July 9, 2025 • 21 mins
Join us (Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek) for a conversation about authenticity and the journey of becoming one's true self. We'll first explore how to let go of external masks that keep our true self hidden. How can we do that? Mainly through self-acceptance. We'll then bust the myth that authenticity is an individual sport. The truth is that our authenticity is entangled with everyone and everything around us-- which is a good thing. When we start to work within this space of support, then our life gets bigger and easier. We can go beyond our small self and work in a bigger, more connected space. And on a sports note... we'll get deep into a "basketball is life" analogy that Aimee is super into. Whether you like sports or not, we hope you resonate with the message that we can step out of a defensive way of living and into a more empowered, authentic life.
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review us wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts!
Sources & Notes:
- Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life.
- Related Joy Lab Episodes:
- Ross Gay's website (his book "Inciting Joy" is fantastic)
Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program.
Please see our terms for more information.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast,where we help you uncover and
(00:03):
foster your most joyful self.
Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr.Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of
soulful and scientifically sound tools tospark your joy, even when it feels dark.
When you're ready to experiment withmore joy, combine this podcast with the
full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
(00:25):
Hello, I'm Henry Emmons andwelcome back to Joy Lab.
And I am Aimee Prasek.
So we are in our month of Awe we'refocused on authenticity all month.
Last episode, we talked aboutsome obstacles to authenticity.
Three, really (00:44):
development of false self for ourself externally, also
not letting authenticity, beingour true self be so intimidating.
And this practice of awe, youknow, that this path of finding our
true self is for all of us, and itshows up just kind of day to day.
(01:07):
Yeah.
I want to, I wanna take a crackat summarizing this process
of, of becoming oneself.
This is, uh,
Wow.
I'm just gonna try it.
So are we done then?
Our authenticity episodesare done after this?
You're gonna summarize it all?
Yes.
Just, just give me one minute.
Yes, please.
Gimme two minutes.
All right.
(01:27):
Let's do it.
Okay.
So here's my, here's my brief summary.
I think that the process of becomingoneself has mostly to do with letting go.
Letting go of the things that we took onwithout realizing that they're not ours.
Such as those masks we hide behindthe personas that we aspire to,
(01:51):
even the good, good ones, youknow, our heroes and mentors.
Or the responsibilities that wecarry thinking they're ours to
carry, but they aren't often.
So it's kind of like themetaphor of shedding one's skin.
It's got to happen before that freshand slightly raw but truer version
(02:14):
of ourselves has a chance to emerge.
I love that.
Yes, a great summary.
Also, you're noting letting goas the key, which is so hard.
So there's lots of episodes thatwill, will help us get after this.
So the summary's great andthen the practice is hard.
(02:36):
The practice of lettinggo can be really hard.
Yeah, so we'll get into thattoo over these episodes.
Also, last episode, we use thatMerton quote as inspiration.
And today we're gonna kind of keepgoing with that quote to shift our
attention from acknowledging obstaclesand start getting more into the now what.
(02:57):
Those next steps we can taketo uncover our authenticity,
to let go, to shed our skin.
So here's the Merton quoteto start us off again.
I'm gonna add more to itor more of what he said.
"Finally, I am coming to the conclusionthat my highest ambition is to be
what I already am, that I will neverfulfill my obligation to surpass myself
(03:22):
unless I first accept myself if Iaccept myself fully in the right way,
I will already have surpassed myself."
All right, so there's this pieceof just acknowledging, as we've
highlighted here as, as we acknowledgethe obstacles of authenticity, it can
(03:44):
really help us in that first step, Ithink as Merton noted, "coming to the
conclusion that my greatest ambitionis to be what I already am." Okay.
So we've come to that conclusion.
I'm realizing that I've maybe been puttingon a lot of masks, I have people pleased
in ways that sacrifice my own wellbeing.
(04:06):
So those realizations, likethose can be really powerful.
I love Carl Jung's wisdom here.
Actually.
