April 21, 2025 • 21 mins
Think co-parenting has to come with chaos? Think again, Mama.
In this episode of It’s a Single Mom Thing, we’re calling out the drama and calling up your peace. Whether your co-parent is cooperative, chaotic, or completely missing in action, this Power-Up Pep Talk will equip you with grace-filled strategies and fierce boundaries to protect your peace and power up your parenting.
We’ll talk about:
- How to avoid the trap of control disguised as communication
- What boundaries actually look like (and how to say them with style!)
- The secret weapon every single mom has to model maturity for her kids
- How to start a co-parenting conversation—even if there’s no plan in place
Oh—and you’ll hear a personal mic-drop moment that will stay with you every time your phone buzzes with a text from “them.”
This episode is filled with truth bombs, prayer points, journal prompts, and practical tools to help you slay the co-parenting game like the Queen you are.
👑 Ready to stop matching energy and start managing your peace? Press play now.
🔗 For class details, prayer support, and more visit: shepherdsvillage.com
#ShepherdsVillage #ItsASingleMomThing #PowerUpPepTalk
It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for
single moms by single moms.
This is Sherri, your host, andI am happy you are here today.
Remember it's a single momthing and not the single thing
that stops you.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Well, hey, mamas, I've missed you.
It's been a couple of weekssince our last pep talk, and I
do hope that you've had a sweetEaster, even if it came with a
few sour moments, I knowholidays.
They can bring the whole familyinto the picture, including the
co-parent, and while sometimesthat interaction leaves us with
more questions, emotions ordrama than we expected.
(00:38):
So if yesterday stirredsomething up, this episode, girl
, might just be right on time.
Today we are talking into thebattlefield of co-parenting.
But listen, we're not showingup with drama, defensiveness or
dysfunction.
Oh no, we are showing up withsome grace, strategy and the
(01:00):
kind of boundaries that protectyour peace, not popular patience
.
The kind of boundaries thatprotect your peace, not popular
patience.
So the kind of grace that youknow a queen who rules her
kingdom with.
So if your phone lights up witha text from your co-parent and
you feel your blood pressurerising, then this episode is
definitely for you.
Whether or not your co-parent iscooperative, chaotic or
(01:23):
completely MIA, you can stillparent with peace.
Today's pep talk, so to speak,is here to help us slay
boundaries with grace and style,and not the other parent with
your tongue.
So welcome back to anotherepisode of it's a Single Mom
Thing.
Drama isn't a parenting plan.
(01:45):
Now, although a good dramamakes for a binge-worthy weekend
, it doesn't make for a greatco-parenting relationship.
Nor, ladies, a reality TV showyour kiddos should be forced to
watch play out.
You see, drama is loud, messyand emotionally expensive.
(02:06):
And your kids, well, they areoften the ones who end up paying
the price Co-parenting drama?
well, that usually kicks offwhen we confuse control.
Now listen up withcommunication.
Now let me say that again, forthe mama listening on her
commute to work Said differentlyjust because you're talking
(02:28):
doesn't mean you areco-parenting.
Listen, all talk with no actionaligned sinks that co-parenting
relationship before it evenleaves the harbor.
So here's the hard truth.
So here's the hard truth.
When you engage in unnecessarydrama, you're handing over your
(02:49):
peace to someone who you know,girl, probably isn't stewarding
their own well, and as a queen,you don't give your crown, nor
your power away to anyone.
So here's a truth bomb that Iam going to drop on you.
You don't have to match theirenergy, you get to manage yours.
(03:10):
Now, in Proverbs 15.1, it says agentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Notice, it doesn't say alighter comeback wins the battle
.
It doesn't say a lightercomeback wins the battle.
Now listen, I have been in someyelling matches myself and even
if I won and that's a perceivedone I still walked away feeling
(03:34):
like I lost.
You know why?
Because those one-ups orone-liners that I was slinging
at him.
Well, they may have lifted mymood and emotions temporarily,
but my world still came crashingdown like a lead balloon and
the outcome, yeah, it didn'tchange and it didn't favor
(03:55):
anyone.
You know I'm right.
Are you nodding your head withme right now in your car?
