September 3, 2020 • 50 mins
Motherhood is a precious journey—one that for some, begins with a silent struggle. In this episode of Jennasis Speaks, Natasha Kossler shares her story of overcoming heartbreaking miscarriages, stillbirth, and the challenges of adoption to finally realize her dream as a mother of five.
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Jennifer Malcolm (00:10):
Welcome to the Jennasis Speaks podcast, The
Transformative Power of Women'sStories, a platform that
empowers women storytelling, topromote collective
vulnerability, acceptance andhealing. I am your host,
Jennifer Malcolm, self madeentrepreneur, women advocate and
life balance expert. Welcome toour next Jennasis Speaks podcast
(00:32):
where every woman has a storyand every story matters. I'm
Jennifer Malcolm, your host, andwith me today is my friend Tasha
Kossler. Tasha is a mother offive who lives in Colorado with
her husband. And she's joiningus today to talk about her
journey of motherhood throughmany transitions, trials,
triumphs that she hasencountered along the way. So I
(00:54):
want to welcome today, myfriend, Tasha, and can't wait to
jump into your story.
Natasha Kossler (00:59):
Hello, how are you doing?
Jennifer Malcolm (01:01):
I'm doing well. Thank you. I was just
saying I can't It's been so longsince I've seen your face. So
this is fun. That zoom hasbrought our worlds back
together.
Natasha Kossler (01:11):
It's so true. I was just thinking, because I
lived in Cleveland, we moved in2010. And I was like, has it
really been 10 years that we seeanother face to face?
Absolutely. I
Jennifer Malcolm (01:23):
don't think I've seen Yeah, we've done
email. We've done texts. We'vedone other stuff. But it was the
first time in 10 years that I'veseen your face. so
Natasha Kossler (01:33):
crazy. I love it, though. I love that I get to
see your face.
Jennifer Malcolm (01:36):
And that's the beauty of the way we record this
podcast with zoom and being ableto interact and see each other.
And that's bringing the world alittle bit smaller.
Natasha Kossler (01:47):
Yes, love it.
Jennifer Malcolm (01:48):
So how is Colorado?
So you went from Cleveland toKansas City to Colorado, but
you've been in Colorado forabout a year now. How's
Colorado?
Natasha Kossler (01:55):
Yes. So we went from Cleveland to Kansas City to
actually Oklahoma. And Oklahoma.
We went to Colorado. So we'vebeen and pagosa Springs for a
year. It's a small, tinymountain town. But we love it.
It's almost everything that youwant in a small town. You're not
too secluded from everything.
(02:16):
I'm about two hours away fromTarget. So that's the only
bummer. But great restaurants,resort. Mountains can be hiking
all outdoors that you can thinkof. There's rivers, so it's
great. That sounds amazing.
Jennifer Malcolm (02:32):
Chad and I went to Colorado last August to
Winter Park area. And we justspent five, six days hiking and
biking and walking and exploringthe horseback riding and such a
beautiful state.
Natasha Kossler (02:47):
I love it. I love I didn't know how much I
loved outdoors until I camehere. Awesome. That's awesome.
So
Jennifer Malcolm (02:54):
let's get into your story a little bit. Where
were you born because those ofyou who are not seeing Tasha may
not we'll have some pictures upthrough social media and through
our podcast. But where were youborn and how did you migrate to
Cleveland?
Natasha Kossler (03:09):
So I am actually from Hawaii. I was born
and raised on the island ofOahu, which is where Pearl
Harbor is Honolulu. I was in avery small town called coyote
which is on the east side ofHawaii. And live there child 24.
I got married and then moved toOhio. Where my husband's from
(03:29):
he's actually from Canada, Ohio,which is about an hour south of
Cleveland. So we moved there in2006. Yeah. 2006 summer 2006.
So,
Jennifer Malcolm (03:43):
and anyone who knows Tasha she adores her
husband, Matt. She's alwaysdoting on him on social media
and Facebook. How did you guysmeet?
Natasha Kossler (03:52):
We actually met in church. So Matt is from Ohio.
He went to college at Pepperdinein California, worked at
Cheesecake Factory. And then heactually moved to Hawaii to open
a cheesecake factory in Waikiki.
And just kind of out of nowhereI showed up at my church kind of
stuck out. And it was just Ithink anyone who knows him, he
(04:12):
just kind of has thispersonality that you just want
to get to know right away. Andso I saw him at church and I was
like, I don't know who you are.
But we need to be friends. Idon't know why. And it just kind
of went from there.
Jennifer Malcolm (04:28):
So then what brought you back to Cleveland?
So I mean, going from Hawaiikind of sounds a little sexy to
live in which you know, not sosexy. How did you guys make that
transition? or Why did you makethat transition?
Natasha Kossler (04:41):
Um, there are a lot of reasons why, for one is
very expensive to live. The costof living is just astronomical
compared to the states but alsojust the idea of raising a
family and wine to me pictureWell look like to have a family.
(05:02):
I want to experience all theFour Seasons, and just all the
things that lend itself in theStates. And so we decided to
venture back to Ohio, which iswhere Matt is from and just kind
of went from there.
Jennifer Malcolm (05:17):
And that's where you and I met. So it was
around 2000 2007. Our pathscrossed back then. And we became
pretty close. When your husband,I was married at the time, and
spent quite a bit of time at theCleveland house of prayer. And
in each other's lives, you guyswere newlyweds and loving life.
(05:38):
And just really, you guys werepivotal, super pivotal in when I
went through my divorce in 2009.
And I was making some unhealthychoices. I was hurting beyond
measure. And I remember going toyou and Matt. And, you know, I
had been rejected by a lot ofpeople pushed out by a lot of
(06:00):
people within the church andwithin the community that I was
grew up in, it was very familiarin. And I remember coming to you
and Matt, and you guys were justlike how you doing? And I was
like, horrible. And you guyswere like, cool. We want to go
out and grab some pizza or doinga Hangout like zero judgment,
zero, just true love that I'm sograteful for. So there was there
(06:23):
was a few people pivotal duringthat time. And you and Matt were
two of those people that eventhrough my dark times and ugly
choices, you guys just shonebrightly. And I'm really, really
grateful for your friendship.
Natasha Kossler (06:39):
Well, thank you. Um, yeah, we're still the
same. No matter where you're at,I feel like we'd be like, okay,
you might go over Pete
Jennifer Malcolm (06:50):
actly. And I remember all the homemade pizza
nights we did at my place andjust hung out. But I really
wanted to express gratitude toyou both because having kindness
and unconditional love andfriendship during a time of hell
and back, insanely grateful foryou both so. So you, I
Natasha Kossler (07:10):
love you. We love you.
Jennifer Malcolm (07:12):
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
So then, what year did you guysmove from Cleveland to Kansas
City.
Natasha Kossler (07:19):
We moved in the fall of 2010. Okay.
Jennifer Malcolm (07:24):
And at this point, you guys are starting to
Jones for a family, I believe.
And tell the audience a littlebit about your journey into
motherhood.
Natasha Kossler (07:34):
So we had been trying to have kids for about
five years at that point, andthen we moved to Kansas City in
2010, to be part of theInternational House of Prayer,
mission space, to bemissionaries to kind of get
trained up, went to aninternship there. And it was a
(07:56):
very interesting time in KansasCity. Because there is a lot of
prayer that was going on, thereis a ministry that was just kind
of unusual that was going on,they called it the awakening
service where a lot of peoplewere getting healed physically,
emotionally. And so a lot ofpeople had just a lot of
(08:17):
expectation from God for thingsthat they didn't believe for
before. Sure. So we kind of gotthere, and everybody just wanted
to pray for us, then they kindof heard our story about wanting
to have children that we've beentrying for five years. And so
everyone just kind of likestarted praying. Oh, it was
(08:38):
overwhelming, to be honest. Um,and so that's kind of Yeah, so
we don't know why it's, wecouldn't have children for five
years. But we've been trying forfive years at that point
intensity.
Jennifer Malcolm (08:52):
And then what was the progression from there?
So I know you've have fivebeautiful children now. But you
had heartache along the way. Socan you share a little bit about
that journey?
Natasha Kossler (09:04):
Yeah, so in Kansas City, we actually did get
pregnant. And it was just anamazing time. Because so many
people were praying for us somany people were believing with
us. And we just felt just thiscollective support by so many
people. And so we got pregnant.
And then, um, at 35 weeks beingpregnant, I found out that our
(09:28):
daughter's heartbeat hadstopped. And so we ended up
having a stillborn at 35 weeks.
And that was in September of2011. And so that was really
difficult. As anyone who's evergone through that, and and very
(09:50):
shocking. I just remember justit was almost like everything
just paused and I couldn't evenwrite rationalize everything
that was going on and to thepoint where I realized that I
still had to give birth to mydaughter. And so there's so many
things that I was just,everything was in slow mo I
(10:11):
nothing registered. Um, butyeah, so I 35 weeks, she was
stillborn I gave birth to adilynjoy. And that was September 8
2011.
Jennifer Malcolm (10:23):
Wow. And I remember like, I remember
conversations and Matt was incommunication with my parents
and they were sharing the story.
And just the heartbreak thegrief, and I'm sure the the
numbing of reality setting infor the loss as well as now you
still physically have to gothrough this process of giving
(10:47):
birth? And tell if you're opento it, tell what you're
comfortable with the audience.
You know, those few days in thehospital because you guys had a
real sacred space for a whilethere with your community and
family. So do you mind sharing alittle bit about that? That
(11:07):
story there?
Natasha Kossler (11:08):
Sure. Um, you know, it was a, it was a weird
thing, because we weren't in acommunity with so many people at
that time. And so it was thisweird feeling of vulnerability
and being exposed because youcouldn't hide what was going on.
And so it was one of thosethings where I kind of was just
(11:29):
like, God, you're gonna have todo whatever you're doing,
because I can't do it. There'snothing in my control. And so
there was just a lot of sweetnazzer friends that came to
visit, prayed over us duringthat time, we had worship going
on when I gave birth to her.
