Becoming the Calm One in the Room

The weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s can feel like a blur—beautiful, busy, and full of old patterns that suddenly get very loud. We’re talking about the tender reality of family during the holidays: why the same conversations repeat, why certain people still press your buttons, and how to create space for a calmer, truer you at the table. This is a grounded guide to staying centered when emotions spike and expectations stack up.

We explore the idea that family can be our greatest teacher, not because it’s easy, but because it shows us exactly where we are still seeking approval, withholding compassion, or forgetting our own needs. You’ll learn how to shift from reactivity to reflection, using curiosity to interrupt the urge to defend and prove. We share practical tools for setting boundaries that feel clear and kind—choosing what topics you won’t engage, how long you’ll stay, and what you’ll do when a line is crossed—without over-explaining or apologizing for your growth. If someone resists the new you, we reframe that response as a mirror of their discomfort, not a verdict on your worth.

Along the way, we hold space for both edges of the season: the joy of gathering and the ache of loss. Time around the table isn’t guaranteed, which is why small anchors—breath, a short walk, a quiet room—matter as much as big conversations. We’ll look at repeating patterns, name the values beneath your strongest reactions, and practice speaking needs from steadiness. The goal isn’t a perfect holiday. It’s presence, clarity, and a little more peace than last year.

If you found this helpful, follow the show, share it with someone who needs a calmer holiday, and leave a quick review. What boundary or value are you choosing to honor this season?

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Hello my loves.
Welcome to Journey to the Soul.
I am so happy to have you herewith me today.
It is a few days beforeThanksgiving in the US, so
everyone is slowly getting readyfor the holidays.
The next couple of weeks, I feellike the time between now and

(00:27):
New Year's just goes by in ablink of an eye.
But I feel like it's also a timewhere so many of us have just
we're anticipating, you know,everything that's coming, all
the fun things we get to do, allthe people we get to see.
It really is one of the besttimes of the year.

(00:47):
So I hope you are enjoying thistime of the year, the fall.
It is getting closer and closerto winter every day here in
Tennessee.
The trees are losing more andmore leaves every single day,
and it gets chillier andchillier as the days go by, but

(01:09):
it's still a beautiful array ofrussets and yellows.
It's one of my favorite times ofthe year, so I wanted to talk
today about how we can approachthe holidays over the next
couple of weeks.
I feel like it can be a littlebit more of a difficult time

(01:33):
when it comes to family inparticular because you spend so
much more time with your familyduring this time of the year.
Maybe you don't even live in thesame state as your family, or
you live, you know, in differentcities, or you just have a more
difficult relationship with yourfamily or someone in your

(01:54):
family.
So I wanted to talk about theenergy of that because our
family, it can be very hard tobe around family sometimes, and
our family can be our biggestteacher in life.
I've kind of talked about thisin another episode, but I wanted
to touch on it again as we getcloser and closer to this time

(02:17):
of the year, because I feel likeit can also be a more heightened
time with a lot of emotions ifyou might have a tumultuous
relationship with your mom oryour dad or your siblings or
your aunts, your extendedfamily.
It doesn't matter who it is.
But around this time of the yearwhen you have to spend more time

(02:42):
with them, or you just do spendmore time with them, that can
become even more heightened,right?
Because maybe sometimes you canget by without it because they
are not there all the time.
Or you guys have a connection ora relationship where you talk on
the phone a lot.
So I feel like this time of theyear, it really can bring a lot

(03:06):
of more heightened situations,you know, interactions and
things like that.
So I want to talk about how wecan move through that because
family can be hard on so manylevels.
And we all have our own woundsthat our family brings up within

(03:29):
each and every one of us.
And I think that is allpurposeful.
I believe that you chose yourfamily when you came into this
world, even if your soul knewthat it was gonna have a
difficult dynamic, or yourparents were going to get
divorced, or you were going tolose a parent, or you were not

