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November 24, 2025 15 mins

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In today’s episode, Jacquelynn dives into the messy middle where gratitude and honesty coexist. As women, we’re often taught to be endlessly grateful — even when we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or hurting. But real emotional wellness requires both truth and thankfulness.

In this episode, we talk about:

  • The myth that gratitude “fixes” everything
  • Why women are conditioned to downplay our feelings
  • How toxic positivity shows up in everyday life
  • The difference between real gratitude and emotional denial
  • How to practice gratitude without ignoring your reality
  • Why holding dual emotions leads to better mental health
  • Tools for emotional regulation & self-awareness
  • How gratitude and honesty support healing & personal growth

If you’ve ever said “I’m grateful… but something still feels off,” this episode gives you permission to feel both — without guilt, shame, or self-silencing.

Listen now for a grounded, compassionate conversation about emotional maturity, womanhood, and the freedom that comes from being fully honest with yourself.


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Disclaimer: This podcast is for entertainment and informational purposes only. The views, opinions, and discussions expressed by the hosts and guests are their own and do not constitute professional advice or services. Listeners should not rely on the content as a substitute for consultation with qualified professionals in areas such as medical, legal, financial, or mental health matters. Always seek the advice of an appropriate licensed professional for any questions or concerns you may have.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:27):
Welcome back to Just Women Talking Shit, where we
have real conversations aboutlife, mental health, and
womanhood.
I'm your host, Jaclyn Cotton,and today we're diving into
something that I think everywoman wrestles with at some
point.
Gratitude isn't denial.

(00:49):
This episode is for you.
If you've ever been told to justbe grateful, look on the bright
side.
At least it's not worse.
Or my personal favorite, otherpeople have it harder.
Because yes, gratitude ispowerful, but it's not a

(01:10):
spiritual bypass.
It is not an emotionaloff-switch, and it's definitely
not a tool for gaslightingyourself out of your own
reality.
So let's talk about how you canbe deeply grateful and deeply
honest at the same time.
All right, let's get into it.

(01:35):
Let's start with the myth thatgratitude cures everything.
Okay, so I feel like this isstating the obvious, but
gratitude is great.
It's great for grounding.
Um, it rewires your brain, ithelps you feel connected instead

(01:56):
of chaotic, right?
But somewhere along the line,gratitude became this emotional
duct tape.
Something women especially gethanded anytime we express
frustration, exhaustion, or uhdisappointment.
So you might say, I'moverwhelmed.

(02:17):
I get overwhelmed easily, if I'mbeing honest.
Uh, but people around you mightsay, but you should be grateful
for your job.
So we're talking about work,right?
You might say, when it comes torelationship that you're in,
this relationship is drainingme.
But the people around you mightgo, but at least you're not

(02:38):
single.
You might say and express, I amfeeling burnt out.
But the people around you, youknow, find that silver lining
and they're like, Yeah, you haveso much going on.
You're so lucky.
Like, no, hang on.
I can be grateful, you can begrateful for the life that

(03:01):
you've built and still feel likeyou're drowning in it sometimes
because that that happens, it'svery common.
I mean, we all deal with it.
Gratitude does not cancel out,however, your humanity.
Okay.
And I think as women, societyconditions us to be thankful for

(03:24):
literally anything we're givento the point where we start
believing we should never evenask for more.
You should never questionanything, never admit when uh
you're struggling, right?

But here's the truth (03:37):
you can indeed be grateful and tired,
you can be grateful andfrustrated, you can be grateful
and still desire somethingdifferent or better.
Gratitude is not denial, it isclarity, it helps you see what's

(03:59):
good so you have the strength todeal with what's hard.
So, why?
Why are women taught to downplaytheir feelings?
Let's go deeper into that.
Why is this topic hitting sohard for women?
Why does it hit so hard for me?

(04:20):
I think it's because from a veryyoung age, we are taught that
emotional discomfort isimpolite.
We're supposed to be nice, we'resupposed to be grateful, we're
supposed to be agreeable, beeasy.
So when we express any realemotion, like something messy or
unfiltered, there's often thisimmediate impulse to sugarcoat

(04:45):
it.
I mean, I'm I'm stressed, butI'm grateful.
I'm not complaining, but Ishouldn't feel this way because
I know I'm lucky.
No.
Like we don't have to minimizeour feelings.
Let's rewrite this instead.
Your gratitude does not makeyour pain invalid.