Now, it felt good in the moment, let's be honest to have him
have it to list off everythinghe should be doing, all the ways
he's fallen short.
But instead of inviting him torise up and actually be the co
(04:17):
in the co-parenting relationship, no, the opposite happened.
It pushed him further out andguess what?
That left me carrying the fullload and my son without a
co-parent.
So, to help a sister out,here's what I learned that can
help you and you're going totake this action.
(04:38):
Step number one and that wouldbe the pause and prayer rule,
and it goes like this when aheated moment hits, first girl,
you need to pause before yourespond, say a quick prayer,
give your spirit a chance tospeak louder than your stress
and louder than the mess.
There is a Bible verse that Ihave clung to many times in my
(04:59):
battles with my son's dad, and Iknow some of you have heard it
before because I have mentionedit several times in a podcast
and it is, and you want to itbefore because I have mentioned
it several times in a podcastand it is, and you want to
highlight and tab this in yourBible Exodus 14, 14.
And I quote the Lord will fightfor you, no-transcript.
(05:20):
So the next time you're readyto blow up on a brother, be a
good mother.
Instead, give it to God, writeit I don't know in your thriving
25 journal, get it off yourchest and onto paper and then
close the book on the drama.
You see, while the Lord gets agrip on the other parent, you
get a grip on your emotions andyou power it down, maybe with
(05:43):
this power phrase that I want toshare with you, and you need to
probably write this down too.
And it goes every time.
I choose peace over pettiness.
I parent with power.
So, whether you need to saythat three times, say it five
times, say it until your poweryes, you know the one that tried
to run away it reconnects thespirit of God that lives inside
(06:06):
of you.
Boundaries aren't walls, theyare gates with locks.
Now, let's be real.
Setting boundaries andco-parenting feels awkward at
first especially if you've beenoperating in survival mode.
But listen, girl, boundariesaren't barriers, they are
bridges to peace, and every goodqueen wants bridges to peace,
(06:30):
not torched wreckage behind her.
Boundaries, ladies, are one ofyour best communication tools
and gatekeepers to a successfulrelationship with really anyone,
especially the other parent.
You see, boundaries tell theother person what you will and
you won't allow.
Not to control them, though,but to protect your own heart
(06:53):
and your child's well-being.
And listen, girl, it isperfectly okay to do that.
Think of them like sacredproperty lines and guess what?
You don't owe anyone anemotional explanation for
protecting your peace,especially as a head of your
household.
Listen, girl, you needboundaries that support your
(07:16):
parenting plan.
So here's the secret sauce, soto speak, for boundaries.
Boundaries can be firm and bothgracious.
So let's do a little practicesession here, if we will.
I want you to picture you andthe other parent outside in a
neutral space, let's say like apark or the beach no kids in
(07:39):
sight, no eavesdroppers, just acalm place where you can speak
clearly.
I want you to take a deepbreath, straighten your posture
and step into this imaginaryconversation with confidence and
peace.
Okay, you ready, you there, andthen I want you to try these
(08:02):
phrases on for size.
Number one let's keep thisconversation focused on the kids
.
Or zing them with a little,I'll respond when I have had
time to think about it.
Or even, please use ourparenting calendar for future
changes.
Say them with me and say themagain.
Here we go and grow.
(08:23):
Okay, we're going to do this.
One again, ready?
Let's keep this conversationfocused on the kids, or how
about?
I'll respond when I've had timeto think.
Or please use our parentingcalendar for future changes.
How do you feel when you speakthem?
(08:43):
Can you feel peace, taking thelead instead of pressure or
panic?
You see, these aren'tinvitations to debate.
They are declarations of calmconfidence.
You, my friend, get to set thetone Now.
In Proverbs 4.23, it says, aboveall else, guard your heart, for
(09:04):
everything you do flows from it.
You see, boundaries, they helpyou guard that heart, girl,
wisely and boldly.
And sis, listen, grace doesn'tmean being a doormat.
Okay, grace, think of it asthis.
Grace is strength under control.
It doesn't mean you don't haveboundaries.
(09:26):
It means you set them withoutlosing your faith or even your
flavor.
