March 24, 2025 • 43 mins
That TikTok where Teisha joked about "playing dead" to avoid intimacy? Yeah, it blew up with people predicting divorce. But honestly, it says more about how uncomfortable we are with real marriage talk than anything wrong at home.
We’re spilling the truth about marriage: why men are microwaves (quick to heat up) and women are ovens (we need a warm-up). Plus, the terror of letting a teen go to Mexico solo and why trusting them might be the secret sauce to parenting.
From relationship regrets to faith and intimacy, we’re putting it all out there—awkward moments and all. Hit play and laugh with us!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Jerking Around, a podcast that makes you
feel better about yourself,because we're a mess just like
you, and Crystal makes fun of methe whole time and it's great
and it's real.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Welcome to Jerkin' Around, welcome.
Tisha was getting jerked aroundlast night in the bedroom and
on the podcast Online, online,we went mini viral for us.
Yes, we had a reel that didwell.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Last week's episode.
Yep, it's at like 280,000 and Italking and I am getting just
eaten alive.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
I'm talking too.
I started it, yeah, but it'slike the horrible part is what
I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It's not horrible, that's what's so stupid?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I know If you said that to me right now you
wouldn't think anything of it.
I know it's annoying, yeah, sostop letting people boss you
around, I know, but Would youlike Kennedy change who she is
based on other people's opinions?
I don't think I'd like her topost that.
Are you serious?
Well, I'm like, yeah, you'regonna get just lit up.
It's stupid.
The thing she's talking aboutis when Tisha said sometimes
women play dead, yes, so thatthe husband doesn't want to have
(01:14):
sex.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I said I don't want to give him the green light and
then everyone in the comments islike your marriage is like like
people are dming Ben, I'll giveit to you every night.
Probably they're not.
No, they're not, they probablywill after.
But, like, what was the mostupsetting is saying like, oh,
you're going to be divorced infive years and you're going to
look back at this video and knowwhy.
And I'm thinking they said thatyes, like multiple people.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
These people are want to be in TikTok and you want to
be in the age range.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
There are some older people on TikTok who, yeah, ben
even said he goes.
Yeah, some older people have it, but yeah, some, yes, not all.
Most young, most young, yes,yes, yeah.
So everyone was saying how thatit's.
It's so just wrong and toxic.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
We don't want to be anti-men.
We're actually very pro-men Proand pro-sex with your husband,
yeah, and Tisha's pro the othertype of sex too.
We have a lot.
Keep the one hole fresh, no.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Oh yeah, we actually do it a lot, and so it's all I
said was sometimes.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
You don't need to justify yourself on here.
I am going here.
Justify it, though I almostmade a video last night.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I almost went live, but I couldn't do it because I'm
just like I dare you do a videowhen we leave.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I literally don't think I could do it.
I've never even pictured youdoing a live video.
I can't even imagine like heyguys, hey guys, it's tish, yeah,
and I wanted to go live likemore than yes you're.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I feel like it's, I can go live.
I don't think I could go live.
I wanted, wanted to, so bad Iwish.
Oh, I would have if I woke upto that.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
It would be my greatest morning.
I've never wanted to dosomething more, I know, but like
that's something to think aboutthough, why do you care what
those people think?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Well, what I didn't like was it is so misconstrued
from what I'm saying and thenreading the comments.
It's like like, if you don'twant to have sex with your
husband all the time, it's likemaking it seem like it's a bad
thing and like that's justnormal.
You, what if you had a big meal?
What if your dog died?
What if you're just tired?
Well, I think sometimes youdon't want to do it every single
(03:14):
second.
It doesn't mean I'm not doingit, or it doesn't mean I can I
have a bad marriage if I don't,if I don't give the green light
that night?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
well, I think sex is just something that's not talked
about enough, right, like it'stalked about when you're dating
and it's talked about like youtalk to your girlfriends when
you're right.
Well, we waited till we weremarried to have sex, yes, but
but for those of us that maybedidn't and I know you know a lot
of girls like that yeah, um,you talk about sex with your
friends all the time.
(03:41):
Yes, like all the time, but assoon as you're married, it's
like you don't talk about sex.
It's weird.
Well, I feel like our friendsdo, yeah, but I don't think a
lot of people do.
And what we found why we do thispodcast is well, we both talk
to a lot of people, right, andwe found that, like, a lot of
them don't share the truth.
My favorite thing about you andthis is so real is that you say
(04:06):
things that other people arescared to say.
That's why, if we're going toedit the podcast, it's going to
suck, because people like you,because you say what people are
thinking.
Yeah, it's like your gift.
They're just loving me, I know,but those are random, but like
all of our friends or peoplethat know you.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I started getting sad .
Like do people that maybe don'tknow us so close but like know
of us On TikTok, but that maybedon't know us so close but like
know of us on tiktok, but it'son instagram too.
Nobody cares.
No, there was negative commentson there too there was three
comments, I know, but that'sjust because it only has 2 000,
but I'm saying, the main thingis like I'm like are people
seeing this and being like, oh,poor ben, his wife doesn't want
to have sex with him, and thenit's again it's not accurate.
(04:38):
So that's what was frustrating.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
You know when that driver was driving and you're
like that idiot's a driver, gogreen at the red yellow.
This is how I feel.
When you're talking.
It's like this is such a stupidconversation over that reel.
I know the reel is so dumb andthe people that are criticizing
you are so dumb.
It's like how you feel aboutCOVID Like yeah, everybody was
scaring people, and then you'relike the logic is that's how I
feel about this.
I feel like the way you'reseeing it is stupid, like I have
(05:01):
no logic.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yes, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yes, that's what I'm thinking.
Yeah, it's like, let's be real,I never known that.
Knows you, blah, blah, blah.
But then you're being like dumbwith the hype.
Speaking of the hype, right,that happened to me last week
with Mexico.
We went to Mexico and everybodyon the planet was telling me
you, I'm not lying, they saidit's unsafe, they're going to
take your kids and take you.
(05:24):
You're going to never come home, like my brother was, like
we've never, I've never, ever,ever been allowed to go to
Mexico.
There was a trip our freshmanyear of college, that's like I
was telling people this weekendabout it and it was like London
to Phoebe on Friends.
Yeah, you know when they allwent and they wouldn't shut up
about London.
Yeah, went and they wouldn'tshut up about London.
Yeah, that's how I feel.
Like how often do you miss onetrip with your friends and
(05:44):
you're like it's not going to bethat big of a deal?
Right, it was the biggest deal.
It was the trip heard about,sorry, three years ago, my
back's killing me.
Um, every, still were.
What 15, 20 years ago?
Yeah, I still hear about thattrip all the time.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, all my friends from college went.
We went like three times in oneyear.
It was like every time it waslike spring break, memorial,
labor day, yeah, oh, I missedall of them.
Yeah, all of them.
I thought it was only one trip.
No, it was all of them.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
So all my good friends these are kids don't
have friends like this.
They told me to lie to myparents and just call them and
say I'm in the dorm and go toMexico.
Yeah, because I might have donethat before.
I might have went to go see myboyfriend in Phoenix and
pretended I was in my dorm.
Yeah, now we have Life360.
But Maddie said my daughtersaid you can lock your location.
Did you know this?
No, yes, they can lock theirlocation, so it'll say you're
(06:30):
somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So why do they create that?
I don't know Tish, it's dumb.
I know the whole point ofLife360 is to know where they
are, so why do they even createthat feature, right?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
That's so dumb.
Yeah, that's a real thing.
So Maddie's like well, we can,just because we were doing some
work last week and she was likewe can just lock our location.
Gotcha, we were doing somethingfun for school with some
friends and we were going toteepee.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, like if you're teepeeing someone.
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
And we don't want them to know where we were.
So she's like well, you canlock it at where you're at so
that when you move from there itdoesn't show that you moved.
That's concerned.
So know that, for your kids andparents, know that that's a
feature anyways.
So in Mexico, I kept tellingKyle this, because the day
before we left you know you weregoing to come with us, but then
you guys didn't.
(07:17):
Um, but for the same reasons, alot of reasons.
But everyone was like myfriends said, like I'm praying
for you, I have a really badfeeling.
I hope you're okay.
A bad feeling, yes.
And then I was choosing to goand I was like this I almost
died in NCA, I almost died inthe plane, yeah, and now Mexico
is going to take me.
Oh, I didn't think it was a badfeeling.
Oh, everybody was like that andthen and then so, when we get
(07:40):
there.
But I was telling Kyle, I waslike Kyle, let's be real.
The night before he's like, I'mreally nervous.
We went to Rocky Point and itwas my first time ever going to
Rocky Point and he's like, I'mreally nervous.
I'm like Kyle, let's be logical.
So one of our title agents wasthere and said it was great, the
border was fine, Everything'sgreat.
One of our best friends hadalready gotten there.
Same, Everything's great.
I'm like.
(08:01):
So the boots on the ground,people that we actually know
Right, are saying it's okay,right, but the hype around the
media and like the things goingaround is that they're mad at
Trump and that they're going totake your alcohol and they're
going to do this, to do all this.
Yeah, but I'm like.
But that's not what we'reseeing based on facts, right, so
, like, so often, I think we dothat, even with flying.
Yeah, we might do that, right,like you're seeing it in your
(08:23):
feed.
I just got on Instagram rightbefore we started to check it
and it was like 12 people diedin a plane crash and I'm like,
but, but, right, we're startingto worry, but we forget.
Like we got on an app, me andyou, right, and oh, trisha, her
husband's a pilot and she showedus the app of all the planes
out right now.
And you're like, okay,logically, there's hundreds of
flights a day that are safe.
(08:44):
But we like easily and howoften do our kids do that like
something will get, createhysterics and then all of a
sudden you're worried about allthe things, but they're not fact
.
I feel like COVID did that forme.
Like when it first came out Iwas so scared and then once,
like a few people I knew had it,we kind of like, okay, right,
you know, not that it wasn'tscary.
Like I also know people that itdidn't go so well, right, but
(09:05):
like it helped us calm down.
Like, okay, let's go on thefacts.
The facts are the people thathave had it, not everyone's
dying, yeah, so I just think Idon't know.
I think it's important.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So, like the facts are people that know you that if
you are tired one night or ifwhatever, you still can have a
great marriage and that's anormal thing, because that's the
whole reason we started thispodcast was because on Instagram
, everything looks amazing andlike you're just obsessed with
your husband 24 seven and likeif you eat a big meal, you don't
feel like doing it.
You know, maybe you have, maybeyou have farts, you know, it's
(09:42):
fine, you don't need to do itthat night.
Me and my other friend alwaystalk about it.
We do it before the date night,because after the date night
you ate and you're full, yeah.
So we're always like, yeah, weget it in before the date night,
cause after the date night I'mtired, but he's like it's date
(10:04):
night concerning.
You know, yeah, so it's fine,it's okay, it's fine.
And I think if you are doing itall the time, I'm sure there's
some that are great and but likethat doesn't mean it's a great
marriage either.
If you're just 24 7 doing it,like there can be marriages
where you're doing it 24 7 andthey're not great.
Well, I didn't do it till I wasmarried.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
But if I was in a relationship before Kyle and if
I, like, hypothetically, was ina relationship before Kyle and
hypothetically did do it everysingle night, we were together.
