
it doesn't matter, it's.
All of that is going to fail.
The only thing that's evergoing to truly last is the
(30:08):
relationship that we have withGod and the relationship that we
have with each other, and so,for me, that's what gives me
purpose.
It gets me out of my own head.
It makes me realize like I'mimportant, like I'm loved, I'm
worthy.
I'm important, like I'm loved,I'm worthy, but I'm not all that
(30:29):
important that I need to weigha certain amount to a T or I
need to look a certain amount inorder to be happy.
True joy and true happinessisn't found in those things.
There's benefit in those things.
There's ways that we showourselves respect and maintain a
good life and just good healthand taking care of our bodies.
All of that is important, butit's not the end goal.
(30:51):
So what is it for you?
What is your end goal?
Why do you wanna be your bestself?
To what end and for whatpurpose?
I would encourage you to thinkthrough that.
Maybe journal through it.
I think it'll give you clarity.
So, as a recap, 10 things thatyou can do when you're feeling
(31:13):
unattractive Change up how youlook.
Do something to feel betterabout yourself.
Go get a haircut, get some newclothes.
Do something that just changesthings up so that you feel fresh
and good.
Second, try out a new hobbythat you've been wanting to try.
Third, go out with some friendsand do something that will make
you laugh.
Number four volunteer Serve.
(31:34):
Find a way to give back.
Number five pray, especiallyfor others.
Number six positive self-talk.
You have to stop all of thatnegativity.
Number seven self-talk.
You have to stop all of thatnegativity.
Number seven go for a walk, doa workout.
Number eight sunshine exercise,eating right.
Any of those three, start withthe one that you can.
Number nine journal.
(31:56):
And number 10, find somethingthat gets you out of your own
head and gives you purpose.
Don't do all of them, maybepick one to start with, and I
hope that by doing this it givesyou fuel, it gives you
motivation, it gives you thecourage and the encouragement
that you need to keep doing whatyou can to become your best
(32:18):
self.
Until next week, stay strong.
On today's episode, we're going to be talking about
what you can do if you feelunattractive.
Listen, this happens to meevery so often, maybe even more
than every so often, but forwhatever reason, either because
I'm just depressed, feel kind ofdown about myself, or maybe
it's because it's during theholidays or right after the
holidays and I just feel a bitmore bloated than normal.
(00:23):
I just go through a phase whereI just feel unattractive, and
if you are in that phase or havebeen in that phase, you're not
alone.
I would venture to say probably100% of people will feel this
way at some point in a month orin a year, and especially in
their life.
So then, what can you do?
Because here's the thing Mostof the time when we get to
(00:45):
feeling bad about ourselves, wetend to turn towards habits that
aren't healthy for us.
Whether that's going back to aperson that you shouldn't go to,
or eating overeating, stresseating, or getting that pint of
ice cream to make you feelbetter, or just doom scrolling,
(01:06):
there are typically unhealthybehaviors or habits that we turn
to when we don't feel goodabout ourselves.
So in today's episode, we'regoing to cover the 10 things
that you can do that are healthy, that are good, that are
positive when you're feelingunattractive.
Let's dive into point numberone.
The first thing that I want todo, actually before we even get
(01:28):
into point number one, is givethe framework for how I've been
thinking about this and howwe're going to talk about it in
today's episode.
As many of you know, if you'vebeen longtime listeners of the
show, the pies is the frameworkthat we use to help us center
ourselves and focus ourselves onthe things that we can do to
help us look and feel our bestfor where we are in life, and
(01:52):
that PIES framework stands forphysical, intellectual,
emotional and spiritual.
These are the four areas ofattraction.
They are the four ways that wecan focus on becoming our best
selves, and so it gives us aframework to build upon, to work
from, and so, in many of theepisodes on, it Starts With
(02:12):
Attraction.
We talk about physical parts ofattraction, we talk about sleep,
we talk about food, we talkabout exercise, the things that
you can begin to do physicallyto feel the best that you can
for your age and situation inlife.
