November 4, 2025 • 28 mins
Every mid-career professional has faced that gut-punch moment when a colleague shifts blame, steals credit, or takes a public swipe to protect their image. In this episode of The Mid-Career GPS Podcast, John Neral dives into why “bus-throwing” happens, how to stay composed when it does, and what to do next to protect your professional reputation without reacting emotionally.
If you’ve ever felt the sting of embarrassment, anger, or self-doubt after someone undermined you, this episode gives you a clear, practical playbook to regain control, rebuild trust, and move forward with confidence.
What You’ll Learn
- Why fear, insecurity, and low psychological safety drive blame-shifting behavior
- How mid-career professionals often become easy targets when they hold responsibility without equivalent authority
- How to pause under pressure, stay calm, and separate truth from perception
- The exact language you can use to clarify facts in a meeting or email
- A simple documentation strategy that prevents misinformation and protects your credibility
- When to address issues privately, when to set firm boundaries, and when escalation is appropriate
- How to rebuild credibility through consistent performance and visible results
- Why executive presence—composure, clarity, and confidence—is your best defense
John also shares step-by-step recovery actions you can take after a professional setback to ensure your brand stays strong, your work stays respected, and your relationships remain authentic.
Episode Highlights
- How insecurity, fear, and imposter syndrome show up in colleagues’ behavior
- The power of neutral, fact-based communication
- Setting healthy boundaries to protect your energy and career reputation
- Rebuilding trust and visibility through transparency and strong alliances
- When and how to involve HR with clarity and documentation
If you’re navigating a challenging workplace dynamic or working to rebuild your credibility, this episode will help you lead with calm authority and protect your professional reputation.
Take the Next Step:
Schedule a 45-minute Career or Leadership Strategy Session with Jo
Ready to give your career the jumpstart it needs to whatever is next? Schedule a $197 Career/Leadership Strategy Session. Click here to learn more about how this transformative strategy session will help you.
Visit https://johnneral.com/resources to:
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- Get The Mid-Career Promotion Blueprint to help you figure out whatever is next for you and your career
- Join The Mid-Career GPS Membership Community.
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Subscribe to John's YouTube Channel here.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
As mid-career professionals, you've worked
hard to build your credibilityand reputation at work.
Look, you deliver results, youshow up for your team, you do
what's expected of you, andoften you go above and beyond.
So when someone at work throwsyou under the bus, whether it's
(00:22):
a colleague or leader, you know,when they shift blame, take
credit, or publicly criticizeyou to save themselves, that
hurts.
It's embarrassing, it'sfrustrating, and it can make you
question who you can reallytrust at work.
And let's face it, it pisses youoff, and it should.
(00:44):
If you have ever thought, Ican't believe they did that to
me, this episode is for you.
Today, I will talk to you aboutwhat it means when someone
throws you under the bus, why ithappens more often than you
think, how to respond in themoment, and what to do to
protect your reputation and moveforward with integrity and
(01:07):
confidence.
Because while you can't controlhow other people act, you can
absolutely control how yourespond.
And that's an important part ofbuilding your mid-career GPS.
So let's get started.
(01:37):
I help mid-career professionalslike you find a career they love
or love the one they have usingmy proven four-step formula.
Admittedly, I've been wanting todo this episode for a while, and
it's not a pleasant topic, butit happens, and it happens to
all of us.
And hopefully, you're not thepeople who are throwing your
(02:00):
colleagues under the bus.
But let's start why people dothis.
Getting thrown under the bus, inmy experience, almost always
stems from someone's insecurity,fear, or their own imposter
syndrome.
Someone, the person who'sthrowing you under the bus, is
(02:23):
feeling threatened, overwhelmed,or under pressure.
And rather than taking ownershipfor what it is that they're
doing, they deflect and theylook for someone else to take
the fall.
Sometimes it is aboutvisibility.
Maybe they have an interestingrelationship with leadership or
(02:43):
they're close to theirleadership because maybe they've
been there a while and you'resomeone who hasn't been with the
company for as long.
And so you might be perceived asa threat.
Maybe you were excelling orshining a little too brightly in
a meeting, and your success andyour visibility made someone
(03:04):
else uncomfortable.
Look, I never want you to dimyour light.
This is about understanding thecontext and the construct of the
(03:27):
dynamics that exist within yourteam or your organization.
And that's why it brings me tothis other point.
Throwing someone under the busmay actually be a culture
problem within yourorganization.
When organizations lackpsychological safety, people
will go ahead and protectthemselves instead of each
(03:50):
other.
And as we've talked so manytimes on this podcast,
mid-career is a dynamic time foryou.
And admittedly, it is a trickyspot in your career.
At mid-career and more often atmid-level, you have enough
experience to be accountable fora lot within your organization.
(04:13):
But you may not always have theauthority or power to defend
yourself when things go wrong.
