November 7, 2025 • 27 mins
What happens when the rules that shaped your childhood stop fitting the person you’ve become? I open up about growing up in a fear-based Christian environment, the moment a simple religion textbook cracked my world open, and the long, uneven road from rigid certainty to a kinder, more spacious spirituality. This is a story about unlearning, healing, and finding a way to the divine that feels honest.
We walk through the realities of a tightly controlled church life—how community can nourish but also narrow—then move into that first encounter with Buddhism, Shintoism, Islam, and Judaism that challenged my either-or thinking. I share the season when doubt sounded louder than faith, and how a rock bottom with my eating disorder became the unlikely doorway to a slow spiritual awakening. As I rebuilt my health, I discovered how mind, body, and soul are woven together, and how caring for one calls the others forward.
From there, we explore what a non-religious but deeply spiritual life looks like for me now: learning across traditions, noticing the shared values that show up everywhere, and using curiosity and compassion as daily guides. I talk about seeking closeness to God, Source, the Universe—whatever name you prefer—without the fear that once defined my beliefs, and I offer practical encouragement for anyone rethinking their path. Your truth is allowed to evolve. Your timeline is your own. If a practice makes you more loving and more present, it belongs.
If this conversation resonates, share it with a friend who’s navigating their own questions, subscribe for more thoughtful explorations, and leave a review to help others find the show. What belief of yours has changed for the better?
Podcast mentioned in this episode:
When Curiosity Becomes a Spiritual Path
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Hello my loves, welcome to this week's episode
of Journey to the Soul.
If it's your first time tuningin with us, hello, welcome.
I'm so happy that you chose totune into this episode today and
to tune into the conversationsthat we are gonna be having.
(00:26):
I love to see where all of youguys are listening from.
It just inspires me more to keepdoing this.
I am so happy that you are here,and I'm really looking forward
to diving into today'sconversation with you guys.
If you listened to my lastepisode, I'm pretty sure it was
(00:48):
my last episode, then you wouldhave heard that my husband and I
were gonna be traveling for acouple of weeks, and we're
actually supposed to be in Italyright now, but that trip got cut
short, and that's a story foranother day.
I'm gonna probably record thatin the next few days because
(01:11):
that really is something that Ido want to share with you guys.
It's a learning experience, agrowing experience, and that's a
lot of what I share on here.
But today's episode, I actuallywanted to talk about how I got
to where I am in my spiritualjourney and kind of like my
(01:35):
current belief systems and whatshaped them.
And the reason that I wanted toshare this was because I feel
like we all have our own uniqueway of how we were brought up to
believe regarding certainthings, whether that was a
religion that we were exposed toor other things that we were
exposed to.
But I feel like my relationshipwith religion, with
(01:59):
spirituality, has evolved somuch.
And a lot of the people that Ihave conversations with, it's
always something that they'requite interested in.
So I feel like it could behelpful because I come from a
background where religion wassomething that was very
(02:20):
prevalent in my life.
And if you've been with thepodcast for some time and
listened to some episodes, thenyou probably know that I am much
more spiritual.
Not that I have anything againstreligion at all.
I feel like there's so muchrespect and just understanding
(02:40):
that we should have towardspeople all over the world,
regardless of what it is theychoose to believe in and what
makes them those things thatmake them feel closer to God or
another greater power.
And this space, first andforemost, like I taught have
(03:02):
talked about before as well, isa safe space.
It's never gonna be a space ofjudgment or anything like that.
This is all coming from a placeof compassion and wanting to
have a deeper understanding,whether of ourselves or those
around us.
(03:22):
So I wanted to share that storywith you guys of how I got to
where I am in my spiritualjourney because it has been
many, many, many years in themaking.
I was brought up, I was borninto a very Christian family.
(03:44):
It's a very specific kind ofChristianity.
It's gonna sound a little crazy,but it was very conservative,
very extreme, very fear-based.
And this is what I grew up in.
My mom was actually Catholicbefore she had me.
(04:06):
And when she had me, I was thefifth daughter that she had.
Before that, all of my sisterswere brought up with some
Catholic beliefs, so sheconverted right before she
birthed me.
But this form of Christianitythat I was brought up into was
very fear-based, and it was anextreme version of other kinds
(04:29):
of Christianity that existbecause there's so many branches
and denominations ofChristianity, some slightly
stricter than others, some ofthem have different belief
systems than others.
So I was brought up from a formthat was almost like a cult, it
was very closed-minded to theworld, and everything was their
(04:54):
way or no way, and the churchthat we were brought up to be
in, it was everything.
