Back-to-school isn’t just about supplies and schedules—it’s a season of emotional transition for both kids and single moms. In this powerful Part 2 of Looking Through Their Eyes, Sherry dives deep into how to recognize what your child may be feeling but not saying out loud—especially in the middle of big changes like a new grade, a new school, or senior year.
Through personal reflection, brain-based tools, and faith-filled encouragement, you’ll discover how to:
- Understand your child’s nonverbal emotional cues
- Use the “Spot it. Got it.” technique (with a snap!) to stay grounded and present
- Reconnect with your own needs before responding to theirs
- Enjoy simple, intentional ways to bond with your child or teen before school starts
- Practice a powerful journaling and prayer exercise that creates space for healing
Whether you’re parenting a kindergartener or a high school senior, this episode will equip you to listen with your heart, connect with purpose, and parent with perspective.
💛 Bonus Moments Include:
- A fun “One Last Summer Slurp” activity for reconnecting with teens
- Proverbs 4:23 reflection: “Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
- 24-hour prayer line invitation: 855-822-PRAY
👂 Ready to go deeper in your parenting and personal healing journey?
Press play, take a breath, and let’s listen beyond the words—together.
📞 Need prayer or support?
Call our 24-hour prayer line: 855-822-7729
It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for
single moms by single moms.
This is Sherri, your host, andI am happy you are here today.
Remember it's a single momthing and not the single thing
that stops you.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hey, hey, girls, and welcome back to another episode
of it's a Single Mom Thing, thepodcast for women doing it all
but learning they don't have todo it alone, okay, okay, so I
owe you a little my bad here.
I know this is supposed to beor last week was supposed to be
part two of our Looking Throughtheir Eyes Parenting with
(00:38):
Perspective series, and youmight have been sitting there
like Sherry.
What happened to part two?
Well, I'm going to keep it realwith you.
Something was laid heavy on myheart, which you know, and I
just had to follow it, andthat's why last week I dropped
the when in a pickle play,pickleball episode in between,
(00:58):
it was a word in season thatneeded to be served hot, and now
was.
You know, girl, how God workssometimes.
So my bad, but I am so gladthat you are here back with me
today, because this episode it'sa timely one and it is part two
.
We're closing out summer,flipping those calendars and
(01:19):
your flip flops, and maybe, man,I don't know, maybe your house
is starting to fill with targetbags, new shoes, lunch boxes and
those school supply lists thatnever end, am I right?
But underneath all that hustle,there's a little tension in the
(01:39):
air.
Maybe you feel it, maybe yourkids are showing it, even if
they can't say it.
Whether your little ones startin kindergarten, your middle
schooler is wondering wherethey'll sit at lunch, or your
high school senior is foursemesters away from flying the
nest, this time of year is fullof transition New schools, new
grades, new friends, newexpectations.
(02:00):
And for some of our kids, thatchange feels like chaos inside.
That's why today's episode iscalled and this is our part two
Listening Beyond Words, whatyour Child Isn't Saying.
In this Season of Change, weare going to be listen up.
We're going to be talking abouthow to tune in not just to what
(02:22):
your kids say, but to what theydon't, because sometimes I have
found the silence, the tood orthe sudden clinginess.
That's not just back to schoolstress.
That's your child saying I'mnot sure I'm ready, but guess
what?
You are mama.
(02:42):
So grab your journal, yourcoffee or whatever helps you
stay present and let's dive intothe deep end of the pool
together, into this new episodeChange.
Change is loud, even when it'squiet.
We're going to start rightthere.
So all right, ladies, let's setthe scene.
The backpacks are packed, thealarms are set and somewhere
(03:06):
between the half-eaten wafflesand the mismatched socks,
there's this energy in the air.
You know the one I'm talkingabout, that low hum of anxiety,
excitement, maybe even dread.
Your child might not be able toname it, but it's there.
(03:27):
It's in the way they ask thesame question like three times
Uh, what time do I get picked upagain.
It's in the way they suddenlydon't want to go to bed alone.
Or the way your teen keepssaying I'm fine With that tone
that makes you raise youreyebrow, like oh really, listen,
(03:49):
change is loud even when it'squiet.
And this back to school season,it's one of those major
emotional shifts, not just forthem but for us too, whether
it's their first day ofkindergarten or their first year
of high school, whether they'rehomeschooling for the first
(04:10):
time or navigating a newco-parenting routine this time
of year, oh girl, it stirs up alot For them.
It might be fear of being thenew kid, anxiety about fitting
in, or pressure to perform.
For you ladies, you got it too.
It might be guilt, overwhelm,or wondering if you've done
(04:33):
enough to prepare them.
And the thing is, girl, listen,your child might not come right
out and say, mom, I'm scared, Iwon't make friends, or what if
I fail?
Oh, no girl.
On the converse, they're goingto do the opposite.
It'll show up in their behavior.
Their behavior is what we'll betalking and it's like acting
(04:55):
out.
This is what it looks like.
It's acting out, shutting down,getting extra clingy or way too
chill.
That, my ladies, is theirversion of an SOS.
So, before we brush it off, andbrush off that silence or their
snarkiness as just being a kid,what if we paused long enough
(05:16):
to ask what's really going onunderneath all that business?
Because, ladies, sometimes themost important thing your child
is trying to say hasn't beensaid yet.
That's why being present rightnow, not just physically but
emotionally, is so key.