Hypothetically I didn't reallyfeel great about that
relationship, right?
I mean like if that were tohappen to me, that would have
been how I felt, plenty of badmarriages or relationships do it
(10:44):
all the time and I talked aboutit that they rated me high on
that sex scale but then rated melow on our relationship scale.
And again we've talked abouthow we bring sexual baggage into
our marriage.
That's why we do believe to nothave sex until you're married
and our friends that have onlyhad one or two partners.
They don't have as much sexualbaggage.
But I do think there's a lotthat goes into why you do or
(11:05):
don't want to have sex with yourhusband at a given night.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Well, it's talked about, women are very like, it's
more emotional and like mental,like if you're not feeling cute
or if you have a lot on yourmind, if you're stressed.
Where a guy, it's more likeprimal, they're more like they
could be ready all the time.
Where a girl, like someone said, a guy's like a microwave and a
(11:27):
girl's like an oven, so likethe guy, you can just hit one
minute and he's ready to go.
Where a girl, there's a littlebit more that goes into it.
You have to preheat the oven.
And so I think sometimes withgirls, if we're not in the right
headspace, you know, maybeyou're stressed, maybe if we're
kids, like I do's busy and I'mjust not like every day, but I
am a lot three times a week butnot every day.
(11:48):
But like I think women, ifyou're not like that, you still
can have a great marriage and itthere's nothing wrong with you.
So that was the main purpose ofsaying that I really I still
think I know.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
I'm still so worked up.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I can't read the comments.
I'll like it's stupid.
It's not a big deal, I know Ifinally got over the Justin
Bieber comments.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
I know and now I'm like, oh my God, but anyone I
know, every single girl I'veever talked to in my life and I
have a lot of friends yeah, hasnot wanted to have sex every day
.
I feel like I can only thinkonly with that person.
Yeah, and that's the truth is,if you didn't wait till you're
(12:26):
married, you do have some sexualbaggage, right, and that's
something nobody talks about,right, but when you were having
sex every day with a guy thatdidn't treat you good all the
time, unfortunately, you takethat to the marriage Totally.
Have you did?
Have we talked about it on here, the duct tape that Don Wilson,
our old pastor, did?
Oh yeah, it's the best analogy.
I want to do it with my kids, Iwant to do it with my
cheerleaders too.
Not do it, but do this analogy.
(12:47):
So one time at we always talkabout our church CCV, christ
Church of Valley, our old pastor, don Wilson, who's amazing,
love him.
He during the service, like youknow how.
(13:09):
So the greeter comes out,welcome to church, blah, blah,
he has the duct tape.
The worship band, the head ofthe worship band, he has the
duct tape.
Then, you know, the interim,like the campus pastor, comes
out, he has the duct tape.
Then Don came out to do themessage and he had the duct tape
on.
He gave the whole message aboutrelationships and he said some
of you are probably wonderingwhy we're all wearing this duct
tape.
And so he peeled it off of hisshirt and it came off pretty
easily.
He said this is what we think abond is in a marriage.
God created sex to be in a bigbonding thing.
(13:31):
For your marriage it's supposedto be between man and woman who
are married.
Only one partner.
You're really only supposed tohave one partner.
So he said he took the duct tapeoff and he and he took each
side and, like, taped ittogether and he he said this is
a duct tape that has been onfive different people today and
he pulled it apart.
And it pulled apart so easily.
And then he ripped up a freshpiece of duct tape and he put it
(13:52):
together like this and he saidthis is a duct tape that's only
stuck to each other once.
He's like you literally can'tpull it apart because it's fresh
and it's one bond.
He's like that's our bodies andespecially as women, I think we
bond differently when we havesex.
It's more of a connector for usand he's like as you're, with
different partners, the bondgets less and less.
Yeah, and that was like.
(14:12):
I wish I would have saw that afew years before, you know
you're all playing it like firstgrade sleepover for your kids
here you go kids.
No, but you don't know that as akid, and if your parents don't
talk to you about sex, like forme, sex was like I grew up in a
very Christian household, rightLike I've talked about.
My parents were amazing andkind of cool, but like they were
(14:35):
very cool, I would say, butlike we didn't talk about sex,
you just didn't talk about it.
It's don't have sex till you'remarried.
They talked to us about it atchurch and that was really it,
right.
So I had a boyfriend, my firstboyfriend.
We were together three yearsand that's a really long time,
yeah, and we waited three years,you know, like you know to kiss
and do the things.
(14:56):
We just have young listeners,but I also am trying to lean
into like my story is my storyand it's what it is.
But so we waited a really longtime to do anything.
And then once things elevatethey do, you know, even with the
door open parents, my parents,thought because the door was
open, nothing was happening andthings were happening with the
door open.
Yeah, I just think we would putourselves in that predicament
(15:18):
so many times.
Things escalate, but it liketotally changed our relationship
and then we broke up shortlyafter things escalated.
It's like it just changed.
And then we broke up shortlyafter things escalated.
It's like it just changed.
Yeah, but I couldn't go to mymom and be like mom, things are
escalating, like it just happens.
You, you kiss, then you dryhump and things are poking.
Yeah, it gets weird, yeah, andthen it's just natural to want
that somewhere.
Yeah, you want it in there, youknow.
(15:40):
But what's sad is like thebeginning, when it's like that,
like you ruin those momentsbecause, like when you're
married and you've had that somany times, it's not like you
can't get enough, but like thefirst time you ever are doing it
like you can't get enough.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
But even Don Wilson and his wife.
Yeah, she talked about playingdead, yes, and they only waited
with each other.
So that's not directly relatedeither?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
No, for sure, I think every girl.
I think sex is about so muchemotionally, yes, and when you
don't feel good about your body,you don't want to have sex.
It's just a thing.
Yeah, everybody doesn't feelgood about their body.
They don't want to have sexTotally when you, you know,
didn't drink enough Lemmy Purselike you, you might worry, she's
.
No but I like all the Lummies.
(16:27):
Okay, lummies, are thesevitamins by Kourtney Kardashian?
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I know I finally just started buying like the Annie's
sour gummies because I waseating too many vitamins,
because they're her gummies.
I love a gummy.
I love a gummy.
I was eating vitamins like theywere candy.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
My friend was like you need to eat gummy bears.
No, you're getting kidneystones, yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
She was eating Lummies and they're $40 a bottle
and she's going to Target.
I don't care.
Yeah, she needed them.
So Lemmy Purr is for yourvagina, for it to smell good.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
It's like probiotic for your vagina, and then they
taste like pineapple though, andso but I eat all the Lemmys
Like.
I have like 14 Lemmy Chills ina day.
It's like the Eshawanga.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
chills in a day it's like are you kidding?
It's not healthy.
So I stopped and now I'm justbuying gummies, yeah, or I'm
just buying, like the potgummies.
No, annie's, yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, no, just regular, like
fruit snacks.
Oh yeah, I'm just eating fruitsnacks now, that's better.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Well, now I know I'm not losing any weight like I'm
eating freaking 10 packs offruit snacks.
So let me, yeah, let me purselike, yeah, she's obsessed with
Lemmy, I'm obsessed with Lemmytoo.
They taste so good, she nailedit.
She nailed it.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
She nailed it.
They taste so good.
Do they work?
Probably not, because I had 100of them and I didn't OD, so
they probably don't do anything.
They're a million dollars andthey taste delicious.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
They do taste delicious.
Some tastes delicious.
Some of them.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I don't like the lemmy, but I have like 14 to
bloats.
I'm still bloated.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
They don't work, I don't care, I'm still gonna take
them, Throwing money away.
It's a thing like every time wetravel, she takes this
life-size bag full of gummies.
It's like what's wrong with you?
And they're just rattlingaround in her bag.
She's digging you hear allthese lemmy bottles.
And then she's like let me haveone.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
She's digging it, you hear all these lovey bottles,
and then she's like, let me haveone.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Who's the first one to ask the chill does work, but
I don't take it a lot.
It doesn't work for me.
No, you've taken so manybottles, but anyways, yeah, I
think that the sex I think it'sa lot to do with your past and
like when you were with a guythat didn't treat you good and
you had sex, or if not your pastnormal person like yeah, suit,
(18:32):
yeah, sometimes you're justtired, yeah, it's normal.
Or like your hormones, likethat's what I'm saying my
hormones are a mess, like Kylewas asking me the other day.
He's like you're not likejumping on me like you were when
you're dating and I'm like Ithink my hormones are because
I've been off my.
I've had a hysterectomy yearsago and I've been off my
hormones for like three monthsnow.
Yeah, so I don't feel like I'mas you know, know, oh no.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Our one friend said she got testosterone put in and
she said she was like a rabbit,like yeah, she was like like
every day, she was like hey, andhe was like this is amazing,
and I think you go throughperiods, ben's all shooting me
with testosterone at night.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
No, I mean, if you're at three times a week, that
doesn't mean you're in a badmarriage either.
Oh yeah, we talked to ourfriend that had that.
Yeah, and like I have familythat like the guy or girl, for
whatever reason, couldn't havesex anymore, it doesn't mean
your marriage is screwed becauseyou can't have sex, right.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
You know they did.
Yeah, there's other things?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Yeah, I agree, that's why you got to let him go
downstairs, Tish.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Totally If it stops working.
He is allowed.
No, you'll find a way.
Yeah, yeah, no, I think thething is, but you know I was.
So I showed Ben the video andhe was like, yeah, that's stupid
, who cares?
He's great about that, he's notlike big on social media at all
and he thinks it's so stupid.
And he's like, yeah, who careswhat all those people think?
And he was like they don't knowour marriage, who cares?
(19:47):
And he's like, but you know,that's a good point about our
kids Like how you can saysomething, it can be wildly
misconstrued and then you'rejust getting eaten alive.
And as a fully formed adultwho's pretty confident, I still
was like like I feel like mymarriage is one of the things
I'm most confident in, and toget eaten alive about it it did
(20:09):
make me feel some kind of wayand I was like, oh, like think
how scary for our kids that putsomething out there, yeah, and
then it gets misconstrued andthen you're getting all this
hate.
It's like it's so upsetting,yeah.
So he was like think about,like how that can.
That's why people killthemselves.
Like you know what I mean.
Oh, it's awful, you're notfeeling that crazy.
(20:31):
No, I know.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
I'm all.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
I know.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
You just got to stop reading the comments.
People that make it in thisindustry say don't read the
comments.
Yeah, and it's like it's for areason when somebody She'd be
like hey, don't get too closewith parents, cause those are
(20:53):
the parents that will bite youin the butt.
And for some reason I thoughtnot me, that's not gonna happen
to me.
And then it did and I'm likewhy didn't I listen?
And even with real estate, likeI don't really listen to anyone
else, I kind of do it my ownway.
But then later I'm like oh, sothat's why everyone does this.
Yeah, like I learned the hardway.
Maddie said that this weekendmy daughter, my oldest, she's
like you know, mom, cause I wasgiving her advice on something.
And she's like you know, mom,I'm just a, I got to touch it,
(21:22):
it's hot kind of person, and I'mthe exact same.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yeah, people are.
