April 1, 2025 • 39 mins
This podcast episode delves into the complex interplay between social media usage and personal wellness in contemporary society. I engage in a profound discussion with Tracy Whitmore, exploring the pervasive phenomenon of social media fatigue that many individuals experience in today's fast-paced digital environment. We examine the various motivations behind our engagement with these platforms, acknowledging that while they can serve as sources of information and connection, they often lead to overwhelming feelings and mental exhaustion. Moreover, we consider practical strategies for self-care in relation to social media, underscoring the importance of intentional usage and self-reflection. Ultimately, this conversation seeks to empower listeners by fostering a greater awareness of their social media habits and promoting a healthier relationship with technology.
The dialogue between Heather and Tracy provides a comprehensive examination of the intersection of social media and personal wellness, particularly during a time marked by societal upheaval. Heather initiates the discussion by reflecting on the ubiquitous nature of social media as a source of information and connection. Tracy, in her response, highlights the psychological implications of social media usage, noting that these platforms are deliberately designed to capture and retain user attention, often leading to detrimental effects on mental health, such as feelings of anxiety and social media fatigue. The speakers share personal anecdotes, with Tracy recounting her withdrawal from TikTok as a means to recalibrate her relationship with social media, a sentiment echoed by Heather, who expresses the need to manage her digital consumption more judiciously.
The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-care strategies in the context of social media engagement. Tracy advocates for intentional practices, such as monitoring one’s time spent on these platforms and actively curating the content consumed to foster a healthier online environment. The speakers discuss the potential harm caused by negative interactions and misleading information, underscoring the necessity of establishing boundaries to safeguard emotional well-being. They suggest that individuals regularly check in with their feelings before engaging with social media, thereby encouraging a more mindful approach to digital interactions.
In essence, this episode articulates a vital message about reclaiming agency in the realm of social media. By cultivating a mindful and intentional relationship with these platforms, individuals can navigate the digital landscape in a way that promotes their mental health while still enjoying the benefits of connectivity and community that social media offers. This conversation serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of self-awareness in the modern age of information.
Takeaways:
- The conversation delves into the intricate relationship between social media usage and personal wellness, emphasizing the need for mindful engagement.
- Both speakers highlight the phenomenon of social media fatigue and the importance of self-care in navigating online platforms.
- Practical strategies are suggested for managing social media presence, including setting time limits and being intentional about content consumption.
- A significant focus is placed on the necessity of checking in with one's emotional and mental state before engaging with social media.
- The speakers discuss the impact of algorithms on user experience, urging listeners to be conscious of their online interactions and preferences.
- The episode culminates in a call for compassion towards oneself and others, recognizing the interconnectedness of mental and emotional well-being.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(01:13):
Welcome back, everyone.
I'm so delighted you are heretoday to listen in on this conversation
with Tracy Whitmore and myself.
We are going to be talkingabout a lot of things around social
media and wellness and justtaking good care of yourself in the
(01:35):
wild and crazy times that weare currently in.
So I really.
Before we started recording,Tracy and I were talking about social
media, which of course, youknow, we could talk about for hours,
I think.
And I really wanted to kind ofdive in right away on the thought
of the use of social media.
(01:58):
We all use it for variousreasons, and I think many people
get a decent percentage oftheir information, their news, from
some type of social media.
And I think over the past sixmonths, there's been certainly a
certain amount of social mediafatigue, perhaps.
(02:24):
I think there are probably alot of different words we could use
to describe what it is, youknow, the feeling that we have.
I know I personally got to thepoint where I had to completely pull
myself off.
And for me specifically, itwas TikTok.
Everybody has their, you know,their own.
(02:46):
Some people's Instagram, somepeople, it's Twitter or X or whatever
you want to call it now.
And.
But it's the, you know,whatever one that you're just scrolling
on, right?
And you just can't stop andit's like getting you to the point
where you just cannot even see straight.
I had to pull myself off andlike really recalibrate and learn
(03:08):
how to dose, and that's what Ikeep calling it.
But I'm wondering if youcould, if there's a better word for
that, and if you could sharesome thoughts on how we can take
care of ourselves aroundsocial media right now.
Yeah.
Thanks, Heather.
And hi everyone.
(03:31):
I want to say, before I answeryour question, I want to say that
I'm not necessarily the bestat what I'm about to share either,
all of the time, just to betransparent, because these platforms
are designed to draw us in andto keep us on there and to keep us
(03:52):
scrolling and to keep ussearching for more and more, you
know, that's what they'redesigned for.
So anyone who's feeling likethey're falling into the trap of
the.
The doom.
Scrolling like you said, or.
Or just, you know, even ifit's not.
Even if it's looking at allthe cute fluffy cats or dogs or whatever
(04:14):
as well, that's what it'sdesigned for.
So, you know, people oftentalk to me about, like, I don't have
the willpower to get off or Idon't have the willpower to.
And it's not about your willpower.
This is intentional to keep uson there and doing exactly what we're
doing.
So know that you're, you'reresponding to, you know that in that
(04:38):
way.
It's, it's not, not sayingyou've got no control, but it's not
really your fault.
And so we do have to be reallyintentional to, to implement things
to help us get off at.
After a certain period of timeor completely remove yourself.
Like, congratulations,removing yourself.
(04:58):
I think that's really, I thinkit's smart and healthy and if I wasn't
running an online businessthat I use these platforms for, to
reach people so that they knowthat I exist and that my services
exist, then I wouldn't be a, Iwouldn't be on there either.
I don't think, or I like tothink that I would be able to drag
(05:21):
myself off there right.
As well.
You know, for me, my mainplatforms are Facebook and Instagram.
I do a bit of threads and youknow, like, I'd love to be not on
there and not supporting thoseplatforms, but for the moment that's
where I am.
And my, my other thoughtsaround it are that if people like
(05:44):
me that are, that are postinghonest, true, factual information
as well as, you know,information that helps you take care
of yourself, if, if all of usremove ourselves from there, then
it's going to be even worse.
So.
Yeah, so I just wanted to bekind of clear about that before I
(06:08):
start talking about like, howdo we support ourselves and care
for ourselves with all of the,there's, there's the disinformation
and the misinformation out there.
There's the, the accurateinformation that is.
Is really hard to see a lot as well.
(06:30):
And there's obviously trollsand, and people that are purposefully
jumping on there to upsetpeople and, and to create conflict
and, and all of that.
So there's know all of those,those elements I think that we need
to manage, which is tough whenthe platforms are designed to just
have us mindless andmindlessly scrolling.
(06:53):
So the, the trolls I think isan, an easy one to address right
away.
