July 21, 2025 • 52 mins
What does it mean to be "sober curious" in a culture where drinking is the default social activity? In this raw and revealing conversation, Jacquelynn starts with a deeply personal confession about her own struggles with alcohol, sharing recent setbacks despite her previous confidence in having overcome her unhealthy relationship with drinking.
Leanna, a self-described "retired party girl turned event planner and blogger," joins the conversation and unpacks the nuanced territory between traditional alcoholism and casual drinking. Having spent years binge drinking three to five nights a week to the point of blackout, her journey toward sobriety offers profound insights for anyone questioning their relationship with alcohol.
The discussion takes unexpected turns as both women share vulnerable stories about identity, friendship loss, and those painful moments when alcohol turned them into people they didn't recognize. "I like to say that now I'm making memories instead of losing them," Leanna reflects, capturing the essence of what sobriety offers beyond just abstinence.
Beyond the emotional and social aspects, they explore the physical impacts of alcohol—how it disrupts sleep rather than improving it, increases anxiety despite temporarily relieving it, and takes a toll on overall health. For those who've built their social lives and identities around being "the life of the party," the fear of who they'll become without alcohol is real and daunting.
Whether you're firmly committed to sobriety, simply "sober curious," or just intrigued by the growing movement challenging alcohol's central role in society, this conversation offers compassionate wisdom without judgment. The message resonates clearly: your relationship with alcohol doesn't define you, and exploring life without it might reveal a more authentic, energized version of yourself you never knew existed.
How might your social life, health, and self-understanding transform if you questioned your relationship with alcohol? Listen to find out, and consider joining the conversation about making memories instead of losing them.
Find Leanna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leannamariarlee
Website link: https://sippingongratitude.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, jacqueline here.
I know it's been a minute, butI'm back, and this episode today
is going to bring up someemotions for me, because when I
recorded it, I was on a reallygood high.
I was at the top of my weightloss game.
The medicine that I was takingmade it so that I had no desire
(00:21):
for alcohol whatsoever, and alot's changed since then.
I was on Zepbound for weightloss last year, going into this
year, and in February I had aBMI that was so low that I no
longer needed it.
And then, in the months comingup, with it being summer and my
appetite being a lot better myappetite being a lot better I
(00:43):
found myself in this cycle of Ithink I can drink again.
And, long story short,considering today's episode is
about being sober, curious,facing sobriety.
When I recorded this episodewith Leanna, I thought that I
was golden.
I was like I'm never going tohave this problem again.
(01:04):
But the truth is that thesepast few months, I've had a new
trouble with alcohol again, andit's not something that's like I
drink every day or I have todrink to get through the day, or
anything like that.
But I found myself, even withall the wisdom and everything
(01:31):
I'm about to say in this episode.
That honestly makes me feellike a fucking hypocrite, that I
thought I knew myself so that Iwould know my limits, and what
I found these past few months isthat when going out with
friends, the pressure of, oh,have another glass of wine, or
I'm trying to keep up with thesepeople and I found myself in
the same trap of feeling like Ihave to drink when I'm out and
my husband likes to drink and soI need to drink.
And the truth of the matter isthat when I drink a lot, I'm not
a good person.
(01:52):
Simply put, I'm not a goodperson.
I get violent, I black out.
So I'm very much just a one ortwo beers with fajitas type of
gal if I'm going to drink.
Or we can share a bottle ofwine and eat some cheese and sit
at home and listen to music orwatch a movie, a rom-com or
(02:14):
something kind of gal.
But I say this because I don'twant to build shame around the
fact that I've had really badexperiences and I've hurt a lot
of people when I'm drinking,because I know that's not me To
the core.
That's not me.
It brings out a lot of darkness, that's within me, but I've got
to not build shame around it,because I really fuck up when I
(02:35):
drink and I think that what'smore important is to know and be
honest with myself that I don'tlike who I am when I drink too
much, and so, knowing my limitsand being able to own up to the
fact that when I do that and Iput myself in that situation,
that I've got to be able to takeresponsibility for everything
(02:56):
that happens, even when I don'tremember it.
So I've had these moments thepast few months.
I've had two or three of them,and my husband God, oh my God.
I've never seen somebody moresupportive and I just feel so
undeserving of love lately, butthese drinking escapades really
escalated to moments that Ican't take back, to things I
(03:18):
said that I can't take back, andI've got a lot of guilt and
it's something I'm workingthrough and I've abstained from
social media and I've reallybeen working of guilt and it's
something I'm working throughand I've abstained from social
media and I've really beenworking on this behind the
scenes and it's just one ofthose things that it comes into
your life and you're like whatthe fuck?
I know better than this.
And then there's this wholevicious cycle of guilt and shame
(03:39):
and just like when are yougoing to be a better person?
I thought you knew better, andit just creates this perpetual
cycle.
And so I'm like I've beenworking through that and what
I've realized is that thisgetting to know myself and
finding myself and thinking Ican do things that I know I
can't do, and learning how to bemore responsible Is it's not a
(04:03):
linear phase, it's a loop, it'slike a circle, and I'm going to
revisit things and you're goingto revisit things and you're
going to make mistakes thatmaybe you thought you wouldn't
make, because you've alreadymade those mistakes.
And it's how you navigatethrough those things and how you
really show up and let thepeople know you've hurt somebody
(04:24):
.
I've hurt my husband and andhonestly I've hurt, I guess, the
idea that my kids have of me,and these weren't things that
did in front of them, it's justthings that they've heard or
things I've had to tell them andcome forward about, because
when you do stupid shit andthere's physical evidence left
behind and I'm not somebodythat's going to lie to them, and
(04:45):
so my husband has been lovingme through this and everyone
knows that I've had a recentdiagnosis of being bipolar and
some people want to use thatagainst me and some people have
retracted from me and think thatthey can't trust me or that I'm
this violent person all thetime.
But it's been learning mytriggers, it's been figuring out
(05:06):
what I can and can't do, beingable to tell the warning signs,
the signals, the being honestwith myself.
But what I'm really strugglingwith is giving myself the grace
and I think that if my husbandand my children didn't give me
such grace and just let me knowthat you're human and you fucked
up, but I don't know that Iwould be able to work through it
(05:27):
, essentially because of theguilt and the ruminating and the
hot Jacqueline, you reallyfucked up and you fucked up
again.
And so I just wanted to say allthis because, to be honest, if
you are in my life and you hearthis episode and you've seen me
drinking, not having a margaritaor having a beer or something
like that, or I've posted mystories, and then you hear this
episode and you've seen medrinking, not having a margarita
or not having a beer orsomething like that, or I've
(05:47):
posted my stories, and then youhear this episode, I feel like
you might be like, oh, she's aliar, she's a hypocrite.
And I just want to be fullytransparent that when I recorded
this episode I was a hundredpercent sober from alcohol and
my relationship with alcoholsince then has expanded, I guess
(06:08):
but that I think I revisitedthese mistakes to know for good
that I'm done.
I'm done with making these kindsof mistakes, putting myself in
these situations, because I haveso much to lose, I have so much
to risk.
And to be without my husband ifhe were to divorce me, or to be
(06:29):
without my kids or my stepkids,it feels like a thousand knives
going into my heart.
And I think that if you'restruggling with alcohol
addiction or substance abuse andyou hear this and your
relationships very iffy, they'retouch and go and leap down that
you're contributing to thisbecause you have an addiction.
(06:49):
I just think that it's reallyimportant that if you're
listening to this episode, to,one, give yourself grace, but
two, to be honest with yourselfand just seek help, whether that
be licensed professionaltherapists, psychologists, go to
some kind of counseling,whether it's inpatient, whether
it's outpatient care.
Just be accepting enough andloving enough of yourself to
(07:14):
know that it's okay to admitthat you have a problem, or that
when you use these substancesor drink alcohol, that you're
not the same person.
Because if you deep down wantpeople to see how loving and
caring you are and this iswhat's causing the problem then
it's learning how to be withoutthat, it's growing past the
wanting to numb yourself everytime things get hard, and I've
(07:37):
found myself making thesemistakes, and so here, we go.
Yes, sir, I had to share all ofthat with you, so now I feel
better.
Before I play this episode foryou, I think that my guest today
is going to open your eyes towhat it's like being sober,
curious or seeking a path ofsobriety, because there is peer
(07:58):
pressure to drink when you'reout with friends, to drink at
events, to be part of the crowd.
And so Leanna is really goingto open your eyes today.
She is wonderful.
She's an event planner, she ison social media spreading words
and tips and just her experienceof what it's like to be a sober
girly and to live a lifewithout the pressure of alcohol
(08:20):
or feeling like you have topartake in that in order to have
a good time.
So, without further ado, fromLeanna Sips on Gratitude.
Leanna is a community organizerand the author of the Sipping
on Gratitude blog.
She's dedicated to helpingfellow ex-party girls thrive in
retirement by providingresources on manifestation,
(08:41):
mindset and personal growth.
Through the Grateful SipsSocial Club, she cultivates
meaningful community experiences, both virtual and in real life,
that inspire connection andtransformation.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, you're
listening to Just Women TalkingShit with your host, jacqueline
cotton.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Jacqueline cotton welcome back to just women
talking shit.
I'm so excited about our guesttoday.
Is it?
How do you say it?
Liana or liana?
How do you say it?
Leanna or Leanna?
How do you pronounce it?
Leanna Got it.
I always have to be carefulbecause my name's kind of tricky
(09:30):
and I was literally goingthrough McDonald's the other day
to get a coffee and I don'tknow why people don't know to
say Jacqueline.
But she said something that Inever heard before and it was
Jaquina.
I was like that one's new.
So I always ask it how do yousay your name?
So, leanna, I'm so excited toget to chat with you today.
(09:50):
You were talking about workingon your book.
I don't know a whole lot aboutyou and I'm really excited to
just dive right in.
So if you would just take aminute to introduce yourself and
tell us what's going on in yourworld right now and how you're
making an impact, Sure, I'mexcited to be here too.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
I listened to a few of your episodes and I love how
organic your conversations are,so I think this will be fun.
I call myself a retired partygirl turned event planner and
blogger, so I primarily work inevents and I do corporate brand
activations and corporate events.
But I started having thispassion for the Sober Curious
space and movement which I canshare.
(10:32):
Maybe a bit more about my storylater, but I just started
blogging online about SoberCuriosity and eventually that
kind of grew into me, wanting tocombine my two passions of
events, but also Sober, sobercuriousness and so now I run
events for sober curious women,both virtually and in person in
(10:53):
Toronto, which is usually whereI'm based.
Right now I'm in Austin, butthat's another story and I blog
about sober curiosity.
I'm currently working on a book, so nowhere near ready to put
out into the universe just yet,but I am working on one.
I have workshops, I have a30-day alcohol-free challenge,
(11:13):
and that's about the gist of itso super cool.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
It sounds like you're doing a lot and you're making a
really big impact.
Whenever it comes to beingsober, what do do you consider
that?
Because and I say that becauseI see people say I'm sober
curious and my mind goes to, oh,alcohol.
But is that until other thingsas well?
