April 2, 2025 • 13 mins
Ever feel like your tank is empty or you can't recover after a setback? In this episode, we'll get into our Element of resilience, exploring what can deplete our resilience, how we can refill our tank, and how we can even grow the size of that tank to hold more of that resilience fuel.
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Sources and Notes:
- Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life.
Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program.
Please see our terms for more information.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast,where we help you uncover and
(00:03):
foster your most joyful self.
Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr.Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of
soulful and scientifically sound tools tospark your joy, even when it feels dark.
When you're ready to experiment withmore joy, combine this podcast with the
full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
(00:26):
Well, hey everyone, itis just me today, Aimee.
Henry will be back.
Next episode.
I am really happy to be here,to just kinda welcome you
to our month of resilience.
That is our element of joy thismonth, and I wanna set us up
for what's to come this month.
(00:46):
Some really great episodes.
I wanna give us a good ground tostand on and to really reinforce the
truth that like all of our elements ofjoy, resilience is hardwired into us.
it is built into our biology, butlike all of our elements, here's
(01:08):
the thing, just because resilience
is built in doesn't mean it's limitlessand it doesn't mean that it can't,
sort of get buried or kind of dry up.
And so we're gonna dig intothat a lot in this episode.
Now we are living in a time where Ithink we can pretty much agree that
(01:31):
our collective resilience is beingtested, is being taxed by stress,
uncertainty, um, chaos, exhaustion, toomany expectations, responsibilities.
We've gotten into a lotof this in past episodes.
And so it just means that we needto be even more intentional about
(01:56):
protecting our resilience, aboutreplenishing it, and even growing it
beyond what we might think is possible.
So that's really whatwe're doing this month.
Our episodes here at the podcast, inour program, Joy Lab Program, we will
work on protecting our resilience,replenishing it, and then filling it
(02:17):
up even more than where it was before.
So, let's talk about what resilience is.
There's a lot sort of buzzyabout it in wellness, psychology,
leadership, you name it.
But I wanna be clear about what wemean when we say resilience here.
Resilience is really our abilityto face challenges, to adapt,
(02:40):
and to keep moving forward.
It doesn't mean that we never struggle.
It doesn't mean that wedon't get knocked down.
It means that when we do, when westruggle, when we get knocked down, we
can also find a way to get back up again.
So Henry likes to describeresilience as a reservoir, or like
(03:03):
a big water cooler inside of us.
I think this is really helpful.
And this reservoir cooler isfilled with this resilience
elixir that helps us bounce back.
It's there in us.
We need to keep it full enough.
And here's the thing about themetaphor that I think is also
really helpful to remember.
(03:24):
We are not given the same size container.
Um.
So there are three big factors we liketo bring to the front when we talk about
the size of our resilience container.
the first is genetics.
So some people are just lucky.
They inherit strong mental health,adaptability, emotional regulation skills.
(03:46):
If you are not in this camp,don't worry, I'm not either.
Um, there's more to thestory of our genetics.
We talk a lot about that here and we'll dosome more about that as well in our next
few, months, elements of joy coming up.
So stay tuned.
The second one that we like tofocus on as well when we're talking
about the size of this containerare early childhood experiences.
(04:09):
So if you grew up in a stable,supportive environment, you
likely have a bigger reservoir.
If you had a more chaotic, or chaotichome life or experienced trauma or lacked
nurturing, your container may be smaller.
The last one we like to addressis current stress levels.
(04:31):
So even the most naturallyresilient person with a huge
reservoir size of container
can be overwhelmed by too muchstress happening all at once.
You know, maybe work relationships,financial struggles, global crises,
whatever this kind of current high stressor chronic stress can really squeeze
(04:54):
our tanks so much that it can kind ofchange shape temporarily in many cases,
but it can make that tank smaller.
I wanna say more about this tank lateras well, because even if you were given
a smaller tank, it is not permanent.
It can grow.
We can grow our tank.
So, but looking at these three factors,genetics, childhood experiences
(05:17):
and current stress, it can helpexplain why we might crash at some
point, even if it seemed like upuntil that point we were steady.
Too much depletion of ourtank, whether over time or
overnight, can overwhelm anybody.
None of us are immune.
Here's the good news.
(05:37):
Resilience isn't just about the size ofthe container, it's about how we refill it
and protect it from leaking in the future.
So let's talk about how to do that.
I really like Dr. Ann Masten'swork here and how she describes
resilience as ordinary magic.
So her research has really foundthat resilience doesn't come
(05:58):
from rare super human qualities.
It comes from everyday factorsthat are already available to us.
That's our ordinary magic.