You just have to find out foryourself.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and
she gave the best advice aboutthis age, which it's hard.
Now my oldest is 15.
She's a freshman and you knowshe doesn't tell me a lot, so
when she does, I think it's myturn to like, edit or like okay,
she told me about it.
That means she wants my opinion.
Right, and what she wasteaching me was it doesn't mean
they want your opinion.
She's like so what I do?
(21:51):
When they start telling mesomething and I want to give an
opinion, I say is this somethingyou want me to just listen to
so that I can be a backboard forthe story, or do you want my
opinion?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
no-transcript.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
And I'm like oh, I'm giving my opinion every chance I
get because I'm thinking it'smy moment.
Like you're talking, you wantto hear it.
Yes, and she's like they don'twant to hear it, they just want
to get it out.
I sometimes want your opinionand sometimes I just want to
hear my own self-talk, yeah, andit's like I just need to hear
it out loud, yeah, but I forgetthat they don't want their.
They can't do that with theirfriends on everything yeah,
(22:32):
because they don't want them toknow everything, yeah, so I'm
like so the other day she'stalking and I'm like Maddie, do
you want my opinion or are youjust wanting me to listen?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
And she yeah, and I was like oh, shoot, yeah, like
that actually works.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Yeah, yeah, she's like, oh, I'm giving my opinion
every time, yeah, and like,notice, I've noticed that she'll
stop telling me about certaintopics because I've maybe given
my opinion too much.
So do you want this?
So, um, so I'm like, okay,that's really good feedback.
Yeah, as our kids get older,yeah, because I always think
it's my turn to teach, but I amam a big, let reality be the
teacher person.
It just gets harder as they getolder, cause I'm like, oh, the
(23:11):
reality of this one's going tohurt, you know, and like I feel
like it's my job to protect andmy job to bob and weave.
I wish I would have known, Iwish someone would have told me.
But again back with sex with mymom and dad.
Then I kind of did want more ofa sounding board.
Like Mom, this guy says heloves me, he's touched my boobs,
it's escalating.
(23:32):
What do I do Right?
And like I didn't have that.
But also I don't want tocondone having sex before
marriage.
But I would also rather my kidscome to me and ask for like
advice than their friendsBecause, like you gave me
horrible advice in high schoolabout sex.
No, I think that I think we areflipped a little bit, but that's
fine, we'll save that foranother private content yeah,
(23:55):
private content but um, but youknow what I'm saying, like and
and we were going or I hadfriends that went to like
Planned Parenthood forcontraception is that the right
word?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
yeah, we all had friends that did that.
It was crazy.
Yeah, everybody was, and we allhad friends that did that.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
It was crazy yeah everybody was and my friends
were doing weird shots andthings that they knew nothing
about, and I had friends thatwere maybe donating plasma to
get the money to go get thecontraception because they
couldn't talk to their parentsabout sex.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Right.
If I found out my daughter wasdoing that, I would freak out
Like I want you to talk to me.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
I had friends that parents were like hey, we don't
want you to, but if you do, letus know, We'll take you.
And then those kids didn'treally even get that crazy.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Because it was like it wasn't that cool.
It just depends on personality,I think.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
So it's a fine line.
Though how much do you want tolike?
I don't, but I also want themto talk to me versus their
friends.
Yeah, you know, but I'm goingto touch it.
It's hot Personality too, soit's hard, I don't know.
There's different ways to getthere.
I think, as parents, sometimeswe think there's a right and a
wrong and we're so worried aboutdoing it wrong that we think we
have to do it right.
And like, if you look at theirkids, 10 different ways and most
of them turned out excellent.
(25:10):
Right, they might have hadbumps in the road, but I feel
like, as parents these days,especially with social media, we
feel like, if our kid pivotsoff the road, that we're failing
.
Yeah, but like, sometimes thelesson they learn off the road
is what's going to get them tothe right road later in life.
Right, you know, and I thinkI've talked about that my
brother and I sat down after Iwas dating an idiot, of course,
yeah, and my brother learnedthat the more he told me he was
(25:32):
an idiot, the more I went to theidiot instead of just
supporting me and doing the samething we're talking about.
Is this the time I want tolisten, or do you want my
opinion?
Because my family is veryopinionated, right?
And he started to just listenand then I could go to him more
and then he could find the righttime to lecture me.
And I listened.
But we were sitting at dinnerbecause he took me to dinner.
He's cool like that, like hecould tell my head was messed up
(25:53):
and he'd be like, hey, let's goto dinner and he's great at
taking me to nice places and Ididn't have the money.
So like, do you want to go toRuth, chris?
It was never.
No, yeah never.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
It was like yeah, yeah.
I can't afford that I stillwant to.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
He's the best time too, he's so fun, oh yeah.
But he was like here's whereyou are and here's where God's
plan is for you.
And he's like you can get therestraight If you take a straight
line.
You don't pivot, you do itGod's way.
He's like, and you're going tohave a few bumps and bruises and
you're going to get there.
But then he said here's whereyou are and here's where God's
plan is.
It might take longer to getthere, you might get some bumps
(26:30):
and bruises, but you're stillgoing to end up where God wants
you to be, because that's grace.
Yeah, and I feel like, asChristians or as people,
sometimes we think, becausewe've gone off the road, that
we're worse, we're less thanwe've messed up.
That's why I do want to behonest about my past, because my
past is okay because of grace.
Right, like I'm not any betterthan anyone else, because I've
made bad decisions and I madegood decisions.
(26:52):
Yeah, because grace is whereGod steps in.
Yeah, so, like you're going toget to where God has planned for
you.
And I think it's important thatwe let our kids kind of take
the long way sometimes, eventhough we'd prefer them to get
less bumps and bruises.
Right, god's going to help themwith faith get to the right
place.
Yeah, and I know in lifesometimes people do make bad
decisions and you know theymight drive drunk and it ends
(27:13):
bad.
Yeah, you know like we decidedto let Maddie stay in Mexico, oh
, for a day with our goodfriends, and it was one of the
hardest decisions I've ever made.
Yeah, and I was like what ifshe dies on the way home?
What if she gets roofie tonight?
What if she disappears at thebeach, like that girl in
Dominican?
Yeah, you know, they can't findher and the ocean they're the
ocean they're not going to findher.
Right, I hope they do.
(27:33):
I really pray that they do, butI'm like it's not looking good.
So for days I'm praying.
Okay, god, help me make theright decision.
But I also like Maddie's age.
Now she's getting in cars with16, 17, and 18-year-olds.
You could literally want NCAand that whole thing, my fear
(27:55):
and like my I don't know.
I feel like I'm anytime anyone'syelling.
I'm freaking out like you're ata, at a at the hotel this
weekend and people you know howdrunk people kind of yell and I
was like what's going on?
Is there a shooter?
Yeah, isn't that weird.
It's so weird so I'm alreadymore scared right now.
But I think that's where faithsteps in.
I'm not saying that you can'tmake the wrong call one time.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
That's's what I'm saying.
So if Maddie would have diedand gotten roofied and raped,
would you have been different?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
No, I had to think about that, like I really did,
and I had to say you know what?
God knows the outcome of allthese things.
And, yes, we make our choicesand sometimes we make the wrong
choice.
But I also don't want to livewhere I'm scared.
I want to live with faith,faith, and I also have to to arm
(28:35):
my daughter that I trust andbelieve in her to make the right
choices.
Yeah, but one day was my limit,so then, when she wanted to
stay a second day, I lost it.
yeah, I was like get home, I'msending dad right now over that
border like I agreed and weprayed on one day yeah, because
it was Sunday night, whichwasn't St Patrick's Day, but the
next day was St Patrick's Dayand I wasn't okay with it.
You know when you know yourlimit yeah, nope.
Yeah, like I wasn't okay was StPatrick's Day and I wasn't okay
with it.
You know when you know yourlimit?
Yeah, nope, like I wasn't okaywith St Patrick's Day and some
things.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
I'm just not okay with and it's I think that's God
too yes, like there's like Icouldn't be okay with it and
there's some things where I'mlike I shouldn't be okay with
this, but I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Yeah, have to empower our kids to make good choices.
Yeah, because sometimes I didhave to make bad choices to make
a good choice in the long run.
Yeah, I did have to date abunch of idiots to finally be
attracted to a guy like Kyle,because at 16 I wouldn't have
liked him.
I wouldn't have liked him untilI dated a real jerk before him.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yeah, that showed we were talking that you were like
yeah, I wasn't really jerked inhigh school and then I was
thinking I was jerked for like10 years real like woman power
in high school yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I was like not oh.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
I was dumb, but like I feel like I had like 10 years
of dumb and then I finally waslike I'm not doing that anymore.
And then Ben came along.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
But maybe you wouldn't appreciate, ben and we
talk about that all the timewhen you wake up and you picture
that they're not into you andyou're him.
But like it would be, it wouldbe awful no, awful, but like.
I think that sometimes we Ithink, with life, 360 and the
Mexico trip, that I didn't go onright.
(30:00):
My mom taught me that shetrusted me and that's why, like,
growing up I was one of thelike.
I made good decisions for a goodperiod of time and then I had
my wild phase, but my mom and Iand I told Kyle this I didn't
want to go to Mexico and shewould have never found out Some
of our friends parents stilldon't know that they went, but I
didn't want my mom to get acall from Mexico that I died and
(30:22):
and that was what she was leftwith, that I disobeyed her and
that not like I respected hertoo much to make that decision
and I want to empower my kidsthat you might make a wrong
choice, but I trust that you'regoing to make the right choice.
Yeah, and she did come home andsay you know, a lot of people
were drinking because they'llserve anyone.
She's like mom, but I didn'tdrink and I really believe her.
(30:43):
But, like Kyle, you know wesometimes debate if we're going
to lie or tell the truth to ourkids.
You know my mom lied abouteverything, um, and he's like
y'all, your mom drank in highschool and I'm like, why would
you say that?
Speaker 2 (30:54):
yeah, you know, like it gives her that free will then
, and like you go, well, theyturned out okay, because that's
what ben said.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
I didn't drink till I was 21.
Yeah, I was like, and what youdid after 21 got awful.
You should be ashamed ofyourself.
Funny, you know.
But like there's no right orwrong, like he was still raised
right, right, yeah, and I wasstill raised right and we were
raised completely different.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Well, you can totally raise right and then something
happens, or you can raise allwrong and the kid turns out
great.
Yeah, it's weird, it's weird.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
But like I think sometimes we put too much
pressure on our kids because ofus, like I don't want to look
bad, so I want you to make thischoice Right.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Right.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
Like I don't want to look bad if you get a bad grade,
so you got to make sure you geton a roll because that might
not look good.
Or I want you to be the best atbaseball because I don't want
to look like maybe I'm not doingsomething right, like we take
too much ownership over theirmistakes when it's their own
journey.
Let them.
You could raise them and doeverything right, and they still
might make mistakes.
It doesn't mean you're wrong.
You know what I mean.
(31:49):
It's a lot of pressure for kids.
Yeah, like to to excel and bethe best for their kid.
Their parents yeah, they don'twant to make them look bad.
It's all about looking, youknow?