(05:38):
You don't have to have all theanswers, okay, you don't have to
have a fix-it, but you do needto listen.
Listen to what?
To the sighs, to the silence,to their signals in their eyes
that say please notice me, evenwhen I don't know how to ask.
(06:00):
This moment of transition, it'snot just about sharpened pencils
and new sneakers.
It's about helping your childfeel safe when everything around
them feels brand new.
And speaking of brand new, youever break in a new pair of
shoes.
Ooh, they look so cute.
They feel exciting until about1 pm when you realize they're
(06:24):
rubbing you the wrong way andleaving you with blisters you
didn't ask for.
I know you've been there.
That's transition sisters.
That's what I'm talking about.
It can look good on the outside, but underneath it's
uncomfortable.
And your kids well, they'rewalking around in some brand new
emotional shoes right now andthey're not quite broken in yet.
(06:46):
So listen, before we expectthem to run full speed into the
school year, maybe, just maybe,we just need to slow down and
slow our roll and say, hey, howare those new shoes feeling?
Because what they might reallybe trying to say, ladies, is
these changes are hurting inplaces I don't even have words
(07:08):
for yet.
Listen without language.
So now that we've laced upthose emotional shoes, let's
talk about what happens whenyour child doesn't, or maybe
can't, put their feelings intowords.
Because here's the truth Notall communication comes with a
(07:29):
closed caption Sometimes.
Sometimes the loudest messagesyour child sends don't come out
of their mouth.
They show up in their behavior.
You know I'm right.
A sudden meltdown over thewrong color folder.
Seriously, that might not beall about the folder at all.
Your teen, how about this?
(07:50):
Your teen is isolating in theirroom with the door shut tight.
Well, it might not be aboutjust being tired, or the kid
who's talking back, avoidinghomework, or clinging to you
like Velcro.
That's not random, that'scommunication.
You see, especially in times oftransitions, kids and teens may
(08:14):
not have the vocabulary or evenlisten to me the self-awareness
to say what's really going on.
So what do they do?
Instead, they act it out, justlike a toddler who throws a
temper tantrum when they'reovertired, but they don't know
how to say I'm exhausted, I wanta nap, please.
Or how about my ladies with theolder children?
(08:36):
You know what they do they rolltheir eyes, slam a door or shut
you out, not because they'rerebellious, but because they're
overwhelmed.
It's not defiance, ladies.
Actually, it's distress.
So here's my first challenge.
I want you to ask yourself whatare they showing me that
they're not saying out loud?
Now, listen, trust me, listen.
(08:57):
I know this is not easy and,let's be honest, this is
probably not your first response.
When it all hits the fan, am Iright?
When there's I don't knowcereal on the floor, socks stuck
to the dog and your child'smelting down because their
Chromebook won't connect, you'renot exactly thinking.
Hmm, what unspoken emotionalneed is my child expressing
(09:18):
right now?
Nope, you're probably thinkingI'm about to lose my last nerve
and my salvation.
I'm just trying to let Jesuswin here.
But, ladies, now is the time totake a breath.
Adjust your invisible crown,yes, and show up as their shero,
not because you have all theanswers, but because you have
(09:39):
sight, the kind of sight thatsees beyond the sass, beyond the
eye rolls, beyond the I don'tcare, and ask yourself again
what are they showing me thatthey don't know how to say?
Because sometimes, sometimes,the greatest superpower you have
as a mama isn't fixing, it'snoticing.
(10:03):
When you start listening withyour eyes, your instincts and
your spirit, not just your ears,you begin to hear the things
your child doesn't have thewords for yet, and sometimes
that's when they finally feelsafe enough to find those words.
You see, it starts with you,girl, and it starts with you
simply being willing to listen.
(10:24):
Even when nothing's being saidout loud, the safe place shift,
creating space for unspokenfeelings.
So, now that we've tuned intowhat our kids might not be
saying, let's talk about what todo with that awareness.
Okay, so here's the deal.
You don't have to have afull-on TED talk on emotional
(10:45):
intelligence.
Okay, you just have to create aspace, a space of vibes, so to
speak, where your child knowsthat they can be real, even if
they don't have the words,because, listen, before they
open their mouth, they'rescanning the room with their
heart, asking is this a safeplace to feel what I'm feeling?
And if you're like Sherry, howdo I become a safe place when
(11:07):
I'm feeling anything but safeinside?
Listen, girl, I get it.
You're tired, you're stretched,you're maybe two seconds from
crying in your car.
I know this.
Okay, but here's the truth.
You don't have to beemotionally perfect to create
emotional safety.
Oh no, you just have to beavailable, consistent and
(11:28):
willing to press pause longenough to say I see you, boo.
Now that might mean one, Idon't know, sitting with them
for five minutes before bed, notto lecture but to just be there
.
Two, taking maybe a long routehome so they'll open up in the
car.
Or maybe even three, askingopen-ended questions like I
(11:49):
don't know what.
The hard today Instead of howwas school?
And sometimes it means lettingthe silence, letting it just sit
, Because, believe it or not,silence can be sacred If your
child listen.
(12:09):
So if your child knows thatthey can sit beside you in
silence and still feel loved.
That's safety, that's healing,that's you being a shelter in
the storm.
And can I pause here and flipthe mirror back to you for just
a second?
Listen?
Maybe because this all feels sofamiliar.
Maybe it feels familiar notjust because you see it in your
(12:29):
kids, but because you feel it inyourself.
