January 6, 2025 • 68 mins
Ever wonder how a holiday gift exchange can result in a giant wrapped shelf and endless laughter? Kick off the festive season with us as we share our quirky gift hauls and debate the chaos of white elephant gift exchanges. With tales of "Bezo Bucks," record players, and Ohio State-themed scotch glasses, our lighthearted banter will have you reminiscing about your own holiday experiences. Who knew gift-giving could spark such joy and confusion?
Fantasy football fans, rejoice! Relive the adrenaline-pumping championship game where victory was snatched by a single point. Feel the camaraderie of our league as we recount strategic player stacking, nail-biting matchups, and the thrill of overcoming setbacks. If you’ve ever been on the edge of your seat watching George Kittle clinch the win or strategized against a 6-8 record underdog like Justin, this is your play-by-play breakdown of fantasy football drama and humor.
As if that wasn't enough, we also dive into the hilariously absurd world of parody porn films and share insights on online gambling escapades, from Bitcoin blackjack to the "ghost cocks" of 2025. Whether it's laughing at titles like "ET the Extra Testicle" or navigating the world of offshore casinos, we promise an episode filled with humor, personal stories, and unexpected twists. Join us for a wild ride through humor, competition, and future plans that are as outrageous as they are entertaining.
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'Beavis and Butt-head' Cover art created by Joe Crawford
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
It's everyday with John and Jay.
Comedy Skits, random bullshit,tim and Jerry, it's not your day
(01:02):
, it's not my day.
This is our day and it's my day.
This is our day and it's everyday with John and Jay.
You like racy shit, you likeproblems going on, you like
sexual misconduct?
You're in the right fuckingplace.
Listen up, you fucking freaks.
(01:22):
It is time to get the show onthe road.
We're ready to hit this episodeof it's Every Day with Jon and
Ajay.
Let's rock.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Welcome to it's Every Day with Jon Jay, episode 153,.
I believe.
Glad to see you're here.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
That's after the holidays.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
I'm not here.
Yeah, we're all kind ofmentally checked out.
Long holiday, what a greatholiday.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Pretty good, yeah, Very good holiday.
So, dude, what did you get forChristmas?
What did I get for Christmas?
I want to know what you got forChristmas.
I didn't get anything.
No, dude what?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
did you get for Christmas?
What did I get for Christmas?
I want to know what you got forChristmas.
I didn't get anything.
No, I'm just kidding.
A lot of Bezo Bucks is what Icall it Amazon gift cards.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Oh, I'm like what the fuck is Bezo?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Bucks.
I always got a preface.
I'm like is that a new store?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
or something.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Yeah, it's kind of like a bougie upscale.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
It's kind of like Jeff Bezos.
Yeah, it's Jeff Bezosmemorabilia they give you pesos.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
It's like Jeff Bezos memorabilia, so it's pretty cool
.
It's basically just shirts he'sworn and he just gave away, and
they just sell it in stores.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, it's Oregon Rose Bowl championship shirts.
That's what I think it is.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Yeah, I got a lot of amazon gift cards which I
specifically asked for because II'm an amazon fiend, I love
amazon, I love, uh love amazon.
Um, I got some restaurant giftcards because me carrying it out
a lot hey oh um, everybody outthere should know what that is.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
You guys should know um, uh, what else?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
yeah, it's basically about nothing like real crazy
out of the you.
As the older you get the kindof like the inkling for like big
, expensive gifts not that likeeddie wouldn't get them for me
anyway, but what?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
did you get um?
I ended up getting god damn.
I forgot to turn my phone off,but I ended up getting um.
God damn it oh, okay, cool um,I ended up well.
I got my record player from mywife that was a gift I got okay,
my mom got me omaha steaks likea whole bunch oh yeah, you're
telling me about that before um,they're still in my freezer.
(03:47):
I'm waiting till I can use myblackstone and I'm gonna fucking
dig them bitches out.
Um, and then I got.
Uh, if you hear that noiseagain, it's just my watch going
off, though.
Um, then I ended up gettingokay.
So sarah's dad got me and Ialmost brought him yesterday,
but nobody would have drankanyway, so it didn't matter.
Ohio state dad got me and Ialmost brought him yesterday,
(04:11):
but nobody would have drankanyway, so it didn't matter.
Ohio State he got me.
Ohio State like shot scotchglasses.
Oh, that's sweet.
Yeah, they got like leatherOhio State around them, like
their glasses.
But you don't have to worryabout melting all your ice and
shit and heating them up.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Yeah, really cool looking.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
And then Sarah's mom got me a.
This just in sarah's mom'smessaging, just kidding, um,
sarah's mom ended up getting me,um, my one of my favorite
restaurants to go to, fast foodstyle wise, is chipotle.
I love chipotle.
Yeah, um, and then um, sosarah's mom knows that she got
me a 20 chipotle gift card andshe got me a, uh, chipotle
(04:49):
t-shirt which I didn't get towear to chipotle tonight.
Kind of disappointing I rememberyou told me I don't want to be
a fan boy, though I don't wantto go in there like let's go,
but you know what I'm old andlike dad like I'm in dad mode, I
can do that giving you achipotle t-shirt.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
You know, you told me that last night and you're like
yeah, I got chipotle t-shirt.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
I go, dude, that's fucking late I'm like she should
have gave me a gift card and Iwas like yeah, she did.
Oh, okay, okay, that's okay,jake got me these badass fucking
golf socks.
Okay, it's golfers gettingpissed at their stuff and
throwing their clubs and shitit's on the socks dudes once's a
bunch of these little littlegolfer guys slam in their shit
and throwing it.
(05:29):
Yes, yeah, so really fun.
Um, I don't know um, we didwhite elephant at my sister's
house.
I end up where, winning afoosball table like a mini one
you put on top of a desk.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
I okay, I.
I hate the concept of the whiteelephant gift exchange.
I love it, I.
It's just.
It's like oh, okay, I want thislike.
And then it's like oh, nope,that's mine, and it's like no I
love it because you want to knowwhat my sister made.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
It really she did really good.
I was.
I was laughing my ass off she.
She had a big, tall, fuckinghuge gift wrapped, I mean just
huge.
And my brother had it.
And then all of a sudden mynephew's girlfriend goes.
I'm going to trade for that.
I want that gift.
Okay, it's probably a redherring.
What it was.
It was a shelf.
(06:19):
It was an old shelf they hadlaying in the basement or
something that they weren't evergoing to use, and it still was
brand new, but they never weregoing to use it, so they just
wrapped it up, put it in there.
Me, I always get non.
I always get gifts that arevery not appropriate.
So Like dildos.
(06:39):
Oh dude, kind of close.
I got a nature's dick calendar,so it's all these like cactuses
and shit that look like penises.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
I thought.
I thought it was gonna be likeanimals with their cocks hanging
.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Oh, dude, I'm gonna try and find that next like
horses and pigs with the curlylook daddy I'm a farmer.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Oh, jesus christ fuck .
Speaker 1 (06:59):
And then, um, I got crayons that were like not pc,
it was like fucking, like n-bomb, black and shit like that dude.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
You know like drop that TV brown and shit.
You know, on Crayola I think itsays Negro or something like
that on the side.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Or no.
That's because that's how it isin other countries.
Yeah, I know I know I'm sayinglike black Negro.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Black Negro.
It's just like oh no, thesecrayons are racist man.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I thought I heard Negro.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Crayola is racist guys.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I thought I heard Negro.
Nope, no Negro spoken here, noNegro spoken here.
And then I got markers or pensno, it's a marker set and it
says I hope your fucking daysucks and all this other shit
Nice Just like shitty.
And then I bought I thought itwas going to be a shower
margarita thing and it turnedout to just be a box.
(07:46):
So I was like, well, this isfucking well, I gotta put
something in here.
So I put one of the other giftsI got, which was a fanny pack
that looks like a fat dude'sbelly.
My niece ended up keeping thatone.
My brother wanted but my keptit, so she was wearing it the
whole time.
She wore it the other day whenI saw her I'm like, dude, this
(08:08):
is awesome Whatever, as long asyou like it, dude, but I love
inappropriate.
I think you know, make itinappropriate.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
I think if it's just kind of like a fun thing.
Yeah, if it's like a fun thing,okay, I get it.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Last year, okay I get it last year I started to do
because we did white elephantand then I brought a fucking
cartoon penis coloring book.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I've heard, I've heard of stories of like office
parties with white elephant giftexchanges where, like people
would bring like really goodstuff and people would be like
they get fucking pissed about,like getting knocked off, and
it's like, dude, like you'rejust setting yourself up for
people to get mad.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
It's like the thing is people should go into it
that's the problem rather than,like I understand, I love doing
it, it's a lot of fun, but yougot to go into with the mindset
that this is what could happen,that you know, if you're, if
you're a goober and you're gonnaspend hundred dollars on a
fucking gift that's just gonnabe passed around and it's on you
(09:08):
, and also, if you're, if you'regoing into this and getting
butthurt about, it's on you, youshould understand that you
could get shit, you could getgood, it's just that's what
makes it fun?
Speaker 3 (09:17):
I wouldn't even participate, anything like that.
I'll be like I'd rather I, Idon't know I would rather just
do us like to me.
I'm more traditional with that.
I'd rather just take, get aname and find out what they like
and then actually make itpersonal.
So that's, that's just.
I get what you're saying.
Like, you know it's supposed tobe fun, but a lot of people
(09:38):
don't that.
They can't have fun with that.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
So you just lydia deets, boyfriend, the fucking
thing, and then you just totallytook the fun right out of it,
dude what's that you?
Just suck the fun right out ofthat what's that?
You, lydia deets his boyfriendthat from beetlejuice,
beetlejuice.
What do you mean?
No, dude, dude.
Remember like we were talkingabout beetlejuice, beetlejuice
and how that dude was just thefuck like.
(10:01):
Even.
Even the mom says the funpolice are fun, dude, it sucks
the fun right out of it, dude.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I just wouldn't even participate.
I'm just like, nah, I'm goodFun sucking out of it dude.
No, you guys can go ahead,that's fine, have at it.
I, just my ego can't take it,I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I'm just messing with you, bro.
No, you're not.
My ego can't take it.
I'm just messing with you, bro.
No, you're not.
You're serious, I am.
I'm being a dick.
Yeah, I'm in your house, dude,I ain't going to be a dick to
you.
Plus, I would never be like youknow like we all got our own,
like opinions and prerogatives,and I can understand why some
people would get upset about it,and it's not really for them.
I just do it because I like itwhen people open the gifts that
(10:41):
I get.
I don't give a fuck what I get,dude, but I like it when I get
it.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
That goes to my point .
It's like I would rather takethe time to just go one-to-one
Then again.
I just don't want to put a lotof effort into something Like
okay, is this the third triparound, or is this the third
time this gift has been taken?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
We made it easy, dude .
We did it to where, like say,um, on your turn, like we
counted out the gifts and wecounted how many people we had.
Do you know the giftsbeforehand?
We do not.
We, I know mine, but I don'tknow so you don't know the gifts
beforehand.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Okay, so then.
So so we hear your rules,because I hear, like the rules
I've always seen is that like agift, uh, can't be passed more
than three times, and then onceit gets to the third person,
then that's, we don't even fuckwith it, dude.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
What we'd okay, so what we did was okay.
So, if we okay, so we counted,it was like I think we had like
six or seven or no.
We had eight people in the inthe thing, we had eight people
there and uh, so it was like 17,16 gifts or 17 gifts.
So I was like, okay, we goteight people, six, 17 gifts,
everybody gets two okay if youlike, say you pick first, okay,
(11:53):
and then we come.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
How do you determine who picks first?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
um, like we just went youngest oh, you're in this
group you know, and I was, theoldest, so I get fucked every
damn time.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
So but it doesn't matter, should be.
I don't Fight to the death.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
So we just went youngest.
You can do like Cards AgainstHumanity, whoever shit last, or
whatever you want to do, oh, ok.
So what we ended up doing islike if you say you picked a
gift, ok, you went first, comesaround and gets to me.
I have two options I can pick agift or I can take your gift.
(12:25):
If I take your gift, you get tochoose another gift.
That's what happens, so I can'tjust steal your gift and then
you're just out that gift.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
It doesn't work like that, okay, no, if I steal your
gift, you take my pick.
It's like a draft pick.
How many times does that giftget passed around?
Just one time.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You get one passing all the way through, okay, and
then the second passing.
Second passing Once we get tothe ending, it's done.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
That's it, it's over.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, there's no overtime.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, you should be able to figure out what gift you
want by that time, by thesecond passing.
We don't wait.
We're not like well, we got allour gifts.
Who wants to swap?
Nope, we're not fucking withthat.
You have all that time to picka gift and to pick and take
somebody else's.
You have two chances.
So if you don't do it, it's onyou, dog it's almost sounds like
(13:16):
.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Almost sounds like kind of like war.
It's like I would takeadvantage of of this and it's
almost like but it's morebeneficial to go.
Last it is, it's morebeneficial to go last.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Well, first is pretty cool because you can.
You can choose like whateveryou want and me, like, like.
That's why I think it justdepends on your mindset if you
go into this like hey see, Idon't give a shit.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
If you knew all the gifts ahead of time, I would
pick one that I didn't wantfirst.
See what I'm saying that way ifsomebody took it and then you
could actually kind of play thepsychological warfare of that.
So take a gift you don't.
You never want to take the giftfor you really want first off
the bat.
You want to kind of like waituntil you know, take something
(14:01):
you don't you're kind oflukewarm on, then someone may
want that and then okay, thenit'll be your turn to take it.
So I guess there could bestrategy involved in it.
So I I could see like the gameaspect of it, I suppose.
But I think it's just funbecause if it's just like if
it's just like a 20 limit, thenI wouldn't really like poo, poo,
shit like that yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
If it's just fun stuff, like just no, we're not
going out and being like.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Well, there's a TV in one of these.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I've heard of things like that, though.