Intellectually, this is allabout continuing to grow your
mind, continuing to invest indoing things that you enjoy,
(02:35):
doing that make you afascinating person.
The E is emotional attraction.
If I didn't say it that I isintellectual attraction, the E
is emotional attraction, andthat one's all about evoking
emotions that we enjoy feelingwithin ourselves and evoking
emotions within others that theyenjoy feeling.
Both of these are really keyaspects of emotional attraction.
(02:58):
And then we have spiritualattraction, which is living in
line and growing in your beliefsand values.
And so here it's taking thefocus outside of ourselves and
focusing on something muchbigger, which we're going to
talk about today.
So that's the framework we'reusing to go through how we can
begin to feel attractive whenwe've been feeling unattractive.
(03:22):
So the first point that we'regoing to talk about today is
change up how you look.
I don't know about you, but forme, typically when I'm feeling
unattractive, it's mostlybecause physically I'm feeling
unattractive first, and it'smostly because I have neglected
to focus on some area of myphysical attraction, whether
(03:46):
that be I've been just stresseating or holiday eating, and I
haven't really been focusing oneating as healthy as I can.
So then I start to feel alittle more plump than normal
and that just can get me down.
Or it's because maybe I haven'ttaken taking care of myself,
like gotten a haircut recently,or some of those things that can
(04:09):
just spruce up and freshen uphow I feel about myself.
So for women, some of thosethings can be getting a haircut,
getting your eyebrows done ifyou get your lashes done, and
then going to get your lashesdone just to kind of that
general grooming.
Or maybe it's going and gettinga new outfit, something that is
going to accentuate yourcurrent body and your current
(04:31):
body style that you have andmake you feel good.
Here's another thing thatdoesn't make us feel good is
when we have those clothes fromthree, five, 10 years ago that
are hanging in our closet.
And we're like from three, five, 10 years ago that are hanging
in our closet and we're like, oh, I'm going to wear that again
(04:52):
as soon as I lose this weight.
But we're just staring at itand we are feeling frumpy about
ourselves in this venture tolose this weight so that we can
wear these clothes that we feellike we look good in again.
Just don't do that.
Buy some clothes that look goodand make you look good for
where you are right now.
Instead of trying to punishyourself back into those old
jeans, buy a pair of jeans andfeel freaking good about
(05:16):
yourself.
It's going to give you theencouragement and the motivation
you need to actually stay ontrack.
I understand it doesn't seemlike that's what it's going to
be.
It feels like if we punishourselves and try and force
ourselves to lose weight to getback into those clothes we love
that that's going to be themotivation, but it's the wrong
kind of motivation.
The right kind of motivation iswhen we do something because we
(05:40):
genuinely want to do it, notbecause we feel like we have to.
So go buy yourself clothes thatlook good for where you are
right now and then get to thereal positive motivation of
doing what you actually want todo to lose weight and to get
healthy and to feel good aboutyourself.
But don't punish yourself onthe way there.
For guys, some of the thingsthat y'all can do is kind of the
(06:01):
same like get a haircut, trimup your beard.
Maybe you even want to try acompletely new style.
Then go get some new clothes.
It's very similar.
Maybe you're not going to goget your lashes done or your
eyebrows or anything like that,but there are things for both
genders that we can do to justfeel better in our skin right
(06:21):
now.
That can really change the waythat we feel about ourselves,
especially in the short term,which may just be the boost you
need to keep you motivated.
Point number two is try out anew hobby.
Sometimes we can get soenveloped in our own mental
state and the overwhelm andstress of life that we forget to
do the things that make lifefun.
(06:43):
Think about some hobbies thatyou've been wanting to try.
Maybe it's you want to go paint, or you want to learn a new
language, or you want to learnto play a musical instrument,
whatever it might be.
Carve out the time on yourschedule, maybe once a week or
even once a month, and make it apriority to go do that thing.
It'll get you out of yournormal routine.
(07:04):
It'll get you doing somethingdifferent, which is a great way
to boost creativity.