For instance, I'm a medicinalcannabis patient, and so I'm
always curious about this.
I'm an ex-alcoholic.
(11:38):
I'll have a drink once in awhile, but I don't enjoy it the
way I used to.
It brings back a lot of badmemories, and so I'm curious
what is sobriety and being sober, curious?
Even look like.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
It's such a good question.
I feel like we used to havethis sort of idea of what
sobriety meant and whatalcoholism looked like, and it
was if you didn't fit into thisparticular description, you were
fine, which eventually welearned wasn't true, and I think
that's where this whole sobercurious movement birthed from.
It's sort of talking about thatgray area, that in between.
So traditionally, when we wereto think of an alcoholic, we
(12:21):
would think of somebody who hasa physical dependency on alcohol
, who's ruining every singlearea and aspect of their life.
But I think what we've sort ofgrown to come to understand is
that even having a reliance onalcohol in some way may not be
healthy for you and yourlifestyle.
So, whether that be, I'msomebody who relies on having a
(12:43):
drink in order to be social.
I'm somebody who relies onhaving a drink to be intimate
with my partner.
Right, we've sort of learnedthat those may not work for
people as well.
And so where sober curiositykind of comes in is exactly what
you were describing too, in myopinion.
I think it offers this umbrellaterm for people who fall in the
(13:05):
in-between, who are like maybe Idon't have a physical
dependency where I have to drinkevery day, or else I'm sick,
but I don't like the way alcoholshows up into my life, or I
don't like the way maybe othersubstances show up in my life.
So I'm creating my ownrelationship with it, whether
that be total abstinence ormoderation and knowing I can
(13:26):
have one drink here and thereand I'm okay, but I don't have
more than that, or whether it'sI use cannabis or maybe a lot of
people are microdosingmushrooms and psilocybin now at
this point.
So it's like maybe finding whatthat balance is for you.
I think that's kind of wheresober curiosity comes in.
So I am a big proponent of notabstaining 100% if that's not
for you.
I think that's kind of wheresober curiosity comes in.
So I am a big proponent of notabstaining 100% if that's not
(13:49):
for you.
But just having peoplechallenge their own opinion and
mindset around alcohol and maybeassessing should I consume less
, or what would consuming lesslook like for me, that makes
sense.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
So you mentioned when we go out and socialize.
That's when I really started tonotice that me drinking or me
not, the lack of me drinking islike I get.
Looks like when, when peopleinvite me out and they're like,
oh, so let's go out for drinks,I'm like, oh, I'll go, but I
don't.
I'm not a party girl anymore.
Like my version of partying nowis let's take a weekend trip
(14:26):
and go, stick ourselves innature and I don't know, hang
out and be very present.
That may sound lame to somepeople, but I used to live for
the weekends.
And then I remember in collegeis when I really started
developing a bad problem and Iwas hospitalized.
I drank so much and it was justa lot of trauma.
(14:49):
I was doing it to be cool, Iwas doing it because that's what
everybody else was doing.
But then the anxiety and thedepression and the CPTSD that I
didn't know at the time I had,it was a way of drowning out all
of that.
And now, being 35, going on 36,when I go out places and
everybody's drinking, they'relike, oh, what can we get you?
(15:10):
And I'm just like I'll take aShirley Temple.
And they're like what?
And I'm like I know it soundsweird, but I don't.
I don't need that to have agood time.
So what are, what are theevents that you plan?
And is that something thatpeople run into?
A lot is when they go out, theyalmost feel bad and guilty.
That, or they it feels likepeer pressure to me, to be
(15:32):
honest.
Oh, you're so weird.
You're not having a drink.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I have so many thoughts on this.
So one it's absolutely a formof peer pressure, but I think
it's just a reflection of theirown relationship with alcohol.
So if anyone's listening andthey feel uncomfortable when
they go out because people arepressuring them, if somebody
feels uncomfortable about yourlack of drinking, that only says
something about them.
(15:56):
It doesn't say anything aboutyou.
Typically, people react thatway because we're mirroring back
to them something that they'renot ready to look at just yet.
So that's just number one.
Number two I think it is reallyimportant to, as you said, you
love to go out and you'll ordera Shirley Temple.
That's awesome.
You already know what youralternative drink of choice is.
I think that's a big thing forpeople who aren't drinking.
(16:18):
Know what you're going to orderinstead and lay it with
confidence so that you'recomfortable when you go out and
you're not like standing aroundawkwardly.
Having a drink in your hand canbe very helpful.
It'll also help ward off anyoneelse you're around from asking
you if you want a drink, ifyou're already holding something
.
And then your other part to thequestion.
(16:39):
Now I'm trying to remember whatyou just asked.
What was the other part of the?
Speaker 1 (16:41):
question.
Well, we touched base on thepeer pressure thing.
But what are?
And you gave some tips on whatto do, which I think is great.
Having a drink in your hand, sosomebody is not like, oh well,
what are you drinking?
I like that, but whenever itcomes to cause, I find it very
interesting that you you callyourself like an ex party girl,
right, and then you nowcombining it with events, which
(17:04):
makes total sense if you stopand think about it.
But I'm curious, what are thoseevents look like?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Yes, Okay, yes, so I held an in-person event recently
and it was called High Vibes,high Tee, and it was a high tea
event where we got together, weall had matcha, I shared a
little bit about manifestationand goal setting and then we all
made vision boards together.
Some other events that I dovirtually might just be like a
(17:31):
workshop.
I held a gratitude circlerecently, which is where we
literally just got together andtalked about things that were
going well in our life andcelebrated each other.
So I think it can just looklike anything that is centering,
community connection, otheractivities outside of alcohol,
and that is one of the biggestthings I found for me when I
(17:53):
stopped partying.
As much was the lack offriendship and connection.
And then, obviously, the otherside of it is the shame and
guilt and all the emotions thatstart coming up that we used to
suppress when we were drinking.
But a big part of it is thelack of connection and going out
, because a lot of us put ourentire social lives into going
(18:13):
out for drinks and drinking anda big piece of that is we were
searching for connections over ashared interest of drinking and
we were not really seekingconnections over our shared
values.
So if you're hanging out withpeople and the only time you see
them is when you're bothdrinking, what happens when you
(18:35):
no longer like to drink?
Right, those friendships kindof fizzle out because you didn't
connect on any other.
You didn't connect overanything else.
Connect on any other, youdidn't connect over anything
else.
So I like to try to bringpeople together over values,
whether it's our personaldevelopment, our mindset,
connection, communication, ifit's still hospitality, having
drinks, having food, but it'smocktails instead of alcohol,
(18:58):
just finding other reasons tobring people together.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I love that so much.
So for the person who is sobercurious because I had said my
weight loss has a lot to do withit, that was one of the big
contributors is beer lots ofempty calories and so I get this
whole.
I'm starting to hear like, oh,quit, quit, losing weight,
you're going to blow away, andstuff like that, these
(19:23):
backhanded remarks.
But, like I said, when we goout and I don't drink there's
less pressure.
So I'm curious what are somebesides having a drink in your
hand?
What are some things becausethis happens a lot what are some
things we can say so that wecan stand in our power and in
our decision, but say it to thepeople in a respectful way,
(19:46):
because it's it's like they'recondemning you oh, you're so
weird, you're not drinking, orit almost feels like you're,
you're a party pooper type thing.
But I'm curious because I don'tever know what to say.
Besides, I just this, thisweight loss that I'm
experiencing and the medicinethat's helping me get there and
just my overall lifestyle change.
I don't I, but I run out ofthings to say whenever somebody
(20:13):
is thinking it's weird.
So what is a respectful thingwe could say without feeling and
I think the word is intimidated?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
That's a good question.
It's hard to say becauseeverything it's so different for
everybody.
I think the biggest thing isjust having confidence in your
decision and confidence in whatyou're saying.
But there's always going to bethose people that keep pushing,
and it's just what I said before.
If somebody is pushing likethat, it's likely because they
feel uncomfortable about theirown drinking and that's why
(20:43):
they're doing that to you.
But I find if you just, withconfidence, say I'm not drinking
or I don't drink, instead ofsaying oh, I'm just not drinking
right now or I'm not, I'm doingthis because of this, it opens
up more room for questioning andpoking, rather than just very
firmly from the beginning sayingI don't drink alcohol, that's
(21:05):
my choice.
If you like to drink, that'syour choice.
Right, and just shutting itdown.
But if somebody is going tokeep pushing you at that point,
it's really because they feeluncomfortable with their own
drinking and more often than notthat person continues to drink
throughout the night.
They might come up to you andstart asking more questions and
eventually you might get to apoint where you can see that
(21:27):
they're actually just curiousabout what I'm doing and they're
curious about why I'm doing it,because they feel some type way
about what they're doing andtheir drinking and their
patterns and I noticed sometimesit always it always comes back
to that eventually.
At least I noticed that withsome of the people in my life.
It's a hard thing to navigateand maybe that does look like
not going out with those peoplefor a little while.
(21:49):
Maybe it looks like finding newcircles, a new community, which
can be really hard.
And that's why a lot of peoplesay, when you're early in your
decision to moderate or to besober, there's that weird
transitional period where we'refinding new friends, we're
switching everything up in ourlife and that's a lot of the
reason why I started makingevents in this space, so that
(22:10):
women can find other women whoare feeling the same way and not
be met with that resistance andthat pushback.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Very nice, very cool.
It just feels like I don't know.
I wonder if there's anythinggoing on like that around here.
I'm in Mississippi and it maynot be all of Mississippi, but
people here are really big onbarbecues, football games, any
reason to get together and eatand drink, but I don't.
(22:39):
I don't feel like I've seenvery much going on here.
Do you have?
Do you have any?
I guess?
What do we look for in our areato see if there's anything like
this going on?
Speaker 2 (22:50):
I'm in Texas right now.
I've been here.
I'm here just for the winterand they've got a similar kind
of vibe.
It sounds like a barbecue,outdoor hangouts.
I'm loving it personally, but Ithink the internet is so helpful
for this.
You could go on Instagram andjust search your location and
keyword.
So if you were to search yourcity and sober or sober curious,
(23:14):
you're probably going to findeither creators you could find
other people that you could befriends with.
You might be able to findthings that are different,
events and activities that aregoing on.
And then also it's just findingrecreational activities.
So maybe, if you like sports,finding a local sports league,
and sometimes these people mightgo out for a drink after a game
(23:35):
, but they're not likelydrinking when they're playing
baseball or softball or football, whatever it is, and book clubs
are really good for that sortof thing too.
So maybe it's just aboutfinding activities that don't
revolve around drinking andconnecting with those people,
and then searching that keywordand your location on social is
really helpful.
You'll most likely findcreators in that space or just
(23:59):
anyone online who's talkingabout that sort of thing, and
you can form your own community.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
How long have you been sober or sober curious?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
It has been five or six years.
So I quit binge drinking backaround sometime between 2019 to
2020.
And I say quit but really I'mstill doing it, maybe once every
couple months, but I reallynarrowed it down and then I quit
it for good in 2020.
So it's been like five yearsand I'm in the same position.
