Episode 89: My Heritage Holiday

Join us this week for another Hallmark Christmas episode as we compare My Christmas Family Tree (2021) and Love, Lights, Hanukkah! (2020) - two films about women discovering a family they never knew through DNA test results at Christmas.

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The Movies:

My Christmas Family Tree (2021)

Directed by Jason Bourque

Written by Mark Hefti

iMDb Rating: 7.6

Love, Lights, Hanukkah! (2020)

Directed by Mark Jean

Written by Karen Berger

iMDB Rating: 6.8

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Content Warning:

Mentions of death, orphaned children

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi everyone, I'm Lisa. And I'm Nik. And you're listening to It Takes Two, the

(00:24):
podcast where two people take two movies with the same plot or premise and watch and discuss
them. There we go. It's Christmas still, or is it Honika? In this episode, we're covering off 2020's
My Dammit, I just forgot. Love Lies Honika and 2021's My Christmas Family Tree. Yep. Both movies

(00:48):
about DNA. Yeah, so they're both about women who love Christmas, and her mother died and she did a
DNA test just before Christmas and then she finds out that she has a family who have also

(01:10):
done a DNA test on the same platform thankfully and also live very close to her and so she can
spend Christmas with them or in one case Honika. Well actually she does Christmas and Honika with
them. So in one of them she finds out she's Jewish and has to learn all the Jewish family
traditions and Honika traditions and the other one she finds out she's Norwegian and has to learn
some Norwegian Christmas traditions. Yes. I want to jump right in. Yep. Clear the way, it's a

(01:41):
cannibal. In the deep end of the poll, Love Lies Honika. Okay, this movie would have been a hundred
times better and could have been an absolute classic if this one tiny thing had been changed

(02:02):
in the story. Oh in the story. In the story of the movie. Wow, so you think this would have been a
like there's just a change in the story and this would have been a great movie. If her mother,
yes, who is an Italian restaurant owner, yes, had died of a genetic like condition that can be

(02:23):
passed her redatory, yeah, and that is the reason why she found out she was adopted,
a hundred times better movie. No, what are you talking about? I like that she grew up knowing
she was adopted. Her mother told her from a young age that she had wanted children and wanted to
raise a child on her own and had to go through the adoption and she adopted her. Like I think

(02:45):
that was positive. Why is that you're negative with this movie? So this is the end of the podcast.
I know, genuinely, I don't understand why that's what you would change about it. So the interesting
fact and this is from somebody who I used to live with and I will keep their identities safe.
Jewish people don't do DNA tests. Jewish people don't do DNA tests. There's a reason for that.

(03:13):
So that was like instantly I was like, ah, this movie's a bit weird because literally every
single Jewish person I've ever spoken to was just like, I will never do a DNA test. Why?
Maybe because they were prosecuted for being Jews at one point in history and basically having a

(03:34):
database telling where all the Jewish people in the world are. Probably something Jewish people
don't want. If you're Jewish and you have done a DNA test, please join the discord and tell us
why you did it. But like the concept that she didn't know she was adopted, her mom dies of a
genetic condition, she gets tested, finds out that it wasn't her real mother is far more fascinating

(03:59):
and far more of a big of a hawk to the audience to find out where her real family is than just
like, let's do it for funsies. Oh, look, my family's Jewish. I'm just going to go to their deli.
I know, but she wasn't doing it for funsies because she was, I mean, I guess somebody said
it's because she wasn't necessarily expecting anything out of it, but it was that she wanted

(04:20):
to feel connected to something and she missed having family. And like her Christmas wish was
that she gets a family for Christmas or whatever. I'm sorry, but that is such a shallow bullshit
answer. No, I'm not jimming at you. I'm saying at the movie because she's very close to everybody
who's been to the restaurant who basically her entire life because she's basically taken over.

(04:40):
Yeah, but they're all going off to their families for stuff. Her best friend isn't. Her best friend
is literally at the drop of her head arrives constantly throughout the movie. She's like,
I'm going to go see my like you thought they were flatmates. Yeah, but that was the thing
was that like wasn't her. No, hang on. No, no, I mean, so similar. Getting confused. No,

(05:07):
it's the other one that I thought was a flatmate. Oh, it's in it's in my Christmas family tree.
That's why she was a flatmate because she was like, oh, I'm going to go spend Christmas with
my family. And I'm that I was like, interesting little point there. Both of the friends are people
of color are ethnically ambiguous. Yeah, I did think that I looked up where the actresses are

(05:30):
from. So they're both Canadian actresses. The best friend in Love, I'd talk to is played by
Brandy Alexander is Canadian and she's of mixed Filipino, European and African heritage. And
in my Christmas family tree, the best friend is played by Dilla Dossani and she's also Canadian
and she's of Indian and African descent. So they have both of ethnically ambiguous best friends,

(05:56):
which I think which is a plot point in my Christmas family tree, because she was doing
the DNA test as well because she wanted to find out what, you know, because her and she was like,
oh, I thought I'd be really, you know, Western Asia or whatever. And then she's like, I was less

(06:17):
than I expected. And I had some of this and I have Brazil in my DNA. So, you know, it's a
it's a plot point that her friend doesn't know what her ethnic background is. Do you want to
talk about the biggest issue with that movie, the movie you thought was the same movie as the other
movie we watched? That means they're very similar movies. Which one do you think what's your

(06:41):
biggest issue with that one? Okay, I totally agree with your biggest issue with the first movie. So
this is interesting. So the biggest issue with my Christmas family tree. So turns out her dad was
stationed during the war. I don't know which war. It would have been the Gulf War, it was 1990. So

(07:03):
he was in the Gulf War, was in a relationship, short term relationship with a lady named Patricia,
and everyone called her Trish, and he called her Patty. No, no, she called him Trish, and then later
in life, she's Patty. And she had one point she was in Providence, but she lives in New York. And

(07:25):
there's this big thing about like, but the the company, this made up bullshit company,
who's done this girl's DNA test, Vanessa Hall's DNA test, rings her like a couple of days after
she connects with her, in bright air quotes, her father, and is like, oh, sorry, we screw up your

(07:45):
results. Yeah. And then multiple times goes back and forth where her, she's like hiding in their
massive McMansion somewhere in upstate New York. Like in Connecticut, what are you talking about?
It's a different state. Is it? I thought it was upstate New York. They literally say it's Connecticut.
I wasn't paying attention. Which makes sense, because he met her mother in Rhode Island. Right.

