February 28, 2025 • 30 mins
The journey of self-discovery often requires us to step outside the comfort zones we’ve built for ourselves. In this enlightening episode, we challenge our perceptions around discomfort and explore the indispensable role it plays in our growth. Tune in as we share insights on how embracing discomfort can ultimately lead to profound transformations in our lives. From understanding the dynamics of our "discomfort zone" to reframing failure as valuable experiences, we provide actionable tips and thought-provoking perspectives to inspire personal evolution.
Join me in recapping childhood's innate bravery—how can we channel that audacity today? We’ll also unveil how human design insights can deepen your understanding of your unique growth journey. By letting go of limiting beliefs about failure and recognizing every step as a vital experience, you're ready to brave the discomfort and soar toward your dreams.
Are you ready to embrace your growth edge? Subscribe, share, and join the conversation. We’re in this together, heart and soul!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, loves, welcome to the Journey to the Soul podcast
.
I am your host, jacinda Villa,a spiritual life coach and
holistic health coach.
Every week, we will be divingdeep into all things purpose,
wellness, spirituality andcreating the life that you dream
of.
This space is meant to be safeand transformative for you to
(00:26):
dive into the deepest parts ofyourself.
I will share what I havelearned from my journey along
this path years of research andmentors along the way.
Having spent many years livinglife out of alignment and afraid
to go after my dreams, I knowfirsthand what it means to take
the first step down, living alife authentic to you.
(00:47):
We are on this road ofself-discovery together.
It is time for you to live thelife you imagined.
Hello, my loves, welcome tothis week's episode of Journey
to the Soul.
I am so excited to have youhere with me this week as we go
(01:07):
into the episode.
I hope you are all having abeautiful day wherever you are
tuning in from.
It truly blows me away to seehow people from all over the
world tune in to listen to this.
It means so much to me that youdo People from everywhere,
(01:29):
wherever you may be.
Thank you so much for beinghere with me and just being on
this journey of life with me.
It means so much, so I'msending you all a big hug.
So I'm sending you all a bighug this week we are talking
about getting out of our comfortzone, and a lot of people talk
(01:50):
about this in so many differentways.
In the personal developmentspace, in the spiritual space,
in any aspect.
You can hear so many peopletalk about getting out of your
comfort zone, and I wanted totalk about this as well, because
I feel like it is somethingthat is so important and it's
(02:13):
really also something that cankeep us kind of stagnant in our
life if we choose to stay wherewe are and not really go through
the life that is intended forus.
And I've learned so much aboutgetting out of my comfort zone,
(02:33):
too, and these are all thingsthat I wanted to share with you
today, because your comfort zoneif you've heard this before is
essentially where you arecomfortable.
It's how you are accustomed toliving, to being, to
experiencing certain things, andin your mind, in your body, in
(02:56):
your being, it's comfortable.
There's no discomfort here, andwhen we look outside of our
comfort zone, we can think ofthe opposite of that, right.
What is opposite of our comfortzone.
That is discomfort, right.
Our discomfort zone we couldcall it if we wanted to, and
it's essentially anything thatis not in our comfort zone,
(03:21):
anything that could cause ussome kind of discomfort, and you
can see how that could also bevery different for each and
every one of us, because ourcomfort zones are all going to
be different, right, and thatmeans that what we find
uncomfortable is also going tobe very individual to us as
(03:44):
people.
But the discomfort zone isgoing to be anything that is
just uncomfortable to you,anything that doesn't quite feel
good, right.
Anything that makes us feeljust not as centered, not as
sure about ourselves, anythingthat makes us second guess
(04:06):
ourselves.
These are all things that canpop up when we are slightly in
our discomfort.
But, like I mentioned, ourcomfort zone is not necessarily
somewhere that we want to spendour entire life in.
I want all of us to learn howwe can best lean into our
(04:32):
discomfort zone, and I likecalling this our growth edge too
, that edge that we meetsometimes in different aspects
of our life.
That is uncomfortable, that isour growth edge and, as humans,
evolving and wanting to grow, itis so important for us to be
(04:56):
able to lean into that.
So we need to know that havinga growth edge and feeling that
discomfort is a part of life andit is so essential for us to
lean into that in order to stepout of our comfort zone.
And so many of us are souncomfortable doing this.
(05:19):
It could be due to so manydifferent things, right.
Some of us are brought up to bemore resilient with things like
uncertainty and failure andthings like that, because it
could have been how we werebrought up or people in our
lives or just other lifeexperience that made us be more
(05:44):
resilient to that.
But other people, many of us,are also super uncomfortable
with this, uncomfortable withuncertainty, uncomfortable with
failure, uncomfortable with theunknown.