Oh.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
I just worry, Like I just know what I went through
and I don't want mine to gothrough just half of the stupid
stuff that I went through.
I'm like, oh, it was justheartbreaking and awful I know.
So it's like more of that.
I'm like, oh don't.
Or what I've seen people in myfamily go through.
I know, like, what certaindecisions lead to, so I'm like
just don't do it, it's not worthit.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
You know, yeah, oh, it's scary.
People have always said that asyour kids get older, it gets
way harder, and I was like, oh,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
They're nothing.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
Yeah, but we enjoy them too and you do get to see
some of the reap of what you sowor I don't know.
Like you know, I'm still like Itell this to Kyle a lot.
I'm like when we were debatingto let her stay.
I'm like Kyle, we have goodkids.
Do they sometimes get on ournerves or talk disrespectful to
(32:48):
us or this or that, or want tohave a D right now, but like it
happens, you know.
But like they're good kids andwe've got to empower them to
stay good kids Because, likewe've talked about on here a lot
, you are what they say you are.
So I wasn't stupid in tellingMaddie you make good choices.
I trust you very much and Iknow you would never disappoint
me.
I'm also telling her who.
(33:10):
She is Right, you know.
Yeah, I talked about in the, inthe book, you're all
brainwashed yeah, and right here, if I disobey, but I never say
yes to alcohol.
We don't realize how much weempower them, and my mom said
the same to me, but sheempowered me.
I trust that you'll make gooddecisions.
It's like I trust that I'mgonna make good decisions yeah,
instead of like you better notdid it.
That's telling them there'ssomeone that's going to do those
(33:32):
things, yeah, but let's empowerthem that they're not going to
do those things because of that.
You know what I mean, mm-hmm,and it's like a fine line of
what I want her exposed to thesedays.
Like a few weeks before that,there was a party at a house and
it's like hard.
You know, I'm like I don't wanther to go and I was like she
(33:55):
needs to go in thoseenvironments and learn to say no
.
It's a skill, but the hardthing is you do wear down, like
I wore down in college.
You totally wore down.
I wore down and that's why thesecond day I was like no, she
made it through a night withouther parents saying no, but like
there was other people comingand it was like the peer
pressure is going to get biggerand for for some reason that
(34:16):
second night was a hard no, yeah, like it wasn't there was no
one talking to me into it.
I literally was probably goingto send Kyle, like, and it
wouldn't have been good, yeah,cause he's great, he's strict,
yeah, and it like it wouldn't bea scene getting in the car,
yeah, oh, yeah.
So I don't know, it's just likeall these things, the debates,
right, but in college I was goodthe first year and my friends,
we would all.
(34:36):
Everybody would hang out in myroom and I'd be like let's go to
bed, guys.
And we'd go to bed at like 11.
And then I'd wake up andeveryone's like last night was
so fun, I'm like we went to bedat 11.
Those jerks all went out afterI went to sleep and everybody
would lie to me like for monthsthis was going on and I'd be
like when did that happen?
And they're like oh, youremember.
And I was like I don't remembergoing to that place.
(34:57):
They're like you remember, youforget everything.
And I believe I'm like, yeah, Ido forget a lot.
But everybody was going outafter I went to bed and I blew
out my knee as a cheerleader andthen I was the sorority cripple
for two years where or a wholeyear where I couldn't go to
parties.
I couldn't do anything, I justlaid in bed in my dorm.
It was super hard.
So then after that I myboyfriend broke up with me and I
(35:18):
was like that's it.
I'm sick of not being likeeveryone else, so I want to be
like everyone else for a changeand see what that's like.
But what did happen before Iever drank was I was that
Christian.
That was kind of like judgygoody, like I don't drink and I
don't you know, kind of like youknow, I'm picturing who our
kids know and it's like verysoapbox.
You know like I, I don't evenknow how you do that and this
(35:40):
and that.
And as soon as I drank, thisguilt like took over me.
It was weird and like myrelationship with God.
It felt like someone say therewas like a phone cord you know
the old school phone cord, yeah,between me and him.
Yeah, and it was like this linethat was ever flowing.
And as soon as I like did morewith a guy than what I wanted to
, or I drank, felt like the linegot cut.
Yeah, I felt so guilty going tohim.
(36:01):
Yeah, like how dare I go to himwhen I was sinning?
But it's like I hope we empowerour kids and other Christians
that that line's never down.
Yeah, like he knows you'regoing to sin.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
And well, sin does separate you from God, so like
it's actually a thing that youare less connected when you're
sinning.
So like, yeah, you likeactually experienced that
Totally.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
But we have to then that's why people never go back,
Right.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
And you have to encourage them.
Well, that's why you teach them, that's why you don't want to
do those things, because youwill lose that like action and
like that's the life you know.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
yeah, so that's, but that's why you said like he made
grace and all that yeah, and weall sin every day.
Totally, you were sitting a lotlast night.
Tell him what you're doing, I'mjoking.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I'm like what was I doing?
I was like crying aboutInstagram.
I know.
I was like what was I doing?
Speaker 3 (36:49):
no, but like we all do, yeah, and it took me a lot
of like years to work throughthat Like where the guilt and
shame, shame is such a powerfulthing.
Yeah, the devil uses that forsure.
Yeah, and I don't want my kids,if they mess up, to let shame
lead.
Right, let me lead.
We'll forgive you, we'll workthrough it, like that's how you
grow around.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
You know you don't just because you've lived a
certain way or you've madecertain choices, like it's never
too late to come back to Godand turn things around and make
good choices, and like the thingwith the especially girls I
mean guys too, but I'm like whenyou're making bad decisions,
like your self-esteem it's likea snowball effect.
So it's not only like thedecisions, it's like the way you
(37:34):
feel about yourself.
Everything just takes a hit andit takes a hit and like.
That's what I don't want mykids and my daughter to
experience.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Oh, totally.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Like you're you don't understand.
Like it's not just like, oh,you drink, it's like it's going
to affect everything and you'regoing to feel so different about
yourself.
And like it's hard and you haveto work through that.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Oh yeah, you know it's funny because we totally
talked about that.
When she came home, um, made itsafe.
All the things that I thoughtwere gonna happen in my head
didn't happen, thank god, um,and she's like mom when, when we
were at the bar and likeeveryone was drinking they look
stupid totally and she's like Ifelt cooler that we weren't and
I was like you're right and Ihad that for years.
Yeah's like I felt cooler thatwe weren't and I was like you're
right and I had that for years,yeah.
(38:13):
So like when I was a freshmanand I was on the tables at the
parties, everyone would be likeyou're wasted, and then I'd be
like I don't drink, yeah, andthey'd be like huh, because it's
just like I'm a little weird.
So, like when everyone did drink, my confidence completely
changed.
I told Maddie all the guyswanted me when I was the one
(38:34):
girl that didn't drink, but Iwas so fun.
They wanted like why are youdifferent?
Why aren't you being peerpressured?
How are you like that?
And then I was like and thenwhen I did drink, no one wanted
me.
My confidence took the biggesthit.
Right, and it took years, likeyou said, to work back.
(38:57):
Well, and that's what guys, notthat like the ultimate goal is
to have guys wanting you, butlike no, but it's the type of
guys you attract Totally.
I was attracting good guys,right, and then when I was drunk
it was losers, and then theywould hurt you and then you go
for the loser because your, yourconfidence is is hit.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
You're not thinking you're worth more, you know.
And so I'm like by drinking ordoing stuff with a guy or doing
any of these choices, like bydrinking or doing stuff with a
guy or doing any of thesechoices, you don't understand,
like it's going to affect somany things in your life and
it's like it's truly like asnowball.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
But it's the same with waiting until you're
married.
When you do not wait, all thosethings happen too.
Right Like it's proven that awoman like releases some
chemical when they have sex withsomeone that bonds them.
And so when you're not and likewith Kyle and I when we didn't
do those things, I could walk.
I was sassy Right Like I wasway stronger.
But once you do do that, you'reall of a sudden become a schmuck
(39:41):
Like do you know what I mean?
Once you have sex, you'reconnected.
You're like needy.
Yeah, it like ruins the girl,right, and it like flips.
It's like we're not supposed todo that that soon.
You're supposed to use thatpower to like keep them wanting
you, you know.
And it's like the same thinghappens when I did make those
choices Like, I lost myconfidence in that too, but like
with Kyle when I was making himwork and doing it right.
(40:03):
But from the time I was 21 toKyle, like to 25, that was the
years of like making the badchoices and like doing what my
brother said, going the long way.
But like it was a lot harder towork back to who God had
created me to be, rather thanjust have stayed on that path.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
That's the other thing is it's like, or someone
that's had a really hard life,like worse choices than yours.
Like you know, you met someonein the social security office
that was trying to get theirSocial Security card and like
he'd been in jail, he just gotreleased.
So that's what I mean.
Like choices, even though, likeit's great to be, like oh yeah,
like choices don't matter,you'll end up where you're meant
(40:42):
to be.
They do matter.
And like it can be so hard towork back and it doesn't mean
you can't have a relationshipwith God.
But trying to come back likethat guy, he was struggling, he
couldn't even get a cell phoneoh, it was awful.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
And Crystal was trying to get.
She was moving him in.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Oh, I was going to take him to the store and buy a
cell phone, but he was like 7'2"and like massive and I was like
this is where you die.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
You put that guy in oh, and it's awful and so it's
sad he just got out of jail.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Well, I think like for you.
I think growing up and seeingwhat you saw you saw people.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
I saw real reality of choices.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
Yeah, Not just like oh, you were drinking and
everything's fine now, likepeople addicted to drugs, yeah,
like homeless.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
They never turned around Awful things, yeah.
And so I'm like, yeah, nochoices have like real life
consequences where sometimes youcan't come back.
Yeah, like if you cheat on yourspouse they might never take
you back.
Yeah, and like sometimes thingsare permanent consequences and
so it's important, like our kids, understand that you know and
doesn't mean you're not going tomake a mistake, but there's
(41:46):
some that are really hard tocome back, totally, I agree.
So, yeah, back totally, I agree.
So yeah, luckily mine all forthe most part, right.
Well, I feel like yours are allpretty normal, you know yeah, a
little.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
But I think that's like kind of what you said, like
when you said some mom told youto make little things, big
things right, and I think westill try to make it like.
Well, that's where I wasgetting kind of done with Maddie
.
It was like, you know, shewasn't with us so she's in in
Mexico with other families andthis and that, and like Kyle and
I on a regular weekend, like wedon't really drink a ton, right
, like we might drink once amonth, have a sip, a glass of
(42:19):
wine, same.
Not saying I'm holier than thouto anyone else that drinks, for
me it's like a downer.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
It just doesn't work for me.
Well, and I feel like sick thenext day, yeah, and then I'm
like paying for it for like aweek.
You know, yeah, I love thatnight.
I know it's really.
I am really fun with that.
One night a year, no, but yeah,I agree, our kids aren't around
(42:44):
like that, yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:45):
So close your legs till you're married.
Don't be a drunk idiot likeTisha was in college and you
know it'll all work out.
Yeah, I think that's a goodsummary.
Yeah, pretty good.
Yeah, and don't eat lemmingstill you're sick.
