May 9, 2025 • 37 mins
Ever catch yourself thinking you're "behind" in life? That gnawing feeling that everyone else is progressing faster while you're somehow falling short? You're not alone.
These thoughts have been surfacing in my own life recently, prompting me to explore what lies beneath this universal human experience. Despite regularly discussing positive mindset and self-belief on this podcast, I'm still human—I question my abilities, wonder if I'm doing enough, and sometimes wish I'd started sooner on certain paths.
What I've discovered is that while acknowledging these feelings is healthy, lingering in them isn't serving us. When we dwell in the past, it manifests as depression; when we constantly project into the future, we experience anxiety. The real power exists only in the present moment—right here, right now—where we can take tangible action to close the gap between our current reality and desired future.
This realization comes at a significant time as I approach my Saturn Return—an astrological transit occurring around ages 28-30 that brings profound life lessons and restructuring. My Saturn Return falls in my 11th house (governing future visions and community) and in Aries (highlighting courage and leadership), perfectly aligning with these themes of personal evolution and finding my unique path.
Remember: your journey isn't meant to mirror anyone else's. The experiences that feel like delays or detours are actually essential components of your specific evolution, building the resilience and wisdom you couldn't have acquired any other way. Instead of wishing things had happened sooner, what if you poured that energy into taking one step today toward the future you're creating?
Wherever you are in your journey, know that you'll never be in this exact place again. There's something precious about your current circumstances, even as you work toward something new. I'd love to hear how you're embracing your unique timeline—share your thoughts and join our community of fellow travelers on this beautiful, messy human journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi loves, welcome to this week's episode.
I wanted to sit down with youtoday and just reflect on
something that came up for meand I feel like it's something
that is worth sharing.
So much of what I talk about onthis podcast is just that it's
(00:27):
just my life experience, thingsthat I've learned through actual
life experience.
You know the life that I livedor things that I study, and I
share all that with you becauseit's life lessons and we all
live such different lives.
We've learned very differentlessons.
(00:49):
You know what I am good at.
Someone else could be good atsomething completely different,
you know, because of the lifethat they've lived.
So we have our own strengthsbased off of our life experience
and what we've been able towork through and live through
(01:11):
and experience.
So that's kind of what I sharewith you all here and I really
enjoy it.
It's something that I realized afew years ago how much I just
loved sharing about what I hadlearned, because I feel like my
upbringing there was a lot ofdifferent things that I feel
(01:32):
like people have a negativeconnotation about, and I
actually didn't so much, and Ithought it was a way of me
teaching people that ultimately,we are given certain cards, but
that doesn't mean that ourreality is going to be certain
things.
So this morning I was justthinking about some thoughts
(01:55):
that I've been having, and I'mhuman, we are human, so I talk a
lot about having a positivemindset and believing in
yourself and the vision that youwant in life and loving
yourself enough to go do that,like those are very deep topics
that we talk about here.
(02:15):
But of course, I am human andeven though I talk about all of
those things, I also very muchhave my days where I question my
abilities, of what I am workingtowards, if I know enough, if
I'm doing enough, just like allof us.
Right, those are very realthings for every single one of
(02:38):
us, and I'm someone that, forthe most part, most of her life,
has always lived more in thefuture, constantly thinking
about the life that I want tocreate for myself and how to do
that, and I struggled most of mylife with just being in the
future, you know, and that couldshow up as anxiety and not
(03:02):
really living my life in the nowand that's something that I
have slowly practiced more andmore in my life is just being
where I am, and I know that I'vetalked about that in other
podcast episodes and I amnowhere close to being where I
(03:25):
want to be with that.
It's an active practice for meevery single day to soften to my
life even more and to just beeven more present, and it's just
something that doesn't comesuper easily to me and we all
(03:48):
have those things right.
But something like regretthinking about the past.
I have never been the type ofperson that lingers in the past.
It's just not really somethingthat I've done too much.
Of course, I've thought aboutdifferent things and I don't
really believe in lingering inthe past.
(04:10):
I don't think that it issomething that is helpful for us
in any way.
Really, I think it's helpful toacknowledge emotions and to
process them, but not to hold onto them too tightly and to let
them go and move forward withthe life that you're trying to
build.
I have always believed that whatwe go through in life, our life
(04:36):
experience, whether we considerit good or bad, hard or easy a
combination of all of thosethings for all of us most likely
is what makes you who you aretoday.
And I think about my life andhow I felt, like so many people
when I was younger felt bad forme and the life that I was
(04:58):
living when I was younger, orthis or that, and honestly, was
it hard, absolutely.
Do I still have to work throughsome of those traumas today,
and will I be doing that formost of my life?
I hope not, but am I happy thatI've worked on it?
(05:18):
Absolutely, and I would notchange any of it for the world
because it made me the personthat I am today.
I am more me than I've everbeen before because I've worked
through so much of those thingsand I feel like I know who I am.
You know, and I feel like manyof you probably feel that way
(05:42):
too.
It's like you experiencedsomething and it tested you and
you know it put you through theringer and after that you just
feel so much stronger and surein who you are, and with me it's
very much that way.
It's like one thing that I havealways known throughout my
(06:03):
entire life is how resilient Iam, because I feel like I have
dealt with so many differentthings in life and I know that
if I hit rock bottom, I would beable to go up again, because
I've hit rock bottom before.
I've been there.
That's where I come from.
So it builds that trust withinyourself.
(06:27):
And the reason that I'm bringingthis up is because it's not
something that I normally thinkabout but, ironically, over the
last couple of weeks, it'ssomething that I've thought
about more and more, and it wasactually a conversation that I
was having with my husband lastnight, because I don't normally
(06:48):
think about the past in that wayand wanting it to be something
different than it was, andfeeling like I wasted time and
energy on the wrong things and Iwas feeling it, or I've been
thinking about it more the lastcouple of weeks and I am just me
(07:12):
being me in allowing myself thespace to explore those thoughts
, those emotions, those feelingsBecause, like I mentioned, I
think it's so important for usto do that.