(24:31):
I might have a single drinkonce every couple months or
every last time I had a drinkwas I had a small glass of this
Guinness punch at Christmas.
My family's part Jamaican andthey make this.
Jamaicans make this certainkind of punch at Christmas time,
so I had like a small amount ofit and that's the last time I
had a drink.
But in terms of drinkingregularly and binge drinking,
(24:53):
it's been five years.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
And may I ask what prompted that?
Did you have a line in the sandmoment, or rock bottom or
anything like that?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
For sure.
I was just drinking veryheavily from when I was maybe 14
until almost 30.
I was 29 years old and I wasdrinking three to five nights a
week, to the point of blackingout.
There was no just drinkingcasually.
I'm drinking to forget my namebasically every single time and
(25:24):
I don't know.
I think I just sort of gottired of it.
I had this moment one nightwhen I was out where I just had
this thought and I don't know ifit's like God universe,
whatever you believe in, butjust this thought of out where I
just had this thought and Idon't know if it's like God
universe, whatever you believein, but just this thought of
like, if I keep behaving thisway and drinking this way, I
will eventually die.
It's not sustainable.
I was just in a lot of unsafeenvironments hanging around with
(25:47):
people who were not good for me.
I'm at after hours till noonthe next day.
It was just really chaotic andI ended up going through a
really bad breakup around 2019,where my partner was also my
best friend of five, six yearsbefore we started dating and
when we broke up, I lost 90% ofmy friend group.
(26:08):
I just lost my entire world atthe same time and it was maybe a
week after that breakup that Iwent out and I got blackout
drunk again, and the depressionwas just so much worse the next
day that I was like I'm this, Ican't do this anymore.
I was just over it.
So I, of all things, found thiscarousel post on Instagram with
(26:31):
a 30-day self self carechallenge, and so I was just
like I'm going to do thischallenge and try to feel better
about my life and I did thatand it just felt really good to
do other things like yoga andmeditation and eating healthier
and just doing other things thatwere good for me.
And that's kind of what set meoff on this path.
(26:51):
And from that point, I wouldsay I drank very rarely, but I
still had moments where I woulddrink heavily and that kind of
moment in 2020 where I quit forgood.
So this is a year later.
I had met my who's now myhusband but at the time we were
just dating and we were veryearly on in our relationship and
(27:13):
he had never seen me even getdrunk before because at this
point I wasn't really drinkingand I invited him over to my
parents' house for my mom'sbirthday and it was his first
time meeting extended family andI got blackout drunk.
And the next day he justlovingly said to me I'd never
seen you that way and youweren't acting like yourself and
(27:34):
I didn't feel safe with you andit was just this approach.
I guess, in the way that he wassaying it to me, he wasn't
judging me, he wasn't trying toshame me.
It was like he was talking tome with love and also just that,
that stark reality of somebodysaying you are two completely
different people when you getthat drunk versus when I'm with
you sober and I don't feel safewith you.
(27:56):
That that just made me quit forgood.
So from that moment on, Ihaven't drank.
I haven't had more than half adrink in one one single night.
Isn't it wild?
What?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
alcohol does to you A toy with that whole.
You say things when you'redrunk and then you go back and
you're like, oh well, I didn'tmean that.
So some people think that thosereal you comes out, but I I
don't know if I agree with that,I just remember their.
Dr jackal and mr hyde is twocompletely different people.
(28:29):
Like I, I'm a different personwhen I get that drunk and I
don't like it and I don't likewaking up feeling like I what
did I do?
What did I say?
Who did I hurt?
It's a shitty, shitty feeling.
So the way he approached you I,that's such a cause most people
would just be like dude.
I remember my, my daughter'sdad.
He and I when we got togetherwe would drink.
(28:51):
That was all we did.
I was already drinking but wewould drink, smoke, some weed.
That's when I started smokingweed really like getting into it
and I would become a differentperson.
But I would push myself to thatlimit of blackout.
And I just remember at somepoint he made me so mad.
Now he was very let's go backand say he was very manipulative
(29:12):
and was doing other things thatI didn't know about hard drugs.
But I loved him so much thatwhen he he didn't do it in that
way, that loving way, but Iremember him saying because I
went to put hands on him and Islapped him and I just remember
him saying look, I love you, butif you ever fucking do that
again, I'm out.
(29:33):
And it was just that, oh,somebody calling me out and
making me feel like I was goingto lose something I think is
what did it for me Now, andshortly after that I got knocked
up so I can't drink with a babyanyway.
So I had a good nine, 10 monthsto think about it and it's I've
had some slip ups, I think, andit's I've had some slip ups, I
think, since her, since havingher.
She turned 12 yesterday.
(29:53):
But I just look back and I feelbad for the things that I put
people through when I was inthose states of mind, but at the
same time, part of me is gladthat I've already been through
that, because now, my lateryears, the thing like the people
(30:20):
who really matter not sayingthat he didn't matter, but the
people and the relationships andthe things that are worth
really working for I feel likeI'm not, I don't have to worry
about that being a problemanymore.
So hearing your story makes methink about that kind of moment.
For me, right before becoming amother, that was, that was my
moment.
But what, what do you have tosay to the person who
somebody's's come into mind andI'm not going to say his or her
name, but somebody that I know,that I care about, who I know is
(30:41):
that type of person who hatestheir job, lives for the
weekends.
And then every time I talk tothis person, if it's on the
weekend, I know this person'sgetting shit-faced.
That's what they do everyweekend.
They come to the gym on Fridayby Friday night.
They's getting shit-faced.
That's what they do everyweekend.
They come to the gym on Fridayby Friday night.
They're getting shit-facedSaturday, sunday won't come to
the gym on Monday, type thing.
And they were just up frontwith me.
(31:01):
I'm drinking on the weekends.
I don't remember anything, butthere's a part of me that sees
such good in this person andsees such fucking potential in
this person, but they can't getout of their own way.
They're so addicted to that.
That's what we do in theweekends culture, because that's
such a thing here, and youbeing in texas, you the barbecue
, the drinks.
I love the whole atmosphere ofit, but I don't like how people
(31:23):
ride on the drinking part of it.
So I'm curious to the personwho is like kind of tinkering on
the line of well, am I sobercurious, do I need alcohol?
This is just what we do everyweekend.
What are, what are your tips?
Or maybe something, some kindof words of wisdom for them?
(31:45):
Because it is, you can be sohappy without getting fucked up
all the time y'all, and it'sreally good because you remember
the things you do while you'rehaving fun too.
But what do you have anyanything from the heart for them
?
Because it's hard.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
It's hard making that step and being normal or not,
doing something that's outsideof the norm, which in some
places, partying every weekendis normal it's really
challenging because there's thisfear of I'm gonna be missing
out, I'm not going to have fun,I'm not going to be able to
participate in things, and Ithink it's a little bit of a
(32:20):
mindset shift in that, when itcomes to that, rather than
thinking of what I'm going tomiss out on, just think about
I'm not missing out.
I get to be present for thesesituations, so I get to go to
these events and actuallyremember them.
I like to say that now I'mmaking memories instead of
losing them.
You're now going to actually beable to remember the things
(32:43):
that you're experiencing.
Other tips around this is onejust think about how alcohol is
showing up in your life andthink about who you want to be
and if those two things arealigning.
And at the end of the day,nobody can make that decision
for you, nobody can change thatfor you.
It's something that you have toreflect on in your own self.
(33:06):
So ask yourself why do I drink?
Why am I drinking to the pointof blackout?
What am I trying to escape?
What am I or who am I drinkingto the point of blackout?
What am I trying to escape?
What am I or who am I trying tobecome.
For me it was.
I'm very quiet, I'm very shy,I'm introverted.
Alcohol to me was a way to comeout of my shell and and be more
out there, but to my detriment,because I was being way too
(33:29):
reckless and over the top right.
So it's like how alcohol insome way does help us.
So it's kind of identifying whyam I drinking to this point?
What am I getting out of it?
And can you be brave enough totry to step into that or
experience that sober?
Because it's so freeing tothink I had this huge fear
(33:51):
around speaking up and beingmyself and being outgoing.
Alcohol is just getting you insome way, but it's not allowing
you to step into your fullpotential by expressing that
part of yourself sober, right.
So think about how much freedomyou're going to have doing that
sober.
And then to your point about itpeople saying that how you
(34:13):
behave drunk is how you actuallyare.
I's not to say that that's notwho we are, because our shadow
(34:34):
self or ego selves are a part ofus, but that's not who we want
to be all the time, right.
So it's like, do you reallywant to identify with that part
of you or do you want toidentify with a more fulfilled,
actualized, embodied version ofyourself.
So really it's just a lot ofdeep emotional work.
It's a lot of mindset work.
(34:55):
If you do have access totherapy or things like that, I
always suggest it and recommendit.
But it's really just askingyourself the really tough
questions and then deciding whoyou want to be.
And if that's, if alcohol isthe way to get there, then by
all means keep doing you.
(35:16):
But more often than not it'smoderation or it's sobriety, or
it's being brave enough to stepinto a different version of
yourself, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
And I feel like we've talked a lot about the social
aspect, the mental health aspect, the personally growing from
being sober, sober, curious,moderating.
But Now this is just from myphysical fitness journey and my
body telling me when I do drinkbecause I get headaches and I
(35:45):
can I can just have a beer andI'll have a headache, and now I
know that's because I don'tdrink often anymore.
But we haven't touched base onany of the physical damage that
it's actually doing to your body.
Do you know much about that?
I know that a lot of us reachfor a drink when we're stressed
out, but I've heard that as thesame with coffee, it actually
(36:09):
produces cortisol and it makesyou more stressed out because
it's damaging your body.
That's something I didn't thinkabout over time, the damage it
was doing to my body.
So what do you?
Do you know anything about that?
Or even if it's just based onyour personal experience?
Speaker 2 (36:23):
I know a little bit about it for sure, alcohol
spikes your cortisol.
So, as you said, a lot ofpeople do reach for alcohol when
they're feeling anxious ornervous, and it does temporarily
relieve your anxiety becauseit's suppressing it.
But once you are no longerfeeling a little bit tipsy or
drunk, that anxiety is going tocome back stronger, and then
(36:44):
that's how people end up in thecycle of gotta have another
drink, gotta have another drink,or you have to drink more each
time because you're alwayschasing that feeling right and
then it just you need to end upneeding to drink more and more
every time.
But the other thing aboutalcohol is it disrupts your
sleep.
So if I used to think thatbecause I was getting blackout
drunk, I'm like passing out coldand I'm able to sleep like I'm
(37:07):
having a good sleep, because Ihave trouble sleeping sometimes
but you're actually not gettinga restful sleep because your
brain is never able to reach REMstate, your brain actually
stays awake and active, evenjust with one alcoholic beverage
, and then what that does is itmakes you more tired, more
lethargic the next day.
So you're talking about yourfitness and that kind of
(37:30):
lifestyle.
That is not as easy to do whenyou're somebody who's drinking
all the time.