So today, I want to challengeyou to take this first action
step.
Ok, you ready?
I want you to identify oneboundary that needs to either be
established or re-establishedthis week, okay, and I am even
(09:48):
going to go far as to write itin your Thriving 25 journal, at
the very least on a post-it notethat you put on your bathroom
mirror, that you see on thedaily.
Okay, then, I want you torehearse it, not from your pain,
though, but from your peaceEven better, visualize it, go
into the future, okay.
(10:09):
See yourself having thatconversation with grace and
confidence.
Feel how your body carriesitself, how steady your voice
sounds, how clear your wordsland.
This, my girl, is your dressrehearsal.
Not for a fight, but for ahealthy shift.
Because here's the hard truththe more you rehearse peace, I'm
(10:33):
telling you, girl, the morenatural it becomes your
boundaries.
Then they won't just feel right, they'll become second nature
and not just a declaration, butthey become your decree.
So here's a special side notefor my mamas without a formal
co-parenting plan, okay.
So listen up.
(10:54):
If you've had your child outsideof marriage and there is no
legal parenting agreement inplace, you might be listening to
this podcast wondering well,where do I even start?
And here's where you need tostart, girl.
Start with one, and I'm justtalking one intentional
conversation, and that's it,even if the father hasn't been
(11:17):
involved or isn't parenting theway you'd hope.
Creating space for aco-parenting rhythm that's what
we're going to call.
It starts with clarity, withyou taking the first step in the
dance, not with conflict.
That's the key to unlocking thepotential of something
(11:38):
healthier whole family healing.
So, first off, listen, you needto stop keeping the score, girl
, and you need to pause and prayand ask God to begin opening
the door.
Whether it's you who starts theconversation or it leaves God
the ability to stir something inhim.
So, in the meantime, this iswhat I want you to do Practice
(12:04):
these phrases like okay, listenup, you hear me.
Okay, here we go.
I'd like you to start withnumber one, and it's going to
say something like I'd like toexplore ways we both can show up
for our child or childrenmoving forward.
Or number two, you could gowith this one.
Or children moving forward, ornumber two, you could go with
(12:27):
this one.
I am open to finding a rhythmthat works for everyone,
especially for our kiddos.
Or here's another one how aboutthis?
Let's focus on what's best forthem, not what's happened in the
past.
You see, setting expectationsand boundaries, girls.
Now, that could really open thedoor to a whole new season
later.
Don't wait for the perfectconditions, just start with,
(12:52):
simply the right spirit.
So here's a power phrase I gotfor you you ready, boundaries,
protect my peace, and my peaceprotects my parenting.
Oh, that is so repeat worthy.
We are going to say that againyou ready, let's go.
Boundaries, protect my peace,and my peace protects my
(13:14):
parenting.
Raising future adults whatmodel they mirror?
Now listen, mamas, let's notforget something here your kids,
they are watching everythingand you know it, girl.
So you also know how yourespond to conflict, how you
communicate or don't, how youprotect your peace and how you
(13:37):
show grace.
Well, these are all the lessonsin progress for their future
selves.
So listen up.
I want you to ask yourself am Iglad that I was this, excuse me
, that this was modeled for meby my own parents, or are you
one of the ones who arelistening that didn't get that
example?
And now you have the chance tobreak the pattern and become the
(14:00):
trendsetter for your family.
Listen, I'm going to tap thismicrophone.
Listen, do I have yourattention now?
You see, you're not justco-parenting for today.
You need to get out of thattrap.
You, my ladies, are modelinghow you, their kids, your kids,
will handle their own futurerelationships, challenges and
(14:22):
even their own boundaries.
Every calm response, everythoughtful word, every time you,
my girl, choose peace overdrama.
Oh, yes, you are teaching yourkids how to regulate emotions.
You're teaching them how tonavigate tension and you're
teaching them how to hold spacefor grace.
(14:42):
Your child is watching how youact and both react, whether your
co-parent, is present,problematic or totally checked
out.
Your kids are forming theirinternal wiring for what's
normal and what's acceptablebased on what they see from you.
