83. From Shame to Strategy: How Owning Your Story Can Transform Your Mental Health and Purpose with Jessica Pitre

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I think staying true to yourself is owning your story
.
I think a lot of people carry alot of shame from, and guilt
from, their past and there's somuch awakening and healing that
happens when we open up andshare our stories Other people
are like oh, I'm going to holdon to this.
And eventually she was likeJessica.
Here's the feelings.
Will I need you to tell me adifferent word besides angry?

(00:24):
That describes how you feel?
Welcome to.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
It's the Human Experience Podcast Hosted by
Hazel Brown, a healthcare leader, wife, mom and career coach.
If you're big on authenticity,personal development,
perseverance and transparency,you're in the right place.
Get ready to be uplifted,inspired and empowered as you

(00:49):
become fearless in pursuit ofthe life you desire and deserve.
Go ahead and subscribe.
You don't want to miss out onthese transparent stories and
discussions that reveal highs,lows, aha moments and nuggets
that'll help you to grow andglow.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Hey, hey, hey, you are now tuned in to the it's the
Human Experience podcast.
I'm your host, hazel Brown.
Today, as usual, we're divinginto all the things I have,
jessica, on the podcast.
We're going to talk through thehuman experience, the highs,
the lows, the wins, the mindsetshifts and everything that we
have to do to be unstoppable andmake our life happen the way we
know that we're destined for itto happen.

(01:28):
Hey, jessica, thanks forjoining us today.
Hey, hazel, I'm so happy to behere.
Thank you so much for having me.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
We're going to just jump rightinto the episode.
Right, let's do it, girl, let'sdive right in.
Yeah, so who is Jessica?
Wow, it's such a complicatedquestion, right, like such a
complex question, but overall.
So I am a founder and executivedirector of Girlfriends Inc and

(01:52):
Be Girl Powered.
The premise behind GirlfriendsInc, first and foremost, is just
to help women planstrategically and live
intentionally through workshops,productivity and things of that
nature.
And then Be Girl Powered is ournew nonprofit initiative, where
we're going to be helpingempower the younger generation
to do the same.
I always think about all theamazing things that we've

(02:15):
learned along the way.
If we were able to know thatwhen we were girls about how to
be strategic, how to plan, howto actually create and manifest
the life that you want to liveand overcome difficult
circumstances you know how muchfurther along we would be.
So you know, I always tellpeople that planning and
learning how to shift my mindsetwith that intention was a gift

(02:38):
that was given to me as a younggirl and I want to be able to
give back to, you know, theyounger girls of today's
generation.
But overall, I am a Cali girlat heart.
I'm born and raised inCalifornia.
I'm a mother of three.
My oldest son is in college.
I have twin boys.
They are 11.
So I'm a boy mom through andthrough, even down to the boy
dog, wow.

(03:00):
But I'm just a person thatloves to have a good time but
also be intentional andpurposeful in in that fun as
well.
So that's pretty much who I am.
I love that.
I didn't know you were a twinmom.
Yes, oh my goodness, I havetwins that are boy and girl.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
They're 12.
They'll be 13 in July, sothat's awesome Listen not
everybody understands that twinmom journey.
That's different Twin life isdifferent.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Okay.
So double the reward, yes, butalso double the challenges and
double the missing socks.
Yeah, absolutely On the heavy,on the missing socks heavy on
the missing socks for sure.
That's funny.
Oh my God, three boys.
It's funny because when I gotpregnant with the twins, I said
to my husband if they're girls,cause my oldest is a girl she'll
be 18 in November and I'm like,if these are girls, you're

(03:45):
going to be a single dad.
Because I'm not doing it.
Listen, the twins, dad and I wehave the same exact joke.
They just graduated recentlyfrom fifth grade.
They're going to sixth.
And I told him.
I turned to him and I was likewhat if we would have had twin
daughters?
And even their grandmother waslike oh my God, the Lord knew,

(04:06):
he knew what I could handle andtherefore we have two boys.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yes, absolutely Like.
Boys are different, though Verymuch.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
They're definitely heavy on, like they just live in
boy land that's the best way Icould describe it.
They wake up fully charged.
They wake up, the sun comes upand they're like, yeah, life,
I'm ready.
Like girls comes up and they'relike, yeah, life, I'm ready.
Like girls.
You know, it's a lot of moods,it's a lot of attitudes and I
get in my big girl moodsometimes.
So I can only imagine twingirls and me.

(04:32):
God knew, he knew exactly whathe was doing.
Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
So how did you get to the point where you wanted to
create Girls Inc?
Oh, wow, girlfriends Incoriginally started as an idea
between my mom and I.
So my mom was looking for agreeting card to give to her
friends and she was like, canyou draw something for me and
illustrate something?
And I draw and illustrate, soit was no big deal.

(05:00):
But I drew just a simple cardwith a girl, with the Afro, and
it said hey, girl.
And she was able to gift themto her friends and everything.
And they were obsessed withthem and they were like we want
more, we want more.
And so that turned into like asmall business, basically.
And then I was like, oh, I kindof like this, this is kind of
fun.
And then somehow along the way,god just wove this beautiful

(05:23):
tapestry where he was able tohelp me kind of get back to my
original purpose.
Because when I was creating thecards and creating the notepads
and different things, I waslike, well, I don't want them to
just be cute, I want them tohave meaning, I want them to be
intentional, like at least havecute messaging, you know, or
impactful messaging.
And so, you know, from there itjust turned into calendars.

(05:46):
Then from the calendar I waslike, well, I need to create a
planner.
And just in thinking over time,I'm like, hey, you know, I've
always been a planner girl forforever.
Since I, like I mentioned, sincesomeone gave that gift of
planning to me and so it kind ofjust somehow wove into this
whole big thing, where now I'mtelling people like, hey,

(06:07):
planning isn't just aproductivity tool.
Nine o'clock you're eating abagel.
It's literally what do you wantto happen in your life and how
do we get intentional about it?
So I, in a long roundabout way,ended up back at where my
original purpose always was.
That I never saw comingessentially Got it.
I love it because I'mdefinitely a planning girl.

(06:27):
Me too.
I'm going to plan out my life.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
I'm planning it out.
Listen and.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
I think that I'm in a season now where I'm fully
surrendered.
So I'm like God, this is a plan, this is what I heard you say,
but you could pivot, you couldturn me upside down if that's
what you want me to doAbsolutely fully surrender.
But I love that you'reintentional in creating that,
because we need it.
The world needs something to beable to look at that not only
inspires you, but it can trulydirect in terms of the actions

(06:52):
that they need to take, thethings that they need to do, to
your point.
Not 9.
Am I need to do this like that?
It needs to be granular to thatpoint at some point, but we
really need to be focused onwhat we want our life to look
like.
Yes, it's so important.
When I was in the more primarilystationary space, I would go to
so many different events andvend and different things, and

(07:12):
one thing I thought was veryinteresting was people would
often come to my table or leavethe event feeling discouraged.
So they would come to aempowerment event, maybe a
summit or something, and theywould see these women that they
aspire to be.
You see these people who arenow millionaires, now successful
in whatever industry thatthey're in and they're sitting

(07:33):
there and saying I want to dothat too, but they don't know
how they're going to do it.
So they were coming to my tableI'm a vendor and I end up in
these natural conversations andthey're like but how am I going
to get there?
And I'm like well, here's atool, how you're going to get
there.
You need to plan it out.
A lot of we sometimes I think weoverlook that a lot of people
they're not living their dream.
They're still in a season ofsurvival, which is okay.

