Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Alright, good evening
everybody.
Welcome to another edition ofthe Jordan and Kristen Records
show.
Tonight's episode is how toOvercome Adultery and Marriage.
Okay, so we're building off oflast week.
Last week's episode was CanMarriage Survive Adultery and
Should it?
This week's episode is Now howto Overcome Adultery and
Marriage.
But before we get to that,kristen, why don't you pray for
everybody please?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Well, thank you, lord
, speaking of overcoming that,
you have overcome, and we haveovercome in you, by the blood of
the Lamb and the word of ourtestimony, god, all the
obstacles, anything that anyonewho's listening right now is
facing.
God, you have already overcome.
I feel like that's a word forsomeone today.
So, god, help us to be in thatspirit of victory and to know
that you will come through andthat you already have in the
(00:42):
spirit realm.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Amen, alright, guys.
So if you didn't see lastweek's episode, I certainly
commend it to you.
I should tell you it's by farand away our most popular and
most watched episode so far onYouTube, which I think really
tells you something about thestate of our culture.
So again, last week we did thisvideo on can marriage survive
adultery?
And the answer is it can andshould it?
And the answer is I think itshould under the right
(01:07):
circumstances.
But one of the comments we gotwas okay, well, that's all well
and good, but you didn't discusshow to actually overcome the
adultery.
And I said you know what.
You're right, we're gonnadiscuss that this time.
So let me just state at theoutset that what we're about to
tell you is not a guarantee thatyour marriage is going to
overcome adultery.
Okay, because honestly, I don'tthink there's a biblical
(01:28):
mandate to maintain a marriagein the face of adultery.
I think it's right.
It is just like an atomic bombgoing off in a marriage.
So we certainly don't wantanybody to remain in an abusive
marriage or anything like that.
What we're simply saying is itcan happen under the right
circumstances.
And if it's going to happen,what we're about to tell you are
(01:48):
the conditions precedent for ithappening.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
That's a really good
lawyer way to say it.
You know, I just want to bereal here which that's what we
should always be and just sayyou know that old thing, life
isn't fair.
Sometimes it's not fair.
You know, they say teenagersalways say it's not fair.
When I think of the person whois having to do the forgiving,
(02:12):
I'm just gonna tell you rightnow it's like it's not fair,
it's like it's like no, like.
If you were to ask me whyshould the person forgive?
I mean, this is not fair andthere's a lot of things that are
like that in life.
So that is my initial gutreaction of no, I don't.
I wouldn't feel like forgiving,I would want to run.
(02:33):
But I do know a lot of peoplevery closely who have actually
had the opportunity to overcomeit and been successful in
forgiving, which is veryadmirable.
And there's a lot of differentreasons.
Right, if there's kids involved, they're thinking of the future
.
But I'm just gonna tell youit's to me it's like one of
(02:55):
those things I just want to sayno.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Yeah, and there are
people who are gonna say, well,
that's not very Christian of you.
And it's usually the people whoare guilty of something who are
the ones who say, well, it'snot very Christian of you.
It's like, well, we can be realhere too.
So you brought up the topic offorgiveness.
One of the conditions precedent, obviously, is going to be
forgiveness, but one of theconditions is that the person
who has committed the adulteryalso has to forgive himself, and
(03:18):
that sounds like a very weirdthing to say, and I want to be
very careful with this.
We talk about in in theologyand I don't want to get
theological here but there's adifference between condemnation
and conviction that God willconvict you if you've done
something wrong, but he doesn'tcondemn you, and that's some.
Sometimes it sounds like adistinction without difference.
Let me just say this.
I'll put in plain terms for youif you commit adultery and you
(03:42):
feel really bad about it, okay,that is a good thing, up to the
point that it brings you to bonafide, genuine repentance.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
After that, once
you've arrived at the point of
repentance and you really meanit, and when we say repentance
me and you know repenting to God, to your spouse deciding to
turn.
Repent means to turn, not tocontinue in your sin.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Right.
