August 14, 2024 • 18 mins
Should married couples keep separate bank accounts? Should they talk about money? Should they make financial decisions together? Join us on the Jordan and Kristen Rickards Show as we tackle the controversial question: should Christian couples keep their finances separate? With personal anecdotes and biblical insights, we explore the vital role of openness and unity in financial matters. Learn how the concept of a husband as a provider extends beyond dollars and cents, offering a sense of security that fuels marital success. This episode promises a thought-provoking discussion on how financial secrecy might hint at deeper issues, and why togetherness is key.
From navigating significant purchases to merging financial habits, we share strategies for effective money management in marriage. We also dive into the societal pressures of gender roles and how they affect financial responsibilities within a relationship. Communication and collaboration emerge as essential tools in ensuring harmony and minimizing financial stress.
Facing financial challenges can test even the strongest marriages, but they can also be a time for growth and unity. Jordan and Kristen recount our own experiences with financial hardships, from sleepless nights worrying about payroll to the pressures of job loss, emphasizing the importance of saving and financial discipline. This episode also includes a heartfelt prayer for financial blessings, urging listeners to embrace a spirit of generosity, and concludes with a moving reflection on the biblical story of the widow’s offering, reminding us that the heart behind a gift is what truly counts. Tune in for practical advice and spiritual encouragement to strengthen your marriage through financial unity.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everybody, and welcome to another edition of
the Jordan and Kristen RickardsShow.
Today's topic is money andmarriage.
Should Christian couplesseparate their finances?
I didn't really think this wasgoing to be a very controversial
topic, and then we went to thatone like Bible study and people
started talking about it andhaving very strong opinions.
So I figured we'd talk about ittoo.
But before we do that, Kristen,why don't you pray for
everybody?
(00:20):
All right, All right.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Well, thank you, Jesus.
Thank you for your grace thatis sufficient and your power
that works best in our weakness.
Lord, Thank you that youovershadow us and take away all
the overwhelming trials of thisworld with one touch of your
love, that you rejoice over uswith singing Lord, we thank you
(00:43):
for your character that neverchanges and that you sustain us
and you have everything we need.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Amen, All right.
So, as I mentioned, Kristen,you and I went to some Bible
study thing a few months ago andsomebody brought up the topic
and you can tell it was like areally sore spot with this
person.
Like you know, should myhusband and I have separate bank
accounts and I think I kind offelt like some of the men were
like oh yeah, definitely, andsome of the women were like
(01:12):
absolutely not.
So I think I know where youfall on this, but why don't you
tell everyone what you thinkabout that?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Well, it's funny because there's certain topics
like this where it's this is oneof those examples where it's
not in the Bible, where there'snot a passage that said says
explicitly you shouldn't notcommingle your finances or you
should, right.
But there's principles behindit and I think it's.
(01:42):
There are exceptions to that.
If you're not willing to shareyour finances, then you know
everything else.
In marriage you're sharingeverything else with someone.
You should be sharing yourfinances and I know there might
be reasons organizationalreasons why they might be
separate.
(02:02):
But I tell you what I have areal problem with people who
hide their finances from eachother.
That's a real problem.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
That's actually kind of where I was going to go with
this.
It's not that different if youhave, for example, separate bank
accounts, ok, and you don'tknow roughly how much the other
person has.
I mean not that we keep like acurrent tab on this, but if the
purpose is, I have my bankaccount and it's none of your
business you have your bankaccount, it's none of mine Well,
first of all, that's secretive.
You're hiding something fromthe other person, even if they
(02:29):
know it exists.
It's like well, this is mineover here and don't worry about
it, I won't worry about yours.
So, number one, I don't thinkmarriage successful marriages in
general are built aroundsecrets.
Number two, they are certainlynot built around separations,
right, the entire idea ofmarriage is two people becoming
one person, right, the Bibletalks about two becoming one
(02:49):
flesh, and I think I mentionedbefore the quote from Aristotle,
which I'm especially fond of,which is something the effect
that love is one soul inhabitingtwo bodies, right, well, if
you've got your financesseparated now, you've created a
separation between you guys,right, and finances are actually
the sort of thing that you know.
Not that it should bring youtogether in terms of like you
(03:11):
should marry somebody because ofthat, but this is it's.
