September 18, 2025 • 56 mins
Have you ever worn “armor” to protect yourself from not feeling enough, only to realize it’s holding you back from truly living? In this heartfelt conversation, Hazel Brown sits down with certified life coach Lorraine Lindsey to uncover what it means to surrender, trust yourself, and finally step into your true calling.
Lorraine vulnerably shares her journey from casino executive and EMT to life coach, revealing how external success left her unfulfilled until she embraced the unknown. She reminds us that clarity isn’t about knowing every step — it’s about listening to what resonates right now.
✨ In This Episode:
- Why the “armor” we wear often blocks growth and authenticity
- The difference between imposter syndrome and simply being new
- How to make decisions faster and stop wasting years in hesitation
- Why your values evolve in every season of life
- How surrender creates space for what’s truly meant for you
This episode is for anyone navigating career shifts, life transitions, or the quiet question: “Is this all there is?” Get ready to shed the armor and embrace your next level of growth.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
your suits of armor.
What make you strong are justthat it's like these.
It's this armor that'sprotecting you from the things
that feel like you're not enough, or that you don't belong and
or that you're alone.
And so you create, like for me,those three problems in my life
that everybody has.
By the way, I protected thosethings with independence or, you
(00:25):
know, certain types of careers.
That was going to make me feelsuperior in some way, and, when,
really the truth was, I wasn'tfeeling like I was enough.
But what I do understand,though, is that, like Maya
Angelou says it, that when youteach, you also learn.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Welcome to.
It's the Human ExperiencePodcast Hosted by Hazel Brown, a
healthcare leader, wife, momand career coach.
If you're big on authenticity,personal development,
perseverance and empowered asyou become fearless in pursuit
(01:07):
of the life you desire anddeserve, go ahead and subscribe.
You don't want to miss out onthese transparent stories and
discussions that reveal highs,lows, aha moments and nuggets
that'll help you to grow andglow.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Hey, hey, hey.
You are now tuned in to theit's the Human Experience
podcast.
I'm your host, hazel Brown.
Today, I have Lorraine Lindseywith me.
We are going to be talking allthe things highs, lows, wins,
self-reflection and justrealizing that you are enough,
because we want to make surethat you know that you are
enough.
Lorraine, welcome to thepodcast.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Thank you, Hazel.
So good to see you again, mydear.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Always a pleasure Listen.
From Vegas to Atlanta, let's go.
You know, because of you I keepcoming back.
Yes, I love it, I love it.
So I want to definitely startoff by you just kind of
introducing yourself.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Who is Lorraine?
That's a great question.
It's funny you asked thatquestion because I feel like, as
part of my coaching, is one ofthe first questions I ask people
because we're so tied toidentity construct.
But for the sake of this show,I am a certified life coach.
I've been certified for over 10years now I'm actually probably
(02:21):
11 years.
I have certifications throughTony Robbins organization for
peak performance coaching.
I've done NLP, I've donehypnotic certification coaching,
a lot of different littlemodalities, but yeah, I have
been doing it for 11 years.
I have a background in salesand marketing.
I was a big executive forcasinos.
I had the golden handcuffs.
That was my identity constructfor a long time.
(02:43):
And then I decided a few yearsago to burn the bridges and
really emphasize and focus on mycoaching business.
But yeah, I was also a medic inLas Vegas, so I had a lot of
crazy adventures and stories asan EMT.
You know I've worn a lot ofhats in my life, but this is a
coach hat is my most pridepossession at this moment.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Awesome, I love that.
I love that being fluid on yourjourney and recognizing that
it's one okay to pivot.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Two all those tools really help you to really have a
good reflection andunderstanding of life.
It's funny I was just havingthis conversation with my kids.
My son plays several differentinstruments.
He plays the tuba.
He's trying to play the drumsnow he plays something that
looks like a guitar, but it'shuge.
And then he also plays like asousaphone, and so the oh, he's
got some unique instruments too.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
They're all big because, according to, him.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
He can't lose them, he's smart.
He's not off, right.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Outside of that, I feel like it's so important.
Sometimes we get into a spacelike you're a medic, you're a
coach, you do a podcast.
Sometimes we try to hold ouridentity to one thing and we
don't realize that it's soimportant to build muscle in
multiple areas so that not onlycan you see what you like, but
also you can realize that youcould do anything.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Absolutely.
I feel like you can do anythingthat's in you.
I don't think that somethingwould be planted inside of you
that pulls at you if it wasn'tsomething that wasn't attainable
.
Because, like, for example, Idon't have an engineer's mind,
right I never had this desire,this thing inside of me that
wanted to engineer something.
But there was always this thinginside of me that wanted to
help people in some capacity.
And along that journey of thatknowing it was always kind of
(04:29):
seeking it out, thinking thiswas going to be it and then that
wouldn't work out, and thenpivoting but being true to the
essence.
And so, going back to when yousay, well, who are you, tell me
about you?
That's one of the things Ithink in life that we lose
sometimes is well, who are wetruly, truly at the core of our
being?
What is that seed and how doesthat seed manifest itself?
(04:50):
And it doesn't always have tobe something literal.
And I think when I was youngerI knew I had this desire to want
to help people in some capacity, but I took it literally and
that's why I took the route ofmedicine initially, thinking
that was the way I was supposedto do it, and then it just
wasn't working out for somereason.
I mean, I was really skilledand knowledgeable and I love the
(05:13):
information, I love to learnmedicine, but when it came to me
stepping into that world andgoing to school for it, it was
just like one thing afteranother was making it fall apart
and saying, but why do I stillhave this thing in me?
And it's not working out.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Yeah, how did you learn to let go?
And the reason I ask thisquestion is I had this
conversation recently withsomeone who was on the podcast
but, I feel like when it's hardin flesh but it's easy in spirit
, you know whether it's for youor not.
So, sometimes you can be on ajourney and you're doing the
thing to your point.
I'm a paramedic.
I'm really good at it.
But, it's not working out.
(05:50):
It's not working out from aflesh perspective and in a
spirit perspective.
You know that all those thingsmattered.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
How do you make the decision to let go and move on
Sometimes, at least for me in myexperience it's not a matter of
me letting it go by choice.
Sometimes it will go on its ownand with school, like, for
example, me being an EMT anddoing that route.
(06:17):
I went to school to be a nursepractitioner and while I was in
school there was a lot ofcircumstances that kind of
forced me out of the school andI could have went back.
But at some point I was likewhat is it about my life that
I'm missing?
Because I'm almost positivethat this is what I should be
doing.
I was so laser focused on itbeing that hat.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
And at some point I had to surrender and and kind of
take a pause and say what is itthat?
What is the thing inside of methat's pulling me and what am I
missing, you know, and notgetting this clear answer,
praying about, asking God itwasn't like God was going to
(07:03):
came to me with this voice andsaid this is what it is.
It doesn't reveal itself thatway, but I think when I
surrendered and notintentionally, at some point I
just kind of had to lean intoit's not working out through
this avenue.
And when I kind of leaned intothat and just kind of let it go,
(07:26):
an ironic thing happened wherethere was a woman in my other
work and she had this teacheressence about her.
She was always teaching peoplesomething.
And I said to her we're in thiscorporate job, why are you not
a teacher?
And her answer was well, I wasand I hated it.
(07:46):
And she said to me just becausethere's a gift inside of you,
it doesn't mean you have to dothe job, quite literally.
And in that moment it was clearto me like, oh, she just gave me
the answer, god.
Oh, she just gave me the answer, god.
(08:07):
You know, she was a conduit tothe answer when I surrendered,
and that's when I said, okay,what is the seed here, what is
this thing that is pulling in mylife and how can I channel that
in other ways?
And at the time I didn't knowwhat a life coach was or any of
that stuff.
I had never heard that word.
It wasn't as popular as it istoday, and so I just started
(08:28):
looking up things online likewhat are things that I could do
that would serve this call in mylife?
And that word popped up, and sothat's when I started following
those breadcrumbs, if you will,yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
I love that, like allowing it to lead you to where
you're supposed to be Right,right.
Yeah, I love that, likeallowing it to lead you to where
you're supposed to be, right,right.
Yeah, I wanted to ask thatbecause I feel like it's so hard
sometimes.
I know, like me myself, I havea 20 year career in healthcare
management and, to your point, Ihad to recognize like, actually
you need everything that youdevelop.
I'm taking you to another level,and those skills were necessary
(09:00):
.
And, to your point, sometimeswe're so literal and thinking
that this is what I'm supposedto do, but that awareness and
that know-how for everythingthat's to come is necessary.
Like you need those tools inyour toolkit.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
You have to be sometimes forced out from a
thing and in the moment whenit's happening you don't
understand why it's not clear,especially when you're like I've
done this for so long, I'veworked this hard at this thing,
I've studied, I've got the skillset, I'm finally comfortable
(09:36):
here.
When you're forced out, it'slike it's painful at first.
Do you know what I mean?
It just like why, yeah.
But then when you reflect andyou just trust the process and
it takes time, you know I willnot sugarcoat with people and
(09:57):
act like when you are forced outof a thing that you thought was
supposed to be whether it's arelationship, whether it's a
career pathway the list can go afriendship.
Sometimes you've got to trustwhy it's coming to an end and
trust that that season in yourlife was necessary.
But what you take away from itis invaluable.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, that awareness andclarity that we talk about is
like, oh, like, this is what youwere doing the whole time.
Why didn't you tell me Right?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Yeah, yeah, because it starts to unfold and make
sense.
And I'll tell you what whenyou're forced out of the thing
because sometimes you can't seethe force from the trees right
we have so many blind spots andwe just get into a flow and we
get comfortable.
And I think that when you'refinally in that sweet spot,
there is a lot of movement thatstarts to happen good, bad and
(10:57):
indifferent, you know.
And the thing is that I want tosay and emphasize is that that
thing that's called in your lifewill also be the thorn in your
side.
And just because there's thisbig call, or even a little call,
it doesn't come with a cushion.
It never feels comfortable.
And to me, what I'm learning todo is to lean into that and say,
(11:18):
okay, that means I'm on track,because it's not going away.
Right, it's like thinking aboutplanting a seed and what it
takes for that seed to grow andto manifest itself and to become
a sprout, and then a plant, andthen a tree, and a tree that
may have fruit in an orchard.
There is a lot of work that hasto be done in order for it to
(11:41):
really flourish to what it'ssupposed to be, and I'm learning
to lean into that more, as thiscall in my life just won't stop
, yeah, yeah absolutely, becauseit's like we all want the
orchard, we all want it to bejust all of the fruits that
we've been able to harvest.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
We want to be able to pick them, we want to be able
to make it happen, but we haveto put in the work to be able to
get that.
So I love that awareness interms of being still in every
stage.
I'm always saying the sayingaround we can't pull over in
areas on the spiral upward ordownward that we know we're not
comfortable with staying in.
So, though it feels hard, likein that moment, to say, oh man,
(12:19):
it's harder than I expected forit to be.
What am I supposed to belearning from this?
We have to sit in it and knowthat it's all happening for us.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, and really trusting yourself, and I think
that that was something thattook me a long time to to really
really do, because I was reallygood I say this all the time I
got really good at beingsuccessful in a mediocre way, so
(12:49):
I was able to get the big joband have the sexy career and
portray this very fulfillinglife, but there was always a
void, there was always a senseof emptiness and there was a
burnout.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
There was always a sense of emptiness and there was
a burnout but not knowing howto let it all go and knowing
that I needed to, because Iwasn't trusting myself to say
you got this, you'll be fine anddon't worry about what people
think, absolutely that lettinggo of societal expectation and
just trusting your own path,regardless if it's messy,
regardless if it doesn't looklike we thought it would.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
It's like really letting go of control is what it
seems like and I've experiencedthat as well as like you like
the societal path because it'sfull control.