(07:55):
But now we have to be able tocome up with a plan on how we're
going to pivot from thatsurvival survival to doing what
you actually want to do, andthat only comes from being
intentional about writing itdown.
Okay, you want to moveneighborhoods?
What neighborhood are you?
Do you want to move, to go toit?
How much does it cost?
Make a plan, and I thinksometimes people get so
overwhelmed with how they feeldiscouraged that they're just

(08:18):
like there's.
No, I can't do it.
And so I love being able topartner and collaborate with
other you know, creators,speakers, authors, whatever
people who put on events andprovide people that practical
tool and say, hey, here's aresource for you.
Here's how you can do it.
I was able to shift my wholelife with that same principle,

(08:39):
and you can too.
I'm not.
I do think that God made mespecial, but he also gave the
same things that he gave mewithin, he also gave you.
So that's one of the mainthings I think.
A lot of times people forgetthat people are very discouraged
nowadays and they want to feelable to do something and shift
their mindset.
And sometimes the terms andthings that we use feel so.

(09:00):
They're kind of frilly, likefrou-frou, they're like what
does that mean?
Shift your mindset?
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, we don't break it downenough.
We don't break it down enough.
And I think that by providingthat practical tool that's like
I mentioned recently I'm likethat's force functioning your
brain into thinking about whatyou're writing down.
Your brain can only do so manythings at one time.
Yeah, you know that it becomesas simple as just get a planner,

(09:22):
just start there, just write itdown, write it down and you
have control of how you createyour life.
I promise you we complicate itand make it this big thing Like
it needs to be, so likevivacious and all these things
need to happen, but the realityis, just go with God, sit with
God, figure out what it is youneed to do with your life,
whatever that looks like, startplanning it out and working on

(09:46):
the action that you need to beable to actualize it, and then
using that planner to kind ofhelp guide you, and then you
write a new goal and you makethat one happen when you're done
.
Yes, yeah, I think that peopleforget sometimes that I think
people forget sometimes that itis that simple.
You know it's taking that firststep.
It's.
I think people forget sometimesthat it is that simple.
It's taking that first step.

(10:06):
It's getting your brain tothink about something different,
creating a new pattern.
We talk about it in scientificterms, like creating different
neural pathways for your brains,but people don't want to hear
about all of that unless you'rejust sometimes like a geek like
me.
I really love digging down deepinto it, but everybody doesn't
understand that.
But the first way to do that isby literally thinking of

(10:27):
something, of where you want togo, not reliving your past, not
stuck on your trauma, not allthat, because we all have a
story to tell.
But where do I want to go?
And taking the first step there, in my opinion, is envisioning
it and writing it down.
Yeah, absolutely, I definitelywant to go into a question.
We we all face setbacks to yourpoint Like how do we stay true

(10:47):
to, how do you stay true toyourself when it comes to
moments where you feel likeeverything is falling apart?
I think staying true toyourself is owning your story.
I think a lot of people carry alot of shame from and guilt
from, their past.
And I think a lot of peoplecarry a lot of shame from, and
guilt from, their past.
And I think that once yourelease yourself from that guilt

(11:07):
and shame and own that that isyour truth and own how it is,
actually built you and not brokeyou, yeah, and realize that
that's part of your superpower,yeah, I think that that really
helps shift that thought, youknow, because now everything
that I once thought was asetback that was part of
building me.
I've reframed it into thinkingit was actually for my

(11:30):
betterment, it was for my good.
Even the bad things, even thethings that actually almost took
me out, actually all cametogether as a part of the story.
I wouldn't be here today ifthat hadn't happened.
Unfortunately it did, butfortunately I overcame, you know
.
So I think for me, I takethoughts captive in my mind when

(11:51):
I have those moments so I cangive myself a good self-talk, a
good pep talk, and motivatemyself.
I think sometimes we look toothers to encourage us, but
really, in reality, we have toencourage ourselves.
We have to know how to, on ourinner self and our innermost
child, say like get up, girl,you know, you got this, you know
, and I think that reframing mystory and owning it, that is my

(12:14):
truth, that is my testimony.
That is, if someone came to meand was like you used to do this
, you know what I did, and Godstill loved me and he still
saved me and he still found meworthy of a calling, he still,
like before I would have beenlike you know what, dang, I'm a
loser.
Like you know, I would haveallowed that negativity to
impact me in a negative way, butnow it's like you know what it
kind of hypes me up Because I'mlike you know what I'm still

(12:36):
chosen.
All that happened and God stillchose me Amen, you know.
So I think that a lot of itjust comes from learning to read
that mindset shift, reframingyour thoughts.
You know, I love that you spokeon shame, because I feel like
that's what holds a lot ofpeople back.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
It's the fact that we grow up in communities with
families and people.
There's like, keep it private,don't tell people this or don't
say this.
Oh my God, this happened.
We carry those things with usto where we feel like those
things are going to hinder usbecause, lord knows, we don't
want anybody to find out aboutthat.
But to your point, when youstart to own your truth and you
start to recognize thateverything is happening for us

(13:17):
and not to us.
So he didn't put us in thesecircumstances in the past or in
our current state for us not tolearn from it.
And the past or in our currentstate for us not to learn from
it.
And because we can relate towhatever circumstance we went
through, we could actually helpthe girls to your point, the
young girls help the people thatare on the same path as us, but
without us actually goingthrough it.
We only have book knowledge asopposed to true hand experience
to be able to see the blindspots and the shortcomings that

(13:39):
someone may have.
You can speak life into someonewhen you actually know what
they've been through and you'vecome through it.
So it's like so necessary, sonecessary.
But if we sit with what we'retied.
It's like, oh my God, like Iwent through this.
I don't want them to know, butwhy not?
What's wrong with it?
That's heavy and so good,because I think what happens is

(14:00):
that you know, sometimes thevoices that we're hearing right,
the people who are telling usthat they will feel shame based
on what you're saying becomelouder than your own.
Yeah, and your care and concernfor them and their well-being
become louder, becomes louderthan your care and concern for

(14:21):
self, yeah, and I think when Igot to a place that I realized
my voice actually matters too.
My voice matters because thatwas part of my trauma, right?
So part of my trauma was feelingsilenced and that I couldn't
speak up.
I couldn't say anything to helpmyself, and I went along.
I went along to get along, likepeople always say, right, and I

(14:42):
think that eventually I had tolearn to speak up, and so
sometimes it's uncomfortable butit's necessary.
That was a lesson that I had tolearn, and I had to ask myself
those critical questions.
Like my therapist always says,lean in and get curious.
Lean in and get curious aboutwhy I felt silenced.
Lean in and got curious aboutwhy I felt I couldn't say

(15:04):
anything because it woulddisrupt and ruffle other
people's feathers, but I had torealize I was also ruffling my
own by staying silent, and so Ithink, when you come to a place
of like, I can't keep torturingand sabotaging myself.
I'm sabotaging and torturingmyself by being quiet about
something that I need toactually like release by

(15:24):
speaking.
And so, yeah, I think people, alot of people, carry a lot of
shame, and I feel like the shamealso comes from knowing better
and not doing better.
You know, we all have beenthere, um, and the shame also
comes from things we've beenthrough.
Sometimes, you know, we putourselves in situations because
of that trauma that maybe weshouldn't um't repeat, and I

(15:46):
think that that's part of thework.
That's part of the work inunderstanding mindset.
People don't want to do thework these days, and that's the
concerning part.
But at least when you'replanning, I feel like, and
you're thinking of what you wantto accomplish in your future,
it kind of forces you to startthinking about everything.
Yeah, yeah, in my opinion, Ilove that so much because I feel

(16:11):
like what you talked about onis really like the healing
journey right?
People don't want to look in themirror and we use this healing
journey term Like it's just sopretty and it is not pretty at
all.
You got to fight through thatthing.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah, and I think the reality is too.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
You talked about having a therapist so you're
doing the work, oh yeah.
And so many times we don'trecognize that it takes the
healing and the doing the workto let go of shame and then to
also be able to recognize, likethe gifts that come out of that
in terms of the clarity, interms of the lives that you
could change around the thingsthat you've gone through,

