Setting Our Fears Free - Healing with Emotional Freedom Techniques - Jennifer with Betsy Muller

Over the past 15 years, Betsy Muller has helped countless clients identify their fears and discomfort, using Emotional Freedom Techniques to help clients confront their fears and move on to calm, peace, and happiness. 

In 2017, Betsy relied on her skills to help her through a life-changing challenge: Helping her husband recover from a serious cardiac arrest and related brain injury. 

Join Betsy and Jennifer Malcolm for the next Jennasis Speaks podcast as Betsy talks about her very personal experience and how she works with others to help them heal their emotional wounds.

Episode Transcript

Jennifer Malcolm (00:10):
Welcome to the Jennasis Speaks podcast, The
Transformative Power of Women'sStories, a platform that
empowers women storytelling topromote collective
vulnerability, acceptance andhealing. I am your host,
Jennifer Malcolm, self madeentrepreneur, women advocate and
life balance expert. Welcomeback to the next episode of

(00:30):
Jennasis Speaks podcast, TheTransformative Power of Women's
Stories where every woman has astory and every story matters.
I'm Jennifer Malcolm founder andpresident of Jennasis and
Associates. And with me today isBetsy Muller, who I have known I
think, since 2011. We metthrough business, she's been in
and around work with me, hasbeen a speaker for me and are in

(00:51):
some of my clients. She's been apart of Jennasis Speaks way back
in the early Inception on theoriginal rendition of it. So I'm
excited to have her here todaywith us. I'm going to read her
bio, and then we're going tojust jump right into her story.
So Betsy is an author, speakerand leader with a heart for
healing and lifting emotions.
She's an accredited EFTinternational master trainer of

(01:12):
Emotional Freedom Techniques,interfaith minister and a
certified sold detective. Sheoffers private coaching
professional practitionertraining, women's events and
retreats to keep her clientsgrowing, creating and
connecting. Betsy is also theauthor of the best selling
books, energy makeover, and thecomeback story and energy

(01:33):
makeover. Love Story. Welcome,Betsy. I'm so excited to have
you here today.

Betsy Muller (01:39):
I'm excited to be here too.

Jennifer Malcolm (01:42):
I haven't seen your face. I know we follow each
other on, on social and back andforth and through the pandemic.
I haven't seen many people butyou and I haven't had coffee or
wine or walk or any of that forseveral years. So it's great to
see your face. Welcome, welcome.
So we're gonna just jump rightinto the work that you do and
the work that you do with women.

(02:02):
People will say what is EFT? SoI'd love for you to take some
time just to describe the workthat you do the training, you've
received the certification sothat people can understand the
beautiful work that you do doso you've been an EFT
practitioner for 15 years. Whatis an EFT practitioner?

Betsy Muller (02:20):
Okay, yes, T stands for Emotional Freedom
Techniques. And it is aninnovative way to calm the body
down. It's actually been calledacupuncture for emotions without
needles. And really what thescience is showing now there's a
lot of clinical studies thatdidn't exist 15 years ago when I

(02:40):
started doing this, but theclinical studies show that
tapping, you know, tap, tap tapon your face, and on points on
the body, neutralizes the humanstress response. What it does is
it neutralizes that activity inthe brain of fight or flight, it
lowers the hormone cortisol, andit calms your body will

(03:03):
unbelievably well. And when youcombine it with words, and
talking and basic coaching,while you are tapping on these
points, you can open up anindividual to really find their
brilliance to to get out of fearand to get into this place of
calm clarity where everythinggoes better. And it's quite

(03:24):
incredible. And oh, the otherthing I should tell you, that I
get all excited about in theresearch proves to is that when
you use this process in groups,more than two together, it's
just like what Jesus said aboutchurch to that it amplifies the
healing effect. And I think Ialways knew this when I got
started in my business, becauseI was I was really into doing

(03:46):
group stuff and getting peopletogether. But the other thing
about it that I'm learning nowis it works really well. Zoom
works better than I everimagined. And I struggled a lot
lately. like can I really dothis on zoom? Oh, yes. Wow, I
get good. goosebumps justtalking about it right now.
Because that I think makes megrateful for a pandemic, in

(04:11):
spite of how yucky has been forall of us, right?

Jennifer Malcolm (04:15):
Well, it's interesting, though, because all
of us as you know, businessowners had to pivot through this
and had to figure out what canwork during a pandemic. And we
also had to go back to theinnovation, like what can I do
differently? How can I pivotthis service or this offering
and for you to be able to dothat? On zoom is incredible
because I would think that it'sa physical, my assumption would

(04:37):
be like, Oh, you have tophysically be together and get
the energy but if you canfacilitate that way, that's
amazing. I am in awe because thelast two years I'm seeing so
much more about tapping aboutbreath therapy about all this
stuff is becoming more and morenormal to say or, or more and
more prevalent, but you've beenin this work. A long time. So

(05:00):
you were really a floor runner,when people weren't doing it
when people didn't understandthat, how did that feel? Because
sometimes I think people used tosay, like, Oh, she's a little
wacky, or a little woowoo, or alittle out there. But like the
science and all of us arecatching up to where you've
been. But how is that for younavigating that?

Betsy Muller (05:19):
So I think for me, personally, you know, I was I
was very grounded solid businessperson. Before I got into this.
I have a chemistry degreeMaster's in business I had, I
had been in a lot of prettyresponsible business roles. And
people who knew me knew I didn'tjust like fly off the handle in
the weird stuff. The thing is,I've always been open minded to

(05:41):
when I, when I tried this thefirst time in 2001, I was blown
away. Because I'd always beenreally highly stressed. Because
of all the things I was doing,you know, I was a working mother
and I had really demandingcorporate jobs. And when I found
you have to just like, like,what was that? And there was no

(06:02):
science behind it. And thescientist in me was like, very
frustrated, like, well, there'sgot to be science, somebody's
got to study this, this is thisis doing something What's going
on? And, you know, I think itjust took my my inner strength
said, you know, what, this isthe right thing to do. I'm gonna
totally change careers. I putall my, my previous experience

(06:22):
off to the side and decided tobecome an expert at a new thing
at age 47. That's, and, youknow, I even look baggers, like,
how did you know to do that, butit felt it felt so right. And it
wasn't like it, that changedidn't happen, because at any
crisis in my life, I was totallyhappy. Everything was going
fine. My marriage, my kids.
Yeah, I was busy. I was working.