I think it's a disservice toourselves to not look at what is
(07:34):
popping up in front of us, whatwe're feeling, what emotions
and thoughts are coming up forus, because they are showing us
and teaching us so much about usand what might be calling for
more attention in our life.
(07:54):
So it's super helpful to workwith those emotions and most of
the time, we all have ourdifferent practices and most of
the time I write.
I journal a lot.
It's one of my favorite thingsto do, to process through
(08:16):
whatever is coming up for me.
I meditate on the thoughts.
I feel like the journalingdefinitely gives you the ability
to just see black and white,more written than versus our
mind, which it can be harder forus to actually be like okay,
what is that, what does thatmean?
(08:37):
But when you're writing it downand you're seeing it, it's so
much easier for you to be likeokay, that's what it is, and you
can actively work through it.
You know, talk to yourself,talk to your highest self, as
you're writing it right andyou're able to just process
those emotions.
So I've just been giving myselfthe space to kind of think
(09:01):
about where these emotions havebeen coming from.
And I know where they're comingfrom because, even though they
don't show up for me very often,I'm pretty self-aware.
I do a lot every single day todevelop my self-awareness, so
it's not new to me thesefeelings, these feelings.
(09:22):
So I know what wound that'scoming from.
And I was just sitting there,you know, and thinking about how
I feel like I could have donecertain things sooner in my life
, how I could have left that jobsooner, how I could have
(09:44):
started doing what my soulreally wanted me to do sooner,
how it would have been if Iwould have had someone in my
life you know parents, a mom anda dad that loved me and cared
for me, and those are woundsfrom my childhood, you know,
because sometimes I see,especially when I was younger, I
would see other people havingmom and dad and them having all
(10:07):
the love and support that theyneeded and speaking love into
them and building them up to bethe people that they're going to
go out into the world and be.
So I always felt that, but I'velet it go throughout my life
because I know that all of thesethoughts about wishing I would
(10:29):
have started sooner or I wouldhave taken that class sooner,
that would have put me on mytrajectory of what I'm doing now
, of leaving that relationshipsooner, all of these things that
I was pinpointing in my life,it's just I know that it does
(10:50):
not serve me to go through thosethoughts like to feed into them
and to linger there too much,because ultimately, we are all
given the life that we are givenfor a reason.
I strongly believe that and Ifeel like in those times when we
(11:14):
may feel that way, whateverthat wound may be for you, it's
like now more than ever.
In that moment, it's our turnto mother ourselves, to nurture
ourselves in the way that we arecraving.
That perhaps we didn't get whenwe were younger, and that's
(11:35):
something that I've beenactively trying to do throughout
my life more in the last fewyears, really, that I realized
how much I needed that, doing alot of inner child work and
working through so many of thewounds that I had when I was
(11:56):
younger.
And I have worked through, mygoodness, so many of them.
But there is still a few thatare just there and they still
come up and when they come upthey feel raw and just not the
best, you know.
But it's part of our process ofbeing human.
It's to work through thesethings that show up and to do it
(12:21):
in a way that's loving andhonoring of who we are.
So I have been giving myselfspace to process through these
things, these emotions, so thatI can really work through them
and just let them show me whatthey need to show me and then me
(12:42):
move past that, because I knowthat I am the one that needs to
give myself the love that Icrave, you know to wishing that
I would have had a differentupbringing, wishing that I would
have started things sooner,wishing that I would have had
expanders in my life sooner so Icould have not wasted my time
(13:07):
doing the things that I thoughtwere necessary.
Living in survival mode for solong also blocked me away from
seeing so many other potentialsin my life, because I was just
so focused on surviving.
And these were just all thethings that I was thinking about
that have been coming up for me, and more frequently, and the
(13:32):
fact that they have been comingup more frequently has been
something that I've been payingattention and honoring.
I'm just like, oh, okay.
I'm just like, oh, okay, I'mthinking about this thing and
it's from the past and I don'treally linger here, but it's
here, and I believe that that isa call from the universe for me
(13:57):
to really work on this thing.
But, ultimately, what I came tothe realization about again
it's already something that Iknow, but it was a truth that I
spoke to myself again it's that,ultimately, I am going to be
the one to give myself the lifethat I want, to give myself the
(14:20):
love that I have always wantedto give myself the love that I
have always wanted to nurturemyself, to honor myself, and
it's a lot more useful andhelpful of my time to actually
focus on what I can do right now, on the here and now, and
(14:43):
building the actual future thatI want in my life.
Even if I do feel behind attimes, using my energy for the
now is the most beneficial thingthat I can do for myself.
It is not lingering in the past.
The past does not serve me.
(15:05):
It really doesn't.
You know, it's good to go thereand honor and accept what's
showing up, but it's soimportant for us to actually
focus our energy on what we arebuilding, on what we actually
want and I talk about that somuch on this podcast, because
(15:27):
what you give energy to iseither feeding that thing or
taking away its power, dependingon what you are thinking.
And if you are focusing onbuilding the future you want, on
being the person that you want,on being the kind of partner
(15:49):
that is married to a certainperson, whatever it is that you
might be trying to call intoyour life or wanting to create
for yourself, it's like it doesyou so much more good to
actually just focus on doingthat thing instead of thinking
about the past or the future.
This goes both ways, becauseI've also talked about the other
(16:12):
side of thinking so much aboutthe future that you're not even
in your present.
Either extreme does not serveus.
When we linger in the past,it's called depression.
When we linger in the future,it's called anxiety.
And it's important for us tofocus on the here and now,
because this is where the powerlies.
(16:34):
Right here, right now, is whereyou have the ability to close
that gap between where you areand where you want to go.
If you do feel like you arebehind in life or you're not
where you want to be, it is withthe actions that you do today
(16:56):
that bring you closer to thatthing.
It is not by lingering in thepast or lingering in the future.
It is about being here.
So it's so important for us todo that, to focus on those
things, to put all of our soul,all of our devotion into our
(17:17):
everyday life and doing thosethings that are going to get us
closer to where we want to go inour lives.
