October 20, 2025 • 62 mins
What if the plan that looks perfect on paper leaves you empty when the noise dies down? We sit with Giovanna Silvestre—creator of Confused Girl and author of Confused Girl: Find Your Peace in the Chaos—to explore how chasing boxes, status, or a picture-perfect family can’t touch the deeper ache for self-worth. Giovanna walks us through leaving Hollywood, almost taking over her family’s restaurant, and choosing uncertainty over a life that didn’t fit. That choice cracked open depression, then clarity, and eventually the practices that helped her build a bottom to her cup so joy could finally stick.
You’ll hear practical tools you can use today: short daily solitude, self-talk that heals instead of harms, and simple rituals to release shame and guilt. Not a visualizer? Try embodied grounding—yoga, swimming, dance, or even structured “rage” release—to remind your nervous system you are worthy of joy. We unpack the comparison trap amplified by social media, and Giovanna offers two powerful reframes: bless what you desire when you see it, and turn envy into curiosity by asking mentors how they did it. These shifts move you from lack and timeline panic to alignment and forward motion.
We also dig into why women carry inherited shame around bodies, sex, and aging, and how naming it breaks its spell. Giovanna shares the long road to publishing her book—years of writing, rejection, and then a breakthrough right before her father passed—underscoring a bigger theme: trust the timing of your life. If you’ve felt confused, behind, or secretly hollow while “doing everything right,” this conversation will help you choose from your true nature, not from fear. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to tell us the one illusion you’re ready to release.
Follow Giovanna on Instagram:
www.instagram.com/ConfusedGirlLA
Buy Giovanna's book:
https://amzn.to/4qBjZ8X
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Disclaimer: This podcast is for entertainment and informational purposes only. The views, opinions, and discussions expressed by the hosts and guests are their own and do not constitute professional advice or services. Listeners should not rely on the content as a substitute for consultation with qualified professionals in areas such as medical, legal, financial, or mental health matters. Always seek the advice of an appropriate licensed professional for any questions or concerns you may have.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Well, hello, Giovanna.
(00:01):
That's so it sounds so I'm inMississippi, so that sounds very
like, I don't know.
What is what is your background?
Where is Giovanna?
Italian, yeah.
Um that's what came to mind, butI didn't want to I didn't want
to assume Giovanna.
How do you so and your lastname?
Sylvestri.
Yeah, I wouldn't mess that up.
SPEAKER_03 (00:21):
It's like really it should be instead of calling you
know my brand Confused Girl, Ishould have started like a
luxury line of purses orsomething and called it
Giovanni.
SPEAKER_01 (00:30):
Yeah, you know, look at my new Giovanna.
SPEAKER_03 (00:34):
Exactly, exactly.
Hey, hey, you never know.
You never know, it could be inthe cards.
SPEAKER_00 (00:38):
Yeah.
I mean, it's uh I feel like alot of women who grow a really
big brand wind up having linesof stuff.
So could be in the making, whoknows?
Who knows?
I'm really excited to talk withyou today.
I love the whole confused girlbrand and I can't wait to hear
more about it.
But to start out, uh, if youwould just introduce yourself to
(00:59):
my just women talking shitaudience, they're they're
something else, and they um theyseem to appreciate me having
women like from all walks oflife on here.
And so I know a little bit aboutyou, but could you um right
quick just introduce yourselfand tell us a little bit about
what you're doing, how you'rehelping the world, and what
(01:19):
you're building here?
SPEAKER_03 (01:20):
Sure.
So I literally just got the hardcopy of my book from my
publisher.
Confused Girl.
I am so excited.
So this is what I'm currentlydoing right now is promotion and
PR for my book, Confused Girl.
Um, we're in the pre-order stageright now.
But yeah, I started my brand.
(01:43):
Well, I'm from California.
I grew up in San Luis Obispo,which is beautiful wine country
by the water.
And my father um was from Italyand my and my mom's Irish
American.
And so they owned an Italianrestaurant in San Luis Obispo,
which is where I grew up.
And I grew up working in therestaurant business, and I was
(02:07):
like free slave labor for them.
SPEAKER_00 (02:10):
I've low-key always wondered that because anytime I
go, especially to let's say thatI want to go get like some
Japanese food, I always seetheir kids there working.
And I'm I've always beencurious.
SPEAKER_03 (02:22):
And the way you said it.
Well, you know what though?
I honestly I'm just teasing.
I mean, I mean, it's true.
It's not like you know, theywere paying me to work there,
but um, I mean, I would just gointo the cash register and pull
out and be like, Papa, I'mtaking a hundred dollars, I'm
gonna go shopping or whatever,you know.
So I mean, there was a uh there,yeah, we're definitely, we were
(02:43):
definitely spoiled, but um, butwe were a family business and we
all worked together.
And it was honestly a reallygreat way to grow up.
And I, and it gave me myentrepreneurial spirit, you
know, it really, because you'relike in it with your family, and
it's like kind of you guysagainst the world and
(03:03):
everything.
So it just it and I learned somuch about business and how to
negotiate from my dad.
So after I went, I came to LAand I went to USC, and then
after that, I worked in the filmindustry for quite a few years.
I worked in Hollywood, and thatwas like the cool thing to do at
the time.
I don't think it's really coolanymore, but at the time it was.
(03:26):
And I um I after working in thata few years, I, you know, I just
I do I love film and I love TVand I love the creativity of it,
but I really wasn't doing thecreative stuff.
And I'm just like, the peopleare nuts.
Like, do I really want to spendthe rest of my life around these
(03:47):
like people?
And then I saw the women thathad been in it for years, and
God bless them, they'retrailblazers.
I have massive respect for them.
But I'm like, I don't want tobecome like them.
They were all hardened and meanand verbally abusive.
I was like, no, no, no, no, noon prescription pills.
I was like, no, I don't want todo this.
And so I was like, you know,maybe I'm supposed to go take
(04:09):
over my parents' restaurant.
So then I go back home.
I was, I was working, I was, youknow, taking over the restaurant
for two years.
And then I started, I met this,I was, you know, one night while
working, and I was behind thebar, and um, there was a guy
sitting at the bar, and westarted dating.
This was just uh just like ayear before online dating
(04:30):
started.
So it's like, it's like youactually met in a real way.
And so we started dating for wewere together for the that two
years while I was at homeworking, and um, and it kind of
looked like my life was gonna,you know, get married to him,
start a family with him, andtake over the restaurant, which,
(04:51):
you know, could have been abeautiful life.
Like that could have been, I'msure that is a dream for some
people, and that's that's theirdream, but that wasn't my dream.
And I and to be honest, I didn'teven know what my dream was at
that point.
I just knew this wasn't it.
And so I had to get the theballs to just let it go, which
(05:12):
was really hard because I meanhe made good money and he was
really good looking and hespoiled me.
I've actually never been spoiledby another man like him, you
know, which is kind of a hardpill to take sometimes.
But um, it just I knew it wasn'tright, and I still, I still
stand on that.
It just wasn't right, it wasn'tthe right time.
And then also the restaurantwasn't right for me.
(05:34):
I was miserable.
I was fighting with my dad and Iwasn't happy doing it.
So I came back to LA and I wasjust a broken person because
everything that I had identifiedwith, I no longer had.
I didn't have the man, I didn'thave the money, I didn't have
the career, I didn't have thefuture, I just had nothing.
(05:55):
So I fell into this really darkdepression.
And I'm like, you know what?
I realized that I had cared somuch about what other people
thought of me and that if I wasdoing the right thing and if I
was being um, you know, like,yeah, doing something doing
something cool, like working inthe in the film industry or
(06:16):
taking over my parents'business, making them happy.
It's like I cared so much aboutwhat other people think, I
didn't even know who I was.
And so I just got to a placewhere I'm like, I have to figure
out who I am and what I want todo here with my life.
So that's when I was able to getout of my depression and I talk
(06:38):
about all of that in my book andhow I was able to do that.
And then I, but I'm like, okay,I'm still confused though.
I still don't know who I am andwhat I want to do.
So I started a video blog calledConfused Girl in the City
because I'm just like, I'mtaking the shame out of feeling
confused.
I'm just gonna take the shameright out of this because I felt
(07:01):
so shameful about it.
And I'm like, I'm done with thisbecause nobody comes into this
life with a manual.
And things happen to you in lifethat you don't anticipate,
things don't go the way you wantthem to go, and it's all very
confusing.
So let's just admit it and gofrom that honest space.
SPEAKER_00 (07:21):
I love that.
I love that so much.
That is like the most I'm goingthrough that.
I'm 36 years old, you know, andI keep thinking, I know, I know
who I am, what I want, and andwe evolve forever evolving,
right?
But I love how you were talkingkind of about which I feel like
a lot of people can resonatewith when it comes to checking
(07:42):
the boxes, like we, you know,society says, especially um the
part about getting married andsettling down all those things,
and you realize, yeah, it's not,I'm not ready for that.
It's not what I want right now,but I don't know what I want.
That really speaks to me.
I have I have a full familyright now.
I came into my marriage withthree bonus sons, had a
(08:03):
daughter, and then had a baby.
And I'm now five, almost sixyears into this, and I'm like,
is I'm just gonna be frank.
And I've had this conversationwith him.
Is this what I want?
Is this what I want?
Like the the our our kids clash,his family doesn't have really
any involvement with my son, butwith the other ones, and you see
(08:24):
you you start to over time lookat everything, the grand scheme
of things, is like, is this isthis what I want?
Who am I?
And so I feel like a lot ofpeople can resonate with that
checking the boxes, it lookinglike you should be happy.
But says, Am I truly happy?
Am I yeah, or am I checking theboxes?
(08:45):
So can so so out of out of allthis confusion, which is just
spot on, confused girl.
Oh my god, I'm like, I'm foreverconfused.
SPEAKER_03 (08:56):
Well, you know, well, you know what?
I just want to say thank you forsharing that.
I mean, that's that's reallyawesome.
I'm I know heavy shit.
Oh, that's crazy.
Yeah, that is some heavy stuff.
And you know, everyone can, Ithink so many people out there
can relate to that.
And and that's why I wanted towrite this book.
Because I think that we aretaught a certain depending on
(09:19):
where you grew up, you know, whoyour family is, what religion
you grew up in, what part of theworld you grew up in.
You come, you, you, you come inpure, you come in with your pure
little soul, and then you'retaught to value these things and
think you should do thesethings.
And then, and a lot of thesethings that we're chasing are
illusions, they're not real.
And so we're like chasing theillusion, and then we check the
(09:40):
box of that illusion.
Okay, got that illusion down,still unhappy.
I'm chasing after the nextillusion.
Okay, check.
And then you get to a placewhere you're like, I've I all
the things that I thought Iwanted, I have now, but I'm
still unhappy.
Because I believe that actuallyhappiness comes from a level of
contentment and knowing ofthyself.
(10:03):
Because then you choose withintention.
You don't choose because youthink it, I'm supposed to do
this or it's gonna look good, orI'm checking a box, like you
said.
You actually choose because itfeels in alignment with who you
are, your true nature.
So I wrote this book because I'mlike, I want to help people get
(10:23):
in touch with their true nature.
Because if you, if you listen,our whole you're never gonna
100% know yourself.
Because it like you said, we'realways changing, we're always
growing.
I I have a uh chapter called UmDestiny is a moving target, you
know, because you know, thingsevolve and change as we evolve
and change, and I and I talkabout how to flow with that and
(10:45):
life and and your destiny.
But I it makes me so sad that wehave so much illusion out there,
and then people just become acup with no bottom, and you can
pour the whole ocean throughthem, and the cup is still
empty.
So you've got to find bottom toyour cup.
(11:07):
That's like that's like thefirst thing, and that's finding
the bottom to your cup is issaying I have worth because I
exist.
SPEAKER_00 (11:16):
Oh, that's can we backtrack a little bit?
I'm like, hold up, I'm getting amasterclass right here.
You're like all on thesetangents and I go everywhere.
Well, that's what this show'sabout.
Just women talking shit andshit's all over the place.
So um, so what is so for peoplelistening and to help me too
(11:37):
being this confused, you know, Ithink like you said, we come
into this world like a blankslate.
There's no manual, you know.
I confidence, for instance,whenever I teach about
confidence in my coachingbusiness, I've I've finally
accepted that and I realizedthat like we don't come out with
confidence.
Like you don't pop out of yourmama and they're like, here I
(12:00):
am, you lucky people.
No, it's like it's a skill setlearned over time, right?
And so can we can we kind ofbacktrack?
And so for like for the personwho is feeling really stuck and
confused right now, can you givethem any tips on how to find
that bottom of the cup?
Because I'm sitting here like,Fog, what's my bottom?
Well, I this makes sense.
(12:21):
I'm pouring the I'm pouring theocean into this cup, and nothing
is I don't feel fulfilled.
I don't feel fulfilled.
Every time I think I'mfulfilled, I'm like, actually, I
was temporarily fulfilled.
I was on this high and littleinside in little insider thing.
Found out yesterday I'm bipolar.
So now we got a whole new onionto peel.
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:42):
So the doctor diagnosed you.
Huh?
The doctor diagnosed you withthat?
SPEAKER_00 (12:48):
So I went in for an intake, and the lady was like,
uh, you're you're super bipolar,without saying it that way.
We went through we were therefor two, three hours going
through this, and I goofficially next week to like
speak on medicine and whatnot.
And I'm willing to give it ashot because I am very confused
right now.
I've I've been in thisrelationship almost six years.
(13:09):
I chased that illusion.
