The Journey to Overcoming Childhood Abuse, Challenges, Neglect, & Trauma with Tammy Vincent

Send us a text

Experiencing the effects of a challenging childhood can often feel like an insurmountable obstacle. Join us as I recount my journey from navigating the complexities of growing up with an alcoholic parent to becoming an Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) coach, dedicated to helping others uncover their paths to healing and self-discovery. Together, we'll explore the powerful role of lived experiences in overcoming trauma, and how techniques like NLP and energy work can offer breakthroughs for those feeling trapped in their past.

Ever wondered how dissociation and inner child work can impact your life? Listen as we unravel these complex coping mechanisms, drawing from my personal stories and the trials faced during my own journey of healing. From managing anxiety to discovering unconditional love through unexpected moments, we delve into the transformative process of acknowledging and reframing our childhood experiences. Through candid conversations with guest Tammy Vincent, we highlight the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in fostering genuine connections that support personal growth.

Let's talk about the empowering act of storytelling and how sharing your personal narrative can be both liberating and healing. Discover the courage it takes to step outside your comfort zone, challenge societal judgments, and find purpose in your struggles. Tammy and I emphasize the significance of affordable personal development and the immense strength required to face life's challenges. Whether you're on a quest for hope, understanding, or simply seeking inspiration, this episode offers a heartfelt narrative on overcoming adversity and embracing transformation through the power of authentic connection.

Find Tammy on Facebook → Children of Alcoholics Thriving NOW
Visit Tammy's website → www.tammyvincent.com

Mota Magick
MOTA Magick is soulful, high-vibe CBD skincare made by women, for women. Use code JWTS to save 10%!

Support the show

Follow Jacquelynn on Instagram HERE.
Follow Just Women Talking Shit on Instagram HERE.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hey, Tammy.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Hello, how are you?

Speaker 1 (00:03):
I'm doing well.
I'm doing well.
It's really nice here today.
As you can see, I'm sittingoutside.
It feels really good when areyou?
I'm in Mississippi.
Where are you at?
I'm in Florida.
What is with?
I love Florida.
It seems like everybody I'mtalking to lately lives in
Florida, so Florida must bepretty great.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
You know it's funny, it's.
Yeah, it's a great place tosettle.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
And so I decided, hey , I'm going to settle here when
I'm 65.
I might as well make the jumpand do it when I'm 50.
Okay, oh, you know what youwant.
That's good.
Well, tell me about yourself,tell me about what it is you're
doing.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
So right now I'm an ACOA coach, so adult children of
alcoholic coach.
I'm an ACOA coach, so adultchildren of alcoholic coach.
So I just coach people thathave had a lifetime of crap and
are just kind of not navigatingit.
Well, you know, not knowingwhat, I just help people that
are kind of stuck because ofwhat happened in their childhood
, that don't feel like there's abetter way, and it's it's

(01:00):
become my mission to kind ofscream at the rooftop like
literally, like your pastdoesn't define you, you define
you Like stop.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
I love that and I resonate with that so much
because I come from a childhoodof, I mean, there was neglect,
lots of domestic violence,alcohol abuse, drug abuse,
mental abuse, verbal, emotional,all of it.
And so I really, I really didthink and I'm just going to

(01:36):
share my heart with you rightquick, because I know that you
hear this a lot and I just don'tthink it's a coincidence that
we're chatting today and I justdon't think it's a coincidence
that we're chatting today.
But I resonate with it sodeeply because I remember
feeling like I was stuck andit's like when, especially when
you're an adolescent, like youhave so many questions and
you're figuring out who you areand then not being able to

(02:00):
understand, like for me it waslike why am I the way I am?
And I had to go back to, ohwell, who?
Who raised me, who gave me thesebeliefs, who gave me, who kind
of built the foundation forthese insecurities, and I just I
remember not wanting to be astatistic that's the best way I
can explain it is I didn't wantto be a statistic, I didn't want

(02:22):
to follow in their footsteps,and so I resonate so deeply with
that and it, it I never reallythought about there being a
person that is out there makingshifts for these humans, because
the you know human's hard tobegin with, right, yeah, amen to
that, you know, and and it'sfunny because I got started,

(02:44):
because I literally well, I gotstarted because I spent 30 years
throwing everything at the wallto see what would stick for
myself.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah, so finally I'm like, ok, I've done Reiki, I'm
an NLP practitioner, I can tapout anybody in the world for any
problem, like I can do all thisstuff.
And I'm like, but people don'teven know that they have these
problems.
They don't even they don't knowwhy they are the way they are.
And so many people's mentalityis just, well, that's how I grew

(03:15):
up, so that's just the way itis.
And I was like, no, it's not.
So I was actually tapping out atotal stranger at the airport
that was afraid to fly one dayand my friend looked at me after
I was done and the lady likeskipped onto the plane.
Like I can do this.
The lady and my friend lookedat me and said why don't you use
some of these talents?
And my very first patient ornot patient client, she said to
me Tammy.
She said I've been going totherapy for 11 years every week,

(03:35):
never missed a week $110 I'vegiven this woman, she said, and
in 18 minutes you told me moreabout why I am the way I am and
gave me one simple shift thatliterally will change my life.
And I said because I was you.
And that's when it really waslike, okay, there's a need for
this, there's a need for peoplethat get it.

(03:58):
Because all the therapy mymother was a child psychiatrist.
I had read every book of hers.
No books in the world, noliterature books prepare you to
be in that body of somebody thatgrows up with abusive,
alcoholic, neglectful parents.
They just don't.
You have to be it.
You have to live it tounderstand it.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
I could not agree more with that, and that's
probably why a lot of peoplelike I went to therapy for a
little bit and one.
That's probably why a lot ofpeople like I went to therapy
for a little bit and one.
It's really hard to find atherapist that you feel safe
with is what I'm finding, andI'm also finding that I don't
feel like I can share a wholelot with a female therapist.
I don't.
I kind of know what that'sabout.
That's my relationship with mymom, who caused a lot of trauma,

(04:39):
right, but I am seeing and thisis why I love being a coach too
.
But I am seeing, and this iswhy I love being a coach too.
So I have this podcast, but Ihave a coaching company and a
content create like a creativeservices agency too.
But coaching is my all timefavorite thing in the whole
world, and I do attract peoplethat are like you get it and
they're so confused as to why ittook this long for it to all

(05:02):
click.
But it just takes that personthat can deliver the message in
a way that's like oh, I feelseen, I feel heard, I feel
understood and you're right, youknow you can be professionally
trained and in the industry oflicensed therapy.
But like it doesn't, it doesn'tmake up for the life experience
, you know it doesn't.
It doesn't make up for the lifeexperience, you know.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
Exactly, and I have.
I mean, I've been to therapyand to me it was a great start,
but then it was like, ok, I gotto go deeper and I got to go
deeper.
That someone that knows theright questions to ask and knows
where to bring me and has done,you know, six years of inner
child work on their self.
So that's really and it isfunny.

(05:48):
But I've had therapists come onmy podcast and say therapy is
great but it's not always enough.
It's definitely not enough.
And so licensed therapists arealso coaches, doing other stuff
on the side to integrate it alltogether.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
It's super cool to see the impact.
Now, I'm not saying that allcoaches are great.
We both know that.
There's like the dark side andthe lights and the light side.
But the only thing thatconcerns me is it's not a super
regulated industry, like therapyand, like you know, having to
have all these certificates soanybody can pop up, and that's
that was my big fear gettingstarted.

