Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to it's a
Single Mom Thing, the show for
single moms by single moms.
This is Sherri, your host, andI am happy you are here today.
Remember it's a single momthing and not the single thing
that stops you.
Well, hello there, mamas, andwelcome back to another episode
of it's a Single Mom Thing,where we say what other people
(00:21):
won't and speak to what yoursoul needs.
Today, we're talking about atiny two-letter word that's hard
to say but can change your lifeno.
Now, before you hit pausethinking that this is just
another motivational talk aboutself-care, I want to challenge
you with something different.
Saying no isn't selfish.
(00:42):
It's sacred in my book, it'ssoul protection.
It's your spirit's way ofstanding tall and saying God
gave me worth and I will livelike I believe it.
Mm, hmm.
So if this conversation rings abell, it's because way back in
season two episode 12, to bespecific, we cracked open this
(01:03):
very topic in a powerful episodecalled no is yes to Next
Opportunities.
In that episode, we boiled downsaying no into four
life-shifting next opportunities.
Number one saying no on yourown terms.
Two, maybe next time.
Three, saying a no that buysyou time.
(01:25):
And four, a full on stop.
No.
It was bold, it was freeing andit was the beginning of
learning how to honor your no.
So if you haven't listened tothat one yet or you need a
little refresher, pause thisepisode and go hit play on that
one first or circle back to itafterwards.
Either way, today's episode isdefinitely going to build on
(01:48):
that truth, because now we'renot just redefining no, we are
learning how to say it like apro and make it stick like some
duct tape, the boundary battle.
So we got to start this off bybeing honest.
How many times have you saidyes when every fiber in your
body was screaming no?
(02:10):
Yes, I will watch your kids.
Yes, I will cover your shift.
Yes, I will let you drop thekids off past their bedtime.
Yes, I'll listen to your dramaagain while mine simmers on the
back burner.
We say yes because we're moms,because we're helpers, because
(02:32):
we don't want to disappoint.
But you know what saying yes toeverything often becomes?
It becomes a slow, quiet way ofsaying no to yourself Facts, so
quiet way of saying no toyourself, facts.
I remember this one day I wasexhausted 10 hours, shipped, no
(02:52):
break, a little full, listen.
A little full, a little food.
I wasn't full and I was fullthrottle though the whole day
and a friend asked, can you dome a favor?
And I cringed and I said, sure,what is it?
And she told me and I said yeswhen I'm sure my face said no.
(03:17):
I showed up because you know,share, bear cares.
But I also showed up resentful.
I wasn't doing it out of love,if I'm honest.
I was doing it because I wasafraid to disappoint.
That's right.
My people-pleasing self soldmyself out again and I'm pretty
sure I told myself the last timethis happened.
(03:37):
This would be the last time Iwould do that.
Sound familiar?
I know I'm not alone.
Why?
No is hard for single moms andwhat's underneath that?
Now let's pause for a secondand get real.
If you're a single mom, sayingno might not just be
(03:58):
uncomfortable, it might feelimpossible.
And there are some real reasonsfor that, and let's name a few.
Number one guilt.
You're already carrying theweight of the world raising kids
, making every decision,juggling jobs, meals, moods and
meltdowns.
The last thing you want is tofeel like you're letting anyone
(04:19):
down, especially your kids.
Two fear of rejection orjudgment Sometimes.
Sometimes we say yes becausewe're afraid people will think
we're weak, ungrateful,difficult or not doing enough.
We don't want to seem like wecan't handle all, all of it.
Excuse me, even though no onewas meant to yeah.
(04:46):
Three survival mode.
When you've had to fight foreverything money, childcare,
safety, peace you can slip intoyes mode because you're wired to
survive, not disappoint.
You start to believe thataccess equals opportunity, even
when it costs you your sanity.
(05:07):
Four wanting to prove something.
Maybe you want to prove to theworld, your ex or even yourself
that you can do it all.
And saying no might feel likefailure, but hear me saying no
isn't weakness, but hear mesaying no isn't weakness, ladies
, it's wisdom.
(05:27):
Five how about some FOMO?
Fear of missing out onconnection?
That's with a C.
Maybe it's a FOMO C.
You might say yes becauseyou're afraid of missing out.