Matt was there with me, but it'shard time. And it was very
(11:50):
beautiful how everythinghappened. She came in the early
morning at 5:55am. And even justfelt the Lord saying right when
she came, her middle name isJoy. And the Lord just reminded
us that though there's pain inthe night joy comes in the
(12:14):
morning. And so there wassomething about just giving
birth to her that there wassomething happened. I can't
really put into words whathappened. But something happened
in that moment that there wasrelief, right. And so along the
way, there were friends I cameto visit, and it just their
(12:35):
presence alone, not necessarilywhat they said, but their
presence alone. I just felt themUranus, the Lord in that time.
And I do remember, um, becausewhen you go through, excuse me,
when you go through a traumalike that, you don't really your
thinking is much slower thingsdon't click right away. And so I
(12:58):
actually forgot because of allthe emotions that I felt, I
actually forgot for a momentthat I was on a maternity ward
after I had given birth to addone. And so I went to the
bathroom in my hospital room,and I heard this faint noise and
I couldn't put together what amI hearing, like right now, like,
I'm hearing something soundslike a kitten, I'm not really
(13:20):
sure it's very faint. And then Ifinally remember that I was on a
maternity ward. And it wasactually a baby that had just
been born that was nearby. And Iremember right before I could
think, have a reaction have anemotional reaction. I just felt
the spirit say, and your childwill not know what it means to
(13:42):
cry. Your child will not knowwhat it means to sit here. And
that was so encouraging andimportant to me. And obviously
all this is based off of myfaith and where I am with the
Lord. And I was just reminded ofthe Scripture that in his
presence is fullness of joy. Andso just that reminder again of
like she was born and Yes, she'snot in this world, but she's not
(14:07):
in pain. She's not crying, she'sin fullness of joy, like and
just just felt the Lord isreiterating like she's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
Jennifer Malcolm (14:18):
That's awesome. And here am I like a
hair I'm crying already. Thebeauty of it I get of capturing
people's stories is hearing thebeauty and cadence and the song
within your heart through atraumatic experience. So as you
guys walk through this and youhad a community How did you and
(14:41):
how do you continue to leave alegacy? remember her and I know
that our family participated onthe annual on her birthday, what
what birthday but share a littlebit about your journey to honor
your daughter.
Natasha Kossler (14:56):
So we do every year on her birthday on
September 8. We Do some flowerscelebration. And so we actually
take the time to, and it kind ofextended at first it was about
just remembering adwin. And thenit was about, you know, we want
to remember all babies that werelost. We have friends who have
(15:16):
had miscarriages, we've knownwomen who have had stillborns,
or have had loss of some sort,maybe not child. And so we want
to extend that to you know what,we just want to celebrate life.
And so and we want to do this inhonor of atlin. So on every
September 8, we would pass outsome flowers, and we would just
(15:38):
bless people, sometimes it'sstrangers, sometimes it's people
that we know. But we just wantto do that just to bless people
and to say, Hey, you know whatwe're thinking of you, we see
you, the Lord sees you. Andthere's joy to be had, even in
the midst of grief.
Jennifer Malcolm (15:55):
That's awesome. And so I think it was
the first or second year of herbirthday, I took my kids, we
went to Trader Joe's we got someflowers, snagged my mom. And we
just went to Panera, we went toa few different places and went
to strangers. And my kids werelike, this is weird. And I was
like, just wait, just wait forit and seeing the surprise of a
(16:17):
gift unexpected from a stranger.
And that that seed of joy, thatseed of love that seed of being
seen, a simple act of givingsomeone a sunflower, has brought
so much joy, and you know,honoring a legacy of her name,
honor honoring a legacy of yourjourney of being her mom. It's
powerful. So I want to commendyou and Matt for taking an
(16:42):
element of such pain, andturning it for goodness and joy
and laughter and love andgoodness that you could have
turned angry, you could haveturned bitter, you could have
been resentful, and you didn'tyou you know, let your hearts
(17:03):
shine through this and allowsyour faith to be your guiding
point, close through it, andhonor your daughter in this
journey. So well done.
Natasha Kossler (17:15):
Thank you. You know, when all this happened, I
did question. I had questions,you know, to God. And one of the
questions was, what's the point?
What is the point of beingpregnant and not having this
child. And again, all this isbased off on my faith and my
relationship with God. But oneof the things I thought he
(17:36):
shared was, she has an eternallife. And so for all of
eternity, she has a life that'son a different side of this age,
like we're living on this earth,but there's something greater,
and she's a part of that. And Isaw her as someone that was so
important that I want to her ineternity. And so that really
(17:57):
shifted my perspective. And so Ithink you were able to do things
like the sunflower celebrationbecause of that. And I think
when I really think about it, Ithink the core of our DNA as
humans is we do want to be seen,we want to be known and we want
to be loved. If we could go backto the bare basics, and I think
(18:17):
unexpected kindness like whatyou're saying, and giving
someone a simpler it does thatis tell someone that they're
seen when they might be goingthrough something. It makes them
feel known, even if it's astranger, and it makes them feel
loved. And so being able to dothat. I think it's it's a
(18:40):
special gift. And I'm glad thatthe Lord kind of let us do that.
Jennifer Malcolm (18:47):
I love it. So you get walked through this
season. Were you scared to tryto have a family again? Or even
explore? or How did you guysnavigate? All right, I still
want a family. It's still in ourheart. We just through trauma,
we just went through an immenseloss and grief. How did you and
Matt go from there?
Natasha Kossler (19:09):
Um, you know, we always want our children and
so it didn't stop us from havingchildren and, and I did go
through grief counseling, I wentthrough a lot of inner healing
stuff. And through that process,I was able to share my fears
and, and still understand, okay,I still have desires in my heart
(19:29):
that I want. I want a family.
And so that in itself was ajourney for me, personally. Um,
so we just tried, we just kepttrying, um, and then right in
2013, we decided, Well, let meback up. We have always had a
heart for adoption, even in themidst of trying for kids, not
(19:52):
because we couldn't have kids.
It was just something that we'vealways had a heart for. And so
we actually started the processof adoption in 2013. At a kind
of look like we're gonna postsomething on Facebook was kind
of the beginning of our adoptionprocess. Um, we are very
(20:18):
unconventional and everythingthat we do, and our family
stories were unconventional. Andsomeone messaged my husband, who
was a counselor. So my husbanddid team ministry in Kansas
City, he did a summary team campthrough the ministry that we
were a part of, and he did aleadership team intensive. And
(20:40):
that summer, and one of thecounselors had messaged my
husband saying, Hey, I knowsomeone who's pregnant, but
she's going to get an abortionif she doesn't find someone to
adopt her child. So that kindof, and this is all through
Facebook. Got a lot done. Sofunny. And so we ended up
(21:01):
talking to the birth mom, whowas living in Washington state
at that time, and she wanted tocome and meet us in person in
Kansas City. So we talked on thephone, had her come, we met, she
actually lived with us for threemonths. And her third trimester.
(21:21):
Um, and, in fact, when she livedwith us actually got pregnant,
and I miscarried at eight weeks.
And so she was actually therethrough that process. And she
was a little nervous and she waslike, you still want my child.
You don't want to adopt my childand then I miscarried as she saw
the process. And I think it wasbeautiful that she was there for
(21:45):
that, of how the Lord carried usthrough and how we had a
community that came around us,even in the midst of
miscarriage. And so that was in2013. And in 2014, Jagan was
born. He was born in March, andwe took him home from the
hospital. But a couple of weeksbefore he was born, I found out
(22:09):
I was pregnant with Shiloh. Andso they are seven and a half
months apart. And it's just it'sbeen a wild ride since then. And
so, yes, when I was pregnantwith Shiloh, I did have fears.
Especially around the 35 week,Mark, I was like, Okay, if I can
make it through to 36 weeks, I'mgood. I'm in the clear. And
(22:32):
every pregnancy that I hadsense, there's always this,
like, I'm gonna hold my breathuntil a certain point. And it
wasn't that I didn't trust God.
It was just one of those thingswhere I was like, okay, like, I
it's not up to me. I don't knowwhat's gonna happen. So I was
kind of like, okay, is, iseverything gonna be okay? And
(22:54):
so, yes, so I did have fear andall my pregnancy. Oh, and that's
Jennifer Malcolm (23:00):
so it's like that's so human human motion. So
you having fear is not doubtingguide you having fear, isn't it
negating your healing process orthat journey? It's just a human
emotion. And yet, a lot of womenwho have had miscarriages or
problems getting pregnant, youknow, it's I'm not going to say
anything until the firsttrimester is over. So I can't
(23:20):
imagine saying, I'm almostthrough my third trimester until
I can finally take a breath oflike, Okay, this, you know, is
going well,
Natasha Kossler (23:30):
yes. Wow. And good. And it's funny, because at
35 weeks, you could deliver soit's not about, you know, but I
think for my story, becauseadilyn was stillborn at 35
weeks, I was just kind of like,Okay, if I could just make it
through third trimester, I canmake it to 36 weeks or Okay, if
(23:54):
we make it to 37 weeks, it'sokay. And so, um, so yeah, and
we actually had a secondmiscarriage in between our
fourth and fifth child. And so,we had two miscarriages and and
so born, but fear is okay, youknow, it's just what we do with
that fear is what I've learnedalong the way, like, Where am I
(24:17):
going to take that fear to andfor me, it was the Lord.
Jennifer Malcolm (24:21):
No, that's powerful. And so I can't imagine
you're you now have a newbornthat you just adopted brought
home from the hospital andyou're pregnant, and then a half
months apart, are caretaking ababy pregnant hoping to get past
35 weeks? How is that like goingfrom not having a baby to
(24:44):
adopting to being pregnant andgiving birth? You know, to
Shiloh seven and a half monthslater, like the head to been a
crazy, emotional, fun, insanetime.
Natasha Kossler (24:56):
It was a wild ride. I will say Adopting shakey
and it was kind of funnybringing him home because we had
no idea what we're doing. Wecame home and we're like, so do
we feed him? Do we put him down?