Yeah, they are delicious,courtney.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Yeah, oh, she nailed it, yeah like, like you got
nailed last night.
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I'm sorry welcome to jerking around a podcast that
makes you feel better aboutyourself, because we're a mess
just like you, and crystal makesfun of me and whole time and
it's great and it's real.
Welcome to Jerking Around, a podcast that makes you
feel better about yourself,because we're a mess just like
you, and Crystal makes fun of methe whole time and it's great
and it's real.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Welcome to Jerkin' Around, welcome.
Tisha was getting jerked aroundlast night in the bedroom and
on the podcast Online, online,we went mini viral for us.
Yes, we had a reel that didwell.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Last week's episode.
Yep, it's at like 280,000 and Italking and I am getting just
eaten alive.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
I'm talking too.
I started it, yeah, but it'slike the horrible part is what
I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It's not horrible, that's what's so stupid?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I know If you said that to me right now you
wouldn't think anything of it.
I know it's annoying, yeah, sostop letting people boss you
around, I know, but Would youlike Kennedy change who she is
based on other people's opinions?
I don't think I'd like her topost that.
Are you serious?
Well, I'm like, yeah, you'regonna get just lit up.
It's stupid.
The thing she's talking aboutis when Tisha said sometimes
women play dead, yes, so thatthe husband doesn't want to have
(01:14):
sex.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I said I don't want to give him the green light and
then everyone in the comments islike your marriage is like like
people are dming Ben, I'll giveit to you every night.
Probably they're not.
No, they're not, they probablywill after.
But, like, what was the mostupsetting is saying like, oh,
you're going to be divorced infive years and you're going to
look back at this video and knowwhy.
And I'm thinking they said thatyes, like multiple people.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
These people are want to be in TikTok and you want to
be in the age range.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
There are some older people on TikTok who, yeah, ben
even said he goes.
Yeah, some older people have it, but yeah, some, yes, not all.
Most young, most young, yes,yes, yeah.
So everyone was saying how thatit's.
It's so just wrong and toxic.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
We don't want to be anti-men.
We're actually very pro-men Proand pro-sex with your husband,
yeah, and Tisha's pro the othertype of sex too.
We have a lot.
Keep the one hole fresh, no.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Oh yeah, we actually do it a lot, and so it's all I
said was sometimes.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
You don't need to justify yourself on here.
I am going here.
Justify it, though I almostmade a video last night.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I almost went live, but I couldn't do it because I'm
just like I dare you do a videowhen we leave.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I literally don't think I could do it.
I've never even pictured youdoing a live video.
I can't even imagine like heyguys, hey guys, it's tish, yeah,
and I wanted to go live likemore than yes you're.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I feel like it's, I can go live.
I don't think I could go live.
I wanted, wanted to, so bad Iwish.
Oh, I would have if I woke upto that.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
It would be my greatest morning.
I've never wanted to dosomething more, I know, but like
that's something to think aboutthough, why do you care what
those people think?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Well, what I didn't like was it is so misconstrued
from what I'm saying and thenreading the comments.
It's like like, if you don'twant to have sex with your
husband all the time, it's likemaking it seem like it's a bad
thing and like that's justnormal.
You, what if you had a big meal?
What if your dog died?
What if you're just tired?
Well, I think sometimes youdon't want to do it every single
(03:14):
second.
It doesn't mean I'm not doingit, or it doesn't mean I can I
have a bad marriage if I don't,if I don't give the green light
that night?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
well, I think sex is just something that's not talked
about enough, right, like it'stalked about when you're dating
and it's talked about like youtalk to your girlfriends when
you're right.
Well, we waited till we weremarried to have sex, yes, but
but for those of us that maybedidn't and I know you know a lot
of girls like that yeah, um,you talk about sex with your
friends all the time.
(03:41):
Yes, like all the time, but assoon as you're married, it's
like you don't talk about sex.
It's weird.
Well, I feel like our friendsdo, yeah, but I don't think a
lot of people do.
And what we found why we do thispodcast is well, we both talk
to a lot of people, right, andwe found that, like, a lot of
them don't share the truth.
My favorite thing about you andthis is so real is that you say
(04:06):
things that other people arescared to say.
That's why, if we're going toedit the podcast, it's going to
suck, because people like you,because you say what people are
thinking.
Yeah, it's like your gift.
They're just loving me, I know,but those are random, but like
all of our friends or peoplethat know you.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I started getting sad .
Like do people that maybe don'tknow us so close but like know
of us On TikTok, but that maybedon't know us so close but like
know of us on tiktok, but it'son instagram too.
Nobody cares.
No, there was negative commentson there too there was three
comments, I know, but that'sjust because it only has 2 000,
but I'm saying, the main thingis like I'm like are people
seeing this and being like, oh,poor ben, his wife doesn't want
to have sex with him, and thenit's again it's not accurate.
(04:38):
So that's what was frustrating.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
You know when that driver was driving and you're
like that idiot's a driver, gogreen at the red yellow.
This is how I feel.
When you're talking.
It's like this is such a stupidconversation over that reel.
I know the reel is so dumb andthe people that are criticizing
you are so dumb.
It's like how you feel aboutCOVID Like yeah, everybody was
scaring people, and then you'relike the logic is that's how I
feel about this.
I feel like the way you'reseeing it is stupid, like I have
(05:01):
no logic.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yes, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yes, that's what I'm thinking.
Yeah, it's like, let's be real,I never known that.
Knows you, blah, blah, blah.
But then you're being like dumbwith the hype.
Speaking of the hype, right,that happened to me last week
with Mexico.
We went to Mexico and everybodyon the planet was telling me
you, I'm not lying, they saidit's unsafe, they're going to
take your kids and take you.
(05:24):
You're going to never come home, like my brother was, like
we've never, I've never, ever,ever been allowed to go to
Mexico.
There was a trip our freshmanyear of college, that's like I
was telling people this weekendabout it and it was like London
to Phoebe on Friends.
Yeah, you know when they allwent and they wouldn't shut up
about London.
Yeah, went and they wouldn'tshut up about London.
Yeah, that's how I feel.
Like how often do you miss onetrip with your friends and
(05:44):
you're like it's not going to bethat big of a deal?
Right, it was the biggest deal.
It was the trip heard about,sorry, three years ago, my
back's killing me.
Um, every, still were.
What 15, 20 years ago?
Yeah, I still hear about thattrip all the time.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, all my friends from college went.
We went like three times in oneyear.
It was like every time it waslike spring break, memorial,
labor day, yeah, oh, I missedall of them.
Yeah, all of them.
I thought it was only one trip.
No, it was all of them.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
So all my good friends these are kids don't
have friends like this.
They told me to lie to myparents and just call them and
say I'm in the dorm and go toMexico.
Yeah, because I might have donethat before.
I might have went to go see myboyfriend in Phoenix and
pretended I was in my dorm.
Yeah, now we have Life360.
But Maddie said my daughtersaid you can lock your location.
Did you know this?
No, yes, they can lock theirlocation, so it'll say you're
(06:30):
somewhere else.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So why do they create that?
I don't know Tish, it's dumb.
I know the whole point ofLife360 is to know where they
are, so why do they even createthat feature, right?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
That's so dumb.
Yeah, that's a real thing.
So Maddie's like well, we can,just because we were doing some
work last week and she was likewe can just lock our location.
Gotcha, we were doing somethingfun for school with some
friends and we were going toteepee.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, like if you're teepeeing someone.
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
And we don't want them to know where we were.
So she's like well, you canlock it at where you're at so
that when you move from there itdoesn't show that you moved.
That's concerned.
So know that, for your kids andparents, know that that's a
feature anyways.
So in Mexico, I kept tellingKyle this, because the day
before we left you know you weregoing to come with us, but then
you guys didn't.
(07:17):
Um, but for the same reasons, alot of reasons.
But everyone was like myfriends said, like I'm praying
for you, I have a really badfeeling.
I hope you're okay.
A bad feeling, yes.
And then I was choosing to goand I was like this I almost
died in NCA, I almost died inthe plane, yeah, and now Mexico
is going to take me.
Oh, I didn't think it was a badfeeling.
Oh, everybody was like that andthen and then so, when we get
(07:40):
there.
But I was telling Kyle, I waslike Kyle, let's be real.
The night before he's like, I'mreally nervous.
We went to Rocky Point and itwas my first time ever going to
Rocky Point and he's like, I'mreally nervous.
I'm like Kyle, let's be logical.
So one of our title agents wasthere and said it was great, the
border was fine, Everything'sgreat.
One of our best friends hadalready gotten there.
Same, Everything's great.
I'm like.
(08:01):
So the boots on the ground,people that we actually know
Right, are saying it's okay,right, but the hype around the
media and like the things goingaround is that they're mad at
Trump and that they're going totake your alcohol and they're
going to do this, to do all this.
Yeah, but I'm like.
But that's not what we'reseeing based on facts, right, so
, like, so often, I think we dothat, even with flying.
Yeah, we might do that, right,like you're seeing it in your
(08:23):
feed.
I just got on Instagram rightbefore we started to check it
and it was like 12 people diedin a plane crash and I'm like,
but, but, right, we're startingto worry, but we forget.
Like we got on an app, me andyou, right, and oh, trisha, her
husband's a pilot and she showedus the app of all the planes
out right now.
And you're like, okay,logically, there's hundreds of
flights a day that are safe.
(08:44):
But we like easily and howoften do our kids do that like
something will get, createhysterics and then all of a
sudden you're worried about allthe things, but they're not fact
.
I feel like COVID did that forme.
Like when it first came out Iwas so scared and then once,
like a few people I knew had it,we kind of like, okay, right,
you know, not that it wasn'tscary.
Like I also know people that itdidn't go so well, right, but
(09:05):
like it helped us calm down.
Like, okay, let's go on thefacts.
The facts are the people thathave had it, not everyone's
dying, yeah, so I just think Idon't know.
I think it's important.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
So, like the facts are people that know you that if
you are tired one night or ifwhatever, you still can have a
great marriage and that's anormal thing, because that's the
whole reason we started thispodcast was because on Instagram
, everything looks amazing andlike you're just obsessed with
your husband 24 seven and likeif you eat a big meal, you don't
feel like doing it.
You know, maybe you have, maybeyou have farts, you know, it's
(09:42):
fine, you don't need to do itthat night.
Me and my other friend alwaystalk about it.
We do it before the date night,because after the date night
you ate and you're full, yeah.
So we're always like, yeah, weget it in before the date night,
cause after the date night I'mtired, but he's like it's date
(10:04):
night concerning.
You know, yeah, so it's fine,it's okay, it's fine.
And I think if you are doing itall the time, I'm sure there's
some that are great and but likethat doesn't mean it's a great
marriage either.
If you're just 24 7 doing it,like there can be marriages
where you're doing it 24 7 andthey're not great.
Well, I didn't do it till I wasmarried.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
But if I was in a relationship before Kyle and if
I, like, hypothetically, was ina relationship before Kyle and
hypothetically did do it everysingle night, we were together.
Hypothetically I didn't reallyfeel great about that
relationship, right?