It's an element of your maritalrelationship that you guys need
to work with and work throughand work together, work together
on it.
And this brings me to my thirdpoint, which is as a man, as a
husband, I consider it my roleto be the provider, and not just
(03:31):
to be a provider in the sensethat I'm the one bringing in the
money, but I'm also providingyou a sense of security, and so
I want you to see this is ourbank account and things are
going well.
We're not going to haveproblems paying the mortgage and
we're not going to haveproblems paying the mortgage OK,
and we're not going to haveproblems retiring.
And if, god forbid, somethinghappened to Jordan, I wouldn't
be in trouble.
This is all part of myresponsibility as a husband.
(03:53):
Ok, to to bring you into myworld, just like you bring me
into yours, and to incorporateyou into it fully, incorporate
you into it fully.
And if you're not, if you'rehiding, if you're keeping the
money separate, I think it'semblematic, kristen, of a deeper
problem, like it's not justsomething that happens, there's
(04:14):
a reason for it, like I don'ttrust you.
Okay, therefore, you know orI'm not convinced that you know
this is going to work out.
Therefore, I want you to haveyour life and your finances
situated, and I'll have mine.
Even if you're not activelythinking about divorce, I still
think there's somethingunderlying the reason that
(04:34):
people want to have separateaccounts like that which says I
am not entirely all in.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I was going to say, yeah, it's definitely.
It's a step in that direction,at least where the separation.
I know that sounds extreme, butmarriage is all about
togetherness and that separation.
Now there are reasons.
That's why I said there'sexceptions.
It's not really so much to meabout having separate as it is
(04:59):
about hiding information,because I can't really think of
an example off the top of myhead.
But I know there are exampleswith different businesses that
couples have that just fororganizational purposes alone,
they have it in separate places.
So I'm not talking about that.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Even with that, though, kristen, even with that,
like I have my own business andI show you, I say, look what we
did this month.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Here's my profit and loss statement.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
You know, I show you what our income taxes are.
I show you, you know.
I mean not that I expect you tomemorize all these things, but
I don't even hide that from you,right?
And I think we are speakingabout people who do have
separate bank accounts because,you know, wife makes her money
and it goes in there, andhusband makes his and it goes in
there, and maybe they pool forsome reason, but all in all they
(05:46):
want to keep that separate forwhatever reasons, and I don't
think that's healthy on anylevel.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
And even from you, can tell me if this is correct.
You're an attorney and you seea lot of divorces.
You know finance is sometimes areal factor in those divorces,
a bone of contention, thosedivorces a bone of contention,
and I think the whole separation, a lot of abuse that you find
(06:11):
has to do with something withthe economic, monetary part.
So women or men I'm not goingto be sexist about this issue
obviously have to hide the moneyfor that reason.
So there's there's again, evenfrom a secular point of view,
there's reasons why people haveto do that.
But that's more of a survivalexit strategy.
We're talking about marriageand marriage should be
(06:32):
togetherness.
So it's not like it's a sin tokeep your money separate, but it
certainly is an indication.
I think it's an indication ofwhat's going on in the marriage.
If you are hiding things andyou shouldn't be hiding things
anyway, but in keeping thingsseparate, I think that's an
indication of other factors andwhat's going on in the marriage.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
So I think what we're saying is people should follow
our paradigm, which is to saythat all the money I bring in is
our money, and then you haveyour own separate bank account
which has your money in it, andI don't know anything about it
or what's going on.
Is that about right?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Don't worry, there's not much in there.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
You remember the time when we first got married?
We first got married, I wantedto make sure you had like cash
on you, and so whenever I'd goto the ATM I'd be like Kristen,
do you need any cash?
And you were like yeah sure.
And I guess you weren'tspending any of it.
You're putting all the creditcard.
So one day I need like changefor a 50 or something and I went
in your wallet and you had like$580 in there, all in like 20s
(07:31):
and 50s and stuff.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
I just want to say how fiscally I was responsible,
I wasn't just going in.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I like that.
You and you had it all indifferent parts of your wall.
It was like folded up intolittle squares here.
It's just like no rhyme orreason to it.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Hey, I have a question along with that.
So what do you think about?
There are a lot of couples thatsay, before they make a
purchase, I have to check withmy husband, or I have a check
with my wife.