What do we do? It was just funnybecause we didn't have that nine
months of like preparation. Sowe're like, Huh, okay. Maybe
(25:17):
he's hungry. I'm not sure shouldwe change his diaper? It was
just such a funny transitiongoing from like nothing to
something. And then I hadmorning sickness when I was
pregnant with Shiloh, my firsttrimester. And so Matt really
stepped up and helped take careof Jake and they bonded right
away. And that was, I felt justreally precious to have that
(25:41):
he's our only boy and to havejust that time between a father
and son, I think was just reallyprecious that that just happened
the way that I did. And so, um,yeah, it's been wild. I remember
Shiloh came out with her fist.
She had a fist and she just cameout on first. I was just like,
(26:04):
Okay, here we go. No, it's beengreat. They have been
inseparable. They're very close.
I mean, seven and a half monthsapart. They're pretty much Irish
twins. And so it's been great.
Nothing much really changed.
When they when the two of themcame. We just kind of told it to
(26:24):
them around everywhere that wewent, and that was fun. But then
when we had Kyla, that's whereit got a little tricky. You're
like,
Jennifer Malcolm (26:35):
what's a difference between Shiloh and
Kyla?
Natasha Kossler (26:38):
They are Let me think about it. A child was born
October. And then Kyla was bornin December. So 14 months apart
from you have
Jennifer Malcolm (26:52):
basically at that point, you're having three
under two years old?
Natasha Kossler (26:56):
Yes. And so it was wild. And we had I was
pregnant, my Kyla when we movedto Oklahoma. And it was just one
of those things where I justlearned that like, you have to
learn how to juggle. And in reallife, I don't know how to juggle
so I'm like, okay, I don't knowhow to do this. Um, but you just
(27:22):
manage you just learn along theway what you can't handle what
what to say yes. To what to sayno to and so I think three was
my, my biggest hurdle.
Jennifer Malcolm (27:32):
Then you continued,
Natasha Kossler (27:34):
and we continue with two more.
Jennifer Malcolm (27:38):
So tell me tell the audience, your last two
girls.
Natasha Kossler (27:42):
So we have Ashlynn. And she is three years
old right now. She's pottytrained. She is in preschool, as
she is my strong willed childwho kind of was just, you know,
you can't bribe her to doanything. Everything's just on
her own terms. How she learns ison her own terms. The next step,
(28:04):
whatever season she's in, it'sall on her. And then we have Bo
n who is going to be two inAugust, and she is wild. I love
her just fearless. Just bothlike just loves life full of
joy, but also just fearless.
Like she just showed up, jumpeddown the stairs, she'll jump off
(28:24):
the couch. I mean, zero fear.
Jennifer Malcolm (28:29):
So it's crazy to see and I've learned as
being, you know, Camden who'snow 19 Paige who's almost 18
Reagan who's almost 16 You know,when I hit Camden, I was like,
all right, motherhood. Alright,boy. So when I had Paige I, my
instinct was that those two aregoing to be so much alike.
They're very different, very,very different. And then when I
(28:51):
had Reagan, I was like, okay,two girls, the girls are going
to be alike, they're probablymore opposite in nature. They're
getting similar as they'regetting older, but so different.
So it's so amazing how the sameDNA how different, you know, the
individual personalities, whichwhen I look at me and my sister
were night and day different inour personalities, but I think
(29:13):
as you're coming intomotherhood, you just say like,
Alright, these are gonna be thethree kids very similar and
they're so different. So right.
Natasha Kossler (29:22):
Yes, all my kids are different. So Shiloh is
very much the motherly type verymuch like firstborn. I mean, she
would be Teacher's pet. She'svery orderly. She just likes to
care for people. takes on manymom role, you know? Kyla is very
(29:45):
shy. She doesn't take manyrisks, but she loves Well, she,
she's a hugger. She loves to bearound people and and does
embrace them. I think she getsthat from that. And then Ashlyn
is very bold, but Also strong,we'll just, you know everything
on her own terms. And then youhave Bolin, who's just like
fearless just wants to have fun.
And then you have Jacob, who'sthe oldest and who's the boy,
(30:09):
but has such a tender heart. Andso they're all just different.
And even the stages, you can youcould kind of see early on that
they're all different.
Jennifer Malcolm (30:22):
I yes. And I, I cannot wait to someday meet
your children, they'll probablybe you know, teenagers by the
time you and I see each otherface to face physically, but who
knows? So as you're parentingand navigating transitions from
different states and cities, howare you and Matt navigating?
Because I know that your faithis important. missions is
(30:45):
important. Prayer is important.
How are you guys navigating? orputting that thread in your
journey as well?
Natasha Kossler (30:51):
Um, as far as transitioning from place?
Jennifer Malcolm (30:54):
And what were you guys doing career wise? Or
what were your why were yourhops from different cities? You
know, what was your why betweenthat?
Natasha Kossler (31:02):
I'm from Kansas City, we were you know, we were
full time missionaries. And wehad Jacob and Shiloh. And we
just felt that we were startingto expand our family. And we
just wanted to play some rootsdown and just for our family. So
we moved to Oklahoma with thatin mind. And we did we expand
our family, we had three morekids. And then somewhere along
(31:27):
the way, we just felt like Idon't think this is where we're
going to end up late for therest of our life. And the Lord
just kind of put mountains onour heart. And there's a lot of
things that went into that. Butwe just decided to go to those
two springs. And we do know somefriends here, previous tour and
(31:47):
move. And so Matt went outfirst. And he was like, I think
this is it. Like I think this iswhere we're supposed to be. And
I'm like, I'm all for mountains.
I'll go wherever there'smountains. And so and the small
town and just being in a smallcommunity was just something
that we really wanted. And so wedecided to move there. And it's
(32:09):
been great, not withoutchallenges, like any other
person or any other place, butit's been it's been great for
our family.
Jennifer Malcolm (32:20):
How are you guys surviving quarantine with
five littles? little small town.
Natasha Kossler (32:27):
Um it's an interesting, what, what I
appreciate about Colorado isthere's so much to do outdoors.
And so that's one thing that Ido appreciate with that. I was
actually surprised with how ourchildren actually adapted really
well to quarantine just as awhole. And so I think that in
(32:50):
itself has been helpful, andthey have each other. So that's
been helpful. I think what hashelped us is having a routine,
I'm not a strict scheduleperson. But just having a
routine where we're doingsomething in the morning, and
we're doing something in theafternoon, or going outside,
we're spending time together asa family at night. And so just
(33:11):
having little routines. It helpsset up expectations for our
children. And so there's thingsto look forward to. And so
they're not just kind of justsitting around, doing nothing.
Jennifer Malcolm (33:25):
Active, I'm sure keeping them outside,
getting fresh air doingsomething that interesting and
intriguing to them is half thebattle. So you know, being that
creative element of Let's goplay and explore and no hike or
whatever.
I'm sure.
What's your favorite part aboutbeing a mom of five.
Natasha Kossler (33:46):
Because they're so young right now I am
constantly having Well, I havethe ability to constantly see
through their lens to throughtheir perspective. And that's
been really fun, because thathas allowed me not to get bogged
down by the things of life, evennow at COVID. And Black Lives
Matter. And there's so manythings going on election coming
(34:08):
up. It could be so easy to justget stressed out and overwhelmed
by things going on around us.
And what I love the most isbeing able to just look through
the lens of like, this is whatmy children see though, like
they're not paying attention ofeverything else. They're they're
just loving life right now inthe moment. It with the simple
things and so I love that theykind of bring me back to simple
(34:30):
loving the simplicity of life.
Jennifer Malcolm (34:35):
I love it. And through a business group that
I'm involved in here inCleveland. We talk about our
COVID keeps and what are thethings that you are learning
through COVID that you cherishthat you you know, whether it's
family dinners, whether it'splaying games, whether it's
having evenings with, you know,your children, teenagers having
deeper conversations, not havingyour calendar scheduled, you
(34:58):
know from morning till night,you know Every day of the month,
and so you know that piece ofsimplicity, your COVID, keep of,
you know, the innocence, viewingthe world through the innocence
of your children's eyes and thesimplicity of your children's
eyes and the world is still calmand a place of exploration and
joy and share. And I'm sure thatnugget of gold will last in your
(35:24):
heart for a really long time.
Natasha Kossler (35:26):
It Well, it really well. And I feel like
that, if I could be completelyhonest, is what's keeping me
sane, is just being able tolike, you know what, there is
still beauty that you candiscover in the midst of chaos.
And I'm seeing as you're my kidseyes, and it's okay to not look
(35:47):
at the chaos and just pause anddiscover and enjoy what's before
us. And so I appreciate thatabout my children.
Jennifer Malcolm (35:55):
So are you also I believe, doing some part
time work through COVID, andkids and moose and all of that.
Natasha Kossler (36:05):
I am I work for a web agency, and I do social
media marketing for them. And Ialso on the side have a mom blog
community that I'm a part ofwith three other moms. And
that's been fun. We've beendoing that since 2016. And then
I'm also helping with thechildren's ministry at our
(36:27):
church. So it's, it's full, it'sa full life.
Jennifer Malcolm (36:31):
Well, I can't imagine raising five kids under
six and having three majoroutlets, but I'm sure those are
things that also breathe lifeinto you and give you joy and
replenish the peace in you tolive a life of I'm also a woman
and a mom in this and are moreso a woman and a wife in this.
(36:53):
And yes, I'm a mom. And that's ahuge piece of my identity. But
having other outlets as well
Natasha Kossler (36:57):
is I feel like it's very fulfilling. And with
social media marketing, it isreally interesting because of
where social media is right now.
But I feel like Personally, Ifeel like I'm building platforms
for people to have a voice andfor companies and organizations
to have a voice. And so I thinkright now, that's something
that's special in the midst ofthe noise that's kind of going
(37:20):
around. And the same thing withmy mom blog community, I think
there's a special voice thateveryone has, that needs to be
heard. And so being able to, tobuild platforms where that is
very rewarding.
Unknown (37:35):
Now that's powerful.
And I remember the days that youwere working for Jennasis as
well. So you were one of ourteam members and doing some of
the same thing. So it'sobviously something within your
heart of releasing voicepositioning, voice and and
vantage point that is in yourheart as well and being able to
disseminate that in the midst ofa lot of chatter, and negativity
(37:57):
and to kind of rise above that.
So I know that's been in youryour mind and heart for quite a
while. How do you What advicewould you give to moms who are
trying to do both where they'rereally trying to be a good mom,
and also contribute into theworkspace about either work life
(38:17):
balance? Or how what advicewould you give to other moms?
