October 8, 2020 • 56 mins
From all appearances, Shelley Cull had it all and did it all, and then some: She’s a business startup dynamo, obtained her business degree at age 50, and raised a family.
But Shelley saw herself through the lens of her mother’s constant criticisms of her appearance, attire, and abilities. Shelley’s self-image reflected the flaws her mother perceived. Once she decided to reject the distorted self-image, however, Shelley tapped her strategic business sense to find solutions, reject her mother’s influence, and create a new reflection.
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Episode Transcript
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Jennifer Malcolm (00:10):
Welcome to the Jennasis Speaks podcast, The
Transformative Power of Women'sStories, a platform that
empowers women storytelling topromote collective
vulnerability, acceptance andhealing. I am your host,
Jennifer Malcolm, self madeentrepreneur, women advocate and
life balance expert. Welcome tothe next episode of Jennasis
(00:31):
Speaks podcast, TheTransformative Power of Women's
Stories, where every woman has astory and every story matters.
I'm Jennifer Malcolm, your host,founder and president of
Jennasis and Associates. Andwith me today is a lifelong like
when I say lifelong friend,Lifeline friend that I think
I've known since I was aroundfive years old, and Shelley
(00:52):
Solomon call. And today I'mgoing to just read a little bio
about her and we're gonna justjump right into her powerful
story. So this is a woman I amin AWS, the woman has had more
than 25 years of successfulbusiness experience. She
established a multi milliondollar veterinary practice and a
leading consultant in therestaurant industry. But through
(01:14):
it all, and despite appearances,Shelly struggled with ongoing
criticism from her mother thatfor many years affected her self
image and some sense of selfworth. Shelley is here today to
share how she found the strengthto turn away from the distorted
image her mother saw and createda new image that reflects the
real Shelley. So welcome, myfriend. We're gonna cry, I think
(01:39):
this is the one that we aregoing to cry our way through
today. So
Shelley Cull (01:44):
I know, thank you so much for doing this. For me,
you know, and for other women.
The the theme of this is soprofound, and you know, to be
able to share and be vulnerable.
You know, I was nervous to dothis. But all of my dear friends
said it's not, it's for you, butit's not for you. It's for
(02:09):
others and and share the storyjust like your other guests have
because we if others cannotsuffer the pain that we've
suffered, then Amen. Let themjump to their joy sooner.
Jennifer Malcolm (02:27):
I love it. So, context for the audience
listeners, Shelley is my secondmom.
She's also my aunt's my friend,my colleague, my partner in
crime. She is one that I'vegleaned such wisdom from over
the years. And we foundourselves in reconnected in
divorce court many years ago.
And the last 1215 years has justjumped down the rabbit hole of
(02:50):
joy and connection laughter,tears vulnerability, and here
today just to capture yourstory. So we're going to talk
about and jump right in, I knowthat you and I have had intimate
conversations about body imageand body perspective, just to
share with the audience likewe're that original, you know,
broken mirror the brokenreflection and looking at
(03:13):
yourself came from,
Shelley Cull (03:18):
you know, I know that it came from my mom's
words. And what I'd like toconvey is, you know, they say,
sticks and stones, stones willmay break your bones, but words
will never hurt you. It's so theopposite. It's so the opposite.
Um, the words that she spoke,just killed me, and were rooted
(03:45):
inside of me, you know, for mostof my life. And it started early
on because my mom was a Jewish,attractive, on educated, smart,
you know, smart but noteducated. She was married at 17
she had an abusive father.
Everything was about your looks,everything was about your
(04:08):
appearance. And when I was born,I have two brothers when I was
born, she just was wanted thisgirly girl. And I remember
having an Easter portraitpicture done at a photographer,
and she dressed me up with adress and Lacy gloves, and a
(04:30):
little hat. And I was so mad andI just resisted that whole thing
you know of being dressed uplike this girly girl and all I
wanted to do was build treehouses and play kickball and be
(04:51):
a tomboy right now. So I knowthat all of the words She said,
From that time, maybe 910 11years old, all the way till
today, her message is still thesame. It's just that I came to
understand where that messagecame from
Jennifer Malcolm (05:17):
originated from. So did that cause you to
struggle outside of your mom andyour relationship? So I know
that was one view from her, didthat end up capturing over into
other relationships, boyfriendsexperiences as you were growing
up?
Shelley Cull (05:31):
You know, it's amazing how I hit it. And how it
didn't. Wow, it's, it's almostlike I felt it. And I saw it.
And I didn't think I look goodenough. I didn't think that I
(05:52):
was smart. I didn't think that Iwas. My body was right. But it's
like it. Interestingly, it neverproved itself in life. I never
had a bad girlfriend. I neverhad a bad boyfriend. I never I
(06:13):
always achieved my goals. So Isuffered in silence. Wow. Wow.
No, yeah, that's That's
Jennifer Malcolm (06:24):
powerful.
Because a lot would, you know, alot of the stories that I'm
hearing it, it reflects in youroutward relationships. So
whether it's harming I'm gettingI will get into an unhealthy
relationship because I need theattention. I need the the
validation. And you on theopposite. Just let it fester
within you.
Shelley Cull (06:46):
Yeah, it's, it's really quite interesting. Now,
it may have helped that I wasDaddy's little girl, and that he
thought I could do no wrong. Um,he was a little chauvinistic.
And that's, I think, where myintelligence part came from. My,
(07:06):
my dad never thought that thewoman women had to go to college
or, you know, have a career. SoI was really certainly never
directed from my mother, whonever finished high school. And
I wasn't really directed by myfather, who didn't think it was
really important. So, you know,that may have helped in my own,
(07:30):
like, such a conflict,confidence. But yet, deep down
inside my soul, I would look atmyself and think, no, but yet,
it didn't show on the outside.
Jennifer Malcolm (07:43):
So when you were when you were a teenager
and a young woman, as you wouldlook in the mirror? Where did
you see beauty? And hey, I couldbecause you're such a polished
woman, you always are puttogether and you look beautiful.
You always have a sassy hair,your nails are done. And, and
but did you? Did you look in themirror and see that and walk in
(08:04):
that? Or did you look in themirror and be like, you know
what, I should probably put on adifferent color lipstick?
Because my mom's you know, wordsare ringing in my ear. Or maybe
I should put my hairdifferently? Or maybe I should
do something. So how does thatlike when you were, you know, a
teenager into early adulthood?
Shelley Cull (08:20):
Yeah, it was so sad. I just thought I looked
ugly. I just would look in themirror. And every time I would
see her, she would say maybe thenext time you come home, we can
go to my girl and she could fixyour hair. Or she would say, I
(08:41):
am not going into that storewith you unless you put some
lipstick on. Or she would say,Are you going to you're going to
wear that. You know, and I youknow, I didn't become her? Yeah,
um, I really was sad that Ididn't look good. And when your
(09:05):
mother says it, you think thatshe's the only one telling the
truth. Because usually a motheris the one like I am with my
kids and you work with yourkids. It's like they are
fabulous in every way. So whenmy friends would tell me that I
(09:26):
look great, or that I was smart.
I really wouldn't believe them.
I believe that. My mom's messagewas the one so I was always kind
of trying to fix my hair and fixbut everything was really pretty
together. Like I wore makeup andI I dressed up when I had to be
(09:48):
dressed and I didn't reallycare. I'm not the kind of go to
the grocery store and put makeupon and wear a nice outfit where
my mother was you don't go outand let You're dressed. Right.
So I don't think I reacted that.
You know, that's kind of a inbetween. I think I was normal in
always trying to have the besthaircut or the best makeup and
(10:11):
the best clothes. But I didn'tdo it. Because of her. Like, I
almost like dismissed what shesaid. I believed it. But then
somehow I carried on. That's socool.
Jennifer Malcolm (10:27):
I never thought about that was really
interesting. And it and I thinkit's really imperative, the
distinction if someonecomplimented you, you might be
able to say thank you, but theword, like my mom's words have
to Trump that, like, they'll seesomething that you know, this
person isn't seeing.
Shelley Cull (10:47):
I mean, every time I would open the door to see her
and go to see her, she wouldgreet me with you look so tired.
Like a what value? Could thatever be mothers out there? Tell
(11:07):
your child that they yourdaughter, you know that they
look tired? Or they need ahaircut? Right? I mean,
Jennifer Malcolm (11:16):
I I remember.
I know. You know, I'll ask herapology to my sister later. But
when I got remarried, twosummers ago, we were in Florida.
And again, Chad has seen heloves me for me. Yeah, he loves
me. No matter if I have makeupon, if I have a hat on, if I
have sweat pants on, if I havestilettos on, he doesn't care.
All he sees is good. And it'sand it's, it's been a
(11:39):
relationship that I'm now seeingmy worth. I'm seeing my value.
I'm seeing that it doesn't. It'snot to it's not tied to other I
have a haircut or I have grayhair, or Hey, and pounds
overweight. Never. That's neverthe issue in his mind. He always
uses it. And so that we go isgetting married, my sister was
(12:01):
like, are you gonna like dosomething with those, that
grace, where you get married.
And I was like, I honestlywasn't going. I wasn't going to.
But that's all I thought of allweek was the pictures. And
again, it was my my wedding. ButI knew Chad didn't care. I knew
he didn't care. And so they allwent out one night and I went to
(12:23):
the store and I got my box, youknow, hair, hair color to do my
roots. And I was like miserable.
And I was angry. And Chad waslike, Who cares? Just come and
play with us? And I was like,No, someone said this, and I
need to fix it. And yeah, and Ilove you, Sis, I know you're
gonna listen to this. I loveyou. But it hurts it you know,
like there's a piece of youknow, words have the power of
(12:44):
life and death.
Shelley Cull (12:49):
Yeah.