It's a great way to change yourdemeanor and your outlook on
life and can definitely resetyour focus into more positive
things.
So what's a new hobby you wannatry?
Go and make that a priority.
The third thing is to go and dosomething fun.
(07:27):
Plan a night out with friends.
Go get your girlfriends, yourguy friends, maybe even just
going to lunch with someone orgetting coffee, even going for a
walk or a hike.
Go and do something withsomeone who is going to lift up
your spirits.
Laughing is a great way tostart feeling good about
yourself again.
(07:48):
And here's another great thingwhen we laugh, we're seen as
more attractive, especiallywomen, and I know there's a
double standard there, but it'sso true.
Like having joy is actuallyattractive.
Because who wants to be bestfriends with Eeyore?
I love Eeyore, he's one of myfavorites from Winnie the Pooh
(08:09):
because I feel for him.
But at the end of the day, whenwe're constantly around someone
who's just doom and gloom,really, really in a sad state of
mind, then it's hard.
It's hard for us to be excitedand happy and have a good
outlook on life.
And so if you're strugglingwith being negative, nancy, then
(08:29):
maybe it's time for you tochange your outlook by going and
doing something fun laughingand being a person of joy once
again.
The fourth thing that you can dois go and volunteer, find a
place to go and serve others.
As I said earlier, when we arestuck in our own mental messes,
(08:52):
when we are frustrated with thesituations happening in our
lives, that tends to lead tothese unhealthy behaviors
overeating, not exercising, notgetting enough sleep, and
everything can fall out of whackwhen we go and we volunteer and
we serve people who need someextra tender love and care.
(09:12):
That is a great way to resetour mindset and reset our
priorities.
Last year, I went to Kenya andit was such an amazing trip.
Not because really of what Iwent to go do it wasn't, like
you know, I went and changed abunch of stuff, but I did have
(09:32):
an amazing opportunity to takethe things that we teach at
Marriage Helper and take some ofour team members at Marriage
Helper and go and teach pastorsin Kenya the Marriage Helper
methodology so that they canbegin using it in their churches
.
And they had never been trainedon marriage ever.
I mean, these are pastors thathave congregations and they had
(09:53):
never been taught how to have ahealthy marriage themselves,
much less how to teach onmarriage, and so it was a great
opportunity to take somethingthat we had and to go and teach
other people, not because wewere better than them, but
because we genuinely cared andwanted to partner and help them
do something that we knew how todo, and that's really what
volunteering is it's takingsomething that you care about or
(10:17):
something that you know to doand helping other people to do
it as well.
Or maybe another way to view itis it's going and taking of
your time or your talents andgoing and serving to help others
.
And it may be that you justvolunteer at a soup kitchen or
at a crisis pregnancy center,but that makes such a difference
(10:38):
for the people who come toutilize that service.
The other thing it does is ittakes you out of your worldview.
I can tell you that when I waswalking through the slums of
Kibera in Nairobi, kenya, whichis the largest slum in all of
Africa, and as we were takingfood to widows, I felt so
(10:59):
completely Like what can I evendo to really truly help these
people?
Because it was hard to lookpoverty in the eye.
It was so overwhelming.
And when we got back to theplace that we were staying, I
remember just going into thebathroom and just crying,
(11:20):
thinking poverty seems sounsolvable, like where do you
even begin to help these peoplehave a different future and a
different life?
And while it can sometimes feellike you're throwing the
starfish back into the ocean,where there's hundreds of
thousands on the sand and we canjust do one at a time, and we
(11:42):
can look at it on the grandscale and say, gosh, what
difference is this even making?
But on the micro level scale,for every one starfish that's
thrown back, it matters to them,and that's true of every way
that we serve, and you know whatPeople have served me in ways
that have absolutely changed mylife.
And so find a place that youcan give back, that you can
(12:05):
mentor, that you can serve, thatyou can volunteer, and you'll
begin to feel different aboutyourself, and maybe the
situations going on in your lifethat are leading to some of
your unhappiness and feelingunattractive will look
completely different in light ofyour new worldview.