He wrote, "until you make theunconscious conscious, it will direct
your life and you will call it fate."
Hmm.
Oof.
So we get conscious, wake up, werealize that there's something else.
(04:32):
We have to not just acknowledgeand realize, but there are some new
practices, patterns to prevent thoseobstacles from tripping us up again
and also to, I think as Merton notes,to fully accept ourselves to fully
accept ourselves, which can be a lot.
Full acceptance of whatand who we are right now.
(04:54):
So we've done some great episodeson self-acceptance, and I'll
link those in the show notes.
But Henry, do you wanna add anythinghere about how self-acceptance
open us up to our true self?
Yeah, I'm thinking of how to use thisvery act of, of kind of awakening
(05:15):
to true self, to use that as anopportunity for self-acceptance.
So just this very, very initial step thathappens when you realize, for example,
you've been wearing a mask, gives youan opportunity for self-acceptance.
So let me try to get deeper into that.
(05:36):
So it's like a starting pointbecause it's right there.
It, it just comes up right away as soon aswe get to this point that we're not being
our true selves, because as soon as werealize that for many of us, the very next
knee jerk reaction is to judge ourselves.
(05:56):
For having done that.
Okay, so just as an example, once you,if you realize you've been following a
career path that's not really yours tofollow or not really what you wanted to
be doing, you did it, I don't know, forwhatever reason, please, somebody else,
then that automatic reaction might beto say to yourself, what was I thinking?
(06:21):
I just wasted five years, or maybe it's10 years, it could even be 30 years of of
my life doing something I didn't reallylike, just because I thought it would make
my parents happy, for example, or becausewe thought we needed a certain lifestyle.
Whatever the
Yeah.
reason, as soon as the awarenessrises right behind it, there's often
(06:46):
this reaction to feel badly about it.
Specifically to feel badly about yourself.
Yes.
So there's the opportunity.
It just comes right up,right in front of you.
Opportunity for self-acceptanceand like anything that is really
of value, self-acceptance is builtbrick by brick, moment by moment.
(07:12):
So start where, where you are,right in that moment of realization.
Whatever masks you took on, whateverturns you took, that, that took you
away from yourself, you were doingthe best you could at that time.
If you can accept that, then you'vereally got a good starting point
(07:32):
for following your own true path.
Yeah, we can all relate there.
I think
Yeah.
Um, What a great way to start.
So this acceptance, this whole fullacceptance sets us up, for this next part
of Merton's wisdom that once we acceptourselves, then we can surpass ourselves.
(07:58):
And so when Mertonsays, surpass ourselves.
don't think he's saying that each oneof us individually is necessarily like
"getting better", in quotes there.
I'm doing, I think Merton is remindingus that self-acceptance, you said
Henry, it's like the start position.
(08:20):
Awesome to get there.
You gotta get there.
You're in the race, you getin the race, you're in your
life, and then there's more.
You can surpass that.
But instead of just gettingbetter, you can get bigger.
Mm-hmm.
And yeah, so bigger in such a way that yousurpass yourself, that you go beyond this
hyperfocus on yourself and start to workin this bigger space of connection and
(08:44):
support where so much more is possible.
And Henry, you talk aboutgrowing a bigger container.
We talk about this a lot inthe Joy Lab Program here at the
Podcast too, and I think that'swhat Merton is getting at here.
So.
would you agree?
Do you wanna,
Yeah, I think, uh, I think that it'sreferring to what, what is often called
(09:08):
the small self or the small sense of self.
Or you might just say the ego self, youknow, the, the part of us that feels
we need to protect ourselves, to takecare of ourselves, nurture ourselves,
because nobody else is going to do it.
And we're kind of, you know, goingthrough life just on our own and
(09:28):
having to do all this to just to takecare of ourselves, keep us going.
So the idea of a bigger containercomes out of that notion that
about how I think of resilience.
So, you know, we do put somuch effort into self-care.