And, and the, the best adviceI can give, though I don't always
listen to this advice myself,is to stay out of the comments.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes like I jump in thecomments to get more information
sometimes and I jump into thatbecause I know there's some great
(07:16):
comments in there too.
And I want to hear, I want to hear.
And I want to see that thereare lots of people you know, supporting
my opinion or my experience ormy feelings.
So that can be kind of thetrap is where, you know, I want extra
information, I want to knowmore about this and I know other
(07:36):
people will share more information.
So you get in the comments andthen you're stuck with the problematic
comments trolls and theconflict inciting comments and the
nastiness.
Right.
So just staying out of thecomments, I know, much easier said
than done would be my clearestadvice around that.
(08:01):
And I know that it's not blackand white, so maybe it's about checking
in with yourself and how areyou doing today?
How are you feeling in this moment?
If you're feeling particularlyvulnerable, then I would suggest
stay right off social media ifyou can.
(08:21):
But if you can't or if youdon't want to, then make sure that's
a time that you really arestrict with yourself to stay out
of it.
Comments.
I'm already feeling vulnerable.
Going into the comments has arisk of making me feel worse.
Yeah, yeah.
So doing a bit of a check inwith yourself, like, how are you
(08:43):
feeling in your body?
You know, how are theshoulders feeling?
Because I know for me, likeI'm, I'm sometimes picking up my
phone and, and scrollingbecause I'm feeling stressed, intense,
because I want the mind number.
(09:53):
I want to be just, I just wantto tap out for a little while.
So when we do that and thenwe've just got more of the same either
the problematic stuff, youknow, where it's, it's misinformation,
disinformation, you know, thatkind of side of things.
All the information that weactually do want to know more about
(10:13):
and that is in alignment with us.
But it's hard, it's painful,it's hurtful, it's right.
And we want it, we want tostay up to date, you know, we're
not doing anything for our bodies.
No, that kind of sense.
So one thing that I dorecommend for people is literally
setting an alarm on your phonebefore you scroll.
(10:35):
And again, I don't always dothat myself.
I, you know, look at the timeand go, oh my goodness, that's half
an hour, that's an hour gone.
What have I done?
Yeah, beating yourself up inresponse to that, really unhelpful.
Again, remind yourself thisplatform was designed to do this
(10:55):
to me.
And it got me at a, at aweaker moment or at a vulnerable
moment or what I say to peopleis set an alarm for 10 minutes or
15 minutes.
What feels okay for you to beon there?
Say you make A decision likehalf an hour is okay for me to just
mindlessly scroll, then set analarm for 15 minutes.
(11:21):
Because then what the alarmdoes is.
And then when the alarm goesoff, press repeat, no matter what.
Now, this is the opposite tothe advice I give for people who
press snooze all the timegetting out of bed.
But.
But press repeat no matterwhat you think you're going to do.
(11:42):
Because from my experience andfrom the experience of lots of people
that I work with and supportaround this is that you think, oh,
okay, I'll just finish readingthis one post that I'm looking at
right now and then I'll get off.
So you just turn the alarm offand half an hour goes by and you're
like, oops.
(12:04):
So press repeat that.
And take a moment to pause,like, how am I feeling?
How am I feeling on here right now?
Is it helpful or is it not helpful?
Do I want to spend more of mytime on here or is there something
(12:26):
else that I'd rather spend mytime doing?
And it's okay if your answeris, I want to keep going for whatever
reason, that's okay.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
But make sure that alarm'sthere so that you've got another
check in in 15 minutes.
It interrupts.
(12:46):
That mindless scroll meansthat you're getting a reminder as
such to, to check in with yourbody, to check in with how you're
feeling, to check in with your time.
Like, what were you intendingon doing with your time?
And then the other thing islike, understanding how the algorithms
(13:08):
work.
And you don't need to be superscientific or have a really good
understanding of how it works,but know that whatever you engage
in is what you're going to getmore of.
The platforms are designed to,to read your interests through your
(13:34):
behavior on that platform, right?
So if you like seeing posts ofcute little kittens and you're looking,
you're searching for cutelittle kittens, or when one pops
up on your feed, you spendmore time on it.
You, you keep letting it replay.
(13:54):
That is telling the platformthat you like seeing cute little
kittens.
If you like the post, if youcomment, if you save it, all of those
things are messages to theplatform, to the algorithms to say,
this is what I want to seemore of.
So then you will get more cutelittle kitten posts and then they'll
(14:18):
test the waters and say,think, well, you know, they like
cute little kittens.
I wonder if they like cute puppies.
I wonder if they like cute hedgehogs.
I wonder if they like cutebabies so they'll, you know, test
the waters and see how youengage with that.
And then if you do engage withit, so liking commenting, saving,
(14:39):
sharing, spending more time onthose, Those posts, then that's what
you'll get more of.
So.
And your searches as well.
So if you're feeling like yoursocial media is a bit doom and gloom
at the moment because you'vebeen wanting to stay up to date with
the information, so you'respending a lot of time reading and
listening to videos andwriting comments and doing all of
(15:02):
that, you might feel like it'sgoing a little bit out of balance.
You used to get lots of cutecats, cute dogs or whatever, and
now you're getting none ofthat and just all of this update
of information that is hard tosee all the time.
Then jump on your searches andsearch for what you want, for joy,
for.
For, like, you know, the warmand fuzzies so that you get more
(15:26):
of that in your newsfeed.
You need to spend a bit oftime on it, you know, put in the
searches.
I don't know why I'm sayingcute cats, because that's not necessarily
what I look for, but it seems popular.
It does.
Yes.
They are.
Like, you know, you want tosay something that's.
That's just warm and fuzzy.
(15:48):
Right.
Just allows you that mindless outlet.
Then be intentional around that.
When you get those videos up,spend, rewatch them, like them, comment
on them.
If you're wanting that moreaccurate information, choose the
(16:08):
people that you're followingand spend more time on their platforms.
Do the same thing.
If you want to support, youknow, whether they're influencers,
whether they're businesses,whether they're individuals that
aren't, you know, consideredinfluencers yet, but they've got
information that you want tosee more of, then support them by
(16:33):
watching their stuff,searching for them, liking their,
their posts, commenting,sharing, you know, saving, all of
that kind of thing.
Then the algorithms will giveyou more of their content as well
as content that's similar, andthat will eventually push out some
(16:54):
of the really problematicstuff that you don't want to see.
Yeah, I think that beingintentional is a big piece of it
and realizing that you do havemore control over it than you may
realize that you do.
Yeah.
And when you do take back someof that control, I think that in
and of itself can also be empowering.
(17:19):
So you're not sitting therethinking, why is all of this stuff
coming at me?