One of Masten's research projectscalled the Competence Longitudinal
Study followed kids for over 20years to understand what made some
(06:22):
of them thrive despite hardship and
what they found wasn't some likesecret sauce or extraordinary
trait, instead, again, resiliencefor these kids as they moved into
adulthood came from basic accessiblethings, things we can all cultivate.
So I wanna share these things.
(06:43):
These are the factors that she foundin these kids, but these, these
are not limited to whether or notwe experience them in childhood.
These extend beyond into adulthood.
So we're gonna, we're gonna embrace'em as factors that we can look at
right now and that we can build on.
So the first was caring relationships.
So looking at family, friends,connections, community support around us.
(07:09):
Second, emotional regulation, so theability to manage emotions rather
than being overwhelmed by them.
A skill we work on a lot here.
Self-efficacy, so believing that wecan handle what life throws at us.
Fourth one was a senseof meaning or purpose.
(07:29):
Whether through work orspirituality or personal values
stretches a lot of domains.
Fifth, having hope and optimismso that we can see a path
forward even in, in dark times.
Hope is one of our elements of joythat we'll be digging into next month.
(07:50):
Six was engaging in healthyroutines and rituals.
So I, I like this because it suggestsa very practical kind of stability
in daily practices and that we needto have a routine that nourishes us.
And the last one I wanna highlightis problem solving skills.
So the ability to think flexiblyand to adapt to challenges.
(08:16):
Again, these are really basic factorsthat we can all build throughout our
lives, even if they were not factorspresent in your home life growing up.
And these are not alwayseasy things to work on.
We have to do the work, we haveto take care of ourselves in these
basic ways to keep our resilience up.
So I noted at the beginning thatI don't have the genetic dice
(08:41):
roll in my favor for resilience.
And there are some key factorsin that shortlist that I just
named that I didn't grow up with.
And I feel really resilientin my life at this point.
So my tank was probably smaller early oncompared to someone who maybe had a better
roll of the dice and better supports.
(09:02):
So if you resonate here that you didn'tget the dice roll or supports, trust
that that is not the end of the story.
Know that your resilience hasnot been taken away from you.
It can get dried up.
Your tank might be a bit smaller earlyon, but nobody can take away this
natural state, this instinct, thisquality that you have to be resilient.
(09:27):
I think one of the most excitingmaybe findings from Masten's
research was the idea of somethingshe called late bloomers.
So these were people in thestudy who seemed to struggle
early on, but later, quite later,developed really strong resilience.
So it was a, a clear piece of evidencethat it is never, never too late to
(09:51):
strengthen our ability to adapt, torecover, to thrive, to be resilient.
We can.
work on these factorsthat we have control over.
We can't change our genetics.
We can't change what happened in ourchildhood, but we can make choices
today that build on our resilience.
And so I name those factors, additionally,we can work on these Elements of Joy.
(10:16):
Each and every one will helpboost, will help support your
resilience, will help fill that tank.
We can strengthen relationships.
Our connections, we can prioritizeour emotional wellbeing,
our resilience, our joy.
I think when the world seems upsidedown or messed up, or chaotic or unfair,
(10:37):
these are like the first line solutions.
Give attention to what will fillyou up so that you can be present
and engaged in more effective ways
when it's time.
And those things.
back to, you know, working onthose elements of joy strengthening
relationships, that effort offersus this kind of more deep inner
(11:00):
work that doesn't just fill ourtank, but it can expand our tank.
It can grow our tank.
So I noted at the beginning thatjust because whatever the dice
roll early supports were, whateverthe size of your tank early on
does not mean that it cannot grow.
So let's get back to that metaphor, right?
(11:22):
You are a vessel carryingwithin you this powerful, yet
ordinary magic of resilience.
It's not infinite, but it canbe replenished and you can even
grow that tank to hold more.
That's what we're gonna dothis month here at the podcast.
Lots of tools and strategies andin the program really laser focused
(11:45):
experiments to help you do that.
Put 'em together and it's likea powerful, one two punch.
So I wanna leave you with a passagefrom Mary Oliver's poem Evidence.
I think it speaks to thisordinary magic within us.
" As for the body, it is solid andstrong and curious, and full of detail.
(12:07):
It wants to polish itself.
It wants to love another body.
It is the only vessel in the world thatcan hold in a mix of power and sweetness.
Keep some room in yourheart for the unimaginable."
Thank you for listeningto the Joy Lab podcast.
If you enjoy today's show, visitJoyLab.coach to learn more
(12:30):
about the full Joy Lab program.
Be sure to rate and review us whereveryou listen to your favorite podcasts.
Please remember that thiscontent is for informational
and educational purposes only.
It is not intended to provide medicaladvice and is not a replacement for advice
and treatment from a medical professional.
