April 1, 2025 • 46 mins
Marriage after kids can feel like a juggling act except your relationship’s the one getting dropped. We’re diving into how to bring back that spark, from playful touches in the kitchen to breaking free from the “shoulds” that drain the fun out of life.
Turns out, physical touch isn’t just about intimacy—it’s about feeling seen and wanted in the chaos of daily life. And sometimes, a quick getaway (even just one night) is the reset you didn’t know you needed. Because your kids will remember parents who loved each other, not just ones who showed up.
Hit play and laugh with us!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Jerking Around, a podcast that makes you
feel better about yourself,because we're a mess just like
you, and Crystal makes fun of methe whole time and it's great
and it's real.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Jerking Around Tisha's in a feisty mood
Shocking.
I'm like I think you're in thefeisty mood.
No, you just yelled at Ben.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Well, because he is bothering me, don't make that a
clip.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
She just yelled at Ben as we got started here at
the podcast studio.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I did yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Because we have different things we're each in
charge of in life.
And he was trying to come intomy lane and I was like, no, no,
I've already got this handled.
What are you in charge of?
I'm in charge of planningthings.
Okay, I like to be in charge ofthat.
You know, yeah.
So we're planning something.
Why don't you just tell thedetails?
It's not like top secret.
We on a cruise with our family,first cruise and, um, we're
(01:09):
going to alaska alaska cruiseand we're planning the fishing.
I already reached out to thefishing people.
This story's stupid anyways.
So I've got it all lined up.
They have one boat left.
And then he calls me today.
I called the people and I'mlike, yeah, I already done, I've
already done this.
Like yeah, it.
And then he doesn't know any ofthe details.
So then his planning messes upthe actual plan.
You know, yeah.
He's like what ship?
What date?
I'm like, oh my God, get out ofhere.
(01:29):
You know, yeah.
So I was just getting a littlegrouchy with him, a lot grouchy.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, thank you.
It is a good story.
I didn't say it wasn't you fag.
Well, you know, Edit, edit.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
We better make sure that comes out.
I'm almost his face.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
No, but like I'm agreeing that it was a good
story, You're the one that saidit's a stupid story.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
But yeah, I was getting kind of annoyed because
he was this is like on my boobs.
He was kind of like messing itall up.
You know Like no, no, yeah,I've got this.
You know you sit there and lookpretty, you know, yeah, oh, so
anyways, yeah.
But yeah, I yelled out in frontof you and Melissa, and now
here we are.
(02:14):
It was great.
She's telling Melissa this iswhat they do, it's fine, it's
awkward.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Yeah, well, I don't mind like, like, if you do it in
private, but sometimes whenyou're sitting there, it's like,
you're uncomfortable, like ifyou were at a sleepover and the
people are yelling, you're like.
That's what it's like.
Well, and like for me, I'm morecomfortable with it.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yeah, this is new, like new in our life, melissa, I
have this thing where, like Idon't realize who's around me, I
just act the same in allsituations, which is great.
It is great, yeah, it's greatthat I'm authentic, but
sometimes it's like that's aprivate moment.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
That's what's so weird about you caring what
people say on the internet,because, like there's times
where somewhere and I'm likeyou're not reading this room at
all that they're like thinkingthis and so it's so weird for me
because I am more worried aboutwhat people think.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah in general, yes, and worried about what people
think yeah, in general I feellike that and I'm not worried
when we get eaten up alive on.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah, I'm not as bothered.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
See, I don't care what anyone I actually meet.
Yeah, that's just weird.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
But the internet people.
Yeah, and I don't care aboutthe internet people.
But if our friends were likesaying, like you don't like your
husband, I would be bothered.
Yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I know, and I know because I'm like that's dumb.
Yeah, it's so weird.
Yeah, I think the internetpeople bothers me.
I told you I feel like Inarrowed it down, like it
bothers me because I feel likeit's incorrect and so it's like
it's really upsetting, but likemost often people that judge you
are incorrect, yeah, Like inall Totally.
So, even if they know you onthe View, I hate the View, you
(03:42):
know, and I'm like, I'm not aView girl.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Those are like what?
But like so many people couldsay, like I'm a bad leader, it's
like I am doing the best I can,yeah.
Or like I'm mean to Kyle, it'slike I'm doing the best, Like
you know what I mean.
Like, more often than not, it'sjust something you've never
cared about.
Yeah, I think that's why I'mmind blown about it?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well, I think because in real life, like you, don't
hear people's opinions.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
They can think what they want, but they're not
saying it.
Maybe in the room I'm readingit and I'm like I don't think
you're reading what they're.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Yeah, I'm kind of obliv.
Like me eventually.
Yeah, if I went off of everytime I thought someone didn't
like me, that's my life, it'd beeverybody.
That's my life.
I'm always worried.
Yeah, it's so stressful.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, I'm never worried Because I can like feel
the energy, yeah, an empath orwhatever.
So I'm like, oh god.
And then I'm like what did I do?
Did I say this wrong?
Oh, did I do this wrong?
But more often than not, asI've learned, as I like, you
can't control what people think.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
And if you just ignore that, they end up liking
you Because that happens to me alot.
I don't think always for me itdoesn't always go that way.
Oh, really Always people arelike yeah, I hated you and now
you're really cool and I'm like,okay, they do A lot of
podcasters like you more and meless.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
After listening, really, yeah, I feel.
Then they hear me say rudethings and they're like, wow,
and you're mean to Tisha andlike my Aunt Carol's like don't
be mean to Tisha, and I'm like,really, yes, yes, it's like a
thing.
I'm not such a.
(05:18):
This is what we're here fortoday.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I'm sorry if I mean to you no, you're fine, I don't
care.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
I'm sorry if I mean to no, you're fine, I don't care
I'm going to be better, but ourlives have taken like such a
like turn of like Lesbian.
Yeah, it's really gotten there.
It's like it's getting.
I'm getting uncomfortable andI'm never uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Her mom called last night when we were driving to
drop the girls off at cheer andthen we had a dinner.
And her mom calls point.
And she's all Crystal, what'sthe password?
I can't log in.
And Crystal's like tryHolthorff 22.
She's like it's not it, you'retelling everyone my password.
(05:53):
Oh shit, it's fine.
Oh, we gotta bleep that out.
No, it's fine, oh.
And then she's like try Tisha22.
And then she goes what?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
like, not Kyle, it was like a turn where I'm like,
not one like the kids.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, it got weird, my mom was like what?
Speaker 1 (06:07):
yeah, I was like capital t show, yeah, and she
was like wait for real, and Iwas like I feel different,
that's I feel, uncomfortablethat's well, and like lately, we
have been together like all daylong.
Yeah, and it's getting weird,yeah.
Yeah, when you reach over inthe car and grab my hand, I'm
like okay no, I didn't do that.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I was like when did I do that?
No, I don't know it's.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
We work together though, and we've been busy, so,
like work, I feel like we'vebeen together every day.
Yeah, we're really lucky,though, in the sense that I
don't think everybody gets towork with someone they like so
much no, like we might talk badabout our jobs sometimes on here
because I've been quitting somany times, but we are so lucky
we get to do that Like weliterally a lot of times drive
around all day and do errandsand talk to people.
(06:54):
We're on the same text messagewith everybody.
We're in the same emails witheverybody.
It's very like with my bestfriend.
I don't know it's crazy.
Yeah, best friend, I don't knowit's crazy.
Yeah, and we married.
You know we married best.
It's just, it's weird, it'sdifferent, but it just goes to
show.
Like we talked about this yearsago, we were shopping and we're
like one day we're gonna marrybest friends and like what you
put out there it matters, likewhat you believe and what you
(07:17):
tell yourself and like youalways wanted a bunch of kids.
You thought you'd be a boy mom.
Yeah, like it's crazy.
Yeah it is, yeah it is.
Or does God give you thosepremonitions, you know?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yeah, like, do you feel like that, cause that's
what his plan is going to be?
Yeah, I don't know, but likeit's so important to lean in
with the podcast.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Tisha's trying to quit again.
Every time we go viral it'sbeen so bad, but I'm like that's
just part of this journey.
I feel like if they're nottalking about you then you're
not doing anything right.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
But anyways, with the podcast they hate me for
something I actually am.
Nobody cares about you.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I hate to tell you yeah, they those people that
said that they don't really careabout you.
I know they've moved on theirday and they're not caring about
you and I'm still over here.
yeah, remember, remember whenI'm like Shirley hates me and
you're like we're moved on,shirley doesn't care about you,
like you think it's more aboutyou than it is.
Yeah, it's surely doesn't care.
But with the podcast, I stillfeel like we're supposed to do
this.
Like the vision is there, yeah,that we're going to be on the
(08:16):
stage one day doing like shows.
So I feel like we have to leaninto it.
So stop quitting.
Yeah, on that note, if you areliking the podcast, go ahead and
like, comment, share or give areview on Apple Podcasts.
It does help us a lot it helpsteach an author.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
We don't get 20 reviews this week.
I'm quitting.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm just kidding.
No, she tried to quit today.
I'm like get in the car, it'sgood, but I think what people
think.
But story time, and this isabout a friend of ours.
But I remember a friend of oursreally struggled to get
pregnant and had like eightmiscarriages yeah, a lot, maybe
nine a lot and she went through.
I don't think she would mind ussharing, right?
(08:54):
No, um, she went through a lotof like in vitro and IVF and
it's very, very expensive, like20 grand.
And I remember sitting at dinneronce we used to go to girls
dinners more often back then andshe was super emotional and
she's like I guess when you'regoing through that journey which
I'm sure a lot of our listenershave been through it or are
going through it it gets hardbecause people are trying to
(09:17):
help and they try to like offertheir opinion, like why don't
you adopt and why don't you dothis?
Or there's so many kids thatneed homes and we agree with
that.
But I remember her saying Ijust really want to be my mom,
like I want to have my own kidsand I don't know if God's
telling me I should do somethingelse.
I don't, I feel guilty becauseI don't feel that way, but I
(09:37):
remember telling her God, putthat on your heart for a reason
You're going to be a mom.
That's why that other optiondoesn't feel natural right now,
cause God doesn't want you togive up, even though the world's
telling you that this might nothappen, it might never take.
God laid that on your heart fora reason.
Yeah, so don't give up, like,don't, don't do the other option
if that's not what your hearttells you.
(09:58):
And then she got pregnant, yeah,a few years later, and now has
two healthy boys and is the bestmom.
And it was like but so often Ithink we start to tell ourselves
that maybe our vision of whatwe we think we want or where
we're going is wrong.
Yeah, but just because the doorcloses doesn't mean it's not
going to open.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I feel like well, I think when something's not
working out that you want,you're like, oh, is this like,
maybe not God's plan?
You know you start thinkingthat Totally, because I do that.
I'm like, well, it's notworking out, maybe it's not the
plan.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah, and I feel like everything for me has never
worked out.
I just had to keep going.
So I'm always like, oh, it'snot working out, that's normal,
this is the path.
Yeah, like when I didn't thinkI've told that story.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, I think you did .
Did I yeah, maybe it was on theold one, yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
But it was like so I was like not being gay, but I
was like popular in high schooland then I got to stop saying
these words yeah, yeah, but notbeing silly, yeah, you know.
But I was like popular.
And so when I got to collegeand I was rushing, you know, to
be in a sorority, I thoughteveryone would be lucky to have
me.
So I was like, when they triedto talk to me, I was like, yeah,
yeah.
And then, like day three, yougo in and you go and you meet
(11:10):
and the people that run Rushgive you a card of what
sororities you're matching with.
It's like dating app.
You say what you like and then,if they like you too, you match
.
So, you know, a lot of myfriends had like three or four
sororities that they werematching with and they and I
came in all with my friendsbecause you know, your parents
aren't around and we all wentthere together and they're like
um, can we, can you come with me?
You know, like at the hospital,when they bring in the room,
(11:32):
yeah, it was like that and I'mlike, oh, they have too many.
You know, they all want me.
They've never had this before.