I mean like if that were tohappen to me, that would have
been how I felt, plenty of badmarriages or relationships do it
(10:44):
all the time and I talked aboutit that they rated me high on
that sex scale but then rated melow on our relationship scale.
And again we've talked abouthow we bring sexual baggage into
our marriage.
That's why we do believe to nothave sex until you're married
and our friends that have onlyhad one or two partners.
They don't have as much sexualbaggage.
But I do think there's a lotthat goes into why you do or
(11:05):
don't want to have sex with yourhusband at a given night.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Well, it's talked about, women are very like, it's
more emotional and like mental,like if you're not feeling cute
or if you have a lot on yourmind, if you're stressed.
Where a guy, it's more likeprimal, they're more like they
could be ready all the time.
Where a girl, like someone said, a guy's like a microwave and a
(11:27):
girl's like an oven, so likethe guy, you can just hit one
minute and he's ready to go.
Where a girl, there's a littlebit more that goes into it.
You have to preheat the oven.
And so I think sometimes withgirls, if we're not in the right
headspace, you know, maybeyou're stressed, maybe if we're
kids, like I do's busy and I'mjust not like every day, but I
am a lot three times a week butnot every day.
(11:48):
But like I think women, ifyou're not like that, you still
can have a great marriage and itthere's nothing wrong with you.
So that was the main purpose ofsaying that I really I still
think I know.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
I'm still so worked up.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I can't read the comments.
I'll like it's stupid.
It's not a big deal, I know Ifinally got over the Justin
Bieber comments.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
I know and now I'm like, oh my God, but anyone I
know, every single girl I'veever talked to in my life and I
have a lot of friends yeah, hasnot wanted to have sex every day
.
I feel like I can only thinkonly with that person.
Yeah, and that's the truth is,if you didn't wait till you're
(12:26):
married, you do have some sexualbaggage, right, and that's
something nobody talks about,right, but when you were having
sex every day with a guy thatdidn't treat you good all the
time, unfortunately, you takethat to the marriage Totally.
Have you did?
Have we talked about it on here, the duct tape that Don Wilson,
our old pastor, did?
Oh yeah, it's the best analogy.
I want to do it with my kids, Iwant to do it with my
cheerleaders too.
Not do it, but do this analogy.
(12:47):
So one time at we always talkabout our church CCV, christ
Church of Valley, our old pastor, don Wilson, who's amazing,
love him.
He during the service, like youknow how.
(13:09):
So the greeter comes out,welcome to church, blah, blah,
he has the duct tape.
The worship band, the head ofthe worship band, he has the
duct tape.
Then, you know, the interim,like the campus pastor, comes
out, he has the duct tape.
Then Don came out to do themessage and he had the duct tape
on.
He gave the whole message aboutrelationships and he said some
of you are probably wonderingwhy we're all wearing this duct
tape.
And so he peeled it off of hisshirt and it came off pretty
easily.
He said this is what we think abond is in a marriage.
God created sex to be in a bigbonding thing.
(13:31):
For your marriage it's supposedto be between man and woman who
are married.
Only one partner.
You're really only supposed tohave one partner.
So he said he took the duct tapeoff and he and he took each
side and, like, taped ittogether and he he said this is
a duct tape that has been onfive different people today and
he pulled it apart.
And it pulled apart so easily.
And then he ripped up a freshpiece of duct tape and he put it
(13:52):
together like this and he saidthis is a duct tape that's only
stuck to each other once.
He's like you literally can'tpull it apart because it's fresh
and it's one bond.
He's like that's our bodies andespecially as women, I think we
bond differently when we havesex.
It's more of a connector for usand he's like as you're, with
different partners, the bondgets less and less.
Yeah, and that was like.
(14:12):
I wish I would have saw that afew years before, you know
you're all playing it like firstgrade sleepover for your kids
here you go kids.
No, but you don't know that as akid, and if your parents don't
talk to you about sex, like forme, sex was like I grew up in a
very Christian household, rightLike I've talked about.
My parents were amazing andkind of cool, but like they were
(14:35):
very cool, I would say, butlike we didn't talk about sex,
you just didn't talk about it.
It's don't have sex till you'remarried.
They talked to us about it atchurch and that was really it,
right.
So I had a boyfriend, my firstboyfriend.
We were together three yearsand that's a really long time,
yeah, and we waited three years,you know, like you know to kiss
and do the things.
(14:56):
We just have young listeners,but I also am trying to lean
into like my story is my storyand it's what it is.
But so we waited a really longtime to do anything.
And then once things elevatethey do, you know, even with the
door open parents, my parents,thought because the door was
open, nothing was happening andthings were happening with the
door open.
Yeah, I just think we would putourselves in that predicament
(15:18):
so many times.
Things escalate, but it liketotally changed our relationship
and then we broke up shortlyafter things escalated.
It's like it just changed.
And then we broke up shortlyafter things escalated.
It's like it just changed.
Yeah, but I couldn't go to mymom and be like mom, things are
escalating, like it just happens.
You, you kiss, then you dryhump and things are poking.
Yeah, it gets weird, yeah, andthen it's just natural to want
that somewhere.
Yeah, you want it in there, youknow.
(15:40):
But what's sad is like thebeginning, when it's like that,
like you ruin those momentsbecause, like when you're
married and you've had that somany times, it's not like you
can't get enough, but like thefirst time you ever are doing it
like you can't get enough.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
But even Don Wilson and his wife.
Yeah, she talked about playingdead, yes, and they only waited
with each other.
So that's not directly relatedeither?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
No, for sure, I think every girl.
I think sex is about so muchemotionally, yes, and when you
don't feel good about your body,you don't want to have sex.
It's just a thing.
Yeah, everybody doesn't feelgood about their body.
They don't want to have sexTotally when you, you know,
didn't drink enough Lemmy Purselike you, you might worry, she's
.
No but I like all the Lummies.
(16:27):
Okay, lummies, are thesevitamins by Kourtney Kardashian?
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I know I finally just started buying like the Annie's
sour gummies because I waseating too many vitamins,
because they're her gummies.
I love a gummy.
I love a gummy.
I was eating vitamins like theywere candy.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
My friend was like you need to eat gummy bears.
No, you're getting kidneystones, yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
She was eating Lummies and they're $40 a bottle
and she's going to Target.
I don't care.
Yeah, she needed them.
So Lemmy Purr is for yourvagina, for it to smell good.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
It's like probiotic for your vagina, and then they
taste like pineapple though, andso but I eat all the Lemmys
Like.
I have like 14 Lemmy Chills ina day.
It's like the Eshawanga.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
chills in a day it's like are you kidding?
It's not healthy.
So I stopped and now I'm justbuying gummies, yeah, or I'm
just buying, like the potgummies.
No, annie's, yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, no, just regular, like
fruit snacks.
Oh yeah, I'm just eating fruitsnacks now, that's better.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Well, now I know I'm not losing any weight like I'm
eating freaking 10 packs offruit snacks.
So let me, yeah, let me purselike, yeah, she's obsessed with
Lemmy, I'm obsessed with Lemmytoo.
They taste so good, she nailedit.
She nailed it.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
She nailed it.
They taste so good.
Do they work?
Probably not, because I had 100of them and I didn't OD, so
they probably don't do anything.
They're a million dollars andthey taste delicious.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
They do taste delicious.
Some tastes delicious.
Some of them.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I don't like the lemmy, but I have like 14 to
bloats.
I'm still bloated.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
They don't work, I don't care, I'm still gonna take
them, Throwing money away.
It's a thing like every time wetravel, she takes this
life-size bag full of gummies.
It's like what's wrong with you?
And they're just rattlingaround in her bag.
She's digging you hear allthese lemmy bottles.
And then she's like let me haveone.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
She's digging it, you hear all these lovey bottles,
and then she's like, let me haveone.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Who's the first one to ask the chill does work, but
I don't take it a lot.
It doesn't work for me.
No, you've taken so manybottles, but anyways, yeah, I
think that the sex I think it'sa lot to do with your past and
like when you were with a guythat didn't treat you good and
you had sex, or if not your pastnormal person like yeah, suit,
(18:32):
yeah, sometimes you're justtired, yeah, it's normal.
Or like your hormones, likethat's what I'm saying my
hormones are a mess, like Kylewas asking me the other day.
He's like you're not likejumping on me like you were when
you're dating and I'm like Ithink my hormones are because
I've been off my.
I've had a hysterectomy yearsago and I've been off my
hormones for like three monthsnow.
Yeah, so I don't feel like I'mas you know, know, oh no.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Our one friend said she got testosterone put in and
she said she was like a rabbit,like yeah, she was like like
every day, she was like hey, andhe was like this is amazing,
and I think you go throughperiods, ben's all shooting me
with testosterone at night.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
No, I mean, if you're at three times a week, that
doesn't mean you're in a badmarriage either.
Oh yeah, we talked to ourfriend that had that.
Yeah, and like I have familythat like the guy or girl, for
whatever reason, couldn't havesex anymore, it doesn't mean
your marriage is screwed becauseyou can't have sex, right.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
You know they did.
Yeah, there's other things?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Yeah, I agree, that's why you got to let him go
downstairs, Tish.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Totally If it stops working.
He is allowed.
No, you'll find a way.
Yeah, yeah, no, I think thething is, but you know I was.
So I showed Ben the video andhe was like, yeah, that's stupid
, who cares?
He's great about that, he's notlike big on social media at all
and he thinks it's so stupid.
And he's like, yeah, who careswhat all those people think?
And he was like they don't knowour marriage, who cares?
(19:47):
And he's like, but you know,that's a good point about our
kids Like how you can saysomething, it can be wildly
misconstrued and then you'rejust getting eaten alive.
And as a fully formed adultwho's pretty confident, I still
was like like I feel like mymarriage is one of the things
I'm most confident in, and toget eaten alive about it it did
(20:09):
make me feel some kind of wayand I was like, oh, like think
how scary for our kids that putsomething out there, yeah, and
then it gets misconstrued andthen you're getting all this
hate.
It's like it's so upsetting,yeah.
So he was like think about,like how that can.
That's why people killthemselves.
Like you know what I mean.
Oh, it's awful, you're notfeeling that crazy.
(20:31):
No, I know.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
I'm all.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
I know.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
You just got to stop reading the comments.
People that make it in thisindustry say don't read the
comments.
Yeah, and it's like it's for areason when somebody She'd be
like hey, don't get too closewith parents, cause those are
(20:53):
the parents that will bite youin the butt.
And for some reason I thoughtnot me, that's not gonna happen
to me.
And then it did and I'm likewhy didn't I listen?
And even with real estate, likeI don't really listen to anyone
else, I kind of do it my ownway.
But then later I'm like oh, sothat's why everyone does this.
Yeah, like I learned the hardway.
Maddie said that this weekendmy daughter, my oldest, she's
like you know, mom, cause I wasgiving her advice on something.
And she's like you know, mom,I'm just a, I got to touch it,
(21:22):
it's hot kind of person, and I'mthe exact same.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yeah, people are.
You just have to find out foryourself.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and
she gave the best advice aboutthis age, which it's hard.
Now my oldest is 15.
She's a freshman and you knowshe doesn't tell me a lot, so
when she does, I think it's myturn to like, edit or like okay,
she told me about it.
