Why Is It So Damn Hard to Talk About Mental Health? (Backed by Science)

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We've made progress talking about mental health, but why does your voice still shake when you admit "I'm not okay"? Why do we hesitate to reach out for help? Today, we're getting loud about what keeps us silent.

Half of us will face mental health challenges, yet a third suffer alone because of shame. This episode unpacks how our upbringing literally rewired our brains to suppress emotions. Remember hearing "stop crying before I give you something to cry about"? That childhood conditioning creates adult anxiety around vulnerability. A 2015 study shows this isn't just emotional—it's neurological.

I share my own childhood panic attacks that were dismissed as "being dramatic," revealing how toxic positivity and the false association between mental health struggles and weakness keep us isolated. The research is clear: avoiding uncomfortable emotions directly contributes to psychological distress.

But this isn't just venting—it's about reclaiming your power through actionable, science-backed strategies. Learn how naming your emotions aloud calms your brain's fear center (UCLA research confirms this works). Discover why finding just one safe person for honest conversations matters more than money for long-term happiness (Harvard's longest study proves it). I'll guide you through building a daily emotional check-in habit that research shows reduces depression symptoms over time.

Your healing journey doesn't have to be solo. Tag me @JustWomenTalkingShit with one thing you're giving yourself permission to feel today. Send questions to [e-mail] for personalized advice on future episodes. 

Your emotions are valid, your healing is allowed, and your voice deserves to be heard.

Disclaimer: The purpose of Just Women Talking Shit is to entertain, encourage, and inspire. This advice in this episode is not meant to replaced by help of a licensed professional. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to Just Women
Talking Shit with your host,jacqueline Cotton.
Hey y'all, welcome back to JustWomen Talking Shit, the show

(00:25):
where we get real, we get rawand we unpack the shit people
are too scared to say out loud.
I'm your host, jacquelineCotton, and today we're going
there.
We are talking about mentalhealth.
Why is it so damn hard to talkabout it?
Why does your voice shake whenyou say I'm not okay?
Why do you second guessreaching out for help?
And why, after all the progresswe say we've made, does it

(00:48):
still feel taboo to talk aboutit?
Spoiler alert it's not just inyour head, it's generational,
it's neurological and, babe,it's systemic.
But we're not just keeping itquiet.
Today.
We're getting loud.
I'm dropping some truth, somestories and, yeah, a few
science-backed bombs to helpback it all up.

(01:10):
Let's go.
Why is it so hard to talk aboutmental health?
One we were literally raised toshut the hell up.
Think about that for a second.
Look.
I love our families, but a lotof us grew up in homes where
crying out loud got you punished, not comforted.
You heard.
Stop crying before I give yousomething to cry about, more

(01:30):
than it's okay to feel what youfeel and that shit right there
sticks.
It's not just emotional, it'sneurological.
Okay, a 2015 study showed thatwhen you're constantly told to
suppress emotions as a kid, yournervous system literally
rewires.
Your brain learns emotionequals danger.

(01:52):
So now, as an adult, your chestgets tight just thinking about
opening up.
That's not weakness, that'sconditioning.
Story time I remember whenever Iwas younger I would have panic
attacks.
Here's the thing I didn't knowthey were panic attacks, I was
told.
Whenever I went and, you know,asked for help, freaking out,

(02:15):
hyperventilating, I was told Iwas being dramatic, that I
needed to get it together, thatI was in my head needed to calm
down, stuff like that.
And I know now I was havingactive panic attacks as a kid,
but nobody was on board withmental health at that time.
You know, I remember it was sotaboo to have a therapist or go

(02:39):
to a shrink, and I just thinkit's wild now because I'm like
everybody should go to therapy.
I think that it should be likea universal health plan that we
all are required to go totherapy, like I think the world
would be a better place if wecould all get in touch with the
thoughts in our heads instead of, you know, pushing them down

(03:00):
because we feel like we're toomuch or we're being dramatic or
just want attention, like that's.
The last fucking thing I wantis attention when I am wigging
the fuck out.
Am I right?
Number two we're taught toprioritize other people's
comfort over our own truth.
Let that one sink in.
Ever try to tell someone, hey,I'm struggling and they hit you

(03:23):
with, but you have so much to begrateful for.
Well, thanks, that fuckinghelps, girl.
That's not support, that'stoxic positivity.
It's not just annoying, it'sactually harmful.
2020 study found that avoidinguncomfortable emotions is
directly linked to psychologicaldistress.
We are literally makingourselves sick trying to be

(03:47):
palatable for others.
And then, number three, weassociate mental health with
weakness.
Let me be blunt.
There's still this quiet,shameful belief that if you go
to therapy, you must be broken,that if you need medication,
then you've failed.
But here's what the data saysOver 50% of us will deal with a

(04:07):
mental health condition at somepoint, and one-third of people
won't talk about it becausethey're afraid of being judged.
Are you kidding me?
Half of us are struggling and athird are suffering in silence.
No, no, no, no.
We're done with that.
We got to be done with that.
Let me tell you something, babeyou asking for help doesn't mean
you're weak.
Seeing a therapist doesn't meanyou're crazy, you needing a

(04:31):
moment to just fall apart.
It doesn't mean you're a mess.
It means you are a fuckinghuman being.
Because here's the thing Humansare messy.
We have heartbreak, trauma,hormones loss.
You're not a damn robot andyou're not supposed to function
like a perfectly optimizedmachine.
Okay, you're not broken.