There are all these little thingsthat, that we do kind of need to tend
(09:49):
to in order to keep our resiliencecontainer more or less filled up.
You know, we need that to draw from,to just kinda keep ourselves going.
It's important, but it's so muchmore effective and, and frankly, a
lot easier if we can find a way totap into a bigger reservoir that
(10:14):
we're not relying only on this, thissmall one that we carry with us.
You know, that is important,but it's just so much more
limited.
And then we're just constantlyputting out this effort to
nourish and protect ourselves.
So I think that Merton is, is getting atthe notion that if you accept yourself, I
(10:39):
think, I think this is, uh, what he, whatthe quote said, if you accept yourself
fully and in the right way, then you freeup a lot of this energy that you had been
using to nourish and protect yourself.
It's such a paradox because if you fullyaccept yourself, your true self, then
(11:01):
that small sense of self, the falseself really just kind of disappears.
It just goes away.
And I think that's what he means bysurpassing himself because true self
is just a greater version of yourself.
It's make me think as wellthat authenticity or that true
(11:23):
self doesn't exist in a vacuum.
I think that's what we're getting at here.
Like, we're not living authenticallyif we give zero Fs about anything or
anyone around us, and cause harm becausewe're like, quote, being authentic.
Our authentic self is deeply andpositively connected with others.
(11:44):
So, you know, we are a thread woveninto this fabric of everything around
us, and there's just this fundamentalaspect of authenticity that is like in
cooperation with everything around us.
That's how we're wired.
Yeah.
It's how the universe functions.
So we can't attack part of the web.
We can't attack ourselves.
(12:04):
We can't attack outside ourselvesand not feel that harm as well.
We are that web.
One of my favorite descriptions ofjoy comes from, author Ross Gay.
He defines joy as practicing orthe practice of our entanglements.
(12:26):
I think that's it.
That's authentic joy.
That's our authentic self.
That's us practicing our true self.
It is not in a vacuum.
If we wanna tap into our true and joyfulself, we have to get into those tangles.
All the tangles that interconnectwithin and around us, those tangles
can be gnarly we can work to createchange to maybe untangle some of those
(12:52):
tangles and we can still be in harmonyand even joy amidst, all that because
it's how we authentically function.
that's what we do everyday here at Joy Lab.
So As Merton would say here, I think,that is our greatest ambition in life.
That's why we're here.
So this is reminding me of a quote.
(13:14):
I'll try to get it right and it'sa, it's a quote I admittedly don't
fully understand, but I love tothings I don't fully understand.
So here it is.
"Why are you unhappy? Because 99.9% ofeverything you think and everything you
(13:35):
do is for yourself. And there isn't one."So that, that's attributed to the writer
who went by the pen name Wei Wu Wei.
But what I take this to mean is thatas long as we're trying to prop up this
small sense of self to be somethingwe're not, we're gonna be unhappy.
(14:00):
And why?
Because the focus is all on yourself.
Yeah.
That small sense of selfis not who we really are.
Right.
And when we realize that, it's justlike you said, Aimee, we just naturally
know that we are not really thisseparated, isolated human being that's
(14:24):
going through life, having to, youknow, just take care of himself, the
way that we thought we were, we fitjust right into this larger whole.
And then there's just asense of ease about it.
It's effortless.
To be fully yourself and takeyour natural place in the world.
(14:46):
Just effortless.
. Effortless.
I'm loving that idea that.
our authentic self is thiseaseful, effortless self.
So we're gonna get into this overthe next several episodes, like
more strategies to overcome some ofthese obstacles, fully be yourself.
(15:09):
So everyone in the Joy LabProgram, your experiments with
awe will help you do that.
But before we close that, effortlessnessis making me think about the NBA finals.
And I wanna go there.
And the WNBA season is starting.
I just, it's interesting.
I just kept thinking about,defense and offense as it related
(15:30):
to authenticity during the NBAfinals, with Indiana and OKC.
And I think that's becauseon this effortless easeful.