That means she wants my opinion.
Right, and what she wasteaching me was it doesn't mean
they want your opinion.
She's like so what I do?
(21:51):
When they start telling mesomething and I want to give an
opinion, I say is this somethingyou want me to just listen to
so that I can be a backboard forthe story, or do you want my
opinion?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
no-transcript.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
And I'm like oh, I'm giving my opinion every chance I
get because I'm thinking it'smy moment.
Like you're talking, you wantto hear it.
Yes, and she's like they don'twant to hear it, they just want
to get it out.
I sometimes want your opinionand sometimes I just want to
hear my own self-talk, yeah, andit's like I just need to hear
it out loud, yeah, but I forgetthat they don't want their.
They can't do that with theirfriends on everything yeah,
(22:32):
because they don't want them toknow everything, yeah, so I'm
like so the other day she'stalking and I'm like Maddie, do
you want my opinion or are youjust wanting me to listen?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
And she yeah, and I was like oh, shoot, yeah, like
that actually works.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Yeah, yeah, she's like, oh, I'm giving my opinion
every time, yeah, and like,notice, I've noticed that she'll
stop telling me about certaintopics because I've maybe given
my opinion too much.
So do you want this?
So, um, so I'm like, okay,that's really good feedback.
Yeah, as our kids get older,yeah, because I always think
it's my turn to teach, but I amam a big, let reality be the
teacher person.
It just gets harder as they getolder, cause I'm like, oh, the
(23:11):
reality of this one's going tohurt, you know, and like I feel
like it's my job to protect andmy job to bob and weave.
I wish I would have known, Iwish someone would have told me.
But again back with sex with mymom and dad.
Then I kind of did want more ofa sounding board.
Like Mom, this guy says heloves me, he's touched my boobs,
it's escalating.
(23:32):
What do I do Right?
And like I didn't have that.
But also I don't want tocondone having sex before
marriage.
But I would also rather my kidscome to me and ask for like
advice than their friendsBecause, like you gave me
horrible advice in high schoolabout sex.
No, I think that I think we areflipped a little bit, but that's
fine, we'll save that foranother private content yeah,
(23:55):
private content but um, but youknow what I'm saying, like and
and we were going or I hadfriends that went to like
Planned Parenthood forcontraception is that the right
word?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
yeah, we all had friends that did that.
It was crazy.
Yeah, everybody was, and we allhad friends that did that.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
It was crazy yeah everybody was and my friends
were doing weird shots andthings that they knew nothing
about, and I had friends thatwere maybe donating plasma to
get the money to go get thecontraception because they
couldn't talk to their parentsabout sex.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Right.
If I found out my daughter wasdoing that, I would freak out
Like I want you to talk to me.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
I had friends that parents were like hey, we don't
want you to, but if you do, letus know, We'll take you.
And then those kids didn'treally even get that crazy.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Because it was like it wasn't that cool.
It just depends on personality,I think.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
So it's a fine line.
Though how much do you want tolike?
I don't, but I also want themto talk to me versus their
friends.
Yeah, you know, but I'm goingto touch it.
It's hot Personality too, soit's hard, I don't know.
There's different ways to getthere.
I think, as parents, sometimeswe think there's a right and a
wrong and we're so worried aboutdoing it wrong that we think we
have to do it right.
And like, if you look at theirkids, 10 different ways and most
of them turned out excellent.
(25:10):
Right, they might have hadbumps in the road, but I feel
like, as parents these days,especially with social media, we
feel like, if our kid pivotsoff the road, that we're failing
.
Yeah, but like, sometimes thelesson they learn off the road
is what's going to get them tothe right road later in life.
Right, you know, and I thinkI've talked about that my
brother and I sat down after Iwas dating an idiot, of course,
yeah, and my brother learnedthat the more he told me he was
(25:32):
an idiot, the more I went to theidiot instead of just
supporting me and doing the samething we're talking about.
Is this the time I want tolisten, or do you want my
opinion?
Because my family is veryopinionated, right?
And he started to just listenand then I could go to him more
and then he could find the righttime to lecture me.
And I listened.
But we were sitting at dinnerbecause he took me to dinner.
He's cool like that, like hecould tell my head was messed up
(25:53):
and he'd be like, hey, let's goto dinner and he's great at
taking me to nice places and Ididn't have the money.
So like, do you want to go toRuth, chris?
It was never.
No, yeah never.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
It was like yeah, yeah.
I can't afford that I stillwant to.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
He's the best time too, he's so fun, oh yeah.
But he was like here's whereyou are and here's where God's
plan is for you.
And he's like you can get therestraight If you take a straight
line.
You don't pivot, you do itGod's way.
He's like, and you're going tohave a few bumps and bruises and
you're going to get there.
But then he said here's whereyou are and here's where God's
plan is.
It might take longer to getthere, you might get some bumps
(26:30):
and bruises, but you're stillgoing to end up where God wants
you to be, because that's grace.
Yeah, and I feel like, asChristians or as people,
sometimes we think, becausewe've gone off the road, that
we're worse, we're less thanwe've messed up.
That's why I do want to behonest about my past, because my
past is okay because of grace.
Right, like I'm not any betterthan anyone else, because I've
made bad decisions and I madegood decisions.
(26:52):
Yeah, because grace is whereGod steps in.
Yeah, so, like you're going toget to where God has planned for
you.
And I think it's important thatwe let our kids kind of take
the long way sometimes, eventhough we'd prefer them to get
less bumps and bruises.
Right, god's going to help themwith faith get to the right
place.
Yeah, and I know in lifesometimes people do make bad
decisions and you know theymight drive drunk and it ends
(27:13):
bad.
Yeah, you know like we decidedto let Maddie stay in Mexico, oh
, for a day with our goodfriends, and it was one of the
hardest decisions I've ever made.
Yeah, and I was like what ifshe dies on the way home?
What if she gets roofie tonight?
What if she disappears at thebeach, like that girl in
Dominican?
Yeah, you know, they can't findher and the ocean they're the
ocean they're not going to findher.
Right, I hope they do.
(27:33):
I really pray that they do, butI'm like it's not looking good.
So for days I'm praying.
Okay, god, help me make theright decision.
But I also like Maddie's age.
Now she's getting in cars with16, 17, and 18-year-olds.
You could literally want NCAand that whole thing, my fear
(27:55):
and like my I don't know.
I feel like I'm anytime anyone'syelling.
I'm freaking out like you're ata, at a at the hotel this
weekend and people you know howdrunk people kind of yell and I
was like what's going on?
Is there a shooter?
Yeah, isn't that weird.
It's so weird so I'm alreadymore scared right now.
But I think that's where faithsteps in.
I'm not saying that you can'tmake the wrong call one time.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
That's's what I'm saying.
So if Maddie would have diedand gotten roofied and raped,
would you have been different?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
No, I had to think about that, like I really did,
and I had to say you know what?
God knows the outcome of allthese things.
And, yes, we make our choicesand sometimes we make the wrong
choice.
But I also don't want to livewhere I'm scared.
I want to live with faith,faith, and I also have to to arm
(28:35):
my daughter that I trust andbelieve in her to make the right
choices.
Yeah, but one day was my limit,so then, when she wanted to
stay a second day, I lost it.
yeah, I was like get home, I'msending dad right now over that
border like I agreed and weprayed on one day yeah, because
it was Sunday night, whichwasn't St Patrick's Day, but the
next day was St Patrick's Dayand I wasn't okay with it.
You know when you know yourlimit yeah, nope.
Yeah, like I wasn't okay was StPatrick's Day and I wasn't okay
with it.
You know when you know yourlimit?
Yeah, nope, like I wasn't okaywith St Patrick's Day and some
things.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
I'm just not okay with and it's I think that's God
too yes, like there's like Icouldn't be okay with it and
there's some things where I'mlike I shouldn't be okay with
this, but I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Yeah, have to empower our kids to make good choices.
Yeah, because sometimes I didhave to make bad choices to make
a good choice in the long run.
Yeah, I did have to date abunch of idiots to finally be
attracted to a guy like Kyle,because at 16 I wouldn't have
liked him.
I wouldn't have liked him untilI dated a real jerk before him.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yeah, that showed we were talking that you were like
yeah, I wasn't really jerked inhigh school and then I was
thinking I was jerked for like10 years real like woman power
in high school yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I was like not oh.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
I was dumb, but like I feel like I had like 10 years
of dumb and then I finally waslike I'm not doing that anymore.
And then Ben came along.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
But maybe you wouldn't appreciate, ben and we
talk about that all the timewhen you wake up and you picture
that they're not into you andyou're him.
But like it would be, it wouldbe awful no, awful, but like.
I think that sometimes we Ithink, with life, 360 and the
Mexico trip, that I didn't go onright.
(30:00):
My mom taught me that shetrusted me and that's why, like,
growing up I was one of thelike.
I made good decisions for a goodperiod of time and then I had
my wild phase, but my mom and Iand I told Kyle this I didn't
want to go to Mexico and shewould have never found out Some
of our friends parents stilldon't know that they went, but I
didn't want my mom to get acall from Mexico that I died and
(30:22):
and that was what she was leftwith, that I disobeyed her and
that not like I respected hertoo much to make that decision
and I want to empower my kidsthat you might make a wrong
choice, but I trust that you'regoing to make the right choice.
Yeah, and she did come home andsay you know, a lot of people
were drinking because they'llserve anyone.
She's like mom, but I didn'tdrink and I really believe her.
(30:43):
But, like Kyle, you know wesometimes debate if we're going
to lie or tell the truth to ourkids.
You know my mom lied abouteverything, um, and he's like
y'all, your mom drank in highschool and I'm like, why would
you say that?
Speaker 2 (30:54):
yeah, you know, like it gives her that free will then
, and like you go, well, theyturned out okay, because that's
what ben said.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
I didn't drink till I was 21.
Yeah, I was like, and what youdid after 21 got awful.
You should be ashamed ofyourself.
Funny, you know.
But like there's no right orwrong, like he was still raised
right, right, yeah, and I wasstill raised right and we were
raised completely different.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Well, you can totally raise right and then something
happens, or you can raise allwrong and the kid turns out
great.
Yeah, it's weird, it's weird.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
But like I think sometimes we put too much
pressure on our kids because ofus, like I don't want to look
bad, so I want you to make thischoice Right.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Right.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
Like I don't want to look bad if you get a bad grade,
so you got to make sure you geton a roll because that might
not look good.
Or I want you to be the best atbaseball because I don't want
to look like maybe I'm not doingsomething right, like we take
too much ownership over theirmistakes when it's their own
journey.
Let them.
You could raise them and doeverything right, and they still
might make mistakes.
It doesn't mean you're wrong.
You know what I mean.
(31:49):
It's a lot of pressure for kids.
Yeah, like to to excel and bethe best for their kid.
Their parents yeah, they don'twant to make them look bad.
It's all about looking, youknow?
Oh.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
I just worry, Like I just know what I went through
and I don't want mine to gothrough just half of the stupid
stuff that I went through.
I'm like, oh, it was justheartbreaking and awful I know.
So it's like more of that.
I'm like, oh don't.
Or what I've seen people in myfamily go through.