(05:08):
Well, that makes sense.
Quit making sense, Jaclyn.
Your pain does not make yourgratitude disappear.
Quit making sense, Jaclyn.
You're allowed to hold both.
Like two things can be true atthe same time.
You're allowed to be a whole asshuman being.
Okay, with all the emotions.

(05:31):
Gratitude versus toxicpositivity.
Let's talk a little bit aboutthat.
There is a difference betweenreal gratitude and toxic
positivity.
Real gratitude sounds like I'mgrateful for my home, but
maintaining it alone is hard.
I love my kids and motherhood isoverwhelming today.

(05:55):
I appreciate my partner, but weneed to communicate better.
I'm thankful for my job, butit's burning me out.
And then toxic positivity soundslike be grateful, it could be
worse.
Um, you're lucky, you don't needto complain.
Another one is like, just staypositive.
Well, sometimes the world isburning around me, Karen.

(06:18):
Okay, stop being negative.
I'm guilty of that one for sure.
I say that to my kids.
One allows space for fullemotional experience, and then
the other completely shuts itdown.
And real gratitude expands youremotional life.

(06:38):
Toxic positivity shrinks it.
Real gratitude makes room forgrowth while toxic positivity
demands silence.
Stop and think about that for asecond.
Somebody comes to mind.
Why don't you take a moment tosend this their way?
This comes from love.

(06:59):
This comes from, hey, I wasthinking about you.
I think this could, you know,help you personally evolve.
That's like my big thing ispersonal evolution.
I want everybody around me tohave the tools to personally
evolve because getting to knowyourself is the spiritual
experience of being a human.
It's the human experience.

(07:19):
So if anybody comes to mind umthat could benefit from this, or
you just want to say, hey, Ilove you and I'm thinking of
you, send this their way.
Okay, let's get back to it.
If you've ever felt guilty forhaving needs, um, for having

(07:46):
desires, for you know, limits,emotions, or frustrations,
that's not gratitude.
That's conditioning.
Why gratitude plus honesty ishonestly the healthiest
combination.
Living in the middle where youcan feel thankful and honest is
one of the most emotionallymature places you can be.

(08:09):
And here's why.
One, it helps regulate yournervous system.
Being honest about your feelingssignals safety to your body, and
gratitude adds calm andgrounding on top of that.
So both of them together equalsemotional integration.
Two, it keeps you out ofburnout.

(08:30):
If you pretend everything isfine, your body will eventually
scream louder.
Honesty prevents emotionaloverload.
Gratitude prevents emotionalcollapse.
Three, it strengthens yourrelationships.
People connect with your truth,not your performance.

(08:50):
Gratitude keeps youappreciative.
Honesty keeps you authentic.
Number four, it supports mentalclarity.
Gratitude helps you see what youwant to protect or keep.
Honesty helps you see what needsto change.
So when you combine the two, youget direction instead of all

(09:13):
that just constant chaos.
All right, let's talk about thepractice of you know how to
actually hold gratitude andtruth together because it is
kind of an art, and you need tobe a little practical.

(09:35):
Here's some ways that you canpractice gratitude without
denying reality.
Practice number one, replace butwith and.
So instead of I'm grateful formy job, but I'm exhausted, try
this instead.
I'm grateful for my job and I'mexhausted.
Remember, two things can be trueat the same time.

(09:59):
That tiny shift communicatesboth things are true.
Both things matter.
Practice number two that I havefor you would be to expand your
gratitude.
Don't weaponize it.
And what I mean by that is thatgratitude should empower you, it
should not shame you intosilence ever.

So ask yourself (10:17):
does my gratitude help me feel more
whole?
Or does it make me feel like Ishouldn't speak up?
And sit with that.
Practice number three, letgratitude be present, not
performative.
Gratitude isn't a checklist.
Okay, it's an awareness, it's anoticing.

(10:38):
So I'm noticing what's good andI'm noticing what's hard, and
I'm allowed to notice bothwithout guilt.
And that's the trick there iswithout guilt, without judgment.