For example, have you ever keptyour mouth shut around married
friends because you knew theywouldn't get it?
Or how about avoiding sharinghow overwhelmed you were because
you didn't want pity or worsejudgment?
Maybe you've thought why bothersaying anything when no one's
(12:52):
going to understand?
So you shrug it off, you smileand say I'm fine, and you get
quiet, girl, that's your ownversion of slamming the bedroom
door.
That's your grown-up version offolding your arms and saying
nothing's wrong.
But underneath you're longingfor the same thing your child is
(13:13):
.
And what is that?
To be heard, to be understood,to be held without having to
hold it all together.
Oh, that one resonates with me.
I know it's got to resonatewith some of y'all.
So when you think about whatyour child needs from you in
this season, flip it and askwell, what do I need right now?
(13:34):
And if the answer is space tofall apart without falling
behind.
Then you know what your childis looking forward to.
You know so.
Often we think we need to fixthe problem, give the pep talk
or deliver the wisdom, butsometimes your child just needs
to cry in your hoodie, slouch inyour lap or be weird and
(13:57):
awkward and still feel wanted.
That's the shift right there.
It's not about solving, it'sabout holding space.
So here's a little challengethis week Instead of jumping to
correct, defend or explain howabout you just listen, just nod,
or even simply just breathe.
(14:18):
Let your child feel seen, evenin the middle of their mess.
Because one of the greatestgifts ladies listen you can give
them in this season of changeis knowing that there's at least
one place they don't have toperform, compete or even pretend
, and that place mama, that isyou, when mama needs to read
(14:41):
between her own two lines.
So before we move on, I want todrop this little truth in your
spirit.
Sometimes, mamas, well, you'vegot to identify your own need
before you can help meet yourchild's.
Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you can't pour intoyour child's heart if your own
tank is bone dry.
You can't respond with calmwhen your nerves are fried.
(15:04):
Sometimes we're so caught up inwhat they need we don't stop to
ask well, what do I need rightnow?
Maybe, ladies, you need amoment of quiet, a good cry in
the pantry, a reminder that youare not failing.
You're just simply overwhelmed,and sometimes you need a little
(15:25):
reset button, a way to snapback into the moment and refocus
on what really matters.
So here's a little share bearpractice that has helped me and
maybe it will help you too.
And what you need to do is picka code word, something short,
something easy to remember,something that brings you back
to presence and perspective.
(15:46):
For me, it's this, and youprobably heard it before spot it
got it.
Now, did you hear that fingersnap?
You see, when I feel myselfdrifting, reacting or zoning out
, I say it to myself spot it,got it.
And then I snap.
I spotted the overwhelm, Ispotted the trigger, and then I
(16:07):
spotted my kid's need, and nowthat I got it, I can breathe,
reset and respond with theintention instead of emotion.
So now here's the cool part,and this is the science.
Back, sis.
Okay, listen, when you say aphrase and pair it with a
physical action, like snappingyour fingers.
You probably wondered why Imentioned that earlier.
(16:29):
Well, here's why Because itcreates a neural anchor in your
brain.
That snap becomes a sensory cuethat interrupts your stress Ooh
, I love that, right.
It interrupts your stressresponse and activates the part
of your brain responsible forfocus and regulation.
And this is straight up facts.
(16:49):
Listen, according toneuroscience research pattern,
interrupts like a sound, like asnap, a touch or movement help
reroute the brain from thereactive behavior.
And that's the fight or flightkind of stuff back into the
present thinking brain, aka theprefrontal cortex Translation.
(17:10):
We'll put it in plain Englishair bear language.
That little snap helps you getyour mind, your mouth and your
mood back on track.
It literally tells your brainhey, we're not spiraling today,
we're showing up on purpose.
Girl, that's how it sounds inmy brain.
(17:30):
That simple phrase plus actionbecomes your anchor when life's
chaos tries to pull you away.
It reminds you that yourpresence is more powerful than
your perfection.
And if you're wondering if thisis even biblical, oh girl, yes
it is.
Because you know I'm going todo a little scripture drop here.
Psalm 46, 10 says be still andknow that I am God.
(17:53):
That verse isn't just aboutstillness in your surroundings,
ladies.
It's stillness in your spirit.
It's a holy pause, a moment tostop reacting, stop rushing and
just be.
Be still enough to hear yourown heart, be still enough to
notice your child's cues, bestill enough to let God refill
(18:16):
what's running on empty.
So what if, this week, you gaveyourself permission to breathe
before you broke down, to bestill, before you snapped to ask
yourself what do I need rightnow to show up?
Well, for my children or child?
You're not weak for needingsomething, ladies.
You're wise for being willingto name it.
(18:37):
And before you go trying to readbetween the lines with your kid
, maybe it's time to readbetween your own two lines.
So you know that journal.
You barely had time to write inor even reflect on that prayer
that's been sitting on yourheart, that sigh you let out
when you thought no one noticed.
That's your soul asking forsomething, sis.
(19:00):
So before we get into how tohear what your child isn't
saying, let's pause to hear whatyou aren't saying either.
Journal and reflect.
Prompt.
This is a moment between thelines, okay.
So before we close, we're goingto do a little journaling, all
right, ladies.
So get that journal out in yourpen and paper, all right.
So let's take a moment.
(19:20):
You've been listening, you'vebeen present.
Now I want you to give yourselfpermission to go inward, inward
, to pause between the lines ofyour own story and hear what God
might be whispering underneaththe noise.