Jennifer Malcolm (12:50):
And if you are saying things that, hey, you
know, next year in town, I'mgonna take you to get a haircut
or, you know, always trying tonitpick. That's, it doesn't
Shelley Cull (13:00):
Yeah. I mean, you hit the nail on the head. You
heard the words, you knewintellectually. That didn't
really matter that Chad didn'tcare, like Ray says to me, how
could you wake up and look justas beautiful as you did? And
then, you know, he would say,I'd say Well, I'm not putting
(13:22):
any makeup on for this. And hesaid, why would you like why
mess with like Rembrandt?
Jennifer Malcolm (13:28):
I love it. Now and
Shelley Cull (13:30):
I love our men and I just him. And another big
thing was, would we ever judgeanyone else based on? I know, I
wouldn't based on their hair ortheir body or their lipstick.
(13:51):
Right, I would never judge and Ihave the most beautiful and
spirit beautiful friends in theworld. And I know the value of
that. And so for me to havealways been so critical of
myself. It's just like, duh,like, it's like this
(14:11):
misconnection there that I'vebeen always trying to work out.
Jennifer Malcolm (14:16):
So when your your when your mom was saying
these things, what hurt wordsthat she would did not see the
value of education or your mind?
Or was it that she was pickingon your hair, your lipstick,
your clothes, all that or was itbut well?
Shelley Cull (14:31):
No, it was definitely the appearance and
she really never spoke to mymind. It was only my dad's lack
of conversation and direction.
And this is another story but itturned out that when my son was
diagnosed with a DD I laughedand I said, I know where that
came from. And so I didn't thinkI was smart because I didn't
(14:56):
number one. I didn't have goals.
My parents never talked to meabout goals, which I think is an
important conversation. Andlike, what do you want to be
when you grow up? Never had thatconversation. And so then when
when I didn't take honorsclasses in high school, and when
(15:16):
I went to college, and I thoughtI should major in dance. I mean,
dance. Okay. Um, I just thoughtthat I wasn't on that right
track. So it took a whilebefore, you know, I got there.
But when my mom would criticizemy appearance, and it happened,
(15:40):
and it still happens, the lasttime I was with her, before
COVID started, she said, I said,Come on, mom, I'm going to take
your she's in a nursingfacility. And I said, we're
gonna go out to dinner. And shelooked at me and she said,
aren't you gonna put up in yourface and do your hair and
(16:00):
change? And I said, you know,Mom, I'm good. I said, I'm
dressed. I've got on my face,and I've got my hair. Let's go.
I mean, I'm 68 frickin yearsold. And she's still saying, Are
you gonna go out like that?
Jennifer Malcolm (16:20):
I've met your mom numerous times, and I adore
her. But that would have to belike nails on a chalkboard?
Like, no, let's just go eat somefood.
Shelley Cull (16:30):
Yeah, yeah. And, you know, it was interesting,
you know, one of the questionswe thought about was, um, have
you ever tried to talk to herabout this? And I remember just
about four or five years ago,that I was deep into fixing
(16:53):
this, you know, and getting overit. And ultimately, you know,
we'll talk about like, thisbright line eating, which is a
community of love, a communityof love, and, and helping each
other. By supporting each otherand someone in that community. I
posted something about bodydysmorphia disorder, this BDD.
(17:17):
And I said, has anyone ever, youknow, experienced that. And of
course, I got so much profoundacknowledgement and love and
that people never would talkabout it. And they thank me for
bringing it up. And someone hadrecommended this book, the
broken mirror. And it's fivelike this. Katherine Philips,
Dr. Philips. And it's a thing.
It's a thing like bodydysmorphia. And it's, it's an
(17:42):
obsession. There wasn't a daythat ever went by in my life,
that I didn't have some negativefeelings about my body or my
face, you know. And so I went tothe doctor, and I read this
book, I went to my doctor, and Ijust started crying. And I just
(18:04):
said, I've been doing someresearch, and I think this must
be like, what I have, um, andshe really listened and really
acknowledged it, or the firsttime I'd ever talked about it.
And she gave me a low dose likeanti depressant, she said, they
(18:26):
that takes away the obsessivethoughts. Yeah. And so I went on
that. And I went to my mom's andI brought the book in my hand.
And I wanted to have anotherdiscussion with her about how
her words hurt. And what'simportant in life, you know, and
(18:49):
what, what, you know, moremeaningful discussion. And she
greeted me with you look sotired. As soon as I walked in
the door, and I am such a calmperson, I rarely get angry,
raise my voice. Like, I screamedat her for the very first time
(19:14):
in my life. Wow. And I threw thebook, the book at her, like, at
the counter, like, and I said, Ican't believe you're fucking
saying stuff like that. AfterI'm 65 years old, and you're
still greeting me with you looktired. You don't look good. You
(19:35):
need a haircut. What are youwearing? I said, See this book?
This is what you did to me. Wow.
And, you know, she kind of heardit. And then she cried. But then
nothing ever changed. Right? Youknow? Yeah, and I understand
(20:00):
That now I understand. She wasonly trying to help me succeed
in life. Because she ran awayfrom home to get married get
away from an abusive, horriblefather that scrubbed her lips
with Brillo pads, because shehad lipstick on, she could never
bring friends home. She was anonly child, her mother was
(20:22):
really narcissistic. And shebasically was raised by herself.
Always lonely, always sad. Andshe just wanted me to be
beautiful, because her beautygot her where she needed to go.
Jennifer Malcolm (20:40):
Wow. Which is powerful, closing the loop.
Because as you are dealing withyour shit, your mom, your mom is
operating out of her wounds outof what she knew how hurt how
she was surviving. And then herdysfunction, dysfunctional
(21:02):
communication with towards you.
It was her way to try to haveyou survive. Have you thrive,
have you and all you felt wasthe opposite of I'm not good
enough. I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not thin enough. I'm not puttogether enough. And it's an
(21:23):
again, when we talk about, youknow, the why of this podcast.
It's like breaking those loops.
And those chains that bind us toour past stories, the things
that, you know, we you know,whether it's wordiness, whether
it's beauty, whether it's shame,whether it's voice, all those
things, that we break the cycleof the lies that have captured
(21:44):
our heart, whether it's been tous or whether we chose to be you
know, situation, but it's there.
But your mom, I mean, there's acompassion in my heart like your
mom did it for some reasons thatserve that served her well in
her her life. Wow. But Wow,super dysfunctional, and super
(22:08):
harmful to you?
Shelley Cull (22:10):
Yeah. Yeah. That's what she knew, and that she was
trying to help. So that reallydid help me to forgive her.
Yeah. Yeah, you know,
Jennifer Malcolm (22:21):
so as you entered, because I know that
you've had several, you've haddecades of successful careers,
in business and in coaching, andin your consultative work with
the restaurants and in yourcollaboration and co partnership
with your first husband, withthe veterinarian practice. So in
(22:42):
that though, you're you youappear, you're very articulate,
you come across very puttogether poised intelligent,
you're smart. But where were youalso still struggling with this,
this dysfunctional beauty or theshattered mirror syndrome? As
you are seeing success as youare becoming a mom as you are
(23:05):
raising strong boys? You know,were you able to ever separate
those two things?
Shelley Cull (23:10):
You know, again, I'm so thankful that, and I
don't even really know what itwas, but I never gave it that
power. I never thought Icouldn't figure something out.
You know, I don't know why. Youknow, one time someone said, if
(23:32):
you had like a magic wand, um,would you change your life? And
would you, you know, my goal tobe beautiful and skinny, was
just as crazy as my goal ofwanting to be four inches
taller. You know? You know, and,and I couldn't, I think that
(23:56):
success breeds success. And so,I've always loved one of my
favorite quotes was you must dothe thing that you think you
cannot do. And once I started totackle this things from when
Scott was born, my little oneand almost died and had a year
(24:20):
and a half of medical struggles.
And I rose to that occasion,when Jim my ex, like, wanted to
stay in his area of expertise asa veterinary specialist and
travel. I'm the one that said,you know, if I can run a
restaurant, I can run aveterinary practice. Why don't
(24:42):
you have your own practice? And,you know, he was like, I don't
know anything about business. Ijust know how to take care of
the animals. Why? I thought thatI could figure everything out. I
don't know. Thank you. Word.
Yeah, but every single thing Ihad to figure out, I did the
(25:05):
research. I got it done. So itwas interesting that you know,
thanks for asking everythingthat I kind of set my mind to
do. I did whether it was I mean,I spoke in front of 400 people
when I was like 24 years old,like at a national restaurant
(25:28):
convention, like I was too youngto know to be scared, right? Um,
so I had a presence andprofessionalism, and a lot of
motivation. So where did thatall come from? And why didn't I
like cower like that I wasn'tsmart enough, or there wasn't
attractive enough. Thank God, Ijust kept going. And then every
(25:51):
success that I had, I did iteven on purpose. Wow, I could do
that. Wow. And like, even when Iran a marathon, I did it to see
if I could do it. Right. Andthen to motivate others to say,
if this person can do it, at4550 years old, you know, then
(26:16):
you can do it. You know, andthen again, I had good men in my
life. And when Jim heard me say,I don't know, I'm not really
smart. Have you ever graduatedfrom college? I got a two year
degree in Restaurant Management.
He said, What are you talkingabout? You're smarter than I am.
(26:36):
I couldn't have done what youdid. I mean, I got a $600,000
loan. You know, when when westarted our practice, after four
banks turned us down. You know,when I was the one that wrote
the business plan, dideverything. We I built a
building, you know, we have 30employees. And he said, we're
smarter than I am. I'm like, No,and he and I. And I said, Well,
(27:00):
why didn't I graduate fromcollege? Why did I graduate? He
said, Well, you said you had aDD or something if you want to
graduate from college, like goback to college. So I went back
to college when I was 45 at bw,and shared alma mater, and I
graduated, like, when I was 50,um, with a business degree and
(27:26):
everything I learned, I alreadyknew, because I had figured it
out. No.