So I go in the room and they'relike I'm really sorry, we've
never had this happen before,but no sorority wants you.
And it was like out of body.
I can't even believe they allowthat.
That's funny, never happenedbefore.
I mean, and some sororities aredifferent, you know, like even
(11:54):
those ones didn't want you.
Yeah, like very different.
Like, yeah, very, verydifferent.
Yeah, you know, and they didn'twant me.
Yeah, it was like such an egohit.
I was was like okay, they'relike, so we don't really know
what to do.
I guess this isn't for you.
Yeah, shoot, you know.
And I was like.
So then everyone's like whatsororities did you get?
And you're all who'd you matchwith?
And I was like you know whatguys, this isn't for me, I'm not
(12:15):
going to do this sor.
I was so felt, so stupid andall my friends matched with all
the good ones and they all gotin and I was like, yeah, I'm not
doing it, it's not for me.
And then later I learned that Ineed to be nicer during rush
and I need to be more likeexcited, because I'm not fake.
(12:36):
Not saying sororities are fake,but when you're rushing it's
like dating.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
You got to turn it on a little and I just thought all
of them would want me, which Ifeel like you turn it on a lot.
Well, maybe I learned throughthat.
Yeah, maybe you did.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Maybe that was it I do, though, learn from that,
yeah.
So then I like made someconnections in the downtime, and
then it wasn't like.
I was like God doesn't want meto rush.
I was like, oh, I'm gettingthem this time, yeah.
So I had the one I reallywanted, and it was the only one
I wanted, and you got it, and Iwas like.
I like your shirt, you know, andI did it and then I got in and
then two years later I becamepresident of the darn sorority.
(13:09):
So I always tell people likenever the no is just like a it's
a, it's a pause, it's not thereal, no, even like the real
estate test.
I failed the test 10 times, yeah, and I was like god, why am I,
if I'm supposed to do this?
Why is it so hard?
Yeah, but like what?
If I was like because he, whyam I, if I'm supposed to do this
?
Why is it so hard?
Yeah, but like what if I waslike because he's saying no,
yeah, you know, and then I'd bea server, still, right, that
(13:30):
would suck.
Well, actually, serving'spretty fun, yeah.
So anyways, tisha, don't giveup Not giving up.
You didn't give up on the onething away, kept pushing no.
So moving on talking about notgiving up, we let's go and do
some relationship talk yeah, wewere talking this weekend about
(13:51):
we always talk about ourmarriage, and that's what
tisha's so bothered about is shethinks people are saying that
she has a bad marriage or isanti-man anti-man.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
That's what I was like yeah, I'm not, I love man.
Man, why do you love men?
I love a big.
No, I'm just kidding, that'shorrible.
No, but like, I'm pro husbandand I'm pro like.
Well, I'm not a feminist, I'mnot a woman power at all, I'm
the opposite.
Like I didn't want to have ajob ever, I would just want to
be a mom and a wife.
You know, I'm so, not that.
(14:20):
So when people are like thislady's may, anti-husband and man
, I'm like, oh no, that's not me, you know.
Yeah, so, but it's fine, I gotto get over it.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
I think, though, sometimes, even with that stuff,
like in your marriage, I thinkone of the secrets about us is
that we talk about the good, thebad and the ugly, yes, and I
think, like some friends don'thave relationships where the
best part about Tisha andactually a lot of my good
friends always will side withKyle for the most part, the
small group of very closefriends, yeah, but I know
Tisha's always going to sidewith Kyle or understand Kyle.
(14:51):
So if I tell her all thesethings and sometimes I'll try to
talk it up because I'm real madat him, yeah, and I'll be like
you don't understand.
This is hard at home.
You know Like he yells at meand he's yelling at me not lose
your house over your spending.
Or you know like she'll alwaysgive me his perspective.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Because I know that he loves you and he's a good
husband, so like, why would Iencourage you to not be together
?
I would never, you know.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
But you'll also be like there's been many times
where I did need to speak up,like to me, I thought that being
submissive or you know, justmeant like handling everything,
and submissive or you know, justmeant like handling everything
and that was like a problem inlife, like I would let everyone
do whatever they wanted to meand I would just turn the other
cheek because I thought that'swhat Jesus did, and instead I
needed to learn to also speak up.
(15:39):
You know, and like be sassyabout certain things, but
there's a way to do it, you know, and not just so.
I think sometimes that's abenefit to us is we can talk
about, like Melissa, and I justheard you on the phone and it
wasn't perfect.
So then, if my day isn'tperfect, I'm like, okay, well,
this is normal because I thinkyou have a great marriage and
you just so, if you're finallyyour husband about booking a
(15:59):
fishing boat?
Yeah, Like it's totally normal,but I think so many women don't
have an outlet or we're indenial about things that do need
to change to a point where,once you wake up, that's what I
felt, like I was, and like wetalked about that a little bit
too.
It's like I think that I didstart off too submissive,
especially because I stayed home.
Yeah, that's like a thing forme is like, even if my daughters
(16:20):
stay home, I want them to havea say.
Yeah, it's like, it's likethese kids, when you first have
them, they're like a cat.
They're not nice, they don'tlike say thank you, they cry all
the time.
They don't act like they evenknow you or love you, so you're
(16:41):
with them all day and thenyou're like yeah, my husband
gets home and he's tired, andit's about him, it's about them,
it's never about me.
And I feel like it's just superhard to learn, like I was super
submissive for years, and notthat Kyle was wrong, but if
someone's going to, if they'regoing to get the say and you're
just going to go, okay with it,it's not really their fault
either that I'm not speaking up,that you're not speaking up
(17:01):
yeah, you know what I mean and Ithink it took a long time.
I'm still like learning that.
I feel like you're good at thatwith Ben, like you've learned
what makes him tick, like how toget there instead of just
yelling.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yeah, sometimes I got to yell, but I do feel like I
think that's just in marriagesyou get longer down the road.
You like I know the things thatlike bother him and the things
that he likes.
So when I want to get my wayabout something, I just know,
like just be smart about it, youknow.
Yeah, I don't think it's thateasy though.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Remember how you said how smart you were, and I think
that you're right Because, likefor me, like last night we had
dinner with some clients, tishaand I it's shocking.
And then, when I got home, kylehad a really long day because
it's getting hot out and heworks outside, so he was like
trying to stay awake for me.
I felt so guilty about thisthis morning.
He was trying to stay awake forme and then I hadn't really
been home much that day, yeah.
So when I got home, I was like,oh, okay, he was like sleeping
(17:54):
on the couch and I was like,okay, well, you go to bed, yeah.
Like I'm good, I'm going tolike watch a show, yeah, and
like get some sleep.
I was trying to stay up for you,like I wanted to see you oh,
that's cute, I know.
And I was like, well, just goto bed, yeah.
And then when I woke up, I waslike I should have known that
(18:17):
that would have been moreimportant for me to maybe go to
bed with him that night, yeah,when, yeah, I was trying.
There's things that Kyle reallylikes he likes to be like a
baby.
Mm-hmm, it's getting weird.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
But like he likes, Like with a pacifier, no, but he
likes like to be taken care ofthe breastfeeding he likes.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Like if I make him lunch, he really likes it when I
set his dinner out and I likebreastfeeding, all of that.
But like he really likes to betaken care of.
Yeah, and I love that.
But sometimes when I'm feelinguntaken care of in life, like if
I'm not taking care of myself,right, or if I'm spread too thin
(18:57):
, hard to do that it's so hardto take care of them.
Yeah, and it's like you're like, the kids need me, everybody
else needs me.
It's like you almost feel likean equal at that time, but it's
like the wrong time, right,because, like, as an equal, I'm
like, you're good, I'm good.
Let's just take care ofeverything else instead of like
that's when we need to like,pour into each other.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Like it's hard, yeah.
So, like last night when I wasat dinner, I texted him like I'm
excited to see you, king ofTulsa and Tulsa.
And I said Kingies of Tulsi's.
You know, you got to add theIES.
And then he was like yes,kingies of Tulsi's.
(19:38):
So it was like, even though Iwas gone all night and he had to
do all the kids, it's like ifhe feels like I'm thinking of
him, like while I'm gone, he'sin a better mood than like if I,
he just didn't hear from me.
So, did you watch Tulsa King?
Yeah, we did.
And then, like if I, he justdidn't hear from me.
So did you watch Tulsa King?
Yeah, we did.
And then, if I just show up atlike, did you do the thing?
No, I fell asleep during it.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
And then this morning he's like you fell asleep and I
was like, yeah, I fell asleepon Sunday and it was the night.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Oh, because Saturday he wanted to and I was busy when
you put it to the, becausenothing is worse than the next
day and then it doesn't, becausenow it's two days.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
So yes, that happened .
That was Sunday night, and thenI fell asleep watching a movie.
Oh, you got to do somethingextra special, you know when
they come to bed and you cantell they're grouchy.
Yeah, it's not like good night,it's all ugh.
Yeah, like the blankets rippingand we left for work.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
He's like bye.
And I was like geez, he'sreally starting his Monday off
wrong, yeah.
But now that I'm thinking,about it and then last night.
That's probably why I didn't.
Oh, so it still hasn't happenedsince.
No, oh God, the poor guy, it'sday three now.
Okay, I'll do it today, today'sthe day, yeah, when he gets
home, yeah, no, but I feel Likehe is way better about like
being at home, Because I thinksometimes that's the thing, like
sometimes, when he's on like awork trip, he barely goes, but
(20:53):
he'll call me or a hunting tripand he's like, hey, and I'm all,
hey, you know, I'm mad.
I'm like, oh, just sitting hereBecause you're like doing all
this shit, yeah, and thenthey're off or golfing, because
he was golfing all day yes, andthen he went to the casino and
we didn't go yes, we went home.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Oh, she texted him that night, Well, so it was like
almost midnight yeah they wereout late and I was like Ben's
getting in trouble if he's outpast midnight.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Oh, I was dead asleep .
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I didn't care, oh, I was worried at night and it was,
like you know, gettingeverybody to bed and like this
Kyle never leaves you know youdon't get that.
That was like 11 30 and I can'treally sleep till he gets home.
So then I said, super nanny'sgetting tired, you almost done,
yeah.
And when he saw super nanny hewas like we gotta go, yeah, but
(21:41):
like I don't say much.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
But super nanny was done.
No, when Ben, because Ben Ifeel like leaves more than Kyle.
Yeah, kyle never does, becausehe has like a one work
conference a year and then hedoes like maybe one to three
hunting trips a year and they'rejust a couple days, but like I
get so nasty, he'll call me andhe'll be like hey, honey, how's
it going?
I'm like huh must be nice, youknow.
And he's like, yeah, just outhere hiking, you know, like I'm
(22:06):
just crazy, it is hard, butbecause you're the one in the
shit.
So I knew last night I'm atdinner having my good dinner and
he had to make dinner foreverybody and he's doing all the
bedtime, so I had to give himsome.
Like I'm so excited to see you,you know.
So that's those are the thingsI've learned in our marriage
that make him like.
I've learned he hates to comehome.
He's like you.
If Kyle would learn this, Ishould tell Kyle this.
(22:27):
I know he hates to come home.
He's like you.
If Kyle would learn this, Ishould tell Kyle this I know he
hates to come home to a dirtyhouse.
Yeah, he's so OCD and cleancrazy.
So when I know and I'm so gladI have life 360 now back in the
day I'd be like hey, when areyou gonna be home now?
I like see the life 360.
I'm like 10 minutes, I think alot of men.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, do like that right, like coming home to a
clean house or it'spersonalities because you like
it, I really like.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
So I think he.
I always make sure when hecomes in, if I can, the house is
clean, because that like reallyhe comes in very grouchy when
it's messy, but if it's cleanhe's like raging After the cheer
trips lately, like this lastone.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
he like organized the laundry room and I was on a
high for three days.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Yeah, see, that cleans for me when I come home
and I don't care.
I'm like, yeah, could care less.
Yeah, see, ben cleans for mewhen I come home and I don't
care.