(08:08):
Which is closer to Connecticut than New York. But they just drove to New York like instantly. Anyway,
where was I going? Train back on the tracks. She's constantly on the phone and keeps missing calls,
and they leave her a voicemail. And they're like, we screwed up your results. That's not your actual

(08:30):
family. And then the movie ends. And it turns out it is because he's got like a weirdly photoshopped
photo of her. And it's like, here's your mom. See, you're basically identical. Yeah. But none of
the part of the company being like, oh, we screwed up your DNA results is ever covered off. She never

(08:53):
gets a hold of them. They just keep like, putting phone tag. Yeah. She constantly hangs up on them
when they're ringing her. Yeah. I have, I have those weird issues with that. I have issues and
also other people have issues that I have issues with their issues. Because I've seen people
complain about what the complaint I've seen about this movie. And it's even like put in as like a

(09:15):
goof or whatever. And IMDB is that, you know, if they were contacting her, they'd also contact
him. But they wouldn't. What are you talking about? That makes literally no sense. It's her result.
It's basically become social media at that point. But like, there's no, so I saw people being like,
you know, the dad would have gotten contacted as well. Literally, he wouldn't. All they did was

(09:39):
they mix up if they mix up one person's DNA test, that's the person who they're going to contact.
They'll probably contact the other Vanessa Hall. Or is that her name? Vanessa? Whatever. But what,
on what planet would they go through her DNA matches and start contacting all of her DNA matches?
Like, first of all, and then and then this becomes a problem for me, because then like,
why are they calling her? They would just send an email be like, Oh, your results

(10:03):
messed up and they've been changed. Please check your new results or whatever. Because why? Why?
Why would a DNA testing company assume that two days after you got your DNA results, you decided
to travel to a different state and move in with their DNA match? Yeah. Because that is not a thing

(10:28):
that people do. It is in both of these movies. Correct. But that's not a normal human behavior.
And there's no reason. These are holiday movies. None of the behavior is normal. I know. But I'm
saying that like, there's no reason for the DNA company to be calling her with such urgency,
because on their end, it's like, Oh, it makes up. We just send an email to say, sorry, your results

(10:52):
have been corrected. Like, they're not like, why would they assume that she's gone off and
met one of her DNA matches and is now living with them? Like, you wouldn't be calling them like,
Oh my God, I'm so sorry. You know, we make it up. Like, they wouldn't. They just wouldn't. It would
be like a notification on the app or an email. Here's my other point. Talking of what you said.

(11:12):
Yeah. By the way, Connecticut does border New York state. I'm not an American. And then Rhode
Island is on the other side of Connecticut. So that makes sense. I'm not an American. You're
not an American. Wow. I want to talk directly to our American listeners. Of which there are many.
I guess there's several. I think there's quite a few. Are people that obsessed with Christmas

(11:35):
ornaments? Where you're from? Actually, no, this is an international comment. Okay. Because it is
in Love Likes Honica and My Christmas Family Tree. Yeah. They are borderline go to prison,
like get looked at through a small hole level of obsessed with Christmas decorations. I mean,

(11:59):
there definitely are people of that level in the world. I've been to many Christmas shops. We have
one in Wellington that we've been to and that is tiny. You've seen, you know that shop and how
crazy Christmasy it is. Yes. Those are like ornaments and centerpieces. Yeah. Not giant
inflatable centers. So that's teeny tiny compared to similar shops in the states that I've been to.

(12:25):
Which are like, you know, the warehouse that used to be in Wellington or is that reopened?
Got caught on fire. Yeah. And then it reopened. You know, that warehouse. I've been in Christmas
shops like that size. Do they do they allow you to buy as much Christmas ornaments as these people

(12:48):
just have? Probably. That's bananas to me. There's whole streets in places where they're like. I
understand the lighthouse, like the people that put lights on their houses because I visited one.
There's one in Auckland that's famous for it. Yeah. There's a street famous for an Auckland.
There's streets famous for it all over the states. Yeah. There's a street in Dublin that's pretty
famous. That's Christmas lights. Yeah. That's what you're talking about. No, I'm talking about

(13:12):
ornaments. Yeah. And like giant inflatable centers. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they have. And covering
your entire restaurant and stuff that is basically like a bottle and fire hazard. Listen. No, no, no.
The people in Hallmark Christmas movies are always going to be complete over the top exaggerated
Christmas lovers. Yes. Because that's their entire personality is loving Christmas. And retail

(13:35):
constantly steals. What do you mean? So in the beginning of Love's Lights Honika. Yeah. She
orders a wreath and the girl behind the counter is like, hey, I've got your wreath for you. And
she's like, cool. Can I have another one? And the girl's like, sure, I guess we have some. Even

(13:57):
though like I've because it's like a very much like, hey, you're my favorite customer moment.
Right. Then she just gets two more. So she ends up with four. Okay. And then while blinded by
holding like 18 inch diameter wreaths, just hands the person money, just nondescript money.

(14:19):
And that's the end of the transaction. No receipt, no scanning them through the till.
Do you know what's super weird? This is a conversation you can have with Americans,
if you know any Americans. You know how if you go out somewhere and go for drinks or whatever here

(14:40):
with a bunch of your friends, or I mean, I say that as if this is something that we do, but it's not
we know the concept. I'm sure you've done it in the past. You go to like a bar or something. Yeah.
And you go up, you order a drink, you pay for it. And then you go back to your thing. Yeah. That's
not how it works in the States. You give them your credit card and they hold it until you leave.

(15:01):
I understand that. That's insane. Yeah, I know. It is terrible, terrible security. And it literally
is one of the agreements you sign up with a bank. Yeah, you get a credit card that you will not
give it to anybody. Yeah, literally an agreement. It literally Yeah, you were you were breaking your
your contract with your bank. So that's when when people get the there's a bunch of scams that are

(15:25):
really easy. One of them that was skimming skimmings the term. It's a form of bank fraud where
waitstaff will hide scanners in their aprons. And they'll rub I'll be like, Oh, your card's not
working here. Let me just rub it on my apron in front of you. And they'll charge you money to some

(15:49):
like offshore bank account thing. My problem is she's not paying with a credit card. Because this
happens multiple times, especially when they go to that weird. Did they go to the weird restaurant
this one? Because they get the weird drinks. It's like getting punched by Christmas. Or is that the
other movie? No, it's the other movie with the guy from boymates world. That's not Platonica. Yeah,

(16:12):
no, it was the other movie. Not the movie with the boy with thing. No, she definitely hands people
cash and it's just never given change or told the amount. That's the other thing that bugs me about
these movies. You have you ever worked in retail? No, you haven't. No, I remember that. I remember
that because I called you out on it. When you did the joke that every single person who has ever

(16:36):
worked behind a tell has ever no hate to the point of yes, you did. When I called you out. I know
what joke you're talking about. I don't know what joke am I talking about? You're like, Oh, does this
scam do it for free? You literally said that in front of me to a person. I don't think so. You did.
I know that's not how anything works. Yes. And I literally said that to the person behind the counter.

(16:58):
I will say in the law in Ireland, you have to think have to be sold by the marked price. And I
once got something for totally the wrong price because they put the wrong label on it. And I was
like, well, this is my consumer rights. That's also the law in New Zealand. Okay. Well, I was like,
these are my consumer rights. And if this hat says it's $12 or 12 euro, whatever, that isn't,

(17:22):
but you have to sell it to me for that. That's how I got my PS3. Oh, is it? Oh, nice. So what
happened was, is I happened to be at the PS3 and my suburb where I worked. The suburb I worked.
So you're at the PS3. Sorry, I was in the warehouse. I was in the warehouse.
Just dropped out to the local PS3. You've been in more countries than I have. Can you describe

(17:44):
the warehouse for anybody who doesn't know what the hell I'm talking about?
Cause it's not quite Target. It's more like Superstore. The show. Yeah. Like Cloud 9.
So it's like a slightly more expensive pennies with less clothes for the Irish people. And that's
Primark for the people at UK. I would say it's, it's not nearly as big as a Walmart or a Target.

(18:11):
I would, I think it's more like a Target in the States than it is like a Walmart though.
Cause Walmart is very food heavy. And then it's got everything else as well, but it is.
You know the warehouse are now carrying groceries, right?
Yeah, no, I know they are. Target also carry groceries. Right. But like in like a small section
where Walmart has like massive, but then again, it depends where you go. Some of them,

(18:34):
they're all different in different places, but I feel like it's more like an American Target.
And the reason for the Americans, the reason I'm specifying American Target is that there is a
Target here, but it's just furniture. Right. There's a Target in Wellington and it only sells
furniture, right? Yeah. I don't know. I've never been there. Yeah. So that's confusing to me.