You know what to do, you knowwhere to turn.
You may get a bump here andthere, but overall it's very
straightforward.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Well, when you're going after your goals and
you're following the calling, itis blurry, but at the same time
it becomes so clear.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
And the impact and fulfillment that you have from
what you do is like untapped,untouched.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You can't even compare it, like for people who
are listening and it's evensomething that I am dealing with
now is clarity is your powernumber one, right?
But clarity doesn't necessarilygive you the steps of what to
do next, and I think that weconfuse that a little bit.
Like I'm clear on this thingthat's inside of me, I'm not
always necessarily clear on howI'm going to get to where it's
(14:31):
supposed to go, because whatI've learned is that what I
think it's going to be sometimesis different than what it
actually is, other than theclarity on knowing that there is
this pull.
And so when I referencedtrusting myself, it's like, okay
, I'm clear on this.
How do I unpack that to get alittle bit more clear?
(14:51):
So I know at least what thefirst step is that I need to
take and when to pivot.
Because one of the things alsothat I learned is that when I
thought I was clear, I was goingin a direction and not pivoting
when I needed to pivot or notletting go when I needed to let
go, because I really trulywasn't as clear as I thought
that I was, and so it wasimportant for me to check back
(15:14):
in sometimes and say, okay, am Isure?
Am I really really clear?
Is this really the way in whichI'm supposed to take this path?
And I'll reference this becausewhen I first started my
coaching, that need and want andthat desire to help and heal
people was really from a woundedspace.
Right, it was really because ofmy desire to help and heal
(15:37):
myself, and so initially I wasclear that that's what I wanted
to do.
The pathway I took was helpingpeople with the same problems
that I had.
What I found later was that ittethered me to those wounds and
I was staying in this likebondage, because I was
connecting myself with peopleand their story and I wasn't
(16:00):
understanding why I was gettingcompassion fatigue, why I was
feeling burnt out with theconversations, why I became
insensitive just in my personallife with people, and I really
had to check in and say what isthis truth about me wanting to
help and heal and what is thattruth as it pertains to me and
why am I carrying it this way?
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
That does make sense.
I think sometimes we're tryingto help different versions of
ourselves.
Right, if that makes sense.
That does make sense.
I think sometimes we're tryingto help different versions of
ourselves.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yes.
And then we recognize that wehave to heal from that first and
almost creating a codependencywith that Right Right, I've
learned that your suits of armorwill make you strong, are just
that.
It's like these.
It's this armor that'sprotecting you from the things
that feel like you're not enoughor that you don't belong and,
um, or that you're alone, and soyou create, like for me, those
(16:50):
three problems in my life thateverybody has.
By the way, I protected thosethings with independence or, uh,
you know, certain types ofcareers that was going to make
me or feel superior in some way,and when, really, the truth was
, I wasn't feeling like I wasenough.
(17:11):
But what I do understand,though, is that, like Maya
Angelou says it, that when youteach, you also learn, but I
think you have to be in a spacewhere, again going back to the
clarity, where you're reallyclear and knowing when it's
served its point and it's timeto pivot.
And so, even with coaching, forme, what I started out coaching
(17:33):
and who I would coach in thebeginning, is not the kind of
clientele that I take on now,and I had to get clarity in that
too.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Yeah, now, and I had to get clarity in that too.
Yeah, because if you're goingto start messy and you're going
to not wait till things areperfect, you're going to have to
iron that out so you're goingto initially take on whoever
that makes sense to you at thetime and you'll start to learn.
Well, actually, when I workwith these people, it feels hard
for me and the results don'thappen in the way that I want
them to happen for them.
So when.
I work with these set of people.
(18:05):
They get it, they're ready toput in the work, and so you
start to understand sometimesthat when you're called to
something, in order for you tohelp the people that are a part
of your assignment.
They need to be ready for whatyou have, and then there's other
people for them.
I think I had to recognize,like you're not letting go this
upset of people, but they're notready for what you're doing,
(18:26):
and so yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
And I've let that go too right, because I used to be
very obsessed with outcome and Iused to get and that was part
of where my compassion fatiguewas coming from Because I could
sit with somebody and we wouldhave these coaching sessions
one-on-one, and it was veryevident what the problems were.
And I know that I can't, as acoach, tell you this is your
(18:48):
problem.
I need to get them to extractthat out of themselves, right?
But what I found was I wasoften just a sounding board.
I was being paid to be asounding board and I would get
frustrated because I reallywanted their outcome.
I really wanted that for themso much.
What I've learned is to letthat go.
(19:10):
I know that I have the toolsthat they need and it's
ultimately up to them whether ornot they're going to utilize
those tools, which is also areason why I've become more
selective on who I'm going tohave one-on-ones with versus
one-to-many.
And and and not obsessing myselfwith outcome, because I can't
(19:32):
control that.
Do you know what I mean?
Another thing that I've learnedand again for listeners out
there is you don't have toperfect your life to do the
thing that you're called to do.
For sure you don't have to havealready been there.
It's not about getting to thedestination, it's just being
responsible to your life, to howyou're called to serve, and
(19:54):
know that it's greater thanyourself.
So, even if it's messy in thebeginning or you don't have it
all figured out for yourselfagain, if you're out there
teaching, if you're out therehelping, it's also going to be
healing, even when you're not,when you don't think you're
ready.
And that's not the wholeimposter syndrome thing that I
used to struggle with and stilldo.
As I pivot, I start to feellike an imposter all over again
(20:17):
and then I'm like I have to justdance with this thing.
You can't get rid of it, I justgot to dance with it.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Yeah, I always look at like the term imposter
syndrome.
That it's not really impostersyndrome.
It's just that you're in anarea you're not comfortable in.
Yet You're not familiar withthat area.
You have all the tools you needfor it, but because it's new to
you, you're like, oh, I don'thave everything that I need, I
don't know all the things.
And then to your point, likewithin that, you just have to
trust that.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
yes, I might not know everything like within this
area that I'm moving into, butI'm equipped because I'm aligned
and I wouldn't be called hereif I wasn't ready to be here,
right, and you know what One ofthe things this is funny,
because for me, with my impostersyndrome, it's always when I
get in the room where I feelsmall.
And so one of the habits that Ihad that I had to break was I
(21:06):
started staying comfortablewhere I would be in circles,
where I was kind of like the topdog in the circle and I didn't
want to be in those spaces to besuperior to everybody or feel
like I was better than I justfelt comfortable and I was very
intimidated by stepping into anew room where people were
(21:28):
brighter, smarter, more educatedor what have you.
I had to again trust myself andallow myself that if I'm going
to grow, I've got to move intospaces that make me
uncomfortable and that made mefeel like an imposter, where now
I'm going to go in a room as acoach, right when there might be
PhDs in this room orpsychologists that are licensed
(21:51):
and blah, blah blah, or that aremaking a ton blah blah or that
are making a ton more money thanI'm making, and who am I to be
able to say to them I'm a coach?
And I even had a problem that Iwould get a complex about, even
when people would say what doyou do?
I didn't even want to tell themwhen I stepped into those new
rooms.
But then what I had to learn todo was just be me, my authentic
(22:12):
self.
And I know that there is a giftthat I have when it comes to
people.
And instead of me walking inthe room with all these identity
constructs and having to saythis and all of the things that
people feel they're obliged tosay when they go into new rooms
and meet new people, I was likejust build rapport, lorraine,
just have conversations, becauseit's going to organically
(22:32):
happen, because that that's.
That's your magnet, howmagnetic you are.
People are going to naturallycome to you because that's your
gift.
And, surprisingly, when I gotinto those rooms and I'm
listening to their achievementsand their goals and all these
great things that they're doingmonetarily wise, the next thing
know, they're talking to meabout problems in their lives
(22:56):
that have nothing to do with themoney they've made, how they're
struggling as high achievers,how they feel like imposters,
and then I realize every newroom that I get into, we're all
still the same.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
All of us are still the same.
Yeah, because we're alllearning something new, right?
Speaker 1 (23:12):
And everybody can get something from you, no matter
who.
You are Right, you know.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Because it's like you're in your own lane Right.
You're here for your own reasonand as you navigate the
different paths, you're going toend up with the same type of
situations that you felt before,and I think that's the hard
part in life too.
As we get older, you think thatat some point it's going to
stop and it's like, oh mygoodness, if you're not learning
and you're not you're thenyou're not growing.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
And so because you're growing and you're constantly a
student, you're constantly inthose waves like, just like our
thumbprint is the only.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
This is the only one.
There will never, ever beanother me.
You can clone my genetics orwhat have you.
But my life experiences, theway I thought, the way I viewed
things, the relationships,everything that is compiled to
make me this person, that willnever be duplicated and that
(24:16):
speaks for everybody in the room.
And so when I think about that,and again to the listeners out
there, when there's something inyou, know that it is in you and
it's so unique and so specialthat there is something that
anybody can gain from you.
And I think sometimes we think,when we are too busy comparing
(24:37):
ourselves to other people, thatwe think we have to do this and
do this and do that.
It's like no, your uniqueness,your life experience.
There is hundreds and thousandsof people that could gain
something from you, even if it'sjust one person's life that
you're impacting.
You have that ability justbecause you're that unique, if
that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
It does.
What would you tell like theyounger version of Lorraine, If
you can talk to your 21 year oldself?
What would you tell her.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Make decisions quicker and stick with them.
Make decisions quicker andstick with them.
So trust your gut.
Gut, I would say.
I don't know like, how do Ifeel about that?
Because as a 21-year-old Icould say this was my gut.
Well, maybe.
Yes, I just think that in lifeI stalled too much making
(25:29):
decisions I knew I needed tomake Because I was afraid of the
unknown.
But the decision was clear Gotit Right, Got it.
And I could have saved myself alot of heartache had I just
trusted myself and made thedecision, knowing whatever's on
(25:50):
the other side of this, I'll bejust fine.
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Yeah, that sounds good.
Because I think that to yourpoint of you saying trust myself
and I say trust my gut, andthen some people say trust the
Holy Spirit, it's whatever youcall it Right At the end of the
day it's truly trusting yourself.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
And clarity.
Again, I'm going to go back tothis clarity.
God is not a God of confusion.
I remember my mom used toalways say that.
So when there's an indecisionin your mind that will leave you
distraught and despondent, whenwe need to make a decision and
we're going back and forth, wealready know the decision that
(26:29):
needs to be made.
We know we just get afraid ofmaking the decision, but we know
what the decision is and whowas.
I think it's Maya and Golden, orsomebody said there's a
difference between choosingsomething and deciding something
.
The choosing is like this backand forth.
I could always go back if Ichoose, but when you decide, you
(26:52):
cut off and it's powerful.
I can tell you that when I havefinally decided something, it
is like the load of weight istaken off of me.
Now, does it mean the roadahead doesn't come with
trepidation and I don't havethings that are happening and I
don't think, oh my God, did Imake the right decision?
(27:14):
Yeah, those things come up, butthe decision is the decision
and I'm not going back.
I think another thing, too, isthat we really need to check in
with who we are and our corevalues as it stands today, and
that changes over time and Ithink we forget to check back in
and say what are my core values, what are the five most
(27:34):
important things to me in mylife right now and what are they
in order of priority and whatare the principles that tie to
that.