(06:45):
I was sometimes stress, butthere was nothing that said, Oh,
you have to totally rewrite yourlife. And yet, when they came
into my life, I'm like, Huh, Ithink I have to do this. And I
even quit a job without beingsure what I was going to do with
it. That's how I guess Howdaring it was at the time.

Jennifer Malcolm (07:20):
What do you think it's fun, because you
know, for me, like this genesisat Jennasis Speak was a second
career for me. I you know, mybackground was athletic
training, pre physical therapy.
It was a high school scienceteacher. And then through
divorce, I basically got that,you know, I felt the, the
whispering of Who do you want tobe when you grew up? And I was
like, I don't know if I wantthat schedule or that life. And
so mine had like a pivot, likemine had a pause to like,

(07:43):
Alright, you can repositionyourself, which I did. But for
you, you took a roll leap offaith of, Hey, I do have a
career, I have a chemistrydegree, I have a solid business
career. And you really just tookthat leap of faith into
something unknown, and yourcuriosity toward that and your
desire to learn more about itand become an expert in it is

(08:05):
really admirable. So that'spretty cool. Really cool.
So your original plans, oh, andI ended up being a chemistry
teacher, but I haven't had mynotes here. You You wanted to be
a doctor?

Betsy Muller (08:17):
Well, I, I, I was always really good. In school, I
got the straight A's, I was anhonor student, you know, and
when you're good at everything,even chemistry and physics,
they're like, well, you shouldjust major in that because
you're good at it. And so I youknow, that's my dad really
wanted me to be a doctor. I'mlike, okay, so I went to
college, I was really good atchemistry. And the longer I was

(08:40):
there, it's like, you know, Ijust can't go into this medical
stuff, because all I could seewas blood and drugs. And those
two things were not my thing. Onthe other hand, I did take
business classes in college, andI loved it. I took sociology, I
mean, I was at a liberal artsmajor. So I expose myself to a
lot of things, and I alwaysloved the arts. You know, and,

(09:02):
and so I thought, well, I'll usethis chemistry degree, I'll go
into sales or something. But Iended up being a research
chemist for a while when I gotout of school, that wasn't
really what I thought it wasgoing to do. But it gave me a an
end to get my MBA. And then, youknow, I did all these like
corporate business kind of jobs.
The thing is, when I look back,what really drove everything, I

(09:25):
think, toward where we are rightnow is I always had this love
fitness and health. I was reallya health nut my whole life,
because I understood that youcouldn't get much done unless
you were really healthy. And Iloved working out I was a
student athlete and I ran trackand, you know, I continued doing
track and running and, you know,aerobics and things like that,

(09:47):
even when I got out of collegebecause it kept me in balance.
Maybe life balance was wasreally that's again, a theme of
my whole life. How do you have asuccessful life And make it all
work without, like getting sick.
And because I saw peopledropping around me in the
corporate world, and so I thinkthat's what really was the

(10:12):
driving force that brought mefrom that woman who studied
chemistry and, and, and thoughtshe was going to be a doctor to
where I am today because it,it's the same thing. And you
know, I would say for any womanwho's wondering, am I doing the
right thing? Take, take a stepback and say, What do you really
love to read about? Right? Youknow, like, which part of the

(10:33):
paper or which part of articlesor which part of you know, what
kind of podcasts? Are youlistening to like, what gets
your attention, like, becausethat's always got my attention,
it still does. I love ravingabout health and actually advice
columns. It's loved advicecolumns. And now, here I am
coaching people and helping themthrough their deepest, darkest,
horrible secrets. And comesnatural. Yeah.

Jennifer Malcolm (10:58):
And I love that because you're what you're
saying is there, there's goingto be an affinity towards
something. And doesn't mean thathey, I like advice columns,
doesn't mean you're going to gowrite an advice column, but
you're using the same types ofskills and coaching, to
facilitate to help to groom andI wanted to go back on your your
chemistry and your journey incollege, because now I have two

(11:19):
college aged children. And mydaughter's I notice is not going
to be released today. But today,my daughter turned 18. So I have
two adult children now. And, andthe mystery of like, you know,
you think you're going intocollege for one thing, she wants
to be an equine vet. And I said,you don't you're gonna get
exposed to so many new thingsthat you've never experienced

(11:40):
before. And just be open. Like,if you want to be a horse vet,
go for it. The world you know,like the world's you're yours to
do. But also don't get boggeddown, like be open to what are
the things that you gravitatetoward. And she hates all
chemistry though. OrganicChemistry is killing her.

Betsy Muller (11:57):
And I don't I don't think I really liked it.
But I was good. I could get A'sin it. So you know, but that's
not the reason to do it. Youknow, there are a lot of I was
good at everything. That'salways been kind of my curse,
because I've got to boil itdown. Okay, you're good at it.
Right? But people take advantageof you being good at things,

(12:17):
right? And what comes easily foryou that you enjoy. That's never
working. That's just like havingfun your whole life. And what
I'm doing now does not feel likework very often. Awesome. No,
hardly ever. settable technologysometimes gets

Jennifer Malcolm (12:37):
technologies, we'll get to all of us, I think
at some point, especially withthe overload with a pandemic,
and everyone's doing. But that'sa great advice. Because I my, my
dad was growing up always taughtus, you know, if you're good at
things, you still have to giveup good things for the best
things. So the things thatreally drive your passion, your
hurt that makes you come alive.
When it's not like this women'smovement that we've started. It

(12:59):
is not work. It is like fullpassion, full joy. Yes, there's
a lot of logistics, yes, it's alot of time. But I it It feeds
my soul. And it's it's comingout of my pores in a way that I
never knew could be possible.
And yes, it's work. But itdoesn't feel like work. So
that's I want to make that pointto our listeners to make sure

(13:23):
that if you're not passionateabout it, maybe there's
something that can you can stepinto to fulfill that passion
within your heart.
So we're going to go fastforward a few years ago, because
I was sharing with Betsy beforewe started recording I am 85%
way through her latest book, butyou went through a real

(13:44):
traumatic experience and reallypivoted for a long season. your
life and your family's lives. Sowould you like to share a little
bit about that story?