Please consult your doctor orother qualified health professional
(12:53):
before beginning any diet change,supplement, or lifestyle program.
Please see our terms for more information.
Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast,where we help you uncover and
(00:03):
foster your most joyful self.
Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr.Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of
soulful and scientifically sound tools tospark your joy, even when it feels dark.
When you're ready to experiment withmore joy, combine this podcast with the
full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
(00:26):
Well, hey everyone, itis just me today, Aimee.
Henry will be back.
Next episode.
I am really happy to be here,to just kinda welcome you
to our month of resilience.
That is our element of joy thismonth, and I wanna set us up
for what's to come this month.
(00:46):
Some really great episodes.
I wanna give us a good ground tostand on and to really reinforce the
truth that like all of our elements ofjoy, resilience is hardwired into us.
it is built into our biology, butlike all of our elements, here's
(01:08):
the thing, just because resilience
is built in doesn't mean it's limitlessand it doesn't mean that it can't,
sort of get buried or kind of dry up.
And so we're gonna dig intothat a lot in this episode.
Now we are living in a time where Ithink we can pretty much agree that
(01:31):
our collective resilience is beingtested, is being taxed by stress,
uncertainty, um, chaos, exhaustion, toomany expectations, responsibilities.
We've gotten into a lotof this in past episodes.
And so it just means that we needto be even more intentional about
(01:56):
protecting our resilience, aboutreplenishing it, and even growing it
beyond what we might think is possible.
So that's really whatwe're doing this month.
Our episodes here at the podcast, inour program, Joy Lab Program, we will
work on protecting our resilience,replenishing it, and then filling it
(02:17):
up even more than where it was before.
So, let's talk about what resilience is.
There's a lot sort of buzzyabout it in wellness, psychology,
leadership, you name it.
But I wanna be clear about what wemean when we say resilience here.
Resilience is really our abilityto face challenges, to adapt,
(02:40):
and to keep moving forward.
It doesn't mean that we never struggle.
It doesn't mean that wedon't get knocked down.
It means that when we do, when westruggle, when we get knocked down, we
can also find a way to get back up again.
So Henry likes to describeresilience as a reservoir, or like
(03:03):
a big water cooler inside of us.
I think this is really helpful.
And this reservoir cooler isfilled with this resilience
elixir that helps us bounce back.
It's there in us.
We need to keep it full enough.
And here's the thing about themetaphor that I think is also
really helpful to remember.
(03:24):
We are not given the same size container.
Um.
So there are three big factors we liketo bring to the front when we talk about
the size of our resilience container.
the first is genetics.
So some people are just lucky.
They inherit strong mental health,adaptability, emotional regulation skills.
(03:46):
If you are not in this camp,don't worry, I'm not either.
Um, there's more to thestory of our genetics.
We talk a lot about that here and we'll dosome more about that as well in our next
few, months, elements of joy coming up.
So stay tuned.
The second one that we like tofocus on as well when we're talking
about the size of this containerare early childhood experiences.
(04:09):
So if you grew up in a stable,supportive environment, you
likely have a bigger reservoir.
If you had a more chaotic, or chaotichome life or experienced trauma or lacked
nurturing, your container may be smaller.
The last one we like to addressis current stress levels.
(04:31):
So even the most naturallyresilient person with a huge
reservoir size of container
can be overwhelmed by too muchstress happening all at once.
You know, maybe work relationships,financial struggles, global crises,
whatever this kind of current high stressor chronic stress can really squeeze
(04:54):
our tanks so much that it can kind ofchange shape temporarily in many cases,
but it can make that tank smaller.
I wanna say more about this tank lateras well, because even if you were given
a smaller tank, it is not permanent.
It can grow.
We can grow our tank.
So, but looking at these three factors,genetics, childhood experiences
(05:17):
and current stress, it can helpexplain why we might crash at some
point, even if it seemed like upuntil that point we were steady.
Too much depletion of ourtank, whether over time or
overnight, can overwhelm anybody.
None of us are immune.
Here's the good news.
(05:37):
Resilience isn't just about the size ofthe container, it's about how we refill it
and protect it from leaking in the future.
So let's talk about how to do that.
I really like Dr. Ann Masten'swork here and how she describes
resilience as ordinary magic.
So her research has really foundthat resilience doesn't come
(05:58):
from rare super human qualities.
It comes from everyday factorsthat are already available to us.
That's our ordinary magic.
One of Masten's research projectscalled the Competence Longitudinal
Study followed kids for over 20years to understand what made some
(06:22):
of them thrive despite hardship and
what they found wasn't some likesecret sauce or extraordinary
trait, instead, again, resiliencefor these kids as they moved into
adulthood came from basic accessiblethings, things we can all cultivate.