Natasha Kossler (38:20):
Well, um, so I read a blog not too long ago by
Sally Clarkson. I don't know ifyou know who she is, she's kind
of the mentor of all moms typeof person was she wrote a blog
that actually really struck myheart. And I actually shifted my
perspective on something. Andshe was talking about pretty
(38:45):
much breaking the myth ofbalance, and how we're always
trying to strive for a balance.
And really, there's actually nosuch thing. We try to multitask
and, and try to carry multiplethings at a time. And I learned
over the years that I'm ahorrible multitasker, because I
can't give myself well to eachday if I'm trying to balance it
all at once. And so I think mymain advice to a mom would be
(39:09):
no, what is important to youknow, what your priorities are,
and set boundaries around that.
Set up a schedule for your nonnegotiables that allow you to
actually be present in thoseareas. And so if it's work, I
(39:30):
would find out like what is anon negotiable with work that
needs to be uninterrupted andscheduled time around that all
the tasks can be doneintermittently, but that you
need to invest time in and thesame thing with your family.
What are non negotiables in yourfamily that you're like no, like
family dinners that's a nonnegotiable on keeping that or
(39:52):
family connection or havingconversations during this time
or mornings are important thatwe spend time around. The
kitchen table, whatever it maybe, finding what's really
important, and investing andallowing boundaries for those
areas would be my thing, becausewe can try to balance it out.
But it won't work, you all, youwill always feel like you're
(40:13):
trying to maintain something,and you're kind of just keeping
your head above water and tryingto survive. I think a lot of
moms feel, and I've always feltthis way where I'm always in
survival mode. But I don'tbelieve that, that that's where
we're supposed to be, even inthe midst of motherhood. Um, and
so I would just say, know whatyour non negotiables are,
(40:35):
establish what's priorities andput boundaries around them.
Jennifer Malcolm (40:40):
Really wise, and balanced does not mean equal
parts. And I think that's asmoms as women, we think that
work life balance means 5050, inbalance for you may look very
different for balance for me,and we compare each other with
each other well, she's able to,you know, have a 40 hour a week
(41:00):
job, and be on PTA, and do youknow, a coach on this and
cooking dinners. And she's, youknow, doing yoga and, you know,
doing all this stuff, and, andwe compare, we're constantly
comparing to what other womenare doing. And we're constantly
comparing to what some peopleare capable of doing as far as
(41:21):
how much they can manage,because we're all wired so
differently, how much we canhandle how much we can
facilitate, but balance, whatI've learned over the last five
to eight years, does not mean5050 doesn't mean that 50% of my
time is work than 50%. Time isfamily, it ebbs and flows,
there's times where I play hard,I'll take off, you know,
several, several days, and Chadand I will get on a plane, we'll
(41:44):
go to Charleston, this was preCOVID, or Nashville and just
play and not touch work fordays. And then other times, it's
like I have to lock and load.
And I might be working nightsand weekends to get some stuff
done. But it isn't balanced. AndI think that piece of, you know,
really identifying what'simportant, what are your non
negotiables. And put thoseboundaries around those is
(42:05):
essential. So well said
Natasha Kossler (42:08):
thank you, and understanding the season that
you're in, because there may bea season where you have more
capacity. And then there may beseasons that you don't and
understanding the season thatyou're in and being okay with
that also is key. And so therehave been times in the past
where I've worked actually more.
And there are times in the pastwhere I've actually worked less
than I do in that one. So it'sall about the season that you're
(42:29):
in and embracing that as well.
Jennifer Malcolm (42:33):
Absolutely.
And being compassionate toourselves. We're compassionate
to other women were so graciousabout what what we give to other
women and other people, but Iknow that I'm the hardest critic
of myself, like, okay, youshould be able to handle one
more thing, you should be ableto get out one more proposal,
you should be able to do onemore podcast recording, you
should be able to, you know, doall that. And sometimes it's
just like, No, I can't, andbeing clear and putting yourself
(42:56):
in cadence. And I found to thatas I have surrounded myself and
shared my boundaries, shared mynon negotiables verbally with
others, they help keep me inthat within those boundaries as
well in a healthy way, not in acondemning way or mean way, but
they really help remind me oflike, Hey, you said you're going
to, and you're, you're kind ofcrossing some of your non
(43:20):
negotiables. And let's, youknow, center back. And that's a
beautiful piece to is having acommunity around.
Natasha Kossler (43:27):
Right. And you know, you always have that one
woman that you feel like it'sthe supermom who kind of just
does it all. Whether you havethem in your life, or you see
them on social media, you'rejust kind of like how, how you
do that? Like, how do you havetime for others? And I think
it's just okay to be like, youknow, what, I'm gonna celebrate
that this is where I'm at. Andthese are the accomplishments
(43:50):
that I've had. This is thecapacity I have. And I'm doing
it well, because I have theseboundaries. And these are the
things I've said no to so that Icould say yes to these things
and being able to celebratethat.
Jennifer Malcolm (44:02):
Absolutely. I had a friend two years ago,
three years ago, because I wasreally struggling with missing
something that one of my girls,I think it was a choir
performance and something cameup and I really had a commitment
at work and it something changedthe last minute I couldn't go to
the the choir concert and I wasso hard on myself and I felt had
so much guilt of how do I howcan I miss something for my
(44:22):
kids. And the simple words ofevery every once in a while,
Superwoman has to take off hercape like and just allow like,
you can't do it all and youcan't be everything to everyone
and my kids know that they'rethe most important thing to me
on this planet. And I'm going tomiss out on some moments and
memories and it's not for mylack of wants to be there. It's
(44:45):
just life and other other thingsget in the way at times. So Oh,
so I also know that you'repassionate about women in
general. Obviously kids withyour work even with the within
your church. So is it just momsIs it women? Like what is I
headed in to note here that youhave a strong passion for women
(45:05):
to really thrive and who they'recalled to be? And how are you
navigating? What are you doingto encourage? Are you doing one
person at a time? Are you justdoing it through life you're
leading and being an example? Sotell me a little bit about this
passion in your heart?
Natasha Kossler (45:20):
I do I have a passion for women in general,
not just moms, that just kind ofunderstand who they are. And I
think some of it is just my ownpersonal journey. Outside of
motherhood and in motherhood,because I think there is a
little bit of identity loss thatyou're trying to just kind of
walk through, when you havekids, you at home, and you're
(45:44):
trying to figure out like, Isthis all that I'm good for? Is
there anything more on this?
And, um, and so, yeah, my heartis for wanting to understand who
they are, and being able to walkconfidently in that. And so I'm
part of the mom wild communitythat I'm part of was birthed out
of that passion. And I try to,to the best of my ability, do
(46:09):
that in friendships, do thatwith people that I'm wrapped
around. And trying to model thatout, in my own life, and so
trying to anyway,
Jennifer Malcolm (46:24):
no, and that, in that regard, obviously, you
and I have a very similarpassion in our heart fire at our
heart to bring confidence towomen be a beacon of hope and
light. In the last, as I'vereleased this podcast, friends
of mine who haven't beeninterviewed yet, but just said,
You emulate joy, and you and youemulate hope. And two things
(46:47):
that I was like, wow, like, theyou walk into the room, and your
countenance speaks joy andhappiness and, and really, you
could see it in your eyes andyour in your demeanor and your
face. But when you say like,Hey, you, you're a beacon of
hope. Like, that's powerful,because we've all been in a
place where we have felthopeless, or we have felt
(47:08):
downtrodden. And knowing thatthrough healing, and through
time, we can get to the otherside, and really turn a trauma
or a situation into something sogood, and so powerful. And so
for you and I both you know methrough 12 years ago, when I
went through a really darkperiod of my life with my
(47:29):
divorce, and you with losingadilyn joy and having that
trauma, but to be able to takesomething and still move it
forward, and then still be sopassionate about wanting other
women to experience the beautyof that, the freedom of that the
life and the hope in that. AndI'm honored to be on this
(47:51):
journey alongside you. On theother side of the United States.
Natasha Kossler (47:56):
Yes, I love it.
I love it. You know, I'm, Ithink something that comes to
mind is we, as women, asindividuals, we're more than our
trauma, we are more than ourpain. And I think I would be
just so sad if that was whatkept people from living what
they were meant for, you know,being the person that they
weren't meant to be. And solooking beyond our pain into
(48:20):
something that's greater is whatI hope for each person. And I'm
going to repeat that becausethat was powerful. To say it's
for women, we
Jennifer Malcolm (48:31):
We are more than our trauma, and more than
our pain. Yeah, we can have thatbefore eyes that we are more
than I am enough. I am worthy.
Lovely. I'm beautiful. And mypast doesn't define my future.
And, yes, there might befingerprints, there might still
be regret, there might still bepain moments through that. But
(48:54):
we are overcomers through thatprocess as well. And you are a
beacon of someone who is reallywalked through some devastating
loss, and now have a bounty fullof children and joy.
Natasha Kossler (49:13):
Yeah, yes, that is crazy. It's beautiful and
crazy auditing time.
Jennifer Malcolm (49:18):
I'm expecting your kids to be like crawling
all over you while we were.
Natasha Kossler (49:21):
They were here.
Yes, they wouldn't be. Iwouldn't be able to say two
words.
Jennifer Malcolm (49:27):
For the audience, we will also provide
links to Tasha blog and givesome of the resources that she
has shared any closing remarksfor our audience.
Natasha Kossler (49:37):
Um, I think that's it, you are more than
your pain, you're more than yourtrauma. There's so much greater
beyond that. That's for you. Andthat's my hope is that you would
be encouraged that there issomething at the end that there
is a light at the end of thetunnel, and it's something
greater than what you may beexperiencing right now.
Jennifer Malcolm (49:56):
Well honored to have you on here today. Thank
you for taking time. time out ofyour day to day to be with us
and to record this podcast. Andfor those of you who are
listening, we are honored thatyou are part of this journey
with us. And we're at thisjourney of healing and giving
off hope and light and joy andcourage through our past through
(50:18):
our trauma, just through ourevery day stuff that we deal
with. And so can't wait to foryou to join with us next week.