So, in your journal, or if it'sa napkin, or even a grocery
seat, I don't know, whatever'sclose.
You don't need a perfectsetting, okay, you just need a
(19:42):
willing heart.
So, on this exercise, we'regoing to call it the mirror and
the map.
On one side of the page, I wantyou to draw a small mirror and
label it.
What am I noticing in me Now?
On the other side, draw alittle map just a winding path
or a road and label it where Iwant to lead my child, okay.
(20:02):
Then under the mirror, writeone emotion or behavior that's
been surfacing in you lately,especially one that's shaping
how you're showing up as aparent.
Now, listen, I know I'mthrowing a lot at you, so if you
need to pause and come back,keep doing that, because here's
one more thing I want you to doto our little picture that we're
doing here.
(20:22):
Under the map, write one placeyou want to help your child get
to emotionally, and then draw asimple arrow connecting the two.
So that arrow, well, that'spresence, that's intention, and
that's healing and motion.
Now, you're not just managingyour child's emotions here,
(20:43):
girls, you are modeling the roadforward.
That's what this littleexercise is about, and so I want
to add a little scripture tomeditate on so we can focus on
that as we're moving forward,and it comes from Proverbs 4, 23
in the NIV.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows
(21:03):
from it.
You've heard me say that before.
So what's flowing out of yourheart right now, ladies?
That's the place to begin, notwith blame, but with some grace.
So here's something that I'mgoing to challenge you to do,
and if you have littles, this isfor the little ittles, okay,
and it's a simple connectionactivity called snack and story
(21:24):
time.
I want you to, sometime thisweek, week, carve out a quick
snack and story time.
Okay, it doesn't need to befancy.
So grab your kiddo's favoritesnack and sit down in a no
pressure spot, okay, and thenask things like what's one thing
you're excited about thisschool year, and then, or
something else like what's onething you're nervous about, and
(21:50):
then, girl, maybe even shareyour own answers, but keep it
light, okay, keep it honest andkeep it real, whether it's five
minutes or 20, that connection,ladies, is a seed, and you know
seeds they grow when they feelsafe.
So for my mamas of the middlesand the older ones, okay, this
is a bonus teen moment that I'mgoing to call one last summer
slurp.
So now, if your teen is moreeye rolls and heart to heart I'm
(22:12):
guessing that's the way it isthese days, especially if you've
got a high school senior withone foot out the door, I want
you to try this.
Invite them on a one lastsummer slurp.
No big emotional talk here.
Okay, god promised me you'renot going to do that.
Just say something like hey,let's go grab a slurpee and act
like it's five years ago On theway.
Turn on a song they used tolove to, even if, listen to me,
(22:35):
even if it was that one YouTubedance remix that you still can't
get out of your head.
Let the moment lead the way.
Okay, just go with it.
Sit in the 7-Eleven parking lot, drive past the park they used
to play at and reminisce, laugh,or just be still in the space
between childhood and adulthood.
Even if they don't say much,this is the kind of moment
(22:56):
they'll carry with them whenthey leave.
Not just a memory, though, butit's a reminder for them.
It's even a reminder of evenwhen life gets loud.
Yeah, mom, she still sees me.
So here's a final thought beforewe close.
Listen, you don't have tounpack every emotion today, okay
, you don't even have to haveevery answer for your child.
(23:18):
You just have to show up withyour whole heart.
So, this week, ladies, readbetween your own two lines, and
then I want you to reach fortheirs, gently and with grace.
Okay, god's already in thatspace.
You just have to step into itwith him.
So let's wrap up with a prayerand a pep talk.
(23:40):
Okay, because I listen, I knowwe have covered a lot and give
yourself a little hand clapbecause you made it.
So you looked inward, youlistened and you reflected and,
most importantly, ladies, whatyou did today is you showed up
for your child, for yourself andfor this moment.
So, before we close out, I wantto speak this prayer over you
(24:02):
right now we close out.
I want to speak this prayerover you right now, where you
are Father, thank you for thegift of motherhood and the grace
to grow through it.
Thank you for the quiet nudges,the mirror moments and the
sacred space to reflect.
Help this mama slow down longenough to see what her child
isn't saying and to hear whatshe's been pushing down in
(24:25):
herself.
Fill her with patience when thenoise gets loud, wisdom when
the answers feel unclear andstrength when her tank is
running low.
Let her presence be the softplace her child lands in the
season of change.
And most of all, father, dearGod, remind her that she's never
(24:46):
parenting alone.
You're walking with her,parenting through her and
speaking to her, even in thesilence.
Be her peace, be her pause, beher power In Jesus' name, amen.
Ladies, I hope today remindedyou of this simple truth.
Your child may not always sayit, but they're always showing
(25:10):
it.
Looking through their eyesmeans slowing down long enough
to really see them, even whenthey don't have the words, and
listening beyond the words.
That starts with listening toyour own heart first.
So the next time you feelyourself drifting, you feel
yourself overwhelmed or unsure,snap your fingers and say,
(25:30):
spotted, got it.
And come back to that moment,because that moment that's where
healing starts.
And if you're sitting withsomething heavy right now,
something you can't even putinto words, I want you to know
that you don't have to carry italone, sister.
We have a team of moms andmentors ready to pray with you,
encourage you and stand in thegap.
(25:51):
Just call our 24-hour prayerline at 855-822-PRAY.