But that keeps us in ourcomfort zone, right, because all
(06:06):
of those things are essentiallykeeping us in the same place
and our comfort zonepsychologically, physiologically
it is meant to keep us safe.
That is why when we dosomething that is outside of our
comfort zone is why, when we dosomething that is outside of
our comfort zone, we feel somekind of discomfort and that can
(06:32):
show up in so many differentways and many of the times
that's physiologically right,our body could respond.
We could feel a little uneasy,some nervousness, some
clamminess.
Our body is telling us like, no, this doesn't feel safe to us
anymore, but this is not wherewe're meant to stay in order for
(06:52):
us to live this incredible lifethat is intended for us.
Life is truly an experiment andthere is no turning away from
that.
The sooner that we accept that,the freer we will be, and some
of us will have a harder timeaccepting that or coming to
(07:16):
terms with that than otherpeople because, again, certain
upbringings, life experiencescould have not supported that
reality for us.
Learning to embrace that lifeis truly one big experiment has
been one of the biggest freeingthings for me, and I always love
(07:40):
looking at things from the lensof human design.
If you listen to my otherepisodes, you can see how I love
tying in human design todifferent aspects of different
things that I discuss, because Ithink it could help us really
understand ourselves at such adeeper level, at such a deeper
(08:09):
level.
So if you are familiar withhuman design, if you have a
profile with either a 3 or a 6,what we're talking about today
will be especially true for you,because if you have a 3 in your
profile.
That means that you are meantto learn through experience that
everything that you do in lifeis going to be based off of your
(08:33):
life experience.
It is inevitable for you andwith the six if you have a six
in your profile it is broken upinto three aspects of life.
So your life is going to bebroken up into three timelines,
essentially, and the first partof your life is going to be as
(08:57):
if you have a 3.
So there will be a lot ofexperimentation, a lot of you
figuring things out on your own,trying things out on first size
, you seeing what sticks to thewall right, figuring out things
for yourself.
That's really going to be partof your process too.
(09:19):
And when I found my profile forthe first time because I am a
1-3 in human design I reallystruggled coming to terms with
the 3.
The one I could see so clearlyin me because it is about
learning, about going deep,about researching, about going
(09:44):
down my rabbit holes and wantingto build a solid foundation and
understanding on differentthings in my life.
I am a knowledge seeker and Ialways resonated with that.
But with the three I hadcertain reservations about it,
because I could see my lifeexperience popping up on there.
(10:05):
But what this also meant to mewhen I first came across it was
that that also meant that Ineeded to fail in life.
Right, because I was meant togo through my trial and error
process, which is so vital tobeing a three is.
(10:26):
You are meant to go throughthat trial and error process and
for me it's like, okay, trialand error, but that means that
I'm obviously not meant tosucceed in everything that I was
meant to do and that kept mefrozen in fear and not actually
(10:48):
being able to put my knowledgeout into the world because of my
fear of failure, because I wasso afraid of failing to any
regard, and there was so manyother things in my upbringing
that made that fear of failureeven more prevalent.
But it's something that so manyof us struggle with is we want
(11:13):
to be good from the get-go.
We want to be as good aseveryone else from the get-go.
We don't want to have that veryuncomfortable period of
learning and growing and notbeing good, of not knowing
enough, of not feeling like youhave it all figured out.
(11:35):
So you could see how these twosides of me had very like
different ideas of what it needsto feel safe.
Essentially, my one has a corefear of not knowing enough and
never feeling like they areenough, and the three just wants
(11:56):
to experiment and throw thingsout to the wall.
But because I had that hugefear of failure, I just never
allowed myself to actually gotry and do anything right.
And that's a lot of us, that is,so many of us that make
ourselves small, that is justtoo afraid to put ourselves out
(12:18):
into the world.
But that is keeping our lifesmall.
That is a disservice toourselves.
And something that we can do isreframing this experimentation
right, this failure that wecould tie to it as knowing that
it is part of our process.
And it doesn't matter if youhave a three or a six in your
(12:44):
human design.
This is something for all of us, right, because most of us will
stay in our comfort zone,because that is what feels good
to us.
But leaning out of that andbeing brave enough to step into
that growth edge and lean intodiscomfort so that we can grow
(13:08):
and expand and actually havethat wondrous life that we want,
is also us realizing thatsometimes what we set out to do
won't work out the way that weenvisioned in our head and that
is what many of us call failureand, I think, reframing failure,
(13:29):
because that word has such anegative connotation in many of
our heads.
It's just something that wewere constantly told that
shouldn't be done.
Right, failure is not somethingthat we are meant to strive for
.
It is not a sign of successright, being successful it's
(13:55):
just not something that we areever told to do.
But we need to be able toreframe failure and knowing that
it is experience and changingthat verbiage has been so
supportive for me is that youare simply gaining more
(14:18):
experience, and that experiencejust built upon itself.