Do you think, like for a bigpurchase, that that like what
constitutes?
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
That was actually an adjustment I had to make when we
got married, because before wegot married, I used to be of the
mindset that if I wantedsomething I would just get it.
I didn't have to check withsomebody else.
Okay, and, in all candor, okay,sometimes I buy kind of
frivolous things I don't need.
I don't need, for example,another let's just say high-end
(08:21):
watch or anything like that.
And when we got married, all ofa sudden I had to think of that
like, well, wait a minute,every dollar I spend on this for
myself is a dollar less thanI'm committing to the marital
enterprise.
And, by the way, we want tohave children someday.
Am I going to tell my kids like,I'm sorry, you got to take out
more student loan than you needto because you know daddy didn't
have enough watches orsomething silly like that, or
(08:42):
daddy's car wasn't expensiveenough or something like that.
Enough, or something like that.
So you know, I do come to youwith it.
Your attitude is usually youwork hard, get whatever you want
, which is very nice of you, butI think, if it when it comes to
significant purchases andthat's different for everybody
but when it comes to significantpurchases it's something that
you definitely have to discusstogether.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I agree because, again, it's that team mindset
and you know we do enjoy things,but I do want to make it
apparent that we are verygenerous in our giving with
missionaries and organizations,and I'm not saying that to brag
or anything like that.
I'm just saying that we havethat mindset of generosity
(09:24):
because God blesses that.
So it's great to be a team inwhere you're going to give your
money and know what's happeningthere.
But also the frivolous things,I don't know.
I guess it's different for eachperson in their budget.
I don't really, when I buy adress or something, I don't say,
jordan, can I have this dress?
I just do it.
Maybe I should, but I don't.
(09:46):
I'm not buying like in.
You just do it, maybe I should,but I don't.
I'm not buying like in.
Uh, you know everybody's ideaof what's expensive is is
different, but I'm not buying abig purchase.
I'm a real good bargain shopper.
So I don't really ask you, hey,can I have this or do that?
Um, but certainly if I werejust to go out and I wouldn't
really do that go out and buysomething really expensive, uh,
(10:06):
but we do all those thingstogether.
I think that's really important.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
We do what things?
I don't go dress shopping.
What are you talking?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
about.
We do that together.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
The important purchases.
The dress shopping that we dotogether is you buy dresses on
our credit card and then I payfor it.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
That's the togetherness.
As far as the dresses, well,but I'm a good bargain shopper,
so you don't have to worry aboutthat.
I save you money, yeah bybuying dresses.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Thank, you.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Why do you think it is that money becomes such a
contention with couples Like whyis that such a problem?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
There are a lot of things at stake.
First of all, there's a prideelement to it.
Okay, where, I think, husbandsthey are conditioned to have to
provide, but then if they can't,it like attacks their manliness
.
It's especially problematic,believe it or not, in marriages.
If the wife makes more money,that is a high indicator,
unfortunately, of divorces forthe same reason.
(11:00):
Right, the man doesn't feellike as much of a man.
I think a lot of times a womandoesn't respect the husband.
But look more fundamentally,it's just a stressor.
You know, you and I are luckywe don't have to worry about if
the mortgage is going to be paidthis month or how we're going
to feed ourselves.
But I mean, listen, before youknew me, I had many, many nights
, you know, 10 years before Imet you, where I had started my
(11:21):
business and I had more expensesat the end of the month than I
had money in the bank.
And I remember many nights notbeing able to sleep and just
staring at the ceiling wonderinghow do I make payroll this
month?
And that is a significantstressor.
And when I finally broke thegravity of that, I remember
thinking I am never going backto that in my life.
Now imagine and that's just somebusiness If that had failed I
(11:43):
could have gotten a jobelsewhere.
But imagine now you're ahusband and wife and you got a
couple of kids and dad loses hisjob and now you can't pay the
mortgage and you can't.
You're going to have difficultyputting food on the table.
Maybe you have to go ongovernment assistance.
I mean, those are realstressors and a marriage has to
(12:07):
be strong in order to survivethat and that's.
But it's also, by the way, whyyou know you should be saving
20% of your money, which is ahard pill for people to swallow,
but it's true, because youdon't ever want to put yourself
in that position if you canavoid it.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
So here's the thing Money is a tool.