I've heard of people bringingPS5s to these white elephant
things.
You ever heard of that?
No, people who have $50 limits.
I was watching someone andthey're saying, yeah, I I was,
uh, I worked for this firm andone of the higher-ups brought a
ps5 on a 50 limit.
(14:49):
White elephant office partygift exchange because, he's
breaking the rules and peopleare like what the fuck?
so people were like, okay, ofcourse everyone wants the ps5.
So the one girl I guess shejust kind of like got pissed off
about.
It's like, hey, kind of likechided the fucking guy.
It's like, hey, this is likenot what this is supposed to be.
Man, and I'm just like man,that sounds like a horrible time
(15:13):
, just people fighting over it'snot ps5 and it's not bad when
it's with family, like yeah,yeah I mean I go into it and
with the notion that I don'tcare whether I get anything or I
do you know you know um.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I just go into because it's fun.
I like the excitement of beinglike that could be a turd it
could be an actual turn.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
It's almost like deal or no deal it is 100 I love it.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
I think it's exciting for me.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I love it.
I think it's so much fun.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
It's like that could be a real turd or that could be
something cool see, I wouldactually, if there was a
possibility of actual shit beingin a gift bag or in a box, then
to me that just ups theexcitement.
So I think I'm kind of sold onthat now if there's coal in a
box or something, yeah hey,that's a natural resource you
can do whatever there should belike red herring gifts.
(16:04):
To me it's like a like a gift in, like a in like a ps5 box, but
inside of it it's somethingdifferent I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's what my sister did.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
She I had the other big box, yeah but there's
something else in it, likesomething it was a huge fucking
box with a bunch of paper in it.
It had 20 scratch off lotterytickets dude all the way I
dumped it out and I'm likethere's nothing in here.
They're like yeah, there is upthere, it is big old bunches I
just that'd be funny if it'sjust wrapping paper inside like
(16:35):
oh, I think I won like 11 orsomething out of it.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Well, I end up giving it to my nephew.
I was like here, dude, you canhave it, I don't go, I don't
fucking need it.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Take it, dude I never went off scratch offs like at
all, ever, ever, never win.
Carrie wins sometimes.
My mother-in-law says she winsall the time, but I always
wonder how many things she losesfirst before she actually wins.
You always hear of people'swins, you never hear of people's
losses.
So my mother-in-law be oh yeah,100 bucks on scratch off.
(17:03):
Like how the fuck do you keepwinning all the time?
My, then my father-in-law willbe like oh yeah, 100 bucks On
scratch.
I'm like how the fuck do youkeep winning all the time?
Then my father-in-law willchime in the only time he ever
chimes in, like hey, see howmuch she loses in a week.
I'm like, oh okay, I hear you,playa, I hear you, but it's like
I play him every now and thenI'm just like god damn, damn
dude, this is, it's fun, butit's like it's just like the
(17:26):
odds are so long and it's likeI'd rather just put my money in
a fucking slot machine and seewhat happens, because that's the
same difference.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I'd rather just keep my money that's why I'm true,
I'm, oh sure, absolutely one ofthose goofy fuckers that wishes
he would win the lottery butnever plays it.
It's hard to win when you don'tplay the motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
It's like it's just like you get excited for the,
for the mega millions.
It gets to like 1.4 billion andyou're like, all right, what
it's like?
Oh, it's three dollars.
Uh, how do I just keep thisthree dollars, or two dollars?
I think it's going up to fourdollars next year, this year
actually.
So I never play the lottery.
It's a loser tax, it's whatthey call it.
It's a fucking loser tax.
(18:05):
Now will I partake in?
Here's me talking like down onthe lottery.
But I also, you know I'll makebets here and there, but I love
blackjack.
That's my vice.
If I had a betting vice or agambling vice, it'd be blackjack
.
But with blackjack, you knowit's, it's the, even though,
(18:28):
yeah, your, your odds of winningagainst the house are still,
you know, but it's the smallestmargin, is like 0.015 against
the house.
It's the smallest margin of anytable games in the casino.
But it depends if the casinohas, say, three, or like five to
six to four blackjack, whichmeans that you only get like
1.25 of your bet back on ablackjack, versus three to two,
(18:50):
which is one and a half.
That makes the odds go higher.
Two, a lot of casinos haveautomatic deck shufflers, so
it's really hard to keep countif you're counting cards, what
the count is.
And not only that, that makesthe house advantage go up too.
But I play home.
I like to play online sometimes,even though it's not
technically legal.
But you have to use bitcoin.
(19:13):
I have to get.
I tell you, I've never I don'tknow how people do this bitcoin
thing it is the biggest pain inthe dick I've ever had to fuck
with.
I don't know how people do this.
Like you know, hedge thisfucking with Bitcoin.
I had to buy Bitcoin, do thisonline casino and it was like
going through 10 different hoops.
You have to buy it off this,then you have to exchange it to
(19:35):
this wallet, then you had toupload it to this thing, then
you, by the time you buy it, bythe time it gets to the casino.
Based on how long it took youto do that, the market could
have fluctuated this way or thatway.
So either you lost four or five, six dollars in the exchange,
or maybe you gained three orfour dollars, but there's always
something.
(19:55):
You always have to pay a littlebit in a fee to get that money.
Step to each step, you have topay a little bit.
It's like so, if I wanted toplay a hundred dollars on an
online casino because ohiodoesn't ohio you can gamble but
you can't play online, which Iwish they would change that.
So I have to go to thesefucking offshore casinos and I
(20:18):
have to.
So if I play a hundred dollars,I have to probably take out
like $130, $140 because there'sfees at every which way when you
exchange the Bitcoin fromwallet to wallet, because some
wallets don't allow you toupload to casinos.
So you have to kind of, it'ssuch a pain in the ass I don't
(20:39):
recommend it.
I'd rather Ohio just pass anonline gambling law so we could
just I could play blackjackonline willy nilly with united
states casinos.
So I gotta play casinos on withpanama with people who have
like fucking, like accents, likeuh, do you like to hit or stay,
sir?
I'm like I don't, I don't trustyou.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
No, are you playing like real?
Like is it real people?
Speaker 3 (21:02):
yeah, it's real people, real, it's live dealers.
Yeah, it's live, it's livedealers.
Actually, I'll show you.
Yeah, please, I'll show youwhere I go.
I go Bovada, so you go to livedealer.
I will proceed and it's goingto ask me for like my login.
(21:26):
I'm not gonna put it in uh Idon't know what any of that is,
so is it just a?
live dealer dealer in front of acamera.
Yeah, in front of a camera,camera.
Well, let's get.
(21:47):
It's asking me my login, butyou get the gist, yeah.
So, like this is an all youknow, basically an online casino
.
It actually has slots, so ithas slots and poker and stuff,
and then it has its own sportsbook.
It is legit.
I've won money here, and I'veactually.
So when I, when I win money, Ihave to go the opposite
direction with it, you know.
(22:07):
So I have to take it from thecasino to that, to my other
wallet, to this wallet and backto my.
You know, whatever I'm using,to my bank account fees.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Doing that too I'd get charged.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
No, I only get charge fees uploading, not.
Or?
Uh, I only get charged feeswith depositing, not withdraw.
Yeah, only depositing, notwithdrawing.
So you would think it'd be theother way around, but uh, some
places have fees, some don't,but they probably do that
because I know you're gonna loseit all yeah well, like some of
(22:39):
these have like uh, if you'renew, they'll give you a bunch of
bonuses and stuff, just likeany other place.
Let's see if my password works.
Oh, okay, I'm in Live dealerGold tier games.
(23:06):
Oh, they changed all this.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Give me a dealer with her titties out.
Sweet dude, do you talk to herthrough the mic?
Yeah, so what?
Speaker 4 (23:22):
do you, do you talk to her through the mic or do you
talk?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
so?
So yeah, it's a live dealer.
So if I wanted to, so if I hadmoney in my dude, you mute your
mic.
Yeah, I muted, I muted the.
Well, he can't hear me.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
You could, you could chat with the guy, with the
dealer oh, he can't hear, youcan't hear me, you could chat
with him though oh, I waswondering because I was like man
do I need to be quiet?
No, I can't say, show me yourtits, bro I got 83 cents left,
so but um so if I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
so if I wanted to sit in on the game, I could watch
as long as I want, or I couldbet behind these players.
So you could put bets on theplayers.
So if the table's full youcould bet behind these guys and
whatever plays they make, it'sstupid because if they play bad
you'll lose.
So if I wanted to join, I couldsit here.
(24:25):
But if I don't make a betthey'll kick me off.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
But but oh really, they all.
They'll kick you off If youdon't yeah, if you.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
well, I could.
No, I could just sit here andwatch.
But if I don't make a bet onthe first hand, it'll boot me
off the seat, so you have toactually play.
See, their blackjack pays 3 to2.
That's good, that's 1.5.
(24:52):
You get 1.5 times your bet.
So a lot of casinos in Vegasthey pay 6 to 5.
That's only 1.25.
And that actually makes thecasinos.
It makes their odds of winningagainst you higher, or it makes
the house's advantage againstyou higher.
So he scans these cards overthis little scanner and he
(25:15):
actually uses a real shoe, so hedoesn't have one of those
automatic card shuffler things,but he only plays like half the
shoe.
So counting cards is reallyhard Because they only play like
half the shoot.
So he can't really countingcards is really hard because
they only play like half theshoe.
So by the time you realize,like, what the count is, it's
too late.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
so oh yeah, I'd stick with that but yeah, it's, it's.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
This is legit.
I like said I've you wouldthink it'd be sketchy.
You know you're playing.
You're playing a livedealership game on an overseas.
You know blackjack game, so soright now dealer has a to I mean
21 dudes got 21, 7, he's gonnaget a 10, 14, he's got bust,
(26:01):
he's gonna bust 17.
Okay, uh, dealer sticks.
Dealer will stand on 17 and Ithink it's either a soft or hard
17 ao.
So so if you beat 17, you'regood, yeah, if you beat 17,
you're good, and he will I thinkhere um, yeah, see, dealer must
stand on 17 and must draw to 16so.
(26:23):
So I think if you had an ace,an ace could be one or 11.
So I think it has to be a hard17, meaning that it's not an ace
.
An ace isn't a one and an 11.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yeah, so what you're saying is it has to be a hard 17
, like it has to be a one ace,an ace one.
Yeah.
So yeah, that's, that's damn,you got 21 right off.
The rip to the side in yourseat.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Oh yeah, yeah, you won 21.
Oh, you got 21.
20.
Lucky these guys are.
See, I bet you he'll probablyhave 20, also 15.
He got a hit.
(27:13):
I hope he's staying for.
Oh shit, he could bust.
Oh, he did.
He busted, busted out.
So yeah, sometimes I'll uploadlike a hundred bucks if I got
the money.
See, this table's a hundreddollar fucking limit.
Dude, this.
(27:34):
This table's a high table, manI'm I'm getting out of here, so
yeah, that's that's yeah, Icouldn't stare at that guy for
an hour playing.
But I like some big titties.
I go to the chicks dude.
The chicks will have like theirfucking titties hanging out and
stuff too.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I'd be like Chattin.
Can you show me one of them,nippies.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
They'll kick you out.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Flick a coin to her, but here's a little tipski for
that nipski, a little tipskifrom the Nitski, so yeah, so you
all got to hear of mydegenerative gambling habit.
Well, dude, it's not likeyou're addicted to it.
I'm not, you're addicted to it.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
I tell you, I can see why people get addicted to it.
Especially when you go to thebrick and mortar casino and
you're just everyone's like,yeah, and you get free drinks
and food, yeah, dude, andeveryone's just treating you
like a fucking king, and I'mjust like I could get used to
this, and it's like I tell youwhat I remember.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Getting hooker to ride your knob while you're on
the slot machine.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Is it true?
They got prostitution in Vegas,outside the city limits?
Well, we're going to actuallytake a break and then we'll be
back, and first, though, you'regoing to listen to this chaotic
mess.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah, what a fucking turd sandwich.
We'll be right back.
So there you stand and you justwanna show them your voluptuous
(29:14):
sea cup, big ass tits.
I'm sorry, I ran Back to therestroom because, you know,
daddy had the shits One papertowel, toilet paper.
(29:44):
It's touching me, I'm bustingyou.
Oh shit, I'm fine.
I'm shitting my brains out inthe stall god damn it's a crime.
Out in the stall, the stall,god damn it's a crime.
(30:12):
Now I guess I'll touch my ball,touch the poop and stuff.
Looking at night, when I goback home and give the tuber to
(30:34):
my wife, she pulls out mypee-pee, the pee-pee, then she
grabs the tip and goes to thekitchen, gets a butcher knife.
What the fuck Goes to thekitchen?
Gets a butcher knife.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
What the fuck.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
One.
No touching one.
Don't touch my penis.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
With your mouth.
With your mouth.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Damn that shit's sharp.
Cut my penis with that blade.
That blade, that blade, thatblade, I'm so inclined, I want
to stick my finger in your rustystarfish.
(31:27):
Think about it, just thinkabout it.
That taco's mine.
Don't touch the damn thing.
God damn, you seem to piss meoff, piss me off.
(31:51):
I want it.
It's mine.
Extra sour cream and chives.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
That thing is mine.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Two or three fingers should be good.
It's good, it's good, it's good.
I want to slap my beefy tuberin your striking punanski.
Are you Polish?
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
Yo, what's up?
Welcome back to the BestFreaking.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Podcast it's Everyday with Jon and Jay baby.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Listen, you don't keep listening.
I'm coming over to your houseand licking your wife's asshole,
Sticking my tongue up on yourdirt butt.
You got that, motherfucker.
Speaker 4 (33:15):
Now check it out All right.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Welcome back to it's Every Day with Jon and Jay.
We're back from our break.