I was like, I've always wanted abig family, you know.
I come from a big family, and Iwas like, this will fulfill me,
you know.
And in the middle of beingpregnant with my I miscarried
the child before that, and thenI got pregnant again, and my
whole in my mind, my purpose isto be a mother, right?
And so I was like, Oh yes,finally I get to be a mom.
(13:29):
My baby's here almost eightyears apart.
Thought I was never gonna getthat opportunity again.
And then I'm I marry my husbandvery quickly.
It was we we spoke about this,chasing that illusion, right?
We had to do it quickly.
It was a legal contract, wecouldn't even live together
unless we got married.
And then you throw in my babydaddy number one, he died in the
middle of my pregnancy.
(13:49):
So, all these things in themoment, it was good for me, you
know, like, and I felt safe andI felt protected and cared for.
And now, as we get into this,lots of things are shifting and
changing.
And so it's and then you add thebipolar.
So I'm wondering how how do youget out of, and I know you're
probably not in a medicalexpert, and I just mentioned the
bipolar because it'll help youunderstand the highs and the
(14:13):
lows in my life, but those, evenif you're not mentally ill, you
have those highs and lows.
And so finding that bottom, yes,which I thought was gonna be
this overnight family.
I went from being a mom of one,single mom of one, to a mama
five overnight.
And I thought that would fulfillme.
(14:35):
And now I'm here and I'm like, Iactually don't feel fulfilled,
and I don't know where thatbottom of the cup is.
So I know you've got some greattips for the person to trying to
find that.
SPEAKER_03 (14:45):
Yeah, well, the thing is, is like if you look at
it, you said, I thought thiswould fulfill me.
I thought having a big familywould fulfill me.
I thought the kids, all the kidswould fulfill me.
Now, it's not to say that yourmarriage isn't fulfilling or
that the kids aren't fulfilling,it's that you yourself are not
(15:07):
fulfilled with yourself.
This is a you issue, not a themissue.
So that's number one.
So in these, and that's what I'mtalking about with chasing the
illusion.
Because kids are fulfilling.
Like for somebody who wants tohave them, they truly are
fulfilling.
I mean, you know, a career isfulfilling.
I'm very fulfilled doing whatI'm doing because I think I'm
(15:29):
I'm really gonna help a lot ofpeople, like I'm fulfilled, but
I'm fulfilled doing it becauseI'm I I have a level of
contentment and knowing ofmyself.
And that's and that's what mybook is about is helping people
get to that point.
And so for you, you know,especially because you're
(15:51):
surrounded by so many people,you know, I would say that you
really do need to find somemoments of solitude where you
just allow yourself to be withyourself.
Because now you've been you'veput yourself in a situation
where you can you you werealready running away from
yourself, and now you could likeeven distract yourself and run
(16:13):
away from yourself even more.
And and it's like time to likestop doing that.
That's like the first step.
And you're admitting it, whichis great.
SPEAKER_00 (16:22):
You're like, oh yeah, I'm here to say, I'm one
fucked up show.
How can we get how can we makethis show better?
Because I don't want to gothrough life pretending that
it's okay, pretending that I'mhappy.
And I know, I know it's a meproblem.
You know, I'm asking for help.
And so I'm I'm really excited tohear what you have to say next.
SPEAKER_03 (16:42):
Yeah, well, I would say, I would say first, like you
definitely, it's great, you gotreally real about it.
You accepted your situation, butI wouldn't do anything abrupt.
I would not throw the baby outwith the bathwater as far as
like get a divorce and becausenow you've got like kids
involved in this, and like youknow, there's a lot of moving
parts here.
So I would say you need tostart, yeah, you need to find
(17:04):
the bottom to your cup and thenstart filling up your own cup.
And actually, I I feel this is alot easier.
Well, your situation with thebipolar, that's another thing,
right?
So I'm gonna talk about it likeI like you don't have that, you
know, because I don't, I don't,I don't know that I am I'm not a
doctor, right?
I don't I don't want to talk onthat, speak on that.
(17:26):
But as far as with other people,it's it's and yourself, it's not
that difficult actually to startshifting and changing.
It's just saying I want to bemore dedicated to myself and I
want to feel like I have worthjust because I exist.
So I really think you need somesolitude, even if it's 10
(17:51):
minutes a day, or you just likesit down with yourself and you
meditate.
You know, and then you can sayin your head, I love you, I love
you, I love you, I love you.
You know, like these words ofaffirmation to yourself, like
talking to yourself.
Start to notice your negativethinking, start to notice when
(18:12):
you start coming down onyourself and you start beating
yourself up and be like, youknow what?
I'm not, I'm gonna stop doingthat.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that to myselftoday.
I also, you can imagine when youstart to beat yourself up, you
can imagine those thoughts umlike going into a burning trash
(18:32):
can and just burning them, likeincinerating them.
Like I used to do that with mynegative thoughts, and the
visualizations really help.
See, all this stuff soundsreally small and like trivial,
but it's not because you'reretraining yourself in a
healthier way.
You're retraining yourself totake care of yourself and to
(18:53):
love yourself, and that'sself-love, that's filling up
your own cup.
That's giving yourselfself-worth.
You treat yourself good, youhave you have a level of
self-worth.
You ignore yourself, you runaround like a chicken with your
head cut off, you you know, andand don't face anything within
yourself, and then your youryour your the bottom of your cup
(19:17):
is uh is not there, and youknow, you're never full.
So um another thing, this isthis is uh oh, I love this one.
I I have a whole chapter in mybook about shame and guilt.
And women, we I think we weliterally just have a lot of
(19:37):
shame because of generationaltrauma being a female, you know,
like even something so naturalis like our periods, like oh, we
don't, you know, talk about it,menopause.
Women now are talking about it,but before they didn't talk
about these things.
It's like, oh, that's shameful,you know?
Getting older is shameful, butyou don't see men thinking that.
(20:00):
If men had periods, they wouldit would be like some amazing
time of the month where theywere like heroic and they bled
and didn't die, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (20:08):
So I mean I'm laughing so hard over here
trying to imagine men forperiods, like oh, be having a
party every month, woo!Celebrate me, right?
SPEAKER_02 (20:19):
Or like we're in the grocery store, we're like hiding
our tampons in our pads, wedon't want anybody to see that
we're buying this so shameful,you know.
SPEAKER_00 (20:26):
Yeah, my daughter does that.
She's like, is there a man inthere?
I don't want to go in there ifthere's a man in there.
And I'm like, baby, no, it'sokay.
SPEAKER_03 (20:34):
Yeah, see, I mean, this is just this is like just
inherited shame.
And then you go into religion,and then with like, you know, um
sex.
I mean, I had so I was raisedCatholic.
I have I had so much shamearound that.
And so we just have all of this.
And then even if a guy doessomething disrespectful, now I
(20:55):
speak up.
But before I felt shameful, likeI did something for him to act
this way.
No, I didn't do anything for himto act this way.
This is the way he acts.
You know, I'm a respectful, nicegirl.
He's acting poorly, it hasnothing to do with me.
So, anyway, we carry a lot ofshame.
And so I came up with this likegreat way to get rid of my shame
(21:16):
and guilt.
And this was very intuitive howI did this.
So I would do walks by the beachevery day.
And when I was walking by thebeach, I would have I would
imagine like a like I was havinga backpack on my shoulders, and
it was full of my shame andguilt.
And I would imagine all thethings I felt as shame about and
guilty about, and it would alljust be in this backpack.
(21:37):
And this backpack felt like itwas like weighing me down.
And so I would feel all of this,and then I would turn my back to
the ocean, and then I would justrelease the imaginary backpack
into the water and let the wavestake it away.
And I started doing this everyday.
(21:57):
And then it was like I startedto become lighter, and then the
shame and guilt eventually left.
And now if something comes up,I'm like, oh okay, did I really
do something wrong?
Or is this or is this not isthis mine?
Is this mine to have, or do Ineed to let this go?
Because the weight of shame, theweight of shame on a person over
(22:22):
years weighs heavy, and it justgets heavier and compounded.
SPEAKER_00 (22:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:27):
So we have to learn to let that go.
SPEAKER_00 (22:30):
Yeah, that that rings true for me.
You you mentioned like sex andreligion and all that.
Mississippi.
Yeah, you have an idea then.
Um I always tell people I'm fromMississippi, don't hold it
against me because I'm one ofthose that think outside the
box, you know, and I I've Imoved away from church.
I was humiliated when I lost myvirginity, and there was like a
(22:53):
whole sermon about it, and itwas a whole thing.
Um, so I have a lot of traumaand shame there.
And being in my now 30s,discovering pleasure and and
things of that nature have beenreally difficult for me to form
those connections and feelworthy of that.
What the examples you gave wereall very mind-based and visual.
(23:16):
So I'm curious, do you have anycan you speak on anything that
maybe for the person who is nota good visual, like able to
visualize stuff?
Because I know for me in thebeginning, visualizing was
really tough.
It was really tough to like dothat.
Um, and I'm I know some peopleare very like really like for
me.
Um when I held my first retreat,I had a a co-facilitator and we
(23:42):
had a rage ceremony, and thatfor me, like was huge.
I was like beating the shit outof the pillow and all these
things.
Like I took a pillow and wasbeating the crap out of a couch,
and that that helped me release.
So uh, I'm curious if you haveanything else, maybe for the
person who is not good atvisualizing.
SPEAKER_03 (24:00):
Yeah, well, I do think that you do need like
everyone needs to discover whatbrings them joy and what they
enjoy doing, and then you needto do that because that within
itself is its own like self-lovepractice and even meditation.
So for me, that's yoga.
Like yoga is really helped me.
(24:20):
I'm actually going to a yogaclass after this.
Um, because I'm like, I justneed to ground, you know.
Yoga is has been so essential inmy life.
But I mean, for some people, itcould be pole dancing.
I mean, it could be tap, itcould be jazz, it could be, you
know, um, swimming.
I also really love swimming.
But I think we all need to findlike some kind of activity that
(24:46):
makes us feel where weexperience joy and a certain
level of peace.
Um, because doing those thingsthat you enjoy is signaling to
yourself that you're worthy ofjoy.
SPEAKER_00 (25:00):
I love that.
So you're saying in order tofind fulfillment, to at least be
headed in that direction, maybeget curious about what brings
you joy.
Could be a first be a firststep.
So for instance, um, let's sayI'm thinking about, you know,
I'll have conversations.
Let's say like with my mother,that's a great example.
(25:22):
My mother is someone who, inher, and we call it her pastime,
she'll sit and talk about, youknow, back in my day and this,
she's not even that much olderthan me.
She's only 17 years older thanme.
So we've always kind of like hadthis I mother her, she mothers
me, but we're also friends.
So whenever she speaks to me,and I want her to get her pink
back, you know what I mean?
Like we're both trying to getour pink back and discover our
(25:45):
identities outside of being mom,outside of being a partner.
Um, but we'll have conversationsand she's she'll say things
like, you know, man, I really dowish miss painting.
I miss this and this.
And all I can ever say is, so doit.
So this feels kind of like apermission slip to tell the
person out there who's lookingfor things to bring them joy, go
out there and figure out whatbrings you joy.
(26:07):
And maybe it's painting, maybeit's dancing.
And we tend to like put it offin the distance.
Oh, I'll do that tomorrow.
I'll start tomorrow.
But what you're saying is goahead and start doing those
things now.
SPEAKER_03 (26:19):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And actually, so what I did withmy video blog when I started
that like over a decade ago,because I didn't know what
brought me joy, I started to doone new thing every week.
I made a commitment to myself.
And this is the thing about allof these things, you know, you
have to make a commitment toyourself and you have to be
(26:40):
disciplined.
You do need discipline.
Just like with a job, you needto show up, you need some level
of discipline.
With this stuff, you need alevel of discipline.
And so I was like, okay, once aweek, but it could be once a
month you try something new, youknow, to figure out what you
like and what you don't like.
And it doesn't have to beexpensive.
(27:01):
I at the time didn't have muchmoney.
I was working part-time jobs.
So I would just go on group onand I would see what was going
on, you know, what they had.
And so I did, granted, I live ina city, so there is a lot going
on, but I mean, there's stuffgoing on in small towns too that
you could do, um, or in nearbyneighboring cities you could do.
(27:22):
But uh, I did like, I even didthe flying trapeze in Santa
Monica.
SPEAKER_00 (27:27):
That sounds cool as shit.
SPEAKER_03 (27:28):
I just thought, what?
Yeah.
And I even I did a flyingtrapeze class.
So I even got to the levelwhere, like, you know, my legs
are on the bar and I'm swinging,and then they go, they go, let,
you know, you're you're you'reholding the bar and they go, let
go.
And you let go, and then the guygrabs your arms, and then you,
you know, your legs come off.
And yeah, I did that wholething.
SPEAKER_01 (27:51):
How cool.
You just went for it.
SPEAKER_03 (27:53):
I love that.
You just went for it.
And there has to be a certainlevel of that too.
You know, you have to have acertain level of, I'm going for
it.
I'm going to discover myself.
I am worth discovering.
I am worth getting to knowmyself.
I am worth finding the things Ienjoy doing and doing them.
(28:13):
And still being a mom and stilldoing all of the other things
that you've made a commitmentto.
But like, what why not make acommitment to yourself?
Like, I think the most importantrelationship you will ever have
is the one with yourself.
And the re and I don't mean thatin a selfish way.
I mean that in a in actually avery compassionate, giving way.