It's not.
You know the spirit of mammonis is the thing.
It's not.
You know, the spirit of mammonis the thing.
It's not worshiping money, butwe also.
Money gives choices andopportunities, even to bless
other people, and we need it inthis economy to survive.
Obviously, and like you saidabout becoming a major stress, I
would say usually it's areflection.
(12:36):
Not all the time.
There are certainly things thathappen to people and finances
and that they can't control, butsometimes it's an indication of
other things going on in themarriage.
And you know, and I definitelybelieve that even if you're not
in a season where God is testingyou financially, there's other
things that are going to bestressors, because you know,
(12:58):
whether it's your health orsomething else, because that's
an opportunity to get closer tothe Lord.
But no matter what it is,whether it's finances or
something else, it's thatopportunity for togetherness.
And I've seen time and timeagain where money, the money
issue, can either become anopportunity for couples to grow
and God together, or brings outthe true colors of everything.
(13:20):
And I'm not saying you won'thave your moments, I'm not
criticizing people who have thatstress and have a moment of you
know, because it is a realstressor.
I'm just saying that I've seenplenty of people who have issues
in their finances and they arehappy in their marriage and
they're like we'll get throughthis.
And then I've seen plenty ofpeople who really don't have
that big of a financial strugglebut they make it a struggle or
(13:42):
they blow the money or onsomething they shouldn't or
whatever, and it becomes astruggle because the underlying,
it's masking the underlyingproblem.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
I'll give you one other.
I know we're running a littlelong, but I remember when I was
in college, because youmentioned how money provides
freedom, and that's true, itdoesn't provide happiness but it
does provide a lot of freedom.
And I had a college professorwho in his earlier life had been
a truck driver and one day hiscompany told him he had to drive
a large shipment of alcoholfrom point A to point B and he
(14:11):
didn't want to do it because hefelt very strongly about
drinking and alcohol just likewe did that last episode right.
And he's saying to himself look, I'm bringing this alcohol and
people are going to drink thisstuff and beat their wives, are
going to drink this stuff andget into car accidents and kill
people, going to kill themselveswith it.
I mean he felt very stronglyabout it but because he needed
the money, he said he had tomake that shipment and he said
(14:33):
he was never going to puthimself in that kind of position
again.
It's just another consideration.
I know that we are very muchbeyond the topic that we started
with, but seriously.
I mean and I believe that Godwill provide, but I also believe
that we have a responsibilityto be good stewards of money,
that we have a responsibility tosave responsibly, and and and
(14:54):
that when you do, I mean cause,bad things are going to happen
anyway, but at least you aremitigating the damage and you're
reducing the amount of stressyou're going to put on yourself
and on your marriage and you'rereducing, I think, the enemy's
ability to find a separationbetween the two of you.
Ok, and really do some damage.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I would just want to say one last thing on this topic
, maybe, because I just I justthink from the other side of
things.
I don't know if there's aperson out there thinking, well,
yeah, you two have no idea, andthere are a lot of things we
don't know.
I'm not saying we knoweverything.
You have no idea, you have iteasy.
You're not in my position.
I do want to say I know for youyou explaining about the
(15:35):
business, but I, just, beingtotally vulnerable here, I did
before I met you.
I have experienced somefinancial hardship in life, so I
know what that's like.
I know what that feeling's like, but it was like an amazing
time to sound really weird, toget close to the Lord and all of
that.
So I do want to say I dounderstand and I get all the
(15:58):
other stuff that comes with it.
But I guess what we're sayingis you got to be one team in
marriage.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
One team in marriage, in money and in marriage as
well.
Yes, All right, baby, that wasa good job.
I thought we did a good showthere.
Why don't you pray us out?
I hope we did.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Well, lord, thank you for this day.
Thank you that you are the headof everything.
I do pray for anybody right nowwho because this is our topic
today about finances if they'rejust like, I don't know how I'm
going to do it this month, Idon't know how I'm going to make
it meet ends meet.
Lord, I just pray that youwould provide, as you always do,
and I do pray for people who,that you would put on more
(16:32):
people's heart to give in anyway we can, lord.
It doesn't matter.