And the past can give us somuch knowledge about where we
may want to go.
It just gives us knowledge onour life, on ourselves.
It's given us a base point ofwhat we may or may not want in
(17:42):
our life and it's helpful tolook at it from time to time,
but it's not helpful to linger.
It's a waste of energy, itreally is.
It's so much better for us tofocus on now, this beautiful
life that we are given the dayToday, are given the day today.
(18:10):
What can we do today to get onestep closer to the life that we
want to live?
And I feel the same waysometimes.
It's like sometimes I feel sooverwhelmed where I am and where
I want to go, and I thinkthat's very easy to feel,
especially for so many peoplewho have these great ambitions
in life.
There is nothing wrong withwanting certain things out of
(18:32):
life a certain lifestyle, acertain house, living in a
certain place, having certainthings you know, having certain
friends, whatever that may be.
You wanting, craving somethingelse than what you have now is
not necessarily a bad thing.
I believe that it is a sign ofwhat you desire to have in this
(18:59):
life.
Therefore, it should not beignored, but taken in as
information for you to movethrough your life in a way that
brings you closer to that thing.
It's so important to have thatself-awareness, and I love
talking about astrology andnumerology and human design too.
(19:20):
I talk about different tidbitswhen we talk about certain
things right, and the way that Ishare them is how I use them in
my life, and with astrology inparticular, I am always looking
at any major transits that aregoing on in my chart.
You know what made your energyis changing.
(19:43):
You know what's going on behindthe scenes and I love using it
as more as a tool to meditate on, and the more that I have
studied these things and broughtthem into my life, the more
(20:03):
real they are to me, and it justalways blows my mind how much
in alignment they are with meand my life and my evolution,
and that's why I share them withyou all, whether it's something
that you are familiar with ornot.
(20:25):
But what I have been slowlyanticipating is my Saturn return
and for those of you that arenot familiar, it's something
that I have been thinking aboutfor over a year.
I don't know if it's good orbad to know about astrology,
knowing certain key, pivotalthings that happen in your life.
(20:50):
You know big life changes.
Your Saturn return for peoplewho don't know is when Saturn
transits back and goes back tothe exact place that it was in
your natal chart when you wereborn.
So you have Saturn somewhere inyour chart, in one of the 12
(21:14):
houses, in a certain sign, andit takes about 28 to 30 years
for Saturn to go back to whereit was when you were born.
So when it goes back to thatsame degree, that same sign in
your natal chart, that is whatis called your Saturn return,
(21:36):
and it's typically a time inyour life where you go through
like a deep evolution.
Where you go through like adeep evolution.
Saturn is the planet of lessons,of discipline, of devotion.
(22:01):
It's a planet that brings a lotof messiness into our life.
Sometimes it could feel likemaybe it can upheaval a lot.
So typically during your Saturnreturn, it could feel like
maybe it it can upheaval a lot.
So typically during your Saturnreturn it can feel like a lot
of life-changing things arehappening.
You know a lot of lessons.
It can feel, maybe, like we'remuddying through life a little
bit.
Life is maybe going through alittle bit slower motion because
(22:23):
Saturn is typically slowingthings down.
So we can learn what we aremeant to learn, devote ourselves
to what we really want, todevote ourselves and establish
systems and ways to do it in agrounded way.
(22:44):
So this is not necessarily theenergy of doing it quickly and
it being a one and done thing.
Rather it's about kind ofbuilding a strong and solid
foundation for what is to come.
So Saturn, depending on whathouse it is in, will highlight
(23:07):
those things in that house.
That is the area of your lifethat you're going to be working
on, those things.
Essentially, that's what'sgoing to be highlighted for you.
So I have been anticipating mySaturn return, which I actually
go into in about three weeks,sometime in May, and I have been
(23:32):
looking at the house that it'sin, I have been looking at the
sign that it's in and I've justkind of been meditating on it
for over a year now, over a yearnow.
And it's just funny because tome, these feelings that I was
talking to you guys about, thatwere showing up for me or have
(23:52):
been showing up for me morefrequently, is so tied to my
Saturn return, because my Saturnreturn is actually to happen in
the 11th house, and the 11thhouse in astrology has to do
with your friends, groups thatyou're in humanitarianism, and
(24:19):
it's also the house of thefuture.
So the house of the future, soany legacy that you're trying to
build, these are long-termgoals and your hopes and wishes.
So what do you want for yourlife?
Not at the small scale, but atthe grand scale.
(24:39):
It's like what is that visionfor you In 30 years, in 40 years
?
What do that vision for you in30 years and 40 years?
What do you want your life tobe?
What would you have wanted tobe devoted to?
And that is exactly what thesethoughts were kind of bringing
up for me.
(24:59):
I know more or less what I wantto devote myself to, more or
less what I want to devotemyself to.
I have gone through a bigtransformation and realignment
over the last few years in mylife of really just coming back
to myself and grounding againinto my values, into what I feel
(25:25):
like I am meant to do in thislife.
And these feelings that werepopping up for me about feeling
like I'm not where I want to be.
It's a reminder for me, as I'mgetting ready to go into my
Saturn return, of where I reallywant to go right.
(25:49):
It's like when you have a dream, when you have a vision, when
you have certain things that youwant out of life if you really
want them.
Most of the time they're notgoing anywhere.
They are those thoughts thatyou just can't stop thinking
about.
They're always there and a lotof the time so much of the time
(26:13):
they fuel you, they give youenergy when you know that you're
working toward these incrediblethings.
Toward these incredible things,and I just love to be able to
look at this.
You know, knowing that, as I'mgoing through my Saturn return,
(26:34):
it's essentially I'm being askedto come into alignment with
what I really want in my lifeand to do what is necessary to
build those things, even if I amnot where I want to be.
That doesn't change the goal,that doesn't change the vision,
that doesn't change thoseyearnings that you have within
(26:56):
yourself.
That just means how am I goingto devote myself further to this
?