(28:36):
Because if you cannot makeyourself happy and if you cannot
love yourself and becompassionate with yourself, you
really can't do that with otherpeople.
It's just posing, it's fake.
SPEAKER_00 (28:46):
Yeah, I can see that.
I got full body chills, and it'shot as balls outside.
You see me over here likerolling my sleeves up.
But I got full body chills whenyou said you are worth
discovering yourself.
What?
Nobody's ever said that to me.
That rang true, like that justhit me in a different way.
(29:07):
Because sometimes you don't feellike you don't feel that way.
But just hearing that statementin itself is like, you know
what?
I am worth that.
I never thought about that.
I'm worth discovering.
Like, who am I?
What do I enjoy?
So something about that reallyjust like bam straight to my
heart.
Like I needed to hear that.
And I imagine somebody else outthere does too.
(29:30):
Um, so many, okay.
Let me sit with this for asecond.
So many good little nuggets andtake and takeaways.
I'm still over here thinkingabout you flying through the air
on a trapeze.
SPEAKER_01 (29:42):
Like I just, ah, what a visual.
That sounds so fun.
And you mentioned it reallydoes.
SPEAKER_00 (29:51):
I'm not you ever do that again?
Like, let me know.
Let me come with you becausethat sounds badass.
That's such a you're still.
unknown (30:00):
Laughing.
SPEAKER_00 (30:00):
But it's just kind of one of those things where I
mean you went for it.
I think that's the hardest thingis just saying, you know what, I
am worth it.
And I'm gonna, I'm just gonna gofor it.
SPEAKER_03 (30:09):
Yeah.
And I mean, you know, you wentfor it in starting a family.
You went for it in in, you know,having a kid.
Why not?
And that to me is like, whoa,that's really going for it, you
know, why not go for it withyourself?
SPEAKER_00 (30:26):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
When I look back, and these arediscussions, you know, that I'm
having with my husband openly.
Like, I feel like because I wasso unsettled with myself, I a
relationship jumped.
Like I'd get out of arelationship and think, oh, this
(30:46):
will fulfill.
And I've always been someone whois never out of a relationship
for long.
I didn't take that time todiscover myself.
And so it makes sense now I'm inthis family where I should be
like fully just like beamingwith joy, right?
What I have a lot of peoplewould kill for.
And but I truly feel like I canequate it to the fact that
(31:08):
growing up in a very, you know,I suffered from a lot of
childhood neglect.
I was left alone a lot as a kid.
Um in drug environments, veryunsafe environments, and we'll
we'll leave it at that.
But like I don't know, I guess Inever really knew who I was.
And I didn't get the time tofigure that out because the the
(31:30):
home was so broken.
And and so I was forever chasingthis illusion of well, if I have
a big family, I'll I'll alwaysfeel loved.
But I'm what I'm piecingtogether, I'm having these
epiphanies as you speak, is thatI'll never find fulfillment
because I genuinely still don'tknow how to love myself.
(31:51):
Exactly.
And that's I'm gonna cry.
That's a really hard thing toadmit, you know.
And so lots of good takeawayshere already.
SPEAKER_03 (32:00):
Oh Jacqueline, you are so you are just such a
sweetheart.
Wow, like what what avulnerable, beautiful, like
little soul you are.
I mean, you know, to be sohonest and everything about that
is huge.
And you know what?
So even people that presumablyseem like they came from a
(32:21):
perfect family, you know, theycould have experienced a lot of
neglect and and or narcissism oryou know, as well.
And I and I think honestly,there's a very small percentage
of the population that canactually say, like, I was, you
know, in there in it whenthey're being really real and
(32:43):
conscious about it and awarethat they could say, Oh, I was
really loved, and I had a verylike, you know, loving,
conscious family.
You know what I mean?
It's like, and and it's and itis sad because then we as
children, we tell ourselves, andI talk about this in my book
too.
I re I write about it and andtalking to your inner child and
(33:05):
like giving her the love thatshe didn't receive, like in
whatever way that you didn'treceive it.
And um it's when we come from asituation of neglect, we're
basically uh we're basicallybelieving that we're not worth
someone paying attention to us,we're not worth that.
(33:26):
And then so we create this imageof okay, well, if I have a
family and then if I have allthese people around me, then
I'll be worth something.
But you were always worth uhsomething, you always were worth
something.
It's just you discovering it foryourself, and then that changes
(33:50):
the game.
So by you uh discovering thatfor yourself, you could actually
be fulfilled in your currentsituation, or you could be like,
it's time for a change, youknow.
But but it's hard to know whenyou're operating from a place
where you don't feel worthybecause you're just on to leap
(34:12):
to the next thing to try to feelworthy.
And that's that I I would say toanybody, just stop, just stop,
you know, go inward, go inward,go inward, and and start loving
that little girl that didn'tthat didn't get that love.
SPEAKER_00 (34:27):
Yeah, and that that's kind of where we're at
right now, rediscovering andit's kind of like pulling a
bunch of stuff out that I didn'teven realize was there.
And having you know, having a athe beginning of a diagnosis is
helping me a lot to understandwhy I why I am the way I am and
(34:47):
why I do um feel these things,which come and go, like I can be
on top of the world one day,ready to take on the world,
signing clients, no big deal, nobig deal.
I'm invincible.
But then the very next day, andand yeah, it just plummets.
And so, and now that's uh that'sa mental illness thing, but I I
share all this so openly becauseit is helping me figure out who
(35:13):
I am, and that's one big thingis I remember as a kid like not
being able to share my feelingsand not being able to be
transparent, and feeling like Ihad to be a chameleon in every
situation I was put into, right?
So I always think it's supersweet whenever I connect with
somebody on these interviews andthey're like, oh, thank you for
sharing.
And I'm like, I know it probablysounds like I'm sharing it for
(35:36):
myself, but how many people areout there right now so confused,
so lost, and just need to hearfrom somebody, like, oh, okay.
I so I can actually admit to notonly to myself, but like out in
the open, because it or tosomebody really helps me.
Like being able to share thatwith you really helped me.
But I always share because Iknow there's somebody out there
(35:58):
that's not at that point yetwhere they can share, or maybe
they're not even aware, youknow, yet until they hear this.
So I I appreciate you,appreciate Nate for letting you
know it's for somebody else.
I don't know who else yet, butsomebody out there.
SPEAKER_03 (36:13):
You know, it's it's kind of funny because this um a
friend of mine who's in Austin,Texas, she said that a therapist
told her when in talking aboutlike you know, she was talking
about her relationship with herhusband and everything.
And a therapist said, if youcould look at it like women are
slightly bipolar and men areslightly autistic, that would
kind of help you understand likeeverything.
(36:37):
And and um I I uh I thought thatwas really interesting, and I
think it's kind of true becauseeven though I'm not like
diagnosed bipolar, definitely,and I think most women can
relate to this when you'rehormonal.
Like I have PMDD, so like reallybad PMS and very hormonal.
(36:57):
So that makes me feel bipolar alot of the times because you'll
be like, hi, and then you comedown, and then you, you know,
and it's like it could be thissome some months aren't so bad,
but then other months hit and Iwill just feel low for a couple
of days, and I just have to liketell myself, like, just get
through this, don't overthink,just like go to sleep, just get
(37:18):
through this, and then it willshift.
Like, if not tomorrow, then thenext day, you'll come out of
this.
And it, but when you're in it,it feels so intense.
And so, you know, I could just,I can't even imagine then what
the bipolar feels like becausethat's like a whole other level
of that.
(37:39):
Um, and I that would be like avery, very tough thing.
And, you know, it's interesting.
My my grandmother on my mother'sside, I never met her, but she
was bipolar.
And they said that she wasactually kind of like a genius.
Like she was so vivacious and sobeautiful, and she would um sew
(38:00):
like all of her own dresses,make dresses for my mom, sew her
own shoes.
She would just make everythingby hand, and she would be like
on these benders where she wouldjust be up all night making all
this stuff.
And in the morning, it was likeshe had created all of this
stuff, and then she would gothrough.
And the family said that whenshe was high, it was like the
best life, the best feeling,just even being around her, you
(38:24):
were like vibrating because shewas so high and amazing.
But when she was low, and thealcohol I think contributed to
that, um, she it was really bad.
Like she could get violent andstuff like that.
So I I know a little bit aboutit just from you know hearing
(38:44):
about my grandma and stuff likethat.
But it's thank God though, nowthey did not have the stuff they
have now, like for my grandma'slike they put her in like a
mental institution where theyelectrocuted her and stuff like
that to try to help her.
And so at least now they havemedication, they have doctors
(39:05):
that understand these things.
There's you know, much bettercare out there.
SPEAKER_00 (39:10):
Yeah, if we were to think back on I've I've read and
and they put it in films too,like the electroshock therapy
and stuff.
That's just terrifying to me.
So I am I am grateful that likethere are options out there, and
I'm willing to try just aboutanything right now.
I don't want I don't want tosabotage something good if if if
I don't have to, right?
(39:31):
Um but like but like mentalillness aside, I feel like most
people these days, you know,life, life be life in, and life
is hard, and so life in generalhas ups and downs, ups and
downs.
Um and so I'm I guess I'mcurious more about like how your
(39:51):
book can help navigate throughthese very confused moments.
You mentioned a little bit aboutsome chapters, but overall, um
who is this book for?
Like what stage do you thinkthey're in in life?
SPEAKER_03 (40:06):
I I honestly it could be for anyone in any stage
of life because I wrote I wroteit for kind of for my my when I
was thinking about somebody, Iwas writing it for somebody like
me when I was going through mydepression.
So I was in my late 20s, butsomebody else could be going
(40:26):
through that in their 30s, their40s, their 50s.
My mother is getting a lot outof this book because she got
with my dad when she was 19, andmy dad passed away two years
ago, and it's almost kind oflike she was still 19 in a lot
of ways.
And so it's kind of like she,and she even said, My growth is
stunted, she knew.
(40:48):
And so she's kind of figuringout all these things that I
figured out in my late 20s.
And so, like the book is reallyhelping her, like how to figure
out like how to love herself andbe good to herself and and
navigate things.
And I think a big thing, and Iwrite a whole chapter about
this, is comparisons.
Comparisons can really lead youinto a depression.
(41:12):
So, and I know this because Iused to compare myself to people
all the time.
And we're taught to compareourselves to people as kids
because that's how you know, youknow how they even grade on a
curve, you know, based upon howthe whole class did.
You'll you you yourself inthere, yeah.
Or when they do like on a roll,and so you're always, you know,
(41:35):
and and even sports, you're justalways comparing yourself.
Now, I'm not saying that that isevil and they should stop doing
that and everyone should get atrophy.
I'm not saying that.
What I'm saying that, I'm sayingthat we are we're taught that as
kids, right?
You're separate from everybodyelse, and how good you do is
based upon how well somebodyelse does.
(41:57):
Well, what that does is it's notjust about the grades or about
the, you know, runningcompetition or soccer.
It it goes to my worth is basedupon the perceived worth of
somebody else.
And that's where the comparisonscross a line into negativity.
Because we're all worthy.
(42:20):
And what you do with this lifeis on you, and what you come
from is what you come from.
And that's those are just thecards that you're dealt.
And and I I do believe, youknow, I even though I'm Catholic
and you know, stuff, I believein past lives.
So I believe I was a black womanat some point.
I was told I was a Chinese manat some point, had a farm.
(42:41):
I mean, I I think I was like alot of different things.
This isn't this isn't my firstrodeo here.
And um I I just think you yougotta you gotta go, you gotta
work with what you have and gofrom there and not look over at
somebody else and compareyourself because what they're
dealing with is totallydifferent.
And I'll tell you this (43:02):
there was a girl in college who I was
incredibly jealous of.
I just thought she hadeverything.
And it just looked to theoutside world like she had
everything.
She was freaking gorgeous.
Like she, you know, she hadpeaked in college.
She was stunning.
Um, she had a hot boyfriend, shewas like a cheerleader on the,
you know, she was a song girl atUSC.
(43:24):
So she was on TV at the gamesand stuff.
Um, she she looked like she hadmoney.
I mean, this girl was goingplaces and everything, right?
So when I was um getting mybusiness off the ground about
eight years ago, I there wasthis other girl that went to USC
who I wanted to send my apparelto because I make yoga wear,
(43:47):
because you know, she's a dancerand stuff.
And I was like, take somepictures and post on Instagram.
And while I was scrollingthrough her feed, I saw a
picture of that girl I had beenjealous of.
And then I read the caption andit said, I miss you so much.
Not a day goes by that I don'tmiss you.
And I was like, What?
And then so, and then I did somedigging and I found out that she
(44:11):
in her 20s, she struggled withcancer and died.
So I'm like, here I am.
She's been this girl's been gonefor years now.
And here I am, healthy andalive.
And I was so jealous of thisgirl.
Like thinking about her wouldmake myself feel bad.
And I'm just like, wow, it'ssuch an illusion.
(44:32):
It's so false.
Don't do that anymore.
And the second that I start togo there, because we're always
gonna envy somebody else forbecause they have something we
want, but then that just showsus what we want.
So bless them, bless them, blessthem and bless what they have
and open yourself up to it andget there with what you got.
(44:54):
Because you do not know what'scoming for people, what's in
store for you, for them.
We all go through the ups anddowns of life, and you gotta be
okay with that.
Maybe they're on the up, maybeyou're on the down, maybe you're
on the up, maybe they're on thedown, but it's we're not, we're
we we shouldn't be incompetition with that.
SPEAKER_00 (45:14):
Yeah.