The fifth thing is praying forothers.
(12:30):
As I said earlier, thespiritual part of attraction is
a really important part of howwe grow.
When you think about the pies,it's kind of like layers of an
onion.
That's not necessarily thegreatest example, because onions
don't seem super attractive.
They make people cry, but youknow that the deeper you get
(12:51):
there's these.
There's a outer layer, and thedeeper you get you get to the
core of it.
Maybe you can think of it as acake that has like a bunch of
pudding and sprinkles in thevery middle.
So it's like an exciting thingto try and get to the center of.
But the key here is that thedeeper you get into your pies,
the physical is that first outerlayer.
(13:13):
It's kind of the most shallow.
That doesn't mean that itdoesn't matter, because it does.
But bear with me, when it comesto being attractive to other
people, physical is actually theleast important part of
attraction long-term.
It doesn't mean that it's notimportant.
It just means of all the otherones that end up being important
in long-term relationships, thephysical one is the least
(13:35):
important, but we tend to go abit deeper.
Intellectually, you're gettingto know how someone thinks, what
they like, what they don't like.
Emotionally, you're getting toknow about who they are, about
how they treat others, about thethings that have affected them,
about past childhoodexperiences, about future hopes
and dreams.
But then when we get to thespiritual part, you're getting
(13:56):
to the core of a person.
This is where their deepest andinmost secrets live.
Their sins, their desires,their passion, the things that
make them angriest and thethings that they care most about
are on the deepest level.
And that's where this spiritualpart comes from, because so
much of the spiritual part ofattraction is about wanting to
(14:19):
make a difference.
It's about, I mean, for me as aChristian, the things that I
want to do and the desires thatI have are completely formed by
my faith in Jesus, and sowanting to align with His
desires for my life and seekingHim is a huge part of what
guides my goals, my intentions,the things that I care about,
(14:43):
the things that I want to do inmy life.
But the thing is, I can get soinvolved in thinking what does
God want from me and for me thatI can forget that God is the
God of everyone in the entireworld.
He doesn't just care about me,but he does care about me.
(15:04):
But he cares about you and hecares about entire nations, the
entire world.
And so one of the things thatmy pastor said this past Sunday
was if you feel like your prayerlife is getting boring, maybe
it's because you find yourselfpraying mostly for you.
That hit hard.
(15:27):
And I thought, man, yeah, likethe majority of my prayers are
God, show me this, do this forme.
And it's not that those thingsare bad, but how much more
important is it to see thepeople in my community, see my
friends, see my family andremember to consistently be
praying and seeking and askingGod for the things that they are
(15:52):
wanting change for in theirlife.
And so this week I've beenincredibly intentional about the
friend I have that's strugglingwith fertility.
The things that are pulling onmy heartstrings this week have
been so much more communal innature, and it's been so
refreshing to pray for others,especially when I feel like I've
(16:14):
only been praying for myself.
And you know what I feeldifferent?
I feel different about my life,I feel different about myself.
I feel better.
So, while it may sound strange,my fifth point is to pray for
yourself and for others and seehow that changes your outlook.
(16:37):
The sixth point is stop thenegative self-talk and start the
positive self-talk.
As many of you know, I'mcompleting my PhD in psychology,
and one of the things that Istudied early on in my PhD
process was about how importantvisualization and self-talk is
(16:58):
in performance psychologyspecifically.
So for people who are superhigh performers and get a lot of
stuff done think CEOs, highlevel athletes, navy SEALs, all
of those kind of people that areconsidered elite, that elite
group of people Well, what arethe things that they do that
allow them to accomplish so much.
They have a mental vision andan image of what they want to
(17:23):
accomplish, and an image of whatthey want to accomplish.
They can see it incrediblyclearly and the way that they
speak to themselves about itallows a growth mindset to
happen.
So saying things like I'm justnot smart enough, I just can't
do that, there's no way I couldfollow that exercise plan.