How am I going to get there,even if I'm not where I want
myself to be?
What can I do in the next yearto bring myself closer to that?
What can I do in the next fiveyears, ten years?
(27:18):
This is about building somethingsustainable that is meant to
last.
It is not simply about buildingsomething quick that is not in
alignment with us that isfleeting.
This is about building a lifethat stays.
This is about building a lifethat is not going anywhere and
(27:44):
may even live beyond you.
Maybe the work that you do issomething that helps generations
to come, maybe the art that youcreate is something that
inspires generations to come,and that is what this energy
brings.
And I'm just sharing it withyou all because, like I
(28:07):
mentioned, so much of what Ishare with you is my experience
and things that I've kind oflearned as I've gone.
And this is going to be one ofthose things too, because I am
going into my Saturn return withjust a level of awareness and
leaning into what I'm beingcalled to learn, and leaning
(28:29):
into what I'm being called tolearn, what I'm being called to
look at, and knowing that it'sin this part of my astrology
chart in my 11th house, knowingthat it's in Aries, knowing what
that means, you know, and justleaning into that energy,
(28:53):
leaning into all the things thatit's wanting to teach me right
now.
Right, and with the energy ofAries.
For me, it's also about beingmore in community versus alone,
and I've talked about this inanother episode as well, about
how I have my South Node inAries and my North Node in Libra
, but I also have my Mars inAries and my Saturn in Aries.
(29:16):
So there's a lot of conflictingenergy for me because, even
though I have always been aperson that has gone by their
beat of their own drum and isvery comfortable being
independent, not needing anyoneand being, you know, just my own
person and not really lettingother people in, that's just not
(29:41):
something that's meant to serveme in this life.
So I'm also leaning into theenergy of what else this Aries
energy is trying to teach mewith my Saturn return, you know,
because it's still there andI'm still meant to lean into it
to some degree, but not in theway that I have for half of my
(30:04):
life when I was younger, butjust learning to be more with
people, more in community, incollaboration, and still
allowing that Aries energy toguide me, to allow it to take me
where it wants to go.
Aries is very trailblazer energy.
(30:25):
It's going to go, do what itwants to do what it wants to do
and with this house, it's justabout doing it in a way that is
sustainable, doing it in a waythat is going to last, and I'm
(30:47):
really excited to see what theSaturn return will bring for me
my first one and just explore itand lean into it.
I know that I've talked aboutas well.
You know when I talk aboutastrology or you know numerology
and different things like thatis if it resonates with you just
being open and curious and I,like I mentioned, with the
(31:11):
numerology you know personalyears and different things with
numerology I just like leaninginto what I'm being asked to
lean into and that's very muchwhat I'm going to do with this
Saturn return too is I'm justgoing to lean into the energy.
I'm just going to show up andlearn the things that I'm being
(31:32):
asked to learn.
And if you're listening to thisand maybe you have already gone
through your first Saturnreturn, maybe you are getting
ready to go through your Saturnreturn.
You go through about three inyour life.
If you live to be about 82, Ibelieve, 83.
(31:55):
You go through one in your 50s,you go through one in your 80s
and then you go through one inyour 28 to 30.
And everyone's is a littledifferent depending on when
their birthday is and all ofthat jazz.
But it's just so cool to beable to look at these things and
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lean into them and grow.
So I will share more on that asit goes, but to end this
episode, I just wanted to goback to the original point of
this conversation of if you feellike you are behind in life.
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And I think that if you areactively working on creating
that life that you want foryourself and you are just doing
all the things and wanting tostay devoted to yourself, if you
are listening to this and youfeel like you are behind in some
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aspect of your life whetherthat is maybe you wanting to be
married by now, or you wantingto have children or a family, or
you wanting to create a certaincommunity of like-minded women
and friendships, or you wantinga certain amount of money in
(33:23):
your life, you wanting a certainhouse these things are going to
be different for each and everyone of you, but I just
ultimately want you to know thatyou have your own life and your
own path, your own becoming.
It doesn't serve us to look atothers, look at things beyond
(33:47):
our life and wish that it weredifferent, or all of those
things.
I think it's so important tolook at what's in front of us.
Comparison is not helpful herein any way, shape or form, and
it's so much better for us tojust know that our life isn't
(34:10):
going to look like anyone else'sAnyone that we may know, our
friends, people we see onInstagram, on social media, on
YouTube.
Our life is not meant to looklike another person's, even if
it's someone that inspires us,even if it's someone that you
like and enjoy.
(34:30):
But just know that your life isnot meant to look like anyone
else's.
It's meant to be yours andyours alone.
Therefore, it will not looklike anyone else's.
It is going to look like yours,and that means that you're
going to have your own timing.
You're going to have your ownpath.
You're going to have your ownevolution, own timing.
(34:52):
You're going to have your ownpath.
You're going to have your ownevolution.
Your life is going to unfoldthe way that it is meant to, and
you need to hold on to that andknow that if you are just
staying devoted to that futureand putting your energy toward
those things, it is inevitablethat it will come to you.
And while you're there, whileyou're doing that, just enjoy
(35:14):
the process.
Just enjoy being alive, enjoybeing a human, enjoy your life,
enjoy where you are, because youwill never be here again.
You will never be in this exactplace in your life ever again.
Be in this exact place in yourlife ever again.
If you are child-free andyearning for a child, you will
(35:41):
never be child-free again.
Therefore, just indulge.
Enjoy being child-free, even ifit's not exactly what you're
yearning for anymore, you know.
Enjoy being able to stay uplater or wake up later, or being
able to go out and do thingswith your own freedom.
You know, whatever that may befor you, if you're calling in a
new career in your life, enjoyhaving maybe the little bit more
(36:04):
freedom that you have nowbefore you go in and step into
that new thing, because wheneversomething new comes into our
life, there is a give and a take.
So, even though you might not beexactly where you want to be
being where you are now, thereare certain things that you
(36:28):
might never experience again inthis moment and that alone
should make us stop and justlive our life with wonder,
because you will never be hereagain and that alone is a
miracle and should just allow usto want to just enjoy this ride
.
