Christelle Prater and Keyoka "Koko" Russo share their transformative journey in the matchmaking industry, combining Christelle's expertise in mental health and communication with Koko's passion for relationship science.
Their innovative service, It's a Match, is redefining how people approach finding love by offering more than traditional matchmaking—it's about personal growth and self-discovery. Discover how their serendipitous meeting led to the rebranding and expansion of their company, opening doors for a wider audience and revolutionizing matchmaking beyond its usual boundaries.
Visit them online here.
Explore the challenges of modern dating as we discuss the profound impact of social media on relationships and the growing divorce rates among those in their late forties and fifties. Christelle and Koko highlight the critical role of matchmaking services in navigating these complexities, offering a guided approach that ensures safety and support.
Through personal anecdotes, we delve into the beauty and trials of marriage, and the importance of setting boundaries and fostering self-awareness for healthier relationships. With a lighthearted take on dating, we even ponder whether coffee dates are the way to go for a relaxed and pressure-free introduction.
Visit them on Facebook here.
Engage with the deeper aspects of personal transformation as we touch on overcoming trauma and the path to self-healing. Christelle shares insights from her book and various therapies that aid in personal development, emphasizing that knowing one's worth is essential in forming healthy relationships.
As we navigate the journey of self-reflection, we also discuss co-parenting dynamics and the worldwide availability of their services. The episode wraps up with a heartwarming appreciation for the community being built around these conversations, and an invitation to join future singles events, celebrating love, connection, and the journey to becoming the best version of oneself.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Before we dive in today's episode, I'd love to
introduce my two amazing guestswho are making waves in the
matchmaking industry with it's aMatch.
First we have Christelle Prater, a successful entrepreneur,
author and visionary behind it'sa Match.
With degrees in communicationand certifications in mental
health, christelle brings freshinnovation and insight to the
(00:24):
matchmaking world.
Her passion for helping othersdiscover the best version of
themselves drives her work, asshe continues to elevate
industries through her uniqueperspective and forward-thinking
ideas.
Now we've got joining us withher, ms Kiyoko Russo, also known
as Coco, the incredible COO ofit's a Match.
(00:46):
Kiyoko has been in thematchmaking industry since 2013,
earning her certification fromthe Matchmaking Institute in
2017.
Known for her deep commitmentto her clients, kiyoko's true
calling is finding the perfectforever match for everyone she
works with.
Her dedication to relationshipscience, combined with years of
(01:09):
experience, makes her one of themost trusted experts in the
field.
I'm so freaking excited to haveboth of y'all here, christelle
and Coco here today to sharetheir thoughts in the world of
matchmaking.
Thank you, oh, my gosh, soexcited.
So I have joked in the past andmy mom has joked with me about
(01:34):
starting a matchmaking service.
Now the joke is is we can't getrelationships right, but I
swear to God, we can spot themlike good, compatible people
together.
So I'm so excited and I've beenreally intrigued in matchmaking
.
Like I don't know if you guysever watch what, is it Down for
(01:55):
Love?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
and.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
On the Spectrum and stuff like that.
I love that.
My son's autistic, so I love it.
Yeah, those are my favorite.
Seeing them look for love andit's just beautiful.
It's absolutely beautiful, andI think that you're in a
beautiful business and I can'twait to hear.
It sounds like you guys have anamazing relationship.
We do.
I can't wait to hear how youmet and all the things.
(02:20):
But if you want to just hop onhere, you guys can take turns,
introduce yourself a little bitmore Anything that that I might
not have touched base on andthen I've got some rapid fire
questions for you that I thinkwill kind of break it up and put
you both in your zones ofgenius, and then the story will
(02:41):
just unfold all in its own.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm going to let y'all takeover for a second.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Hey, coco, you want to go ahead and go first?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh no, I would like my beautiful blonde bombshell
CEO who made this happen for me.
Without her, I wouldn't like Ihad my times, but I believe God
put us together.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
I agree, I agree.
So I am divorced and I, as yousaid, I have a book coming out
and I'm helping Coco build thiscompany and we totally.
When we met, I actually hadcalled her about signing up for
(03:24):
matchmaking myself, becausefinding the quality of person
that I want is not going to justhappen on an app or on social
media or walking down the streetor even scanning the you know
the aisles at Lowe's or HomeDepot Just not going to happen.
So I had actually contacted herabout that.
(03:45):
And, as we were talking aboutthat, one of my companies is a
business consulting company tohelp coach businesses when
they're struggling this or that.
Not that Coco was struggling,but in the matchmaking world
things are evolving and witheverything else, if you don't
evolve a little bit with it,then you're going to get left
(04:06):
behind.
And we started talking and, asshe says, it was just like God
put us together there to helpsupport each other and to give
us this great opportunity thatwe now call it's a Match.
I mean, we've went through thereorganization, the name change,
the rebranding, and now we'reat that point to where
(04:28):
everything is about to just takeoff.
The grand opening of everything, all the media is about to come
out and start our new websitescoming up.
So there's so much change, butthe one thing that hasn't
changed is our amazingmatchmaker, which is Coco.
I mean, as I you know, as youread that said there.
You know, her heart for peopleis she won't stop until she
(04:53):
finds it, and she's that greatbalance for me, because I'm more
the business side of it and thecoaching side of it, but she's
the heart, and you know that'swhat people are looking for when
they're looking for love, isthey want that and they want
somebody that can help them findthat.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
So yeah, absolutely well, she's.
She set you up for the stage,coco, which what you got for me
um, well, I um, like she said,how we met.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
It was like a.
It was during a time when I wasputting out ads looking for a
uh, co-founder at the time.
But things had switched.
It was for the best, I believe,because at the time I was
trying to run the business and Idon't want to use the word
trying.
I was running the business.
I was running it with a personwho's now going to be my
(05:46):
ex-husband, um, and it wasn'tgoing right and I was doing just
Christian matchmaking.
I wasn't branched out.
I wasn't like doing everybody.
I was doing a Christianmatchmaking company called
Genesis 218 and, um, I wanted tobranch, I wanted to branch out,
I wanted to do everybody, but Ineeded someone to do it with me
that believed that, hey, let'sdo everyone, not just me.
(06:08):
And then I'm not trying to bringreligion involved in me, but
God sent her at the right timeat the right time and the way he
did it, he did it so amazingbecause he brought her in.
I wasn't expecting this to falllike this.
I was expecting that she wasgoing to be just a client and
was going to move forward likethat.
But then God had amazing thingsfor us to change, change roles,
(06:33):
change name of the business.
And she being older than me wasa beautiful thing, because I
never thought a woman that wasolder than me, that have lived
on this earth longer than me, tocome in and say you know what,
I can help you.
And it's business smart.
I mean, she's an expert inbusiness and she's like an
auntie to me, she's like the onelike I just really needed that
(06:54):
girl sister power, and he senther to me.
So I'm I'm trying to do as bestas I can without getting
emotional.
I'm a very I get emotionalabout certain things, especially
her.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Oh, coco, did I not tell you this?
You can be emotional, you cancurse, you can whatever whatever
needs to come out, this is theplace.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
I love that.
I love that.
The funniest thing on it sheactually thought I was going to
catfish her.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
So the first day oh my gosh, catfishing is such a
thing.
So I got, I got catfished whenI was um now y'all, this was
like my space days, so we're allfamiliar with it.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I'm 35, I'm 35 too.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
okay, you know we're all getting familiar with the
internet.
We don't know any better yet,but, yeah, found out he was the
catfish and this it went on for.
I would say I think it startedwhen I was like 18.
And I found out who he was whenI was like 21.
You didn't go on MTV show, didyou?
I did not.
(08:00):
No, no, I think that show cameout like well, after I knew what
catfishing was, and I rememberthinking to myself had this
existed in that moment, oh, Iwould have been on it.
I would have been on it, pj,who are you?
And I would have found out thatit was some dude in Florida
(08:21):
with a family pretending to be ateenager.
That sounds about right.
Yeah, anyway, it was some dudein Florida with a family
pretending to be a teenager.
Who does that?
That sounds about right.
I'm just posting.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yeah, anyway it was weird.
Or you get the 60-year-oldthat's pretending to be 40.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Okay, or you get the person from Africa that's
pretending to be this handsomewhite guy.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
And then they put their picture.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
No, I'm not trying to bring race in here, I'm just
saying it's true.
They'll be from nigeria.
They want to ask questions,nigeria zimbabwe.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Okay, I watched plenty in 90 days fiance.
That's one thing, my so it'sfun.
This is all kind of funnybecause my husband and I met.
We met like through theinternet, through bumble, oh,
and when I started dating him Ithought it was so funny because
(09:17):
he would sit down with me andwatch 90 day fiance and I was.
What is going on and I becameobsessed.
So I know all about thecatfishing and the Nigerian
princes, that's the thing, okay,but I can see.
The thing is I can see how Imean I fell for the catfishing
(09:39):
thing.
Granted, I was, you know, I wasyoung, 18, 19.
Granted, I was, you know, I wasyoung, 18, 19, um.
But I can see how lonely peopleare and can fall for it.
And that's where you guys comein and I kind of want to maybe
start there.
Okay, sure, what consideringyou, you, you you're dealing.
(10:01):
What is the age range of peoplethat are you?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
you're dealing.
What is the age range of peoplethat are really actively like
seeking love?
Would you say, um, sometimes itshocked me and they'd be 21 and
that's like you know, becausethat's a younger age, but it
usually hit the age of 30.
That's the number 130 and itgoes up to like sometimes 60,
but it uh.
For women it's usually around35.
They come out and they'reseeking, and it's different.
Statistics show differentthings.
(10:28):
You know, I've read some peoplesay it's most people in their
40s, it's most people in their30s, but I believe it's more in
the 30 area, because a lot ofwomen and men get a divorce
usually in their 30s to getmarried in their 20s.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yeah yeah, I had a starter marriage myself.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, yeah, I had me, I had to start her marriage
myself.
Sorry, that's.
The kind of the thing, though,is with everything evolving,
because now you're getting intowhere even you know you look at
people.
Now you're getting moredivorces, and then the divorce
rates are coming up, that you'regetting more divorces later in
life.
You're getting your women andmen divorcing in their late
(11:05):
forties, late fifties andstarting all over in their
sixties.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Yeah, you know, you're seeing a lot of that,
that um, and that's opening up amarket and you know, like we
were laughing at the catfish,it's not just the catfish, I
mean look at at social media.
And when you look at socialmedia Facebook, instagram,
tiktok, all of those, especiallyTikTok's, the one I know most
about um, you get these poor,like you said, these lonely
(11:34):
people on there that they'regiving.
I mean, I have seen some thatthey're giving up their life
savings to these creatorsbecause they think, because they
flirt with them or because theytalk to them yes, they think
that they're going to date thembecause they're messaging behind
the scenes and not to be knownthat that creator's married, he
(11:58):
just taken your money, you know,or she, or whatever.
I mean, it's a crazy world.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I hadn't even thought about that and I am big on like
I.
Instagram is my jam, that'swhere I spend most of my time
for like business related RightUsed to be Facebook.
I have I like TikTok but I'mlike and TikTok, but you know
I'd never even stopped to thinkabout that and not to bring 90
Day Fiance back up, but on anepisode of 90 Day Fiance.
(12:29):
This episode is not sponsoredby 90 Day Fiance, but I do
remember one of therelationships.
It was like a very attractivefemale on a very attractive male
and he was, he was on tiktokand stuff and getting all these
tips and it would come in theform of cash later on and I
(12:50):
remember her being souncomfortable with that.
He's like oh yeah, baby, butit's just, it's just a business,
it's just a la, la, la,whatever, and.
But I can see, I can see how Ididn't even think about that.
You kind of just blew my mindthinking about that with the
whole creator thing, becausethat's kind of messed up when I
stop and think about it.
(13:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
And I mean there's other apps out there, favorited,
I don't know.
There's all the small versionsof TikTok and Instagram out
there, threads, you know variousdifferent ones that they're all
doing the same thing.
I mean that's one, coco, whenyou agree that's one of our big
competitors is the dating appsand TikTok, or not just TikTok
(13:33):
but social media.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, it's like it is , but I mean, whatever floats
the one boat, I believe you canfind love, but it's best to find
love.
In my opinion, it's what amatchmaker, because we do the
mat, we do the background checks, we also, um, we do the profile
writing, we make sure dating,coaching, we make sure you're
all prepared, give you the wholebundle to get you together, get
(13:57):
you out to do it to find thatperfect person.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
you're so made yeah, y'all are y'all hiring.
It sounds like a dream job.
Oh my god for the hopelessromantic.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
I can see how you guys would just love doing this
well, it's neat when you seebecause, like she mentioned the
dating coaching and relationshipcoaching, you had mentioned
that you see these perfectrelationships but you know
people that can't seem to makethat happen.
And a lot of times that hasnothing to do with the other
person, but everything to dowith yourself.
(14:28):
Because until people learn whatthey really want, how to love
themselves, how to appreciatethemselves and how to set
boundaries, that this is whatthey expect out of a
relationship, this is what theyexpect people to treat them like
, then you're going to havethose difficult relationships
ongoing.
Yeah.
(14:49):
You know and I know so manywomen that are afraid and I'm
sure there's guys out there toothat are afraid to tell somebody
up front.
This is what I'm expecting andthis is what I'm looking for,
and these are the boundariesthat I'm going to live within,
because they're afraid thatperson will walk away.
Well, I think Coco would agree.
If they walk away, then they'renot your person, they're not
(15:10):
your forever match, and that'swhat we work for.
Is your forever match True?
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I'm just thinking about marriage in general.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Marriage is hard, it is, it's beautiful though it's
beautiful Marriage is hard, butit is a beautiful, I think it's.
I like.
I like to say I'm an emotionalperson.
I remember when I did my veryfirst match.