And that dynamic can make you aconvenient target.
But listen to me very carefullyhere.
When someone throws you underthe bus, it says far more about
(04:36):
them and their character than itdoes about your competence and
the quality in which you do thejob.
But that doesn't make it anyeasier for you.
So let's talk about how torespond when this happens.
When I coach my clients onsituations like this, the first
(04:58):
thing I offer them is to pausebefore they react.
And that's hard.
As human beings, we areprotectors.
We are protectors of ourselvesand those whom we care about.
And so it's very easy whensomeone throws us under the bus
to immediately go after them, togo on the attack.
(05:20):
And when you're blindsided, itis understandable to think you
have to defend yourselfimmediately.
It might be in a meeting, itmight be in an email, it may
even be in the hallway after.
But reacting emotionally ordefensively rarely helps.
(05:44):
This is an opportunity for youto be strategic.
So rather than appearing rattledor unprofessional and gives the
other person more control oftheir story, this is why you
pause.
This is why you take a breathand you take a moment to gather
the facts.
(06:06):
I want to be clear as I walkthrough this example with you,
it isn't necessarily where it'sgoing to take a lot of time for
you to do this.
In fact, in some cases, let'ssay in a meeting, it may
actually happen very quickly.
Okay.
But as you're gathering thefacts, here's what you're going
to do.
I want you to ask yourself, whatexactly was said or done?
(06:31):
Who was present?
What was the impact?
And then is this truth with acapital T, meaning we have
documented evidence, we havecredible witnesses, or is it
truth with a lowercase T wherewe're allowing some of this to
(06:55):
be a little subjective orinterpreted?
Let's say, for example, you'resitting in a meeting, you're
there with your leadership andyour colleagues, and someone
publicly misrepresents whathappened.
And what they misrepresentdirectly impacts you.
(07:20):
In that moment, you could verycalmly, as best as you can, say
something like this.
I'd like you to clarify thatpoint.
Or I can share a bit morecontext on that decision if
you'd like.
(07:49):
Now, I have been thrown underthe bus before.
It is not pleasant, it is noteasy.
And and I remember sitting in ameeting, I was in a meeting with
my boss, and my boss's boss wasin the meeting.
And it was a pretty tensemeeting.
(08:17):
And very calmly, and I will tellyou, this is this is one of
those moments in my career thatI look back on and I think that
was exactly how I wanted to showup.
Because very calmly, I looked atmy boss's boss and I said, You
and I both know you're lying, sostop.
(08:43):
Quote unquote, you and I bothknow you're lying, so stop.
I'm not gonna sit here and haveyou misrepresent me that way.
So there was some backpedalingand some quote unquote
clarifying.
And when I left that meeting, myboss and I were walking down the
hallway and we rounded thecorner, and she put her arm on
(09:06):
my, she put her hand on my arm,and she goes, That was awesome.
Because I was not going toaccept that in that moment.
Okay.
When we go to respond, we do notneed to accuse or embarrass the
(09:27):
person who is throwing us underthe bus.
What we need to do is anchor thetruth.
When we anchor the truth, wethen have facts, we have
evidence.
And after that meeting, when youhave a chance to just breathe
and process a little bit,document what happened.
(09:51):
Document what happened so youhave a record.
Because the further we get awayfrom the event, there are times
when the story changes.
So if you capture this in anemail you send to yourself, or
you write it down somewhere in ajournal or something like that,
you have something to go backto.
And you go back to it with factsand statements that are, I
(10:15):
heard, I saw, I observed, Iwitnessed, as opposed to I think
or I feel.
And then if you want, and it isif with a capital letters, my
friend, if you want, schedule aprivate conversation with that
person involved.
(10:37):
It might sound something likethis.
In today's meeting, I was a bitsurprised when you mentioned
this.
It came across like you weremaking it seem like I had
dropped the ball and that wasnot my understanding.
Are you open for a conversationso we can talk about what
(10:58):
happened?
You're not attacking, you areseeking understanding.
Sometimes, and and I I say thiswith a little bit of hesitation
because I am the kind of personthat will always want to give
people the benefit of the doubtthe first time it happens.
Sometimes they may not evenrealize the effects of their
(11:21):
behavior.
But other times, especially whenthey're repeat offenders, you
will learn that it isintentional.
But either way, this is aboutyou showing up and protecting
your professional brand tomaintain your professionalism
and composure.
And that is what matters.
(11:45):
So after this moment happens,okay, you've been thrown under
the bus and you're dusting offthe tire treads off you.
This is an opportunity to thinkabout any kind of recovery or
repair after this conversationor this event.
Being thrown under the bus isupsetting.
(12:05):
It can shake your confidence, itcan damage trust that you have
with your team and yourleadership.
So you will want to do what youcan to reinforce your
credibility and then decidewhether or not the relationship
is worth investing in to rebuildit.
