March 31, 2025 • 21 mins
What happens when men drop the tough-guy act and actually show up for each other? In this eye-opening conversation with guest Ben, we dive deep into what authentic male friendship looks like beyond surface-level church groups.
Ben shares the moving origin story of his unusual men's group, which began in 2008 when he committed to weekly meetings with a friend whose wife had died by suicide. Dominoes and baseball games evolved into a brotherhood of five men who've carried each other through cancer diagnoses, deaths of spouses, raising children with special needs, and career struggles. Unlike typical men's ministry breakfasts, these guys embody what Scripture means by "a cord of three strands is not quickly broken" - becoming what Ben calls "the guys who would dig through the roof" to get their friend to Jesus.
Whether you're struggling to find meaningful male friendships, wondering how to support the men in your life, or simply curious about how faith communities can better serve men's emotional needs, this episode offers practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement. As Ben powerfully asks: Who's going to dig through the roof for you when life falls apart?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jess (00:03):
Hey, welcome back, or welcome to the Jesus Fix it
podcast, the show where we talkabout life, the ups, the downs,
a little pop culture andeverything in between.
I'm Jess and I'm Steph.
Steph (00:15):
Every other week we dive into the things we're asking
Jesus to fix.
And let's be real, there's alot.
You can always count on us tokeep it real.
Jess (00:24):
Share some laughs with us and maybe a few tears as we
tackle the big and small stuffwith faith and honesty.
So grab your coffee and let'sget into it.
We are not alone today.
We have a friend in the studiowith us today, so that means we
got to be on our best behavior,really.
Okay, we'll try.
We will try to be on our bestbehavior.
(00:44):
No promises, though.
Our friend Ben is here.
Ben, thank you so much forjoining us.
So it's not about all thingsladies today.
No, we want to pour into mentoday.
Yes, it's so important.
And so, ben, you're going tohelp us do that.
You're going to help us pourinto our men so our men can stay
lifted up and encouraged.
Ben (01:07):
Absolutely.
Jess (01:08):
First of all, tell us a little bit about you, okay.
Ben (01:11):
I've been involved with Spirit FM for quite some time I
think even before either of youever came to Spirit FM that I
was volunteering and I've kindof been around and you
introduced me as friend.
I was thinking to myself well,actually I always thought I was
family, so I guess I've beendemoted.
Jess (01:28):
You are.
You are friend and family.
How about that?
Yes, you are family.
Yes.
Ben (01:36):
Well, I'll tell you about our little men's group.
It's not your typical men'sgroup at a church.
Okay, because a lot of timespeople think about a men's group
.
You're thinking, oh gee, 30, 40guys getting together on
Saturday morning, havingbreakfast together, hearing a
little devotional, and you'regoing off your way until the
next month.
That's not what I'm into rightnow.
(01:58):
All of this started probablyback in late 2008.
All of this started probablyback in late 2008.
Steph (02:10):
I had a buddy his name's Al and his wife committed
suicide.
Ben (02:12):
In fact, it happened while he was at church with us one
Sunday he went home and foundher.
The church really didn'trespond well to his needs.
And I kind of got wind that Alwas thinking about leaving the
church.
We went to Buffalo Wild Wings.
It's really strange.
(02:36):
I remember this.
We were watching electionreturns from the 2008 election.
We talked and I said look, al,I'm going to commit to you every
Tuesday night because that'swhat it was.
It was a Tuesday night.
Every Tuesday night we're goingto get together and do
something, whatever it is, andthat started a group that is now
about five of us.
Since that time, we've hadanother guy in our group lose
(02:59):
his wife.
She died of cancer, died athome, and I can remember sitting
at his house with him andanother one of our guys waiting
for the funeral home to come gether.
That was really a toughsituation.
We've got another guy who hasnot had a wife been divorced for
(03:20):
quite some time.
We were sitting at a ball gametogether in salem that hey, tim.
I said, uh, you know you needanything with all this going on.
Let me know I can even takesome time off work, take you to
the doctor, take you to uva,whatever.
Well, it ended up that al andmyself went with him to uva to
have his cancer surgery and westayed there the whole weekend
(03:45):
with him.
And it was really interestingtoo, because we were the ones
that met the doctor after thesurgery and that doctor was
really commenting back to Tim,you've got some crazy friends,
but they're the best ones theyare.
But she was really taken back bythe fact we were there and we
(04:05):
were that concerned about him toget him through that.
Steph (04:11):
Yeah.