Well, missing out on what?
Friendships, on belonging, onbeing included.
But let me tell you what peoplewho love you will respect your
(05:50):
no, believe it or not.
So listen, if you have everstruggled to say it, you are not
alone.
There are a lot of whys behindyour yes.
But mama, listen, it takes timeto ask at what cost and what.
If saying no is exactly whatopens the door for God's better
(06:13):
yes.
What the Word Says.
Here's where the truth will setus free.
Now, you know, even Jesus hadboundaries.
Praise the Lord.
He walked away from the crowd.
He didn't answer every request.
He said no to distractions,even when people didn't
understand.
And there were many of timeswhere people did not understand
(06:36):
and may have even thought he wasa copying a bit of a little
attitude.
Now, luke 5, 16 says Jesusoften withdrew to lonely places
and he prayed.
He didn't ask for permission,he knew that to be poured out,
he had to be filled up Word.
(06:57):
And Proverbs 4.23 says it thisway above all else, guard your
heart, for everything you doflows from it.
Did you happen to notice thatit said guard your heart, not
give it away for free.
That's not just a cute crossstitch verse, that's God's
instruction manual right there.
Guard it, set a boundary, drawthe line and draw it again if
(07:20):
someone tries to erase it.
My sister, let your yes be yesand your no be no.
Matthew 5, 37, and that happensto be one of my favorite verses
in the whole Bible.
And to drive it home, paul saidit in Galatians.
Listen, galatians, oh my gravy.
Galatians 1, 10.
(07:41):
Am I now trying to win theapproval of men, or of God Oof,
that's man.
That should stop people,pleaser in her tracks.
Okay, paul, I hear you.
So let's then move on to theboundary blueprint.
So how do we say no like a proand not crumble like a cookie
(08:02):
five minutes later?
Well, one, let's start withsome clarity, and what I mean by
that is know your purpose.
If it's not aligned with yourpriorities or your peace, it's a
no and no guilt required, okay.
Two speak it simply.
Don't explain yourself intoexhaustion.
You can say thanks for thinkingof me, but that doesn't work
(08:25):
for me right now, or even justI'm not available.
Listen, ladies.
No run on sentence is required,no, okay.
So three how about we expectsome pushback?
Well, here's the truth.
People who benefited from yourlack of boundaries well yeah,
they won't clap when you setthem now.
(08:45):
But you're not here forapplause, right?
You're here for alignment.
You might even get pushbackfrom, let's say, your old self,
who is not used to your new selfspeaking with such authority.
Four hold the line Boundaries.
Let's just say they're likefences.
If you keep moving them, peoplewill too.
(09:08):
Sister, you need to stand firm.
You don't have to raise yourvoice to raise your standard.
Ooh snap, that was good.
And here's something I too haveto remember to tell myself when
I need to hold the line, justbecause my insides may be doing
somersaults and cartwheels as Istep outside of my comfort zone
to hold the line and say I knowpeople don't know what I'm
(09:31):
feeling on the inside, but theywill know what I'm saying by
what I'm saying.
So, even if it doesn't feel sogood, they don't know that I
know that it doesn't feel good.
Now five reinforce with sometruth.
When guilt comes knocking,answer with some scripture,
because you know it is going toknock.
(09:52):
Remind yourself I'm not beingmean, I'm being wise.
I'm guarding my peace becausemy peace is sacred.
Listen, girl every time yougive your peace away, you know
darn well that you are giving apiece of you away.
So we're going to do a littlepractice session here, and it's
called Say it in the Mirror,practicing your no.
(10:15):
So before we move on, I want togive you some practical things
to say because, let's be real,knowing why you need to say no
and even how to say it doesn'tmake it easier unless you
practice it.
And that's where the mirrorcomes in.
Now I'm talking about mirrorwork, okay, so stand in front of
(10:36):
that mirror the bathroom, thebedroom, the rear view mirror in
the car, I don't care Find amirror and speak these truths
until your voice stops shakingand your soul starts believing
it, even if it is a dressingroom mirror, and target, use it.
Because here's what happens whenyou practice your mouth catches
up with your mind, your let'ssee you courage.
(10:57):
You get courage.
I don't know where my blah,blah, blah is going today.