(12:27):
So one of the first things youcan do is go back to the work.
What do you have control over?
You will continue to deliverconsistent high-quality results.
You will deliver them with thequality that you are known for
within your organization.
You will continue to keepcommunicating with your manager
(12:47):
and the team, and you willcontinue to look for
opportunities where you'revisible and your competence,
meaning the quality you deliverthat work is on display.
The more evidence you canprovide, the consistency in your
(13:08):
evidence, the harder it is forsomebody else's narrative to
stick, especially when they'retrying to throw you under the
bus.
One of the best compliments Iever received in my career was
when someone was trying to dothis and they said to them, um,
that doesn't sound like John.
That's when you know your brandand reputation is really good.
(13:31):
When someone tries to discredityou and the person to whom
they're speaking or the peoplewith whom they're speaking, and
they go, Yeah, that doesn'tsound like John.
If you believe there is a chancefor repair, if there is an
opportunity to rebuild arelationship that has been
fractured, and you are willingto invest the time, effort, and
(13:54):
energy to rebuild thatrelationship, it might look
something like this.
Hey, insert name.
We work together.
I value working with you.
I want to make sure you and Iare on the same page moving
forward.
When that situation happened theother day in that meeting, I
(14:15):
felt like I was being blamed forsomething outside of my control.
Would you be open to aconversation about how we can
handle things better the nexttime if it happens?
Here's where you're going tolisten very carefully.
Does the person say to you, yes,I'd be open for a conversation,
(14:39):
or do they immediately getdefensive?
If they get defensive, they getupset, let's just acknowledge
they're breathing, they'reemoting, they're reacting.
But if they're willing to beopen to a conversation and they
potentially or flat outright doown their mistake, you have a
chance to reestablish trust.
(14:59):
If not, you have learnedsomething very important about
them, their character, and yourboundaries.
And your boundaries are what Iwant to offer you are
unshakable.
If someone's not deserving ofyour trust, if someone is not
deserving of that kind ofprofessionalism and the ability
(15:23):
to sit with them side by side atthe table in collaboration, if
they are not deserving of that,your boundary is such to go,
yeah, it's just not going tohappen.
I'll respect you, I'll be niceto you at work, but no, we're
not, we're not friends.
We're not doing anything herebecause I don't trust you.
Doesn't have to be anything morethan that.
(15:44):
And if you're in a situationwhere someone is repeatedly
undermining you, attacking yourcredibility unfairly, you may
decide to escalate this andbring the situation to HR, or
depending on the size of yourcompany, may choose to bring in
a mediator to broker aconversation between the two of
(16:06):
you.
This must be done, in myopinion, with documentation and
clear action steps with tangibleoutcomes moving forward about
how people are supposed tobehave.
We can assume all day long thatas adults, as colleagues, we
(16:29):
should behave a certain way.
We are human beings, we allbring a lot of baggage, we all
have our own agenda, andadmittedly, some people will
never play in the sandbox theway we would play.
So you have to protect yourself,right?
You protect yourself goingforward.
(16:50):
And while you cannot controlevery single situation that
happens, you're going toessentially strengthen this
professional safety net you haveby reinforcing those boundaries.
So at work, you work on buildingyour professional network that
is anchored in allyship and notacquaintances.
(17:12):
I've said time and time again onthis podcast that trust, as
defined by Dr.
Dean Hinnitz, who is one of theleading sports psychologists,
trust is repeated behavior overtime.
When you build trustedrelationships with people, when
they see what you do day in andday out, they're going to
(17:33):
advocate and support and moreimportantly, promote your
professional brand when you arenot in the room because they
know what you do.
Make sure that you documentdecisions and communications.
Things like, hey, after today'smeeting, here's what we agreed
upon.
Here's the things that you own,here are the things that I own.
(17:58):
It isn't simply about CYAcovering your ass.
It is about having clarity andaccountability.
I want to offer you in this, itis also not micromanaging.
Okay.
Thirdly, lead with transparency.
When people know what you'reworking on and how you are
(18:19):
making decisions, there's lessroom for manipulation or blame.
Don't keep things secretive interms of how you're maneuvering
things if you are worried aboutbeing thrown under the bus.
Lead with that kind oftransparency.
Stay centered.
Stay centered and groundedbecause as a mid-career
(18:40):
professional, especially forthose of you who are still
looking to elevate your career,you're looking for that next
step.
You want more responsibility,want more visibility.
Management and leadership aregoing to be looking at how you
are showing up in thesesituations to exemplify who you
(19:00):
are as a leader, a professional,and as a representative of the
company.
The calmer you stay, the more incontrol you stay, the more power
you retain.
There is a huge differencebetween saying, I am
(19:25):
disappointed or I am angry athow you behaved in that meeting
versus yelling and screaming atthem, saying the same thing.
Your boundaries are your key.
Your boundaries are whatprotects your energy.