(18:59):
Cause that's not what I know Target as, but yeah, Target, but Target is just like a mix of things.
Yeah. Cause the warehouse has video games, movies, like CDs, computer stuff. It has got a
closed section, but it's a small closed section. Yeah. It's got a lot of kind of like homeware stuff.

(19:20):
Groceries, toys, home like cookware stuff. It's not like outdoor fishing things. Yeah. It's a real
like mixed bag of stuff. And it has the same kind of feel as a Target, but it's smaller. Even the
big one here was smaller than probably the smallest Target I've been in in the States.

(19:41):
Anyway, back on track. I mean, Kmart is international and Kmart doesn't have food though.
Yeah, true. Warehouse and Kmart are similar though, but it does have like a small food,
but they always, it's warehouse food. It's always just like a handful of shelves. Yeah. Not
refrigerated or frozen. No, no. So they are doing a grocery. Oh, so they started doing refrigerated

(20:03):
and frozen stuff. Okay. So they're doing a grocery store. Yeah. So they're doing a grocery store.
Yeah. Okay. So anyway, I'm at the warehouse. I go to buy a PS3 because I didn't have one at the time.
Didn't even have a TV up to a certain point just because I was never home. I didn't have a TV till
we moved in together. Yeah. You had a laptop though. That's true. This was before laptops.

(20:30):
No, no, I had a laptop. Before laptops. No, I had a laptop. Sorry, was this in the like the 50s? Like
what are you doing? Sorry. No, there was a point in time where I didn't have a laptop. Okay.
So there's definitely laptops in the 90s. Yeah, I had a laptop at the time. Okay. So I go to TV,
didn't get a PS, didn't have a PS3. When bought a PS3. Went to try and buy a PS3. There was a big

(20:52):
sign that said like buy a PS3, get free, five free games with it. Okay. They had sold out a PS3.
I asked the person behind the counter, do they have any PS3s in Petone, which is the other suburb
that I was going to. Yeah. Where I lived at the time. And they're like, yes, they've got them in
stock here. I've just checked on my computer and I'm like, cool, can I get the receipt for this deal?

(21:17):
Right. So I can just walk up and go, I want this please and scan it. Like the thing. So the girl
prints out the thing. Yeah. Did you put the wrong price in it? No, no, no, no. I then go to Petone.
I go into the warehouse and I'm like, Hey, I would like this thing and hand them the receipt
and they scan it and go, I have no idea what this is. It's not on our system. Okay. I'm like,

(21:40):
okay, that's confusing. So I get the person behind the counter who is the manager,
the department manager there to ring the lower hut store. Yeah. Lower hut store. They're like,
Hey, can you go look at the sign? This guy wants to buy this product and I don't know what it is.
It's confusing because Petone is in lower hut. The different warehouses. Yeah. Okay.

(22:01):
There's enough distance between them. And they're like, oh Cole, the deal's actually expired.
Oh, okay. And they're like, all right, how much was it? Blah, blah, blah. We'll just give them a deal.
Yeah. I end up getting them, but then they're like, Cole, none of the games I wanted

(22:23):
were in the Petone store. Okay. The games that I wanted were out of stock in the Petone store,
but in the lower hut one. Okay. So I ended up getting the store manager called down and we
have like a three-way conversation and just be like, Hey, look, they're going to give me,
I'm going to get the thing here, take the receipt and go to lower hut. And then they're going to

(22:47):
give me the games that I want there for free because I paid for them here. Right. And the
guys like, whatever. Okay. And we all like, we'll shake hands and that's how I got a PS3. But it was
literally because they put the sign on, that was literally an expired deal. Yeah. And no one had
bothered taking it down because they're run out of stock. Right. So I got five games for free and

(23:13):
they were like, they're still like, they were at the time, I think they were like not the brand new
one. So they were like still $70 each. Nice. So I got several hundred dollars worth of value for
free. Yeah, like $350. Yeah. Cool. But it is literally consumer guarantee in New Zealand. If
you put a price on, like that's why sales signs are so important. Because if you put the sale
sign on something and go, Oh, that's not actually that price. Cause that was the issue we face at

(23:37):
the supermarket where you accidentally scanned the wrong barcode a couple of months ago.
A bunch of clearance cheese, I think it was. Oh, okay. I don't remember that. Yeah, I do.
I remember. We definitely had it in, cause the only retail, I mean, I have worked retail as in
it's been part of my job this year. There's been a lot of retail. And it did happen there that there

(23:57):
was something that was mispriced. And did someone say the joke Lisa? No, it was mispriced. I had
to give it to them for the lower price. Oh, right. But, but, but I think it was a good
idea. And I'm the manager. So I had to be like, do, do, do, do. Mr. Manager. Let me just sort this out for you.
Put in a manual price. Sorry. I hope you're having a great day. Let's talk about some of the other

(24:25):
characters. Okay. I mean, we can probably get to what I think the biggest issue. Oh, okay. Let's go.
I mean, it's, it's about one of the other characters. Okay. I think so you were saying
you think Love, Liotonica would have been a much better movie if for some reason her mother, if she
didn't know she was adopted growing up and that her mother had a genetic disease that she didn't have.
And that's why she got tested. And that's why she came up with a DNA test showing that she was

(24:49):
adopted and also she had family in the area. Right. I think Love, Liotonica would have been
a much, much better movie. If the love interest was not played by Ben Savage,
or if Ben Savage wasn't directed to do a terrible Kevin James impression for the entire movie.

(25:13):
That's fair. Cause like, what is he doing? Like the rest of them, there's actually decent acting
from some of the other characters. I'm pretty sure he got the role. Yeah. Because he's a Jewish actor
and was just literally like, Hey, here's a paycheck. Right. Just rocked up and did it because

(25:34):
depending on how his contract was signed from when he was in Boy Meets World, that guy probably is
super rich. He would probably still draw a crowd if he went to like, whatever the version of Comic
Con is, but for like weird 90s nostalgia. I don't, I haven't seen, I don't think I've seen him in

(25:58):
anything other than Boy Weasel World before this. So I don't know if I can comment on his acting
overall. It felt to me like bad direction. Yeah. Like it felt like he was being directed to act as
goofy comic relief, which is not really what you want love interest to be in a movie like this.
Yeah, that's fair. Like I thought the love interest in the other movie, fantastic.

(26:23):
You know, he did the job. He was, he was, you know, because they were both doing the same kind of
role that they were, you know, family friend of the family that she's getting to know as her new
family who, you know, who's known the kids since they were born or whatever, and is really close
with them, but not actually related. And, you know, kind of offers her.

(26:48):
That is also like the weirdest, they just like copy paste the script. Yeah. Literally one year later.
Yeah. Because he's literally like, Oh, your dad and my dad were like war buddies. Yeah. And that's,
and then my family are all dead. And that's why I live with your family. He doesn't live with her

(27:11):
family. It's just like, he spends Christmas with them. And he's a bit of a, he's a bit of a
friend. Christmas with them. And he's a lawyer. Yeah. What does Ben Savage do? He's a food critic.
Oh, that's right. He's a food critic. And she hates him because he said her lasagna was predictable.
Yeah. So he came to her restaurant the week after her mother died and criticized her lasagna.

(27:37):
And then she literally brings it up about 50 times.
But also he takes one look at her and is like, I'm in love with this woman with having no,
absolutely no development. And then just is the same for the whole rest of the movie.
Whereas in the other one, like they actually get to know each other. It feels a lot more organic

(27:59):
in, in my fit Christmas family tree. The weird Jewish deli is making latkes,
but they're like fusion. And he's like commenting on it. Oh yeah. His whole thing, his whole.
The brother, right? Her, her, her half, no, it is her brother, right? Her half brother. Is what?