Thank you to my dude, Jon, hereplaying my theme song.
This is my unofficial themesong for my football team in our
fantasy football league.
I ended up winning thechampionship by one goddamn
point.
One point, George Kittle, youfucker.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Dude, that was probably one of the best
championship games I've ever.
I've been in fantasy football along time.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
There's George Kittle .
Speaker 3 (33:51):
He's pissed there he is oh, he actually sent you a
message.
He says congrats.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Congrats, you're welcome.
Okay, so listen to this.
This is how much of a puckeredbutthole I'm flipping out.
This is fucking amazing, crazy,fucking amazing.
Okay, so I'm going againstJohn's brother, justin, who's
been in the league for threeyears and made it to the big
show, which is amazing in itself.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
He doesn't know shit.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
He's a guru now.
Yeah he knows now, but he isbut to make it to the big show,
to the big dance.
And I think what was his record?
It was a 6-5?
Speaker 3 (34:27):
It was 6-8.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
6-8.
So 1-6, lost 8,.
Beat out everybody in hisdivision.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Beat the 1 and 2 seeds?
Yes.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Which one of them was your wife, I think right, it
was yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Because John's wife was a powerhouse too, yeahhouse,
she's pretty good too, which isweird.
Fucking um so Burrow, and.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Jamar chase fucking All right, she's got that 12
point.
She does that every year, shedoes that, she gets that 12
point stack dude.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
It's a good strategy too, she don't like last year.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
She already was last year's two.
Uh tyree kill, tyree kill.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Yeah, she had jaylen waddle too, I think yeah, she
likes to stack those wide, widercedars.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
It's a very risky thing.
You know what reminds me ofyour uncle adam with matt ryan.
He used to do that shit all thetime with like julio or
something, yeah you pick julio.
Uh, who was the other dude umroddy white?
Speaker 3 (35:17):
roddy white roddy, rowdy, rowdy.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Roddy used to pick matt ryan and a whole bunch of
fucking atlanta it was you havethe whole Atlanta team on your
fucking thing.
But anyway so this is where Iwas like okay, I got this, okay,
so all of his games were in theearly window, so he had four.
He had, like, josh Allen atfour, which was that was my
biggest worry, and I'm cussingat this dude because he's
(35:40):
throwing touchdown aftertouchdown.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I'm getting pissed.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
I'm like you, piece of shit, do it like last week.
So anyway, he comes in by theend of the earlier mid-game
Sunday.
He is four points ahead of me.
I'm like shit, you know,because if I was winning, it was
done.
I had two players, he hadnobody else left to play.
(36:05):
We're done, I win and that's it.
Instead, four points, not a bigproblem, usually Not a big
problem.
So we go into the late night.
I've got Aaron Jones onMinnesota.
I'm like okay, we both match upbecause he still does have
players, but I have the sameplayers playing, so we both had
Jordan Addison.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Our rules are a little wonky.
It's fun.
I won't go into it.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
And Justin Jefferson.
Dude, we have both of them.
So those cancel out.
So I have Aaron Jones.
Come on, aaron, Get some yards,get some catches, Get a
touchdown, get a touchdown.
It's all over, I don't have toworry about shit, Right right
touchdown.
Speaker 4 (36:44):
it's all over I don't have to worry about shit.
Right, he goose eggs it, hegets hurt and he's out and he
goose egg.
So I'm okay goose stepped.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
So it comes down to george kittle and the throwing
ability of brock purdy on the49ers, which has been subpar
usually.
I had a.
I had a company christmas partyand this was Monday night and
so I'm at the you know gettingdrinking and I'm watching, like
(37:10):
the score, nothing yet blah,blah, blah.
I go home.
I'm like I told my wife I said,babe, I'm watching football,
I'm just letting you know.
You know, you can sit on yourside of the world, you can come
sit with me, but football's on.
I'm in the championship.
I said I gotta fucking watchthis.
I gotta see if this dude'sgonna pull out for me or else
I'm gonna lose.
So I get you know I'm watchingfootball.
(37:30):
I look at the stats pull up onthe bottom of the screen and
we're coming in the fourthquarter.
George kittle six catches,which gets me two points.
Yeah, you're down four so I onlyneed three points to win yeah,
three points to doing I'm likehe needs 100 yards.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
This motherfucker had 94 yards, yeah in our league
it's 100, 100 yards for threepoints, which that sounds
ridiculous if you playtraditional fantasy football,
but we're we're a touchdownbased league, so you'd
understand it if you played init it's a lot of fun, but it's
hard, very hard so I'm waitingfor this dude.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
The dude, george kittleittle gets thrown a
15-yard pass.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
That's plenty, that's it Game over.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
I jumped up I'm not kidding, dude.
I jumped up, looked at my wifeand said I just fucking won, I
fucking won.
And then all of a sudden it'slike well, well, I hear the TV.
There's a flag on the play.
Oh, flag, there's a flag on theplay.
Oh, that's the worst feelingever.
I'm like okay, was what was it?
Was it pass interference on thedefense?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
what was going on?
Speaker 1 (38:29):
I didn't see a man downfield yes, a fucking idiot.
I was cussing at him.
I was like you, fat blonde, fat, fucking piece I was like what?
No way, that was crazy I wasdrunk, I was a little bit
drinking, you know, because Iwas pissed I almost texted you
and I'm like oh, oh, you wouldhave.
I would have been like, yeah, Iwould have said the same thing.
I would have been like fuckingblonde, fat, fucking piece of
(38:49):
shit.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
I was laughing so hard at that.
I'm like, dude, this is goingto.
There was, like, I think, fourminutes left and it was getting
really close to the nitty-grittythere.
I'll let you keep going on yourside.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Well, I've watched it this year, where I've seen
players go 99 yards and I get it.
Speaker 3 (39:06):
Yep, it happens.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
So I'm waiting.
I wait a little bit longer.
I'm like come on, Throw toKittle Purdy, you fucking idiot.
And he threw an interception, Ithink.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Yep, oh, yep.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
He threw an interception.
They came down, they'rethrowing.
I'm like all right, well, theyhave to throw now because
they're not.
They have to get that lead.
They have to try and dumb it.
You know he throws to, so hethrows a pass to who's the other
fucking Like Pershaw orwhatever?
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
He kept throwing to him.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
Quit fucking throwing to him, dude Ricky Pershaw with
the bullet holes in his chest.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
And then there was a seven-yard pass to Kittle to
give me one yard over the100-yard marker.
No flags, I was waiting for it,no flags.
I just told my wife.
I stepped up and I stood up andI told my wife, I said, babe, I
just fucking won, I can'tbelieve it, I just fucking won,
I just did.
I, you know it was an up anddown roller coaster, like when
(40:09):
you it's almost like it'sawesome making it to the big
game and even if you know,losing in the big game is is is.
That's the most demoralizingfor me.
I don't know to me, because Ihad to go, you, you, you had to
do it all year and you bustedyour ass and you did everything
and you, you watched the waiversand all this shit yep, and my
(40:31):
team, no joke.
When we first started, the yearwas rated a b.
Like everybody else had a's,except for me and steve had b's
yeah and I'm like damn dude,this team looks pretty good for
being a b, you know.
And then you know, it lastedall year and, like john said,
dude I, I drafted christianmccaffrey right off the rim you
survived that that's not a lotof people who had the first pick
(40:54):
survived that christianmccaffrey pick.
Speaker 3 (40:56):
A lot of those teams did really poor.
But you, you, uh, the back,like the middle, like the last
part quarter of your draft, thefirst part.
There you, you got lamarjackson and and sequin barkley.
Again, these rosters are loaded, so it's not like we're all a
bunch of goobs and tacos, butit's like we have loaded rosters
(41:17):
but harder scoring rules ifthat's what I love about this
league.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
Man is uh, and I'll like kind of explain a little
bit.
What I love about this leagueis that we have that, and I'll
kind of explain a little bit.
What I love about this leagueis that we have two divisions,
and that's the reason whythey're loaded.
There's six people in eachdivision.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
Yeah, two different draft pools.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Yes, and we draft at the same time on each division
but it's separate drafts so theyget like, if I draft Christian
McCaffrey, somebody else isdrafting Christian McCaffrey.
So what happens is we play ourown division first, everybody in
our own division.
Then we go inter-division playand when you do that you have to
(41:53):
be tactical about shit.
So okay, justin Jeffersonshould, and I'm playing him.
Should I play him and counterout his guy, or should I try to
play somebody better?
Who's gonna?
give me more points, yeah mostof the time I'm gonna cancel out
that guy I can't.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
That's usually shitty unless it's a shitty player
right, like if it's a, if it's afringe start player where it's
like I'm gonna try to like pressmy luck there, but if it's a,
no doubt about it starter justinjefferson.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah, you're, you're leaving them in there.
Jordan addison, justinjefferson's but if, but, if it's
a no-doubt-about-it starter.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
Justin Jefferson.
Yeah, you're leaving him inthere.
Jordan Addison, justinJefferson.
But if it's a fringe playerlike Drake London or something,
I'll give an example.
There I'm like, eh, I'll try topress my luck there.
If he's starting Drake Londonand I have him too, I think I'm
going to try.
If I have somebody I thinkwho's better or has a better
matchup, I think I'm gonna pressmy luck.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
No, whammy stop yeah but it makes it so much more
challenging and a lot more funand I think that like I like it
because it's different than theusual espn, yahoo, bullshit,
dude you know, I'd rather, Idon't know, I like.
I like it because, and thenalso I like it because it's
close-knit, it's family, likealmost everybody in this.
(43:06):
They're all like john's friendsand like john's brothers, both
of his brothers and his dad andmy wife and his wife who's
actually pretty good I had mynephew in it for a couple years.
He just got too busy.
That's, it's fine.
And then, um, my, my brother'sbeen in it for a while, I'm in
it.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
And then, um, god, dude, I got a few friends that I
know from my old work and stufflike that.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
The guy I've known for like 25 years yeah, and I
think we're gonna um, and thenblake blake's ready to go.
Dude, okay, yeah okay, so we'regonna be having um blake, who
sat in on our podcast that'sright.
Yeah, he did a while ago um,and he's talking about recording
us too, by the way.
Speaker 4 (43:47):
So he can probably do that.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
Okay, but um, but yeah, blake's gonna be taking
over one of our positions, Ibelieve as well.
So and he's just I don't knowhe'll have fun.
He's huge lions fan, which Ithink is fun.
We got a lot of browns.
We've got, I don't know, a banga.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
Bengals, Bengals fan A couple Bengals.
Oh, a Steeler.
I think we've got a Steelersfan too.
Who's a Steeler?
Josh, I think.
I think he's a.
Steelers fan.
No, maybe he's a Bengals fan, Idon't know.
He's a Canadian, so who knows,you can't tell.
So he's a lions fan.
(44:26):
Actually.
The lions are doing really well.
Lions are beast.
See the like the lions rebuildis almost what the browns should
have been doing and it's likeit's completely the opposite
direction.
Not good.
No, I got nothing against theline.
Then again, I like I have noreally big skin in the nfl.
Like I like the browns and Idon't I wish they would win, but
like if they lose I'm just like, whatever it's, it's no skin
(44:47):
off my ass my fantasy team iswhat saves me from that.
Yeah, ohio state and the brown,and uh, yeah and uh speaking of
ohio state, it's refreshing tosee a team play to their
potential, which I was talkingabout almost a month ago.
Gee, it's such a novel concept.
(45:08):
Playing to your strengths, youhave two dynamic wide receivers,
probably maybe the best playerin college football, arguably
Smith and Dabuka and.
Dabuka and you just sling itaround the fucking field, use
tempo, then you mix in the run alittle bit.
To keep them honest, ohioState's strength is its pass.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
I'm sorry, but Will Howard is a great quarterback.
He's a fucking quarterback.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
If Ohio State's offensive line, which has been
much maligned all year becauseit had a few injuries, if Ohio
State's offensive line givesWill Howard time to throw, he's
going to pick your ass apart,namely throwing it to one, mr
jeremiah smith.
And I tell you what that kid?
It could go number one in thenfl right now.
(45:57):
No doubt he would.
He would be number one in thenfl draft and he's only a true
freshman thing.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
He's gonna get heisman that's why you don't
wide receivers don't really geta chance on it.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Well, travis hunter.
He, he got the heisman and hewas, he was.
But the thing is, you know whattravis hunter is?
That, yeah, he played both ways, but he wasn't even in like oh,
he's gay bisexual yeah, he wasgay, he goes both ways see, it's
just a woke, the heisman's,just a woke.
Trophy now gives it to do to goboth ways.
Travis hunter, I hate coloradothey're just media darlings
(46:32):
because of dion's?
Speaker 1 (46:34):
they're just media darling is dion's kid on that
team yeah, shador sanders is thequarterback.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
I think he's mediocre .
I don't think he's that goodname is shador shador.
What the fuck?
Yeah, dude, I, I, I don't, evenI dislike the top four in next
year's draft and the browns areprobably gonna pick somebody out
of that pool.
And I don't cam ward from themiami hurricanes.
I don't think he's.
He's okay, but he's not great,he's.
(47:01):
I don't think he's a franchisequarterback.
I think the browns should tradedown and try to get like a
lineman, an offensive lineman,because the Browns offensive
lineman line is bad.
It's not good anymore.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
What do you get when Chad Johnson takes a shit?
What's that?
An Ocho Stinko?
Hey, I figured you would havegot that right off.
You did after I said Ocho.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
It actually just popped in my brain right when
Ocho Stinko.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
Ocho Stinko oh.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
But no, doris Sanders .
Speaker 3 (47:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (47:40):
Yeah, poor kid.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
Yeah, but Ohio State has Texas in the cotton bowl in
a week or so, so, uh, we'll seewhat happens there which is on a
plantation, I believe it's indallas.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
So, oh my god I said it's in big daddy's property
daddy, I said, I said now youwant me to treat him like white
folk?