Now, listen, I am sure that youdon't want those wires getting
(15:05):
crossed or, even worse,short-circuited.
You want what's best for them,don't you?
And that starts with taking thefocus listen, this might be a
hard one off of you, off of yourco-parent, and putting it where
it belongs on your kids.
You see, god has entrusted youwith his bundles of joy to raise
(15:30):
them upright, whether you feelready or not.
Well, look out, it has alreadycome and that responsibility is
all yours and what you do todayit shapes their tomorrow.
So when they get older and youfind yourself asking, well, what
the heck, why did you do that?
Or where did you learn that?
(15:50):
From Ladies?
I want you to remember thiswhen you point one finger at
them, four fingers are pointingback at you the one who taught
him that.
You see, this season, you arein this solo season.
I know, trust me, I know itfeels like it never ends or it
will end, but it does and I'mliving proof of that, and you
(16:14):
need to listen up and learn fromme.
It took everything in me to drawa line in the sand and hold to
it.
It really did, and it wouldhave been so much easier, trust
me, to just erase that lineevery time.
It got hard, but I didn't,because I wanted to do something
different and I wantedsomething different for my son
(16:35):
than what I learned.
I stood in the gap for theboundaries I set for both me and
my son.
Whether my ex-husband or hisfather chose to follow him,
that's not on me and that's noton me to pick up and worry about
.
So listen now as I look at myson, now 20 years old.
Listen, he is 21 years, almost22 years old, standing strong.
(16:58):
I'm so grateful that I did.
He didn't have to unlearn whatI had to.
He didn't have to carry thehurts or pick up the habits I
developed when I was tangled inthe drama or the trauma of a
broken relationship with his dad, myself or even our heavenly
father.
Matthew 5, 9 says this blessedare the peacemakers, for they
(17:23):
will be called children of God.
So if you ever wonder whetheryou're holding your tongue,
walking away or praying through,it is making a difference,
trust me, girl, it is.
You, my lady, are sowing seedsof emotional intelligence,
intelligence, spiritual maturityand personal strength in your
(17:47):
kids, in your future adults,your future husbands and wives.
And one day they'll look backand say my mom didn't lose her
mind every time something wentsideways.
No, on the contrary, I saw mymom trust God and she set the
tone.
So, lady, here is your lastpower phrase, and it goes like
(18:12):
this I'm raising strong kids bybeing a steady mom.
So, as I close, let's do alittle recap here, okay?
Number one you don't need tomatch drama, you get to manage
your peace.
Two boundaries are not aboutshutting people out, they're
(18:32):
about inviting peace in.
And number three what you modeltoday is what your children
will mirror tomorrow.
So here is your call to actionfor this week.
One, I want you to choose one,just one boundary to either set
or reset this week.
(18:53):
Write it in your Thriving 25journal and read it on the daily
.
Two, practice speaking it aloud, with clarity and calm, okay,
not with conviction and contempt.
Three, I want you to askyourself seriously what lesson
do I want my kids to learn bywatching me handle this in a
(19:16):
healthy manner?
If you're in the Tampa Bay area,I want to invite you to come
join our next in-person it's aSingle Mom Thing class.
We're digging deeper into theseboundaries drama detox
strategies and walking this outtogether, side by side.
Visit shepherdsvillagecomforward slash classes to check
the schedule out and find yourseat in the circle.
(19:38):
Two, join the conversation inour private.
It's a Single Mom ThingFacebook group.
Let's talk about the boundariesyou're working on and support
each other with wisdom and somegrace, and don't forget to use
the hashtag PowerUpPepTalk so wecan find you and cheer you on.
(19:58):
And three, if you need someoneto stand in prayer with you
about your parenting situation,girl, don't forget about our 24
7 prayer line at 855-822-PRAYthat is open to you and listen,
girl, you need to be sure tosubscribe to it's a single mom
thing podcast on apple podcast,spotify or iheart radio so you
(20:19):
never miss an.
And if you haven't shared thispodcast with another solo sister
girl, can you do that now?
It will help you.
If it has helped you breathe alittle easier and think a little
deeper, please leave a reviewand share it with another mama,
for they may find the same hopeand support that you have.