So when you reach the point ofgenuine repentance, to hold on
to that feeling of guilt beyondthat is actually
counterproductive, and I knowthat we kind of want to punish
ourselves.
We feel like what if we pun?
The more we punish ourselves,the more we kind of not even at
the school we clean.
We have paid for our sins.
That way right, self-flagenation does not work in this
(04:25):
context.
What it actually does Is itworks to inhibit reconciliation,
and that's true reconciliationwith your spouse and
reconciliation with God, towhich is why the enemy loves to
use guilt and that's a greatthing that can be in any context
that we do that to ourselveswhen we've done something wrong,
not just adultery, you knowwhat I mean.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So that's such a
great thing and for the person
forgiving, I kind of had this,this thought, come to me.
You know you got to, of course,know that God is the one you
can trust.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
He's not a man that
he should lie and you gotta not
Over woman they should like,noticing as we're doing this,
like I'm playing the role of theperson who's committed adultery
, you're playing the role of theperson who has to do the
forgiveness, and now you saywell, god is not a man, I don't
understand, but there's a.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
we understand that
both sex is guilty of not you
and I but the verses go theother way when they say things
about women's, and it's yourhusband.
You know you use gender neutralterms but you know, you gotta
really know that you can trustGod, that is for sure, and you
can't bury it.
You have to cry out to God andsay what I was just saying like
(05:35):
if I feel that way and it hasn'tbeen done to me and I just
that's my gut reaction, then you, if it has been done to you,
really have to feel like it'smore than okay to cry and to
just have a lot and then alsodon't isolate yourself.
How people you can trust, theright people not people are
gonna suck you down into thiswhole of despair, but people who
(05:56):
will lift you up and be thosepeople in in healthy marriages
are people who are gone ajourney before you know.
You know people who.
That will be that for you.
But one other thing I want tosay is that the trusting part,
when it comes kind of like whatyou said about the guilt, is
(06:16):
counter productive.
At a certain point it wouldmake sense to never trust the
person again, or or any person,even if, even down the road,
let's say that marriage is notworking out, it's someone else
you have to trust.
I think of it like this if youhave just had a surgery in a
(06:37):
hospital and I'm not in themedical profession, but, to the
best of my knowledge, in mostsurgeries or some surgeries, you
have the healing part whereyou're just laying there, right,
and then a certain point theygo okay, now get up and walk and
or move around and you're likeout, that's gonna hurt, that's
not going to be comfortable, butthey want you to get back and
that becomes part of yourhealing process.
(06:58):
I know it's a weird analogy,but I feel like it's the same
thing with trust.
You got to heal and put thosesafeguards up and all of those
things.
And I say this to be delicately.
When I say then trust again, Idon't mean just throw yourself
into a relationship withsomebody who's gonna be hurt you
all over again, you know, bewise about it and God and be
(07:21):
wise with your spouse and allthat, but you got to get a point
where you trust again, becauseI've seen so many people who
just can never trust again maybethey can't.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
I mean you say they
have to get this point, that I
think if you want to save yourmarriage you have to try to get
the point, but understandingthat maybe you won't.
And I'm just gonna be realabout it.
Yeah, you know, we you and Iwatch that that dreadfully dumb
and half away movie the otherday, the intern with Robert De
Niro and and for those of youwho haven't seen it, you're not
missing anything.
But part of the plot is thatshe's very successful and she's
married to this sort of thisbeta male, unkempt type, who
(07:55):
she's on her and when she findsout about it she's just really
kind of bummed out like it's notlike devastating to her.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Well, he got a bad
report card.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
But she kind of
treats it like, well, he's just
going through a phase like thisis just a normal thing that men
do as part of the marriage, andthen when he finally, like,
admits a quiz, he's been caught.
He admits to it.
The whole scene is like two anda half minutes long.
He cries and she cries andthat's it.
It's like, guys, listen, thatis not how this works.
If you guys are gonna fix yourmarriage, this is going to take
time.
It's gonna take way more time.
(08:22):
I would suggest Then even tookyou to get to that original
point in your marriage that youlost.
Okay, part of this, part ofwhat this is gonna be.