And we will see you soon.
Thanks. Bye. Subscribe to theJennasis Movement to empower
women's voices and reclaim thepower over your own narrative.
Welcome to the Jennasis Speaks podcast, The
Transformative Power of Women'sStories, a platform that
empowers women storytelling, topromote collective
vulnerability, acceptance andhealing. I am your host,
Jennifer Malcolm, self madeentrepreneur, women advocate and
life balance expert. Welcome toour next Jennasis Speaks podcast
(00:32):
where every woman has a storyand every story matters. I'm
Jennifer Malcolm, your host, andwith me today is my friend Tasha
Kossler. Tasha is a mother offive who lives in Colorado with
her husband. And she's joiningus today to talk about her
journey of motherhood throughmany transitions, trials,
triumphs that she hasencountered along the way. So I
(00:54):
want to welcome today, myfriend, Tasha, and can't wait to
jump into your story.
Natasha Kossler (00:59):
Hello, how are you doing?
Jennifer Malcolm (01:01):
I'm doing well. Thank you. I was just
saying I can't It's been so longsince I've seen your face. So
this is fun. That zoom hasbrought our worlds back
together.
Natasha Kossler (01:11):
It's so true. I was just thinking, because I
lived in Cleveland, we moved in2010. And I was like, has it
really been 10 years that we seeanother face to face?
Absolutely. I
Jennifer Malcolm (01:23):
don't think I've seen Yeah, we've done
email. We've done texts. We'vedone other stuff. But it was the
first time in 10 years that I'veseen your face. so
Natasha Kossler (01:33):
crazy. I love it, though. I love that I get to
see your face.
Jennifer Malcolm (01:36):
And that's the beauty of the way we record this
podcast with zoom and being ableto interact and see each other.
And that's bringing the world alittle bit smaller.
Natasha Kossler (01:47):
Yes, love it.
Jennifer Malcolm (01:48):
So how is Colorado?
So you went from Cleveland toKansas City to Colorado, but
you've been in Colorado forabout a year now. How's
Colorado?
Natasha Kossler (01:55):
Yes. So we went from Cleveland to Kansas City to
actually Oklahoma. And Oklahoma.
We went to Colorado. So we'vebeen and pagosa Springs for a
year. It's a small, tinymountain town. But we love it.
It's almost everything that youwant in a small town. You're not
too secluded from everything.
(02:16):
I'm about two hours away fromTarget. So that's the only
bummer. But great restaurants,resort. Mountains can be hiking
all outdoors that you can thinkof. There's rivers, so it's
great. That sounds amazing.
Jennifer Malcolm (02:32):
Chad and I went to Colorado last August to
Winter Park area. And we justspent five, six days hiking and
biking and walking and exploringthe horseback riding and such a
beautiful state.
Natasha Kossler (02:47):
I love it. I love I didn't know how much I
loved outdoors until I camehere. Awesome. That's awesome.
So
Jennifer Malcolm (02:54):
let's get into your story a little bit. Where
were you born because those ofyou who are not seeing Tasha may
not we'll have some pictures upthrough social media and through
our podcast. But where were youborn and how did you migrate to
Cleveland?
Natasha Kossler (03:09):
So I am actually from Hawaii. I was born
and raised on the island ofOahu, which is where Pearl
Harbor is Honolulu. I was in avery small town called coyote
which is on the east side ofHawaii. And live there child 24.
I got married and then moved toOhio. Where my husband's from
(03:29):
he's actually from Canada, Ohio,which is about an hour south of
Cleveland. So we moved there in2006. Yeah. 2006 summer 2006.
So,
Jennifer Malcolm (03:43):
and anyone who knows Tasha she adores her
husband, Matt. She's alwaysdoting on him on social media
and Facebook. How did you guysmeet?
Natasha Kossler (03:52):
We actually met in church. So Matt is from Ohio.
He went to college at Pepperdinein California, worked at
Cheesecake Factory. And then heactually moved to Hawaii to open
a cheesecake factory in Waikiki.
And just kind of out of nowhereI showed up at my church kind of
stuck out. And it was just Ithink anyone who knows him, he
(04:12):
just kind of has thispersonality that you just want
to get to know right away. Andso I saw him at church and I was
like, I don't know who you are.
But we need to be friends. Idon't know why. And it just kind
of went from there.
Jennifer Malcolm (04:28):
So then what brought you back to Cleveland?
So I mean, going from Hawaiikind of sounds a little sexy to
live in which you know, not sosexy. How did you guys make that
transition? or Why did you makethat transition?
Natasha Kossler (04:41):
Um, there are a lot of reasons why, for one is
very expensive to live. The costof living is just astronomical
compared to the states but alsojust the idea of raising a
family and wine to me pictureWell look like to have a family.
(05:02):
I want to experience all theFour Seasons, and just all the
things that lend itself in theStates. And so we decided to
venture back to Ohio, which iswhere Matt is from and just kind
of went from there.
Jennifer Malcolm (05:17):
And that's where you and I met. So it was
around 2000 2007. Our pathscrossed back then. And we became
pretty close. When your husband,I was married at the time, and
spent quite a bit of time at theCleveland house of prayer. And
in each other's lives, you guyswere newlyweds and loving life.
(05:38):
And just really, you guys werepivotal, super pivotal in when I
went through my divorce in 2009.
And I was making some unhealthychoices. I was hurting beyond
measure. And I remember going toyou and Matt. And, you know, I
had been rejected by a lot ofpeople pushed out by a lot of
(06:00):
people within the church andwithin the community that I was
grew up in, it was very familiarin. And I remember coming to you
and Matt, and you guys were justlike how you doing? And I was
like, horrible. And you guyswere like, cool. We want to go
out and grab some pizza or doinga Hangout like zero judgment,
zero, just true love that I'm sograteful for. So there was there
(06:23):
was a few people pivotal duringthat time. And you and Matt were
two of those people that eventhrough my dark times and ugly
choices, you guys just shonebrightly. And I'm really, really
grateful for your friendship.
Natasha Kossler (06:39):
Well, thank you. Um, yeah, we're still the
same. No matter where you're at,I feel like we'd be like, okay,
you might go over Pete
Jennifer Malcolm (06:50):
actly. And I remember all the homemade pizza
nights we did at my place andjust hung out. But I really
wanted to express gratitude toyou both because having kindness
and unconditional love andfriendship during a time of hell
and back, insanely grateful foryou both so. So you, I
Natasha Kossler (07:10):
love you. We love you.
Jennifer Malcolm (07:12):
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
So then, what year did you guysmove from Cleveland to Kansas
City.
Natasha Kossler (07:19):
We moved in the fall of 2010. Okay.
Jennifer Malcolm (07:24):
And at this point, you guys are starting to
Jones for a family, I believe.
And tell the audience a littlebit about your journey into
motherhood.
Natasha Kossler (07:34):
So we had been trying to have kids for about
five years at that point, andthen we moved to Kansas City in
2010, to be part of theInternational House of Prayer,
mission space, to bemissionaries to kind of get
trained up, went to aninternship there. And it was a
(07:56):
very interesting time in KansasCity. Because there is a lot of
prayer that was going on, thereis a ministry that was just kind
of unusual that was going on,they called it the awakening
service where a lot of peoplewere getting healed physically,
emotionally. And so a lot ofpeople had just a lot of
(08:17):
expectation from God for thingsthat they didn't believe for
before. Sure. So we kind of gotthere, and everybody just wanted
to pray for us, then they kindof heard our story about wanting
to have children that we've beentrying for five years. And so
everyone just kind of likestarted praying. Oh, it was
(08:38):
overwhelming, to be honest. Um,and so that's kind of Yeah, so
we don't know why it's, wecouldn't have children for five
years. But we've been trying forfive years at that point
intensity.
Jennifer Malcolm (08:52):
And then what was the progression from there?
So I know you've have fivebeautiful children now. But you
had heartache along the way. Socan you share a little bit about
that journey?
Natasha Kossler (09:04):
Yeah, so in Kansas City, we actually did get
pregnant. And it was just anamazing time. Because so many
people were praying for us somany people were believing with
us. And we just felt just thiscollective support by so many
people. And so we got pregnant.
And then, um, at 35 weeks beingpregnant, I found out that our
(09:28):
daughter's heartbeat hadstopped. And so we ended up
having a stillborn at 35 weeks.
And that was in September of2011. And so that was really
difficult. As anyone who's evergone through that, and and very
(09:50):
shocking. I just remember justit was almost like everything
just paused and I couldn't evenwrite rationalize everything
that was going on and to thepoint where I realized that I
still had to give birth to mydaughter. And so there's so many
things that I was just,everything was in slow mo I
(10:11):
nothing registered. Um, butyeah, so I 35 weeks, she was
stillborn I gave birth to adilynjoy. And that was September 8
2011.
Jennifer Malcolm (10:23):
Wow. And I remember like, I remember
conversations and Matt was incommunication with my parents
and they were sharing the story.
And just the heartbreak thegrief, and I'm sure the the
numbing of reality setting infor the loss as well as now you
still physically have to gothrough this process of giving
(10:47):
birth? And tell if you're opento it, tell what you're
comfortable with the audience.
You know, those few days in thehospital because you guys had a
real sacred space for a whilethere with your community and
family. So do you mind sharing alittle bit about that? That
(11:07):
story there?
Natasha Kossler (11:08):
Sure. Um, you know, it was a, it was a weird
thing, because we weren't in acommunity with so many people at
that time. And so it was thisweird feeling of vulnerability
and being exposed because youcouldn't hide what was going on.
And so it was one of thosethings where I kind of was just
(11:29):
like, God, you're gonna have todo whatever you're doing,
because I can't do it. There'snothing in my control. And so
there was just a lot of sweetnazzer friends that came to
visit, prayed over us duringthat time, we had worship going
on when I gave birth to her.
Matt was there with me, but it'shard time. And it was very
(11:50):
beautiful how everythinghappened. She came in the early
morning at 5:55am. And even justfelt the Lord saying right when
she came, her middle name isJoy. And the Lord just reminded
us that though there's pain inthe night joy comes in the
(12:14):
morning. And so there wassomething about just giving
birth to her that there wassomething happened. I can't
really put into words whathappened. But something happened
in that moment that there wasrelief, right. And so along the
way, there were friends I cameto visit, and it just their
(12:35):
presence alone, not necessarilywhat they said, but their
presence alone. I just felt themUranus, the Lord in that time.