The church was everything in ourlife, the people that I
socialized with, it was reallyjust at church.
We spent so much time at churchdoing all of these things, but
(05:14):
everything was definitely doneout of a place of fear, you
know, that there is God andthere is the devil, that there
is good and there is evil, thatif you don't do all of these
things, therefore you are notgonna go to heaven, or if you do
(05:34):
any of these things, they'reconsidered evil.
So I felt like I spent so muchof my life just falling short
and never really being able tofully be what was expected of
me, and I spent so much of mylife not cutting my hair, or not
wearing pants because that wastechnically not allowed, or not
(05:58):
listening to certain music thatwasn't Christian, or wearing
makeup or jewelry.
So there was just certain thingsthat I just wasn't allowed to do
because that was deemed unholyessentially.
It was taking me off of my path,essentially.
So the church was our life, likemy mom, my sisters' lives,
(06:20):
that's how we grew up to be.
And my sisters eventually leftthe church, and for a good while
until I decided to leave thechurch that I was brought up
into, it was just me and my momfor many years.
And I started having otherthoughts about what really was
(06:42):
truth.
And in middle school, I washomeschooled two out of the
three years, and it was when Iwas homeschooled that I took a
religions course in it, it waslike an extracurricular that I
could do, and it was somethingthat I was interested in because
(07:03):
I had never really been exposedto other ways of thinking when
it came to religion.
My entire life I had just beenbrought up to look at the world
in this very biased way, thisvery closed off way of seeing
(07:24):
the world, of where it's usagainst them.
So it was never something that Iwas brought up to see.
One, because, like I mentioned,I mean, this church was
everything.
It was my social circle, it washow I made friends, it was our
family, it was everything.
And we're all the sameessentially in this church.
(07:46):
No one believed anythingdifferent, and so I was for most
of my childhood and most of mylike young adolescence, I was
brought up with people that hadthe same beliefs, so I was never
exposed to anything different.
And the first time that thatreally happened was when I
(08:08):
decided to take this religionsclass because no one had told
me, hey, there's all of theseother religions that exist in
the world, or there's peoplethat practice all of these other
things.
I knew that there was otherdenominations of Christianity,
because in my church we shunnedsome of them, you know, because
(08:31):
they didn't believe the way webelieved, or they they didn't do
things the way that we didthings.
So I knew about the manydifferent forms of Christianity
and how that could look likebecause I was made aware of the
differences, but when it came toanything else, things like
Buddhism or Islam or Judaism,you know, those things I was
(08:56):
very sheltered from.
It was not something that I wasexposed to.
Were there people in my schoolthat practiced these religions?
Yes, probably, but like Imentioned, most of my
socializing, even while I was inpublic schools and middle in
elementary school were with mychurch.
(09:17):
Another reason for that isbecause I moved a lot when I was
in elementary school.
I went to very many, many, manyelementary and middle schools.
So I never had the opportunityto develop very deep
relationships with people tobegin with.
I probably went to eight or ninedifferent elementary schools and
(09:41):
middle schools, and I was alsohomeschooled in and out of being
homeschooled throughout middleschool and high school.
So the church and the communitywithin the church was my
constant throughout my life.
So that's also the reason why Iwas quite sheltered when it came
to being exposed to certainthings.
And yeah, I mean, there werecertain things that we just
(10:03):
weren't allowed to do.
I wasn't allowed to go to schoolon Halloween or Christmas
because that was deemed likeunholy, evil, all of these other
things.
So it was a very strong andspecific way of viewing the
world.
And again, that started changingwhen I decided to take this
(10:25):
religions class, and I rememberreading the book for the first
time.
I actually still have the book,and it's probably been over 10
years, probably 11 or 12 since Ifirst read the book, and I've
thought about actually goingback to it and just reviewing
it, but it went into some depthinto all of these religions in
(10:51):
the world, some of them that Ikind of knew about, others that
I had never really heard about.
And there was just certain onesthat struck out as me because
they were such a different wayof practicing a religion that I
had not been exposed to, butthey just seemed innately good,
(11:14):
their way of being, because itwas more a philosophy of how you
move through the world and rulesand values that govern that
versus there is this god, andthese are the laws that govern,
you know, your religion or youryour religious aspect.
(11:35):
You know, there was always agod, but also many rules that
encompassed whether or not youwere someone that practices
religion, so there was justcertain ones that struck out as
me as like, how can they bewrong?