Ben (04:11):
So we would get together at Al's house and play Mexican
train.
Jess (04:16):
dominoes have you ever played those?
How is that different fromregular dominoes?
Ben (04:21):
What is that?
It's dominoes on steroids.
Jess (04:24):
Okay, so when we play dominoes where I'm from, we slam
them on the table.
Ben (04:29):
Oh geez.
Jess (04:30):
Yeah, it gets.
Ben (04:31):
Take your rings off.
Jess (04:32):
Yeah, it's serious business.
Ben (04:35):
Oh, it was serious business Okay.
Instead of just one line,you've got maybe six or eight
lines oh, it's going everywhere.
Steph (04:41):
Oh, it's going everywhere .
Oh, okay, gotcha.
Ben (04:42):
But we used to get together and do that.
Oh wow, we traveled ballgamestogether.
We went to Boston about a yearafter his wife passed.
Steph (04:52):
We went up there and saw a.
Ben (04:53):
Red Sox game together with some friends.
He now lives in the Outer Banks.
He has basically retired, movedout of the Roanoke area and we
go see him about once a year andhang out with him, you know,
and enjoy some fellowship there.
The other guy that I reallyhaven't mentioned in the group
(05:16):
his name's Joel, and Joel has aspecial needs son.
He's got autism.
So we all try to jump in andhelp Joel the best we can to
encourage him along.
Joel has to work very flexiblejobs so he can be there for his
son.
So a lot of flexible jobs don'tpay the best right, Okay.
(05:41):
So we had to have some workdone in our basement and I was
able to help him out a littlefinancially, Things I can't
physically do anymore myself.
So he's helping me, I'm helpinghim.
Joel's a really, really greatguy.
If you ever needed anything,he's one of those guys that'll
(06:02):
just jump right in there andhelp you get it done.
Really, all of these guys are.
I've been going through somerough stuff myself let's be
honest here.
Work hasn't been going thegreatest for me here lately and
I've been struggling maybeproducing what I need to produce
(06:22):
at work.
And I was able to get in touchwith these guys last week and
say, hey guys, I need yourprayers, this isn't going well
and within oh wow, 30 minutesI'd heard from each one of them
saying you got it, we've got youcovered, and had breakfast, in
(06:42):
fact, this past Saturday alltogether.
Al wasn't with us, of course.
He lives in the Outer Banks nowso we only see him maybe once or
twice a year to get together inRoanoke, but you know we were
able to talk about differentthings going on in life.
In life, tim is getting to thepoint that he's getting tired of
(07:12):
work.
I guess he's talking aboutfollowing me into that
retirement thing.
But the bad thing is I retiredand then I went and took another
job and kept on going because Istill had bills to pay.
Jess (07:23):
Yeah, but you've already touched on so many things that
you know we talk about all thetime as women.
We talk about loneliness, wetalk about divorce, we talk
about having to take care ofkids with special needs, we talk
about anxiety, anxiety, mentalhealth, but honestly, we rarely
hear men talk about these things.
(07:45):
So I don't want to.
Refreshing is not the word Iwant to say, but it's almost
refreshing to know that you guysare talking about these things,
because it's good to havesomebody to air these things out
, with, somebody that you cansay hey, I'm not okay.
(08:09):
Can you pray with me?
Can we meet?
Can you just be there for me?
Because is it always easy forguys to talk about these things?
Ben (08:18):
No, unless you've got that relationship with another guy.
Usually, you know I'm rough,I'm tough and I can do this on
my own.
Jess (08:25):
Right yeah.
Ben (08:27):
I don't know if you guys have seen the picture that kind
of floats on the Internet thatsays you need friends that will
lower you through the roof andit's got the little drawing.
That's my guys.
The first time I saw that, Isent it to them and I said this
is what we've got.
You guys would be the onesdigging through the roof to get
me down there.
Steph (08:46):
Let's talk about that a little bit.
So you've been with this groupof guys, some of them since 2008
.
If somebody is new to the area,how would you suggest that they
find that group of guys thatwill tear the roof off and lower
them down?
Ben (09:03):
Wow, I think it does start with the larger men's groups at
church and not just the men'sgroup.
Al and I got really closebecause we both volunteered with
the Awana Ministries at ourchurch ministries at our church.
I can remember a time we're outat LCA for the Awana games and
(09:25):
our little group from LakesideBaptist was defeating another
large church from Lynchburg,which I will not name.
We were kind of keeping scorein our heads and I can still
remember us standing behind.