It's not about the size of thegift, lord, it is our heart of
giving, just like that story inthe Bible about the widow who
gave all she had, lord.
So help us to be givers andhelp us also, lord, to realize
that you provide in all thingsand in our marriages, help us to
(16:54):
get closer to you and, ofcourse, each other.
In Jesus name, amen.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Amen, all right guys.
Well, listen, for those of youwho stuck around for all 17
minutes here, thanks for joiningus.
We hope you got something outof it.
If you did, do me a favor, likeand share.
I don't ask this enough, butplease follow us on YouTube or
on iTunes or wherever.
Please share it.
And thanks again, and untilnext time, as always, be blessed
and be a blessing.
Bye.
Hi everybody, and welcome to another edition of
the Jordan and Kristen RickardsShow.
Today's topic is money andmarriage.
Should Christian couplesseparate their finances?
I didn't really think this wasgoing to be a very controversial
topic, and then we went to thatone like Bible study and people
started talking about it andhaving very strong opinions.
So I figured we'd talk about ittoo.
But before we do that, Kristen,why don't you pray for
everybody?
(00:20):
All right, All right.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Well, thank you, Jesus.
Thank you for your grace thatis sufficient and your power
that works best in our weakness.
Lord, Thank you that youovershadow us and take away all
the overwhelming trials of thisworld with one touch of your
love, that you rejoice over uswith singing Lord, we thank you
(00:43):
for your character that neverchanges and that you sustain us
and you have everything we need.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Amen, All right.
So, as I mentioned, Kristen,you and I went to some Bible
study thing a few months ago andsomebody brought up the topic
and you can tell it was like areally sore spot with this
person.
Like you know, should myhusband and I have separate bank
accounts and I think I kind offelt like some of the men were
like oh yeah, definitely, andsome of the women were like
(01:12):
absolutely not.
So I think I know where youfall on this, but why don't you
tell everyone what you thinkabout that?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Well, it's funny because there's certain topics
like this where it's this is oneof those examples where it's
not in the Bible, where there'snot a passage that said says
explicitly you shouldn't notcommingle your finances or you
should, right.
But there's principles behindit and I think it's.
(01:42):
There are exceptions to that.
If you're not willing to shareyour finances, then you know
everything else.
In marriage you're sharingeverything else with someone.
You should be sharing yourfinances and I know there might
be reasons organizationalreasons why they might be
separate.
(02:02):
But I tell you what I have areal problem with people who
hide their finances from eachother.
That's a real problem.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
That's actually kind of where I was going to go with
this.
It's not that different if youhave, for example, separate bank
accounts, ok, and you don'tknow roughly how much the other
person has.
I mean not that we keep like acurrent tab on this, but if the
purpose is, I have my bankaccount and it's none of your
business you have your bankaccount, it's none of mine Well,
first of all, that's secretive.
You're hiding something fromthe other person, even if they
(02:29):
know it exists.
It's like well, this is mineover here and don't worry about
it, I won't worry about yours.
So, number one, I don't thinkmarriage successful marriages in
general are built aroundsecrets.
Number two, they are certainlynot built around separations,
right, the entire idea ofmarriage is two people becoming
one person, right, the Bibletalks about two becoming one
(02:49):
flesh, and I think I mentionedbefore the quote from Aristotle,
which I'm especially fond of,which is something the effect
that love is one soul inhabitingtwo bodies, right, well, if
you've got your financesseparated now, you've created a
separation between you guys,right, and finances are actually
the sort of thing that you know.
Not that it should bring youtogether in terms of like you
(03:11):
should marry somebody because ofthat, but this is it's.
It's an element of your maritalrelationship that you guys need
to work with and work throughand work together, work together
on it.
And this brings me to my thirdpoint, which is as a man, as a
husband, I consider it my roleto be the provider, and not just
(03:31):
to be a provider in the sensethat I'm the one bringing in the
money, but I'm also providingyou a sense of security, and so
I want you to see this is ourbank account and things are
going well.
We're not going to haveproblems paying the mortgage and
we're not going to haveproblems paying the mortgage OK,
and we're not going to haveproblems retiring.
And if, god forbid, somethinghappened to Jordan, I wouldn't
be in trouble.
This is all part of myresponsibility as a husband.