That's 855-822-7729.
Whether you're holding backtears or you just need someone
to agree with you in faith,we're here.
You got a village behind you.
Until next time, ladies,remember to listen closely not
just what your child says, butto what they can't say yet.
(26:14):
Be the safe place, be the stillplace and always remember it's
a single mom thing and not thesingle thing that stops you.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Thanks for listening to.
It's a Single Mom Thing.
I hope you enjoyed our timetogether.
If you have more questions onhow to have a relationship with
Jesus or need prayer, visit usat wwwshepherdsvillagecom.
Backslash prayer.
For more information andresources, check out our show
notes.
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for
single moms by single moms.
This is Sherri, your host, andI am happy you are here today.
Remember it's a single momthing and not the single thing
that stops you.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hey, hey, girls, and welcome back to another episode
of it's a Single Mom Thing, thepodcast for women doing it all
but learning they don't have todo it alone, okay, okay, so I
owe you a little my bad here.
I know this is supposed to beor last week was supposed to be
part two of our Looking Throughtheir Eyes Parenting with
(00:38):
Perspective series, and youmight have been sitting there
like Sherry.
What happened to part two?
Well, I'm going to keep it realwith you.
Something was laid heavy on myheart, which you know, and I
just had to follow it, andthat's why last week I dropped
the when in a pickle play,pickleball episode in between,
(00:58):
it was a word in season thatneeded to be served hot, and now
was.
You know, girl, how God workssometimes.
So my bad, but I am so gladthat you are here back with me
today, because this episode it'sa timely one and it is part two
.
We're closing out summer,flipping those calendars and
(01:19):
your flip flops, and maybe, man,I don't know, maybe your house
is starting to fill with targetbags, new shoes, lunch boxes and
those school supply lists thatnever end, am I right?
But underneath all that hustle,there's a little tension in the
(01:39):
air.
Maybe you feel it, maybe yourkids are showing it, even if
they can't say it.
Whether your little ones startin kindergarten, your middle
schooler is wondering wherethey'll sit at lunch, or your
high school senior is foursemesters away from flying the
nest, this time of year is fullof transition New schools, new
grades, new friends, newexpectations.
(02:00):
And for some of our kids, thatchange feels like chaos inside.
That's why today's episode iscalled and this is our part two
Listening Beyond Words, whatyour Child Isn't Saying.
In this Season of Change, weare going to be listen up.
We're going to be talking abouthow to tune in not just to what
(02:22):
your kids say, but to what theydon't, because sometimes I have
found the silence, the tood orthe sudden clinginess.
That's not just back to schoolstress.
That's your child saying I'mnot sure I'm ready, but guess
what?
You are mama.
(02:42):
So grab your journal, yourcoffee or whatever helps you
stay present and let's dive intothe deep end of the pool
together, into this new episodeChange.
Change is loud, even when it'squiet.
We're going to start rightthere.
So all right, ladies, let's setthe scene.
The backpacks are packed, thealarms are set and somewhere
(03:06):
between the half-eaten wafflesand the mismatched socks,
there's this energy in the air.
You know the one I'm talkingabout, that low hum of anxiety,
excitement, maybe even dread.
Your child might not be able toname it, but it's there.
(03:27):
It's in the way they ask thesame question like three times
Uh, what time do I get picked upagain.
It's in the way they suddenlydon't want to go to bed alone.
Or the way your teen keepssaying I'm fine With that tone
that makes you raise youreyebrow, like oh really, listen,
(03:49):
change is loud even when it'squiet.
And this back to school season,it's one of those major
emotional shifts, not just forthem but for us too, whether
it's their first day ofkindergarten or their first year
of high school, whether they'rehomeschooling for the first
(04:10):
time or navigating a newco-parenting routine this time
of year, oh girl, it stirs up alot For them.
It might be fear of being thenew kid, anxiety about fitting
in, or pressure to perform.
For you ladies, you got it too.
It might be guilt, overwhelm,or wondering if you've done
(04:33):
enough to prepare them.
And the thing is, girl, listen,your child might not come right
out and say, mom, I'm scared, Iwon't make friends, or what if
I fail?
Oh, no girl.
On the converse, they're goingto do the opposite.
It'll show up in their behavior.
Their behavior is what we'll betalking and it's like acting
(04:55):
out.
This is what it looks like.
It's acting out, shutting down,getting extra clingy or way too
chill.
That, my ladies, is theirversion of an SOS.
So, before we brush it off, andbrush off that silence or their
snarkiness as just being a kid,what if we paused long enough
(05:16):
to ask what's really going onunderneath all that business?
Because, ladies, sometimes themost important thing your child
is trying to say hasn't beensaid yet.
That's why being present rightnow, not just physically but
emotionally, is so key.
(05:38):
You don't have to have all theanswers, okay, you don't have to
have a fix-it, but you do needto listen.
Listen to what?
To the sighs, to the silence,to their signals in their eyes
that say please notice me, evenwhen I don't know how to ask.
(06:00):
This moment of transition, it'snot just about sharpened pencils
and new sneakers.
It's about helping your childfeel safe when everything around
them feels brand new.
And speaking of brand new, youever break in a new pair of
shoes.
Ooh, they look so cute.
They feel exciting until about1 pm when you realize they're
(06:24):
rubbing you the wrong way andleaving you with blisters you
didn't ask for.
I know you've been there.
That's transition sisters.