I'm like, yeah, could care less.
Yeah, I think that matters tome.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah, so I think it's like I know you've gotten
better at like the dating Ilisten to Dr Laura.
I've been listening to her book10 Stupid Things Couples Do to
Mess Up their Lives.
Yeah, it's interesting, a lotof it's like.
It's not as interesting as likeher podcast to me because it's
more like pre-dating yeah, likebefore you're married, like what
you do and where you go wrongand like we're past that.
you know like we're already herebut it is something she really
(23:34):
stresses about is the dating andbeing a girlfriend and I'm not
like I feel like you're moremushy than I am, like even with
my kids, like Kyle will try tohug Maddie and she's like, hey,
like we're not like a very yeah,my brother were very emotional.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yeah, I try to hug my daughter and she's like mom.
No, yeah, I'm not like a verylike oh, I'm hugging everybody.
Yeah, and you're like, oh, inmy family, not like strangers.
Yeah, you're rude to strangers.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Yeah, I'm hugging the strangers, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
But I'm not hugging my family.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
A little rub and that's what you're like.
That's rude.
A rub, what rub?
Speaker 2 (24:13):
a rub over the clothes, a little like rub just
like walking around, you'rerubbing it like if, yeah, we
have, like, if he's standingthere doing something, I'll come
up and be like hey, honey, andI'll give him a little rub, yeah
, and then you don't do it lateryou have to do it later if you
rub it sometimes we don't.
It doesn't mean I want to, likeyou know, but it makes him feel
like you want.
It makes him feel like I wanthim and I do want him.
The wanting is a big deal, yeah.
I want him to always think Iwant him, so I always do that.
(24:35):
Oh, I don't do that.
Yeah, so sometimes if I'msitting there and it's funny
because he'll be making mycoffee and he's grouchy, and
then, um, I'll be like honey andI always wear like a t-shirt to
bed, yeah, and then in themorning I have like t-shirt and
shorts.
What are you gonna tell meright now and I know we can't
make this a clip why do I alwaystalk?
I'm gonna overshare.
I gotta like that's the bestpart about you no, so I always
(24:56):
pull my shirt out, like for himto put his hand down when he
drops off the coffee.
Yeah, and like in the morningI'm like, hi, honey, you know,
like, give me a little.
Like you know, it's just likekeeping it fun and flirty, like
I want him to always feel, like,I want him to touch me and I
want to touch him and like it'sjust, and I, he likes it a lot,
cause he feels like, yeah, likedating, yeah, and I'm, I like it
(25:18):
too.
I'm not like.
So you like, when he grabs yourboob in the morning, totally,
really, yeah, and he'll give ita little rub, and then it's like
, okay, and then he goes back todoing whatever, but then it's
like he's happy, it just makes abetter like morale.
Yeah, yeah, I think I can reallyimprove on that.
You should.
Let's do like a wee experimentand do that and you just like,
yeah, it's like, or even like,if we're driving in the car,
(25:40):
I'll reach over and rub his necka little.
I do all that.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Yeah, sexual stuff.
I'm so scared that he's gonnawant to do it right.
Then, yes, no, and that's theworst thing, they're gonna get
mad at us again.
But like I get like almostwhere, I'm like not affectionate
, because then it means thatthat's what I was trying to say
on that one clip.
I know, but yes, who cares?
That's what you said in thepodcast, but like that's what
I'm worried about.
I started it saying I don'talways want to cuddle well, this
is the key.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
You do the rub and tug when there's no way you can
do it right then, ah, it's likehe's all headed out to work and
I'm thinking it's rude.
No, but you're doing it becauseyou know he can't, he's headed
out to work.
So it's like I love you, I wantyou so bad, but we can't, you
know.
And like I'm not doing it inbed, no, god, no, that's when
it's happening.
Yeah oh, if I reached over inbed and gave the rub and it's on
(26:30):
.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm like it's like he's fullydressed shoes, he's got his, his
collared shirt and his slacksand the belt and I'm giving the
rub.
Good, have a good day yeah, Iknow, and I think sometimes
that's where people go wrong, orthe house cleaner's there, but
she's in the other room and I'mlike, oh honey, love, you have a
good day, but we can't do it.
Yeah, josie's there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(26:52):
Or hiking on the mountain.
What do you do on the mountain?
I give him a little rubbingWhile he's sweaty.
No, on top of the clothes, Idon't go underneath the clothes.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
It's on top next to each other.
Yeah, like I'll hit his buttand then I'll be like, hey,
honey, give him a little squeeze.
Yes, I do it all day long,every day.
I'm sure he likes that.
You don't think he does.
No, I do.
Yeah, I'm thinking I don't do Ido that.
Enough of that all the time.
I feel like he used to not beas like that too.
Maybe that's a pivot that hashappened, maybe, yeah, yeah,
because the girlfriend thing isa hard thing, like I I, because
I've been listening, dr LauraI'm like how do you be a
girlfriend?
And I think so many marriageshave lost that.
Yeah, where they feel like it'sa, it's the old lady and, yeah,
(27:35):
you know like it's harder whenyour kids are littler.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
I think you're in a different.
My kids are old.
Yeah, I think when they'reolder, that's when you can bring
it back, because I feel likethat's when I brought it back.
Yeah, I don't think I was doingthis when I had like a
breastfeeding baby, a newborntwo-year-old and a four-year-old
you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, andI think if I'm honest,
sometimes I'm feeling like I'malready giving you everything
else.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
You need that too, and that's the wrong attitude.
If this is a clip, we'll getlit, not, yeah, but I think it's
a relatable topic.
Like I do do a lot at home,that's more my role, so that I'm
like and that, yeah, and likeyou, just you know taking it all
but it's fine.
He does a lot of other things.
He does all the bills.
He would plan all the things.
Well, I plan, but he does a lotof other things that I don't
(28:17):
want to do, like he's slowly mydaddy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I thinkbringing the dating in his heart
.
That's why I like we talkedabout this today.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
End of kids getting older.
It's important to bring thatback, because then it's going to
just be you guys, yeah.
So like we're kind of workingback towards that phase of life
where the kids grow up and it'sjust us.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
So it's like well, I think when the kids are little
too, you develop someresentments and some things that
you don't work throughnecessarily, like I think,
sometimes, as the kids come intoour life which is a blessing
you like change roles.
Like sometimes some moms I knowor some like friends I have,
they get so dialed into the momrole that they forget to be the
wife too.
The wife should come first.
It's like the most unnaturalthing, though as a mom, it feels
(28:58):
like our kids should takeprecedent.
I remind myself this all thetime.
There was some clip on likesocial media that said the best
thing you could do for your kidsis to love your spouse or
whatever.
But like, sometimes when I'mgone all day, I don't see them a
lot either, cause they're atsports.
So then when I get home andthey're both home at eight
o'clock, it's like Broxy wantsme to lay with him and rub his
(29:19):
back, kyle wants me to lay withhim and rub his back.
The girls want to finally talkto me for the first time all day
.
So then it's like I'm trying topick which one I give attention
to.
But I'm trying to remind myselfmy kids will be happiest if I
take care of Kyle Totally, butit's very unnatural, right,
right.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Like it's hard.
Well, when you think back oflike your parents, like my
parents, were obsessed with eachother.
That was the healthiest thingfor you.
Yeah, is not how much attentionthey gave you.
Other, though?
Right, it was a very securehouse, and so that's the best
thing you can get.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
I never questioned if I came between them.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
No, it was them yes, even we do that, like at night.
They want to come in andfinally talk and I'm like, okay,
I'm, I'm with dad now, so seeya.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
And they're like geez you know they get mad.
That's what mine do too, butI'm like no, we're, this is more
.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
And like I listen to you all day or I will.
Or like, okay, you have aminute and then Donna and I are
in our show, you know?
Yeah, totally.
So I don't know if I'm doing itright.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
No, I do think that has helped Because even like
last year when I would take homefrom cheer, I had the late one,
so there was like two nightswe're both home and I think even
that hour together, like layingand watching a show or talking
in bed, it does make a bigdifference.
But he goes to bed earlier thanI do, so sometimes I'm not
(30:37):
ready to fall asleep and hewants me to turn the tv off and
it's like this whole thing, yeah.
So now I'm like be okay withthe tv and then I can lay with
you, yeah you guys gotta getlike yeah, yeah and we're pretty
good.
But that's why last night I waslike go ahead.
But I think, like we talkedabout this in the car and we
have friends as we get older, I,we have friends that are going
through different stages ofthings in marriage, um, and I
(30:57):
think sometimes where I'm seeingis like some friends might be
unhappy, and that's maybe how Ifelt in the beginning, like I
didn't want to speak up becauseI didn't think I had a voice.
And I luckily saw you.
You guys had gone and workedthrough some things.
It's okay to say we've talkedabout a counselor and when we
weren't friends and we came back, I saw such a change that I was
like wait, this is a totallydifferent dynamic.
(31:19):
How did you get there?
Because I felt like you weremore submissive when we weren't.
Before.
We weren't friends.
And then I remember when wewent to get our hair done
together and they were home withthe kids and I was so stressed
about getting home.
I'm like Kyle's going to be mad, da, da, da, and you're like
he's fine, and Ben was mad, yeah.
And then you went and put thenightie on and took him in the
room and then he was like hey,so what's for dinner?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Yeah, he seemed a little tension.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Yeah yeah, it's like I don't want it, but I learned
to start speaking up and thatwas the best thing for me.
But I think it's scary.
Sometimes if we sit on thoseresentments too long, it creates
that divide and then it's likewhere you don't even like or
know each other anymore becauseyou've both been just like
(32:03):
pouring into the kids instead ofeach other.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
It's like the frog effect.
It's a very slow yeah thingthat creeps in and then, if it's
not fixed, it just grows biggerand bigger over time.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
So yeah, that's where I think the trips once a year.
I think that's like one of mywhat Kyle and I did, because it
was our 15 year when we didAlaska 15.
So it took like a few days,honestly, to like unwind from
the kids.
Yeah, usually we only go forthree days, but this time we
went for a week and the firstthree days were great, but the
last like five days were amazingbecause like the stress of
(32:37):
everything finally went away andthen it was like the
flirtatious and for me it wasn'tlike him, it's just like
feeling like everybody needs me.
Yeah, you know I'm like.
Oh, you know you need too.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Add it to the list.
It's hard, yeah, it's hard,hard to balance.
Even if you can't like affordlike some big trip, I think it's
important to just get away.
Even if you go run a cabin inFlagstaff or like a staycation,
like something, away from beingmom and dad and the
responsibilities, because I,without those responsibilities
(33:14):
and we're just like on a trip,it's like I'm like, oh, I love
him.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Do you think that's why?
Speaker 2 (33:18):
you travel so much?
I'm being serious?
No, so I do, and especiallybecause our kids are so busy,
it's like truly uninterruptedfamily time, and Ben is way
different, so he can't relax.
He's not a relaxed guy, but hecan lay on a beach all day.
So he doesn't like even if wehave a weekend off, he makes up
(33:39):
weird chores, yeah.
And he's like, okay, we'regoing to do this, and a lot of
times we're dividing.
He's like, hey, I'm taking bearto the batting cages or I'm
taking CJ driving.
When he was learning to drive,it was like so then our weekend
off wasn't really like anythingtogether.
Or the kids made plans becausethey're like, yeah, social now.
So I feel like the vacations istruly like uninterrupted family
time and we like you're out ofyour comfort zone, so you're a
(34:02):
little nicer, yeah, and likeyou're like depending on each
other more like my kids aregetting along.
I'm like who are these kids, youknow?
Yeah, totally so it's better.
I feel like I I just yeah, Ireally like that, and then we
like have a memory, and then welike talk about it after and
like remember that you know yeah, what is the memory you guys
talk about?
No, but just different thingslike yeah, no, I don't know, but
(34:23):
I do think that's probably whyyeah.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
I Kyle relaxed out of town too.
It's one of my things like.
I love vacation, kyle, yeah.