And I like, you know, two ofthe things that you said too, that
I just want to kind ofreiterate the one being.
Checking in with your body.
(18:40):
Checking in with your.
Just where you are mentallyand emotionally.
And emotionally.
And can you.
Are you in a place where you can.
I'll give an example.
The other day I have a bunchof podcasts that I listen to, but
there's one that had dropped anew episode and they were interviewing
(19:02):
a person that I don't care for.
And I knew this person is verycontroversial, is very triggering
and on maybe another day wouldbe a great, like just kind of challenging
of thinking or like offering adifferent perspective.
(19:22):
But I knew in that moment Iwasn't in the right place for it.
And so I knew that if Ilistened to it, it would just.
I could feel it in my entire body.
I was like, nope, we're notdoing this today.
And that is kind of the lovelything about podcast because of course
you can go back and find knowthose episodes which is a little
(19:43):
different than, you know,social media.
But I think it is similar inthat you can just really pay attention
to like, you know, am I in theright place to see, you know, five
videos?
Like what if five come in arow of things that are just going
(20:03):
to hit me hard or be reallyfrustrating or be upsetting to see
or you know, it's too much reality.
And so really honoring that.
The other thing that came upfor me that I've really been working
on not doing is looking at myphone before I go to bed, being on
(20:28):
social media at all beforebed, because nothing, for you know,
at least me personally, givesme a worse night's sleep than doom
scrolling for an hour and thentrying to sleep after that.
So that is just one self carething that I've done that I offer
(20:49):
as an option too.
Yeah.
And I would add to that.
Not first thing in the morning too.
Yes.
Because that kind of sets themood, sets the scene for you for
the day.
And I used to be absolutelyshocking at that.
And you know, you hear all ofthe, the different people that you
(21:09):
know, give out all this advicearound sleep or quality of your day
and they all say it but youknow, do we pay attention?
And I would, I used it as awake up tool to be honest.
So like when, because youknow, the blue light on your phone
wakes you up.
So that's why we shouldn't beon it before bed.
But I used it for the, theopposite, like it helped me wake
(21:31):
up properly.
That was what I was tellingmyself and it was true to an extent.
But it was also setting my day up.
Yeah.
To be not helpful no matterwhat I was looking at.
Because I'm just sitting therescrolling and an hour could pass
in the morning.
And I work for myself, so Idon't necessarily, like, I don't
(21:51):
have to be at work at acertain time in the day.
I have to be there forclients, obviously.
But aside from that, I can bea little bit flexible with my time,
which is great in a lot ofways and then problematic in other
ways.
Right.
And so I could just, you know,if I didn't have a client first thing
in the morning, I could findmyself scrolling and then my day
(22:13):
would be less productive.
Like, I really noticed thedifference once I change that habit,
that my day is so much more productive.
Regardless of what I want tobe doing, whether it's work or whether
it's play, my relaxation timeis more effective.
Mm.
Because I.
I kind of did it for a little while.
(22:33):
It's a weekend.
I can do it on a weekend.
No, because my relaxation timewas not then I was just kind of in
this vortex of.
Right.
Well, because then you're spinning.
Right.
You're.
You.
You may.
And it's not intentional.
No, it is not.
I think the other thing is tobe noting is what platforms, and
(22:58):
I don't want to be here to saywhich ones are better or which ones
are worse.
I think they can all beproblematic in some ways and all
helpful in some ways.
LinkedIn, I feel, is the lessdangerous for the doom scrolling
and more informative.
That's my experience.
(23:20):
Facebook, I think myexperience, and I hear a lot of people
complaining about it thesedays, is that this in order to see
that your friends, the peoplewho you are on Facebook to see, like
you scroll through a wholeheap of ads and promoted posts, like
all of that kind of stuff first.
So being aware of what you'regoing to the platform for and is
(23:45):
it actually serving that purpose?
Right.
Does it give you what you'relooking for?
Yeah.
And you might be looking fordifferent things at different times.
So it might be a differentplatform for that.
You know, so part of thatintention is what do I want right.
This time that I'm jumping onsocial media?
(24:06):
I think, you know, outrightjust going, social media is bad.
That's not helpful.
We do get some benefit from it.
Right.
I think it is helpful if weuse it intentionally.
Right.
Certainly can be.
Well, I think, yes.
When you assign something goodand bad, it's relative and it's not
(24:30):
helpful for you as a human being.
So Being able to, I think,again, circling back to the what
works for me in this moment?
What do I need right now?
What am I looking for out of this?
And I will say, say that's.
I love the way that you saidthat because I think many of us maybe
(24:52):
already do that.
If I want to.
There are a few specificcreators that I love to see on Instagram.
That's where I see them.
I go there if I want to seetheir posts.
Right.
And I'll scroll through alittle bit.
If they don't pop up, then I'mdone, I'm off.
You know, same thing withTikTok now.
I'm very judicious about it.
(25:12):
And.
And when I do see them, like,to your point, I like, I save, I
share.
Right.
So I am getting that.
And then I jump over tosubstack because I like reading.
Like, that's my thing.
And I like Blue sky becauseit's not X and I won't go there anymore.
And.
But that's my own personal thing.
(25:33):
Like, I'm not going to tellsomebody else not to do it.
I don't go there because Idon't like it.
I don't like what's there.
Yes, I steer away.
I've steered away from that for.
For a long time.
And I've just joined Blue sky,but I haven't quite grasped it yet.
It is similar to X in someways and others, it's so much better.
(25:56):
Yeah, I think it's more likeTwitter originally was meant to be.
So anyway, I do want to shift into.
Because we've kind of beenmaking this.
We've been talking aboutsocial media in relationship to your
personal wellness and how weare in the world, how we show up
(26:20):
every day for our work, ourfamilies, our loved ones, all the
things that we do.
And this is really the areathat you work in and that you're
kind of expanding into.
You've always been in this,but you're really expanding in more
ways.
You were a little more nichebefore Curling, correct?
Yeah.
Yep.
Yep.
Can you talk about that?
(26:40):
Yeah.
So I was a little bit moreniche supporting parents of queer
kids.
And I'm still doing that work,but I am, I am expanding more into.
Because I'm.
I'm social work trained, so I.
I can offer therapy andcounseling, but I'm also a health,
wellness and life coach as well.
So.
And I teach yoga andmeditation and a whole bunch of things.
(27:02):
So what I've decided to do isbring all of those things together
and expand the people that IWork with.
I've always supported andworked with queer adults.
I used to, I've spent many,many years working with queer young
people.
But as far as my business isconcerned, I've always worked with
(27:24):
queer adults.
