August 12, 2025 • 21 mins
Setting Boundaries at Work: How to Lead with Clarity, Confidence, and Self-Respect | Joyfully Unstoppable Podcast
If you’ve ever found yourself saying yes when you wanted to say no—or overexplaining just to keep the peace—this episode is for you.
In today’s episode of Joyfully Unstoppable, we’re talking all about setting boundaries at work. You’ll learn how to set clear, confident boundaries without guilt, burnout, or the need to justify your every decision. We’ll explore the No JADE framework (don’t Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain), plus practical work boundaries examples you can start using right away.
Whether you’re navigating nonstop emails, last-minute meetings, or the pressure to always be available, this episode will help you reclaim your time, energy, and leadership voice.
✨ Topics covered:
— Why boundaries matter for sustainable leadership
— How to set boundaries at work without overexplaining
— Work boundaries examples that are kind and clear
— What really happens when you start honoring your limits
💡 You deserve to lead with joy, clarity, and confidence. Let’s make space for the leadership—and life—you actually want.
🎧 Listen now and don’t forget to subscribe for more tools to help you lead boldly, live lightly, and reclaim your joy.
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✨ Let’s stay connected
Want more support as you lead with clarity, confidence, and joy? Here’s how we can keep growing together:
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💼 Coaching for Women Leaders – Ready for personalized support? Explore 1:1 coaching
📚 Free Leadership Resources – Practical tools to help you lead (and live) well
🏡 Explore Women Lead Well – Learn more about Women Lead Well and everything we offer
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Welcome to Joyfully Unstoppable,the podcast for women who are
ready to lead boldly, livelightly, and reclaim their joy.
Whether you're leading a team, aclassroom, a boardroom, or your
own big, beautiful life, I am soglad you've found us.
I'm your host, Becky Hamleadership coach, speaker and
(00:27):
founder of Women Lead Well afteryears of high level leadership.
I discovered that success doesnot have to come at the cost of
your peace, your values, or yourwellbeing.
Each week, we'll explore what itmeans to lead with clarity,
confidence, and authenticity.
Even in a world that tells youto hustle harder, improve your
(00:49):
worth, you carry a lot.
Let's help it feel lighter.
Okay, my friend.
I know you smart.
I know you're capable.
I know you care deeply, but ifyou are like a lot of women
leaders, you have also felt thequiet resentment of constantly
(01:09):
being on.
You've stayed late again, you'vesaid yes when you wanted to say
no, or you've absorbed someoneelse's emergency as your own.
Does any of that sound familiar?
Yeah, yeah, I know.
So last week we talked aboutwhat it meant to be overwhelmed
and what you can do to overcomeoverwhelm, and I talked about
(01:32):
the value of boundaries andyeah, I was not shocked when I
heard from people that thatboundary part is scary.
And so that is what we're gonnatalk about today, setting
boundaries at work, because myfriends, please hear me when I
say this is not about beinginflexible.
It's not about being cold.
It is certainly not aboutbreaking relationships.
(01:56):
It's about leading from a placeof clarity, of confidence and
self respect, because this isthe truth.
Boundaries are not barriers toconnection.
They are the foundation ofhealthy relationships.
So today we're gonna explore whyboundaries matter for
(02:17):
sustainable leadership, how toset boundaries without over
explaining.
We're gonna talk about a jade.
We're boundary, we're gonna lookat some real life work
boundaries.
To give you an example of thesorts of things that, that you
could do and how these practicescan help you lead with more joy.
(02:37):
And more ease.
I wanna start though, by takinga step back and looking at the
cost of our blind spots toboundaries or our cost of this
resistance that many of us haveto boundaries.
And so let's be frank.
Women, especially women inleadership roles, are often
(02:59):
conditioned to be accommodating,available.
Agreeable.
We are praised for being teamplayers and problem solvers, and
we are criticized when we aretoo independent or when people
see us not sacrificing forsomeone else.
The reality is when that goesunchecked, you know what I'm
(03:20):
gonna say?
It can become chronicover-functioning.
Right, and that is unhealthy.
When you don't have healthyboundaries at work, you can find
yourself saying yes.
When your whole body isscreaming, no.
You can find yourself doingeverybody else's job, along with
(03:42):
your own, staying late to proveyour value.
Stretching yourself thin just tomaintain the peace, right?
The lack of boundariescontributes to that overwhelm we
talked about last week.