I really like the other Kyle,but vacation Kyle so fun, so fun
.
Or casino Kyle, or like thisweekend he was super fun after
golfing all day.
But he has this thing, doctor,in her book she talked about
this dad um, the wife stayedhome and the guy, when he'd get
home, he would just startanalyzing what she didn't do
(34:48):
right for the day, and I waslike that was how it was when I
stayed home.
Yeah, he'd walk in and be likeso did the so-and-so?
And I'd be like, really, youjust walked in.
Yeah, but she talked about howthat dad.
It was his own insecurity fromhis childhood of never being
perfect.
So his, his train to likecriticize everything for his own
insecurity of trying to begreat.
And so the whatever the wifehad to learn to teach him.
(35:10):
Like you're criticizing has todo with you, not me.
Yeah, and I feel like Kyle'slike that.
Sometimes he's like very hardon himself, like he didn't want
to go golfing on Saturdaybecause we had my nieces and
nephew.
I'm like Kyle, it's fine, likeyou'll see them for the next 15
years.
You never do anything foryourself, but it's like the
shoulds, that's like a thing youshouldn't should on yourself.
Yeah, like we all do, like Ishould do this and like we were
(35:32):
just talking about I should wakeup early.
And Melissa, who you know iswith us in here, she was like
well, if you don't want to wakeup early, then go work out later
.
And I'm like you're right, weshould ourselves so much Like
I'm a big shitter.
Right, I used to be even morecounseling.
Help me with that.
She was like don't should, ifyou want to do it, do it,
because I would do things forpeople, because I should, and
(35:52):
then I would get mad at themthat they didn't appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Yeah, like the and she was like that's your fault.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
You were like doing it for a result, yeah, yeah,
like I was like well, you know,the right thing to do is we
should go to like we have a lotof nieces and nephews and if, if
I were to be the best aunt, Iall weekend would be at sports
again, literally all weekendwith my own.
So I always feel bad when Ihave a weekend and I don't hit
their events.
But I also am like I would gobecause I want to, but then the
(36:17):
one weekend we're home, whichwas last weekend, we haven't
been home in forever.
I should have gone.
But if I only went because Ishould do, you know when you do
that and then you're mad, yeah,like something happens, say I
would have gone and then no oneeven talked to me while I was
there, I'd be like I didn't evenwant to come.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
And then I yeah, you know, it's like so often we do
Kyle's very like that he doeswhat we should do, yeah, you
know, and like we should saveour money and the should
sometimes is like distorted.
That's where it's kind of weird.
Like I was talking to Kyle andhe was like he didn't want to go
on a trip with his family butbecause he felt like he had to
do like something else, yeah, hefelt like he couldn't miss work
.
Yes, that's what it was.
He was like I don't want to begone that long because he has
(37:02):
workers.
And he's like the guys likewhat would I do?
Like give them the week off?
And I'm like, yeah, you're theboss.
Like this is a made up.
He has the rules, but it's amade up rule.
That's wrong.
I made up rule that is so manywrong.
I'm like the rule should bethat you don't miss your son's
thing.
Right, that should be the rule.
Yeah, you're right, the ruleshould be you're not missing
your son's once in a lifetimetrip and yet you give everyone
(37:23):
the week off and who cares?
You know, you're right, butit's like the made up rule.
That is like the wrong rule.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
You know, I feel, like there's a lot of those,
because even at work that's ahard thing is like to answer
your phone late at night, right,like I should answer because I
want to be the best agent andalways be available, but and I
should text them right back andignore everyone.
I'm with right.
Um, I do that, but it's likesometimes like maybe we
shouldn't do that and we shouldbe focused.
(37:50):
In an hour we can get back tothem and it's not going to be
that different, totally, I don'tknow.
I think that's hard in allthings Shit.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Knowing what's the right response.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Yeah, you know I have like a lot of rules for myself,
kind of like Kyle, so if we'renot careful the two of us could
rule ourselves silly, it's likecrazy, you know.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Yeah, see, I feel like at least Ben and I balance.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, do you think that's
childhood?
Speaker 2 (38:18):
My parents didn't really give me that many roles.
I don't know.
Anyways, I don't know, I thinkit's just personalities.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, cause I don't feel like Ithink it's just personalities.
Yeah, but no, you guys are good, I think.
Yeah, it's just hard but it'simportant.
Like our pastor Don always said, you got to get away without
the kids once a year.
(38:38):
It doesn't need to be somethingextravagant, but you got to get
away.
And it's so hard when they'reyoung, or it's hard when they're
in sports yeah, as I feel likethose are the two really hard
stages.
To leave them when they'relittle and then to miss things,
yeah, but like when there's10,000 games, you can miss a
game.
To go be with your husband,yeah, and like that is more
important to the kids it is,it's hard to do and like I want
(38:59):
my daughter to know, to see thatand I want my sons to see that.
Yeah, like you know, you makeyour marriage a priority.
Yeah, because we're likemodeling, you know.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah my parents, friday night, went to the casino
every single night my wholelife.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Everybody knew my parents something or not they
took the seats out of the van.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
I know they were were doing it in the van and they
took the seats out.
And again to society.
And this is the thing right Ifwe didn't?
We grew up with not a lot ofmoney.
It maybe wasn't the right thingto go to the casino when you
don't have money.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
And now that your dad's gone your mom doesn't care
that she didn't have money ordoesn't have money.
She cares that she has allthose Friday nights with him.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
Yeah, kyle and I, our first trip where we left the
kids was our five year and I hadjust had a hysterectomy.
I don't think we were, I thinkwe're on the outs, um, and we
had no money like none.
And we went to Vegas and we,vegas is like a cash place.
Yeah, if my mother-in-law heardthis, she would kill me.
So we, like, did a cash advanceagainst our credit cards.
(39:55):
Stop, because you needed cash tolike go to Vegas To gamble yeah
, I didn't gamble back then butKyle needed it and it was like
we shouldn't have gone.
No, like I had just had surgery, like four days before Right,
like it's a lot of walking, andwe had no money.
We were going to put it on thecredit card and we were going to
(40:21):
take on their honeymoon and itwas like a we shouldn't go right
now.
Yeah, and I was like you, youshould.
Yeah, and Kyle and I went andwe put like thousand dollars on
the credit card and it wasstressful.
But all these years later, itwas the first time I ever left
my kids and we had the best timeand you probably will remember
that forever.
We remember always and you knowthe debt got paid off and it
was fine.
You know like, yeah, I'm allwell.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
That's why we're going to Greece Like it's not
the best timing though, withCooperstown, and then we're
doing the cruise with the kids.
It's like expensive trips backto back, yeah, but I feel like
it's our 15 year.
We never took a honeymoon.
Yeah, we never have gone tripever.
Just us, you guys, really, oreven like you know no, and
you've always gone for otherpeople.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah, like we've gone on birthday trips, but they
weren't even that long.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
I think the longest we've left is four or five days,
yeah we've never gone like fora long time.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
I know and I want to go but maybe I'm supposed to let
you guys go alone.
No, come, but I still I'mtalking myself into going right
now.
Again, you need to come.
I just love a cruise and thetime alone yeah, but even a date
night like sometimes I'll belike it's so much more work yeah
, but then when we go, it's sofun, even going with our friends
.
I feel like you've got to fillyour cup with your friends and
you've got to fill your cup withyour husband, and then you've
got to fill your cup with yourkids and then you've got to fill
(41:26):
your cup with your God.
Yeah.
Well, I still feel it's allthose things Yourself, like your
faith your relationships withyour people, that you're close
to your family and then yourspouse, but not in that order,
no, but it's hard to hit allthose things and then I think
when we're all trying to besuccessful, we're hitting our
(41:46):
success first, cause well, I docause.
I'm like, uh, want to achieveand sometimes I forget that
achieving.
We've been really good aboutthat lately with work, with the
changes.
We've really been focused moreon connecting with people than
the outcome.
Yeah, and I feel like I'm waymore fulfilled than when I was
quitting.
I think that's where I was burntout is I was forgetting the
meaning behind it.
And like the joy of it isgetting to work with people I
(42:08):
love and getting to pour intopeople I love.
But, like so often when we do ajob we love, we forget what we
love about it because the job ischanging.
What we love, yeah, you know,like you did when you were a
stripper.
Yeah, she used to loveconnecting, yeah, but then when
it came about the tips, itchanged it, for you it changes
you know.
No, but even serving, I loveserving.
I would be a server in a second, yeah, or a barista I really
(42:29):
want to do.
Maybe do it you know.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Well, when I was quitting, I was gonna.
I'm not doing that, yeah, no, Idon't know Again.
I think I have dreams, though,that I'm like a server still.
Me too and I made so much moneyand I'm triple sat and I can't
catch up and it's so stressful,or like I forgot how to work the
computer, like I have that onerecurring, I should you know,
(42:57):
and everyone's fast at it and Iused to be fast at it and now
I'm all you know.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
It's so weird, that's funny.
I know it's so hard while we'reliving life to remember that in
10 years, what's really goingto matter today, just like we
said about the five-yearanniversary, like in 10 years
from now, like me going toGreece with you it's going to
matter more it is than thethings that I'm stressing about
exactly.
You know, you know andvacations are our thing.
Yeah, I know we probably annoypeople with how many vacations
(43:22):
we take, but and I do feel likewe have to justify that
sometimes but I also thinkeverybody has different ways
that they spend money.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Yeah, and some people are going to retire and I never
will because I'm spending itall on vacations.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
But there's, things right yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
Like my, I'm spending it all on vacations.
But there's things right, like,like my, patio cushions have
holes, literal holes, becauseit's like $5,000 for new patio
stuff and I'm like, no, I'drather go, yeah, on a trip, yeah
.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
So if you think you can't, maybe find a way to Ken
and cut other things to makethat a priority.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
But if that's not your thing, then find something
that is yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
But so often in life do you think there's so many
things we do that we don't enjoyLike I felt like that's one of
the things again with my dad andeverything, I learned that
there was so many things in aday I was doing that I didn't
enjoy.
Yeah, like a lot.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yeah, I do think that is an important thing in life,
though, because sometimes youdon't enjoy things and you need
to.
That's like when your kids arelittle, like making 50 snacks,
like you don't always enjoy it,but you learn to enjoy, like
there's joy in everything yeah,those are the things.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
They're like 50 people.
I love everyone, but want tomeet me for coffee or this or
that like weird and I'm doing 20of those in a week, yeah, where
it's like when I could havegone to the gym or I could have
made myself a priority or Icould have gone.
You know, like there's a lot ofthings I go to for other people
, a lot that I am not doing asmuch of and I'm not worse off it
Like, yeah, of course I don'talways love staging and this and
(44:48):
that, yeah, my responsibilitiesare different than the things
that you fill your time withbecause you feel like you should
.
Those are like different to me.
Yeah, like a lot of things.
You know, like I'm like I'lljust do it and I'll just do it,
and sometimes, like I've learnedthat, no, I don't have to just
do it, no, they'll find someoneelse if I say no Totally.
You know, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Well, I think you're obviously like we're supposed.
We're called to be a light forothers, for God, and like be
there for people that are likesure Jesus and all that.
So I think I'm trying to likefigure out the right way to say
it.
So I think sometimes it can bea slippery slope of like you
(45:28):
have to do that, but then ifit's taking away from maybe
pouring into your family, yeah,you know, but I think that's
where you've been volunteeringat church.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
I loved it, right, but like it was another thing on
my plate, right, you know, andit was like I ended up cutting
it.
So it's hard to know when it'speople and God.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
That's what I'm saying, and like God wants us to
share and make thoserelationships and pour into
people.
So it's hard to know what youknow.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
That's like pastors how do they do it?
Or business CEOs but you lookat some of the best CEOs.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Well, they cut other things.
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Yeah, all right.
So things we've learned today.
Touch your husband's privateswhen there's other people around
.
Yeah, give him a little likeTug.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
I don't do that that way, but I just give a little Go
on vacations if you can and youknow, do the right thing, don't
should yourself.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yeah, that's it.