We won.
I think we beat these guys.
We're trying not to, but that'show we really got to know each
other was serving God.
(09:45):
Rob came in.
Al actually brought Rob in.
Rob came in through thechildren's ministry as well and
Al taught well.
He was always known as Mr Al atour church and every middle
school kid that came through hadto go through his boy's Sunday
(10:07):
school class.
Rob had a younger group and hestarted coming in.
Tim and Al probably were alittle closer, maybe before he
and I got to be friends.
Tim started coming prettyregularly.
He was food and beveragemanager at the ballpark and he
(10:29):
actually had me at the ballparkchecking IDs for a while.
I was doing it more as a favorto him because he needed
somebody he could trust to dothat.
And then Joel got into thegroup.
I don't remember exactly whatbrought him in, but it was
through the church as well.
In fact I think it could havebeen Joel had three boys that
(10:51):
went through Al's Sunday schoolclass, so I'm sure that's what
really connected us.
Jess (10:56):
That started at the church .
Now, church isn't perfect.
We're still human, we're stillpeople, so it's not perfect.
But you mentioned that whenyour friend's wife committed
suicide, basically you know thechurch failed him.
What can churches do to supportour men Not just men, I guess,
(11:19):
people in your opinionespecially when they're going
through a mental healthsituation?
Ben (11:24):
Don't forget about them, especially when you lose a
family member.
What do we do?
We prepare a dish.
We take it to the house.
Jess (11:32):
Let's get a meal train, mm-hmm.
Ben (11:35):
We go to the funeral home and see them.
In Al's case, I was the onlyone that showed up at his house
from the church.
After that happened.
Then, after things kind of wentalong, everybody loved Al and
everybody thought Mr Al has tohave all kinds of friends.
(11:57):
Well, everybody thoughteverybody else was taking care
of and that's where the ball gotdropped is everybody assumed
everybody else was taking up thethe rope.
Yeah, and with rob his, hiswife died of cancer.
Uh, just being there, uh forhim.
And sometimes it's just a textor a phone call hey, how you're
(12:20):
doing today?
Do you need to get together andtalk Uh?
Is there anything uh that wecan, we can do for you?
And it's just communication.
How long does it take to send atext message to a to a friend,
to ask about.
I mean um.
So I think that's reallyeverybody thought everybody else
(12:41):
was taking care of him.
Jess (12:43):
Yeah, and you guys, I think the aftercare too.
Everybody always thinks aboutin the moment what do?
You need now.
What do you need now?
But it's the days and the weeksand the months and the years
after.
Ben (12:56):
Yeah.
Jess (12:56):
So and I think that was really great that you guys said
okay, next week and next year,or we're going to keep on doing
this Every Tuesday night.
I'm here, I'm going to show upfor you, I'm going to keep on
showing up for you.
Ben (13:09):
Yeah, Now we've transitioned a little bit,
especially during COVID it gotkind of tough.
I can remember us sitting inlawn chairs in our church
parking lot on a Sundayafternoon Six feet apart.
Jess (13:20):
Remember those days.
Remember us sitting in lawnchairs in our church parking lot
on a Sunday afternoon.
Ben (13:22):
Yeah, six feet apart.
Jess (13:22):
Yeah, remember those days, yeah.
Ben (13:26):
Kind of.
After that.
We've kind of transitioned toabout once or twice a month.
We'll get together forbreakfast on a Saturday morning
and talk with each other andfellowship with each other.
A couple of the guys arebowling together now, which I'm
not in shape to bowl anymore.
So I told them the other night.
(13:46):
I said hey guys, I think thebowling's taking place at the
coffee, but that's okay.
But wow, you know, the otherawesome thing about this, jess,
is how we get to share Jesusthrough our experiences you know
(14:09):
I was telling you about howamazed the doctor was with Al
and I after Tim's surgery andthat opened a door for Tim to
tell you.
Let me tell you about theseChristian guys in my life.
Let me tell you about Christtype things.
The Bible says we're going toproduce fruit.
Fruit isn't always being on theevangelistic field and bringing
people to Christ.
(14:30):
Sometimes that fruit's caringfor others and having two or
three steps out that lead tosomebody else bringing that
together.
Another scripture that's reallyclose to me comes from
Ecclesiastes when it talks abouta cord of three.
It is much stronger and justimagine what a cord of five is.
(14:51):
You tie us together and one ofus falls, the other one picks
the other up.