It was my father-in-law and he,his wife, had passed when my
husband, my next husband, wasseven, on a cruise ship and he
(15:39):
had times where he was liketrying to date people and it
wasn't working.
I said, well, I'm graduatingfrom the Matchmaker Institute,
can I help you?
He was like trying to datepeople and it wasn't working.
I said, well, I'm graduatingfrom the matchmaking institute,
can I help you?
He's like, no, no, no, I don'twant to say please.
Finally he said, okay, I'mgonna give it a shot.
He said in the 80s, uh, I had afriend that told me that he
used to match my god stuff.
I said, well, this is not the80s, you know I'm an 80s baby,
I'm a millennium, but you gottatrust me.
(16:00):
So he did I'm uh.
I compared it up with amatchmaker that's a really good
friend of mine.
She's really known in theindustry.
Her name's ella.
She's doing europeanmatchmaking and then she does
smoky mountain matchmakingservice and chattanooga and she,
me and her got together and itwas like I was, you know,
getting all the othermatchmakers.
(16:20):
Like you know, we're comingtogether and I'm searching, I'm
going networking events.
I finally find my soon-to-be.
At that time I didn't knowmother-in-law and I did not know
that this Hungarian woman wasgoing to be my mother,
mother-in-law one day.
So we was like we're gonna goahead and go a day and he was
like he's an older guy, so he'slike he was a professor.
(16:42):
But he was like I don't knowhow to use zoom, I don't know
how to do it.
I was like, well, he said Idon't use skype.
I said, well, it's kind of likethe same thing.
And so we helped him and stuffand they start video chatting.
Then he flew out to meet herand then we thought it was like
over, we hear nothing from him.
And he was like after like ayear or so he was like we're
(17:02):
engaged, we're getting marrieddecember.
I was like what?
He's like yes, and I was likemy, my soon-to-be ex-husband was
like I'm so happy because mysoon-to-be ex-husband is italian
, so there's the two differentcultures coming together, yeah.
And so it was a beautifulwedding.
I cried at it.
It was like weird, I didn'tknow I was gonna cry and
everybody the family's likelooking at me you know they're
italian, so everyone's lookingat me like why is she crying?
(17:24):
Like she doesn't want themtogether?
And I'm like, no, I'm just sohappy.
I can't believe in the othermatchmaker.
She's just standing aside.
She's like, yeah, we did it.
And she looks at me I havetears.
She's like, oh, my gosh, it wasfunny.
But I was so happy like I neverthought my first client would
be my father-in-law yeah, no'sso beautiful.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
I would be crying like a little baby too.
I think it's weird not to cry,to be honest, but I've always
been such a hopeless romantic.
I've been looking for love mywhole life, but in the wrong
places, and so I want to know.
I'm going to start with thesequestions.
I have them written out, okay.
My first question is and I feellike there may not be a perfect
(18:10):
answer, but it'll get you goingwhat would you say is the most
important quality to look for ina match?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
That's all you can answer that one.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
I think that is going to be different on each person,
depending what your client islooking for.
There's no specific thing otherthan matching the values.
The integrity you know that'swhy we do background checks is
we want to make sure you'regetting a quality person.
(18:41):
We do financial checks to makesure they're who they say they
are, because when you're datingsomebody or when you meet
somebody, you don't really getto know them those first 90 days
.
It's between the 90 days andthe six months, but in that real
person emerges in theindividual.
(19:02):
Sometimes it goes as even longas nine months out.
So you know, we do our best tomake sure that you put down that
you're wanting someone of this,this, this and this
characteristic, whatever it maybe.
That's what we're looking for,that's what we're matching you
with and sometimes, like I said,to find that forever match it
(19:24):
may take several differentmatches because you may go out
on a date or do your Zoom calland come back to myself or Coco
and say you know what?
He did have this and he had the.
He was the business person thathe said he was in this and that
, but he answered his phone sixtimes in the night.
(19:45):
You know well, when you'redealing with a major, major
business owner, sometimes theyhave to do that and you know so.
Then you find out okay, so thatmay not be the exact thing
you're looking for, but you'relooking for that person that is
financially well stable, withthe lifestyle that you're
looking for, but they work anine to five and they don't have
(20:06):
those after hourresponsibilities all the time.
Okay, so that's where Coco andI spend a lot of time behind the
scenes talking to you, as youknow, as one of our clients, to
find out what specific changeswe need to make.
And sometimes it means Cocotakes a whole new route and I've
(20:26):
seen her do this already andjust goes to a whole different
style of matchmaking alliancethat we have to different
matchmakers to say, okay, howabout this?
And I mean she works reallyhard networking with other
matchmakers.
We're actually leaving thisweekend to London for a
conference to network with othermatchmakers and to pick up some
(20:48):
new training and things likethat to help, because there is
no set thing that this is theone trait that's perfect for
everybody, because that doesn'texist.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I love it.
I agree with everything shejust said.
I do too.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
I'm like okay, next question.
I'm like okay, next question,okay, first date.
Would you recommend coffee ordinner Coffee?
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yes, that goes back to an old logo.
I used to have coffee, becausecoffee you can just sit and talk
.
You know it's nothing, you'renot feeding your face, you're
not worried about her breathgoing to stink If she has onions
, like some guys are like guyslike I'm gonna make sure she
ain't got no onions on her plate, you know.
You know they're gonna get thatfirst.
(21:38):
Kiss someone like I don't kissyou, but you know everyone's
different.
But coffee.
I always thought that would belike the first um way to me also
to just if you're me and client, coffee is always the best
place, like a coffee shop,because you get that intimate
meet and greet to see if youguys are meant to.
You know, be around each other,match with each other,
socialize, however you want toput it, whatever works, but it's
(22:00):
.
A second date can be dinner andthen a third date can be
something fun, or you could flipthe flop, however you want to
do it, but I just really feellike a more get to know you.
Each other is cool.
That's just my all the wayopinion.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
No, I think you're right, because it takes the
pressure off.
You know, that's why sometimesZoom calls, or a coffee day,
other than I was sitting therein my mind trading coffee breath
or onion breath.
Neither one's really in my book.
That's where my brain went, butit does take the.
It takes the expectations andthe pressure off to make it more
(22:38):
relaxed and casual thathopefully both individuals will
open up more.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah, so my mind went to it's also going to be easy
to just leave, which I need to.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
You can cut the time limit.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yes if it's not working.
This 12 ounce of beverage isgone.
I got to go.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Well, and you know, here's the greatest thing is as
a client, you don't have to dothe rejection.
And that's the part that peopleyou know especially for me,
that's the part that I have thehardest time with is saying you
know, I'm sorry, this is friendzone.
Or you know, I'm sorry, I'mlooking for someone more like
(23:19):
this.
You know something like that.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
That's Coco's job yeah, I just go back and say,
hey, I got a ton of thematchmaker, I got a feedback.
Um, my client said this andthat, or they're not interested,
it was very it could be.
No, they were mutual, he's notor she's not just gonna move
forward with this, yeah.
Yeah, I hate saying thatbecause I see another match
where they look like are youserious?
(23:42):
Like I've been.
One was just looking at me likeall this chasing around, it was
funny, me in her lab and shewas like okay, it was just her
face.
It was like price, like I knowI have to wait a couple of days
for me to get back to me.
But yeah, this, this is what'sup and you didn't notice.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I said that's coco's job.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
I noticed I was picking up what you were putting
down crystal, okay, oh my gosh.
I mean it's, I don't know, thatmay burn a little more actually
if I stop thinking about itlike I'm used to getting
rejected.
But I got rejectedprofessionally.
(24:23):
I got professionally broken, ohmy gosh.
But at the end of the day, Ithink that if you're, if you're
in the game looking for lovelike you get hurt a lot either
way.
So it's worth the definitelyworth the risk.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
It sounds like you are probably a lot of fun to
work with yeah, people say I am,I have one, I'm not gonna say
his name.
I have a client and he loveslike he.
Sometimes I'd be like we have atime limit that we talk and I
just go over you know feedbackand stuff like that.
And he'd be like he have a timelimit that we talk and I just
go over you know feedback andstuff like that, and he'd be
like he'd just be wanting totalk to me.
I'm like we're not going to dothat, sir, we're just going to
(25:00):
stay on the whole thing, likehe'd get off a little subject be
like you going golfing today.
I'm like I don't golf but okay,but it's fine.
He loves talking to me.
He always say I love you.
He always say that I'm likeokay, I've just never had a
client, somebody they love me,but he's waiting for you to get
divorced but no, coco is fine,she.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I mean, when we have meetings it's comical, I mean
we're.
And especially when it's justthe two of us, it's like okay,
we have to rein this back in orwe'll be here all day well now,
I'm upset that I can't see seeyou on camera should I look?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
well, I'm a little bit bigger than the picture, but
I'm losing it.
I lost 35 pounds so far.
I lost six pounds yesterdaydoing weight govi, so I'm
getting myself in shape girl Iwhat is um?
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I am using zetbound.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I've never heard of it.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
It's similar but it is changing my freaking life.
It has changed my life.
I was like borderline highcholesterol and way too big for
my frame, and I was.
I have a three-year-old.
I was like just very limited my.
Anyway, I too am down almost 40pounds.
(26:14):
I'm proud of you, good jobanyway.
So she said we're going to be,and I was like, oh, that's very
similar to you.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Go, girl, you go girl and I don't.
Well, I'm not gonna say shemight not want to know she's
taking anything.
Um, I just give it to myself.
She didn't say anything, so soI go into just like I'm slender
and I don't have to say anything.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Me.
No, no, no, no, no.
I have.
At one point I weighed almost300 pounds.
Wow, coco's seen the pictures.
I mean.
So yeah, I weighed almost 300pounds.
I still got some more that Iwant to drop, but I am working
on it.
(26:53):
I actually I was so proud ofmyself today because I tried on
a dress that I bought and I'vehad hanging in the closet trying
to get ready for this trip andit's a medium.
So about two years ago I was ina triple X.
Today I actually got the medium.
It was snug.
I will not lie.
(27:14):
It was fucking everything.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
Just I mean, and you know I work, I was.
I hit the gym before I got onhere today and it's kind of why
I'm really casual looking.
So thank goodness this is avoice, not a visual Hold on I'm
interested.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
It looks this is a voice not a visual hold on.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
It looks nice from the top up, so that lipstick on.
Oh, can we also?
Um, is it okay if we also saythe name of her book?
I'm, her book is very good.
Uh, are you going to announceit?
Are you ready to?
Are you?
Do you want to air?
Everyone can hear you canannounce it, coco.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
I want you to announce it, coco.
Actually got the very firstcopy off the press.
Oh yeah, tell us about it.
It's called Beyond Trauma andit's about I use my own personal
life experience as to where,like as you mentioned earlier, I
have the mental health coachingcertifications and I think God
(28:14):
had me.
I actually was at a conferencein Pensacola, florida, a women's
conference, and somebody askedme hey, would you consider
taking these classes and being acoach?
And I was like sure up, and itwas a two year study that you
went through that got yourcertifications, and I think God
(28:39):
had me go through that to healmyself.
Because I was kind of thebeginning journey of me helping
me book about, because betweenmy personal abuse I've grown up
in and marriages anddysfunctionalities and
everything that I've wentthrough, I wanted to share some
(29:01):
of those experiences.
But it's not about myexperiences in the book.
It's more about what I did toovercome some of the situations.
What I did because when you gothrough abuse or trauma or
sexual abuse or whatever PTSD,any of it, it's all trauma and
your body reacts to it to wheremost people don't realize.
(29:24):
When you are dealing with anarcissist, you can actually, as
the victim, end up with braindamage because your brain starts
mapping and different parts ofyour brain under become
underdeveloped, to where partsof the other parts become
overdeveloped, which causesdifferent behaviors and I'm
(29:45):
sorry.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I needed to hear that this is part of my friends
really fucking with me right nowbecause, um, I'm personally
going through a lot of mentalhealth issues and it's something
that I've been struggling withfor years, but the older I get,
the more vocal I am about it,and so one thing that I struggle
with is in my marriage it'sreally difficult to to have to
(30:13):
communicate with someone whodoesn't have mental illness, um,
and which I he's, he'sliterally probably the perfect
husband.
I mean, I just I have too manyfeelings.
I think for him is what it is.
That's beautiful, I love that,and but it's it causes a lot of
(30:34):
doubt in my mind, because mypast relationships were with
narcissists and my upbringing Iwas raised by narcissists, and
so some people say, you knowlike, oh, you're just an empath,
or and I'm like, I really I wasliterally crying in the next
room earlier talking about how Ijust I don't think it's him, I
(30:55):
think it's me, all of our issuesare me and it it's.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
I think I needed to hear that today, because I am
looking at psych evaluations andwhatnot, because I do feel so
like my brain is not functioningthe way it should and then you
say that dealing with anarcissist, it's very likely
because the the hippocampus inyour brain, which is kind of
(31:20):
your short-term memory, yourcommon sense, kind of sensory
things that you know, you justkind of do, begins to shrink
because the forgive me, I neverit.
Never.
It starts with an A and anotherpart of the brain it starts
with an A, it starts to overgrow.
Well, that is because of yourfight or flight.
You're either saying a fight,flight, or you know freeze or
(31:47):
whatever you know, run away, andall of that.
But when it startsoverdeveloping it also starts
causing other issues to whereyour sense for more promiscuous
sexuality behavior begins toengulf or your lack of
(32:08):
reservation to certainsituations that you would
normally have been reserved to.
You're more willing to be riskybecause of the different
changes in some of that.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Very interesting and it just lets me know yeah, I
feel like I need to see apsychiatrist.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
You know it's things.
There is therapy, like there'san eye therapy that you can do,
that reprograms your brain.
You know it's used for a lotwith PTSD.
There's exercise Exercise is abig deal and things because it
read.