(03:53):
Ok, to to bring you into myworld, just like you bring me
into yours, and to incorporateyou into it fully, incorporate
you into it fully.
And if you're not, if you'rehiding, if you're keeping the
money separate, I think it'semblematic, kristen, of a deeper
problem, like it's not justsomething that happens, there's
(04:14):
a reason for it, like I don'ttrust you.
Okay, therefore, you know orI'm not convinced that you know
this is going to work out.
Therefore, I want you to haveyour life and your finances
situated, and I'll have mine.
Even if you're not activelythinking about divorce, I still
think there's somethingunderlying the reason that
(04:34):
people want to have separateaccounts like that which says I
am not entirely all in.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I was going to say, yeah, it's definitely.
It's a step in that direction,at least where the separation.
I know that sounds extreme, butmarriage is all about
togetherness and that separation.
Now there are reasons.
That's why I said there'sexceptions.
It's not really so much to meabout having separate as it is
(04:59):
about hiding information,because I can't really think of
an example off the top of myhead.
But I know there are exampleswith different businesses that
couples have that just fororganizational purposes alone,
they have it in separate places.
So I'm not talking about that.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Even with that, though, kristen, even with that,
like I have my own business andI show you, I say, look what we
did this month.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Here's my profit and loss statement.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
You know, I show you what our income taxes are.
I show you, you know.
I mean not that I expect you tomemorize all these things, but
I don't even hide that from you,right?
And I think we are speakingabout people who do have
separate bank accounts because,you know, wife makes her money
and it goes in there, andhusband makes his and it goes in
there, and maybe they pool forsome reason, but all in all they
(05:46):
want to keep that separate forwhatever reasons, and I don't
think that's healthy on anylevel.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
And even from you, can tell me if this is correct.
You're an attorney and you seea lot of divorces.
You know finance is sometimes areal factor in those divorces,
a bone of contention, thosedivorces a bone of contention,
and I think the whole separation, a lot of abuse that you find
(06:11):
has to do with something withthe economic, monetary part.
So women or men I'm not goingto be sexist about this issue
obviously have to hide the moneyfor that reason.
So there's there's again, evenfrom a secular point of view,
there's reasons why people haveto do that.
But that's more of a survivalexit strategy.
We're talking about marriageand marriage should be
(06:32):
togetherness.
So it's not like it's a sin tokeep your money separate, but it
certainly is an indication.
I think it's an indication ofwhat's going on in the marriage.
If you are hiding things andyou shouldn't be hiding things
anyway, but in keeping thingsseparate, I think that's an
indication of other factors andwhat's going on in the marriage.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
So I think what we're saying is people should follow
our paradigm, which is to saythat all the money I bring in is
our money, and then you haveyour own separate bank account
which has your money in it, andI don't know anything about it
or what's going on.
Is that about right?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Don't worry, there's not much in there.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
You remember the time when we first got married?
We first got married, I wantedto make sure you had like cash
on you, and so whenever I'd goto the ATM I'd be like Kristen,
do you need any cash?
And you were like yeah sure.
And I guess you weren'tspending any of it.
You're putting all the creditcard.
So one day I need like changefor a 50 or something and I went
in your wallet and you had like$580 in there, all in like 20s
(07:31):
and 50s and stuff.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
I just want to say how fiscally I was responsible,
I wasn't just going in.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I like that.
You and you had it all indifferent parts of your wall.
It was like folded up intolittle squares here.
It's just like no rhyme orreason to it.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Hey, I have a question along with that.
So what do you think about?
There are a lot of couples thatsay, before they make a
purchase, I have to check withmy husband, or I have a check
with my wife.
Do you think, like for a bigpurchase, that that like what
constitutes?
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
That was actually an adjustment I had to make when we
got married, because before wegot married, I used to be of the
mindset that if I wantedsomething I would just get it.
I didn't have to check withsomebody else.
Okay, and, in all candor, okay,sometimes I buy kind of
frivolous things I don't need.
I don't need, for example,another let's just say high-end
(08:21):
watch or anything like that.
And when we got married, all ofa sudden I had to think of that
like, well, wait a minute,every dollar I spend on this for
myself is a dollar less thanI'm committing to the marital
enterprise.
And, by the way, we want tohave children someday.