(20:40):
Ladies, listen, you know youare not alone.
We are in this.
I am in this with you, cheeringyou on and helping you face
your future with confidence andclarity.
Until next time, keep parentingwith peace and purpose,
remembering it's a single momthing and not the single thing
(21:01):
that stops you.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Thanks for listening to.
It's a Single Mom Thing.
I hope you enjoyed our timetogether.
If you have more questions onhow to have a relationship with
Jesus or need prayer, visit usat wwwshepherdsvillagecom.
Backslash prayer.
For more information andresources, check out our show
notes.
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for
single moms by single moms.
This is Sherri, your host, andI am happy you are here today.
Remember it's a single momthing and not the single thing
that stops you.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Well, hey, mamas, I've missed you.
It's been a couple of weekssince our last pep talk, and I
do hope that you've had a sweetEaster, even if it came with a
few sour moments, I knowholidays.
They can bring the whole familyinto the picture, including the
co-parent, and while sometimesthat interaction leaves us with
more questions, emotions ordrama than we expected.
(00:38):
So if yesterday stirredsomething up, this episode, girl
, might just be right on time.
Today we are talking into thebattlefield of co-parenting.
But listen, we're not showingup with drama, defensiveness or
dysfunction.
Oh no, we are showing up withsome grace, strategy and the
(01:00):
kind of boundaries that protectyour peace, not popular patience
.
The kind of boundaries thatprotect your peace, not popular
patience.
So the kind of grace that youknow a queen who rules her
kingdom with.
So if your phone lights up witha text from your co-parent and
you feel your blood pressurerising, then this episode is
definitely for you.
Whether or not your co-parent iscooperative, chaotic or
(01:23):
completely MIA, you can stillparent with peace.
Today's pep talk, so to speak,is here to help us slay
boundaries with grace and style,and not the other parent with
your tongue.
So welcome back to anotherepisode of it's a Single Mom
Thing.
Drama isn't a parenting plan.
(01:45):
Now, although a good dramamakes for a binge-worthy weekend
, it doesn't make for a greatco-parenting relationship.
Nor, ladies, a reality TV showyour kiddos should be forced to
watch play out.
You see, drama is loud, messyand emotionally expensive.
(02:06):
And your kids, well, they areoften the ones who end up paying
the price Co-parenting drama?
well, that usually kicks offwhen we confuse control.
Now listen up withcommunication.
Now let me say that again, forthe mama listening on her
commute to work Said differentlyjust because you're talking
(02:28):
doesn't mean you areco-parenting.
Listen, all talk with no actionaligned sinks that co-parenting
relationship before it evenleaves the harbor.
So here's the hard truth.
So here's the hard truth.
When you engage in unnecessarydrama, you're handing over your
(02:49):
peace to someone who you know,girl, probably isn't stewarding
their own well, and as a queen,you don't give your crown, nor
your power away to anyone.
So here's a truth bomb that Iam going to drop on you.
You don't have to match theirenergy, you get to manage yours.
(03:10):
Now, in Proverbs 15.1, it says agentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Notice, it doesn't say alighter comeback wins the battle
.
It doesn't say a lightercomeback wins the battle.
Now listen, I have been in someyelling matches myself and even
if I won and that's a perceivedone I still walked away feeling
(03:34):
like I lost.
You know why?
Because those one-ups orone-liners that I was slinging
at him.
Well, they may have lifted mymood and emotions temporarily,
but my world still came crashingdown like a lead balloon and
the outcome, yeah, it didn'tchange and it didn't favor
(03:55):
anyone.
You know I'm right.
Are you nodding your head withme right now in your car?
Now, it felt good in the moment, let's be honest to have him
have it to list off everythinghe should be doing, all the ways
he's fallen short.
But instead of inviting him torise up and actually be the co
(04:17):
in the co-parenting relationship, no, the opposite happened.
It pushed him further out andguess what?
That left me carrying the fullload and my son without a
co-parent.
So, to help a sister out,here's what I learned that can
help you and you're going totake this action.
(04:38):
Step number one and that wouldbe the pause and prayer rule,
and it goes like this when aheated moment hits, first girl,
you need to pause before yourespond, say a quick prayer,
give your spirit a chance tospeak louder than your stress
and louder than the mess.