(19:47):
And if you are in a situationwhere maybe you didn't
acknowledge your boundaries oryou crossed your own boundaries
or things, you're human.
It's going to happen.
You apologize, you you yourectify, you move forward.
Okay.
But when we get thrown under thebus, what we want to make sure
(20:08):
is that never happens again.
Think about it.
If you've ever been disrespectedby someone close to you, and
more than likely you have been.
I have.
Okay.
Think about it.
It might be a parent, a sibling,a family member, an ex, or maybe
(20:33):
even your current spouse orpartner.
You set a boundary to protectyourself, but also to ensure
that's not going to happenagain.
I remember a time in my lifewhen my parents and I were going
through a really difficultpoint, and they got they got
very personal with some attacks.
Um, I write about it in my book,Show Up, Six Strategies to Lead
(20:57):
a More Energetic and ImpactfulCareer.
And I remember saying to them, Isaid, Look, you can be angry,
you can be upset with me.
I'm not gonna sit here and haveyou attack me.
That's not what this is going tobe.
If you can honor that boundaryor that ground rule, we can have
(21:18):
a conversation.
I'm not saying you can't beangry, you can't be upset, but
I'm not gonna let you talk to methat way.
And by the way, I was in my late20s at the time.
It wasn't like I was a teenager.
Okay.
Even still, though, could help.
In our work and professionalconversations, I want you to
(21:39):
remember here that your goal isnot to out politic anybody.
Anybody.
Your goal here is to staygrounded in integrity, clarity,
and confidence, even when othersdon't.
But I also don't want you to bea pushover.
When we get thrown under thebus, this is an opportunity for
(22:01):
us to stand up for ourselves andshow up to protect our
professional brand andreputation at work and in our
lives.
Do not let people dim yourlight.
Have people around you that aresupportive, uplifting,
encouraging.
They want your light to shinebrighter.
(22:22):
They want your light to shinebrighter because that's what you
do as part of a good team.
If you're working with somebodyand they want their light to be
the brightest, acknowledge thatfor what it is.
But think about your boundariesin that moment.
As I start wrapping up here withyou, getting thrown under the
(22:46):
bus is a horrible, horriblecircumstance.
It hurts.
Especially if we get thrownunder the bus by someone whom we
trusted.
But this then, this event whereyou get thrown under the bus,
that then becomes a definingmoment in your career.
(23:09):
That experience teaches you whoyou are when you're under
pressure.
It's about your resilience, yourprofessionalism, your
leadership, and who you are asan individual.
You cannot stop people fromacting out of fear or ego.
We can't control them.
(23:30):
But what you have control overis how you choose to lead
yourself with grace andstrength.
And that is what true executivepresence, executive energy,
executive leadership, that iswhat that true leadership looks
(23:53):
like.
So if you're navigating asituation right now where you've
been thrown under the bus,you're not alone.
I'm sorry you are now in thefold of millions and millions of
other people who have had thesame thing happen to them.
You get through it, you movethrough it, you will recover
from it, you will and canrebuild your credibility, and
(24:18):
you will come out stronger andmore respected than before.
There have been plenty of timeswhen I have coached clients who
have been thrown under the busand we've worked through the
actual event and what happensafter.
And what happens after isindividual to them because it's
based on how they want to showup.
(24:39):
As their coach, I don't tellthem what to do.
As their coach, I ask them thequestions so they can figure out
what's the best way for them tohandle that situation moving
forward.
That's another power ofcoaching.
So if this episode resonatedwith you in terms of how you're
(25:00):
navigating your career,navigating a workplace
situation, or even thinkingabout how you lead or want to
lead, I want to invite you.
I want to invite you to schedulea career or leadership strategy
session with me.
You can learn more about it onmy website at johnnarrell.com.
(25:21):
But a career or leadershipstrategy session is a 45-minute
private coaching session wherewe will walk through what's
happening, identify your nextbest steps, and help you get
back on track with the clarityand confidence you need as you
continue to build yourmid-career GPS.
So you can find it on my websiteat johnnarrell.com forward slash
(25:44):
resources, or you can check thelink in the show notes.
This is a paid session.
Currently, right now, at thetime when this episode drops,
this is a$197 session.
Um, it is a paid session becauseI do not offer free sessions.
Um, our time is valuable.
I work with people who areinvested in their growth, in
(26:06):
their success.
And this is a way for us toinitially work together to
ensure that you and I get toplay full out because you are
coming into this strategysession with something you very
specifically want coaching on.
Okay.
It could be about anythingrelated to your career or
leadership journey, but that iswhy this is a paid session.
(26:28):
So again, you can find moreabout it on my website at
johnner.com forward slashresources.
And lastly, if you found thisepisode helpful, if you find
this podcast helpful, um, wouldyou kindly do me a favor and
share it with someone?