And I think you were talking alittle bit before we got started
about accountability partnersand we have to be accountable to
each other.
I can remember a time back whenAl was still in the area, they
(15:17):
offered him the opportunity tobe the guy pushing the cart of
beer around the stadium and hewas kind of that would be kind
of cool.
I said, al, you can't do that.
I said, what do you mean?
He said how many of these kidsthat see you teach Sunday school
every morning are going to seeyou at the ballpark being Mr Al
(15:40):
the beer guy.
Steph (15:41):
I said that ain't going to work too well.
Ben (15:44):
So he's like yeah, you know , you're right, and he didn't do
it, you know, because of therelationship we had to talk
about that.
Jess (15:53):
Yeah holding each other accountable.
Ben (15:55):
Yeah.
Steph (15:56):
Now you mentioned that, your group of guys mostly at the
retirement type age.
How would you suggest thatfolks who are listening grab
that multi-generational group ofguys the ones that are younger,
not like they're in Sundayschool and it's the little guys,
but the ones that are that I'mgoing to say it, that middle age
(16:17):
range that is, you know, aftercollege you're not even
considered a young professionalanymore.
You're in your mid thirtiesuntil your mid fifties and
you're forgotten about a lot.
How do you suggest that peopledraw those guys in and pull them
in and say, hey, I see theimportance of this mentorship
and this accountability, becausea lot of them are still
(16:37):
struggling to even find theirway, figure out who they are,
figure out who they are in Jesus.
Ben (16:45):
I think that's maybe where the larger men's groups to
identify.
You know specific guys that youcan have this tight
relationship with.
Not all of our guys areretirement age.
Okay, some of them are in theirlate 40s or early 50s.
So sometimes we have buddiesthat you know aren't in our
(17:10):
group, that may have kids still,and we try to encourage them
and just maybe not be quite asclose.
But the Bible kind of teaches toPaul, the Barnabas and the
Timothy in your life and I can,you know, outside of that group
(17:34):
I can kind of see that.
I remember back when I was inRichmond.
I was in Richmond for a whilebefore we came back to Roanoke
and I had a worship leader atour church who was a little
older than me and I was runningsound for him for both the
church and the Emmaus group outthere and he was kind of my Paul
(17:56):
.
You know he was the one kind ofkeeping me straight a lot of
times.
I see my group now kind of as myBarnabas, you know my peers
type thing, kind of as myBarnabas, you know my peers type
thing.
And you know I had a guy rightbefore I retired, a young man
(18:18):
that just got married thatworked for me out of the
Richmond office and he was kindof my Timothy, you know.
I could kind of pour into himand encourage him along.
He was just at that age ofhaving children.
But it's important to havethose three involved in your
(18:39):
life because you need somebodyto tell you what to do and you
need to be that somebody thatcan pass that along to the
younger and they have to receiveit.
Steph (18:49):
Yeah, yeah, they have to be willing to receive it.
Jess (18:52):
What would you say to the man who is that tough, macho and
who isn't quite there yet asfar as letting their guard down
and being open to saying, heybrother, I need you, I need your
prayers, I just need to talk toyou, I just need to cry out to
(19:16):
God with you, I just need you tojust sit with me and just hear
me.
What would you say to that manwho is not there yet, but you
know they need to be there?
Ben (19:27):
Who's going to dig through the roof for you?
Yeah, who's going to digthrough the roof for you?
Yeah, who's going to digthrough the roof for you?
If you don't get involved withsomebody that can, you can't do
it on your own.
You know, it's the Americanthing, being macho, as you
called it, you know I can endureeverything.
You know I'll be realtransparent here.
(19:49):
Wife and I I kind of put myfoot in my mouth really bad last
night.
I got into the leftovers forsupper and I ended up eating the
leftovers that she wanted andshe's like you're eating my
brisket and I'm like I don'tknow, am I?
But you know I was upset overthat.
(20:13):
You know, wasn't the guys there?
but I had I let emotion out yeahat that time you gotta let
motion out, because if you don't, um, it boils up inside of you
and then it boils out in waysyou don't want it to boil out we
do have one ultimate question.
Jess (20:31):
We do.
We have one question.
We ask every guest.
We even answer this questionourselves.
All right, if there was onething you could ask Jesus to fix
today, big or small, what wouldit be?
Ben (20:46):
Today, today, okay, today would be my job.