That's what I'm talking about.
It can look good on the outside, but underneath it's
uncomfortable.
And your kids well, they'rewalking around in some brand new
emotional shoes right now andthey're not quite broken in yet.
(06:46):
So listen, before we expectthem to run full speed into the
school year, maybe, just maybe,we just need to slow down and
slow our roll and say, hey, howare those new shoes feeling?
Because what they might reallybe trying to say, ladies, is
these changes are hurting inplaces I don't even have words
(07:08):
for yet.
Listen without language.
So now that we've laced upthose emotional shoes, let's
talk about what happens whenyour child doesn't, or maybe
can't, put their feelings intowords.
Because here's the truth Notall communication comes with a
(07:29):
closed caption Sometimes.
Sometimes the loudest messagesyour child sends don't come out
of their mouth.
They show up in their behavior.
You know I'm right.
A sudden meltdown over thewrong color folder.
Seriously, that might not beall about the folder at all.
Your teen, how about this?
(07:50):
Your teen is isolating in theirroom with the door shut tight.
Well, it might not be aboutjust being tired, or the kid
who's talking back, avoidinghomework, or clinging to you
like Velcro.
That's not random, that'scommunication.
You see, especially in times oftransitions, kids and teens may
(08:14):
not have the vocabulary or evenlisten to me the self-awareness
to say what's really going on.
So what do they do?
Instead, they act it out, justlike a toddler who throws a
temper tantrum when they'reovertired, but they don't know
how to say I'm exhausted, I wanta nap, please.
Or how about my ladies with theolder children?
(08:36):
You know what they do they rolltheir eyes, slam a door or shut
you out, not because they'rerebellious, but because they're
overwhelmed.
It's not defiance, ladies.
Actually, it's distress.
So here's my first challenge.
I want you to ask yourself whatare they showing me that
they're not saying out loud?
Now, listen, trust me, listen.
(08:57):
I know this is not easy and,let's be honest, this is
probably not your first response.
When it all hits the fan, am Iright?
When there's I don't knowcereal on the floor, socks stuck
to the dog and your child'smelting down because their
Chromebook won't connect, you'renot exactly thinking.
Hmm, what unspoken emotionalneed is my child expressing
(09:18):
right now?
Nope, you're probably thinkingI'm about to lose my last nerve
and my salvation.
I'm just trying to let Jesuswin here.
But, ladies, now is the time totake a breath.
Adjust your invisible crown,yes, and show up as their shero,
not because you have all theanswers, but because you have
(09:39):
sight, the kind of sight thatsees beyond the sass, beyond the
eye rolls, beyond the I don'tcare, and ask yourself again
what are they showing me thatthey don't know how to say?
Because sometimes, sometimes,the greatest superpower you have
as a mama isn't fixing, it'snoticing.
(10:03):
When you start listening withyour eyes, your instincts and
your spirit, not just your ears,you begin to hear the things
your child doesn't have thewords for yet, and sometimes
that's when they finally feelsafe enough to find those words.
You see, it starts with you,girl, and it starts with you
simply being willing to listen.
(10:24):
Even when nothing's being saidout loud, the safe place shift,
creating space for unspokenfeelings.
So, now that we've tuned intowhat our kids might not be
saying, let's talk about what todo with that awareness.
Okay, so here's the deal.
You don't have to have afull-on TED talk on emotional
(10:45):
intelligence.
Okay, you just have to create aspace, a space of vibes, so to
speak, where your child knowsthat they can be real, even if
they don't have the words,because, listen, before they
open their mouth, they'rescanning the room with their
heart, asking is this a safeplace to feel what I'm feeling?
And if you're like Sherry, howdo I become a safe place when
(11:07):
I'm feeling anything but safeinside?
Listen, girl, I get it.
You're tired, you're stretched,you're maybe two seconds from
crying in your car.
I know this.
Okay, but here's the truth.
You don't have to beemotionally perfect to create
emotional safety.
Oh no, you just have to beavailable, consistent and
(11:28):
willing to press pause longenough to say I see you, boo.
Now that might mean one, Idon't know, sitting with them
for five minutes before bed, notto lecture but to just be there
.
Two, taking maybe a long routehome so they'll open up in the
car.
Or maybe even three, askingopen-ended questions like I
(11:49):
don't know what.
The hard today Instead of howwas school?
And sometimes it means lettingthe silence, letting it just sit
, Because, believe it or not,silence can be sacred If your
child listen.
(12:09):
So if your child knows thatthey can sit beside you in
silence and still feel loved.
That's safety, that's healing,that's you being a shelter in
the storm.
And can I pause here and flipthe mirror back to you for just
a second?
Listen?
Maybe because this all feels sofamiliar.
Maybe it feels familiar notjust because you see it in your
(12:29):
kids, but because you feel it inyourself.
For example, have you ever keptyour mouth shut around married
friends because you knew theywouldn't get it?
Or how about avoiding sharinghow overwhelmed you were because
you didn't want pity or worsejudgment?
Maybe you've thought why bothersaying anything when no one's
(12:52):
going to understand?
So you shrug it off, you smileand say I'm fine, and you get
quiet, girl, that's your ownversion of slamming the bedroom
door.
That's your grown-up version offolding your arms and saying
nothing's wrong.
But underneath you're longingfor the same thing your child is
(13:13):
.
And what is that?
To be heard, to be understood,to be held without having to
hold it all together.