And I do remember, um, becausewhen you go through, excuse me,
when you go through a traumalike that, you don't really your
thinking is much slower thingsdon't click right away. And so I
(12:58):
actually forgot because of allthe emotions that I felt, I
actually forgot for a momentthat I was on a maternity ward
after I had given birth to addone. And so I went to the
bathroom in my hospital room,and I heard this faint noise and
I couldn't put together what amI hearing, like right now, like,
I'm hearing something soundslike a kitten, I'm not really
(13:20):
sure it's very faint. And then Ifinally remember that I was on a
maternity ward. And it wasactually a baby that had just
been born that was nearby. And Iremember right before I could
think, have a reaction have anemotional reaction. I just felt
the spirit say, and your childwill not know what it means to
(13:42):
cry. Your child will not knowwhat it means to sit here. And
that was so encouraging andimportant to me. And obviously
all this is based off of myfaith and where I am with the
Lord. And I was just reminded ofthe Scripture that in his
presence is fullness of joy. Andso just that reminder again of
like she was born and Yes, she'snot in this world, but she's not
(14:07):
in pain. She's not crying, she'sin fullness of joy, like and
just just felt the Lord isreiterating like she's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
Jennifer Malcolm (14:18):
That's awesome. And here am I like a
hair I'm crying already. Thebeauty of it I get of capturing
people's stories is hearing thebeauty and cadence and the song
within your heart through atraumatic experience. So as you
guys walk through this and youhad a community How did you and
(14:41):
how do you continue to leave alegacy? remember her and I know
that our family participated onthe annual on her birthday, what
what birthday but share a littlebit about your journey to honor
your daughter.
Natasha Kossler (14:56):
So we do every year on her birthday on
September 8. We Do some flowerscelebration. And so we actually
take the time to, and it kind ofextended at first it was about
just remembering adwin. And thenit was about, you know, we want
to remember all babies that werelost. We have friends who have
(15:16):
had miscarriages, we've knownwomen who have had stillborns,
or have had loss of some sort,maybe not child. And so we want
to extend that to you know what,we just want to celebrate life.
And so and we want to do this inhonor of atlin. So on every
September 8, we would pass outsome flowers, and we would just
(15:38):
bless people, sometimes it'sstrangers, sometimes it's people
that we know. But we just wantto do that just to bless people
and to say, Hey, you know whatwe're thinking of you, we see
you, the Lord sees you. Andthere's joy to be had, even in
the midst of grief.
Jennifer Malcolm (15:55):
That's awesome. And so I think it was
the first or second year of herbirthday, I took my kids, we
went to Trader Joe's we got someflowers, snagged my mom. And we
just went to Panera, we went toa few different places and went
to strangers. And my kids werelike, this is weird. And I was
like, just wait, just wait forit and seeing the surprise of a
(16:17):
gift unexpected from a stranger.
And that that seed of joy, thatseed of love that seed of being
seen, a simple act of givingsomeone a sunflower, has brought
so much joy, and you know,honoring a legacy of her name,
honor honoring a legacy of yourjourney of being her mom. It's
powerful. So I want to commendyou and Matt for taking an
(16:42):
element of such pain, andturning it for goodness and joy
and laughter and love andgoodness that you could have
turned angry, you could haveturned bitter, you could have
been resentful, and you didn'tyou you know, let your hearts
(17:03):
shine through this and allowsyour faith to be your guiding
point, close through it, andhonor your daughter in this
journey. So well done.
Natasha Kossler (17:15):
Thank you. You know, when all this happened, I
did question. I had questions,you know, to God. And one of the
questions was, what's the point?
What is the point of beingpregnant and not having this
child. And again, all this isbased off on my faith and my
relationship with God. But oneof the things I thought he
(17:36):
shared was, she has an eternallife. And so for all of
eternity, she has a life that'son a different side of this age,
like we're living on this earth,but there's something greater,
and she's a part of that. And Isaw her as someone that was so
important that I want to her ineternity. And so that really
(17:57):
shifted my perspective. And so Ithink you were able to do things
like the sunflower celebrationbecause of that. And I think
when I really think about it, Ithink the core of our DNA as
humans is we do want to be seen,we want to be known and we want
to be loved. If we could go backto the bare basics, and I think
(18:17):
unexpected kindness like whatyou're saying, and giving
someone a simpler it does thatis tell someone that they're
seen when they might be goingthrough something. It makes them
feel known, even if it's astranger, and it makes them feel
loved. And so being able to dothat. I think it's it's a
(18:40):
special gift. And I'm glad thatthe Lord kind of let us do that.
Jennifer Malcolm (18:47):
I love it. So you get walked through this
season. Were you scared to tryto have a family again? Or even
explore? or How did you guysnavigate? All right, I still
want a family. It's still in ourheart. We just through trauma,
we just went through an immenseloss and grief. How did you and
Matt go from there?
Natasha Kossler (19:09):
Um, you know, we always want our children and
so it didn't stop us from havingchildren and, and I did go
through grief counseling, I wentthrough a lot of inner healing
stuff. And through that process,I was able to share my fears
and, and still understand, okay,I still have desires in my heart
(19:29):
that I want. I want a family.
And so that in itself was ajourney for me, personally. Um,
so we just tried, we just kepttrying, um, and then right in
2013, we decided, Well, let meback up. We have always had a
heart for adoption, even in themidst of trying for kids, not
(19:52):
because we couldn't have kids.
It was just something that we'vealways had a heart for. And so
we actually started the processof adoption in 2013. At a kind
of look like we're gonna postsomething on Facebook was kind
of the beginning of our adoptionprocess. Um, we are very
(20:18):
unconventional and everythingthat we do, and our family
stories were unconventional. Andsomeone messaged my husband, who
was a counselor. So my husbanddid team ministry in Kansas
City, he did a summary team campthrough the ministry that we
were a part of, and he did aleadership team intensive. And
(20:40):
that summer, and one of thecounselors had messaged my
husband saying, Hey, I knowsomeone who's pregnant, but
she's going to get an abortionif she doesn't find someone to
adopt her child. So that kindof, and this is all through
Facebook. Got a lot done. Sofunny. And so we ended up
(21:01):
talking to the birth mom, whowas living in Washington state
at that time, and she wanted tocome and meet us in person in
Kansas City. So we talked on thephone, had her come, we met, she
actually lived with us for threemonths. And her third trimester.
(21:21):
Um, and, in fact, when she livedwith us actually got pregnant,
and I miscarried at eight weeks.
And so she was actually therethrough that process. And she
was a little nervous and she waslike, you still want my child.
You don't want to adopt my childand then I miscarried as she saw
the process. And I think it wasbeautiful that she was there for
(21:45):
that, of how the Lord carried usthrough and how we had a
community that came around us,even in the midst of
miscarriage. And so that was in2013. And in 2014, Jagan was
born. He was born in March, andwe took him home from the
hospital. But a couple of weeksbefore he was born, I found out
(22:09):
I was pregnant with Shiloh. Andso they are seven and a half
months apart. And it's just it'sbeen a wild ride since then. And
so, yes, when I was pregnantwith Shiloh, I did have fears.
Especially around the 35 week,Mark, I was like, Okay, if I can
make it through to 36 weeks, I'mgood. I'm in the clear. And
(22:32):
every pregnancy that I hadsense, there's always this,
like, I'm gonna hold my breathuntil a certain point. And it
wasn't that I didn't trust God.
It was just one of those thingswhere I was like, okay, like, I
it's not up to me. I don't knowwhat's gonna happen. So I was
kind of like, okay, is, iseverything gonna be okay? And
(22:54):
so, yes, so I did have fear andall my pregnancy. Oh, and that's
Jennifer Malcolm (23:00):
so it's like that's so human human motion. So
you having fear is not doubtingguide you having fear, isn't it
negating your healing process orthat journey? It's just a human
emotion. And yet, a lot of womenwho have had miscarriages or
problems getting pregnant, youknow, it's I'm not going to say
anything until the firsttrimester is over. So I can't
(23:20):
imagine saying, I'm almostthrough my third trimester until
I can finally take a breath oflike, Okay, this, you know, is
going well,
Natasha Kossler (23:30):
yes. Wow. And good. And it's funny, because at
35 weeks, you could deliver soit's not about, you know, but I
think for my story, becauseadilyn was stillborn at 35
weeks, I was just kind of like,Okay, if I could just make it
through third trimester, I canmake it to 36 weeks or Okay, if
(23:54):
we make it to 37 weeks, it'sokay. And so, um, so yeah, and
we actually had a secondmiscarriage in between our
fourth and fifth child. And so,we had two miscarriages and and
so born, but fear is okay, youknow, it's just what we do with
that fear is what I've learnedalong the way, like, Where am I
(24:17):
going to take that fear to andfor me, it was the Lord.
Jennifer Malcolm (24:21):
No, that's powerful. And so I can't imagine
you're you now have a newbornthat you just adopted brought
home from the hospital andyou're pregnant, and then a half
months apart, are caretaking ababy pregnant hoping to get past
35 weeks? How is that like goingfrom not having a baby to
(24:44):
adopting to being pregnant andgiving birth? You know, to
Shiloh seven and a half monthslater, like the head to been a
crazy, emotional, fun, insanetime.
Natasha Kossler (24:56):
It was a wild ride. I will say Adopting shakey
and it was kind of funnybringing him home because we had
no idea what we're doing. Wecame home and we're like, so do
we feed him? Do we put him down?
What do we do? It was just funnybecause we didn't have that nine
months of like preparation. Sowe're like, Huh, okay. Maybe
(25:17):
he's hungry. I'm not sure shouldwe change his diaper? It was
just such a funny transitiongoing from like nothing to
something. And then I hadmorning sickness when I was
pregnant with Shiloh, my firsttrimester. And so Matt really
stepped up and helped take careof Jake and they bonded right
away. And that was, I felt justreally precious to have that
(25:41):
he's our only boy and to havejust that time between a father
and son, I think was just reallyprecious that that just happened
the way that I did. And so, um,yeah, it's been wild. I remember
Shiloh came out with her fist.