(06:25):
It's like, well, who's going tobelieve in me?
Like who's going to?
You know, I don't have thecredentials, but so that's my
only.
I guess that's the only caveat.
But it is so cool to see theimpact that soul-led,
heart-centered people like you,the impact that you're having
out there.
And me, of course, don't forgetto.

(06:47):
I'm out here.
I'm out here doing my own thing, and it took me a while to
figure out what that thing was,but it is.
It's so interesting how theuniverse, source, god, whatever
word works for you, lines allthis up.
Because what is so beautiful islike this interview.
I don't know when you booked it, it was a minute ago.

(07:10):
I only interview people onWednesdays, so I planned well in
advance for these interviewsand I just went through like
this weird little phase ofdiscovery.
I had to go back to where Igrew up and where a lot of the
abuse took place.
And I had to go back to where Igrew up and where a lot of the
abuse took place and I had to goback to the church and I had to
be in that environment andaround all the people who caused

(07:30):
a lot of trauma.
And it was a funeral for myuncle, who, too, caused a lot of
trauma, like just stuff thatI've, that I'm just now
remembering type stuff, and it'sjust so beautiful how it's so
it's like orchestrated behindthe scenes, because I just don't
believe there's anycoincidences.
So it's so cool that you'rehere.
First off, I want to thank you,thank you, and then, second,

(07:54):
the timing of this is so perfectbecause I think it's something
I need to hear, but also that mylisteners are going to benefit
from so greatly.
So thank you, thank you, Thankyou.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
Well, you're welcome and you're right, there is no,
it's always divine intervention,because the weirdest things
happen at the weird time.
I've been on my way to speak for200 women and I practice my
speech all the way there andthen I get up and I say to my
friend, so how did I do?
And she's like you nailed it,but you did not say one thing
that you intended to say and I'mlike not even the title, like

(08:30):
not even the talk, like she'slike no, and it's like I
dissociate when I speak.
I get out, I say whatever isguided just to talk about.
And I heard a podcast on theway there.
I was like okay, I'm going tostop practicing.
It was about a two and a halfhour drive.
Stop running through my speech,I'm going to just listen to
something a no brainer for aminute and a half hour drive.
Stop running through my speech,I'm going to just listen to
something a no brainer for aminute.
And this lady said something onthis podcast that just hit me

(08:50):
wrong and it was like, oh no,what if somebody?
I must've been thinking in myhead, what if someone there
heard that?
And they, the conversation Ididn't feel like was finished.
It was about how awareness is ahundred percent of the key and
once you're aware you're on yourway to healing and I'm like no,
no, no, no, no, no, there'sstill like acceptance and action
and like action is the lastthing.
So my whole speech was aboutand it went through kind of the

(09:13):
same points of my talk, but itwas a totally different speech.
And it was funny because I doI'm really bad when I speak.
I focus on people.
I can look right at you, butI'm in my head.
I'm just like so it was funny.
When I went back and watched it,she's like you didn't even
notice that entire left side ofthe room was on their feet.

(09:33):
I was like no, but I was like,well then it was them.
Someone in that crowd needed tohear what I had to say and
that's you know, that's why wedo these podcasts.
That's why we do these podcasts, that's why we do this.
That's why we because peopledon't know what they don't know,
and it's it could be I can.
I send people to my podcast allthe time.
My own clients and I say golisten to episode 46.

(09:55):
And then they'll say to me ohmy gosh, jamie, I never thought
about it like that.
I'm like we've been talkingabout it for a month, so they
just literally had to hear itfrom a different set of lips or
a different perspective, youknow, and so that's why we do
what we do.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
I love.
Yeah, I don't agree with that.
Awareness is not like I feellike that's the plug in point.
That's the very, I guess, thebeginning, and then the work.
That's why people don't do thework, that's why people say
things like well, you know,that's just how I was raised and
because it's a lot of work,it's a lot of work to unbecome

(10:34):
the trauma, the neglect, the,the, the moments that made you
feel small and reallyessentially molded the, like,
the person you are right here,like the one that we see Right,
and so, uh, and you saidsomething, too, about
disassociating.
That stuck with me because thisis something that I started
doing.
So I'm a musician, singer,songwriter, and I used to
perform um, that's how I used tomake a living and but I used to

(10:57):
.
So as a child I was very and Istill am a very anxious person,
but I was like, like, so anxious, and so I guess self, what is
the word?
I would self retreat that likeI, I was just, I was really
scared of the whole world,people, everything, right, so I,
but I found music as like a wayto disassociate and try to like

(11:19):
, shift identity.
So, but now I do it withspeaking, too, on like on shows
like this, and then being onother people's podcasts and then
teaching and stuff.
So I'm curious this is whereI'm feeling led to talk about
but what are you?
What's your perspective on thewhole disassociating thing?

Speaker 2 (11:35):
Um it, starts when, when you are very traumatized,
it starts as a coping mechanism.
You just, I can literally someof the worst moments of my life.
I literally remember them.
But I remember them standingoutside of my body, watching me,
with no feeling, no emotion,just being like, hmm, that sucks

(11:56):
.
I mean literally as a 16 yearold, watching myself, just
whatever was happening.
And I think it just became a.
It's a coping mechanism, it's asurvival method in the beginning
, but you know, people thinkthat you literally have to be
standing outside of your bodyand watching yourself to be
dissociating.
And it's really.
It's more than that.
It's when you are overwhelmedat work and you have seven

(12:19):
different things to do and youdon't know what to do.
So what do you do?
You pick up your phone and youturn on.
You know, you open up Instagram.
That's dissociating.
It's anything that takes youthat mental break away from what
you can't deal with at themoment and it puts you in like
your other zone.
It's like it puts you in yoursafe space.

(12:40):
So speaking could be that LikeI could be.
Oh my gosh, I'm nervous.
And if you're a speaker andyou're not nervous, there's
something wrong, because youwant to be able to be delivering
the best message you can, butit's like you get into the safe
zone and you're like, okay, I'min my zone here and nothing is
coming at you, and I think we dothat a lot.

(13:03):
I think kids do that, I thinkwe all do that.
I've actually had someone on oneof my podcast episodes that was
so abused by his brother thathe had a completely dissociative
amnesia, whatever, however, yousay that, but 13 years he
didn't know who he was.
He was living, he was writingbooks, he was published in

(13:27):
hundreds and hundreds ofarticles.
He wrote books and then when hesnapped back to and came back
to his normal who he was, hisfamily had defamation of lawsuit
, definition of character,lawsuits against him and
everything because he literallywas that dissociated.
That out of it, against him andeverything because he literally

(13:47):
was that dissociated that outof it.
But you know it's.
I'll give you an example as anadult who dissociates, my son
had an accident one time and afillet knife went through his
hand and I was in a room with Ithink I was having a pampered
chef party and I had like 15other people in the room, 15
other ladies, and I literallywrapped his arm in a towel, sat
down on the floor and wasrocking him.
He was about two and a half andin that moment I went around

(14:10):
the room and I gave everybodysomething to do.
I was like you call 911, youget my shoes, you take the dog,
you do this, literally.
And it was like, again, Icouldn't tell you that I did
that.
They all told me I did that.
My version was very small, myversion was sitting there
watching blood and holding mychild and then when I went to

(14:32):
the hospital, I completelypassed out.
But people are like well,that's cool to know.
Like in a crisis, you arecompletely in control,
completely calm, and I'm like,but I wasn't there.
Mentally I was not there.
Like you know what I'm like,but I wasn't there.
I, mentally I was not there.
Like you know what I'm saying,like I don't.