(17:44):
Or I'm just so stupid.
Or, gosh, I'm just so ugly, Iwish that I was thinner, I wish
my arms were bigger, I wish mylegs were smaller.
Whatever it is you might besaying to yourself, the positive
or the negative self-talk isabsolutely thwarting your
efforts to feel attractive again.
Instead, focus on saying thingsthat are true and also that are
(18:09):
positive, things like I amcapable.
Things may be hard, but I canfigure it out, I am strong, I am
getting to where I want to be.
Look for the good things in youand say those things and when
you're feeling maybe kind offrumpy, say I am worthy, I have
(18:35):
value, I have purpose.
Instead of putting so much ofthat on your looks, really think
of who you are as a person.
Your looks are not who you areas a person.
When you focus on that positiveself-talk.
It can get you further, faster,to feeling attractive again.
(19:16):
I can't tell you how many timesI have felt really unattractive.
Maybe it was, you know, in themiddle of the holiday season I
feel this a lot.
I'm like, oh it's so hard for,but that shouldn't affect my
self-worth.
And so what I say to myself isI'm going to use this energy and
go and kill some workouts.
I'm going to use it as fuel togo and lift some heavy things or
(19:36):
run really fast, and thatalways makes me feel better.
And maybe for you you're notwhere you want to go and try and
back squat 200 pounds or run aseven and a half minute mile and
you don't have to.
But when you're feeling kind ofdown, especially about yourself,
even just going outside andgoing for a walk can help you to
(19:57):
feel better.
It gets your blood circulating.
It's good exercise.
Exercise, especially the moreintense it is, does things in
your muscles.
That releases these differentchemicals that have these feel
good qualities that you beginfeeling.
So go walk, go work out.
And the next point that goesright into that is get some
sunshine.
(20:17):
Especially in the months ofwinter it can be really hard
because we can tend to strugglewith seasonal depressive
disorder.
We can tend to have seasonalaffective disorder because we
aren't outside as much.
Right now, as of the time offilming this, it's been like
(20:37):
seven degrees in Nashville for aweek.
It's been insane.
It's been so cold and sotypically y'all know me I'm the
one who's always like I'moutside doing my walk at 7 am.
I have not gone outside to gofor a walk in several weeks.
So what have I been doing?
Because I know it's stillimportant to get that sunshine,
(20:58):
to get that fresh air, to keephaving these healthy habits
because it helps me to feel goodabout myself.
So I have a vitamin D light.
I got it on Amazon it was like12 bucks and I have it in my
kitchen so that every morningwhen I wake up and it's kind of
just like propped up against thewall, where there's a window,
there's like a coffee bar or youknow, um, just like where I
(21:19):
pull up some bar stools and acounter.
There's a countertop where wepull up some bar stools and so
that's where I do my morningBible study, it's where I drink
my coffee and I just turn thatlight on and it's not even light
outside yet, but this has.
I think it's like 10 or 12,000lumens, so it's a super strong
light that is similar to nothingcan ever be the equivalent, but
(21:43):
it's as similar inside as youcan get to the strength of the
sun.
And so I sit in front of thatfor a good 30 minutes as I'm
reading my Bible, as I'mjournaling, as I'm drinking my
coffee, and so at least I'mdoing that.
And then I have a treadmill inmy garage and I only use it in
months like this where it's justso freaking cold, and I just
(22:03):
open up the garage door and I'lldo my walk, I'll do my zone two
, maybe I'll do a run, but I'lldo it on the treadmill.
I open the garage door so thesunlight can come in, and my
treadmill is kind of pushed upas far as it can be to be as
close to the garage door aspossible, and it's a little bit
warmer because I'm not gettingthe wind.
(22:24):
You know, half of it's inside,but also I'm bit warmer because
I'm not getting the wind, halfof it's inside, but also I'm
working up a sweat, so I mayhave on a sweatshirt, but it's
enough.
And so that's what I do andthat's how I continue to get
sunshine, continue to getexercise, even when it's cold
outside.