(03:50):
gonna have a good connectionwith your siblings, regardless
of what it is, your soul chosewhatever it needed to in order
to expand in this lifetime.
And that's why so many peoplecan have very difficult
relationships with certainpeople in their family.
And I also feel like that as youget older, you become more aware

(04:12):
of this because maybe it becomesmore evident over time how
certain dynamics that you mayhave with certain people don't
serve you anymore.
And I think that that for manypeople, that's just something
that you come to realize andcome to understand as you get
older and understand yourselfmore and learn to develop your

(04:37):
own boundaries and identifyingwhat your own needs are.
So it's very possible that whenyou were younger, it was not
something that maybe you knew inthe back of your mind, but you
weren't as aware of it.
But as an adult now, it's verypossible that you might have a
very hard time with someone inyour family in particular.

(04:59):
So that is all very good anddandy, but it also makes it very
difficult, right?
Many people can have benegatively anticipating what's
gonna happen over the nextcouple of weeks, you know,
leading up to the holidays.
But this is a moment in timeover the next few weeks for you

(05:24):
to really expand spiritually.
Because, like I mentioned, thesepeople, these situations, all of
this is meant to expand you sothat you can be whoever you were
meant to be in this life.
So you can learn whateverlessons you were meant to learn

(05:44):
in this life.
And that's why these people wereput there.
That's why we were born into thefamily that we were born.
So, something that I want toinvite you to do whenever you
have a triggering situation overthe next couple of weeks,
whether it's with your siblings,your parents, whoever it is, is

(06:06):
move from being in a reactivestate.
So when you feel the need toreact and say something in that
moment, whether to protectyourself or the need to defend
yourself, that's always comingfrom the mind or the ego, you
know, is basically the samething.
You feel the need to proveyourself or to protect who you

(06:29):
are in some way.
But most of the time, what comesin that moment, whatever we want
to say or do, is not what needsto be said or done.
It's not coming from the rightplace.
It's not coming from a centeredplace, it's coming from a
reactive state.
And a lot of these relationshipsthat we have, they continue to

(06:53):
exist the way that they dobecause both parties, you know,
you and some whoever else is onthe receiving end, can continue
to be in the reactive state,right?
It's like you have the sameconversation with your mom all
the time, and it never changes,it never goes anywhere.
And it's because you are movingthrough it in the same way as

(07:16):
you always have, and she is aswell.
But the next time that thathappens is to not allow yourself
to react and to create space inthat moment to look within.
And the first thing I want youto notice is what is this

(07:37):
situation or this personteaching me in this moment?
What are they here to teach me?
Because if you allow yourself tobe curious, you you will be able
to notice something that perhapsyou couldn't see before.
Because it doesn't matter if youchange your environment and
you're not around your familyand you know, you're around

(08:00):
other people.
Whatever trigger comes up foryou that is wanting you to
react, it's always going to showup because it exists within you.
That's something that needs tobe moved through.
You know, you need to movethrough whatever it is so that
you can find peace and not beaffected by those things.

(08:21):
So they'll continue to pop upregardless of whether or not
you're with your family or not.
Your family just happens tobring them out the most.
And in that situation, you know,whenever you catch yourself in
that moment, maybe it's you'relearning to be more
compassionate towards thisperson or in general.

(08:42):
Maybe you're learning to be morepatient with other people or to
be more understanding.
Maybe you're learning that youneed to nurture yourself first,
or to validate yourself overanyone else, you know,
validating your existence and tohonor who you are.
These are just a few things, butwe're each gonna have our own

(09:04):
things that we are meant to workthrough, right?
That our family brings up in us.
And something else to keep inmind is that you are allowed to
change and evolve and have yourown voice to be your own person.
And I feel like a lot of thetimes we feel like with people

(09:27):
that have known us our entirelife, we need to be the same
that we've always been.
We're not allowed to changebecause we fear disappointing
them or making themuncomfortable or all of these
things.
And the fact that you get toevolve in this life and grow is
a gift.