But you know, my focus wasmore around trying to support parents
to get on board so that,quote, queer people in general, regardless
of their age, would do muchbetter because their families would
be supportive.
And you know, so now my shiftis to expand more into a therapeutic
(27:45):
coaching space.
So I still offer therapy, Istill offer counseling, but all of
my coaching is therapeutic.
So whether it's you're comingfor health and wellness, whether
you're coming for lifecoaching, whether it's parenting
coaching, whatever it is, it'sa therapist, therapeutic approach
to coaching.
And you know, that is for, foranyone, including parents of queer
(28:08):
kids or queer people ingeneral, regardless of the age of
their kids, for, for queeradults and for the general population
as well.
It's, it's a safe, supportiveand inclusive space.
And my, my space will alwaysbe that for queer folk and families
of.
But I really feel like there'sso much going on in the world right
(28:32):
now and it's hitting differentpeople in, in different ways for
different reasons.
And you know, for some people,they don't feel like they need counseling
or therapy.
For some people, they, they dowant counseling or therapy.
But what I'm finding is beingable to combine those things and
have like a therapeuticapproach to, to what people are wanting
(28:56):
and needing, whether that'saround improving health and wellness,
whether that's around theirkind of life trajectory, that bringing
that therapeutic element to itreally kind of, you know, I can switch
hats in between if I need tobecause it's, it's all part of, you
know, my approach to the world really.
(29:17):
Right.
Especially my work.
But it's how I like to walk inthe world as well.
Because I think we need moreof that.
We need more healing.
We need more love and supportand caring and empathy and compassion
and self.
Compassion.
Compassion for us.
Right.
And others around us.
It's hard to be compassionatein the world if we do not have compassion
(29:40):
for self first.
Absolutely.
Being I, I really appreciatehaving this mind, body, connection
and approach to working withpeople because all of those pieces
work together.
They do.
So being able to work withpeople and say, okay, let's, let's
(30:05):
take a look at these, these areas.
Right.
Or for someone to come to youand say, well, I, I really just need
some coaching on my eating and exercise.
Right.
But as you are talking andworking together Other things come
up.
Right.
Because everything is connected.
(30:26):
And that's a lovely holisticway of teaching that none of these
things happen in a vacuum.
Right.
Our mental health does notimprove in a vacuum.
Our physical wellness does notimprove or get worse in a vacuum.
(30:47):
So really understanding howall of these pieces work together,
our nervous systems, ouremotional wellness, our, you know,
all of, all of the things.
Yeah.
So.
And it's all about payingattention, too.
Like, we can notice I've gottension in my shoulders, but are
you listening to what thatmight be telling you?
(31:09):
Right, well, and that takespractice, too, to understand what
your body's telling you.
Right.
Because I think, you know, somany of us can be like, well, my,
my shoulders are stuck to my ears.
Yeah, but stuff shoulders.
Right, but, but why?
Right.
And, and, and how do you beginto practice not only physically getting
(31:32):
your shoulders out of yourears, but the emotional pieces of
that, the, the mental piecesof that, the.
The nervous system, your bodypieces of that.
Right.
Listening to all of thoseconnected pieces.
Exactly.
And when we release ourshoulders from our ears, how does
that, how does that shift theway we think and the way we feel?
(31:56):
It's a kind of tag teamapproach in a lot of ways.
Digestion.
Like, I, I'm having theseproblems with my, my gut.
What is your gut trying totell you?
Why are you having pains inyour stomach after eating certain
foods?
Like, yes, there's some,there's potentially some medical
and scientific things going onthere, but there's also other things
(32:18):
going on.
And these things, again, likeyou said, don't happen in isolation.
They don't happen in a vacuum.
So it's noticing and payingattention to, like what?
Asking the questions, beingcurious and listening.
Right, right.
And having a resource such asyourself, it does, it takes so much
(32:41):
practice.
So I think it's something that is.
Is really lovely to havesomebody, a support person in your
life who you can meet with orgo to and say, hey, this, this and
this are going on.
And they may seem unrelated toyou as a, you know, as you're learning
(33:01):
all of this.
But, you know, Tracy would beable to say, well, all these things
are connected, or here are thedifferent possible ways that these
things connect.
Let's.
Let's pull this apart a littlebit more.
Right?
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So that's so great.
So you and I originallyconnected and bonded because we wrote
(33:28):
books and we have a mutualfriend who connected us about, about
our books and, and the workand love we have in the world.
And, and your work as we'vebeen talking has.
Has grown from this book.
But this book is stillavailable out there, as mine is.
And so I would love for you toshare about your book.
(33:48):
Thank you.
Yeah, so it's called.
It's about you too.
Reducing the Overwhelm forparents of LGBTQ kids.
Kids of any age.
I keep saying that because itdoesn't matter what age your kids
are, when they.
They come out to you.
It's got some educationelements to it, like, you know, what
to do, what not to do, thatkind of thing.
(34:09):
But the main focus is.
The title kind of explains themain focus.
It's about you, too.
And that title came fromworking with and supporting parents,
hearing from lots of differentparents that they told whenever they
like, were seeking out anysupport, whether that was with a
(34:30):
professional or a familymember or friend or whoever, that
it's not about them, it'sabout their child.
And they need to put theirfeelings aside and just be there
to support their child.
And whilst I agree with anelement of that, which is you need
to be there to support yourchild, it is not possible for humans
to put their feelings asideeffectively and sustainably.
(34:54):
You might be able to do ittemporarily, but you can't do it
without impact.
Right.
And without unhelpful,negative impact.
And so my, the, my bookapproach is to say to parents, this
is about you too.
Your feelings matter, the wayyou think, the way you are experiencing
(35:16):
your child's sexuality orgender identity matters.
And it's important that you dothe work to work through whatever
you're experiencing, separatefrom your child, so that you can
show up for your child 100%,you know, unconditional love, unconditional
(35:37):
support, show up for yourchild exactly how you want to and
wanted to from day one of.
Of you, you know, wanting tobecome a parent.
It actually does guide parentsthrough exploring their own feelings,
their own thoughts, theiremotions, the things that impact
them, like external sourcesthat impact them both micro and macro.
(36:01):
So, you know, their own familyexperience, their own childhood experiences
throughout to maybe if they'repart of a church community or another
community that is makingthings feel a little bit more difficult
than they need to, orchallenging them.
Maybe they feel torn betweendifferent experiences in a church
(36:25):
or in their extended familyand how do they support their child?
So it guides them on how tosupport their child.
But the most important part isfor them to work through where did
their beliefs and values come from?
Have they taken on otherpeople's beliefs and values and without
(36:45):
really thinking about.