(28:22):
Like making latkes the entire time. Yeah, yeah, true. But I was going to say that the,
that Ben Savage's character, the food critic, his entire
stick that he gives us that he loves weird fusion food. And he wants to go and travel Europe and
make it, write a book about weird fusion food. But then like, he says that and you're like,

(28:43):
that's a weird thing. And then he like shows her examples and you're like, no, that's really weird
diffusion. That's those are not cuisines that go together at all.
He was trying to get him to put salsa and guacamole on latkes.
Yeah. And then it's like, it just doesn't, the food he chooses doesn't make any sense. Like,

(29:04):
like, okay. I just think in terms of that stuff, he should have gone in one or the other direction
and not, not make some both up as in either he should have been a serious food critic who
everyone respects. And therefore she was trying to get into his food critic, good books, or he
should have been into this weird niche of fusion food, because you can't, if he only loves this

(29:28):
weird niche of fusion food, then yeah, he's going to give lasagna a bad review. He's like, what's,
why haven't you put noodles in like, why haven't you put like soy sauce and tofu in your lasagna?
Or, you know what I mean? Like where's the fusion? It's like, don't go to, if you only love
fusion food, don't critique an Italian restaurant for making Italian food.

(29:49):
Yeah. So either he should have been like, yeah, but either he should have been, you know, full Anton
Ego from Ratatouille, super serious food critic. Racka Cooney. Yeah, from Racka Cooney. Or he
should have been this quirky guy who loves fusion food and they bond over food stuff. You know what
I mean? Yeah. It didn't make sense for him to be both. My brain, my brain went, oh, like the guy

(30:14):
from swarm. I didn't know what that is. It's a love death robots episode where they go into like
the giant space ant nest. And I was like, there's no food critic. Yeah, what are you talking about?
Exactly. It's either he's the guy from Ratatouille or he's the doctor from swarm. No. Yeah. Anyway,

(30:40):
my whole point was, it doesn't, I don't know if he's just a bad actor, but it felt like the direction
he was given was you need to be, yeah, you need to be Kevin James, goofy side character. Yeah. And
it's like, that's, that's what the brother maybe could have been. Yeah. You know, it didn't make

(31:03):
sense for that to be the love interest. Yeah, cause it would have been far more interesting, far
more memorable if the brother was like trying to make all this weird fusion food and then giving
it to the food critic and him being like, bro, like what, like I'm not eating this shit. We have
made this movie better already. If the brother was into weird, quirky fusion stuff and, and their

(31:24):
friendship was around him, like trying to get their food critic friend to eat his weird fusion food.
Yeah. Great. And also him not be a serious or, you know, I, it's just, here's the thing. And
the whole thing is, is there such a strain on, okay. So here's the other thing. She's just given

(31:45):
up from adoption. Yeah. And she's half Greek, Italian, Jewish. Isn't that what her results
come back as? She's like Greek, Italian, Jewish. She was just Italian Jewish. I think she was like,
Oh no, maybe it was Greek, Italian, Greek and Italian. What I didn't get was that like, she,

(32:06):
she was adopted and her mother was Italian American. And she was like, when she was getting
the D. Her mother is Jewish. No, no, no, no, no. But her adoptive mother, her mother who she grew up
was Italian American. Oh my God. You would have made it better. What? If her mother was African American.
Yeah. Why African American, Italian. Okay. Anyway. What I was saying was, so she was raised by an

(32:34):
Italian American. Sorry. I'm just thinking about it. Oh my God. Can I finish my sentence? Yeah.
She was raised by an Italian American woman who owns a restaurant and makes Italian food.
And when she was getting her DNA tests, she was like, Oh, I can just imagine what my family is
like. Uh, they've got a beach, they've got a beach home in Lake Como, or they live in Sicily,

(32:55):
or they would, and it was like, she only named places in Italy. And I was like, you understand
how adoption works, right? And just cause your adoptive mother was Italian American doesn't mean
your birth family was Italian. Like why did, why can you not conceptualize your family being
anything but Italian? And then for it to be true was made no sense to me that like, yeah, I get

(33:19):
that the surprise was, Whoa, she's half Jewish and she gets to learn all these Jewish traditions or
whatever. Um, but she still actually was Italian. Her father was named Giorgio and lives in Italy.
Um, that's right. So like, and he's not an actor. No, he's like, that was, that's a whole rabbit
hole. I went down. He's not an actor. He's a writer director from Italy, um, who has a baby,

(33:45):
had a baby with Susan, Susan Sarandon in the eighties. Is that right? I don't know. You've
probably taken a million notes on it. I haven't taken a million notes, but I've definitely taken
at least one note. I think it was, can you tell folks which movie was more irritating? Yeah. Um,
um, why did the kids all look weird in the other one? Let me say the younger daughter was

(34:08):
incredibly well cast because she looked exactly like the stepmom. Yeah. She looked just like her.
Um, I don't know. I mean, I thought they had a more normal reaction than the niece and nephew in
Love, Life, Hanukkah. Cause the, the sisters family in Love, Life, Hanukkah were like, it was
like a set of cardboard cutouts. And the kids were like, just like bland personality lists. And then

(34:34):
they're like, we have an auntie. And she's like, Oh my God, I'm someone's auntie. And that's like
the whole thing. Whereas in my Christmas family tree, she, you know, the dad invites her to go
stay with the family and the family, you know, and his wife is really supportive, but the kids are
like, what do you mean we have an adult sister from a relationship you had before you met mom

(34:55):
that you never told us about? Like how, like how is she our sister? How did we never heard about
this? You know, et cetera, et cetera. And then you get like the awkward teen year of like, I'm
trying to become a woman. And then you get the same with the younger brother who's like, I'm
awkward. Yeah. And the little girl is not acting at all. And I like made, I rewinded the movie.

(35:20):
It's a great moment. I think that's exactly how a kid would react. She looked like disgusted that
they were kissing at the end of the movie. Um, I just felt, I felt like the kids made more sense
in that movie. Their reactions made more sense because you would have to have an adjustment
period and she gets to know them all. They all, by the end of it, they're like, Oh, we love her.
But there's also a very funny moment where she's with the brother and you know, she's kind of

(35:43):
bonding with them and it's going well. And then she's like, I always wanted a little brother. And
he was like, yeah, I want a brother too. I already have two sisters. I don't need a third sister.
And that's funny. Um, yeah, I dunno. But anyway, the Ben Savage thing, I just,
like, if you're going to have a goofy love interest, it can't be in a movie like this.