Both OKC and Indiana had like alot of scrappy defensive players.
Oklahoma, completely known for that.
And it is intense to watch like howhard they were working to slow down
(15:55):
SGA, for example, for Oklahoma.
And it's kind of frantic when you watchit, that defense, that scrappy defense.
Then you'd see SGA, like make afew moves, get to the key and take
just a smooth fall away jumper.
And it was so serene amidst this wilddefense around like just a big contrast.
(16:19):
And I'm not saying SGA wasn'tworking hard, but he was
working different on offense.
And I think that's what todo here with authenticity.
Stay with me or if you like, I hatebasketball analogies or metaphors, just
fast forward 30 seconds or something.
But I think we're trying to stop playingdefense all the time, um, letting go
(16:44):
as we've talked about a little bitto stop frantically guarding all this
stuff, guarding all these aspects ofourselves that we've rejected, like just
hustling from place to place, tryingto grab having to adjust ourselves, to
show up different, to protect ourselvesconstantly based on who we're in front of.
(17:08):
so these incessant defensive moves,they just keep us super busy, super
tired, super exhausted, and it makesit impossible to like, come into
our own rhythm, step into our flow.
And so I think authenticity is like that.
When we're living authentically, we arein the game and we're always on offense.
(17:33):
because we're in competition, butbecause we always have the ball.
We are empowered, we always havechoices as we discussed last episode.
when you're there you can shoot,you can miss shots, you can pass
because you're part of a team, wecan screw up, and we know we can
(17:53):
get the ball back because again, wealways have the opportunity to choose.
To keep playing.
And we're not trying to be the MVP.
Authenticity doesn't work like that.
We're not keeping points.
We can ride the bench, we can cheer,we can we can tend to the injuries.
There's a million waysto show up authentically.
(18:14):
But when we're searching for our self, soto speak, when we're authentic, i, I think
the point here is that we're in the game.
And like you said last week, Henry,we can choose to not be fully
ourselves, to not live our life.
And we can do that by justplaying defense all the time.
But also, and I think probably morecommon, we put the ball down, we just get
(18:40):
off the court and we head to the stands.
We grab some popcorn, wesit back and we just shout.
We boo, we cheer, we armchair ref, webecome a spectator in our life and usually
a heckler for someone else's, right.
I've been in those stands.
Or we might even be quieter about it,just like keeping a box score, silently
(19:04):
analyzing, critiquing, but never playing.
We're like out of our lives.
We're not in our lives.
We can't accept ourselves,let alone surpass ourselves
when we're in the stands.
There's just no growth there.
It is the worst place to bejust watching our lives go by.
(19:25):
So if you're in thestands, get on the court.
It can be super hard to exit the row.
I know.
Don't wait for a timeout though.
Just get up.
Don't overthink it.
Put the popcorn down,head to the locker room.
Find a random ill fitted jerseyeven, it's gonna feel uncomfortable,
(19:46):
join your life and I think thatis worth every bit of discomfort.
Come here to Joy Lab to practice.
This is where you can get thoseskills back that you are wired for
and I'll end my basketball metaphorthere, I think before I keep going.
I'm super into it, butlet's get in the game folks.
(20:09):
Let's do it.
Oh, I love it, Aimee.
I have nothing to add to that.
I'll just, I'll just paraphrasea quote from the show ted Lasso.
Basketball is life.
Oh yes.
Basketball's life.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's get, let's get on thecourt, let's start playing.
(20:31):
We can practice together, getmore confident in our skills.
We are all athletes for this one.
All of us.
We are all wired for it, and we'll keepworking through our Element of Awe.
We will practice these strategies toreally help us tap into our authenticity.
So stay with us.
To close, well, I'm gonna share somewisdom from writer and actor Tina Lifford.
(20:57):
Here it is.
"When you know yourself, youare empowered. When you accept
yourself, you are invincible."
Thank you for listeningto the Joy Lab podcast.