(14:52):
It was crazy and that is aperfect example.
I went into shock.
My mind said, nope, not today.
I'm going to do it this way.
And and safe, tammy.
And and calm, cool, collected,tammy stepped in.
So I think there's so manydifferent levels of dissociation
, but I know it started from methat I it's like this fantasy
world.
I would just kind of sit thereand take what I was having done
to me and watch it as if I was.

(15:15):
It wasn't me, and I think thatis one of the reasons.
When I started inner child work, I had so much disgust for
myself.
If that makes sense I don'tknow if you've done a lot of
inner child work, but I couldn'tstand to look at a picture of
myself because I felt like youshould have done something.
That's how I started the wholeprocess, like why didn't you
scream, why didn't you doanything other than just lay

(15:36):
there like you were?
And it was that's what reallyprompted my OK.
I got to go back and let thislittle girl know she, she did
what she thought she had to doand she was.
She did the she thought she hadto do and she was.
She did the best she did.
At that moment you know,because it started very young
for me- so how old would you sayyou were?

(15:58):
Probably five or six.
Yeah, I went through my theyear before I went to school,
maybe even four.
I went through a bad year withmy mother because my older
brother had gone off just prekindergarten or preschool or
whatever.
So I was home with my mother bymyself every day and I had an
infant sister, but she was nottaking the brunt of anything
physical and every day we wentthrough the same process of

(16:18):
watching the soap opera and meeating soft boiled eggs, which I
can't stand and I don't like tothis day.
But she was a horrible cook so,like someday, I wouldn't eat
them.
So it was like the typicalfive-year-old, you know, like
I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to do it.
So some days I would get put inthe closet, some days I would
just get slapped around, somedays they would be physically
stuffed down my throat until Ivomited.

(16:38):
I mean, and it was every daythis year until my brother got
home from school.
He would like let me out of thecloset or whatever, slide me
crackers.
Whatever slide me crackers,whatever it was.
But I remember that.
I remember that when I thinkback about those times or I have
dream about them, which I stilldo every maybe once a year or
so I'm always standing outsideof the closet or I'm always
watching this happen to me,uh-huh.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
So I think it started very young.
This is also and I know theseare like very personal questions
, but I'm asking because I'm Inoticed these things in myself
and and I too think it wasaround the age four or five
where I started, but it wouldprobably happen sooner, you know
.
But, like, these are thememories that I remember.
So when you talked about likethe disgust and starting that

(17:26):
inner child work and whatnot, Ithink that is you know.
We've talked about the plug-inpoint being awareness, right,
and then the work becomes likethe inner child work and that's
the hard part, which is why alot of people don't do it.
But I'm curious what prompted?
What does my brain want to sayHold on?
At what point do you think thatyou were able to recognize,

(17:48):
like the patterns that you werecaught up in?
And then did you have like thismoment where you were like I
don't, like this is, I don'twant to be this way, I don't
want to follow in theirfootsteps, I want to kind of
create my own path?
Was there like a light bulbmoment for you?

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Because, there was a lot when I was young, like
teenage years, when my dad hadsent me to go live with my
mother.
They were divorced at the timeand just horrific things were
happening and there was a timewhere I tried to, I contemplated
taking her life and then it waslike who the heck am I?
Because it was like that's whenI realized, wow, I hate myself
so much that I was willing totry to take my own life out of

(18:26):
the guilt of wanting to take herlife.
Does that make sense?
So, like I was, like Nope, it'snot going to be me.
Like who am I to take her life,even though she's done all this
stuff?
I'm going to try to take my own.
Of course, by the grace of Godthat did not work, but I
wouldn't be standing here today.
But that's when I moved backand I was like I got to figure
this out.
I was, you know, massiveanxiety and panic attacks and

(18:50):
but I was still in survival mode.
But it wasn't until I was 26,getting ready to have my first
child, and I was reading thatbook Love you Forever.
Do you ever read it?
Oh my gosh.
So I'm rocking back and forthand I'm like it should be this
really serendipitous, like, oh,this is so fun, this is exciting
, yeah.

(19:13):
So for people the listenersthat have not read it, it's the
story of unconditional lovebetween a mother and her son,
and she's loving him through allthe stages, singing the song to
him, and at the end the tidesare turned and she's old and
frail and he's now rocking herback and forth, singing the same
song, but saying my mommy,you'll be, and what should have
been the most like oh, I can'twait for that moment.
It hit me like being hit in theside of the head by a freaking
two by four that I didn't evenknow what unconditional love
felt like, oh man.

(19:34):
And I was like how in the hell,like I don't know if I can cuss
on here.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
Well, it's called just women talking shit.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
Yeah, it's women talking shit, so I guess I can.
So I was like, how in the hellam I going to raise a child?
So I also knew, because mymother was a child psychiatrist,
after reading all of her books,that just doing the exact
opposite was not the answer.
So I threw myself intoeverything I could figure out as
far as like suicide andalcoholism and addiction and

(20:02):
abuse and neglect and rape andinsensitivity, like everything I
could read about, because wedidn't have the internet back
then.
Boy, I would have been a lotquicker, it would have been so
much quicker, you know.
But that's when I realized, wow, it's.
You know, I remember I was likeI got to get in therapy.
That was everybody's answer.
And, of course, my mother beinga child psychiatrist and having

(20:23):
jacked up my head as bad as shedid, I was a little hesitant,
you know.
And but what I did realize ingoing to therapy, was it?
It really it was like slappingme with a book of obviously
awake, like awakening myawareness to the fact that there
was so many major fundamentalbeliefs that were wrong.

(20:45):
And I mean, I did all thethings that I would have
expected to do I got married, Iwent to school I got a master's
degree.
I did all of that.
I married the first guy thattold me he loved me.
I married someone who wasexactly like my parents.
You know what I mean.
So that didn't last.
It lasted five years, stillvery close with him, but that's
okay.
But I did all those things andin that was the healing process.

(21:07):
So, like yes, my first twochildren took a lot of the brunt
of that.
I didn't understand boundaries.
I didn't understand.
I did understand unconditionallove though, and I can say that
because as soon as I realized Ididn't, I went out and bought
myself an eight week old puppyand I thought what a test of the
human spirit to even know ifI'm capable of unconditional
love.

(21:27):
And when I held that puppy inmy hand, like she was little, he
was literally this big and myheart, freaking, melted, and
then I knew I was going to beokay.
That was the moment I knew Iwas going to be okay and I was
like and it like I'd never feltmy heart melt before.