You can start to feel resentful,invisible, completely burned
out.
A lack of boundaries.
It leads to disconnection, andnot just disconnection from
(04:04):
other people, but disconnectionfrom yourself.
When you are not clear with yourlimits to yourself and to
others, your leadership becomesreactive.
It becomes strained, it becomesunsustainable, but when your
boundaries are clear.
Everything shifts.
You create space where you canthink deeply, you can lead
(04:28):
wisely, right?
We talked about you're puttingtoo much of yourself out.
This brings good boundaries,brings you back to yourself, to
your grounded, safe place.
This allows you to make betterdecisions.
You become a better leader.
You show up with your true,authentic presence.
(04:50):
You begin to model the kind ofleadership that is both strong
and self-honoring, and your teamand the people around you will
notice it and they'll respond toit well, so, yay.
That sounds great.
Becky.
How in the world do I possiblydo that?
Well, let's talk about it.
I want us to talk about how toset boundaries at work.
(05:11):
Without explaining yourself todeath, I mentioned a jade
boundary, so we'll get here in asecond.
One of the most common mistakesthat women can make when setting
boundaries is they feel the needto explain, to justify, to
defend the boundary, right?
This leads to what is calledjade behavior.
Jade is an acronym forjustifying, arguing, defending,
(05:36):
or explaining.
And we kind of do it by default,right?
And it feels polite in themoment, but it actually
undermines our clarity and ourauthority.
So know Jade, here's how you setboundaries at work with the No
(05:56):
Jade approach.
Step one.
Well, step one is alwaysregulate your nervous system.
So do that first.
Do your breathing.
Maybe step outside, do what youneed to do so you feel safe in
your body.
Okay, now you've done that Nextstep.
Know your limit.
Start by identifying what's notworking.
Pay attention to where you feeldrained.
(06:18):
Those energy vampires.
Right?
Where do you feel scattered orfrustrated that.
It feels yucky, but it is oftena signal that a boundary is
needed, that you haven't putsomething in place to protect
your energy and your peace.
So once you've named the issueand friend, like, look, you can
laundry list out all the thingsthat leave you frustrated and
(06:40):
burned out and scattered anddrained.
Great.
If you did the exercise fromlast week, you've already done a
bit of this, but you could alsojust pick one.
Just pick one place where youhave noticed in yourself.
Some resentment you've noticedin yourself, some frustration or
some, um, flurry in the brain.
You can't get present.
(07:01):
Okay?
Just pick, just pick the one,right?
We're just practicing.
We're starting out.
It's not perfection, it's justprogress.
Pick the one thing, name it, anddecide what your limit is.
If you're feeling frustrated, ifyou're feeling resentful, if
you're feeling overextended.
Okay, well, what would solvethat?
Where could you be back in yourpower, in your energy, feeling
(07:23):
good about yourself?
Next, once you've identified it,just state it.
Just say it clearly.
Use direct, respectful language.
Let me give you an example.
A clear boundary, a no Jadeboundary.
No justifying, no arguing.
No defending.
No explaining is not, oh, I'm sosorry.
(07:46):
You know I've got a lot going onright now, and I know this is
super important to you.
I really hate to say, no,friend.
No, you don't need any of that.
All you gotta say is, I'm notavailable after 5:00 PM I need
to leave work at four 30 to getmy kids every day.
Whatever it is, you just statethe fact.
Boom.
And that is the boundary.
(08:07):
That's the container.
No apologies, no over-explainingjust a clear, calm statement of
truth.
And in fact, the fewer words youuse, the more powerful the
message becomes.
Now, next up, I want you toresist the urge to Jade.
(08:30):
When it comes in, and it will,particularly in the beginning if
you're not used to, to settingboundaries and feeling confident
about it.
When you feel the urge tojustify, argue, defend, explain.
Just pause.
Just take that deep breath in,hold it, release it.
Remind yourself that your valuedoes not depend on how well you
(08:55):
justify your boundaries.
Your boundaries are what theyare, right?
You don't need to justify themfor to exist, right?
I don't need to explain.
I need to breathe in order toput oxygen in my lungs and live.
I just, I breathe right.
You are allowed to need rest,focus, time, clear.
(09:18):
Whatever it is that you need,that you're setting the boundary
for.
You do not need to justify thedecision.
You do not need to argue yourperspective.