(16:48):
because you're not the onlyperson that's gone through it.
There's so many other peopleand there's so much awakening
and healing that happens when weopen up and share our stories.
Other people are like oh, I'mgoing to hold on to this.
No, one of the mostlife-changing things.
I'm an advocate for life.
I promise you I will get on anystage, any opportunity, and
talk about group therapy.
Yeah, okay, I almost lost mymind a few years ago.
Remember, like three years ago,and I was impatient and I was

(17:11):
hospitalized.
I was, you know, my mom had tofly here from California because
we were like, what is going on?
You know, I was in the hospitaland you know they put me in the
room and everything, and I'm inthere in my gown and I'm laying
back and it's like a movie.
At this point there's a ladydown the hallway screaming at
the top of her lungs.
I'm looking up at the ceilinglike I did it big this time, I

(17:34):
really took it there and so mymom was there and we ended up
going to another facility.
They transferred me to anotherfacility and my mom was
frustrated because they're likeso you're just going to release
her.
At that point I wasn't a harmto myself anymore.
I was medicated and at leaststill depressed, still anxious,
still feeling terrible, but Iwasn't a danger to anyone else,

(17:55):
I wasn't a danger to myself.
And so they've released me, asthey have to.
And my mom was like so you'rejust going to send her home?
Like you know, there has to bemore that she needs to be doing
besides just going to therapyonce a week.
And the little lady there shewas like well, we have an
intensive outpatient program,iop program or AKA group therapy
that might be good for traumasurvivors and it's a women's

(18:18):
group.
And so I took FMLA and I wasout of work for eight weeks and
I went to group therapy.
And when I say that it was lifechanging, it was life changing
because it made me sit with it.
What we do a lot of times is weknow our trauma, but because
we're in survival mode, becausewe're doing so much day to day,

(18:38):
we don't ever have anopportunity to sit, feel and
think.
That's the key to sit, feel andthink.
That's the key.
Being able to think and feel atthe same time all of the
emotions of what you're angryabout or frustrated, or sad, or
whatever it was.
And that time in that group wasso impactful because not only
did they teach you what isactually physically happening

(18:59):
with your body, with your brain,with all of that, they're
actually doing therapy at thesame time and you're hearing a
whole group of other women talkabout how they feel.
They went through completelydifferent situations, but the
feelings of shame, the feelingsof guilt, the feelings of
whatever, it's all the same it'suniversal and that was

(19:20):
eye-opening for me.
My background that's what I wentto school for was I originally
wanted to counsel and so I'mlike book knowledge I have, I
know all of this stuff.
But it's another thing to gothrough it as a patient and
experience it for yourself.
And so for me to be able toconnect all of those dots the

(19:41):
book knowledge I already had,plus getting through that
situation, it was life-changing.
So I always tell people listen,if you are having a hard time
and you have FLMLA, that's abenefit that you need to use.
If you can, short-term whateveryou have, take time for
yourself and get into a programand allow it to be a tool that's
beneficial for you.
You know we're the CEOs of ourhealth mental health and

(20:04):
physical health and people haveto understand there are things
that are out there to help youif you're willing to learn, if
you're willing to do the work.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
I love all of that so much I think, just like I
commend you on your journey ofhealing and then using that to
be able to help change lives.
That's I want to start, thankyou, because a lot of people
don't recognize the reason whywe're going through things is to
be able to use those gifts tobless others.
So I love that you're actuallydoing it and I think heavy on
the group therapy, not onlybecause I love Anthony's Brown

(20:37):
album.
So I kind of sit there right,right, heavy on.
He's helped me so with somegroup therapy through his album.
But then also, I feel like itjust brings you to a place of
recognizing you're not alone.
You're not alone.
It's so crazy, like everybodywho was there went through
something drastically different.
Of course you know some type oftrauma, something that was

(20:58):
traumatic to them, but no one'ssituation was the same.
Yeah, but you know, still sorelatable, so relatable, and
every day you know Still sorelatable, so relatable, and
every day I remember like it wasyesterday, you know.
So you know, every day you haveto go around the circle and say
, basically, like, answer somequestions, right, so, like, how
are you feeling?
Find one word to describe howyou feel.

(21:20):
You know, did you do any riskybehaviors drinking, sex, drugs,
whatever, whatever, because youget to leave at the end of the
day Right?
So you're there from like nineto three every day.
So everybody goes around throughthose questions and every day I
will always say angry, like shewould get to me I'll go to my
list and she would ask me for aword and I would say angry,

(21:40):
angry, angry.
You know I'm showing up in ablack fitted hat, all black
hoodie.
Like why am I here?
Anger, like it just gave anger.
You know, like I had a chip onmy shoulder.
I did, and rightfully so, andeventually she was like Jessica,
I'm going to go.
Here's the feelings.
Will I need you to tell me adifferent word besides angry?

(22:03):
That describes how you feel.
Love it.
And that is when we were able toactually start getting to the
root of what was going on.
You know, of course, there wasstill work to do after I left
group therapy, but that was likethe opening, the catalyst for
me finally understanding, likemind-blowing moment.
I actually am very angry and Ican see the transition in myself

(22:23):
as well because, like I saidwhen I first started going, I'm
showing up in all black.
I'm mad, like why am I here?
This is dumb.
By the time I'm leaving, I'mback to me, I'm back in my cute
little outfits, I'm bubbly, I'mtalking to everybody there, and
so there was a visibledifference, you know.
And so I think when people arereally ready to do the work,
when you're really ready to sayyes to a different future than

(22:44):
what you've already experienced,then that is the motivation you
have, to be ready to actuallydo something different.
Yeah, I love that you kind ofwere, not kind of.
I love that you were transparentabout that journey because I've
talked about it before on thepodcast in terms of moments in
my life where it felt likethings were too hard and my

(23:05):
answer to God was just take meout, like I'm done, I've had
enough.
And then I had to recognizethat that's a trend, that's
giving up and you're likeultimately giving up because
it's too hard but you can dohard things.
So I love that you really spokethrough that journey and I
think within that space, I thinkit's important that we sit in
it, because I think that toomany times we're not being

(23:27):
honest about when you're anentrepreneur.
That faith walk is not easy,not everyone can relate to it,
and so you're going to feelalone often on the journey
unless you create communitiesand surround yourself with
people who understand you sothat you don't give up.
Because many times I look backat moments that I wanted to give
up and I'm like I just I justdisappear.

(23:47):
I've told my sisters beforelike I'm like this is weird.
I'm like God, just like pull methrough the upstairs or the
downstairs and just bring me outsomewhere.
It's like you just want todisappear.
Yes, and my sister's likethat's a weird description of
what you want to have right likewhy do you want to be invisible
?
right exactly and so it's likeyou're just tired of going
through the things, but it'slike we have to learn how to

(24:08):
find that community, find thatsupport through a therapist,
through people that understand,that make you feel heard and
seen, yes, so that you canrecognize that you can get
through it, because it's atemporary moment, because I'm
sure it's been like that for you, like Like when I look back and
I'm like girl, if you wouldhave said, forget it, you
wouldn't have been able to enjoythis.
Like, what is your problem?