Because that's what we do ashumans, we take on the beliefs and
values from the people aroundus as we're growing up.
And.
And if we don't check in withthose, whether or not they feel aligned
to us at different moments inour life, because they might feel
aligned when you're 10, theymight feel aligned when you're 20,
but they might not feelaligned when you're 40.
(37:06):
And they might.
And some of them may.
And some of them might not.
So, you know, the book guidespeople through it, shares stories
of other parents that I've supported.
I've tried to splatterdifferent variations of stories so
that regardless of what aperson's experience is, they might
hopefully be able to see alittle bit of themselves in their
(37:28):
own experience in there.
Obviously, I've changed thenames and any identifying information
from those people's.
Those families stories, butthe idea is to remind parents that
it is about them and it'simportant to do the work because
they need to be showing up fortheir child with 100% unconditional
(37:51):
love and support so that theirchild can thrive in their life as
well.
I love that.
I love that.
Thank you.
Yes.
It's so good.
All right, I want everyone torun out and order Tracy's book and
I will have links in the shownotes where you can do that.
(38:13):
I'm so happy that you were ontoday that we reconnected and I just
look forward to sharing thiswith the world.
Thank you, Heather.
It's been so great to catch upagain and have this chat with you
and share, share the chatsabout social media because it can
be really tough at the moment.
(38:36):
Yeah.
Welcome back, everyone.
I'm so delighted you are heretoday to listen in on this conversation
with Tracy Whitmore and myself.
We are going to be talkingabout a lot of things around social
media and wellness and justtaking good care of yourself in the
(01:35):
wild and crazy times that weare currently in.
So I really.
Before we started recording,Tracy and I were talking about social
media, which of course, youknow, we could talk about for hours,
I think.
And I really wanted to kind ofdive in right away on the thought
of the use of social media.
(01:58):
We all use it for variousreasons, and I think many people
get a decent percentage oftheir information, their news, from
some type of social media.
And I think over the past sixmonths, there's been certainly a
certain amount of social mediafatigue, perhaps.
(02:24):
I think there are probably alot of different words we could use
to describe what it is, youknow, the feeling that we have.
I know I personally got to thepoint where I had to completely pull
myself off.
And for me specifically, itwas TikTok.
Everybody has their, you know,their own.
(02:46):
Some people's Instagram, somepeople, it's Twitter or X or whatever
you want to call it now.
And.
But it's the, you know,whatever one that you're just scrolling
on, right?
And you just can't stop andit's like getting you to the point
where you just cannot even see straight.
I had to pull myself off andlike really recalibrate and learn
(03:08):
how to dose, and that's what Ikeep calling it.
But I'm wondering if youcould, if there's a better word for
that, and if you could sharesome thoughts on how we can take
care of ourselves aroundsocial media right now.
Yeah.
Thanks, Heather.
And hi everyone.
(03:31):
I want to say, before I answeryour question, I want to say that
I'm not necessarily the bestat what I'm about to share either,
all of the time, just to betransparent, because these platforms
are designed to draw us in andto keep us on there and to keep us
(03:52):
scrolling and to keep ussearching for more and more, you
know, that's what they'redesigned for.
So anyone who's feeling likethey're falling into the trap of
the.
The doom.
Scrolling like you said, or.
Or just, you know, even ifit's not.
Even if it's looking at allthe cute fluffy cats or dogs or whatever
(04:14):
as well, that's what it'sdesigned for.
So, you know, people oftentalk to me about, like, I don't have
the willpower to get off or Idon't have the willpower to.
And it's not about your willpower.
This is intentional to keep uson there and doing exactly what we're
doing.
So know that you're, you'reresponding to, you know that in that
(04:38):
way.
It's, it's not, not sayingyou've got no control, but it's not
really your fault.
And so we do have to be reallyintentional to, to implement things
to help us get off at.
After a certain period of timeor completely remove yourself.
Like, congratulations,removing yourself.
(04:58):
I think that's really, I thinkit's smart and healthy and if I wasn't
running an online businessthat I use these platforms for, to
reach people so that they knowthat I exist and that my services
exist, then I wouldn't be a, Iwouldn't be on there either.
I don't think, or I like tothink that I would be able to drag
(05:21):
myself off there right.
As well.
You know, for me, my mainplatforms are Facebook and Instagram.
I do a bit of threads and youknow, like, I'd love to be not on
there and not supporting thoseplatforms, but for the moment that's
where I am.
And my, my other thoughtsaround it are that if people like
(05:44):
me that are, that are postinghonest, true, factual information
as well as, you know,information that helps you take care
of yourself, if, if all of usremove ourselves from there, then
it's going to be even worse.
So.
Yeah, so I just wanted to bekind of clear about that before I
(06:08):
start talking about like, howdo we support ourselves and care
for ourselves with all of the,there's, there's the disinformation
and the misinformation out there.
There's the, the accurateinformation that is.
Is really hard to see a lot as well.
(06:30):
And there's obviously trollsand, and people that are purposefully
jumping on there to upsetpeople and, and to create conflict
and, and all of that.
So there's know all of those,those elements I think that we need
to manage, which is tough whenthe platforms are designed to just
have us mindless andmindlessly scrolling.
(06:53):
So the, the trolls I think isan, an easy one to address right
away.
And, and the, the best adviceI can give, though I don't always
listen to this advice myself,is to stay out of the comments.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes like I jump in thecomments to get more information
sometimes and I jump into thatbecause I know there's some great
(07:16):
comments in there too.
And I want to hear, I want to hear.
And I want to see that thereare lots of people you know, supporting
my opinion or my experience ormy feelings.
So that can be kind of thetrap is where, you know, I want extra
information, I want to knowmore about this and I know other
(07:36):
people will share more information.
So you get in the comments andthen you're stuck with the problematic
comments trolls and theconflict inciting comments and the
nastiness.
Right.
So just staying out of thecomments, I know, much easier said
than done would be my clearestadvice around that.
(08:01):
And I know that it's not blackand white, so maybe it's about checking
in with yourself and how areyou doing today?
How are you feeling in this moment?
If you're feeling particularlyvulnerable, then I would suggest
stay right off social media ifyou can.
(08:21):
But if you can't or if youdon't want to, then make sure that's
a time that you really arestrict with yourself to stay out
of it.
Comments.
I'm already feeling vulnerable.
Going into the comments has arisk of making me feel worse.
Yeah, yeah.
So doing a bit of a check inwith yourself, like, how are you
(08:43):
feeling in your body?
You know, how are theshoulders feeling?
Because I know for me, likeI'm, I'm sometimes picking up my
phone and, and scrollingbecause I'm feeling stressed, intense,
because I want the mind number.