You do not need to defend yourschedule or defend your need for
the boundary.
You do not need to explainyourself.
You just say what's true andhold there.
(09:41):
I don't want you to think thatyou set this boundary and you're
just abrupt and terse andcurtain.
No, I'm not available.
you can hold a boundary withwarmth, right?
You can say, I'm not availableafter five.
Thanks for understanding.
You're not explaining, you'rethinking, you're showing
gratitude.
Yay.
Builds relationship.
Lovely.
(10:01):
That goes a long way.
What I'm saying is don't confusebeing kind with being unclear.
Your clarity is not cruelty,it's leadership.
Right.
Right.
We talked about boundaries orthe instruction manuals for
healthy relationships.
You are leading in yourrelationship with the
(10:23):
individual.
You're setting the boundarywith.
that clarity is a gift.
The more you practice, the morenatural it becomes.
And I know it might feeluncomfortable at first, but it
does get more natural over time.
And here's the thing, this isthe joy of it.
Every time you honor your limit,every time you set a boundary
(10:47):
and then you hold that boundary,right, you don't set a boundary.
And then.
Lets people run all over it.
You set the boundary and theboundary is the boundary.
Every time you do that, youbuild trust with yourself.
Awesome, right?
Every time you do that, you aresignaling to yourself, to your
mind, to your body, to thatinner critic, right?
(11:07):
Who always likes to show up.
You are signaling to yourself.
I, I take care of myself.
I show up for myself.
I can rely on myself'cause I'mgonna do what I say I do.
I set the boundary, I hold theboundary.
Beautiful.
So here are some common examplesof boundaries and I'm giving'em
(11:31):
in a work context, but, but youcan translate this to personal
life as well.
Whatever you need, right?
Wherever you need boundaries inyour life.
And I'm giving you these as withthe no Jade principle in mind.
So they are short, they'reclear, they're still
compassionate, and we're gonnastart with time boundaries.
Instead of leaving youravailability open-ended.
(11:53):
So people just request your timeand you haven't told them when
you're actually available.
You could say, I don't takemeetings after 3:00 PM I'm
unavailable to stay late today.
I've already said the, like, Ican't have any meetings after
five o'clock.
Um, I have told my team in thepast.
It doesn't work for me to, toshow up and start having
(12:13):
meetings at eight 30 in themorning.
Don't schedule any meetingsbefore 10:00 AM unless it's
urgent.
Why is that?
Because my brain does its mostcreative work first thing in the
morning.
If I'm stuck in meetings, mybrain isn't, isn't doing what
it's best oriented to do.
During that time, I can sit andtalk and we can have that back
and forth after about 10:00 AMbut before 10:00 AM my brain
(12:35):
needs to dive deep.
And I did explain that to myteam because that was part of my
mentoring them.
Right?
So Jade has no explanations, butI will just caveat that to say
that as a leader, it's notterrible to explain your logic
to your team for things becauseyou're helping to mentor and
develop them.
Okay?
(12:56):
We've talked about timeboundaries.
Let's spend a minute on energyboundaries.
And so let's say you need toprotect your focus, avoid
unnecessary overload.
I had already mentioned like mydeep brain work is first thing
in the morning, and so I wouldprotect my calendar for that.
So you could say, I'm notavailable for a pop-in meeting.
(13:16):
My time is blocked on mycalendar, and so if it says I'm
blocked, then I'm not availablefor you to just stop by.
Or you could say, that's notsomething I can take on right
now.
Doesn't get any simpler thanthat, right?
If someone tries to shift workonto you, that doesn't align
with your role, you can say, I'mnot the right person for this.
(13:38):
Have you asked so and so?
Right?
Next up, let's talk aboutcommunication boundaries.
They are also critical.
These help set the expectationsaround how and when people
interact with you.
For example, you might say, andthis I think is always a great
one.
Let's put that into writing forclarity, or let's pull this out
(13:59):
of an email into an SOP or intothe staff routing so that it
doesn't get lost over time.
You can say, I'm logging offnow.
I'll respond in the morning.
These types of boundariesreinforce your professionalism
because but you're not justtaking care of yourself, you're
taking care of the broaderorganization, the mission, the
project, while preserving yourmental space.
(14:24):
The last type of boundary I wantus to talk about are emotional
boundaries.
These are critical forpsychological safety, and these
can be a little dicey, so.