Speaker 2 (48:04):
No.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I didn't say, that did I.
I didn't say that.
You know that Peckerwood boydown from the store.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
You know, jerry, peckerwood boy Treat him like
Jerry, there you go, darling,that it darling, treat him like
Jerry.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
He ain't like any of the other niggas around here.
If you've never seen Django,you need to watch this movie,
django Unchained, is so good.
You want me to treat him likewife of?
No, that was like a no.
No, Tom Johnson, dude Dude hekilled that part dude, he nailed
it he did really well.
(48:40):
Oh yeah, but yeah, no joke, whata great.
It just capped off a greatweekend.
Had a great, uh company partywith my, with my crew, um, at
the the level up the store Iwork at, and, um, I don't know.
Just a lot of fun, dude, I loveit it's.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
I didn't go to my company christmas party this
year.
You didn't know.
I'm kind of surprised.
Usually you do.
Carrie really likes to go to,but it's my dad's birthday that
weekend, so fuck, yeah, fuck him.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
Take him, dude.
Take my dad.
She's just taking your daddywhen he had to fucking cook or
nothing well, probably cost meanother 25 to bring someone
extra no, don't take care of you, just take your dad just don't
take carrie, take my dad instead.
You go dress him up like et thewoman dude when he dressed like
a woman elliot home, home, home.
(49:32):
Do you think they ever fuckedet dude like while you dress
like a woman?
Speaker 3 (49:36):
you ever found et attractive when he dresses dude?
Speaker 1 (49:39):
did you know there's an et porn?
Shut the fuck up there is no,there's not.
Speaker 3 (49:44):
Yes, there is, look it up.
No way, dude, look it up shutup, there's an et porn dude porn
home et porn et porn.
Shut up et porn.
Part two.
I I should really have my soundoff when I when I click on this
shut, the fuck up, shut up I'mgonna hit play on this.
Speaker 4 (50:12):
I got the sound off.
The sound should be on, okayI'll put the sound on yeah, we
need some sound for this dude.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
You gotta hear where's et?
Speaker 3 (50:25):
what is that?
I want to see where ET getsfucked.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
Did ET have a dick oh ?
Speaker 4 (50:47):
no, his finger, he's figuring her.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
Where's ET getting fucked?
Speaker 2 (50:55):
What the fuck?
What the fuck man, what?
Speaker 3 (51:09):
the fuck man, I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (51:11):
I can't take that voting dude All I got to say is
if you're listening to this atwork, people are looking at you
really good yeah, please do not.
Speaker 3 (51:18):
Not safe for work warning.
Not safe for work warning.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
He's got a nice pussy , though you know what they
should be doing rain like whenthey come, they should come
reach these pieces all over them.
Speaker 3 (51:33):
See, I'm kind of mad that there's no real story that
involves et per se it's.
It's just like they're fucking,they're just fucking a really
really bad alien costume.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
So the head's not bad .
Speaker 3 (51:44):
The head actually does not look that bad, but
otherwise, otherwise it lookslike et the extra testicle.
Is that what it is?
Speaker 2 (51:52):
no way, that's what it's called or is there another
one?
Speaker 1 (51:56):
oh, please tell me, it's another one, another one is
it a better one?
Speaker 3 (52:04):
I'm not gonna turn the sound on, did you?
Speaker 1 (52:06):
see.
Did you see the?
Part yeah, I think dude, weshould add the sound on just for
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
He was jerking off.
Wait, wait, wait, he wasjerking off.
That's why he got left behind,dude I.
Speaker 3 (52:42):
Okay, I'm gonna keep playing.
Special effects are really welldone.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
Now he's depressed.
Now it's sad, fucking Pleasetell me he fucks women.
Speaker 3 (52:59):
He finishes.
Oh, I thought he was gonna.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
Oh, please tell me he fucks a woman with it.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
He's dressed in the fucking old lady costume.
Speaker 3 (53:14):
You should make like sounds.
Speaker 2 (53:19):
Look at his fucking dick.
Speaker 3 (53:23):
He looks like a bug, a big giant bug.
Speaker 1 (53:26):
That'd be awesome, as if he didn't.
Speaker 3 (53:30):
That's what I'm waiting on, Like I'm trying to
find the pop shot here.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
Oh, yeah, the frog part.
Speaker 3 (53:44):
Hey, at least they're being, you know, faithful to
the original, to the sourcematerial.
Yeah, they're being faithful tothe source material.
Speaker 2 (53:54):
Dude.
He's watching porn.
Speaker 3 (54:00):
Dude, please tell me he makes I love the music in the
background.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
That's ET.
Yeah Shoot, he hits the screen,dude.
Speaker 2 (54:23):
It's glowing.
This thing is glowing what it'sglowing like a sphincter.
Speaker 4 (54:35):
Oh, I wanted to shoot all over this oh my God, dude
but dude.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
The glow part the glow.
This was better than the otherone.
Speaker 3 (54:40):
This is way better than the other one.
The extra testicle oh my god,I'm gonna change the college.
I gotta see the ending of this.
Speaker 4 (55:04):
I gotta see the ad to get this ET.
Thank you, et like.
Speaker 1 (55:12):
Ike.
It actually has a decentstoryline, dude Like at least,
and that's a lot better than theother one where ET, like I'll
see you next time.
Speaker 3 (55:31):
Maybe your girlfriend will be I like how you can hear
him walking around the room.
Speaker 2 (55:37):
The bad greed screen does it for me right here Her
name's Ellie.
Speaker 4 (55:50):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
Did you see the cock come?
Speaker 4 (55:58):
She's crying too, we love you.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
That's the end of it.
Speaker 3 (56:06):
Not terrible.
You know what?
I did not hate that, to behonest.
Speaker 1 (56:10):
Okay, just type it Google and type it ET the extra
testicle and you won't bedisappointed, because that was S
tier level of awesome.
The only one I really want towatch is the 10 inch mutant
ninja turtles.
I really want to watch that onetime.
Speaker 3 (56:30):
So like she's getting plowed by somebody.
Speaker 4 (56:38):
It's so far in your pussy right now.
Speaker 1 (56:41):
Oh, there you go.
Speaker 2 (56:46):
Ah, there you go, dude, lots of calm.
Speaker 4 (56:56):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
We found the ET money shop Dude we found the ET money
.
Speaker 3 (57:03):
Shop 39, shop Dude, we found the ET money shop 39,
about 38 minutes.
39 minutes in.
He's like I don't want to come.
Oh my God, the part dude he's.
It's the part where, dude,they're really faithful to the
source material.
You got to give them props forthat.
You know they have the frogsbeing released part, and you
know ET watching.
You know they have the thefrogs being released par and you
(57:24):
know et watching.
You know tv.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
He's watching porn and his little glowy dick
fucking spurts everywhere I likehow we were talking about don
johnson and now we're watchingporn yeah, we, yeah, we trade
bucky larson, bucky larsonbecause don johnson is in that.
That's true, that's really kindof a one director, yeah kind of
an interesting one-to-one thingwe just did there.
Speaker 3 (57:46):
I've got to see if there's comments on this
anywhere.
Speaker 1 (57:49):
It's just a bunch of porn.
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (57:51):
Some porn sites, some tube sites, have comments.
Oh, I don't know if I'll havecomments.
Wow, oh yeah, that's twocomments.
Yep, that made my night.
Actually, when you leave, I'mgoing to watch the whole thing I
don't blame you.
Just letting you know that I'mgoing to get really comfy
(58:14):
because the wife is not homeright now.
This is going up on thetelevision everybody.
There's no greater feeling thanwatching porn on the TV.
I know that way you can trulyunwind.
Yeah, I'm perplexed man, I, Ijust, I don't know et the extra
(58:36):
testicle, the extra testicle,what?
What's, what's like?
You watch a lot of like parodyporns.
I can't stand them, though,unless they're for you know just
jokingly.
Speaker 1 (58:46):
Like I said, the one I really want to watch is 10
inch mutant ninja turtles.
Speaker 3 (58:50):
There's turtles that fuck April.
Speaker 1 (58:51):
Yes, shut up 10 inch mutant ninja turtles.
Remember because the girl'sname is really April O'Neil.
Speaker 3 (58:59):
Yeah, it's the real.
Yeah, okay, april O'Neil, theporn star, she's cool.
You know what you should do?
We should pick a random movieand see if there's a porn parody
yeah forrest gump uh, but forsome force tom, they're probably
forrest gump porn.
Speaker 1 (59:18):
Oh, there has to be your ass is like a box of
chocolate dude four skin gump,oh my god that's awesome.
Oh, my fucking god 1994.
Speaker 3 (59:44):
I don't know if I'll be able to find it anywhere,
though, for skin gump, oh oh.
Speaker 1 (59:49):
Here's a list of the eight most ridiculous porn
parodies ever oh my god, there'sa part there's a spongebob one
spongebob squarepants spongebobsquare nuts I've even said that
spongebob squarepants, who livesin a pineapple Lego porn.
Oh my God, here we go.
Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
Foreskin Dump, here we go Right.
When I was talking about here,skin happens.
Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
Edward Penis Hands.
Edward Penis Hands.
I remember that one.
Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
This ain't Game of Thrones.
Why would you make a pornparody of Game of Thrones when
it's in itself has a bunch ofstuff?
Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
in it.
It's pretty porn yeah pornhorrific.
Speaker 3 (01:00:29):
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
Oh, jesus Christ, this ain'tAvatar.
I can only imagine.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
I love porn spoofs.
I think they're funny.
Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
Would I ever get off to a porn spoof?
Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
I don't know there is , like in diana jones, in the
temple of poon, the idea yeahthe temple of poon.
Speaker 3 (01:00:54):
But see, the thing is , I'd be like I'd be trying to
compare and contrast the pornparody with the actual movie,
because that's how.
That's a much of a loser.
I am now even in the et when Iwas like you know what they?
They really did a good job withthe source material.
Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
That's the only thing on my mind and what about back
to the future?
Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
oh, or ghostbusters shut up.
I have to look that up.
It's gonna be interesting tosee how the AI for this week Dr
Spankman Dr.
Spankman Warthog doesn't reallygive you good results.
(01:01:38):
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Jesus, jesus, hello Is anybody there, dude, it's the
beginning of the movie.
It's like the beginning of themovie oh dude, this is awesome.
Dude, she's hot as fuck too.
I will say that this was likesomething out of the early 2000s
(01:02:22):
.
Speaker 3 (01:02:42):
I'm actually kind of enthralled by this.
I am paying attention in morethan one way way.
I just want to see thesespecial effects.
Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
Are those dildos flying around?
Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Looks like it Ghost dicks.
Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
She's getting very comfortable right now.
She's being possessed by GoherHoser.
She's getting very comfortableright now.
She's being possessed by Go-Her, gozer-her, hoser, hoser, hoser
.
Oh yeah, there you go.
You're good at that, you'regood at that.
Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Is this dick?
Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
hanging down this dick's, hanging down this ghost
dick's hanging down.
Speaker 3 (01:03:32):
It's actually not bad .
The special effects areactually not horrible for like a
port.
Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
He's gonna put a stick in her mouth.
Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
Let me see if she's gonna wake up and get scared or
something.
Speaker 4 (01:04:00):
What.
Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
Hold up, hold up.
I gotta turn this up for theThief song.
Dude, that's bad.
Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
That's bad.
Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
Dude.
Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
I was buying into that until that last shot with
the guy going that was horrible.
Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
That was bad.
Okay.
There's a lot of comments underthis.
They ruined this video.
I would have had the ghostpulling down her panties and up
with her skirt and then thevideo would have continued like
it started to, with the ghostfucking her face, her not waking
up and her not going to reallife.
We all know how it should haveended, with a bunch of cum
running down her chin.
Speaker 1 (01:05:17):
It's fucking so pretty much like Scary Movie 2.
Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
And I was just just gonna make that comparison it's
100.
Like scary movie too.
Where what was it um toryspelling?
Yeah, yeah, wow pulls up aroundwhat, what ah?
Speaker 2 (01:05:36):
fucking monday and it's wednesday yeah, like ah
wednesday and she's wearingMonday underwear.
Come here, no Baby.
Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
You were only a booty call.
You were only a booty call.
Speaker 3 (01:05:49):
So yeah, the theme song was awesome, but it was
ruined.
I was really buying into thespecial effects a little bit.
I'm like boy, there's some workWent into this.
And then that last little shot,when she wakes up he's like
they should have kept the CGIshit, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:06:02):
And then she last little shot when she wakes up.
He's like, it's like hey, theyshould have kept the cgi shit
yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:06:07):
And then like she should have been like ah.
And then like the busters, yeah, into her mouth, into her mouth
, yeah that would have beenawesome, but it got ruined, so
whatever, and with that said,we're gonna end the evening.
Um jason, nothing like pornspoofs.
(01:06:27):
Nothing like porn spoofs wealways your night we always, we
always get on the subject ofporn spoofs, but today we
decided to go a little in-depth,if you will, a little deep.
We went deeper into it, if youwill.
Do you have any departing words?
Where are we at tonight?
Speaker 1 (01:06:44):
No, not really.
I just want to say thank you toeverybody who listens to us,
you know.
Hopefully everybody had a greatnew year.
Make 2025 your best yet, man.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:07:00):
That's pretty much it , pretty much it.
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3 (01:07:04):
Thank you all around the fucking world.
Speaker 4 (01:07:05):
Thank you, fish in a barrel.
Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
Yeah, we appreciate everybody's uh, fish people are
the barrel fish in a barrel.
Speaker 3 (01:07:12):
We appreciate everyone's uh uh listenership
throughout the years going on.
Our third year now.
So, uh, we can't wait for 2025and you know we got some good
things in store, so we can'twait to show that to you.
Or, you know, unveil that, ifyou will.
We won't unveil any sort oflike ghost cocks or anything
(01:07:33):
like that or maybe we will younever?