What is wrong with this?
Because nothing struck me asextreme when I read them, you
(12:00):
know, it was Buddhism andShintoism, and I forgot what
else it was, but it's like thesephilosophies, these spiritual
practices, it's just somethingthat's quite universal because
it's a way of how you movethrough your life.
And you can argue the same thingfor religion, but for me, at
(12:22):
that moment in time, at thatage, it was a stark difference
to how I was brought up tobelieve, to what I was told was
the correct way to have aspiritual practice or you know,
a relationship with God.
So it really expanded my mind,it opened my mind, it broke my
(12:48):
truth essentially of what Ithought my truth was at that
time when it came to thesethings, and I began to question
everything that I have been evertaught to believe in my entire
life.
I was probably about 14 or sowhen this happened, when I was
exposed to this, and that was myfirst exposure.
(13:10):
It was a first step for me, itwas a huge step, but the real
evolution took many years, likeI shared, and throughout all of
those years, there were momentswhen I thought maybe I didn't
believe in anything because Iwas struggling to find what was
(13:34):
true for me.
Like, what do I believe in, youknow?
And there were many challengingthings that happened in my life
that you know made me want tolet go of the belief that there
was something greater than me.
And there was eventually anotherevolution where I knew that that
just wasn't true for me, eventhough a part of me almost
(13:57):
wanted to believe it, that Iknew in my heart, in my soul, in
my being, that that could not betrue.
Because up until that point, Iknew that there was no way I
could have lived the life that Ihave lived, and there could not
have been a greater powerwatching over me.
(14:20):
Even though I was uncertainabout whether or not it was the
God that I was brought up tobelieve in, I was open to it
being something different orsomething that I couldn't
understand or explain, but Iknew in all of my being that
there was something, even if Ididn't understand it.
(14:43):
And that was also like a chapterin this story where I spent much
time in is okay, I know thatthis is my truth, I know that
there's something greater, butis it God?
Does it involve the Bible,Jesus, you know, all of these
other things that I was broughtup to believe in?
(15:03):
Are those still part of thisbelief that I have?
And I went through kind of thenext iteration of this path,
essentially.
And I went through a spiritualawakening, and it was it
happened gradually, but ithappened shortly after I hit my
(15:24):
rock bottom with my eatingdisorder, probably five years
ago now.
And I've talked about this inother podcast episodes, but we
really are mind, body, soul, andwhen you begin to work on one of
these aspects, whether it's thephysical, eventually the mind,
(15:47):
emotional body, and yourspiritual body will become
affected by everything that youdo.
So although my rock bottomprompt me to work on my physical
being, it pushed me, you know,directly and directly, however
(16:09):
you want to look at it, to alsowork on my mental being, my
emotional being.
And I spent many years workingon those things.
And naturally I started workingon my spiritual being, and I
started connecting all of thedots or started seeing for the
(16:30):
first time a deeper clarity ofhow it is all interconnected:
mind, body, soul, how all ofthese aspects of ourselves help
us connect to something greaterthan we are.
So eventually, because of whereI was mentally, and also at that
(16:52):
moment in time, again, it's likeI first kind of read this book
when I was about 14 years old.
I probably had my spiritualawakening about five years ago.
So that would have been probablyin my early 20s.
So you could see that there wasa good chunk of time that went
through those two phases.
(17:15):
And then from my spiritualawakening now, of course, that's
like another five yearsessentially.
When I went through my spiritualawakening, I had spent many
years of my life already tryingto gather what my new beliefs
were.
I was still learning a lot aboutother religions, other
(17:38):
philosophies, exposing myself todifferent things.
I was also, you know, working onmyself, healing myself, doing
therapy, healing my relationshipwith myself, but also working on
any notions that I had aboutreligion or different things
(17:58):
that I was brought up to believein.
So I was in a place, at a spacewhere I was so open to being
shown a different path that Ididn't understand.
And it was at a greater, it waslike a greater understanding and
in a greater place than when Iwas 14 and I first read this
(18:22):
book because now I had an evendeeper understanding of it.
So the spiritual awakening wassomething that kind of unfolded
over a handful of years slowly,and I discussed in I think it
was the last episode, it waswhen curiosity becomes a
(18:43):
spiritual path, and I wastalking about Kabbalah.
I discussed a little bit aboutwhere I am now in those five
years since I've had myspiritual awakening.
I feel like I've only gainedmore and more clarity and
certainty over what I believe istrue for me.