(04:52):
You're becoming, you'relearning, you're healing.
You're doing a very brave thingby even listening to this
episode, and let's take a secondjust to share this with
somebody that you care about,who you want to know their
mental health matters, and maybethis is your way of telling
them that they can be someonethat you can lean on when they

(05:14):
are having a rough day.
Just by sharing, just by beingopen-minded, deserves a hell of
a lot of respect, and I want youto know that pretending
everything is fine is not fine.
So let's dive into someactionable steps so that you can
walk away with change headedyour way.
Now you know, I don't just vent.

(05:35):
I'm here to help you take yourpower back.
So here's some real doable,backed by science, ways to start
owning your own mental health.
Number one name it out loud.
Your brain literally needslanguage to process emotions.
Ever feel like a mess until youfinally say it out loud to

(05:56):
someone and suddenly it's likeokay, I can breathe again.
That's not an accident.
A UCLA study found that whenyou name your emotions, your
fear center in your brain calmsdown and your logic center
lights up.
So say it, I feel sad, I feelburnt out, I feel numb.

(06:20):
That's not weakness, that'sactually power.
Number two find one safe person.
Remember how I said maybe thisis your way of letting somebody
know you're my safe person or Ican be your safe person.
Not your whole Facebook feed,just one human that you trust.

(06:41):
Even one good conversation canlower your stress and reduce
isolation.
The longest study on happinessout of Harvard, by the way,
found that strongerrelationships are the number one
predictor of emotional andphysical health.
Not money, not success, butconnection.

(07:01):
Find that one person and bethat one person.
Story time I literally justexperienced this the other day
last week, whenever I was havingsome health scares and I was
having one of those days where Iwas in my emotions and I was
ready to just burn it all down,I took my feelings to instagram
and one of my friends, who toldme she was going to be that

(07:25):
person for me, called me and wetalked about it and, holy crap,
did I feel better after the fact?
And she told me up front.
We said we were going to bethis person for each other.
What are you doing?
Putting it all over Instagram,and I was like shit.
I kind of forgot.
It's hard adjusting to somebodybeing that person.
So, sarah, thank you for beingthat person.

(07:46):
I appreciate you.
I may not like when you call meout, I don't like it, but I
appreciate you and I love youvery much and I just wanted to
thank you publicly for that,because you are that person for
me.
Number three build a dailycheck-in habit.
If you can scroll Instagram 47times a day, you can take 60

(08:07):
seconds to ask how am I reallydoing?
That's emotional hygiene.
Babe, you brush your teethdaily.
Why wouldn't you want to checkyour mental health daily too?
A 2014 study showed thatregular self-reflection actually
lowers depression symptoms overtime.
This isn't just woo, this iswiring.

(08:28):
Self-awareness makes you moreresilient.
Think of a rubber band.
Number four unlearn silence.
Practice brave conversations.
Say it awkward, say it messy,say it scared, but just say it.
That's the important part.
Just say it.

(08:49):
Your brain is plastic.
It changes with repetition.
So the more you speak, thesafer your brain starts to feel
about expression.
Even if your voice shakes,speak anyway.
That's where the shift happens.
So here's the real deal.
If it's been hard for you totalk about your mental health,
know this you are not broken,you're not behind.

(09:11):
You are human.
You're aware You've got thetools and you've got permission
to feel what you feel.
You don't have to carry italone.
You don't have to be silent tobe strong, and you sure as hell
don't have to perform your waythrough the pain.
Your story matters.
Your struggle is real and it'ssafe to talk about it right now

(09:31):
because you've got me and awhole army of women doing the
work alongside you.
I want to take this moment toinvite you to my beautiful
retreat in Arizona happeningthis September.
If you'd like a spot, I do havesome available spots left.
You can choose your own room ora shared space where you will

(09:52):
get to know your roommates whoalso chose a shared space.
Just DM me.
Arizona Super excited aboutthat retreat, by the way.
So here's your permission slip.
Tag me at Just Women TalkingShit on Instagram and tell me
one thing you're giving yourselfpermission to feel today.
Just one, pick one and send itmy way.

(10:13):
Or if you're ready to take adeeper dive and you want some
questions answered on one of ournext episodes, I would love to
hear from you.
Email us at jwts at gmailcomwith your questions.
If you need advice, I willmatch it with the appropriate
guest, an expert, or if it's aquestion for me, I would love

(10:37):
that too.
All right, babe, I'll see younext time and remember your
emotions are valid, your healingis allowed and your voice
deserves to be heard.
It's been real.
It's been fun.
It's been real fun.
Until next time, jacquelineCotton out.
Thank you for listening to JustWomen Talking Shit.