What you have to do is you haveto retrain your brain to where
the one section that'soverdeveloped starts reducing
(32:50):
while the section that'sunderdeveloped begins to enlarge
again and become back to normal, and it is possible.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
No, it's making sense , because I mean, this is
totally making sense.
I know this isn't where theepisode needs to land, but the
amygdala, that's it.
Yes, thank you, and I've.
So, anyway, that could.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Yeah, that could be an episode in itself, but you
know it is still part of whatCoco and I do, because that's
where the coaching comes in fordating and relationship, because
we we, we are not therapists,but we can connect people, if
you know, if they get in thereand they figure out.
You know, oh, I went out withthis guy and he said that I
(33:33):
asked too many questions, or Ido this or I do that, or I'm too
much this, and then the nextguy is doing this and you're
seeing a pattern of behaviorproblem.
That's when Coco and I can gettogether and talk and, you know,
find, ok, we'll coach with herand say this would be our
suggestions to help you betteryourself and make a better
(33:53):
version of yourself.
So that way, when the right guyis there and we find that
forever match, you're ready.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
I love that you're offering those service, like
those services, because match Idon't feel like any matchmaking
I've witnessed doesn't seem tohave.
It seems like they're justthere for the event of
matchmaking, you know, and seemto have.
It seems like they're justthere for the event of
matchmaking, you know, and so Ilove that you're incorporating
coaching too, which makes senseif, Christelle, you were a coach
before this.
So I know you shared a storyearlier about your father-in-law
(34:24):
, but is there another likefavorite success story that
comes to mind either of you?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Yes, it was.
I'm not allowed to give out hername, but I am allowed to say
this.
She was a pediatrician and shelived in virginia and she, um,
she came to me and, um, she seenme on, I believe, the global
love institute website orsomething like that.
She said she seen that I did aspotlight to do spotlight on
(34:53):
certain matchmakers and she waslike, well, I am a christian
woman.
At the time I was doingchristian, just christian.
Now I, just I do everybody buttime I was just doing christian
and she had came to me and shesaid that she was looking for
black on black love.
Now that, right there, I, as aBlack person, I have been in an
interracial relationship half ofmy life, so that was a
(35:18):
challenge but I conquered it.
I helped her find this guy thatwhen they, after they did the
Zoom call, she decided to jumpon a call with me.
She decided to jump on a callwith me, with him, and they was
like you did it.
She was like I don't know whatthe future will hold for
marriage for us, but you haveput us together and that was in
(35:46):
year 2016.
And I was very nervous becausethe type of guy she was looking
for.
I was like there's no way Icould find.
So I have to talk to her abouther standards and stuff like
that, because she had these veryhigh, high standards that I
knew we were not going toactually find me.
It's out there, but the areasthat she was looking for we
wasn't going to find it in thoseareas and we uh, we found this
(36:07):
guy.
He worked for the governmentand it was with another
matchmaker that doesn't want hername mentioned or anything like
that.
But, um, it was a good matchand they're still together.
Today, as I pass by certainsocial media, like on TikTok,
and I see them do videostogether.
But they're not married, butthey are still together.
That was 2016, is now 2024, soevery time I see her, it makes
(36:29):
me really happy.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I actually thought you were going to talk about the
actress.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Oh the actress.
No, that's not a success story,it was a crazy thing and I just
want to say you know, if youcan't, if you're not financially
stable, going to a matchmakermight not be the best thing for
you.
Maybe starting up like datingcoaching and then finding
(36:56):
something like in your budgetthat match like you have other
options like matchmakers.
We throw singles events.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
I was going to say the singles events.
For those that can't afford thematchmaker, the singles events
are very successful.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Yes, and for any matchmaker that even come across
this podcast, never make thesame mistake I ever made.
It was a big mistake and Iregret that, but I worked with
her for the fullest and she wasjust never happy.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
But you did finally succeed.
So that was.
I was so proud of you for that.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
And you know, the neat thing too is like singles
events.
I don't know about othermatchmakers, but at all of our
singles events we give away onefree matchmaking package oh,
that is super cool.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
I didn't even ask.
So are you?
I'm in mississippi.
I didn't think to ask for youshe's.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
I'm in for walton, but she's in a so destin florida
area get area.
Get out, get.
Our business is located in thatarea and she's she lives in
that area.
I'm in fort walk beach, whichis next it was the county is
walked in okaloosa okaloosa walkcounty, so people know as the
redneck river or lower alabama.
That's us.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
I'm super familiar with florida, I mean mississippi
, you're.
You're pretty much my neighbor,and anytime we go to the beach
I prefer Florida.
But I have to find who do youmeet in person one day, other
than Zoom I?
Speaker 2 (38:16):
really I just want to say I love your interviews you
have on your podcast.
I listen because when I firstseen you I was like wait a
minute, let me listen to herstuff, and I was like I just
love how it comes on.
It's so fun.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
It's your.
I'm a little curse heavy.
Um, it's something I'm workingon, but I call them sentence
enhancers and but outside ofthat, yeah, I try to, just as
you say, just keep it real andand you started doing COVID
right.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yep, yeah, I read all of that.
I was amazed, like just meetyou and everything.
I was like I like what I seeand I was so excited to be on
here.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
It's very choose us for sure I was really excited
whenever I saw you had amatchmaking service, because I'm
not shitting you, my mom and Iwhen we get down and we're like
what, what would be so much funto do together, because I she's
in a spot in her life whereshe's in her fifties and we're
(39:12):
both like just personallyevolving a lot, and so I like
tried it.
I'm a life coach, so I tried toinspire her, and so that's one
of those things she'll bring uponce in a while that we should
do a matchmaking service.
But she never follows through.
I was so excited to talk toactual matchmakers, because all
you really get to see is likethe stuff on TV and it just
(39:35):
seems so over embellished and Iwould say more about the show
than the client.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and Coco's the one that'strained, and I think she would
agree that that's what theyteach you towards that, don't
they?
Coco?
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
And that's where I came in and I said let's look at
it through a business aspectand start to make the change.
I said you know the businessaspect, let's bring it down to
where, no, it's not made foryour low income, but your
professional people, you knowthat are out there.
You know if they give up aStarbucks coffee a day or better
(40:15):
, they can afford it.
You know it's not over thecharts, off the charts,
expensive.
You know, and the differentthings you know that we offer,
you know, by the time you lookat people paying for dating apps
, usually I mean they'reexpensive, they're expensive.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I remember, I remember, I remember whenever I
was on Bumble I'm like I'm notgoing to pay.
They're expensive, like $30,$50.
I don't know, it was like $50.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Well it's like you know what $45 for the app.
Then they want another likelike, boost yourself for another
25 and then, if you won't beable to go back to the one you
accidentally swiped, that youreally didn't want to swipe,
there's always another 25, therewas always.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
There was always something.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
I do remember that subconsciously they don't
realize they're paying 75 bucksan app, more than likely a month
, you know I think it's kind offunny, though, about which is
different from matchmaking firmsand dating apps.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
It's like an individual could hit up every
dating app with the same profilepicture and with a matchmaking
firm, you're locked into thatfirm, so your profile is not
gonna be the same.
Guy with the with the dark hair, dark eyes, tall guy with the
dreads is not gonna with the redshirt, is not gonna be with the
red shirt, it's not going to beat all.
The other matchmaking firms,like they're not going to see
(41:36):
you.
I'm just saying, for what Ihave seen, like you swipe,
you're on Bumble or Tinder orStir, and then the same people
is on the same app, the samet-shirt.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
And their pictures are current and their pictures
don't have filters, so youactually know what they're going
to look like.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
The filters get.
The filters are driving mecrazy, I don't know.
Okay, I'm going to share thiswith y'all and listeners.
If you're one of these people,don't be offended.
I have people who come up to mein person but I know on social
media and they're like.
I've had people like oh, you'rethe host of just women talking
(42:16):
shit.
I don't recognize them becauseall I know is what they look
like with filters.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (42:22):
I seen one one time and it was like a sheriff.
I think it was one of ourFlorida sheriffs that said this
and said hey, women, please turnthe filters off so when you get
lost or something happens, weknow who we're looking for.
I was dying laughing.
I was like, absolutely,absolutely.
I mean.
That's why I think Coco thoughtwhen she first met me she was
(42:45):
going to be catfished.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
I was like me and my um husband, our ex or co, I like
call him co-parent partner.
We were both like.
He was like okay, so this womanis in her 50s I said, yeah, he
says no way.
He's like when she walks thedoor she's no, like I told him
when she walked in I like Iwalked out.
I haven't told some of myfriends I was like this is her
for real.
He was like whoa.
I said she really looked likeher picture you never know.
(43:10):
I do.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I do remember when my husband, when my husband, met
me, he told me later on he goes.
I was just happy to say thatyou, you didn't just look like
your pictures, you looked betterthan your pictures.
Because I mean and I get it um,we women can be insecure.
But I just feel like it's kindof setting you up for failure,
(43:33):
ladies, if you're showing upwith a filter, like you're
literally showing up with a mask, and men with and then yeah, I,
I won't, oh god, anything aboutthat I mean I actually canceled
a date this week because hesent peter coco's like oh I'm.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
she's like are are you sure?
I'm like uh-uh, nope, Becausehe used a filter.
And a picture that was probablyeight years old, or I had one
off of an app that said he was49 and he was 59 when he showed
up.
I'm like don't lie, becausethat's just telling me you're
going to lie about that.
You're going to lie aboutanything else.
(44:09):
I mean hello.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
I got one for you, christelle and Coco okay what
okay, back in my tender daysyeah this was right before
husband number one, but I was.
I was emotionally distraught andI was one of those that I would
relationship popped and I, like, I've told my husband we get
(44:31):
divorced ever.
I mean, y'all just expect me tobe alone like it's gonna be,
like I'm gonna be focused on thekids and working out and like
traveling.
That's it, because I wouldnever want to go back to dating
or be on the apps or any of thatyou know I said the same thing.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
I did and I still I kind of do.
I feel that way, but I'm notgonna lie.
I, when I was in my twenties,before I met my husband, who's
now we're at the party, but Ithe whole dating app thing, I it
was crazy.
It was, it was crazy.
And then people were like, andthen I didn't even use a filter
and I'm like, no, I gotta tellthe story.
(45:08):
I didn't use a filter and thisguy said I took this picture, I
took this picture and I can'tI'm going to find that picture.
I took this picture and I havenatural.
My hair is naturally, itnaturally grows to like my
shoulders.
So this guy, he was like hedidn't think it was my hair and
it wasn't a filter.
He said I thought it was afilter.
(45:30):
He said, cause you were walkingacross the beach and it was
like blowing and I was in my 20sand he's like you were just
standing there with this dresson.
I was like, all right, how'sshe gonna look?
When I came in, the first thinghe did was fill my hair.
I was like how would you feelif I put my hands through your
dreads and see if one falls out.
So it was not just filters,even like when people have like
(45:51):
fake butts, you see them thenwhen you like, because I have a
cousin who's like the same day.
I remember my cousin's likeyesterday I went on a date with
this girl and he was like shehad like on a picture she had
like this big round butt andhe's like I didn't.
I met her person.
She was wild.
I was like what happened to it?
I didn't want to ask him, butthen I noticed that it had to be
fake and he found out it wasactually fake like they're
(46:14):
sticking, like almost like whenyou were little and you used to
stuff your bra.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
They were probably buying those bottom enhancers,
those like underwear that hasbuilt-in butts.
Oh, I don't even know aboutthose.
They've been working out thiswhole time.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
I don't need them.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
Yeah, she does it, but I'm not going to lie.
I might.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
I've been losing my ass with this weight loss, okay,
well, okay, I gotta get back tomy story right quick.
You're like me, you just I'mthe same way.
I'm like I gotta tell my storybecause if I don't, I'll forget
it, but I'm remembering now, soI just remember what I was
saying was I wouldn't want toever get back on any of that,
(46:59):
but one of the funniest, andI've got stories for days.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
I should write a book .
Speaker 1 (47:05):
But I was in this phase where I would, just, I was
being very like, just, I guess,adventure-driven, reckless, I
did not care.
So I would go on dates withguys with no intention of ever
like doing anything, Just I justwanted to go on dates because I
did not want to be alone, andone that I had talked to for I
(47:28):
would say, four or five days.
I felt comfortable meeting andso I didn't feel threatened by
him whatsoever.
We meet and I immediately didnot feel threatened once I met
him, because the whole time he'dbeen sending pictures, he had
(47:51):
been posing a certain way that Idid not realize why he was
posing that way until I saw him.
And it's because and this isthe kind of crap that I just
blows my mind when it comes todating- he was hiding his little
arm.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
Stop, I want to talk, I'm walking, I got to walk off
and that's why we have Coco, youknow, and that's why we make
them get professional picturesthey can't send us.
I mean, they have to come froma photographer.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
Oh, wow, okay, Y'all are doing the dirty work.
I like that, though, becausemeanwhile yeah, no, I'm not
joking, by the way His arm thisis his normal arm and then his
other arm was like back here.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
Like scary movies with the Wayne brothers.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
That's what comes to mind.
He wanted to use a strong hand,Anyway, but then it got
creepier because it just.
I remember going home thatnight because I was in, I was
getting.
I was in.
What was it?
I'm trying to remember the timeof my life as to why I was
doing crazy shit.
I was getting divorced fromcrazy husband number one, who
(49:01):
really messed me up, and so Iwent home that night with a
story to tell my mom, becauseshe was there for it and I was
like you're never going tobelieve this shit and I told her
and then I showed her thepictures and she was like, oh my
God, it all makes sense.
But what was scary was andthat's why I highly recommend
now maybe getting a matchmaker,because it kind of freaked me
(49:23):
out but I remember wanting thatdate to end so badly that I was
talking about my ex-husband andhow messy the divorce was Well,
yeah, you don't supposed to dothat on dates, but go ahead.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
So you didn't watch.