Enjoy this crazy ride of being ahuman, because not everyone
(36:53):
gets to live the life that we doexactly like we live it.
Not everyone gets to live inthe country that you do, to have
the freedoms that you have, ifyou are a woman, to have the
freedoms that we do.
I mean, there's so manydifferent ways that we can look
at it, but I think I'm doneranting for today.
(37:13):
I really wanted to just sitdown and talk to you guys about
this today.
It was on my heart and I wantedto share it because I feel like
that's a sign for me thatsomeone else needs to hear it
too.
So I will talk to you all in mynext episode.
I am sending you so much loveand so much light, wherever you
(37:37):
are listening from, until nexttime.
Hi loves, welcome to this week's episode.
I wanted to sit down with youtoday and just reflect on
something that came up for meand I feel like it's something
that is worth sharing.
So much of what I talk about onthis podcast is just that it's
(00:27):
just my life experience, thingsthat I've learned through actual
life experience.
You know the life that I livedor things that I study, and I
share all that with you becauseit's life lessons and we all
live such different lives.
We've learned very differentlessons.
(00:49):
You know what I am good at.
Someone else could be good atsomething completely different,
you know, because of the lifethat they've lived.
So we have our own strengthsbased off of our life experience
and what we've been able towork through and live through
(01:11):
and experience.
So that's kind of what I sharewith you all here and I really
enjoy it.
It's something that I realized afew years ago how much I just
loved sharing about what I hadlearned, because I feel like my
upbringing there was a lot ofdifferent things that I feel
(01:32):
like people have a negativeconnotation about, and I
actually didn't so much, and Ithought it was a way of me
teaching people that ultimately,we are given certain cards, but
that doesn't mean that ourreality is going to be certain
things.
So this morning I was justthinking about some thoughts
(01:55):
that I've been having, and I'mhuman, we are human, so I talk a
lot about having a positivemindset and believing in
yourself and the vision that youwant in life and loving
yourself enough to go do that,like those are very deep topics
that we talk about here.
(02:15):
But of course, I am human andeven though I talk about all of
those things, I also very muchhave my days where I question my
abilities, of what I am workingtowards, if I know enough, if
I'm doing enough, just like allof us.
Right, those are very realthings for every single one of
(02:38):
us, and I'm someone that, forthe most part, most of her life,
has always lived more in thefuture, constantly thinking
about the life that I want tocreate for myself and how to do
that, and I struggled most of mylife with just being in the
future, you know, and that couldshow up as anxiety and not
(03:02):
really living my life in the nowand that's something that I
have slowly practiced more andmore in my life is just being
where I am, and I know that I'vetalked about that in other
podcast episodes and I amnowhere close to being where I
(03:25):
want to be with that.
It's an active practice for meevery single day to soften to my
life even more and to just beeven more present, and it's just
something that doesn't comesuper easily to me and we all
(03:48):
have those things right.
But something like regretthinking about the past.
I have never been the type ofperson that lingers in the past.
It's just not really somethingthat I've done too much.
Of course, I've thought aboutdifferent things and I don't
really believe in lingering inthe past.
(04:10):
I don't think that it issomething that is helpful for us
in any way.
Really, I think it's helpful toacknowledge emotions and to
process them, but not to hold onto them too tightly and to let
them go and move forward withthe life that you're trying to
build.
I have always believed that whatwe go through in life, our life
(04:36):
experience, whether we considerit good or bad, hard or easy a
combination of all of thosethings for all of us most likely
is what makes you who you aretoday.
And I think about my life andhow I felt, like so many people
when I was younger felt bad forme and the life that I was
(04:58):
living when I was younger, orthis or that, and honestly, was
it hard, absolutely.
Do I still have to work throughsome of those traumas today,
and will I be doing that formost of my life?
I hope not, but am I happy thatI've worked on it?
(05:18):
Absolutely, and I would notchange any of it for the world
because it made me the personthat I am today.
I am more me than I've everbeen before because I've worked
through so much of those thingsand I feel like I know who I am.
You know, and I feel like manyof you probably feel that way
(05:42):
too.
It's like you experiencedsomething and it tested you and
you know it put you through theringer and after that you just
feel so much stronger and surein who you are, and with me it's
very much that way.
It's like one thing that I havealways known throughout my
(06:03):
entire life is how resilient Iam, because I feel like I have
dealt with so many differentthings in life and I know that
if I hit rock bottom, I would beable to go up again, because
I've hit rock bottom before.
I've been there.
That's where I come from.
So it builds that trust withinyourself.
(06:27):
And the reason that I'm bringingthis up is because it's not
something that I normally thinkabout but, ironically, over the
last couple of weeks, it'ssomething that I've thought
about more and more, and it wasactually a conversation that I
was having with my husband lastnight, because I don't normally
(06:48):
think about the past in that wayand wanting it to be something
different than it was, andfeeling like I wasted time and
energy on the wrong things and Iwas feeling it, or I've been
thinking about it more the lastcouple of weeks and I am just me
(07:12):
being me in allowing myself thespace to explore those thoughts
, those emotions, those feelingsBecause, like I mentioned, I
think it's so important for usto do that.
I think it's a disservice toourselves to not look at what is
(07:34):
popping up in front of us, whatwe're feeling, what emotions
and thoughts are coming up forus, because they are showing us
and teaching us so much about usand what might be calling for
more attention in our life.
(07:54):
So it's super helpful to workwith those emotions and most of
the time, we all have ourdifferent practices and most of
the time I write.
I journal a lot.
It's one of my favorite thingsto do, to process through
(08:16):
whatever is coming up for me.
I meditate on the thoughts.
I feel like the journalingdefinitely gives you the ability
to just see black and white,more written than versus our
mind, which it can be harder forus to actually be like okay,
what is that, what does thatmean?
(08:37):
But when you're writing it downand you're seeing it, it's so
much easier for you to be likeokay, that's what it is, and you
can actively work through it.