So when we think of all thethings that we have failed at,
there is no failed relationshipor marriage or career.
It is simply an experience thatwe have gone through, that has
(14:41):
been gifted to us so that we canlearn from it and gain
something that we would haveotherwise not been able to gain,
which is this experience of thepros and the cons that came
from it.
And when we think about failingat anything that we've done, if
we think about you know, you canpull up an experience now in
(15:04):
your mind and most of us willprobably think of not wanting to
do that again.
It's not the first thing thatwe want to go off and do is
basically repeat an experiencethat didn't work out, and you
can see how that inhibits usfrom opening our hearts to
(15:25):
having another experience likethat again.
That is why we need to let goof the word failure, and for
some people, it could work andit might rev them up as being
like, oh my gosh, yes, well, itmight feed certain people Like,
if you're listening to this andyou have no problem with the
(15:48):
word failure or moving pastfailures, then this might not be
for you, but for most people,failure paralyzes us and keeps
us from stepping into the lifethat we're meant to, and this is
where I am inviting you toexperiment with replacing
(16:09):
failure with experience, becauseit will allow you to really
open yourself up to all of thesedifferent experiences that are
being placed in your life, foryou to grow, become better,
learn something new.
And this has been one of themost life-changing things I ever
(16:34):
did for myself, because itfreed me to go do what I wanted
to do.
Because it freed me to go dowhat I wanted to do, those
things that were deep in mybeing, that I craved of doing
but was so afraid of puttingmyself out there, of not getting
it right, of not knowing enough, of it just not being what I
(16:56):
thought it would be.
This podcast was one of them.
I sat on doing this podcast forso long.
It was probably like almost atwo-year process in my head
between thinking about wantingto do it and I did all the work
to actually do it and had it allfigured out.
(17:16):
But between me actuallyrecording the first podcast
episode and putting it out intothe world, that was almost like
a year, because I was so frozenin just my fear of failure.
But it was not aligned with thelife that I wanted for myself.
(17:38):
I had been wanting to dosomething like this for so long
and if another year or two hadpassed, I would still be in the
same place, not doing what Iwanted to do right.
Not doing this, not being ableto share with you or have these
conversations with you, which issomething that my soul craved
(18:00):
for so deeply.
So it really just allows you tospread your wings, to go, do
all of those things that you aremeant to do, that you know deep
in your psyche, that you feel,that you dream about that you
write about.
That is what this is showingyou.
(18:22):
That is what this is showingyou to step out of.
And the most successful peoplethat you see in any arena of
life are just people that arecomfortable being uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable this is artists,people that create the most
(18:42):
incredible things from theirmind, entrepreneurs, people that
build these incrediblebusinesses that you know, create
such innovative things.
It could be athletes.
The discomfort is always therefor them.
These are the people that havejust learned how to lean into it
(19:07):
and to embrace that, and theseare the people that know that
this is always there.
There is no going around this.
You just become comfortablebeing uncomfortable and you
accept this as a part of life,as a part of your evolution, and
(19:27):
most of us just turn away fromit.
We feel the discomfort and weimmediately want to look the
other way, step back, close thatdoor, not feel that, because
that is physiologically how weare meant to function.
It's something that wasinstilled in us when we were in
(19:50):
a more primitive state as a wayfor us to survive, but that is
not the reality of the worldthat we are living in anymore.
Just think about anything thatyou set out to do that you have
set out to do in your lifebefore Anything new.
Think about how your body mayhave responded.
(20:12):
Maybe you felt nervous, maybeyou felt some butterflies in
your tummy, maybe a little shaky, maybe your breath has become a
little shallow, your hands gota little clammy, and this is
because we are stepping awayfrom the unknown and you're
(20:34):
going to feel this.
If you want to start learninghow to play an instrument this,
if you want to start learninghow to play an instrument, how
to play a new sport, how tospeak in a new language, if you
want to start a new business, asyou're going through different
aspects of that, it's like youare going to feel kind of the
(20:55):
brakes wanting to stop you, ofnot going down this path because
it doesn't feel as good aswhere you were.
Anything new and unknown willprompt you to feel some of these
things.
But the key to moving past thisand not feeling this is to keep
(21:16):
doing it, keep going out ofyour comfort zone, to keep
pushing yourself in manydifferent ways.
It's like a muscle you build,but this is a true feeling of
growth and we've all felt it atsome moment in our life, and as
(21:36):
a child, we were so much morefamiliar with it.
It was a part of our process,right, our trial and error
process Every single day.
We never second-guessed it.
When we fell trying to walk, wejust got back up.
When we hit ourselves trying todo something, we just didn't do
(21:57):
it again, right, if we touchsomething hot, we quickly learn
that that wasn't what we weresupposed to be touching.