And they have to benon-negotiable.
And you know, like my21-year-old self was a young mom
, my son's an adult now.
If I'm not checking in withwhat that priority is in my life
(27:55):
, my son doesn't come number onefor me anymore.
He's number one in my heartalways, but he's not my priority
because he's a grown man.
Do you know what I mean?
And if I'm not careful, I couldstill be making that a priority
and not letting my son be a manand still feel like I need to
pour into him and do things fromhim and not cutting off the
cord and not doing what the nextsteps of my life are as an
(28:17):
example and I see that a lot-yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
I think some takeaways for me in hearing what
you're saying is not only doyou trust yourself faster, but
also make sure that in everyseason, as you stand up a thing
and you do a thing and you do athing and you accomplish a thing
and you stretch yourself intothe next level, make sure you
take some time to look back.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Right.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
To see who you are, what you've learned what you
want to take with you and makesure that you're not carrying
parts of you that are unhealedwithin that last season, so that
you can actually be able tohave the tools that you need in
your next season.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Right, right I Right.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I love that.
What would you say are some ofyour superpowers in this season
of your life?
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Hmm, that's a great question.
I would say that my superpowernow is that I'm I don't feel
like I need to apologize as muchas I used to.
I feel like no is no.
I feel like when thatsituation's done, it's done.
(29:22):
I don't need to carry as muchguilt or worry too much about
what people think, and I thinkthat that has become a
superpower for me, because Iused to worry about it but
pretend like I didn't.
I think another superpower thatI have is that I'm very much
(29:42):
okay with being alone.
I don't feel lonely, but Ithink solitude is important at
times in your life and to beable to sit with self as a
superpower, because you gainyour clarity there and that's in
that silence you get that stillsmall voice to say um, you're
okay, it's going to be fine.
I know you're scared, I knowyou're overwhelmed, but we're
(30:05):
good.
Um, and another superpower thatI have is just living my best
life as it stands today.
So if I want to pack my bagsand go on a trip, I'm going to
do it and I don't care whatpeople think about it.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I think the apology thingis my superpower, most
(30:27):
important.
I love that.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
And it goes right back into trusting yourself.
So, the 21 year old, you wouldbe proud that you are trusting
yourself, where some people livetheir whole lives and it's
still following societal goals,still not trusting who they were
here to be, looking at socialmedia as a guy, and so
definitely be proud of yourselftoday, that Lorraine today is
(30:50):
trusting herself and living herlife and just being kinder.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I'm not always proud of myself, you know.
There are times when I'mquestioning everything I'm doing
, Like there are times when Ijust want to just crawl up in a
ball and just stay there, youknow.
But I'm allowing that to beokay.
I used to be on this grind andthis hustle like my whole life
(31:15):
I've been grinding and now it'slike stop, You're tired, it's
okay.
What are you trying to provehere?
You got one life to live.
I don't overly emphasize theneed to be happy either.
Does that mean I sit in sadness?
No, but I just look for thepeace more.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
Got it, got it.
You know, it sounds like growth.
Yeah, it takes a long time toget here.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
How do I define growth?
Um, for me personally, I feelgrowth for me is constantly
learning, staying curious aboutlife.
I feel like growth is for meadventure, like what book can I
read, what podcast can I listento that's going to fill me up
(32:06):
and fill my cup, what are thethings in my life?
And that if I were on mydeathbed would I say I regret
that I didn't do it.
Go do those things.
And I think that growth is justwhen you stop obsessing and
just it's all of what you saidand then, coupled with looking
(32:27):
at how I handle things now,compared to how I handled it
before.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
I think so many times we don't recognize that us five
years ago would have looked ata situation completely different
.
Oh heck, yeah, yeah.
And then we don't recognizethat man, we've grown on our
personal development journeythrough our emotional
intelligence.
Man, we've grown on ourpersonal development journey
through our emotionalintelligence and as a result of
(33:01):
that growth, then we see it inother ways in terms of our
careers and our finances and ourspiritual wellbeing and our
emotional wellness.
And so I look at that and I'mlike, oh wow, you've really
grown.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I can tell you, as you're saying, that one thing
that really sticks out is I'mdoing a better job of letting
people be.
You know, like, what are myboundaries in my life, what are
healthy boundaries and who arethe people in my life?
I'm the gatekeeper to my life,um, and letting people be.
I've had friendships where wehad falling outs, where they
(33:32):
were 20 year old friendships orwhat have you, and I would be so
critical of their personal life, for example, and the decisions
they were making, and it wouldcause a riff.
Now I'm like, do you?
And I'm here and I'm doing abetter job at being a sounding
board, because before I had anopinion, I had something to say,
(33:54):
because it was a helplessfeeling to watch people
unnecessarily suffer and Ialways wanted to be their
problem solver, and I thinkgrowth is letting that go.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
That's definitely somethingthat I've had to work on in
terms of like wanting to be thatsuperhero.
It's like no, not my friend,you can't go through this and
then just realizing like Hazel,just stay in your lane.
If they want to come talk toyou, let them talk to you, but
it's not up to you to it's likewe can't intercede.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Someone else's path, because we're not God.
Right so like learning, thatpeople have to learn from their
lessons while at the same time,if they come to you for advice.
So I always ask people do youwant my opinion on this?
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Or do you just want to vent?
Which one are we doing here?
That's literally what I've hadto start saying.
It's like am I listening?
You want me to say something,because I'm a tough love friend,
right, I'm not going tosugarcoat anything.
But what I've also learned isthat is it protection that I'm
doing, or is it projection?
Yeah, for sure, and sometimeswhen I'm wanting to save
somebody, it's really becauseI'm trying to save myself, and
(34:58):
that is the truth of any timeI've been overly critical of
somebody else.
Because I'll tell you what,when there's one thing to have
knowledge and an opinion aboutsomething.
But experience will wise you upreal fast.
You'll get wisdom withexperience and when you are wise
you don't speak as much, youdon't need to have as much as an
(35:18):
opinion about what someone'sdoing, because you realize I
don't know what I would do if Iwas in that situation.
I don't need to be so criticalhere.
When you zoom out and you'relooking at it, it's easy to say
do this, do this and that.
You zoom out and you're lookingat it, it's easy to say do this
, do this and that.
But when your heart is involved, when you have life experiences
that taught you to toleratethings that maybe I wasn't
(35:40):
taught to tolerate, you learngrace and mercy.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
I love that One of my sisters always tell me, like
you don't ever give people youropinions, and I'm like because I
don't know what I would do.
If they ask me my opinion and itfeels strong in my spirit, I'll
give it to you.
But I don't just readily giveadvice on things, because you
never know and many times youhave a situation that you need
to handle and you don't knowwhat to do, but, to your point
(36:08):
of projection, you're so quickto save someone else when you
recognize that no, that's notyour place and it's not your
place to, to your point, judge.
Give them grace.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Yeah, help how you can.
You know, I just I'm justhonest with them as far as this
is my truth.
This is how I see it, but andthen I just ask them questions
(36:41):
because they know the truthwithin themselves, exactly.
They've got the answers,they're just afraid of them
sometimes and again it goescircling back to trusting
yourself.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm so big on like pushing theoutside noise out to your point
of stillness, because so manytimes people go to other people,
whether it be a family member,a friend, a coach whoever it is
Right.
And we get all this differentinput and now it has, you like,
fatigued.
Totally confused sometimes whenall the time the internal guide
(37:13):
was within you Right, it's justtrusting yourself, using people
you trust, as well as soundingboards and getting their thought
process.
But at the end of the day,going back into stillness and
reflection and saying, man, whatdo I know I should have done?
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Correct and do it, and that goes to a person who is
self-aware and they're willingto be accountable.
Because one of the things thatI have noticed I've observed
I've done it myself is when wechoose who we go and tell the
story to, we have intention asto who we're picking.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yes, right, because we want the outcome to be a
certain way.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
We want to hear what we want to hear.
And the thing is, if you wantchange in your life, if you
truly genuinely want to changethat relationship, that job,
this, you're going to have tohear the truth and be honest
with yourself, on your in yourparticipation in your life.
And when you're picking peoplethat will coddle you and say
(38:10):
what you want to hear, you ain'tgrowing.
You will stay exactly where youare, and we have to be mindful
of that, because I have donethat or I'm going to the people
that are going to side with me.
They're going to take my sidein the situation and now I'm
learning.
No, I want the person that'sgoing to be brutally honest Tell
me Lorraine, you're acting up,you're out of line.
I want people to be truthtellers to me as they see it, so
(38:35):
that way I can properlyevaluate my life and be
accountable to my life, becauseI am participating in whatever's
happening you know what I meanand learning to get really real
and raw with that, without beingover accountable either,
because sometimes, on theopposite side of that, when we
need to make this, we'll go tothe person that we'll go to the
(38:56):
kind of people that willreinforce the guilt or the shame
that we carry, and so it'sreally saying, at this point in
my life, what emotional homeresides in, what is the
emotional home that I always goto and what is the sources that
I'm looking for to confirm thatevery single time.
And if we don't know what thatis, sometimes it becomes a blind
(39:21):
spot and we don't understandwhy our lives are still showing
up the way that it is and we'repicking and choosing ways to
reinforce our secret beliefsystem, and really understanding
that is very, very important,and sometimes we don't have the
tools and we need to get thetools from somebody, as like a
coach or something.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
Absolutely.
I'm big on get you a therapist,get you a coach.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Get you someone's going to show you your blind
spots Right Someone who's not ayes person, like all those
things are important, all right,awesome.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
So one thing I want to piggyback on in terms of
something that you said and Isay piggyback, but we're just
kind of circling back to it isknowing the distinction between
who to go to right.
You talked about people who aregoing to be your yes person
that's going to safeguard you inthat situation, but there's
also people who cannot relate tothe journey that you're on.
(40:06):
And so it's important to discernwhen you actually go to a
certain set of people, because Ithink that everyone thinks
they're a truth teller, but theymay not be a truth teller for
what you need in your journey.
So how do you distinguish whoto go to in situations like that
?
Speaker 1 (40:23):
I think it starts with setting intention for
yourself and being veryselective.
And being very selective, Ithink like, for example, let's
say I have a circumstance in mylife, right, let's say it's a
(40:46):
relationship that's unhealthy,or I'm just not happy in the
relationship anymore and I'vebeen feeling that way for a
while, but it's tethered to alot of things and I'm like I
just am not clear enough to knowif I should leave this
situation.
I have to first check in withmyself and say what's really
(41:10):
happening inside that I'mfeeling this way.
Is it the person?
Have I outgrown them?
Is it the person?
Have I outgrown them?
Is it the circumstances?
Is it my expectation?
What is my participation?
Is it something that can reallywhatever?
And I got to start with me andbeing very honest with myself as
(41:32):
best as I can be first, do youknow what I mean?
And then just saying, well,what decisions do I have here
and what are the things that I'mwilling to do to see if this is
really how I feel before I goto anybody in my circle.
Then the next thing is sayingto myself okay, who is a
(42:02):
confidant?
Not a friend, not an associate,not someone who's going through
the same problems, like if Ihave a plumbing issue I don't
need to call the electrician forsure okay, and so that's how we
have to really handle thefriendships here.
I can't, if I'm havingrelationship problems, I can't
go to the friend that's alwaysin drama in her relationships,
because what is that advicegoing to be?
I might have a parent like mymom, let's say, as an example,
(42:24):
and she's never been able tohold down a relationship and I'm
using this as an example.