(09:53):
I want to be just, I just wantto tap out for a little while.
So when we do that and thenwe've just got more of the same either
the problematic stuff, youknow, where it's, it's misinformation,
disinformation, you know, thatkind of side of things.
All the information that weactually do want to know more about
(10:13):
and that is in alignment with us.
But it's hard, it's painful,it's hurtful, it's right.
And we want it, we want tostay up to date, you know, we're
not doing anything for our bodies.
No, that kind of sense.
So one thing that I dorecommend for people is literally
setting an alarm on your phonebefore you scroll.
(10:35):
And again, I don't always dothat myself.
I, you know, look at the timeand go, oh my goodness, that's half
an hour, that's an hour gone.
What have I done?
Yeah, beating yourself up inresponse to that, really unhelpful.
Again, remind yourself thisplatform was designed to do this
(10:55):
to me.
And it got me at a, at aweaker moment or at a vulnerable
moment or what I say to peopleis set an alarm for 10 minutes or
15 minutes.
What feels okay for you to beon there?
Say you make A decision likehalf an hour is okay for me to just
mindlessly scroll, then set analarm for 15 minutes.
(11:21):
Because then what the alarmdoes is.
And then when the alarm goesoff, press repeat, no matter what.
Now, this is the opposite tothe advice I give for people who
press snooze all the timegetting out of bed.
But.
But press repeat no matterwhat you think you're going to do.
(11:42):
Because from my experience andfrom the experience of lots of people
that I work with and supportaround this is that you think, oh,
okay, I'll just finish readingthis one post that I'm looking at
right now and then I'll get off.
So you just turn the alarm offand half an hour goes by and you're
like, oops.
(12:04):
So press repeat that.
And take a moment to pause,like, how am I feeling?
How am I feeling on here right now?
Is it helpful or is it not helpful?
Do I want to spend more of mytime on here or is there something
(12:26):
else that I'd rather spend mytime doing?
And it's okay if your answeris, I want to keep going for whatever
reason, that's okay.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
But make sure that alarm'sthere so that you've got another
check in in 15 minutes.
It interrupts.
(12:46):
That mindless scroll meansthat you're getting a reminder as
such to, to check in with yourbody, to check in with how you're
feeling, to check in with your time.
Like, what were you intendingon doing with your time?
And then the other thing islike, understanding how the algorithms
(13:08):
work.
And you don't need to be superscientific or have a really good
understanding of how it works,but know that whatever you engage
in is what you're going to getmore of.
The platforms are designed to,to read your interests through your
(13:34):
behavior on that platform, right?
So if you like seeing posts ofcute little kittens and you're looking,
you're searching for cutelittle kittens, or when one pops
up on your feed, you spendmore time on it.
You, you keep letting it replay.
(13:54):
That is telling the platformthat you like seeing cute little
kittens.
If you like the post, if youcomment, if you save it, all of those
things are messages to theplatform, to the algorithms to say,
this is what I want to seemore of.
So then you will get more cutelittle kitten posts and then they'll
(14:18):
test the waters and say,think, well, you know, they like
cute little kittens.
I wonder if they like cute puppies.
I wonder if they like cute hedgehogs.
I wonder if they like cutebabies so they'll, you know, test
the waters and see how youengage with that.
And then if you do engage withit, so liking commenting, saving,
(14:39):
sharing, spending more time onthose, Those posts, then that's what
you'll get more of.
So.
And your searches as well.
So if you're feeling like yoursocial media is a bit doom and gloom
at the moment because you'vebeen wanting to stay up to date with
the information, so you'respending a lot of time reading and
listening to videos andwriting comments and doing all of
(15:02):
that, you might feel like it'sgoing a little bit out of balance.
You used to get lots of cutecats, cute dogs or whatever, and
now you're getting none ofthat and just all of this update
of information that is hard tosee all the time.
Then jump on your searches andsearch for what you want, for joy,
for.
For, like, you know, the warmand fuzzies so that you get more
(15:26):
of that in your newsfeed.
You need to spend a bit oftime on it, you know, put in the
searches.
I don't know why I'm sayingcute cats, because that's not necessarily
what I look for, but it seems popular.
It does.
Yes.
They are.
Like, you know, you want tosay something that's.
That's just warm and fuzzy.
(15:48):
Right.
Just allows you that mindless outlet.
Then be intentional around that.
When you get those videos up,spend, rewatch them, like them, comment
on them.
If you're wanting that moreaccurate information, choose the
(16:08):
people that you're followingand spend more time on their platforms.
Do the same thing.
If you want to support, youknow, whether they're influencers,
whether they're businesses,whether they're individuals that
aren't, you know, consideredinfluencers yet, but they've got
information that you want tosee more of, then support them by
(16:33):
watching their stuff,searching for them, liking their,
their posts, commenting,sharing, you know, saving, all of
that kind of thing.
Then the algorithms will giveyou more of their content as well
as content that's similar, andthat will eventually push out some
(16:54):
of the really problematicstuff that you don't want to see.
Yeah, I think that beingintentional is a big piece of it
and realizing that you do havemore control over it than you may
realize that you do.
Yeah.
And when you do take back someof that control, I think that in
and of itself can also be empowering.
(17:19):
So you're not sitting therethinking, why is all of this stuff
coming at me?
And I like, you know, two ofthe things that you said too, that
I just want to kind ofreiterate the one being.
Checking in with your body.
(18:40):
Checking in with your.
Just where you are mentallyand emotionally.
And emotionally.
And can you.
Are you in a place where you can.
I'll give an example.
The other day I have a bunchof podcasts that I listen to, but
there's one that had dropped anew episode and they were interviewing
(19:02):
a person that I don't care for.
And I knew this person is verycontroversial, is very triggering
and on maybe another day wouldbe a great, like just kind of challenging
of thinking or like offering adifferent perspective.
(19:22):
But I knew in that moment Iwasn't in the right place for it.
And so I knew that if Ilistened to it, it would just.
I could feel it in my entire body.
I was like, nope, we're notdoing this today.
And that is kind of the lovelything about podcast because of course
you can go back and find knowthose episodes which is a little
(19:43):
different than, you know,social media.
But I think it is similar inthat you can just really pay attention
to like, you know, am I in theright place to see, you know, five
videos?
Like what if five come in arow of things that are just going
(20:03):
to hit me hard or be reallyfrustrating or be upsetting to see
or you know, it's too much reality.
And so really honoring that.
The other thing that came upfor me that I've really been working
on not doing is looking at myphone before I go to bed, being on
(20:28):
social media at all beforebed, because nothing, for you know,
at least me personally, givesme a worse night's sleep than doom
scrolling for an hour and thentrying to sleep after that.