Speaker 1 (21:43):
Oh, my God, and.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
I was 26, now I'm 56.
So that was 30 years ago.
But boy, a lot of growing inthere, a lot of growing.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
And it's, it's painful too, like I love that
you're showing up and just, Imean, a lot of people don't have
the courage to share these darkparts.
You know, like, like somethingthat I've been talking about on
my journey is and I don't knowhow to label it but like sex
work and the shame that comeswith that.
You know, I put myself in thesesituations and I had such

(22:16):
disgust for such a long time,but it's like I don't know how
else I would have learned what Ilearned without putting myself
in that situation, withoutrepeating the mistakes that I
swear to God I would not replay.
I, you know, growing up with amom who is kind of crazy, I

(22:37):
sounds like your mom has somereally fucked up issues and
we're just going to call it whatit is Right, that's fucked up,
Um, and my mom was really fuckedup, but like it's just so, it's
just also interesting.
Like I don't know how I wouldhave learned the lessons I'd
learned, and I don't know how Iwould be so advanced in
awareness had I not experiencedit all.
You know what I mean.
So it's like it's a weirdpredicament to be in.

Speaker 2 (22:58):
And that's my biggest .
You know, when I, when I helppeople through things, I'm like
you don't have to go back andrelive this stuff, you have to
go back and name it and claim itand you do have to sit with it
but give it other meanings.
And that's why I think, why Igot NLP certified because it was
a lot about reframing thingsand giving things different

(23:18):
meanings and everything.
But I don't feel like I don'tlike going back like
hypnotherapy and pulling up thedredging and making you relive
the absolute trauma, like Idon't agree with that.
I never did that and luckily Inever did that.
But what you have to do is youhave to be able to somehow work
with a therapist, a counselor, agroup, whatever it is, to be

(23:41):
able to get to the point thatthrough all of the like OK, that
happened, and truly believe itwasn't your fault.
Because at the bottom of all ofthis is this sense of
unworthiness, like it was reallyI had.
I mean, when you're so abused,you have zero respect for your
own body.
I had zero, zero, didn't careWhatever it was, what it was,

(24:05):
and because nobody else had,nobody even taught me that was a
thing and I could have livedfor years in self-hatred because
of the way I acted.
I could have, but I was.
I had to just kind of give itup.
You know, like I was doing this, like you said, to learn this.
I was doing this to know what Idon't want to do, or I don't

(24:26):
want to teach my children, andthe only thing I could do
through all of it was just tocontinue to give myself grace I
had.
I was listening to a podcast theother day and the lady said
that I didn't start to healuntil I accepted the fact that
everything was my fault andlearned to move forward.
And I was like no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no.
So I like literally immediately, like my next episode was it's

(24:49):
never your fault as a child,because I was like you, acted on
survival mode.
Nothing before the age ofreally eight or nine is ever a
child's fault.
They can't even process rightand wrong and thinking and all
that stuff.
So, but the things that you doat 10, 11, 12 and into your
early twenties, but the thingsthat you do at 10, 11, 12 and
into your early 20s because youjust don't get it, that's not

(25:12):
your fault either and that's thehard part to give yourself
grace on.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yes, it is super difficult because you, that's
where the fine line of likevictimhood and then you know,
coming out of it as a victor,like it's a really weird fine
line and it's just like, becausethere's so much shame, like you
were talking about, there'sthis fundamental like you don't
have, you don't feel worthy, youknow, and that comes from the

(25:38):
shame and being shut out andbeing told to shut up and
whatever the neglect and abuselooked like.
And so first off, I got to goback and commend you again.
These are freaking hardconversations to air out.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
I'm sorry To air out.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
It's not nothing to be sorry for.
But I'm saying, like these arethe conversations I'm here for.
Like let's talk about the shitthat we did Not put each other
down, or be like yeah, yeah, youshouldn't have done that or
done that, but like it is socool for you to be able to sit
here and talk about your life.
Because here and talk aboutyour life Because a lot of us,

(26:12):
especially being abused, havethat like Stockholm syndrome
Like, yeah, like you were sayingit's my fault, and to be able
to show up so brave and be like,no, this is my fucking story,
this is my truth.
It's so powerful because I talkto my clients all the time.
And like it's been a really bigpart of my story too.
Like my mom is still alive andwe are still working on our
relationship and she she'll hoponto my social media and she'll

(26:36):
tell my daughter things like Iwish she would have talked to me
about that first before shesaid anything.
And I'm like but it's my story,right?
You know, it's my story.
This is how I remember it andit's unfortunate that you
remember it differently, but Iknow that in my deep like in in
my hardwired nervous system, I'm35.
I still wake up with anxiety, Istill throw up in the mornings,

(26:59):
I'm still in survival mode,doing the best I can, and so
it's just I got to commend youand anybody.
I think what, what I'm trying tosegue into is that part of the
healing which, first off, you'renever going to be healed.
It's such a process.
If you're alive, there'ssomething to work on, you know.
But I found such freedom inbeing able to finally say you

(27:22):
know what, mom, I respect you,but you got to respect me too.
And I'm going gonna share mystory because, unless I'm naming
her, putting her name out there, I don't feel like I'm doing
any harm, because people areresonating.
They're like holy fucking shit,and it takes that, like you
were saying, like when you sendyour your um episodes from
another podcast to your clientsand it's just, it's that like

(27:44):
that credibility and they'relike, oh well, you were on this
podcast and it creates thiswhole new perspective, like I
needed to hear it at this pointin time and this format for it
to make sense.
And I'm just like it's hard toshare the story, but maybe I'd
like for you to talk aboutsharing that story Like cause,
that's, you have your awarenessand then you know you have to do
all that, navigatingself-discovery, unbecoming of

(28:06):
the old beliefs, dah, dah, dah.
But the hardest part istypically to talk about it in
the first place, because what Ifind is you're scared of what
you're going to find, but you'realso scared of putting your
story out there and like, well,what are they going to say?
What are the you know?
Because there's a lot ofjudgment and shame and like it's
really hard to talk about myrelationship with my mom, but

(28:28):
she, she's got to know I loveher, or I would not be working
so hard to repair ourrelationship and to talk about
this so that other people canlearn from it.
You know what I mean, right,where do you start with that?

Speaker 2 (28:40):
I know you said well, but Every time I don't care if
you go to an Al-Anon meeting, anAlateen meeting, an ACOA
meeting, which is Adult Childrenof Alcoholics, I don't care
where you go.
Every time you tell your storyand you release that negative
energy from your body, you heala little bit more Now.

(29:00):
It's hard at first.
It really is.
But even when I started, I wentto Al-Anon for six months and
sat in meetings and never openedmy mouth.
I literally never opened mymouth, just sat there.
But in that sitting there I wasgoing oh my God, she's me.
Oh my God, she's me.
Holy shit, this lady knows whatI've been through.
And then I realized, like, okay,so I'm like calculating one day

(29:21):
, I'm like, okay, there's like17,000 Al-Anon meetings going on
right now.
That's like millions.
Like there are millions ofpeople that are going through
the same thing and so many ofthem think they're the only ones
.
Like I have clients that go.
Oh, you wouldn't understand.
I'm like, girl, there's not astory you can tell me that I
haven't heard before.
Like there's just not, you know, it's.

(29:41):
Nothing is that unique that ithasn't in some way shape or form
happened to other people.
So people need to know.
Like I started looking at it asthis isn't.
For me, this is to give thenext person the courage to tell
their story.
It's a, you know, I felt like Iwas almost like a traveling
salesperson at first.