Am I going to tell my kids like,I'm sorry, you got to take out
more student loan than you needto because you know daddy didn't
have enough watches orsomething silly like that, or
(08:42):
daddy's car wasn't expensiveenough or something like that.
Enough, or something like that.
So you know, I do come to youwith it.
Your attitude is usually youwork hard, get whatever you want
, which is very nice of you, butI think, if it when it comes to
significant purchases andthat's different for everybody
but when it comes to significantpurchases it's something that
you definitely have to discusstogether.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I agree because, again, it's that team mindset
and you know we do enjoy things,but I do want to make it
apparent that we are verygenerous in our giving with
missionaries and organizations,and I'm not saying that to brag
or anything like that.
I'm just saying that we havethat mindset of generosity
(09:24):
because God blesses that.
So it's great to be a team inwhere you're going to give your
money and know what's happeningthere.
But also the frivolous things,I don't know.
I guess it's different for eachperson in their budget.
I don't really, when I buy adress or something, I don't say,
jordan, can I have this dress?
I just do it.
Maybe I should, but I don't.
(09:46):
I'm not buying like in.
You just do it, maybe I should,but I don't.
I'm not buying like in.
Uh, you know everybody's ideaof what's expensive is is
different, but I'm not buying abig purchase.
I'm a real good bargain shopper.
So I don't really ask you, hey,can I have this or do that?
Um, but certainly if I werejust to go out and I wouldn't
really do that go out and buysomething really expensive, uh,
(10:06):
but we do all those thingstogether.
I think that's really important.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
We do what things?
I don't go dress shopping.
What are you talking?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
about.
We do that together.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
The important purchases.
The dress shopping that we dotogether is you buy dresses on
our credit card and then I payfor it.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
That's the togetherness.
As far as the dresses, well,but I'm a good bargain shopper,
so you don't have to worry aboutthat.
I save you money, yeah bybuying dresses.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Thank, you.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Why do you think it is that money becomes such a
contention with couples Like whyis that such a problem?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
There are a lot of things at stake.
First of all, there's a prideelement to it.
Okay, where, I think, husbandsthey are conditioned to have to
provide, but then if they can't,it like attacks their manliness
.
It's especially problematic,believe it or not, in marriages.
If the wife makes more money,that is a high indicator,
unfortunately, of divorces forthe same reason.
(11:00):
Right, the man doesn't feellike as much of a man.
I think a lot of times a womandoesn't respect the husband.
But look more fundamentally,it's just a stressor.
You know, you and I are luckywe don't have to worry about if
the mortgage is going to be paidthis month or how we're going
to feed ourselves.
But I mean, listen, before youknew me, I had many, many nights
, you know, 10 years before Imet you, where I had started my
(11:21):
business and I had more expensesat the end of the month than I
had money in the bank.
And I remember many nights notbeing able to sleep and just
staring at the ceiling wonderinghow do I make payroll this
month?
And that is a significantstressor.
And when I finally broke thegravity of that, I remember
thinking I am never going backto that in my life.
Now imagine and that's just somebusiness If that had failed I
(11:43):
could have gotten a jobelsewhere.
But imagine now you're ahusband and wife and you got a
couple of kids and dad loses hisjob and now you can't pay the
mortgage and you can't.
You're going to have difficultyputting food on the table.
Maybe you have to go ongovernment assistance.
I mean, those are realstressors and a marriage has to
(12:07):
be strong in order to survivethat and that's.
But it's also, by the way, whyyou know you should be saving
20% of your money, which is ahard pill for people to swallow,
but it's true, because youdon't ever want to put yourself
in that position if you canavoid it.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
So here's the thing Money is a tool.
It's not.
You know the spirit of mammonis is the thing.
It's not.
You know, the spirit of mammonis the thing.
It's not worshiping money, butwe also.
Money gives choices andopportunities, even to bless
other people, and we need it inthis economy to survive.
Obviously, and like you saidabout becoming a major stress, I
would say usually it's areflection.
(12:36):
Not all the time.
There are certainly things thathappen to people and finances
and that they can't control, butsometimes it's an indication of
other things going on in themarriage.