(19:05):
And I'm so grateful to have gonethrough the process and the
evolution that I did over thelast 10 years because I feel
more connected to the higherpower, God, whatever you want to
call it, than I ever didthroughout my entire life as a
(19:27):
child or as a teenager.
It's like what I believe to betrue now, it's so strong in me,
and I'm very spiritual, but I'mnot religious.
I don't identify with areligion.
I, you know, believe in agreater power, God, the
(19:48):
universe, the creator, whateveryou want to call it.
And I look at so many religionsaround the world and I see
synchronicities, you know,similarities within all of them.
And I feel like it's about whathelps you connect to something
deeper than yourself.
(20:10):
If that is a religious practicethat you were brought up to
believe in, if that isChristianity, or if it is Islam
or Judaism, whatever it is, ifthat makes you feel connected to
God or the Creator, and thatfeels good and wholesome to you,
(20:31):
then that's wonderful.
Right now, as I am in my life, Iam still learning.
I am still open and receptive tolearning about other spiritual
philosophies.
I'm constantly learning aboutthem.
It's something that I come backto constantly.
Religions, you know, cultures,different things, how they're
(20:56):
different, but also how they'rethe same.
Because fundamentally, I feellike that's the most important
thing.
And I live so much in thespiritual realm because I know
that my calling in this life isin this realm, which is why I am
here talking to you about all ofthese things and making it
(21:19):
something that's easy anddigestible and feels, you know,
wholesome.
So I spend a lot of my time inthis realm, and it makes sense
to me that I would have a deepdesire and a deep craving to
continue to gain a deeperunderstanding of all of these
things because I am open to mybeliefs now changing.
(21:46):
That is something that I hold onto because I only know what I
know now, and I am happy andopen for it to change and evolve
as I grow and learn becausethat's inevitable, right?
So maybe for me that will bethat more clarity comes about
(22:07):
regarding certain things.
Maybe it is that I go to acertain kind of religion.
I don't know.
Right now, this is where I am,and I am very happy in this
place, and this is simply mytruth now, and I think that
something that should guide allof us when it comes to this is
(22:34):
to just be compassionate andcurious.
Curiosity can help you so muchwhen it comes to this, because
it comes more from an open heartversus us kind of creating lines
in the sand with other people,which is something that I talked
(22:54):
about in the episode aboutKabbalah and how I'm learning
Kabbalah right now.
But being compassionate andcurious and letting that be your
compass.
And ultimately, I wanted toshare this because I know that
there are other people who aregoing through this or who have
(23:17):
gone through this, or who arestarting to question certain
things that maybe they werebrought up to believe in.
And regardless of where you areon that path, if you're in the
beginning, in the middle, youdon't even know where you might
be, or if you're towards theend, I want you to know that
it's okay not to know.
(23:37):
It's okay for you to go throughan evolution with this.
And your path, your spiritualtruth, your path to you know
finding your spiritual truth isgonna look different to everyone
around you.
It's gonna be uniquely your own.
So even though mine look likethis, like studying different
(24:00):
religions and learning about allof these things and whatever the
heck it might be, and eventhough this may be my truth now,
yours is gonna be so uniquelyyours.
And you just have to be kind toyourself, gentle with yourself,
and hold yourself withcompassion again, because you
(24:22):
are human, you are everevolving.
Just like we outgrow certain,you know, beliefs, certain
environments, certain way ofbeings, this is no different.
It's okay for your spiritualtruth to evolve over time, like
any other aspect of life.
(24:43):
If you're not growing orevolving in that realm, then
that means that you're notgrowing or evolving in that
realm.
It's okay for it not to looklike it did, or for you not to
be in the same spaces you werefive or ten years ago, or you
know, a couple of months ago.
But you just need to be gentlewith yourself.
(25:05):
You don't need to know what it'sgonna look like, you just need
to allow yourself to be guidedby whatever you feel inclined to
go towards, you know, and letyourself just go the way.
And this is something that takestime because there's so much
depth in this.
(25:27):
So just allow yourself tocontinue walking that path a
little bit at a time, andthere's loads of people that are
doing it too, and you're notalone.
And I hope me sharing this withyou today can help you see that,
you know, even today as I sithere, and although I am leaps
(25:51):
and bounds to other beliefs thatI had at other moments of my
life of questioning or notwhether or not there was
something greater than me, andknowing now, sitting here, you
know, without a shadow of adoubt that that is true, there's
still so much that I don't know,but I just want you to hold on
to that that you're not gonnaknow everything, and that you
(26:14):
just enjoy the journey oflearning about all of these
things and you know creating anew truth for yourself.