You telling that story makes methink about there was a girl
that I felt that way about tooin high school.
Well, the last high school Iwent to, and she she was just
same, beautiful, seemed to haveit all together, and it killed
me.
And I really, I really likeenvied her on a like the the
(45:38):
same level, I think, that youwere speaking of.
And we all had all she wasunhealthy, but uh and then it
was the same, you know.
Um once you leave high school,like you don't talk to pretty
much any of those people.
And it was just really sad oneday I saw a similar post, and
um, I don't know that anybodyever came out and said it, but
(46:00):
she committed suicide.
So it just uh it just gives methe heebie jeebies because it
just goes to show you you neverknow what someone is going
through, and that, you know,what was it they said when we
were little, don't judge a bookby its cover.
Because like underneath, there'sso much shit going on inside a
(46:20):
person.
Like most people look at me andI hear it all the time.
Jacqueline, you're so outgoing.
You have a podcast, and you dothis, and you do this and this,
and like I'm a musician and I'mabout to start playing gigs
again, and it's been years, andbut like I'm a performer.
Nobody would ever guess that I'ma hermit that I have trouble
walking into a gas stationasking for a receipt.
You never know.
(46:41):
So, this whole game ofcomparison, it's so hard to
avoid that.
And I think it's even more hardor harder now with social media,
you know.
SPEAKER_03 (46:50):
I feel so bad for the younger generation.
Like I grew up in a time wherewe, you know, I didn't have a
smartphone, you know, until likeafter college.
So it's this whole social mediathing is, I mean, the kids, but
it's interesting because um Ihave some older friends that
have kids that are like 21.
(47:13):
And they told me that their kidsare not on social media at all
because it was so traumatic forthem in high school that they
don't do it.
And I'm like, wow, because it'sa it's a real mental health
thing because of the comparisonthing.
And that's why I wrote a chapteron it.
And I mean, I even have a friendwho is a man in his late 30s who
(47:35):
is a good-looking man, asuccessful man who got off of
social media because he wascomparing himself and his life
to other people.
And he's like, I just can't doit.
I'm I'm I'm getting off of itfor a while.
And so I'm like, it wow, itaffects everyone.
Don't it's not even just women,men do this too.
And he did such a good thing.
He's like, it's affecting myhappiness levels.
(47:56):
I'm getting off of it, and I'mjust going to enjoy what's
around me right now.
And that's all you can do.
Because, and he actually said,it was funny, he called me
yesterday and he has all thesetrips planned.
And I was like, oh my gosh, justlike three months ago, you were
all upset because everybody elsewas, you know, going places and
doing things on social media andyou had to get off of it.
And um, and now you're doingstuff.
(48:18):
I was like, see, like life goes,we're not, we're not always
gonna, we're not on the same umuh timeline as everybody else.
Yeah.
You know, somebody's in Hawaiinow and you're there in like six
months.
Who cares?
Yeah, or you're somewhere else.
Yeah.
Enjoy where you're at.
SPEAKER_00 (48:38):
I was gonna, yes.
And that's really hard to likebecause you're looking at
everybody else and what theywhat what what they have going
on, it goes back to that fuckingillusion.
This illusion, right?
SPEAKER_03 (48:50):
Illusion, yes, absolutely, 100% illusion.
SPEAKER_00 (48:53):
But in in noticing, so you said something we were
talking about being jealous andwhatnot.
I want to revisit that realquick because one thing that
I've learned, because I used toget so jealous, I have this this
saying that is forever gonnastick with me.
And I tell people, and they'relike, Again, because I have
personally developed likeexpotentially over the past
five, six years.
(49:15):
But I'm the first person to saythat happy people used to piss
me off.
I was like, this is fake, thisis bullshit, until I started
doing the inner work andfinding, you know, the happiness
within myself.
But in all of those escapadeswhere I would get really in
(49:36):
comparison mode, which we likeit's it's hard not to compare.
Um especially I would say like II hate it for the younger
generation because they'regrowing up with it.
But even as as you were saying,it happens to all of us, like
the older you get, then itbecomes this comparison of,
well, I should be further along.
You know, so-and-so has this,and they built this company, or
(49:59):
you feel like you should haveaccomplished more.
Um and what I wanted to say isfor the person listening who has
those moments where like you'rejealous, you know what changed
my life is when I realized thatjealousy is evidence of what I
want.
Yes.
And I alchemized it.
I was like, oh, okay.
So I'm hating because I actuallywant that.
unknown (50:21):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (50:22):
And then it was a matter of figuring out how the
fuck do I get that.
And that's where it all thepersonal work comes in that is
like it seems so overwhelming inthe moment that you can't figure
out where to start.
And then, but then it goes backto your whole illusion and time,
like, what is time?
Time is also probably anillusion.
So maybe what I'm gathering fromthis is if you can find a way to
(50:45):
maybe you can give us some tipson how to quit comparing.
Like, what do we need to do?
What do we need to remove, orwhat do we need to replace that?
Um, that time that you have tocompare yourself to others with.
But it's life, life is it's justa journey, is what I'm figuring
out.
Um curious though, how do youhow do you overcome that, that
(51:08):
game of comparison?
SPEAKER_03 (51:09):
Well, one one tip, because I write about all of
this in my in chapter three, andI it's called mirror mirror, and
I and I write about um like goodcomparisons, healthy
comparisons, and like negativecomparisons.
So, like if you see somebodythat's doing something, they've
achieved something that you wantto achieve, right?
Like, for instance, I had thisfriend who would solo travel and
(51:31):
go on these solo adventures, andI was so envious of her because
I wanted to travel the worldlike her, but I was waiting for
a boyfriend or a colleague or afriend.
And, you know, if you wait forsomebody with travel, you're
never gonna do it.
But so I was like, you know, canwe go to lunch?
I want to ask you some questionsabout your solo travels.
(51:52):
And then I just asked her, like,do you get lonely?
Do you, do you know, do you feelunsafe?
Like, what do you do?
And so, and she gave me advice.
And I'm like, okay.
And then after listening to herand asking my questions, I'm
like, I can do this.
And then I went and I did itmyself.
So again, it's like it'sevidence of something I wanted
(52:12):
and then I was able to do.
So I would say, go to theperson, ask them for advice.
Somebody's doing better than youat work and sales, go ask them,
be like, hey, can you give me,can I take you to lunch?
Like, can you give me some tips?
That shows such a confident,well-adjusted person, you know,
to not just like assume thatwe're a competition and just be
like, hey, could you give mesome tips?
(52:33):
I mean, and then um also anotherthing I like to do is um there
is this beautiful, it's calledthe Hawaiian Huna blessing.
And um it's like what that whichyou desire, bless.
Bless that which you desire.
So somebody drives by in a caryou want, instead of like giving
(52:53):
them the green eye, just go, oh,I would love that car.
Like I'm going to bless that carand I'm going to bless that
person in that car and just sendthem like some good energy, some
love.
And then you're opening yourselfup to the possibility of like of
abundance and receipt andreceiving it yourself.
Because if you go, uh greenenvy, that's lack and you feel
(53:14):
lack, you feel icky, you feelless than, you feel not worthy
for that.
So you have to, and it's okay ifyou slip into it.
I slip into it still, but I go,Oh, well, let's get out of this.
Hawaii Huna blessings, sendthem, send them blessings, send
them blessings.
And then that's also lovingyourself.
That indirectly is lovingyourself.
SPEAKER_00 (53:35):
I love how you put that.
That was really hard for me toovercome to growing, you know,
and a lot of people, I would sayin the South, a lot of us have
grown up in poverty.
So it's really hard to be ableto see somebody else's success
or things as evidence that it'spossible for you.
(53:56):
But what you just said, likesitting down with them, getting
it all goes back to gettingcurious.
Like, how did you do this?
Is a much healthier way to goabout it because, like, if they
did it, why can't you?
Right?
We're all people, yeah.
We all started the same way, weall got here the same way.
Like, yeah, I love all this.
(54:19):
Um so can you tell us?
You probably said it in thebeginning, but just to refresh,
what the name of your book is,where we can you said it's it's
out now, right?
SPEAKER_03 (54:28):
Well, so it's coming out May 13th.
Okay.
But if you pre-order it now, andyou you can find it on Amazon.
It's called Confused Girl, findyour peace in the chaos.
If you pre-order it now in anyformat, then you'll enter to win
a two-night stay in an oceanfront room in Maui and a hundred
(54:49):
dollar gift card to my store.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (54:52):
I've got to go buy this, pre-order this book real
quick.
SPEAKER_03 (54:55):
And you can you can go to my you can go to my
website, confusedgirlinthecity.com, and click
giveaway, and you'll get all theinformation on how to enter to
win.
And um yeah, and then also youcan go to my Instagram and
follow me on Instagram atconfusedgirl.
SPEAKER_00 (55:13):
I went to your Instagram.
I usually typically save likethe looking at Instagrams for
the day before or like themorning of the interview because
of this one thing.
When I got on your Instagram, Iwas like, fuck.
I have 400,000 followers.
It went back to that game ofcomparison, right?
I was like, fuck.
I'm getting my head about it.
(55:34):
I'm getting my head about it.
And so it's so funny that I didthat this morning, and now this
is what we're talking aboutbecause I tried not to do that.
But I guess that's a goodexample of one way that I've you
know tried to get out of thatcomparison role so that I can
show up authentically, like verycurious.
I don't allow myself to go stalkthe people that I'm interviewing
(55:58):
because then I'll be like, oh mygod, they're gonna.
Am I even worthy?
Am I worthy to be picking herbrain?
Like she's got all thesefollowers, and here I am sitting
at 2K.
And so it's it's just funny howit all came back full circle.
Like, damn girl, damn girl.
I just got a mass master class.
SPEAKER_03 (56:18):
No, I know, really, right?
It's like that's like abeautiful thing, how that, and
then it just kind of goes toshow you.
It's like, well, I don't have apodcast, you're doing a podcast
thing.
I don't have one, you know?
And I appreciate being on yoursand having this conversation
with you.
And so it's just yeah, you can'tjudge a book by its cover.
(56:41):
You can't, except except foryour book.
Except for it's gorgeous.
My book so works, it isbeautiful.
SPEAKER_00 (56:49):
Like the art, the art and everything is absolutely
like the the color.
I can't wait to read it.
SPEAKER_03 (56:58):
Oh my gosh, you know, and um I this is this was
seven years in the making, sevenyears for this.
SPEAKER_00 (57:04):
Seven years, seven years.
I love hearing that because I'mworking on a book right now, and
and I feel like it's never gonnaget finished.
SPEAKER_03 (57:13):
Well, you know, it's just it's it's it's a process,
and it well, it took me twoyears to write, and then it was
I was rejected by publishers fortwo years, and then two months
before my father passed away,two publishing companies had a
bidding war on it.
So that's what I'm saying.
Trust the timing of your life,divine timing exists, you know,
(57:34):
and it's like, you know, and Icould have been comparing myself
to all these other peoplegetting their books published,
but I just I was like, uh-uh,I'm not even looking.
I'm not even, I'm just gonnatrust, I'm gonna believe when
it's my time.
And then it was right before myfather passed, which was he got
to know my book was gonna bepublished.
He was very proud of me.
So, and that was that meant theworld to me.
So it's just trust the timing ofyour life.
SPEAKER_00 (57:59):
Giovanna.
Might just change this littlethis little southern girl's life
all in less than an hour.
I feel less confused.
SPEAKER_02 (58:07):
I'm happy about that.
I'm so happy about that.
SPEAKER_00 (58:11):
Um, but oh my gosh, thank you.
Thank you so much for being onthe show.
I feel I feel lighter.
I know that everybody else isgonna feel a little bit lighter
too.
Because it's there is there'slike a lot of shame, especially
the older you get, like you'resupposed to have it figured out,
you know.
Before we before we go, now thateverybody knows they can find
you on Instagram where topre-order your book and all
(58:32):
those things.
I used to think when I wasyounger the 30-year-olds had it
together.
I was like, when you're 30,you're like married, settle
down, you get it all figuredout.
And I'm like, I'm just I'm justnow trying to get this shit
together.
So it's so funny.
But trust, so you're saying justtrust trust the journey, trust
the timing of your life.
SPEAKER_03 (58:52):
Yeah.
You're you're you're it's nevertoo late to begin again, it's
never too late to shift andchange and grow, and we're doing
that our entire lives.
So, and in your 20s, it's justabout experimenting and figuring
yourself out.
And you know, I I I wouldn'thonestly make any huge, huge
decisions in your 20s, as far aslike you got a lot of time for
(59:15):
that.
SPEAKER_00 (59:16):
So just a lot, but a lot of us are sitting there
thinking these are the years Ihave to, I have to make
decisions.
SPEAKER_03 (59:23):
And I talk about that in my book too.
I I that's something I do writeabout.
Yep, how the 20s you like youhave to have everything figured
out, and you really don't haveto have anything figured out.
You you I think it just it'sgood to know a level of what you
like, what you don't like.
You tried things, you putyourself out there.
Um, I think that's reallyimportant.
SPEAKER_00 (59:44):
But thank you for normalizing that because there's
a lot of shame around it.
Like you should have it allfigured out.
No, all right.
Well, this has been freakingamazing.
I needed this more than I evenknew.
I was kind of in a funk earlier.
I was like, ah.
But it's it's just goes to trustthat timing because I needed I
(01:00:04):
needed this conversation today.
And I we couldn't have plannedit as far as like what I was
going through, right?
It just gotta trust.