Oh, that one resonates with me.
I know it's got to resonatewith some of y'all.
So when you think about whatyour child needs from you in
this season, flip it and askwell, what do I need right now?
(13:34):
And if the answer is space tofall apart without falling
behind.
Then you know what your childis looking forward to.
You know so.
Often we think we need to fixthe problem, give the pep talk
or deliver the wisdom, butsometimes your child just needs
to cry in your hoodie, slouch inyour lap or be weird and
(13:57):
awkward and still feel wanted.
That's the shift right there.
It's not about solving, it'sabout holding space.
So here's a little challengethis week Instead of jumping to
correct, defend or explain howabout you just listen, just nod,
or even simply just breathe.
(14:18):
Let your child feel seen, evenin the middle of their mess.
Because one of the greatestgifts ladies listen you can give
them in this season of changeis knowing that there's at least
one place they don't have toperform, compete or even pretend
, and that place mama, that isyou, when mama needs to read
(14:41):
between her own two lines.
So before we move on, I want todrop this little truth in your
spirit.
Sometimes, mamas, well, you'vegot to identify your own need
before you can help meet yourchild's.
Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you can't pour intoyour child's heart if your own
tank is bone dry.
You can't respond with calmwhen your nerves are fried.
(15:04):
Sometimes we're so caught up inwhat they need we don't stop to
ask well, what do I need rightnow?
Maybe, ladies, you need amoment of quiet, a good cry in
the pantry, a reminder that youare not failing.
You're just simply overwhelmed,and sometimes you need a little
(15:25):
reset button, a way to snapback into the moment and refocus
on what really matters.
So here's a little share bearpractice that has helped me and
maybe it will help you too.
And what you need to do is picka code word, something short,
something easy to remember,something that brings you back
to presence and perspective.
(15:46):
For me, it's this, and youprobably heard it before spot it
got it.
Now, did you hear that fingersnap?
You see, when I feel myselfdrifting, reacting or zoning out
, I say it to myself spot it,got it.
And then I snap.
I spotted the overwhelm, Ispotted the trigger, and then I
(16:07):
spotted my kid's need, and nowthat I got it, I can breathe,
reset and respond with theintention instead of emotion.
So now here's the cool part,and this is the science.
Back, sis.
Okay, listen, when you say aphrase and pair it with a
physical action, like snappingyour fingers.
You probably wondered why Imentioned that earlier.
(16:29):
Well, here's why Because itcreates a neural anchor in your
brain.
That snap becomes a sensory cuethat interrupts your stress Ooh
, I love that, right.
It interrupts your stressresponse and activates the part
of your brain responsible forfocus and regulation.
And this is straight up facts.
(16:49):
Listen, according toneuroscience research pattern,
interrupts like a sound, like asnap, a touch or movement help
reroute the brain from thereactive behavior.
And that's the fight or flightkind of stuff back into the
present thinking brain, aka theprefrontal cortex Translation.
(17:10):
We'll put it in plain Englishair bear language.
That little snap helps you getyour mind, your mouth and your
mood back on track.
It literally tells your brainhey, we're not spiraling today,
we're showing up on purpose.
Girl, that's how it sounds inmy brain.
(17:30):
That simple phrase plus actionbecomes your anchor when life's
chaos tries to pull you away.
It reminds you that yourpresence is more powerful than
your perfection.
And if you're wondering if thisis even biblical, oh girl, yes
it is.
Because you know I'm going todo a little scripture drop here.
Psalm 46, 10 says be still andknow that I am God.
(17:53):
That verse isn't just aboutstillness in your surroundings,
ladies.
It's stillness in your spirit.
It's a holy pause, a moment tostop reacting, stop rushing and
just be.
Be still enough to hear yourown heart, be still enough to
notice your child's cues, bestill enough to let God refill
(18:16):
what's running on empty.
So what if, this week, you gaveyourself permission to breathe
before you broke down, to bestill, before you snapped to ask
yourself what do I need rightnow to show up?
Well, for my children or child?
You're not weak for needingsomething, ladies.
You're wise for being willingto name it.
(18:37):
And before you go trying to readbetween the lines with your kid
, maybe it's time to readbetween your own two lines.
So you know that journal.
You barely had time to write inor even reflect on that prayer
that's been sitting on yourheart, that sigh you let out
when you thought no one noticed.
That's your soul asking forsomething, sis.
(19:00):
So before we get into how tohear what your child isn't
saying, let's pause to hear whatyou aren't saying either.
Journal and reflect.
Prompt.
This is a moment between thelines, okay.
So before we close, we're goingto do a little journaling, all
right, ladies.
So get that journal out in yourpen and paper, all right.
So let's take a moment.
(19:20):
You've been listening, you'vebeen present.
Now I want you to give yourselfpermission to go inward, inward
, to pause between the lines ofyour own story and hear what God
might be whispering underneaththe noise.
So, in your journal, or if it'sa napkin, or even a grocery
seat, I don't know, whatever'sclose.
You don't need a perfectsetting, okay, you just need a
(19:42):
willing heart.
So, on this exercise, we'regoing to call it the mirror and
the map.
On one side of the page, I wantyou to draw a small mirror and
label it.
What am I noticing in me Now?
On the other side, draw alittle map just a winding path
or a road and label it where Iwant to lead my child, okay.
(20:02):
Then under the mirror, writeone emotion or behavior that's
been surfacing in you lately,especially one that's shaping
how you're showing up as aparent.