So I hope you all found thishelpful in some way.
I really wanted to share becauseme doing this work and working
(26:35):
in this realm, because this is arealm that for me, you know, I
am a spiritual life coach, I'm ateacher, a guide, a healer.
This is a realm that I live in,and I just want you guys to know
how I got here, you know, andwhy I where so much of what I
speak comes from, and so much ofit comes from my experience, of
(26:58):
course.
And this is one of those thingsthat has for sure colored so
much of my experience when itcomes to religion and
spirituality, and it'sincredible to see how far I've
come, and I know it's gonna bethe same for you guys.
So I am sending you all a bighug and so much love and light
(27:23):
until we talk next time.
Hello my loves, welcome to this week's episode
of Journey to the Soul.
If it's your first time tuningin with us, hello, welcome.
I'm so happy that you chose totune into this episode today and
to tune into the conversationsthat we are gonna be having.
(00:26):
I love to see where all of youguys are listening from.
It just inspires me more to keepdoing this.
I am so happy that you are here,and I'm really looking forward
to diving into today'sconversation with you guys.
If you listened to my lastepisode, I'm pretty sure it was
(00:48):
my last episode, then you wouldhave heard that my husband and I
were gonna be traveling for acouple of weeks, and we're
actually supposed to be in Italyright now, but that trip got cut
short, and that's a story foranother day.
I'm gonna probably record thatin the next few days because
(01:11):
that really is something that Ido want to share with you guys.
It's a learning experience, agrowing experience, and that's a
lot of what I share on here.
But today's episode, I actuallywanted to talk about how I got
to where I am in my spiritualjourney and kind of like my
(01:35):
current belief systems and whatshaped them.
And the reason that I wanted toshare this was because I feel
like we all have our own uniqueway of how we were brought up to
believe regarding certainthings, whether that was a
religion that we were exposed toor other things that we were
exposed to.
But I feel like my relationshipwith religion, with
(01:59):
spirituality, has evolved somuch.
And a lot of the people that Ihave conversations with, it's
always something that they'requite interested in.
So I feel like it could behelpful because I come from a
background where religion wassomething that was very
(02:20):
prevalent in my life.
And if you've been with thepodcast for some time and
listened to some episodes, thenyou probably know that I am much
more spiritual.
Not that I have anything againstreligion at all.
I feel like there's so muchrespect and just understanding
(02:40):
that we should have towardspeople all over the world,
regardless of what it is theychoose to believe in and what
makes them those things thatmake them feel closer to God or
another greater power.
And this space, first andforemost, like I taught have
(03:02):
talked about before as well, isa safe space.
It's never gonna be a space ofjudgment or anything like that.
This is all coming from a placeof compassion and wanting to
have a deeper understanding,whether of ourselves or those
around us.
(03:22):
So I wanted to share that storywith you guys of how I got to
where I am in my spiritualjourney because it has been
many, many, many years in themaking.
I was brought up, I was borninto a very Christian family.
(03:44):
It's a very specific kind ofChristianity.
It's gonna sound a little crazy,but it was very conservative,
very extreme, very fear-based.
And this is what I grew up in.
My mom was actually Catholicbefore she had me.
(04:06):
And when she had me, I was thefifth daughter that she had.
Before that, all of my sisterswere brought up with some
Catholic beliefs, so sheconverted right before she
birthed me.
But this form of Christianitythat I was brought up into was
very fear-based, and it was anextreme version of other kinds
(04:29):
of Christianity that existbecause there's so many branches
and denominations ofChristianity, some slightly
stricter than others, some ofthem have different belief
systems than others.
So I was brought up from a formthat was almost like a cult, it
was very closed-minded to theworld, and everything was their
(04:54):
way or no way, and the churchthat we were brought up to be
in, it was everything.
The church was everything in ourlife, the people that I
socialized with, it was reallyjust at church.
We spent so much time at churchdoing all of these things, but
(05:14):
everything was definitely doneout of a place of fear, you
know, that there is God andthere is the devil, that there
is good and there is evil, thatif you don't do all of these
things, therefore you are notgonna go to heaven, or if you do
(05:34):
any of these things, they'reconsidered evil.
So I felt like I spent so muchof my life just falling short
and never really being able tofully be what was expected of
me, and I spent so much of mylife not cutting my hair, or not
wearing pants because that wastechnically not allowed, or not
(05:58):
listening to certain music thatwasn't Christian, or wearing
makeup or jewelry.