If a conversation starts to veerinto an area that you don't
like, and I hear, I'm talkinglike gossip, passive aggression,
that kind of thing, you canalways say very clearly, uh, I
(14:45):
don't engage in gossip, or I'mnot comfortable with that tone.
Now I fully recognize that foryou to open your mouth and have
those actual words come out.
I don't engage in gossip.
I'm not comfortable with yourtone.
That can sound.
So blunt, right?
(15:06):
That can sound woohoo scary.
And I am being blunt herebecause I know you can always
just change the subject, right?
Somebody is gossiping.
You don't like gossip.
You can always just deflect byasking a question that takes the
conversation in a differentdirection, and that is very
polite, very gentile, very softway to handle a situation you
(15:28):
don't like.
But what it doesn't do is set aboundary, You're just hoping you
can like squirrel that person'sattention away from what you
don't wanna discuss theboundary.
By being blunt and clear, thatcommunicates with clarity
unmistakably, that you are notavailable for gossip.
(15:48):
You are not available forunprofessional behavior.
And I'm telling you that is apretty good boundary to have in
the workplace, And so just beingclear, again, not being mean,
not being judgmental, but justto say, yeah, I don't do that.
I don't, eh, I'm not interestedin gossip.
What about this other thing, Youset the boundary and then you
change the topic.
(16:10):
Now, a colleague brings anemotionally charged issue to
you.
Something where they're workedup or maybe they've triggered
you and so you're worked upabout it.
This comes up all the time.
If we're talking about staffingissues or resourcing or anything
where people feel, threatened ina way, you can always say
something like, let's pick thisback up.
When emotions aren't runningquite as high, you can say, you
(16:33):
know, I'm not available for thisconversation right now.
I need a minute to, to engage inthis constructively, Each of
these examples demonstrate, youdon't have to explain yourself,
you just have to state it asclearly and concisely as
possible, and you have to meanit.
(16:54):
You have to say it with thatcalm clarity.
And so it could be that beforeyou say some of those bigger
boundaries out loud.
you start with some smallerboundaries because here's what's
happens when you begin settingboundaries.
You get your energy back, youstop feeling resentful.
(17:16):
You're better able to focus.
You can be more creative.
You are more grounded.
You trust yourself more, And youactually get more respect, not
less, because people begin tounderstand what to expect from
you.
Your communication becomesclearer, your leadership is more
consistent, and your team startsto feel that ripple effect of
(17:40):
your stability.
And so all of that is soimportant.
And I want you to know thatsetting boundaries doesn't make
you less committed.
It makes you more sustainable,and that's what joyful,
sustainable leadership is allabout, right?
And so what I would say, if thethought of setting a boundary
(18:00):
still feels uncomfortable, I getit, man.
That is okay.
Start small.
Don't start with the, oh, Icould never imagine myself
saying that out loud.
Start with something smaller.
You don't have to overhaul yourentire schedule or say no to
everything starting tomorrow.
Just find one clear, confidentboundary that you can set this
(18:21):
week and then set it.
And then I want you to DM me andtell me how it went.
'cause it's gonna be good.
And this week I want you to payattention to where you feel most
drained.
Ask yourself.
What boundary could help me feelmore focused, more peaceful or
empowered?
(18:42):
Practicing that boundary outloud, no, Jade, no.
Justifying, arguing, defending,or explaining.
And here's a journal prompt thatI'm gonna give you to help guide
that reflection.
Ask yourself, write about wheredo I feel the most resentment at
work?
Just answer that in a paragraphor two, What boundary could I
(19:04):
try this week?
Again, this, we'reexperimenting, we're seeing what
works for us and what doesn'twork.
What boundary could I try thisweek to shift that dynamic and
then do it?
And if you're still nervous, ifit still doesn't feel like
anything, you could then reachout.
DM me, We can talk about it.
And, and I will, help you.
(19:26):
You deserve to lead withclarity.
You deserve to feel in controlof your time and energy.
You absolutely deserve to createa work life that honors your
values and wellbeing.
Boundaries are something thatyou can do.
You can, even if you feel likeyou can't, I promise you can,
(19:46):
and you can get to the placewhere that feels normal, where
it feels good, where you areconfident setting them.
I will help you if you feel likeyou can't.
Setting Boundaries at work is aleadership strategy and, and
this is the key.
It is a radical act ofself-trust.
It's one of the best gifts youcan give yourself and to the
people you lead.