I messed up.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
I messed up bad, but I remember saying my last name
and somehow he found me onFacebook and that's when I was
like I'm gonna take a step backfrom this dating thing.
That's creepy yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
Yeah, I mean, I had one before I met Coco that I met
for lunch, because that'susually my go-to is coffee lunch
, you know, that's kind of thething and he had picked I'd
picked the restaurant because itwas a place I knew, and he had
got there before me and picked abooth in the corner.
Well, with all my trauma, Idon't mind sitting in a corner,
(50:11):
but I have to have see exits.
I have to see how I can escapeif needed, and I couldn't but so
in the start of the day, and itended up that, to make the long
story short that we had, he wasgoing on about stuff and I just
I mean one, he didn't look likehis picture.
When I got there too, he saidhe was Well, he was an Uber
(50:35):
driver.
I'm like, oh my gosh Three.
I think he still lived with hismom, from what I got of the
conversation.
So I'm ending this.
You know, I went ahead and waspolite, had the lunch and I'm
like, OK, I have a meeting toget to, I really need to go.
You know, this is probably notgoing to work for me.
And then he started gettinghateful and loud and started
(50:58):
telling me that I wasn't aChristian because I didn't take
Sundays off, and this and that,and it just kept escalating and
escalating.
So finally I'm like I've got togo and I'm picking up my stuff,
I finally got the bill paid andobviously he didn't pay the
bill.
So of course he did.
He paid his because I paid myhalf.
But so then he just kept gettinglouder about this you know that
(51:24):
I'm not a Christian, I don'ttake Sundays off and just
getting more violent with it,with his words, and I'm trying
to get up, he stands up andblocks me in the corner.
Get out.
And one of the waiters thatcomes over, steps kind of
between us and gives me a thingto where I get.
And I told him before that.
I told him I said please losemy number, just lose it.
(51:44):
And I scurry out and I get tothe ladies room and when I come
back out the waiter said he'sgone.
But it was so messed up thatthe waiter walked with me to my
car because he didn't trust thatguy to not be out there.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
That's so scary and I've had a situation similar to
where, like I, literally Iremember dipping off because he
was pressuring me to like followhim somewhere and I was like
hell, no, my lights off.
Dipped off.
And that's why Coco runsbackground checks I was gonna
say, like the shit that we putourselves through to look for
love is insane, yeah but we werecreated for it.
Speaker 3 (52:24):
I mean, you know her when she had genesis 218.
That verse is so beautifulbecause that's where god's
talking about taking the ribfrom adam to make eve, because
he said it's not good for us tobe alone.
As humans, we're relationalbased people.
We're created for relationshipsand love.
I mean God is love and hecreated us because he wanted
(52:44):
love.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
I love.
Yes, I'm all about some loveand Mississippi.
You know, I know a little bitabout the Bible.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
So we know, you know.
But I'm not trying to get onthat, I'm just saying I know um,
I want to because I feel like alot of my girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
Now my girlfriends are like all over the world.
I don't really have closegirlfriends around me, which is
why I love whenever I seeinternet relationships, because
I identify with that a lot.
But it seems like a lot of mygirlfriends, a lot of my clients
, are going through this, like Ithink it's like a spiritual
(53:26):
evolution, and they're sheddingtheir partners with this
evolution.
And like I was, I was, you know, being honest with you all
about my mental state right now.
And I'm honest with all mylisteners, all my followers,
everyone, because I know howalone a lot of people feel and
they suffer in silence andthat's why I think I've been so
(53:49):
addicted to finding love.
But I just I would love to knowwhat, what, I guess, words of
wisdom you have for the women,the women especially, because I
mean, this is just women talkingshit, but I know that men out
there too are evolving andhealing.
There's this I don't know ifyou're noticing it, but it seems
(54:10):
like people are really startingto do the healing work, and
whether that, you know, be bethrough church, through, like
retreats, through fasting,therapy, shadow book, yes,
people are starting to become somuch more aware and like trying
to heal, and so with that,unfortunately, I'm seeing in my
(54:32):
clients and I'm scared of formyself is losing our partners in
this evolving, and so I want toknow cause?
I hear, christelle, you've beenmarried.
I don't know how many times,but I heard marriages, I think
twice, twice.
Okay.
And then, coco Kiyoka, are youon marriage one or two?
Speaker 2 (54:54):
One.
I got married 2012,.
October the 18th and um mydivorce is being finalized 2020.
Speaker 1 (55:00):
We've been together for a good minute okay, and
we're all over 30 and so, butlet's just be real.
Speaker 3 (55:07):
I think what you're seeing, though, is, yes, there
are going to be, I know, indifferent situations.
You know, if you're in anabusive marriage and that
person's not getting help andyou're getting help, then
likelihood is there thatmarriage is going to struggle,
because you're basically lookingat two people that are broken,
(55:31):
and if one's healing they'regoing to move beyond the one
that refuses to heal.
If you have a healthy personand a broken person and that
person starts helping themselves, then hopefully, the goal there
would be that they would jointogether and, as this one heals
they'll, they would get closer.
Yeah, you know, my mysuggestions to people would be
(55:52):
one I mean, that's why I wrotethe book is the when I wrote the
book it's called Beyond TraumaI wrote it.
It's not a big read it's like75 pages but each chapter has
five to 10 self-help questions,things that you need to look at
in yourself, things you need todo.
You know and I and I statedthroughout there multiple times
(56:15):
that I am not a therapist, I'm acoach, and even in the book, I
will tell people.
You know, if you're strugglingwith some of this, my
encouragement would be to getsomebody that has therapy
training that can help you.
Church is great I get that.
But sometimes when you'reworking with people in the
church they're not mental healthtrained to help you with some
(56:38):
of those.
So that's where I support alicensed therapist over that,
you know.
Can they be supportive system?
Absolutely Can't.
Or some of them.
Some of them are trained inthat as well as you know the
religious background, and that'sa different thing.
But before moving on to a newperson or anything like that,
(57:01):
you have to focus on yourselffirst and get that self-healing.
You know down to where you knowthat you have stabilized
yourself.
And then you know in my bookand this is something I've
Coco's heard me say thousands oftimes I tell people you're not
who you were yesterday, beforeall this stuff happened.
(57:22):
You sure as heck don't want tobe who you are in the middle of
it.
So how do you figure out whoyou're going to be once you're
through all this?
Because what seems to happen andwhat I've seen, not just in
people but in years ago, is Ispent years healing, working,
working, working, working,working on myself.
But then there were still areasthat were healed but I hadn't
(57:49):
grown past them.
Example I had healed in myself-value after my first
marriage and different things,and I was independent.
I lived on my own for six yearsbefore I remarried again.
But what I didn't look at wasthe value that I expected others
(58:10):
to have in me, the value that Ihad in myself, as well as how I
expected people to treat me.
So I ended up settling forsomething that was definitely
not healthy and I, you know, I,thought it was a good thing at
(58:30):
the time.
I thought, you know manydifferent things, but it had
less to do with my marriagefalling apart.
This time.
It had a lot to do with some ofthe abuse, but the abuse was
allowed because of what Ithought of myself that I
couldn't do better, that Ididn't deserve better, or that
was okay, or it's not so bad, ormaybe what everybody else is
(58:51):
saying is right.
Maybe I need to compromise.
I literally dumbed myself downfor years trying to fit in.
You can't do that kind of stuff.
You have to look at who youwant to be, where you want to go
, and set yourself towards thatand live today for who you want
to be tomorrow.
(59:11):
And once you start doing thatand you're actually healed, then
you can look at okay, this iswho I'm going to be tomorrow.
What type of person fits thatgenre of me, correct?
Speaker 2 (59:23):
and um for oh, I'm trying to, I'm trying to hard to
wrap this up, uh, for any.
I just want to say for any male, always, um, start over.
For any single or male that islistening, that is in a
relationship that doesn't seemlike it's going to work.
You've been fighting to keep ittogether, hold it together.
I just want to say it's nothingwrong with letting go.
(59:45):
It hurts more to hold on tosomething that is not working
and you don't have to allowpeople to keep you together.
If you know it's not working.
It's okay to let go, breathe,relax and move forward with your
life.
Also, I want to say to anyonethat's Christian that's
listening to this it's okay tomove forward with your life.
(01:00:07):
Do not let the body of Christ,people in the church, tell you
to be in a marriage that isdefinitely abusive or just
playing out, just adulterous.
To hold together and you can.
God does not put anyonetogether.
That God would never put any ofhis children in a relationship
to be hurt.
And co-parenting is a beautifulthing and it can really help.
(01:00:30):
And don't ever, you know,dislike each other when you
can't function with the children, because to build a
relationship to be with someoneelse you have to can't function
with the children, because tobuild a relationship, to be with
someone else, you have to havea relationship with the father
and mother of your child,because they're going to be part
of your relationship as wellwhen it comes to the children.
It's something I learned inco-parenting and I know that's
kind of like a little bit offsubject, but I feel like that
(01:00:50):
needs to be thrown in just incase if anybody's listening like
, hey, I'm gonna go use amatchmaker, stuff like that.
That's something that I wouldalways want one of my clients to
tell me.
Yes, I have children.
Yes, I'm co-parenting with mymother, the mother of my
children or the father of mychildren.
So that's a big thing to find amatch and to know that the
other person will always want toknow that I'm about to get off
(01:01:12):
something yeah, and you know,the other thing is it's a match.
Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
We work worldwide.
You can find us on almost everysocial media.
We've got Facebook presence,our Web page should be coming up
, hopefully by this weekend, andwe're on TikTok.
We have ads that are gettingready to start on TikTok, and so
you know, reach out Coco.
Coco is always willing to makea new friend and find them a
friend.
Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
I love it.
I love it so much.
Well, thank you all so much forjoining me today.
Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
No problem, you were amazing.
Thank you for the funconversation and the laughs.
Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
We're nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
We're having fun.
Well, any.
I think that people have youbeen on any podcasts yet?
Yes, I think that people haveyou been on any podcasts yet?
Yes, I have you have.
Okay, I remember whenever I wasstarting this, and then
especially when I startedgetting on podcast interviews,
how you get like worked up andthen you get there and if you
have like the energy and thechemistry, it's just it's over
(01:02:13):
with in a split and it's like itcomes so natural.
So that's why, like, I do thatlittle questionnaire and I feel
like it gives me insight to you,and then the rest is genuinely
like I just want to know, like,what do you do?
Why are you doing it?
And I think that's why this umpodcast is starting to catch on,
because it's just like I feellike it's a natural conversation
(01:02:34):
.
Like when you pick up the phone, you're're like hey, girl,
what's up?
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
And that's what I want.
Speaker 3 (01:02:43):
It's an advice for anybody that's listening.
It's kind of and it's whatpeople want.
Because if you look at TikTok,the chat rooms, live chats I
mean I've been in on, I've beentossed in those several times
and it's just.
Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
You know people in there chatting.
Well, this is is.
This has been fun, and I feellike I gotta go find y'all on
TikTok now.
I don't even like TikTok.
I'll come look for you nowbecause it sounds like y'all got
something going on over therethat I need to know about.
Um, but, yeah, go look forChristelle's book and any of the
(01:03:17):
links that y'all mentioned.
Uh, there'll be in the shownotes and any, just any last
words that you want to share oranything you want to sign off
with before we go.
Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
One more thing November the 15th, we will be
having our singles event,located in Fort Walton beach,
Florida, from seven to 10 at thebreakers again, fort Walton
beach, florida.
Name 7 to 10 at the BreakersAgain, fort Walton Beach,
florida.
The name of the event is AutumnSingles Gala.
So if you're interested incoming to Northwest Florida,
please come down.
It's a match we're hosting.
Speaker 3 (01:03:46):
What?
And it's limited, limited space.
Oh, limited spaces too.
Okay, this one is limited, itmaxes out.
Yeah, and my book will not hituntil probably October.
So 1st of October, so anotherweek.
Speaker 1 (01:03:58):
So well, perfect, cause this episode will go out
in about two weeks, so all right, so we'll have it up before the
event takes place.
Be sure to send me any eventlinks for that and y'all look
them up online.
It sounds like you're in allthe places and I would say,
sounds like the best opportunityto meet these ladies.
(01:04:19):
Will you be at that event?
Oh yes, okay, we'll be to showup in person for one of their
events.
So all you Florida peeps I knowI have some Florida peeps and I
got some Florida listeners, myFlorida clients.
Y'all know who you are.
We suck at dating, so maybejust go higher than higher than
we can and if they miss the onein november, we have the big
ones.
Speaker 3 (01:04:40):
Um at the gulfarium um march 28, 28, 28th coco, yes,
go fair.
Okay, so it'll be on the water,you'll be able to see the water
, the dolphins, everything andfree food, free drinks and open
bar.
Forever, love of your lifethat's so much fun.
Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
I'm married, though.
Speaker 3 (01:05:04):
Okay, well, if it doesn't work out, send single
girlfriends and guys and livevicariously through them that's
what we'll do.
Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
That's what we'll do.
Well, thank y'all so much forbeing on.
Just women talking shit.
It's been fun talking about allthis shit, right, catfishing
and all yeah, this the, thechapters and show notes of this
are gonna be like go here forcatfishing, go here, go here for
Christianity, oh man, okay.
(01:05:37):
Well, y'all tell your friends.
Um.
I will Any.
If you really enjoy the show, Iwould love for you to pop in
and review it on um, eitherSpotify or Apple podcasts, um,
and just ask where.
Yeah, apple podcast is the onethat matters the most, um, and
then Spotify.
I listen to everything onSpotify, but I know the Apple
podcast is the one that mattersthe most, and then Spotify.
(01:05:57):
I listen to everything onSpotify, but I know the Apple
podcast, I think.