So there was just certain thingsthat I just wasn't allowed to do
because that was deemed unholyessentially.
It was taking me off of my path,essentially.
So the church was our life, likemy mom, my sisters' lives,
(06:20):
that's how we grew up to be.
And my sisters eventually leftthe church, and for a good while
until I decided to leave thechurch that I was brought up
into, it was just me and my momfor many years.
And I started having otherthoughts about what really was
(06:42):
truth.
And in middle school, I washomeschooled two out of the
three years, and it was when Iwas homeschooled that I took a
religions course in it, it waslike an extracurricular that I
could do, and it was somethingthat I was interested in because
(07:03):
I had never really been exposedto other ways of thinking when
it came to religion.
My entire life I had just beenbrought up to look at the world
in this very biased way, thisvery closed off way of seeing
(07:24):
the world, of where it's usagainst them.
So it was never something that Iwas brought up to see.
One, because, like I mentioned,I mean, this church was
everything.
It was my social circle, it washow I made friends, it was our
family, it was everything.
And we're all the sameessentially in this church.
(07:46):
No one believed anythingdifferent, and so I was for most
of my childhood and most of mylike young adolescence, I was
brought up with people that hadthe same beliefs, so I was never
exposed to anything different.
And the first time that thatreally happened was when I
(08:08):
decided to take this religionsclass because no one had told
me, hey, there's all of theseother religions that exist in
the world, or there's peoplethat practice all of these other
things.
I knew that there was otherdenominations of Christianity,
because in my church we shunnedsome of them, you know, because
(08:31):
they didn't believe the way webelieved, or they they didn't do
things the way that we didthings.
So I knew about the manydifferent forms of Christianity
and how that could look likebecause I was made aware of the
differences, but when it came toanything else, things like
Buddhism or Islam or Judaism,you know, those things I was
(08:56):
very sheltered from.
It was not something that I wasexposed to.
Were there people in my schoolthat practiced these religions?
Yes, probably, but like Imentioned, most of my
socializing, even while I was inpublic schools and middle in
elementary school were with mychurch.
(09:17):
Another reason for that isbecause I moved a lot when I was
in elementary school.
I went to very many, many, manyelementary and middle schools.
So I never had the opportunityto develop very deep
relationships with people tobegin with.
I probably went to eight or ninedifferent elementary schools and
(09:41):
middle schools, and I was alsohomeschooled in and out of being
homeschooled throughout middleschool and high school.
So the church and the communitywithin the church was my
constant throughout my life.
So that's also the reason why Iwas quite sheltered when it came
to being exposed to certainthings.
And yeah, I mean, there werecertain things that we just
(10:03):
weren't allowed to do.
I wasn't allowed to go to schoolon Halloween or Christmas
because that was deemed likeunholy, evil, all of these other
things.
So it was a very strong andspecific way of viewing the
world.
And again, that started changingwhen I decided to take this
(10:25):
religions class, and I rememberreading the book for the first
time.
I actually still have the book,and it's probably been over 10
years, probably 11 or 12 since Ifirst read the book, and I've
thought about actually goingback to it and just reviewing
it, but it went into some depthinto all of these religions in
(10:51):
the world, some of them that Ikind of knew about, others that
I had never really heard about.
And there was just certain onesthat struck out as me because
they were such a different wayof practicing a religion that I
had not been exposed to, butthey just seemed innately good,
(11:14):
their way of being, because itwas more a philosophy of how you
move through the world and rulesand values that govern that
versus there is this god, andthese are the laws that govern,
you know, your religion or youryour religious aspect.
(11:35):
You know, there was always agod, but also many rules that
encompassed whether or not youwere someone that practices
religion, so there was justcertain ones that struck out as
me as like, how can they bewrong?
What is wrong with this?
Because nothing struck me asextreme when I read them, you
(12:00):
know, it was Buddhism andShintoism, and I forgot what
else it was, but it's like thesephilosophies, these spiritual
practices, it's just somethingthat's quite universal because
it's a way of how you movethrough your life.
And you can argue the same thingfor religion, but for me, at
(12:22):
that moment in time, at thatage, it was a stark difference
to how I was brought up tobelieve, to what I was told was
the correct way to have aspiritual practice or you know,
a relationship with God.
So it really expanded my mind,it opened my mind, it broke my
(12:48):
truth essentially of what Ithought my truth was at that
time when it came to thesethings, and I began to question
everything that I have been evertaught to believe in my entire
life.