Trust that people will come intoyour life when they're supposed
to, and you'll learn the lessonsas you go.
But one thing is I think to notjust sit back and wait for
things to change.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (01:00:25):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Make the change and start withyourself.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00:28):
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Well, go follow her.
Go pre-order her book.
Uh I you're gonna announce whowins this trip, right?
SPEAKER_03 (01:00:37):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00:38):
Okay.
I'm gonna be like waiting,hoping it's me.
But if it's not, but if it'snot, I'm blessed in whoever
wins.
Because that's gonna be awesome.
SPEAKER_02 (01:00:48):
I like that.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00:49):
You told me something.
See, it already stuck.
It already stuck.
All right.
Well, thank you again for beingon Just Women Talking Shit.
Thank you for sharing yourheart, your wisdom, all your
life experience.
Uh, it really means a lot to me.
Like, you have no idea how muchit means to me.
And I know it's gonna mean somuch to my audience, especially
for that person who's feeling sostuck and confused and needed to
(01:01:11):
hear this today.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Bye.
Well, hello, Giovanna.
(00:01):
That's so it sounds so I'm inMississippi, so that sounds very
like, I don't know.
What is what is your background?
Where is Giovanna?
Italian, yeah.
Um that's what came to mind, butI didn't want to I didn't want
to assume Giovanna.
How do you so and your lastname?
Sylvestri.
Yeah, I wouldn't mess that up.
SPEAKER_03 (00:21):
It's like really it should be instead of calling you
know my brand Confused Girl, Ishould have started like a
luxury line of purses orsomething and called it
Giovanni.
SPEAKER_01 (00:30):
Yeah, you know, look at my new Giovanna.
SPEAKER_03 (00:34):
Exactly, exactly.
Hey, hey, you never know.
You never know, it could be inthe cards.
SPEAKER_00 (00:38):
Yeah.
I mean, it's uh I feel like alot of women who grow a really
big brand wind up having linesof stuff.
So could be in the making, whoknows?
Who knows?
I'm really excited to talk withyou today.
I love the whole confused girlbrand and I can't wait to hear
more about it.
But to start out, uh, if youwould just introduce yourself to
(00:59):
my just women talking shitaudience, they're they're
something else, and they um theyseem to appreciate me having
women like from all walks oflife on here.
And so I know a little bit aboutyou, but could you um right
quick just introduce yourselfand tell us a little bit about
what you're doing, how you'rehelping the world, and what
(01:19):
you're building here?
SPEAKER_03 (01:20):
Sure.
So I literally just got the hardcopy of my book from my
publisher.
Confused Girl.
I am so excited.
So this is what I'm currentlydoing right now is promotion and
PR for my book, Confused Girl.
Um, we're in the pre-order stageright now.
But yeah, I started my brand.
(01:43):
Well, I'm from California.
I grew up in San Luis Obispo,which is beautiful wine country
by the water.
And my father um was from Italyand my and my mom's Irish
American.
And so they owned an Italianrestaurant in San Luis Obispo,
which is where I grew up.
And I grew up working in therestaurant business, and I was
(02:07):
like free slave labor for them.
SPEAKER_00 (02:10):
I've low-key always wondered that because anytime I
go, especially to let's say thatI want to go get like some
Japanese food, I always seetheir kids there working.
And I'm I've always beencurious.
SPEAKER_03 (02:22):
And the way you said it.
Well, you know what though?
I honestly I'm just teasing.
I mean, I mean, it's true.
It's not like you know, theywere paying me to work there,
but um, I mean, I would just gointo the cash register and pull
out and be like, Papa, I'mtaking a hundred dollars, I'm
gonna go shopping or whatever,you know.
So I mean, there was a uh there,yeah, we're definitely, we were
(02:43):
definitely spoiled, but um, butwe were a family business and we
all worked together.
And it was honestly a reallygreat way to grow up.
And I, and it gave me myentrepreneurial spirit, you
know, it really, because you'relike in it with your family, and
it's like kind of you guysagainst the world and
(03:03):
everything.
So it just it and I learned somuch about business and how to
negotiate from my dad.
So after I went, I came to LAand I went to USC, and then
after that, I worked in the filmindustry for quite a few years.
I worked in Hollywood, and thatwas like the cool thing to do at
the time.
I don't think it's really coolanymore, but at the time it was.
(03:26):
And I um I after working in thata few years, I, you know, I just
I do I love film and I love TVand I love the creativity of it,
but I really wasn't doing thecreative stuff.
And I'm just like, the peopleare nuts.
Like, do I really want to spendthe rest of my life around these
(03:47):
like people?
And then I saw the women thathad been in it for years, and
God bless them, they'retrailblazers.
I have massive respect for them.
But I'm like, I don't want tobecome like them.
They were all hardened and meanand verbally abusive.
I was like, no, no, no, no, noon prescription pills.
I was like, no, I don't want todo this.
And so I was like, you know,maybe I'm supposed to go take
(04:09):
over my parents' restaurant.
So then I go back home.
I was, I was working, I was, youknow, taking over the restaurant
for two years.
And then I started, I met this,I was, you know, one night while
working, and I was behind thebar, and um, there was a guy
sitting at the bar, and westarted dating.
This was just uh just like ayear before online dating
(04:30):
started.
So it's like, it's like youactually met in a real way.
And so we started dating for wewere together for the that two
years while I was at homeworking, and um, and it kind of
looked like my life was gonna,you know, get married to him,
start a family with him, andtake over the restaurant, which,
(04:51):
you know, could have been abeautiful life.
Like that could have been, I'msure that is a dream for some
people, and that's that's theirdream, but that wasn't my dream.
And I and to be honest, I didn'teven know what my dream was at
that point.
I just knew this wasn't it.
And so I had to get the theballs to just let it go, which
(05:12):
was really hard because I meanhe made good money and he was
really good looking and hespoiled me.
I've actually never been spoiledby another man like him, you
know, which is kind of a hardpill to take sometimes.
But um, it just I knew it wasn'tright, and I still, I still
stand on that.
It just wasn't right, it wasn'tthe right time.
And then also the restaurantwasn't right for me.
(05:34):
I was miserable.
I was fighting with my dad and Iwasn't happy doing it.
So I came back to LA and I wasjust a broken person because
everything that I had identifiedwith, I no longer had.
I didn't have the man, I didn'thave the money, I didn't have
the career, I didn't have thefuture, I just had nothing.
(05:55):
So I fell into this really darkdepression.
And I'm like, you know what?
I realized that I had cared somuch about what other people
thought of me and that if I wasdoing the right thing and if I
was being um, you know, like,yeah, doing something doing
something cool, like working inthe in the film industry or
(06:16):
taking over my parents'business, making them happy.
It's like I cared so much aboutwhat other people think, I
didn't even know who I was.
And so I just got to a placewhere I'm like, I have to figure
out who I am and what I want todo here with my life.
So that's when I was able to getout of my depression and I talk
(06:38):
about all of that in my book andhow I was able to do that.
And then I, but I'm like, okay,I'm still confused though.
I still don't know who I am andwhat I want to do.
So I started a video blog calledConfused Girl in the City
because I'm just like, I'mtaking the shame out of feeling
confused.
I'm just gonna take the shameright out of this because I felt
(07:01):
so shameful about it.
And I'm like, I'm done with thisbecause nobody comes into this
life with a manual.
And things happen to you in lifethat you don't anticipate,
things don't go the way you wantthem to go, and it's all very
confusing.
So let's just admit it and gofrom that honest space.
SPEAKER_00 (07:21):
I love that.
I love that so much.
That is like the most I'm goingthrough that.
I'm 36 years old, you know, andI keep thinking, I know, I know
who I am, what I want, and andwe evolve forever evolving,
right?
But I love how you were talkingkind of about which I feel like
a lot of people can resonatewith when it comes to checking
(07:42):
the boxes, like we, you know,society says, especially um the
part about getting married andsettling down all those things,
and you realize, yeah, it's not,I'm not ready for that.
It's not what I want right now,but I don't know what I want.
That really speaks to me.
I have I have a full familyright now.
I came into my marriage withthree bonus sons, had a
(08:03):
daughter, and then had a baby.
And I'm now five, almost sixyears into this, and I'm like,
is I'm just gonna be frank.
And I've had this conversationwith him.
Is this what I want?
Is this what I want?
Like the the our our kids clash,his family doesn't have really
any involvement with my son, butwith the other ones, and you see
(08:24):
you you start to over time lookat everything, the grand scheme
of things, is like, is this isthis what I want?
Who am I?
And so I feel like a lot ofpeople can resonate with that
checking the boxes, it lookinglike you should be happy.
But says, Am I truly happy?
Am I yeah, or am I checking theboxes?
(08:45):
So can so so out of out of allthis confusion, which is just
spot on, confused girl.
Oh my god, I'm like, I'm foreverconfused.
SPEAKER_03 (08:56):
Well, you know, well, you know what?
I just want to say thank you forsharing that.
I mean, that's that's reallyawesome.
I'm I know heavy shit.
Oh, that's crazy.
Yeah, that is some heavy stuff.
And you know, everyone can, Ithink so many people out there
can relate to that.
And and that's why I wanted towrite this book.
Because I think that we aretaught a certain depending on
(09:19):
where you grew up, you know, whoyour family is, what religion
you grew up in, what part of theworld you grew up in.
You come, you, you, you come inpure, you come in with your pure
little soul, and then you'retaught to value these things and
think you should do thesethings.
And then, and a lot of thesethings that we're chasing are
illusions, they're not real.
And so we're like chasing theillusion, and then we check the
(09:40):
box of that illusion.
Okay, got that illusion down,still unhappy.
I'm chasing after the nextillusion.
Okay, check.
And then you get to a placewhere you're like, I've I all
the things that I thought Iwanted, I have now, but I'm
still unhappy.
Because I believe that actuallyhappiness comes from a level of
contentment and knowing ofthyself.
(10:03):
Because then you choose withintention.
You don't choose because youthink it, I'm supposed to do
this or it's gonna look good, orI'm checking a box, like you
said.
You actually choose because itfeels in alignment with who you
are, your true nature.
So I wrote this book because I'mlike, I want to help people get
(10:23):
in touch with their true nature.
Because if you, if you listen,our whole you're never gonna
100% know yourself.
Because it like you said, we'realways changing, we're always
growing.
I I have a uh chapter called UmDestiny is a moving target, you
know, because you know, thingsevolve and change as we evolve
and change, and I and I talkabout how to flow with that and
(10:45):
life and and your destiny.
But I it makes me so sad that wehave so much illusion out there,
and then people just become acup with no bottom, and you can
pour the whole ocean throughthem, and the cup is still
empty.
So you've got to find bottom toyour cup.
(11:07):
That's like that's like thefirst thing, and that's finding
the bottom to your cup is issaying I have worth because I
exist.
SPEAKER_00 (11:16):
Oh, that's can we backtrack a little bit?
I'm like, hold up, I'm getting amasterclass right here.
You're like all on thesetangents and I go everywhere.
Well, that's what this show'sabout.
Just women talking shit andshit's all over the place.
So um, so what is so for peoplelistening and to help me too
(11:37):
being this confused, you know, Ithink like you said, we come
into this world like a blankslate.
There's no manual, you know.
I confidence, for instance,whenever I teach about
confidence in my coachingbusiness, I've I've finally
accepted that and I realizedthat like we don't come out with
confidence.
Like you don't pop out of yourmama and they're like, here I
(12:00):
am, you lucky people.
No, it's like it's a skill setlearned over time, right?
And so can we can we kind ofbacktrack?
And so for like for the personwho is feeling really stuck and
confused right now, can you givethem any tips on how to find
that bottom of the cup?
Because I'm sitting here like,Fog, what's my bottom?
Well, I this makes sense.
(12:21):
I'm pouring the I'm pouring theocean into this cup, and nothing
is I don't feel fulfilled.
I don't feel fulfilled.
Every time I think I'mfulfilled, I'm like, actually, I
was temporarily fulfilled.
I was on this high and littleinside in little insider thing.
Found out yesterday I'm bipolar.
So now we got a whole new onionto peel.
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:42):
So the doctor diagnosed you.
Huh?
The doctor diagnosed you withthat?
SPEAKER_00 (12:48):
So I went in for an intake, and the lady was like,
uh, you're you're super bipolar,without saying it that way.
We went through we were therefor two, three hours going
through this, and I goofficially next week to like
speak on medicine and whatnot.
And I'm willing to give it ashot because I am very confused
right now.
I've I've been in thisrelationship almost six years.
(13:09):
I chased that illusion.
I was like, I've always wanted abig family, you know.
I come from a big family, and Iwas like, this will fulfill me,
you know.
And in the middle of beingpregnant with my I miscarried
the child before that, and thenI got pregnant again, and my
whole in my mind, my purpose isto be a mother, right?
And so I was like, Oh yes,finally I get to be a mom.
(13:29):
My baby's here almost eightyears apart.
Thought I was never gonna getthat opportunity again.
And then I'm I marry my husbandvery quickly.
It was we we spoke about this,chasing that illusion, right?
We had to do it quickly.
It was a legal contract, wecouldn't even live together
unless we got married.
And then you throw in my babydaddy number one, he died in the
middle of my pregnancy.
(13:49):
So, all these things in themoment, it was good for me, you
know, like, and I felt safe andI felt protected and cared for.
And now, as we get into this,lots of things are shifting and
changing.
And so it's and then you add thebipolar.