Jennifer Malcolm (27:34):
And that's, that's funny, because, you know,
I just got my MBA this Ifinished this spring from Vaughn
Wallace. And it was interestingbecause being in business, 10
years, there was a lot I knew,there was a lot of like
terminology. They didn't know orthe things that I didn't know
was like economics, or somethings. I'm like, you know what,
I will hire someone in thatarea. Like I wasn't, I never, I
(27:55):
never want to master that areas.
So your dad was a strong malevoice in your life. Jim, yes,
strong male voice in your life,right now is a strong male voice
in your life. And that continuumof you know, having people that
support and breathe life intoyour dream and who you want to
(28:16):
be is amazing.
Shelley Cull (28:20):
Thank you. Yes.
And you know, I remember the daythat I started this bright line
eating, which is like a weightloss, but community for support
and growth. And I was going tobe getting on this call, like a
boot camp call. And I rememberRay coming home from work early.
(28:43):
And I was just about to get onthis, this call. And it was
going to be talking all aboutlike body image and things like
that. And I was afraid to get onthe call that he might hear me
talking about this stuff.
Because I never told him. Ireally never told anybody. And I
(29:10):
remember him saying I said, CanI talk to you for like two
minutes because I have to hurry.
I have to get on this call. ButI have to tell you something.
And I said, I have a terriblelike body dysmorphia, like
appearance dysmorphia. Like Isuffer all the time with all
these things my mom ever likesaid about me. And I think I
(29:35):
found like a solution. And Ihave to give him this call. But
I just want to after the call. Iwant to talk to you about it.
Yeah. And he didn't have a clue.
And he ended up saying to me, ifI ever had one wish for you, it
(29:56):
would be for you to see yourselfthrough my eyes. You know, he
was so loving. And, you know,even my girlfriends, I've had
girlfriends since I was fiveyears old. And I couldn't even
talk to them about it becausethey thought I was stupid, like,
not stupid, stupid, butridiculous, stupid. And I've
(30:17):
never really been overweightmore than like 10 times in my
life. And yet, I thought I wasobese. And I thought I was ugly,
and my girlfriends dismissed it,because they couldn't even
imagine that, I would thinksomething like that. And then I
just started to meet more peoplethat had the same problem. You
(30:39):
know, so, that was a big daywhen, you know, I always had
good men in my life and goodwomen in my life. And I just
finally had to, like, take thecovers off, and come forward
with that.
Jennifer Malcolm (30:55):
So let's transition into brightline.
Because I know that is a dailypractice for you now. And you
found a tribe that works youthat acknowledges your pain
points, that doesn't, you know,it's one of the things they
don't dismiss you, if you saythey don't dismiss you, it's
(31:17):
getting to root issues isgetting to healing, body mind,
soul spirit, altogether. Soshare the your work with them
and how you practice.
Shelley Cull (31:31):
Well, this woman, this woman who leaves this
organization, her name is SusanPierce, Thompson, and PhD, and
she is a cognitive brainscience. She taught at the
college levels, on obesity andbrain science and, and all of
(31:52):
this so. And she is a self selfmade success. She was an addict,
and she was obese, and she was aprostitute. And she, she was
homeless. And now, even thoughshe was a professor, she gave up
tenure, because she felt calledto bring this to the world too.
(32:19):
It's about food addiction. Andit's about our our, how much our
brains are affected in ourbodies by the food that we eat.
So when she does her, herspeaking her vlogs, her, you
(32:43):
take a test on thesusceptibility scale, and it's
on a scale of one to 10. Becausewhat I think I'm trying to say
is that bright line eating isfirst about the addiction of
sugar, about the addiction ofcertain foods like flour and
sugar. So we don't eat any flouror sugar. We eat, it's ordered
(33:08):
eating, for some reason. LikeI've been on every diet in the
world, every diet that everexisted. And this brought me not
only a diet, but a calm,mindset, the theme is happy,
thin and free. So no flour, nosugar, three meals, no snacks.
(33:31):
And when you eat this way, yourbrain stops to have all this
trauma and buisiness I know I'mnot explaining it really well.
But to me, thousands of womenthat actually did this were
(33:53):
successful like me. Um, it justbrought the biggest change to my
life to date.
Jennifer Malcolm (34:02):
Which is powerful, because when I came
down and visited you guys backin January or February, and
you're like, Alright, there's noflour, no sugar, here's here's
great, here's raised cheat door.
I was like who is going to be acrazy few days, but it wasn't
like the meals were you know,you you always have a bountiful
of fruits and vegetables andeats and you eat, you know, a
great portion. You and I went onwalks and so it is a lifestyle
(34:26):
of, you know, getting certaintoxins out of our body that
don't serve us or make ussluggish. And so it was a it was
an interesting few days becauseI came home and I told Chad that
we were going to give up sugarand flour and I think he lasted
until well the first morning helasted till breakfast because he
(34:49):
said he forgotten he had a poptart.
The second day, he he I think hemade it till about two or three
and he was like Yeah, I don'tknow. But he kept saying he was
trying. And I was like, tryingwhen you go and get a handful
m&ms, that's not trying. Butit's deliberate to like
sabotage.
Shelley Cull (35:10):
But it didn't.
It's all excuse me forinterrupting, but it's all about
pain. It's all about pain. Andif you're in mental pain, and
I'm not saying physical pain,like, I will always really ate
healthy. Um, but for people thatreally eat a lot of sugar and
flour, often, it leads tomedications that you have to
(35:35):
take and aches and pains in yourbodies. And the thing about
bright line eating is that it'snot a diet, it's a lifestyle.
And she has had more people thathave lost 40-50-100-150 pounds
than any other like program, andhave maintained the weight loss.
(35:58):
That's her goal is for people tolive like happy, thin and free.
It is so glorious to see peoplelike I only lost like 18 pounds,
I'm I'm unique, like most peoplelost a lot more. But I lost it
four years ago and never gainedit back. So that's, that's
really a success. And to seepeople, so many of my friends
(36:21):
there were literally obese, andthey're not anymore. And so
they're living a whole entirelydifferent life, right.
Jennifer Malcolm (36:32):
And what I really appreciate awesome when I
was with you, is that you have agroup of women that you get on a
call every day, and you everymorning at 8am. So it's it's
also that like soul and spiritconnection that is beyond just
the eating and theaccountability. There is a
community and I'm intrigued byit. And I did a little bit of
(36:54):
research when I came back fromFlorida with you. But that peace
of a community of friendship, ofauthentic relationships of going
through life's challenges. Andyou've really built that beyond
just yeah, flour and sugar.
Shelley Cull (37:09):
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. And, you know,people there's a vlog this week,
she does a Wednesday blog, andthis one like is bright line
eating a cult. Because we allkind of jokingly call it a call.
And what happens on it's notreally called but
Jennifer Malcolm (37:28):
for clarification, it's not a cult.
Shelley Cull (37:32):
Because see, they're no ble police, like we
she says, do your own research,you know, and make it your own.
But the light, the world eatsdifferently. And we have to face
life on the road, we have toface I just experienced
something where I was in afamily's someone else's kitchen.
(37:55):
And it wasn't my family. Itwasn't I mean, it was my family.
But it wasn't where I feltreally comfortable. Like at your
house, I could say I'm takingover your kitchen. I know
exactly. I'm making some greenbeans, I'm making some
asparagus, she would be makingall this food and I wasn't going
to eat it. And then how awkwardis it to say, I'm going to make
(38:20):
some green beans? And then theysay why are you made a break
green bean casserole? You know?
So when when we talk to eachother every day, there's four of
us and we do you know a videocall every morning, we talk
about what's coming up, howwe're going to handle it, how
we're going to prepare our foodahead of time, how we're going
(38:41):
to have certain conversations,you know, and then of course, it
goes beyond that, because we'rejust dear friends and we did
meet even though it's an onlinecommunity, we did meet at the
reunion, one of the reunions andthen we all click together. And
we've been talking on the phonetogether every morning at eight
(39:02):
o'clock for two years.
Jennifer Malcolm (39:05):
Amazing. And I think that's the piece that's
different too. Because we oftengo into social settings where we
know it's coming. We know like,Alright, it's gonna be fat foods
or things that aren't, you know,in our butt. But we don't come
with prepared foods, you know,we'll be like, well, let's
figure something out. Or wedon't practice the words that we
(39:26):
need to practice in order toempower. So that ability to say,
all right, I might need somehelp on some language. And yes,
sound and practice that so thatyou go in empowered versus
reaction reactionary.
Shelley Cull (39:40):
Yep, exactly.
Exactly.
Jennifer Malcolm (39:43):
So how today I know that that I get to see your
mom via you know, your Facebookposts now and since she moved to
Florida, I really haven't seenher much but how is your
relationship with her today? AndI know you and I talked about
this, when I was down about, youknow, at what point do you just
(40:06):
really just completely let goand let it be, and just love
her. She's in her 90s. So justlove her where she's at, and
enjoy the, you know, the lastremaining years with her, or
feel like you need some closure.
Shelley Cull (40:23):
You know, um, I had to do a really hard thing
and move away from her. So, shelived near me in New York for a
while, and it hurt ourrelationship. And so, when I
moved to Florida, I neverthought my brothers would step
(40:44):
up, you know, and, and they did.
So we all have our roles. Mybrother is there in person, he's
in Westlake, then my olderbrothers in Michigan, so he's a
doctor so he can do, he's incharge of her health care, then,
of course, I'm theadministrator, so I can take
care of all the finances and allthe her stay in the facility and
all and I think I've made peacewith her. And with it. I'm glad
(41:11):
that I don't have to be theretaking the abuse, like every
day. And it It's so sad. It's sosad that she's so negative,
still lonely still. Andcomplains still. And so I have a
(41:31):
lot of empathy that she willleave this world. Never having
felt. Love fun and friendshipand faith. Right, you know, so I
do have, um, I always used tosay, which wasn't very nice, but
(41:52):
I would say I don't like her.