(30:02):
Like you know, I'm like nottelling you is doing you a
disservice, like not sharing andnot letting you know that you
are heard, you are loved, youare validated and you are by far
not the only one out there.
And for the people that judgeme and I know they're out there,
if I hear one more time, Idon't know how you talk about

(30:24):
your parents like that.
Well, both of my parents arepassed by the way.
So it became much easier.
Honestly, not much easier.
My mom I was okay.
My father, even though myfather was an alcoholic, he, we
had a very good relationship andI always say I mean he just was
fighting his own demons andjust was not emotionally.
He never abused me, he never.
He tried to save me the best hecould, but he didn't know how

(30:47):
because he was fighting his owndemons.
But I didn't talk a lot.
I remember him telling me youshould write a book.
You're so good at writing blah,blah, blah, blah, blah and me
saying, man, my book would beabout you, boo, and you know.

(31:08):
But just talking it, every timeyou talk, I'm all about energy.
You know we're all energy.
And again, I don't know whetheryou call it God universal
energy, whatever you call it,it's all the same to me and all
of the negative needs to get outand all of the positive needs
to come in.
So the more you can speakpositivity into the world and at

(31:32):
the same time get rid of thatnegative energy, the better
you're doing, even if you'retalking.
That's why I loved inner childwork.
Even if you're talking to apicture of yourself on the
mirror, you're still doing it.
You're still getting out thenegativity.
You're getting out the thingsthat you held in, because I feel
not a doctor, so don't quote meon this, but I feel like it's.
Every single disease, everysingle ailment, every single

(31:54):
everything stems back to shit.
You've gotten your body.
You can't get out.
It's screaming to get out.
You know you've got all thisshit bottled up and it just
depends on where you put it.
So if you put it in yourstomach, I promise you.
I mean at 18, I had bleedingulcers, I was throwing up blood.
Oh my God.
No doctor ever said to me hey,have you been stressed out for

(32:15):
18 years?
You know, when I got arthritisin my jaw it was because I
talked too much, not because.
Well, maybe I spent the firstnine years with my blocked teeth
clenched.
Do you ever think that?

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Yeah, because you're so nervous and stressed and yeah
, so man, oh man, oh man, oh mygosh, my brain just skipped out
for a second.
Oh, you were talking about.
So I really think that it'sbecause of the way I was brought
up the brain damage of havingto survive, like the narcissism,

(32:47):
and like your brain literallyhas to create new neural like.
You know this.
You're talking about energywork and so I'm really big into
with my coaching because I didnot want to be that way.
I've been really honest with mylisteners and in my content
that the whole thing thatstarted my like spiritual and
personal development journeywith neuroscience and um,

(33:09):
neuroplasticity and energy workand all that was, I literally
was like I don't want to becomemy mother, I don't want to
fucking become my dad, because Icould see, I see, in these
moments where I speak like her,I'm condescending, but and I was
just like a mix of things and Iwas like I don't want to be a
shit person, right, right.
But I could not agree more.

(33:32):
And yeah, we're not doctors,but it makes sense If you store
energy and you hold onto it.
There's a bot.
There's a book called the bodykeeps score.
For anybody listening.
Love that book so good.
I'm not done with it yet, butI'm on this chapter where
they're talking about incest.
And something that I've notbeen super open about is I have

(33:55):
memories of being really youngand my boy cousins doing things
with me, but also memories of myuncle who just passed, which is
why I had to go back to thefucking church and be there.
It was actually very healing tosee I'm not crazy all these
people literally are still thesame way and I'm not making it
up because you know likewhenever it's been so long,
you're like this is surely justa fucking figment of my

(34:16):
imagination, right.
But it was like good to go backand see, oh okay, yeah, these
are real characters in my storyand they are how I remember them
.
But oh my God, okay, so wherewere we at?
The body keeps score, all that.
But it it makes sense Like Istill find myself in moments

(34:36):
where I'm like my stomach issucked in and I'm like and I
think back to when I was little,I would.
I was so stressed out.
I mean, no child should have totake care of their siblings and
miss school 80 days a year,right?
No child should have to sit upand wait for her mom to come
home after three days of sayingI'm going out for Taco Bell and
wondering if she's dead or alive, right?

(34:57):
So it's like the body does keepscore.
And what I was gravitatingtowards was you said something
about you know, I'm not a doctor, but if you're storing all this
negativity in your gut, you cancreate disease and it goes back
to you know, dr Joe Dispenza.
I love him, do you?
I love him, he's so good.
Some people are like on theline on the fence about him and

(35:20):
I'm like I don't know, I don't,I I'm obsessed he makes.
He really makes sense to me.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
It just makes total sense.
And when somebody, when theysay, you know, do this exercise.
It's like I used to do with mykids when I used to teach first
grade.
I used to be, we used to dothis power, the Superman and the
power, you know, super woman.
I was like open it up, guys.
And this is before I knewanything.
I was like open it up.
I'm like, don like, open it up.

(35:46):
I'm like don't you feel big?
Like say I am big.
And we used to do that, like Iwas teaching first grade and
it's just because so many ofthem I knew when I got into
teaching, I could see it intheir eyes.
They, you know, they were down,they were slumped, they were
you know, and, and I love, Idon't know who the psychologist
is, but I says, you know, askyourself this question like,

(36:08):
what does it feel like to eatyour favorite food and how does
your body feel?
Like?
Oh well, it feels warm andfuzzy and I'm picturing myself
eating, you know, whatever it is, a big cinnamon burrito,
whatever, I don't know what itis, but you feel good.
Now ask yourself, you know, orsay to yourself, I deserve all
good things because and thenpause 95% of the people I work

(36:31):
with will go Ooh, I'm like,where do you feel it in your
body?
No, like, ooh my back, ooh mylower hip, ooh my stomach.
Ooh my head, ooh my jaw got alittle tight.
Then we still got some work todo.
No matter how much you say, II'm there.
I feel 100% worthy.
It's still because you cannotcontrol a subconscious
physiological response to athought.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
Right, yeah, and it's that first thought and this
goes back to the brain again,how we were conditioned and if
you have been through abuse,especially as a child, where
your brain is, those are theprime years of development Like
you are building foundationalbeliefs, your confidence is

(37:18):
being set, all the things, andit's like, yeah, you can't
control the subconscious, likethat first subconscious response
and I think that we were taughtto not listen to that and
that's like the intuition.
And so it's so funny that youwere saying you know, before you
knew about all the energy, likethe power stances and all that
power poses that you were justdrawn to tell the kids open up.
And it's kind of like a, likean animal If you ever noticed my

(37:38):
dogs laying out in the yardsunbathing right now.
But when she's frustrated orhas extra energy, what does do
she's like?
or when they get out of the bathand they're like, and they
shake it off.
We weren't taught to do that,so like, we, as children, had to
take on the brunt of all thisabuse and then be told to like,
like you, being locked in afucking closet, what the fuck?

(38:01):
Right, literally being trappedwith these emotions and we're
not taught how to get them outin a healthy way.
Right, and it's if you don't,if you don't move that energy,
it does get stuck.
And what I was.
Whenever I was talking about DrJoe Dispenza I can't remember
if it was his book Evolve yourBrain, or the one about, or the

(38:24):
one about oh my God, what is theother one?
About identity, but shiftingidentity.
Why can I not think of it rightnow, anyway, but he was talking
about how, and this is a commontheory for other people too.
But dis-ease, if you listen tolike, like the word itself Break
it down, yeah, break it down,dis-ease.
You're not at ease.
Like you are suffering, you, itdown yeah.
Break it down.