And if y'all ever y'all shoulddo a podcast at some point, that
would be really cool.
But that's the one that youwant to like.
Push to people to review likequickly, cause it it'll help you
get known faster.
I'm getting a slow, a slowstart with that, but I try to
tell everybody.
If you enjoyed it, pop on thereand just leave a quick review
(01:06:18):
and it would help.
But it's been fun.
Y'all are so awesome, by theway, thank you, and with you
being in Florida, I know likeit's singles events, but I would
like to see y'all at some point.
I love your energy.
It's awesome.
All right, well, if y'all havenothing else, I'll let you go
and y'all go have a beautifulday.
(01:06:39):
You, too, have an amazing one,thank you so much, bye, bye.
Before we dive in today's episode, I'd love to
introduce my two amazing guestswho are making waves in the
matchmaking industry with it's aMatch.
First we have Christelle Prater, a successful entrepreneur,
author and visionary behind it'sa Match.
With degrees in communicationand certifications in mental
health, christelle brings freshinnovation and insight to the
(00:24):
matchmaking world.
Her passion for helping othersdiscover the best version of
themselves drives her work, asshe continues to elevate
industries through her uniqueperspective and forward-thinking
ideas.
Now we've got joining us withher, ms Kiyoko Russo, also known
as Coco, the incredible COO ofit's a Match.
(00:46):
Kiyoko has been in thematchmaking industry since 2013,
earning her certification fromthe Matchmaking Institute in
2017.
Known for her deep commitmentto her clients, kiyoko's true
calling is finding the perfectforever match for everyone she
works with.
Her dedication to relationshipscience, combined with years of
(01:09):
experience, makes her one of themost trusted experts in the
field.
I'm so freaking excited to haveboth of y'all here, christelle
and Coco here today to sharetheir thoughts in the world of
matchmaking.
Thank you, oh, my gosh, soexcited.
So I have joked in the past andmy mom has joked with me about
(01:34):
starting a matchmaking service.
Now the joke is is we can't getrelationships right, but I
swear to God, we can spot themlike good, compatible people
together.
So I'm so excited and I've beenreally intrigued in matchmaking
.
Like I don't know if you guysever watch what, is it Down for
(01:55):
Love?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
and.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
On the Spectrum and stuff like that.
I love that.
My son's autistic, so I love it.
Yeah, those are my favorite.
Seeing them look for love andit's just beautiful.
It's absolutely beautiful, andI think that you're in a
beautiful business and I can'twait to hear.
It sounds like you guys have anamazing relationship.
We do.
I can't wait to hear how youmet and all the things.
(02:20):
But if you want to just hop onhere, you guys can take turns,
introduce yourself a little bitmore Anything that that I might
not have touched base on andthen I've got some rapid fire
questions for you that I thinkwill kind of break it up and put
you both in your zones ofgenius, and then the story will
(02:41):
just unfold all in its own.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm going to let y'all takeover for a second.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Hey, coco, you want to go ahead and go first?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh no, I would like my beautiful blonde bombshell
CEO who made this happen for me.
Without her, I wouldn't like Ihad my times, but I believe God
put us together.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
I agree, I agree.
So I am divorced and I, as yousaid, I have a book coming out
and I'm helping Coco build thiscompany and we totally.
When we met, I actually hadcalled her about signing up for
(03:24):
matchmaking myself, becausefinding the quality of person
that I want is not going to justhappen on an app or on social
media or walking down the streetor even scanning the you know
the aisles at Lowe's or HomeDepot Just not going to happen.
So I had actually contacted herabout that.
(03:45):
And, as we were talking aboutthat, one of my companies is a
business consulting company tohelp coach businesses when
they're struggling this or that.
Not that Coco was struggling,but in the matchmaking world
things are evolving and witheverything else, if you don't
evolve a little bit with it,then you're going to get left
(04:06):
behind.
And we started talking and, asshe says, it was just like God
put us together there to helpsupport each other and to give
us this great opportunity thatwe now call it's a Match.
I mean, we've went through thereorganization, the name change,
the rebranding, and now we'reat that point to where
(04:28):
everything is about to just takeoff.
The grand opening of everything, all the media is about to come
out and start our new websitescoming up.
So there's so much change, butthe one thing that hasn't
changed is our amazingmatchmaker, which is Coco.
I mean, as I you know, as youread that said there.
You know, her heart for peopleis she won't stop until she
(04:53):
finds it, and she's that greatbalance for me, because I'm more
the business side of it and thecoaching side of it, but she's
the heart, and you know that'swhat people are looking for when
they're looking for love, isthey want that and they want
somebody that can help them findthat.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
So yeah, absolutely well, she's.
She set you up for the stage,coco, which what you got for me
um, well, I um, like she said,how we met.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
It was like a.
It was during a time when I wasputting out ads looking for a
uh, co-founder at the time.
But things had switched.
It was for the best, I believe,because at the time I was
trying to run the business and Idon't want to use the word
trying.
I was running the business.
I was running it with a personwho's now going to be my
(05:46):
ex-husband, um, and it wasn'tgoing right and I was doing just
Christian matchmaking.
I wasn't branched out.
I wasn't like doing everybody.
I was doing a Christianmatchmaking company called
Genesis 218 and, um, I wanted tobranch, I wanted to branch out,
I wanted to do everybody, but Ineeded someone to do it with me
that believed that, hey, let'sdo everyone, not just me.
(06:08):
And then I'm not trying to bringreligion involved in me, but
God sent her at the right timeat the right time and the way he
did it, he did it so amazingbecause he brought her in.
I wasn't expecting this to falllike this.
I was expecting that she wasgoing to be just a client and
was going to move forward likethat.
But then God had amazing thingsfor us to change, change roles,
(06:33):
change name of the business.
And she being older than me wasa beautiful thing, because I
never thought a woman that wasolder than me, that have lived
on this earth longer than me, tocome in and say you know what,
I can help you.
And it's business smart.
I mean, she's an expert inbusiness and she's like an
auntie to me, she's like the onelike I just really needed that
(06:54):
girl sister power, and he senther to me.
So I'm I'm trying to do as bestas I can without getting
emotional.
I'm a very I get emotionalabout certain things, especially
her.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Oh, coco, did I not tell you this?
You can be emotional, you cancurse, you can whatever whatever
needs to come out, this is theplace.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
I love that.
I love that.
The funniest thing on it sheactually thought I was going to
catfish her.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
So the first day oh my gosh, catfishing is such a
thing.
So I got, I got catfished whenI was um now y'all, this was
like my space days, so we're allfamiliar with it.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I'm 35, I'm 35 too.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
okay, you know we're all getting familiar with the
internet.
We don't know any better yet,but, yeah, found out he was the
catfish and this it went on for.
I would say I think it startedwhen I was like 18.
And I found out who he was whenI was like 21.
You didn't go on MTV show, didyou?
I did not.
(08:00):
No, no, I think that show cameout like well, after I knew what
catfishing was, and I rememberthinking to myself had this
existed in that moment, oh, Iwould have been on it.
I would have been on it, pj,who are you?
And I would have found out thatit was some dude in Florida
(08:21):
with a family pretending to be ateenager.
That sounds about right.
Yeah, anyway, it was some dudein Florida with a family
pretending to be a teenager.
Who does that?
That sounds about right.
I'm just posting.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yeah, anyway it was weird.
Or you get the 60-year-oldthat's pretending to be 40.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Okay, or you get the person from Africa that's
pretending to be this handsomewhite guy.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
And then they put their picture.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
No, I'm not trying to bring race in here, I'm just
saying it's true.
They'll be from nigeria.
They want to ask questions,nigeria zimbabwe.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Okay, I watched plenty in 90 days fiance.
That's one thing, my so it'sfun.
This is all kind of funnybecause my husband and I met.
We met like through theinternet, through bumble, oh,
and when I started dating him Ithought it was so funny because
(09:17):
he would sit down with me andwatch 90 day fiance and I was.
What is going on and I becameobsessed.
So I know all about thecatfishing and the Nigerian
princes, that's the thing, okay,but I can see.
The thing is I can see how Imean I fell for the catfishing
(09:39):
thing.
Granted, I was, you know, I wasyoung, 18, 19.
Granted, I was, you know, I wasyoung, 18, 19, um.
But I can see how lonely peopleare and can fall for it.
And that's where you guys comein and I kind of want to maybe
start there.
Okay, sure, what consideringyou, you, you you're dealing.
(10:01):
What is the age range of peoplethat are you?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
you're dealing.
What is the age range of peoplethat are really actively like
seeking love?
Would you say, um, sometimes itshocked me and they'd be 21 and
that's like you know, becausethat's a younger age, but it
usually hit the age of 30.
That's the number 130 and itgoes up to like sometimes 60,
but it uh.
For women it's usually around35.
They come out and they'reseeking, and it's different.
Statistics show differentthings.
(10:28):
You know, I've read some peoplesay it's most people in their
40s, it's most people in their30s, but I believe it's more in
the 30 area, because a lot ofwomen and men get a divorce
usually in their 30s to getmarried in their 20s.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yeah yeah, I had a starter marriage myself.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, yeah, I had me, I had to start her marriage
myself.
Sorry, that's.
The kind of the thing, though,is with everything evolving,
because now you're getting intowhere even you know you look at
people.
Now you're getting moredivorces, and then the divorce
rates are coming up, that you'regetting more divorces later in
life.
You're getting your women andmen divorcing in their late
(11:05):
forties, late fifties andstarting all over in their
sixties.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Yeah, you know, you're seeing a lot of that,
that um, and that's opening up amarket and you know, like we
were laughing at the catfish,it's not just the catfish, I
mean look at at social media.
And when you look at socialmedia Facebook, instagram,
tiktok, all of those, especiallyTikTok's, the one I know most
about um, you get these poor,like you said, these lonely
(11:34):
people on there that they'regiving.
I mean, I have seen some thatthey're giving up their life
savings to these creatorsbecause they think, because they
flirt with them or because theytalk to them yes, they think
that they're going to date thembecause they're messaging behind
the scenes and not to be knownthat that creator's married, he
(11:58):
just taken your money, you know,or she, or whatever.
I mean, it's a crazy world.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I hadn't even thought about that and I am big on like
I.
Instagram is my jam, that'swhere I spend most of my time
for like business related RightUsed to be Facebook.
I have I like TikTok but I'mlike and TikTok, but you know
I'd never even stopped to thinkabout that and not to bring 90
Day Fiance back up, but on anepisode of 90 Day Fiance.
(12:29):
This episode is not sponsoredby 90 Day Fiance, but I do
remember one of therelationships.
It was like a very attractivefemale on a very attractive male
and he was, he was on tiktokand stuff and getting all these
tips and it would come in theform of cash later on and I
(12:50):
remember her being souncomfortable with that.
He's like oh yeah, baby, butit's just, it's just a business,
it's just a la, la, la,whatever, and.
But I can see, I can see how Ididn't even think about that.
You kind of just blew my mindthinking about that with the
whole creator thing, becausethat's kind of messed up when I
stop and think about it.
(13:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
And I mean there's other apps out there, favorited,
I don't know.
There's all the small versionsof TikTok and Instagram out
there, threads, you know variousdifferent ones that they're all
doing the same thing.
I mean that's one, coco, whenyou agree that's one of our big
competitors is the dating appsand TikTok, or not just TikTok
(13:33):
but social media.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, it's like it is , but I mean, whatever floats
the one boat, I believe you canfind love, but it's best to find
love.
In my opinion, it's what amatchmaker, because we do the
mat, we do the background checks, we also, um, we do the profile
writing, we make sure dating,coaching, we make sure you're
all prepared, give you the wholebundle to get you together, get
(13:57):
you out to do it to find thatperfect person.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
you're so made yeah, y'all are y'all hiring.
It sounds like a dream job.
Oh my god for the hopelessromantic.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
I can see how you guys would just love doing this
well, it's neat when you seebecause, like she mentioned the
dating coaching and relationshipcoaching, you had mentioned
that you see these perfectrelationships but you know
people that can't seem to makethat happen.
And a lot of times that hasnothing to do with the other
person, but everything to dowith yourself.
(14:28):
Because until people learn whatthey really want, how to love
themselves, how to appreciatethemselves and how to set
boundaries, that this is whatthey expect out of a
relationship, this is what theyexpect people to treat them like
, then you're going to havethose difficult relationships
ongoing.
Yeah.
(14:49):
You know and I know so manywomen that are afraid and I'm
sure there's guys out there toothat are afraid to tell somebody
up front.
This is what I'm expecting andthis is what I'm looking for,
and these are the boundariesthat I'm going to live within,
because they're afraid thatperson will walk away.
Well, I think Coco would agree.
If they walk away, then they'renot your person, they're not
(15:10):
your forever match, and that'swhat we work for.
Is your forever match True?
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I'm just thinking about marriage in general.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Marriage is hard, it is, it's beautiful though it's
beautiful Marriage is hard, butit is a beautiful, I think it's.
I like.
I like to say I'm an emotionalperson.
I remember when I did my veryfirst match.
It was my father-in-law and he,his wife, had passed when my
husband, my next husband, wasseven, on a cruise ship and he
(15:39):
had times where he was liketrying to date people and it
wasn't working.
I said, well, I'm graduatingfrom the Matchmaker Institute,
can I help you?
He was like trying to datepeople and it wasn't working.
I said, well, I'm graduatingfrom the matchmaking institute,
can I help you?
He's like, no, no, no, I don'twant to say please.
Finally he said, okay, I'mgonna give it a shot.
He said in the 80s, uh, I had afriend that told me that he
used to match my god stuff.
I said, well, this is not the80s, you know I'm an 80s baby,
I'm a millennium, but you gottatrust me.
(16:00):
So he did I'm uh.
I compared it up with amatchmaker that's a really good
friend of mine.