My mother will have goodintentions in her heart to want
me to have the most happiestoutcome, but her reference point
might be a little off Right,and so I'm saying who is a
confidant?
Though?
That isn't going to tell mewhat to do, but they're going to
(42:46):
ask me the kind of questionsthat will tap into what I
already know I need to do, buthelp it get a little bit clearer
.
For me, that's perfect, andthen sometimes you just got to
go all the way out and findwhether it's a pastor or a
therapist or a counselor, butpeople who are unbiased, who can
really help you sift throughyour stuff yourself.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
Someone that's going to help you hold yourself
accountable.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Especially when they're big decisions that we
need to make in our lives.
I think that to your point.
When we're sharing that withtoo many people, it just mucks
it up.
It makes it that much moreconfusing.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
Yeah, it does, especially when we we need to be
clear.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
Right.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
When we're called to something.
I think for me on the journeythat we are all on this personal
development journey.
It's so important that werealize to your point of like
boundaries and recognizing whenit's time to pivot and move on,
when we're moving on because wedon't like it there, as opposed
to we're moving on because we'renot supposed to be there.
(43:51):
And I think that's somethingthat I had to recognize within
myself that in many instancesI'm like cutoff queen and I'm
ready to say forget this no, notworking.
And then you recognize that no,I need to learn from this
because, regardless of, thedecision is still, I'm done with
this friendship, I'm done withthis career, I'm done with this
(44:11):
business, this relationship.
Whatever the case may be, ifyou don't learn what you're
supposed to learn and truly healand learn how to communicate
Right I think that's a lot ofpeople's like biggest downfall
is simply learning how tocommunicate and have hard
conversations, because we're allhuman, we all have these
feelings and things that aregoing on within us and I think
(44:32):
that, even in terms of likediscerning who to go to for what
, people get caught up in likefeelings of oh well, how come
you didn't tell me?
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Or how come this?
Speaker 3 (44:43):
And we have to make sure that we're intentionally
making sure that, hey, it's likenot personal, or I'm going
through X, y, z and I just wantto be still in this moment.
And I think that thatcommunication, in terms of
making sure that the people thatyou love understand where you
are on the journey, while alsomaking sure that you create
boundaries for yourself so thatyou are doing what you know
you're called to do.
(45:03):
That is something that wereally need to talk more about.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
And I also think too, if I can just add to that is
listen, we're all innatelyself-serving, listen, we're all
innately self-serving.
So usually when things aren'tgoing right in our lives,
there's a selfish motive behindthat right, especially when it
(45:28):
pertains to other people in ourlives that we're maybe feeling
like we need a boundary from, orsomebody we're kind of outgrown
or whatever.
Again, this is going back andtapping in and saying what point
have I stopped accepting thisperson for who they are?
Right, because that's usuallywhen we're ready to kind of
bounce from a situation we're nolonger accepting of who they
are.
If I were to tone it down alittle bit and say if I met this
(45:49):
person where they're at, if Ijust held space with them and
who they are, without anyexpectation of who they could be
for me, but just to hold spacewith who they are and have this
unconditional love for them,could they be in my life, but in
a different part of thebullseye.
And a friend of mine told methis once when I was kind of
(46:12):
struggling with differentseasons of my life, because
certain people serve you in aseason that when that season's
over, it doesn't serve anylonger.
And it's actually it goes bothways.
It isn't to me one-sided, butit's like one of the things he
said to me is you know, there'sthe bullseye on a dart.
On a bullseye You've got thecenter and it's very small
(46:36):
comparison to all the other ones.
Right, and it goes in,sometimes people right in the
center with you and sometimesyou got to move the dart to a
different spot.
It doesn't mean they have to beout of your life, but they
might not be able to be in holdspace in your life in a way
that's going to help both of yougrow.
Hold space in your life in away that's going to help both of
you grow.
(46:57):
Right, it isn't like I'm notgrowing because this person is
like we're not growing becausewe're in this space together.
What's a friendship relationship?
Or I'm not growing in this workor this career and just again
tapping and saying what is thewhy here?
What is the fear?
Am I feeling like these peopledon't need to be in my life?
Or this doesn't mean lifebecause I'm afraid, or is this
an act of self-love?
And I think when we're moreclear on that, then we can make
(47:21):
decisions, because sometimes,when our lives are kind of in
disarray.
We want to remove everythinginstead of cleaning up our own
stuff.
Yeah for sure, thinking that'sgoing to solve the problem we
get very external about.
And I think if we first tapinto self and say, okay, let me
be honest with self, let me seehow I'm participating, and if I
were to clean this up, would Iactually still have the same
(47:44):
perception or the same idea thatthis needs to go?
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Yeah, I love that we talked in a previous episode in
how people don't hold in being agood steward of what God has
given them and they want neweverything.
New friend, new this, new that,but have you cleaned up the
weeds in the areas of the thingsthat you've already been
blessed with?
So I love that.
I also want to kind of makesure that I shameless plug
(48:09):
workplace therapy.
So you've been a part of allthe workplace therapy events
over in Vegas and even inAtlanta.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
So I would love for you to share with the people
like what the experience is likewhen you come to a workplace
therapy event.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
First of all, you are the essence of all of it right,
because you genuinely just pourin so much of you into it.
You're so obedient to your calland that is evident in every
one of your events that you dothe people that are there, the
way you select the kind ofpeople, the thought-provoking
(48:45):
conversations that come out ofthat, the friendships that
evolve from it.
And it's a good time.
We're not just sitting andhearing these conversations.
We're laughing, we're dancing,we're singing songs.
Um, and it's always evolving.
I feel like it's always a newexperience.
I never go to one and say, oh,I know what to expect.
(49:06):
It's always somethinginnovative and everything that
you do and, um, and I admirethat about you you know, and you
pour into your panel, you pourinto your guests.
That you do and and I admirethat about you you know and you
pour into your panel, you pourinto your guests that come in.
You're just a beacon of light,really, for a lot of people, and
I think that anyone who hasn'texperienced one of your events
definitely needs to check it out.
Speaker 3 (49:29):
Yeah, thank you so much, but I mean, that, listen,
I'm not a BS-er.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
I mean that from the bottom.
I mean I flew all the way toAtlanta for your last event
because of that, because of whoyou are, and I wouldn't do that
just because you know what Imean.
Speaker 3 (49:44):
and I try to change things out, but every time it's
on my spirit that I need you tobe a part of it.
And that's why I'm alwaysbringing you back like in
different capacities because youhave so many gifts.
So it's like, okay, lorrainecan host this time, let her
moderate this time, and you doeverything so well.
(50:05):
So it's like you're that person.
I remember at one of my eventssomeone didn't show up and I was
in the moment.
Like it happened so fast.
I was in the moment.
I'm like, oh, they're not hereand I'm like Lorraine, and I was
like what, what do you need?
I'm like who can I trust to justcall up here and on her feet?
I know she's going to show upand do it well, but that's
because it's you Do youunderstand?
Speaker 1 (50:26):
And so, whether you know that you're doing it
directly or indirectly, that youhold space and invite people
like that into your life, and itjust makes it.
It's very easy to just dosomething for you.
It really truly is, because Ifeel it's reciprocated when you
had the the news to come on thenews with me, come and be on the
(50:46):
news, and I'm like you want meto, yeah, girl, you're, you're
just, but you're just a givegive kind of person, and but
you're just a give give kind ofperson, and so it just makes it
easy.
Yeah, it's always a pleasure,you know, and I enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Yeah, so this one's in October.
It's on October 11th.
October 10th is World MentalHealth Day.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
Okay, so intentionally Are you going to
do it in Vegas or Atlanta?
Okay, you're coming back toVegas.
I love it.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
I love it, and so I'll actually have Lisa Marie
Lovett.
She's from Season Dialogue,have you seen?
Speaker 1 (51:18):
that?
Yeah, that sounds familiar.
Speaker 3 (51:19):
I'll have to show it to you afterwards You'll be like
, yeah, I know exactly so big onwellness.
We'll have like workshops likethe one last March.
I want people to leave alwayswith something, and this time my
thought process in my mind istransformation.
We're closing out the year withtransformation.
I love that, and so I alwayswant to evolve and outdo myself
and stretch and I always want tomake sure that I understand
(51:41):
that we're all in a season ofgrowth and in order for us to
grow.
It can't be the same becausewe're all growing together and
we all have new needs and I haveto make sure that I am
addressing what those new needsare.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
I love it.
I mean, you're on top of it forsure.
I feel like you really tappedin and you're really listening.
It's always thought provokingand I definitely can say for me
personally, even even thoughI've been a speaker or whatever,
I walk away with so manynuggets.
I walk away feeling very fulland very motivated and very
inspired.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
So yeah, I love that, and I hear that from the
attendees, from the speakers,the panelists, everybody.
They always say the same thingLike even though I'm this, I got
so much from this, so I lovethat.
Speaker 1 (52:23):
And you're consistent .
One thing I can say about you,especially in this space that
we're in, where we do thesenetworking things and we do
these women events and thingslike that, is, you are so
obedient to your callconsistently, though.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
Fully in my obedience .
Speaker 1 (52:39):
Yeah, and I want to be like it's contagious.
I love it yeah.
Speaker 3 (52:45):
Yeah, I love like now , like on social media,
especially because I'm out hereand I see all the people like
doing the things and they'vebeen at the events.
I'm like look at everybodytaking up space, I'm so here for
it and seeing you guys cometogether to do things it's like
so beautiful.
And I think what, when we thinkabout people who are listening,
is realizing that beingobedient, fully surrendering and
(53:07):
letting go of control is soimportant because the people
that need you to show up.
They then recognize the thingsthey can do.
Speaker 1 (53:14):
Awesome, I'm actually writing a book.
My book will be out inSeptember.
Ooh, it's a little explicit thetitle, but it is fitting.
Ira, my friend Ira here, is instudio.
You guys can't see him, but Itold him and he's like yes, I
love it.
Yes, absolutely.
You know he's my sounding board, so he's here supporting me
today too.
So, but yeah, it's um who that?
Yes, but um, it's who the f amI, and it's an unfiltered
(53:40):
journey of truth and the.
The premise of the book is likewaking up one day and saying
who the f am I and how did I gethere?
And being really honest withthat conversation, you know so.
Speaker 3 (53:57):
I love that the first personal development book I
read was how to Stop FeelingLike so that just is so in line.
I remember I read that book andI would take walks in the
morning listening to that book.
So whatever we got to do tomake sure people recognize yeah,
yeah.
Get out your way.
You're the only person stoppingyou from becoming a hundred
percent.
Where can the listeners find?
Speaker 1 (54:17):
you online, uh, everywhere.
All my handles are the LorraineLindsay used to be coach
Lorraine Lindsay, but I tookthat off because I said I don't
want to just be the coachanymore.
Yeah, I finally took thatidentity construct away.
It was very hard decision, butyou can find me at
TheLorraineLindsay on everyhandle YouTube, tiktok,
(54:40):
instagram, and then my websiteis CoachLorraineLindsaycom.
Speaker 3 (54:44):
Listen, you guys go, make sure you follow Lorraine.
Go to her website, check herout Like she is authentic, she
is the truth, and like you'rejust starting to see the
beginning.
Like if you thought she wasalready here.
You just are not prepared forwhere she's going.
Well, I appreciate you for that.
Ride the wave and go with her,grow with her and make sure that
we're all betting on ourselves.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
Yes, amen.