(38:44):
It's dis-ease, you're not atease, like you are suffering,
you are not feeling well.
But what do we do?
Like we just mask it.
Oh, let me just take it all inall, let me, and it's like if we
would really get honed in onthat intuition and trust in
ourselves and do the work inthat area, like you're saying
the back, the stomach, whateveryour body's giving you

(39:05):
indicators all the time.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Yeah, yeah, and if you just look at, I mean I know
I love I'm not any kind ofcertified or anything like that,
but I love all kinds of somatichealing exercises and that's
what you know like you weresaying that I do that with
people at work because I workpart-time in a restaurant and I
actually love it.
But I'm like the guru there andthey'll come to me with having

(39:29):
panic attacks and anxietyattacks and I'm like stick your
finger in your ear and just hum,you know, and they're like what
the hell I've not heard of thatone.
Hold on, you just put yourfinger in your ear.
It's the vagal nerve toninglike the vagal nerve stuff.
So it's like you put yourfinger in your ear and you just
rub it around and then, anytimeyou can like, instead of singing

(39:51):
it vibrates that nerve thatgoes right from your like all
the way down into your gut, thevagus nerve, but it instantly
calming and they're like, wow,that's interesting.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
That's super interesting, but again.
So I'm having all these littleflat, like these little light
bulb moments, and it's so funnybecause I told you that I still
struggle in the mornings.
The only saving grace right nowis it's a doctor prescribed me
something called Vistaril whichis for anxiety.
Nothing like Xanax doesn't getyou high, nothing like that.
But it literally has helped mein the mornings to where I'm not

(40:24):
like purging and sitting therewrenched over the toilet like
hurting so bad.
But what's so?
What is ironic about thisconversation right here is I
didn't know the whole.
You know finger in the air andhumming, but my husband knows
when it's a rough morning for mebecause I hum, but I've never
known and it was my intuitionthat said hum and it calms me

(40:48):
down, but I noticed it slows myheart rate, yep, and all these
things.
And so that's super interesting.
Listen to your intuition,people.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
Well, and it's funny because listen to it both ways.
You know, I say that like ifsomething.
I always tell people and that'swhat we're trying to do, that's
what I'm trying to do with allmy clients is to understand that
if something feels wrong, itprobably is.
Your intuition is so spot on,you know.
And if something feels right,it probably is.

(41:18):
So when you get that like, oh,I don't think so, and make
things non-negotiables, likepeople are like well, I don't
know how to set boundaries.
You have a goal.
What is your goal?
Know your why, know what you'relooking for.
Mine is just peace and harmonyand serenity.
So if somebody says, hey, tammy, you want to do this, and my

(41:39):
instinct goes, oh, no, notreally.
And then I go, oh, yeah, sure,I guess.
So Is that getting to me to mygoal of peace and serenity?
Hell, frickin, no.
So I'm not doing it.
And once you can start makingthose non-negotiables and decide
, decide, that's the big one.
Decide, you want to take backcontrol of your emotional life,

(42:04):
you will.
It's just you have to be sosteadfast and nope.
You know, when I go to, I'mdoing something and I need to
get something done for work, andI'm like, oh gosh, I don't even
know where to begin.
What do I do?
I pick up and I hit Instagramand I'm like, nope, can't do it
right now.
Or I will say to myself okay,tammy, clearly you're a little
overwhelmed right now.
So five minutes, five minutes.

(42:26):
I'm going to set a timer.
You can scroll for five minutesand then get your ass back to
work, because that is what youneed to be doing right now, yeah
, non-negotiables, which isreally hard boundaries for
people who have undergone orlike went through abuse.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
It's really fucking hard because and I tell my
clients this it's because we'relike especially if you're in a
situation where you're abused orneglected as a kid, like you
are literally taught to respectsomebody else's boundaries, but
they can do whatever they wantwith you, and so it makes sense
that you go through life peoplepleasing yes, yes, yes, yes,

(42:58):
I'll do that, and I don't wantto, but, like you were saying,
it does not get you closer toyour goal and it was really hard
for me to accept.
I need to be selfish, becausewhat's really interesting is is
that when you are in an abusiverelationship if it's with your
parents, romantic, whatever,platonic, even at work I find
these relationships exist, butit's like so difficult because

(43:24):
nine times out of 10, they'vegotten into your head in this
way that they like they're 10steps ahead, they planned it all
out, and so they have this likethis guilt power over you to
make you feel like, oh well,you're finally, you're finally
manning up, and now, like ittakes your power away.
So, but, like you were saying,you kind of just have to.

(43:46):
You kind of just have to makeyour mind up Right and to break
break the pattern that we weresaying it's really so much of it
is choice.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
I mean, that is the one thing that God gave us that
we can, cannot be taken awayfrom you, is free will.
Yeah, it's free will.
So, and it's very, very hard,but I mean boundaries.
We could literally talk for twoweeks on just boundaries, on
literally, I mean, and it is so,so hard.
And I know a lot of people arelike, well, they're going to get

(44:14):
mad.
Who gives a shit?
Well, they're not going to belike me.
Who gives a shit?
That was the day that I finallydecided that what other people
thought of me was none of mybusiness was my favorite day.

Speaker 1 (44:26):
I like, I like how you said that.
What other people think of meis none of my business.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
I don't care.
You know, if you you're goingto have haters.
Not everybody is meant.
People are meant to come and gofor you from your life and I
think that happens for a reasonit's to help you grow.
It's to help they come in.
You might get something thatmight benefit both of you
immensely, but they might not bein the next season of your life
.
So you're going to, when youstart setting boundaries, you're

(44:51):
going to change the people inyour world.
When you really really, reallydecide this is it, it will
change and it's going to hurtfor a hot minute, but every
emotion will pass in 90 secondsif you just give it a chance.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
I hadn't thought about that 90 seconds.
Is it bring out my clock?
Okay, Am I done.
I mean, I have.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
I literally have people at work that are having
anxiety attacks and they're likeI'm not breathing.
Well, you will in 90 seconds ifyou let yourself and they're
like okay, 90.
And then we count back reallyfast, cause it's you got to do
that in about 10 seconds.
But you know what I'm sayingLike, and I have them like
literally at work.
It's so funny, or, you know, we, we talk, I just have them at
work.
I'm 56 years old, working in arestaurant, so I work with a lot

(45:37):
of young people but I love it.
But we have them doingfrequency down, like my
manager's, like you got thisplace really woo, but it's okay.
You know, if you've got stressand like people will go.
Oh, these people are making mecrazy and I'm like well, think

(45:58):
about the day they had.
Why do you think they'resnapping at you?
Maybe they just lost theirpuppy, you never know.
So go out there with a freakingsmile and know that is killing
with kindness, because it'sgoing to keep your energy high.
Who gives a shit about theirs?
You?
know I mean you've got it.
You really have to decide.
I want my life to be happy, andit's not gonna be happy all the

(46:19):
time.
But even the bad moments, learnfrom them, use them for
something, use them to teachsomething, use them for
something.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Everything is given to you for for a reason
everything so yeah, and itdoesn't feel that way all the
time when you're in the thick ofit and like shit's going off
here and off there, especiallyrestaurant energy, uh, industry
I, that's how I used to makeends meet, right, that, and
playing music and so, and it'ssuch a stressful environment and

(46:49):
I love that you have peoplesaying don't bring my frequency
down, because I would almost sowhenever I talk to people about,
like you know, these are likefirst world problems, right, we
get upset with things and peopledon't realize how good they
have it and we get caught up inemotions, right, but, like you
were saying, like we don't knowwhat kind of day they had, I

(47:11):
have started seeing every time Igo out, it's it.
It was originally a mind gamefor myself to push myself past
the social anxiety socialanxiety but like it's almost
like a challenge If you reallythink about it.
Like I, if I were back in therestaurant industry, I would see
it as such a challenge and I'dbe like oh my God, they're not

(47:32):
having a good day.
How the fuck can I make themsmile by the end of this meal?