If you enjoy today's show, visitJoyLab.coach to learn more
about the full Joy Lab program.
Be sure to rate and review us whereveryou listen to your favorite podcasts.
(21:20):
Please remember that thiscontent is for informational
and educational purposes only.
It is not intended to provide medicaladvice and is not a replacement for advice
and treatment from a medical professional.
Please consult your doctor orother qualified health professional
before beginning any diet change,supplement, or lifestyle program.
(21:41):
Please see our terms for more information.
Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast,where we help you uncover and
(00:03):
foster your most joyful self.
Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr.Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of
soulful and scientifically sound tools tospark your joy, even when it feels dark.
When you're ready to experiment withmore joy, combine this podcast with the
full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
(00:25):
Hello, I'm Henry Emmons andwelcome back to Joy Lab.
And I am Aimee Prasek.
So we are in our month of Awe we'refocused on authenticity all month.
Last episode, we talked aboutsome obstacles to authenticity.
Three, really (00:44):
development of false self for ourself externally, also
not letting authenticity, beingour true self be so intimidating.
And this practice of awe, youknow, that this path of finding our
true self is for all of us, and itshows up just kind of day to day.
(01:07):
Yeah.
I want to, I wanna take a crackat summarizing this process
of, of becoming oneself.
This is, uh,
Wow.
I'm just gonna try it.
So are we done then?
Our authenticity episodesare done after this?
You're gonna summarize it all?
Yes.
Just, just give me one minute.
Yes, please.
Gimme two minutes.
All right.
(01:27):
Let's do it.
Okay.
So here's my, here's my brief summary.
I think that the process of becomingoneself has mostly to do with letting go.
Letting go of the things that we took onwithout realizing that they're not ours.
Such as those masks we hide behindthe personas that we aspire to,
(01:51):
even the good, good ones, youknow, our heroes and mentors.
Or the responsibilities that wecarry thinking they're ours to
carry, but they aren't often.
So it's kind of like themetaphor of shedding one's skin.
It's got to happen before that freshand slightly raw but truer version
(02:14):
of ourselves has a chance to emerge.
I love that.
Yes, a great summary.
Also, you're noting letting goas the key, which is so hard.
So there's lots of episodes thatwill, will help us get after this.
So the summary's great andthen the practice is hard.
(02:36):
The practice of lettinggo can be really hard.
Yeah, so we'll get into thattoo over these episodes.
Also, last episode, we use thatMerton quote as inspiration.
And today we're gonna kind of keepgoing with that quote to shift our
attention from acknowledging obstaclesand start getting more into the now what.
(02:57):
Those next steps we can taketo uncover our authenticity,
to let go, to shed our skin.
So here's the Merton quoteto start us off again.
I'm gonna add more to itor more of what he said.
"Finally, I am coming to the conclusionthat my highest ambition is to be
what I already am, that I will neverfulfill my obligation to surpass myself
(03:22):
unless I first accept myself if Iaccept myself fully in the right way,
I will already have surpassed myself."
All right, so there's this pieceof just acknowledging, as we've
highlighted here as, as we acknowledgethe obstacles of authenticity, it can
(03:44):
really help us in that first step, Ithink as Merton noted, "coming to the
conclusion that my greatest ambitionis to be what I already am." Okay.
So we've come to that conclusion.
I'm realizing that I've maybe been puttingon a lot of masks, I have people pleased
in ways that sacrifice my own wellbeing.
(04:06):
So those realizations, likethose can be really powerful.
I love Carl Jung's wisdom here.
Actually.
He wrote, "until you make theunconscious conscious, it will direct
your life and you will call it fate."
Hmm.
Oof.
So we get conscious, wake up, werealize that there's something else.
(04:32):
We have to not just acknowledgeand realize, but there are some new
practices, patterns to prevent thoseobstacles from tripping us up again
and also to, I think as Merton notes,to fully accept ourselves to fully
accept ourselves, which can be a lot.
Full acceptance of whatand who we are right now.