Nor do I love her. I neverremember her being a mother
mother. I'd never read that shenever babysat for my kids. Never
ever. She never. I don't think Iwas ever read stories, you know,
is a I don't. It's just I feellike she was my nanny. And so
(42:18):
I've reached out to others formy love. Yeah. So now, I'm
rather detached with love. Yeah.
Yeah, no. And
Jennifer Malcolm (42:30):
Mm hmm. And it's interesting, because you
said fun, faith family. Andthere was something else? And I
know, those are your pillars.
and friendship. Yeah, I know,those are the pillars of your
life that you are. You have thefriends that you have the fun
the community, the family. Iknow, faith is important to you.
So those are like yourfoundational principles.
Shelley Cull (42:50):
Yes. And, you know, um, this is what I, what I
taken away from all of that, isthat, you know, a question is
like, what would you recommendto to others that might be going
through this? And at first, Ithought, fix it. You know, like,
(43:11):
when I fixed mine, I set up astrategy. And I'm like, I didn't
think I was a good way. So I'mgoing to get fit, you know, and
I did, and I was in a women'sfitness competition, and I won
all the medals at 49. Like,because I was the oldest one
there. But I didn't care. Like Iwas still doing cartwheels and
(43:31):
splits at 49. Right? And then Idecided to go back to college.
So then I got straight A's andeverything, like statistics and
corporate finance. And I'm like,Oh, I guess I smart. And then
because I felt smart and fit mywhole appearance, belt, you
know, better. But what do youtake away from that is not just
(43:56):
fix it. But I became a bettermother. I became like the
opposite of my mother. And I letthe kids spill the milk when
they wanted to pour their milkat the table. You know, I was
the one that had the home fullof kids. I was the one my my one
(44:21):
another saying was my motto waswhenever your kids ask you to be
somewhere, you always say yes.
You know, because some parentshave children that don't ask
their parents their mother to besomewhere. And so all of this
pain made me a better person.
Jennifer Malcolm (44:45):
You know, and you are a phenomenal mom. And I
mean again, Jimmy and and Scottwere I mean, I was there when
you brought Scott home from thehospital and just watching you
just mother with wisdom, withcompassion, with friendship,
with understanding withcompromise, like you You love
(45:09):
unconditionally your boys. Andit's been you know you that's
evidence as you watch, and Iknow that you brought a letter
today of a if you can read itread it without crying, I read
it, yes. gifted one of yourboys, and I know you wanted to
(45:30):
share that.
Shelley Cull (45:31):
Thank you Well, my son, both of my sons, they never
want for anything. And I don'tknow where that ever came from.
They never want money, theynever want stuff. They're just
so down to earth, you know? And,and so one time for his
birthday, I said, this got whatdo you want for your birthday?
And he said nothing. And then Isaid, Now come on, what do you
(45:54):
want for your birthday? And hesaid, All right. Write me a
letter. Write me a lettertelling me how to be happy in
life. I'm like, Okay.
Jennifer Malcolm (46:09):
All righty, here we go.
Shelley Cull (46:11):
So here's the letter that I wrote. Happy
birthday to my cherish son, howto win at living a simple
strategy. Who finding joy is aninteresting task. Putting some
thought into this question youasked. For me, I found that
(46:34):
changes good. Doing things Ithought I couldn't but could
help me see what was truly inme. And doing the thing that you
think you cannot do was key,whether college at 50, Europe at
20, climbing a mountain speakingto 400 or 26.2 mile run,
(46:56):
achieving the impossible wasextremely fulfilling and
ultimately, upon reflectionbrought joy and fun. Another key
to joy for me and living lifecompletely, is having dear
friends and family near whoseemed to help complete me
(47:18):
different kinds of friends anddifferent kinds of views on
topics far and wide. enrich mylife and help me grow and filled
me up inside. So if I wasfeeling sad and blue and losing
my perspective, one specialperson from this group would
help me be objective. And soon,I'd say with clarity that all
(47:41):
would clearly be well with me.
Bad things happen in life, forsure. And we may struggle to
understand why. And we just wantto break down and cry. But
looking back on my life, I'verealized that when I was
rejected, I was actually beingrepositioned and simply
redirected. So again, joy comesfrom having faith and keeping
(48:04):
your perspective. My lastcomponent that comes to mind for
happiness in life, is to liveeach day with gratefulness. And
to find a loving wife. I foundthat joy is better shared with
people you adore. And childrenare the greatest joy you'll ever
(48:24):
find. By far.
Jennifer Malcolm (48:33):
Those of you who are listening, we're both
tears streaming down her face.
Shelley Cull (48:40):
Oh,
Jennifer Malcolm (48:41):
and what came to my mind, as you started
reading was what we were talkingabout a half hour ago about your
mom and the things and breakingthat chain and cycle like she
did the best. But you broke youbroke some chains of of stuff
from her past, and the gift thatyou are to your boys. And now
(49:02):
the gift that they're going tobe with their children. Yeah,
you've reset the entiredirection. Thank you painful,
and I know you struggled, butyou now have grandchildren that
are going to rise up and callyou blessing and your boys are
going to call you blessed andthe strength that you have to
(49:25):
overcome, you know, just woundsthat pierced your soul at a
hurtful relationship yet you'vechanged the toxic toxicity of
it.
Shelley Cull (49:36):
Thank you. Yes, I believe that and I'm so full of
joy for that.
Jennifer Malcolm (49:44):
So we've created this podcast as a safe
place for women, a place to comeand get encouragement, a place
to come and find someone thataligns with my Heart aligns with
my wounds aligns with my pastaligns with my hopes or my
(50:05):
dreams? And what would be somewords of encouragement that you
would want to gift to women whowill be listening to this?
Shelley Cull (50:16):
No, I thought a lot about that. And they need
to, to tell to tell someone,well, they don't need to. I felt
that by talking about it, andbringing it out of myself. I
(50:37):
found comfort and love andadvice and cherished authentic
relationships by just revealingmy truth. It brought me closer
to my own husband. Um, and thenI did set out to fix it. I said,
(51:00):
I'm done with this. You know, ifI think a, then I'm going to
prove it's not true. If I thinkbe, I'm going to prove it's not
true. I think See, I'm going toprove it's not true. And then
I'm going to take away what didthat pain, teach me on how what
to value in in my life now formy children's life. So really,
(51:24):
to come up with your own FIX ITstrategy, because life is too
short. Life is too short. Youknow, you deserve we all deserve
to find, to feel complete and injoyful.
Jennifer Malcolm (51:46):
Yeah. And that's powerful. And they and I
will, I will validate the partabout speaking it and sharing
it. It doesn't have to be in apublic manner. It doesn't have
to be in a therapist office. Butsharing it breaks down the lies,
sharing it brings the truth tothe surface sharing it makes us
(52:08):
have community and it's notabout someone else fixing it.
But the things that we push downand we bottle in and we don't
use our voices because of angerbuisiness, ugliness, dysmorphia,
whatever those things are, welock them in. And when we start
talking about them, writingabout them, acknowledging that
(52:31):
they exist. That's the firststep of healing. It's that first
Yes, of, of taking as a onesmall step of courage to heal.
And and I applaud, I think I Iabsolutely agree with you and
beginning to share that journey.
Shelley Cull (52:48):
Thank you.
Jennifer Malcolm (52:49):
I know you also inclosing brought another
piece of work with you thatpourtant. And that speaks a lot
and this will be a familiar one.
It's not an original piece byShelley. But one that is
powerful, that really alignswith what we've discussed today.
So why don't you close withthis?
Shelley Cull (53:09):
Thank you. And this was something that my dear
friend Victoria sent to me thismorning after our call with our
our mastermind group, to justlet her know that it would go
well and that she was thinkingof me and that this will not
only perhaps help me but all thewomen that listen to your your
(53:31):
podcasts. Our deepest fear isnot that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we arepowerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness thatmost frightens us, we ask
ourselves, who am I to bebrilliant, gorgeous, talented
and fabulous, actually, who areyou not to be? You are a child
(53:56):
of God. Your playing smalldoesn't serve the world. There
is nothing enlightened aboutshrinking so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within
us. It is not just in some ofus, it's in everyone. And when
we let our own light shine, weunconsciously give other people
(54:21):
permission to do the same. As weare liberated from our own fear,
our presence automaticallyliberates others. And then
Jennifer Malcolm (54:36):
and then famous passage from Marianne
Williamson and powerful speakerand so as we're closing today, I
would love to challenge theaudience to speak out your
fears. Take take five minutes toeither journal, something down,
something that you want to workon something that you know is
(54:56):
locked down in your soul, yourspirit, whether it's image,
whether it's insecurities,whether it's fear, fear of
failing, whether it's shameworthiness issues, whatever that
is, write that down. And thenalso write down one thing you
want to see or do. So whetherthat is I want to go back at 50
(55:18):
years old and finish my collegedegree, I want to run a marathon
at, you know, my age, I want tolose 20 pounds. I want you to do
two activations today, one,start on bottling that which is
deep down within you that youknow, is screaming and wanting
to come out. And number two,let's take a time to write down
(55:38):
one dream, something in yourheart that you can visually see.
And let's put that intoactivation today. So, thank you,
my dear heart friend, I havelike a studio full of Kleenex
around me of tears of truth. AndI always I always say, My tears
are my strength. They are not myweakness, my tears. They are
(56:01):
not. Yes. And I am honored tocall you my friend, and grateful
that you had the courage to comeout today. I know when I first
asked you, you're like, Oh, hellno.
Unknown (56:15):
I know. I wanted to ay no. And then I just knew
that it was
Jennifer Malcolm (56:20):
It is. And I knew that if I give you enoug
time, you would come around. SoI just need to give you some
ime to let it sit with you.
ut I'm honored that you wee here today. And thanks for tak
ng out your time this morninto be with us. really grate
ul for you.
Shelley Cull (56:33):
Thank you, Jenn and thanks for doing this for
all of us.