Maybe you have the disciplineand you're going to the gym
still, and that's great, but I'msure on some level they know
that they're not performing totheir fullest potential because
they feel lethargic, they feelanxious, they're feeling all of
these things and the less youdrink, the more you're going to
feel energized, the more you'regoing to be able to move through
(37:54):
your emotions.
Because, let's face it, if youhave anxiety, you're probably
going to have anxiety even ifyou're not drinking, but it's
going to lessen and you're goingto have the capacity to
actually deal with the emotionsand move through them instead of
suppressing them.
So I don't know, for mepersonally, this sober, curious
journey hasn't been so I canreach this fully perfect,
realized version of myself.
(38:15):
It's just so I can actuallyhave the capacity to deal with
my life in a healthy way.
To deal with my life in ahealthy way.
But you do get all those otherbenefits of less anxiety, more
energy you're able to.
Your body is able to processthings better, because there's
the more obvious things likeliver health and heart health.
The more you're drinking, thosethings are are damaged.
(38:37):
Your liver can't clean yourbody properly and filter things
properly because it's so busyjust processing the alcohol.
So you will definitely seehealth benefits if if moderation
is something that you considernow not to mention all the money
y'all can save.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Y'all I don't know what booze are running these
days, but I I know that just theeconomy in general.
Right now everything's soexpensive, which I guess is why
people drink, becauseeverybody's so stressed out,
because the world feels likeit's a dumpster fire right now.
But that's where my mind goesto the, the transactions.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
There's no telling how much I've spent on alcohol
and the cocktails these days arelike 15, 20 sometimes at
certain bars that were themocktails yeah, like what You're
going to penalize me for nothaving alcohol.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
I just want some damn juice.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
And.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
I just want it to be pretty.
So one thing that when you weresaying that about the sleep, my
husband is big on a glass ofMaker's Mark before bed and he
is convinced that it helps himsleep or that it's going to help
him get to sleep.
And after hearing that, Itotally disagree because he, for
(39:50):
instance, today I don't know ifhe had any last night, maybe he
didn't last night, but he's healways wakes up tired, he's like
I didn't sleep, I can't sleep,it's because alcohol is a.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
It's a depressant, so it does slow us down, it makes
you feel more lethargic.
So there's this alcohol is ait's a depressant, so it does
slow us down, it makes you feelmore lethargic.
So there's this idea that I'mgoing to have a better sleep
because after the end of a nightof drinking, you're you feel so
physically tired that you justpass out, but your brain stays
active all night, even with justone alcoholic beverage.
So that's why you'll wake upfeeling dysregulated and tired,
(40:20):
and then also any emotions thatyou were suppressing the night
before are going to come backtenfold, which is a lot.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
That makes sense.
Well, I think we should talkabout what you've got coming up.
I know you mentioned you'reworking on your book.
What is this book going to beabout?
And then, if we can talk alittle bit about how people can
find you, reach you and workwith you?
Speaker 2 (40:46):
Sure, so I don't know .
Anyone who's maybe tried towrite a book or write a book
probably knows that you changedthe idea of it 8 million times.
So right now it's at the heartof.
It is a personal growth bookand it's partially about my
journey, but also shares a lotof like and and tips and
resources for people to moveforward.
And it's partially about myjourney, but also shares a lot
of like and and tips andresources for people to move
forward, and it's using thingslike gratitude and personal
(41:07):
development and manifestation tokind of life forward.
Um like tidbits about my journeyfrom binge drinking to living
sober.
Curiously, um terms of wherepeople can find me, my Instagram
is probably the best place.
It's Leanna Sips on Gratitude.
The blog is currentlyundergoing a rebrand so I'm
(41:28):
hoping to get it up there soon,but essentially the website will
show resources and blog postsaround sober, curiosity, mindset
, personal development and myhope is to share sober events in
different cities so people canhave access to things that they
want to attend.
I have a free community that islinked in my bio on Instagram
(41:52):
and I run different things inthere, and if people are ever in
Toronto this spring and summer,I usually do in-person events
there.
My hopes is to maybe have somein-person events in Austin if I
come back here again next winter.
For now partnering with peoplein different cities and kind of
their events on my website, sodepending where you are, I might
(42:14):
have something listed there.
Come to Mississippi.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Come to.
Mississippi.
How is Canada?
I've always wanted to visit,never been canada's great.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
I'm not to get political, but depending what
people's politics are, I knowit's a bit of a hot mess right
now in the us, so it's a littlebit chiller in canada, you don't
have to worry about.
I'm also physically chiller incan, so that's the downside, is
it's colder.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
I was going to say I think how cold it is there right
now and I'm like I can'tcomplain about it being cold
here.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
That's the annoying thing about Canada it's unlike
the US.
I feel like the US.
You can have a cold climate.
You can have a hot climate,Whatever you prefer, you can
just go to a different state.
And Canada it's kind of.
You know, it's probably thewarmest province, but it still
has winter, um.
But there's elements, there'sparts of Vancouver where it's a
bit warmer, but aside from thatwe do get pretty brutal winters,
(43:09):
um.
But spring and summer and evenfall is great Um recommend
people come and come up North.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Just make sure it's warm.
Okay, do you have any?
Any last words, like I like tocall it?
You know with what's on yourheart, because throughout the
conversation sometimes thingscome through or you're just like
I don't know.
You saw a quote this morning,or just whatever.
Whatever Leanna has as finalwords for my listeners would be
great.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
I would say just don't be afraid to tap into your
own intuition and ask yourselfthe hard questions.
I think about myself personally.
When I was heavy in this partygirl identity, I had this like
very like rough, tough exteriorof like yeah, bad bitch, I can
drink every day, I can dowhatever I want.
You can't tell me anything likethis.
Very like people were talkingabout sobriety.
(44:02):
It's like the user, whatever.
Like so much resistance, somuch resistance and you if, if,
that's still what's helping youget through life, like totally
get it.
But you don't have to be thatway with yourself.
So if there's like a quietmoment when you're at home, like
get out a journal and just bereal with yourself and just be
honest and ask yourself, like isthis who I want to be?
(44:23):
Like, do I have this, thisidentity, this facade?
Like is it helping me?
Who do I actually want to be?
Like, start asking yourselfthose tough questions, because I
get that that identity and thatattitude is helping you
externally and you're in thereal world.
But for me it was likeemotionally and internally.
So if you could just take sometime to ask yourself those tough
(44:47):
questions and get clear,eventually you can slowly break
those walls down and breakthrough through that identity
and I promise that you couldstill be a bad bitch, you could
still have fun, you could stillbe cool.
Like it does not end when youstop drinking.
It actually just just getsbetter.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
You just have to be brave enough to get honest with
yourself and have those toughconversations you said something
that I thought when you weresaying it, and that's getting
honest, like actual honesty,like ask the questions but
answering them honestly is whattruly like shift your identity
and, and it's true, y'all Likeparty girl here too, like we're
(45:25):
fucked up.
I don't remember my name, typestuff you were talking about.
Oh, I, there's places inPhiladelphia, pennsylvania I
think I'm probably still notallowed back then Because I was
just wild, absolutely wild.
But I would say, take it fromyou know, like us who are out
here doing it, doing it, havedone, have already went through
(45:46):
the party thing that it.
You don't miss it as much asyou think you will, especially
when you find your community,like you were saying and here's
the thing for me like I didn'thave that community, so I built
it, and now I have, I have it,I've brought it to me.
I would also like to just saythat you get a lot more done
whenever you release that habit,like all the time that you
(46:08):
spend doing that.
Just imagine the time that youcould be connecting with other
people, you know, helping otherpeople, workshops and your
events and stuff.
So much can be done with thatextra time that we, in my
opinion, looking back now, wastewasted.
You know I had to experiencethat so I would know how life is
(46:29):
and how good it can be withoutit.
But I don't think that you'llmiss it as much as you think
you'll miss it to the personlistening who's like I don't,
yeah, you won't miss it wheneverIt'll be hard at first.
Like you said, you do lose yourfriends, your circle.
You find out.
You find out who's there forthe right reasons and who's
(46:49):
there for the wrong reasons, andthat part sucks.
Would you agree that it reallydoes hurt, like it feels like a
breakup, when you lose all yourfriends and you're like oh, and
it finally hits you.
They don't don't, okay, sothey're not my real friends,
they are my party friends andit's so different than like that
, that one-on-one connection youcan have with a person and
spill your soul in about 20minutes versus and it's, it
(47:14):
sucks.
It's it sucks, but like it's upbut there's so many podcasts
out there.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
There's like people you can follow on Instagram.
There's totally onlinecommunities that you can tap
into in the interim and that wasreally helpful for me.
I was early in that phase, butfor sure, you get through that
hump and then life just gets somuch better.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
So I'm going to leave it with what my mom told me
whenever I experienced my firstbreakup and this will forever
stick with me.
Okay, Told me that when youfind yourself in those moments
when you're heartbroken, whenyou feel alone and like you want
to reach reach for the phone tocall that person, or you want
to reach for, in this case, thebottle or whatever your vice may
(48:00):
be she told me she was like, aslong as you're sitting and
thinking about it, like thatkeeps you so stuck and it's
getting yourself out of thatthought.
And what I know now is whenyou're in your head too much,
thinking too much, you need tobe more in your body.
This is what she told me whenmy breakup.
(48:20):
She's like every time you thinkabout him, do something
different.
Just go do something, dosomething.
I was like like what she's like?
I don't know, go make a fuckingpot of macaroni.
You can't like, you have tojust go do something, disrupt
the cycle.
And so in the beginning you weregiving everybody tips I'm like
to do, and maybe that's the timethat you go and you get curious
(48:40):
and you're like oh well, he'sreally cool trail I've always
wanted to hike.
And.
And then what did you sayearlier?
Making memories, not losingthem?
Exactly, yes, or I don't know.
You go paint a picture orwhatever.
(49:01):
But it's very interesting howour society has completely made
something so, and it can be verytoxic.
It has its good things, youknow, in the Bible wine and all
the things, but it's become sonormal that not drinking is not
normal.
It's so interesting how societyhas done that.
(49:21):
You know what I mean.
It's so interesting how societyhas done that.
You know what I mean.
It's very interesting.
But it's really refreshing tosee people like you and to see
I'm seeing it in younger peopletoo, Like there were generations
.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
They're like, ah, starting out super curious and
I'm like what I know.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
It's weird.
I'm like what are these kidsdoing?
What are y'all doing for fun?
Weird.
But maybe people like you andother people who are raising the
awareness are actually making adifference.
It seems like you are.
I'm doing amazing work, woman.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
Oh, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
It's weird talking to another introverted, shy person
.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
I know it's like I received a compliment.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
That's something I have to work on for sure.
Right, I'm still working throughthat too, for sure, but it's
been so great talking to youtoday.
I'm really glad we got to do itso much and I've enjoyed it
very much.
I enjoy whenever a woman ofyour stature just takes her time
to talk with me, to share yourexpertise and to give back to my
listeners, who are just amazing, absolutely amazing.
All over the world, people aregoing to be listening to this
(50:28):
and I really hope that thepeople who hear it, who need to
hear it, receive it and just dothe damn thing.
Just do it.