(04:54):
So we've done some great episodeson self-acceptance, and I'll
link those in the show notes.
But Henry, do you wanna add anythinghere about how self-acceptance
open us up to our true self?
Yeah, I'm thinking of how to use thisvery act of, of kind of awakening
(05:15):
to true self, to use that as anopportunity for self-acceptance.
So just this very, very initial step thathappens when you realize, for example,
you've been wearing a mask, gives youan opportunity for self-acceptance.
So let me try to get deeper into that.
(05:36):
So it's like a starting pointbecause it's right there.
It, it just comes up right away as soon aswe get to this point that we're not being
our true selves, because as soon as werealize that for many of us, the very next
knee jerk reaction is to judge ourselves.
(05:56):
For having done that.
Okay, so just as an example, once you,if you realize you've been following a
career path that's not really yours tofollow or not really what you wanted to
be doing, you did it, I don't know, forwhatever reason, please, somebody else,
then that automatic reaction might beto say to yourself, what was I thinking?
(06:21):
I just wasted five years, or maybe it's10 years, it could even be 30 years of of
my life doing something I didn't reallylike, just because I thought it would make
my parents happy, for example, or becausewe thought we needed a certain lifestyle.
Whatever the
Yeah.
reason, as soon as the awarenessrises right behind it, there's often
(06:46):
this reaction to feel badly about it.
Specifically to feel badly about yourself.
Yes.
So there's the opportunity.
It just comes right up,right in front of you.
Opportunity for self-acceptanceand like anything that is really
of value, self-acceptance is builtbrick by brick, moment by moment.
(07:12):
So start where, where you are,right in that moment of realization.
Whatever masks you took on, whateverturns you took, that, that took you
away from yourself, you were doingthe best you could at that time.
If you can accept that, then you'vereally got a good starting point
(07:32):
for following your own true path.
Yeah, we can all relate there.
I think
Yeah.
Um, What a great way to start.
So this acceptance, this whole fullacceptance sets us up, for this next part
of Merton's wisdom that once we acceptourselves, then we can surpass ourselves.
(07:58):
And so when Mertonsays, surpass ourselves.
don't think he's saying that each oneof us individually is necessarily like
"getting better", in quotes there.
I'm doing, I think Merton is remindingus that self-acceptance, you said
Henry, it's like the start position.
(08:20):
Awesome to get there.
You gotta get there.
You're in the race, you getin the race, you're in your
life, and then there's more.
You can surpass that.
But instead of just gettingbetter, you can get bigger.
Mm-hmm.
And yeah, so bigger in such a way that yousurpass yourself, that you go beyond this
hyperfocus on yourself and start to workin this bigger space of connection and
(08:44):
support where so much more is possible.
And Henry, you talk aboutgrowing a bigger container.
We talk about this a lot inthe Joy Lab Program here at the
Podcast too, and I think that'swhat Merton is getting at here.
So.
would you agree?
Do you wanna,
Yeah, I think, uh, I think that it'sreferring to what, what is often called
(09:08):
the small self or the small sense of self.
Or you might just say the ego self, youknow, the, the part of us that feels
we need to protect ourselves, to takecare of ourselves, nurture ourselves,
because nobody else is going to do it.
And we're kind of, you know, goingthrough life just on our own and
(09:28):
having to do all this to just to takecare of ourselves, keep us going.
So the idea of a bigger containercomes out of that notion that
about how I think of resilience.
So, you know, we do put somuch effort into self-care.
There are all these little thingsthat, that we do kind of need to tend
(09:49):
to in order to keep our resiliencecontainer more or less filled up.
You know, we need that to draw from,to just kinda keep ourselves going.
It's important, but it's so muchmore effective and, and frankly, a
lot easier if we can find a way totap into a bigger reservoir that
(10:14):
we're not relying only on this, thissmall one that we carry with us.
You know, that is important,but it's just so much more
limited.
And then we're just constantlyputting out this effort to
nourish and protect ourselves.