Speaker 3 (55:05):
Awesome, well, thank you so?
Much.
You're welcome.
Thanks so much for tuning intothe it's the Human Experience
podcast.
If you're not already followingthe podcast, make sure you go
ahead and scroll up to the topand hit follow.
If you're listening fromYouTube and watching all of the
things, make sure you realizethat, just like us, you can take
up space.
You can bet on yourself.
Speaker 2 (55:29):
You can make it happen and know that we're
rooting for you too, yay,beautiful.
your suits of armor.
What make you strong are justthat it's like these.
It's this armor that'sprotecting you from the things
that feel like you're not enough, or that you don't belong and
or that you're alone.
And so you create, like for me,those three problems in my life
that everybody has.
By the way, I protected thosethings with independence or, you
(00:25):
know, certain types of careers.
That was going to make me feelsuperior in some way, and, when,
really the truth was, I wasn'tfeeling like I was enough.
But what I do understand,though, is that, like Maya
Angelou says it, that when youteach, you also learn.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Welcome to.
It's the Human ExperiencePodcast Hosted by Hazel Brown, a
healthcare leader, wife, momand career coach.
If you're big on authenticity,personal development,
perseverance and empowered asyou become fearless in pursuit
(01:07):
of the life you desire anddeserve, go ahead and subscribe.
You don't want to miss out onthese transparent stories and
discussions that reveal highs,lows, aha moments and nuggets
that'll help you to grow andglow.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Hey, hey, hey.
You are now tuned in to theit's the Human Experience
podcast.
I'm your host, hazel Brown.
Today, I have Lorraine Lindseywith me.
We are going to be talking allthe things highs, lows, wins,
self-reflection and justrealizing that you are enough,
because we want to make surethat you know that you are
enough.
Lorraine, welcome to thepodcast.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Thank you, Hazel.
So good to see you again, mydear.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Always a pleasure Listen.
From Vegas to Atlanta, let's go.
You know, because of you I keepcoming back.
Yes, I love it, I love it.
So I want to definitely startoff by you just kind of
introducing yourself.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Who is Lorraine?
That's a great question.
It's funny you asked thatquestion because I feel like, as
part of my coaching, is one ofthe first questions I ask people
because we're so tied toidentity construct.
But for the sake of this show,I am a certified life coach.
I've been certified for over 10years now I'm actually probably
(02:21):
11 years.
I have certifications throughTony Robbins organization for
peak performance coaching.
I've done NLP, I've donehypnotic certification coaching,
a lot of different littlemodalities, but yeah, I have
been doing it for 11 years.
I have a background in salesand marketing.
I was a big executive forcasinos.
I had the golden handcuffs.
That was my identity constructfor a long time.
(02:43):
And then I decided a few yearsago to burn the bridges and
really emphasize and focus on mycoaching business.
But yeah, I was also a medic inLas Vegas, so I had a lot of
crazy adventures and stories asan EMT.
You know I've worn a lot ofhats in my life, but this is a
coach hat is my most pridepossession at this moment.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Awesome, I love that.
I love that being fluid on yourjourney and recognizing that
it's one okay to pivot.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Two all those tools really help you to really have a
good reflection andunderstanding of life.
It's funny I was just havingthis conversation with my kids.
My son plays several differentinstruments.
He plays the tuba.
He's trying to play the drumsnow he plays something that
looks like a guitar, but it'shuge.
And then he also plays like asousaphone, and so the oh, he's
got some unique instruments too.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
They're all big because, according to, him.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
He can't lose them, he's smart.
He's not off, right.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Outside of that, I feel like it's so important.
Sometimes we get into a spacelike you're a medic, you're a
coach, you do a podcast.
Sometimes we try to hold ouridentity to one thing and we
don't realize that it's soimportant to build muscle in
multiple areas so that not onlycan you see what you like, but
also you can realize that youcould do anything.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Absolutely.
I feel like you can do anythingthat's in you.
I don't think that somethingwould be planted inside of you
that pulls at you if it wasn'tsomething that wasn't attainable
.
Because, like, for example, Idon't have an engineer's mind,
right I never had this desire,this thing inside of me that
wanted to engineer something.
But there was always this thinginside of me that wanted to
help people in some capacity.
And along that journey of thatknowing it was always kind of
(04:29):
seeking it out, thinking thiswas going to be it and then that
wouldn't work out, and thenpivoting but being true to the
essence.
And so, going back to when yousay, well, who are you, tell me
about you?
That's one of the things Ithink in life that we lose
sometimes is well, who are wetruly, truly at the core of our
being?
What is that seed and how doesthat seed manifest itself?
(04:50):
And it doesn't always have tobe something literal.
And I think when I was youngerI knew I had this desire to want
to help people in some capacity, but I took it literally and
that's why I took the route ofmedicine initially, thinking
that was the way I was supposedto do it, and then it just
wasn't working out for somereason.
I mean, I was really skilledand knowledgeable and I love the
(05:13):
information, I love to learnmedicine, but when it came to me
stepping into that world andgoing to school for it, it was
just like one thing afteranother was making it fall apart
and saying, but why do I stillhave this thing in me?
And it's not working out.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Yeah, how did you learn to let go?
And the reason I ask thisquestion is I had this
conversation recently withsomeone who was on the podcast
but, I feel like when it's hardin flesh but it's easy in spirit
, you know whether it's for youor not.
So, sometimes you can be on ajourney and you're doing the
thing to your point.
I'm a paramedic.
I'm really good at it.
But, it's not working out.
(05:50):
It's not working out from aflesh perspective and in a
spirit perspective.
You know that all those thingsmattered.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
How do you make the decision to let go and move on
Sometimes, at least for me in myexperience it's not a matter of
me letting it go by choice.
Sometimes it will go on its ownand with school, like, for
example, me being an EMT anddoing that route.
(06:17):
I went to school to be a nursepractitioner and while I was in
school there was a lot ofcircumstances that kind of
forced me out of the school andI could have went back.
But at some point I was likewhat is it about my life that
I'm missing?
Because I'm almost positivethat this is what I should be
doing.
I was so laser focused on itbeing that hat.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
And at some point I had to surrender and and kind of
take a pause and say what is itthat?
What is the thing inside of methat's pulling me and what am I
missing, you know, and notgetting this clear answer,
praying about, asking God itwasn't like God was going to
(07:03):
came to me with this voice andsaid this is what it is.
It doesn't reveal itself thatway, but I think when I
surrendered and notintentionally, at some point I
just kind of had to lean intoit's not working out through
this avenue.
And when I kind of leaned intothat and just kind of let it go,
(07:26):
an ironic thing happened wherethere was a woman in my other
work and she had this teacheressence about her.
She was always teaching peoplesomething.
And I said to her we're in thiscorporate job, why are you not
a teacher?
And her answer was well, I wasand I hated it.
(07:46):
And she said to me just becausethere's a gift inside of you,
it doesn't mean you have to dothe job, quite literally.
And in that moment it was clearto me like, oh, she just gave me
the answer, god.
Oh, she just gave me the answer, god.
(08:07):
You know, she was a conduit tothe answer when I surrendered,
and that's when I said, okay,what is the seed here, what is
this thing that is pulling in mylife and how can I channel that
in other ways?
And at the time I didn't knowwhat a life coach was or any of
that stuff.
I had never heard that word.
It wasn't as popular as it istoday, and so I just started
(08:28):
looking up things online likewhat are things that I could do
that would serve this call in mylife?
And that word popped up, and sothat's when I started following
those breadcrumbs, if you will,yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
I love that, like allowing it to lead you to where
you're supposed to be Right,right.
Yeah, I love that, likeallowing it to lead you to where
you're supposed to be, right,right.
Yeah, I wanted to ask thatbecause I feel like it's so hard
sometimes.
I know, like me myself, I havea 20 year career in healthcare
management and, to your point, Ihad to recognize like, actually
you need everything that youdevelop.
I'm taking you to another level,and those skills were necessary
(09:00):
.
And, to your point, sometimeswe're so literal and thinking
that this is what I'm supposedto do, but that awareness and
that know-how for everythingthat's to come is necessary.
Like you need those tools inyour toolkit.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
You have to be sometimes forced out from a
thing and in the moment whenit's happening you don't
understand why it's not clear,especially when you're like I've
done this for so long, I'veworked this hard at this thing,
I've studied, I've got the skillset, I'm finally comfortable
(09:36):
here.
When you're forced out, it'slike it's painful at first.
Do you know what I mean?
It just like why, yeah.
But then when you reflect andyou just trust the process and
it takes time, you know I willnot sugarcoat with people and
(09:57):
act like when you are forced outof a thing that you thought was
supposed to be whether it's arelationship, whether it's a
career pathway the list can go afriendship.
Sometimes you've got to trustwhy it's coming to an end and
trust that that season in yourlife was necessary.
But what you take away from itis invaluable.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, that awareness andclarity that we talk about is
like, oh, like, this is what youwere doing the whole time.
Why didn't you tell me Right?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Yeah, yeah, because it starts to unfold and make
sense.
And I'll tell you what whenyou're forced out of the thing
because sometimes you can't seethe force from the trees right
we have so many blind spots andwe just get into a flow and we
get comfortable.
And I think that when you'refinally in that sweet spot,
there is a lot of movement thatstarts to happen good, bad and
(10:57):
indifferent, you know.
And the thing is that I want tosay and emphasize is that that
thing that's called in your lifewill also be the thorn in your
side.
And just because there's thisbig call, or even a little call,
it doesn't come with a cushion.
It never feels comfortable.
And to me, what I'm learning todo is to lean into that and say,
(11:18):
okay, that means I'm on track,because it's not going away.
Right, it's like thinking aboutplanting a seed and what it
takes for that seed to grow andto manifest itself and to become
a sprout, and then a plant, andthen a tree, and a tree that
may have fruit in an orchard.
There is a lot of work that hasto be done in order for it to
(11:41):
really flourish to what it'ssupposed to be, and I'm learning
to lean into that more, as thiscall in my life just won't stop
, yeah, yeah absolutely, becauseit's like we all want the
orchard, we all want it to bejust all of the fruits that
we've been able to harvest.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
We want to be able to pick them, we want to be able
to make it happen, but we haveto put in the work to be able to
get that.
So I love that awareness interms of being still in every
stage.
I'm always saying the sayingaround we can't pull over in
areas on the spiral upward ordownward that we know we're not
comfortable with staying in.
So, though it feels hard, likein that moment, to say, oh man,
(12:19):
it's harder than I expected forit to be.
What am I supposed to belearning from this?
We have to sit in it and knowthat it's all happening for us.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, and really trusting yourself, and I think
that that was something thattook me a long time to to really
really do, because I was reallygood I say this all the time I
got really good at beingsuccessful in a mediocre way, so
(12:49):
I was able to get the big joband have the sexy career and
portray this very fulfillinglife, but there was always a
void, there was always a senseof emptiness and there was a
burnout.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
There was always a sense of emptiness and there was
a burnout but not knowing howto let it all go and knowing
that I needed to, because Iwasn't trusting myself to say
you got this, you'll be fine anddon't worry about what people
think, absolutely that lettinggo of societal expectation and
just trusting your own path,regardless if it's messy,
regardless if it doesn't looklike we thought it would.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
It's like really letting go of control is what it
seems like and I've experiencedthat as well as like you like
the societal path because it'sfull control.
You know what to do, you knowwhere to turn.