Speaker 1 (01:07:35):
know, so just uh be on the lookout for that, uh
we're gonna be doing um john andj and Jay clone of Willie kits
that you can actually buy foryour significant other or for
yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:07:49):
We're going to put it on Etsy, so go ahead and look
for that there.
Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
Or John and Jay themed penis stockings to help
keep your dingus warm in thecold winter months that are
coming up.
It'll be like a little hat.
Speaker 3 (01:08:02):
It is.
It's a house for your bat, hatsfor your bats.
Keep bats wall gross.
With that said, we appreciateyou listening.
We'll see you next time.
I'm john bricker and I'm jasonsugar.
See you later, later, guys.
It's everyday with John and Jay.
Comedy Skits, random bullshit,tim and Jerry, it's not your day
(01:02):
, it's not my day.
This is our day and it's my day.
This is our day and it's everyday with John and Jay.
You like racy shit, you likeproblems going on, you like
sexual misconduct?
You're in the right fuckingplace.
Listen up, you fucking freaks.
(01:22):
It is time to get the show onthe road.
We're ready to hit this episodeof it's Every Day with Jon and
Ajay.
Let's rock.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Welcome to it's Every Day with Jon Jay, episode 153,.
I believe.
Glad to see you're here.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
That's after the holidays.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
I'm not here.
Yeah, we're all kind ofmentally checked out.
Long holiday, what a greatholiday.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Pretty good, yeah, Very good holiday.
So, dude, what did you get forChristmas?
What did I get for Christmas?
I want to know what you got forChristmas.
I didn't get anything.
No, dude what?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
did you get for Christmas?
What did I get for Christmas?
I want to know what you got forChristmas.
I didn't get anything.
No, I'm just kidding.
A lot of Bezo Bucks is what Icall it Amazon gift cards.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Oh, I'm like what the fuck is Bezo?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Bucks.
I always got a preface.
I'm like is that a new store?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
or something.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Yeah, it's kind of like a bougie upscale.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
It's kind of like Jeff Bezos.
Yeah, it's Jeff Bezosmemorabilia they give you pesos.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
It's like Jeff Bezos memorabilia, so it's pretty cool
.
It's basically just shirts he'sworn and he just gave away, and
they just sell it in stores.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah, it's Oregon Rose Bowl championship shirts.
That's what I think it is.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Yeah, I got a lot of amazon gift cards which I
specifically asked for because II'm an amazon fiend, I love
amazon, I love, uh love amazon.
Um, I got some restaurant giftcards because me carrying it out
a lot hey oh um, everybody outthere should know what that is.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
You guys should know um, uh, what else?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
yeah, it's basically about nothing like real crazy
out of the you.
As the older you get the kindof like the inkling for like big
, expensive gifts not that likeeddie wouldn't get them for me
anyway, but what?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
did you get um?
I ended up getting god damn.
I forgot to turn my phone off,but I ended up getting um.
God damn it oh, okay, cool um,I ended up well.
I got my record player from mywife that was a gift I got okay,
my mom got me omaha steaks likea whole bunch oh yeah, you're
telling me about that before um,they're still in my freezer.
(03:47):
I'm waiting till I can use myblackstone and I'm gonna fucking
dig them bitches out.
Um, and then I got.
Uh, if you hear that noiseagain, it's just my watch going
off, though.
Um, then I ended up gettingokay.
So sarah's dad got me and Ialmost brought him yesterday,
but nobody would have drankanyway, so it didn't matter.
Ohio state dad got me and Ialmost brought him yesterday,
(04:11):
but nobody would have drankanyway, so it didn't matter.
Ohio State he got me.
Ohio State like shot scotchglasses.
Oh, that's sweet.
Yeah, they got like leatherOhio State around them, like
their glasses.
But you don't have to worryabout melting all your ice and
shit and heating them up.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Yeah, really cool looking.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
And then Sarah's mom got me a.
This just in sarah's mom'smessaging, just kidding, um,
sarah's mom ended up getting me,um, my one of my favorite
restaurants to go to, fast foodstyle wise, is chipotle.
I love chipotle.
Yeah, um, and then um, sosarah's mom knows that she got
me a 20 chipotle gift card andshe got me a, uh, chipotle
(04:49):
t-shirt which I didn't get towear to chipotle tonight.
Kind of disappointing I rememberyou told me I don't want to be
a fan boy, though I don't wantto go in there like let's go,
but you know what I'm old andlike dad like I'm in dad mode, I
can do that giving you achipotle t-shirt.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
You know, you told me that last night and you're like
yeah, I got chipotle t-shirt.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
I go, dude, that's fucking late I'm like she should
have gave me a gift card and Iwas like yeah, she did.
Oh, okay, okay, that's okay,jake got me these badass fucking
golf socks.
Okay, it's golfers gettingpissed at their stuff and
throwing their clubs and shitit's on the socks dudes once's a
bunch of these little littlegolfer guys slam in their shit
and throwing it.
(05:29):
Yes, yeah, so really fun.
Um, I don't know um, we didwhite elephant at my sister's
house.
I end up where, winning afoosball table like a mini one
you put on top of a desk.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
I okay, I.
I hate the concept of the whiteelephant gift exchange.
I love it, I.
It's just.
It's like oh, okay, I want thislike.
And then it's like oh, nope,that's mine, and it's like no I
love it because you want to knowwhat my sister made.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
It really she did really good.
I was.
I was laughing my ass off she.
She had a big, tall, fuckinghuge gift wrapped, I mean just
huge.
And my brother had it.
And then all of a sudden mynephew's girlfriend goes.
I'm going to trade for that.
I want that gift.
Okay, it's probably a redherring.
What it was.
It was a shelf.
(06:19):
It was an old shelf they hadlaying in the basement or
something that they weren't evergoing to use, and it still was
brand new, but they never weregoing to use it, so they just
wrapped it up, put it in there.
Me, I always get non.
I always get gifts that arevery not appropriate.
So Like dildos.
(06:39):
Oh dude, kind of close.
I got a nature's dick calendar,so it's all these like cactuses
and shit that look like penises.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
I thought.
I thought it was gonna be likeanimals with their cocks hanging
.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Oh, dude, I'm gonna try and find that next like
horses and pigs with the curlylook daddy I'm a farmer.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Oh, jesus christ fuck .
Speaker 1 (06:59):
And then, um, I got crayons that were like not pc,
it was like fucking, like n-bomb, black and shit like that dude.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
You know like drop that TV brown and shit.
You know, on Crayola I think itsays Negro or something like
that on the side.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Or no.
That's because that's how it isin other countries.
Yeah, I know I know I'm sayinglike black Negro.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Black Negro.
It's just like oh no, thesecrayons are racist man.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I thought I heard Negro.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Crayola is racist guys.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I thought I heard Negro.
Nope, no Negro spoken here, noNegro spoken here.
And then I got markers or pensno, it's a marker set and it
says I hope your fucking daysucks and all this other shit
Nice Just like shitty.
And then I bought I thought itwas going to be a shower
margarita thing and it turnedout to just be a box.
(07:46):
So I was like, well, this isfucking well, I gotta put
something in here.
So I put one of the other giftsI got, which was a fanny pack
that looks like a fat dude'sbelly.
My niece ended up keeping thatone.
My brother wanted but my keptit, so she was wearing it the
whole time.
She wore it the other day whenI saw her I'm like, dude, this
(08:08):
is awesome Whatever, as long asyou like it, dude, but I love
inappropriate.
I think you know, make itinappropriate.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
I think if it's just kind of like a fun thing.
Yeah, if it's like a fun thing,okay, I get it.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Last year, okay I get it last year I started to do
because we did white elephantand then I brought a fucking
cartoon penis coloring book.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I've heard, I've heard of stories of like office
parties with white elephant giftexchanges where, like people
would bring like really goodstuff and people would be like
they get fucking pissed about,like getting knocked off, and
it's like, dude, like you'rejust setting yourself up for
people to get mad.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
It's like the thing is people should go into it
that's the problem rather than,like I understand, I love doing
it, it's a lot of fun, but yougot to go into with the mindset
that this is what could happen,that you know, if you're, if
you're a goober and you're gonnaspend hundred dollars on a
fucking gift that's just gonnabe passed around and it's on you
(09:08):
, and also, if you're, if you'regoing into this and getting
butthurt about, it's on you, youshould understand that you
could get shit, you could getgood, it's just that's what
makes it fun?
Speaker 3 (09:17):
I wouldn't even participate, anything like that.
I'll be like I'd rather I, Idon't know I would rather just
do us like to me.
I'm more traditional with that.
I'd rather just take, get aname and find out what they like
and then actually make itpersonal.
So that's, that's just.
I get what you're saying.
Like, you know it's supposed tobe fun, but a lot of people
(09:38):
don't that.
They can't have fun with that.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
So you just lydia deets, boyfriend, the fucking
thing, and then you just totallytook the fun right out of it,
dude what's that you?
Just suck the fun right out ofthat what's that?
You, lydia deets his boyfriendthat from beetlejuice,
beetlejuice.
What do you mean?
No, dude, dude.
Remember like we were talkingabout beetlejuice, beetlejuice
and how that dude was just thefuck like.
(10:01):
Even.
Even the mom says the funpolice are fun, dude, it sucks
the fun right out of it, dude.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I just wouldn't even participate.
I'm just like, nah, I'm goodFun sucking out of it dude.
No, you guys can go ahead,that's fine, have at it.
I, just my ego can't take it,I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I'm just messing with you, bro.
No, you're not.
My ego can't take it.
I'm just messing with you, bro.
No, you're not.
You're serious, I am.
I'm being a dick.
Yeah, I'm in your house, dude,I ain't going to be a dick to
you.
Plus, I would never be like youknow like we all got our own,
like opinions and prerogatives,and I can understand why some
people would get upset about it,and it's not really for them.
I just do it because I like itwhen people open the gifts that
(10:41):
I get.
I don't give a fuck what I get,dude, but I like it when I get
it.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
That goes to my point .
It's like I would rather takethe time to just go one-to-one
Then again.
I just don't want to put a lotof effort into something Like
okay, is this the third triparound, or is this the third
time this gift has been taken?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
We made it easy, dude .
We did it to where, like say,um, on your turn, like we
counted out the gifts and wecounted how many people we had.
Do you know the giftsbeforehand?
We do not.
We, I know mine, but I don'tknow so you don't know the gifts
beforehand.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Okay, so then.
So so we hear your rules,because I hear, like the rules
I've always seen is that like agift, uh, can't be passed more
than three times, and then onceit gets to the third person,
then that's, we don't even fuckwith it, dude.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
What we'd okay, so what we did was okay.
So, if we okay, so we counted,it was like I think we had like
six or seven or no.
We had eight people in the inthe thing, we had eight people
there and uh, so it was like 17,16 gifts or 17 gifts.
So I was like, okay, we goteight people, six, 17 gifts,
everybody gets two okay if youlike, say you pick first, okay,
(11:53):
and then we come.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
How do you determine who picks first?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
um, like we just went youngest oh, you're in this
group you know, and I was, theoldest, so I get fucked every
damn time.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
So but it doesn't matter, should be.
I don't Fight to the death.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
So we just went youngest.
You can do like Cards AgainstHumanity, whoever shit last, or
whatever you want to do, oh, ok.
So what we ended up doing islike if you say you picked a
gift, ok, you went first, comesaround and gets to me.
I have two options I can pick agift or I can take your gift.
(12:25):
If I take your gift, you get tochoose another gift.
That's what happens, so I can'tjust steal your gift and then
you're just out that gift.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
It doesn't work like that, okay, no, if I steal your
gift, you take my pick.
It's like a draft pick.
How many times does that giftget passed around?
Just one time.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You get one passing all the way through, okay, and
then the second passing.
Second passing Once we get tothe ending, it's done.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
That's it, it's over.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, there's no overtime.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, you should be able to figure out what gift you
want by that time, by thesecond passing.
We don't wait.
We're not like well, we got allour gifts.
Who wants to swap?
Nope, we're not fucking withthat.
You have all that time to picka gift and to pick and take
somebody else's.
You have two chances.
So if you don't do it, it's onyou, dog it's almost sounds like
(13:16):
.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Almost sounds like kind of like war.
It's like I would takeadvantage of of this and it's
almost like but it's morebeneficial to go.
Last it is, it's morebeneficial to go last.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Well, first is pretty cool because you can.
You can choose like whateveryou want and me, like, like.
That's why I think it justdepends on your mindset if you
go into this like hey see, Idon't give a shit.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
If you knew all the gifts ahead of time, I would
pick one that I didn't wantfirst.
See what I'm saying that way ifsomebody took it and then you
could actually kind of play thepsychological warfare of that.
So take a gift you don't.
You never want to take the giftfor you really want first off
the bat.
You want to kind of like waituntil you know, take something
(14:01):
you don't you're kind oflukewarm on, then someone may
want that and then okay, thenit'll be your turn to take it.
So I guess there could bestrategy involved in it.
So I I could see like the gameaspect of it, I suppose.
But I think it's just funbecause if it's just like if
it's just like a 20 limit, thenI wouldn't really like poo, poo,
shit like that yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
If it's just fun stuff, like just no, we're not
going out and being like.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Well, there's a TV in one of these.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I've heard of things like that, though.
I've heard of people bringingPS5s to these white elephant
things.
You ever heard of that?
No, people who have $50 limits.
I was watching someone andthey're saying, yeah, I I was,
uh, I worked for this firm andone of the higher-ups brought a
ps5 on a 50 limit.
(14:49):
White elephant office partygift exchange because, he's
breaking the rules and peopleare like what the fuck?
so people were like, okay, ofcourse everyone wants the ps5.
So the one girl I guess shejust kind of like got pissed off
about.
It's like, hey, kind of likechided the fucking guy.
It's like, hey, this is likenot what this is supposed to be.