Welcome to Jerking Around Apodcast that makes you feel
better about yourself, becausewe're a mess just like you and
Crystal makes fun of me thewhole time and it's great, and
it's real.
Welcome to Jerking Around, a podcast that makes you
feel better about yourself,because we're a mess just like
you, and Crystal makes fun of methe whole time and it's great
and it's real.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Jerking Around Tisha's in a feisty mood
Shocking.
I'm like I think you're in thefeisty mood.
No, you just yelled at Ben.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Well, because he is bothering me, don't make that a
clip.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
She just yelled at Ben as we got started here at
the podcast studio.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I did yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Because we have different things we're each in
charge of in life.
And he was trying to come intomy lane and I was like, no, no,
I've already got this handled.
What are you in charge of?
I'm in charge of planningthings.
Okay, I like to be in charge ofthat.
You know, yeah.
So we're planning something.
Why don't you just tell thedetails?
It's not like top secret.
We on a cruise with our family,first cruise and, um, we're
(01:09):
going to alaska alaska cruiseand we're planning the fishing.
I already reached out to thefishing people.
This story's stupid anyways.
So I've got it all lined up.
They have one boat left.
And then he calls me today.
I called the people and I'mlike, yeah, I already done, I've
already done this.
Like yeah, it.
And then he doesn't know any ofthe details.
So then his planning messes upthe actual plan.
You know, yeah.
He's like what ship?
What date?
I'm like, oh my God, get out ofhere.
(01:29):
You know, yeah.
So I was just getting a littlegrouchy with him, a lot grouchy.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, thank you.
It is a good story.
I didn't say it wasn't you fag.
Well, you know, Edit, edit.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
We better make sure that comes out.
I'm almost his face.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
No, but like I'm agreeing that it was a good
story, You're the one that saidit's a stupid story.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
But yeah, I was getting kind of annoyed because
he was this is like on my boobs.
He was kind of like messing itall up.
You know Like no, no, yeah,I've got this.
You know you sit there and lookpretty, you know, yeah, oh, so
anyways, yeah.
But yeah, I yelled out in frontof you and Melissa, and now
here we are.
(02:14):
It was great.
She's telling Melissa this iswhat they do, it's fine, it's
awkward.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Yeah, well, I don't mind like, like, if you do it in
private, but sometimes whenyou're sitting there, it's like,
you're uncomfortable, like ifyou were at a sleepover and the
people are yelling, you're like.
That's what it's like.
Well, and like for me, I'm morecomfortable with it.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yeah, this is new, like new in our life, melissa, I
have this thing where, like Idon't realize who's around me, I
just act the same in allsituations, which is great.
It is great, yeah, it's greatthat I'm authentic, but
sometimes it's like that's aprivate moment.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
That's what's so weird about you caring what
people say on the internet,because, like there's times
where somewhere and I'm likeyou're not reading this room at
all that they're like thinkingthis and so it's so weird for me
because I am more worried aboutwhat people think.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah in general, yes, and worried about what people
think yeah, in general I feellike that and I'm not worried
when we get eaten up alive on.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Yeah, I'm not as bothered.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
See, I don't care what anyone I actually meet.
Yeah, that's just weird.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
But the internet people.
Yeah, and I don't care aboutthe internet people.
But if our friends were likesaying, like you don't like your
husband, I would be bothered.
Yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I know, and I know because I'm like that's dumb.
Yeah, it's so weird.
Yeah, I think the internetpeople bothers me.
I told you I feel like Inarrowed it down, like it
bothers me because I feel likeit's incorrect and so it's like
it's really upsetting, but likemost often people that judge you
are incorrect, yeah, Like inall Totally.
So, even if they know you onthe View, I hate the View, you
(03:42):
know, and I'm like, I'm not aView girl.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Those are like what?
But like so many people couldsay, like I'm a bad leader, it's
like I am doing the best I can,yeah.
Or like I'm mean to Kyle, it'slike I'm doing the best, Like
you know what I mean.
Like, more often than not, it'sjust something you've never
cared about.
Yeah, I think that's why I'mmind blown about it?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well, I think because in real life, like you, don't
hear people's opinions.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
They can think what they want, but they're not
saying it.
Maybe in the room I'm readingit and I'm like I don't think
you're reading what they're.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Yeah, I'm kind of obliv.
Like me eventually.
Yeah, if I went off of everytime I thought someone didn't
like me, that's my life, it'd beeverybody.
That's my life.
I'm always worried.
Yeah, it's so stressful.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, I'm never worried Because I can like feel
the energy, yeah, an empath orwhatever.
So I'm like, oh god.
And then I'm like what did I do?
Did I say this wrong?
Oh, did I do this wrong?
But more often than not, asI've learned, as I like, you
can't control what people think.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
And if you just ignore that, they end up liking
you Because that happens to me alot.
I don't think always for me itdoesn't always go that way.
Oh, really Always people arelike yeah, I hated you and now
you're really cool and I'm like,okay, they do A lot of
podcasters like you more and meless.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
After listening, really, yeah, I feel.
Then they hear me say rudethings and they're like, wow,
and you're mean to Tisha andlike my Aunt Carol's like don't
be mean to Tisha, and I'm like,really, yes, yes, it's like a
thing.
I'm not such a.
(05:18):
This is what we're here fortoday.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I'm sorry if I mean to you no, you're fine, I don't
care.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
I'm sorry if I mean to no, you're fine, I don't care
I'm going to be better, but ourlives have taken like such a
like turn of like Lesbian.
Yeah, it's really gotten there.
It's like it's getting.
I'm getting uncomfortable andI'm never uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Her mom called last night when we were driving to
drop the girls off at cheer andthen we had a dinner.
And her mom calls point.
And she's all Crystal, what'sthe password?
I can't log in.
And Crystal's like tryHolthorff 22.
She's like it's not it, you'retelling everyone my password.
(05:53):
Oh shit, it's fine.
Oh, we gotta bleep that out.
No, it's fine, oh.
And then she's like try Tisha22.
And then she goes what?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
like, not Kyle, it was like a turn where I'm like,
not one like the kids.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, it got weird, my mom was like what?
Speaker 1 (06:07):
yeah, I was like capital t show, yeah, and she
was like wait for real, and Iwas like I feel different,
that's I feel, uncomfortablethat's well, and like lately, we
have been together like all daylong.
Yeah, and it's getting weird,yeah.
Yeah, when you reach over inthe car and grab my hand, I'm
like okay no, I didn't do that.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I was like when did I do that?
No, I don't know it's.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
We work together though, and we've been busy, so,
like work, I feel like we'vebeen together every day.
Yeah, we're really lucky,though, in the sense that I
don't think everybody gets towork with someone they like so
much no, like we might talk badabout our jobs sometimes on here
because I've been quitting somany times, but we are so lucky
we get to do that Like weliterally a lot of times drive
around all day and do errandsand talk to people.
(06:54):
We're on the same text messagewith everybody.
We're in the same emails witheverybody.
It's very like with my bestfriend.
I don't know it's crazy.
Yeah, best friend, I don't knowit's crazy.
Yeah, and we married.
You know we married best.
It's just, it's weird, it'sdifferent, but it just goes to
show.
Like we talked about this yearsago, we were shopping and we're
like one day we're gonna marrybest friends and like what you
put out there it matters, likewhat you believe and what you
(07:17):
tell yourself and like youalways wanted a bunch of kids.
You thought you'd be a boy mom.
Yeah, like it's crazy.
Yeah it is, yeah it is.
Or does God give you thosepremonitions, you know?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yeah, like, do you feel like that, cause that's
what his plan is going to be?
Yeah, I don't know, but likeit's so important to lean in
with the podcast.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Tisha's trying to quit again.
Every time we go viral it'sbeen so bad, but I'm like that's
just part of this journey.
I feel like if they're nottalking about you then you're
not doing anything right.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
But anyways, with the podcast they hate me for
something I actually am.
Nobody cares about you.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I hate to tell you yeah, they those people that
said that they don't really careabout you.
I know they've moved on theirday and they're not caring about
you and I'm still over here.
yeah, remember, remember whenI'm like Shirley hates me and
you're like we're moved on,shirley doesn't care about you,
like you think it's more aboutyou than it is.
Yeah, it's surely doesn't care.
But with the podcast, I stillfeel like we're supposed to do
this.
Like the vision is there, yeah,that we're going to be on the
(08:16):
stage one day doing like shows.
So I feel like we have to leaninto it.
So stop quitting.
Yeah, on that note, if you areliking the podcast, go ahead and
like, comment, share or give areview on Apple Podcasts.
It does help us a lot it helpsteach an author.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
We don't get 20 reviews this week.
I'm quitting.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm just kidding.
No, she tried to quit today.
I'm like get in the car, it'sgood, but I think what people
think.
But story time, and this isabout a friend of ours.
But I remember a friend of oursreally struggled to get
pregnant and had like eightmiscarriages yeah, a lot, maybe
nine a lot and she went through.
I don't think she would mind ussharing, right?
(08:54):
No, um, she went through a lotof like in vitro and IVF and
it's very, very expensive, like20 grand.
And I remember sitting at dinneronce we used to go to girls
dinners more often back then andshe was super emotional and
she's like I guess when you'regoing through that journey which
I'm sure a lot of our listenershave been through it or are
going through it it gets hardbecause people are trying to
(09:17):
help and they try to like offertheir opinion, like why don't
you adopt and why don't you dothis?
Or there's so many kids thatneed homes and we agree with
that.
But I remember her saying Ijust really want to be my mom,
like I want to have my own kidsand I don't know if God's
telling me I should do somethingelse.
I don't, I feel guilty becauseI don't feel that way, but I
(09:37):
remember telling her God, putthat on your heart for a reason
You're going to be a mom.
That's why that other optiondoesn't feel natural right now,
cause God doesn't want you togive up, even though the world's
telling you that this might nothappen, it might never take.
God laid that on your heart fora reason.
Yeah, so don't give up, like,don't, don't do the other option
if that's not what your hearttells you.
(09:58):
And then she got pregnant, yeah,a few years later, and now has
two healthy boys and is the bestmom.
And it was like but so often Ithink we start to tell ourselves
that maybe our vision of whatwe we think we want or where
we're going is wrong.
Yeah, but just because the doorcloses doesn't mean it's not
going to open.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I feel like well, I think when something's not
working out that you want,you're like, oh, is this like,
maybe not God's plan?
You know you start thinkingthat Totally, because I do that.
I'm like, well, it's notworking out, maybe it's not the
plan.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah, and I feel like everything for me has never
worked out.
I just had to keep going.
So I'm always like, oh, it'snot working out, that's normal,
this is the path.
Yeah, like when I didn't thinkI've told that story.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, I think you did .
Did I yeah, maybe it was on theold one, yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
But it was like so I was like not being gay, but I
was like popular in high schooland then I got to stop saying
these words yeah, yeah, but notbeing silly, yeah, you know.
But I was like popular.
And so when I got to collegeand I was rushing, you know, to
be in a sorority, I thoughteveryone would be lucky to have
me.
So I was like, when they triedto talk to me, I was like, yeah,
yeah.
And then, like day three, yougo in and you go and you meet
(11:10):
and the people that run Rushgive you a card of what
sororities you're matching with.
It's like dating app.
You say what you like and then,if they like you too, you match
.
So, you know, a lot of myfriends had like three or four
sororities that they werematching with and they and I
came in all with my friendsbecause you know, your parents
aren't around and we all wentthere together and they're like
um, can we, can you come with me?
You know, like at the hospital,when they bring in the room,
(11:32):
yeah, it was like that and I'mlike, oh, they have too many.
You know, they all want me.
They've never had this before.
So I go in the room and they'relike I'm really sorry, we've
never had this happen before,but no sorority wants you.
And it was like out of body.
I can't even believe they allowthat.
That's funny, never happenedbefore.
I mean, and some sororities aredifferent, you know, like even
(11:54):
those ones didn't want you.