Jennifer Malcolm (56:35):
You're very welcome. So thanks, everyone for
tuning in. today. I am honoredthat you took your time to
listen to our story, Shelleystory, which is powerful, and we
look forward to connecting withyou next week. All right, have a
good one. Bye. Subscribe to theJennasis Movement to empower
women's voices and reclaim thepower over your own narrative.
Welcome to the Jennasis Speaks podcast, The
Transformative Power of Women'sStories, a platform that
empowers women storytelling topromote collective
vulnerability, acceptance andhealing. I am your host,
Jennifer Malcolm, self madeentrepreneur, women advocate and
life balance expert. Welcome tothe next episode of Jennasis
(00:31):
Speaks podcast, TheTransformative Power of Women's
Stories, where every woman has astory and every story matters.
I'm Jennifer Malcolm, your host,founder and president of
Jennasis and Associates. Andwith me today is a lifelong like
when I say lifelong friend,Lifeline friend that I think
I've known since I was aroundfive years old, and Shelley
(00:52):
Solomon call. And today I'mgoing to just read a little bio
about her and we're gonna justjump right into her powerful
story. So this is a woman I amin AWS, the woman has had more
than 25 years of successfulbusiness experience. She
established a multi milliondollar veterinary practice and a
leading consultant in therestaurant industry. But through
(01:14):
it all, and despite appearances,Shelly struggled with ongoing
criticism from her mother thatfor many years affected her self
image and some sense of selfworth. Shelley is here today to
share how she found the strengthto turn away from the distorted
image her mother saw and createda new image that reflects the
real Shelley. So welcome, myfriend. We're gonna cry, I think
(01:39):
this is the one that we aregoing to cry our way through
today. So
Shelley Cull (01:44):
I know, thank you so much for doing this. For me,
you know, and for other women.
The the theme of this is soprofound, and you know, to be
able to share and be vulnerable.
You know, I was nervous to dothis. But all of my dear friends
said it's not, it's for you, butit's not for you. It's for
(02:09):
others and and share the storyjust like your other guests have
because we if others cannotsuffer the pain that we've
suffered, then Amen. Let themjump to their joy sooner.
Jennifer Malcolm (02:27):
I love it. So, context for the audience
listeners, Shelley is my secondmom.
She's also my aunt's my friend,my colleague, my partner in
crime. She is one that I'vegleaned such wisdom from over
the years. And we foundourselves in reconnected in
divorce court many years ago.
And the last 1215 years has justjumped down the rabbit hole of
(02:50):
joy and connection laughter,tears vulnerability, and here
today just to capture yourstory. So we're going to talk
about and jump right in, I knowthat you and I have had intimate
conversations about body imageand body perspective, just to
share with the audience likewe're that original, you know,
broken mirror the brokenreflection and looking at
(03:13):
yourself came from,
Shelley Cull (03:18):
you know, I know that it came from my mom's
words. And what I'd like toconvey is, you know, they say,
sticks and stones, stones willmay break your bones, but words
will never hurt you. It's so theopposite. It's so the opposite.
Um, the words that she spoke,just killed me, and were rooted
(03:45):
inside of me, you know, for mostof my life. And it started early
on because my mom was a Jewish,attractive, on educated, smart,
you know, smart but noteducated. She was married at 17
she had an abusive father.
Everything was about your looks,everything was about your
(04:08):
appearance. And when I was born,I have two brothers when I was
born, she just was wanted thisgirly girl. And I remember
having an Easter portraitpicture done at a photographer,
and she dressed me up with adress and Lacy gloves, and a
(04:30):
little hat. And I was so mad andI just resisted that whole thing
you know of being dressed uplike this girly girl and all I
wanted to do was build treehouses and play kickball and be
(04:51):
a tomboy right now. So I knowthat all of the words She said,
From that time, maybe 910 11years old, all the way till
today, her message is still thesame. It's just that I came to
understand where that messagecame from
Jennifer Malcolm (05:17):
originated from. So did that cause you to
struggle outside of your mom andyour relationship? So I know
that was one view from her, didthat end up capturing over into
other relationships, boyfriendsexperiences as you were growing
up?
Shelley Cull (05:31):
You know, it's amazing how I hit it. And how it
didn't. Wow, it's, it's almostlike I felt it. And I saw it.
And I didn't think I look goodenough. I didn't think that I
(05:52):
was smart. I didn't think that Iwas. My body was right. But it's
like it. Interestingly, it neverproved itself in life. I never
had a bad girlfriend. I neverhad a bad boyfriend. I never I
(06:13):
always achieved my goals. So Isuffered in silence. Wow. Wow.
No, yeah, that's That's
Jennifer Malcolm (06:24):
powerful.
Because a lot would, you know, alot of the stories that I'm
hearing it, it reflects in youroutward relationships. So
whether it's harming I'm gettingI will get into an unhealthy
relationship because I need theattention. I need the the
validation. And you on theopposite. Just let it fester
within you.
Shelley Cull (06:46):
Yeah, it's, it's really quite interesting. Now,
it may have helped that I wasDaddy's little girl, and that he
thought I could do no wrong. Um,he was a little chauvinistic.
And that's, I think, where myintelligence part came from. My,
(07:06):
my dad never thought that thewoman women had to go to college
or, you know, have a career. SoI was really certainly never
directed from my mother, whonever finished high school. And
I wasn't really directed by myfather, who didn't think it was
really important. So, you know,that may have helped in my own,
(07:30):
like, such a conflict,confidence. But yet, deep down
inside my soul, I would look atmyself and think, no, but yet,
it didn't show on the outside.
Jennifer Malcolm (07:43):
So when you were when you were a teenager
and a young woman, as you wouldlook in the mirror? Where did
you see beauty? And hey, I couldbecause you're such a polished
woman, you always are puttogether and you look beautiful.
You always have a sassy hair,your nails are done. And, and
but did you? Did you look in themirror and see that and walk in
(08:04):
that? Or did you look in themirror and be like, you know
what, I should probably put on adifferent color lipstick?
Because my mom's you know, wordsare ringing in my ear. Or maybe
I should put my hairdifferently? Or maybe I should
do something. So how does thatlike when you were, you know, a
teenager into early adulthood?
Shelley Cull (08:20):
Yeah, it was so sad. I just thought I looked
ugly. I just would look in themirror. And every time I would
see her, she would say maybe thenext time you come home, we can
go to my girl and she could fixyour hair. Or she would say, I
(08:41):
am not going into that storewith you unless you put some
lipstick on. Or she would say,Are you going to you're going to
wear that. You know, and I youknow, I didn't become her? Yeah,
um, I really was sad that Ididn't look good. And when your
(09:05):
mother says it, you think thatshe's the only one telling the
truth. Because usually a motheris the one like I am with my
kids and you work with yourkids. It's like they are
fabulous in every way. So whenmy friends would tell me that I
(09:26):
look great, or that I was smart.
I really wouldn't believe them.
I believe that. My mom's messagewas the one so I was always kind
of trying to fix my hair and fixbut everything was really pretty
together. Like I wore makeup andI I dressed up when I had to be
(09:48):
dressed and I didn't reallycare. I'm not the kind of go to
the grocery store and put makeupon and wear a nice outfit where
my mother was you don't go outand let You're dressed. Right.
So I don't think I reacted that.
You know, that's kind of a inbetween. I think I was normal in
always trying to have the besthaircut or the best makeup and
(10:11):
the best clothes. But I didn'tdo it. Because of her. Like, I
almost like dismissed what shesaid. I believed it. But then
somehow I carried on. That's socool.
Jennifer Malcolm (10:27):
I never thought about that was really
interesting. And it and I thinkit's really imperative, the
distinction if someonecomplimented you, you might be
able to say thank you, but theword, like my mom's words have
to Trump that, like, they'll seesomething that you know, this
person isn't seeing.
Shelley Cull (10:47):
I mean, every time I would open the door to see her
and go to see her, she wouldgreet me with you look so tired.
Like a what value? Could thatever be mothers out there? Tell
(11:07):
your child that they yourdaughter, you know that they
look tired? Or they need ahaircut? Right? I mean,
Jennifer Malcolm (11:16):
I I remember.
I know. You know, I'll ask herapology to my sister later. But
when I got remarried, twosummers ago, we were in Florida.
And again, Chad has seen heloves me for me. Yeah, he loves
me. No matter if I have makeupon, if I have a hat on, if I
have sweat pants on, if I havestilettos on, he doesn't care.
All he sees is good. And it'sand it's, it's been a
(11:39):
relationship that I'm now seeingmy worth. I'm seeing my value.
I'm seeing that it doesn't. It'snot to it's not tied to other I
have a haircut or I have grayhair, or Hey, and pounds
overweight. Never. That's neverthe issue in his mind. He always
uses it. And so that we go isgetting married, my sister was
(12:01):
like, are you gonna like dosomething with those, that
grace, where you get married.
And I was like, I honestlywasn't going. I wasn't going to.
But that's all I thought of allweek was the pictures. And
again, it was my my wedding. ButI knew Chad didn't care. I knew
he didn't care. And so they allwent out one night and I went to
(12:23):
the store and I got my box, youknow, hair, hair color to do my
roots. And I was like miserable.
And I was angry. And Chad waslike, Who cares? Just come and
play with us? And I was like,No, someone said this, and I
need to fix it. And yeah, and Ilove you, Sis, I know you're
gonna listen to this. I loveyou. But it hurts it you know,
like there's a piece of youknow, words have the power of
(12:44):
life and death.
Shelley Cull (12:49):
Yeah.
Jennifer Malcolm (12:50):
And if you are saying things that, hey, you
know, next year in town, I'mgonna take you to get a haircut
or, you know, always trying tonitpick. That's, it doesn't
Shelley Cull (13:00):
Yeah. I mean, you hit the nail on the head. You
heard the words, you knewintellectually. That didn't
really matter that Chad didn'tcare, like Ray says to me, how
could you wake up and look justas beautiful as you did? And
then, you know, he would say,I'd say Well, I'm not putting
(13:22):
any makeup on for this. And hesaid, why would you like why
mess with like Rembrandt?