And it makes such a differencebecause, y'all, I can't tell you
(22:44):
how bad I feel about myself ifI don't have my habits, if I'm
not waking up, doing my Biblestudy, doing my journaling,
doing my workouts and eatingright.
It absolutely affects how Ifeel about myself and I can feel
really unattractive prettyquick.
So, find a way, find a way.
There's going to be a ton ofexcuses that you'll think of of.
(23:07):
Well, here's why I can't do allof this in the winter.
Where there's a will, there's away.
That's the one thing that mymother, my mother, taught me a
lot of things, but that is onekey thing that my mother always
taught me.
And also, if you don't haveanything nice to say, don't say
anything at all unless you'regoing to say bless your heart.
To say don't say anything atall unless you're going to say
(23:27):
bless your heart.
Those are key wisdom insightsfrom Alice B.
And then, eating right.
That's another key point.
Here, again, you have theability to make smart choices
and it doesn't mean that youhave to throw everything out and
only eat the whole 30 startingtoday.
Just make wiser choices everysingle meal.
Yesterday I made a choicebecause I've really been
(23:50):
struggling with eating sweetslately.
I am just craving sweets everysingle day, which is probably
part of why I have felt frumpyrecently.
But yesterday I thought youknow what?
And there's a Texas sheet cakehere in the office, in the
kitchen, and I had it the daybefore and it was delicious.
But yesterday I thought youknow what.
(24:11):
Today I'm just going to choose.
I'm going to make a anintentional decision that
instead of eating that, I'mgoing to eat this protein bar.
That decision is a win.
Does it mean that I ateperfectly all day long?
Actually, yesterday I ended upeating pretty good.
I'm tracking my macros right nowand tracking calories, not
(24:31):
necessarily to stay within acertain amount, just trying to
see like, where am I right now,as I'm naturally, intentionally
or intuitively eating, and thatwas a good choice I made
yesterday.
But you know what, there was aday before where I had like
three servings of that Texassheet cake, and so the key is to
not fall off the wagon, to nothave that all or nothing mindset
(24:53):
where it's.
Either I'm completely followingthis diet or I'm just going to
eat everything bad in my pantryso I can clear it out and start
the diet tomorrow.
Don't do that.
Just make the next best choicewhen it comes to working out,
when it comes to eating right,when it comes to doing what's
best for your health and foryour body.
So those three things togetherare point number eight sunshine,
(25:15):
exercise and eating right,which is called a bonus.
There's a lot in that one point.
The ninth key or tip that I havefor what to do when you feel
unattractive is to journal.
Many of you know that I've beenin the habit of journaling, for
I mean, I've been doing it onand off for probably a decade,
(25:36):
but I've been really intentionalabout that habit the past nine
months and man, it is so good.
Some mornings I just I wake upand I don't really have anything
that I'm prompted to journalabout.
I have other things on my mindand so I kind of write about
some different things, maybethings I want to get done at
work that day.
But some mornings I wake up andI just have a lot that I want
(25:58):
to get off my chest and I justneed help kind of organizing my
thoughts and my feelings aboutthings and my journaling habit.
I do that at least three timesa week.
It's been so fruitful for me.
And you may be thinking but,kimberly, how does that help you
feel more attractive?
I feel better mentally when I'mable to put the things that I'm
(26:23):
worried about.
That I'm happy about that.
I'm scared about the areas thatI don't feel good enough, and
when I'm able to express thatand then get to the point, after
putting all of that on paper,of coming back around.
Putting that on paper allows meto get to the point where I can
come back around and then seethe good and see the positive,
(26:48):
come back around and then seethe good and see the positive,
and so I'm able to feel goodabout myself again and see a
path forward, because I've beenable to sift through the muck
and the mire, and so I highlyencourage you, if you have not
engaged in a journaling habit,to do so.
And then point number 10 is tofind something that gets you out
of your own head and gives youpurpose At the end of the day,
(27:12):
feeling attractive or feelingunattractive.