Speaker 2 (47:52):
Right, I amen, because that is my I make.
I don't leave a table untilI've made them smile or giggle
or laugh or something, I don'tknow.
I love it Because then thewhole meal is better.
Yeah, or their next 90 secondsis better.
I mean, and you know, I work ata decent restaurant where
people come in for funeral andcelebration of life and it's a
bunch of different people, butit's the whole.
You'll feed off everybody.
We're all energy and so it'scontagious.
There's more than a reason thatit's just for the people out
there listening.
It's not just when you smile,the person next to you smiles.

(48:12):
It is literally matchingfrequencies.
I mean, they have shown that ifyou strum the G chord on a
guitar and there's a G chord,there's a guitar on the other
side of the room, the G cordwill vibrate Frequencies, energy
like.
So, keep it positive.
Like that's and and it's hardSometimes it's hard.
I tell people to be grateful forsomething.

(48:33):
You know five things beforethey even get out of bed.
There were days where I've hadpeople say to me I don't have
anything.
I'm like are you alive?
Yes, then start there.
Thank you for giving me anotherday.
You know, if you don't have aroof over your head.
You know, think, be thankfulyou have something to sleep on.
You know I mean you've got tostart small and it's.

(48:53):
Everything is baby steps.
You know, with boundaries, ifyou don't know how to, you're
not going to start boundarieslike this hugest thing that
you've been dealing with yourentire life, like cutting off
your mom before you know how toask for something at a
restaurant that isn't on themenu.
Start small.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
I love it so much.
So, before I forget, because Iknow we're approaching our time,
but oh my God, my nose isitching.
One second Scratch it, girl,scratch it.
I think when I get like reallypassionate and moving, like I'm
starting to notice in my bodyhow the energy comes out, and it
can be like a little sometimes,I get like this little face
twitch and I'm like, oh, I mustbe having a really good time

(49:30):
because I'm smiling so much.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
My feet tingle, okay, and I used to think it was
because maybe I was sitting toolong, but no, it's my feet
tingle, yeah, like you getactivated.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
Um, it's just these funny little things, and my nose
itching is a thing lately, soanybody that watches this, I'm
not picking in my nose, I'm justreally excited about this
conversation.
Okay, but things I want tomention real quick that are
coming through for me.
Emotional intelligence that wasreally big for me.

(50:01):
I wish I would have known itsooner and I would recommend
anybody and everybody, if youfeel easily triggered by things,
really start to like practiceemotional intelligence, because
that really helped me with mynervous system.
But also it allows you to nottake things so personally.
Right, like there's adetachment whenever you have
emotional intelligence and I didnot know that was a thing

(50:24):
whenever I was younger, becauseeverybody flies off the handle
Like and then the boundariesthing boundaries are healthy,
they are so fucking healthy.
Okay, and the people that haveyou convinced they're not
healthy are the habitualboundary line steppers who
you're creating the boundariesfor.

(50:45):
And then, what was the otherthing that might've been it?
I had to mention those twothings before.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
And, like I said, we could go on and on, we could
talk forever, you and I,obviously I love our energy too.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
Yeah, you're awesome, by the way, you too, this is
awesome, but okay, so can yougive our audience just some?
I like to do like these lastwords of wisdom, whatever you
know you want to part with fromyour heart, whatever messages
come through, because what Ifind is my listeners are they

(51:22):
have problems that they're noteven aware of yet.
You know, we're like gettingreally stuck in a really fast
world where we need to slow downand get back to the basics.
So, with your life experience,with your professional
experience, you've written howmany books?
Just two, oh, just two.
No big deal, but so you'vewritten some books.

(51:45):
You're a speaker, you'reworking at a restaurant, you're
doing all these things,expressing yourself fully,
enjoying the human experience.
What comes to mind that youfeel somebody out there needs to
hear right now?

Speaker 2 (52:02):
That, no matter what or no matter how old you are it
doesn't matter what age you are10 to 105, if you wake up in the
morning and you are not whereyou want to be mentally,
physically and spiritually, likeyou're not feel like you're
doing everything you're capableof and everything you could be
doing find someone that'll helpyou get there and know 100% that

(52:26):
you are worth every second ofit.
And the process isn't alwayseasy.
It's simple.
It's simple steps, but it's notalways easy.
But every single step forwardis 100% worth it and you're
worth it.

Speaker 1 (52:38):
Yes, oh, so good.
I love that you mentioned age,because I mean that's whatever
age you're at.
You either think you're tooyoung, too old, like there's.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
It tends to be one of the you know the first excuses
as to why why you can't dosomething that the lady on my
podcast yesterday was 84 andjust written her first book Shut
up, a memoir.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
Fuck, yes, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it
.
But but to close it up, youknow you're saying find somebody
right, and I think that nomatter where you're at with
finances, even you can findsomebody.
I remember for me I was asingle mom.
This is when I got into.
I was back and forth betweensugar daddies and trying to

(53:23):
figure out how to survive right,and going through all these
weird situations to learn from.
But in that process is where Ifound kind of a shame to admit
this, because I feel like he'swashed out.
He's not washed out, he's justgotten so big that I feel it's a
little cliche.
But I discovered Tony Robbins.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
And from Tony, yeah, so many people started with Tony
Robbins.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
Yeah, I'm like this sounds so cliche right now, but
whatever, but Tony Robbins.
And then I discovered MelRobbins yeah, I'm like this
sounds so cliche right now, butwhatever, but Tony Robbins.
And then I discovered MelRobbins.
And then I discovered peoplelike Gary Vaynerchuk, and, and
the more I got curious and youknow, dr Joe Dispenza, I started
to figure out like I followedtheir footsteps, I started
taking their recommendations andthat's how I started like the
whole rewiring my brain and theinner child work and all that.

(54:09):
So what I, what I wanted toclose off with was you could
start with books, people,wherever you are in your journey
.
You know, just like with thatgratitude exercise, you're
saying I don't know, I don'thave nothing to be grateful for.
I used to feel that way.
I'm sure you used to feel thatway, right, and it's like if you

(54:32):
have ears to hear this withright now, that is something to
be grateful for.
If you're able to watch thereplay of this, you have
eyeballs how fucking cool isthat?
If you can go hug your childtonight, like how incredible is
that?
Like just senses in general.

Speaker 2 (54:42):
That's where I started with like yep, and just
the fact that you've survivedmeans you are way stronger than
you're giving yourself creditfor period oh, I can't remember
where you made me think ofsomething.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
I heard that some I'll I'll think of it later but
someone else said somethingsimilar to that and you know,
it's kind of like the you didn'tcome this far to only come this
far, but maybe that's how weend this episode is?
You know, we were talking aboutovercoming, being a victim and
becoming a victor.
But like, if you stop and thinkabout it, like everything
you've been through, you're afucking warrior, you're a

(55:15):
warrior, I'm a warrior, and it'ssuch a beautiful thing to think
about that.
If you've overcome, if you'rehere today, that's like you're
amazing.
You're amazing Because beinghuman is hard and people die
every day and, like you weresaying, the suicide attempt and
I've thought about taking mylife several times Right and so
to be here and it's like initself is an accomplishment.