You may get a bump here andthere, but overall it's very
straightforward.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Right.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Well, when you're going after your goals and
you're following the calling, itis blurry, but at the same time
it becomes so clear.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
And the impact and fulfillment that you have from
what you do is like untapped,untouched.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You can't even compare it, like for people who
are listening and it's evensomething that I am dealing with
now is clarity is your powernumber one, right?
But clarity doesn't necessarilygive you the steps of what to
do next, and I think that weconfuse that a little bit.
Like I'm clear on this thingthat's inside of me, I'm not
always necessarily clear on howI'm going to get to where it's
(14:31):
supposed to go, because whatI've learned is that what I
think it's going to be sometimesis different than what it
actually is, other than theclarity on knowing that there is
this pull.
And so when I referencedtrusting myself, it's like, okay
, I'm clear on this.
How do I unpack that to get alittle bit more clear?
(14:51):
So I know at least what thefirst step is that I need to
take and when to pivot.
Because one of the things alsothat I learned is that when I
thought I was clear, I was goingin a direction and not pivoting
when I needed to pivot or notletting go when I needed to let
go, because I really trulywasn't as clear as I thought
that I was, and so it wasimportant for me to check back
(15:14):
in sometimes and say, okay, am Isure?
Am I really really clear?
Is this really the way in whichI'm supposed to take this path?
And I'll reference this becausewhen I first started my
coaching, that need and want andthat desire to help and heal
people was really from a woundedspace.
Right, it was really because ofmy desire to help and heal
(15:37):
myself, and so initially I wasclear that that's what I wanted
to do.
The pathway I took was helpingpeople with the same problems
that I had.
What I found later was that ittethered me to those wounds and
I was staying in this likebondage, because I was
connecting myself with peopleand their story and I wasn't
(16:00):
understanding why I was gettingcompassion fatigue, why I was
feeling burnt out with theconversations, why I became
insensitive just in my personallife with people, and I really
had to check in and say what isthis truth about me wanting to
help and heal and what is thattruth as it pertains to me and
why am I carrying it this way?
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
That does make sense.
I think sometimes we're tryingto help different versions of
ourselves.
Right, if that makes sense.
That does make sense.
I think sometimes we're tryingto help different versions of
ourselves.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yes.
And then we recognize that wehave to heal from that first and
almost creating a codependencywith that Right Right, I've
learned that your suits of armorwill make you strong, are just
that.
It's like these.
It's this armor that'sprotecting you from the things
that feel like you're not enoughor that you don't belong and,
um, or that you're alone, and soyou create, like for me, those
(16:50):
three problems in my life thateverybody has.
By the way, I protected thosethings with independence or, uh,
you know, certain types ofcareers that was going to make
me or feel superior in some way,and when, really, the truth was
, I wasn't feeling like I wasenough.
(17:11):
But what I do understand,though, is that, like Maya
Angelou says it, that when youteach, you also learn, but I
think you have to be in a spacewhere, again going back to the
clarity, where you're reallyclear and knowing when it's
served its point and it's timeto pivot.
And so, even with coaching, forme, what I started out coaching
(17:33):
and who I would coach in thebeginning, is not the kind of
clientele that I take on now,and I had to get clarity in that
too.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Yeah, now, and I had to get clarity in that too.
Yeah, because if you're goingto start messy and you're going
to not wait till things areperfect, you're going to have to
iron that out so you're goingto initially take on whoever
that makes sense to you at thetime and you'll start to learn.
Well, actually, when I workwith these people, it feels hard
for me and the results don'thappen in the way that I want
them to happen for them.
So when.
I work with these set of people.
(18:05):
They get it, they're ready toput in the work, and so you
start to understand sometimesthat when you're called to
something, in order for you tohelp the people that are a part
of your assignment.
They need to be ready for whatyou have, and then there's other
people for them.
I think I had to recognize,like you're not letting go this
upset of people, but they're notready for what you're doing,
(18:26):
and so yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
And I've let that go too right, because I used to be
very obsessed with outcome and Iused to get and that was part
of where my compassion fatiguewas coming from Because I could
sit with somebody and we wouldhave these coaching sessions
one-on-one, and it was veryevident what the problems were.
And I know that I can't, as acoach, tell you this is your
(18:48):
problem.
I need to get them to extractthat out of themselves, right?
But what I found was I wasoften just a sounding board.
I was being paid to be asounding board and I would get
frustrated because I reallywanted their outcome.
I really wanted that for themso much.
What I've learned is to letthat go.
(19:10):
I know that I have the toolsthat they need and it's
ultimately up to them whether ornot they're going to utilize
those tools, which is also areason why I've become more
selective on who I'm going tohave one-on-ones with versus
one-to-many.
And and and not obsessing myselfwith outcome, because I can't
(19:32):
control that.
Do you know what I mean?
Another thing that I've learnedand again for listeners out
there is you don't have toperfect your life to do the
thing that you're called to do.
For sure you don't have to havealready been there.
It's not about getting to thedestination, it's just being
responsible to your life, to howyou're called to serve, and
(19:54):
know that it's greater thanyourself.
So, even if it's messy in thebeginning or you don't have it
all figured out for yourselfagain, if you're out there
teaching, if you're out therehelping, it's also going to be
healing, even when you're not,when you don't think you're
ready.
And that's not the wholeimposter syndrome thing that I
used to struggle with and stilldo.
As I pivot, I start to feellike an imposter all over again
(20:17):
and then I'm like I have to justdance with this thing.
You can't get rid of it, I justgot to dance with it.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Yeah, I always look at like the term imposter
syndrome.
That it's not really impostersyndrome.
It's just that you're in anarea you're not comfortable in.
Yet You're not familiar withthat area.
You have all the tools you needfor it, but because it's new to
you, you're like, oh, I don'thave everything that I need, I
don't know all the things.
And then to your point, likewithin that, you just have to
trust that.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
yes, I might not know everything like within this
area that I'm moving into, butI'm equipped because I'm aligned
and I wouldn't be called hereif I wasn't ready to be here,
right, and you know what One ofthe things this is funny,
because for me, with my impostersyndrome, it's always when I
get in the room where I feelsmall.
And so one of the habits that Ihad that I had to break was I
(21:06):
started staying comfortablewhere I would be in circles,
where I was kind of like the topdog in the circle and I didn't
want to be in those spaces to besuperior to everybody or feel
like I was better than I justfelt comfortable and I was very
intimidated by stepping into anew room where people were
(21:28):
brighter, smarter, more educatedor what have you.
I had to again trust myself andallow myself that if I'm going
to grow, I've got to move intospaces that make me
uncomfortable and that made mefeel like an imposter, where now
I'm going to go in a room as acoach, right when there might be
PhDs in this room orpsychologists that are licensed
(21:51):
and blah, blah blah, or that aremaking a ton blah blah or that
are making a ton more money thanI'm making, and who am I to be
able to say to them I'm a coach?
And I even had a problem that Iwould get a complex about, even
when people would say what doyou do?
I didn't even want to tell themwhen I stepped into those new
rooms.
But then what I had to learn todo was just be me, my authentic
(22:12):
self.
And I know that there is a giftthat I have when it comes to
people.
And instead of me walking inthe room with all these identity
constructs and having to saythis and all of the things that
people feel they're obliged tosay when they go into new rooms
and meet new people, I was likejust build rapport, lorraine,
just have conversations, becauseit's going to organically
(22:32):
happen, because that that's.
That's your magnet, howmagnetic you are.
People are going to naturallycome to you because that's your
gift.
And, surprisingly, when I gotinto those rooms and I'm
listening to their achievementsand their goals and all these
great things that they're doingmonetarily wise, the next thing
know, they're talking to meabout problems in their lives
(22:56):
that have nothing to do with themoney they've made, how they're
struggling as high achievers,how they feel like imposters,
and then I realize every newroom that I get into, we're all
still the same.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
All of us are still the same.
Yeah, because we're alllearning something new, right?
Speaker 1 (23:12):
And everybody can get something from you, no matter
who.
You are Right, you know.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Because it's like you're in your own lane Right.
You're here for your own reasonand as you navigate the
different paths, you're going toend up with the same type of
situations that you felt before,and I think that's the hard
part in life too.
As we get older, you think thatat some point it's going to
stop and it's like, oh mygoodness, if you're not learning
and you're not you're thenyou're not growing.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
And so because you're growing and you're constantly a
student, you're constantly inthose waves like, just like our
thumbprint is the only.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
This is the only one.
There will never, ever beanother me.
You can clone my genetics orwhat have you.
But my life experiences, theway I thought, the way I viewed
things, the relationships,everything that is compiled to
make me this person, that willnever be duplicated and that
(24:16):
speaks for everybody in the room.
And so when I think about that,and again to the listeners out
there, when there's something inyou, know that it is in you and
it's so unique and so specialthat there is something that
anybody can gain from you.
And I think sometimes we think,when we are too busy comparing
(24:37):
ourselves to other people, thatwe think we have to do this and
do this and do that.
It's like no, your uniqueness,your life experience.
There is hundreds and thousandsof people that could gain
something from you, even if it'sjust one person's life that
you're impacting.
You have that ability justbecause you're that unique, if
that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
It does.
What would you tell like theyounger version of Lorraine, If
you can talk to your 21 year oldself?
What would you tell her.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Make decisions quicker and stick with them.
Make decisions quicker andstick with them.
So trust your gut.
Gut, I would say.
I don't know like, how do Ifeel about that?
Because as a 21-year-old Icould say this was my gut.
Well, maybe.
Yes, I just think that in lifeI stalled too much making
(25:29):
decisions I knew I needed tomake Because I was afraid of the
unknown.
But the decision was clear Gotit Right, Got it.
And I could have saved myself alot of heartache had I just
trusted myself and made thedecision, knowing whatever's on
(25:50):
the other side of this, I'll bejust fine.
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Yeah, that sounds good.
Because I think that to yourpoint of you saying trust myself
and I say trust my gut, andthen some people say trust the
Holy Spirit, it's whatever youcall it Right At the end of the
day it's truly trusting yourself.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
And clarity.
Again, I'm going to go back tothis clarity.
God is not a God of confusion.
I remember my mom used toalways say that.
So when there's an indecisionin your mind that will leave you
distraught and despondent, whenwe need to make a decision and
we're going back and forth, wealready know the decision that
(26:29):
needs to be made.
We know we just get afraid ofmaking the decision, but we know
what the decision is and whowas.
I think it's Maya and Golden, orsomebody said there's a
difference between choosingsomething and deciding something
.
The choosing is like this backand forth.
I could always go back if Ichoose, but when you decide, you
(26:52):
cut off and it's powerful.
I can tell you that when I havefinally decided something, it
is like the load of weight istaken off of me.
Now, does it mean the roadahead doesn't come with
trepidation and I don't havethings that are happening and I
don't think, oh my God, did Imake the right decision?
(27:14):
Yeah, those things come up, butthe decision is the decision
and I'm not going back.
I think another thing, too, isthat we really need to check in
with who we are and our corevalues as it stands today, and
that changes over time and Ithink we forget to check back in
and say what are my core values, what are the five most
(27:34):
important things to me in mylife right now and what are they
in order of priority and whatare the principles that tie to
that.
And they have to benon-negotiable.
And you know, like my21-year-old self was a young mom
, my son's an adult now.
If I'm not checking in withwhat that priority is in my life
(27:55):
, my son doesn't come number onefor me anymore.
He's number one in my heartalways, but he's not my priority
because he's a grown man.
Do you know what I mean?