Share it with a friend or acolleague who might need to hear
this message today.
Uh it is one of the best waysthis podcast continues to grow.
(26:50):
And I thank you for it.
So stay out of the way of allthose moving buses.
But if one's coming at you andone's getting ready to run you
over at work, hopefully afterthis episode, you've got a few
more things in your toolkit tohelp you uh either avoid it or
handle the situation after ithappens.
(27:13):
So until next time, my friends,remember this.
You will build your mid-careerGPS one mile or one step at a
time, and how you show upmatters.
Make it a great rest of yourday.
Thank you for listening to theMid-Career GPS Podcast.
Make sure to follow on yourfavorite listening platform.
(27:34):
And if you have a moment, I'dlove to hear your comments on
Apple Podcasts.
Visit johnnarrell.com for moreinformation about how I can help
you build your mid-career GPS,or how I can help you and your
organization with your nextworkshop or public speaking
event.
Don't forget to connect with meon LinkedIn and follow me on
social at John Daryl Coaching.
(27:56):
I look forward to being backwith you next week.
Until then, take care.
And remember, how we show upmatters.
As mid-career professionals, you've worked
hard to build your credibilityand reputation at work.
Look, you deliver results, youshow up for your team, you do
what's expected of you, andoften you go above and beyond.
So when someone at work throwsyou under the bus, whether it's
(00:22):
a colleague or leader, you know,when they shift blame, take
credit, or publicly criticizeyou to save themselves, that
hurts.
It's embarrassing, it'sfrustrating, and it can make you
question who you can reallytrust at work.
And let's face it, it pisses youoff, and it should.
(00:44):
If you have ever thought, Ican't believe they did that to
me, this episode is for you.
Today, I will talk to you aboutwhat it means when someone
throws you under the bus, why ithappens more often than you
think, how to respond in themoment, and what to do to
protect your reputation and moveforward with integrity and
(01:07):
confidence.
Because while you can't controlhow other people act, you can
absolutely control how yourespond.
And that's an important part ofbuilding your mid-career GPS.
So let's get started.
(01:37):
I help mid-career professionalslike you find a career they love
or love the one they have usingmy proven four-step formula.
Admittedly, I've been wanting todo this episode for a while, and
it's not a pleasant topic, butit happens, and it happens to
all of us.
And hopefully, you're not thepeople who are throwing your
(02:00):
colleagues under the bus.
But let's start why people dothis.
Getting thrown under the bus, inmy experience, almost always
stems from someone's insecurity,fear, or their own imposter
syndrome.
Someone, the person who'sthrowing you under the bus, is
(02:23):
feeling threatened, overwhelmed,or under pressure.
And rather than taking ownershipfor what it is that they're
doing, they deflect and theylook for someone else to take
the fall.
Sometimes it is aboutvisibility.
Maybe they have an interestingrelationship with leadership or
(02:43):
they're close to theirleadership because maybe they've
been there a while and you'resomeone who hasn't been with the
company for as long.
And so you might be perceived asa threat.
Maybe you were excelling orshining a little too brightly in
a meeting, and your success andyour visibility made someone
(03:04):
else uncomfortable.
Look, I never want you to dimyour light.
This is about understanding thecontext and the construct of the
(03:27):
dynamics that exist within yourteam or your organization.
And that's why it brings me tothis other point.
Throwing someone under the busmay actually be a culture
problem within yourorganization.
When organizations lackpsychological safety, people
will go ahead and protectthemselves instead of each
(03:50):
other.
And as we've talked so manytimes on this podcast,
mid-career is a dynamic time foryou.
And admittedly, it is a trickyspot in your career.
At mid-career and more often atmid-level, you have enough
experience to be accountable fora lot within your organization.
(04:13):
But you may not always have theauthority or power to defend
yourself when things go wrong.
And that dynamic can make you aconvenient target.
But listen to me very carefullyhere.
When someone throws you underthe bus, it says far more about
(04:36):
them and their character than itdoes about your competence and
the quality in which you do thejob.
But that doesn't make it anyeasier for you.
So let's talk about how torespond when this happens.
When I coach my clients onsituations like this, the first
(04:58):
thing I offer them is to pausebefore they react.
And that's hard.
As human beings, we areprotectors.
We are protectors of ourselvesand those whom we care about.
And so it's very easy whensomeone throws us under the bus
to immediately go after them, togo on the attack.
(05:20):
And when you're blindsided, itis understandable to think you
have to defend yourselfimmediately.
It might be in a meeting, itmight be in an email, it may
even be in the hallway after.
But reacting emotionally ordefensively rarely helps.
(05:44):
This is an opportunity for youto be strategic.
So rather than appearing rattledor unprofessional and gives the
other person more control oftheir story, this is why you
pause.
This is why you take a breathand you take a moment to gather
the facts.