So that is just one self carething that I've done that I offer
(20:49):
as an option too.
Yeah.
And I would add to that.
Not first thing in the morning too.
Yes.
Because that kind of sets themood, sets the scene for you for
the day.
And I used to be absolutelyshocking at that.
And you know, you hear all ofthe, the different people that you
(21:09):
know, give out all this advicearound sleep or quality of your day
and they all say it but youknow, do we pay attention?
And I would, I used it as awake up tool to be honest.
So like when, because youknow, the blue light on your phone
wakes you up.
So that's why we shouldn't beon it before bed.
But I used it for the, theopposite, like it helped me wake
(21:31):
up properly.
That was what I was tellingmyself and it was true to an extent.
But it was also setting my day up.
Yeah.
To be not helpful no matterwhat I was looking at.
Because I'm just sitting therescrolling and an hour could pass
in the morning.
And I work for myself, so Idon't necessarily, like, I don't
(21:51):
have to be at work at acertain time in the day.
I have to be there forclients, obviously.
But aside from that, I can bea little bit flexible with my time,
which is great in a lot ofways and then problematic in other
ways.
Right.
And so I could just, you know,if I didn't have a client first thing
in the morning, I could findmyself scrolling and then my day
(22:13):
would be less productive.
Like, I really noticed thedifference once I change that habit,
that my day is so much more productive.
Regardless of what I want tobe doing, whether it's work or whether
it's play, my relaxation timeis more effective.
Mm.
Because I.
I kind of did it for a little while.
(22:33):
It's a weekend.
I can do it on a weekend.
No, because my relaxation timewas not then I was just kind of in
this vortex of.
Right.
Well, because then you're spinning.
Right.
You're.
You.
You may.
And it's not intentional.
No, it is not.
I think the other thing is tobe noting is what platforms, and
(22:58):
I don't want to be here to saywhich ones are better or which ones
are worse.
I think they can all beproblematic in some ways and all
helpful in some ways.
LinkedIn, I feel, is the lessdangerous for the doom scrolling
and more informative.
That's my experience.
(23:20):
Facebook, I think myexperience, and I hear a lot of people
complaining about it thesedays, is that this in order to see
that your friends, the peoplewho you are on Facebook to see, like
you scroll through a wholeheap of ads and promoted posts, like
all of that kind of stuff first.
So being aware of what you'regoing to the platform for and is
(23:45):
it actually serving that purpose?
Right.
Does it give you what you'relooking for?
Yeah.
And you might be looking fordifferent things at different times.
So it might be a differentplatform for that.
You know, so part of thatintention is what do I want right.
This time that I'm jumping onsocial media?
(24:06):
I think, you know, outrightjust going, social media is bad.
That's not helpful.
We do get some benefit from it.
Right.
I think it is helpful if weuse it intentionally.
Right.
Certainly can be.
Well, I think, yes.
When you assign something goodand bad, it's relative and it's not
(24:30):
helpful for you as a human being.
So Being able to, I think,again, circling back to the what
works for me in this moment?
What do I need right now?
What am I looking for out of this?
And I will say, say that's.
I love the way that you saidthat because I think many of us maybe
(24:52):
already do that.
If I want to.
There are a few specificcreators that I love to see on Instagram.
That's where I see them.
I go there if I want to seetheir posts.
Right.
And I'll scroll through alittle bit.
If they don't pop up, then I'mdone, I'm off.
You know, same thing withTikTok now.
I'm very judicious about it.
(25:12):
And.
And when I do see them, like,to your point, I like, I save, I
share.
Right.
So I am getting that.
And then I jump over tosubstack because I like reading.
Like, that's my thing.
And I like Blue sky becauseit's not X and I won't go there anymore.
And.
But that's my own personal thing.
(25:33):
Like, I'm not going to tellsomebody else not to do it.
I don't go there because Idon't like it.
I don't like what's there.
Yes, I steer away.
I've steered away from that for.
For a long time.
And I've just joined Blue sky,but I haven't quite grasped it yet.
It is similar to X in someways and others, it's so much better.
(25:56):
Yeah, I think it's more likeTwitter originally was meant to be.
So anyway, I do want to shift into.
Because we've kind of beenmaking this.
We've been talking aboutsocial media in relationship to your
personal wellness and how weare in the world, how we show up
(26:20):
every day for our work, ourfamilies, our loved ones, all the
things that we do.
And this is really the areathat you work in and that you're
kind of expanding into.
You've always been in this,but you're really expanding in more
ways.
You were a little more nichebefore Curling, correct?
Yeah.
Yep.
Yep.
Can you talk about that?
(26:40):
Yeah.
So I was a little bit moreniche supporting parents of queer
kids.
And I'm still doing that work,but I am, I am expanding more into.
Because I'm.
I'm social work trained, so I.
I can offer therapy andcounseling, but I'm also a health,
wellness and life coach as well.
So.
And I teach yoga andmeditation and a whole bunch of things.
(27:02):
So what I've decided to do isbring all of those things together
and expand the people that IWork with.
I've always supported andworked with queer adults.
I used to, I've spent many,many years working with queer young
people.
But as far as my business isconcerned, I've always worked with
(27:24):
queer adults.
But you know, my focus wasmore around trying to support parents
to get on board so that,quote, queer people in general, regardless
of their age, would do muchbetter because their families would
be supportive.
And you know, so now my shiftis to expand more into a therapeutic
(27:45):
coaching space.
So I still offer therapy, Istill offer counseling, but all of
my coaching is therapeutic.
So whether it's you're comingfor health and wellness, whether
you're coming for lifecoaching, whether it's parenting
coaching, whatever it is, it'sa therapist, therapeutic approach
to coaching.
And you know, that is for, foranyone, including parents of queer
(28:08):
kids or queer people ingeneral, regardless of the age of
their kids, for, for queeradults and for the general population
as well.
It's, it's a safe, supportiveand inclusive space.
And my, my space will alwaysbe that for queer folk and families
of.
But I really feel like there'sso much going on in the world right
(28:32):
now and it's hitting differentpeople in, in different ways for
different reasons.
And you know, for some people,they don't feel like they need counseling
or therapy.
For some people, they, they dowant counseling or therapy.
But what I'm finding is beingable to combine those things and
have like a therapeuticapproach to, to what people are wanting
(28:56):
and needing, whether that'saround improving health and wellness,
whether that's around theirkind of life trajectory, that bringing
that therapeutic element to itreally kind of, you know, I can switch
hats in between if I need tobecause it's, it's all part of, you
know, my approach to the world really.