And if I'm not careful, I couldstill be making that a priority
and not letting my son be a manand still feel like I need to
pour into him and do things fromhim and not cutting off the
cord and not doing what the nextsteps of my life are as an
(28:17):
example and I see that a lot-yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
I think some takeaways for me in hearing what
you're saying is not only doyou trust yourself faster, but
also make sure that in everyseason, as you stand up a thing
and you do a thing and you do athing and you accomplish a thing
and you stretch yourself intothe next level, make sure you
take some time to look back.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Right.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
To see who you are, what you've learned what you
want to take with you and makesure that you're not carrying
parts of you that are unhealedwithin that last season, so that
you can actually be able tohave the tools that you need in
your next season.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Right, right I Right.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I love that.
What would you say are some ofyour superpowers in this season
of your life?
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Hmm, that's a great question.
I would say that my superpowernow is that I'm I don't feel
like I need to apologize as muchas I used to.
I feel like no is no.
I feel like when thatsituation's done, it's done.
(29:22):
I don't need to carry as muchguilt or worry too much about
what people think, and I thinkthat that has become a
superpower for me, because Iused to worry about it but
pretend like I didn't.
I think another superpower thatI have is that I'm very much
(29:42):
okay with being alone.
I don't feel lonely, but Ithink solitude is important at
times in your life and to beable to sit with self as a
superpower, because you gainyour clarity there and that's in
that silence you get that stillsmall voice to say um, you're
okay, it's going to be fine.
I know you're scared, I knowyou're overwhelmed, but we're
(30:05):
good.
Um, and another superpower thatI have is just living my best
life as it stands today.
So if I want to pack my bagsand go on a trip, I'm going to
do it and I don't care whatpeople think about it.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I think the apology thingis my superpower, most
(30:27):
important.
I love that.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
And it goes right back into trusting yourself.
So, the 21 year old, you wouldbe proud that you are trusting
yourself, where some people livetheir whole lives and it's
still following societal goals,still not trusting who they were
here to be, looking at socialmedia as a guy, and so
definitely be proud of yourselftoday, that Lorraine today is
(30:50):
trusting herself and living herlife and just being kinder.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I'm not always proud of myself, you know.
There are times when I'mquestioning everything I'm doing
, Like there are times when Ijust want to just crawl up in a
ball and just stay there, youknow.
But I'm allowing that to beokay.
I used to be on this grind andthis hustle like my whole life
(31:15):
I've been grinding and now it'slike stop, You're tired, it's
okay.
What are you trying to provehere?
You got one life to live.
I don't overly emphasize theneed to be happy either.
Does that mean I sit in sadness?
No, but I just look for thepeace more.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
Got it, got it.
You know, it sounds like growth.
Yeah, it takes a long time toget here.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
How do I define growth?
Um, for me personally, I feelgrowth for me is constantly
learning, staying curious aboutlife.
I feel like growth is for meadventure, like what book can I
read, what podcast can I listento that's going to fill me up
(32:06):
and fill my cup, what are thethings in my life?
And that if I were on mydeathbed would I say I regret
that I didn't do it.
Go do those things.
And I think that growth is justwhen you stop obsessing and
just it's all of what you saidand then, coupled with looking
(32:27):
at how I handle things now,compared to how I handled it
before.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
I think so many times we don't recognize that us five
years ago would have looked ata situation completely different
.
Oh heck, yeah, yeah.
And then we don't recognizethat man, we've grown on our
personal development journeythrough our emotional
intelligence.
Man, we've grown on ourpersonal development journey
through our emotionalintelligence and as a result of
(33:01):
that growth, then we see it inother ways in terms of our
careers and our finances and ourspiritual wellbeing and our
emotional wellness.
And so I look at that and I'mlike, oh wow, you've really
grown.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I can tell you, as you're saying, that one thing
that really sticks out is I'mdoing a better job of letting
people be.
You know, like, what are myboundaries in my life, what are
healthy boundaries and who arethe people in my life?
I'm the gatekeeper to my life,um, and letting people be.
I've had friendships where wehad falling outs, where they
(33:32):
were 20 year old friendships orwhat have you, and I would be so
critical of their personal life, for example, and the decisions
they were making, and it wouldcause a riff.
Now I'm like, do you?
And I'm here and I'm doing abetter job at being a sounding
board, because before I had anopinion, I had something to say,
(33:54):
because it was a helplessfeeling to watch people
unnecessarily suffer and Ialways wanted to be their
problem solver, and I thinkgrowth is letting that go.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
That's definitely somethingthat I've had to work on in
terms of like wanting to be thatsuperhero.
It's like no, not my friend,you can't go through this and
then just realizing like Hazel,just stay in your lane.
If they want to come talk toyou, let them talk to you, but
it's not up to you to it's likewe can't intercede.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Someone else's path, because we're not God.
Right so like learning, thatpeople have to learn from their
lessons while at the same time,if they come to you for advice.
So I always ask people do youwant my opinion on this?
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Or do you just want to vent?
Which one are we doing here?
That's literally what I've hadto start saying.
It's like am I listening?
You want me to say something,because I'm a tough love friend,
right, I'm not going tosugarcoat anything.
But what I've also learned isthat is it protection that I'm
doing, or is it projection?
Yeah, for sure, and sometimeswhen I'm wanting to save
somebody, it's really becauseI'm trying to save myself, and
(34:58):
that is the truth of any timeI've been overly critical of
somebody else.
Because I'll tell you what,when there's one thing to have
knowledge and an opinion aboutsomething.
But experience will wise you upreal fast.
You'll get wisdom withexperience and when you are wise
you don't speak as much, youdon't need to have as much as an
(35:18):
opinion about what someone'sdoing, because you realize I
don't know what I would do if Iwas in that situation.
I don't need to be so criticalhere.
When you zoom out and you'relooking at it, it's easy to say
do this, do this and that.
You zoom out and you're lookingat it, it's easy to say do this
, do this and that.
But when your heart is involved, when you have life experiences
that taught you to toleratethings that maybe I wasn't
(35:40):
taught to tolerate, you learngrace and mercy.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
I love that One of my sisters always tell me, like
you don't ever give people youropinions, and I'm like because I
don't know what I would do.
If they ask me my opinion and itfeels strong in my spirit, I'll
give it to you.
But I don't just readily giveadvice on things, because you
never know and many times youhave a situation that you need
to handle and you don't knowwhat to do, but, to your point
(36:08):
of projection, you're so quickto save someone else when you
recognize that no, that's notyour place and it's not your
place to, to your point, judge.
Give them grace.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Yeah, help how you can.
You know, I just I'm justhonest with them as far as this
is my truth.
This is how I see it, but andthen I just ask them questions
(36:41):
because they know the truthwithin themselves, exactly.
They've got the answers,they're just afraid of them
sometimes and again it goescircling back to trusting
yourself.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm so big on like pushing theoutside noise out to your point
of stillness, because so manytimes people go to other people,
whether it be a family member,a friend, a coach whoever it is
Right.
And we get all this differentinput and now it has, you like,
fatigued.
Totally confused sometimes whenall the time the internal guide
(37:13):
was within you Right, it's justtrusting yourself, using people
you trust, as well as soundingboards and getting their thought
process.
But at the end of the day,going back into stillness and
reflection and saying, man, whatdo I know I should have done?
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Correct and do it, and that goes to a person who is
self-aware and they're willingto be accountable.
Because one of the things thatI have noticed I've observed
I've done it myself is when wechoose who we go and tell the
story to, we have intention asto who we're picking.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yes, right, because we want the outcome to be a
certain way.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
We want to hear what we want to hear.
And the thing is, if you wantchange in your life, if you
truly genuinely want to changethat relationship, that job,
this, you're going to have tohear the truth and be honest
with yourself, on your in yourparticipation in your life.
And when you're picking peoplethat will coddle you and say
(38:10):
what you want to hear, you ain'tgrowing.
You will stay exactly where youare, and we have to be mindful
of that, because I have donethat or I'm going to the people
that are going to side with me.
They're going to take my sidein the situation and now I'm
learning.
No, I want the person that'sgoing to be brutally honest Tell
me Lorraine, you're acting up,you're out of line.
I want people to be truthtellers to me as they see it, so
(38:35):
that way I can properlyevaluate my life and be
accountable to my life, becauseI am participating in whatever's
happening you know what I meanand learning to get really real
and raw with that, without beingover accountable either,
because sometimes, on theopposite side of that, when we
need to make this, we'll go tothe person that we'll go to the
(38:56):
kind of people that willreinforce the guilt or the shame
that we carry, and so it'sreally saying, at this point in
my life, what emotional homeresides in, what is the
emotional home that I always goto and what is the sources that
I'm looking for to confirm thatevery single time.
And if we don't know what thatis, sometimes it becomes a blind
(39:21):
spot and we don't understandwhy our lives are still showing
up the way that it is and we'repicking and choosing ways to
reinforce our secret beliefsystem, and really understanding
that is very, very important,and sometimes we don't have the
tools and we need to get thetools from somebody, as like a
coach or something.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
Absolutely.
I'm big on get you a therapist,get you a coach.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Get you someone's going to show you your blind
spots Right Someone who's not ayes person, like all those
things are important, all right,awesome.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
So one thing I want to piggyback on in terms of
something that you said and Isay piggyback, but we're just
kind of circling back to it isknowing the distinction between
who to go to right.
You talked about people who aregoing to be your yes person
that's going to safeguard you inthat situation, but there's
also people who cannot relate tothe journey that you're on.
(40:06):
And so it's important to discernwhen you actually go to a
certain set of people, because Ithink that everyone thinks
they're a truth teller, but theymay not be a truth teller for
what you need in your journey.
So how do you distinguish whoto go to in situations like that
?
Speaker 1 (40:23):
I think it starts with setting intention for
yourself and being veryselective.
And being very selective, Ithink like, for example, let's
say I have a circumstance in mylife, right, let's say it's a
(40:46):
relationship that's unhealthy,or I'm just not happy in the
relationship anymore and I'vebeen feeling that way for a
while, but it's tethered to alot of things and I'm like I
just am not clear enough to knowif I should leave this
situation.
I have to first check in withmyself and say what's really
(41:10):
happening inside that I'mfeeling this way.
Is it the person?
Have I outgrown them?
Is it the person?
Have I outgrown them?
Is it the circumstances?
Is it my expectation?
What is my participation?
Is it something that can reallywhatever?
And I got to start with me andbeing very honest with myself as
(41:32):
best as I can be first, do youknow what I mean?
And then just saying, well,what decisions do I have here
and what are the things that I'mwilling to do to see if this is
really how I feel before I goto anybody in my circle.
Then the next thing is sayingto myself okay, who is a
(42:02):
confidant?
Not a friend, not an associate,not someone who's going through
the same problems, like if Ihave a plumbing issue I don't
need to call the electrician forsure okay, and so that's how we
have to really handle thefriendships here.
I can't, if I'm havingrelationship problems, I can't
go to the friend that's alwaysin drama in her relationships,
because what is that advicegoing to be?
I might have a parent like mymom, let's say, as an example,
(42:24):
and she's never been able tohold down a relationship and I'm
using this as an example.
My mother will have goodintentions in her heart to want
me to have the most happiestoutcome, but her reference point
might be a little off Right,and so I'm saying who is a
confidant?
Though?
That isn't going to tell mewhat to do, but they're going to
(42:46):
ask me the kind of questionsthat will tap into what I
already know I need to do, buthelp it get a little bit clearer
.