She's really known in theindustry.
Her name's ella.
She's doing europeanmatchmaking and then she does
smoky mountain matchmakingservice and chattanooga and she,
me and her got together and itwas like I was, you know,
getting all the othermatchmakers.
(16:20):
Like you know, we're comingtogether and I'm searching, I'm
going networking events.
I finally find my soon-to-be.
At that time I didn't knowmother-in-law and I did not know
that this Hungarian woman wasgoing to be my mother,
mother-in-law one day.
So we was like we're gonna goahead and go a day and he was
like he's an older guy, so he'slike he was a professor.
(16:42):
But he was like I don't knowhow to use zoom, I don't know
how to do it.
I was like, well, he said Idon't use skype.
I said, well, it's kind of likethe same thing.
And so we helped him and stuffand they start video chatting.
Then he flew out to meet herand then we thought it was like
over, we hear nothing from him.
And he was like after like ayear or so he was like we're
(17:02):
engaged, we're getting marrieddecember.
I was like what?
He's like yes, and I was likemy, my soon-to-be ex-husband was
like I'm so happy because mysoon-to-be ex-husband is italian
, so there's the two differentcultures coming together, yeah.
And so it was a beautifulwedding.
I cried at it.
It was like weird, I didn'tknow I was gonna cry and
everybody the family's likelooking at me you know they're
italian, so everyone's lookingat me like why is she crying?
(17:24):
Like she doesn't want themtogether?
And I'm like, no, I'm just sohappy.
I can't believe in the othermatchmaker.
She's just standing aside.
She's like, yeah, we did it.
And she looks at me I havetears.
She's like, oh, my gosh, it wasfunny.
But I was so happy like I neverthought my first client would
be my father-in-law yeah, no'sso beautiful.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
I would be crying like a little baby too.
I think it's weird not to cry,to be honest, but I've always
been such a hopeless romantic.
I've been looking for love mywhole life, but in the wrong
places, and so I want to know.
I'm going to start with thesequestions.
I have them written out, okay.
My first question is and I feellike there may not be a perfect
(18:10):
answer, but it'll get you goingwhat would you say is the most
important quality to look for ina match?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
That's all you can answer that one.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
I think that is going to be different on each person,
depending what your client islooking for.
There's no specific thing otherthan matching the values.
The integrity you know that'swhy we do background checks is
we want to make sure you'regetting a quality person.
(18:41):
We do financial checks to makesure they're who they say they
are, because when you're datingsomebody or when you meet
somebody, you don't really getto know them those first 90 days
.
It's between the 90 days andthe six months, but in that real
person emerges in theindividual.
(19:02):
Sometimes it goes as even longas nine months out.
So you know, we do our best tomake sure that you put down that
you're wanting someone of this,this, this and this
characteristic, whatever it maybe.
That's what we're looking for,that's what we're matching you
with and sometimes, like I said,to find that forever match it
(19:24):
may take several differentmatches because you may go out
on a date or do your Zoom calland come back to myself or Coco
and say you know what?
He did have this and he had the.
He was the business person thathe said he was in this and that
, but he answered his phone sixtimes in the night.
(19:45):
You know well, when you'redealing with a major, major
business owner, sometimes theyhave to do that and you know so.
Then you find out okay, so thatmay not be the exact thing
you're looking for, but you'relooking for that person that is
financially well stable, withthe lifestyle that you're
looking for, but they work anine to five and they don't have
(20:06):
those after hourresponsibilities all the time.
Okay, so that's where Coco andI spend a lot of time behind the
scenes talking to you, as youknow, as one of our clients, to
find out what specific changeswe need to make.
And sometimes it means Cocotakes a whole new route and I've
(20:26):
seen her do this already andjust goes to a whole different
style of matchmaking alliancethat we have to different
matchmakers to say, okay, howabout this?
And I mean she works reallyhard networking with other
matchmakers.
We're actually leaving thisweekend to London for a
conference to network with othermatchmakers and to pick up some
(20:48):
new training and things likethat to help, because there is
no set thing that this is theone trait that's perfect for
everybody, because that doesn'texist.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I love it.
I agree with everything shejust said.
I do too.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
I'm like okay, next question.
I'm like okay, next question,okay, first date.
Would you recommend coffee ordinner Coffee?
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yes, that goes back to an old logo.
I used to have coffee, becausecoffee you can just sit and talk
.
You know it's nothing, you'renot feeding your face, you're
not worried about her breathgoing to stink If she has onions
, like some guys are like guyslike I'm gonna make sure she
ain't got no onions on her plate, you know.
You know they're gonna get thatfirst.
(21:38):
Kiss someone like I don't kissyou, but you know everyone's
different.
But coffee.
I always thought that would belike the first um way to me also
to just if you're me and client, coffee is always the best
place, like a coffee shop,because you get that intimate
meet and greet to see if youguys are meant to.
You know, be around each other,match with each other,
socialize, however you want toput it, whatever works, but it's
(22:00):
.
A second date can be dinner andthen a third date can be
something fun, or you could flipthe flop, however you want to
do it, but I just really feellike a more get to know you.
Each other is cool.
That's just my all the wayopinion.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
No, I think you're right, because it takes the
pressure off.
You know, that's why sometimesZoom calls, or a coffee day,
other than I was sitting therein my mind trading coffee breath
or onion breath.
Neither one's really in my book.
That's where my brain went, butit does take the.
It takes the expectations andthe pressure off to make it more
(22:38):
relaxed and casual thathopefully both individuals will
open up more.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah, so my mind went to it's also going to be easy
to just leave, which I need to.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
You can cut the time limit.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yes if it's not working.
This 12 ounce of beverage isgone.
I got to go.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Well, and you know, here's the greatest thing is as
a client, you don't have to dothe rejection.
And that's the part that peopleyou know especially for me,
that's the part that I have thehardest time with is saying you
know, I'm sorry, this is friendzone.
Or you know, I'm sorry, I'mlooking for someone more like
(23:19):
this.
You know something like that.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
That's Coco's job yeah, I just go back and say,
hey, I got a ton of thematchmaker, I got a feedback.
Um, my client said this andthat, or they're not interested,
it was very it could be.
No, they were mutual, he's notor she's not just gonna move
forward with this, yeah.
Yeah, I hate saying thatbecause I see another match
where they look like are youserious?
(23:42):
Like I've been.
One was just looking at me likeall this chasing around, it was
funny, me in her lab and shewas like okay, it was just her
face.
It was like price, like I knowI have to wait a couple of days
for me to get back to me.
But yeah, this, this is what'sup and you didn't notice.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I said that's coco's job.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
I noticed I was picking up what you were putting
down crystal, okay, oh my gosh.
I mean it's, I don't know, thatmay burn a little more actually
if I stop thinking about itlike I'm used to getting
rejected.
But I got rejectedprofessionally.
(24:23):
I got professionally broken, ohmy gosh.
But at the end of the day, Ithink that if you're, if you're
in the game looking for lovelike you get hurt a lot either
way.
So it's worth the definitelyworth the risk.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
It sounds like you are probably a lot of fun to
work with yeah, people say I am,I have one, I'm not gonna say
his name.
I have a client and he loveslike he.
Sometimes I'd be like we have atime limit that we talk and I
just go over you know feedbackand stuff like that.
And he'd be like he have a timelimit that we talk and I just
go over you know feedback andstuff like that, and he'd be
like he'd just be wanting totalk to me.
I'm like we're not going to dothat, sir, we're just going to
(25:00):
stay on the whole thing, likehe'd get off a little subject be
like you going golfing today.
I'm like I don't golf but okay,but it's fine.
He loves talking to me.
He always say I love you.
He always say that I'm likeokay, I've just never had a
client, somebody they love me,but he's waiting for you to get
divorced but no, coco is fine,she.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I mean, when we have meetings it's comical, I mean
we're.
And especially when it's justthe two of us, it's like okay,
we have to rein this back in orwe'll be here all day well now,
I'm upset that I can't see seeyou on camera should I look?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
well, I'm a little bit bigger than the picture, but
I'm losing it.
I lost 35 pounds so far.
I lost six pounds yesterdaydoing weight govi, so I'm
getting myself in shape girl Iwhat is um?
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I am using zetbound.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I've never heard of it.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
It's similar but it is changing my freaking life.
It has changed my life.
I was like borderline highcholesterol and way too big for
my frame, and I was.
I have a three-year-old.
I was like just very limited my.
Anyway, I too am down almost 40pounds.
(26:14):
I'm proud of you, good jobanyway.
So she said we're going to be,and I was like, oh, that's very
similar to you.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Go, girl, you go girl and I don't.
Well, I'm not gonna say shemight not want to know she's
taking anything.
Um, I just give it to myself.
She didn't say anything, so soI go into just like I'm slender
and I don't have to say anything.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Me.
No, no, no, no, no.
I have.
At one point I weighed almost300 pounds.
Wow, coco's seen the pictures.
I mean.
So yeah, I weighed almost 300pounds.
I still got some more that Iwant to drop, but I am working
on it.
(26:53):
I actually I was so proud ofmyself today because I tried on
a dress that I bought and I'vehad hanging in the closet trying
to get ready for this trip andit's a medium.
So about two years ago I was ina triple X.
Today I actually got the medium.
It was snug.
I will not lie.
(27:14):
It was fucking everything.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
Just I mean, and you know I work, I was.
I hit the gym before I got onhere today and it's kind of why
I'm really casual looking.
So thank goodness this is avoice, not a visual Hold on I'm
interested.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
It looks this is a voice not a visual hold on.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
It looks nice from the top up, so that lipstick on.
Oh, can we also?
Um, is it okay if we also saythe name of her book?
I'm, her book is very good.
Uh, are you going to announceit?
Are you ready to?
Are you?
Do you want to air?
Everyone can hear you canannounce it, coco.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
I want you to announce it, coco.
Actually got the very firstcopy off the press.
Oh yeah, tell us about it.
It's called Beyond Trauma andit's about I use my own personal
life experience as to where,like as you mentioned earlier, I
have the mental health coachingcertifications and I think God
(28:14):
had me.
I actually was at a conferencein Pensacola, florida, a women's
conference, and somebody askedme hey, would you consider
taking these classes and being acoach?
And I was like sure up, and itwas a two year study that you
went through that got yourcertifications, and I think God
(28:39):
had me go through that to healmyself.
Because I was kind of thebeginning journey of me helping
me book about, because betweenmy personal abuse I've grown up
in and marriages anddysfunctionalities and
everything that I've wentthrough, I wanted to share some
(29:01):
of those experiences.
But it's not about myexperiences in the book.
It's more about what I did toovercome some of the situations.
What I did because when you gothrough abuse or trauma or
sexual abuse or whatever PTSD,any of it, it's all trauma and
your body reacts to it to wheremost people don't realize.
(29:24):
When you are dealing with anarcissist, you can actually, as
the victim, end up with braindamage because your brain starts
mapping and different parts ofyour brain under become
underdeveloped, to where partsof the other parts become
overdeveloped, which causesdifferent behaviors and I'm
(29:45):
sorry.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I needed to hear that this is part of my friends
really fucking with me right nowbecause, um, I'm personally
going through a lot of mentalhealth issues and it's something
that I've been struggling withfor years, but the older I get,
the more vocal I am about it,and so one thing that I struggle
with is in my marriage it'sreally difficult to to have to
(30:13):
communicate with someone whodoesn't have mental illness, um,
and which I he's, he'sliterally probably the perfect
husband.
I mean, I just I have too manyfeelings.
I think for him is what it is.
That's beautiful, I love that,and but it's it causes a lot of
(30:34):
doubt in my mind, because mypast relationships were with
narcissists and my upbringing Iwas raised by narcissists, and
so some people say, you knowlike, oh, you're just an empath,
or and I'm like, I really I wasliterally crying in the next
room earlier talking about how Ijust I don't think it's him, I
(30:55):
think it's me, all of our issuesare me and it it's.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
I think I needed to hear that today, because I am
looking at psych evaluations andwhatnot, because I do feel so
like my brain is not functioningthe way it should and then you
say that dealing with anarcissist, it's very likely
because the the hippocampus inyour brain, which is kind of
(31:20):
your short-term memory, yourcommon sense, kind of sensory
things that you know, you justkind of do, begins to shrink
because the forgive me, I neverit.
Never.
It starts with an A and anotherpart of the brain it starts
with an A, it starts to overgrow.
Well, that is because of yourfight or flight.
You're either saying a fight,flight, or you know freeze or
(31:47):
whatever you know, run away, andall of that.
But when it startsoverdeveloping it also starts
causing other issues to whereyour sense for more promiscuous
sexuality behavior begins toengulf or your lack of
(32:08):
reservation to certainsituations that you would
normally have been reserved to.
You're more willing to be riskybecause of the different
changes in some of that.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Very interesting and it just lets me know yeah, I
feel like I need to see apsychiatrist.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
You know it's things.
There is therapy, like there'san eye therapy that you can do,
that reprograms your brain.
You know it's used for a lotwith PTSD.
There's exercise Exercise is abig deal and things because it
read.
What you have to do is you haveto retrain your brain to where
the one section that'soverdeveloped starts reducing
(32:50):
while the section that'sunderdeveloped begins to enlarge
again and become back to normal, and it is possible.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
No, it's making sense , because I mean, this is
totally making sense.
I know this isn't where theepisode needs to land, but the
amygdala, that's it.
Yes, thank you, and I've.
So, anyway, that could.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Yeah, that could be an episode in itself, but you
know it is still part of whatCoco and I do, because that's
where the coaching comes in fordating and relationship, because
we we, we are not therapists,but we can connect people, if
you know, if they get in thereand they figure out.
You know, oh, I went out withthis guy and he said that I
(33:33):
asked too many questions, or Ido this or I do that, or I'm too
much this, and then the nextguy is doing this and you're
seeing a pattern of behaviorproblem.