So I think that Merton is, is getting atthe notion that if you accept yourself, I
(10:39):
think, I think this is, uh, what he, whatthe quote said, if you accept yourself
fully and in the right way, then you freeup a lot of this energy that you had been
using to nourish and protect yourself.
It's such a paradox because if you fullyaccept yourself, your true self, then
(11:01):
that small sense of self, the falseself really just kind of disappears.
It just goes away.
And I think that's what he means bysurpassing himself because true self
is just a greater version of yourself.
It's make me think as wellthat authenticity or that true
(11:23):
self doesn't exist in a vacuum.
I think that's what we're getting at here.
Like, we're not living authenticallyif we give zero Fs about anything or
anyone around us, and cause harm becausewe're like, quote, being authentic.
Our authentic self is deeply andpositively connected with others.
(11:44):
So, you know, we are a thread woveninto this fabric of everything around
us, and there's just this fundamentalaspect of authenticity that is like in
cooperation with everything around us.
That's how we're wired.
Yeah.
It's how the universe functions.
So we can't attack part of the web.
We can't attack ourselves.
(12:04):
We can't attack outside ourselvesand not feel that harm as well.
We are that web.
One of my favorite descriptions ofjoy comes from, author Ross Gay.
He defines joy as practicing orthe practice of our entanglements.
(12:26):
I think that's it.
That's authentic joy.
That's our authentic self.
That's us practicing our true self.
It is not in a vacuum.
If we wanna tap into our true and joyfulself, we have to get into those tangles.
All the tangles that interconnectwithin and around us, those tangles
can be gnarly we can work to createchange to maybe untangle some of those
(12:52):
tangles and we can still be in harmonyand even joy amidst, all that because
it's how we authentically function.
that's what we do everyday here at Joy Lab.
So As Merton would say here, I think,that is our greatest ambition in life.
That's why we're here.
So this is reminding me of a quote.
(13:14):
I'll try to get it right and it'sa, it's a quote I admittedly don't
fully understand, but I love tothings I don't fully understand.
So here it is.
"Why are you unhappy? Because 99.9% ofeverything you think and everything you
(13:35):
do is for yourself. And there isn't one."So that, that's attributed to the writer
who went by the pen name Wei Wu Wei.
But what I take this to mean is thatas long as we're trying to prop up this
small sense of self to be somethingwe're not, we're gonna be unhappy.
(14:00):
And why?
Because the focus is all on yourself.
Yeah.
That small sense of selfis not who we really are.
Right.
And when we realize that, it's justlike you said, Aimee, we just naturally
know that we are not really thisseparated, isolated human being that's
(14:24):
going through life, having to, youknow, just take care of himself, the
way that we thought we were, we fitjust right into this larger whole.
And then there's just asense of ease about it.
It's effortless.
To be fully yourself and takeyour natural place in the world.
(14:46):
Just effortless.
. Effortless.
I'm loving that idea that.
our authentic self is thiseaseful, effortless self.
So we're gonna get into this overthe next several episodes, like
more strategies to overcome some ofthese obstacles, fully be yourself.
(15:09):
So everyone in the Joy LabProgram, your experiments with
awe will help you do that.
But before we close that, effortlessnessis making me think about the NBA finals.
And I wanna go there.
And the WNBA season is starting.
I just, it's interesting.
I just kept thinking about,defense and offense as it related
(15:30):
to authenticity during the NBAfinals, with Indiana and OKC.
And I think that's becauseon this effortless easeful.
Both OKC and Indiana had like alot of scrappy defensive players.
Oklahoma, completely known for that.
And it is intense to watch like howhard they were working to slow down
(15:55):
SGA, for example, for Oklahoma.
And it's kind of frantic when you watchit, that defense, that scrappy defense.
Then you'd see SGA, like make afew moves, get to the key and take
just a smooth fall away jumper.
And it was so serene amidst this wilddefense around like just a big contrast.