(24:29):
And that's the crazy part,right, because if I would have
been successful in my attempt, Iwouldn't be here All of the.
I literally am living proof andthat's why I don't have any
shame in talking about it.
I am living proof because, if Iwould have never imagined that,

(24:50):
I would literally be living mydream today.
Yeah, I'm living my dream andI'm only living my dream because
, number one, I said yes to God,yes.
And number two, I'm living itbecause I'm honest and I've
owned my story.
No one can make me feel badabout what I've experienced.
I don't care if they think thatit's negative or whatever.
That's the world's view, butwhen God has called you to do

(25:12):
something, you just have to beobedient.
I can remember to the dayactually, I was on my way to my
nine to five at the time and Ihad it on my heart that I needed
to share, started sharing mystart, sharing my testimony
about what happened when I wasinpatient.
I feel like in the blackcommunity especially, we talk
we're starting to talk abouttherapy and different things,

(25:33):
but we don't talk about peoplethat are taking medication, we
aren't talking about people whoare hospitalized or in the whys
behind that trauma.
We're at the tip of the iceberg.
I feel like right.
So I felt on my heart that hewanted me to talk.
He was like Jessica, you needto speak, you need to open your
mouth.
And I had been doing what I wasused to doing in my trauma,

(25:55):
which is feeling silenced, notsaying anything, just because I
don't want to ruffle feathers.
And so I remember that day Ijust posted on Facebook.
I sat there, I pulled over, satthere, typed a long message
about hey, I still have apicture of the band.
When I was hospitalized, Iposted the picture and I said
this is what happened da, da, da.
If you're struggling, whatever,it's never too far for God to

(26:17):
save you.
You're never too far gone forGod to save you.
You're never too far gone forGod to help you.
And from that I literally putin the bottom of my post that
God has told me to speak.
Speak with authenticity and agenuine heart and spirit.
And look where I am today, likeliterally being obedient.

(26:38):
Number one is the key thing, butalso owning your story
Sometimes, like you said, themost important parts of your
story are what's going to helpother people, and they can't
help you if you're not beinggenuine.
Yeah, and people pick up on it,real, recognize real Right.
And I think that's the mostimportant part is to know that
what you're doing is of yourlife, like you're not following
trends, you're simplysurrendered and following what

(27:00):
God is telling you to do andwith the impact that you're able
to make.
People are like how are youable to do it?
Child, it's God, it's not me,man.
I had a lady ask me the otherday.
She was like how are you doingall this stuff?
I'm like it's not me.
I promise you it's not me.

(27:24):
And it's only because peoplefeel like they're so far gone.
They're carrying the weight ofshame, they're carrying the
weight of being a victim, but wedon't have to walk in
victimhood.
I have been a victim.
I've been a victim of a lot ofthings, but I don't walk in
victimhood.
I know that God has declaredthat I am victorious, so I have
to learn.
I had to do the work.
People don't want to number one.
People, unfortunately, nowadaysthink that things come easily

(27:44):
and that's kind of like what Iwas recently saying on another
on a panel, is that when you arein survival mode and you're
trying to do something andovercome hard things, you don't
have the luxury of sitting backand wanting a soft girl life.
You don't.
You have to press, because it'snot pretty, it's not easy and

(28:05):
you know there's this, this tonethat's being set for for people
nowadays that just sit back andbecause you're a woman, you
don't have to do anything.
Well, you know, maybe that'ssome people's blessing, but if
you're not in that situation,there's no shame in that, right,
there's no shame in pressingthrough difficult times and
doing the work to overcome.
So I kind of want to help speakto that narrative, because it's

(28:27):
one of those things.
It's like people are sittingthinking like, well, why can't I
do that, why can't I live thatway?
Well, maybe God didn't call foryour life to be set up that way
and are you willing to gothrough it?
Because a lot of times we havethese innate abilities and gifts
but we don't want to go throughthe process, right, and the
process looks like being honestabout your truth and going

(28:48):
through the healing journey asit relates to figuring out, like
, why you're holding on tocertain parts of your trauma
that was actually used to beable to build you up.
So allow yourself to hold ontothat trauma from the perspective
of God.
You gave this to me becausewe're supposed to use this to

(29:09):
empower other people, to maybeclose some of the gaps for the
amount of people that areexposed to certain things or
stay in it too long.
I think that part is important.
We live in that shame way toolong when it's heavy on living
now, and so I relate to whatyou're saying so much, not only
from like experiencing momentsin my life where I've wanted to
give up, but also fromunderstanding that we only have
one life and we deserve to liveit now, not in shame, but to

(29:31):
enjoy it.
And it's like it's up to us todecide to live in that life.
And so that really leads me tothe next question, as it relates
to what was the moment in yourlife that you realized that you
were the only person holding youback?
That's a good question, I wouldprobably say.

(29:54):
It took another person'scomment for me to realize that
that's what I was doing.
So I got into an argument,heated discussion with a friend
at the time, and she used mypast against me.
You know, we were in thatheated exchange and she was like
that's why you this and thisand this.

(30:26):
And at the time I was, I feltthat shame come back over me and
I think that I had to take thatas an opportunity to ask myself
like hey, are you going tobelieve what she's saying when
she's speaking on you?
Are you going to believe whatGod is, god told you you are?
Are you going to believe, um,what you've learned, what you've
overcome who you know that youare deep, deep, deep in your
heart.
Learn what you've overcome whoyou know, that you are deep,
deep, deep in your heart, youknow.
And so I think that I had topress through that myself.

(30:50):
And you know, there's alwaystimes where you everybody always
has a good and a bad wolf, youknow, one that tells you you can
do it and one that's like, girl, you tripping, give up.
You're a loser, you know.
And it's just a choice everyday and I feel like, you know, I
don't really.
Besides that one conversation, Ithink that that was a pivotal
moment for me because I had tochoose at the time and since

(31:11):
that time, I have consistentlychosen to feed the wolf that
believes the good in me, to feedthe wolf, that knows I have a
call Feed the wolf.
That that's a call.
Feed the wolf.
That, like, that's a choiceevery day you have to make,
because there are some days thatyou're just like you know what
I suck.
Yeah, but you have to choosedeliberately and intentionally,

(31:32):
so I don't know if that'ssomething that anyone ever stops
doing.
You know everyone that's likewhen they created this term
imposter syndrome, you knowthat's we.
They created this term impostersyndrome.
You know that's.
We all experienced that, right,you know, and it's just a
choice to go.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yeah, don't be.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
You know, get that little voice like you being a
hater no, yeah, and then moveforward with what you actually
want to do.
Yeah, I love that so muchbecause I think that a lot of
guests talk about impostersyndrome and I'm heavy on.
It's just that you're in a newenvironment.
Like you, you're not in yourcomfort zone anymore, so it's
like Ooh, child, this is, butyou got to know who's guiding
you.
You got to know that he alwaysshows up for you and you have to

(32:09):
continue to choose the versionof you that shows up and shows
out, because you deserve to takeup space and enjoy your life.
Oh my God, yes, I just recentlywent to a retreat, um, and I
was there, and I was there with,I was a speaker at the retreat,
and I was there with a lot ofheavy hitters, you know, and
there was a moment when I gotthere I was like, why I'm the

(32:31):
small fish in the pond right now?
I'm just now starting on myjourney of speaking and doing a
lot of different things, and soI'm there with more seasoned
people.
And there was that time, thatmoment, that I thought, like,
why am I here?
I'm a little fish.
And then I had to remember, Ihad to turn that thing into a
sermon in my own mind and I waslike, but the but little fish

(32:53):
grow to be big fish, right,right, you are here because God
is expanding you.
You're here because there isroom for growth.
There's here because God isgrowing you.
And like, that's what I'msaying is, once I went to group
therapy, and I'm telling you,three years ago, when I went to
group therapy, and it helped mereset my mind and what I was

(33:13):
telling myself.
That was the life-changing part, because instead of saying I am
the little fish and I'm toosmall to be here and why am I
here, and talking myself out ofit, I was able to talk myself
into it and into my own growthand I was able to walk with my
head held high, versus if Ididn't have those tools in my
tool belt.
I mean, I did have the bookknowledge, but again, it was

(33:36):
different to go through itmyself, for sure, once I had
those tools in my tool belt.
Now I'm like you know whatObviously I'm here because God
told me to be here.
Yeah, obviously I'm herebecause he's expanding my
territory and increasing me andI have the capacity.
You know, people forget thatdiamonds are forged under fire.
For sure, coal is not An easyprocess.