(20:07):
That's why I'm so passionateabout it.
So if this episode spoke to you,I would love for you to share it
with a friend who's running onempty.
We need more women leading fromalignment, not adrenaline.
I want you to make sure you'resubscribed so you don't miss a
single episode, because nextweek I'm gonna develop this
theme of what it means to trustyourself as a leader, and you do
(20:30):
not wanna miss it.
You can also grab our freeresources, like the Mental Load
Reset, the Values Clarificationexercise@womenleadwell.net, and
LinkedIn, the show notes below.
Remember.
Joyful, sustainable andauthentic leadership is
possible.
You deserve to enjoy everyminute of it.
(20:52):
Until next time, I'm Becky Ham,and this is joyfully,
unstoppable.
Welcome to Joyfully Unstoppable,the podcast for women who are
ready to lead boldly, livelightly, and reclaim their joy.
Whether you're leading a team, aclassroom, a boardroom, or your
own big, beautiful life, I am soglad you've found us.
I'm your host, Becky Hamleadership coach, speaker and
(00:27):
founder of Women Lead Well afteryears of high level leadership.
I discovered that success doesnot have to come at the cost of
your peace, your values, or yourwellbeing.
Each week, we'll explore what itmeans to lead with clarity,
confidence, and authenticity.
Even in a world that tells youto hustle harder, improve your
(00:49):
worth, you carry a lot.
Let's help it feel lighter.
Okay, my friend.
I know you smart.
I know you're capable.
I know you care deeply, but ifyou are like a lot of women
leaders, you have also felt thequiet resentment of constantly
(01:09):
being on.
You've stayed late again, you'vesaid yes when you wanted to say
no, or you've absorbed someoneelse's emergency as your own.
Does any of that sound familiar?
Yeah, yeah, I know.
So last week we talked aboutwhat it meant to be overwhelmed
and what you can do to overcomeoverwhelm, and I talked about
(01:32):
the value of boundaries andyeah, I was not shocked when I
heard from people that thatboundary part is scary.
And so that is what we're gonnatalk about today, setting
boundaries at work, because myfriends, please hear me when I
say this is not about beinginflexible.
It's not about being cold.
It is certainly not aboutbreaking relationships.
(01:56):
It's about leading from a placeof clarity, of confidence and
self respect, because this isthe truth.
Boundaries are not barriers toconnection.
They are the foundation ofhealthy relationships.
So today we're gonna explore whyboundaries matter for
(02:17):
sustainable leadership, how toset boundaries without over
explaining.
We're gonna talk about a jade.
We're boundary, we're gonna lookat some real life work
boundaries.
To give you an example of thesorts of things that, that you
could do and how these practicescan help you lead with more joy.
(02:37):
And more ease.
I wanna start though, by takinga step back and looking at the
cost of our blind spots toboundaries or our cost of this
resistance that many of us haveto boundaries.
And so let's be frank.
Women, especially women inleadership roles, are often
(02:59):
conditioned to be accommodating,available.
Agreeable.
We are praised for being teamplayers and problem solvers, and
we are criticized when we aretoo independent or when people
see us not sacrificing forsomeone else.
The reality is when that goesunchecked, you know what I'm
(03:20):
gonna say?
It can become chronicover-functioning.
Right, and that is unhealthy.
When you don't have healthyboundaries at work, you can find
yourself saying yes.
When your whole body isscreaming, no.
You can find yourself doingeverybody else's job, along with
(03:42):
your own, staying late to proveyour value.
Stretching yourself thin just tomaintain the peace, right?
The lack of boundariescontributes to that overwhelm we
talked about last week.
You can start to feel resentful,invisible, completely burned
out.
A lack of boundaries.
It leads to disconnection, andnot just disconnection from
(04:04):
other people, but disconnectionfrom yourself.
When you are not clear with yourlimits to yourself and to
others, your leadership becomesreactive.
It becomes strained, it becomesunsustainable, but when your
boundaries are clear.
Everything shifts.
You create space where you canthink deeply, you can lead
(04:28):
wisely, right?
We talked about you're puttingtoo much of yourself out.
This brings good boundaries,brings you back to yourself, to
your grounded, safe place.
This allows you to make betterdecisions.
You become a better leader.
You show up with your true,authentic presence.
(04:50):
You begin to model the kind ofleadership that is both strong
and self-honoring, and your teamand the people around you will
notice it and they'll respond toit well, so, yay.