There is a Bible verse that Ihave clung to many times in my
(04:59):
battles with my son's dad, and Iknow some of you have heard it
before because I have mentionedit several times in a podcast
and it is, and you want to itbefore because I have mentioned
it several times in a podcastand it is, and you want to
highlight and tab this in yourBible Exodus 14, 14.
And I quote the Lord will fightfor you, no-transcript.
(05:20):
So the next time you're readyto blow up on a brother, be a
good mother.
Instead, give it to God, writeit I don't know in your thriving
25 journal, get it off yourchest and onto paper and then
close the book on the drama.
You see, while the Lord gets agrip on the other parent, you
get a grip on your emotions andyou power it down, maybe with
(05:43):
this power phrase that I want toshare with you, and you need to
probably write this down too.
And it goes every time.
I choose peace over pettiness.
I parent with power.
So, whether you need to saythat three times, say it five
times, say it until your poweryes, you know the one that tried
to run away it reconnects thespirit of God that lives inside
(06:06):
of you.
Boundaries aren't walls, theyare gates with locks.
Now, let's be real.
Setting boundaries andco-parenting feels awkward at
first especially if you've beenoperating in survival mode.
But listen, girl, boundariesaren't barriers, they are
bridges to peace, and every goodqueen wants bridges to peace,
(06:30):
not torched wreckage behind her.
Boundaries, ladies, are one ofyour best communication tools
and gatekeepers to a successfulrelationship with really anyone,
especially the other parent.
You see, boundaries tell theother person what you will and
you won't allow.
Not to control them, though,but to protect your own heart
(06:53):
and your child's well-being.
And listen, girl, it isperfectly okay to do that.
Think of them like sacredproperty lines and guess what?
You don't owe anyone anemotional explanation for
protecting your peace,especially as a head of your
household.
Listen, girl, you needboundaries that support your
(07:16):
parenting plan.
So here's the secret sauce, soto speak, for boundaries.
Boundaries can be firm and bothgracious.
So let's do a little practicesession here, if we will.
I want you to picture you andthe other parent outside in a
neutral space, let's say like apark or the beach no kids in
(07:39):
sight, no eavesdroppers, just acalm place where you can speak
clearly.
I want you to take a deepbreath, straighten your posture
and step into this imaginaryconversation with confidence and
peace.
Okay, you ready, you there, andthen I want you to try these
(08:02):
phrases on for size.
Number one let's keep thisconversation focused on the kids
.
Or zing them with a little,I'll respond when I have had
time to think about it.
Or even, please use ourparenting calendar for future
changes.
Say them with me and say themagain.
Here we go and grow.
(08:23):
Okay, we're going to do this.
One again, ready?
Let's keep this conversationfocused on the kids, or how
about?
I'll respond when I've had timeto think.
Or please use our parentingcalendar for future changes.
How do you feel when you speakthem?
(08:43):
Can you feel peace, taking thelead instead of pressure or
panic?
You see, these aren'tinvitations to debate.
They are declarations of calmconfidence.
You, my friend, get to set thetone Now.
In Proverbs 4.23, it says, aboveall else, guard your heart, for
(09:04):
everything you do flows from it.
You see, boundaries, they helpyou guard that heart, girl,
wisely and boldly.
And sis, listen, grace doesn'tmean being a doormat.
Okay, grace, think of it asthis.
Grace is strength under control.
It doesn't mean you don't haveboundaries.
(09:26):
It means you set them withoutlosing your faith or even your
flavor.
So today, I want to challengeyou to take this first action
step.
Ok, you ready?
I want you to identify oneboundary that needs to either be
established or re-establishedthis week, okay, and I am even
(09:48):
going to go far as to write itin your Thriving 25 journal, at
the very least on a post-it notethat you put on your bathroom
mirror, that you see on thedaily.
Okay, then, I want you torehearse it, not from your pain,
though, but from your peaceEven better, visualize it, go
into the future, okay.
(10:09):
See yourself having thatconversation with grace and
confidence.