But children are so brave.
If you were to just observe achild, typically like below the
age of five, where they stillhave this innate trial and error
(22:19):
process, you're going to seehow they just go from one thing
to the other to the otherwithout really thinking about,
oh, I'm not doing this right, oroh, that didn't actually work
out, or oh, I fell, I couldn'tmake it to the other side of the
room as I was walking.
(22:39):
Right, they may cry a littlebit, they may this, they may
fuss a bit, but they're justgoing to keep doing it until
they figure it out.
And as we grew up more and moreand became a part of society, we
began to be told, directly orindirectly, that failure isn't
(23:00):
allowed.
You might have grown up in afamily that didn't support
failure If you didn't getanything other than an A in
school or, you know, in yourclasses.
That was not acceptable, andfrom an earlier age you learned
that failure really wasn'tallowed and slowly you began to
(23:25):
aim for staying in your comfortzone, because that meant that
you weren't going to be failing.
You knew what to expect fromthis and you knew how to perform
in this.
And for others it may have comelater, when we started becoming
more of an adult and trying outdifferent things and different
(23:49):
career paths.
And it's just, failure issomething that is not accepted
in our society.
It is frowned upon If you arefailing in anything.
It is frowned upon If you arefailing in anything.
(24:13):
It's typically a sign thatwe're not successful, that we
don't know enough, that we arenot doing the right thing in
life.
It's just.
There are so many differentstories that have been fed to us
about what it means to fail,but none of that is absolutely
true and the feelings that weget when we go through something
uncomfortable.
We also need to work onreframing these feelings to
(24:37):
something more positive the nexttime that you feel that you are
stepping into something that issuper uncomfortable for you and
you don't really want to do it,or you feel like you're failing
in something in life.
Now what if you told yourselfthis is part of the process, or
(25:03):
this allows me to expand in anew area of life, this is
bringing me one step closer tothe life I envisioned for myself
, or this is an experience thatis teaching me so much and I am
so grateful for the knowledgeand experience that it is
(25:26):
gifting me.
The next time you go out andstep in to do something that is
not in your comfort zone, Iinvite you to tell yourself one
of these affirmations beforegoing to do that thing, because
this is how we are going toreframe those physiological
(25:49):
feelings that show up, but alsothe mental stigma, the negative
connotations that we have aroundfailure and around
experimentation, because theother thing with experimentation
is that some of us can feellike by experimenting, we're not
committing to something orwe're not going all in.
(26:13):
So there can be also negativeconnotations to the
experimentation.
But I just want us to embracethat, whether you are fine
calling it failure or you wantto call it experience, is that
you are just building on that,that this is a part of life and
(26:36):
it is truly such a gift to beable to experience it, because
you are learning from this andthe you today is going to be so
grateful, in a year when youhave leaned into those growth
edges Every single day, that youshow up and you do something
(26:57):
that pushes you out of yourcomfort zone a little bit,
towards what you want to have inthis life, in the direction
that you want to go.
That you, in a year, is goingto be so grateful to the you now
for doing it.
So we just need to openourselves up to that and do it
with an open heart.
(27:17):
Right, because if we come fromthe side of not allowing us to
fail or to never feeling like weneed to have it all figured out
from the get-go, just notletting ourselves be a student
of life, right, and feeling likewe need to be the teacher
(27:38):
immediately, that's just notreasonable and that's gonna
constantly make us feel like weare inadequate.
But the only way you are goingto feel like you are adequate is
by continuously doing this andagain, flexing that muscle,
(27:59):
gaining that strength.
It's by doing the thing.
So I invite you all to do thething, to step out of your
comfort zone to brave, becausewe are all worthy and deserve to
have that incredible life.
(28:19):
In any aspect of life that welook at, right, there's going to
be some aspect of our life thatmakes us uncomfortable, whether
it's the relationship that wewant and it requiring us to, you
know, go out and meet peopleand talk to people so that we
can have the partner that wewant or the friends that we
(28:40):
might want.
Right, it's the same thing.
It's going out, meeting people,putting yourself out there.
It's wanting to start thatcreative project.
It's wanting to learn how topaint.
Again, it's your first coupleof paintings are not going to
look great.
There's going to be a lot oftime between now and then of you
(29:02):
just sitting in front of acanvas and you putting the
paintbrush and the paint to thecanvas, and that's going to be
your process as you continue toflex that muscle and gain the
experience of creating theseamazing paintings.
But this is part of yourprocess.
There is no shying away fromthat.
(29:25):
So I hope you all took somethingaway from this episode.
We need to be kinder toourselves as we go through our
process, as we continue to stepinto who we are meant to become,
and it's going to be such alighter journey if we do that
(29:48):
from a place of love andunderstanding, knowing that
we're not perfect, that we'renot supposed to have it all
figured out.