You don't have to drink.
There's so many moreopportunities for growth out
there.
I hope that they find that andI hope that they go and find you
.
I'm going to go binge on yourcontent for a little bit.
Not creepy at all.
(50:49):
Love it, thank you again.
Thanks so much.
All right To everybody.
Thank you, leanna.
I've been talking shit.
I think we talked about a lotof shit today and I had a good
time.
How about you?
Speaker 2 (51:02):
I had a great time Good.
I had a great time and I hopepeople found value in it and I
found value in it just sharingand chatting with you.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
Yeah, it's so cool how, the more you share your
story like I don't know, youstart to realize how everything
that's happened had to happenthe way it did, and it's super
cool that it led to likeparticular moment and you got to
talk to me and I got to talk toyou, and I just think that's so
cool.
All right, well, I'll catch youlater.
Thanks again, bye.
Hi, jacqueline here.
I know it's been a minute, butI'm back, and this episode today
is going to bring up someemotions for me, because when I
recorded it, I was on a reallygood high.
I was at the top of my weightloss game.
The medicine that I was takingmade it so that I had no desire
(00:21):
for alcohol whatsoever, and alot's changed since then.
I was on Zepbound for weightloss last year, going into this
year, and in February I had aBMI that was so low that I no
longer needed it.
And then, in the months comingup, with it being summer and my
appetite being a lot better myappetite being a lot better I
(00:43):
found myself in this cycle of Ithink I can drink again.
And, long story short,considering today's episode is
about being sober, curious,facing sobriety.
When I recorded this episodewith Leanna, I thought that I
was golden.
I was like I'm never going tohave this problem again.
(01:04):
But the truth is that thesepast few months, I've had a new
trouble with alcohol again, andit's not something that's like I
drink every day or I have todrink to get through the day, or
anything like that.
But I found myself, even withall the wisdom and everything
(01:31):
I'm about to say in this episode.
That honestly makes me feellike a fucking hypocrite, that I
thought I knew myself so that Iwould know my limits, and what
I found these past few months isthat when going out with
friends, the pressure of, oh,have another glass of wine, or
I'm trying to keep up with thesepeople and I found myself in
the same trap of feeling like Ihave to drink when I'm out and
my husband likes to drink and soI need to drink.
And the truth of the matter isthat when I drink a lot, I'm not
a good person.
(01:52):
Simply put, I'm not a goodperson.
I get violent, I black out.
So I'm very much just a one ortwo beers with fajitas type of
gal if I'm going to drink.
Or we can share a bottle ofwine and eat some cheese and sit
at home and listen to music orwatch a movie, a rom-com or
(02:14):
something kind of gal.
But I say this because I don'twant to build shame around the
fact that I've had really badexperiences and I've hurt a lot
of people when I'm drinking,because I know that's not me To
the core.
That's not me.
It brings out a lot of darkness, that's within me, but I've got
to not build shame around it,because I really fuck up when I
(02:35):
drink and I think that what'smore important is to know and be
honest with myself that I don'tlike who I am when I drink too
much, and so, knowing my limitsand being able to own up to the
fact that when I do that and Iput myself in that situation,
that I've got to be able to takeresponsibility for everything
(02:56):
that happens, even when I don'tremember it.
So I've had these moments thepast few months.
I've had two or three of them,and my husband God, oh my God.
I've never seen somebody moresupportive and I just feel so
undeserving of love lately, butthese drinking escapades really
escalated to moments that Ican't take back, to things I
(03:18):
said that I can't take back, andI've got a lot of guilt and
it's something I'm workingthrough and I've abstained from
social media and I've reallybeen working of guilt and it's
something I'm working throughand I've abstained from social
media and I've really beenworking on this behind the
scenes and it's just one ofthose things that it comes into
your life and you're like whatthe fuck?
I know better than this.
And then there's this wholevicious cycle of guilt and shame
(03:39):
and just like when are yougoing to be a better person?
I thought you knew better, andit just creates this perpetual
cycle.
And so I'm like I've beenworking through that and what
I've realized is that thisgetting to know myself and
finding myself and thinking Ican do things that I know I
can't do, and learning how to bemore responsible Is it's not a
(04:03):
linear phase, it's a loop, it'slike a circle, and I'm going to
revisit things and you're goingto revisit things and you're
going to make mistakes thatmaybe you thought you wouldn't
make, because you've alreadymade those mistakes.
And it's how you navigatethrough those things and how you
really show up and let thepeople know you've hurt somebody
(04:24):
.
I've hurt my husband and andhonestly I've hurt, I guess, the
idea that my kids have of me,and these weren't things that
did in front of them, it's justthings that they've heard or
things I've had to tell them andcome forward about, because
when you do stupid shit andthere's physical evidence left
behind and I'm not somebodythat's going to lie to them, and
(04:45):
so my husband has been lovingme through this and everyone
knows that I've had a recentdiagnosis of being bipolar and
some people want to use thatagainst me and some people have
retracted from me and think thatthey can't trust me or that I'm
this violent person all thetime.
But it's been learning mytriggers, it's been figuring out
(05:06):
what I can and can't do, beingable to tell the warning signs,
the signals, the being honestwith myself.
But what I'm really strugglingwith is giving myself the grace
and I think that if my husbandand my children didn't give me
such grace and just let me knowthat you're human and you fucked
up, but I don't know that Iwould be able to work through it
(05:27):
, essentially because of theguilt and the ruminating and the
hot Jacqueline, you reallyfucked up and you fucked up
again.
And so I just wanted to say allthis because, to be honest, if
you are in my life and you hearthis episode and you've seen me
drinking, not having a margaritaor having a beer or something
like that, or I've posted mystories, and then you hear this
episode and you've seen medrinking, not having a margarita
or not having a beer orsomething like that, or I've
(05:47):
posted my stories, and then youhear this episode, I feel like
you might be like, oh, she's aliar, she's a hypocrite.
And I just want to be fullytransparent that when I recorded
this episode I was a hundredpercent sober from alcohol and
my relationship with alcoholsince then has expanded, I guess
(06:08):
but that I think I revisitedthese mistakes to know for good
that I'm done.
I'm done with making these kindsof mistakes, putting myself in
these situations, because I haveso much to lose, I have so much
to risk.
And to be without my husband ifhe were to divorce me, or to be
(06:29):
without my kids or my stepkids,it feels like a thousand knives
going into my heart.
And I think that if you'restruggling with alcohol
addiction or substance abuse andyou hear this and your
relationships very iffy, they'retouch and go and leap down that
you're contributing to thisbecause you have an addiction.
(06:49):
I just think that it's reallyimportant that if you're
listening to this episode, to,one, give yourself grace, but
two, to be honest with yourselfand just seek help, whether that
be licensed professionaltherapists, psychologists, go to
some kind of counseling,whether it's inpatient, whether
it's outpatient care.
Just be accepting enough andloving enough of yourself to
(07:14):
know that it's okay to admitthat you have a problem, or that
when you use these substancesor drink alcohol, that you're
not the same person.
Because if you deep down wantpeople to see how loving and
caring you are and this iswhat's causing the problem then
it's learning how to be withoutthat, it's growing past the
wanting to numb yourself everytime things get hard, and I've
(07:37):
found myself making thesemistakes, and so here, we go.
Yes, sir, I had to share all ofthat with you, so now I feel
better.
Before I play this episode foryou, I think that my guest today
is going to open your eyes towhat it's like being sober,
curious or seeking a path ofsobriety, because there is peer
(07:58):
pressure to drink when you'reout with friends, to drink at
events, to be part of the crowd.
And so Leanna is really goingto open your eyes today.
She is wonderful.
She's an event planner, she ison social media spreading words
and tips and just her experienceof what it's like to be a sober
girly and to live a lifewithout the pressure of alcohol
(08:20):
or feeling like you have topartake in that in order to have
a good time.
So, without further ado, fromLeanna Sips on Gratitude.
Leanna is a community organizerand the author of the Sipping
on Gratitude blog.
She's dedicated to helpingfellow ex-party girls thrive in
retirement by providingresources on manifestation,
(08:41):
mindset and personal growth.
Through the Grateful SipsSocial Club, she cultivates
meaningful community experiences, both virtual and in real life,
that inspire connection andtransformation.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, you're
listening to Just Women TalkingShit with your host, jacqueline
cotton.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Jacqueline cotton welcome back to just women
talking shit.
I'm so excited about our guesttoday.
Is it?
How do you say it?
Liana or liana?
How do you say it?
Leanna or Leanna?
How do you pronounce it?
Leanna Got it.
I always have to be carefulbecause my name's kind of tricky
(09:30):
and I was literally goingthrough McDonald's the other day
to get a coffee and I don'tknow why people don't know to
say Jacqueline.
But she said something that Inever heard before and it was
Jaquina.
I was like that one's new.
So I always ask it how do yousay your name?
So, leanna, I'm so excited toget to chat with you today.
(09:50):
You were talking about workingon your book.
I don't know a whole lot aboutyou and I'm really excited to
just dive right in.
So if you would just take aminute to introduce yourself and
tell us what's going on in yourworld right now and how you're
making an impact, Sure, I'mexcited to be here too.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
I listened to a few of your episodes and I love how
organic your conversations are,so I think this will be fun.
I call myself a retired partygirl turned event planner and
blogger, so I primarily work inevents and I do corporate brand
activations and corporate events.
But I started having thispassion for the Sober Curious
space and movement which I canshare.
(10:32):
Maybe a bit more about my storylater, but I just started
blogging online about SoberCuriosity and eventually that
kind of grew into me, wanting tocombine my two passions of
events, but also Sober, sobercuriousness and so now I run
events for sober curious women,both virtually and in person in
(10:53):
Toronto, which is usually whereI'm based.
Right now I'm in Austin, butthat's another story and I blog
about sober curiosity.
I'm currently working on a book, so nowhere near ready to put
out into the universe just yet,but I am working on one.
I have workshops, I have a30-day alcohol-free challenge,
(11:13):
and that's about the gist of itso super cool.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
It sounds like you're doing a lot and you're making a
really big impact.
Whenever it comes to beingsober, what do do you consider
that?
Because and I say that becauseI see people say I'm sober
curious and my mind goes to, oh,alcohol.
But is that until other thingsas well?
For instance, I'm a medicinalcannabis patient, and so I'm
always curious about this.
I'm an ex-alcoholic.
(11:38):
I'll have a drink once in awhile, but I don't enjoy it the
way I used to.
It brings back a lot of badmemories, and so I'm curious
what is sobriety and being sober, curious?
Even look like.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
It's such a good question.
I feel like we used to havethis sort of idea of what
sobriety meant and whatalcoholism looked like, and it
was if you didn't fit into thisparticular description, you were
fine, which eventually welearned wasn't true, and I think
that's where this whole sobercurious movement birthed from.
It's sort of talking about thatgray area, that in between.
So traditionally, when we wereto think of an alcoholic, we
(12:21):
would think of somebody who hasa physical dependency on alcohol
, who's ruining every singlearea and aspect of their life.
