December 28, 2023 • 13 mins
Few things are more destructive than a critical spirit. Join us as we unravel the complexities of criticism, revealing how it can forge paths to personal growth or, when misused, create barriers in relationships. There's an important line between well-meaning feedback and damaging jabs. Our candid discussion serves as a reminder to tread carefully on the tightrope of critique, aiming always to uplift rather than undercut. Whether you're the giver or receiver of criticism, this episode promises to equip you with a renewed perspective on feedback and set the stage for a year marked by kindness and self-improvement.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
All right, good evening everybody and happy new
year.
Welcome to the first 2024edition of the Jordan and
Kristen record show.
We hope you had a great newyear.
Today's topic is going to behaving a critical spirit.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yeah, that should be fun, all right.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
so before we get to that Kristen, why don't you pray
for everybody?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Thank you, jesus, that you are the author and
finisher of our faith.
Lord, we look to you, foreverything we need From your
hand is everything we need.
God, there's nothing apart fromyou.
Apart from you, we can donothing, but in you we live and
move and have our being.
Thank you, lord.
We pray that this year westarted off on the right foot,
(00:41):
focusing on you with everybreath, knowing it all comes
from you and it's all for you.
In Jesus' name amen.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I like that.
We can do nothing apart fromyou, and apart from you we can
do nothing, and that is anexample of a critical spirit.
Ladies and gentlemen, how'sthat for an introduction,
actually?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
I don't think.
If you replay the tape, I didmisspeak, but I didn't say that.
I think there was another wordin there.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Okay, so check this out.
Why are we doing today'sepisode on a critical spirit?
Well, because I think sometimesGod sends us messages.
So the other day, kristen and Ihad this Christmas party at our
house and we invited somefriends over and some of them
were nice enough to give usgifts.
And one of our good friends,steve who's one of the few
people we know actually listensto this show because he actually
quotes it back to us gives usthis book, gives me this book
(01:26):
called A Critical Spirit.
And when someone gives you abook like that, you think what
are they trying to tell me?
And he insists it wasn't meantfor me specifically.
And Steve's a great guy, by theway.
We love Steve so much and we'reso thankful for this gift.
Seriously, but it does get youto think.
And then we go to church onSunday, right, and all these
guys are always like jockeyingfor Kristen's attention and
(01:48):
Kristen she's like oh, you're sokind.
You guys have the spirit ofcompliments, unlike my husband
who has the spirit of criticism.
Haha, just kidding, that isactually what she said.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
It was a joke, it was a joke.
And then I said no, Ibacktracked.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Okay, so today we're going to talk seriously about
the spirit of criticism and whatit is and what it isn't, and
why it's such an important topic.
So, kristen, why don't youstart?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Absolutely, and I would like to say you just
criticized my prayer.
That's even worse than regularcriticism.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I was doing it just to illustrate a point.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Well, I will say, though, just to clarify You're
very good about not criticizingme personally, and I do
appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
You're the most perfect thing.
There's not much to criticize.
But I do know since you're kindof punting it back to me here I
do know that I will admit Ihave a tendency to be
hypercritical of people and Ithink part of that is my gifting
believe it or not, as a lawyerand as somebody who's involved
in politics and things like thatis to identify problems,
(02:51):
identify inefficiencies and tryto come up with solutions, and I
think what happens is the enemytries to a lot of times,
pervert your gifts and repurposeyour gifts for his purpose.
And so he'll take something thatGod intended for good and he'll
kind of lean on it and he'lltwist it a little bit.
And doesn't have to be thatmuch, it's not like even 180
degrees.
Sometimes it's just just enoughof a nudge to get you off of
(03:13):
the centerline and before youknow it, you're not being
critical in a helpful way, inother words, in a manner
designed to build another personup.
You're being critical in ahurtful way, which is to say
you're trying to you'recriticizing someone to build
yourself up at their expense.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
That's.
That's a very good way to putit.