(33:56):
Going from a lump of coal to adiamond is not easy.
The piece of coal is not strong.
You could break it.
It's only when it's forgedunder fire that it becomes
almost indestructible.
It's like you've got to gothrough that.
You've got to go through thefire and a lot of those
challenges that we experienceeach individual.

(34:17):
That is your fire, that's yourtime in the kiln for God to
build you into being what hecalled you to be.
Yeah, I love that so muchbecause I think you just spoke
about the process from goingfrom a coal to becoming a
diamond, right, right.
But I think that if thelisteners go even further back,
the process to even create coalis something else.

(34:38):
And I only know because I havea brother that lives in Jamaica
and he does coal sometimes andhe'll send me the videos of
putting all these bushes overthe coal and getting it to
withstand all that heat.
It's like a day, it's daysworth in process and I'm looking
like have fun, have fun.
I'm good, I'm good, I'm good,and we want the diamond, and we

(34:58):
want the diamond.
But we don't want to go throughthe process of becoming the
coal, nor do we want to go froma coal to a diamond.
And we got to go through theprocess.
You got to go through theprocess and I always remember
it's like when I saw you theother day and we were talking
about in the garden and similarto this situation.
We're talking about the coal.
What I love most about those ofvisualizing that is that in the

(35:18):
garden there's a gardener.
That is that in the gardenthere's a gardener and when
their coal is being selected andworked, there is a person in
this situation your brother thatworked it.
He selects a piece of coal anddecides this piece of coal is
going to go through the processand that is God.
And that is the part that wecan't ever look over it.

(35:39):
When you're in these seasonsand you're going through the
fire, it's because God selectedyou ever look over it.
When you're in these seasonsand you're going through the
fire, it's because God selectedyou to go through it.
When you're in the garden andthe gardener is tending to you
and God is tending to you andhe's pruning you and developing
you, it's because he saw it tobe done that way so you could
bloom, so you could blossom intowho you were called to be.

(35:59):
And that's the part that we itdoesn't really matter if you're
like this leaf is good and God'slike, no, it needs to go.
He's like pull it.
That pruning is hard but it'snecessary, it's very necessary.
And you know I have an auntshe's 78, and she's so sweet and
she's always ministering to meand speaking wisdom into me.

(36:21):
And she was here recently andshe was like you know, god wants
you to know that everythingthat you've ever been through,
he was with you.
It hurt him just as much as ithurt you, but he knew that all
of it was going to work togetherfor his glory.
The whole story that you havewas going to bring glory back to
his name.

(36:41):
Yeah, so he had to let you gothrough those tough times to get
to the fullness of who hecalled you to be.
Yeah, and I'm like you knowit's a lot to take in sometimes
because it is hard, life is hardyeah.
Life be, lifin' Life be lifin'yeah.
You know I love that so much andI think I want to have you on
the real recognize real becauseof event that you recently spoke

(37:02):
at.
I was in the audience and so Italk all the time on podcasts
about the events that I host andjust hearing you speak like for
me it spoke volumes as itrelates to like your
authenticity, as it relates tolike this is truly the journey
that you were called to speak onand that you've been through,
and I think to me that's what Ilook for when I'm looking for
people that are providing thatfeedback to attendees and

(37:24):
helping to change and move lives.
And so you talked about likebeing somewhat of an imposter in
that environment that you wentto.
That's kind of exposing you tobigger fish in the pond, but I
think it's important that we sitin like to give yourself grace
as it relates to there are somany people that appear to be
further along on the journey butthey're not happy with self

(37:45):
because they skipped the work sothey could have gone through
societal goals from theperspective of they have a
million followers or they have amillion in their bank account
or whatever the case may be fortheir lives, but they're still
not happy and they're still inthe state that you were over
three years ago.
But you've done the work and soyou're coming from it, from such
an authentic place to whereyou're healing and you're

(38:06):
choosing every day to beintentional about the way you
live your life and the way youimpact the lives of others.
And so sometimes we don'trealize that it may look like
we're the small fish, but we'reactually the big fish because we
love our life and we build itin a way that makes the most
sense for us, that we can makethe most impact.
So I wanted to give you yourroses there I appreciate that so
much.

(38:28):
I appreciate that so muchbecause, you know, I just
pivoted from my nine to five tofull-time entrepreneurship,
literally just in obedience, andI sat at my desk many a days
and I felt God telling me likeit's time to go, it's time to go
, it's time to move.
And I was like Lord.
Like you know, I'm like give mea sign, Give me a sign.
No one more, you know, I keptsaying that.

(38:50):
And so, finally, when I decidedto be obedient to what he told
me to do, I felt like everythingis just, everything is working
together.
All of these different things.
It's like that song everythingis working out for me.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I promise you yes, everything is working out for me
.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
Yes, it is, and it's like I'm just so eternally
humbled.
Honestly, I'm humbled, I'mhonored to share the story
because this is my truth, like Iunderstand, because I went
through it.
I think, like we were talkingabout initially about shame I'm
not the only person that's beenhospitalized.
The difference is that I'm boldenough to speak about it

(39:30):
because I've owned my story andI need other people to
understand that they can owntheir story too.
Whatever their purpose, callingor path is.
You can't move towards that ifyou're not willing to move past
what has already happened.
And you can't move past what'salready happened if you're not
willing to acknowledge it exists.
Sometimes, when we just keepyou know it didn't happen,

(39:53):
nothing happened, and pretending, we're not acknowledging and
giving a safe place for ourinner selves to actually heal
and flourish, and so I'mgrateful I'm continuing to heal.
You know, healing is a foreverprocess in my opinion, um, but I
think what's also healing forme is being bold about the
things I've gone through, um,and I just want to.

(40:14):
You know, I don't have to haveeverything in the world, but I
just want to know at night thatI have been obedient to what God
told me to do and that you know.
I know that he will giveprovision to the vision that he
gave me, so I'm blessed to behere.
I really appreciate you sayingthat.
You know I get so passionateabout it, especially when I'm on
stage, the questions that theyask, because I get frustrated

(40:36):
when everyone makes it so frilly.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Yeah, so everything is just all packaged so nicely
and it's like come on, it's likegirl be serious.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
Be, so serious, like everything is not perfect,
everything is not just.
Oh, I woke up and I only doPilates and hot yoga every day.
Like no, sometimes things suckand sometimes you have to cry in
the shower, shower and thengive yourself a pep talk.
Sometimes you need a nap.
I'm heavy on the podcast.
I go take a nap, a power nap, acat nap and get back up.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
Listen.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
I love a nap.
You know why?
Because it's a manual reset formyself.
I'm like you know what?
I'm going to give myself a nap,I'm going to wake up refreshed
and I'm going to try again.
And sometimes I just try again.
I say, you know, if he wakes meup to see another tomorrow, I'm
just try again.
Yeah, we're not perfect.
No, I always tell my son thathe's 18, he'll be 19 actually on

(41:27):
Sunday, and he asks me stuffall the time.
I'm like I said I don't know.
This is my first time with a 19year old.
I'm just a girl and you arejust a young man.
We are just.
I'm growing as you're growingtoo.
I'm growing in my womanhood andmy motherhood and you're
growing as a young man.
Some things I don't know, giveme a moment.
And so I always tell peoplethat I'm like you're just.
This is just your first humanexperience.