But I think what we've sort ofgrown to come to understand is
that even having a reliance onalcohol in some way may not be
healthy for you and yourlifestyle.
So, whether that be, I'msomebody who relies on having a
(12:43):
drink in order to be social.
I'm somebody who relies onhaving a drink to be intimate
with my partner.
Right, we've sort of learnedthat those may not work for
people as well.
And so where sober curiositykind of comes in is exactly what
you were describing too, in myopinion.
I think it offers this umbrellaterm for people who fall in the
(13:05):
in-between, who are like maybe Idon't have a physical
dependency where I have to drinkevery day, or else I'm sick,
but I don't like the way alcoholshows up into my life, or I
don't like the way maybe othersubstances show up in my life.
So I'm creating my ownrelationship with it, whether
that be total abstinence ormoderation and knowing I can
(13:26):
have one drink here and thereand I'm okay, but I don't have
more than that, or whether it'sI use cannabis or maybe a lot of
people are microdosingmushrooms and psilocybin now at
this point.
So it's like maybe finding whatthat balance is for you.
I think that's kind of wheresober curiosity comes in.
So I am a big proponent of notabstaining 100% if that's not
for you.
I think that's kind of wheresober curiosity comes in.
So I am a big proponent of notabstaining 100% if that's not
(13:49):
for you.
But just having peoplechallenge their own opinion and
mindset around alcohol and maybeassessing should I consume less
, or what would consuming lesslook like for me, that makes
sense.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
So you mentioned when we go out and socialize.
That's when I really started tonotice that me drinking or me
not, the lack of me drinking islike I get.
Looks like when, when peopleinvite me out and they're like,
oh, so let's go out for drinks,I'm like, oh, I'll go, but I
don't.
I'm not a party girl anymore.
Like my version of partying nowis let's take a weekend trip
(14:26):
and go, stick ourselves innature and I don't know, hang
out and be very present.
That may sound lame to somepeople, but I used to live for
the weekends.
And then I remember in collegeis when I really started
developing a bad problem and Iwas hospitalized.
I drank so much and it was justa lot of trauma.
(14:49):
I was doing it to be cool, Iwas doing it because that's what
everybody else was doing.
But then the anxiety and thedepression and the CPTSD that I
didn't know at the time I had,it was a way of drowning out all
of that.
And now, being 35, going on 36,when I go out places and
everybody's drinking, they'relike, oh, what can we get you?
(15:10):
And I'm just like I'll take aShirley Temple.
And they're like what?
And I'm like I know it soundsweird, but I don't.
I don't need that to have agood time.
So what are, what are theevents that you plan?
And is that something thatpeople run into?
A lot is when they go out, theyalmost feel bad and guilty.
That, or they it feels likepeer pressure to me, to be
(15:32):
honest.
Oh, you're so weird.
You're not having a drink.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I have so many thoughts on this.
So one it's absolutely a formof peer pressure, but I think
it's just a reflection of theirown relationship with alcohol.
So if anyone's listening andthey feel uncomfortable when
they go out because people arepressuring them, if somebody
feels uncomfortable about yourlack of drinking, that only says
something about them.
(15:56):
It doesn't say anything aboutyou.
Typically, people react thatway because we're mirroring back
to them something that they'renot ready to look at just yet.
So that's just number one.
Number two I think it is reallyimportant to, as you said, you
love to go out and you'll ordera Shirley Temple.
That's awesome.
You already know what youralternative drink of choice is.
I think that's a big thing forpeople who aren't drinking.
(16:18):
Know what you're going to orderinstead and lay it with
confidence so that you'recomfortable when you go out and
you're not like standing aroundawkwardly.
Having a drink in your hand canbe very helpful.
It'll also help ward off anyoneelse you're around from asking
you if you want a drink, ifyou're already holding something
.
And then your other part to thequestion.
(16:39):
Now I'm trying to remember whatyou just asked.
What was the other part of the?
Speaker 1 (16:41):
question.
Well, we touched base on thepeer pressure thing.
But what are?
And you gave some tips on whatto do, which I think is great.
Having a drink in your hand, sosomebody is not like, oh well,
what are you drinking?
I like that, but whenever itcomes to cause, I find it very
interesting that you you callyourself like an ex party girl,
right, and then you nowcombining it with events, which
(17:04):
makes total sense if you stopand think about it.
But I'm curious, what are thoseevents look like?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Yes, Okay, yes, so I held an in-person event recently
and it was called High Vibes,high Tee, and it was a high tea
event where we got together, weall had matcha, I shared a
little bit about manifestationand goal setting and then we all
made vision boards together.
Some other events that I dovirtually might just be like a
(17:31):
workshop.
I held a gratitude circlerecently, which is where we
literally just got together andtalked about things that were
going well in our life andcelebrated each other.
So I think it can just looklike anything that is centering,
community connection, otheractivities outside of alcohol,
and that is one of the biggestthings I found for me when I
(17:53):
stopped partying.
As much was the lack offriendship and connection.
And then, obviously, the otherside of it is the shame and
guilt and all the emotions thatstart coming up that we used to
suppress when we were drinking.
But a big part of it is thelack of connection and going out
, because a lot of us put ourentire social lives into going
(18:13):
out for drinks and drinking anda big piece of that is we were
searching for connections over ashared interest of drinking and
we were not really seekingconnections over our shared
values.
So if you're hanging out withpeople and the only time you see
them is when you're bothdrinking, what happens when you
(18:35):
no longer like to drink?
Right, those friendships kindof fizzle out because you didn't
connect on any other.
You didn't connect overanything else.
Connect on any other, youdidn't connect over anything
else.
So I like to try to bringpeople together over values,
whether it's our personaldevelopment, our mindset,
connection, communication, ifit's still hospitality, having
drinks, having food, but it'smocktails instead of alcohol,
(18:58):
just finding other reasons tobring people together.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I love that so much.
So for the person who is sobercurious because I had said my
weight loss has a lot to do withit, that was one of the big
contributors is beer lots ofempty calories and so I get this
whole.
I'm starting to hear like, oh,quit, quit, losing weight,
you're going to blow away, andstuff like that, these
(19:23):
backhanded remarks.
But, like I said, when we goout and I don't drink there's
less pressure.
So I'm curious what are somebesides having a drink in your
hand?
What are some things becausethis happens a lot what are some
things we can say so that wecan stand in our power and in
our decision, but say it to thepeople in a respectful way,
(19:46):
because it's it's like they'recondemning you oh, you're so
weird, you're not drinking, orit almost feels like you're,
you're a party pooper type thing.
But I'm curious because I don'tever know what to say.
Besides, I just this, thisweight loss that I'm
experiencing and the medicinethat's helping me get there and
just my overall lifestyle change.
I don't I, but I run out ofthings to say whenever somebody
(20:13):
is thinking it's weird.
So what is a respectful thingwe could say without feeling and
I think the word is intimidated?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
That's a good question.
It's hard to say becauseeverything it's so different for
everybody.
I think the biggest thing isjust having confidence in your
decision and confidence in whatyou're saying.
But there's always going to bethose people that keep pushing,
and it's just what I said before.
If somebody is pushing likethat, it's likely because they
feel uncomfortable about theirown drinking and that's why
(20:43):
they're doing that to you.
But I find if you just, withconfidence, say I'm not drinking
or I don't drink, instead ofsaying oh, I'm just not drinking
right now or I'm not, I'm doingthis because of this, it opens
up more room for questioning andpoking, rather than just very
firmly from the beginning sayingI don't drink alcohol, that's
(21:05):
my choice.
If you like to drink, that'syour choice.
Right, and just shutting itdown.
But if somebody is going tokeep pushing you at that point,
it's really because they feeluncomfortable with their own
drinking and more often than notthat person continues to drink
throughout the night.
They might come up to you andstart asking more questions and
eventually you might get to apoint where you can see that
(21:27):
they're actually just curiousabout what I'm doing and they're
curious about why I'm doing it,because they feel some type way
about what they're doing andtheir drinking and their
patterns and I noticed sometimesit always it always comes back
to that eventually.
At least I noticed that withsome of the people in my life.
It's a hard thing to navigateand maybe that does look like
not going out with those peoplefor a little while.
(21:49):
Maybe it looks like finding newcircles, a new community, which
can be really hard.
And that's why a lot of peoplesay, when you're early in your
decision to moderate or to besober, there's that weird
transitional period where we'refinding new friends, we're
switching everything up in ourlife and that's a lot of the
reason why I started makingevents in this space, so that
(22:10):
women can find other women whoare feeling the same way and not
be met with that resistance andthat pushback.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Very nice, very cool.
It just feels like I don't know.
I wonder if there's anythinggoing on like that around here.
I'm in Mississippi and it maynot be all of Mississippi, but
people here are really big onbarbecues, football games, any
reason to get together and eatand drink, but I don't.
(22:39):
I don't feel like I've seenvery much going on here.
Do you have?
Do you have any?
I guess?
What do we look for in our areato see if there's anything like
this going on?
Speaker 2 (22:50):
I'm in Texas right now.
I've been here.
I'm here just for the winterand they've got a similar kind
of vibe.
It sounds like a barbecue,outdoor hangouts.
I'm loving it personally, but Ithink the internet is so helpful
for this.
You could go on Instagram andjust search your location and
keyword.
So if you were to search yourcity and sober or sober curious,
(23:14):
you're probably going to findeither creators you could find
other people that you could befriends with.
You might be able to findthings that are different,
events and activities that aregoing on.
And then also it's just findingrecreational activities.
So maybe, if you like sports,finding a local sports league,
and sometimes these people mightgo out for a drink after a game
(23:35):
, but they're not likelydrinking when they're playing
baseball or softball or football, whatever it is, and book clubs
are really good for that sortof thing too.
So maybe it's just aboutfinding activities that don't
revolve around drinking andconnecting with those people,
and then searching that keywordand your location on social is
really helpful.
You'll most likely findcreators in that space or just
(23:59):
anyone online who's talkingabout that sort of thing, and
you can form your own community.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
How long have you been sober or sober curious?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
It has been five or six years.
So I quit binge drinking backaround sometime between 2019 to
2020.
And I say quit but really I'mstill doing it, maybe once every
couple months, but I reallynarrowed it down and then I quit
it for good in 2020.
So it's been like five yearsand I'm in the same position.
(24:31):
I might have a single drinkonce every couple months or
every last time I had a drinkwas I had a small glass of this
Guinness punch at Christmas.
My family's part Jamaican andthey make this.
Jamaicans make this certainkind of punch at Christmas time,
so I had like a small amount ofit and that's the last time I
had a drink.
But in terms of drinkingregularly and binge drinking,
(24:53):
it's been five years.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
And may I ask what prompted that?
Did you have a line in the sandmoment, or rock bottom or
anything like that?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
For sure.
I was just drinking veryheavily from when I was maybe 14
until almost 30.
I was 29 years old and I wasdrinking three to five nights a
week, to the point of blackingout.
There was no just drinkingcasually.
I'm drinking to forget my namebasically every single time and
(25:24):
I don't know.
I think I just sort of gottired of it.