I'm kind of struggling at workright now and I've always been
the guy that wanted to workwherever God wanted me to be at
work, and I'm feeling like maybethat's not where I'm supposed
to be, because usually I getthat blessing that, whatever it
(21:09):
is, I can figure it out, andwith this current job it just
hadn't been that way.
So, I'm thinking, all right,where's he want me at right now.
So that would be the one thingI would ask him about today,
Every day.
What's heaven like?
Find hope and inspiration withJess's Daily Devotion.
(21:31):
Check out jessdailydevocom orsearch Jess's Daily Devotion
wherever you listen to podcasts.
Hey, welcome back, or welcome to the Jesus Fix it
podcast, the show where we talkabout life, the ups, the downs,
a little pop culture andeverything in between.
I'm Jess and I'm Steph.
Steph (00:15):
Every other week we dive into the things we're asking
Jesus to fix.
And let's be real, there's alot.
You can always count on us tokeep it real.
Jess (00:24):
Share some laughs with us and maybe a few tears as we
tackle the big and small stuffwith faith and honesty.
So grab your coffee and let'sget into it.
We are not alone today.
We have a friend in the studiowith us today, so that means we
got to be on our best behavior,really.
Okay, we'll try.
We will try to be on our bestbehavior.
(00:44):
No promises, though.
Our friend Ben is here.
Ben, thank you so much forjoining us.
So it's not about all thingsladies today.
No, we want to pour into mentoday.
Yes, it's so important.
And so, ben, you're going tohelp us do that.
You're going to help us pourinto our men so our men can stay
lifted up and encouraged.
Ben (01:07):
Absolutely.
Jess (01:08):
First of all, tell us a little bit about you, okay.
Ben (01:11):
I've been involved with Spirit FM for quite some time I
think even before either of youever came to Spirit FM that I
was volunteering and I've kindof been around and you
introduced me as friend.
I was thinking to myself well,actually I always thought I was
family, so I guess I've beendemoted.
Jess (01:28):
You are.
You are friend and family.
How about that?
Yes, you are family.
Yes.
Ben (01:36):
Well, I'll tell you about our little men's group.
It's not your typical men'sgroup at a church.
Okay, because a lot of timespeople think about a men's group
.
You're thinking, oh gee, 30, 40guys getting together on
Saturday morning, havingbreakfast together, hearing a
little devotional, and you'regoing off your way until the
next month.
That's not what I'm into rightnow.
(01:58):
All of this started probablyback in late 2008.
All of this started probablyback in late 2008.
Steph (02:10):
I had a buddy his name's Al and his wife committed
suicide.
Ben (02:12):
In fact, it happened while he was at church with us one
Sunday he went home and foundher.
The church really didn'trespond well to his needs.
And I kind of got wind that Alwas thinking about leaving the
church.
We went to Buffalo Wild Wings.
It's really strange.
(02:36):
I remember this.
We were watching electionreturns from the 2008 election.
We talked and I said look, al,I'm going to commit to you every
Tuesday night because that'swhat it was.
It was a Tuesday night.
Every Tuesday night we're goingto get together and do
something, whatever it is, andthat started a group that is now
about five of us.
Since that time, we've hadanother guy in our group lose
(02:59):
his wife.
She died of cancer, died athome, and I can remember sitting
at his house with him andanother one of our guys waiting
for the funeral home to come gether.
That was really a toughsituation.
We've got another guy who hasnot had a wife been divorced for
(03:20):
quite some time.
We were sitting at a ball gametogether in salem that hey, tim.
I said, uh, you know you needanything with all this going on.
Let me know I can even takesome time off work, take you to
the doctor, take you to uva,whatever.
Well, it ended up that al andmyself went with him to uva to
have his cancer surgery and westayed there the whole weekend
(03:45):
with him.
And it was really interestingtoo, because we were the ones
that met the doctor after thesurgery and that doctor was
really commenting back to Tim,you've got some crazy friends,
but they're the best ones theyare.
But she was really taken back bythe fact we were there and we
(04:05):
were that concerned about him toget him through that.
Steph (04:11):
Yeah.
Ben (04:11):
So we would get together at Al's house and play Mexican
train.
Jess (04:16):
dominoes have you ever played those?
How is that different fromregular dominoes?
Ben (04:21):
What is that?
It's dominoes on steroids.
Jess (04:24):
Okay, so when we play dominoes where I'm from, we slam
them on the table.
Ben (04:29):
Oh geez.
Jess (04:30):
Yeah, it gets.
Ben (04:31):
Take your rings off.