(06:06):
I want to be clear as I walkthrough this example with you,
it isn't necessarily where it'sgoing to take a lot of time for
you to do this.
In fact, in some cases, let'ssay in a meeting, it may
actually happen very quickly.
Okay.
But as you're gathering thefacts, here's what you're going
to do.
I want you to ask yourself, whatexactly was said or done?
(06:31):
Who was present?
What was the impact?
And then is this truth with acapital T, meaning we have
documented evidence, we havecredible witnesses, or is it
truth with a lowercase T wherewe're allowing some of this to
(06:55):
be a little subjective orinterpreted?
Let's say, for example, you'resitting in a meeting, you're
there with your leadership andyour colleagues, and someone
publicly misrepresents whathappened.
And what they misrepresentdirectly impacts you.
(07:20):
In that moment, you could verycalmly, as best as you can, say
something like this.
I'd like you to clarify thatpoint.
Or I can share a bit morecontext on that decision if
you'd like.
(07:49):
Now, I have been thrown underthe bus before.
It is not pleasant, it is noteasy.
And and I remember sitting in ameeting, I was in a meeting with
my boss, and my boss's boss wasin the meeting.
And it was a pretty tensemeeting.
(08:17):
And very calmly, and I will tellyou, this is this is one of
those moments in my career thatI look back on and I think that
was exactly how I wanted to showup.
Because very calmly, I looked atmy boss's boss and I said, You
and I both know you're lying, sostop.
(08:43):
Quote unquote, you and I bothknow you're lying, so stop.
I'm not gonna sit here and haveyou misrepresent me that way.
So there was some backpedalingand some quote unquote
clarifying.
And when I left that meeting, myboss and I were walking down the
hallway and we rounded thecorner, and she put her arm on
(09:06):
my, she put her hand on my arm,and she goes, That was awesome.
Because I was not going toaccept that in that moment.
Okay.
When we go to respond, we do notneed to accuse or embarrass the
(09:27):
person who is throwing us underthe bus.
What we need to do is anchor thetruth.
When we anchor the truth, wethen have facts, we have
evidence.
And after that meeting, when youhave a chance to just breathe
and process a little bit,document what happened.
(09:51):
Document what happened so youhave a record.
Because the further we get awayfrom the event, there are times
when the story changes.
So if you capture this in anemail you send to yourself, or
you write it down somewhere in ajournal or something like that,
you have something to go backto.
And you go back to it with factsand statements that are, I
(10:15):
heard, I saw, I observed, Iwitnessed, as opposed to I think
or I feel.
And then if you want, and it isif with a capital letters, my
friend, if you want, schedule aprivate conversation with that
person involved.
(10:37):
It might sound something likethis.
In today's meeting, I was a bitsurprised when you mentioned
this.
It came across like you weremaking it seem like I had
dropped the ball and that wasnot my understanding.
Are you open for a conversationso we can talk about what
(10:58):
happened?
You're not attacking, you areseeking understanding.
Sometimes, and and I I say thiswith a little bit of hesitation
because I am the kind of personthat will always want to give
people the benefit of the doubtthe first time it happens.
Sometimes they may not evenrealize the effects of their
(11:21):
behavior.
But other times, especially whenthey're repeat offenders, you
will learn that it isintentional.
But either way, this is aboutyou showing up and protecting
your professional brand tomaintain your professionalism
and composure.
And that is what matters.
(11:45):
So after this moment happens,okay, you've been thrown under
the bus and you're dusting offthe tire treads off you.
This is an opportunity to thinkabout any kind of recovery or
repair after this conversationor this event.
Being thrown under the bus isupsetting.
(12:05):
It can shake your confidence, itcan damage trust that you have
with your team and yourleadership.
So you will want to do what youcan to reinforce your
credibility and then decidewhether or not the relationship
is worth investing in to rebuildit.
(12:27):
So one of the first things youcan do is go back to the work.
What do you have control over?
You will continue to deliverconsistent high-quality results.
You will deliver them with thequality that you are known for
within your organization.
You will continue to keepcommunicating with your manager
(12:47):
and the team, and you willcontinue to look for
opportunities where you'revisible and your competence,
meaning the quality you deliverthat work is on display.
The more evidence you canprovide, the consistency in your
(13:08):
evidence, the harder it is forsomebody else's narrative to
stick, especially when they'retrying to throw you under the
bus.
One of the best compliments Iever received in my career was
when someone was trying to dothis and they said to them, um,
that doesn't sound like John.
That's when you know your brandand reputation is really good.
(13:31):
When someone tries to discredityou and the person to whom
they're speaking or the peoplewith whom they're speaking, and
they go, Yeah, that doesn'tsound like John.
If you believe there is a chancefor repair, if there is an
opportunity to rebuild arelationship that has been
fractured, and you are willingto invest the time, effort, and
(13:54):
energy to rebuild thatrelationship, it might look
something like this.
Hey, insert name.