Jennifer Malcolm (13:28):
I love it. Now and
Shelley Cull (13:30):
I love our men and I just him. And another big
thing was, would we ever judgeanyone else based on? I know, I
wouldn't based on their hair ortheir body or their lipstick.
(13:51):
Right, I would never judge and Ihave the most beautiful and
spirit beautiful friends in theworld. And I know the value of
that. And so for me to havealways been so critical of
myself. It's just like, duh,like, it's like this
(14:11):
misconnection there that I'vebeen always trying to work out.
Jennifer Malcolm (14:16):
So when your your when your mom was saying
these things, what hurt wordsthat she would did not see the
value of education or your mind?
Or was it that she was pickingon your hair, your lipstick,
your clothes, all that or was itbut well?
Shelley Cull (14:31):
No, it was definitely the appearance and
she really never spoke to mymind. It was only my dad's lack
of conversation and direction.
And this is another story but itturned out that when my son was
diagnosed with a DD I laughedand I said, I know where that
came from. And so I didn't thinkI was smart because I didn't
(14:56):
number one. I didn't have goals.
My parents never talked to meabout goals, which I think is an
important conversation. Andlike, what do you want to be
when you grow up? Never had thatconversation. And so then when
when I didn't take honorsclasses in high school, and when
(15:16):
I went to college, and I thoughtI should major in dance. I mean,
dance. Okay. Um, I just thoughtthat I wasn't on that right
track. So it took a whilebefore, you know, I got there.
But when my mom would criticizemy appearance, and it happened,
(15:40):
and it still happens, the lasttime I was with her, before
COVID started, she said, I said,Come on, mom, I'm going to take
your she's in a nursingfacility. And I said, we're
gonna go out to dinner. And shelooked at me and she said,
aren't you gonna put up in yourface and do your hair and
(16:00):
change? And I said, you know,Mom, I'm good. I said, I'm
dressed. I've got on my face,and I've got my hair. Let's go.
I mean, I'm 68 frickin yearsold. And she's still saying, Are
you gonna go out like that?
Jennifer Malcolm (16:20):
I've met your mom numerous times, and I adore
her. But that would have to belike nails on a chalkboard?
Like, no, let's just go eat somefood.
Shelley Cull (16:30):
Yeah, yeah. And, you know, it was interesting,
you know, one of the questionswe thought about was, um, have
you ever tried to talk to herabout this? And I remember just
about four or five years ago,that I was deep into fixing
(16:53):
this, you know, and getting overit. And ultimately, you know,
we'll talk about like, thisbright line eating, which is a
community of love, a communityof love, and, and helping each
other. By supporting each otherand someone in that community. I
posted something about bodydysmorphia disorder, this BDD.
(17:17):
And I said, has anyone ever, youknow, experienced that. And of
course, I got so much profoundacknowledgement and love and
that people never would talkabout it. And they thank me for
bringing it up. And someone hadrecommended this book, the
broken mirror. And it's fivelike this. Katherine Philips,
Dr. Philips. And it's a thing.
It's a thing like bodydysmorphia. And it's, it's an
(17:42):
obsession. There wasn't a daythat ever went by in my life,
that I didn't have some negativefeelings about my body or my
face, you know. And so I went tothe doctor, and I read this
book, I went to my doctor, and Ijust started crying. And I just
(18:04):
said, I've been doing someresearch, and I think this must
be like, what I have, um, andshe really listened and really
acknowledged it, or the firsttime I'd ever talked about it.
And she gave me a low dose likeanti depressant, she said, they
(18:26):
that takes away the obsessivethoughts. Yeah. And so I went on
that. And I went to my mom's andI brought the book in my hand.
And I wanted to have anotherdiscussion with her about how
her words hurt. And what'simportant in life, you know, and
(18:49):
what, what, you know, moremeaningful discussion. And she
greeted me with you look sotired. As soon as I walked in
the door, and I am such a calmperson, I rarely get angry,
raise my voice. Like, I screamedat her for the very first time
(19:14):
in my life. Wow. And I threw thebook, the book at her, like, at
the counter, like, and I said, Ican't believe you're fucking
saying stuff like that. AfterI'm 65 years old, and you're
still greeting me with you looktired. You don't look good. You
(19:35):
need a haircut. What are youwearing? I said, See this book?
This is what you did to me. Wow.
And, you know, she kind of heardit. And then she cried. But then
nothing ever changed. Right? Youknow? Yeah, and I understand
(20:00):
That now I understand. She wasonly trying to help me succeed
in life. Because she ran awayfrom home to get married get
away from an abusive, horriblefather that scrubbed her lips
with Brillo pads, because shehad lipstick on, she could never
bring friends home. She was anonly child, her mother was
(20:22):
really narcissistic. And shebasically was raised by herself.
Always lonely, always sad. Andshe just wanted me to be
beautiful, because her beautygot her where she needed to go.
Jennifer Malcolm (20:40):
Wow. Which is powerful, closing the loop.
Because as you are dealing withyour shit, your mom, your mom is
operating out of her wounds outof what she knew how hurt how
she was surviving. And then herdysfunction, dysfunctional
(21:02):
communication with towards you.
It was her way to try to haveyou survive. Have you thrive,
have you and all you felt wasthe opposite of I'm not good
enough. I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not thin enough. I'm not puttogether enough. And it's an
(21:23):
again, when we talk about, youknow, the why of this podcast.
It's like breaking those loops.
And those chains that bind us toour past stories, the things
that, you know, we you know,whether it's wordiness, whether
it's beauty, whether it's shame,whether it's voice, all those
things, that we break the cycleof the lies that have captured
(21:44):
our heart, whether it's been tous or whether we chose to be you
know, situation, but it's there.
But your mom, I mean, there's acompassion in my heart like your
mom did it for some reasons thatserve that served her well in
her her life. Wow. But Wow,super dysfunctional, and super
(22:08):
harmful to you?
Shelley Cull (22:10):
Yeah. Yeah. That's what she knew, and that she was
trying to help. So that reallydid help me to forgive her.
Yeah. Yeah, you know,
Jennifer Malcolm (22:21):
so as you entered, because I know that
you've had several, you've haddecades of successful careers,
in business and in coaching, andin your consultative work with
the restaurants and in yourcollaboration and co partnership
with your first husband, withthe veterinarian practice. So in
(22:42):
that though, you're you youappear, you're very articulate,
you come across very puttogether poised intelligent,
you're smart. But where were youalso still struggling with this,
this dysfunctional beauty or theshattered mirror syndrome? As
you are seeing success as youare becoming a mom as you are
(23:05):
raising strong boys? You know,were you able to ever separate
those two things?
Shelley Cull (23:10):
You know, again, I'm so thankful that, and I
don't even really know what itwas, but I never gave it that
power. I never thought Icouldn't figure something out.
You know, I don't know why. Youknow, one time someone said, if
(23:32):
you had like a magic wand, um,would you change your life? And
would you, you know, my goal tobe beautiful and skinny, was
just as crazy as my goal ofwanting to be four inches
taller. You know? You know, and,and I couldn't, I think that
(23:56):
success breeds success. And so,I've always loved one of my
favorite quotes was you must dothe thing that you think you
cannot do. And once I started totackle this things from when
Scott was born, my little oneand almost died and had a year
(24:20):
and a half of medical struggles.
And I rose to that occasion,when Jim my ex, like, wanted to
stay in his area of expertise asa veterinary specialist and
travel. I'm the one that said,you know, if I can run a
restaurant, I can run aveterinary practice. Why don't
(24:42):
you have your own practice? And,you know, he was like, I don't
know anything about business. Ijust know how to take care of
the animals. Why? I thought thatI could figure everything out. I
don't know. Thank you. Word.
Yeah, but every single thing Ihad to figure out, I did the
(25:05):
research. I got it done. So itwas interesting that you know,
thanks for asking everythingthat I kind of set my mind to
do. I did whether it was I mean,I spoke in front of 400 people
when I was like 24 years old,like at a national restaurant
(25:28):
convention, like I was too youngto know to be scared, right? Um,
so I had a presence andprofessionalism, and a lot of
motivation. So where did thatall come from? And why didn't I
like cower like that I wasn'tsmart enough, or there wasn't
attractive enough. Thank God, Ijust kept going. And then every
(25:51):
success that I had, I did iteven on purpose. Wow, I could do
that. Wow. And like, even when Iran a marathon, I did it to see
if I could do it. Right. Andthen to motivate others to say,
if this person can do it, at4550 years old, you know, then
(26:16):
you can do it. You know, andthen again, I had good men in my
life. And when Jim heard me say,I don't know, I'm not really
smart. Have you ever graduatedfrom college? I got a two year
degree in Restaurant Management.
He said, What are you talkingabout? You're smarter than I am.
(26:36):
I couldn't have done what youdid. I mean, I got a $600,000
loan. You know, when when westarted our practice, after four
banks turned us down. You know,when I was the one that wrote
the business plan, dideverything. We I built a
building, you know, we have 30employees. And he said, we're
smarter than I am. I'm like, No,and he and I. And I said, Well,
(27:00):
why didn't I graduate fromcollege? Why did I graduate? He
said, Well, you said you had aDD or something if you want to
graduate from college, like goback to college. So I went back
to college when I was 45 at bw,and shared alma mater, and I
graduated, like, when I was 50,um, with a business degree and
(27:26):
everything I learned, I alreadyknew, because I had figured it
out. No.
Jennifer Malcolm (27:34):
And that's, that's funny, because, you know,
I just got my MBA this Ifinished this spring from Vaughn
Wallace. And it was interestingbecause being in business, 10
years, there was a lot I knew,there was a lot of like
terminology. They didn't know orthe things that I didn't know
was like economics, or somethings. I'm like, you know what,
I will hire someone in thatarea. Like I wasn't, I never, I
(27:55):
never want to master that areas.