And when we're talking aboutthis, at first I was thinking
well, what can I offer?
Because I can tell you plentyof things that are my, you can
offer.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
What is it Like to live with me?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
You know, I can tell you, we can sit here and I can
tell you plenty of things, and Istart going through a list of
things that I do wrong.
But I thought, you know, thespirit of criticism is not one
of my big ones.
And then I thought to myselfwait a minute.
I may not be critical of otherpeople as much, but I'm super
hyper critical of myself.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Very true.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
So that was like oh, light bulb moment.
So, in one way or another,whether you're hyper critical of
other people and those people Ishould really I think need to
look more at themselves.
But those of us who are morehyper critical of ourselves need
to stop comparing ourweaknesses to other people's
strengths and say God, you mademe unique, you made me who I am,
(04:24):
and I don't need to look ateverything under a microscope.
I need to celebrate who youmade me.
Now, does that mean youshouldn't correct certain things
?
Absolutely not, whether it'syourself or if you're in a
position to correct someone elsefor something, but you do it in
a loving way and you do what Ilove.
A shout out to the Mary Kaycommunity of the Velvet Hammer
(04:45):
is what the wonderful, brilliantbusinesswoman Mary Kay used to
do.
You know what the Velvet Hammeris?
Okay, so the velvet hammer iswhen she would have to correct
somebody and her staff or inanything as a woman in business,
she would have sandwich hercorrection with a compliment.
So first she would say here'swhat you're doing great, I love
(05:07):
this, I love that about you.
And affirmation.
Then she would Say this is whatwe need to fix, and then she
would follow it up with anothercompliment.
I just love that, becausesomeone told me one time there's
no such thing as correctivecriticism.
You know that.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
There's no such thing as corrective criticism.
I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I never heard that yeah, it's actually just,
criticism is criticism.
So, basically, correction issomething totally different and
it's important that we correctthings in ourselves and if we're
in a position to have to.
You know, lend help to otherpeople can be helpful, but it's
the way in which you do it andthe lens if you I think you need
(05:46):
to always have a lens oflooking for the good in other
people, don't you think?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
definitely, in fact the book and we're not
collecting royalties for thisit's just called critical spirit
confronting the heart of acritic by June hunt, I just want
to read.
She identifies nine distinctdifferences between a critical
spirit and a caring spirit.
I just want to read this verybriefly here.
That's pretty good.
So she says A critical spiritis one that condemns the person
(06:10):
as well as the action.
A caring spirit condemns theaction but not the person a
difference.
A critical spirit ridiculesothers.
A caring spirit encouragesothers.
A critical spirit assumes theworst without first hearing from
the accused.
A caring spirit assumes thebest while waiting to hear from
the accused actually somebody,you know what last night.
Actually, a critical spirittears others down without seeing
(06:34):
their unmet needs.
A caring spirit builds othersup according to their needs.
That's something I said earlier.
A critical spirit reactspridefully when given advice.
A caring spirit respondspositively when given advice.
So it's not just, it's notcritical spirit is just
criticizing someone else, isactually spirit you have in you
when you Receive advice, mothers.
(06:56):
Critical spirit lacks mercytowards others.
A caring spirit extends mercytowards others.
A critical spirit publiclycriticizes those who have wrong
them without going to them first.
A caring spirit privatelyconfronts those who wrong them
by going to them first.
A critical spirit makesjudgments based on appearances.
A caring spirit make judgmentsbased on facts.
(07:16):
Notice not that you're notjudgment, not Not that you don't
exercise judgment at all but,you that judgments based on
facts and I'm drawingdistinction between exercising
judgment and being judgmental-right and then, lastly, she says
a critical spirit focuses onthe faults of others, a caring
spirit, focus on your own faults.
You know, I don't even know thatit's necessary to focus on your
(07:37):
own faults.
There's something.
But you know, I said the otherday christen and I think I put
this on Facebook.
I don't if I said to directly.