Feel how your body carriesitself, how steady your voice
sounds, how clear your wordsland.
This, my girl, is your dressrehearsal.
Not for a fight, but for ahealthy shift.
Because here's the hard truththe more you rehearse peace, I'm
(10:33):
telling you, girl, the morenatural it becomes your
boundaries.
Then they won't just feel right, they'll become second nature
and not just a declaration, butthey become your decree.
So here's a special side notefor my mamas without a formal
co-parenting plan, okay.
So listen up.
(10:54):
If you've had your child outsideof marriage and there is no
legal parenting agreement inplace, you might be listening to
this podcast wondering well,where do I even start?
And here's where you need tostart, girl.
Start with one, and I'm justtalking one intentional
conversation, and that's it,even if the father hasn't been
(11:17):
involved or isn't parenting theway you'd hope.
Creating space for aco-parenting rhythm that's what
we're going to call.
It starts with clarity, withyou taking the first step in the
dance, not with conflict.
That's the key to unlocking thepotential of something
(11:38):
healthier whole family healing.
So, first off, listen, you needto stop keeping the score, girl
, and you need to pause and prayand ask God to begin opening
the door.
Whether it's you who starts theconversation or it leaves God
the ability to stir something inhim.
So, in the meantime, this iswhat I want you to do Practice
(12:04):
these phrases like okay, listenup, you hear me.
Okay, here we go.
I'd like you to start withnumber one, and it's going to
say something like I'd like toexplore ways we both can show up
for our child or childrenmoving forward.
Or number two, you could gowith this one.
Or children moving forward, ornumber two, you could go with
(12:27):
this one.
I am open to finding a rhythmthat works for everyone,
especially for our kiddos.
Or here's another one how aboutthis?
Let's focus on what's best forthem, not what's happened in the
past.
You see, setting expectationsand boundaries, girls.
Now, that could really open thedoor to a whole new season
later.
Don't wait for the perfectconditions, just start with,
(12:52):
simply the right spirit.
So here's a power phrase I gotfor you you ready, boundaries,
protect my peace, and my peaceprotects my parenting.
Oh, that is so repeat worthy.
We are going to say that againyou ready, let's go.
Boundaries, protect my peace,and my peace protects my
(13:14):
parenting.
Raising future adults whatmodel they mirror?
Now listen, mamas, let's notforget something here your kids,
they are watching everythingand you know it, girl.
So you also know how yourespond to conflict, how you
communicate or don't, how youprotect your peace and how you
(13:37):
show grace.
Well, these are all the lessonsin progress for their future
selves.
So listen up.
I want you to ask yourself am Iglad that I was this, excuse me
, that this was modeled for meby my own parents, or are you
one of the ones who arelistening that didn't get that
example?
And now you have the chance tobreak the pattern and become the
(14:00):
trendsetter for your family.
Listen, I'm going to tap thismicrophone.
Listen, do I have yourattention now?
You see, you're not justco-parenting for today.
You need to get out of thattrap.
You, my ladies, are modelinghow you, their kids, your kids,
will handle their own futurerelationships, challenges and
(14:22):
even their own boundaries.
Every calm response, everythoughtful word, every time you,
my girl, choose peace overdrama.
Oh, yes, you are teaching yourkids how to regulate emotions.
You're teaching them how tonavigate tension and you're
teaching them how to hold spacefor grace.
(14:42):
Your child is watching how youact and both react, whether your
co-parent, is present,problematic or totally checked
out.
Your kids are forming theirinternal wiring for what's
normal and what's acceptablebased on what they see from you.
Now, listen, I am sure that youdon't want those wires getting
(15:05):
crossed or, even worse,short-circuited.
You want what's best for them,don't you?
And that starts with taking thefocus listen, this might be a
hard one off of you, off of yourco-parent, and putting it where
it belongs on your kids.
You see, god has entrusted youwith his bundles of joy to raise
(15:30):
them upright, whether you feelready or not.
Well, look out, it has alreadycome and that responsibility is
all yours and what you do todayit shapes their tomorrow.
So when they get older and youfind yourself asking, well, what
the heck, why did you do that?
Or where did you learn that?