Yeah, like very different.
Like, yeah, very, verydifferent.
Yeah, you know, and they didn'twant me.
Yeah, it was like such an egohit.
I was was like okay, they'relike, so we don't really know
what to do.
I guess this isn't for you.
Yeah, shoot, you know.
And I was like.
So then everyone's like whatsororities did you get?
And you're all who'd you matchwith?
And I was like you know whatguys, this isn't for me, I'm not
(12:15):
going to do this sor.
I was so felt, so stupid andall my friends matched with all
the good ones and they all gotin and I was like, yeah, I'm not
doing it, it's not for me.
And then later I learned that Ineed to be nicer during rush
and I need to be more likeexcited, because I'm not fake.
(12:36):
Not saying sororities are fake,but when you're rushing it's
like dating.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
You got to turn it on a little and I just thought all
of them would want me, which Ifeel like you turn it on a lot.
Well, maybe I learned throughthat.
Yeah, maybe you did.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Maybe that was it I do, though, learn from that,
yeah.
So then I like made someconnections in the downtime, and
then it wasn't like.
I was like God doesn't want meto rush.
I was like, oh, I'm gettingthem this time, yeah.
So I had the one I reallywanted, and it was the only one
I wanted, and you got it, and Iwas like.
I like your shirt, you know, andI did it and then I got in and
then two years later I becamepresident of the darn sorority.
(13:09):
So I always tell people likenever the no is just like a it's
a, it's a pause, it's not thereal, no, even like the real
estate test.
I failed the test 10 times, yeah, and I was like god, why am I,
if I'm supposed to do this?
Why is it so hard?
Yeah, but like what?
If I was like because he, whyam I, if I'm supposed to do this
?
Why is it so hard?
Yeah, but like what if I waslike because he's saying no,
yeah, you know, and then I'd bea server, still, right, that
(13:30):
would suck.
Well, actually, serving'spretty fun, yeah.
So anyways, tisha, don't giveup Not giving up.
You didn't give up on the onething away, kept pushing no.
So moving on talking about notgiving up, we let's go and do
some relationship talk yeah, wewere talking this weekend about
(13:51):
we always talk about ourmarriage, and that's what
tisha's so bothered about is shethinks people are saying that
she has a bad marriage or isanti-man anti-man.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
That's what I was like yeah, I'm not, I love man.
Man, why do you love men?
I love a big.
No, I'm just kidding, that'shorrible.
No, but like, I'm pro husbandand I'm pro like.
Well, I'm not a feminist, I'mnot a woman power at all, I'm
the opposite.
Like I didn't want to have ajob ever, I would just want to
be a mom and a wife.
You know, I'm so, not that.
(14:20):
So when people are like thislady's may, anti-husband and man
, I'm like, oh no, that's not me, you know.
Yeah, so, but it's fine, I gotto get over it.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
I think, though, sometimes, even with that stuff,
like in your marriage, I thinkone of the secrets about us is
that we talk about the good, thebad and the ugly, yes, and I
think, like some friends don'thave relationships where the
best part about Tisha andactually a lot of my good
friends always will side withKyle for the most part, the
small group of very closefriends, yeah, but I know
Tisha's always going to sidewith Kyle or understand Kyle.
(14:51):
So if I tell her all thesethings and sometimes I'll try to
talk it up because I'm real madat him, yeah, and I'll be like
you don't understand.
This is hard at home.
You know Like he yells at meand he's yelling at me not lose
your house over your spending.
Or you know like she'll alwaysgive me his perspective.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Because I know that he loves you and he's a good
husband, so like, why would Iencourage you to not be together
?
I would never, you know.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
But you'll also be like there's been many times
where I did need to speak up,like to me, I thought that being
submissive or you know, justmeant like handling everything,
and submissive or you know, justmeant like handling everything
and that was like a problem inlife, like I would let everyone
do whatever they wanted to meand I would just turn the other
cheek because I thought that'swhat Jesus did, and instead I
needed to learn to also speak up.
(15:39):
You know, and like be sassyabout certain things, but
there's a way to do it, you know, and not just so.
I think sometimes that's abenefit to us is we can talk
about, like Melissa, and I justheard you on the phone and it
wasn't perfect.
So then, if my day isn'tperfect, I'm like, okay, well,
this is normal because I thinkyou have a great marriage and
you just so, if you're finallyyour husband about booking a
(15:59):
fishing boat?
Yeah, Like it's totally normal,but I think so many women don't
have an outlet or we're indenial about things that do need
to change to a point where,once you wake up, that's what I
felt, like I was, and like wetalked about that a little bit
too.
It's like I think that I didstart off too submissive,
especially because I stayed home.
Yeah, that's like a thing forme is like, even if my daughters
(16:20):
stay home, I want them to havea say.
Yeah, it's like, it's likethese kids, when you first have
them, they're like a cat.
They're not nice, they don'tlike say thank you, they cry all
the time.
They don't act like they evenknow you or love you, so you're
(16:41):
with them all day and thenyou're like yeah, my husband
gets home and he's tired, andit's about him, it's about them,
it's never about me.
And I feel like it's just superhard to learn, like I was super
submissive for years, and notthat Kyle was wrong, but if
someone's going to, if they'regoing to get the say and you're
just going to go, okay with it,it's not really their fault
either that I'm not speaking up,that you're not speaking up
(17:01):
yeah, you know what I mean and Ithink it took a long time.
I'm still like learning that.
I feel like you're good at thatwith Ben, like you've learned
what makes him tick, like how toget there instead of just
yelling.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yeah, sometimes I got to yell, but I do feel like I
think that's just in marriagesyou get longer down the road.
You like I know the things thatlike bother him and the things
that he likes.
So when I want to get my wayabout something, I just know,
like just be smart about it, youknow.
Yeah, I don't think it's thateasy though.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Remember how you said how smart you were, and I think
that you're right Because, likefor me, like last night we had
dinner with some clients, tishaand I it's shocking.
And then, when I got home, kylehad a really long day because
it's getting hot out and heworks outside, so he was like
trying to stay awake for me.
I felt so guilty about thisthis morning.
He was trying to stay awake forme and then I hadn't really
been home much that day, yeah.
So when I got home, I was like,oh, okay, he was like sleeping
(17:54):
on the couch and I was like,okay, well, you go to bed, yeah.
Like I'm good, I'm going tolike watch a show, yeah, and
like get some sleep.
I was trying to stay up for you,like I wanted to see you oh,
that's cute, I know.
And I was like, well, just goto bed, yeah.
And then when I woke up, I waslike I should have known that
(18:17):
that would have been moreimportant for me to maybe go to
bed with him that night, yeah,when, yeah, I was trying.
There's things that Kyle reallylikes he likes to be like a
baby.
Mm-hmm, it's getting weird.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
But like he likes, Like with a pacifier, no, but he
likes like to be taken care ofthe breastfeeding he likes.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Like if I make him lunch, he really likes it when I
set his dinner out and I likebreastfeeding, all of that.
But like he really likes to betaken care of.
Yeah, and I love that.
But sometimes when I'm feelinguntaken care of in life, like if
I'm not taking care of myself,right, or if I'm spread too thin
(18:57):
, hard to do that it's so hardto take care of them.
Yeah, and it's like you're like, the kids need me, everybody
else needs me.
It's like you almost feel likean equal at that time, but it's
like the wrong time, right,because, like, as an equal, I'm
like, you're good, I'm good.
Let's just take care ofeverything else instead of like
that's when we need to like,pour into each other.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Like it's hard, yeah.
So, like last night when I wasat dinner, I texted him like I'm
excited to see you, king ofTulsa and Tulsa.
And I said Kingies of Tulsi's.
You know, you got to add theIES.
And then he was like yes,kingies of Tulsi's.
(19:38):
So it was like, even though Iwas gone all night and he had to
do all the kids, it's like ifhe feels like I'm thinking of
him, like while I'm gone, he'sin a better mood than like if I,
he just didn't hear from me.
So, did you watch Tulsa King?
Yeah, we did.
And then, like if I, he justdidn't hear from me.
So did you watch Tulsa King?
Yeah, we did.
And then, if I just show up atlike, did you do the thing?
No, I fell asleep during it.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
And then this morning he's like you fell asleep and I
was like, yeah, I fell asleepon Sunday and it was the night.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Oh, because Saturday he wanted to and I was busy when
you put it to the, becausenothing is worse than the next
day and then it doesn't, becausenow it's two days.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
So yes, that happened .
That was Sunday night, and thenI fell asleep watching a movie.
Oh, you got to do somethingextra special, you know when
they come to bed and you cantell they're grouchy.
Yeah, it's not like good night,it's all ugh.
Yeah, like the blankets rippingand we left for work.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
He's like bye.
And I was like geez, he'sreally starting his Monday off
wrong, yeah.
But now that I'm thinking,about it and then last night.
That's probably why I didn't.
Oh, so it still hasn't happenedsince.
No, oh God, the poor guy, it'sday three now.
Okay, I'll do it today, today'sthe day, yeah, when he gets
home, yeah, no, but I feel Likehe is way better about like
being at home, Because I thinksometimes that's the thing, like
sometimes, when he's on like awork trip, he barely goes, but
(20:53):
he'll call me or a hunting tripand he's like, hey, and I'm all,
hey, you know, I'm mad.
I'm like, oh, just sitting hereBecause you're like doing all
this shit, yeah, and thenthey're off or golfing, because
he was golfing all day yes, andthen he went to the casino and
we didn't go yes, we went home.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Oh, she texted him that night, Well, so it was like
almost midnight yeah they wereout late and I was like Ben's
getting in trouble if he's outpast midnight.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Oh, I was dead asleep .
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I didn't care, oh, I was worried at night and it was,
like you know, gettingeverybody to bed and like this
Kyle never leaves you know youdon't get that.
That was like 11 30 and I can'treally sleep till he gets home.
So then I said, super nanny'sgetting tired, you almost done,
yeah.
And when he saw super nanny hewas like we gotta go, yeah, but
(21:41):
like I don't say much.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
But super nanny was done.
No, when Ben, because Ben Ifeel like leaves more than Kyle.
Yeah, kyle never does, becausehe has like a one work
conference a year and then hedoes like maybe one to three
hunting trips a year and they'rejust a couple days, but like I
get so nasty, he'll call me andhe'll be like hey, honey, how's
it going?
I'm like huh must be nice, youknow.
And he's like, yeah, just outhere hiking, you know, like I'm
(22:06):
just crazy, it is hard, butbecause you're the one in the
shit.
So I knew last night I'm atdinner having my good dinner and
he had to make dinner foreverybody and he's doing all the
bedtime, so I had to give himsome.
Like I'm so excited to see you,you know.
So that's those are the thingsI've learned in our marriage
that make him like.
I've learned he hates to comehome.
He's like you.
If Kyle would learn this, Ishould tell Kyle this.
(22:27):
I know he hates to come home.
He's like you.
If Kyle would learn this, Ishould tell Kyle this I know he
hates to come home to a dirtyhouse.
Yeah, he's so OCD and cleancrazy.
So when I know and I'm so gladI have life 360 now back in the
day I'd be like hey, when areyou gonna be home now?
I like see the life 360.
I'm like 10 minutes, I think alot of men.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, do like that right, like coming home to a
clean house or it'spersonalities because you like
it, I really like.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
So I think he.
I always make sure when hecomes in, if I can, the house is
clean, because that like reallyhe comes in very grouchy when
it's messy, but if it's cleanhe's like raging After the cheer
trips lately, like this lastone.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
he like organized the laundry room and I was on a
high for three days.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Yeah, see, that cleans for me when I come home
and I don't care.
I'm like, yeah, could care less.
Yeah, see, ben cleans for mewhen I come home and I don't
care.
I'm like, yeah, could care less.
Yeah, I think that matters tome.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Yeah, so I think it's like I know you've gotten
better at like the dating Ilisten to Dr Laura.
I've been listening to her book10 Stupid Things Couples Do to
Mess Up their Lives.