We work together.
I value working with you.
I want to make sure you and Iare on the same page moving
forward.
When that situation happened theother day in that meeting, I
(14:15):
felt like I was being blamed forsomething outside of my control.
Would you be open to aconversation about how we can
handle things better the nexttime if it happens?
Here's where you're going tolisten very carefully.
Does the person say to you, yes,I'd be open for a conversation,
(14:39):
or do they immediately getdefensive?
If they get defensive, they getupset, let's just acknowledge
they're breathing, they'reemoting, they're reacting.
But if they're willing to beopen to a conversation and they
potentially or flat outright doown their mistake, you have a
chance to reestablish trust.
(14:59):
If not, you have learnedsomething very important about
them, their character, and yourboundaries.
And your boundaries are what Iwant to offer you are
unshakable.
If someone's not deserving ofyour trust, if someone is not
deserving of that kind ofprofessionalism and the ability
(15:23):
to sit with them side by side atthe table in collaboration, if
they are not deserving of that,your boundary is such to go,
yeah, it's just not going tohappen.
I'll respect you, I'll be niceto you at work, but no, we're
not, we're not friends.
We're not doing anything herebecause I don't trust you.
Doesn't have to be anything morethan that.
(15:44):
And if you're in a situationwhere someone is repeatedly
undermining you, attacking yourcredibility unfairly, you may
decide to escalate this andbring the situation to HR, or
depending on the size of yourcompany, may choose to bring in
a mediator to broker aconversation between the two of
(16:06):
you.
This must be done, in myopinion, with documentation and
clear action steps with tangibleoutcomes moving forward about
how people are supposed tobehave.
We can assume all day long thatas adults, as colleagues, we
(16:29):
should behave a certain way.
We are human beings, we allbring a lot of baggage, we all
have our own agenda, andadmittedly, some people will
never play in the sandbox theway we would play.
So you have to protect yourself,right?
You protect yourself goingforward.
(16:50):
And while you cannot controlevery single situation that
happens, you're going toessentially strengthen this
professional safety net you haveby reinforcing those boundaries.
So at work, you work on buildingyour professional network that
is anchored in allyship and notacquaintances.
(17:12):
I've said time and time again onthis podcast that trust, as
defined by Dr.
Dean Hinnitz, who is one of theleading sports psychologists,
trust is repeated behavior overtime.
When you build trustedrelationships with people, when
they see what you do day in andday out, they're going to
(17:33):
advocate and support and moreimportantly, promote your
professional brand when you arenot in the room because they
know what you do.
Make sure that you documentdecisions and communications.
Things like, hey, after today'smeeting, here's what we agreed
upon.
Here's the things that you own,here are the things that I own.
(17:58):
It isn't simply about CYAcovering your ass.
It is about having clarity andaccountability.
I want to offer you in this, itis also not micromanaging.
Okay.
Thirdly, lead with transparency.
When people know what you'reworking on and how you are
(18:19):
making decisions, there's lessroom for manipulation or blame.
Don't keep things secretive interms of how you're maneuvering
things if you are worried aboutbeing thrown under the bus.
Lead with that kind oftransparency.
Stay centered.
Stay centered and groundedbecause as a mid-career
(18:40):
professional, especially forthose of you who are still
looking to elevate your career,you're looking for that next
step.
You want more responsibility,want more visibility.
Management and leadership aregoing to be looking at how you
are showing up in thesesituations to exemplify who you
(19:00):
are as a leader, a professional,and as a representative of the
company.
The calmer you stay, the more incontrol you stay, the more power
you retain.
There is a huge differencebetween saying, I am
(19:25):
disappointed or I am angry athow you behaved in that meeting
versus yelling and screaming atthem, saying the same thing.
Your boundaries are your key.
Your boundaries are whatprotects your energy.
(19:47):
And if you are in a situationwhere maybe you didn't
acknowledge your boundaries oryou crossed your own boundaries
or things, you're human.
It's going to happen.
You apologize, you you yourectify, you move forward.
Okay.
But when we get thrown under thebus, what we want to make sure
(20:08):
is that never happens again.
Think about it.
If you've ever been disrespectedby someone close to you, and
more than likely you have been.
I have.
Okay.
Think about it.
It might be a parent, a sibling,a family member, an ex, or maybe
(20:33):
even your current spouse orpartner.
You set a boundary to protectyourself, but also to ensure
that's not going to happenagain.
I remember a time in my lifewhen my parents and I were going
through a really difficultpoint, and they got they got
very personal with some attacks.
Um, I write about it in my book,Show Up, Six Strategies to Lead
(20:57):
a More Energetic and ImpactfulCareer.
And I remember saying to them, Isaid, Look, you can be angry,
you can be upset with me.
I'm not gonna sit here and haveyou attack me.
That's not what this is going tobe.