Practice number four (10:51):
give language to your duality.
So try statements like, I'mthankful for what I have and
still want more for myself.
Two things can be true at thesame time.
I can appreciate this whilebeing honest about what's not
working.

(11:12):
Another example would be I'mallowed to outgrow things I once
prayed for.
That one.
I know that one hit kind of hardfor me, too.
Right there is emotionaladulthood.
It's emotional awareness, it'semotional intelligence.

(11:36):
So there there was a time in mylife, and I'm still pretty
guilty of this, actually.
So I'm not gonna act like thisis, you know, oh, one of my
pastimes, but there was a timein my life where I kept telling
myself, like, I should begrateful, you know, and this
this really landed this pastyear, year and a half.
I should be grateful.
Other people have it worse.
I have no right to complain.
Every time I feel, you know,overwhelmed or disappointed,

(12:00):
that's how I would feel, andthat's what I would tell myself.
And you know what?
It honestly didn't make me moregrateful, it made me resentful,
resentful.
And then I would make poorchoices to try to feel, feel uh
ways that I should feel, if thatmakes sense.
And this was around when Ifigured out um through some

(12:21):
therapy and talking to someprofessionals that you know,
Jacqueline, you're pretty,you've got bipolar tendencies,
and so started taking it alittle bit more seriously and
reminding myself that two thingscan be true at once, right?
So that's that's how I wasfeeling.
It's like I it wasn't making mefeel more grateful.

(12:42):
I was starting to resent thethings and people around me, to
be honest.
I was starting to resent mybusiness, resent my partner,
resent my kids if I'm being amillion percent honest.
Um, and it made me moredisconnected from myself.
And when you're disconnectedfrom yourself, you are way
disconnected from everybody elsearound you.
It made me feel afraid to admitwhen something wasn't working.

(13:05):
Um, and it really wasn't until Istarted, you know, saying things
like I'm grateful and I'mstruggling, um, that my body
started to feel like it it couldexcel, you know, because I was
actually being honest withmyself.
Like I had permission to behuman instead of this
motivational poster, which is,you know, what I ultimately want

(13:29):
to be for everybody, is evenwhen things get rough, like you
just you can figure out a wayand you can be motivational as
fuck, because motivation isgarbage, as Mel Robbins would
say.
Um, and it just I couldn't beboth at the same time as what it
felt like.
So disconnecting from myselfjust made the entire situation

(13:50):
worse.
Um, but once I started, youknow, letting two things be true
at once, I could finally likelet my tummy out a little bit
and get a good strong XL.
So life is gonna throw you somecurves, but you have complete
permission to just be human umand not try to be this

(14:13):
motivational poster child allthe time or super mom, right?
Um, and so that's what I alsowant this episode to offer you
is that that exhale and thatpermission to let two things be
true at the same time.
So let's reframe gratitude as atool and not a muzzle, because

(14:36):
gratitude is a tool, it's afreaking powerful one, right?
But a tool can be used to buildsomething, or it can be used to
suppress something.
You are allowed to be gratefuland still seek some support.
You're allowed to be gratefuland still want growth, um,
change.
You're allowed to be gratefuland still want healing, right?

(14:58):
You're allowed to be gratefuland still feel disappointed or
sad.
Gratitude is supposed to lightenyou, not silence you.
So let's end with someaffirmations, ones that honor
both your truth and yourthankfulness.
You can feel free to repeat themout loud or just say them
quietly in your mind.

(15:21):
I can be grateful and still havefeelings that need attention.
Both my gratitude and my paindeserve space.
I'm allowed to want more formyself.
I don't have to pretendeverything is perfect to honor

(15:44):
what is good.
Gratitude adds to my truth, itdoesn't replace it.
And the last one, I trust myselfto feel deeply and honestly.
All right.
Thank you, thank you, thank you,thank you so much for tuning in

(16:05):
to this episode of Just WomenTalking Shit, where we have real
conversations about life, mentalhealth, and womanhood.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, please send it to a
friend who needs the reminderthat gratitude isn't denial.
It's just one piece of theemotional puzzle.
Make sure you're following theshow on Apple Podcasts and

(16:26):
Spotify for more conversationsabout mental health, womanhood,
relationships, healing, andeverything messy in between.
I love you.
I see you, and I'll talk to youin the next one.
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