That sounds great.
Becky.
How in the world do I possiblydo that?
Well, let's talk about it.
I want us to talk about how toset boundaries at work.
(05:11):
Without explaining yourself todeath, I mentioned a jade
boundary, so we'll get here in asecond.
One of the most common mistakesthat women can make when setting
boundaries is they feel the needto explain, to justify, to
defend the boundary, right?
This leads to what is calledjade behavior.
Jade is an acronym forjustifying, arguing, defending,
(05:36):
or explaining.
And we kind of do it by default,right?
And it feels polite in themoment, but it actually
undermines our clarity and ourauthority.
So know Jade, here's how you setboundaries at work with the No
(05:56):
Jade approach.
Step one.
Well, step one is alwaysregulate your nervous system.
So do that first.
Do your breathing.
Maybe step outside, do what youneed to do so you feel safe in
your body.
Okay, now you've done that Nextstep.
Know your limit.
Start by identifying what's notworking.
Pay attention to where you feeldrained.
(06:18):
Those energy vampires.
Right?
Where do you feel scattered orfrustrated that.
It feels yucky, but it is oftena signal that a boundary is
needed, that you haven't putsomething in place to protect
your energy and your peace.
So once you've named the issueand friend, like, look, you can
laundry list out all the thingsthat leave you frustrated and
(06:40):
burned out and scattered anddrained.
Great.
If you did the exercise fromlast week, you've already done a
bit of this, but you could alsojust pick one.
Just pick one place where youhave noticed in yourself.
Some resentment you've noticedin yourself, some frustration or
some, um, flurry in the brain.
You can't get present.
(07:01):
Okay?
Just pick, just pick the one,right?
We're just practicing.
We're starting out.
It's not perfection, it's justprogress.
Pick the one thing, name it, anddecide what your limit is.
If you're feeling frustrated, ifyou're feeling resentful, if
you're feeling overextended.
Okay, well, what would solvethat?
Where could you be back in yourpower, in your energy, feeling
(07:23):
good about yourself?
Next, once you've identified it,just state it.
Just say it clearly.
Use direct, respectful language.
Let me give you an example.
A clear boundary, a no Jadeboundary.
No justifying, no arguing.
No defending.
No explaining is not, oh, I'm sosorry.
(07:46):
You know I've got a lot going onright now, and I know this is
super important to you.
I really hate to say, no,friend.
No, you don't need any of that.
All you gotta say is, I'm notavailable after 5:00 PM I need
to leave work at four 30 to getmy kids every day.
Whatever it is, you just statethe fact.
Boom.
And that is the boundary.
(08:07):
That's the container.
No apologies, no over-explainingjust a clear, calm statement of
truth.
And in fact, the fewer words youuse, the more powerful the
message becomes.
Now, next up, I want you toresist the urge to Jade.
(08:30):
When it comes in, and it will,particularly in the beginning if
you're not used to, to settingboundaries and feeling confident
about it.
When you feel the urge tojustify, argue, defend, explain.
Just pause.
Just take that deep breath in,hold it, release it.
Remind yourself that your valuedoes not depend on how well you
(08:55):
justify your boundaries.
Your boundaries are what theyare, right?
You don't need to justify themfor to exist, right?
I don't need to explain.
I need to breathe in order toput oxygen in my lungs and live.
I just, I breathe right.
You are allowed to need rest,focus, time, clear.
(09:18):
Whatever it is that you need,that you're setting the boundary
for.
You do not need to justify thedecision.
You do not need to argue yourperspective.
You do not need to defend yourschedule or defend your need for
the boundary.
You do not need to explainyourself.
You just say what's true andhold there.
(09:41):
I don't want you to think thatyou set this boundary and you're
just abrupt and terse andcurtain.
No, I'm not available.
you can hold a boundary withwarmth, right?
You can say, I'm not availableafter five.
Thanks for understanding.
You're not explaining, you'rethinking, you're showing
gratitude.
Yay.
Builds relationship.
Lovely.
(10:01):
That goes a long way.
What I'm saying is don't confusebeing kind with being unclear.
Your clarity is not cruelty,it's leadership.
Right.
Right.
We talked about boundaries orthe instruction manuals for
healthy relationships.
You are leading in yourrelationship with the
(10:23):
individual.