Man, and I'm just like man,that sounds like a horrible time
(15:13):
, just people fighting over it'snot ps5 and it's not bad when
it's with family, like yeah,yeah I mean I go into it and
with the notion that I don'tcare whether I get anything or I
do you know you know um.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I just go into because it's fun.
I like the excitement of beinglike that could be a turd it
could be an actual turn.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
It's almost like deal or no deal it is 100 I love it.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
I think it's exciting for me.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I love it.
I think it's so much fun.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
It's like that could be a real turd or that could be
something cool see, I wouldactually, if there was a
possibility of actual shit beingin a gift bag or in a box, then
to me that just ups theexcitement.
So I think I'm kind of sold onthat now if there's coal in a
box or something, yeah hey,that's a natural resource you
can do whatever there should belike red herring gifts.
(16:04):
To me it's like a like a gift in, like a in like a ps5 box, but
inside of it it's somethingdifferent I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's what my sister did.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
She I had the other big box, yeah but there's
something else in it, likesomething it was a huge fucking
box with a bunch of paper in it.
It had 20 scratch off lotterytickets dude all the way I
dumped it out and I'm likethere's nothing in here.
They're like yeah, there is upthere, it is big old bunches I
just that'd be funny if it'sjust wrapping paper inside like
(16:35):
oh, I think I won like 11 orsomething out of it.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Well, I end up giving it to my nephew.
I was like here, dude, you canhave it, I don't go, I don't
fucking need it.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Take it, dude I never went off scratch offs like at
all, ever, ever, never win.
Carrie wins sometimes.
My mother-in-law says she winsall the time, but I always
wonder how many things she losesfirst before she actually wins.
You always hear of people'swins, you never hear of people's
losses.
So my mother-in-law be oh yeah,100 bucks on scratch off.
(17:03):
Like how the fuck do you keepwinning all the time?
My, then my father-in-law willbe like oh yeah, 100 bucks On
scratch.
I'm like how the fuck do youkeep winning all the time?
Then my father-in-law willchime in the only time he ever
chimes in, like hey, see howmuch she loses in a week.
I'm like, oh okay, I hear you,playa, I hear you, but it's like
I play him every now and thenI'm just like god damn, damn
dude, this is, it's fun, butit's like it's just like the
(17:26):
odds are so long and it's likeI'd rather just put my money in
a fucking slot machine and seewhat happens, because that's the
same difference.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I'd rather just keep my money that's why I'm true,
I'm, oh sure, absolutely one ofthose goofy fuckers that wishes
he would win the lottery butnever plays it.
It's hard to win when you don'tplay the motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
It's like it's just like you get excited for the,
for the mega millions.
It gets to like 1.4 billion andyou're like, all right, what
it's like?
Oh, it's three dollars.
Uh, how do I just keep thisthree dollars, or two dollars?
I think it's going up to fourdollars next year, this year
actually.
So I never play the lottery.
It's a loser tax, it's whatthey call it.
It's a fucking loser tax.
(18:05):
Now will I partake in?
Here's me talking like down onthe lottery.
But I also, you know I'll makebets here and there, but I love
blackjack.
That's my vice.
If I had a betting vice or agambling vice, it'd be blackjack
.
But with blackjack, you knowit's, it's the, even though,
(18:28):
yeah, your, your odds of winningagainst the house are still,
you know, but it's the smallestmargin, is like 0.015 against
the house.
It's the smallest margin of anytable games in the casino.
But it depends if the casinohas, say, three, or like five to
six to four blackjack, whichmeans that you only get like
1.25 of your bet back on ablackjack, versus three to two,
(18:50):
which is one and a half.
That makes the odds go higher.
Two, a lot of casinos haveautomatic deck shufflers, so
it's really hard to keep countif you're counting cards, what
the count is.
And not only that, that makesthe house advantage go up too.
But I play home.
I like to play online sometimes,even though it's not
technically legal.
But you have to use bitcoin.
(19:13):
I have to get.
I tell you, I've never I don'tknow how people do this bitcoin
thing it is the biggest pain inthe dick I've ever had to fuck
with.
I don't know how people do this.
Like you know, hedge thisfucking with Bitcoin.
I had to buy Bitcoin, do thisonline casino and it was like
going through 10 different hoops.
You have to buy it off this,then you have to exchange it to
(19:35):
this wallet, then you had toupload it to this thing, then
you, by the time you buy it, bythe time it gets to the casino.
Based on how long it took youto do that, the market could
have fluctuated this way or thatway.
So either you lost four or five, six dollars in the exchange,
or maybe you gained three orfour dollars, but there's always
something.
(19:55):
You always have to pay a littlebit in a fee to get that money.
Step to each step, you have topay a little bit.
It's like so, if I wanted toplay a hundred dollars on an
online casino because ohiodoesn't ohio you can gamble but
you can't play online, which Iwish they would change that.
So I have to go to thesefucking offshore casinos and I
(20:18):
have to.
So if I play a hundred dollars,I have to probably take out
like $130, $140 because there'sfees at every which way when you
exchange the Bitcoin fromwallet to wallet, because some
wallets don't allow you toupload to casinos.
So you have to kind of, it'ssuch a pain in the ass I don't
(20:39):
recommend it.
I'd rather Ohio just pass anonline gambling law so we could
just I could play blackjackonline willy nilly with united
states casinos.
So I gotta play casinos on withpanama with people who have
like fucking, like accents, likeuh, do you like to hit or stay,
sir?
I'm like I don't, I don't trustyou.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
No, are you playing like real?
Like is it real people?
Speaker 3 (21:02):
yeah, it's real people, real, it's live dealers.
Yeah, it's live, it's livedealers.
Actually, I'll show you.
Yeah, please, I'll show youwhere I go.
I go Bovada, so you go to livedealer.
I will proceed and it's goingto ask me for like my login.
(21:26):
I'm not gonna put it in uh Idon't know what any of that is,
so is it just a?
live dealer dealer in front of acamera.
Yeah, in front of a camera,camera.
Well, let's get.
(21:47):
It's asking me my login, butyou get the gist, yeah.
So, like this is an all youknow, basically an online casino
.
It actually has slots, so ithas slots and poker and stuff,
and then it has its own sportsbook.
It is legit.
I've won money here, and I'veactually.
So when I, when I win money, Ihave to go the opposite
direction with it, you know.
(22:07):
So I have to take it from thecasino to that, to my other
wallet, to this wallet and backto my.
You know, whatever I'm using,to my bank account fees.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Doing that too I'd get charged.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
No, I only get charge fees uploading, not.
Or?
Uh, I only get charged feeswith depositing, not withdraw.
Yeah, only depositing, notwithdrawing.
So you would think it'd be theother way around, but uh, some
places have fees, some don't,but they probably do that
because I know you're gonna loseit all yeah well, like some of
(22:39):
these have like uh, if you'renew, they'll give you a bunch of
bonuses and stuff, just likeany other place.
Let's see if my password works.
Oh, okay, I'm in Live dealerGold tier games.
(23:06):
Oh, they changed all this.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Give me a dealer with her titties out.
Sweet dude, do you talk to herthrough the mic?
Yeah, so what?
Speaker 4 (23:22):
do you, do you talk to her through the mic or do you
talk?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
so?
So yeah, it's a live dealer.
So if I wanted to, so if I hadmoney in my dude, you mute your
mic.
Yeah, I muted, I muted the.
Well, he can't hear me.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
You could, you could chat with the guy, with the
dealer oh, he can't hear, youcan't hear me, you could chat
with him though oh, I waswondering because I was like man
do I need to be quiet?
No, I can't say, show me yourtits, bro I got 83 cents left,
so but um so if I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
so if I wanted to sit in on the game, I could watch
as long as I want, or I couldbet behind these players.
So you could put bets on theplayers.
So if the table's full youcould bet behind these guys and
whatever plays they make, it'sstupid because if they play bad
you'll lose.
So if I wanted to join, I couldsit here.
(24:25):
But if I don't make a betthey'll kick me off.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
But but oh really, they all.
They'll kick you off If youdon't yeah, if you.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
well, I could.
No, I could just sit here andwatch.
But if I don't make a bet onthe first hand, it'll boot me
off the seat, so you have toactually play.
See, their blackjack pays 3 to2.
That's good, that's 1.5.
(24:52):
You get 1.5 times your bet.
So a lot of casinos in Vegasthey pay 6 to 5.
That's only 1.25.
And that actually makes thecasinos.
It makes their odds of winningagainst you higher, or it makes
the house's advantage againstyou higher.
So he scans these cards overthis little scanner and he
(25:15):
actually uses a real shoe, so hedoesn't have one of those
automatic card shuffler things,but he only plays like half the
shoe.
So counting cards is reallyhard Because they only play like
half the shoot.
So he can't really countingcards is really hard because
they only play like half theshoe.
So by the time you realize,like, what the count is, it's
too late.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
so oh yeah, I'd stick with that but yeah, it's, it's.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
This is legit.
I like said I've you wouldthink it'd be sketchy.
You know you're playing.
You're playing a livedealership game on an overseas.
You know blackjack game, so soright now dealer has a to I mean
21 dudes got 21, 7, he's gonnaget a 10, 14, he's got bust,
(26:01):
he's gonna bust 17.
Okay, uh, dealer sticks.
Dealer will stand on 17 and Ithink it's either a soft or hard
17 ao.
So so if you beat 17, you'regood, yeah, if you beat 17,
you're good, and he will I thinkhere um, yeah, see, dealer must
stand on 17 and must draw to 16so.
(26:23):
So I think if you had an ace,an ace could be one or 11.
So I think it has to be a hard17, meaning that it's not an ace
.
An ace isn't a one and an 11.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yeah, so what you're saying is it has to be a hard 17
, like it has to be a one ace,an ace one.
Yeah.
So yeah, that's, that's damn,you got 21 right off.
The rip to the side in yourseat.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Oh yeah, yeah, you won 21.
Oh, you got 21.
20.
Lucky these guys are.
See, I bet you he'll probablyhave 20, also 15.
He got a hit.
(27:13):
I hope he's staying for.
Oh shit, he could bust.
Oh, he did.
He busted, busted out.
So yeah, sometimes I'll uploadlike a hundred bucks if I got
the money.
See, this table's a hundreddollar fucking limit.
Dude, this.
(27:34):
This table's a high table, manI'm I'm getting out of here, so
yeah, that's that's yeah, Icouldn't stare at that guy for
an hour playing.
But I like some big titties.
I go to the chicks dude.
The chicks will have like theirfucking titties hanging out and
stuff too.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I'd be like Chattin.
Can you show me one of them,nippies.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
They'll kick you out.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Flick a coin to her, but here's a little tipski for
that nipski, a little tipskifrom the Nitski, so yeah, so you
all got to hear of mydegenerative gambling habit.
Well, dude, it's not likeyou're addicted to it.
I'm not, you're addicted to it.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
I tell you, I can see why people get addicted to it.
Especially when you go to thebrick and mortar casino and
you're just everyone's like,yeah, and you get free drinks
and food, yeah, dude, andeveryone's just treating you
like a fucking king, and I'mjust like I could get used to
this, and it's like I tell youwhat I remember.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Getting hooker to ride your knob while you're on
the slot machine.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Is it true?
They got prostitution in Vegas,outside the city limits?
Well, we're going to actuallytake a break and then we'll be
back, and first, though, you'regoing to listen to this chaotic
mess.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah, what a fucking turd sandwich.
We'll be right back.
So there you stand and you justwanna show them your voluptuous
(29:14):
sea cup, big ass tits.
I'm sorry, I ran Back to therestroom because, you know,
daddy had the shits One papertowel, toilet paper.
(29:44):
It's touching me, I'm bustingyou.
Oh shit, I'm fine.
I'm shitting my brains out inthe stall god damn it's a crime.
Out in the stall, the stall,god damn it's a crime.
(30:12):
Now I guess I'll touch my ball,touch the poop and stuff.
Looking at night, when I goback home and give the tuber to
(30:34):
my wife, she pulls out mypee-pee, the pee-pee, then she
grabs the tip and goes to thekitchen, gets a butcher knife.
What the fuck Goes to thekitchen?
Gets a butcher knife.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
What the fuck.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
One.
No touching one.
Don't touch my penis.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
With your mouth.
With your mouth.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Damn that shit's sharp.
Cut my penis with that blade.
That blade, that blade, thatblade, I'm so inclined, I want
to stick my finger in your rustystarfish.
(31:27):
Think about it, just thinkabout it.
That taco's mine.
Don't touch the damn thing.
God damn, you seem to piss meoff, piss me off.
(31:51):
I want it.
It's mine.
Extra sour cream and chives.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
That thing is mine.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Two or three fingers should be good.
It's good, it's good, it's good.
I want to slap my beefy tuberin your striking punanski.
Are you Polish?
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
Yo, what's up?
Welcome back to the BestFreaking.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Podcast it's Everyday with Jon and Jay baby.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Listen, you don't keep listening.
I'm coming over to your houseand licking your wife's asshole,
Sticking my tongue up on yourdirt butt.
You got that, motherfucker.
Speaker 4 (33:15):
Now check it out All right.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Welcome back to it's Every Day with Jon and Jay.
We're back from our break.
Thank you to my dude, Jon, hereplaying my theme song.
This is my unofficial themesong for my football team in our
fantasy football league.
I ended up winning thechampionship by one goddamn
point.
One point, George Kittle, youfucker.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Dude, that was probably one of the best
championship games I've ever.
I've been in fantasy football along time.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
There's George Kittle .
Speaker 3 (33:51):
He's pissed there he is oh, he actually sent you a
message.
He says congrats.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Congrats, you're welcome.
Okay, so listen to this.
This is how much of a puckeredbutthole I'm flipping out.
This is fucking amazing, crazy,fucking amazing.
Okay, so I'm going againstJohn's brother, justin, who's
been in the league for threeyears and made it to the big
show, which is amazing in itself.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
He doesn't know shit.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
He's a guru now.