I had this moment one nightwhen I was out where I just had
this thought and I don't know ifit's like God universe,
whatever you believe in, butjust this thought of out where I
just had this thought and Idon't know if it's like God
universe, whatever you believein, but just this thought of
like, if I keep behaving thisway and drinking this way, I
will eventually die.
It's not sustainable.
I was just in a lot of unsafeenvironments hanging around with
(25:47):
people who were not good for me.
I'm at after hours till noonthe next day.
It was just really chaotic andI ended up going through a
really bad breakup around 2019,where my partner was also my
best friend of five, six yearsbefore we started dating and
when we broke up, I lost 90% ofmy friend group.
(26:08):
I just lost my entire world atthe same time and it was maybe a
week after that breakup that Iwent out and I got blackout
drunk again, and the depressionwas just so much worse the next
day that I was like I'm this, Ican't do this anymore.
I was just over it.
So I, of all things, found thiscarousel post on Instagram with
(26:31):
a 30-day self self carechallenge, and so I was just
like I'm going to do thischallenge and try to feel better
about my life and I did thatand it just felt really good to
do other things like yoga andmeditation and eating healthier
and just doing other things thatwere good for me.
And that's kind of what set meoff on this path.
(26:51):
And from that point, I wouldsay I drank very rarely, but I
still had moments where I woulddrink heavily and that kind of
moment in 2020 where I quit forgood.
So this is a year later.
I had met my who's now myhusband but at the time we were
just dating and we were veryearly on in our relationship and
(27:13):
he had never seen me even getdrunk before because at this
point I wasn't really drinkingand I invited him over to my
parents' house for my mom'sbirthday and it was his first
time meeting extended family andI got blackout drunk.
And the next day he justlovingly said to me I'd never
seen you that way and youweren't acting like yourself and
(27:34):
I didn't feel safe with you andit was just this approach.
I guess, in the way that he wassaying it to me, he wasn't
judging me, he wasn't trying toshame me.
It was like he was talking tome with love and also just that,
that stark reality of somebodysaying you are two completely
different people when you getthat drunk versus when I'm with
you sober and I don't feel safewith you.
(27:56):
That that just made me quit forgood.
So from that moment on, Ihaven't drank.
I haven't had more than half adrink in one one single night.
Isn't it wild?
What?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
alcohol does to you A toy with that whole.
You say things when you'redrunk and then you go back and
you're like, oh well, I didn'tmean that.
So some people think that thosereal you comes out, but I I
don't know if I agree with that,I just remember their.
Dr jackal and mr hyde is twocompletely different people.
(28:29):
Like I, I'm a different personwhen I get that drunk and I
don't like it and I don't likewaking up feeling like I what
did I do?
What did I say?
Who did I hurt?
It's a shitty, shitty feeling.
So the way he approached you I,that's such a cause most people
would just be like dude.
I remember my, my daughter'sdad.
He and I when we got togetherwe would drink.
(28:51):
That was all we did.
I was already drinking but wewould drink, smoke, some weed.
That's when I started smokingweed really like getting into it
and I would become a differentperson.
But I would push myself to thatlimit of blackout.
And I just remember at somepoint he made me so mad.
Now he was very let's go backand say he was very manipulative
(29:12):
and was doing other things thatI didn't know about hard drugs.
But I loved him so much thatwhen he he didn't do it in that
way, that loving way, but Iremember him saying because I
went to put hands on him and Islapped him and I just remember
him saying look, I love you, butif you ever fucking do that
again, I'm out.
(29:33):
And it was just that, oh,somebody calling me out and
making me feel like I was goingto lose something I think is
what did it for me Now, andshortly after that I got knocked
up so I can't drink with a babyanyway.
So I had a good nine, 10 monthsto think about it and it's I've
had some slip ups, I think, andit's I've had some slip ups, I
think, since her, since havingher.
She turned 12 yesterday.
(29:53):
But I just look back and I feelbad for the things that I put
people through when I was inthose states of mind, but at the
same time, part of me is gladthat I've already been through
that, because now, my lateryears, the thing like the people
(30:20):
who really matter not sayingthat he didn't matter, but the
people and the relationships andthe things that are worth
really working for I feel likeI'm not, I don't have to worry
about that being a problemanymore.
So hearing your story makes methink about that kind of moment.
For me, right before becoming amother, that was, that was my
moment.
But what, what do you have tosay to the person who
somebody's's come into mind andI'm not going to say his or her
name, but somebody that I know,that I care about, who I know is
(30:41):
that type of person who hatestheir job, lives for the
weekends.
And then every time I talk tothis person, if it's on the
weekend, I know this person'sgetting shit-faced.
That's what they do everyweekend.
They come to the gym on Fridayby Friday night.
They's getting shit-faced.
That's what they do everyweekend.
They come to the gym on Fridayby Friday night.
They're getting shit-facedSaturday, sunday won't come to
the gym on Monday, type thing.
And they were just up frontwith me.
(31:01):
I'm drinking on the weekends.
I don't remember anything, butthere's a part of me that sees
such good in this person andsees such fucking potential in
this person, but they can't getout of their own way.
They're so addicted to that.
That's what we do in theweekends culture, because that's
such a thing here, and youbeing in texas, you the barbecue
, the drinks.
I love the whole atmosphere ofit, but I don't like how people
(31:23):
ride on the drinking part of it.
So I'm curious to the personwho is like kind of tinkering on
the line of well, am I sobercurious, do I need alcohol?
This is just what we do everyweekend.
What are, what are your tips?
Or maybe something, some kindof words of wisdom for them?
(31:45):
Because it is, you can be sohappy without getting fucked up
all the time y'all, and it'sreally good because you remember
the things you do while you'rehaving fun too.
But what do you have anyanything from the heart for them
?
Because it's hard.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
It's hard making that step and being normal or not,
doing something that's outsideof the norm, which in some
places, partying every weekendis normal it's really
challenging because there's thisfear of I'm gonna be missing
out, I'm not going to have fun,I'm not going to be able to
participate in things, and Ithink it's a little bit of a
(32:20):
mindset shift in that, when itcomes to that, rather than
thinking of what I'm going tomiss out on, just think about
I'm not missing out.
I get to be present for thesesituations, so I get to go to
these events and actuallyremember them.
I like to say that now I'mmaking memories instead of
losing them.
You're now going to actually beable to remember the things
(32:43):
that you're experiencing.
Other tips around this is onejust think about how alcohol is
showing up in your life andthink about who you want to be
and if those two things arealigning.
And at the end of the day,nobody can make that decision
for you, nobody can change thatfor you.
It's something that you have toreflect on in your own self.
(33:06):
So ask yourself why do I drink?
Why am I drinking to the pointof blackout?
What am I trying to escape?
What am I or who am I drinkingto the point of blackout?
What am I trying to escape?
What am I or who am I trying tobecome.
For me it was.
I'm very quiet, I'm very shy,I'm introverted.
Alcohol to me was a way to comeout of my shell and and be more
out there, but to my detriment,because I was being way too
(33:29):
reckless and over the top right.
So it's like how alcohol insome way does help us.
So it's kind of identifying whyam I drinking to this point?
What am I getting out of it?
And can you be brave enough totry to step into that or
experience that sober?
Because it's so freeing tothink I had this huge fear
(33:51):
around speaking up and beingmyself and being outgoing.
Alcohol is just getting you insome way, but it's not allowing
you to step into your fullpotential by expressing that
part of yourself sober, right.
So think about how much freedomyou're going to have doing that
sober.
And then to your point about itpeople saying that how you
(34:13):
behave drunk is how you actuallyare.
I's not to say that that's notwho we are, because our shadow
(34:34):
self or ego selves are a part ofus, but that's not who we want
to be all the time, right.
So it's like, do you reallywant to identify with that part
of you or do you want toidentify with a more fulfilled,
actualized, embodied version ofyourself.
So really it's just a lot ofdeep emotional work.
It's a lot of mindset work.
(34:55):
If you do have access totherapy or things like that, I
always suggest it and recommendit.
But it's really just askingyourself the really tough
questions and then deciding whoyou want to be.
And if that's, if alcohol isthe way to get there, then by
all means keep doing you.
(35:16):
But more often than not it'smoderation or it's sobriety, or
it's being brave enough to stepinto a different version of
yourself, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
And I feel like we've talked a lot about the social
aspect, the mental health aspect, the personally growing from
being sober, sober, curious,moderating.
But Now this is just from myphysical fitness journey and my
body telling me when I do drinkbecause I get headaches and I
(35:45):
can I can just have a beer andI'll have a headache, and now I
know that's because I don'tdrink often anymore.
But we haven't touched base onany of the physical damage that
it's actually doing to your body.
Do you know much about that?
I know that a lot of us reachfor a drink when we're stressed
out, but I've heard that as thesame with coffee, it actually
(36:09):
produces cortisol and it makesyou more stressed out because
it's damaging your body.
That's something I didn't thinkabout over time, the damage it
was doing to my body.
So what do you?
Do you know anything about that?
Or even if it's just based onyour personal experience?
Speaker 2 (36:23):
I know a little bit about it for sure, alcohol
spikes your cortisol.
So, as you said, a lot ofpeople do reach for alcohol when
they're feeling anxious ornervous, and it does temporarily
relieve your anxiety becauseit's suppressing it.
But once you are no longerfeeling a little bit tipsy or
drunk, that anxiety is going tocome back stronger, and then
(36:44):
that's how people end up in thecycle of gotta have another
drink, gotta have another drink,or you have to drink more each
time because you're alwayschasing that feeling right and
then it just you need to end upneeding to drink more and more
every time.
But the other thing aboutalcohol is it disrupts your
sleep.
So if I used to think thatbecause I was getting blackout
drunk, I'm like passing out coldand I'm able to sleep like I'm
(37:07):
having a good sleep, because Ihave trouble sleeping sometimes
but you're actually not gettinga restful sleep because your
brain is never able to reach REMstate, your brain actually
stays awake and active, evenjust with one alcoholic beverage
, and then what that does is itmakes you more tired, more
lethargic the next day.
So you're talking about yourfitness and that kind of
(37:30):
lifestyle.
That is not as easy to do whenyou're somebody who's drinking
all the time.
Maybe you have the disciplineand you're going to the gym
still, and that's great, but I'msure on some level they know
that they're not performing totheir fullest potential because
they feel lethargic, they feelanxious, they're feeling all of
these things and the less youdrink, the more you're going to
feel energized, the more you'regoing to be able to move through
(37:54):
your emotions.
Because, let's face it, if youhave anxiety, you're probably
going to have anxiety even ifyou're not drinking, but it's
going to lessen and you're goingto have the capacity to
actually deal with the emotionsand move through them instead of
suppressing them.
So I don't know, for mepersonally, this sober, curious
journey hasn't been so I canreach this fully perfect,
realized version of myself.
(38:15):
It's just so I can actuallyhave the capacity to deal with
my life in a healthy way.
To deal with my life in ahealthy way.
But you do get all those otherbenefits of less anxiety, more
energy you're able to.
Your body is able to processthings better, because there's
the more obvious things likeliver health and heart health.