(36:05):
I think, like, I think there's a place for goofy love interests in Hallmark Christmas movies as a
whole. But the fact that in both of these movies, part of that person's role was to kind of be
emotional support while she's dealing with the family's situation. Like the guy in the other
movie did it much better. Yeah. The whole like, Oh, I'm driving you up so we can have this like

(36:28):
whole long conversation in the car for possibly several hours. Yeah. Cause they had to stop,
they had to stop on the way for coffee or something. The weird peppermint eggnog. Oh yeah,
that was what they had. Yeah. Christmas in a cup. Allegedly. Yeah. Um, for those who don't know,

(36:50):
New Zealand's at the bottom of the planet. We're in the Southern hemisphere and it is summertime
at Christmas. Yeah. We're in shorts and t-shirts. Yeah. It is not something you would drink in New
Zealand. What, eggnog? Yeah, no, that's disgusting. I mean, I think it's disgusting anyway, but also
I don't eat egg anymore. But even when I did, I wouldn't have had eggnog. Cause it's like eggs

(37:13):
and milk, right? And spices. Milk and eggs. Milk and eggs bitch. Yeah. Um. That's just, yeah, I'm sorry.
That's all I could think of when you said it's eggs and milk. Did you say sausage? No, spices.
Gelato is not vegan. Yeah. Um. Oh my God, my brain. Um, yeah. So it's very warm. Um, and yeah,

(37:36):
that's not a, it's not a, no, don't, no. There's no other milkshakes for Christmas. That'd be nice.
Christmas milkshakes. So here's a fun fact for you, for, for all non-New Zealanders.
Is it that New Zealand people eat more ice cream per capita than any other country in the world?
Talking of ice cream. So we have two different things that Lisa disagrees with. Oh, thick shake.

(38:00):
We have what's called a thick shake and we have a milkshake. Okay. So in New Zealand, a milkshake is
just like flavored milk and a thick shake is what's known as a milkshake in literally every other
country in the world. Yeah. A thick shake has ice cream in it. And you also have chips and hot chips.
Yeah. So chips, chips, crisps. Is it fries and crisps? Yeah. Fries in America are chips here.

(38:24):
And they're also chips where I come from in Ireland. And then chips in America are also chips here.
And, and where I come from, they're crisps. Um, so in America, they differentiate between fries and
chips. In Ireland, we differentiate between chips and crisps. And here they're chips and chips.
Yeah. And it's, I think Australia calls them hot chips. Here you don't really call them hot chips,
but sometimes if you're differentiating, you know, but it has led to confusion sometimes with the fact

(38:50):
Oh my God, that's right. I went to the sook market and I was like, we're going to have chip buddies
for dinner. Yes. Fantastic. And then I came back with crisps. Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck?
The problem is, yeah. So we both, we love, I'm, I'm very Irish. I love potatoes. We love carbs.
Um, sometimes we like to have crisp sandwiches for lunch. And that's, I think a great, I love

(39:12):
crisp sandwiches. And sometimes we have chip buddies. I'm saying this as if like once a week,
we do this. It's not that often. It's, you know, it was last week. We, we have done it recently,
but it's, it's, you know, it's a treat when it happens. It's not like a daily or a weekly occurrence.
And I like cheese in mine. That's true. And I think that's weird. Um, but the problem is I,

(39:33):
a chip buddy to me is specifically hot chips and as an inner sandwich, ketchup. Um, I prefer,
I would call the other one a crisp Sambo. Yeah. Um, and I get that you say crisp and say, you say
chip instead of crisp. I understand that, but I would never refer to that as a crisp buddy.

(39:56):
So the fact that you said buddy to me was like, Oh, a chip buddy is like a specific sandwich.
Oh, a chip buddy is like a specific thing. And then you came back with
not the ingredients for a chip buddy. And it was very confusing.
Language barriers still exist when you both speak the same language.
I don't know. Sometimes I'm not sure if we do speak the same language. Um, do you talking

(40:20):
of that talking of other buddies and the extended buddy universe, the cinematic buddy universe,
do you, what do you call bread and a sausage in the bread? Now, there's a question.
My instinct would be sausage sandwich. Okay. But like, but I could understand that being a buddy

(40:43):
more so than crisps in a buddy. So you understand the huge sausage
sizzle culture within New Zealand. Oh yeah. A hundred percent.
And that's what you get from a sausage sizzle. Yeah. So it's just in one slice.
Is that what you're saying? One slice with grilled onions and ketchup.
I mean, that's like a very lazy hot dog, but, um, no,

(41:05):
cause a hot dog is a different type of sausage and a different type of bun.
That's what I said. It's like a lazy hot dog. No, it's like the hot dog that you make that you,
you're trying to convince yourself you're having a hot dog.
No, because hot dogs and sausages are different types of sausage.
Yeah. I mean, I'm vegan, so none of them are actually hot dogs.

(41:26):
That's bullshit. No, not the fact that you're vegan is not bullshit. The fact that there are
different, what would you, if I got those lovely sage Italian herd sausages and put that on a hot
dog bun and gave it to you and be like, here's your hot dog. You'd be like, what the fuck?
I'm saying if I was, if I, here's, here's what I'm saying. I'm not saying if you serve that to me,
I'd be like, Hmm, a hot dog. I'm saying if I was here in the house and I was lazy and I didn't

(41:50):
want to go out of the house and I was like, I really want a hot dog, but all we had in the fridge was
those sage sausages and all we had bread wise was like sliced pan. I'd be like, I will pass for a
hot dog. But it's not a hot dog. It's not even close. Hot dog's in a bun. Anyway, we are so

(42:11):
sidetracked again. Same language. Communication issues. Anyway, I actually, I mean, I can tell
you my one big pet peeve with the other movie as well. Well, it's, but it is, here's a, which movie?
With my Christmas family tree. Okay. Because we've both talked about what we didn't like with the

(42:35):
first one, Levi's Tanaka. But it is a pet peeve I have across all Hallmark movies. I just found
it particularly annoying in this one. I think maybe because like, this wasn't far off being a decent
movie. Like in terms of the story, the acting, you know, there's like, it's not as far as Hallmark

(42:58):
movies go, this might be the best one that we've seen. But what irks me about it, and it irks me
about pretty much every Hallmark movie, it just was particularly notable was just how annoying the
music is. Oh my God, thank hell you're on the same subject, like same mindset. There is a constant

(43:21):
backing track. Yeah. And it is so jarring because the version we're watching doesn't have ads in it.
And it is unbelievably jarring. When it just cuts. Because it just cuts. And then you get like a
second reprieve from all the constant music. From the background music. Yeah. And it is generic

(43:41):
like shit. Yeah. Just the entire time from the fucking credits rolling to the movie finishing.
Yeah. It is just one continuous shit. Yeah. So maybe, so people probably can't tell this from our
lovely intro music that I made. But I did do, like I have got a certificate in music production.

(44:02):
It was specifically for video games. We've reached out to our favorite artists and they were like,
sorry random person on the internet, we don't do commissions. Yeah, that's fine. They're my buddy.
Okay, so. Well we also reached out to Tom Cardi. We did also reach out to Tom Cardi. And Tom Cardi
was like. Tom Cardi just never responded. Yeah. But yeah, we did, we asked Montaigne and Montaigne

(44:27):
was like, no sorry, I can't do that right now. Anyway. Tessa Violet's friends with you and messaged
you the other day. She's not friends with me. You were having a private DM with Tessa Violet.
I saw it. Yeah, she sent me a voice note. That was cool. Yeah. Anyway. And they never answered
you when you gave her an answer. Yeah, she asked me a question in a voice note and then she just

(44:48):
didn't answer. I'm sure she will. Anyway. I don't know. So the point where I was like, where has
I even got this? So I do have like, you know, some amount of academic knowledge and education
around this. And like, there's no it is very much like, and I mean, I don't know if this is what

(45:09):
they do, or if they have like, they do one of two things would be my guess, either they have a
library of stock music, and they just take whatever stock music they think is like, cool,
this is Christmasy. I know what it is. Or they have a couple of staff composers who are just told
to mass produce. I figured it out. So you know, because you were a big fan of the Sims games.