Yeah, it's interesting, a lotof it's like.
It's not as interesting as likeher podcast to me because it's
more like pre-dating yeah, likebefore you're married, like what
you do and where you go wrongand like we're past that.
you know like we're already herebut it is something she really
(23:34):
stresses about is the dating andbeing a girlfriend and I'm not
like I feel like you're moremushy than I am, like even with
my kids, like Kyle will try tohug Maddie and she's like, hey,
like we're not like a very yeah,my brother were very emotional.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yeah, I try to hug my daughter and she's like mom.
No, yeah, I'm not like a verylike oh, I'm hugging everybody.
Yeah, and you're like, oh, inmy family, not like strangers.
Yeah, you're rude to strangers.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Yeah, I'm hugging the strangers, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
But I'm not hugging my family.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
A little rub and that's what you're like.
That's rude.
A rub, what rub?
Speaker 2 (24:13):
a rub over the clothes, a little like rub just
like walking around, you'rerubbing it like if, yeah, we
have, like, if he's standingthere doing something, I'll come
up and be like hey, honey, andI'll give him a little rub, yeah
, and then you don't do it lateryou have to do it later if you
rub it sometimes we don't.
It doesn't mean I want to, likeyou know, but it makes him feel
like you want.
It makes him feel like I wanthim and I do want him.
The wanting is a big deal, yeah.
I want him to always think Iwant him, so I always do that.
(24:35):
Oh, I don't do that.
Yeah, so sometimes if I'msitting there and it's funny
because he'll be making mycoffee and he's grouchy, and
then, um, I'll be like honey andI always wear like a t-shirt to
bed, yeah, and then in themorning I have like t-shirt and
shorts.
What are you gonna tell meright now and I know we can't
make this a clip why do I alwaystalk?
I'm gonna overshare.
I gotta like that's the bestpart about you no, so I always
(24:56):
pull my shirt out, like for himto put his hand down when he
drops off the coffee.
Yeah, and like in the morningI'm like, hi, honey, you know,
like, give me a little.
Like you know, it's just likekeeping it fun and flirty, like
I want him to always feel, like,I want him to touch me and I
want to touch him and like it'sjust, and I, he likes it a lot,
cause he feels like, yeah, likedating, yeah, and I'm, I like it
(25:18):
too.
I'm not like.
So you like, when he grabs yourboob in the morning, totally,
really, yeah, and he'll give ita little rub, and then it's like
, okay, and then he goes back todoing whatever, but then it's
like he's happy, it just makes abetter like morale.
Yeah, yeah, I think I can reallyimprove on that.
You should.
Let's do like a wee experimentand do that and you just like,
yeah, it's like, or even like,if we're driving in the car,
(25:40):
I'll reach over and rub his necka little.
I do all that.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Yeah, sexual stuff.
I'm so scared that he's gonnawant to do it right.
Then, yes, no, and that's theworst thing, they're gonna get
mad at us again.
But like I get like almostwhere, I'm like not affectionate
, because then it means thatthat's what I was trying to say
on that one clip.
I know, but yes, who cares?
That's what you said in thepodcast, but like that's what
I'm worried about.
I started it saying I don'talways want to cuddle well, this
is the key.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
You do the rub and tug when there's no way you can
do it right then, ah, it's likehe's all headed out to work and
I'm thinking it's rude.
No, but you're doing it becauseyou know he can't, he's headed
out to work.
So it's like I love you, I wantyou so bad, but we can't, you
know.
And like I'm not doing it inbed, no, god, no, that's when
it's happening.
Yeah oh, if I reached over inbed and gave the rub and it's on
(26:30):
.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm like it's like he's fullydressed shoes, he's got his, his
collared shirt and his slacksand the belt and I'm giving the
rub.
Good, have a good day yeah, Iknow, and I think sometimes
that's where people go wrong, orthe house cleaner's there, but
she's in the other room and I'mlike, oh honey, love, you have a
good day, but we can't do it.
Yeah, josie's there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(26:52):
Or hiking on the mountain.
What do you do on the mountain?
I give him a little rubbingWhile he's sweaty.
No, on top of the clothes, Idon't go underneath the clothes.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
It's on top next to each other.
Yeah, like I'll hit his buttand then I'll be like, hey,
honey, give him a little squeeze.
Yes, I do it all day long,every day.
I'm sure he likes that.
You don't think he does.
No, I do.
Yeah, I'm thinking I don't do Ido that.
Enough of that all the time.
I feel like he used to not beas like that too.
Maybe that's a pivot that hashappened, maybe, yeah, yeah,
because the girlfriend thing isa hard thing, like I I, because
I've been listening, dr LauraI'm like how do you be a
girlfriend?
And I think so many marriageshave lost that.
Yeah, where they feel like it'sa, it's the old lady and, yeah,
(27:35):
you know like it's harder whenyour kids are littler.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
I think you're in a different.
My kids are old.
Yeah, I think when they'reolder, that's when you can bring
it back, because I feel likethat's when I brought it back.
Yeah, I don't think I was doingthis when I had like a
breastfeeding baby, a newborntwo-year-old and a four-year-old
you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, andI think if I'm honest,
sometimes I'm feeling like I'malready giving you everything
else.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
You need that too, and that's the wrong attitude.
If this is a clip, we'll getlit, not, yeah, but I think it's
a relatable topic.
Like I do do a lot at home,that's more my role, so that I'm
like and that, yeah, and likeyou, just you know taking it all
but it's fine.
He does a lot of other things.
He does all the bills.
He would plan all the things.
Well, I plan, but he does a lotof other things that I don't
(28:17):
want to do, like he's slowly mydaddy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I thinkbringing the dating in his heart
.
That's why I like we talkedabout this today.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
End of kids getting older.
It's important to bring thatback, because then it's going to
just be you guys, yeah.
So like we're kind of workingback towards that phase of life
where the kids grow up and it'sjust us.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
So it's like well, I think when the kids are little
too, you develop someresentments and some things that
you don't work throughnecessarily, like I think,
sometimes, as the kids come intoour life which is a blessing
you like change roles.
Like sometimes some moms I knowor some like friends I have,
they get so dialed into the momrole that they forget to be the
wife too.
The wife should come first.
It's like the most unnaturalthing, though as a mom, it feels
(28:58):
like our kids should takeprecedent.
I remind myself this all thetime.
There was some clip on likesocial media that said the best
thing you could do for your kidsis to love your spouse or
whatever.
But like, sometimes when I'mgone all day, I don't see them a
lot either, cause they're atsports.
So then when I get home andthey're both home at eight
o'clock, it's like Broxy wantsme to lay with him and rub his
(29:19):
back, kyle wants me to lay withhim and rub his back.
The girls want to finally talkto me for the first time all day
.
So then it's like I'm trying topick which one I give attention
to.
But I'm trying to remind myselfmy kids will be happiest if I
take care of Kyle Totally, butit's very unnatural, right,
right.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Like it's hard.
Well, when you think back oflike your parents, like my
parents, were obsessed with eachother.
That was the healthiest thingfor you.
Yeah, is not how much attentionthey gave you.
Other, though?
Right, it was a very securehouse, and so that's the best
thing you can get.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
I never questioned if I came between them.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
No, it was them yes, even we do that, like at night.
They want to come in andfinally talk and I'm like, okay,
I'm, I'm with dad now, so seeya.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
And they're like geez you know they get mad.
That's what mine do too, butI'm like no, we're, this is more
.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
And like I listen to you all day or I will.
Or like, okay, you have aminute and then Donna and I are
in our show, you know?
Yeah, totally.
So I don't know if I'm doing itright.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
No, I do think that has helped Because even like
last year when I would take homefrom cheer, I had the late one,
so there was like two nightswe're both home and I think even
that hour together, like layingand watching a show or talking
in bed, it does make a bigdifference.
But he goes to bed earlier thanI do, so sometimes I'm not
(30:37):
ready to fall asleep and hewants me to turn the tv off and
it's like this whole thing, yeah.
So now I'm like be okay withthe tv and then I can lay with
you, yeah you guys gotta getlike yeah, yeah and we're pretty
good.
But that's why last night I waslike go ahead.
But I think, like we talkedabout this in the car and we
have friends as we get older, I,we have friends that are going
through different stages ofthings in marriage, um, and I
(30:57):
think sometimes where I'm seeingis like some friends might be
unhappy, and that's maybe how Ifelt in the beginning, like I
didn't want to speak up becauseI didn't think I had a voice.
And I luckily saw you.
You guys had gone and workedthrough some things.
It's okay to say we've talkedabout a counselor and when we
weren't friends and we came back, I saw such a change that I was
like wait, this is a totallydifferent dynamic.
(31:19):
How did you get there?
Because I felt like you weremore submissive when we weren't.
Before.
We weren't friends.
And then I remember when wewent to get our hair done
together and they were home withthe kids and I was so stressed
about getting home.
I'm like Kyle's going to be mad, da, da, da, and you're like
he's fine, and Ben was mad, yeah.
And then you went and put thenightie on and took him in the
room and then he was like hey,so what's for dinner?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Yeah, he seemed a little tension.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Yeah yeah, it's like I don't want it, but I learned
to start speaking up and thatwas the best thing for me.
But I think it's scary.
Sometimes if we sit on thoseresentments too long, it creates
that divide and then it's likewhere you don't even like or
know each other anymore becauseyou've both been just like
(32:03):
pouring into the kids instead ofeach other.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
It's like the frog effect.
It's a very slow yeah thingthat creeps in and then, if it's
not fixed, it just grows biggerand bigger over time.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
So yeah, that's where I think the trips once a year.
I think that's like one of mywhat Kyle and I did, because it
was our 15 year when we didAlaska 15.
So it took like a few days,honestly, to like unwind from
the kids.
Yeah, usually we only go forthree days, but this time we
went for a week and the firstthree days were great, but the
last like five days were amazingbecause like the stress of
(32:37):
everything finally went away andthen it was like the
flirtatious and for me it wasn'tlike him, it's just like
feeling like everybody needs me.
Yeah, you know I'm like.
Oh, you know you need too.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Add it to the list.
It's hard, yeah, it's hard,hard to balance.
Even if you can't like affordlike some big trip, I think it's
important to just get away.
Even if you go run a cabin inFlagstaff or like a staycation,
like something, away from beingmom and dad and the
responsibilities, because I,without those responsibilities
(33:14):
and we're just like on a trip,it's like I'm like, oh, I love
him.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Do you think that's why?
Speaker 2 (33:18):
you travel so much?
I'm being serious?
No, so I do, and especiallybecause our kids are so busy,
it's like truly uninterruptedfamily time, and Ben is way
different, so he can't relax.
He's not a relaxed guy, but hecan lay on a beach all day.
So he doesn't like even if wehave a weekend off, he makes up
(33:39):
weird chores, yeah.
And he's like, okay, we'regoing to do this, and a lot of
times we're dividing.
He's like, hey, I'm taking bearto the batting cages or I'm
taking CJ driving.
When he was learning to drive,it was like so then our weekend
off wasn't really like anythingtogether.
Or the kids made plans becausethey're like, yeah, social now.
So I feel like the vacations istruly like uninterrupted family
time and we like you're out ofyour comfort zone, so you're a
(34:02):
little nicer, yeah, and likeyou're like depending on each
other more like my kids aregetting along.
I'm like who are these kids, youknow?
Yeah, totally so it's better.
I feel like I I just yeah, Ireally like that, and then we
like have a memory, and then welike talk about it after and
like remember that you know yeah, what is the memory you guys
talk about?
No, but just different thingslike yeah, no, I don't know, but
(34:23):
I do think that's probably whyyeah.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
I Kyle relaxed out of town too.
It's one of my things like.
I love vacation, kyle, yeah.
I really like the other Kyle,but vacation Kyle so fun, so fun
.
Or casino Kyle, or like thisweekend he was super fun after
golfing all day.