Betsy Muller (13:55):
Okay. It was a hard year. It was already a hard
year for me 2017. I had to haveankle surgery that year. So you
read about in my book, I had toshut my business down for the
most part because I was going tobe not able to walk for four
months. I really got aneducation about what it's like
to be handicapped and my husbandtook care of me. And we managed

(14:18):
it was hard. And I was justgetting back on my feet. And we
decided to take a littlevacation. We went to Michigan.
And while we are on thisvacation on third day of
vacation, my husband went outrunning in the morning and he
didn't come back and turned outthat he had had a cardiac

(14:43):
arrest. Away from the place wewere staying and he was found by
a stranger and given CPR andthey called 911 and he was
pretty much dead when the squadcame but they gave him five or
six shots who brought him backAnd as john doe, he was taken to
a hospital, I eventually, youknow, got in touch with the

(15:05):
police and reported him missingbecause he did come back and was
told that they thought he wasthe he was at this emergency
room. And you know, here I was,I didn't even have a car, I did
have friends that got us to thehospital. And from there, it
just got worse. It was probablyone of the most traumatic days

(15:27):
of my entire life I, I'd alwaysworked with trauma through my
clients, but I had never hadthis big t thing where your
whole body just goes, reallylike. Like, it's it's shock, I
felt physical shock by the timeI got to the hospital. And I was
able to see my husband, andthere was blood and he was

(15:49):
intubated. And then I was toldthat he had no brain activity by
the doctor. You know, but thenthe doctor said, Well, you know,
we'll put them into a coma andsee what happens. But that day
was a lot of stuff all at oncethey hit me and it was horrible.
And soon I realized that whensomebody is in ICU, it's weeks

(16:12):
before, you can even think aboutmoving that person. So I had to
shut everything down in mybusiness, I had to rally help to
keep things going back at home,we had pets back at home and
lawn that needed cutting, andyet somehow get my kids they're
with us and make a lot ofdecisions on behalf of a very,

(16:35):
very sick guy who was close todeath. So it there's a
definition of of trauma that Igive all my clients and my
students I use the the letters Ican acronym you didn't you di n
u is for an unexpected. D is fordrama or death is for isolation

(17:00):
feeling alone. And N stands forno plan. I had all the you
didn't.

Jennifer Malcolm (17:08):
I feel like I'd rather not experience it.

Betsy Muller (17:12):
So if anybody wants to know have I ever been
traumatized? See if you get youknow, if the union shows up, and
actually the pandemic right nowis a great example of union.
It's just more like prolongtrauma. So you know, it can be
really cute, like one second oneminute of horrible news, or it
can be something that kind ofcontinues. But like, yeah, and

(17:35):
then

Jennifer Malcolm (17:35):
that's no, that's good, too, as your time
at the union and that pandemic,because I know, that is on the
forefront of all of ourlisteners, that it's their day
to day reality. And so manythings that are that are planned
weddings that have been plannedanniversary parties have been
planned dreams that have beenplanned trips have been planned
vacations, and to have that justtaken away, or, you know, hurry

(17:59):
up and stop. And, and I knowthrough, you know, the our
circle of friends and family,that the added layer of stress
and homeschooling and you know,to income families and now you
you don't know what to do with,you know, little ones around and
having to teach like, that istrauma and a and you are the
first person I've heard use thatword about the pandemic. And I

(18:20):
think it's really useful to saylike, this is something that
we're grieving or struggling,we're, we're, you know, use the
union to say that so that'sreally powerful. So back back in
Michigan,

Betsy Muller (18:34):
so back in Michigan, well, I guess, you
know, it was it was soon veryevident that it was a long haul
experience. Um, but I guess Igive myself credit in the book
shares a day by day of whathappened as you know, you read
the book is upset as I was thatfirst day, I did come back to

(18:56):
what I know always works. I usedEmotional Freedom Techniques. I
prayed. I got outdoors and tookwalks whenever I had a chance. I
connected to myself throughwriting and also sharing on
social media sharing the story,so that I could ask for prayers
from people. What I found dayafter day, if I did that, if I

(19:20):
showed up and walked in my face,and took care of myself to do do
my job of calming my body down.
I could be peaceful. I thinkback to those days. I mean,
there was a lot of crap swirlingaround me but I was in the eye
of the hurricane, which is thepresent moment. I'm in my body.
I could watch it swirling aroundit was almost as if I was

(19:42):
observing myself sometimes. Butyou know, I like people even say
to me now they're like you areso call me. You know, you're so
articulate. You told the doctorexactly what you need. Now you
asked her what you needed. Imean, but I I guess it was
almost like I followed my ownAdvice. And I had lots of great
support would just show up,right? Which again, when you're

(20:05):
calm, when you get clear, Ithink you can attract what you
need. And that's the lessonabout manifesting about making
life. I guess aligning yourselfwith what life is, and being
okay with it. I just calm down.
I'm like, Oh, I kept tellingmyself every day I get mad at

(20:26):
God every day. So I pray, ofcourse, I go outside somewhere,
and I do my little tappingroutine. And then I'd have a
talk with with God. And somedays, I was, I would, I would
cry, and I would yell and Iwould tap. Yeah. While I'm
praying now. And then this commacome in, and I'm like, crawl.

(20:47):
Okay, so this is the plan. Yeah,help me. So, you know, I guess
it was, it was reallyinteresting. It was magical,
because then I'd ask for things.
I'm like, Well, if we could dothis, it'd be really nice. And
then I kind of say, okay, God,you know what you're doing, I'll
get out of the way, just takecare of us. And I would get on
with my day and, and it would bepretty good until some doctor

(21:08):
said some horrible thing to meand then go yell at God again
for a while. Yeah, that's

Jennifer Malcolm (21:16):
real. And I think that's a part of the book
that I really appreciated.
Because you didn't sugarcoat inthe book, your emotions. You
didn't ever quote in the book,the struggles physically,
mentally that George was goingthrough how it was to be a
caregiver, to your husband. Andthe fear is that you face like,
you, you didn't sugarcoat it.

(21:37):
And I really appreciated therawness of it, and the realness
of, you know, you're, you'rescared, you're really scared,
and you're reaching out to yourcommunity, you're reaching out
to your son and daughter, you'rereaching out to people to
support. But you know, there'san added layer of stress when
you're, I don't know how manyhours away You were from home,
but you're out of state, likeyou're not even sleeping in your

(21:57):
own bed. You're not having thecommunity around you, you know
when you can do that. And I wasI was very, it was very
admirable, the way that you werevery just raw and real in your
sharing of your story.