(41:49):
Give yourself some grace, wedon't know.
Yeah, I love that so muchbecause I think that in my
parenting I'm very much like I'mHazel.
I don't show up as the mother,I show up as Hazel in every
iteration of where I'm at inlife and I think it's so
important that we give ourselvesthat level of just humility, to
recognize that we are human,just a person, listen, and I

(42:11):
think that you help them get tothat space faster, right?
Because I feel like ingenerations past it's I'm the
mother, I'm the grandmother, I'mthe this, and then we hold them
to that title.
Like oh my God, they're my bigthis.
How come they didn't do this?
Or, oh my God, they're my mom,how come they didn't do this?
They're trying to figure it out, just like you, whew, you know

(42:31):
what.
That same sentiment has reallyhelped me to forgive a lot of
people, because when you realizethat people are just 99% of the
time, they're just doing thebest they can with what they
have, they're doing the bestthey can with the skillset that
they have, with the mentalcapacity that they have, the
healing that they have, thewhatever they have at the time

(42:53):
is how they're.
That's what's governing them.
So if that person hasn't had anopportunity or hasn't decided
to do anything different, thatis their governing body.
They're not going to make anydecisions that go against that,
and so I think, once I was ableto honor that honestly, that is
exactly who they are and releaseit.

(43:15):
I just go on it with my day.
Absolutely, it's funny.
One of the first set ofpersonal development books that
I read was the Four Agreements.
Yes, and one of the laws isdon't take anything personally.
Oh my gosh, I just got into aconversation recently with
someone.
I was like you're taking itpersonal.
Yeah, because when you realizethat people only put out their

(43:36):
own level of healing, their ownlevel of self-love, when you
realize that all of what peoplesay and what they do really only
has to do with them For sure,how they treat people, how they
interact in the world, that's aself-reflection that doesn't
have anything to do with you.
Yeah, and I think that's soimportant that we talked about
that, because so many timesyou're like holding on and
thinking, oh, they didn't callme, they didn't say this, they

(43:58):
didn't do that.
They are going through theirhome own human experience.
Right, and with going throughtheir own human experience,
they're trying to unpack what'sgoing on in their world they're
not thinking about you.
They're not studying you, andit's not even that they don't
care.
Sometimes they just don't havethe capacity right, and that's
you bring up.
Another good thing that I lovetalking about is some you really

(44:18):
truly have to be the change youwant to see.
I know everybody has heard thatexpression, but they don't
practice it.
We have so many events that Igo to.
One of the questions that theyask on the panel is how do you
continue to be a girl's girl?
This is a phrase that peopleuse.
I'm like I'm a girl's girlbecause I give the love I want
back.
I don't go into a room andwonder with my arms folded why

(44:41):
is no one speaking to me?
No one's speaking to youbecause you're not speaking to
them For sure.
Action, reaction, it's simpleEnergy.
You don't have good friendsbecause you're not a good friend
, right?
You don't have goodrelationships because you don't
have good relationships withyourself, right?
These things are a reflectionalso of you.
So I don't like when people arelike there's no good men left.
Are you a good woman?
Yeah, you have to be exactlywhat you want back.

(45:02):
If you're not ambitious andhaving vision and working on
your goals every day, then whywould you require a man to do
that?
You want a genuine man withcharacter and integrity and
honesty and loyalty and allthese things.
But do you demonstrate that inyour own life?
Right, you literally have to beexactly what you want back and

(45:23):
you can't count it as okay.
I saw someone today and theyhad a rude interaction with me.
So that doesn't work.
It does work because it doesn't.
It's not the person, it's theprinciple, it's putting it out
into the atmosphere and givingGod the glory through whatever
interaction you have, whateveryour ministry is.
I was always raised that yourjob or whatever you do is your
ministry, so you do it withexcellence.

(45:44):
It doesn't matter if you cleantables.
I've cleaned tables.
I worked in a school cafeteriain college.
You do it with excellencebecause that's your ministry.
And people don't realize thatthey're not getting back the
results they want becausethey're not being what they want
to see.
They're not good at whateverthey are and where they are in
their process.
Yes, is what I really heavilypull from that, because I think

(46:06):
to the point of us talking aboutthe process.
So many times people like ifthey're of God in terms of
spirit-led and faith-centered.
They see the vision, andthey're just so focused on
getting to the finish line Rightthat they're not standing up
the days of cleaning in thecafeteria of excellence.
So how can he trust you withthe next thing?

Speaker 2 (46:24):
That's important and you may feel like oh my God, I'm
stuck.

Speaker 1 (46:26):
Why is this not working out?
But you can't do what he gaveyou to do.
Why do you expect him to giveyou the ball Girl?
You have a little hoopty rightnow that you don't take care of,
you, don't wash, don't get anoil, change All this and all
that and you want a Lambo Right.
Make it make sense.
Make it make sense.
The Bible says that you have tobe faithful in the small so he
can bless you with more, and Ithink that that's so key People

(46:49):
principle when you haveprinciple, it doesn't change
what situation, it just is, yeah.
And so I think that when we getback to the basics of you know
if you're faithful like me, youget back to the basis of what
does the Bible say and governingourselves the best we can in
that way, and then also beingwilling to go through the

(47:09):
process and do the work tobetter understand ourselves.
So when he does bring you tobloom, when he does bless you,
number one, you give him theglory.
And number two, you're betteroff for it because you went
through the process.
Yeah, you done built thatmuscle.
And number two, you're betteroff for it, yeah, because you
went through the process.
Yeah, you done built thatmuscle.
You know what you're capable of.
It's like, ooh, child, I coulddo anything, I'm strong.
I mean, I do sometimes gettired of people saying, like

(47:32):
you're so strong, I'm like Idon't, I'm not strong enough.
In that sense, I feel like I'veendured.
Sometimes we have to realizeit's not a you know what's the
tortoise and the hare, like theexample they give of, like the
turtle running and the rabbitrunning right, like one is
moving real fast and one is not.
I feel like sometimes we have tobuild up our spiritual

(47:52):
endurance and we have tounderstand that slow and steady
sometimes win the race.
Win the race.
Sometimes you just got to justone step every day, every day,
yeah, because it's you versusyou.
It's you versus you.
You don't have to get thereovernight.
Yeah, just get there.
Yeah, absolutely.
I love that so much and I thinkit really kind of brings back

(48:13):
where people are like going on amarathon and they kind of just
come on the field, the trackfield, if you will, and so
you're kind of like, oh, howcome they're there?
They've been in therepracticing, you just got there
and it's like heavy on.
You're comparing your year oneto their year 50.
And you don't know how longthey've been in there going
through the process to get towhere they are and you're not
willing to go through what theywent through to get to where
they are, but you're ready to bewhere they are.

(48:36):
You want to be like them, butwould you be willing to own the
same story that they had gothrough, the same thing that
they had to get there?
That's so good.
Yeah, and I think that to yourpoint about like expanding on
things is like back in the day,I feel like we got all the
wisdom we needed.
They just weren't expanded onbecause it's like people will
say, you wouldn't want to walk amile in their shoe but they
don't express what all thatjourney really entails.
Right, they never really brokeit down, right, and you're like

(48:57):
oh, and they never really brokeit down.
Yo, that's the thing that's socrazy, right, like as an adult
now realizing that a lot of whatthe phrases and adages that
people had back then they'retrue, yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
Very much so.
Yes, very true.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
You're like oh, this is what this means, that's what
my grandma meant, but I didn'tsay it that way.
Why should?
You break it down, but at leastwe had the wisdom.
You know it was poured into meand I'm grateful for that.
But now the dots are connecting.
The blues clues are really, youknow, coming together and they
don't connect until we're readyfor them.
I think that's what we don'trecognize.
Is that, to your point of youraunt, like pouring into you?