So I'm wondering how how do youget out of, and I know you're
probably not in a medicalexpert, and I just mentioned the
bipolar because it'll help youunderstand the highs and the
(14:13):
lows in my life, but those, evenif you're not mentally ill, you
have those highs and lows.
And so finding that bottom, yes,which I thought was gonna be
this overnight family.
I went from being a mom of one,single mom of one, to a mama
five overnight.
And I thought that would fulfillme.
(14:35):
And now I'm here and I'm like, Iactually don't feel fulfilled,
and I don't know where thatbottom of the cup is.
So I know you've got some greattips for the person to trying to
find that.
SPEAKER_03 (14:45):
Yeah, well, the thing is, is like if you look at
it, you said, I thought thiswould fulfill me.
I thought having a big familywould fulfill me.
I thought the kids, all the kidswould fulfill me.
Now, it's not to say that yourmarriage isn't fulfilling or
that the kids aren't fulfilling,it's that you yourself are not
(15:07):
fulfilled with yourself.
This is a you issue, not a themissue.
So that's number one.
So in these, and that's what I'mtalking about with chasing the
illusion.
Because kids are fulfilling.
Like for somebody who wants tohave them, they truly are
fulfilling.
I mean, you know, a career isfulfilling.
I'm very fulfilled doing whatI'm doing because I think I'm
(15:29):
I'm really gonna help a lot ofpeople, like I'm fulfilled, but
I'm fulfilled doing it becauseI'm I I have a level of
contentment and knowing ofmyself.
And that's and that's what mybook is about is helping people
get to that point.
And so for you, you know,especially because you're
(15:51):
surrounded by so many people,you know, I would say that you
really do need to find somemoments of solitude where you
just allow yourself to be withyourself.
Because now you've been you'veput yourself in a situation
where you can you you werealready running away from
yourself, and now you could likeeven distract yourself and run
(16:13):
away from yourself even more.
And and it's like time to likestop doing that.
That's like the first step.
And you're admitting it, whichis great.
SPEAKER_00 (16:22):
You're like, oh yeah, I'm here to say, I'm one
fucked up show.
How can we get how can we makethis show better?
Because I don't want to gothrough life pretending that
it's okay, pretending that I'mhappy.
And I know, I know it's a meproblem.
You know, I'm asking for help.
And so I'm I'm really excited tohear what you have to say next.
SPEAKER_03 (16:42):
Yeah, well, I would say, I would say first, like you
definitely, it's great, you gotreally real about it.
You accepted your situation, butI wouldn't do anything abrupt.
I would not throw the baby outwith the bathwater as far as
like get a divorce and becausenow you've got like kids
involved in this, and like youknow, there's a lot of moving
parts here.
So I would say you need tostart, yeah, you need to find
(17:04):
the bottom to your cup and thenstart filling up your own cup.
And actually, I I feel this is alot easier.
Well, your situation with thebipolar, that's another thing,
right?
So I'm gonna talk about it likeI like you don't have that, you
know, because I don't, I don't,I don't know that I am I'm not a
doctor, right?
I don't I don't want to talk onthat, speak on that.
(17:26):
But as far as with other people,it's it's and yourself, it's not
that difficult actually to startshifting and changing.
It's just saying I want to bemore dedicated to myself and I
want to feel like I have worthjust because I exist.
So I really think you need somesolitude, even if it's 10
(17:51):
minutes a day, or you just likesit down with yourself and you
meditate.
You know, and then you can sayin your head, I love you, I love
you, I love you, I love you.
You know, like these words ofaffirmation to yourself, like
talking to yourself.
Start to notice your negativethinking, start to notice when
(18:12):
you start coming down onyourself and you start beating
yourself up and be like, youknow what?
I'm not, I'm gonna stop doingthat.
I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna do that to myselftoday.
I also, you can imagine when youstart to beat yourself up, you
can imagine those thoughts umlike going into a burning trash
(18:32):
can and just burning them, likeincinerating them.
Like I used to do that with mynegative thoughts, and the
visualizations really help.
See, all this stuff soundsreally small and like trivial,
but it's not because you'reretraining yourself in a
healthier way.
You're retraining yourself totake care of yourself and to
(18:53):
love yourself, and that'sself-love, that's filling up
your own cup.
That's giving yourselfself-worth.
You treat yourself good, youhave you have a level of
self-worth.
You ignore yourself, you runaround like a chicken with your
head cut off, you you know, andand don't face anything within
yourself, and then your youryour your the bottom of your cup
(19:17):
is uh is not there, and youknow, you're never full.
So um another thing, this isthis is uh oh, I love this one.
I I have a whole chapter in mybook about shame and guilt.
And women, we I think we weliterally just have a lot of
(19:37):
shame because of generationaltrauma being a female, you know,
like even something so naturalis like our periods, like oh, we
don't, you know, talk about it,menopause.
Women now are talking about it,but before they didn't talk
about these things.
It's like, oh, that's shameful,you know?
Getting older is shameful, butyou don't see men thinking that.
(20:00):
If men had periods, they wouldit would be like some amazing
time of the month where theywere like heroic and they bled
and didn't die, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (20:08):
So I mean I'm laughing so hard over here
trying to imagine men forperiods, like oh, be having a
party every month, woo!Celebrate me, right?
SPEAKER_02 (20:19):
Or like we're in the grocery store, we're like hiding
our tampons in our pads, wedon't want anybody to see that
we're buying this so shameful,you know.
SPEAKER_00 (20:26):
Yeah, my daughter does that.
She's like, is there a man inthere?
I don't want to go in there ifthere's a man in there.
And I'm like, baby, no, it'sokay.
SPEAKER_03 (20:34):
Yeah, see, I mean, this is just this is like just
inherited shame.
And then you go into religion,and then with like, you know, um
sex.
I mean, I had so I was raisedCatholic.
I have I had so much shamearound that.
And so we just have all of this.
And then even if a guy doessomething disrespectful, now I
(20:55):
speak up.
But before I felt shameful, likeI did something for him to act
this way.
No, I didn't do anything for himto act this way.
This is the way he acts.
You know, I'm a respectful, nicegirl.
He's acting poorly, it hasnothing to do with me.
So, anyway, we carry a lot ofshame.
And so I came up with this likegreat way to get rid of my shame
(21:16):
and guilt.
And this was very intuitive howI did this.
So I would do walks by the beachevery day.
And when I was walking by thebeach, I would have I would
imagine like a like I was havinga backpack on my shoulders, and
it was full of my shame andguilt.
And I would imagine all thethings I felt as shame about and
guilty about, and it would alljust be in this backpack.
(21:37):
And this backpack felt like itwas like weighing me down.
And so I would feel all of this,and then I would turn my back to
the ocean, and then I would justrelease the imaginary backpack
into the water and let the wavestake it away.
And I started doing this everyday.
(21:57):
And then it was like I startedto become lighter, and then the
shame and guilt eventually left.
And now if something comes up,I'm like, oh okay, did I really
do something wrong?
Or is this or is this not isthis mine?
Is this mine to have, or do Ineed to let this go?
Because the weight of shame, theweight of shame on a person over
(22:22):
years weighs heavy, and it justgets heavier and compounded.
SPEAKER_00 (22:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:27):
So we have to learn to let that go.
SPEAKER_00 (22:30):
Yeah, that that rings true for me.
You you mentioned like sex andreligion and all that.
Mississippi.
Yeah, you have an idea then.
Um I always tell people I'm fromMississippi, don't hold it
against me because I'm one ofthose that think outside the
box, you know, and I I've Imoved away from church.
I was humiliated when I lost myvirginity, and there was like a
(22:53):
whole sermon about it, and itwas a whole thing.
Um, so I have a lot of traumaand shame there.
And being in my now 30s,discovering pleasure and and
things of that nature have beenreally difficult for me to form
those connections and feelworthy of that.
What the examples you gave wereall very mind-based and visual.
(23:16):
So I'm curious, do you have anycan you speak on anything that
maybe for the person who is nota good visual, like able to
visualize stuff?
Because I know for me in thebeginning, visualizing was
really tough.
It was really tough to like dothat.
Um, and I'm I know some peopleare very like really like for
me.
Um when I held my first retreat,I had a a co-facilitator and we
(23:42):
had a rage ceremony, and thatfor me, like was huge.
I was like beating the shit outof the pillow and all these
things.
Like I took a pillow and wasbeating the crap out of a couch,
and that that helped me release.
So uh, I'm curious if you haveanything else, maybe for the
person who is not good atvisualizing.
SPEAKER_03 (24:00):
Yeah, well, I do think that you do need like
everyone needs to discover whatbrings them joy and what they
enjoy doing, and then you needto do that because that within
itself is its own like self-lovepractice and even meditation.
So for me, that's yoga.
Like yoga is really helped me.
(24:20):
I'm actually going to a yogaclass after this.
Um, because I'm like, I justneed to ground, you know.
Yoga is has been so essential inmy life.
But I mean, for some people, itcould be pole dancing.
I mean, it could be tap, itcould be jazz, it could be, you
know, um, swimming.
I also really love swimming.
But I think we all need to findlike some kind of activity that
(24:46):
makes us feel where weexperience joy and a certain
level of peace.
Um, because doing those thingsthat you enjoy is signaling to
yourself that you're worthy ofjoy.
SPEAKER_00 (25:00):
I love that.
So you're saying in order tofind fulfillment, to at least be
headed in that direction, maybeget curious about what brings
you joy.
Could be a first be a firststep.
So for instance, um, let's sayI'm thinking about, you know,
I'll have conversations.
Let's say like with my mother,that's a great example.
(25:22):
My mother is someone who, inher, and we call it her pastime,
she'll sit and talk about, youknow, back in my day and this,
she's not even that much olderthan me.
She's only 17 years older thanme.
So we've always kind of like hadthis I mother her, she mothers
me, but we're also friends.
So whenever she speaks to me,and I want her to get her pink
back, you know what I mean?
Like we're both trying to getour pink back and discover our
(25:45):
identities outside of being mom,outside of being a partner.
Um, but we'll have conversationsand she's she'll say things
like, you know, man, I really dowish miss painting.
I miss this and this.
And all I can ever say is, so doit.
So this feels kind of like apermission slip to tell the
person out there who's lookingfor things to bring them joy, go
out there and figure out whatbrings you joy.
(26:07):
And maybe it's painting, maybeit's dancing.
And we tend to like put it offin the distance.
Oh, I'll do that tomorrow.
I'll start tomorrow.
But what you're saying is goahead and start doing those
things now.
SPEAKER_03 (26:19):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And actually, so what I did withmy video blog when I started
that like over a decade ago,because I didn't know what
brought me joy, I started to doone new thing every week.
I made a commitment to myself.
And this is the thing about allof these things, you know, you
have to make a commitment toyourself and you have to be
(26:40):
disciplined.
You do need discipline.
Just like with a job, you needto show up, you need some level
of discipline.
With this stuff, you need alevel of discipline.
And so I was like, okay, once aweek, but it could be once a
month you try something new, youknow, to figure out what you
like and what you don't like.
And it doesn't have to beexpensive.
(27:01):
I at the time didn't have muchmoney.
I was working part-time jobs.
So I would just go on group onand I would see what was going
on, you know, what they had.
And so I did, granted, I live ina city, so there is a lot going
on, but I mean, there's stuffgoing on in small towns too that
you could do, um, or in nearbyneighboring cities you could do.
(27:22):
But uh, I did like, I even didthe flying trapeze in Santa
Monica.
SPEAKER_00 (27:27):
That sounds cool as shit.
SPEAKER_03 (27:28):
I just thought, what?
Yeah.
And I even I did a flyingtrapeze class.
So I even got to the levelwhere, like, you know, my legs
are on the bar and I'm swinging,and then they go, they go, let,
you know, you're you're you'reholding the bar and they go, let
go.
And you let go, and then the guygrabs your arms, and then you,
you know, your legs come off.
And yeah, I did that wholething.
SPEAKER_01 (27:51):
How cool.
You just went for it.
SPEAKER_03 (27:53):
I love that.
You just went for it.
And there has to be a certainlevel of that too.
You know, you have to have acertain level of, I'm going for
it.
I'm going to discover myself.
I am worth discovering.
I am worth getting to knowmyself.
I am worth finding the things Ienjoy doing and doing them.
(28:13):
And still being a mom and stilldoing all of the other things
that you've made a commitmentto.
But like, what why not make acommitment to yourself?
Like, I think the most importantrelationship you will ever have
is the one with yourself.
And the re and I don't mean thatin a selfish way.
I mean that in a in actually avery compassionate, giving way.
(28:36):
Because if you cannot makeyourself happy and if you cannot
love yourself and becompassionate with yourself, you
really can't do that with otherpeople.
It's just posing, it's fake.
SPEAKER_00 (28:46):
Yeah, I can see that.
I got full body chills, and it'shot as balls outside.
You see me over here likerolling my sleeves up.
But I got full body chills whenyou said you are worth
discovering yourself.
What?
Nobody's ever said that to me.
That rang true, like that justhit me in a different way.
(29:07):
Because sometimes you don't feellike you don't feel that way.
But just hearing that statementin itself is like, you know
what?
I am worth that.
I never thought about that.
I'm worth discovering.
Like, who am I?
What do I enjoy?
So something about that reallyjust like bam straight to my
heart.
Like I needed to hear that.
And I imagine somebody else outthere does too.
(29:30):
Um, so many, okay.
Let me sit with this for asecond.
So many good little nuggets andtake and takeaways.
I'm still over here thinkingabout you flying through the air
on a trapeze.
SPEAKER_01 (29:42):
Like I just, ah, what a visual.