And you know, and I definitelybelieve that even if you're not
in a season where God is testingyou financially, there's other
things that are going to bestressors, because you know,
(12:58):
whether it's your health orsomething else, because that's
an opportunity to get closer tothe Lord.
But no matter what it is,whether it's finances or
something else, it's thatopportunity for togetherness.
And I've seen time and timeagain where money, the money
issue, can either become anopportunity for couples to grow
and God together, or brings outthe true colors of everything.
(13:20):
And I'm not saying you won'thave your moments, I'm not
criticizing people who have thatstress and have a moment of you
know, because it is a realstressor.
I'm just saying that I've seenplenty of people who have issues
in their finances and they arehappy in their marriage and
they're like we'll get throughthis.
And then I've seen plenty ofpeople who really don't have
that big of a financial strugglebut they make it a struggle or
(13:42):
they blow the money or onsomething they shouldn't or
whatever, and it becomes astruggle because the underlying,
it's masking the underlyingproblem.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
I'll give you one other.
I know we're running a littlelong, but I remember when I was
in college, because youmentioned how money provides
freedom, and that's true, itdoesn't provide happiness but it
does provide a lot of freedom.
And I had a college professorwho in his earlier life had been
a truck driver and one day hiscompany told him he had to drive
a large shipment of alcoholfrom point A to point B and he
(14:11):
didn't want to do it because hefelt very strongly about
drinking and alcohol just likewe did that last episode right.
And he's saying to himself look, I'm bringing this alcohol and
people are going to drink thisstuff and beat their wives, are
going to drink this stuff andget into car accidents and kill
people, going to kill themselveswith it.
I mean he felt very stronglyabout it but because he needed
the money, he said he had tomake that shipment and he said
(14:33):
he was never going to puthimself in that kind of position
again.
It's just another consideration.
I know that we are very muchbeyond the topic that we started
with, but seriously.
I mean and I believe that Godwill provide, but I also believe
that we have a responsibilityto be good stewards of money,
that we have a responsibility tosave responsibly, and and and
(14:54):
that when you do, I mean cause,bad things are going to happen
anyway, but at least you aremitigating the damage and you're
reducing the amount of stressyou're going to put on yourself
and on your marriage and you'rereducing, I think, the enemy's
ability to find a separationbetween the two of you.
Ok, and really do some damage.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I would just want to say one last thing on this topic
, maybe, because I just I justthink from the other side of
things.
I don't know if there's aperson out there thinking, well,
yeah, you two have no idea, andthere are a lot of things we
don't know.
I'm not saying we knoweverything.
You have no idea, you have iteasy.
You're not in my position.
I do want to say I know for youyou explaining about the
(15:35):
business, but I, just, beingtotally vulnerable here, I did
before I met you.
I have experienced somefinancial hardship in life, so I
know what that's like.
I know what that feeling's like, but it was like an amazing
time to sound really weird, toget close to the Lord and all of
that.
So I do want to say I dounderstand and I get all the
(15:58):
other stuff that comes with it.
But I guess what we're sayingis you got to be one team in
marriage.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
One team in marriage, in money and in marriage as
well.
Yes, All right, baby, that wasa good job.
I thought we did a good showthere.
Why don't you pray us out?
I hope we did.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Well, lord, thank you for this day.
Thank you that you are the headof everything.
I do pray for anybody right nowwho because this is our topic
today about finances if they'rejust like, I don't know how I'm
going to do it this month, Idon't know how I'm going to make
it meet ends meet.
Lord, I just pray that youwould provide, as you always do,
and I do pray for people who,that you would put on more
(16:32):
people's heart to give in anyway we can, lord.
It doesn't matter.
It's not about the size of thegift, lord, it is our heart of
giving, just like that story inthe Bible about the widow who
gave all she had, lord.
So help us to be givers andhelp us also, lord, to realize
that you provide in all thingsand in our marriages, help us to
(16:54):
get closer to you and, ofcourse, each other.
In Jesus name, amen.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Amen, all right guys.
Well, listen, for those of youwho stuck around for all 17
minutes here, thanks for joiningus.
We hope you got something outof it.
If you did, do me a favor, likeand share.
I don't ask this enough, butplease follow us on YouTube or
on iTunes or wherever.
Please share it.
And thanks again, and untilnext time, as always, be blessed
and be a blessing.
Bye.
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