That's when Coco and I can gettogether and talk and, you know,
find, ok, we'll coach with herand say this would be our
suggestions to help you betteryourself and make a better
(33:53):
version of yourself.
So that way, when the right guyis there and we find that
forever match, you're ready.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
I love that you're offering those service, like
those services, because match Idon't feel like any matchmaking
I've witnessed doesn't seem tohave.
It seems like they're justthere for the event of
matchmaking, you know, and seemto have.
It seems like they're justthere for the event of
matchmaking, you know, and so Ilove that you're incorporating
coaching too, which makes senseif, Christelle, you were a coach
before this.
So I know you shared a storyearlier about your father-in-law
(34:24):
, but is there another likefavorite success story that
comes to mind either of you?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Yes, it was.
I'm not allowed to give out hername, but I am allowed to say
this.
She was a pediatrician and shelived in virginia and she, um,
she came to me and, um, she seenme on, I believe, the global
love institute website orsomething like that.
She said she seen that I did aspotlight to do spotlight on
(34:53):
certain matchmakers and she waslike, well, I am a christian
woman.
At the time I was doingchristian, just christian.
Now I, just I do everybody buttime I was just doing christian
and she had came to me and shesaid that she was looking for
black on black love.
Now that, right there, I, as aBlack person, I have been in an
interracial relationship half ofmy life, so that was a
(35:18):
challenge but I conquered it.
I helped her find this guy thatwhen they, after they did the
Zoom call, she decided to jumpon a call with me.
She decided to jump on a callwith me, with him, and they was
like you did it.
She was like I don't know whatthe future will hold for
marriage for us, but you haveput us together and that was in
(35:46):
year 2016.
And I was very nervous becausethe type of guy she was looking
for.
I was like there's no way Icould find.
So I have to talk to her abouther standards and stuff like
that, because she had these veryhigh, high standards that I
knew we were not going toactually find me.
It's out there, but the areasthat she was looking for we
wasn't going to find it in thoseareas and we uh, we found this
(36:07):
guy.
He worked for the governmentand it was with another
matchmaker that doesn't want hername mentioned or anything like
that.
But, um, it was a good matchand they're still together.
Today, as I pass by certainsocial media, like on TikTok,
and I see them do videostogether.
But they're not married, butthey are still together.
That was 2016, is now 2024, soevery time I see her, it makes
(36:29):
me really happy.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I actually thought you were going to talk about the
actress.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Oh the actress.
No, that's not a success story,it was a crazy thing and I just
want to say you know, if youcan't, if you're not financially
stable, going to a matchmakermight not be the best thing for
you.
Maybe starting up like datingcoaching and then finding
(36:56):
something like in your budgetthat match like you have other
options like matchmakers.
We throw singles events.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
I was going to say the singles events.
For those that can't afford thematchmaker, the singles events
are very successful.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Yes, and for any matchmaker that even come across
this podcast, never make thesame mistake I ever made.
It was a big mistake and Iregret that, but I worked with
her for the fullest and she wasjust never happy.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
But you did finally succeed.
So that was.
I was so proud of you for that.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
And you know, the neat thing too is like singles
events.
I don't know about othermatchmakers, but at all of our
singles events we give away onefree matchmaking package oh,
that is super cool.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
I didn't even ask.
So are you?
I'm in mississippi.
I didn't think to ask for youshe's.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
I'm in for walton, but she's in a so destin florida
area get area.
Get out, get.
Our business is located in thatarea and she's she lives in
that area.
I'm in fort walk beach, whichis next it was the county is
walked in okaloosa okaloosa walkcounty, so people know as the
redneck river or lower alabama.
That's us.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
I'm super familiar with florida, I mean mississippi
, you're.
You're pretty much my neighbor,and anytime we go to the beach
I prefer Florida.
But I have to find who do youmeet in person one day, other
than Zoom I?
Speaker 2 (38:16):
really I just want to say I love your interviews you
have on your podcast.
I listen because when I firstseen you I was like wait a
minute, let me listen to herstuff, and I was like I just
love how it comes on.
It's so fun.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
It's your.
I'm a little curse heavy.
Um, it's something I'm workingon, but I call them sentence
enhancers and but outside ofthat, yeah, I try to, just as
you say, just keep it real andand you started doing COVID
right.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yep, yeah, I read all of that.
I was amazed, like just meetyou and everything.
I was like I like what I seeand I was so excited to be on
here.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
It's very choose us for sure I was really excited
whenever I saw you had amatchmaking service, because I'm
not shitting you, my mom and Iwhen we get down and we're like
what, what would be so much funto do together, because I she's
in a spot in her life whereshe's in her fifties and we're
(39:12):
both like just personallyevolving a lot, and so I like
tried it.
I'm a life coach, so I tried toinspire her, and so that's one
of those things she'll bring uponce in a while that we should
do a matchmaking service.
But she never follows through.
I was so excited to talk toactual matchmakers, because all
you really get to see is likethe stuff on TV and it just
(39:35):
seems so over embellished and Iwould say more about the show
than the client.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and Coco's the one that'strained, and I think she would
agree that that's what theyteach you towards that, don't
they?
Coco?
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
And that's where I came in and I said let's look at
it through a business aspectand start to make the change.
I said you know the businessaspect, let's bring it down to
where, no, it's not made foryour low income, but your
professional people, you knowthat are out there.
You know if they give up aStarbucks coffee a day or better
(40:15):
, they can afford it.
You know it's not over thecharts, off the charts,
expensive.
You know, and the differentthings you know that we offer,
you know, by the time you lookat people paying for dating apps
, usually I mean they'reexpensive, they're expensive.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I remember, I remember, I remember whenever I
was on Bumble I'm like I'm notgoing to pay.
They're expensive, like $30,$50.
I don't know, it was like $50.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Well it's like you know what $45 for the app.
Then they want another likelike, boost yourself for another
25 and then, if you won't beable to go back to the one you
accidentally swiped, that youreally didn't want to swipe,
there's always another 25, therewas always.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
There was always something.
Speaker 3 (41:00):
I do remember that subconsciously they don't
realize they're paying 75 bucksan app, more than likely a month
, you know I think it's kind offunny, though, about which is
different from matchmaking firmsand dating apps.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
It's like an individual could hit up every
dating app with the same profilepicture and with a matchmaking
firm, you're locked into thatfirm, so your profile is not
gonna be the same.
Guy with the with the dark hair, dark eyes, tall guy with the
dreads is not gonna with the redshirt, is not gonna be with the
red shirt, it's not going to beat all.
The other matchmaking firms,like they're not going to see
(41:36):
you.
I'm just saying, for what Ihave seen, like you swipe,
you're on Bumble or Tinder orStir, and then the same people
is on the same app, the samet-shirt.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
And their pictures are current and their pictures
don't have filters, so youactually know what they're going
to look like.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
The filters get.
The filters are driving mecrazy, I don't know.
Okay, I'm going to share thiswith y'all and listeners.
If you're one of these people,don't be offended.
I have people who come up to mein person but I know on social
media and they're like.
I've had people like oh, you'rethe host of just women talking
(42:16):
shit.
I don't recognize them becauseall I know is what they look
like with filters.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (42:22):
I seen one one time and it was like a sheriff.
I think it was one of ourFlorida sheriffs that said this
and said hey, women, please turnthe filters off so when you get
lost or something happens, weknow who we're looking for.
I was dying laughing.
I was like, absolutely,absolutely.
I mean.
That's why I think Coco thoughtwhen she first met me she was
(42:45):
going to be catfished.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
I was like me and my um husband, our ex or co, I like
call him co-parent partner.
We were both like.
He was like okay, so this womanis in her 50s I said, yeah, he
says no way.
He's like when she walks thedoor she's no, like I told him
when she walked in I like Iwalked out.
I haven't told some of myfriends I was like this is her
for real.
He was like whoa.
I said she really looked likeher picture you never know.
(43:10):
I do.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I do remember when my husband, when my husband, met
me, he told me later on he goes.
I was just happy to say thatyou, you didn't just look like
your pictures, you looked betterthan your pictures.
Because I mean and I get it um,we women can be insecure.
But I just feel like it's kindof setting you up for failure,
(43:33):
ladies, if you're showing upwith a filter, like you're
literally showing up with a mask, and men with and then yeah, I,
I won't, oh god, anything aboutthat I mean I actually canceled
a date this week because hesent peter coco's like oh I'm.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
she's like are are you sure?
I'm like uh-uh, nope, Becausehe used a filter.
And a picture that was probablyeight years old, or I had one
off of an app that said he was49 and he was 59 when he showed
up.
I'm like don't lie, becausethat's just telling me you're
going to lie about that.
You're going to lie aboutanything else.
(44:09):
I mean hello.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
I got one for you, christelle and Coco okay what
okay, back in my tender daysyeah this was right before
husband number one, but I was.
I was emotionally distraught andI was one of those that I would
relationship popped and I, like, I've told my husband we get
(44:31):
divorced ever.
I mean, y'all just expect me tobe alone like it's gonna be,
like I'm gonna be focused on thekids and working out and like
traveling.
That's it, because I wouldnever want to go back to dating
or be on the apps or any of thatyou know I said the same thing.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
I did and I still I kind of do.
I feel that way, but I'm notgonna lie.
I, when I was in my twenties,before I met my husband, who's
now we're at the party, but Ithe whole dating app thing, I it
was crazy.
It was, it was crazy.
And then people were like, andthen I didn't even use a filter
and I'm like, no, I gotta tellthe story.
(45:08):
I didn't use a filter and thisguy said I took this picture, I
took this picture and I can'tI'm going to find that picture.
I took this picture and I havenatural.
My hair is naturally, itnaturally grows to like my
shoulders.
So this guy, he was like hedidn't think it was my hair and
it wasn't a filter.
He said I thought it was afilter.
(45:30):
He said, cause you were walkingacross the beach and it was
like blowing and I was in my 20sand he's like you were just
standing there with this dresson.
I was like, all right, how'sshe gonna look?
When I came in, the first thinghe did was fill my hair.
I was like how would you feelif I put my hands through your
dreads and see if one falls out.
So it was not just filters,even like when people have like
(45:51):
fake butts, you see them thenwhen you like, because I have a
cousin who's like the same day.
I remember my cousin's likeyesterday I went on a date with
this girl and he was like shehad like on a picture she had
like this big round butt andhe's like I didn't.
I met her person.
She was wild.
I was like what happened to it?
I didn't want to ask him, butthen I noticed that it had to be
fake and he found out it wasactually fake like they're
(46:14):
sticking, like almost like whenyou were little and you used to
stuff your bra.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
They were probably buying those bottom enhancers,
those like underwear that hasbuilt-in butts.
Oh, I don't even know aboutthose.
They've been working out thiswhole time.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
I don't need them.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
Yeah, she does it, but I'm not going to lie.
I might.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
I've been losing my ass with this weight loss, okay,
well, okay, I gotta get back tomy story right quick.
You're like me, you just I'mthe same way.
I'm like I gotta tell my storybecause if I don't, I'll forget
it, but I'm remembering now, soI just remember what I was
saying was I wouldn't want toever get back on any of that,
(46:59):
but one of the funniest, andI've got stories for days.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
I should write a book .
Speaker 1 (47:05):
But I was in this phase where I would, just, I was
being very like, just, I guess,adventure-driven, reckless, I
did not care.
So I would go on dates withguys with no intention of ever
like doing anything, Just I justwanted to go on dates because I
did not want to be alone, andone that I had talked to for I
(47:28):
would say, four or five days.
I felt comfortable meeting andso I didn't feel threatened by
him whatsoever.
We meet and I immediately didnot feel threatened once I met
him, because the whole time he'dbeen sending pictures, he had
(47:51):
been posing a certain way that Idid not realize why he was
posing that way until I saw him.
And it's because and this isthe kind of crap that I just
blows my mind when it comes todating- he was hiding his little
arm.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
Stop, I want to talk, I'm walking, I got to walk off
and that's why we have Coco, youknow, and that's why we make
them get professional picturesthey can't send us.
I mean, they have to come froma photographer.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
Oh, wow, okay, Y'all are doing the dirty work.
I like that, though, becausemeanwhile yeah, no, I'm not
joking, by the way His arm thisis his normal arm and then his
other arm was like back here.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
Like scary movies with the Wayne brothers.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
That's what comes to mind.
He wanted to use a strong hand,Anyway, but then it got
creepier because it just.
I remember going home thatnight because I was in, I was
getting.
I was in.
What was it?
I'm trying to remember the timeof my life as to why I was
doing crazy shit.
I was getting divorced fromcrazy husband number one, who
(49:01):
really messed me up, and so Iwent home that night with a
story to tell my mom, becauseshe was there for it and I was
like you're never going tobelieve this shit and I told her
and then I showed her thepictures and she was like, oh my
God, it all makes sense.
But what was scary was andthat's why I highly recommend
now maybe getting a matchmaker,because it kind of freaked me
(49:23):
out but I remember wanting thatdate to end so badly that I was
talking about my ex-husband andhow messy the divorce was Well,
yeah, you don't supposed to dothat on dates, but go ahead.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
So you didn't watch.
I messed up.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
I messed up bad, but I remember saying my last name
and somehow he found me onFacebook and that's when I was
like I'm gonna take a step backfrom this dating thing.
That's creepy yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
Yeah, I mean, I had one before I met Coco that I met
for lunch, because that'susually my go-to is coffee lunch
, you know, that's kind of thething and he had picked I'd
picked the restaurant because itwas a place I knew, and he had
got there before me and picked abooth in the corner.
Well, with all my trauma, Idon't mind sitting in a corner,
(50:11):
but I have to have see exits.