That sounds so fun.
And you mentioned it reallydoes.
SPEAKER_00 (29:51):
I'm not you ever do that again?
Like, let me know.
Let me come with you becausethat sounds badass.
That's such a you're still.
unknown (30:00):
Laughing.
SPEAKER_00 (30:00):
But it's just kind of one of those things where I
mean you went for it.
I think that's the hardest thingis just saying, you know what, I
am worth it.
And I'm gonna, I'm just gonna gofor it.
SPEAKER_03 (30:09):
Yeah.
And I mean, you know, you wentfor it in starting a family.
You went for it in in, you know,having a kid.
Why not?
And that to me is like, whoa,that's really going for it, you
know, why not go for it withyourself?
SPEAKER_00 (30:26):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
When I look back, and these arediscussions, you know, that I'm
having with my husband openly.
Like, I feel like because I wasso unsettled with myself, I a
relationship jumped.
Like I'd get out of arelationship and think, oh, this
(30:46):
will fulfill.
And I've always been someone whois never out of a relationship
for long.
I didn't take that time todiscover myself.
And so it makes sense now I'm inthis family where I should be
like fully just like beamingwith joy, right?
What I have a lot of peoplewould kill for.
And but I truly feel like I canequate it to the fact that
(31:08):
growing up in a very, you know,I suffered from a lot of
childhood neglect.
I was left alone a lot as a kid.
Um in drug environments, veryunsafe environments, and we'll
we'll leave it at that.
But like I don't know, I guess Inever really knew who I was.
And I didn't get the time tofigure that out because the the
(31:30):
home was so broken.
And and so I was forever chasingthis illusion of well, if I have
a big family, I'll I'll alwaysfeel loved.
But I'm what I'm piecingtogether, I'm having these
epiphanies as you speak, is thatI'll never find fulfillment
because I genuinely still don'tknow how to love myself.
(31:51):
Exactly.
And that's I'm gonna cry.
That's a really hard thing toadmit, you know.
And so lots of good takeawayshere already.
SPEAKER_03 (32:00):
Oh Jacqueline, you are so you are just such a
sweetheart.
Wow, like what what avulnerable, beautiful, like
little soul you are.
I mean, you know, to be sohonest and everything about that
is huge.
And you know what?
So even people that presumablyseem like they came from a
(32:21):
perfect family, you know, theycould have experienced a lot of
neglect and and or narcissism oryou know, as well.
And I and I think honestly,there's a very small percentage
of the population that canactually say, like, I was, you
know, in there in it whenthey're being really real and
(32:43):
conscious about it and awarethat they could say, Oh, I was
really loved, and I had a verylike, you know, loving,
conscious family.
You know what I mean?
It's like, and and it's and itis sad because then we as
children, we tell ourselves, andI talk about this in my book
too.
I re I write about it and andtalking to your inner child and
(33:05):
like giving her the love thatshe didn't receive, like in
whatever way that you didn'treceive it.
And um it's when we come from asituation of neglect, we're
basically uh we're basicallybelieving that we're not worth
someone paying attention to us,we're not worth that.
(33:26):
And then so we create this imageof okay, well, if I have a
family and then if I have allthese people around me, then
I'll be worth something.
But you were always worth uhsomething, you always were worth
something.
It's just you discovering it foryourself, and then that changes
(33:50):
the game.
So by you uh discovering thatfor yourself, you could actually
be fulfilled in your currentsituation, or you could be like,
it's time for a change, youknow.
But but it's hard to know whenyou're operating from a place
where you don't feel worthybecause you're just on to leap
(34:12):
to the next thing to try to feelworthy.
And that's that I I would say toanybody, just stop, just stop,
you know, go inward, go inward,go inward, and and start loving
that little girl that didn'tthat didn't get that love.
SPEAKER_00 (34:27):
Yeah, and that that's kind of where we're at
right now, rediscovering andit's kind of like pulling a
bunch of stuff out that I didn'teven realize was there.
And having you know, having a athe beginning of a diagnosis is
helping me a lot to understandwhy I why I am the way I am and
(34:47):
why I do um feel these things,which come and go, like I can be
on top of the world one day,ready to take on the world,
signing clients, no big deal, nobig deal.
I'm invincible.
But then the very next day, andand yeah, it just plummets.
And so, and now that's uh that'sa mental illness thing, but I I
share all this so openly becauseit is helping me figure out who
(35:13):
I am, and that's one big thingis I remember as a kid like not
being able to share my feelingsand not being able to be
transparent, and feeling like Ihad to be a chameleon in every
situation I was put into, right?
So I always think it's supersweet whenever I connect with
somebody on these interviews andthey're like, oh, thank you for
sharing.
And I'm like, I know it probablysounds like I'm sharing it for
(35:36):
myself, but how many people areout there right now so confused,
so lost, and just need to hearfrom somebody, like, oh, okay.
I so I can actually admit to notonly to myself, but like out in
the open, because it or tosomebody really helps me.
Like being able to share thatwith you really helped me.
But I always share because Iknow there's somebody out there
(35:58):
that's not at that point yetwhere they can share, or maybe
they're not even aware, youknow, yet until they hear this.
So I I appreciate you,appreciate Nate for letting you
know it's for somebody else.
I don't know who else yet, butsomebody out there.
SPEAKER_03 (36:13):
You know, it's it's kind of funny because this um a
friend of mine who's in Austin,Texas, she said that a therapist
told her when in talking aboutlike you know, she was talking
about her relationship with herhusband and everything.
And a therapist said, if youcould look at it like women are
slightly bipolar and men areslightly autistic, that would
kind of help you understand likeeverything.
(36:37):
And and um I I uh I thought thatwas really interesting, and I
think it's kind of true becauseeven though I'm not like
diagnosed bipolar, definitely,and I think most women can
relate to this when you'rehormonal.
Like I have PMDD, so like reallybad PMS and very hormonal.
(36:57):
So that makes me feel bipolar alot of the times because you'll
be like, hi, and then you comedown, and then you, you know,
and it's like it could be thissome some months aren't so bad,
but then other months hit and Iwill just feel low for a couple
of days, and I just have to liketell myself, like, just get
through this, don't overthink,just like go to sleep, just get
(37:18):
through this, and then it willshift.
Like, if not tomorrow, then thenext day, you'll come out of
this.
And it, but when you're in it,it feels so intense.
And so, you know, I could just,I can't even imagine then what
the bipolar feels like becausethat's like a whole other level
of that.
(37:39):
Um, and I that would be like avery, very tough thing.
And, you know, it's interesting.
My my grandmother on my mother'sside, I never met her, but she
was bipolar.
And they said that she wasactually kind of like a genius.
Like she was so vivacious and sobeautiful, and she would um sew
(38:00):
like all of her own dresses,make dresses for my mom, sew her
own shoes.
She would just make everythingby hand, and she would be like
on these benders where she wouldjust be up all night making all
this stuff.
And in the morning, it was likeshe had created all of this
stuff, and then she would gothrough.
And the family said that whenshe was high, it was like the
best life, the best feeling,just even being around her, you
(38:24):
were like vibrating because shewas so high and amazing.
But when she was low, and thealcohol I think contributed to
that, um, she it was really bad.
Like she could get violent andstuff like that.
So I I know a little bit aboutit just from you know hearing
(38:44):
about my grandma and stuff likethat.
But it's thank God though, nowthey did not have the stuff they
have now, like for my grandma'slike they put her in like a
mental institution where theyelectrocuted her and stuff like
that to try to help her.
And so at least now they havemedication, they have doctors
(39:05):
that understand these things.
There's you know, much bettercare out there.
SPEAKER_00 (39:10):
Yeah, if we were to think back on I've I've read and
and they put it in films too,like the electroshock therapy
and stuff.
That's just terrifying to me.
So I am I am grateful that likethere are options out there, and
I'm willing to try just aboutanything right now.
I don't want I don't want tosabotage something good if if if
I don't have to, right?
(39:31):
Um but like but like mentalillness aside, I feel like most
people these days, you know,life, life be life in, and life
is hard, and so life in generalhas ups and downs, ups and
downs.
Um and so I'm I guess I'mcurious more about like how your
(39:51):
book can help navigate throughthese very confused moments.
You mentioned a little bit aboutsome chapters, but overall, um
who is this book for?
Like what stage do you thinkthey're in in life?
SPEAKER_03 (40:06):
I I honestly it could be for anyone in any stage
of life because I wrote I wroteit for kind of for my my when I
was thinking about somebody, Iwas writing it for somebody like
me when I was going through mydepression.
So I was in my late 20s, butsomebody else could be going
(40:26):
through that in their 30s, their40s, their 50s.
My mother is getting a lot outof this book because she got
with my dad when she was 19, andmy dad passed away two years
ago, and it's almost kind oflike she was still 19 in a lot
of ways.
And so it's kind of like she,and she even said, My growth is
stunted, she knew.
(40:48):
And so she's kind of figuringout all these things that I
figured out in my late 20s.
And so, like the book is reallyhelping her, like how to figure
out like how to love herself andbe good to herself and and
navigate things.
And I think a big thing, and Iwrite a whole chapter about
this, is comparisons.
Comparisons can really lead youinto a depression.
(41:12):
So, and I know this because Iused to compare myself to people
all the time.
And we're taught to compareourselves to people as kids
because that's how you know, youknow how they even grade on a
curve, you know, based upon howthe whole class did.
You'll you you yourself inthere, yeah.
Or when they do like on a roll,and so you're always, you know,
(41:35):
and and even sports, you're justalways comparing yourself.
Now, I'm not saying that that isevil and they should stop doing
that and everyone should get atrophy.
I'm not saying that.
What I'm saying that, I'm sayingthat we are we're taught that as
kids, right?
You're separate from everybodyelse, and how good you do is
based upon how well somebodyelse does.
(41:57):
Well, what that does is it's notjust about the grades or about
the, you know, runningcompetition or soccer.
It it goes to my worth is basedupon the perceived worth of
somebody else.
And that's where the comparisonscross a line into negativity.
Because we're all worthy.
(42:20):
And what you do with this lifeis on you, and what you come
from is what you come from.
And that's those are just thecards that you're dealt.
And and I I do believe, youknow, I even though I'm Catholic
and you know, stuff, I believein past lives.
So I believe I was a black womanat some point.
I was told I was a Chinese manat some point, had a farm.
(42:41):
I mean, I I think I was like alot of different things.
This isn't this isn't my firstrodeo here.
And um I I just think you yougotta you gotta go, you gotta
work with what you have and gofrom there and not look over at
somebody else and compareyourself because what they're
dealing with is totallydifferent.
And I'll tell you this (43:02):
there was a girl in college who I was
incredibly jealous of.
I just thought she hadeverything.
And it just looked to theoutside world like she had
everything.
She was freaking gorgeous.
Like she, you know, she hadpeaked in college.
She was stunning.
Um, she had a hot boyfriend, shewas like a cheerleader on the,
you know, she was a song girl atUSC.
(43:24):
So she was on TV at the gamesand stuff.
Um, she she looked like she hadmoney.
I mean, this girl was goingplaces and everything, right?
So when I was um getting mybusiness off the ground about
eight years ago, I there wasthis other girl that went to USC
who I wanted to send my apparelto because I make yoga wear,
(43:47):
because you know, she's a dancerand stuff.
And I was like, take somepictures and post on Instagram.
And while I was scrollingthrough her feed, I saw a
picture of that girl I had beenjealous of.
And then I read the caption andit said, I miss you so much.
Not a day goes by that I don'tmiss you.
And I was like, What?
And then so, and then I did somedigging and I found out that she
(44:11):
in her 20s, she struggled withcancer and died.
So I'm like, here I am.
She's been this girl's been gonefor years now.
And here I am, healthy andalive.
And I was so jealous of thisgirl.
Like thinking about her wouldmake myself feel bad.
And I'm just like, wow, it'ssuch an illusion.
(44:32):
It's so false.
Don't do that anymore.
And the second that I start togo there, because we're always
gonna envy somebody else forbecause they have something we
want, but then that just showsus what we want.
So bless them, bless them, blessthem and bless what they have
and open yourself up to it andget there with what you got.
(44:54):
Because you do not know what'scoming for people, what's in
store for you, for them.
We all go through the ups anddowns of life, and you gotta be
okay with that.
Maybe they're on the up, maybeyou're on the down, maybe you're
on the up, maybe they're on thedown, but it's we're not, we're
we we shouldn't be incompetition with that.
SPEAKER_00 (45:14):
Yeah.
You telling that story makes methink about there was a girl
that I felt that way about tooin high school.
Well, the last high school Iwent to, and she she was just
same, beautiful, seemed to haveit all together, and it killed
me.
And I really, I really likeenvied her on a like the the
(45:38):
same level, I think, that youwere speaking of.
And we all had all she wasunhealthy, but uh and then it
was the same, you know.
Um once you leave high school,like you don't talk to pretty
much any of those people.
And it was just really sad oneday I saw a similar post, and
um, I don't know that anybodyever came out and said it, but
(46:00):
she committed suicide.
So it just uh it just gives methe heebie jeebies because it
just goes to show you you neverknow what someone is going
through, and that, you know,what was it they said when we
were little, don't judge a bookby its cover.
Because like underneath, there'sso much shit going on inside a
(46:20):
person.
Like most people look at me andI hear it all the time.
Jacqueline, you're so outgoing.
You have a podcast, and you dothis, and you do this and this,
and like I'm a musician and I'mabout to start playing gigs
again, and it's been years, andbut like I'm a performer.