You know, talk to yourself,talk to your highest self, as
you're writing it right andyou're able to just process
those emotions.
So I've just been giving myselfthe space to kind of think
(09:01):
about where these emotions havebeen coming from.
And I know where they're comingfrom because, even though they
don't show up for me very often,I'm pretty self-aware.
I do a lot every single day todevelop my self-awareness, so
it's not new to me thesefeelings, these feelings.
(09:22):
So I know what wound that'scoming from.
And I was just sitting there,you know, and thinking about how
I feel like I could have donecertain things sooner in my life
, how I could have left that jobsooner, how I could have
(09:44):
started doing what my soulreally wanted me to do sooner,
how it would have been if Iwould have had someone in my
life you know parents, a mom anda dad that loved me and cared
for me, and those are woundsfrom my childhood, you know,
because sometimes I see,especially when I was younger, I
would see other people havingmom and dad and them having all
(10:07):
the love and support that theyneeded and speaking love into
them and building them up to bethe people that they're going to
go out into the world and be.
So I always felt that, but I'velet it go throughout my life
because I know that all of thesethoughts about wishing I would
(10:29):
have started sooner or I wouldhave taken that class sooner,
that would have put me on mytrajectory of what I'm doing now
, of leaving that relationshipsooner, all of these things that
I was pinpointing in my life,it's just I know that it does
(10:50):
not serve me to go through thosethoughts like to feed into them
and to linger there too much,because ultimately, we are all
given the life that we are givenfor a reason.
I strongly believe that and Ifeel like in those times when we
(11:14):
may feel that way, whateverthat wound may be for you, it's
like now more than ever.
In that moment, it's our turnto mother ourselves, to nurture
ourselves in the way that we arecraving.
That perhaps we didn't get whenwe were younger, and that's
(11:35):
something that I've beenactively trying to do throughout
my life more in the last fewyears, really, that I realized
how much I needed that, doing alot of inner child work and
working through so many of thewounds that I had when I was
(11:56):
younger.
And I have worked through, mygoodness, so many of them.
But there is still a few thatare just there and they still
come up and when they come upthey feel raw and just not the
best, you know.
But it's part of our process ofbeing human.
It's to work through thesethings that show up and to do it
(12:21):
in a way that's loving andhonoring of who we are.
So I have been giving myselfspace to process through these
things, these emotions, so thatI can really work through them
and just let them show me whatthey need to show me and then me
(12:42):
move past that, because I knowthat I am the one that needs to
give myself the love that Icrave, you know to wishing that
I would have had a differentupbringing, wishing that I would
have started things sooner,wishing that I would have had
expanders in my life sooner so Icould have not wasted my time
(13:07):
doing the things that I thoughtwere necessary.
Living in survival mode for solong also blocked me away from
seeing so many other potentialsin my life, because I was just
so focused on surviving.
And these were just all thethings that I was thinking about
that have been coming up for me, and more frequently, and the
(13:32):
fact that they have been comingup more frequently has been
something that I've been payingattention and honoring.
I'm just like, oh, okay.
I'm just like, oh, okay, I'mthinking about this thing and
it's from the past and I don'treally linger here, but it's
here, and I believe that that isa call from the universe for me
(13:57):
to really work on this thing.
But, ultimately, what I came tothe realization about again
it's already something that Iknow, but it was a truth that I
spoke to myself again it's that,ultimately, I am going to be
the one to give myself the lifethat I want, to give myself the
(14:20):
love that I have always wantedto give myself the love that I
have always wanted to nurturemyself, to honor myself, and
it's a lot more useful andhelpful of my time to actually
focus on what I can do right now, on the here and now, and
(14:43):
building the actual future thatI want in my life.
Even if I do feel behind attimes, using my energy for the
now is the most beneficial thingthat I can do for myself.
It is not lingering in the past.
The past does not serve me.
(15:05):
It really doesn't.
You know, it's good to go thereand honor and accept what's
showing up, but it's soimportant for us to actually
focus our energy on what we arebuilding, on what we actually
want and I talk about that somuch on this podcast, because
(15:27):
what you give energy to iseither feeding that thing or
taking away its power, dependingon what you are thinking.
And if you are focusing onbuilding the future you want, on
being the person that you want,on being the kind of partner
(15:49):
that is married to a certainperson, whatever it is that you
might be trying to call intoyour life or wanting to create
for yourself, it's like it doesyou so much more good to
actually just focus on doingthat thing instead of thinking
about the past or the future.
This goes both ways, becauseI've also talked about the other
(16:12):
side of thinking so much aboutthe future that you're not even
in your present.
Either extreme does not serveus.
When we linger in the past,it's called depression.
When we linger in the future,it's called anxiety.
And it's important for us tofocus on the here and now,
because this is where the powerlies.
(16:34):
Right here, right now, is whereyou have the ability to close
that gap between where you areand where you want to go.
If you do feel like you arebehind in life or you're not
where you want to be, it is withthe actions that you do today
(16:56):
that bring you closer to thatthing.
It is not by lingering in thepast or lingering in the future.
It is about being here.
So it's so important for us todo that, to focus on those
things, to put all of our soul,all of our devotion into our
(17:17):
everyday life and doing thosethings that are going to get us
closer to where we want to go inour lives.
And the past can give us somuch knowledge about where we
may want to go.
It just gives us knowledge onour life, on ourselves.
It's given us a base point ofwhat we may or may not want in
(17:42):
our life and it's helpful tolook at it from time to time,
but it's not helpful to linger.
It's a waste of energy, itreally is.
It's so much better for us tofocus on now, this beautiful
life that we are given the dayToday, are given the day today.
(18:10):
What can we do today to get onestep closer to the life that we
want to live?
And I feel the same waysometimes.
It's like sometimes I feel sooverwhelmed where I am and where
I want to go, and I thinkthat's very easy to feel,
especially for so many peoplewho have these great ambitions
in life.