The more you're drinking, thosethings are are damaged.
(38:37):
Your liver can't clean yourbody properly and filter things
properly because it's so busyjust processing the alcohol.
So you will definitely seehealth benefits if if moderation
is something that you considernow not to mention all the money
y'all can save.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Y'all I don't know what booze are running these
days, but I I know that just theeconomy in general.
Right now everything's soexpensive, which I guess is why
people drink, becauseeverybody's so stressed out,
because the world feels likeit's a dumpster fire right now.
But that's where my mind goesto the, the transactions.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
There's no telling how much I've spent on alcohol
and the cocktails these days arelike 15, 20 sometimes at
certain bars that were themocktails yeah, like what You're
going to penalize me for nothaving alcohol.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
I just want some damn juice.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
And.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
I just want it to be pretty.
So one thing that when you weresaying that about the sleep, my
husband is big on a glass ofMaker's Mark before bed and he
is convinced that it helps himsleep or that it's going to help
him get to sleep.
And after hearing that, Itotally disagree because he, for
(39:50):
instance, today I don't know ifhe had any last night, maybe he
didn't last night, but he's healways wakes up tired, he's like
I didn't sleep, I can't sleep,it's because alcohol is a.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
It's a depressant, so it does slow us down, it makes
you feel more lethargic.
So there's this alcohol is ait's a depressant, so it does
slow us down, it makes you feelmore lethargic.
So there's this idea that I'mgoing to have a better sleep
because after the end of a nightof drinking, you're you feel so
physically tired that you justpass out, but your brain stays
active all night, even with justone alcoholic beverage.
So that's why you'll wake upfeeling dysregulated and tired,
(40:20):
and then also any emotions thatyou were suppressing the night
before are going to come backtenfold, which is a lot.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
That makes sense.
Well, I think we should talkabout what you've got coming up.
I know you mentioned you'reworking on your book.
What is this book going to beabout?
And then, if we can talk alittle bit about how people can
find you, reach you and workwith you?
Speaker 2 (40:46):
Sure, so I don't know .
Anyone who's maybe tried towrite a book or write a book
probably knows that you changedthe idea of it 8 million times.
So right now it's at the heartof.
It is a personal growth bookand it's partially about my
journey, but also shares a lotof like and and tips and
resources for people to moveforward.
And it's partially about myjourney, but also shares a lot
of like and and tips andresources for people to move
forward, and it's using thingslike gratitude and personal
(41:07):
development and manifestation tokind of life forward.
Um like tidbits about my journeyfrom binge drinking to living
sober.
Curiously, um terms of wherepeople can find me, my Instagram
is probably the best place.
It's Leanna Sips on Gratitude.
The blog is currentlyundergoing a rebrand so I'm
(41:28):
hoping to get it up there soon,but essentially the website will
show resources and blog postsaround sober, curiosity, mindset
, personal development and myhope is to share sober events in
different cities so people canhave access to things that they
want to attend.
I have a free community that islinked in my bio on Instagram
(41:52):
and I run different things inthere, and if people are ever in
Toronto this spring and summer,I usually do in-person events
there.
My hopes is to maybe have somein-person events in Austin if I
come back here again next winter.
For now partnering with peoplein different cities and kind of
their events on my website, sodepending where you are, I might
(42:14):
have something listed there.
Come to Mississippi.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Come to.
Mississippi.
How is Canada?
I've always wanted to visit,never been canada's great.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
I'm not to get political, but depending what
people's politics are, I knowit's a bit of a hot mess right
now in the us, so it's a littlebit chiller in canada, you don't
have to worry about.
I'm also physically chiller incan, so that's the downside, is
it's colder.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
I was going to say I think how cold it is there right
now and I'm like I can'tcomplain about it being cold
here.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
That's the annoying thing about Canada it's unlike
the US.
I feel like the US.
You can have a cold climate.
You can have a hot climate,Whatever you prefer, you can
just go to a different state.
And Canada it's kind of.
You know, it's probably thewarmest province, but it still
has winter, um.
But there's elements, there'sparts of Vancouver where it's a
bit warmer, but aside from thatwe do get pretty brutal winters,
(43:09):
um.
But spring and summer and evenfall is great Um recommend
people come and come up North.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Just make sure it's warm.
Okay, do you have any?
Any last words, like I like tocall it?
You know with what's on yourheart, because throughout the
conversation sometimes thingscome through or you're just like
I don't know.
You saw a quote this morning,or just whatever.
Whatever Leanna has as finalwords for my listeners would be
great.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
I would say just don't be afraid to tap into your
own intuition and ask yourselfthe hard questions.
I think about myself personally.
When I was heavy in this partygirl identity, I had this like
very like rough, tough exteriorof like yeah, bad bitch, I can
drink every day, I can dowhatever I want.
You can't tell me anything likethis.
Very like people were talkingabout sobriety.
(44:02):
It's like the user, whatever.
Like so much resistance, somuch resistance and you if, if,
that's still what's helping youget through life, like totally
get it.
But you don't have to be thatway with yourself.
So if there's like a quietmoment when you're at home, like
get out a journal and just bereal with yourself and just be
honest and ask yourself, like isthis who I want to be?
(44:23):
Like, do I have this, thisidentity, this facade?
Like is it helping me?
Who do I actually want to be?
Like, start asking yourselfthose tough questions, because I
get that that identity and thatattitude is helping you
externally and you're in thereal world.
But for me it was likeemotionally and internally.
So if you could just take sometime to ask yourself those tough
(44:47):
questions and get clear,eventually you can slowly break
those walls down and breakthrough through that identity
and I promise that you couldstill be a bad bitch, you could
still have fun, you could stillbe cool.
Like it does not end when youstop drinking.
It actually just just getsbetter.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
You just have to be brave enough to get honest with
yourself and have those toughconversations you said something
that I thought when you weresaying it, and that's getting
honest, like actual honesty,like ask the questions but
answering them honestly is whattruly like shift your identity
and, and it's true, y'all Likeparty girl here too, like we're
(45:25):
fucked up.
I don't remember my name, typestuff you were talking about.
Oh, I, there's places inPhiladelphia, pennsylvania I
think I'm probably still notallowed back then Because I was
just wild, absolutely wild.
But I would say, take it fromyou know, like us who are out
here doing it, doing it, havedone, have already went through
(45:46):
the party thing that it.
You don't miss it as much asyou think you will, especially
when you find your community,like you were saying and here's
the thing for me like I didn'thave that community, so I built
it, and now I have, I have it,I've brought it to me.
I would also like to just saythat you get a lot more done
whenever you release that habit,like all the time that you
(46:08):
spend doing that.
Just imagine the time that youcould be connecting with other
people, you know, helping otherpeople, workshops and your
events and stuff.
So much can be done with thatextra time that we, in my
opinion, looking back now, wastewasted.
You know I had to experiencethat so I would know how life is
(46:29):
and how good it can be withoutit.
But I don't think that you'llmiss it as much as you think
you'll miss it to the personlistening who's like I don't,
yeah, you won't miss it wheneverIt'll be hard at first.
Like you said, you do lose yourfriends, your circle.
You find out.
You find out who's there forthe right reasons and who's
(46:49):
there for the wrong reasons, andthat part sucks.
Would you agree that it reallydoes hurt, like it feels like a
breakup, when you lose all yourfriends and you're like oh, and
it finally hits you.
They don't don't, okay, sothey're not my real friends,
they are my party friends andit's so different than like that
, that one-on-one connection youcan have with a person and
spill your soul in about 20minutes versus and it's, it
(47:14):
sucks.
It's it sucks, but like it's upbut there's so many podcasts
out there.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
There's like people you can follow on Instagram.
There's totally onlinecommunities that you can tap
into in the interim and that wasreally helpful for me.
I was early in that phase, butfor sure, you get through that
hump and then life just gets somuch better.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
So I'm going to leave it with what my mom told me
whenever I experienced my firstbreakup and this will forever
stick with me.
Okay, Told me that when youfind yourself in those moments
when you're heartbroken, whenyou feel alone and like you want
to reach reach for the phone tocall that person, or you want
to reach for, in this case, thebottle or whatever your vice may
(48:00):
be she told me she was like, aslong as you're sitting and
thinking about it, like thatkeeps you so stuck and it's
getting yourself out of thatthought.
And what I know now is whenyou're in your head too much,
thinking too much, you need tobe more in your body.
This is what she told me whenmy breakup.
(48:20):
She's like every time you thinkabout him, do something
different.
Just go do something, dosomething.
I was like like what she's like?
I don't know, go make a fuckingpot of macaroni.
You can't like, you have tojust go do something, disrupt
the cycle.
And so in the beginning you weregiving everybody tips I'm like
to do, and maybe that's the timethat you go and you get curious
(48:40):
and you're like oh well, he'sreally cool trail I've always
wanted to hike.
And.
And then what did you sayearlier?
Making memories, not losingthem?
Exactly, yes, or I don't know.
You go paint a picture orwhatever.
(49:01):
But it's very interesting howour society has completely made
something so, and it can be verytoxic.
It has its good things, youknow, in the Bible wine and all
the things, but it's become sonormal that not drinking is not
normal.
It's so interesting how societyhas done that.
(49:21):
You know what I mean.
It's so interesting how societyhas done that.
You know what I mean.
It's very interesting.
But it's really refreshing tosee people like you and to see
I'm seeing it in younger peopletoo, Like there were generations
.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
They're like, ah, starting out super curious and
I'm like what I know.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
It's weird.
I'm like what are these kidsdoing?
What are y'all doing for fun?
Weird.
But maybe people like you andother people who are raising the
awareness are actually making adifference.
It seems like you are.
I'm doing amazing work, woman.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
Oh, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
It's weird talking to another introverted, shy person
.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
I know it's like I received a compliment.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
That's something I have to work on for sure.
Right, I'm still working throughthat too, for sure, but it's
been so great talking to youtoday.
I'm really glad we got to do itso much and I've enjoyed it
very much.
I enjoy whenever a woman ofyour stature just takes her time
to talk with me, to share yourexpertise and to give back to my
listeners, who are just amazing, absolutely amazing.
All over the world, people aregoing to be listening to this
(50:28):
and I really hope that thepeople who hear it, who need to
hear it, receive it and just dothe damn thing.
Just do it.
You don't have to drink.
There's so many moreopportunities for growth out
there.
I hope that they find that andI hope that they go and find you
.
I'm going to go binge on yourcontent for a little bit.
Not creepy at all.
(50:49):
Love it, thank you again.
Thanks so much.
All right To everybody.
Thank you, leanna.
I've been talking shit.
I think we talked about a lotof shit today and I had a good
time.
How about you?
Speaker 2 (51:02):
I had a great time Good.
I had a great time and I hopepeople found value in it and I
found value in it just sharingand chatting with you.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
Yeah, it's so cool how, the more you share your
story like I don't know, youstart to realize how everything
that's happened had to happenthe way it did, and it's super
cool that it led to likeparticular moment and you got to
talk to me and I got to talk toyou, and I just think that's so
cool.
All right, well, I'll catch youlater.
Thanks again, bye.
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