I was probably about 14 or sowhen this happened, when I was
exposed to this, and that was myfirst exposure.
(13:10):
It was a first step for me, itwas a huge step, but the real
evolution took many years, likeI shared, and throughout all of
those years, there were momentswhen I thought maybe I didn't
believe in anything because Iwas struggling to find what was
(13:34):
true for me.
Like, what do I believe in, youknow?
And there were many challengingthings that happened in my life
that you know made me want tolet go of the belief that there
was something greater than me.
And there was eventually anotherevolution where I knew that that
just wasn't true for me, eventhough a part of me almost
(13:57):
wanted to believe it, that Iknew in my heart, in my soul, in
my being, that that could not betrue.
Because up until that point, Iknew that there was no way I
could have lived the life that Ihave lived, and there could not
have been a greater powerwatching over me.
(14:20):
Even though I was uncertainabout whether or not it was the
God that I was brought up tobelieve in, I was open to it
being something different orsomething that I couldn't
understand or explain, but Iknew in all of my being that
there was something, even if Ididn't understand it.
(14:43):
And that was also like a chapterin this story where I spent much
time in is okay, I know thatthis is my truth, I know that
there's something greater, butis it God?
Does it involve the Bible,Jesus, you know, all of these
other things that I was broughtup to believe in?
(15:03):
Are those still part of thisbelief that I have?
And I went through kind of thenext iteration of this path,
essentially.
And I went through a spiritualawakening, and it was it
happened gradually, but ithappened shortly after I hit my
(15:24):
rock bottom with my eatingdisorder, probably five years
ago now.
And I've talked about this inother podcast episodes, but we
really are mind, body, soul, andwhen you begin to work on one of
these aspects, whether it's thephysical, eventually the mind,
(15:47):
emotional body, and yourspiritual body will become
affected by everything that youdo.
So although my rock bottomprompt me to work on my physical
being, it pushed me, you know,directly and directly, however
(16:09):
you want to look at it, to alsowork on my mental being, my
emotional being.
And I spent many years workingon those things.
And naturally I started workingon my spiritual being, and I
started connecting all of thedots or started seeing for the
(16:30):
first time a deeper clarity ofhow it is all interconnected:
mind, body, soul, how all ofthese aspects of ourselves help
us connect to something greaterthan we are.
So eventually, because of whereI was mentally, and also at that
(16:52):
moment in time, again, it's likeI first kind of read this book
when I was about 14 years old.
I probably had my spiritualawakening about five years ago.
So that would have been probablyin my early 20s.
So you could see that there wasa good chunk of time that went
through those two phases.
(17:15):
And then from my spiritualawakening now, of course, that's
like another five yearsessentially.
When I went through my spiritualawakening, I had spent many
years of my life already tryingto gather what my new beliefs
were.
I was still learning a lot aboutother religions, other
(17:38):
philosophies, exposing myself todifferent things.
I was also, you know, working onmyself, healing myself, doing
therapy, healing my relationshipwith myself, but also working on
any notions that I had aboutreligion or different things
(17:58):
that I was brought up to believein.
So I was in a place, at a spacewhere I was so open to being
shown a different path that Ididn't understand.
And it was at a greater, it waslike a greater understanding and
in a greater place than when Iwas 14 and I first read this
(18:22):
book because now I had an evendeeper understanding of it.
So the spiritual awakening wassomething that kind of unfolded
over a handful of years slowly,and I discussed in I think it
was the last episode, it waswhen curiosity becomes a
(18:43):
spiritual path, and I wastalking about Kabbalah.
I discussed a little bit aboutwhere I am now in those five
years since I've had myspiritual awakening.
I feel like I've only gainedmore and more clarity and
certainty over what I believe istrue for me.
(19:05):
And I'm so grateful to have gonethrough the process and the
evolution that I did over thelast 10 years because I feel
more connected to the higherpower, God, whatever you want to
call it, than I ever didthroughout my entire life as a
(19:27):
child or as a teenager.
It's like what I believe to betrue now, it's so strong in me,
and I'm very spiritual, but I'mnot religious.
I don't identify with areligion.
I, you know, believe in agreater power, God, the
(19:48):
universe, the creator, whateveryou want to call it.
And I look at so many religionsaround the world and I see
synchronicities, you know,similarities within all of them.
And I feel like it's about whathelps you connect to something
deeper than yourself.
(20:10):
If that is a religious practicethat you were brought up to
believe in, if that isChristianity, or if it is Islam
or Judaism, whatever it is, ifthat makes you feel connected to
God or the Creator, and thatfeels good and wholesome to you,
(20:31):
then that's wonderful.