Betsy Muller (22:10):
Yeah, thanks. And you know, even when everything
calmed down, and I guess Ishould say, for those that
haven't read the book, myhusband made a miraculous
recovery. He even went back tocoaching the Strongsville
lacrosse team and, and, youknow, Drake drives and he does
everything, he still does stupidhusband, things. Don't. Y'all

(22:37):
came back to me, in spite of allthe odds that said, we were, you
know, he was like an infant in adiaper for a long time. And that
was really hard to see. Butthere was always this like, I
always had a sense, he wascoming back even when the
doctors didn't see it. I couldsee like gradual things every
day. It was very curious how itall played out.

Jennifer Malcolm (23:00):
And just the trauma of the experience. And
when I was reading your book, Iand I am not going to remotely
say my situation is like yours.
But Chad, my husband came infrom outdoors several weeks ago,
probably about a month ago now.
And we had been outside with aneighbor. And he was talking to
me, and he just like, did this,like, trust fall in our head?

(23:25):
And I was like, What? Oh, that'sand so I thought he was joking.
Whenever I was like, No, hetotally passed out. And so then
he got up and then he stumbled.
He went around the table. Hestumbled again, he hit his face
on the ground. Whoa, and we call911. And then I'm reading your
book going, Okay. Okay. But hewas immediately awake both times
coherence, Cognizant,responsive, newest date, but
it's scary. I like that

Betsy Muller (23:48):
was George had that happen a couple times, and
diagnose me saying, you know,and I still wonder. I mean,
yeah. And I,

Jennifer Malcolm (23:58):
I am on him all the time of you know, how
are you doing? Are you hydrated,you know, and he's not he's been
incident free since he hasn'teven had a trigger. But the the
preliminary part of your book, Iwas like, This is hitting too
close to home. And I'll probablyhate them even talking about it
on the podcast, but it istrapped. It's traumatic. And I
was so scared in that moment. SoI can't imagine like, walking

(24:20):
into a hospital room seeing yourbest friend, your husband, your
lover. They're intubated. Andand in a coma that you can't
even correspond or talk or, youknow, you can touch him and you
can you can send him yourmessages. Remember, you were
telling him, you know, talking

Betsy Muller (24:38):
telepathically talk, that means so many, so
many weeks and weeks that we youknow, no texts and no phone
calls, you know, and they'renot, like, just hearing their
voice. Um, but they're stillthere. You know, and it was that
was hard because he was like mybest friend. He still it is

(24:58):
right. Absolutely. Talk to

Jennifer Malcolm (25:00):
That's the thing like we take for granted
like, you know, Chad goes to BWIto teach. And, you know, he
texts me when he gets there, hetexts me when he's done, we text
throughout the day, like we'renot together. And just that
piece that, you know, it'salmost like you're going
grieving, going through a deathbecause you're not getting the
communication yet, you know,physically alive. Yeah, that had

(25:21):
to have been like this rack, youknow, roller coaster emotions

Betsy Muller (25:25):
And be living a single life for three or four
months for us to you know,because George was
institutionalized for a longtime. So you know, I came home
to an empty house and empty bed.
That was, you know, and thengoing back and forth to the
rehab facilities every day, ithurt me, you know, it hurt my
business, it stopped mybusiness, but you know, he was
my priority. And even when hegot better, I had this driving

(25:48):
need to get the book done. Ithought, you know what other
people need to know how to getthrough a rough thing. And also,
I think brain injury being sounusual and so weird. Like it, I
had read a book about somebodywho recovered from a brain
injury, a wife's book, you know,and that had helped me so much.

(26:12):
And I thought, we need morebooks about people getting over
brain injury for the sake ofthose that are going to be
walking this path in the future,because the medical community's
very negative, and you got to,you got to have faith, you got
to have something to at leastgive you the possibility,

Jennifer Malcolm (26:33):
and the hope.
And so like your book, and thebook that you were able to read,
you know, it's that light in thedarkness, it's something that's
like, you know, what I'm goingto I am going to the power of a
testimony, I'm going to doattach to a positive outcome.
For you know, whoever thatreader of your book will be
walking through that. And tobring hope and a love that piece
that your book is going to be abeacon of hope for people that

(26:58):
are walking through the Brain,Brain or traumatic brain
injuries to so did thisexperience, change your your
view, deepen your view,challenge your view, and trauma
healing? Or, because you're nowwalking through what you coach
and you teach, and you helpother people through? But how
did it change or not change foryou on those two topics,

Betsy Muller (27:21):
I think it just helped me recognize how complex
trauma is, um, I think I wasvery fortunate, because my
childhood was a very, I guess,loving, easy kind of childhood.
I know from a lot of the clientsthat I work with, you know, if
they've had childhood trauma,their current experience of

(27:43):
trauma as adults is worse,because that childhood trauma
kind of sets them up to be lessresilient to future trauma. And
there's a lot of studies thatback that up, there's something
called the adverse adversechildhood events, study that was
done by Kaiser in the CDC, and,you know, I teach my, my

(28:05):
practitioner clients about that,you know, we need to be aware,
all of us that trauma exists, Ithink trauma informed care for
anybody, whether you're ateacher, whether you're a coach,
whether you're a speaker, even,you know, you find that some of
the people we have the mostdifficulty getting along with
have been traumatized. Andthat's why they're behaving the

(28:27):
way they behave. Right, even,you know, some of our difficult
clients, sometimes some of ourdifficult people that, you know,
we serve even, you know, I'mfortunate that I have this
experience understanding trauma,because if you can calm someone
down, everybody can win. And,and, and you can permanently

(28:50):
kind of change the brain to withEmotional Freedom Techniques for
past long term traumas, which Ithink is pretty neat, you can
rewrite the neural pathways, andhelp people create new stories
that kind of take precedence inthe brain.