I said I am one of the worstpeople in the world, honest to
God I am, at pretending to likesomebody who I don't I'm just
being real here and I might saywas Christians were supposed to
love everybody.
It's like Loving and liking,first of all, two different
things and secondly, it's justdifficult to like some people.
(07:58):
But I have, through this sortof thought exercise and faith
exercise, I'm doing my bestthese days To try to find in
every person at least somethingI like about them, even if it's
just the most loads.
Some person I'm not talkingabout like Historically evil
person like Adolf Hitler, butjust kind of people you
encounter in your day to daylife that I always try to find
(08:20):
something I like about thatperson.
I almost always can, and Ithink that's part of what is
critical to breaking thecritical spirit.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
God did not put us together by accident, for many,
many different reason, and oneof which is we've always said is
I'm a very sensitive person.
So you Don't even haven't evenrealized, until you met me,
things that could be takencritical.
I mean, I can tell you so manytimes when it's all about that
delivery, when somebody came tome and was critical of something
(08:51):
and it just like crushed myspirit and somebody else the
same exact topic or somethinglike that.
But the way they made me feel,I felt lifted from our
conversation, I felt encouraged.
I can't describe it.
It's just amazing how it justthe zone you're going into with
(09:12):
it, the intention and, like yousay, making people feel
important.
Everyone has a sign around theirneck, invisible sign, that says
make me feel important and ifyou can Compliment, I make it my
mission.
I'm not saying this look at me,look at me.
I'm just saying that this isone of the strengths that I feel
like God is giving me.
Everywhere I go, I love makingpeople feel important.
(09:33):
Everywhere I go, whether it'sthe gas station or anything, I
try to make it my mission tocompliment.
It's a sincere compliment.
You know, if I, if I don't likesomeone's outfit, I'm not gonna
say, oh, that's a wonderfuloutfit.
You know there's there's thingsyou can find about people, but
it's a sincere compliment thatyou can give every person.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yeah, I think in the last minute or two it would
behoove us to observe that theheart of a critical spirit, I
believe, is the spirit ofpridefulness.
I'm better than this person.
I'm smarter than this person.
I have it all put together andfigured out.
This person doesn't.
And that is the deadliest ofthe sins, I think.
It's the sin from which allothers spring.
You know, the Bible says thatthe love of money is the root of
(10:16):
all evil, and there's certainlythat.
But it also says pride comesbefore the fall.
And you can read throughProverbs what it has to say
about pride.
You know pride has destroyedmore teams, failed more
businesses, wrecked, moremarriages than every other,
every other bad habit on theplanet.
I mean, if you can, even we canreally go off on this, maybe we
should do a topic on it.
(10:36):
But I mean, pride is at theheart of you know, bad
investments is at the heart ofadultery.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Satan fell because of his pride.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Satan fell because of what?
There you go there.
It is right there.
So you know, and if you'redealing with a critical spirit
and it's something I've had todeal with that's really at the
heart of it and it also preventsyou from learning, because
pride is antithetical tohumility and humility is I have
something to learn, okay, and soif you're being prideful,
you're not, you're not learning,and then you're not growing and
(11:04):
you're failing all sorts ofways.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I'll give you one.
Sometimes I'm critical ofcritical people.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And now you're being very self critical, so knock it
off All right in the last minutehere, when you pray for
everybody thank you, jesus, prayfor pray for a great, great new
year for everybody.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yes, yes, thank you, Jesus, for this year.
Two thousand twenty four, oh mygosh, may this be the year of
explosive growth in you.
God, you will just move themountains, god before us, lord,
the things that are in our path,that we just see no way around.
God, I just pray right now, inthe mighty name of Jesus, that
you, just you, just knock downevery stronghold, knock down
(11:41):
anything that is in the way ofthe destiny that you have for us
, and you're amazing love.
We honor you, we praise you inJesus name.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Great job, as always, sweetie.