Jess (04:32):
Yeah, it's serious business.
Ben (04:35):
Oh, it was serious business Okay.
Instead of just one line,you've got maybe six or eight
lines oh, it's going everywhere.
Steph (04:41):
Oh, it's going everywhere .
Oh, okay, gotcha.
Ben (04:42):
But we used to get together and do that.
Oh wow, we traveled ballgamestogether.
We went to Boston about a yearafter his wife passed.
Steph (04:52):
We went up there and saw a.
Ben (04:53):
Red Sox game together with some friends.
He now lives in the Outer Banks.
He has basically retired, movedout of the Roanoke area and we
go see him about once a year andhang out with him, you know,
and enjoy some fellowship there.
The other guy that I reallyhaven't mentioned in the group
(05:16):
his name's Joel, and Joel has aspecial needs son.
He's got autism.
So we all try to jump in andhelp Joel the best we can to
encourage him along.
Joel has to work very flexiblejobs so he can be there for his
son.
So a lot of flexible jobs don'tpay the best right, Okay.
(05:41):
So we had to have some workdone in our basement and I was
able to help him out a littlefinancially, Things I can't
physically do anymore myself.
So he's helping me, I'm helpinghim.
Joel's a really, really greatguy.
If you ever needed anything,he's one of those guys that'll
(06:02):
just jump right in there andhelp you get it done.
Really, all of these guys are.
I've been going through somerough stuff myself let's be
honest here.
Work hasn't been going thegreatest for me here lately and
I've been struggling maybeproducing what I need to produce
(06:22):
at work.
And I was able to get in touchwith these guys last week and
say, hey guys, I need yourprayers, this isn't going well
and within oh wow, 30 minutesI'd heard from each one of them
saying you got it, we've got youcovered, and had breakfast, in
(06:42):
fact, this past Saturday alltogether.
Al wasn't with us, of course.
He lives in the Outer Banks nowso we only see him maybe once or
twice a year to get together inRoanoke, but you know we were
able to talk about differentthings going on in life.
In life, tim is getting to thepoint that he's getting tired of
(07:12):
work.
I guess he's talking aboutfollowing me into that
retirement thing.
But the bad thing is I retiredand then I went and took another
job and kept on going because Istill had bills to pay.
Jess (07:23):
Yeah, but you've already touched on so many things that
you know we talk about all thetime as women.
We talk about loneliness, wetalk about divorce, we talk
about having to take care ofkids with special needs, we talk
about anxiety, anxiety, mentalhealth, but honestly, we rarely
hear men talk about these things.
(07:45):
So I don't want to.
Refreshing is not the word Iwant to say, but it's almost
refreshing to know that you guysare talking about these things,
because it's good to havesomebody to air these things out
, with, somebody that you cansay hey, I'm not okay.
(08:09):
Can you pray with me?
Can we meet?
Can you just be there for me?
Because is it always easy forguys to talk about these things?
Ben (08:18):
No, unless you've got that relationship with another guy.
Usually, you know I'm rough,I'm tough and I can do this on
my own.
Jess (08:25):
Right yeah.
Ben (08:27):
I don't know if you guys have seen the picture that kind
of floats on the Internet thatsays you need friends that will
lower you through the roof andit's got the little drawing.
That's my guys.
The first time I saw that, Isent it to them and I said this
is what we've got.
You guys would be the onesdigging through the roof to get
me down there.
Steph (08:46):
Let's talk about that a little bit.
So you've been with this groupof guys, some of them since 2008
.
If somebody is new to the area,how would you suggest that they
find that group of guys thatwill tear the roof off and lower
them down?
Ben (09:03):
Wow, I think it does start with the larger men's groups at
church and not just the men'sgroup.
Al and I got really closebecause we both volunteered with
the Awana Ministries at ourchurch ministries at our church.
I can remember a time we're outat LCA for the Awana games and
(09:25):
our little group from LakesideBaptist was defeating another
large church from Lynchburg,which I will not name.
We were kind of keeping scorein our heads and I can still
remember us standing behind.
We won.
I think we beat these guys.
We're trying not to, but that'show we really got to know each
other was serving God.
(09:45):
Rob came in.
Al actually brought Rob in.
Rob came in through thechildren's ministry as well and
Al taught well.
He was always known as Mr Al atour church and every middle
school kid that came through hadto go through his boy's Sunday
(10:07):
school class.
Rob had a younger group and hestarted coming in.
Tim and Al probably were alittle closer, maybe before he
and I got to be friends.