(29:17):
Right.
Especially my work.
But it's how I like to walk inthe world as well.
Because I think we need moreof that.
We need more healing.
We need more love and supportand caring and empathy and compassion
and self.
Compassion.
Compassion for us.
Right.
And others around us.
It's hard to be compassionatein the world if we do not have compassion
(29:40):
for self first.
Absolutely.
Being I, I really appreciatehaving this mind, body, connection
and approach to working withpeople because all of those pieces
work together.
They do.
So being able to work withpeople and say, okay, let's, let's
(30:05):
take a look at these, these areas.
Right.
Or for someone to come to youand say, well, I, I really just need
some coaching on my eating and exercise.
Right.
But as you are talking andworking together Other things come
up.
Right.
Because everything is connected.
(30:26):
And that's a lovely holisticway of teaching that none of these
things happen in a vacuum.
Right.
Our mental health does notimprove in a vacuum.
Our physical wellness does notimprove or get worse in a vacuum.
(30:47):
So really understanding howall of these pieces work together,
our nervous systems, ouremotional wellness, our, you know,
all of, all of the things.
Yeah.
So.
And it's all about payingattention, too.
Like, we can notice I've gottension in my shoulders, but are
you listening to what thatmight be telling you?
(31:09):
Right, well, and that takespractice, too, to understand what
your body's telling you.
Right.
Because I think, you know, somany of us can be like, well, my,
my shoulders are stuck to my ears.
Yeah, but stuff shoulders.
Right, but, but why?
Right.
And, and, and how do you beginto practice not only physically getting
(31:32):
your shoulders out of yourears, but the emotional pieces of
that, the, the mental piecesof that, the.
The nervous system, your bodypieces of that.
Right.
Listening to all of thoseconnected pieces.
Exactly.
And when we release ourshoulders from our ears, how does
that, how does that shift theway we think and the way we feel?
(31:56):
It's a kind of tag teamapproach in a lot of ways.
Digestion.
Like, I, I'm having theseproblems with my, my gut.
What is your gut trying totell you?
Why are you having pains inyour stomach after eating certain
foods?
Like, yes, there's some,there's potentially some medical
and scientific things going onthere, but there's also other things
(32:18):
going on.
And these things, again, likeyou said, don't happen in isolation.
They don't happen in a vacuum.
So it's noticing and payingattention to, like what?
Asking the questions, beingcurious and listening.
Right, right.
And having a resource such asyourself, it does, it takes so much
(32:41):
practice.
So I think it's something that is.
Is really lovely to havesomebody, a support person in your
life who you can meet with orgo to and say, hey, this, this and
this are going on.
And they may seem unrelated toyou as a, you know, as you're learning
(33:01):
all of this.
But, you know, Tracy would beable to say, well, all these things
are connected, or here are thedifferent possible ways that these
things connect.
Let's.
Let's pull this apart a littlebit more.
Right?
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So that's so great.
So you and I originallyconnected and bonded because we wrote
(33:28):
books and we have a mutualfriend who connected us about, about
our books and, and the workand love we have in the world.
And, and your work as we'vebeen talking has.
Has grown from this book.
But this book is stillavailable out there, as mine is.
And so I would love for you toshare about your book.
(33:48):
Thank you.
Yeah, so it's called.
It's about you too.
Reducing the Overwhelm forparents of LGBTQ kids.
Kids of any age.
I keep saying that because itdoesn't matter what age your kids
are, when they.
They come out to you.
It's got some educationelements to it, like, you know, what
to do, what not to do, thatkind of thing.
(34:09):
But the main focus is.
The title kind of explains themain focus.
It's about you, too.
And that title came fromworking with and supporting parents,
hearing from lots of differentparents that they told whenever they
like, were seeking out anysupport, whether that was with a
(34:30):
professional or a familymember or friend or whoever, that
it's not about them, it'sabout their child.
And they need to put theirfeelings aside and just be there
to support their child.
And whilst I agree with anelement of that, which is you need
to be there to support yourchild, it is not possible for humans
to put their feelings asideeffectively and sustainably.
(34:54):
You might be able to do ittemporarily, but you can't do it
without impact.
Right.
And without unhelpful,negative impact.
And so my, the, my bookapproach is to say to parents, this
is about you too.
Your feelings matter, the wayyou think, the way you are experiencing
(35:16):
your child's sexuality orgender identity matters.
And it's important that you dothe work to work through whatever
you're experiencing, separatefrom your child, so that you can
show up for your child 100%,you know, unconditional love, unconditional
(35:37):
support, show up for yourchild exactly how you want to and
wanted to from day one of.
Of you, you know, wanting tobecome a parent.
It actually does guide parentsthrough exploring their own feelings,
their own thoughts, theiremotions, the things that impact
them, like external sourcesthat impact them both micro and macro.
(36:01):
So, you know, their own familyexperience, their own childhood experiences
throughout to maybe if they'repart of a church community or another
community that is makingthings feel a little bit more difficult
than they need to, orchallenging them.
Maybe they feel torn betweendifferent experiences in a church
(36:25):
or in their extended familyand how do they support their child?
So it guides them on how tosupport their child.
But the most important part isfor them to work through where did
their beliefs and values come from?
Have they taken on otherpeople's beliefs and values and without
(36:45):
really thinking about.
Because that's what we do ashumans, we take on the beliefs and
values from the people aroundus as we're growing up.
And.
And if we don't check in withthose, whether or not they feel aligned
to us at different moments inour life, because they might feel
aligned when you're 10, theymight feel aligned when you're 20,
but they might not feelaligned when you're 40.
(37:06):
And they might.
And some of them may.
And some of them might not.
So, you know, the book guidespeople through it, shares stories
of other parents that I've supported.
I've tried to splatterdifferent variations of stories so
that regardless of what aperson's experience is, they might
hopefully be able to see alittle bit of themselves in their
(37:28):
own experience in there.
Obviously, I've changed thenames and any identifying information
from those people's.
Those families stories, butthe idea is to remind parents that
it is about them and it'simportant to do the work because
they need to be showing up fortheir child with 100% unconditional
(37:51):
love and support so that theirchild can thrive in their life as
well.
I love that.
I love that.
Thank you.
Yes.
It's so good.
All right, I want everyone torun out and order Tracy's book and
I will have links in the shownotes where you can do that.
(38:13):
I'm so happy that you were ontoday that we reconnected and I just
look forward to sharing thiswith the world.
Thank you, Heather.
It's been so great to catch upagain and have this chat with you
and share, share the chatsabout social media because it can
be really tough at the moment.
(38:36):
Yeah.
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