Any New Year's resolutions, thelast few seconds.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Oh, I gotta, I gotta get down and get along with God
and really map those out.
I love to have a word for theyear.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
That's great, sweetie , that's great Listen.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
We'll see you again next week.
As always, until next time, beblessed and be a blessing Bye.
All right, good evening everybody and happy new
year.
Welcome to the first 2024edition of the Jordan and
Kristen record show.
We hope you had a great newyear.
Today's topic is going to behaving a critical spirit.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yeah, that should be fun, all right.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
so before we get to that Kristen, why don't you pray
for everybody?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Thank you, jesus, that you are the author and
finisher of our faith.
Lord, we look to you, foreverything we need From your
hand is everything we need.
God, there's nothing apart fromyou.
Apart from you, we can donothing, but in you we live and
move and have our being.
Thank you, lord.
We pray that this year westarted off on the right foot,
(00:41):
focusing on you with everybreath, knowing it all comes
from you and it's all for you.
In Jesus' name amen.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I like that.
We can do nothing apart fromyou, and apart from you we can
do nothing, and that is anexample of a critical spirit.
Ladies and gentlemen, how'sthat for an introduction,
actually?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
I don't think.
If you replay the tape, I didmisspeak, but I didn't say that.
I think there was another wordin there.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Okay, so check this out.
Why are we doing today'sepisode on a critical spirit?
Well, because I think sometimesGod sends us messages.
So the other day, kristen and Ihad this Christmas party at our
house and we invited somefriends over and some of them
were nice enough to give usgifts.
And one of our good friends,steve who's one of the few
people we know actually listensto this show because he actually
quotes it back to us gives usthis book, gives me this book
(01:26):
called A Critical Spirit.
And when someone gives you abook like that, you think what
are they trying to tell me?
And he insists it wasn't meantfor me specifically.
And Steve's a great guy, by theway.
We love Steve so much and we'reso thankful for this gift.
Seriously, but it does get youto think.
And then we go to church onSunday, right, and all these
guys are always like jockeyingfor Kristen's attention and
(01:48):
Kristen she's like oh, you're sokind.
You guys have the spirit ofcompliments, unlike my husband
who has the spirit of criticism.
Haha, just kidding, that isactually what she said.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
It was a joke, it was a joke.
And then I said no, Ibacktracked.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Okay, so today we're going to talk seriously about
the spirit of criticism and whatit is and what it isn't, and
why it's such an important topic.
So, kristen, why don't youstart?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Absolutely, and I would like to say you just
criticized my prayer.
That's even worse than regularcriticism.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I was doing it just to illustrate a point.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Well, I will say, though, just to clarify You're
very good about not criticizingme personally, and I do
appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
You're the most perfect thing.
There's not much to criticize.
But I do know since you're kindof punting it back to me here I
do know that I will admit Ihave a tendency to be
hypercritical of people and Ithink part of that is my gifting
believe it or not, as a lawyerand as somebody who's involved
in politics and things like thatis to identify problems,
(02:51):
identify inefficiencies and tryto come up with solutions, and I
think what happens is the enemytries to a lot of times,
pervert your gifts and repurposeyour gifts for his purpose.
And so he'll take something thatGod intended for good and he'll
kind of lean on it and he'lltwist it a little bit.
And doesn't have to be thatmuch, it's not like even 180
degrees.
Sometimes it's just just enoughof a nudge to get you off of
(03:13):
the centerline and before youknow it, you're not being
critical in a helpful way, inother words, in a manner
designed to build another personup.
You're being critical in ahurtful way, which is to say
you're trying to you'recriticizing someone to build
yourself up at their expense.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
That's.
That's a very good way to putit.
And when we're talking aboutthis, at first I was thinking
well, what can I offer?
Because I can tell you plentyof things that are my, you can
offer.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
What is it Like to live with me?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
You know, I can tell you, we can sit here and I can
tell you plenty of things, and Istart going through a list of
things that I do wrong.