I have to see how I can escapeif needed, and I couldn't but so
in the start of the day, and itended up that, to make the long
story short that we had, he wasgoing on about stuff and I just
I mean one, he didn't look likehis picture.
When I got there too, he saidhe was Well, he was an Uber
(50:35):
driver.
I'm like, oh my gosh Three.
I think he still lived with hismom, from what I got of the
conversation.
So I'm ending this.
You know, I went ahead and waspolite, had the lunch and I'm
like, OK, I have a meeting toget to, I really need to go.
You know, this is probably notgoing to work for me.
And then he started gettinghateful and loud and started
(50:58):
telling me that I wasn't aChristian because I didn't take
Sundays off, and this and that,and it just kept escalating and
escalating.
So finally I'm like I've got togo and I'm picking up my stuff,
I finally got the bill paid andobviously he didn't pay the
bill.
So of course he did.
He paid his because I paid myhalf.
But so then he just kept gettinglouder about this you know that
(51:24):
I'm not a Christian, I don'ttake Sundays off and just
getting more violent with it,with his words, and I'm trying
to get up, he stands up andblocks me in the corner.
Get out.
And one of the waiters thatcomes over, steps kind of
between us and gives me a thingto where I get.
And I told him before that.
I told him I said please losemy number, just lose it.
(51:44):
And I scurry out and I get tothe ladies room and when I come
back out the waiter said he'sgone.
But it was so messed up thatthe waiter walked with me to my
car because he didn't trust thatguy to not be out there.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
That's so scary and I've had a situation similar to
where, like I, literally Iremember dipping off because he
was pressuring me to like followhim somewhere and I was like
hell, no, my lights off.
Dipped off.
And that's why Coco runsbackground checks I was gonna
say, like the shit that we putourselves through to look for
love is insane, yeah but we werecreated for it.
Speaker 3 (52:24):
I mean, you know her when she had genesis 218.
That verse is so beautifulbecause that's where god's
talking about taking the ribfrom adam to make eve, because
he said it's not good for us tobe alone.
As humans, we're relationalbased people.
We're created for relationshipsand love.
I mean God is love and hecreated us because he wanted
(52:44):
love.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
I love.
Yes, I'm all about some loveand Mississippi.
You know, I know a little bitabout the Bible.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
So we know, you know.
But I'm not trying to get onthat, I'm just saying I know um,
I want to because I feel like alot of my girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
Now my girlfriends are like all over the world.
I don't really have closegirlfriends around me, which is
why I love whenever I seeinternet relationships, because
I identify with that a lot.
But it seems like a lot of mygirlfriends, a lot of my clients
, are going through this, like Ithink it's like a spiritual
(53:26):
evolution, and they're sheddingtheir partners with this
evolution.
And like I was, I was, you know, being honest with you all
about my mental state right now.
And I'm honest with all mylisteners, all my followers,
everyone, because I know howalone a lot of people feel and
they suffer in silence andthat's why I think I've been so
(53:49):
addicted to finding love.
But I just I would love to knowwhat, what, I guess, words of
wisdom you have for the women,the women especially, because I
mean, this is just women talkingshit, but I know that men out
there too are evolving andhealing.
There's this I don't know ifyou're noticing it, but it seems
(54:10):
like people are really startingto do the healing work, and
whether that, you know, be bethrough church, through, like
retreats, through fasting,therapy, shadow book, yes,
people are starting to become somuch more aware and like trying
to heal, and so with that,unfortunately, I'm seeing in my
(54:32):
clients and I'm scared of formyself is losing our partners in
this evolving, and so I want toknow cause?
I hear, christelle, you've beenmarried.
I don't know how many times,but I heard marriages, I think
twice, twice.
Okay.
And then, coco Kiyoka, are youon marriage one or two?
Speaker 2 (54:54):
One.
I got married 2012,.
October the 18th and um mydivorce is being finalized 2020.
Speaker 1 (55:00):
We've been together for a good minute okay, and
we're all over 30 and so, butlet's just be real.
Speaker 3 (55:07):
I think what you're seeing, though, is, yes, there
are going to be, I know, indifferent situations.
You know, if you're in anabusive marriage and that
person's not getting help andyou're getting help, then
likelihood is there thatmarriage is going to struggle,
because you're basically lookingat two people that are broken,
(55:31):
and if one's healing they'regoing to move beyond the one
that refuses to heal.
If you have a healthy personand a broken person and that
person starts helping themselves, then hopefully, the goal there
would be that they would jointogether and, as this one heals
they'll, they would get closer.
Yeah, you know, my mysuggestions to people would be
(55:52):
one I mean, that's why I wrotethe book is the when I wrote the
book it's called Beyond TraumaI wrote it.
It's not a big read it's like75 pages but each chapter has
five to 10 self-help questions,things that you need to look at
in yourself, things you need todo.
You know and I and I statedthroughout there multiple times
(56:15):
that I am not a therapist, I'm acoach, and even in the book, I
will tell people.
You know, if you're strugglingwith some of this, my
encouragement would be to getsomebody that has therapy
training that can help you.
Church is great I get that.
But sometimes when you'reworking with people in the
church they're not mental healthtrained to help you with some
(56:38):
of those.
So that's where I support alicensed therapist over that,
you know.
Can they be supportive system?
Absolutely Can't.
Or some of them.
Some of them are trained inthat as well as you know the
religious background, and that'sa different thing.
But before moving on to a newperson or anything like that,
(57:01):
you have to focus on yourselffirst and get that self-healing.
You know down to where you knowthat you have stabilized
yourself.
And then you know in my bookand this is something I've
Coco's heard me say thousands oftimes I tell people you're not
who you were yesterday, beforeall this stuff happened.
(57:22):
You sure as heck don't want tobe who you are in the middle of
it.
So how do you figure out whoyou're going to be once you're
through all this?
Because what seems to happen andwhat I've seen, not just in
people but in years ago, is Ispent years healing, working,
working, working, working,working on myself.
But then there were still areasthat were healed but I hadn't
(57:49):
grown past them.
Example I had healed in myself-value after my first
marriage and different things,and I was independent.
I lived on my own for six yearsbefore I remarried again.
But what I didn't look at wasthe value that I expected others
(58:10):
to have in me, the value that Ihad in myself, as well as how I
expected people to treat me.
So I ended up settling forsomething that was definitely
not healthy and I, you know, I,thought it was a good thing at
(58:30):
the time.
I thought, you know manydifferent things, but it had
less to do with my marriagefalling apart.
This time.
It had a lot to do with some ofthe abuse, but the abuse was
allowed because of what Ithought of myself that I
couldn't do better, that Ididn't deserve better, or that
was okay, or it's not so bad, ormaybe what everybody else is
(58:51):
saying is right.
Maybe I need to compromise.
I literally dumbed myself downfor years trying to fit in.
You can't do that kind of stuff.
You have to look at who youwant to be, where you want to go
, and set yourself towards thatand live today for who you want
to be tomorrow.
(59:11):
And once you start doing thatand you're actually healed, then
you can look at okay, this iswho I'm going to be tomorrow.
What type of person fits thatgenre of me, correct?
Speaker 2 (59:23):
and um for oh, I'm trying to, I'm trying to hard to
wrap this up, uh, for any.
I just want to say for any male, always, um, start over.
For any single or male that islistening, that is in a
relationship that doesn't seemlike it's going to work.
You've been fighting to keep ittogether, hold it together.
I just want to say it's nothingwrong with letting go.
(59:45):
It hurts more to hold on tosomething that is not working
and you don't have to allowpeople to keep you together.
If you know it's not working.
It's okay to let go, breathe,relax and move forward with your
life.
Also, I want to say to anyonethat's Christian that's
listening to this it's okay tomove forward with your life.
(01:00:07):
Do not let the body of Christ,people in the church, tell you
to be in a marriage that isdefinitely abusive or just
playing out, just adulterous.
To hold together and you can.
God does not put anyonetogether.
That God would never put any ofhis children in a relationship
to be hurt.
And co-parenting is a beautifulthing and it can really help.
(01:00:30):
And don't ever, you know,dislike each other when you
can't function with the children, because to build a
relationship to be with someoneelse you have to can't function
with the children, because tobuild a relationship, to be with
someone else, you have to havea relationship with the father
and mother of your child,because they're going to be part
of your relationship as wellwhen it comes to the children.
It's something I learned inco-parenting and I know that's
kind of like a little bit offsubject, but I feel like that
(01:00:50):
needs to be thrown in just incase if anybody's listening like
, hey, I'm gonna go use amatchmaker, stuff like that.
That's something that I wouldalways want one of my clients to
tell me.
Yes, I have children.
Yes, I'm co-parenting with mymother, the mother of my
children or the father of mychildren.
So that's a big thing to find amatch and to know that the
other person will always want toknow that I'm about to get off
(01:01:12):
something yeah, and you know,the other thing is it's a match.
Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
We work worldwide.
You can find us on almost everysocial media.
We've got Facebook presence,our Web page should be coming up
, hopefully by this weekend, andwe're on TikTok.
We have ads that are gettingready to start on TikTok, and so
you know, reach out Coco.
Coco is always willing to makea new friend and find them a
friend.
Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
I love it.
I love it so much.
Well, thank you all so much forjoining me today.
Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
No problem, you were amazing.
Thank you for the funconversation and the laughs.
Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
We're nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
We're having fun.
Well, any.
I think that people have youbeen on any podcasts yet?
Yes, I think that people haveyou been on any podcasts yet?
Yes, I have you have.
Okay, I remember whenever I wasstarting this, and then
especially when I startedgetting on podcast interviews,
how you get like worked up andthen you get there and if you
have like the energy and thechemistry, it's just it's over
(01:02:13):
with in a split and it's like itcomes so natural.
So that's why, like, I do thatlittle questionnaire and I feel
like it gives me insight to you,and then the rest is genuinely
like I just want to know, like,what do you do?
Why are you doing it?
And I think that's why this umpodcast is starting to catch on,
because it's just like I feellike it's a natural conversation
(01:02:34):
.
Like when you pick up the phone, you're're like hey, girl,
what's up?
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
And that's what I want.
Speaker 3 (01:02:43):
It's an advice for anybody that's listening.
It's kind of and it's whatpeople want.
Because if you look at TikTok,the chat rooms, live chats I
mean I've been in on, I've beentossed in those several times
and it's just.
Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
You know people in there chatting.
Well, this is is.
This has been fun, and I feellike I gotta go find y'all on
TikTok now.
I don't even like TikTok.
I'll come look for you nowbecause it sounds like y'all got
something going on over therethat I need to know about.
Um, but, yeah, go look forChristelle's book and any of the
(01:03:17):
links that y'all mentioned.
Uh, there'll be in the shownotes and any, just any last
words that you want to share oranything you want to sign off
with before we go.
Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
One more thing November the 15th, we will be
having our singles event,located in Fort Walton beach,
Florida, from seven to 10 at thebreakers again, fort Walton
beach, florida.
Name 7 to 10 at the BreakersAgain, fort Walton Beach,
florida.
The name of the event is AutumnSingles Gala.
So if you're interested incoming to Northwest Florida,
please come down.
It's a match we're hosting.
Speaker 3 (01:03:46):
What?
And it's limited, limited space.
Oh, limited spaces too.
Okay, this one is limited, itmaxes out.
Yeah, and my book will not hituntil probably October.
So 1st of October, so anotherweek.
Speaker 1 (01:03:58):
So well, perfect, cause this episode will go out
in about two weeks, so all right, so we'll have it up before the
event takes place.
Be sure to send me any eventlinks for that and y'all look
them up online.
It sounds like you're in allthe places and I would say,
sounds like the best opportunityto meet these ladies.
(01:04:19):
Will you be at that event?
Oh yes, okay, we'll be to showup in person for one of their
events.
So all you Florida peeps I knowI have some Florida peeps and I
got some Florida listeners, myFlorida clients.
Y'all know who you are.
We suck at dating, so maybejust go higher than higher than
we can and if they miss the onein november, we have the big
ones.
Speaker 3 (01:04:40):
Um at the gulfarium um march 28, 28, 28th coco, yes,
go fair.
Okay, so it'll be on the water,you'll be able to see the water
, the dolphins, everything andfree food, free drinks and open
bar.
Forever, love of your lifethat's so much fun.
Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
I'm married, though.
Speaker 3 (01:05:04):
Okay, well, if it doesn't work out, send single
girlfriends and guys and livevicariously through them that's
what we'll do.
Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
That's what we'll do.
Well, thank y'all so much forbeing on.
Just women talking shit.
It's been fun talking about allthis shit, right, catfishing
and all yeah, this the, thechapters and show notes of this
are gonna be like go here forcatfishing, go here, go here for
Christianity, oh man, okay.
(01:05:37):
Well, y'all tell your friends.
Um.
I will Any.
If you really enjoy the show, Iwould love for you to pop in
and review it on um, eitherSpotify or Apple podcasts, um,
and just ask where.
Yeah, apple podcast is the onethat matters the most, um, and
then Spotify.
I listen to everything onSpotify, but I know the Apple
podcast is the one that mattersthe most, and then Spotify.
(01:05:57):
I listen to everything onSpotify, but I know the Apple
podcast, I think.
And if y'all ever y'all shoulddo a podcast at some point, that
would be really cool.
But that's the one that youwant to like.
Push to people to review likequickly, cause it it'll help you
get known faster.
I'm getting a slow, a slowstart with that, but I try to
tell everybody.
If you enjoyed it, pop on thereand just leave a quick review
(01:06:18):
and it would help.
But it's been fun.
Y'all are so awesome, by theway, thank you, and with you
being in Florida, I know likeit's singles events, but I would
like to see y'all at some point.
I love your energy.
It's awesome.
All right, well, if y'all havenothing else, I'll let you go
and y'all go have a beautifulday.
(01:06:39):
You, too, have an amazing one,thank you so much, bye, bye.
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The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!