If we're just thinking aboutphysically what that means, then
I believe we're missing themark, because our purpose isn't
to just walk around lookingpretty.
We're missing the mark becauseour purpose isn't to just walk
around looking pretty.
As one of my friends says, ourbodies were not made to be on
the covers of magazines and Idon't believe the purpose of our
(27:33):
lives is to do that either.
Yes, we want to honor ourbodies and we want to live
healthy lives.
I know I do and that's animportant part of what drives me
and I love that.
But more than anything, if I doall of these things in order to
be the healthiest that I canbut I'm still just completely
(27:54):
selfish and focused on my ownhappiness and what I can do to
further the kingdom of Kimberly,then I've totally missed the
mark, because that's not thepurpose.
I believe the purpose of life isto love other people, to serve
them, to bring people intorelationship with Jesus, to tell
(28:17):
other people about Jesus and toshow the love of God and the
actions and the way that weserve each other.
I believe kind of ultimately atmy core that that's the only
purpose.
In fact, several years ago Iwas thinking through, I think I
was prompted, I think I was atlike some kind of conference or
(28:39):
listening to a podcast orsomething where someone much
smarter than me said to create amission statement for your life
, and I've never told anyonethis, but for me, from that day,
I thought this isn't sexy, likeit's not this, like super, you
know catchy, catchphrase,tagline type thing.
(29:01):
But I really feel like thepurpose of my life is to point
people to Jesus.
I feel like that's my purposeand I don't think that I've
always lived in line with that.
I think there's definitely beentimes where I've missed the mark
and that I've forgotten myfirst love and have gotten way
(29:23):
more caught up in beingsuccessful than doing what
ultimately I feel like I'm herefor, but you know what I am
trying to fix that.
And so, for me, when I get myeyes off of the real prize and
when I'm focused on all of theseother things in life that
(29:45):
ultimately don't matter, theidols that we make with our own
hands, that we think are goingto satisfy us and save us that's
when I care more about lookinga certain way and it's fleeting,
it doesn't matter, it's.
All of that is going to fail.
The only thing that's evergoing to truly last is the
(30:08):
relationship that we have withGod and the relationship that we
have with each other, and so,for me, that's what gives me
purpose.
It gets me out of my own head.
It makes me realize like I'mimportant, like I'm loved, I'm
worthy.
I'm important, like I'm loved,I'm worthy, but I'm not all that
(30:29):
important that I need to weigha certain amount to a T or I
need to look a certain amount inorder to be happy.
True joy and true happinessisn't found in those things.
There's benefit in those things.
There's ways that we showourselves respect and maintain a
good life and just good healthand taking care of our bodies.
All of that is important, butit's not the end goal.
(30:51):
So what is it for you?
What is your end goal?
Why do you wanna be your bestself?
To what end and for whatpurpose?
I would encourage you to thinkthrough that.
Maybe journal through it.
I think it'll give you clarity.
So, as a recap, 10 things thatyou can do when you're feeling
(31:13):
unattractive Change up how youlook.
Do something to feel betterabout yourself.
Go get a haircut, get some newclothes.
Do something that just changesthings up so that you feel fresh
and good.
Second, try out a new hobbythat you've been wanting to try.
Third, go out with some friendsand do something that will make
you laugh.
Number four volunteer Serve.
(31:34):
Find a way to give back.
Number five pray, especiallyfor others.
Number six positive self-talk.
You have to stop all of thatnegativity.
Number seven self-talk.
You have to stop all of thatnegativity.
Number seven go for a walk, doa workout.
Number eight sunshine exercise,eating right.
Any of those three, start withthe one that you can.
Number nine journal.
(31:56):
And number 10, find somethingthat gets you out of your own
head and gives you purpose.
Don't do all of them, maybepick one to start with, and I
hope that by doing this it givesyou fuel, it gives you
motivation, it gives you thecourage and the encouragement
that you need to keep doing whatyou can to become your best
(32:18):
self.
Until next week, stay strong.
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