Tim started coming prettyregularly.
He was food and beveragemanager at the ballpark and he
(10:29):
actually had me at the ballparkchecking IDs for a while.
I was doing it more as a favorto him because he needed
somebody he could trust to dothat.
And then Joel got into thegroup.
I don't remember exactly whatbrought him in, but it was
through the church as well.
In fact I think it could havebeen Joel had three boys that
(10:51):
went through Al's Sunday schoolclass, so I'm sure that's what
really connected us.
Jess (10:56):
That started at the church .
Now, church isn't perfect.
We're still human, we're stillpeople, so it's not perfect.
But you mentioned that whenyour friend's wife committed
suicide, basically you know thechurch failed him.
What can churches do to supportour men Not just men, I guess,
(11:19):
people in your opinionespecially when they're going
through a mental healthsituation?
Ben (11:24):
Don't forget about them, especially when you lose a
family member.
What do we do?
We prepare a dish.
We take it to the house.
Jess (11:32):
Let's get a meal train, mm-hmm.
Ben (11:35):
We go to the funeral home and see them.
In Al's case, I was the onlyone that showed up at his house
from the church.
After that happened.
Then, after things kind of wentalong, everybody loved Al and
everybody thought Mr Al has tohave all kinds of friends.
(11:57):
Well, everybody thoughteverybody else was taking care
of and that's where the ball gotdropped is everybody assumed
everybody else was taking up thethe rope.
Yeah, and with rob his, hiswife died of cancer.
Uh, just being there, uh forhim.
And sometimes it's just a textor a phone call hey, how you're
(12:20):
doing today?
Do you need to get together andtalk Uh?
Is there anything uh that wecan, we can do for you?
And it's just communication.
How long does it take to send atext message to a to a friend,
to ask about.
I mean um.
So I think that's reallyeverybody thought everybody else
(12:41):
was taking care of him.
Jess (12:43):
Yeah, and you guys, I think the aftercare too.
Everybody always thinks aboutin the moment what do?
You need now.
What do you need now?
But it's the days and the weeksand the months and the years
after.
Ben (12:56):
Yeah.
Jess (12:56):
So and I think that was really great that you guys said
okay, next week and next year,or we're going to keep on doing
this Every Tuesday night.
I'm here, I'm going to show upfor you, I'm going to keep on
showing up for you.
Ben (13:09):
Yeah, Now we've transitioned a little bit,
especially during COVID it gotkind of tough.
I can remember us sitting inlawn chairs in our church
parking lot on a Sundayafternoon Six feet apart.
Jess (13:20):
Remember those days.
Remember us sitting in lawnchairs in our church parking lot
on a Sunday afternoon.
Ben (13:22):
Yeah, six feet apart.
Jess (13:22):
Yeah, remember those days, yeah.
Ben (13:26):
Kind of.
After that.
We've kind of transitioned toabout once or twice a month.
We'll get together forbreakfast on a Saturday morning
and talk with each other andfellowship with each other.
A couple of the guys arebowling together now, which I'm
not in shape to bowl anymore.
So I told them the other night.
(13:46):
I said hey guys, I think thebowling's taking place at the
coffee, but that's okay.
But wow, you know, the otherawesome thing about this, jess,
is how we get to share Jesusthrough our experiences you know
(14:09):
I was telling you about howamazed the doctor was with Al
and I after Tim's surgery andthat opened a door for Tim to
tell you.
Let me tell you about theseChristian guys in my life.
Let me tell you about Christtype things.
The Bible says we're going toproduce fruit.
Fruit isn't always being on theevangelistic field and bringing
people to Christ.
(14:30):
Sometimes that fruit's caringfor others and having two or
three steps out that lead tosomebody else bringing that
together.
Another scripture that's reallyclose to me comes from
Ecclesiastes when it talks abouta cord of three.
It is much stronger and justimagine what a cord of five is.
(14:51):
You tie us together and one ofus falls, the other one picks
the other up.
And I think you were talking alittle bit before we got started
about accountability partnersand we have to be accountable to
each other.
I can remember a time back whenAl was still in the area, they
(15:17):
offered him the opportunity tobe the guy pushing the cart of
beer around the stadium and hewas kind of that would be kind
of cool.
I said, al, you can't do that.
I said, what do you mean?
He said how many of these kidsthat see you teach Sunday school
every morning are going to seeyou at the ballpark being Mr Al
(15:40):
the beer guy.