(55:38):
Tammy, you're so awesome.
I love you so much already.
I love your energy and you'vegot uh for those who can't see
her, she's so beautiful.
She's got this really glowyface.
It's the florida, uh, theflorida tan going on and this
probably a little wavy hair alittle.

(55:59):
I know about the waves becauseit's humidity, like your hair
just kind of stays.
Um, but I would love for you totell everyone, tell us the name
of your books, where to findthem, where to find you online,
not the restaurant, we don'tneed any stalkers, I'm kidding
but how can we find you, how canwe work with you and all those

(56:20):
things?

Speaker 2 (56:21):
Probably the easiest thing is just to go to my
website.
It's TammyVincentcom, so it'sjust my name.
I have my books on there, Ihave my courses on there.
You can get a free consultation, book, a chat with me.
I am all about.
I truly, truly believe, likeyou said about finances, that
people that grew up in this kindof world like 50 bucks a month,

(56:42):
like I.
I am all about reaching themasses.
I want more people to movetowards the world they want.
So just go to my website.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
It's the easiest thing, that's yeah that's easy
enough and I love that you'remaking it affordable.
This is this is something thatI have been struggling with,
because in our industry, we'retaught, like you know, the
marketing's back and forth, backand forth high ticket, high
ticket.
We're taught, like you know,the marketing's back and forth,
back and forth high ticket, highticket, dah, dah, dah, dah.
And I literally just enrolledsomebody for $50 a month and the

(57:19):
amount of fucking gratitudefrom this person is like it
shakes me to my core becauseit's I'm making such a
difference already and so I loveit.
I love that you're doing thatand going against the grain,
because a lot of people aretheir non-negotiable is like go
sell your car to work with me orsome shit like that, and I'm
like what the fuck?
What happened to integrity?

Speaker 2 (57:39):
Yeah, what happened?
I mean I want to reach as manypeople as possible because, like
I said, if more people couldget that energy, just that
authentic, real energy, that'swhat we need.
We need authentic connectionand if more people can put it
out into the world, the worldwill be a better place and
people will feed off of it andproblems will be solved that we
didn't even know we had.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
Yeah, I know you see me over here and you're like
what the fuck is she doing, butthis is me shaping the world.
We can make a difference,people.
It requires people like youbeing maybe not comfortable, but
getting out there and doing theuncomfortable things, like
sharing the stories and sharingthe stuff that we're not willing
to talk about, so that we cangive them that plug-in point of

(58:22):
awareness.
And then everybody, because,like you said, everything's
energy and I really feel like ifwe women like us can get out
there and talk about this moreand make it affordable and
whatnot, um, that we can.
I I my husband says I'm crazy,but I truly feel like I can
change the world.
Do you feel like that with yourcrusade?

Speaker 2 (58:43):
Yeah, and I'd rather have 10,000 people at $50 a
month than you know 20 at fiveat 50,000.
I a month than you know 20 atfive at 50,000.
I, I, I want masses of peopleto get healed and feel better,
not even get healed.
Like you said, it's a journey.
There's no end point, but thereis serenity out there and peace
and self-love andself-compassion.

(59:05):
It's out there.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
I think that's the selling point is the inner peace
, like you can't put a price onthat, and I'm not saying that
anybody should go out there andwork for free, but like to make
it accessible to people thatprobably need it the most is a
beautiful thing.
So I'm so grateful for you thatyou're doing that Well, thank
you, oh, and I think that's ourtime.

(59:28):
My phone said you got 20% ofbattery left.
Oh no, okay.
Oh God, tammy, I'm just overthe moon with you.
I never know how the energy isgonna be in these interviews,
and it's always just sorefreshing when I find somebody
that I connect with so well, andit's just like natural, that
natural flow of energy.

(59:49):
And so thank you again for yourexpertise.
You've been amazing.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Well, thank you so much for having me on,
Jacqueline.
I'm excited.
I'm excited to be here and gladI can share with your audience.

Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
Thank you so much.
It really does.
It means the world, because Ijust it's just a little old
country girl in Mississippisitting I'm about to take this
shirt off.
It's getting hot now but justdoing the damn thing, you know,
just doing it.
And so, listeners, you also dothe damn thing, whatever that
means for you.
You know, be more like Tammy,go out there and be brave and

(01:00:22):
share your story and start thehealing journey.
It's hard, it's not going to besimple.
I think that you know it'smarketed as oh, it's like flow
and healing, oh no, there aredays where I go and I scream in
a pillow and I beat the shit outof my bed.
Okay, but, which is healthy?
Yeah, but I'm better for it,right, and so, all right, I

(01:00:42):
guess we got to go go check out.
Tammy, she's amazing.
Thank you again.
Is there anything else you'dlike to say?

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
No, just, I really really appreciate you letting me
share, and to all the peopleout there listening, you're so
worth it.
Just go go help.
Go help somebody, go smile andput a smile on someone else's
face today.

Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
All right, y'all.
I'm going to close it out withsomething that Tammy said
earlier, and that is that in thebeginning stages of sharing
your story, it's very hard,right, but you got to start
somewhere, and I love how yousaid that you were able to kind
of, and it's that.
It's probably from your abilityto disassociate and step outside

(01:01:22):
your body but to look at thebigger picture and it is it's a
disservice not to go out thereand share your story.
So, if you're able, if you'reone of those people that believe
and there is a bigger vision,think about yourself that way,
like who could you talk to todaythat you could change the whole
trajectory of their life?
And would you agree, as weclose, that in sharing your

(01:01:44):
story is you're talking about itbeing liberating and it's like
you heal a little bit each time.
Liberating and it's like youheal a little bit each time.
But I feel like the more Ishare, the more I'm bringing in
the people that were meant forme.
But it's almost like I'm ableto find my purpose a little bit
more each time when I shareAbsolutely, because it's just

(01:02:05):
like anything else when you dosomething, you do it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
Well, when people come to you and go oh, thank you
, jacqueline, it feeds into that.
And each time you're going tohelp someone else and you'll
know that the minute you getthat person saying you know, I
had a 20 year old reach out tome and say you know, miss V, if
it wasn't for you I had thismagic mailbox program, which is
a whole thing when I wasteaching first grade.
But she said, if it wasn't foryou I wouldn't be here today.

(01:02:29):
And that one statement from onelittle girl, 14 years after I
taught her, was enough to fromto reinvigorate my purpose,
cause we all have a purpose, weall do yeah, or multiple
purposes.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Multiple.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
Yeah, and, and you just you got to have two things
in life to really thrive, andthat's hope and purpose.
And you just you got to havetwo things in life to really
thrive, and that's hope andpurpose.

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
I love it so much.
Oh man, all right.
Well, I hate to say bye, but Iguess we're, I guess I got to go
.
But again, thank you, and I'vejust had the best time ever.
In case you can't tell, I thinkI've said it 10 times in the
past two minutes, but Nope,you're good.
Well, thank you so much.