(49:33):
Yes, Like we can be poured intoby the people God needs to pour
into us, but it won't.
The light bulb won't light upuntil we're ready for it,
Absolutely.
But the fact that it's there inour container, in our tool belt,
ready to be pulled when we needit.
That's what's important, and Ithink so readily.
We want all the tools to be inour hand.
As long as they're in our toolbelt, we're good to go.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
We have what we need.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
Yes, very much.
So that's so important, I think, to know that you are equipped.
Yeah, you know, I think, thatpeople search all over the world
.
There's a song, too right, Isearched all over.
You know, all my stuff alwaysends up coming back to God,
Because it's just true for me.
Yeah, people search all over.
They try drugs, they trypromiscuous behavior, they try a

(50:18):
million different things, andnot to say that those things are
, you know, for each person hastheir own story.
So it's not to bring shame uponanyone who's experiencing that,
but the only person, the onlything that gave me true healing
and fulfillment was number one,god, and number two using the

(50:38):
tools he gave me through actualtherapy.
They go hand in hand.
To me, I feel like it wasconnecting both sides of my
brain and my heart, everythingtogether to help me actually
move forward, because a lot oftimes, people want you to choose
one.
They want you to either befaith-based healing or therapy
and science.

(50:58):
It's like God made science.
God made book knowledge as well.
We can use that as a means ofhelping us understand our body.
He gave us these bodies as welltoo.
We need to understand what ourbrain is actually doing, why our
body has different reactions todifferent things.
So I feel like it was thecoupling, the marriage of those
both that helped me actually see, not only feel healed, but see

(51:23):
the healing in myself.
You know, if that makes sense,that does.
It's like giving yourself thatability to reflect that I am
growing and all of this doesmake sense and the fact that
you've married it all togetherreally helps you to be the
person that you're showing up astoday.
I feel like it's like gluingthe pieces of the puzzle
together.
I talked about that a littlebit on another episode that we

(51:45):
were talking about, essentiallylike college and education gives
you all of the different pieces, but it's up to us to be able
to glue it together, and itsounds like the foundation of
therapy, faith-centeredness interms of God, and using those
gems and gluing everythingtogether just helps you be able
to execute it.
And I'm heavy on singing on thepodcast, so I can't help, but
like wanting to say nobodygreater, listen, nobody greater.

(52:08):
I just I can't.
I can shout it from the rooftopand you know, I just think that
you know, I, I tell people allthe time I'm like just just try
him.
Yeah, you know, just try himand see.
You know, because you know, ifit don't work out for you, call
me, but I promise you he's atthe door, he'll knock and he
wants you to answer.

(52:28):
And when you try him and decide,like you know, I'm going to let
go of that control and thatfeeling of need to be in control
, yeah, and give it to God.
Give my problems, my cares,worries, all of it to Him and
also work on myself.
It's empowering, becausenothing that anyone else can say
about me matters more than whatGod says about me, and that is

(52:52):
like those simple ways ofgoverning myself.
That's what helps me hold myhead up high Things that people
would have said before thatwould have hurt me or impacted
me.
It's like I don't care, becauseI know what God told me I am.
I know who God told me that I'mgoing to be, so why would I
care about what you have to say?
You're just one person?
Yeah, absolutely.

(53:12):
I think it's so important toget to a place where you're
creating those boundaries interms of, like the people that
you're putting in your life andkeeping within your circle, to
make sure that you're honestabout what it is.
You want to stand up, based onwhat God told you, because many
times you can have people inyour life that is like girl,
what are you doing?
Why did you leave that nine?

Speaker 2 (53:31):
to five.
Why are you?

Speaker 1 (53:31):
doing this and it's like but God told me to do this,
so I have to make sure I'mdrowning out the noise and I'm
standing up what makes sense forwhat God told me to do, and I'm
a good steward of what he'sgiven me and what he's got me
doing.
Oh, that nine to five one.
That was hard because therewere people in my life that were
like, what are you talkingabout?
And I just had to get quiet.
And that's one of those timeswhere I had to allow my voice

(53:55):
and what I know to be biggerthan what other people think.
And that is very empowering toknow that, to know myself as a
little girl, a girl who feltsilenced, a girl who felt she
had no voice, a girl who didn'tknow that it was okay to stand
up for yourself All these thingsthat I had, you know, learned
as a child and come so far, to aplace of like I'm actually

(54:18):
speaking for a living, I'mactually sharing the
uncomfortable thing, I'mactually doing things on my own
time, in my own terms.
That's amazing, like I can giveno one the glory but God, but
also the fact that it'sempowering for me as a woman to
know like you've overcome,you've come so far from where

(54:39):
you were, you know, years ago,absolutely, and that growth is
like so important.
It's funny, cause after losingmy mom, like I really like
develop my relationship with Godlike stronger than ever, like
clearly, when I was in collegeand all through my life I had a
relationship with him and thatwould always be like my backbone
.
But when I lost my mom it waslike fully surrendered, cause
that was my person and it's likeI can't do this without my mama

(55:03):
, if I can't do it without you,like I have to have you.
There's no way that I can dothis journey and continue this
journey without you, god.
So it's funny, because my momwas heavy on God.
I talk about that a lot in thepodcast but she was heavy on God
to where she's like love is themaster key, it's her biggest
thing and God is a jealous God.
And so after she passed, it wasjust kind of like I think I say

(55:25):
that on episode one, two orthree that I was like okay,
we're not going to use intuition, no more, we're not going to
use gut, no more, it's straightHoly spirit.
God is very clear.
Cause my mom and cousin wouldcall me and say, hey, I heard
some of the YouTube things youwere doing, but I heard you talk
about intuition what are youreferring to?
And I'm like it's God andthey're like so why don't you

(55:45):
say that?
And I was like because I don'twant to step on other people's
beliefs.
And then after she passed, itwas like, okay, okay game over.
Okay, lord, we saying it's God,it's the Holy Spirit, it's very
clear who it is.
And then also you realizeyou're blocking other people's
blessing by using these termswhen it's clearly God that's

(56:05):
holding you up to make yourecognize that, like you could
run the ball you got this like.
I'm never gonna leave you.
Oh, that's good, that's good,that's really good, hazel,
because I think that that's athing of this world right, where
they take principles that wereGod-driven and they try to water

(56:27):
them down to be more digestiblefor more people to want to be a
part of, and it's like yourintuition, that's a word they
created, because God gave usthese bodies for a reason.
He gave us those feelings for areason and within ourselves,
called the these bodies for areason.
He gave us those feelings for areason and within ourselves,
called the Holy Spirit for areason.
But I think that it also comesfrom when you don't have God,

(56:51):
that sometimes that feeling canstill occur, and so a lot of the
phrases I feel like were waysof them trying to describe that
feeling or that thing.
It's like no, it was still God,though.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
It was definitely still God.
It's still your internalcompass, it's still your
internal compass that God gaveyou to discern.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
Yeah, you know that's so important and I think that
that's very true.
People definitely try to waterdown the message.
The message is still the same.
The message has always been thesame same.
The message has always been thesame.
Yeah, absolutely, I love thatso much.
I feel like we talked about somany things and I want to circle
back on, like buildingcommunities, partly because
you've come to my event, so Idefinitely want to shameless
plug that what was?
the experience like for you atthe event that you came to call

(57:32):
for more Wow.
So I think that the eventitself you know, really want to
give you your flowers because itwas a beautiful event and I
think what made it special isthat it wasn't just the typical
tip of the iceberg event wherepeople are just only saying the
good.
I think people were sharing thefullness of their testimonies,

(57:53):
the fullness of their stories ofhow they went from point A to
point B and the process thatthey went through to get there.
And I think that I really loveyour event because I'm a meat
and potatoes type person when itcomes to conversation.
I don't often do just like, ohhey, surface level, I'm not a
surface, I'm really not asurface level person.
So I really loved it becauseeverybody was digging deep.