Right now, as I am in my life, Iam still learning.
I am still open and receptive tolearning about other spiritual
philosophies.
I'm constantly learning aboutthem.
It's something that I come backto constantly.
Religions, you know, cultures,different things, how they're
(20:56):
different, but also how they'rethe same.
Because fundamentally, I feellike that's the most important
thing.
And I live so much in thespiritual realm because I know
that my calling in this life isin this realm, which is why I am
here talking to you about all ofthese things and making it
(21:19):
something that's easy anddigestible and feels, you know,
wholesome.
So I spend a lot of my time inthis realm, and it makes sense
to me that I would have a deepdesire and a deep craving to
continue to gain a deeperunderstanding of all of these
things because I am open to mybeliefs now changing.
(21:46):
That is something that I hold onto because I only know what I
know now, and I am happy andopen for it to change and evolve
as I grow and learn becausethat's inevitable, right?
So maybe for me that will bethat more clarity comes about
(22:07):
regarding certain things.
Maybe it is that I go to acertain kind of religion.
I don't know.
Right now, this is where I am,and I am very happy in this
place, and this is simply mytruth now, and I think that
something that should guide allof us when it comes to this is
(22:34):
to just be compassionate andcurious.
Curiosity can help you so muchwhen it comes to this, because
it comes more from an open heartversus us kind of creating lines
in the sand with other people,which is something that I talked
(22:54):
about in the episode aboutKabbalah and how I'm learning
Kabbalah right now.
But being compassionate andcurious and letting that be your
compass.
And ultimately, I wanted toshare this because I know that
there are other people who aregoing through this or who have
(23:17):
gone through this, or who arestarting to question certain
things that maybe they werebrought up to believe in.
And regardless of where you areon that path, if you're in the
beginning, in the middle, youdon't even know where you might
be, or if you're towards theend, I want you to know that
it's okay not to know.
(23:37):
It's okay for you to go throughan evolution with this.
And your path, your spiritualtruth, your path to you know
finding your spiritual truth isgonna look different to everyone
around you.
It's gonna be uniquely your own.
So even though mine look likethis, like studying different
(24:00):
religions and learning about allof these things and whatever the
heck it might be, and eventhough this may be my truth now,
yours is gonna be so uniquelyyours.
And you just have to be kind toyourself, gentle with yourself,
and hold yourself withcompassion again, because you
(24:22):
are human, you are everevolving.
Just like we outgrow certain,you know, beliefs, certain
environments, certain way ofbeings, this is no different.
It's okay for your spiritualtruth to evolve over time, like
any other aspect of life.
(24:43):
If you're not growing orevolving in that realm, then
that means that you're notgrowing or evolving in that
realm.
It's okay for it not to looklike it did, or for you not to
be in the same spaces you werefive or ten years ago, or you
know, a couple of months ago.
But you just need to be gentlewith yourself.
(25:05):
You don't need to know what it'sgonna look like, you just need
to allow yourself to be guidedby whatever you feel inclined to
go towards, you know, and letyourself just go the way.
And this is something that takestime because there's so much
depth in this.
(25:27):
So just allow yourself tocontinue walking that path a
little bit at a time, andthere's loads of people that are
doing it too, and you're notalone.
And I hope me sharing this withyou today can help you see that,
you know, even today as I sithere, and although I am leaps
(25:51):
and bounds to other beliefs thatI had at other moments of my
life of questioning or notwhether or not there was
something greater than me, andknowing now, sitting here, you
know, without a shadow of adoubt that that is true, there's
still so much that I don't know,but I just want you to hold on
to that that you're not gonnaknow everything, and that you
(26:14):
just enjoy the journey oflearning about all of these
things and you know creating anew truth for yourself.
So I hope you all found thishelpful in some way.
I really wanted to share becauseme doing this work and working
(26:35):
in this realm, because this is arealm that for me, you know, I
am a spiritual life coach, I'm ateacher, a guide, a healer.
This is a realm that I live in,and I just want you guys to know
how I got here, you know, andwhy I where so much of what I
speak comes from, and so much ofit comes from my experience, of
(26:58):
course.
And this is one of those thingsthat has for sure colored so
much of my experience when itcomes to religion and
spirituality, and it'sincredible to see how far I've
come, and I know it's gonna bethe same for you guys.
So I am sending you all a bighug and so much love and light
(27:23):
until we talk next time.
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