Nobody would ever guess that I'ma hermit that I have trouble
walking into a gas stationasking for a receipt.
You never know.
(46:41):
So, this whole game ofcomparison, it's so hard to
avoid that.
And I think it's even more hardor harder now with social media,
you know.
SPEAKER_03 (46:50):
I feel so bad for the younger generation.
Like I grew up in a time wherewe, you know, I didn't have a
smartphone, you know, until likeafter college.
So it's this whole social mediathing is, I mean, the kids, but
it's interesting because um Ihave some older friends that
have kids that are like 21.
(47:13):
And they told me that their kidsare not on social media at all
because it was so traumatic forthem in high school that they
don't do it.
And I'm like, wow, because it'sa it's a real mental health
thing because of the comparisonthing.
And that's why I wrote a chapteron it.
And I mean, I even have a friendwho is a man in his late 30s who
(47:35):
is a good-looking man, asuccessful man who got off of
social media because he wascomparing himself and his life
to other people.
And he's like, I just can't doit.
I'm I'm I'm getting off of itfor a while.
And so I'm like, it wow, itaffects everyone.
Don't it's not even just women,men do this too.
And he did such a good thing.
He's like, it's affecting myhappiness levels.
(47:56):
I'm getting off of it, and I'mjust going to enjoy what's
around me right now.
And that's all you can do.
Because, and he actually said,it was funny, he called me
yesterday and he has all thesetrips planned.
And I was like, oh my gosh, justlike three months ago, you were
all upset because everybody elsewas, you know, going places and
doing things on social media andyou had to get off of it.
And um, and now you're doingstuff.
(48:18):
I was like, see, like life goes,we're not, we're not always
gonna, we're not on the same umuh timeline as everybody else.
Yeah.
You know, somebody's in Hawaiinow and you're there in like six
months.
Who cares?
Yeah, or you're somewhere else.
Yeah.
Enjoy where you're at.
SPEAKER_00 (48:38):
I was gonna, yes.
And that's really hard to likebecause you're looking at
everybody else and what theywhat what what they have going
on, it goes back to that fuckingillusion.
This illusion, right?
SPEAKER_03 (48:50):
Illusion, yes, absolutely, 100% illusion.
SPEAKER_00 (48:53):
But in in noticing, so you said something we were
talking about being jealous andwhatnot.
I want to revisit that realquick because one thing that
I've learned, because I used toget so jealous, I have this this
saying that is forever gonnastick with me.
And I tell people, and they'relike, Again, because I have
personally developed likeexpotentially over the past
five, six years.
(49:15):
But I'm the first person to saythat happy people used to piss
me off.
I was like, this is fake, thisis bullshit, until I started
doing the inner work andfinding, you know, the happiness
within myself.
But in all of those escapadeswhere I would get really in
(49:36):
comparison mode, which we likeit's it's hard not to compare.
Um especially I would say like II hate it for the younger
generation because they'regrowing up with it.
But even as as you were saying,it happens to all of us, like
the older you get, then itbecomes this comparison of,
well, I should be further along.
You know, so-and-so has this,and they built this company, or
(49:59):
you feel like you should haveaccomplished more.
Um and what I wanted to say isfor the person listening who has
those moments where like you'rejealous, you know what changed
my life is when I realized thatjealousy is evidence of what I
want.
Yes.
And I alchemized it.
I was like, oh, okay.
So I'm hating because I actuallywant that.
unknown (50:21):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (50:22):
And then it was a matter of figuring out how the
fuck do I get that.
And that's where it all thepersonal work comes in that is
like it seems so overwhelming inthe moment that you can't figure
out where to start.
And then, but then it goes backto your whole illusion and time,
like, what is time?
Time is also probably anillusion.
So maybe what I'm gathering fromthis is if you can find a way to
(50:45):
maybe you can give us some tipson how to quit comparing.
Like, what do we need to do?
What do we need to remove, orwhat do we need to replace that?
Um, that time that you have tocompare yourself to others with.
But it's life, life is it's justa journey, is what I'm figuring
out.
Um curious though, how do youhow do you overcome that, that
(51:08):
game of comparison?
SPEAKER_03 (51:09):
Well, one one tip, because I write about all of
this in my in chapter three, andI it's called mirror mirror, and
I and I write about um like goodcomparisons, healthy
comparisons, and like negativecomparisons.
So, like if you see somebodythat's doing something, they've
achieved something that you wantto achieve, right?
Like, for instance, I had thisfriend who would solo travel and
(51:31):
go on these solo adventures, andI was so envious of her because
I wanted to travel the worldlike her, but I was waiting for
a boyfriend or a colleague or afriend.
And, you know, if you wait forsomebody with travel, you're
never gonna do it.
But so I was like, you know, canwe go to lunch?
I want to ask you some questionsabout your solo travels.
(51:52):
And then I just asked her, like,do you get lonely?
Do you, do you know, do you feelunsafe?
Like, what do you do?
And so, and she gave me advice.
And I'm like, okay.
And then after listening to herand asking my questions, I'm
like, I can do this.
And then I went and I did itmyself.
So again, it's like it'sevidence of something I wanted
(52:12):
and then I was able to do.
So I would say, go to theperson, ask them for advice.
Somebody's doing better than youat work and sales, go ask them,
be like, hey, can you give me,can I take you to lunch?
Like, can you give me some tips?
That shows such a confident,well-adjusted person, you know,
to not just like assume thatwe're a competition and just be
like, hey, could you give mesome tips?
(52:33):
I mean, and then um also anotherthing I like to do is um there
is this beautiful, it's calledthe Hawaiian Huna blessing.
And um it's like what that whichyou desire, bless.
Bless that which you desire.
So somebody drives by in a caryou want, instead of like giving
(52:53):
them the green eye, just go, oh,I would love that car.
Like I'm going to bless that carand I'm going to bless that
person in that car and just sendthem like some good energy, some
love.
And then you're opening yourselfup to the possibility of like of
abundance and receipt andreceiving it yourself.
Because if you go, uh greenenvy, that's lack and you feel
(53:14):
lack, you feel icky, you feelless than, you feel not worthy
for that.
So you have to, and it's okay ifyou slip into it.
I slip into it still, but I go,Oh, well, let's get out of this.
Hawaii Huna blessings, sendthem, send them blessings, send
them blessings.
And then that's also lovingyourself.
That indirectly is lovingyourself.
SPEAKER_00 (53:35):
I love how you put that.
That was really hard for me toovercome to growing, you know,
and a lot of people, I would sayin the South, a lot of us have
grown up in poverty.
So it's really hard to be ableto see somebody else's success
or things as evidence that it'spossible for you.
(53:56):
But what you just said, likesitting down with them, getting
it all goes back to gettingcurious.
Like, how did you do this?
Is a much healthier way to goabout it because, like, if they
did it, why can't you?
Right?
We're all people, yeah.
We all started the same way, weall got here the same way.
Like, yeah, I love all this.
(54:19):
Um so can you tell us?
You probably said it in thebeginning, but just to refresh,
what the name of your book is,where we can you said it's it's
out now, right?
SPEAKER_03 (54:28):
Well, so it's coming out May 13th.
Okay.
But if you pre-order it now, andyou you can find it on Amazon.
It's called Confused Girl, findyour peace in the chaos.
If you pre-order it now in anyformat, then you'll enter to win
a two-night stay in an oceanfront room in Maui and a hundred
(54:49):
dollar gift card to my store.
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (54:52):
I've got to go buy this, pre-order this book real
quick.
SPEAKER_03 (54:55):
And you can you can go to my you can go to my
website, confusedgirlinthecity.com, and click
giveaway, and you'll get all theinformation on how to enter to
win.
And um yeah, and then also youcan go to my Instagram and
follow me on Instagram atconfusedgirl.
SPEAKER_00 (55:13):
I went to your Instagram.
I usually typically save likethe looking at Instagrams for
the day before or like themorning of the interview because
of this one thing.
When I got on your Instagram, Iwas like, fuck.
I have 400,000 followers.
It went back to that game ofcomparison, right?
I was like, fuck.
I'm getting my head about it.
(55:34):
I'm getting my head about it.
And so it's so funny that I didthat this morning, and now this
is what we're talking aboutbecause I tried not to do that.
But I guess that's a goodexample of one way that I've you
know tried to get out of thatcomparison role so that I can
show up authentically, like verycurious.
I don't allow myself to go stalkthe people that I'm interviewing
(55:58):
because then I'll be like, oh mygod, they're gonna.
Am I even worthy?
Am I worthy to be picking herbrain?
Like she's got all thesefollowers, and here I am sitting
at 2K.
And so it's it's just funny howit all came back full circle.
Like, damn girl, damn girl.
I just got a mass master class.
SPEAKER_03 (56:18):
No, I know, really, right?
It's like that's like abeautiful thing, how that, and
then it just kind of goes toshow you.
It's like, well, I don't have apodcast, you're doing a podcast
thing.
I don't have one, you know?
And I appreciate being on yoursand having this conversation
with you.
And so it's just yeah, you can'tjudge a book by its cover.
(56:41):
You can't, except except foryour book.
Except for it's gorgeous.
My book so works, it isbeautiful.
SPEAKER_00 (56:49):
Like the art, the art and everything is absolutely
like the the color.
I can't wait to read it.
SPEAKER_03 (56:58):
Oh my gosh, you know, and um I this is this was
seven years in the making, sevenyears for this.
SPEAKER_00 (57:04):
Seven years, seven years.
I love hearing that because I'mworking on a book right now, and
and I feel like it's never gonnaget finished.
SPEAKER_03 (57:13):
Well, you know, it's just it's it's it's a process,
and it well, it took me twoyears to write, and then it was
I was rejected by publishers fortwo years, and then two months
before my father passed away,two publishing companies had a
bidding war on it.
So that's what I'm saying.
Trust the timing of your life,divine timing exists, you know,
(57:34):
and it's like, you know, and Icould have been comparing myself
to all these other peoplegetting their books published,
but I just I was like, uh-uh,I'm not even looking.
I'm not even, I'm just gonnatrust, I'm gonna believe when
it's my time.
And then it was right before myfather passed, which was he got
to know my book was gonna bepublished.
He was very proud of me.
So, and that was that meant theworld to me.
So it's just trust the timing ofyour life.
SPEAKER_00 (57:59):
Giovanna.
Might just change this littlethis little southern girl's life
all in less than an hour.
I feel less confused.
SPEAKER_02 (58:07):
I'm happy about that.
I'm so happy about that.
SPEAKER_00 (58:11):
Um, but oh my gosh, thank you.
Thank you so much for being onthe show.
I feel I feel lighter.
I know that everybody else isgonna feel a little bit lighter
too.
Because it's there is there'slike a lot of shame, especially
the older you get, like you'resupposed to have it figured out,
you know.
Before we before we go, now thateverybody knows they can find
you on Instagram where topre-order your book and all
(58:32):
those things.
I used to think when I wasyounger the 30-year-olds had it
together.
I was like, when you're 30,you're like married, settle
down, you get it all figuredout.
And I'm like, I'm just I'm justnow trying to get this shit
together.
So it's so funny.
But trust, so you're saying justtrust trust the journey, trust
the timing of your life.
SPEAKER_03 (58:52):
Yeah.
You're you're you're it's nevertoo late to begin again, it's
never too late to shift andchange and grow, and we're doing
that our entire lives.
So, and in your 20s, it's justabout experimenting and figuring
yourself out.
And you know, I I I wouldn'thonestly make any huge, huge
decisions in your 20s, as far aslike you got a lot of time for
(59:15):
that.
SPEAKER_00 (59:16):
So just a lot, but a lot of us are sitting there
thinking these are the years Ihave to, I have to make
decisions.
SPEAKER_03 (59:23):
And I talk about that in my book too.
I I that's something I do writeabout.
Yep, how the 20s you like youhave to have everything figured
out, and you really don't haveto have anything figured out.
You you I think it just it'sgood to know a level of what you
like, what you don't like.
You tried things, you putyourself out there.
Um, I think that's reallyimportant.
SPEAKER_00 (59:44):
But thank you for normalizing that because there's
a lot of shame around it.
Like you should have it allfigured out.
No, all right.
Well, this has been freakingamazing.
I needed this more than I evenknew.
I was kind of in a funk earlier.
I was like, ah.
But it's it's just goes to trustthat timing because I needed I
(01:00:04):
needed this conversation today.
And I we couldn't have plannedit as far as like what I was
going through, right?
It just gotta trust.
Trust that people will come intoyour life when they're supposed
to, and you'll learn the lessonsas you go.
But one thing is I think to notjust sit back and wait for
things to change.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (01:00:25):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Make the change and start withyourself.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00:28):
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Well, go follow her.
Go pre-order her book.
Uh I you're gonna announce whowins this trip, right?
SPEAKER_03 (01:00:37):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00:38):
Okay.
I'm gonna be like waiting,hoping it's me.
But if it's not, but if it'snot, I'm blessed in whoever
wins.
Because that's gonna be awesome.
SPEAKER_02 (01:00:48):
I like that.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00:49):
You told me something.
See, it already stuck.
It already stuck.
All right.
Well, thank you again for beingon Just Women Talking Shit.
Thank you for sharing yourheart, your wisdom, all your
life experience.
Uh, it really means a lot to me.
Like, you have no idea how muchit means to me.
And I know it's gonna mean somuch to my audience, especially
for that person who's feeling sostuck and confused and needed to
(01:01:11):
hear this today.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Bye.
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