That's just going to make thisjourney a lot easier.
I'm sending you so much loveand light.
I look forward to talking toyou all in my next episode.
(30:08):
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Please make sure you subscribeso you never miss an episode and
share this message with anyfriends and family.
I'd love to hear your takeaways, so share them with me by
leaving a comment below orheading over to my Instagram at
jacendamarie.
(30:29):
I am sending you all so muchlove.
Hi, loves, welcome to the Journey to the Soul podcast
.
I am your host, jacinda Villa,a spiritual life coach and
holistic health coach.
Every week, we will be divingdeep into all things purpose,
wellness, spirituality andcreating the life that you dream
of.
This space is meant to be safeand transformative for you to
(00:26):
dive into the deepest parts ofyourself.
I will share what I havelearned from my journey along
this path years of research andmentors along the way.
Having spent many years livinglife out of alignment and afraid
to go after my dreams, I knowfirsthand what it means to take
the first step down, living alife authentic to you.
(00:47):
We are on this road ofself-discovery together.
It is time for you to live thelife you imagined.
Hello, my loves, welcome tothis week's episode of Journey
to the Soul.
I am so excited to have youhere with me this week as we go
(01:07):
into the episode.
I hope you are all having abeautiful day wherever you are
tuning in from.
It truly blows me away to seehow people from all over the
world tune in to listen to this.
It means so much to me that youdo People from everywhere,
(01:29):
wherever you may be.
Thank you so much for beinghere with me and just being on
this journey of life with me.
It means so much, so I'msending you all a big hug.
So I'm sending you all a bighug this week we are talking
about getting out of our comfortzone, and a lot of people talk
(01:50):
about this in so many differentways.
In the personal developmentspace, in the spiritual space,
in any aspect.
You can hear so many peopletalk about getting out of your
comfort zone, and I wanted totalk about this as well, because
I feel like it is somethingthat is so important and it's
(02:13):
really also something that cankeep us kind of stagnant in our
life if we choose to stay wherewe are and not really go through
the life that is intended forus.
And I've learned so much aboutgetting out of my comfort zone,
(02:33):
too, and these are all thingsthat I wanted to share with you
today, because your comfort zoneif you've heard this before is
essentially where you arecomfortable.
It's how you are accustomed toliving, to being, to
experiencing certain things, andin your mind, in your body, in
(02:56):
your being, it's comfortable.
There's no discomfort here, andwhen we look outside of our
comfort zone, we can think ofthe opposite of that, right.
What is opposite of our comfortzone.
That is discomfort, right.
Our discomfort zone we couldcall it if we wanted to, and
it's essentially anything thatis not in our comfort zone,
(03:21):
anything that could cause ussome kind of discomfort, and you
can see how that could also bevery different for each and
every one of us, because ourcomfort zones are all going to
be different, right, and thatmeans that what we find
uncomfortable is also going tobe very individual to us as
(03:44):
people.
But the discomfort zone isgoing to be anything that is
just uncomfortable to you,anything that doesn't quite feel
good, right.
Anything that makes us feeljust not as centered, not as
sure about ourselves, anythingthat makes us second guess
(04:06):
ourselves.
These are all things that canpop up when we are slightly in
our discomfort.
But, like I mentioned, ourcomfort zone is not necessarily
somewhere that we want to spendour entire life in.
I want all of us to learn howwe can best lean into our
(04:32):
discomfort zone, and I likecalling this our growth edge too
, that edge that we meetsometimes in different aspects
of our life.
That is uncomfortable, that isour growth edge and, as humans,
evolving and wanting to grow, itis so important for us to be
(04:56):
able to lean into that.
So we need to know that havinga growth edge and feeling that
discomfort is a part of life andit is so essential for us to
lean into that in order to stepout of our comfort zone.
And so many of us are souncomfortable doing this.
(05:19):
It could be due to so manydifferent things, right.
Some of us are brought up to bemore resilient with things like
uncertainty and failure andthings like that, because it
could have been how we werebrought up or people in our
lives or just other lifeexperience that made us be more
(05:44):
resilient to that.
But other people, many of us,are also super uncomfortable
with this, uncomfortable withuncertainty, uncomfortable with
failure, uncomfortable with theunknown.
But that keeps us in ourcomfort zone, right, because all
(06:06):
of those things are essentiallykeeping us in the same place
and our comfort zonepsychologically, physiologically
it is meant to keep us safe.
That is why when we dosomething that is outside of our
comfort zone is why, when we dosomething that is outside of
our comfort zone, we feel somekind of discomfort and that can
(06:32):
show up in so many differentways and many of the times
that's physiologically right,our body could respond.
We could feel a little uneasy,some nervousness, some
clamminess.