You're setting the boundarywith.
that clarity is a gift.
The more you practice, the morenatural it becomes.
And I know it might feeluncomfortable at first, but it
does get more natural over time.
And here's the thing, this isthe joy of it.
Every time you honor your limit,every time you set a boundary
(10:47):
and then you hold that boundary,right, you don't set a boundary.
And then.
Lets people run all over it.
You set the boundary and theboundary is the boundary.
Every time you do that, youbuild trust with yourself.
Awesome, right?
Every time you do that, you aresignaling to yourself, to your
mind, to your body, to thatinner critic, right?
(11:07):
Who always likes to show up.
You are signaling to yourself.
I, I take care of myself.
I show up for myself.
I can rely on myself'cause I'mgonna do what I say I do.
I set the boundary, I hold theboundary.
Beautiful.
So here are some common examplesof boundaries and I'm giving'em
(11:31):
in a work context, but, but youcan translate this to personal
life as well.
Whatever you need, right?
Wherever you need boundaries inyour life.
And I'm giving you these as withthe no Jade principle in mind.
So they are short, they'reclear, they're still
compassionate, and we're gonnastart with time boundaries.
Instead of leaving youravailability open-ended.
(11:53):
So people just request your timeand you haven't told them when
you're actually available.
You could say, I don't takemeetings after 3:00 PM I'm
unavailable to stay late today.
I've already said the, like, Ican't have any meetings after
five o'clock.
Um, I have told my team in thepast.
It doesn't work for me to, toshow up and start having
(12:13):
meetings at eight 30 in themorning.
Don't schedule any meetingsbefore 10:00 AM unless it's
urgent.
Why is that?
Because my brain does its mostcreative work first thing in the
morning.
If I'm stuck in meetings, mybrain isn't, isn't doing what
it's best oriented to do.
During that time, I can sit andtalk and we can have that back
and forth after about 10:00 AMbut before 10:00 AM my brain
(12:35):
needs to dive deep.
And I did explain that to myteam because that was part of my
mentoring them.
Right?
So Jade has no explanations, butI will just caveat that to say
that as a leader, it's notterrible to explain your logic
to your team for things becauseyou're helping to mentor and
develop them.
Okay?
(12:56):
We've talked about timeboundaries.
Let's spend a minute on energyboundaries.
And so let's say you need toprotect your focus, avoid
unnecessary overload.
I had already mentioned like mydeep brain work is first thing
in the morning, and so I wouldprotect my calendar for that.
So you could say, I'm notavailable for a pop-in meeting.
(13:16):
My time is blocked on mycalendar, and so if it says I'm
blocked, then I'm not availablefor you to just stop by.
Or you could say, that's notsomething I can take on right
now.
Doesn't get any simpler thanthat, right?
If someone tries to shift workonto you, that doesn't align
with your role, you can say, I'mnot the right person for this.
(13:38):
Have you asked so and so?
Right?
Next up, let's talk aboutcommunication boundaries.
They are also critical.
These help set the expectationsaround how and when people
interact with you.
For example, you might say, andthis I think is always a great
one.
Let's put that into writing forclarity, or let's pull this out
(13:59):
of an email into an SOP or intothe staff routing so that it
doesn't get lost over time.
You can say, I'm logging offnow.
I'll respond in the morning.
These types of boundariesreinforce your professionalism
because but you're not justtaking care of yourself, you're
taking care of the broaderorganization, the mission, the
project, while preserving yourmental space.
(14:24):
The last type of boundary I wantus to talk about are emotional
boundaries.
These are critical forpsychological safety, and these
can be a little dicey, so.
If a conversation starts to veerinto an area that you don't
like, and I hear, I'm talkinglike gossip, passive aggression,
that kind of thing, you canalways say very clearly, uh, I
(14:45):
don't engage in gossip, or I'mnot comfortable with that tone.
Now I fully recognize that foryou to open your mouth and have
those actual words come out.
I don't engage in gossip.
I'm not comfortable with yourtone.
That can sound.
So blunt, right?
(15:06):
That can sound woohoo scary.
And I am being blunt herebecause I know you can always
just change the subject, right?
Somebody is gossiping.
You don't like gossip.
You can always just deflect byasking a question that takes the
conversation in a differentdirection, and that is very
polite, very gentile, very softway to handle a situation you
(15:28):
don't like.