Yeah he knows now, but he isbut to make it to the big show,
to the big dance.
And I think what was his record?
It was a 6-5?
Speaker 3 (34:27):
It was 6-8.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
6-8.
So 1-6, lost 8,.
Beat out everybody in hisdivision.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Beat the 1 and 2 seeds?
Yes.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Which one of them was your wife, I think right, it
was yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Because John's wife was a powerhouse too, yeahhouse,
she's pretty good too, which isweird.
Fucking um so Burrow, and.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Jamar chase fucking All right, she's got that 12
point.
She does that every year, shedoes that, she gets that 12
point stack dude.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
It's a good strategy too, she don't like last year.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
She already was last year's two.
Uh tyree kill, tyree kill.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
Yeah, she had jaylen waddle too, I think yeah, she
likes to stack those wide, widercedars.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
It's a very risky thing.
You know what reminds me ofyour uncle adam with matt ryan.
He used to do that shit all thetime with like julio or
something, yeah you pick julio.
Uh, who was the other dude umroddy white?
Speaker 3 (35:17):
roddy white roddy, rowdy, rowdy.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Roddy used to pick matt ryan and a whole bunch of
fucking atlanta it was you havethe whole Atlanta team on your
fucking thing.
But anyway so this is where Iwas like okay, I got this, okay,
so all of his games were in theearly window, so he had four.
He had, like, josh Allen atfour, which was that was my
biggest worry, and I'm cussingat this dude because he's
(35:40):
throwing touchdown aftertouchdown.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I'm getting pissed.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
I'm like you, piece of shit, do it like last week.
So anyway, he comes in by theend of the earlier mid-game
Sunday.
He is four points ahead of me.
I'm like shit, you know,because if I was winning, it was
done.
I had two players, he hadnobody else left to play.
(36:05):
We're done, I win and that's it.
Instead, four points, not a bigproblem, usually Not a big
problem.
So we go into the late night.
I've got Aaron Jones onMinnesota.
I'm like okay, we both match upbecause he still does have
players, but I have the sameplayers playing, so we both had
Jordan Addison.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Our rules are a little wonky.
It's fun.
I won't go into it.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
And Justin Jefferson.
Dude, we have both of them.
So those cancel out.
So I have Aaron Jones.
Come on, aaron, Get some yards,get some catches, Get a
touchdown, get a touchdown.
It's all over, I don't have toworry about shit, Right right
touchdown.
Speaker 4 (36:44):
it's all over I don't have to worry about shit.
Right, he goose eggs it, hegets hurt and he's out and he
goose egg.
So I'm okay goose stepped.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
So it comes down to george kittle and the throwing
ability of brock purdy on the49ers, which has been subpar
usually.
I had a.
I had a company christmas partyand this was Monday night and
so I'm at the you know gettingdrinking and I'm watching, like
(37:10):
the score, nothing yet blah,blah, blah.
I go home.
I'm like I told my wife I said,babe, I'm watching football,
I'm just letting you know.
You know, you can sit on yourside of the world, you can come
sit with me, but football's on.
I'm in the championship.
I said I gotta fucking watchthis.
I gotta see if this dude'sgonna pull out for me or else
I'm gonna lose.
So I get you know I'm watchingfootball.
(37:30):
I look at the stats pull up onthe bottom of the screen and
we're coming in the fourthquarter.
George kittle six catches,which gets me two points.
Yeah, you're down four so I onlyneed three points to win yeah,
three points to doing I'm likehe needs 100 yards.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
This motherfucker had 94 yards, yeah in our league
it's 100, 100 yards for threepoints, which that sounds
ridiculous if you playtraditional fantasy football,
but we're we're a touchdownbased league, so you'd
understand it if you played init it's a lot of fun, but it's
hard, very hard so I'm waitingfor this dude.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
The dude, george kittleittle gets thrown a
15-yard pass.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
That's plenty, that's it Game over.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
I jumped up I'm not kidding, dude.
I jumped up, looked at my wifeand said I just fucking won, I
fucking won.
And then all of a sudden it'slike well, well, I hear the TV.
There's a flag on the play.
Oh, flag, there's a flag on theplay.
Oh, that's the worst feelingever.
I'm like okay, was what was it?
Was it pass interference on thedefense?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
what was going on?
Speaker 1 (38:29):
I didn't see a man downfield yes, a fucking idiot.
I was cussing at him.
I was like you, fat blonde, fat, fucking piece I was like what?
No way, that was crazy I wasdrunk, I was a little bit
drinking, you know, because Iwas pissed I almost texted you
and I'm like oh, oh, you wouldhave.
I would have been like, yeah, Iwould have said the same thing.
I would have been like fuckingblonde, fat, fucking piece of
(38:49):
shit.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
I was laughing so hard at that.
I'm like, dude, this is goingto.
There was, like, I think, fourminutes left and it was getting
really close to the nitty-grittythere.
I'll let you keep going on yourside.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Well, I've watched it this year, where I've seen
players go 99 yards and I get it.
Speaker 3 (39:06):
Yep, it happens.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
So I'm waiting.
I wait a little bit longer.
I'm like come on, Throw toKittle Purdy, you fucking idiot.
And he threw an interception, Ithink.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Yep, oh, yep.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
He threw an interception.
They came down, they'rethrowing.
I'm like all right, well, theyhave to throw now because
they're not.
They have to get that lead.
They have to try and dumb it.
You know he throws to, so hethrows a pass to who's the other
fucking Like Pershaw orwhatever?
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
He kept throwing to him.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
Quit fucking throwing to him, dude Ricky Pershaw with
the bullet holes in his chest.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
And then there was a seven-yard pass to Kittle to
give me one yard over the100-yard marker.
No flags, I was waiting for it,no flags.
I just told my wife.
I stepped up and I stood up andI told my wife, I said, babe, I
just fucking won, I can'tbelieve it, I just fucking won,
I just did.
I, you know it was an up anddown roller coaster, like when
(40:09):
you it's almost like it'sawesome making it to the big
game and even if you know,losing in the big game is is is.
That's the most demoralizingfor me.
I don't know to me, because Ihad to go, you, you, you had to
do it all year and you bustedyour ass and you did everything
and you, you watched the waiversand all this shit yep, and my
(40:31):
team, no joke.
When we first started, the yearwas rated a b.
Like everybody else had a's,except for me and steve had b's
yeah and I'm like damn dude,this team looks pretty good for
being a b, you know.
And then you know, it lastedall year and, like john said,
dude I, I drafted christianmccaffrey right off the rim you
survived that that's not a lotof people who had the first pick
(40:54):
survived that christianmccaffrey pick.
Speaker 3 (40:56):
A lot of those teams did really poor.
But you, you, uh, the back,like the middle, like the last
part quarter of your draft, thefirst part.
There you, you got lamarjackson and and sequin barkley.
Again, these rosters are loaded, so it's not like we're all a
bunch of goobs and tacos, butit's like we have loaded rosters
(41:17):
but harder scoring rules ifthat's what I love about this
league.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
Man is uh, and I'll like kind of explain a little
bit.
What I love about this leagueis that we have that, and I'll
kind of explain a little bit.
What I love about this leagueis that we have two divisions,
and that's the reason whythey're loaded.
There's six people in eachdivision.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
Yeah, two different draft pools.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Yes, and we draft at the same time on each division
but it's separate drafts so theyget like, if I draft Christian
McCaffrey, somebody else isdrafting Christian McCaffrey.
So what happens is we play ourown division first, everybody in
our own division.
Then we go inter-division playand when you do that you have to
(41:53):
be tactical about shit.
So okay, justin Jeffersonshould, and I'm playing him.
Should I play him and counterout his guy, or should I try to
play somebody better?
Who's gonna?
give me more points, yeah mostof the time I'm gonna cancel out
that guy I can't.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
That's usually shitty unless it's a shitty player
right, like if it's a, if it's afringe start player where it's
like I'm gonna try to like pressmy luck there, but if it's a,
no doubt about it starter justinjefferson.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah, you're, you're leaving them in there.
Jordan addison, justinjefferson's but if, but, if it's
a no-doubt-about-it starter.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
Justin Jefferson.
Yeah, you're leaving him inthere.
Jordan Addison, justinJefferson.
But if it's a fringe playerlike Drake London or something,
I'll give an example.
There I'm like, eh, I'll try topress my luck there.
If he's starting Drake Londonand I have him too, I think I'm
going to try.
If I have somebody I thinkwho's better or has a better
matchup, I think I'm gonna pressmy luck.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
No, whammy stop yeah but it makes it so much more
challenging and a lot more funand I think that like I like it
because it's different than theusual espn, yahoo, bullshit,
dude you know, I'd rather, Idon't know, I like.
I like it because, and thenalso I like it because it's
close-knit, it's family, likealmost everybody in this.
(43:06):
They're all like john's friendsand like john's brothers, both
of his brothers and his dad andmy wife and his wife who's
actually pretty good I had mynephew in it for a couple years.
He just got too busy.
That's, it's fine.
And then, um, my, my brother'sbeen in it for a while, I'm in
it.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
And then, um, god, dude, I got a few friends that I
know from my old work and stufflike that.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
The guy I've known for like 25 years yeah, and I
think we're gonna um, and thenblake blake's ready to go.
Dude, okay, yeah okay, so we'regonna be having um blake, who
sat in on our podcast that'sright.
Yeah, he did a while ago um,and he's talking about recording
us too, by the way.
Speaker 4 (43:47):
So he can probably do that.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
Okay, but um, but yeah, blake's gonna be taking
over one of our positions, Ibelieve as well.
So and he's just I don't knowhe'll have fun.
He's huge lions fan, which Ithink is fun.
We got a lot of browns.
We've got, I don't know, a banga.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
Bengals, Bengals fan A couple Bengals.
Oh, a Steeler.
I think we've got a Steelersfan too.
Who's a Steeler?
Josh, I think.
I think he's a.
Steelers fan.
No, maybe he's a Bengals fan, Idon't know.
He's a Canadian, so who knows,you can't tell.
So he's a lions fan.
(44:26):
Actually.
The lions are doing really well.
Lions are beast.
See the like the lions rebuildis almost what the browns should
have been doing and it's likeit's completely the opposite
direction.
Not good.
No, I got nothing against theline.
Then again, I like I have noreally big skin in the nfl.
Like I like the browns and Idon't I wish they would win, but
like if they lose I'm just like, whatever it's, it's no skin
(44:47):
off my ass my fantasy team iswhat saves me from that.
Yeah, ohio state and the brown,and uh, yeah and uh speaking of
ohio state, it's refreshing tosee a team play to their
potential, which I was talkingabout almost a month ago.
Gee, it's such a novel concept.
(45:08):
Playing to your strengths, youhave two dynamic wide receivers,
probably maybe the best playerin college football, arguably
Smith and Dabuka and.
Dabuka and you just sling itaround the fucking field, use
tempo, then you mix in the run alittle bit.
To keep them honest, ohioState's strength is its pass.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
I'm sorry, but Will Howard is a great quarterback.
He's a fucking quarterback.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
If Ohio State's offensive line, which has been
much maligned all year becauseit had a few injuries, if Ohio
State's offensive line givesWill Howard time to throw, he's
going to pick your ass apart,namely throwing it to one, mr
jeremiah smith.
And I tell you what that kid?
It could go number one in thenfl right now.
(45:57):
No doubt he would.
He would be number one in thenfl draft and he's only a true
freshman thing.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
He's gonna get heisman that's why you don't
wide receivers don't really geta chance on it.
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Well, travis hunter.
He, he got the heisman and hewas, he was.
But the thing is, you know whattravis hunter is?
That, yeah, he played both ways, but he wasn't even in like oh,
he's gay bisexual yeah, he wasgay, he goes both ways see, it's
just a woke, the heisman's,just a woke.
Trophy now gives it to do to goboth ways.
Travis hunter, I hate coloradothey're just media darlings
(46:32):
because of dion's?
Speaker 1 (46:34):
they're just media darling is dion's kid on that
team yeah, shador sanders is thequarterback.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
I think he's mediocre .
I don't think he's that goodname is shador shador.
What the fuck?
Yeah, dude, I, I, I don't, evenI dislike the top four in next
year's draft and the browns areprobably gonna pick somebody out
of that pool.
And I don't cam ward from themiami hurricanes.
I don't think he's.
He's okay, but he's not great,he's.
(47:01):
I don't think he's a franchisequarterback.
I think the browns should tradedown and try to get like a
lineman, an offensive lineman,because the Browns offensive
lineman line is bad.
It's not good anymore.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
What do you get when Chad Johnson takes a shit?
What's that?
An Ocho Stinko?
Hey, I figured you would havegot that right off.
You did after I said Ocho.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
It actually just popped in my brain right when
Ocho Stinko.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
Ocho Stinko oh.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
But no, doris Sanders .
Speaker 3 (47:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (47:40):
Yeah, poor kid.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
Yeah, but Ohio State has Texas in the cotton bowl in
a week or so, so, uh, we'll seewhat happens there which is on a
plantation, I believe it's indallas.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
So, oh my god I said it's in big daddy's property
daddy, I said, I said now youwant me to treat him like white
folk?
Speaker 2 (48:04):
No.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I didn't say, that did I.
I didn't say that.
You know that Peckerwood boydown from the store.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
You know, jerry, peckerwood boy Treat him like
Jerry, there you go, darling,that it darling, treat him like
Jerry.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
He ain't like any of the other niggas around here.
If you've never seen Django,you need to watch this movie,
django Unchained, is so good.
You want me to treat him likewife of?
No, that was like a no.
No, Tom Johnson, dude Dude hekilled that part dude, he nailed
it he did really well.
(48:40):
Oh yeah, but yeah, no joke, whata great.
It just capped off a greatweekend.