Now, listen, I know I'mthrowing a lot at you, so if you
need to pause and come back,keep doing that, because here's
one more thing I want you to doto our little picture that we're
doing here.
(20:22):
Under the map, write one placeyou want to help your child get
to emotionally, and then draw asimple arrow connecting the two.
So that arrow, well, that'spresence, that's intention, and
that's healing and motion.
Now, you're not just managingyour child's emotions here,
(20:43):
girls, you are modeling the roadforward.
That's what this littleexercise is about, and so I want
to add a little scripture tomeditate on so we can focus on
that as we're moving forward,and it comes from Proverbs 4, 23
in the NIV.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows
(21:03):
from it.
You've heard me say that before.
So what's flowing out of yourheart right now, ladies?
That's the place to begin, notwith blame, but with some grace.
So here's something that I'mgoing to challenge you to do,
and if you have littles, this isfor the little ittles, okay,
and it's a simple connectionactivity called snack and story
(21:24):
time.
I want you to, sometime thisweek, week, carve out a quick
snack and story time.
Okay, it doesn't need to befancy.
So grab your kiddo's favoritesnack and sit down in a no
pressure spot, okay, and thenask things like what's one thing
you're excited about thisschool year, and then, or
something else like what's onething you're nervous about, and
(21:50):
then, girl, maybe even shareyour own answers, but keep it
light, okay, keep it honest andkeep it real, whether it's five
minutes or 20, that connection,ladies, is a seed, and you know
seeds they grow when they feelsafe.
So for my mamas of the middlesand the older ones, okay, this
is a bonus teen moment that I'mgoing to call one last summer
slurp.
So now, if your teen is moreeye rolls and heart to heart I'm
(22:12):
guessing that's the way it isthese days, especially if you've
got a high school senior withone foot out the door, I want
you to try this.
Invite them on a one lastsummer slurp.
No big emotional talk here.
Okay, god promised me you'renot going to do that.
Just say something like hey,let's go grab a slurpee and act
like it's five years ago On theway.
Turn on a song they used tolove to, even if, listen to me,
(22:35):
even if it was that one YouTubedance remix that you still can't
get out of your head.
Let the moment lead the way.
Okay, just go with it.
Sit in the 7-Eleven parking lot, drive past the park they used
to play at and reminisce, laugh,or just be still in the space
between childhood and adulthood.
Even if they don't say much,this is the kind of moment
(22:56):
they'll carry with them whenthey leave.
Not just a memory, though, butit's a reminder for them.
It's even a reminder of evenwhen life gets loud.
Yeah, mom, she still sees me.
So here's a final thought beforewe close.
Listen, you don't have tounpack every emotion today, okay
, you don't even have to haveevery answer for your child.
(23:18):
You just have to show up withyour whole heart.
So, this week, ladies, readbetween your own two lines, and
then I want you to reach fortheirs, gently and with grace.
Okay, god's already in thatspace.
You just have to step into itwith him.
So let's wrap up with a prayerand a pep talk.
(23:40):
Okay, because I listen, I knowwe have covered a lot and give
yourself a little hand clapbecause you made it.
So you looked inward, youlistened and you reflected and,
most importantly, ladies, whatyou did today is you showed up
for your child, for yourself andfor this moment.
So, before we close out, I wantto speak this prayer over you
(24:02):
right now we close out.
I want to speak this prayerover you right now, where you
are Father, thank you for thegift of motherhood and the grace
to grow through it.
Thank you for the quiet nudges,the mirror moments and the
sacred space to reflect.
Help this mama slow down longenough to see what her child
isn't saying and to hear whatshe's been pushing down in
(24:25):
herself.
Fill her with patience when thenoise gets loud, wisdom when
the answers feel unclear andstrength when her tank is
running low.
Let her presence be the softplace her child lands in the
season of change.
And most of all, father, dearGod, remind her that she's never
(24:46):
parenting alone.
You're walking with her,parenting through her and
speaking to her, even in thesilence.
Be her peace, be her pause, beher power In Jesus' name, amen.
Ladies, I hope today remindedyou of this simple truth.
Your child may not always sayit, but they're always showing
(25:10):
it.
Looking through their eyesmeans slowing down long enough
to really see them, even whenthey don't have the words, and
listening beyond the words.
That starts with listening toyour own heart first.
So the next time you feelyourself drifting, you feel
yourself overwhelmed or unsure,snap your fingers and say,
(25:30):
spotted, got it.
And come back to that moment,because that moment that's where
healing starts.
And if you're sitting withsomething heavy right now,
something you can't even putinto words, I want you to know
that you don't have to carry italone, sister.
We have a team of moms andmentors ready to pray with you,
encourage you and stand in thegap.
(25:51):
Just call our 24-hour prayerline at 855-822-PRAY.
That's 855-822-7729.
Whether you're holding backtears or you just need someone
to agree with you in faith,we're here.
You got a village behind you.
Until next time, ladies,remember to listen closely not
just what your child says, butto what they can't say yet.
(26:14):
Be the safe place, be the stillplace and always remember it's
a single mom thing and not thesingle thing that stops you.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Thanks for listening to.
It's a Single Mom Thing.
I hope you enjoyed our timetogether.
If you have more questions onhow to have a relationship with
Jesus or need prayer, visit usat wwwshepherdsvillagecom.
Backslash prayer.
For more information andresources, check out our show
notes.
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