But what it doesn't do is set aboundary, You're just hoping you
can like squirrel that person'sattention away from what you
don't wanna discuss theboundary.
By being blunt and clear, thatcommunicates with clarity
unmistakably, that you are notavailable for gossip.
(15:48):
You are not available forunprofessional behavior.
And I'm telling you that is apretty good boundary to have in
the workplace, And so just beingclear, again, not being mean,
not being judgmental, but justto say, yeah, I don't do that.
I don't, eh, I'm not interestedin gossip.
What about this other thing, Youset the boundary and then you
change the topic.
(16:10):
Now, a colleague brings anemotionally charged issue to
you.
Something where they're workedup or maybe they've triggered
you and so you're worked upabout it.
This comes up all the time.
If we're talking about staffingissues or resourcing or anything
where people feel, threatened ina way, you can always say
something like, let's pick thisback up.
When emotions aren't runningquite as high, you can say, you
(16:33):
know, I'm not available for thisconversation right now.
I need a minute to, to engage inthis constructively, Each of
these examples demonstrate, youdon't have to explain yourself,
you just have to state it asclearly and concisely as
possible, and you have to meanit.
(16:54):
You have to say it with thatcalm clarity.
And so it could be that beforeyou say some of those bigger
boundaries out loud.
you start with some smallerboundaries because here's what's
happens when you begin settingboundaries.
You get your energy back, youstop feeling resentful.
(17:16):
You're better able to focus.
You can be more creative.
You are more grounded.
You trust yourself more, And youactually get more respect, not
less, because people begin tounderstand what to expect from
you.
Your communication becomesclearer, your leadership is more
consistent, and your team startsto feel that ripple effect of
(17:40):
your stability.
And so all of that is soimportant.
And I want you to know thatsetting boundaries doesn't make
you less committed.
It makes you more sustainable,and that's what joyful,
sustainable leadership is allabout, right?
And so what I would say, if thethought of setting a boundary
(18:00):
still feels uncomfortable, I getit, man.
That is okay.
Start small.
Don't start with the, oh, Icould never imagine myself
saying that out loud.
Start with something smaller.
You don't have to overhaul yourentire schedule or say no to
everything starting tomorrow.
Just find one clear, confidentboundary that you can set this
(18:21):
week and then set it.
And then I want you to DM me andtell me how it went.
'cause it's gonna be good.
And this week I want you to payattention to where you feel most
drained.
Ask yourself.
What boundary could help me feelmore focused, more peaceful or
empowered?
(18:42):
Practicing that boundary outloud, no, Jade, no.
Justifying, arguing, defending,or explaining.
And here's a journal prompt thatI'm gonna give you to help guide
that reflection.
Ask yourself, write about wheredo I feel the most resentment at
work?
Just answer that in a paragraphor two, What boundary could I
(19:04):
try this week?
Again, this, we'reexperimenting, we're seeing what
works for us and what doesn'twork.
What boundary could I try thisweek to shift that dynamic and
then do it?
And if you're still nervous, ifit still doesn't feel like
anything, you could then reachout.
DM me, We can talk about it.
And, and I will, help you.
(19:26):
You deserve to lead withclarity.
You deserve to feel in controlof your time and energy.
You absolutely deserve to createa work life that honors your
values and wellbeing.
Boundaries are something thatyou can do.
You can, even if you feel likeyou can't, I promise you can,
(19:46):
and you can get to the placewhere that feels normal, where
it feels good, where you areconfident setting them.
I will help you if you feel likeyou can't.
Setting Boundaries at work is aleadership strategy and, and
this is the key.
It is a radical act ofself-trust.
It's one of the best gifts youcan give yourself and to the
people you lead.
(20:07):
That's why I'm so passionateabout it.
So if this episode spoke to you,I would love for you to share it
with a friend who's running onempty.
We need more women leading fromalignment, not adrenaline.
I want you to make sure you'resubscribed so you don't miss a
single episode, because nextweek I'm gonna develop this
theme of what it means to trustyourself as a leader, and you do
(20:30):
not wanna miss it.
You can also grab our freeresources, like the Mental Load
Reset, the Values Clarificationexercise@womenleadwell.net, and
LinkedIn, the show notes below.
Remember.
Joyful, sustainable andauthentic leadership is
possible.
You deserve to enjoy everyminute of it.
(20:52):
Until next time, I'm Becky Ham,and this is joyfully,
unstoppable.
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