Our body is telling us like, no, this doesn't feel safe to us
anymore, but this is not wherewe're meant to stay in order for
(06:52):
us to live this incredible lifethat is intended for us.
Life is truly an experiment andthere is no turning away from
that.
The sooner that we accept that,the freer we will be, and some
of us will have a harder timeaccepting that or coming to
(07:16):
terms with that than otherpeople because, again, certain
upbringings, life experiencescould have not supported that
reality for us.
Learning to embrace that lifeis truly one big experiment has
been one of the biggest freeingthings for me, and I always love
(07:40):
looking at things from the lensof human design.
If you listen to my otherepisodes, you can see how I love
tying in human design todifferent aspects of different
things that I discuss, because Ithink it could help us really
understand ourselves at such adeeper level, at such a deeper
(08:09):
level.
So if you are familiar withhuman design, if you have a
profile with either a 3 or a 6,what we're talking about today
will be especially true for you,because if you have a 3 in your
profile.
That means that you are meantto learn through experience that
everything that you do in lifeis going to be based off of your
(08:33):
life experience.
It is inevitable for you andwith the six if you have a six
in your profile it is broken upinto three aspects of life.
So your life is going to bebroken up into three timelines,
essentially, and the first partof your life is going to be as
(08:57):
if you have a 3.
So there will be a lot ofexperimentation, a lot of you
figuring things out on your own,trying things out on first size
, you seeing what sticks to thewall right, figuring out things
for yourself.
That's really going to be partof your process too.
(09:19):
And when I found my profile forthe first time because I am a
1-3 in human design I reallystruggled coming to terms with
the 3.
The one I could see so clearlyin me because it is about
learning, about going deep,about researching, about going
(09:44):
down my rabbit holes and wantingto build a solid foundation and
understanding on differentthings in my life.
I am a knowledge seeker and Ialways resonated with that.
But with the three I hadcertain reservations about it,
because I could see my lifeexperience popping up on there.
(10:05):
But what this also meant to mewhen I first came across it was
that that also meant that Ineeded to fail in life.
Right, because I was meant togo through my trial and error
process, which is so vital tobeing a three is.
(10:26):
You are meant to go throughthat trial and error process and
for me it's like, okay, trialand error, but that means that
I'm obviously not meant tosucceed in everything that I was
meant to do and that kept mefrozen in fear and not actually
(10:48):
being able to put my knowledgeout into the world because of my
fear of failure, because I wasso afraid of failing to any
regard, and there was so manyother things in my upbringing
that made that fear of failureeven more prevalent.
But it's something that so manyof us struggle with is we want
(11:13):
to be good from the get-go.
We want to be as good aseveryone else from the get-go.
We don't want to have that veryuncomfortable period of
learning and growing and notbeing good, of not knowing
enough, of not feeling like youhave it all figured out.
(11:35):
So you could see how these twosides of me had very like
different ideas of what it needsto feel safe.
Essentially, my one has a corefear of not knowing enough and
never feeling like they areenough, and the three just wants
(11:56):
to experiment and throw thingsout to the wall.
But because I had that hugefear of failure, I just never
allowed myself to actually gotry and do anything right.
And that's a lot of us, that is,so many of us that make
ourselves small, that is justtoo afraid to put ourselves out
(12:18):
into the world.
But that is keeping our lifesmall.
That is a disservice toourselves.
And something that we can do isreframing this experimentation
right, this failure that wecould tie to it as knowing that
it is part of our process.
And it doesn't matter if youhave a three or a six in your
(12:44):
human design.
This is something for all of us, right, because most of us will
stay in our comfort zone,because that is what feels good
to us.
But leaning out of that andbeing brave enough to step into
that growth edge and lean intodiscomfort so that we can grow
(13:08):
and expand and actually havethat wondrous life that we want,
is also us realizing thatsometimes what we set out to do
won't work out the way that weenvisioned in our head and that
is what many of us call failureand, I think, reframing failure,
(13:29):
because that word has such anegative connotation in many of
our heads.
It's just something that wewere constantly told that
shouldn't be done.
Right, failure is not somethingthat we are meant to strive for
.
It is not a sign of successright, being successful it's
(13:55):
just not something that we areever told to do.
But we need to be able toreframe failure and knowing that
it is experience and changingthat verbiage has been so
supportive for me is that youare simply gaining more
(14:18):
experience, and that experiencejust built upon itself.
So when we think of all thethings that we have failed at,
there is no failed relationshipor marriage or career.
It is simply an experience thatwe have gone through, that has
(14:41):
been gifted to us so that we canlearn from it and gain
something that we would haveotherwise not been able to gain,
which is this experience of thepros and the cons that came
from it.
And when we think about failingat anything that we've done, if
we think about you know, you canpull up an experience now in
(15:04):
your mind and most of us willprobably think of not wanting to
do that again.