But I thought, you know, thespirit of criticism is not one
of my big ones.
And then I thought to myselfwait a minute.
I may not be critical of otherpeople as much, but I'm super
hyper critical of myself.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Very true.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
So that was like oh, light bulb moment.
So, in one way or another,whether you're hyper critical of
other people and those people Ishould really I think need to
look more at themselves.
But those of us who are morehyper critical of ourselves need
to stop comparing ourweaknesses to other people's
strengths and say God, you mademe unique, you made me who I am,
(04:24):
and I don't need to look ateverything under a microscope.
I need to celebrate who youmade me.
Now, does that mean youshouldn't correct certain things
?
Absolutely not, whether it'syourself or if you're in a
position to correct someone elsefor something, but you do it in
a loving way and you do what Ilove.
A shout out to the Mary Kaycommunity of the Velvet Hammer
(04:45):
is what the wonderful, brilliantbusinesswoman Mary Kay used to
do.
You know what the Velvet Hammeris?
Okay, so the velvet hammer iswhen she would have to correct
somebody and her staff or inanything as a woman in business,
she would have sandwich hercorrection with a compliment.
So first she would say here'swhat you're doing great, I love
(05:07):
this, I love that about you.
And affirmation.
Then she would Say this is whatwe need to fix, and then she
would follow it up with anothercompliment.
I just love that, becausesomeone told me one time there's
no such thing as correctivecriticism.
You know that.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
There's no such thing as corrective criticism.
I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I never heard that yeah, it's actually just,
criticism is criticism.
So, basically, correction issomething totally different and
it's important that we correctthings in ourselves and if we're
in a position to have to.
You know, lend help to otherpeople can be helpful, but it's
the way in which you do it andthe lens if you I think you need
(05:46):
to always have a lens oflooking for the good in other
people, don't you think?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
definitely, in fact the book and we're not
collecting royalties for thisit's just called critical spirit
confronting the heart of acritic by June hunt, I just want
to read.
She identifies nine distinctdifferences between a critical
spirit and a caring spirit.
I just want to read this verybriefly here.
That's pretty good.
So she says A critical spiritis one that condemns the person
(06:10):
as well as the action.
A caring spirit condemns theaction but not the person a
difference.
A critical spirit ridiculesothers.
A caring spirit encouragesothers.
A critical spirit assumes theworst without first hearing from
the accused.
A caring spirit assumes thebest while waiting to hear from
the accused actually somebody,you know what last night.
Actually, a critical spirittears others down without seeing
(06:34):
their unmet needs.
A caring spirit builds othersup according to their needs.
That's something I said earlier.
A critical spirit reactspridefully when given advice.
A caring spirit respondspositively when given advice.
So it's not just, it's notcritical spirit is just
criticizing someone else, isactually spirit you have in you
when you Receive advice, mothers.
(06:56):
Critical spirit lacks mercytowards others.
A caring spirit extends mercytowards others.
A critical spirit publiclycriticizes those who have wrong
them without going to them first.
A caring spirit privatelyconfronts those who wrong them
by going to them first.
A critical spirit makesjudgments based on appearances.
A caring spirit make judgmentsbased on facts.
(07:16):
Notice not that you're notjudgment, not Not that you don't
exercise judgment at all but,you that judgments based on
facts and I'm drawingdistinction between exercising
judgment and being judgmental-right and then, lastly, she says
a critical spirit focuses onthe faults of others, a caring
spirit, focus on your own faults.
You know, I don't even know thatit's necessary to focus on your
(07:37):
own faults.
There's something.
But you know, I said the otherday christen and I think I put
this on Facebook.
I don't if I said to directly.
I said I am one of the worstpeople in the world, honest to
God I am, at pretending to likesomebody who I don't I'm just
being real here and I might saywas Christians were supposed to
love everybody.
It's like Loving and liking,first of all, two different
things and secondly, it's justdifficult to like some people.