So your dad was a strong malevoice in your life. Jim, yes,
strong male voice in your life,right now is a strong male voice
in your life. And that continuumof you know, having people that
support and breathe life intoyour dream and who you want to
(28:16):
be is amazing.
Shelley Cull (28:20):
Thank you. Yes.
And you know, I remember the daythat I started this bright line
eating, which is like a weightloss, but community for support
and growth. And I was going tobe getting on this call, like a
boot camp call. And I rememberRay coming home from work early.
(28:43):
And I was just about to get onthis, this call. And it was
going to be talking all aboutlike body image and things like
that. And I was afraid to get onthe call that he might hear me
talking about this stuff.
Because I never told him. Ireally never told anybody. And I
(29:10):
remember him saying I said, CanI talk to you for like two
minutes because I have to hurry.
I have to get on this call. ButI have to tell you something.
And I said, I have a terriblelike body dysmorphia, like
appearance dysmorphia. Like Isuffer all the time with all
these things my mom ever likesaid about me. And I think I
(29:35):
found like a solution. And Ihave to give him this call. But
I just want to after the call. Iwant to talk to you about it.
Yeah. And he didn't have a clue.
And he ended up saying to me, ifI ever had one wish for you, it
(29:56):
would be for you to see yourselfthrough my eyes. You know, he
was so loving. And, you know,even my girlfriends, I've had
girlfriends since I was fiveyears old. And I couldn't even
talk to them about it becausethey thought I was stupid, like,
not stupid, stupid, butridiculous, stupid. And I've
(30:17):
never really been overweightmore than like 10 times in my
life. And yet, I thought I wasobese. And I thought I was ugly,
and my girlfriends dismissed it,because they couldn't even
imagine that, I would thinksomething like that. And then I
just started to meet more peoplethat had the same problem. You
(30:39):
know, so, that was a big daywhen, you know, I always had
good men in my life and goodwomen in my life. And I just
finally had to, like, take thecovers off, and come forward
with that.
Jennifer Malcolm (30:55):
So let's transition into brightline.
Because I know that is a dailypractice for you now. And you
found a tribe that works youthat acknowledges your pain
points, that doesn't, you know,it's one of the things they
don't dismiss you, if you saythey don't dismiss you, it's
(31:17):
getting to root issues isgetting to healing, body mind,
soul spirit, altogether. Soshare the your work with them
and how you practice.
Shelley Cull (31:31):
Well, this woman, this woman who leaves this
organization, her name is SusanPierce, Thompson, and PhD, and
she is a cognitive brainscience. She taught at the
college levels, on obesity andbrain science and, and all of
(31:52):
this so. And she is a self selfmade success. She was an addict,
and she was obese, and she was aprostitute. And she, she was
homeless. And now, even thoughshe was a professor, she gave up
tenure, because she felt calledto bring this to the world too.
(32:19):
It's about food addiction. Andit's about our our, how much our
brains are affected in ourbodies by the food that we eat.
So when she does her, herspeaking her vlogs, her, you
(32:43):
take a test on thesusceptibility scale, and it's
on a scale of one to 10. Becausewhat I think I'm trying to say
is that bright line eating isfirst about the addiction of
sugar, about the addiction ofcertain foods like flour and
sugar. So we don't eat any flouror sugar. We eat, it's ordered
(33:08):
eating, for some reason. LikeI've been on every diet in the
world, every diet that everexisted. And this brought me not
only a diet, but a calm,mindset, the theme is happy,
thin and free. So no flour, nosugar, three meals, no snacks.
(33:31):
And when you eat this way, yourbrain stops to have all this
trauma and buisiness I know I'mnot explaining it really well.
But to me, thousands of womenthat actually did this were
(33:53):
successful like me. Um, it justbrought the biggest change to my
life to date.
Jennifer Malcolm (34:02):
Which is powerful, because when I came
down and visited you guys backin January or February, and
you're like, Alright, there's noflour, no sugar, here's here's
great, here's raised cheat door.
I was like who is going to be acrazy few days, but it wasn't
like the meals were you know,you you always have a bountiful
of fruits and vegetables andeats and you eat, you know, a
great portion. You and I went onwalks and so it is a lifestyle
(34:26):
of, you know, getting certaintoxins out of our body that
don't serve us or make ussluggish. And so it was a it was
an interesting few days becauseI came home and I told Chad that
we were going to give up sugarand flour and I think he lasted
until well the first morning helasted till breakfast because he
(34:49):
said he forgotten he had a poptart.
The second day, he he I think hemade it till about two or three
and he was like Yeah, I don'tknow. But he kept saying he was
trying. And I was like, tryingwhen you go and get a handful
m&ms, that's not trying. Butit's deliberate to like
sabotage.
Shelley Cull (35:10):
But it didn't.
It's all excuse me forinterrupting, but it's all about
pain. It's all about pain. Andif you're in mental pain, and
I'm not saying physical pain,like, I will always really ate
healthy. Um, but for people thatreally eat a lot of sugar and
flour, often, it leads tomedications that you have to
(35:35):
take and aches and pains in yourbodies. And the thing about
bright line eating is that it'snot a diet, it's a lifestyle.
And she has had more people thathave lost 40-50-100-150 pounds
than any other like program, andhave maintained the weight loss.
(35:58):
That's her goal is for people tolive like happy, thin and free.
It is so glorious to see peoplelike I only lost like 18 pounds,
I'm I'm unique, like most peoplelost a lot more. But I lost it
four years ago and never gainedit back. So that's, that's
really a success. And to seepeople, so many of my friends
(36:21):
there were literally obese, andthey're not anymore. And so
they're living a whole entirelydifferent life, right.
Jennifer Malcolm (36:32):
And what I really appreciate awesome when I
was with you, is that you have agroup of women that you get on a
call every day, and you everymorning at 8am. So it's it's
also that like soul and spiritconnection that is beyond just
the eating and theaccountability. There is a
community and I'm intrigued byit. And I did a little bit of
(36:54):
research when I came back fromFlorida with you. But that peace
of a community of friendship, ofauthentic relationships of going
through life's challenges. Andyou've really built that beyond
just yeah, flour and sugar.
Shelley Cull (37:09):
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. And, you know,people there's a vlog this week,
she does a Wednesday blog, andthis one like is bright line
eating a cult. Because we allkind of jokingly call it a call.
And what happens on it's notreally called but
Jennifer Malcolm (37:28):
for clarification, it's not a cult.
Shelley Cull (37:32):
Because see, they're no ble police, like we
she says, do your own research,you know, and make it your own.
But the light, the world eatsdifferently. And we have to face
life on the road, we have toface I just experienced
something where I was in afamily's someone else's kitchen.
(37:55):
And it wasn't my family. Itwasn't I mean, it was my family.
But it wasn't where I feltreally comfortable. Like at your
house, I could say I'm takingover your kitchen. I know
exactly. I'm making some greenbeans, I'm making some
asparagus, she would be makingall this food and I wasn't going
to eat it. And then how awkwardis it to say, I'm going to make
(38:20):
some green beans? And then theysay why are you made a break
green bean casserole? You know?
So when when we talk to eachother every day, there's four of
us and we do you know a videocall every morning, we talk
about what's coming up, howwe're going to handle it, how
we're going to prepare our foodahead of time, how we're going
(38:41):
to have certain conversations,you know, and then of course, it
goes beyond that, because we'rejust dear friends and we did
meet even though it's an onlinecommunity, we did meet at the
reunion, one of the reunions andthen we all click together. And
we've been talking on the phonetogether every morning at eight
(39:02):
o'clock for two years.
Jennifer Malcolm (39:05):
Amazing. And I think that's the piece that's
different too. Because we oftengo into social settings where we
know it's coming. We know like,Alright, it's gonna be fat foods
or things that aren't, you know,in our butt. But we don't come
with prepared foods, you know,we'll be like, well, let's
figure something out. Or wedon't practice the words that we
(39:26):
need to practice in order toempower. So that ability to say,
all right, I might need somehelp on some language. And yes,
sound and practice that so thatyou go in empowered versus
reaction reactionary.
Shelley Cull (39:40):
Yep, exactly.
Exactly.
Jennifer Malcolm (39:43):
So how today I know that that I get to see your
mom via you know, your Facebookposts now and since she moved to
Florida, I really haven't seenher much but how is your
relationship with her today? AndI know you and I talked about
this, when I was down about, youknow, at what point do you just
(40:06):
really just completely let goand let it be, and just love
her. She's in her 90s. So justlove her where she's at, and
enjoy the, you know, the lastremaining years with her, or
feel like you need some closure.
Shelley Cull (40:23):
You know, um, I had to do a really hard thing
and move away from her. So, shelived near me in New York for a
while, and it hurt ourrelationship. And so, when I
moved to Florida, I neverthought my brothers would step
(40:44):
up, you know, and, and they did.
So we all have our roles. Mybrother is there in person, he's
in Westlake, then my olderbrothers in Michigan, so he's a
doctor so he can do, he's incharge of her health care, then,
of course, I'm theadministrator, so I can take
care of all the finances and allthe her stay in the facility and
all and I think I've made peacewith her. And with it. I'm glad
(41:11):
that I don't have to be theretaking the abuse, like every
day. And it It's so sad. It's sosad that she's so negative,
still lonely still. Andcomplains still. And so I have a
(41:31):
lot of empathy that she willleave this world. Never having
felt. Love fun and friendshipand faith. Right, you know, so I
do have, um, I always used tosay, which wasn't very nice, but
(41:52):
I would say I don't like her.
Nor do I love her. I neverremember her being a mother
mother. I'd never read that shenever babysat for my kids. Never
ever. She never. I don't think Iwas ever read stories, you know,
is a I don't. It's just I feellike she was my nanny. And so
(42:18):
I've reached out to others formy love. Yeah. So now, I'm
rather detached with love. Yeah.