It's not the first thing thatwe want to go off and do is
basically repeat an experiencethat didn't work out, and you
can see how that inhibits usfrom opening our hearts to
(15:25):
having another experience likethat again.
That is why we need to let goof the word failure, and for
some people, it could work andit might rev them up as being
like, oh my gosh, yes, well, itmight feed certain people Like,
if you're listening to this andyou have no problem with the
(15:48):
word failure or moving pastfailures, then this might not be
for you, but for most people,failure paralyzes us and keeps
us from stepping into the lifethat we're meant to, and this is
where I am inviting you toexperiment with replacing
(16:09):
failure with experience, becauseit will allow you to really
open yourself up to all of thesedifferent experiences that are
being placed in your life, foryou to grow, become better,
learn something new.
And this has been one of themost life-changing things I ever
(16:34):
did for myself, because itfreed me to go do what I wanted
to do.
Because it freed me to go dowhat I wanted to do, those
things that were deep in mybeing, that I craved of doing
but was so afraid of puttingmyself out there, of not getting
it right, of not knowing enough, of it just not being what I
(16:56):
thought it would be.
This podcast was one of them.
I sat on doing this podcast forso long.
It was probably like almost atwo-year process in my head
between thinking about wantingto do it and I did all the work
to actually do it and had it allfigured out.
(17:16):
But between me actuallyrecording the first podcast
episode and putting it out intothe world, that was almost like
a year, because I was so frozenin just my fear of failure.
But it was not aligned with thelife that I wanted for myself.
(17:38):
I had been wanting to dosomething like this for so long
and if another year or two hadpassed, I would still be in the
same place, not doing what Iwanted to do right.
Not doing this, not being ableto share with you or have these
conversations with you, which issomething that my soul craved
(18:00):
for so deeply.
So it really just allows you tospread your wings, to go, do
all of those things that you aremeant to do, that you know deep
in your psyche, that you feel,that you dream about that you
write about.
That is what this is showingyou.
(18:22):
That is what this is showingyou to step out of.
And the most successful peoplethat you see in any arena of
life are just people that arecomfortable being uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable this is artists,people that create the most
(18:42):
incredible things from theirmind, entrepreneurs, people that
build these incrediblebusinesses that you know, create
such innovative things.
It could be athletes.
The discomfort is always therefor them.
These are the people that havejust learned how to lean into it
(19:07):
and to embrace that, and theseare the people that know that
this is always there.
There is no going around this.
You just become comfortablebeing uncomfortable and you
accept this as a part of life,as a part of your evolution, and
(19:27):
most of us just turn away fromit.
We feel the discomfort and weimmediately want to look the
other way, step back, close thatdoor, not feel that, because
that is physiologically how weare meant to function.
It's something that wasinstilled in us when we were in
(19:50):
a more primitive state as a wayfor us to survive, but that is
not the reality of the worldthat we are living in anymore.
Just think about anything thatyou set out to do that you have
set out to do in your lifebefore Anything new.
Think about how your body mayhave responded.
(20:12):
Maybe you felt nervous, maybeyou felt some butterflies in
your tummy, maybe a little shaky, maybe your breath has become a
little shallow, your hands gota little clammy, and this is
because we are stepping awayfrom the unknown and you're
(20:34):
going to feel this.
If you want to start learninghow to play an instrument this,
if you want to start learninghow to play an instrument, how
to play a new sport, how tospeak in a new language, if you
want to start a new business, asyou're going through different
aspects of that, it's like youare going to feel kind of the
(20:55):
brakes wanting to stop you, ofnot going down this path because
it doesn't feel as good aswhere you were.
Anything new and unknown willprompt you to feel some of these
things.
But the key to moving past thisand not feeling this is to keep
(21:16):
doing it, keep going out ofyour comfort zone, to keep
pushing yourself in manydifferent ways.
It's like a muscle you build,but this is a true feeling of
growth and we've all felt it atsome moment in our life, and as
(21:36):
a child, we were so much morefamiliar with it.
It was a part of our process,right, our trial and error
process Every single day.
We never second-guessed it.
When we fell trying to walk, wejust got back up.
When we hit ourselves trying todo something, we just didn't do
(21:57):
it again, right, if we touchsomething hot, we quickly learn
that that wasn't what we weresupposed to be touching.
But children are so brave.
If you were to just observe achild, typically like below the
age of five, where they stillhave this innate trial and error
(22:19):
process, you're going to seehow they just go from one thing
to the other to the otherwithout really thinking about,
oh, I'm not doing this right, oroh, that didn't actually work
out, or oh, I fell, I couldn'tmake it to the other side of the
room as I was walking.
(22:39):
Right, they may cry a littlebit, they may this, they may
fuss a bit, but they're justgoing to keep doing it until
they figure it out.