Jennifer Malcolm (29:07):
So that people don't automatically get their,
you know, get triggered into atraumatic response. Right. And
that's powerful. Because what Iwas jotting down is there has to
be a deeper level of evenempathy that you're now able to
offer through your experience toyour clients that it that gives

(29:27):
it just that little bit ofsweetness that cherry on the top
that and you're very empathetic,because I've done work with you
before. I know you are veryempathetic in in when you're
when you're working withclients, but having that just a
little bit of deeperunderstanding of something that
really is a trauma and and thatthat Alliance or that bridge of

(29:48):
empathy. I'm sure it helps alittle bit. So the other piece
that we've been talking on thispodcast and for women is just
those trauma triggers and whatis it from Something in our past
something from a divorcesomething from a rape something
from sexual abuse somethingfrom, you know, something that's
happened in our past that thatwe we have every action

(30:10):
emotional reaction that's in asituation I might react in anger
towards something that wasn'twarranted. But it's hitting a
trigger, what are some sometechniques for our audience
because, you know, you probablywon't be able to see all of
those that are going to belistening to this. But what are
some simple techniques that Iknow that the tapping and this
the stuff that can calm youdown, I know there's breath

(30:32):
therapy, but what are some quicktools that you might be able to
offer to our listeners,

Betsy Muller (30:36):
quick tools. So getting grounded is a principle
I would say that everybody needsto understand at some basic
level. To me, it can be assimple as sitting in your chair
sitting tall with your feet flaton the ground. And take a moment
to take a nice deep breath inthrough your nose. And then you
exhale, a nice long exhale, Iuse it like, like I'm blowing

(31:00):
out a candle, exhale, like tomake that exhale extra long. And
sometimes if you exhale as youclose your eyes and feel
yourself sink down into yourheart. So imagine that there's a
little ball of energy appear inyour head, which there usually
is a coat down. But you know,really feeling yourself sink

(31:21):
down, you think of your heart isyour center. And even sometimes
it helps just knock on yourheart to remind yourself that
this is where your, yourbrilliance and your intelligent
really lit. Intelligence reallylives, they're not up in your
head. So closing the eyessometimes can be helpful to get
that energy down into the heart.
So the I call it the strawbreath, or the blowing out the

(31:47):
candle breath, that's a reallygood one. Grounding is a
principle, you can ground bytouching your dog or cat to or
looking out the window at atree. You know, it's a reminder
to be present in that you're apresent, being on planet earth
that instead of getting into thepast or the future, you know,
get yourself in the presentmoment, tapping the points, you

(32:12):
know, I'm thinking about what isthere a point that I would have
someone tap on if I could teachone point. Oftentimes I have
people put the hand on theirheart and they tap this point
between the knuckles of the ringfinger and the little finger.
Point is called the gamut point.
And it's the energy meridianthat controls our fight or

(32:35):
flight response. So it can behelpful point just to know Yeah,
yeah. It's not an EFT point isactually an extra kind of
intervention point. But it worksnicely. I also suggest in
today's world moving, likestretching, stretching, is

(32:56):
really good. You know, make yourshoulders go up. And, you know,
like, embody the whole termembodiment, you know, really
feel yourself in your body, getout of your chair, you know,
even make your eyes roll around.
Just Yes, just be a physicalbeing. Because a lot of this
computer stuff these days takesus out of our physical realm a
bit. And we need to, you know,get up and walk get outside

(33:19):
nature. So important. And so Iguess those are a couple,

Jennifer Malcolm (33:26):
I love it. And part of it is like how amazing
and the more and more I'mstudying and interviewing
different women on the podcast,doing my own work, how much our
body can heal itself and howmuch power is within us. And if
you, you work on just yourbreath alone, if you get
outside, if you stretch, if youare present, if you're grounded,

(33:46):
how much of that you can selfheal, or at least position
yourself in a better mentalspace. And it's all free breath.
You know,

Betsy Muller (33:57):
I guess my bottom line that I always say is when
you calm down, you will make thevery best decisions. And when
you calm down you'll eathealthier. When you calm down.
You'll you'll know a yes from ano I that's one of the things
I'm always teaching clients. Howdo you know Yes, what does he
yes feel like to know that?
Yeah, it comes from here. It'sgood. For me it's like this

(34:18):
little line that goes up to myhead and back down. That you
know you can even manage yourportfolio with this stuff.
That's good. That's so good. DoI know because I do.

Jennifer Malcolm (34:32):
You do it teach you love it. So going back
to your story with Georgebecause I know faith in your
marriage alone and then faith inGod are two really core values
of yours that you've walked yourbest friends there. How did that
help you do it? We were doingthis or was it really that plumb
line that kept you your eyes seton the end goal? Yeah, I

Betsy Muller (34:55):
There was there was never any question. I mean,
no matter what happened, I wasgoing to love him. forever. And
when we always love each other,we had a really strong marriage.
Last thing, and we've beentogether 41 years. Like, yeah, I
know, most of my life and alsotill death do us part. And I
really think that souls thatlove each other go beyond death.

(35:18):
I mean, it's, it was not aquestion. Ithink one of the
interesting thing so about hiswhole experience is that we
always kind of had our ownlittle circles of friends and
where we behaved and where we,you know, yeah, you know, it's,
I think, the Venn diagram, youknow, where two people come
together, and there's thislittle area where they merge in

(35:40):
ours was really strong. But youknow, he, he worked for the
Cleveland Browns, he was a highschool coach, he had all these
athlete friends everywhere, youknow, his lacrosse buddies and
his football buddies and hisplayers, and this man's world,
you know, that I really didn'twant anything to do with her.
But when he got sick, you know,suddenly, I got to meet those

(36:01):
people. And they were reallycool, really cool. And they
stepped up to support us andpray for us and buy our book
when it came out. They were justlike, you know, they weren't
such big old jacks, theyweren't. And at the same time,
you know, my friends got to knowthis wonderful, gentle athlete

(36:24):
that I was married, and what agood guy he was. So I think that
was one of the blessings thatcame out of, but because we
live, we operated in two verydifferent worlds. And now our
worlds had a chance to merge andsee one another, you know,

Jennifer Malcolm (36:41):
That's a gift because you you shared a few
stories in your book of the guysitting on your, on your, your
surprise for George, and he'ssitting on your porch, and he's
got his cowboy hat on and, and,and just that, that you're,
you're seeing them laugh, youseeing Georgia and his friends
hug you hearing the stories oftimes that he was away from you

(37:02):
that you know, you said I usedto resent those times, I didn't
understand it. I didn'tunderstand this guy, world and
friends, but how important itwas just in community and
friendship and giving back toyou and George, spending time
with you giving you relief to beable to exercise, get into work,
do some stuff, and what a giftthat those two worlds really

(37:25):
overlapped each other. And now,a healthier or a different
marriage that you probably neverwould have known or experienced
had that happen. Yeah, I love Ilove finding the gifts in trauma
and hurt because there are giftsthat have been there, there's
gifts, there's things that welearned through it, we heal
through it, we get experiencesin it. And that one was a

(37:47):
resounding thread throughoutyour book of the friends that
you were able to meet thatGeorge had without you.
So as you continue now, the the,your you've written your book
George's in full recovery, he'sback coaching, and you're able
to pivot, you know, back intoyour work with women, your work

(38:08):
with your patients. How is that?
You know, the stories thatyou're able to, to share
without, you know, breakingHIPAA or any of that the work
that you do currently? And is itthe same that you were doing
before? Is it different than thework before you were before
George's accident?