But he has this thing, doctor,in her book she talked about
this dad um, the wife stayedhome and the guy, when he'd get
home, he would just startanalyzing what she didn't do
(34:48):
right for the day, and I waslike that was how it was when I
stayed home.
Yeah, he'd walk in and be likeso did the so-and-so?
And I'd be like, really, youjust walked in.
Yeah, but she talked about howthat dad.
It was his own insecurity fromhis childhood of never being
perfect.
So his, his train to likecriticize everything for his own
insecurity of trying to begreat.
And so the whatever the wifehad to learn to teach him.
(35:10):
Like you're criticizing has todo with you, not me.
Yeah, and I feel like Kyle'slike that.
Sometimes he's like very hardon himself, like he didn't want
to go golfing on Saturdaybecause we had my nieces and
nephew.
I'm like Kyle, it's fine, likeyou'll see them for the next 15
years.
You never do anything foryourself, but it's like the
shoulds, that's like a thing youshouldn't should on yourself.
Yeah, like we all do, like Ishould do this and like we were
(35:32):
just talking about I should wakeup early.
And Melissa, who you know iswith us in here, she was like
well, if you don't want to wakeup early, then go work out later
.
And I'm like you're right, weshould ourselves so much Like
I'm a big shitter.
Right, I used to be even morecounseling.
Help me with that.
She was like don't should, ifyou want to do it, do it,
because I would do things forpeople, because I should, and
(35:52):
then I would get mad at themthat they didn't appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Yeah, like the and she was like that's your fault.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
You were like doing it for a result, yeah, yeah,
like I was like well, you know,the right thing to do is we
should go to like we have a lotof nieces and nephews and if, if
I were to be the best aunt, Iall weekend would be at sports
again, literally all weekendwith my own.
So I always feel bad when Ihave a weekend and I don't hit
their events.
But I also am like I would gobecause I want to, but then the
(36:17):
one weekend we're home, whichwas last weekend, we haven't
been home in forever.
I should have gone.
But if I only went because Ishould do, you know when you do
that and then you're mad, yeah,like something happens, say I
would have gone and then no oneeven talked to me while I was
there, I'd be like I didn't evenwant to come.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
And then I yeah, you know, it's like so often we do
Kyle's very like that he doeswhat we should do, yeah, you
know, and like we should saveour money and the should
sometimes is like distorted.
That's where it's kind of weird.
Like I was talking to Kyle andhe was like he didn't want to go
on a trip with his family butbecause he felt like he had to
do like something else, yeah, hefelt like he couldn't miss work
.
Yes, that's what it was.
He was like I don't want to begone that long because he has
(37:02):
workers.
And he's like the guys likewhat would I do?
Like give them the week off?
And I'm like, yeah, you're theboss.
Like this is a made up.
He has the rules, but it's amade up rule.
That's wrong.
I made up rule that is so manywrong.
I'm like the rule should bethat you don't miss your son's
thing.
Right, that should be the rule.
Yeah, you're right, the ruleshould be you're not missing
your son's once in a lifetimetrip and yet you give everyone
(37:23):
the week off and who cares?
You know, you're right, butit's like the made up rule.
That is like the wrong rule.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
You know, I feel, like there's a lot of those,
because even at work that's ahard thing is like to answer
your phone late at night, right,like I should answer because I
want to be the best agent andalways be available, but and I
should text them right back andignore everyone.
I'm with right.
Um, I do that, but it's likesometimes like maybe we
shouldn't do that and we shouldbe focused.
(37:50):
In an hour we can get back tothem and it's not going to be
that different, totally, I don'tknow.
I think that's hard in allthings Shit.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Knowing what's the right response.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Yeah, you know I have like a lot of rules for myself,
kind of like Kyle, so if we'renot careful the two of us could
rule ourselves silly, it's likecrazy, you know.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Yeah, see, I feel like at least Ben and I balance.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, do you think that's
childhood?
Speaker 2 (38:18):
My parents didn't really give me that many roles.
I don't know.
Anyways, I don't know, I thinkit's just personalities.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, cause I don't feel like Ithink it's just personalities.
Yeah, but no, you guys are good, I think.
Yeah, it's just hard but it'simportant.
Like our pastor Don always said, you got to get away without
the kids once a year.
(38:38):
It doesn't need to be somethingextravagant, but you got to get
away.
And it's so hard when they'reyoung, or it's hard when they're
in sports yeah, as I feel likethose are the two really hard
stages.
To leave them when they'relittle and then to miss things,
yeah, but like when there's10,000 games, you can miss a
game.
To go be with your husband,yeah, and like that is more
important to the kids it is,it's hard to do and like I want
(38:59):
my daughter to know, to see thatand I want my sons to see that.
Yeah, like you know, you makeyour marriage a priority.
Yeah, because we're likemodeling, you know.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah my parents, friday night, went to the casino
every single night my wholelife.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Everybody knew my parents something or not they
took the seats out of the van.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
I know they were were doing it in the van and they
took the seats out.
And again to society.
And this is the thing right Ifwe didn't?
We grew up with not a lot ofmoney.
It maybe wasn't the right thingto go to the casino when you
don't have money.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
And now that your dad's gone your mom doesn't care
that she didn't have money ordoesn't have money.
She cares that she has allthose Friday nights with him.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
Yeah, kyle and I, our first trip where we left the
kids was our five year and I hadjust had a hysterectomy.
I don't think we were, I thinkwe're on the outs, um, and we
had no money like none.
And we went to Vegas and we,vegas is like a cash place.
Yeah, if my mother-in-law heardthis, she would kill me.
So we, like, did a cash advanceagainst our credit cards.
(39:55):
Stop, because you needed cash tolike go to Vegas To gamble yeah
, I didn't gamble back then butKyle needed it and it was like
we shouldn't have gone.
No, like I had just had surgery, like four days before Right,
like it's a lot of walking, andwe had no money.
We were going to put it on thecredit card and we were going to
(40:21):
take on their honeymoon and itwas like a we shouldn't go right
now.
Yeah, and I was like you, youshould.
Yeah, and Kyle and I went andwe put like thousand dollars on
the credit card and it wasstressful.
But all these years later, itwas the first time I ever left
my kids and we had the best timeand you probably will remember
that forever.
We remember always and you knowthe debt got paid off and it
was fine.
You know like, yeah, I'm allwell.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
That's why we're going to Greece Like it's not
the best timing though, withCooperstown, and then we're
doing the cruise with the kids.
It's like expensive trips backto back, yeah, but I feel like
it's our 15 year.
We never took a honeymoon.
Yeah, we never have gone tripever.
Just us, you guys, really, oreven like you know no, and
you've always gone for otherpeople.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah, like we've gone on birthday trips, but they
weren't even that long.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
I think the longest we've left is four or five days,
yeah we've never gone like fora long time.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
I know and I want to go but maybe I'm supposed to let
you guys go alone.
No, come, but I still I'mtalking myself into going right
now.
Again, you need to come.
I just love a cruise and thetime alone yeah, but even a date
night like sometimes I'll belike it's so much more work yeah
, but then when we go, it's sofun, even going with our friends
.
I feel like you've got to fillyour cup with your friends and
you've got to fill your cup withyour husband, and then you've
got to fill your cup with yourkids and then you've got to fill
(41:26):
your cup with your God.
Yeah.
Well, I still feel it's allthose things Yourself, like your
faith your relationships withyour people, that you're close
to your family and then yourspouse, but not in that order,
no, but it's hard to hit allthose things and then I think
when we're all trying to besuccessful, we're hitting our
(41:46):
success first, cause well, I docause.
I'm like, uh, want to achieveand sometimes I forget that
achieving.
We've been really good aboutthat lately with work, with the
changes.
We've really been focused moreon connecting with people than
the outcome.
Yeah, and I feel like I'm waymore fulfilled than when I was
quitting.
I think that's where I was burntout is I was forgetting the
meaning behind it.
And like the joy of it isgetting to work with people I
(42:08):
love and getting to pour intopeople I love.
But, like so often when we do ajob we love, we forget what we
love about it because the job ischanging.
What we love, yeah, you know,like you did when you were a
stripper.
Yeah, she used to loveconnecting, yeah, but then when
it came about the tips, itchanged it, for you it changes
you know.
No, but even serving, I loveserving.
I would be a server in a second, yeah, or a barista I really
(42:29):
want to do.
Maybe do it you know.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Well, when I was quitting, I was gonna.
I'm not doing that, yeah, no, Idon't know Again.
I think I have dreams, though,that I'm like a server still.
Me too and I made so much moneyand I'm triple sat and I can't
catch up and it's so stressful,or like I forgot how to work the
computer, like I have that onerecurring, I should you know,
(42:57):
and everyone's fast at it and Iused to be fast at it and now
I'm all you know.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
It's so weird, that's funny.
I know it's so hard while we'reliving life to remember that in
10 years, what's really goingto matter today, just like we
said about the five-yearanniversary, like in 10 years
from now, like me going toGreece with you it's going to
matter more it is than thethings that I'm stressing about
exactly.
You know, you know andvacations are our thing.
Yeah, I know we probably annoypeople with how many vacations
(43:22):
we take, but and I do feel likewe have to justify that
sometimes but I also thinkeverybody has different ways
that they spend money.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Yeah, and some people are going to retire and I never
will because I'm spending itall on vacations.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
But there's, things right yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
Like my, I'm spending it all on vacations.
But there's things right, like,like my, patio cushions have
holes, literal holes, becauseit's like $5,000 for new patio
stuff and I'm like, no, I'drather go, yeah, on a trip, yeah
.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
So if you think you can't, maybe find a way to Ken
and cut other things to makethat a priority.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
But if that's not your thing, then find something
that is yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
But so often in life do you think there's so many
things we do that we don't enjoyLike I felt like that's one of
the things again with my dad andeverything, I learned that
there was so many things in aday I was doing that I didn't
enjoy.
Yeah, like a lot.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yeah, I do think that is an important thing in life,
though, because sometimes youdon't enjoy things and you need
to.
That's like when your kids arelittle, like making 50 snacks,
like you don't always enjoy it,but you learn to enjoy, like
there's joy in everything yeah,those are the things.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
They're like 50 people.
I love everyone, but want tomeet me for coffee or this or
that like weird and I'm doing 20of those in a week, yeah, where
it's like when I could havegone to the gym or I could have
made myself a priority or Icould have gone.
You know, like there's a lot ofthings I go to for other people
, a lot that I am not doing asmuch of and I'm not worse off it
Like, yeah, of course I don'talways love staging and this and
(44:48):
that, yeah, my responsibilitiesare different than the things
that you fill your time withbecause you feel like you should
.
Those are like different to me.
Yeah, like a lot of things.
You know, like I'm like I'lljust do it and I'll just do it,
and sometimes, like I've learnedthat, no, I don't have to just
do it, no, they'll find someoneelse if I say no Totally.
You know, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (45:07):
Well, I think you're obviously like we're supposed.
We're called to be a light forothers, for God, and like be
there for people that are likesure Jesus and all that.
So I think I'm trying to likefigure out the right way to say
it.
So I think sometimes it can bea slippery slope of like you
(45:28):
have to do that, but then ifit's taking away from maybe
pouring into your family, yeah,you know, but I think that's
where you've been volunteeringat church.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
I loved it, right, but like it was another thing on
my plate, right, you know, andit was like I ended up cutting
it.
So it's hard to know when it'speople and God.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
That's what I'm saying, and like God wants us to
share and make thoserelationships and pour into
people.
So it's hard to know what youknow.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
That's like pastors how do they do it?
Or business CEOs but you lookat some of the best CEOs.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Well, they cut other things.
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Yeah, all right.
So things we've learned today.
Touch your husband's privateswhen there's other people around
.
Yeah, give him a little likeTug.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
I don't do that that way, but I just give a little Go
on vacations if you can and youknow, do the right thing, don't
should yourself.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yeah, that's it.
Welcome to Jerking Around Apodcast that makes you feel
better about yourself, becausewe're a mess just like you and
Crystal makes fun of me thewhole time and it's great, and
it's real.
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