If you can honor that boundaryor that ground rule, we can have
(21:18):
a conversation.
I'm not saying you can't beangry, you can't be upset, but
I'm not gonna let you talk to methat way.
And by the way, I was in my late20s at the time.
It wasn't like I was a teenager.
Okay.
Even still, though, could help.
In our work and professionalconversations, I want you to
(21:39):
remember here that your goal isnot to out politic anybody.
Anybody.
Your goal here is to staygrounded in integrity, clarity,
and confidence, even when othersdon't.
But I also don't want you to bea pushover.
When we get thrown under thebus, this is an opportunity for
(22:01):
us to stand up for ourselves andshow up to protect our
professional brand andreputation at work and in our
lives.
Do not let people dim yourlight.
Have people around you that aresupportive, uplifting,
encouraging.
They want your light to shinebrighter.
(22:22):
They want your light to shinebrighter because that's what you
do as part of a good team.
If you're working with somebodyand they want their light to be
the brightest, acknowledge thatfor what it is.
But think about your boundariesin that moment.
As I start wrapping up here withyou, getting thrown under the
(22:46):
bus is a horrible, horriblecircumstance.
It hurts.
Especially if we get thrownunder the bus by someone whom we
trusted.
But this then, this event whereyou get thrown under the bus,
that then becomes a definingmoment in your career.
(23:09):
That experience teaches you whoyou are when you're under
pressure.
It's about your resilience, yourprofessionalism, your
leadership, and who you are asan individual.
You cannot stop people fromacting out of fear or ego.
We can't control them.
(23:30):
But what you have control overis how you choose to lead
yourself with grace andstrength.
And that is what true executivepresence, executive energy,
executive leadership, that iswhat that true leadership looks
(23:53):
like.
So if you're navigating asituation right now where you've
been thrown under the bus,you're not alone.
I'm sorry you are now in thefold of millions and millions of
other people who have had thesame thing happen to them.
You get through it, you movethrough it, you will recover
from it, you will and canrebuild your credibility, and
(24:18):
you will come out stronger andmore respected than before.
There have been plenty of timeswhen I have coached clients who
have been thrown under the busand we've worked through the
actual event and what happensafter.
And what happens after isindividual to them because it's
based on how they want to showup.
(24:39):
As their coach, I don't tellthem what to do.
As their coach, I ask them thequestions so they can figure out
what's the best way for them tohandle that situation moving
forward.
That's another power ofcoaching.
So if this episode resonatedwith you in terms of how you're
(25:00):
navigating your career,navigating a workplace
situation, or even thinkingabout how you lead or want to
lead, I want to invite you.
I want to invite you to schedulea career or leadership strategy
session with me.
You can learn more about it onmy website at johnnarrell.com.
(25:21):
But a career or leadershipstrategy session is a 45-minute
private coaching session wherewe will walk through what's
happening, identify your nextbest steps, and help you get
back on track with the clarityand confidence you need as you
continue to build yourmid-career GPS.
So you can find it on my websiteat johnnarrell.com forward slash
(25:44):
resources, or you can check thelink in the show notes.
This is a paid session.
Currently, right now, at thetime when this episode drops,
this is a$197 session.
Um, it is a paid session becauseI do not offer free sessions.
Um, our time is valuable.
I work with people who areinvested in their growth, in
(26:06):
their success.
And this is a way for us toinitially work together to
ensure that you and I get toplay full out because you are
coming into this strategysession with something you very
specifically want coaching on.
Okay.
It could be about anythingrelated to your career or
leadership journey, but that iswhy this is a paid session.
(26:28):
So again, you can find moreabout it on my website at
johnner.com forward slashresources.
And lastly, if you found thisepisode helpful, if you find
this podcast helpful, um, wouldyou kindly do me a favor and
share it with someone?
Share it with a friend or acolleague who might need to hear
this message today.
Uh it is one of the best waysthis podcast continues to grow.
(26:50):
And I thank you for it.
So stay out of the way of allthose moving buses.
But if one's coming at you andone's getting ready to run you
over at work, hopefully afterthis episode, you've got a few
more things in your toolkit tohelp you uh either avoid it or
handle the situation after ithappens.
(27:13):
So until next time, my friends,remember this.
You will build your mid-careerGPS one mile or one step at a
time, and how you show upmatters.
Make it a great rest of yourday.
Thank you for listening to theMid-Career GPS Podcast.
Make sure to follow on yourfavorite listening platform.
(27:34):
And if you have a moment, I'dlove to hear your comments on
Apple Podcasts.
Visit johnnarrell.com for moreinformation about how I can help
you build your mid-career GPS,or how I can help you and your
organization with your nextworkshop or public speaking
event.
Don't forget to connect with meon LinkedIn and follow me on
social at John Daryl Coaching.
(27:56):
I look forward to being backwith you next week.
Until then, take care.
And remember, how we show upmatters.
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