(58:16):
Everybody was really diggingdeep to get to those gems, to
share with the audience and helpthem like no, we're not going
to just, you know, talk aboutthe good in the process.
We're talking about what I wentthrough and had to overcome to
get there.
Yeah, I love that so much.
It kind of brought me back tosomething you said at the start

(58:36):
of the conversation as itrelates to really like getting
to the bottom of things and alsonot letting people leave events
and feeling like they're aloneand they don't know how they're
going to get there, and that'simportant to me.
That's why I have the podcastas it relates to talking through
the human experience because,to your point, people are
struggling.
People are going through somuch in their minds as it

(58:57):
relates to what they can andcannot do and if they're good
enough or they're not goodenough for a thing.
And I think it's because onsocial media, we're doing so
much x-ing out our process, likewe do an x, when the reality is
we're all going through thehuman experience, and so it's
important that we use our voiceto your point and really share
the journey, and I saw that inyou when you were talking to

(59:19):
your point.
It was very clear, like we'regoing to talk about the things,
so we're going to make some realtransformation.
Let's get to it, okay, let'sget to it Like, if I think that
that's so important, like I havedone, so I'm been doing my
business technically since 2020.
Um, and I think that through amyriad of events that I've

(59:43):
worked in just so manysituations people really do
leave the events discouraged.
People get in my DMs all thetime, or even when I'm in
different environments, andthey're like I want to go to the
event because I think it willhelp me.
I need to get out, I need tomake new connections, I need to.
You know, I was at home and Ireally wanted to go and it
looked like a good time but Iwas scared, like so many

(01:00:05):
different things.
People battle within themselvesto even get to the event.
Then they get to the event andI hate to say it, but the event
is not talking about anything.
The event you had a cute fivelittle meatballs, a cocktail and
some pictures, some Instagrampictures and that person left
unchanged and so I feel like atyour event, that's what I really
liked is you got to.

(01:00:25):
A lot of the people did get tothe meat and potatoes of what
we're here to talk about.
There's no point of you.
You know, everywhere in Atlantatakes a commute.
There's no point of youcommuting to an event looking
all cute and then coming justtaking a few photo ops.
If you came to actually leavewith a message leave empowered

(01:00:46):
you know and actually want tosee positive change in your own
life.
Yeah, I like to say this whereyou come to feel whole, to leave
feeling seen and whole yes, andI think that is so important
because that's what's missing alot and I think I'm heavy on the
like no gatekeeping, no, I'vearrived've arrived, but you
haven't vibe Like we all work inthat journey.
We're all working Like it'salways collaboration over

(01:01:09):
competition.
You know, and I think that thatshows when every event just
like planners I have plannertalk all day and people don't
realize that every planner'screator had a purpose for why
they created it.
Similar to people, god has apurpose for each of us.
Planners do too.
So there's a goal-focusedplanner.

(01:01:29):
There's task-focused workout,health.
They all have an intent.
Mine, for Girlfriends Inc, is agoal-focused planner.
I want people to be intentionalabout reaching their goals and
changing the trajectory of theirlife.
That is the premise behind mybrand.
Got it.
Similar to your event.
You can tell that the premiseof your event was to be
purpose-driven and impactful.

(01:01:51):
Right and now.
There's nothing wrong with goingto an event that the purpose is
fun or whatever, but peoplehave, people have to be
intentional about why they'regoing to these different things
and showing up in those spaces,you know, in the appropriate way
.
Yeah, absolutely, I feel liketo your point, like
intentionality is so important,so important, and for me, I
don't care anything about a cutepicture.
I don't care anything aboutknowing a lot of people.

(01:02:13):
It's quality over quantity.
Any day, I want to make sure Iknow the right people, the
people are in it for the rightreasons, the people that really
care and realize that your storymatters and your story can make
an impact and a difference, andso I'm so heavy on the
conversations that we need tohave.
It can't be surface level.
I don't even know how tostomach surface level.
I can't do it.

(01:02:33):
I always end up, no matterwhere I'm at.
I always end up in the sametype of conversations, and
that's how I should know that.
That's what I'm meant to do.
Yeah, absolutely.
I think we talked about so much, but I definitely want to make
sure that you get time to tellthe listeners where they can
find you online so they couldget more of Jessica.
Yes, you can follow us onGirlfriends Inc with a K for all

(01:02:55):
things planning, strategy andworkshop related.
We're here to empower you andencourage you to be bold about
reaching your dreams.
And you can also follow us onBe Girl Powered, and that's
spelled B-E-G-I-R-L, powered,p-w-r-d.
It's our new nonprofitinitiative where we are
impacting the lives of teens andcollege age girls.

(01:03:16):
We want to provide them thetools and resources to be
strategic about their goals aswell.
Yeah, I love that so much.
Y'all.
Make sure y'all follow Jessicaand Girls Inc and Girlfriends
Inc.

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
I keep saying girls, I think it's just easier to say
no, it's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
Yeah, and I think that for me, even in your new
venture, like that is soimportant.
I have two girls, yes, and somy oldest, like, has always
struggled with believing inherself, and I've been like girl
you are the sauce.
What is wrong with you?
And she makes it so clear to methat people really struggle in
these areas when for me, I'vebeen heavy on.

(01:03:51):
I know who chose me.
I'm God's child.
I got that confidence and I'mnever going to let anyone stop
me from doing whatever it isthat I know I'm capable of doing
.
And so sometimes I see hershrinking and dimming her light
and I'm like, girl, put yourshoulders up, what is wrong with
you?
And that really takes like morecommunity and support.
So I'm so thankful that you'redoing that because it's needed.

(01:04:14):
I'm so excited to get into.
That's my, that's.
I love I have a heart for teensand young adults.
I love I have a heart for teensand young adults.
And that's just because I knowhow it feels to be a girl who I
just didn't believe in myself.
I just I felt lost, like Icouldn't really.
I felt uncomfortable in my ownskin.
I'm like, well, do I dress likethis?
Do I dress like this?
Like I want to be cool, likethat, but I'm not cool Like it.

(01:04:37):
Just, it was a lot.
And I think that sometimes wejust need that other person big
sister type person or people tohelp love on us, because of
course we know, like I knew mymom loved me.
I know your daughter knows thatyou love her, but there's just
something different relationshipthat can happen when you have
like more mentorship fromanother woman or somebody who

(01:04:58):
you can talk to, kind of like atherapist not a therapist, but
kind of it's an unbiased personfor sure that can listen and
give you like hey, girl, you gotthis, like I went through it
too, um, and so I'm verypassionate about that.
So I have a lot of upcomingstuff, so hopefully people can
tap in on B-Girl Power for sure.
Absolutely, and it sounds likeit's a center of my mom's
favorite saying with love is amaster key.

(01:05:18):
Yes, because if that intentionis there and the girls are able
to go in there and feel loved,feel heard, feel seen, like
they're just going to be morepowerful sooner, right, right,
sooner, heavy on sooner.

Speaker 2 (01:05:29):
Heavy on sooner, but still sooner.

Speaker 1 (01:05:31):
Yes, if they didn't have that support, amen.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
Yeah, that's dope.
I love that for you Well thatyou had the conversation with me
about coming, so shout out toyou Absolutely Listen.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
If you're not already following the podcast, make
sure that you scroll up to thetop.
If you're listening from audio,If you're watching us visually,
then make sure that yousubscribe to the YouTube or
wherever you're seeing us on,because we want to make sure
that more people who are goingafter their goals realize that
they can absolutely do it too.
There is nothing differentabout me or Jessica as it
relates to you.
You can do it.
Get out your way and recognizethat everything that you need is

(01:06:11):
already in your tool belt, isin your hand, and whatever you
don't have, he is going to makesure that he brings the people,
the resources and the thingsyour way, as long as you stay
out your way and bet on yourself.
So keep going, keep growing,and I'll catch you on the next
episode, yay.

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