(07:58):
But I have, through this sortof thought exercise and faith
exercise, I'm doing my bestthese days To try to find in
every person at least somethingI like about them, even if it's
just the most loads.
Some person I'm not talkingabout like Historically evil
person like Adolf Hitler, butjust kind of people you
encounter in your day to daylife that I always try to find
(08:20):
something I like about thatperson.
I almost always can, and Ithink that's part of what is
critical to breaking thecritical spirit.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
God did not put us together by accident, for many,
many different reason, and oneof which is we've always said is
I'm a very sensitive person.
So you Don't even haven't evenrealized, until you met me,
things that could be takencritical.
I mean, I can tell you so manytimes when it's all about that
delivery, when somebody came tome and was critical of something
(08:51):
and it just like crushed myspirit and somebody else the
same exact topic or somethinglike that.
But the way they made me feel,I felt lifted from our
conversation, I felt encouraged.
I can't describe it.
It's just amazing how it justthe zone you're going into with
(09:12):
it, the intention and, like yousay, making people feel
important.
Everyone has a sign around theirneck, invisible sign, that says
make me feel important and ifyou can Compliment, I make it my
mission.
I'm not saying this look at me,look at me.
I'm just saying that this isone of the strengths that I feel
like God is giving me.
Everywhere I go, I love makingpeople feel important.
(09:33):
Everywhere I go, whether it'sthe gas station or anything, I
try to make it my mission tocompliment.
It's a sincere compliment.
You know, if I, if I don't likesomeone's outfit, I'm not gonna
say, oh, that's a wonderfuloutfit.
You know there's there's thingsyou can find about people, but
it's a sincere compliment thatyou can give every person.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yeah, I think in the last minute or two it would
behoove us to observe that theheart of a critical spirit, I
believe, is the spirit ofpridefulness.
I'm better than this person.
I'm smarter than this person.
I have it all put together andfigured out.
This person doesn't.
And that is the deadliest ofthe sins, I think.
It's the sin from which allothers spring.
You know, the Bible says thatthe love of money is the root of
(10:16):
all evil, and there's certainlythat.
But it also says pride comesbefore the fall.
And you can read throughProverbs what it has to say
about pride.
You know pride has destroyedmore teams, failed more
businesses, wrecked, moremarriages than every other,
every other bad habit on theplanet.
I mean, if you can, even we canreally go off on this, maybe we
should do a topic on it.
(10:36):
But I mean, pride is at theheart of you know, bad
investments is at the heart ofadultery.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Satan fell because of his pride.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Satan fell because of what?
There you go there.
It is right there.
So you know, and if you'redealing with a critical spirit
and it's something I've had todeal with that's really at the
heart of it and it also preventsyou from learning, because
pride is antithetical tohumility and humility is I have
something to learn, okay, and soif you're being prideful,
you're not, you're not learning,and then you're not growing and
(11:04):
you're failing all sorts ofways.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I'll give you one.
Sometimes I'm critical ofcritical people.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And now you're being very self critical, so knock it
off All right in the last minutehere, when you pray for
everybody thank you, jesus, prayfor pray for a great, great new
year for everybody.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yes, yes, thank you, Jesus, for this year.
Two thousand twenty four, oh mygosh, may this be the year of
explosive growth in you.
God, you will just move themountains, god before us, lord,
the things that are in our path,that we just see no way around.
God, I just pray right now, inthe mighty name of Jesus, that
you, just you, just knock downevery stronghold, knock down
(11:41):
anything that is in the way ofthe destiny that you have for us
, and you're amazing love.
We honor you, we praise you inJesus name.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Great job, as always, sweetie.
Any New Year's resolutions, thelast few seconds.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Oh, I gotta, I gotta get down and get along with God
and really map those out.
I love to have a word for theyear.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
That's great, sweetie , that's great Listen.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
We'll see you again next week.
As always, until next time, beblessed and be a blessing Bye.
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