Your courage gets louder thanyour fear and your no starts to
sound like a whole sentence, nota question mark.
So here are a few no scripts tosay out loud until they stick.
Here's one Number one how about?
(11:17):
No, that doesn't work for meright now.
Or thanks for thinking of me,but I'll have to pass.
I'm not available for that, butI hope it goes well for you.
I can't commit to that and I'mokay with that.
And maybe that's that I'm okaywith that.
That you say to yourself andlet's see how about?
(11:39):
I'm choosing peace, and thatmeans saying no at this time, or
I don't, and this might be whatyou say to yourself, not to the
other person.
I don't owe anyone anexplanation for my boundaries.
That one you could practicesaying to yourself Now say them
again, but this time say themlike you believe them.
Then say them until you do.
(12:01):
And if your voice trembles,girl, let it.
That's your strength waking up.
This isn't just about saying noto them, it's about saying yes
to you.
And when you finally hold yourno with someone, when you set
that boundary and stick to it,when you stick that landing,
come back to that mirror and saythis oh yeah, I did that.
(12:24):
I honored my voice, I protectedmy peace.
I am proud of me.
Or saying no isn't selfish,it's strong, and I'm stronger
than I thought and I'm lookingpretty cute right now too.
Or even this you could say lookat you, mama, walking in wisdom
like a warrior.
That no was a yes to me.
(12:45):
Holla, I'm fun with it.
If you could see I'm having alittle way too much fun, but
it's time that we start talkingnice to ourself.
Celebrate the courage, don'tbrush past it.
You didn't just say no.
You said yes to your growth,your clarity and your calling.
This isn't just about saying noto them either.
(13:07):
It's about saying yes to you,and I've said that a couple
times and I'm going to say itagain Say yes to you.
So let's have a moment ofreflection and let's slow our
roll a little bit.
Have a moment of reflection andlet's slow our roll a little
bit.
Let's take a deep breath.
Yes, come on, take a deepbreath.
(13:29):
I see you holding it ready tomove on to the next thing.
There you go Now ask yourselfwhere do I need to set a
boundary?
What or who has been draining mypeace, because I keep saying
yes out of fear instead of faith?
Maybe it's that group text thatalways dumps drama.
(13:50):
Or maybe it's the friend whoonly calls when she's in crisis.
Maybe, just maybe, it's yourown inner critic that says
you're not allowed to rest.
Maybe it's even saying yes toyour kiddos every time they have
to struggle with something.
Mama God gave you permission tosay no, no to burnout, no to
(14:10):
guilt, no to caring what's notyours.
In fact, it's God honoring andit's honoring to yourself to say
no every once in a while.
So, after all that, I want topray for you, my sister.
So, if you're driving, keepyour eyes on the road, but hear
me out in this prayer.
Close your eyes, if you can.
(14:33):
Father God, thank you for thefreedom to say no, for reminding
us that boundaries are notbarriers, but rather they're
bridges to your peace.
Help us walk in wisdom, speakwith grace and protect the peace
you've given us.
Give us courage to say no tothings that drain us and yes to
(14:53):
the things that align with you.
Teach us to guard our heartswithout guilt In Jesus, precious
name, amen.
Ladies, you were never meant tobe everything to everyone.
You were meant to be obedientto the one, and sometimes
(15:14):
obedience sounds like this no.
So say it with peace, say itwith grace and say it like a pro
.
And hey, if this episode gaveyou strength to stand in your
ground, you need to share itwith us, with a sister who needs
it.
Tag us, message us, let us knowwhat boundaries you're setting
this week.
(15:35):
And, mama, if this stirredsomething in you or you're
facing a hard conversation andyou need some backup, we're here
for you, don't forget.
You can call us at our 24-7prayer line anytime, at
855-822-PRAY, because you don'thave to figure this out on your
own.
You got a village and we'rejust one call away.
(15:56):
Until next time.
I'm Sherri, reminding you thatit's a single mom thing and not
a single thing that stops you.
Thanks for listening to.
It's a Single Mom Thing.
I hope you enjoyed our timetogether.
If you have more questions onhow to have a relationship with
Jesus or need prayer, visit usat wwwshepherdsvillagecom.
(16:18):
Backslash prayer.
For more information andresources, check out our show
notes.