Betsy Muller (38:27):
Um, you know, in some ways, it's very similar,
because I do see privateclients, I've have actually
teamed up with a local therapistto to do some groups with women.
And I guess, you know, I willsay, most recently, the words
that come out of people's mouthsmore often are the words anxiety

(38:50):
that comes out that, you know, Idon't diagnose it, but that's
what people say they're dealingwith insomnia. And I think what
I'm also hearing is people withcomplex medical stuff that has
an origin with a lot of traumathroughout their life. Whether

(39:14):
it started when childhood ormedical issues actually be
coming, a long term emotionaltrauma, because they've been
traumatized in the medicalsystem in some way, like a bad
diagnosis and unnecessarysurgery or a complication that's
come out of surgery in a medicalteam that wasn't very
supportive, at a time when maybethat person also didn't have

(39:37):
other kinds of support. I alsosee a lot of trauma around
divorce, and breakups and death.
I mean, here I am, I'm in my 60snow and so a lot of people in
my, I guess, in my world arelosing parents. Possibly losing
spouses, even you know, and thatthat That's, that's part of the

(39:59):
reality that I think we all haveto get more comfortable with.
That isn't real pleasant to talkabout, but we're all gonna die.
Right? And I think that piece oftrauma, because I am a firm
believer that our emotional wellbeing affects our physical body,
oh, yes, is the body does notlie there, you know, there are a

(40:22):
lot of books and papers writtenabout the body holds the trauma,
and if you haven't processed it,it's, it's gonna do something,

Jennifer Malcolm (40:34):
Right. And you know, even you know,
unforgiveness and back issuesor, you know, like, just, you
know, just stress and joint painand, and how your body will will
be telling you shout your bodyshouting out to you help, I need
help. And because you're youhave trauma of some sort, and
you're not dealing with it. AndI think that's the beautiful

(40:56):
work that you offer with yourclients is through the healing
trauma, you're also healing yourbody. And so it's that two and
two and one type combo, wheremost people will like, I'm going
to go into a physical doctor toto work on my physical pain.

Betsy Muller (41:13):
Well, I would always tell them to go to the
doctor to Now what I do is not asubstitute for traditional
medicine. And that's one of thefirst intake questions I'm going
to ask, Well, you know, whereelse are you getting health
care, this is a, this is an addon, this is a way to make
everything else work better, butdon't give up on absolute
traditional, absolutely. And,and

Jennifer Malcolm (41:35):
To the point though, like, some people will
address the physical but neveraddress the emotional. And
you're saying I'm going toaddress the emotional go to the
physical so and, and through thework. I know, people who have
had significant healing,physical healing, when they deal
with traumatic issues, right.

Betsy Muller (41:56):
And actually, sometimes mental health
interventions can be highlytraumatic, because, you know,
people have to tell theirstories over and over and over
again, and traditional mentalhealth isn't addressing the
physical part of it either. Youknow, I'm not a Board Certified
mental health person, but I'mgiving clients away and process,

(42:18):
the mental and the physicaltogether. And that's why I'm so
excited to be able to trainmental health practitioners I
can, I can do see education fornurses and therapists, social
workers, and chemical dependencycounselors, I can I can give
them lots of credits, and theyhave to do it anyway. So and,

(42:40):
and they're like, blown away howwell this works. So though it
changes the way they practice,when people get better, faster.
And that's one of the threatsthat using Emotional Freedom
Techniques can be for thetraditional mental health. I
guess the way it's always been,because the data shows people

(43:02):
get better, faster, beingprocessed faster. Yeah.

Jennifer Malcolm (43:05):
I have a logistical question when people
come to see you, is that usuallylike, I want to see you once,
twice, three times. And then youknow, I work through my trauma
and I'm done, or is it kind ofa, I'm going to continue to come
to you to continue to processand seal the good work going on?

Betsy Muller (43:23):
That's, that's a good question. I've found that
the best way for me to helppeople where I start, every new
client is a four sessionpackage, just four sessions once
a week for a month, it gives mea chance to figure out how
they're processing things. Also,a lot of times what comes up on

(43:43):
the phone, the form at thebeginning isn't really what's
going on, because they've got totrust you to tell you what's
really going on. So usually bythe second session, we're making
some sort of progress. By thethird session, we're really
making progress. And by thefourth session, they're
empowered to do a lot of thework on their own. Those are the
kind of clients I'm looking for.
I want to coachable clients, Idon't want mentally ill people.

(44:05):
That's not my bailiwick. Okay.
And, and then it's abouthonesty, at the end of four
sessions. If someone's still Iknow that they need help
processing some things thatthey're making progress, but
they're not quite independentyet. I'll be honest with them,
I'll say I think you can benefitfrom more sessions, but maybe,

(44:26):
but we go every other week. Now.
Maybe we go once a month. Andthen the other possibility is
they're really feeling prettygood, but they want to hang out
with other people that dotapping and who are care about
personal growth and maybe theyjust need some new friends,
because they're old friendsweren't quite doing it for them
so they can in they can be in mygroup programs. I've booked
discussion groups, I havetapping groups, I have a free

(44:48):
tapping group every Monday. Youknow, I I try to end them the
Indigo connection group which isa networking group for women
that are always searching Formore, so everything's on zoom
right now, I was actually doinga lot of zoom for my client work
before all this happens. So nowI got really good at zoom. I'm a
certified virtual educator, too.

(45:13):
That's awesome. Did you know youcould be that?

Jennifer Malcolm (45:17):
I had no clue.
And that's why my next questionwas going to say, because I know
that you do retreats with womenin the past pre pandemic, but
you know, offsite retreatsyou've done around. So what type
of woman would gravitate towardthat? What are they interested
in? What's the focus of thatgroup?