She had a fist and she just cameout on first. I was just like,
(26:04):
Okay, here we go. No, it's beengreat. They have been
inseparable. They're very close.
I mean, seven and a half monthsapart. They're pretty much Irish
twins. And so it's been great.
Nothing much really changed.
When they when the two of themcame. We just kind of told it to
(26:24):
them around everywhere that wewent, and that was fun. But then
when we had Kyla, that's whereit got a little tricky. You're
like,
Jennifer Malcolm (26:35):
what's a difference between Shiloh and
Kyla?
Natasha Kossler (26:38):
They are Let me think about it. A child was born
October. And then Kyla was bornin December. So 14 months apart
from you have
Jennifer Malcolm (26:52):
basically at that point, you're having three
under two years old?
Natasha Kossler (26:56):
Yes. And so it was wild. And we had I was
pregnant, my Kyla when we movedto Oklahoma. And it was just one
of those things where I justlearned that like, you have to
learn how to juggle. And in reallife, I don't know how to juggle
so I'm like, okay, I don't knowhow to do this. Um, but you just
(27:22):
manage you just learn along theway what you can't handle what
what to say yes. To what to sayno to and so I think three was
my, my biggest hurdle.
Jennifer Malcolm (27:32):
Then you continued,
Natasha Kossler (27:34):
and we continue with two more.
Jennifer Malcolm (27:38):
So tell me tell the audience, your last two
girls.
Natasha Kossler (27:42):
So we have Ashlynn. And she is three years
old right now. She's pottytrained. She is in preschool, as
she is my strong willed childwho kind of was just, you know,
you can't bribe her to doanything. Everything's just on
her own terms. How she learns ison her own terms. The next step,
(28:04):
whatever season she's in, it'sall on her. And then we have Bo
n who is going to be two inAugust, and she is wild. I love
her just fearless. Just bothlike just loves life full of
joy, but also just fearless.
Like she just showed up, jumpeddown the stairs, she'll jump off
(28:24):
the couch. I mean, zero fear.
Jennifer Malcolm (28:29):
So it's crazy to see and I've learned as
being, you know, Camden who'snow 19 Paige who's almost 18
Reagan who's almost 16 You know,when I hit Camden, I was like,
all right, motherhood. Alright,boy. So when I had Paige I, my
instinct was that those two aregoing to be so much alike.
They're very different, very,very different. And then when I
(28:51):
had Reagan, I was like, okay,two girls, the girls are going
to be alike, they're probablymore opposite in nature. They're
getting similar as they'regetting older, but so different.
So it's so amazing how the sameDNA how different, you know, the
individual personalities, whichwhen I look at me and my sister
were night and day different inour personalities, but I think
(29:13):
as you're coming intomotherhood, you just say like,
Alright, these are gonna be thethree kids very similar and
they're so different. So right.
Natasha Kossler (29:22):
Yes, all my kids are different. So Shiloh is
very much the motherly type verymuch like firstborn. I mean, she
would be Teacher's pet. She'svery orderly. She just likes to
care for people. takes on manymom role, you know? Kyla is very
(29:45):
shy. She doesn't take manyrisks, but she loves Well, she,
she's a hugger. She loves to bearound people and and does
embrace them. I think she getsthat from that. And then Ashlyn
is very bold, but Also strong,we'll just, you know everything
on her own terms. And then youhave Bolin, who's just like
fearless just wants to have fun.
And then you have Jacob, who'sthe oldest and who's the boy,
(30:09):
but has such a tender heart. Andso they're all just different.
And even the stages, you can youcould kind of see early on that
they're all different.
Jennifer Malcolm (30:22):
I yes. And I, I cannot wait to someday meet
your children, they'll probablybe you know, teenagers by the
time you and I see each otherface to face physically, but who
knows? So as you're parentingand navigating transitions from
different states and cities, howare you and Matt navigating?
Because I know that your faithis important. missions is
(30:45):
important. Prayer is important.
How are you guys navigating? orputting that thread in your
journey as well?
Natasha Kossler (30:51):
Um, as far as transitioning from place?
Jennifer Malcolm (30:54):
And what were you guys doing career wise? Or
what were your why were yourhops from different cities? You
know, what was your why betweenthat?
Natasha Kossler (31:02):
I'm from Kansas City, we were you know, we were
full time missionaries. And wehad Jacob and Shiloh. And we
just felt that we were startingto expand our family. And we
just wanted to play some rootsdown and just for our family. So
we moved to Oklahoma with thatin mind. And we did we expand
our family, we had three morekids. And then somewhere along
(31:27):
the way, we just felt like Idon't think this is where we're
going to end up late for therest of our life. And the Lord
just kind of put mountains onour heart. And there's a lot of
things that went into that. Butwe just decided to go to those
two springs. And we do know somefriends here, previous tour and
(31:47):
move. And so Matt went outfirst. And he was like, I think
this is it. Like I think this iswhere we're supposed to be. And
I'm like, I'm all for mountains.
I'll go wherever there'smountains. And so and the small
town and just being in a smallcommunity was just something
that we really wanted. And so wedecided to move there. And it's
(32:09):
been great, not withoutchallenges, like any other
person or any other place, butit's been it's been great for
our family.
Jennifer Malcolm (32:20):
How are you guys surviving quarantine with
five littles? little small town.
Natasha Kossler (32:27):
Um it's an interesting, what, what I
appreciate about Colorado isthere's so much to do outdoors.
And so that's one thing that Ido appreciate with that. I was
actually surprised with how ourchildren actually adapted really
well to quarantine just as awhole. And so I think that in
(32:50):
itself has been helpful, andthey have each other. So that's
been helpful. I think what hashelped us is having a routine,
I'm not a strict scheduleperson. But just having a
routine where we're doingsomething in the morning, and
we're doing something in theafternoon, or going outside,
we're spending time together asa family at night. And so just
(33:11):
having little routines. It helpsset up expectations for our
children. And so there's thingsto look forward to. And so
they're not just kind of justsitting around, doing nothing.
Jennifer Malcolm (33:25):
Active, I'm sure keeping them outside,
getting fresh air doingsomething that interesting and
intriguing to them is half thebattle. So you know, being that
creative element of Let's goplay and explore and no hike or
whatever.
I'm sure.
What's your favorite part aboutbeing a mom of five.
Natasha Kossler (33:46):
Because they're so young right now I am
constantly having Well, I havethe ability to constantly see
through their lens to throughtheir perspective. And that's
been really fun, because thathas allowed me not to get bogged
down by the things of life, evennow at COVID. And Black Lives
Matter. And there's so manythings going on election coming
(34:08):
up. It could be so easy to justget stressed out and overwhelmed
by things going on around us.
And what I love the most isbeing able to just look through
the lens of like, this is whatmy children see though, like
they're not paying attention ofeverything else. They're they're
just loving life right now inthe moment. It with the simple
things and so I love that theykind of bring me back to simple
(34:30):
loving the simplicity of life.
Jennifer Malcolm (34:35):
I love it. And through a business group that
I'm involved in here inCleveland. We talk about our
COVID keeps and what are thethings that you are learning
through COVID that you cherishthat you you know, whether it's
family dinners, whether it'splaying games, whether it's
having evenings with, you know,your children, teenagers having
deeper conversations, not havingyour calendar scheduled, you
(34:58):
know from morning till night,you know Every day of the month,
and so you know that piece ofsimplicity, your COVID, keep of,
you know, the innocence, viewingthe world through the innocence
of your children's eyes and thesimplicity of your children's
eyes and the world is still calmand a place of exploration and
joy and share. And I'm sure thatnugget of gold will last in your
(35:24):
heart for a really long time.
Natasha Kossler (35:26):
It Well, it really well. And I feel like
that, if I could be completelyhonest, is what's keeping me
sane, is just being able tolike, you know what, there is
still beauty that you candiscover in the midst of chaos.
And I'm seeing as you're my kidseyes, and it's okay to not look
(35:47):
at the chaos and just pause anddiscover and enjoy what's before
us. And so I appreciate thatabout my children.
Jennifer Malcolm (35:55):
So are you also I believe, doing some part
time work through COVID, andkids and moose and all of that.
Natasha Kossler (36:05):
I am I work for a web agency, and I do social
media marketing for them. And Ialso on the side have a mom blog
community that I'm a part ofwith three other moms. And
that's been fun. We've beendoing that since 2016. And then
I'm also helping with thechildren's ministry at our
(36:27):
church. So it's, it's full, it'sa full life.
Jennifer Malcolm (36:31):
Well, I can't imagine raising five kids under
six and having three majoroutlets, but I'm sure those are
things that also breathe lifeinto you and give you joy and
replenish the peace in you tolive a life of I'm also a woman
and a mom in this and are moreso a woman and a wife in this.
(36:53):
And yes, I'm a mom. And that's ahuge piece of my identity. But
having other outlets as well
Natasha Kossler (36:57):
is I feel like it's very fulfilling. And with
social media marketing, it isreally interesting because of
where social media is right now.
But I feel like Personally, Ifeel like I'm building platforms
for people to have a voice andfor companies and organizations
to have a voice. And so I thinkright now, that's something
that's special in the midst ofthe noise that's kind of going
(37:20):
around. And the same thing withmy mom blog community, I think
there's a special voice thateveryone has, that needs to be
heard. And so being able to, tobuild platforms where that is
very rewarding.
Unknown (37:35):
Now that's powerful.
And I remember the days that youwere working for Jennasis as
well. So you were one of ourteam members and doing some of
the same thing. So it'sobviously something within your
heart of releasing voicepositioning, voice and and
vantage point that is in yourheart as well and being able to
disseminate that in the midst ofa lot of chatter, and negativity
(37:57):
and to kind of rise above that.
So I know that's been in youryour mind and heart for quite a
while. How do you What advicewould you give to moms who are
trying to do both where they'rereally trying to be a good mom,
and also contribute into theworkspace about either work life
(38:17):
balance? Or how what advicewould you give to other moms?