For me, that's perfect, andthen sometimes you just got to
go all the way out and findwhether it's a pastor or a
therapist or a counselor, butpeople who are unbiased, who can
really help you sift throughyour stuff yourself.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
Someone that's going to help you hold yourself
accountable.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Especially when they're big decisions that we
need to make in our lives.
I think that to your point.
When we're sharing that withtoo many people, it just mucks
it up.
It makes it that much moreconfusing.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
Yeah, it does, especially when we we need to be
clear.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
Right.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
When we're called to something.
I think for me on the journeythat we are all on this personal
development journey.
It's so important that werealize to your point of like
boundaries and recognizing whenit's time to pivot and move on,
when we're moving on because wedon't like it there, as opposed
to we're moving on because we'renot supposed to be there.
(43:51):
And I think that's somethingthat I had to recognize within
myself that in many instancesI'm like cutoff queen and I'm
ready to say forget this no, notworking.
And then you recognize that no,I need to learn from this
because, regardless of, thedecision is still, I'm done with
this friendship, I'm done withthis career, I'm done with this
(44:11):
business, this relationship.
Whatever the case may be, ifyou don't learn what you're
supposed to learn and truly healand learn how to communicate
Right I think that's a lot ofpeople's like biggest downfall
is simply learning how tocommunicate and have hard
conversations, because we're allhuman, we all have these
feelings and things that aregoing on within us and I think
(44:32):
that, even in terms of likediscerning who to go to for what
, people get caught up in likefeelings of oh well, how come
you didn't tell me?
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Or how come this?
Speaker 3 (44:43):
And we have to make sure that we're intentionally
making sure that, hey, it's likenot personal, or I'm going
through X, y, z and I just wantto be still in this moment.
And I think that thatcommunication, in terms of
making sure that the people thatyou love understand where you
are on the journey, while alsomaking sure that you create
boundaries for yourself so thatyou are doing what you know
you're called to do.
(45:03):
That is something that wereally need to talk more about.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
And I also think too, if I can just add to that is
listen, we're all innatelyself-serving, listen, we're all
innately self-serving.
So usually when things aren'tgoing right in our lives,
there's a selfish motive behindthat right, especially when it
(45:28):
pertains to other people in ourlives that we're maybe feeling
like we need a boundary from, orsomebody we're kind of outgrown
or whatever.
Again, this is going back andtapping in and saying what point
have I stopped accepting thisperson for who they are?
Right, because that's usuallywhen we're ready to kind of
bounce from a situation we're nolonger accepting of who they
are.
If I were to tone it down alittle bit and say if I met this
(45:49):
person where they're at, if Ijust held space with them and
who they are, without anyexpectation of who they could be
for me, but just to hold spacewith who they are and have this
unconditional love for them,could they be in my life, but in
a different part of thebullseye.
And a friend of mine told methis once when I was kind of
(46:12):
struggling with differentseasons of my life, because
certain people serve you in aseason that when that season's
over, it doesn't serve anylonger.
And it's actually it goes bothways.
It isn't to me one-sided, butit's like one of the things he
said to me is you know, there'sthe bullseye on a dart.
On a bullseye You've got thecenter and it's very small
(46:36):
comparison to all the other ones.
Right, and it goes in,sometimes people right in the
center with you and sometimesyou got to move the dart to a
different spot.
It doesn't mean they have to beout of your life, but they
might not be able to be in holdspace in your life in a way
that's going to help both of yougrow.
Hold space in your life in away that's going to help both of
you grow.
(46:57):
Right, it isn't like I'm notgrowing because this person is
like we're not growing becausewe're in this space together.
What's a friendship relationship?
Or I'm not growing in this workor this career and just again
tapping and saying what is thewhy here?
What is the fear?
Am I feeling like these peopledon't need to be in my life?
Or this doesn't mean lifebecause I'm afraid, or is this
an act of self-love?
And I think when we're moreclear on that, then we can make
(47:21):
decisions, because sometimes,when our lives are kind of in
disarray.
We want to remove everythinginstead of cleaning up our own
stuff.
Yeah for sure, thinking that'sgoing to solve the problem we
get very external about.
And I think if we first tapinto self and say, okay, let me
be honest with self, let me seehow I'm participating, and if I
were to clean this up, would Iactually still have the same
(47:44):
perception or the same idea thatthis needs to go?
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Yeah, I love that we talked in a previous episode in
how people don't hold in being agood steward of what God has
given them and they want neweverything.
New friend, new this, new that,but have you cleaned up the
weeds in the areas of the thingsthat you've already been
blessed with?
So I love that.
I also want to kind of makesure that I shameless plug
(48:09):
workplace therapy.
So you've been a part of allthe workplace therapy events
over in Vegas and even inAtlanta.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
So I would love for you to share with the people
like what the experience is likewhen you come to a workplace
therapy event.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
First of all, you are the essence of all of it right,
because you genuinely just pourin so much of you into it.
You're so obedient to your calland that is evident in every
one of your events that you dothe people that are there, the
way you select the kind ofpeople, the thought-provoking
(48:45):
conversations that come out ofthat, the friendships that
evolve from it.
And it's a good time.
We're not just sitting andhearing these conversations.
We're laughing, we're dancing,we're singing songs.
Um, and it's always evolving.
I feel like it's always a newexperience.
I never go to one and say, oh,I know what to expect.
(49:06):
It's always somethinginnovative and everything that
you do and, um, and I admirethat about you you know, and you
pour into your panel, you pourinto your guests.
That you do and and I admirethat about you you know and you
pour into your panel, you pourinto your guests that come in.
You're just a beacon of light,really, for a lot of people, and
I think that anyone who hasn'texperienced one of your events
definitely needs to check it out.
Speaker 3 (49:29):
Yeah, thank you so much, but I mean, that, listen,
I'm not a BS-er.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
I mean that from the bottom.
I mean I flew all the way toAtlanta for your last event
because of that, because of whoyou are, and I wouldn't do that
just because you know what Imean.
Speaker 3 (49:44):
and I try to change things out, but every time it's
on my spirit that I need you tobe a part of it.
And that's why I'm alwaysbringing you back like in
different capacities because youhave so many gifts.
So it's like, okay, lorrainecan host this time, let her
moderate this time, and you doeverything so well.
(50:05):
So it's like you're that person.
I remember at one of my eventssomeone didn't show up and I was
in the moment.
Like it happened so fast.
I was in the moment.
I'm like, oh, they're not hereand I'm like Lorraine, and I was
like what, what do you need?
I'm like who can I trust to justcall up here and on her feet?
I know she's going to show upand do it well, but that's
because it's you Do youunderstand?
Speaker 1 (50:26):
And so, whether you know that you're doing it
directly or indirectly, that youhold space and invite people
like that into your life, and itjust makes it.
It's very easy to just dosomething for you.
It really truly is, because Ifeel it's reciprocated when you
had the the news to come on thenews with me, come and be on the
(50:46):
news, and I'm like you want meto, yeah, girl, you're, you're
just, but you're just a givegive kind of person, and but
you're just a give give kind ofperson, and so it just makes it
easy.
Yeah, it's always a pleasure,you know, and I enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Yeah, so this one's in October.
It's on October 11th.
October 10th is World MentalHealth Day.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
Okay, so intentionally Are you going to
do it in Vegas or Atlanta?
Okay, you're coming back toVegas.
I love it.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
I love it, and so I'll actually have Lisa Marie
Lovett.
She's from Season Dialogue,have you seen?
Speaker 1 (51:18):
that?
Yeah, that sounds familiar.
Speaker 3 (51:19):
I'll have to show it to you afterwards You'll be like
, yeah, I know exactly so big onwellness.
We'll have like workshops likethe one last March.
I want people to leave alwayswith something, and this time my
thought process in my mind istransformation.
We're closing out the year withtransformation.
I love that, and so I alwayswant to evolve and outdo myself
and stretch and I always want tomake sure that I understand
(51:41):
that we're all in a season ofgrowth and in order for us to
grow.
It can't be the same becausewe're all growing together and
we all have new needs and I haveto make sure that I am
addressing what those new needsare.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
I love it.
I mean, you're on top of it forsure.
I feel like you really tappedin and you're really listening.
It's always thought provokingand I definitely can say for me
personally, even even thoughI've been a speaker or whatever,
I walk away with so manynuggets.
I walk away feeling very fulland very motivated and very
inspired.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
So yeah, I love that, and I hear that from the
attendees, from the speakers,the panelists, everybody.
They always say the same thingLike even though I'm this, I got
so much from this, so I lovethat.
Speaker 1 (52:23):
And you're consistent .
One thing I can say about you,especially in this space that
we're in, where we do thesenetworking things and we do
these women events and thingslike that, is, you are so
obedient to your callconsistently, though.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
Fully in my obedience .
Speaker 1 (52:39):
Yeah, and I want to be like it's contagious.
I love it yeah.
Speaker 3 (52:45):
Yeah, I love like now , like on social media,
especially because I'm out hereand I see all the people like
doing the things and they'vebeen at the events.
I'm like look at everybodytaking up space, I'm so here for
it and seeing you guys cometogether to do things it's like
so beautiful.
And I think what, when we thinkabout people who are listening,
is realizing that beingobedient, fully surrendering and
(53:07):
letting go of control is soimportant because the people
that need you to show up.
They then recognize the thingsthey can do.
Speaker 1 (53:14):
Awesome, I'm actually writing a book.
My book will be out inSeptember.
Ooh, it's a little explicit thetitle, but it is fitting.
Ira, my friend Ira here, is instudio.
You guys can't see him, but Itold him and he's like yes, I
love it.
Yes, absolutely.
You know he's my sounding board, so he's here supporting me
today too.
So, but yeah, it's um who that?
Yes, but um, it's who the f amI, and it's an unfiltered
(53:40):
journey of truth and the.
The premise of the book is likewaking up one day and saying
who the f am I and how did I gethere?
And being really honest withthat conversation, you know so.
Speaker 3 (53:57):
I love that the first personal development book I
read was how to Stop FeelingLike so that just is so in line.
I remember I read that book andI would take walks in the
morning listening to that book.
So whatever we got to do tomake sure people recognize yeah,
yeah.
Get out your way.
You're the only person stoppingyou from becoming a hundred
percent.
Where can the listeners find?
Speaker 1 (54:17):
you online, uh, everywhere.
All my handles are the LorraineLindsay used to be coach
Lorraine Lindsay, but I tookthat off because I said I don't
want to just be the coachanymore.
Yeah, I finally took thatidentity construct away.
It was very hard decision, butyou can find me at
TheLorraineLindsay on everyhandle YouTube, tiktok,
(54:40):
instagram, and then my websiteis CoachLorraineLindsaycom.
Speaker 3 (54:44):
Listen, you guys go, make sure you follow Lorraine.
Go to her website, check herout Like she is authentic, she
is the truth, and like you'rejust starting to see the
beginning.
Like if you thought she wasalready here.
You just are not prepared forwhere she's going.
Well, I appreciate you for that.
Ride the wave and go with her,grow with her and make sure that
we're all betting on ourselves.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
Yes, amen.
Speaker 3 (55:05):
Awesome, well, thank you so?
Much.
You're welcome.
Thanks so much for tuning intothe it's the Human Experience
podcast.
If you're not already followingthe podcast, make sure you go
ahead and scroll up to the topand hit follow.
If you're listening fromYouTube and watching all of the
things, make sure you realizethat, just like us, you can take
up space.
You can bet on yourself.
Speaker 2 (55:29):
You can make it happen and know that we're
rooting for you too, yay,beautiful.
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