Christen, you talked abouttrust.
The woman or the person who hasbeen cheated on, has to learn
not just to trust that personagain, okay but also to trust
herself again, to trust thejudge, because what you see was
when women in particular havebeen betrayed, I think their
(08:45):
insecurities come out more thanthan with men, and you see so
many women who blame themselves,whether they're victims of
domestic violence or victims ofadultery, which is a first
cousin of that.
You know, I told you about arickelle welch who was cheated
on by her husband, and here'ssomeone who was considered to be
one of the most beautiful women.
Always there and she says Ididn't understand why I was
(09:06):
cheated on, because I wasrickelle welch and I thought you
understand.
The issue wasn't that there issomething wrong with you.
When a man cheats on you, it'sbecause there's something wrong
with him, and so you have to getpast this mental block that
says what did I do wrong?
And get back to Trustingyourself and loving yourself at
a point where you feel very muchon love but here's the thing,
(09:26):
okay, so goes back to it, takesit takes to.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
You know both
partners, the partner who?
There's gotta be that equation.
But God is the center, thecourt of three strands.
He's the center if you guys areunder his covering and looking
to God and you both are lookingto him, the person who needs to
forgive and the person who needsthe forgiveness.
And you know you have to havethe journey of, by yourself,
(09:54):
getting along with God, both ofyou getting along with God,
getting close with him and atthe same time, being drawn
together like that triangle.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
You know what you're
saying.
Something really importantthere what real repentance is?
If it's gonna mean anything andif it's gonna build back trust.
You have to demonstrate thatyou're now a different person
and you do that by breaking oldhabits and beginning new ones.
If look if you, if you arerepenting of adultery but you're
still looking at pornography,or you still have images on your
phone and computer that youshouldn't have your watching
(10:23):
movies, that you shouldn't we'rehanging out with people you
shouldn't be, you're staying outlate at night when you
shouldn't be doing that, ormaybe you're just having, you
know what you think are innocentconversations with members of
the opposite sex, you knowthrough text message or whatever
, okay, and you're just leavingthat door open for this to
happen again, you have notreally repented, okay, and
you're not gonna fix thatmarriage.
Even if you do, it's gonna fallright back apart.
(10:43):
So real repentance is likeJesus said you know, a tree by
the fruit of bears.
Real repentance willdemonstrate that you will see a
change in the person because youwill see.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
You'll see different
behaviors and different habits
you and you have to replace,like you said, different habits.
You have to replace that lookor whatever you were doing, it
doesn't just go away by byitself.
You have to not just say I'mnot gonna do that.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
You gotta replace and
do something differently In
that, in its place in space, andmaybe, if you take drastic
measures, if you, if you have ajob where you, there's a woman
there who's tempting you,whatever, maybe you gotta leave
that job.
And you got trust job, trustGod to find you a new job.
Okay, maybe you have a circleof friends that are that caused
too much temptation.
Maybe you gotta say I don'twant anything to do with those
(11:29):
friends anymore.
Maybe you have to take drasticmeasures.
But, like Jesus said, you know,it's better for you to pluck
your eyes out and be blind andlose your vision than to lose
your soul or, in this case, youlose your marriage and you know
this is a deeper discussion.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
But you both, like I
said before, have to be looking
to God, because I know thatthere's probably gonna be a
question like well, what aboutwhen the person does this and
then they come back and do itagain and say I've fallen and
whatever, and that's a wholedeeper discussion.
But I want to give the call tosalvation real quick.
If you have never receivedJesus or maybe spent a long time
and you want to receive his,invite him into your heart.
(12:03):
Just follow after me, dearJesus.
I ask you into my heart.
I make you my Lord and savior.
I ask you to forgive me of mysins and I will follow you all
the days of my life.
If you pray that prayer, let usknow.
We want to know and beencouraged right.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
salvation can happen
like that, unlike preparing a
marriage which is gonna taketime that's good, yes alright,
guys, thanks for joining us.
Will see you again next week,as always.
In the meantime, be blessed andbe a blessing.