Betsy Muller (45:34):
Well, usually that woman loves the outdoors. You
know, she's a passionate reader.
She doesn't have to be anyparticular religion or belief
system, but she's got to befairly open minded. And she's
gonna be like, I want to havemore fun. I'd like to meet some
nice people. You know, it'sfunny, because I attract people
who are in recovery, so theydon't drink at all, some people

(45:56):
drink. I mean, some people are,they, my circles tend to be
between 40 and 70 in age. ButI'm starting to get some younger
ones coming in, which is reallyneat to me, because my own kids
are millennials, they reallyneed what I'm doing. And I think

(46:19):
I'm growing in a way that Ithink I can serve them better
than I have been. So the allthese online tools, they're all
about that. And you know, my, myrecent students were just so
good, are so proficient, I don'thave to, you know, the older
ladies, they have some troublesometimes with the zoom, and I

(46:42):
like these younger ones, theycan come right out and they know
what to do.

Jennifer Malcolm (46:50):
That's awesome. And I think that's
fine. Because you are so useyour fingers in so many
different elements to help womenhelp people. And but they're
very, they can be very niche toso your your book club, you have
your tapping, you have yourIndigo connection, you have
these things. So it, but there'sa common thread of people who
are open, people who want tohave fun.

Betsy Muller (47:13):
They value health, they value, they know that that
life's better when you connectwith other people. And they're
going it alone. A lot of themare highly sensitive. And I
would say, and that's a qualitythat can make them miserable.
But it can also be a gift whenyou realize how to utilize it.

Jennifer Malcolm (47:31):
So as we're going through the pandemic, and
you're realizing you're, youknow, you're seeing some
consistent people dealing withanxiety, dealing with insomnia.
What are some other ways thatmaybe a friend like how could I
help a friend, I'm not apractitioner, I'm not going to,
you know, help them go throughEFT or tapping. But what are

(47:53):
some ways that as friends, aswomen, we can better support
each other? And really, likegive that community aspect of
love support unconditional love?
Without walking them throughtherapy? We're not that's not
what we're qualified for. Butwhat are some good tips that you
might encourage our listeners tobe able to do to their family
and friends?

Betsy Muller (48:12):
Yeah, you know, we were talking about just helping
people find out who they are,you know, um, there's an
exercise I'm giving a group thisweek, and I'll just share it
with you. Because I think it's abrilliant exercise, you know, to
to go to somebody you trust aspouse or a best friend and ask
that person, when do youexperience me most alive and

(48:34):
most filled with joy? That'ssomething you know, when do you
experience what am I doing whenyou experience me? Full of most
of who I am. You know, I thinksometimes we miss it. Or we have
a sense of what it is. And tohave somebody else tell you, it

(48:55):
can be such a gift. I know rightnow, you know, life seems kind
of constrained for everybody. Sohow, you know, how do we keep
living and have the bestexperience? Well, we got to get
out if we're really feelingdown. I say own the feeling. Go

(49:15):
around stomping and swearing andown the feeling make noise,
right? A lot of times us ladiesdon't make a noise when
something's really bothering us.
So use your favorite swear wordand just go around the house. Or
I was teaching women to justmake a sound. Yeah, that
feeling. Find the sound for thatfeeling and go around make that
sound. Yeah. No. And once youonce you get it out, I mean,

(49:39):
it's, it's about expressing itand then you can get to that
place of starting to reach forwhere's the gratitude? Where are
the possibilities? I lovejournaling. I've always been a
big advocate of journaling andwriting. You know, reaching out
to somebody else and even youpausing once you get yourself

(50:00):
settled down to ask what wouldbe easy for me to do to help
somebody else, you know, make aphone call, you know, reach out
to somebody, you know, sendsomebody a little package. If
you're cleaning out your closet,maybe you've got a bunch of
things that someone else wouldlike mail them to them and
somebody else. I just sentpackages, all my students, and

(50:23):
they were like, so excited thatI sent them a package. I
couldn't see them. You know, I,I'm used to schlepping all this
stuff to seminars. And now Ithought, well, I could still go
to the post office and mail andsomething after the seminar.
Those are not, you know, it'snot just about us, we got to
find a way to be of service andthen then we feel good. Right?

Jennifer Malcolm (50:48):
And I think that's an easy activation, a
simple act of kindness, whetherthat's a card, handwritten card,
a gift at Amazon, it says set itup so easily with care packages
and things you can dopersonalize the note, but then
sense of keeping community and Isee you, you're important to me,
you're about

Betsy Muller (51:08):
It brings me back to when you know, when I was in
my hardest times with George toyou know, it seemed like the
people that really helped me themost for people that have been
through a medical trauma beforewith their family, they kind of
knew what we were going through.
And those people would send megift cards for, you know,
takeout or coffee. And theywould you know, they would come
and just do nice gestures areoffered to take me out at the

(51:32):
end of a long day. I don't youknow, I think sometimes if
you've been through it, you'reyou're much better at it now,
because I also remember beinghighly disappointed by people
that I thought were my goodfriends who didn't do anything.
Oh, what's that about? Yeah, youknow, I guess it's different for

(51:54):
everybody.

Jennifer Malcolm (51:57):
What are your concerns, as well as now,
October? This will probably comeout in November on a podcast,
what are your concerns? For it'sgoing to be getting colder. And
so as Ohioans are going to beindoors, and it's going to be
getting darker sooner. So youknow, I am so grateful that the
pandemic happened in the springand summer, where we were still

(52:18):
able to take chairs and sitoutside and go for walks but
what would be some things tosay, you know, if people are
already dealing with depressionor anxiety or that stuff, it's
it's gonna get colder is gonnaget darker. So my advice there?

Betsy Muller (52:31):
Yeah, so I would say don't stop going outside
even if it is colder and darker.
You know, I got these things formy shoes that like, I don't
know, they keep you fromslipping. What are they call,
they're these little things youput on the bottom of your shoe.
Some sort some name. I can'tthink of it right now. The other

(52:52):
thing that when I had the anklesurgery, I had that in winter
and I couldn't go out or doanything for months and you
know, I'm a fitness Christperson I workout like an hour
every day, but I couldn't duringthat I did this five minute
energy routine that comes fromDonna Eaton energy medicine. And
I tell you what, that worksreally well on my emotional side

(53:14):
and keeping me up in winterwithout exercise so I can send
you a link that I agree with theaudience. But I love that
routine. I have a video of medoing it actually when I was on
crutches because I couldn't evenstand up and I could still do
it. So it's a good routine forpeople that are recovering from
something

Jennifer Malcolm (53:33):
I do and the more tools and tips that I can
provide you know through ourspeakers to help us through a
pandemic because it's stillcontinuing but be as as it's
gonna be getting colder and anddarker soon. Just some things
that just keep you know, gifts.
I mean, everyone loves maileveryone loves going to get a
card in the mail or a package onthe front porch That's

(53:55):
unexpected, nor did I by typescenario and I think those those
random cat acts of kindnessmoving your body, even in the
cold winter is essential.