(45:35):
Yeah. And you know, the concept of the art goblin.
Hmm. Yeah, yeah, that's what that's basically what I'm thinking. That's what I'm thinking
about these music composers, their composers, they're just music goblins. So they live in the
basement of Hallmark, and there's been they've been bricked in. They just turn it out. But the
problem is that it's not personalized to the scene, the scene or the movie, you know, or what's

(45:58):
happening on screen. It's not like composed to it, which is like a lot of really great composers,
like we'll watch, we'll have the movie there and compose to it. Or the or you get directors like
Edgar Wright, who will have the music and choreographed the music. And then you have
choreographed the scene to the music. Yeah. And you know, both of those work. And this is just not

(46:24):
that. And also the mixing is way off, especially in Microsoft Soundtree, the mixing was so off
that like sometimes I couldn't understand the dialogue, because the music was just playing
louder than that. And the music is like, and there'll be like a sad scene, the music like,
and you're like, what is happening? So it's incredibly jarring. I'm trying to see how they

(46:45):
got the good music by Devin Roth. Devin, are you okay? I'd like to reach out to Devin Roth
and say, Hey, what's going on, buddy? If you need help, tweet at us. I can't help
in ways that I can explain right now. This is the only Hallmark movie he's done music for. Okay.

(47:08):
Okay. Devin, what's going on? What's going on my guy? Um, okay. He's an orchestrator and
hold on. Sorry. Devin, you did some of the score preparation. I don't know what that entails,
but you worked on the score of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend for 22 episodes. That's a show that's actually

(47:32):
known for working music really well into the show. So how did you, how did you do this? Is it just
that like, no, because it's the composition is not suited to the movie. So it's not even that like,
he's composed it and someone's just chucked it in there willy nilly, because there's not even like
music that makes sense for the scenes. It must be that. So either this guy is just has just gone

(47:57):
off. He's like, this is a cry for help or more likely because it's across all the Hallmark movies.
They just like, they must just get them to turn out a bunch of generic music with no direction,
except like make it Christmassy or whatever. And then just chuck it into whatever scene they want

(48:18):
to. It's, there's just no consistency to it. And it doesn't make any sense. There's no like theme.
There's no like, you know, this is the theme for this character, or this is the theme for this,
you know, emotion or whatever. There's no, there's nothing that like matches things. There's no like
peaks and swells. Like it's just constant barrage of noise laid over the dialogue. And there's no

(48:46):
gaps. There's no like moments where it's quiet. I just don't understand. I don't understand what
they're doing with music and Hallmark movies as a whole, but I felt like it was for some reason
just like particularly bad in My Christmas Family Tree. It really annoyed me. And I think that if
they had gotten like, if they had scored it properly, it would have been like a decent movie.

(49:09):
You know what I mean? Which movie? My Christmas Family Tree.
I have to disagree. Why?
The massive plot hole of the DNA company. Yeah, the DNA stuff is bullshit. The fact that like,
if she doesn't know her own mother and like, the fact that she had no. She was nine when that

(49:33):
woman died. Yeah, I understand that. Who when they're nine knows everywhere that their mother
had lived at any point in their life. I'm not saying that I'm saying that like,
she had no anything. She had nothing. She had like literally no like, I was gonna say

(49:53):
memorabilia, but that's not correct. Like no, no tangible, hand made photos. He has a photo of
her. Yeah, he has a single old photo of her. We don't know that she doesn't have anything.
It's never discussed whether she has anything. He's looking for a photo of her to surprise her
with. And then the tension is like, oh, we're gonna find out that it's not her. But then when

(50:16):
he actually finds that it's like, oh, actually it is her. And she is like, that is clearly just a
Photoshop photo of her. Okay, but they still like, yeah, I don't know. So she. So her whole thing is
that she was adopted. Oh, no, she wasn't. She wasn't adopted. Sorry. But she grew up and her
mother died when she was raised by a single mother. Her mother died when she was nine. And then

(50:41):
she lived with a foster family until she went to college. Oh my God. That's right. What?
Because one has the Italian restaurant and the other one is unbelievably wealthy yet works for
her. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. The wealth situation doesn't make any sense.
Because she works for a nonprofit in Manhattan. Yeah. So she grew up, she grew up in foster care

(51:04):
and then she went to college and then she became a social worker, worked for a nonprofit, placing
kids in foster homes. And yet she lives in like a really fancy apartment in Manhattan. Yeah, that
makes no sense. You're right. That does make no sense. But yeah, you know, she's a very

(51:24):
nice person. But yeah, yeah, it would still need to be tidied up. I did. I thought the acting was
better, though, and I thought the relationships made more sense. The dad was a bit of a weird
character. He felt like he was the kind of goofy one in this one. But like, it kind of makes more
sense for the dad to be a bit of a goof. That's also the fact that like he's far closer than Chris

(51:47):
with the romantic interest in that movie, then he gets to his daughter. Because there's a point in
where he just asks Chris straight to his face, he's like, what are your intentions with my daughter?
And then he's like, no, that's in the other one she asked. No, it's not. What are your
intentions with my daughter? No, it's not. No, he says to him, so the guy says, no, it's yeah,

(52:08):
the other one is the what are your intentions with my daughter one. And then in that one, it's he,
you know, he's talking about the the other kid who wants to date his
his teenage daughter, right? No, he's not. And then Chris comes in, he's like, oh, yeah,
because he's because he says that he can't see, can't see it as other what is the phrase he has

(52:28):
like a particular phrase, or young, you use young suitor for my daughter. So he's talking about the
guy that she wants that his teenage daughter wasn't dating and was talking about as a young
suitor. And the guy's like, well, if you keep calling him young suitors, then you're clearly
not ready for her to be dating. And then when he goes to the dad and is like, I think I like,
you know, so and so he's just like, are you saying you're a young suitor for my daughter? And he's

(52:53):
like, I guess so. And he's like, Oh, that's great. It's the other one where she starts to ask Ben
Sabatian, he's like, are you gonna ask what my intentions are with your daughter? And she's like,
that's not what I was gonna say. Right? No, but okay.
Okay. I think we're remembering. I think you're like, smushing memories together about these

(53:17):
movies. But that's fine. They're very similar movies. Yeah. But I did like, by the way,
the mother, the biological mother. Oh my god, don't know. No. Yeah, continue. Continue. Continue.
Hang on. What do you mean? Just the scene. No, you continue. I'll let you go first. Can you just tell me where it is?

(53:41):
When the mother realizes and loves like Honika, that the daughter is her daughter. Yeah. She just
like has this moment where the camera is just focused on her and it just like zooms slightly
into her face and she has this like concerned look of realization on her face. Yeah. And then it's just

(54:01):
like, I don't want to talk about this here. Stands up, walks out of the room, stares off camera,
and then walks back and then tells the exact same contents of the room, the whole fucking story.
Right. Not several days later, or hours later, or privately. Yeah, taking people aside. It's just

(54:24):
like, here's my dirty laundry. Yeah. Your mother gave up her child. I was an unwed mother and gave
up my Jewish, Italian baby. I think it makes sense that she needed a moment. Because I think obviously she was thinking she needed to tell her kids and she needed to talk to her
ear one separately. And I think she obviously went, actually, I can just tell them. It doesn't make sense
for Ben Savage to be there for that moment. He didn't need to be there. No. But I can understand

(54:47):
her taking moment going, actually, I need to approach this with all three of these people anyway, so I might as well just do it.
Here's the other point. If these movies are set in the time where they're released. Yeah.
That was the 90s. Yeah. That's not that long ago. Okay. I was alive. All right. I was not. I'm about the same age as them, right? Yes.