And as we grew up more and moreand became a part of society, we
began to be told, directly orindirectly, that failure isn't
(23:00):
allowed.
You might have grown up in afamily that didn't support
failure If you didn't getanything other than an A in
school or, you know, in yourclasses.
That was not acceptable, andfrom an earlier age you learned
that failure really wasn'tallowed and slowly you began to
(23:25):
aim for staying in your comfortzone, because that meant that
you weren't going to be failing.
You knew what to expect fromthis and you knew how to perform
in this.
And for others it may have comelater, when we started becoming
more of an adult and trying outdifferent things and different
(23:49):
career paths.
And it's just, failure issomething that is not accepted
in our society.
It is frowned upon If you arefailing in anything.
It is frowned upon If you arefailing in anything.
(24:13):
It's typically a sign thatwe're not successful, that we
don't know enough, that we arenot doing the right thing in
life.
It's just.
There are so many differentstories that have been fed to us
about what it means to fail,but none of that is absolutely
true and the feelings that weget when we go through something
uncomfortable.
We also need to work onreframing these feelings to
(24:37):
something more positive the nexttime that you feel that you are
stepping into something that issuper uncomfortable for you and
you don't really want to do it,or you feel like you're failing
in something in life.
Now what if you told yourselfthis is part of the process, or
(25:03):
this allows me to expand in anew area of life, this is
bringing me one step closer tothe life I envisioned for myself
, or this is an experience thatis teaching me so much and I am
so grateful for the knowledgeand experience that it is
(25:26):
gifting me.
The next time you go out andstep in to do something that is
not in your comfort zone, Iinvite you to tell yourself one
of these affirmations beforegoing to do that thing, because
this is how we are going toreframe those physiological
(25:49):
feelings that show up, but alsothe mental stigma, the negative
connotations that we have aroundfailure and around
experimentation, because theother thing with experimentation
is that some of us can feellike by experimenting, we're not
committing to something orwe're not going all in.
(26:13):
So there can be also negativeconnotations to the
experimentation.
But I just want us to embracethat, whether you are fine
calling it failure or you wantto call it experience, is that
you are just building on that,that this is a part of life and
(26:36):
it is truly such a gift to beable to experience it, because
you are learning from this andthe you today is going to be so
grateful, in a year when youhave leaned into those growth
edges Every single day, that youshow up and you do something
(26:57):
that pushes you out of yourcomfort zone a little bit,
towards what you want to have inthis life, in the direction
that you want to go.
That you, in a year, is goingto be so grateful to the you now
for doing it.
So we just need to openourselves up to that and do it
with an open heart.
(27:17):
Right, because if we come fromthe side of not allowing us to
fail or to never feeling like weneed to have it all figured out
from the get-go, just notletting ourselves be a student
of life, right, and feeling likewe need to be the teacher
(27:38):
immediately, that's just notreasonable and that's gonna
constantly make us feel like weare inadequate.
But the only way you are goingto feel like you are adequate is
by continuously doing this andagain, flexing that muscle,
(27:59):
gaining that strength.
It's by doing the thing.
So I invite you all to do thething, to step out of your
comfort zone to brave, becausewe are all worthy and deserve to
have that incredible life.
(28:19):
In any aspect of life that welook at, right, there's going to
be some aspect of our life thatmakes us uncomfortable, whether
it's the relationship that wewant and it requiring us to, you
know, go out and meet peopleand talk to people so that we
can have the partner that wewant or the friends that we
(28:40):
might want.
Right, it's the same thing.
It's going out, meeting people,putting yourself out there.
It's wanting to start thatcreative project.
It's wanting to learn how topaint.
Again, it's your first coupleof paintings are not going to
look great.
There's going to be a lot oftime between now and then of you
(29:02):
just sitting in front of acanvas and you putting the
paintbrush and the paint to thecanvas, and that's going to be
your process as you continue toflex that muscle and gain the
experience of creating theseamazing paintings.
But this is part of yourprocess.
There is no shying away fromthat.
(29:25):
So I hope you all took somethingaway from this episode.
We need to be kinder toourselves as we go through our
process, as we continue to stepinto who we are meant to become,
and it's going to be such alighter journey if we do that
(29:48):
from a place of love andunderstanding, knowing that
we're not perfect, that we'renot supposed to have it all
figured out.
That's just going to make thisjourney a lot easier.
I'm sending you so much loveand light.
I look forward to talking toyou all in my next episode.
(30:08):
I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Please make sure you subscribeso you never miss an episode and
share this message with anyfriends and family.
I'd love to hear your takeaways, so share them with me by
leaving a comment below orheading over to my Instagram at
jacendamarie.
(30:29):
I am sending you all so muchlove.
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