Natasha Kossler (38:20):
Well, um, so I read a blog not too long ago by
Sally Clarkson. I don't know ifyou know who she is, she's kind
of the mentor of all moms typeof person was she wrote a blog
that actually really struck myheart. And I actually shifted my
perspective on something. Andshe was talking about pretty
(38:45):
much breaking the myth ofbalance, and how we're always
trying to strive for a balance.
And really, there's actually nosuch thing. We try to multitask
and, and try to carry multiplethings at a time. And I learned
over the years that I'm ahorrible multitasker, because I
can't give myself well to eachday if I'm trying to balance it
all at once. And so I think mymain advice to a mom would be
(39:09):
no, what is important to youknow, what your priorities are,
and set boundaries around that.
Set up a schedule for your nonnegotiables that allow you to
actually be present in thoseareas. And so if it's work, I
(39:30):
would find out like what is anon negotiable with work that
needs to be uninterrupted andscheduled time around that all
the tasks can be doneintermittently, but that you
need to invest time in and thesame thing with your family.
What are non negotiables in yourfamily that you're like no, like
family dinners that's a nonnegotiable on keeping that or
(39:52):
family connection or havingconversations during this time
or mornings are important thatwe spend time around. The
kitchen table, whatever it maybe, finding what's really
important, and investing andallowing boundaries for those
areas would be my thing, becausewe can try to balance it out.
But it won't work, you all, youwill always feel like you're
(40:13):
trying to maintain something,and you're kind of just keeping
your head above water and tryingto survive. I think a lot of
moms feel, and I've always feltthis way where I'm always in
survival mode. But I don'tbelieve that, that that's where
we're supposed to be, even inthe midst of motherhood. Um, and
so I would just say, know whatyour non negotiables are,
(40:35):
establish what's priorities andput boundaries around them.
Jennifer Malcolm (40:40):
Really wise, and balanced does not mean equal
parts. And I think that's asmoms as women, we think that
work life balance means 5050, inbalance for you may look very
different for balance for me,and we compare each other with
each other well, she's able to,you know, have a 40 hour a week
(41:00):
job, and be on PTA, and do youknow, a coach on this and
cooking dinners. And she's, youknow, doing yoga and, you know,
doing all this stuff, and, andwe compare, we're constantly
comparing to what other womenare doing. And we're constantly
comparing to what some peopleare capable of doing as far as
(41:21):
how much they can manage,because we're all wired so
differently, how much we canhandle how much we can
facilitate, but balance, whatI've learned over the last five
to eight years, does not mean5050 doesn't mean that 50% of my
time is work than 50%. Time isfamily, it ebbs and flows,
there's times where I play hard,I'll take off, you know,
several, several days, and Chadand I will get on a plane, we'll
(41:44):
go to Charleston, this was preCOVID, or Nashville and just
play and not touch work fordays. And then other times, it's
like I have to lock and load.
And I might be working nightsand weekends to get some stuff
done. But it isn't balanced. AndI think that piece of, you know,
really identifying what'simportant, what are your non
negotiables. And put thoseboundaries around those is
(42:05):
essential. So well said
Natasha Kossler (42:08):
thank you, and understanding the season that
you're in, because there may bea season where you have more
capacity. And then there may beseasons that you don't and
understanding the season thatyou're in and being okay with
that also is key. And so therehave been times in the past
where I've worked actually more.
And there are times in the pastwhere I've actually worked less
than I do in that one. So it'sall about the season that you're
(42:29):
in and embracing that as well.
Jennifer Malcolm (42:33):
Absolutely.
And being compassionate toourselves. We're compassionate
to other women were so graciousabout what what we give to other
women and other people, but Iknow that I'm the hardest critic
of myself, like, okay, youshould be able to handle one
more thing, you should be ableto get out one more proposal,
you should be able to do onemore podcast recording, you
should be able to, you know, doall that. And sometimes it's
just like, No, I can't, andbeing clear and putting yourself
(42:56):
in cadence. And I found to thatas I have surrounded myself and
shared my boundaries, shared mynon negotiables verbally with
others, they help keep me inthat within those boundaries as
well in a healthy way, not in acondemning way or mean way, but
they really help remind me oflike, Hey, you said you're going
to, and you're, you're kind ofcrossing some of your non
(43:20):
negotiables. And let's, youknow, center back. And that's a
beautiful piece to is having acommunity around.
Natasha Kossler (43:27):
Right. And you know, you always have that one
woman that you feel like it'sthe supermom who kind of just
does it all. Whether you havethem in your life, or you see
them on social media, you'rejust kind of like how, how you
do that? Like, how do you havetime for others? And I think
it's just okay to be like, youknow, what, I'm gonna celebrate
that this is where I'm at. Andthese are the accomplishments
(43:50):
that I've had. This is thecapacity I have. And I'm doing
it well, because I have theseboundaries. And these are the
things I've said no to so that Icould say yes to these things
and being able to celebratethat.
Jennifer Malcolm (44:02):
Absolutely. I had a friend two years ago,
three years ago, because I wasreally struggling with missing
something that one of my girls,I think it was a choir
performance and something cameup and I really had a commitment
at work and it something changedthe last minute I couldn't go to
the the choir concert and I wasso hard on myself and I felt had
so much guilt of how do I howcan I miss something for my
(44:22):
kids. And the simple words ofevery every once in a while,
Superwoman has to take off hercape like and just allow like,
you can't do it all and youcan't be everything to everyone
and my kids know that they'rethe most important thing to me
on this planet. And I'm going tomiss out on some moments and
memories and it's not for mylack of wants to be there. It's
(44:45):
just life and other other thingsget in the way at times. So Oh,
so I also know that you'repassionate about women in
general. Obviously kids withyour work even with the within
your church. So is it just momsIs it women? Like what is I
headed in to note here that youhave a strong passion for women
(45:05):
to really thrive and who they'recalled to be? And how are you
navigating? What are you doingto encourage? Are you doing one
person at a time? Are you justdoing it through life you're
leading and being an example? Sotell me a little bit about this
passion in your heart?
Natasha Kossler (45:20):
I do I have a passion for women in general,
not just moms, that just kind ofunderstand who they are. And I
think some of it is just my ownpersonal journey. Outside of
motherhood and in motherhood,because I think there is a
little bit of identity loss thatyou're trying to just kind of
walk through, when you havekids, you at home, and you're
(45:44):
trying to figure out like, Isthis all that I'm good for? Is
there anything more on this?
And, um, and so, yeah, my heartis for wanting to understand who
they are, and being able to walkconfidently in that. And so I'm
part of the mom wild communitythat I'm part of was birthed out
of that passion. And I try to,to the best of my ability, do
(46:09):
that in friendships, do thatwith people that I'm wrapped
around. And trying to model thatout, in my own life, and so
trying to anyway,
Jennifer Malcolm (46:24):
no, and that, in that regard, obviously, you
and I have a very similarpassion in our heart fire at our
heart to bring confidence towomen be a beacon of hope and
light. In the last, as I'vereleased this podcast, friends
of mine who haven't beeninterviewed yet, but just said,
You emulate joy, and you and youemulate hope. And two things
(46:47):
that I was like, wow, like, theyou walk into the room, and your
countenance speaks joy andhappiness and, and really, you
could see it in your eyes andyour in your demeanor and your
face. But when you say like,Hey, you, you're a beacon of
hope. Like, that's powerful,because we've all been in a
place where we have felthopeless, or we have felt
(47:08):
downtrodden. And knowing thatthrough healing, and through
time, we can get to the otherside, and really turn a trauma
or a situation into something sogood, and so powerful. And so
for you and I both you know methrough 12 years ago, when I
went through a really darkperiod of my life with my
(47:29):
divorce, and you with losingadilyn joy and having that
trauma, but to be able to takesomething and still move it
forward, and then still be sopassionate about wanting other
women to experience the beautyof that, the freedom of that the
life and the hope in that. AndI'm honored to be on this
(47:51):
journey alongside you. On theother side of the United States.
Natasha Kossler (47:56):
Yes, I love it.
I love it. You know, I'm, Ithink something that comes to
mind is we, as women, asindividuals, we're more than our
trauma, we are more than ourpain. And I think I would be
just so sad if that was whatkept people from living what
they were meant for, you know,being the person that they
weren't meant to be. And solooking beyond our pain into
(48:20):
something that's greater is whatI hope for each person. And I'm
going to repeat that becausethat was powerful. To say it's
for women, we
Jennifer Malcolm (48:31):
We are more than our trauma, and more than
our pain. Yeah, we can have thatbefore eyes that we are more
than I am enough. I am worthy.
Lovely. I'm beautiful. And mypast doesn't define my future.
And, yes, there might befingerprints, there might still
be regret, there might still bepain moments through that. But
(48:54):
we are overcomers through thatprocess as well. And you are a
beacon of someone who is reallywalked through some devastating
loss, and now have a bounty fullof children and joy.
Natasha Kossler (49:13):
Yeah, yes, that is crazy. It's beautiful and
crazy auditing time.
Jennifer Malcolm (49:18):
I'm expecting your kids to be like crawling
all over you while we were.
Natasha Kossler (49:21):
They were here.
Yes, they wouldn't be. Iwouldn't be able to say two
words.
Jennifer Malcolm (49:27):
For the audience, we will also provide
links to Tasha blog and givesome of the resources that she
has shared any closing remarksfor our audience.
Natasha Kossler (49:37):
Um, I think that's it, you are more than
your pain, you're more than yourtrauma. There's so much greater
beyond that. That's for you. Andthat's my hope is that you would
be encouraged that there issomething at the end that there
is a light at the end of thetunnel, and it's something
greater than what you may beexperiencing right now.
Jennifer Malcolm (49:56):
Well honored to have you on here today. Thank
you for taking time. time out ofyour day to day to be with us
and to record this podcast. Andfor those of you who are
listening, we are honored thatyou are part of this journey
with us. And we're at thisjourney of healing and giving
off hope and light and joy andcourage through our past through
(50:18):
our trauma, just through ourevery day stuff that we deal
with. And so can't wait to foryou to join with us next week.
And we will see you soon.
Thanks. Bye. Subscribe to theJennasis Movement to empower
women's voices and reclaim thepower over your own narrative.
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