So I wanna share these things.
(06:43):
These are the factors that she foundin these kids, but these, these
are not limited to whether or notwe experience them in childhood.
These extend beyond into adulthood.
So we're gonna, we're gonna embrace'em as factors that we can look at
right now and that we can build on.
So the first was caring relationships.
So looking at family, friends,connections, community support around us.
(07:09):
Second, emotional regulation, so theability to manage emotions rather
than being overwhelmed by them.
A skill we work on a lot here.
Self-efficacy, so believing that wecan handle what life throws at us.
Fourth one was a senseof meaning or purpose.
(07:29):
Whether through work orspirituality or personal values
stretches a lot of domains.
Fifth, having hope and optimismso that we can see a path
forward even in, in dark times.
Hope is one of our elements of joythat we'll be digging into next month.
(07:50):
Six was engaging in healthyroutines and rituals.
So I, I like this because it suggestsa very practical kind of stability
in daily practices and that we needto have a routine that nourishes us.
And the last one I wanna highlightis problem solving skills.
So the ability to think flexiblyand to adapt to challenges.
(08:16):
Again, these are really basic factorsthat we can all build throughout our
lives, even if they were not factorspresent in your home life growing up.
And these are not alwayseasy things to work on.
We have to do the work, we haveto take care of ourselves in these
basic ways to keep our resilience up.
So I noted at the beginning thatI don't have the genetic dice
(08:41):
roll in my favor for resilience.
And there are some key factorsin that shortlist that I just
named that I didn't grow up with.
And I feel really resilientin my life at this point.
So my tank was probably smaller early oncompared to someone who maybe had a better
roll of the dice and better supports.
(09:02):
So if you resonate here that you didn'tget the dice roll or supports, trust
that that is not the end of the story.
Know that your resilience hasnot been taken away from you.
It can get dried up.
Your tank might be a bit smaller earlyon, but nobody can take away this
natural state, this instinct, thisquality that you have to be resilient.
(09:27):
I think one of the most excitingmaybe findings from Masten's
research was the idea of somethingshe called late bloomers.
So these were people in thestudy who seemed to struggle
early on, but later, quite later,developed really strong resilience.
So it was a, a clear piece of evidencethat it is never, never too late to
(09:51):
strengthen our ability to adapt, torecover, to thrive, to be resilient.
We can.
work on these factorsthat we have control over.
We can't change our genetics.
We can't change what happened in ourchildhood, but we can make choices
today that build on our resilience.
And so I name those factors, additionally,we can work on these Elements of Joy.
(10:16):
Each and every one will helpboost, will help support your
resilience, will help fill that tank.
We can strengthen relationships.
Our connections, we can prioritizeour emotional wellbeing,
our resilience, our joy.
I think when the world seems upsidedown or messed up, or chaotic or unfair,
(10:37):
these are like the first line solutions.
Give attention to what will fillyou up so that you can be present
and engaged in more effective ways
when it's time.
And those things.
back to, you know, working onthose elements of joy strengthening
relationships, that effort offersus this kind of more deep inner
(11:00):
work that doesn't just fill ourtank, but it can expand our tank.
It can grow our tank.
So I noted at the beginning thatjust because whatever the dice
roll early supports were, whateverthe size of your tank early on
does not mean that it cannot grow.
So let's get back to that metaphor, right?
(11:22):
You are a vessel carryingwithin you this powerful, yet
ordinary magic of resilience.
It's not infinite, but it canbe replenished and you can even
grow that tank to hold more.
That's what we're gonna dothis month here at the podcast.
Lots of tools and strategies andin the program really laser focused
(11:45):
experiments to help you do that.
Put 'em together and it's likea powerful, one two punch.
So I wanna leave you with a passagefrom Mary Oliver's poem Evidence.
I think it speaks to thisordinary magic within us.
" As for the body, it is solid andstrong and curious, and full of detail.
(12:07):
It wants to polish itself.
It wants to love another body.
It is the only vessel in the world thatcan hold in a mix of power and sweetness.
Keep some room in yourheart for the unimaginable."
Thank you for listeningto the Joy Lab podcast.
If you enjoy today's show, visitJoyLab.coach to learn more
(12:30):
about the full Joy Lab program.
Be sure to rate and review us whereveryou listen to your favorite podcasts.
Please remember that thiscontent is for informational
and educational purposes only.
It is not intended to provide medicaladvice and is not a replacement for advice
and treatment from a medical professional.
Please consult your doctor orother qualified health professional
(12:53):
before beginning any diet change,supplement, or lifestyle program.
Please see our terms for more information.
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