Yeah, no. And
Jennifer Malcolm (42:30):
Mm hmm. And it's interesting, because you
said fun, faith family. Andthere was something else? And I
know, those are your pillars.
and friendship. Yeah, I know,those are the pillars of your
life that you are. You have thefriends that you have the fun
the community, the family. Iknow, faith is important to you.
So those are like yourfoundational principles.
Shelley Cull (42:50):
Yes. And, you know, um, this is what I, what I
taken away from all of that, isthat, you know, a question is
like, what would you recommendto to others that might be going
through this? And at first, Ithought, fix it. You know, like,
(43:11):
when I fixed mine, I set up astrategy. And I'm like, I didn't
think I was a good way. So I'mgoing to get fit, you know, and
I did, and I was in a women'sfitness competition, and I won
all the medals at 49. Like,because I was the oldest one
there. But I didn't care. Like Iwas still doing cartwheels and
(43:31):
splits at 49. Right? And then Idecided to go back to college.
So then I got straight A's andeverything, like statistics and
corporate finance. And I'm like,Oh, I guess I smart. And then
because I felt smart and fit mywhole appearance, belt, you
know, better. But what do youtake away from that is not just
(43:56):
fix it. But I became a bettermother. I became like the
opposite of my mother. And I letthe kids spill the milk when
they wanted to pour their milkat the table. You know, I was
the one that had the home fullof kids. I was the one my my one
(44:21):
another saying was my motto waswhenever your kids ask you to be
somewhere, you always say yes.
You know, because some parentshave children that don't ask
their parents their mother to besomewhere. And so all of this
pain made me a better person.
Jennifer Malcolm (44:45):
You know, and you are a phenomenal mom. And I
mean again, Jimmy and and Scottwere I mean, I was there when
you brought Scott home from thehospital and just watching you
just mother with wisdom, withcompassion, with friendship,
with understanding withcompromise, like you You love
(45:09):
unconditionally your boys. Andit's been you know you that's
evidence as you watch, and Iknow that you brought a letter
today of a if you can read itread it without crying, I read
it, yes. gifted one of yourboys, and I know you wanted to
(45:30):
share that.
Shelley Cull (45:31):
Thank you Well, my son, both of my sons, they never
want for anything. And I don'tknow where that ever came from.
They never want money, theynever want stuff. They're just
so down to earth, you know? And,and so one time for his
birthday, I said, this got whatdo you want for your birthday?
And he said nothing. And then Isaid, Now come on, what do you
(45:54):
want for your birthday? And hesaid, All right. Write me a
letter. Write me a lettertelling me how to be happy in
life. I'm like, Okay.
Jennifer Malcolm (46:09):
All righty, here we go.
Shelley Cull (46:11):
So here's the letter that I wrote. Happy
birthday to my cherish son, howto win at living a simple
strategy. Who finding joy is aninteresting task. Putting some
thought into this question youasked. For me, I found that
(46:34):
changes good. Doing things Ithought I couldn't but could
help me see what was truly inme. And doing the thing that you
think you cannot do was key,whether college at 50, Europe at
20, climbing a mountain speakingto 400 or 26.2 mile run,
(46:56):
achieving the impossible wasextremely fulfilling and
ultimately, upon reflectionbrought joy and fun. Another key
to joy for me and living lifecompletely, is having dear
friends and family near whoseemed to help complete me
(47:18):
different kinds of friends anddifferent kinds of views on
topics far and wide. enrich mylife and help me grow and filled
me up inside. So if I wasfeeling sad and blue and losing
my perspective, one specialperson from this group would
help me be objective. And soon,I'd say with clarity that all
(47:41):
would clearly be well with me.
Bad things happen in life, forsure. And we may struggle to
understand why. And we just wantto break down and cry. But
looking back on my life, I'verealized that when I was
rejected, I was actually beingrepositioned and simply
redirected. So again, joy comesfrom having faith and keeping
(48:04):
your perspective. My lastcomponent that comes to mind for
happiness in life, is to liveeach day with gratefulness. And
to find a loving wife. I foundthat joy is better shared with
people you adore. And childrenare the greatest joy you'll ever
(48:24):
find. By far.
Jennifer Malcolm (48:33):
Those of you who are listening, we're both
tears streaming down her face.
Shelley Cull (48:40):
Oh,
Jennifer Malcolm (48:41):
and what came to my mind, as you started
reading was what we were talkingabout a half hour ago about your
mom and the things and breakingthat chain and cycle like she
did the best. But you broke youbroke some chains of of stuff
from her past, and the gift thatyou are to your boys. And now
(49:02):
the gift that they're going tobe with their children. Yeah,
you've reset the entiredirection. Thank you painful,
and I know you struggled, butyou now have grandchildren that
are going to rise up and callyou blessing and your boys are
going to call you blessed andthe strength that you have to
(49:25):
overcome, you know, just woundsthat pierced your soul at a
hurtful relationship yet you'vechanged the toxic toxicity of
it.
Shelley Cull (49:36):
Thank you. Yes, I believe that and I'm so full of
joy for that.
Jennifer Malcolm (49:44):
So we've created this podcast as a safe
place for women, a place to comeand get encouragement, a place
to come and find someone thataligns with my Heart aligns with
my wounds aligns with my pastaligns with my hopes or my
(50:05):
dreams? And what would be somewords of encouragement that you
would want to gift to women whowill be listening to this?
Shelley Cull (50:16):
No, I thought a lot about that. And they need
to, to tell to tell someone,well, they don't need to. I felt
that by talking about it, andbringing it out of myself. I
(50:37):
found comfort and love andadvice and cherished authentic
relationships by just revealingmy truth. It brought me closer
to my own husband. Um, and thenI did set out to fix it. I said,
(51:00):
I'm done with this. You know, ifI think a, then I'm going to
prove it's not true. If I thinkbe, I'm going to prove it's not
true. I think See, I'm going toprove it's not true. And then
I'm going to take away what didthat pain, teach me on how what
to value in in my life now formy children's life. So really,
(51:24):
to come up with your own FIX ITstrategy, because life is too
short. Life is too short. Youknow, you deserve we all deserve
to find, to feel complete and injoyful.
Jennifer Malcolm (51:46):
Yeah. And that's powerful. And they and I
will, I will validate the partabout speaking it and sharing
it. It doesn't have to be in apublic manner. It doesn't have
to be in a therapist office. Butsharing it breaks down the lies,
sharing it brings the truth tothe surface sharing it makes us
(52:08):
have community and it's notabout someone else fixing it.
But the things that we push downand we bottle in and we don't
use our voices because of angerbuisiness, ugliness, dysmorphia,
whatever those things are, welock them in. And when we start
talking about them, writingabout them, acknowledging that
(52:31):
they exist. That's the firststep of healing. It's that first
Yes, of, of taking as a onesmall step of courage to heal.
And and I applaud, I think I Iabsolutely agree with you and
beginning to share that journey.
Shelley Cull (52:48):
Thank you.
Jennifer Malcolm (52:49):
I know you also inclosing brought another
piece of work with you thatpourtant. And that speaks a lot
and this will be a familiar one.
It's not an original piece byShelley. But one that is
powerful, that really alignswith what we've discussed today.
So why don't you close withthis?
Shelley Cull (53:09):
Thank you. And this was something that my dear
friend Victoria sent to me thismorning after our call with our
our mastermind group, to justlet her know that it would go
well and that she was thinkingof me and that this will not
only perhaps help me but all thewomen that listen to your your
(53:31):
podcasts. Our deepest fear isnot that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we arepowerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness thatmost frightens us, we ask
ourselves, who am I to bebrilliant, gorgeous, talented
and fabulous, actually, who areyou not to be? You are a child
(53:56):
of God. Your playing smalldoesn't serve the world. There
is nothing enlightened aboutshrinking so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within
us. It is not just in some ofus, it's in everyone. And when
we let our own light shine, weunconsciously give other people
(54:21):
permission to do the same. As weare liberated from our own fear,
our presence automaticallyliberates others. And then
Jennifer Malcolm (54:36):
and then famous passage from Marianne
Williamson and powerful speakerand so as we're closing today, I
would love to challenge theaudience to speak out your
fears. Take take five minutes toeither journal, something down,
something that you want to workon something that you know is
(54:56):
locked down in your soul, yourspirit, whether it's image,
whether it's insecurities,whether it's fear, fear of
failing, whether it's shameworthiness issues, whatever that
is, write that down. And thenalso write down one thing you
want to see or do. So whetherthat is I want to go back at 50
(55:18):
years old and finish my collegedegree, I want to run a marathon
at, you know, my age, I want tolose 20 pounds. I want you to do
two activations today, one,start on bottling that which is
deep down within you that youknow, is screaming and wanting
to come out. And number two,let's take a time to write down
(55:38):
one dream, something in yourheart that you can visually see.
And let's put that intoactivation today. So, thank you,
my dear heart friend, I havelike a studio full of Kleenex
around me of tears of truth. AndI always I always say, My tears
are my strength. They are not myweakness, my tears. They are
(56:01):
not. Yes. And I am honored tocall you my friend, and grateful
that you had the courage to comeout today. I know when I first
asked you, you're like, Oh, hellno.
Unknown (56:15):
I know. I wanted to ay no. And then I just knew
that it was
Jennifer Malcolm (56:20):
It is. And I knew that if I give you enoug
time, you would come around. SoI just need to give you some
ime to let it sit with you.
ut I'm honored that you wee here today. And thanks for tak
ng out your time this morninto be with us. really grate
ul for you.
Shelley Cull (56:33):
Thank you, Jenn and thanks for doing this for
all of us.
Jennifer Malcolm (56:35):
You're very welcome. So thanks, everyone for
tuning in. today. I am honoredthat you took your time to
listen to our story, Shelleystory, which is powerful, and we
look forward to connecting withyou next week. All right, have a
good one. Bye. Subscribe to theJennasis Movement to empower
women's voices and reclaim thepower over your own narrative.
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