I know, like, what certaindecisions lead to, so I'm like
just don't do it, it's not worthit.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
You know, yeah, oh, it's scary.
People have always said that asyour kids get older, it gets
way harder, and I was like, oh,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
They're nothing.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
Yeah, but we enjoy them too and you do get to see
some of the reap of what you sowor I don't know.
Like you know, I'm still like Itell this to Kyle a lot.
I'm like when we were debatingto let her stay.
I'm like Kyle, we have goodkids.
Do they sometimes get on ournerves or talk disrespectful to
(32:48):
us or this or that, or want tohave a D right now, but like it
happens, you know.
But like they're good kids andwe've got to empower them to
stay good kids Because, likewe've talked about on here a lot
, you are what they say you are.
So I wasn't stupid in tellingMaddie you make good choices.
I trust you very much and Iknow you would never disappoint
me.
I'm also telling her who.
(33:10):
She is Right, you know.
Yeah, I talked about in the, inthe book, you're all
brainwashed yeah, and right here, if I disobey, but I never say
yes to alcohol.
We don't realize how much weempower them, and my mom said
the same to me, but sheempowered me.
I trust that you'll make gooddecisions.
It's like I trust that I'mgonna make good decisions yeah,
instead of like you better notdid it.
That's telling them there'ssomeone that's going to do those
(33:32):
things, yeah, but let's empowerthem that they're not going to
do those things because of that.
You know what I mean, mm-hmm,and it's like a fine line of
what I want her exposed to thesedays.
Like a few weeks before that,there was a party at a house and
it's like hard.
You know, I'm like I don't wanther to go and I was like she
(33:55):
needs to go in thoseenvironments and learn to say no
.
It's a skill, but the hardthing is you do wear down, like
I wore down in college.
You totally wore down.
I wore down and that's why thesecond day I was like no, she
made it through a night withouther parents saying no, but like
there was other people comingand it was like the peer
pressure is going to get biggerand for for some reason that
(34:16):
second night was a hard no, yeah, like it wasn't there was no
one talking to me into it.
I literally was probably goingto send Kyle, like, and it
wouldn't have been good, yeah,cause he's great, he's strict,
yeah, and it like it wouldn't bea scene getting in the car,
yeah, oh, yeah.
So I don't know, it's just likeall these things, the debates,
right, but in college I was goodthe first year and my friends,
we would all.
(34:36):
Everybody would hang out in myroom and I'd be like let's go to
bed, guys.
And we'd go to bed at like 11.
And then I'd wake up andeveryone's like last night was
so fun, I'm like we went to bedat 11.
Those jerks all went out afterI went to sleep and everybody
would lie to me like for monthsthis was going on and I'd be
like when did that happen?
And they're like oh, youremember.
And I was like I don't remembergoing to that place.
(34:57):
They're like you remember, youforget everything.
And I believe I'm like, yeah, Ido forget a lot.
But everybody was going outafter I went to bed and I blew
out my knee as a cheerleader andthen I was the sorority cripple
for two years where or a wholeyear where I couldn't go to
parties.
I couldn't do anything, I justlaid in bed in my dorm.
It was super hard.
So then after that I myboyfriend broke up with me and I
(35:18):
was like that's it.
I'm sick of not being likeeveryone else, so I want to be
like everyone else for a changeand see what that's like.
But what did happen before Iever drank was I was that
Christian.
That was kind of like judgygoody, like I don't drink and I
don't you know, kind of like youknow, I'm picturing who our
kids know and it's like verysoapbox.
You know like I, I don't evenknow how you do that and this
(35:40):
and that.
And as soon as I drank, thisguilt like took over me.
It was weird and like myrelationship with God.
It felt like someone say therewas like a phone cord you know
the old school phone cord, yeah,between me and him.
Yeah, and it was like this linethat was ever flowing.
And as soon as I like did morewith a guy than what I wanted to
, or I drank, felt like the linegot cut.
Yeah, I felt so guilty going tohim.
(36:01):
Yeah, like how dare I go to himwhen I was sinning?
But it's like I hope we empowerour kids and other Christians
that that line's never down.
Yeah, like he knows you'regoing to sin.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
And well, sin does separate you from God, so like
it's actually a thing that youare less connected when you're
sinning.
So like, yeah, you likeactually experienced that
Totally.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
But we have to then that's why people never go back,
Right.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
And you have to encourage them.
Well, that's why you teach them, that's why you don't want to
do those things, because youwill lose that like action and
like that's the life you know.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
yeah, so that's, but that's why you said like he made
grace and all that yeah, and weall sin every day.
Totally, you were sitting a lotlast night.
Tell him what you're doing, I'mjoking.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I'm like what was I doing?
I was like crying aboutInstagram.
I know.
I was like what was I doing?
Speaker 3 (36:49):
no, but like we all do, yeah, and it took me a lot
of like years to work throughthat Like where the guilt and
shame, shame is such a powerfulthing.
Yeah, the devil uses that forsure.
Yeah, and I don't want my kids,if they mess up, to let shame
lead.
Right, let me lead.
We'll forgive you, we'll workthrough it, like that's how you
grow around.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
You know you don't just because you've lived a
certain way or you've madecertain choices, like it's never
too late to come back to Godand turn things around and make
good choices, and like the thingwith the especially girls I
mean guys too, but I'm like whenyou're making bad decisions,
like your self-esteem it's likea snowball effect.
So it's not only like thedecisions, it's like the way you
(37:34):
feel about yourself.
Everything just takes a hit andit takes a hit and like.
That's what I don't want mykids and my daughter to
experience.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Oh, totally.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Like you're you don't understand.
Like it's not just like, oh,you drink, it's like it's going
to affect everything and you'regoing to feel so different about
yourself.
And like it's hard and you haveto work through that.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Oh yeah, you know it's funny because we totally
talked about that.
When she came home, um, made itsafe.
All the things that I thoughtwere gonna happen in my head
didn't happen, thank god, um,and she's like mom when, when we
were at the bar and likeeveryone was drinking they look
stupid totally and she's like Ifelt cooler that we weren't and
I was like you're right and Ihad that for years.
Yeah's like I felt cooler thatwe weren't and I was like you're
right and I had that for years,yeah.
(38:13):
So like when I was a freshmanand I was on the tables at the
parties, everyone would be likeyou're wasted, and then I'd be
like I don't drink, yeah, andthey'd be like huh, because it's
just like I'm a little weird.
So, like when everyone did drink, my confidence completely
changed.
I told Maddie all the guyswanted me when I was the one
(38:34):
girl that didn't drink, but Iwas so fun.
They wanted like why are youdifferent?
Why aren't you being peerpressured?
How are you like that?
And then I was like and thenwhen I did drink, no one wanted
me.
My confidence took the biggesthit.
Right, and it took years, likeyou said, to work back.
(38:57):
Well, and that's what guys, notthat like the ultimate goal is
to have guys wanting you, butlike no, but it's the type of
guys you attract Totally.
I was attracting good guys,right, and then when I was drunk
it was losers, and then theywould hurt you and then you go
for the loser because your, yourconfidence is is hit.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
You're not thinking you're worth more, you know.
And so I'm like by drinking ordoing stuff with a guy or doing
any of these choices, like bydrinking or doing stuff with a
guy or doing any of thesechoices, you don't understand,
like it's going to affect somany things in your life and
it's like it's truly like asnowball.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
But it's the same with waiting until you're
married.
When you do not wait, all thosethings happen too.
Right Like it's proven that awoman like releases some
chemical when they have sex withsomeone that bonds them.
And so when you're not and likewith Kyle and I when we didn't
do those things, I could walk.
I was sassy Right Like I wasway stronger.
But once you do do that, you'reall of a sudden become a schmuck
(39:41):
Like do you know what I mean?
Once you have sex, you'reconnected.
You're like needy.
Yeah, it like ruins the girl,right, and it like flips.
It's like we're not supposed todo that that soon.
You're supposed to use thatpower to like keep them wanting
you, you know.
And it's like the same thinghappens when I did make those
choices Like, I lost myconfidence in that too, but like
with Kyle when I was making himwork and doing it right.
(40:03):
But from the time I was 21 toKyle, like to 25, that was the
years of like making the badchoices and like doing what my
brother said, going the long way.
But like it was a lot harder towork back to who God had
created me to be, rather thanjust have stayed on that path.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
That's the other thing is it's like, or someone
that's had a really hard life,like worse choices than yours.
Like you know, you met someonein the social security office
that was trying to get theirSocial Security card and like
he'd been in jail, he just gotreleased.
So that's what I mean.
Like choices, even though, likeit's great to be, like oh yeah,
like choices don't matter,you'll end up where you're meant
(40:42):
to be.
They do matter.
And like it can be so hard towork back and it doesn't mean
you can't have a relationshipwith God.
But trying to come back likethat guy, he was struggling, he
couldn't even get a cell phoneoh, it was awful.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
And Crystal was trying to get.
She was moving him in.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Oh, I was going to take him to the store and buy a
cell phone, but he was like 7'2"and like massive and I was like
this is where you die.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
You put that guy in oh, and it's awful and so it's
sad he just got out of jail.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Well, I think like for you.
I think growing up and seeingwhat you saw you saw people.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
I saw real reality of choices.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
Yeah, Not just like oh, you were drinking and
everything's fine now, likepeople addicted to drugs, yeah,
like homeless.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
They never turned around Awful things, yeah.
And so I'm like, yeah, nochoices have like real life
consequences where sometimes youcan't come back.
Yeah, like if you cheat on yourspouse they might never take
you back.
Yeah, and like sometimes thingsare permanent consequences and
so it's important, like our kids, understand that you know and
doesn't mean you're not going tomake a mistake, but there's
(41:46):
some that are really hard tocome back, totally, I agree.
So, yeah, back totally, I agree.
So yeah, luckily mine all forthe most part, right.
Well, I feel like yours are allpretty normal, you know yeah, a
little.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
But I think that's like kind of what you said, like
when you said some mom told youto make little things, big
things right, and I think westill try to make it like.
Well, that's where I wasgetting kind of done with Maddie
.
It was like, you know, shewasn't with us so she's in in
Mexico with other families andthis and that, and like Kyle and
I on a regular weekend, like wedon't really drink a ton, right
, like we might drink once amonth, have a sip, a glass of
(42:19):
wine, same.
Not saying I'm holier than thouto anyone else that drinks, for
me it's like a downer.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
It just doesn't work for me.
Well, and I feel like sick thenext day, yeah, and then I'm
like paying for it for like aweek.
You know, yeah, I love thatnight.
I know it's really.
I am really fun with that.
One night a year, no, but yeah,I agree, our kids aren't around
(42:44):
like that, yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:45):
So close your legs till you're married.
Don't be a drunk idiot likeTisha was in college and you
know it'll all work out.
Yeah, I think that's a goodsummary.
Yeah, pretty good.
Yeah, and don't eat lemmingstill you're sick.
Yeah, they are delicious,courtney.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Yeah, oh, she nailed it, yeah like, like you got
nailed last night.
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I'm sorry welcome to jerking around a podcast that
makes you feel better aboutyourself, because we're a mess
just like you, and crystal makesfun of me and whole time and
it's great and it's real.
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