(16:19):
And I'm not saying SGA wasn'tworking hard, but he was
working different on offense.
And I think that's what todo here with authenticity.
Stay with me or if you like, I hatebasketball analogies or metaphors, just
fast forward 30 seconds or something.
But I think we're trying to stop playingdefense all the time, um, letting go
(16:44):
as we've talked about a little bitto stop frantically guarding all this
stuff, guarding all these aspects ofourselves that we've rejected, like just
hustling from place to place, tryingto grab having to adjust ourselves, to
show up different, to protect ourselvesconstantly based on who we're in front of.
(17:08):
so these incessant defensive moves,they just keep us super busy, super
tired, super exhausted, and it makesit impossible to like, come into
our own rhythm, step into our flow.
And so I think authenticity is like that.
When we're living authentically, we arein the game and we're always on offense.
(17:33):
because we're in competition, butbecause we always have the ball.
We are empowered, we always havechoices as we discussed last episode.
when you're there you can shoot,you can miss shots, you can pass
because you're part of a team, wecan screw up, and we know we can
(17:53):
get the ball back because again, wealways have the opportunity to choose.
To keep playing.
And we're not trying to be the MVP.
Authenticity doesn't work like that.
We're not keeping points.
We can ride the bench, we can cheer,we can we can tend to the injuries.
There's a million waysto show up authentically.
(18:14):
But when we're searching for our self, soto speak, when we're authentic, i, I think
the point here is that we're in the game.
And like you said last week, Henry,we can choose to not be fully
ourselves, to not live our life.
And we can do that by justplaying defense all the time.
But also, and I think probably morecommon, we put the ball down, we just get
(18:40):
off the court and we head to the stands.
We grab some popcorn, wesit back and we just shout.
We boo, we cheer, we armchair ref, webecome a spectator in our life and usually
a heckler for someone else's, right.
I've been in those stands.
Or we might even be quieter about it,just like keeping a box score, silently
(19:04):
analyzing, critiquing, but never playing.
We're like out of our lives.
We're not in our lives.
We can't accept ourselves,let alone surpass ourselves
when we're in the stands.
There's just no growth there.
It is the worst place to bejust watching our lives go by.
(19:25):
So if you're in thestands, get on the court.
It can be super hard to exit the row.
I know.
Don't wait for a timeout though.
Just get up.
Don't overthink it.
Put the popcorn down,head to the locker room.
Find a random ill fitted jerseyeven, it's gonna feel uncomfortable,
(19:46):
join your life and I think thatis worth every bit of discomfort.
Come here to Joy Lab to practice.
This is where you can get thoseskills back that you are wired for
and I'll end my basketball metaphorthere, I think before I keep going.
I'm super into it, butlet's get in the game folks.
(20:09):
Let's do it.
Oh, I love it, Aimee.
I have nothing to add to that.
I'll just, I'll just paraphrasea quote from the show ted Lasso.
Basketball is life.
Oh yes.
Basketball's life.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's get, let's get on thecourt, let's start playing.
(20:31):
We can practice together, getmore confident in our skills.
We are all athletes for this one.
All of us.
We are all wired for it, and we'll keepworking through our Element of Awe.
We will practice these strategies toreally help us tap into our authenticity.
So stay with us.
To close, well, I'm gonna share somewisdom from writer and actor Tina Lifford.
(20:57):
Here it is.
"When you know yourself, youare empowered. When you accept
yourself, you are invincible."
Thank you for listeningto the Joy Lab podcast.
If you enjoy today's show, visitJoyLab.coach to learn more
about the full Joy Lab program.
Be sure to rate and review us whereveryou listen to your favorite podcasts.
(21:20):
Please remember that thiscontent is for informational
and educational purposes only.
It is not intended to provide medicaladvice and is not a replacement for advice
and treatment from a medical professional.
Please consult your doctor orother qualified health professional
before beginning any diet change,supplement, or lifestyle program.
(21:41):
Please see our terms for more information.
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