Betsy Muller (54:07):
So dog, dogs are great. I got it. Well I have a
therapy dog now that she's justso much fun and we travel with
her and we walk a lot because ofthis little dog because she's
Border Collie. She's really,really active.

Jennifer Malcolm (54:24):
We have a we have a dog too well I didn't
have a dog prior to marryingChad, he and he inherited three
teenagers for me. I inheritedthe dog with him. And I was not
certain like there was like thislike much of a as an adult. I've
never had a dog we did grow upwith him we were little and he
is one of the big this dogyou're gonna have a dog and he's

(54:46):
be loved and needs to be playedwith it needs to be on your lap
and needs to be a walk and hewalks the dog three to four
times a day and during three andseven miles and depending on you
know what what our plan andscope is for the day but it's
desperate, it brings you adifferent get you out of your
head. Yeah, the dog is soresponsive. And it's she

(55:08):
Brooklyn is beautiful and fun toplay with and annoying at other
times, but aren't we all some ofthe family?
So as we finish up this episode,what would be some closing
remarks that you really want toimpart to our listeners to, you
know, women who might bestruggling with either trauma,
mental health, overcoming amedical trauma, like, you know,

(55:31):
as a caregiver, you know,there's a lot of my friends who
are caregivers for their parentsnow, and it is stressful, and it
is taxing, it is overwhelming,and it is constant. But what are
some words of encouragement thatyou could provide our audience
in closing,

Betsy Muller (55:46):
So I would say have hope, love and accept
yourself whenever you have achance. And I know that sounds
hard. But if you tap andactually say it, you start
believing it after a while, Iwould invite anyone I do a free
group every Monday, it's calledour tapping for calm clarity

(56:07):
during COVID. Every Monday atone o'clock eastern time, it's a
half hour, it's people from allover the world. And we get
together on zoom and, and we tapfor whatever feels right that
day, sometimes we're doingdistance healing, with the
tapping for, for a situation,just send in love to somebody
needs it. And some days, we'relaughing and tapping some days,

(56:28):
we're crying, or we're helpingone of the people that shows up
on the call with something. Sothat's always there. And you can
learn I have a you know, on mywebsite, I have a mini course to
teach you about tapping and thescience of tapping and why it's
really good for anybody who'sgot burnout, or you know, long
term, we're all going through along term yucky thing. So you

(56:52):
know, express your emotions,feel them be present to what's
there. Don't, don't try to runaway from it, feel it? Go around
the house wearing like I saidbefore, right?

Jennifer Malcolm (57:06):
I'm gonna tell it to Chad later, he's like, did
you do a zoom call, and now youhave Tourette's or something
like,

Betsy Muller (57:14):
It's just women are so nice. Most of the time,
we don't say that filthy stuffthat's running around in our
head. And we really need to getit out. Because otherwise it's
going to cause some sort ofproblem in our body. Really
well, you know, enough of beingnice. We can be nice. Yeah.

Jennifer Malcolm (57:32):
And I recent one of the women that I did a
podcast earlier this year with,you know, she just she used the
visual, she's like women to havea cork like right here. And we
don't think we should, we shouldsay the things that we suppress
it and we keep our mouth shut.
But inside, we're festering,we're so angry or livid or hurt.
And we have to unleash thatcork, to use our voice. And I

(57:52):
love that you said make a sound,swear do something to get that
out of your body. And even withchildhood trauma, if there was
really childhood trauma, a lotof times to express that and
work with it, you use nonverbal, because the something
that happened to a small child,even before the age of seven,
they were not articulate enoughto express it. Yeah,

(58:15):
I've done some work, where,ou know, I've been coached, like
just let it out, like a girl oa roar or whatever. And I'm
ike, that is so weird. I'm likeI don't do that. And it took
e like, years, like, I waslike, I can cry, I can yell, I
can punch. But there was somehing that locks down the wom
n's voices. And it is powerfulSo I love that you weren't,

(58:36):
e brought a lot of attention.

Betsy Muller (58:39):
And think about you've got your heart and you've
got your divine connection,which I believe comes into your
crown. If we have a clog in thesystem here between that and
that. Yeah, oh my goodness, youknow, we can't be the full
expression of our, our holy,right, Divine Self, you're on
Earth, we know.

Jennifer Malcolm (58:57):
And for those of you who are listening, Betsy
had her hand on one or one handon top of her head, one on our
heart, and we're looking at theclog in our throat. And so just
to visualize if that clog isthere. Yeah, that's, that's
something so I'm lacking yourvoice, unlocking your truth,
unlocking your pain, unlockingyour frustration. And that's

(59:18):
good, because guys do it all thetime. And they blow up, blow off
steam, magnifying too much?
Too much, but women, you know,for the most part, not enough.
And I think that's reallyimportant. So what we're gonna
wrap up, and I really, reallyappreciate your time today. It's
so good to see your face. Shehas this beautiful garden behind
her. And it just looks sereneand beautiful. So, Betsy, I'm

(59:41):
really honored that you're heretoday and that you're my friend
and colleague. And you've been apart of my life for about a
decade now and I'm very blessedfor you.

Betsy Muller (59:49):
Well, I wish you great success with the podcast
and everything you're doing.
Thanks again for including me.

Jennifer Malcolm (59:55):
Thank you.
You're so welcome. So this wrapsup this episode where everyone
woman has a story and everystory matters. And that means
you. So I'd love to get some ofyour takeaways from this about
unleashing your voice, gettingoutside moving your body
tapping. We will also giveinformation about how to get
ahold of Betsy how to get aholdof the Monday tapping program,
her books and some of that aswell. So stay tuned, and I can't

(01:00:18):
wait to hear from you guys, verysoon. All right, bye. Bye.
Thank you for listening to theJennasis Speaks podcast. If you
love the show, one of the bestthings you can do is to share it
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(01:00:40):
power over your own narrative.