Steph (15:41):
I said that ain't going to work too well.
Ben (15:44):
So he's like yeah, you know , you're right, and he didn't do
it, you know, because of therelationship we had to talk
about that.
Jess (15:53):
Yeah holding each other accountable.
Ben (15:55):
Yeah.
Steph (15:56):
Now you mentioned that, your group of guys mostly at the
retirement type age.
How would you suggest thatfolks who are listening grab
that multi-generational group ofguys the ones that are younger,
not like they're in Sundayschool and it's the little guys,
but the ones that are that I'mgoing to say it, that middle age
(16:17):
range that is, you know, aftercollege you're not even
considered a young professionalanymore.
You're in your mid thirtiesuntil your mid fifties and
you're forgotten about a lot.
How do you suggest that peopledraw those guys in and pull them
in and say, hey, I see theimportance of this mentorship
and this accountability, becausea lot of them are still
(16:37):
struggling to even find theirway, figure out who they are,
figure out who they are in Jesus.
Ben (16:45):
I think that's maybe where the larger men's groups to
identify.
You know specific guys that youcan have this tight
relationship with.
Not all of our guys areretirement age.
Okay, some of them are in theirlate 40s or early 50s.
So sometimes we have buddiesthat you know aren't in our
(17:10):
group, that may have kids still,and we try to encourage them
and just maybe not be quite asclose.
But the Bible kind of teaches toPaul, the Barnabas and the
Timothy in your life and I can,you know, outside of that group
(17:34):
I can kind of see that.
I remember back when I was inRichmond.
I was in Richmond for a whilebefore we came back to Roanoke
and I had a worship leader atour church who was a little
older than me and I was runningsound for him for both the
church and the Emmaus group outthere and he was kind of my Paul
(17:56):
.
You know he was the one kind ofkeeping me straight a lot of
times.
I see my group now kind of as myBarnabas, you know my peers
type thing, kind of as myBarnabas, you know my peers type
thing.
And you know I had a guy rightbefore I retired, a young man
(18:18):
that just got married thatworked for me out of the
Richmond office and he was kindof my Timothy, you know.
I could kind of pour into himand encourage him along.
He was just at that age ofhaving children.
But it's important to havethose three involved in your
(18:39):
life because you need somebodyto tell you what to do and you
need to be that somebody thatcan pass that along to the
younger and they have to receiveit.
Steph (18:49):
Yeah, yeah, they have to be willing to receive it.
Jess (18:52):
What would you say to the man who is that tough, macho and
who isn't quite there yet asfar as letting their guard down
and being open to saying, heybrother, I need you, I need your
prayers, I just need to talk toyou, I just need to cry out to
(19:16):
God with you, I just need you tojust sit with me and just hear
me.
What would you say to that manwho is not there yet, but you
know they need to be there?
Ben (19:27):
Who's going to dig through the roof for you?
Yeah, who's going to digthrough the roof for you?
Yeah, who's going to digthrough the roof for you?
If you don't get involved withsomebody that can, you can't do
it on your own.
You know, it's the Americanthing, being macho, as you
called it, you know I can endureeverything.
You know I'll be realtransparent here.
(19:49):
Wife and I I kind of put myfoot in my mouth really bad last
night.
I got into the leftovers forsupper and I ended up eating the
leftovers that she wanted andshe's like you're eating my
brisket and I'm like I don'tknow, am I?
But you know I was upset overthat.
(20:13):
You know, wasn't the guys there?
but I had I let emotion out yeahat that time you gotta let
motion out, because if you don't, um, it boils up inside of you
and then it boils out in waysyou don't want it to boil out we
do have one ultimate question.
Jess (20:31):
We do.
We have one question.
We ask every guest.
We even answer this questionourselves.
All right, if there was onething you could ask Jesus to fix
today, big or small, what wouldit be?
Ben (20:46):
Today, today, okay, today would be my job.
I'm kind of struggling at workright now and I've always been
the guy that wanted to workwherever God wanted me to be at
work, and I'm feeling like maybethat's not where I'm supposed
to be, because usually I getthat blessing that, whatever it
(21:09):
is, I can figure it out, andwith this current job it just
hadn't been that way.
So, I'm thinking, all right,where's he want me at right now.
So that would be the one thingI would ask him about today,
Every day.
What's heaven like?
Find hope and inspiration withJess's Daily Devotion.
(21:31):
Check out jessdailydevocom orsearch Jess's Daily Devotion
wherever you listen to podcasts.
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