(09:48):
It means you are moving forward.
That's something that you shouldcelebrate.
If people in your life,regardless of whether they're
your family or not, do notunderstand that that is not your
burden to bear.
That is their burden to bear.
If they react to this newversion of you that maybe is

(10:12):
going to set boundaries or speakwhat's on her heart or approach
a situation with the familydifferently, if they react to
you doing that and you know,bring it, highlight it and bring
it forward and say somethingabout it, that's a reflection of
them, not you.

(10:33):
That's something that they'reimposing on you.
It's a mirror.
You're being a mirror to them,and that's making them
uncomfortable.
But you don't owe it to anyoneto have to explain yourself if
you really don't want to, butyou also just get to be yourself
in this life.

(10:54):
And the most freeing thing to dois for you to allow yourself to
do that, to be your own person.
So don't feel like you need toshow up as who you were last
year.
You can choose to show up tothese environments, these
situations, be in front of thesepeople, and be a whole other

(11:17):
person.
That's okay to, you know, towant to talk about certain
things or not perpetuate thesame conversations all the time
or not be in certain energy ifit doesn't serve you.
You are allowed to do all ofthose things.
You know, the situations thatare showing us where we need to

(11:39):
grow are going to continue torepeat themselves until we've
learned whatever it is that weneed to.
So when you catch yourself, likeI mentioned, lean into it with
curiosity and a gentle heart andreally notice the repeating
patterns that show up for you inthis situation, but also look

(12:03):
back at maybe otherconversations that you've had
with this person or other peoplein your family, or how these
conversations keep coming up.
Maybe it's about a particularsituation, but what are those
patterns showing you?
And everyone anticipates, youknow, these these times of the

(12:24):
year.
I love Christmas, I lovespending time with my family and
all of the things, you know, weall want to make the most out of
these moments.
And it's important that we docherish these moments and that
we choose to find peace and joyin any situation.
Because if we allow ourselvesto, we can.

(12:46):
And in any moment where you mayhave a strong emotion towards
someone in your family, justknow that it can evolve in a
moment if you choose to.
But it's important to reallylove and cherish everything that
you're gonna be able tocelebrate and experience over

(13:08):
the next couple of weeks becauselife is not guaranteed, you
know.
Even if family can be one of thehardest things or extended
family, whoever it is, there isgoing to be that one person
that, you know, can drive youcrazy and up the wall.
But the point is that life isnot guaranteed.
And it's not a guarantee thateveryone that you spend the

(13:31):
holidays with this year is goingto be a part of your life next
year.
And even if it's not perfect, orcertain people have problems
towards each other, or there'salways all of these things that
happen, you know, on theholidays with your family, it's
really just making the most outof it because life is not

(13:52):
guaranteed.
We have to cherish the time thatwe have with the people in our
life.
And I feel like this time of theyear also highlights that sense
of loss for a lot of people whohave perhaps lost close family
in their lives.
It's important that we valuewhat we have before it's gone

(14:15):
because everything in life is anebb and flow.
And we want to make sure that wehonor and revel in that.
So be gentle with yourselves.
I know the holidays can be hardfor many different reasons or a
little bit difficult, but maybeyou're listening to this and

(14:36):
you're like, oh, this is myfavorite time of the year, and I
don't really have to worry aboutany of that.
And if so, that's great.
This could apply to anyone inyour life, not just your family.
But as you do gear up tocelebrate Thanksgiving here in
the US in the next couple ofdays, and Christmas for most of

(14:57):
the world in the next couple ofweeks, andor Hanukkah or
whatever it is that youcelebrate.
I hope you allow yourself toenjoy it and to not let certain
things get to you and to reallyjust make the most out of it
because it really is a beautifultime of the year if we allow

(15:21):
ourselves it to be.
But I am sending you all so muchlove and I will talk to you all
in my next episode.
Until then.