There is nothing wrong withwanting certain things out of
(18:32):
life a certain lifestyle, acertain house, living in a
certain place, having certainthings you know, having certain
friends, whatever that may be.
You wanting, craving somethingelse than what you have now is
not necessarily a bad thing.
I believe that it is a sign ofwhat you desire to have in this
(18:59):
life.
Therefore, it should not beignored, but taken in as
information for you to movethrough your life in a way that
brings you closer to that thing.
It's so important to have thatself-awareness, and I love
talking about astrology andnumerology and human design too.
(19:20):
I talk about different tidbitswhen we talk about certain
things right, and the way that Ishare them is how I use them in
my life, and with astrology inparticular, I am always looking
at any major transits that aregoing on in my chart.
You know what made your energyis changing.
(19:43):
You know what's going on behindthe scenes and I love using it
as more as a tool to meditate on, and the more that I have
studied these things and broughtthem into my life, the more
(20:03):
real they are to me, and it justalways blows my mind how much
in alignment they are with meand my life and my evolution,
and that's why I share them withyou all, whether it's something
that you are familiar with ornot.
(20:25):
But what I have been slowlyanticipating is my Saturn return
and for those of you that arenot familiar, it's something
that I have been thinking aboutfor over a year.
I don't know if it's good orbad to know about astrology,
knowing certain key, pivotalthings that happen in your life.
(20:50):
You know big life changes.
Your Saturn return for peoplewho don't know is when Saturn
transits back and goes back tothe exact place that it was in
your natal chart when you wereborn.
So you have Saturn somewhere inyour chart, in one of the 12
(21:14):
houses, in a certain sign, andit takes about 28 to 30 years
for Saturn to go back to whereit was when you were born.
So when it goes back to thatsame degree, that same sign in
your natal chart, that is whatis called your Saturn return,
(21:36):
and it's typically a time inyour life where you go through
like a deep evolution.
Where you go through like adeep evolution.
Saturn is the planet of lessons,of discipline, of devotion.
(22:01):
It's a planet that brings a lotof messiness into our life.
Sometimes it could feel likemaybe it can upheaval a lot.
So typically during your Saturnreturn, it could feel like
maybe it it can upheaval a lot.
So typically during your Saturnreturn it can feel like a lot
of life-changing things arehappening.
You know a lot of lessons.
It can feel, maybe, like we'remuddying through life a little
bit.
Life is maybe going through alittle bit slower motion because
(22:23):
Saturn is typically slowingthings down.
So we can learn what we aremeant to learn, devote ourselves
to what we really want, todevote ourselves and establish
systems and ways to do it in agrounded way.
(22:44):
So this is not necessarily theenergy of doing it quickly and
it being a one and done thing.
Rather it's about kind ofbuilding a strong and solid
foundation for what is to come.
So Saturn, depending on whathouse it is in, will highlight
(23:07):
those things in that house.
That is the area of your lifethat you're going to be working
on, those things.
Essentially, that's what'sgoing to be highlighted for you.
So I have been anticipating mySaturn return, which I actually
go into in about three weeks,sometime in May, and I have been
(23:32):
looking at the house that it'sin, I have been looking at the
sign that it's in and I've justkind of been meditating on it
for over a year now, over a yearnow.
And it's just funny because tome, these feelings that I was
talking to you guys about, thatwere showing up for me or have
(23:52):
been showing up for me morefrequently, is so tied to my
Saturn return, because my Saturnreturn is actually to happen in
the 11th house, and the 11thhouse in astrology has to do
with your friends, groups thatyou're in humanitarianism, and
(24:19):
it's also the house of thefuture.
So the house of the future, soany legacy that you're trying to
build, these are long-termgoals and your hopes and wishes.
So what do you want for yourlife?
Not at the small scale, but atthe grand scale.
(24:39):
It's like what is that visionfor you In 30 years, in 40 years
?
What do that vision for you in30 years and 40 years?
What do you want your life tobe?
What would you have wanted tobe devoted to?
And that is exactly what thesethoughts were kind of bringing
up for me.
(24:59):
I know more or less what I wantto devote myself to, more or
less what I want to devotemyself to.
I have gone through a bigtransformation and realignment
over the last few years in mylife of really just coming back
to myself and grounding againinto my values, into what I feel
(25:25):
like I am meant to do in thislife.
And these feelings that werepopping up for me about feeling
like I'm not where I want to be.
It's a reminder for me, as I'mgetting ready to go into my
Saturn return, of where I reallywant to go right.
(25:49):
It's like when you have a dream, when you have a vision, when
you have certain things that youwant out of life if you really
want them.
Most of the time they're notgoing anywhere.
They are those thoughts thatyou just can't stop thinking
about.
They're always there and a lotof the time so much of the time
(26:13):
they fuel you, they give youenergy when you know that you're
working toward these incrediblethings.
Toward these incredible things,and I just love to be able to
look at this.
You know, knowing that, as I'mgoing through my Saturn return,
(26:34):
it's essentially I'm being askedto come into alignment with
what I really want in my lifeand to do what is necessary to
build those things, even if I amnot where I want to be.
That doesn't change the goal,that doesn't change the vision,
that doesn't change thoseyearnings that you have within
(26:56):
yourself.
That just means how am I goingto devote myself further to this
?
How am I going to get there,even if I'm not where I want
myself to be?
What can I do in the next yearto bring myself closer to that?
What can I do in the next fiveyears, ten years?
(27:18):
This is about building somethingsustainable that is meant to
last.
It is not simply about buildingsomething quick that is not in
alignment with us that isfleeting.
This is about building a lifethat stays.
This is about building a lifethat is not going anywhere and
(27:44):
may even live beyond you.
Maybe the work that you do issomething that helps generations
to come, maybe the art that youcreate is something that
inspires generations to come,and that is what this energy
brings.
And I'm just sharing it withyou all because, like I
(28:07):
mentioned, so much of what Ishare with you is my experience
and things that I've kind oflearned as I've gone.