(55:18):
Because she was, because it's definitely in My Christmas on Me Tree, they say she was conceived in 1990.
So she's my age. Yeah. I can't remember her old, the lady isn't the other one. Which one? Love, Light,
and Tone. Which other one? There's two movies. There's only two movies. Why do you keep,

(55:39):
earlier on I said the other movie, you're like, there's another movie. There's only two of them.
There's two movies. We watched two movies. We're the same plot of premise. Anyway, what I was going to say was not related at all.
I was going to say the mother in, the biological mother in Love, Light, Tone, and Toneka is played by Mary Lou Hanner,
who is an actress that I don't think I've seen anything else, but I know her name.

(56:01):
And the reason I know her name is because she features in the My Brother, My Brother,
Me episode where they did the red carpet interview at Margaritaville, which the day before we watched
this movie, I listened, I re-listened to, even though it was from years ago. I re-listened to it

(56:22):
the other day, out of the blue, and then the next day we watched the movie with Mary Lou Hanner in it.
Isn't that weird? Yeah. That's a weird coincidence, I thought. Okay, never mind.
You didn't think that was weird? What are the odds? I don't know. I'm not good at statistics. Okay.

(56:43):
Let's move into some trivia because, uh... I don't really have any trivia. You don't have any trivia?
Even though they're Italian director, that they just like randomly... No, that's it. That's the only thing I had.
And that's not even, I had to like, I just had to go research that myself. His name is Franco Amurri,
who plays Giorgio, and he's a writer-director. This is his only acting role. He had never been in anything before.
He hasn't been in anything since. I didn't take down, but I think it was Susan Sarandon that he had to get with.

(57:09):
I can't look him up again. Franco Amurri. Yeah, I think it was Susan Sarandon? He wrote, he wrote the...
Or he directed the movie Da Grande, which is an Italian movie that Big was based on. Yeah, Susan Sarandon.
So he was with Susan Sarandon from 1984 to 1988, and he has at least one child with her.

(57:33):
One, yeah, one daughter, Eva Amurri. So there you go. Just weird that this guy that they chose to play her dad is not an actor.
What is? And then when Susan Sarandon dies, she'll do a DNA test and find her dad, who's an Italian actor.
He's not an actor, he just has a... A director. I think she already knows. She's got his last name,

(57:56):
which is a hint, I think. I suspect that his daughter knows she's his daughter. If I can Google it,
and it's on his Wikipedia page, she probably knows. That's the other thing that annoys me.
It's like if it would have happened in the 90s, like, their records would be like available.
This is a plot point in both movies, is that literally in both movies, the biological parent

(58:22):
that she links up with is like, you know, we lost touch and he would, you know, in both cases, first
of all, the man, there was a short-lived relationship and then the man went to war, right? He was deployed.
Also, hang on, sorry, let me circle back. In Love, Light, Hanukkah, the mother like went to Italy
for a college semester or something and ended up getting married to this guy and then annulling the

(58:47):
marriage and coming back and then when she tried to contact him, she found out that he'd been deployed.
So anyway, in both movies, the father is a guy who's a military guy and had been deployed
by the time that the mother realized she was pregnant, but also it's a plot point in both
that the biological parent that she actually links up with is like, oh, I tried to find them,

(59:11):
I tried to call them, I tried writing letters, but you know, it was in the 90s and we didn't have the
technology back then, we didn't have social media, we didn't have smartphones and it was so easy to
lose track of people and that's literally the main plot of both movies, is that they were conceived
in the 90s and therefore it was impossible to find these people. Yeah, it's whole shit. Yeah, I can

(59:36):
tell you, it was so easy to find people in the United States in the 90s. It might have been early
2000s though, but I think it was early 2000s when I was looking at it, but I just got an AOL disc
and was able to look up records. I mean, I was like, do I say this? It doesn't matter.
We were in Florida and my dad had recently been in touch with his mother and he told her

(01:00:03):
she that we were going to Florida. They had not been in a lot of contact before that point
and she was like, oh, are you seeing your father? And then we were like, what? So that was how we
found out that my grandfather lived in Florida and we literally, I was able to find records of their
divorce and his second marriage in like under five minutes as like a 10 year old on the internet.

(01:00:29):
Yeah, that's pretty much the point where I was saying. So it definitely wasn't totally impossible,
but I suppose in 1991, if that's the year that you're looking, 1990 or 1991, it would have been
a lot more difficult. Internet did exist. It just wasn't widespread, but they had like golden pages
and shit. The problem is in my Christmas family tree, the reason he couldn't find her is- For those

(01:00:55):
who can't see Lisa, which is everybody, she was doing the pants, the pale man hands across her
eyes. For no reason. It was just pure frustration as I remembered something else about these movies.
In my Christmas family tree, the real reason the dad doesn't find the mom

(01:01:20):
is because he couldn't work out that the name Trish was short for Patricia
and he only looked in Providence in Rhode Island. And that was the whole thing. So he knew
her name was Trish Hall. He didn't put two and two together to realize Trish was short for Patricia
and she's Patricia Hall to the point that, and he still hasn't put this together by the way,

(01:01:42):
in the context of the movie. Until like he got the photo of her? Yeah, yeah. So like, so he
when she says her mom's name is Patty, because he's like Trish and she's like, oh, Patty. And
he's like, what? And then when he's talking to the love interest, Chris, he's like, she didn't know
her mom lived in Providence and she thinks her mom's name was Patty, not Trish. And it's like,

(01:02:04):
they're both short for Patricia. Are you insane? Yeah. Like a two year old could work that out.
What are you talking about? And then like, he still is hung up on that. Cause at the end,
he finds the picture and he's like, and it says Patricia in the back. He's like, you guys, I
thought it couldn't be her mother cause her, cause her name was Trish. Her name was Patricia

(01:02:24):
the whole time. It's like, how have you not worked this out? How did you not realize this?
So literally the whole reason she doesn't have a dad for her whole life is because he couldn't
work out that Patricia, that Trish was short for Patricia. Yeah. And he couldn't bother to look
anywhere outside of Rhode Island, even though in the nineties, it would have been quite easy

(01:02:45):
to use like the, the golden pages. Were they the yellow pages in the States or the white pages?
I think yellow pages is businesses and white pages is residential, right? In the States.
I don't know. In Ireland we had the golden pages. Um, so the different thing and I had both,
but I had it in different, like a residential, different business. So in New Zealand, we used
to get two books. One was white pages. That was actual people's phone numbers and yellow

(01:03:08):
pages with businesses. Right. So I think that's what it's like in the States as well. In Ireland,
there were one book and they were the golden pages. Um, and so it had residential stuff in the front
and business in the back. Uh, yeah. So in the States it's the same as white pages, residential
and yellow pages is business. That's another brilliant thing that has been gotten rid of
because of the internet. A lot of the information is still out there. You just need to like,

(01:03:31):
someone that people have monetized and you have to pay money to look up people. Um,
Oh, you just Google plumber in my area. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In terms of like the,
the business side, I thought you meant like the good thing is that we don't have to,
that we can't like just look at everyone's name and address and phone number. Yeah. That
is so insane that that used to be normal. Yeah. I used to have me and me and my best,

(01:03:55):
my best friend. I don't know if she listens to this, but my best friend when I was in primary
school, I was going to say her whole name and I probably shouldn't do that. And her address.
So anyway, me and my best friend in primary school used to ring each other on our landlines
and sit with the golden pages because they'd be next to the telephone. Anyway, the telephone

(01:04:15):
newsflash rolling of your listeners, it was not portable. You had to sit in one spot.
Ever asked somebody where they were. Yeah. That is a new thing that has happened.
Yeah. You were sitting where they were. You had to sit in the one spot on your phone. Yeah. Yeah.
And we had like, and you'd have like these like table that would be a table on one side and a

(01:04:36):
little chair on the other side of it so that you could sit on your phone. Anyway, we used to ring
each other and we would pick up the golden pages and one of us would find a funny name in it and
the other person had to find the same person. And that was our whole game. And we would just do it
for ages. And that was it. And that was, that's how kids interesting themselves in the 90s.

