This week’s headlines feel like they were written by a very confused comedy writer — so naturally, we’re here to make sense of them.
President Trump is back in the spotlight, threatening to send the National Guard into Chicago while floating a rebrand of the Pentagon as the “Department of War.” Meanwhile, ICE is assuring D.C. families there won’t be raids on the first day of school (what a relief, right?), and economists warn that tariffs could tack $2,400 a year onto the average grocery bill. If democracy doesn’t bankrupt you, Kraft cheese might.
It’s not just politics making things weird — nature is in on the chaos, too. Milwaukee was swamped by a “1,000-year flood,” turning the city into an accidental waterpark, while a flesh-eating parasite resurfaced in Maryland, reminding us that climate change doesn’t just melt glaciers — it melts skin.
On the cultural side, WWE RAW is hyping Clash in Paris, the US Open launched with a record $90M purse, and the ever-expanding Yellowstone universe announced yet another spinoff — while the legendary Barbara Eden showed us that at 94, she’s still magic in her genie pose.
And in the land of the absurd? Buckle up. WNBA games were interrupted by fans throwing green dildos onto the court as part of a crypto stunt (because of course they were). A crypto millionaire was kidnapped for Bitcoin ransom. An Aussie couple hit the lottery and walked away instant millionaires. Comedian Eddie Pepitone is back on tour, raging beautifully about modern life. And yes… adult pacifiers are now trending as a form of stress relief. Grown people, binkies in mouths, on TikTok. Welcome to 2025.
From National Guard deployments to adult-sized pacifiers, from Barbara Eden’s genie magic to dildos in the paint — it’s politics, parasites, and pure comedy fodder all rolled into one.
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