And this is going to be one ofthose things too, because I am
going into my Saturn return withjust a level of awareness and
leaning into what I'm beingcalled to learn, and leaning
(28:29):
into what I'm being called tolearn, what I'm being called to
look at, and knowing that it'sin this part of my astrology
chart in my 11th house, knowingthat it's in Aries, knowing what
that means, you know, and justleaning into that energy,
(28:53):
leaning into all the things thatit's wanting to teach me right
now.
Right, and with the energy ofAries.
For me, it's also about beingmore in community versus alone,
and I've talked about this inanother episode as well, about
how I have my South Node inAries and my North Node in Libra
, but I also have my Mars inAries and my Saturn in Aries.
(29:16):
So there's a lot of conflictingenergy for me because, even
though I have always been aperson that has gone by their
beat of their own drum and isvery comfortable being
independent, not needing anyoneand being, you know, just my own
person and not really lettingother people in, that's just not
(29:41):
something that's meant to serveme in this life.
So I'm also leaning into theenergy of what else this Aries
energy is trying to teach mewith my Saturn return, you know,
because it's still there andI'm still meant to lean into it
to some degree, but not in theway that I have for half of my
(30:04):
life when I was younger, butjust learning to be more with
people, more in community, incollaboration, and still
allowing that Aries energy toguide me, to allow it to take me
where it wants to go.
Aries is very trailblazer energy.
(30:25):
It's going to go, do what itwants to do what it wants to do
and with this house, it's justabout doing it in a way that is
sustainable, doing it in a waythat is going to last, and I'm
(30:47):
really excited to see what theSaturn return will bring for me
my first one and just explore itand lean into it.
I know that I've talked aboutas well.
You know when I talk aboutastrology or you know numerology
and different things like thatis if it resonates with you just
being open and curious and I,like I mentioned, with the
(31:11):
numerology you know personalyears and different things with
numerology I just like leaninginto what I'm being asked to
lean into and that's very muchwhat I'm going to do with this
Saturn return too is I'm justgoing to lean into the energy.
I'm just going to show up andlearn the things that I'm being
(31:32):
asked to learn.
And if you're listening to thisand maybe you have already gone
through your first Saturnreturn, maybe you are getting
ready to go through your Saturnreturn.
You go through about three inyour life.
If you live to be about 82, Ibelieve, 83.
(31:55):
You go through one in your 50s,you go through one in your 80s
and then you go through one inyour 28 to 30.
And everyone's is a littledifferent depending on when
their birthday is and all ofthat jazz.
But it's just so cool to beable to look at these things and
(32:18):
lean into them and grow.
So I will share more on that asit goes, but to end this
episode, I just wanted to goback to the original point of
this conversation of if you feellike you are behind in life.
(32:38):
And I think that if you areactively working on creating
that life that you want foryourself and you are just doing
all the things and wanting tostay devoted to yourself, if you
are listening to this and youfeel like you are behind in some
(33:00):
aspect of your life whetherthat is maybe you wanting to be
married by now, or you wantingto have children or a family, or
you wanting to create a certaincommunity of like-minded women
and friendships, or you wantinga certain amount of money in
(33:23):
your life, you wanting a certainhouse these things are going to
be different for each and everyone of you, but I just
ultimately want you to know thatyou have your own life and your
own path, your own becoming.
It doesn't serve us to look atothers, look at things beyond
(33:47):
our life and wish that it weredifferent, or all of those
things.
I think it's so important tolook at what's in front of us.
Comparison is not helpful herein any way, shape or form, and
it's so much better for us tojust know that our life isn't
(34:10):
going to look like anyone else'sAnyone that we may know, our
friends, people we see onInstagram, on social media, on
YouTube.
Our life is not meant to looklike another person's, even if
it's someone that inspires us,even if it's someone that you
like and enjoy.
(34:30):
But just know that your life isnot meant to look like anyone
else's.
It's meant to be yours andyours alone.
Therefore, it will not looklike anyone else's.
It is going to look like yours,and that means that you're
going to have your own timing.
You're going to have your ownpath.
You're going to have your ownevolution, own timing.
(34:52):
You're going to have your ownpath.
You're going to have your ownevolution.
Your life is going to unfoldthe way that it is meant to, and
you need to hold on to that andknow that if you are just
staying devoted to that futureand putting your energy toward
those things, it is inevitablethat it will come to you.
And while you're there, whileyou're doing that, just enjoy
(35:14):
the process.
Just enjoy being alive, enjoybeing a human, enjoy your life,
enjoy where you are, because youwill never be here again.
You will never be in this exactplace in your life ever again.
Be in this exact place in yourlife ever again.
If you are child-free andyearning for a child, you will
(35:41):
never be child-free again.
Therefore, just indulge.
Enjoy being child-free, even ifit's not exactly what you're
yearning for anymore, you know.
Enjoy being able to stay uplater or wake up later, or being
able to go out and do thingswith your own freedom.
You know, whatever that may befor you, if you're calling in a
new career in your life, enjoyhaving maybe the little bit more
(36:04):
freedom that you have nowbefore you go in and step into
that new thing, because wheneversomething new comes into our
life, there is a give and a take.
So, even though you might not beexactly where you want to be
being where you are now, thereare certain things that you
(36:28):
might never experience again inthis moment and that alone
should make us stop and justlive our life with wonder,
because you will never be hereagain and that alone is a
miracle and should just allow usto want to just enjoy this ride
.
Enjoy this crazy ride of being ahuman, because not everyone
(36:53):
gets to live the life that we doexactly like we live it.
Not everyone gets to live inthe country that you do, to have
the freedoms that you have, ifyou are a woman, to have the
freedoms that we do.
I mean, there's so manydifferent ways that we can look
at it, but I think I'm doneranting for today.
(37:13):
I really wanted to just sitdown and talk to you guys about
this today.
It was on my heart and I wantedto share it because I feel like
that's a sign for me thatsomeone else needs to hear it
too.
So I will talk to you all in mynext episode.
I am sending you so much loveand so much light, wherever you
(37:37):
are listening from, until nexttime.
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