(01:05:00):
But this guy couldn't figure out, but he got to go to hole and then find Patricia, not Trish. He's
like, there's no Trish hole anywhere. And he's only looking in Providence. He didn't think to look at
surrounding States even nevermind like other totally different areas. I can understand that
by the time internet was widespread, he wasn't thinking, Oh, we've got to look up this lady

(01:05:24):
by thing. Cause he was, you know, um, he didn't know that he had a kid. Yeah. Uh, but she could
have, if she, if she died when her daughter was nine, that means she died in 2000. Definitely
before 2000, you could have looked them up. And it was so easy. It was so easy back then because

(01:05:46):
they weren't monetizing that shit yet. You could just look up anyone because the white pages were
online and you can look it up and all of the American records were online. Like marriage,
divorce, death. Yeah. You could literally look up his military record. Yeah. That would have been
so easy. So dumb. Incredibly easy. Anyway, um, it's at the point where I am now uncomfortably

(01:06:09):
sweaty because once again, it is Christmas and summer. Yeah. It's summer Christmas. Um, okay.
Was there anything else you wanted to talk about, about these movies? No, I did. I mean,
I think, I think I would have enjoyed Love, Light, Hanukkah if it didn't have Ben Savage in it,
if it had a better actor in his role. And I think I would have enjoyed the other one,

(01:06:31):
um, more if the music situation was improved and if there wasn't the weird shit around
the phone call from the D&I place. Which is never resolved. It doesn't make any sense because yeah,
cause like why, cause here's the thing. All right. Here's from the perspective of the DNA test.

(01:06:52):
Here's the plot. She gets her DNA test results. She finds out that she's got a bio, a paternal
match, her biological father. And then she finds out that her DNA was mixed up with another person
with the same name, which doesn't make sense to begin with. Like they go in on like batch numbers.
They don't go in and just undo your name. That's not how it works. It is clear. Cause it's not,

(01:07:15):
it's a made up company. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So maybe it's stupid. I was going to say a dodgy,
back alley business. But anyway. Yeah. That her and her dad both happened to take tests on.
If you've touched a penny, the government's got your DNA. Okay. Um, that's, what are you talking
about? That's not how DNA companies work. Like it's only going to give you matches of other people

(01:07:39):
who have taken the same test. I know. It's not, the government has nothing to do with it. Anyway.
God, it's a conspiracy joke from nineties. Okay. And then, and then, and then can we
Yeah, I want to finish. And then, um, finish quicker if you stop in the room. They may never.

(01:08:06):
Um, anyway, so, and then they, so then they mix her up somehow. And then they try, they send her a
text being like, Hey, this is urgent, but don't say what it is. And then they call her multiple
times before they leave a voice message being like, Hey, we accidentally swapped your DNA with
someone else's DNA and we're really sorry. And then that's it. She never goes back to check what

(01:08:26):
changed in her results. Um, she never like follows up with them to like, how did this mix up happen?
And then it turns out that he is her father. So she did get the right results. So then why are
they calling her to say they, and Chris is a lawyer and they could sue them. Yeah.
It finally be able to afford that apartment she lives in.

(01:08:49):
It literally makes no sense. Oh, she, maybe she inherited it. Maybe the mother was rich.
Maybe the mother was rich and she inherited the apartment.
And that's why she can comfortably work for a nonprofit because she doesn't have to worry
about money. Cause she has this apartment that she owns that how would a single unwed mother
in the nineties be rich who lived in Rhode Island? Yeah. She moved from Rhode Island to New York.

(01:09:16):
Yeah. You're right. It doesn't make any sense either. I don't think you've ever said what the
mother did. No, it's not like she was a restaurant owner. Yeah. Um, a major Italian restaurant. When
you're so close to the people who you've been, you've been serving, your mother was serving
since you were born. Come to your weird Christmas Hanukkah last day of Hanukkah Christmas dinner.

(01:09:41):
Did it was a Christmas Eve dinner. We didn't even mention the restaurant was closed. And that's why
she had time away. Yeah. Yeah. Her restaurant had to have some repairs and that's why she was able
to go and celebrate the whole eight days of Hanukkah with the family. Yeah. And then, yeah. So
no, she did the full, all the, she did the last day of Hanukkah with them. She did at her place,

(01:10:02):
but it was just her and the family. And then she did Christmas Eve dinner was her big dinner for
her. So she did Hanukkah and Christmas. Why are you looking at me like that? We forgot one last thing.
Ben Savage. I have talked about him at length, so I don't think I've forgotten about him.
What was he planning? He was planning to move to Europe and do the book. Yeah. And then what

(01:10:26):
has happened since? Since he met her, he's decided I'm staying. And then they moved to Europe together.
Yeah. What happened to the restaurant?
Did you like, you don't just like, that's not how restaurant businesses work. That's not how.

(01:10:48):
But she's just the owner. She can't. Oh, she's just the owner and also the head chef.
People are allowed to take holidays. Okay. No hospitality. I worked for hospitality for six
and a half years. You weren't the business owner. No, because I could never afford it. Exactly. She
was the business owner. You literally live paycheck to paycheck. She was the business owner. She didn't
need to live paycheck to paycheck. She was the, she was the one making the profits. Oh, it was

(01:11:11):
the nineties too. No, it wasn't. No, it's 2000. Oh my God. These are movies are made around COVID.
How are they open? Thanks for joining us. We're having an existential crisis. I've been Nick
and she's been Lisa. And if you like what you heard or you've heard this before, or you'll hear it in

(01:11:35):
the future somehow from the past, everything is all in the past. And you constantly hear from the
past because that's how time works. And also how the speed of sound works. You can find us in the
show notes below, where there's links to things and tour, including our RSS feed, our discord,
and our website. It takes two.co.nz. Thank you for joining us for Christmas, holidays,

(01:12:02):
Hanukkah, Kwanzaa. Ramadan is not happening. I don't know what other holidays are around.
Yuletide. There we go. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for joining us for Yuletide.
We do have one last Christmas episode this year, because we've got three December episodes.
So that one will be more classic Christmas, not Hallmark. But it's been fun to do two

(01:12:30):
Hallmark episodes this year and mix it up a little bit, get some Hanukkah in there.
You know, it's not all that the Hallmark Christmas, though there was a lot of Christmas
in the Hanukkah movie. There was a ridiculous amount of Christmas stuff in the Hanukkah movie.
For a movie called Love, Light, Hanukkah, there was probably more Christmas than there was Hanukkah.
A lot of dreidel collection. Yeah, she did have a dreidel collection.

(01:12:51):
The really expensive ones. Yeah, that was kind of cool.
That's cool, like, quick for the character. You know, she's got a background. She's got a dreidel
collection. Also, yeah, sorry, in both movies, the lady who's just been introduced to the family
buys like really expensive personal gifts for everyone. I'm telling you, money in these

(01:13:14):
universes doesn't make sense. Bye, everybody. Bye. Happy Christmas. And we'll see you again
shortly. Well, I think actually our next episode is shortly after Christmas. It's an end of
December one, but it's still a Christmas episode. So we'll see you then. Bye.