(15:50):
From Ladies?
I want you to remember thiswhen you point one finger at
them, four fingers are pointingback at you the one who taught
him that.
You see, this season, you arein this solo season.
I know, trust me, I know itfeels like it never ends or it
will end, but it does and I'mliving proof of that, and you
(16:14):
need to listen up and learn fromme.
It took everything in me to drawa line in the sand and hold to
it.
It really did, and it wouldhave been so much easier, trust
me, to just erase that lineevery time.
It got hard, but I didn't,because I wanted to do something
different and I wantedsomething different for my son
(16:35):
than what I learned.
I stood in the gap for theboundaries I set for both me and
my son.
Whether my ex-husband or hisfather chose to follow him,
that's not on me and that's noton me to pick up and worry about
.
So listen now as I look at myson, now 20 years old.
Listen, he is 21 years, almost22 years old, standing strong.
(16:58):
I'm so grateful that I did.
He didn't have to unlearn whatI had to.
He didn't have to carry thehurts or pick up the habits I
developed when I was tangled inthe drama or the trauma of a
broken relationship with his dad, myself or even our heavenly
father.
Matthew 5, 9 says this blessedare the peacemakers, for they
(17:23):
will be called children of God.
So if you ever wonder whetheryou're holding your tongue,
walking away or praying through,it is making a difference,
trust me, girl, it is.
You, my lady, are sowing seedsof emotional intelligence,
intelligence, spiritual maturityand personal strength in your
(17:47):
kids, in your future adults,your future husbands and wives.
And one day they'll look backand say my mom didn't lose her
mind every time something wentsideways.
No, on the contrary, I saw mymom trust God and she set the
tone.
So, lady, here is your lastpower phrase, and it goes like
(18:12):
this I'm raising strong kids bybeing a steady mom.
So, as I close, let's do alittle recap here, okay?
Number one you don't need tomatch drama, you get to manage
your peace.
Two boundaries are not aboutshutting people out, they're
(18:32):
about inviting peace in.
And number three what you modeltoday is what your children
will mirror tomorrow.
So here is your call to actionfor this week.
One, I want you to choose one,just one boundary to either set
or reset this week.
(18:53):
Write it in your Thriving 25journal and read it on the daily
.
Two, practice speaking it aloud, with clarity and calm, okay,
not with conviction and contempt.
Three, I want you to askyourself seriously what lesson
do I want my kids to learn bywatching me handle this in a
(19:16):
healthy manner?
If you're in the Tampa Bay area,I want to invite you to come
join our next in-person it's aSingle Mom Thing class.
We're digging deeper into theseboundaries drama detox
strategies and walking this outtogether, side by side.
Visit shepherdsvillagecomforward slash classes to check
the schedule out and find yourseat in the circle.
(19:38):
Two, join the conversation inour private.
It's a Single Mom ThingFacebook group.
Let's talk about the boundariesyou're working on and support
each other with wisdom and somegrace, and don't forget to use
the hashtag PowerUpPepTalk so wecan find you and cheer you on.
(19:58):
And three, if you need someoneto stand in prayer with you
about your parenting situation,girl, don't forget about our 24
7 prayer line at 855-822-PRAYthat is open to you and listen,
girl, you need to be sure tosubscribe to it's a single mom
thing podcast on apple podcast,spotify or iheart radio so you
(20:19):
never miss an.
And if you haven't shared thispodcast with another solo sister
girl, can you do that now?
It will help you.
If it has helped you breathe alittle easier and think a little
deeper, please leave a reviewand share it with another mama,
for they may find the same hopeand support that you have.
(20:40):
Ladies, listen, you know youare not alone.
We are in this.
I am in this with you, cheeringyou on and helping you face
your future with confidence andclarity.
Until next time, keep parentingwith peace and purpose,
remembering it's a single momthing and not the single thing
(21:01):
that stops you.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Thanks for listening to.
It's a Single Mom Thing.
I hope you enjoyed our timetogether.
If you have more questions onhow to have a relationship with
Jesus or need prayer, visit usat wwwshepherdsvillagecom.
Backslash prayer.
For more information andresources, check out our show
notes.
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