Had a great, uh company partywith my, with my crew, um, at
the the level up the store Iwork at, and, um, I don't know.
Just a lot of fun, dude, I loveit it's.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
I didn't go to my company christmas party this
year.
You didn't know.
I'm kind of surprised.
Usually you do.
Carrie really likes to go to,but it's my dad's birthday that
weekend, so fuck, yeah, fuck him.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
Take him, dude.
Take my dad.
She's just taking your daddywhen he had to fucking cook or
nothing well, probably cost meanother 25 to bring someone
extra no, don't take care of you, just take your dad just don't
take carrie, take my dad instead.
You go dress him up like et thewoman dude when he dressed like
a woman elliot home, home, home.
(49:32):
Do you think they ever fuckedet dude like while you dress
like a woman?
Speaker 3 (49:36):
you ever found et attractive when he dresses dude?
Speaker 1 (49:39):
did you know there's an et porn?
Shut the fuck up there is no,there's not.
Speaker 3 (49:44):
Yes, there is, look it up.
No way, dude, look it up shutup, there's an et porn dude porn
home et porn et porn.
Shut up et porn.
Part two.
I I should really have my soundoff when I when I click on this
shut, the fuck up, shut up I'mgonna hit play on this.
Speaker 4 (50:12):
I got the sound off.
The sound should be on, okayI'll put the sound on yeah, we
need some sound for this dude.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
You gotta hear where's et?
Speaker 3 (50:25):
what is that?
I want to see where ET getsfucked.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
Did ET have a dick oh ?
Speaker 4 (50:47):
no, his finger, he's figuring her.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
Where's ET getting fucked?
Speaker 2 (50:55):
What the fuck?
What the fuck man, what?
Speaker 3 (51:09):
the fuck man, I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (51:11):
I can't take that voting dude All I got to say is
if you're listening to this atwork, people are looking at you
really good yeah, please do not.
Speaker 3 (51:18):
Not safe for work warning.
Not safe for work warning.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
He's got a nice pussy , though you know what they
should be doing rain like whenthey come, they should come
reach these pieces all over them.
Speaker 3 (51:33):
See, I'm kind of mad that there's no real story that
involves et per se it's.
It's just like they're fucking,they're just fucking a really
really bad alien costume.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
So the head's not bad .
Speaker 3 (51:44):
The head actually does not look that bad, but
otherwise, otherwise it lookslike et the extra testicle.
Is that what it is?
Speaker 2 (51:52):
no way, that's what it's called or is there another
one?
Speaker 1 (51:56):
oh, please tell me, it's another one, another one is
it a better one?
Speaker 3 (52:04):
I'm not gonna turn the sound on, did you?
Speaker 1 (52:06):
see.
Did you see the?
Part yeah, I think dude, weshould add the sound on just for
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
He was jerking off.
Wait, wait, wait, he wasjerking off.
That's why he got left behind,dude I.
Speaker 3 (52:42):
Okay, I'm gonna keep playing.
Special effects are really welldone.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
Now he's depressed.
Now it's sad, fucking Pleasetell me he fucks women.
Speaker 3 (52:59):
He finishes.
Oh, I thought he was gonna.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
Oh, please tell me he fucks a woman with it.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
He's dressed in the fucking old lady costume.
Speaker 3 (53:14):
You should make like sounds.
Speaker 2 (53:19):
Look at his fucking dick.
Speaker 3 (53:23):
He looks like a bug, a big giant bug.
Speaker 1 (53:26):
That'd be awesome, as if he didn't.
Speaker 3 (53:30):
That's what I'm waiting on, Like I'm trying to
find the pop shot here.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
Oh, yeah, the frog part.
Speaker 3 (53:44):
Hey, at least they're being, you know, faithful to
the original, to the sourcematerial.
Yeah, they're being faithful tothe source material.
Speaker 2 (53:54):
Dude.
He's watching porn.
Speaker 3 (54:00):
Dude, please tell me he makes I love the music in the
background.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
That's ET.
Yeah Shoot, he hits the screen,dude.
Speaker 2 (54:23):
It's glowing.
This thing is glowing what it'sglowing like a sphincter.
Speaker 4 (54:35):
Oh, I wanted to shoot all over this oh my God, dude
but dude.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
The glow part the glow.
This was better than the otherone.
Speaker 3 (54:40):
This is way better than the other one.
The extra testicle oh my god,I'm gonna change the college.
I gotta see the ending of this.
Speaker 4 (55:04):
I gotta see the ad to get this ET.
Thank you, et like.
Speaker 1 (55:12):
Ike.
It actually has a decentstoryline, dude Like at least,
and that's a lot better than theother one where ET, like I'll
see you next time.
Speaker 3 (55:31):
Maybe your girlfriend will be I like how you can hear
him walking around the room.
Speaker 2 (55:37):
The bad greed screen does it for me right here Her
name's Ellie.
Speaker 4 (55:50):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
Did you see the cock come?
Speaker 4 (55:58):
She's crying too, we love you.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
That's the end of it.
Speaker 3 (56:06):
Not terrible.
You know what?
I did not hate that, to behonest.
Speaker 1 (56:10):
Okay, just type it Google and type it ET the extra
testicle and you won't bedisappointed, because that was S
tier level of awesome.
The only one I really want towatch is the 10 inch mutant
ninja turtles.
I really want to watch that onetime.
Speaker 3 (56:30):
So like she's getting plowed by somebody.
Speaker 4 (56:38):
It's so far in your pussy right now.
Speaker 1 (56:41):
Oh, there you go.
Speaker 2 (56:46):
Ah, there you go, dude, lots of calm.
Speaker 4 (56:56):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
We found the ET money shop Dude we found the ET money
.
Speaker 3 (57:03):
Shop 39, shop Dude, we found the ET money shop 39,
about 38 minutes.
39 minutes in.
He's like I don't want to come.
Oh my God, the part dude he's.
It's the part where, dude,they're really faithful to the
source material.
You got to give them props forthat.
You know they have the frogsbeing released part, and you
know ET watching.
You know they have the thefrogs being released par and you
(57:24):
know et watching.
You know tv.
Speaker 1 (57:25):
He's watching porn and his little glowy dick
fucking spurts everywhere I likehow we were talking about don
johnson and now we're watchingporn yeah, we, yeah, we trade
bucky larson, bucky larsonbecause don johnson is in that.
That's true, that's really kindof a one director, yeah kind of
an interesting one-to-one thingwe just did there.
Speaker 3 (57:46):
I've got to see if there's comments on this
anywhere.
Speaker 1 (57:49):
It's just a bunch of porn.
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (57:51):
Some porn sites, some tube sites, have comments.
Oh, I don't know if I'll havecomments.
Wow, oh yeah, that's twocomments.
Yep, that made my night.
Actually, when you leave, I'mgoing to watch the whole thing I
don't blame you.
Just letting you know that I'mgoing to get really comfy
(58:14):
because the wife is not homeright now.
This is going up on thetelevision everybody.
There's no greater feeling thanwatching porn on the TV.
I know that way you can trulyunwind.
Yeah, I'm perplexed man, I, Ijust, I don't know et the extra
(58:36):
testicle, the extra testicle,what?
What's, what's like?
You watch a lot of like parodyporns.
I can't stand them, though,unless they're for you know just
jokingly.
Speaker 1 (58:46):
Like I said, the one I really want to watch is 10
inch mutant ninja turtles.
Speaker 3 (58:50):
There's turtles that fuck April.
Speaker 1 (58:51):
Yes, shut up 10 inch mutant ninja turtles.
Remember because the girl'sname is really April O'Neil.
Speaker 3 (58:59):
Yeah, it's the real.
Yeah, okay, april O'Neil, theporn star, she's cool.
You know what you should do?
We should pick a random movieand see if there's a porn parody
yeah forrest gump uh, but forsome force tom, they're probably
forrest gump porn.
Speaker 1 (59:18):
Oh, there has to be your ass is like a box of
chocolate dude four skin gump,oh my god that's awesome.
Oh, my fucking god 1994.
Speaker 3 (59:44):
I don't know if I'll be able to find it anywhere,
though, for skin gump, oh oh.
Speaker 1 (59:49):
Here's a list of the eight most ridiculous porn
parodies ever oh my god, there'sa part there's a spongebob one
spongebob squarepants spongebobsquare nuts I've even said that
spongebob squarepants, who livesin a pineapple Lego porn.
Oh my God, here we go.
Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
Foreskin Dump, here we go Right.
When I was talking about here,skin happens.
Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
Edward Penis Hands.
Edward Penis Hands.
I remember that one.
Speaker 3 (01:00:20):
This ain't Game of Thrones.
Why would you make a pornparody of Game of Thrones when
it's in itself has a bunch ofstuff?
Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
in it.
It's pretty porn yeah pornhorrific.
Speaker 3 (01:00:29):
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
Oh, jesus Christ, this ain'tAvatar.
I can only imagine.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
I love porn spoofs.
I think they're funny.
Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
Would I ever get off to a porn spoof?
Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
I don't know there is , like in diana jones, in the
temple of poon, the idea yeahthe temple of poon.
Speaker 3 (01:00:54):
But see, the thing is , I'd be like I'd be trying to
compare and contrast the pornparody with the actual movie,
because that's how.
That's a much of a loser.
I am now even in the et when Iwas like you know what they?
They really did a good job withthe source material.
Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
That's the only thing on my mind and what about back
to the future?
Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
oh, or ghostbusters shut up.
I have to look that up.
It's gonna be interesting tosee how the AI for this week Dr
Spankman Dr.
Spankman Warthog doesn't reallygive you good results.
(01:01:38):
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Jesus, jesus, hello Is anybody there, dude, it's the
beginning of the movie.
It's like the beginning of themovie oh dude, this is awesome.
Dude, she's hot as fuck too.
I will say that this was likesomething out of the early 2000s
(01:02:22):
.
Speaker 3 (01:02:42):
I'm actually kind of enthralled by this.
I am paying attention in morethan one way way.
I just want to see thesespecial effects.
Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
Are those dildos flying around?
Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Looks like it Ghost dicks.
Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
She's getting very comfortable right now.
She's being possessed by GoherHoser.
She's getting very comfortableright now.
She's being possessed by Go-Her, gozer-her, hoser, hoser, hoser
.
Oh yeah, there you go.
You're good at that, you'regood at that.
Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Is this dick?
Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
hanging down this dick's, hanging down this ghost
dick's hanging down.
Speaker 3 (01:03:32):
It's actually not bad .
The special effects areactually not horrible for like a
port.
Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
He's gonna put a stick in her mouth.
Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
Let me see if she's gonna wake up and get scared or
something.
Speaker 4 (01:04:00):
What.
Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
Hold up, hold up.
I gotta turn this up for theThief song.
Dude, that's bad.
Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
That's bad.
Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
Dude.
Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
I was buying into that until that last shot with
the guy going that was horrible.
Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
That was bad.
Okay.
There's a lot of comments underthis.
They ruined this video.
I would have had the ghostpulling down her panties and up
with her skirt and then thevideo would have continued like
it started to, with the ghostfucking her face, her not waking
up and her not going to reallife.
We all know how it should haveended, with a bunch of cum
running down her chin.
Speaker 1 (01:05:17):
It's fucking so pretty much like Scary Movie 2.
Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
And I was just just gonna make that comparison it's
100.
Like scary movie too.
Where what was it um toryspelling?
Yeah, yeah, wow pulls up aroundwhat, what ah?
Speaker 2 (01:05:36):
fucking monday and it's wednesday yeah, like ah
wednesday and she's wearingMonday underwear.
Come here, no Baby.
Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
You were only a booty call.
You were only a booty call.
Speaker 3 (01:05:49):
So yeah, the theme song was awesome, but it was
ruined.
I was really buying into thespecial effects a little bit.
I'm like boy, there's some workWent into this.
And then that last little shot,when she wakes up he's like
they should have kept the CGIshit, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:06:02):
And then she last little shot when she wakes up.
He's like, it's like hey, theyshould have kept the cgi shit
yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:06:07):
And then like she should have been like ah.
And then like the busters, yeah, into her mouth, into her mouth
, yeah that would have beenawesome, but it got ruined, so
whatever, and with that said,we're gonna end the evening.
Um jason, nothing like pornspoofs.
(01:06:27):
Nothing like porn spoofs wealways your night we always, we
always get on the subject ofporn spoofs, but today we
decided to go a little in-depth,if you will, a little deep.
We went deeper into it, if youwill.
Do you have any departing words?
Where are we at tonight?
Speaker 1 (01:06:44):
No, not really.
I just want to say thank you toeverybody who listens to us,
you know.
Hopefully everybody had a greatnew year.
Make 2025 your best yet, man.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:07:00):
That's pretty much it , pretty much it.
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3 (01:07:04):
Thank you all around the fucking world.
Speaker 4 (01:07:05):
Thank you, fish in a barrel.
Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
Yeah, we appreciate everybody's uh, fish people are
the barrel fish in a barrel.
Speaker 3 (01:07:12):
We appreciate everyone's uh uh listenership
throughout the years going on.
Our third year now.
So, uh, we can't wait for 2025and you know we got some good
things in store, so we can'twait to show that to you.
Or, you know, unveil that, ifyou will.
We won't unveil any sort oflike ghost cocks or anything
(01:07:33):
like that or maybe we will younever?
Speaker 1 (01:07:35):
know, so just uh be on the lookout for that, uh
we're gonna be doing um john andj and Jay clone of Willie kits
that you can actually buy foryour significant other or for
yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:07:49):
We're going to put it on Etsy, so go ahead and look
for that there.
Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
Or John and Jay themed penis stockings to help
keep your dingus warm in thecold winter months that are
coming up.
It'll be like a little hat.
Speaker 3 (01:08:02):
It is.
It's a house for your bat, hatsfor your bats.
Keep bats wall gross.
With that said, we appreciateyou listening.
We'll see you next time.
I'm john bricker and I'm jasonsugar.
See you later, later, guys.
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