November 14, 2025 • 38 mins
The holidays are supposed to be joyful, but for many women, they can bring stress, overwhelm, and emotional burnout. In this episode of Just Women Talking Shit: Real Conversations About Life, Mental Health, & Womanhood, we talk about protecting your peace during the holidays and navigating everything that comes with the season—in-laws who push boundaries, co-parenting drama, uncomfortable social situations, backhanded compliments, pressure to drink, and even navigating physical boundaries with children.
I share actionable steps to help you:
- Identify your holiday stress triggers
- Set and maintain boundaries with family, friends, and yourself
- Prioritize self-care to preserve your mental health
- Manage expectations and release the pressure to be perfect
- Create intentional rituals to stay grounded and joyful
Whether you’re hosting, traveling, or trying to survive family gatherings, this episode is full of practical strategies for stress-free holidays, mindful living, and emotional well-being.
Listen now wherever you get your podcasts and start protecting your peace this season.
Episode Highlights:
- Recognizing common sources of holiday stress
- How to set boundaries without guilt
- Practical self-care tips for women during the holidays
- Managing expectations and redefining what success looks like
- Creating rituals that support mental health and emotional well-being
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Disclaimer: This podcast is for entertainment and informational purposes only. The views, opinions, and discussions expressed by the hosts and guests are their own and do not constitute professional advice or services. Listeners should not rely on the content as a substitute for consultation with qualified professionals in areas such as medical, legal, financial, or mental health matters. Always seek the advice of an appropriate licensed professional for any questions or concerns you may have.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, beautiful humans.
Welcome back to Just WomenTalking Shit.
I am Jacqueline Cotton, andtoday we are talking about
protecting your peace during theholidays.
We all know that the holidayscan bring joy, and that's what
they're supposed to do, but theyalso bring stress from in-laws
(00:21):
who push boundaries,co-parenting drama, or feeling
pressure to drink at a familygathering to backhanded
compliments or navigatinguncomfortable social gatherings.
We're gonna unpack the realstrategies to stay sane and stay
you.
So if you're ready to protectyour mental health, set
boundaries, and enjoy thisholiday season without burnout,
(00:45):
this episode is for you.
SPEAKER_01 (00:49):
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen,
you're listening to just womentalking shit with your host,
Jacqueline Cotton.
Jacqueline Cotton.
SPEAKER_00 (01:27):
My favorite is the backhanded compliments that come
with in-laws.
Anybody relate?
Co-parenting drama.
I remember when my daughter'sdad was still alive, God rest
his soul.
Um, we always had co-parentingdrama.
It felt like this unspokencompetition almost.
(01:47):
Like, you know, I'm gonna, I'mgonna treat her better, I'm
gonna make her love me more.
It was really stupid andchildish, to be honest.
Like we would always findsomething, but then pretend like
nothing was going on.
Very childish.
And again, God rest his soul.
I wish I would have been thebigger person in so many
situations, but to be frank, Iwas a total bitch.
(02:08):
So we're talking about likescheduling conflicts, gift
exchanges, or last-minutechanges that totally throw you
off.
That was one that reallytriggered me a lot was last
minute changes, right?
He didn't respect my time.
I felt like, and sometimes Ididn't respect his.
(04:40):
So, like someone wanting to hugyour kids, and your kids are not
comfortable with that.
We're gonna discuss that aswell.
Pressure to drink alcohol, evenwhen you don't want to.
This is a big one, especiallyaround here.
I feel like it has become such anorm and such a customary like
(05:02):
way to socialize that it makesyou feel uncomfortable if you're
not drinking.
People like ask a lot ofquestions and make you feel like
an outcast.
So let's talk about it.
What you can do, like before anyof this even happens, is you can
recognize what the triggers areand then grab a notebook, right?
(05:25):
Write down all the things thatstress you out during the
holidays.
Seeing it on paper, I swear,helps you separate what you can
control from what you can't.
And if you are anxious at alllike me, then you probably
already know that a big thingabout anxiety is just feeling
(05:46):
like you are out of control,meaning that you don't have
control, meaning that somebodyelse controls the scenarios, and
that makes you feeluncomfortable because being
anxious is like just worryingabout the future without even
being able to know what you'rereally worrying about.
So instead you worry abouteverything, all the
possibilities of what couldhappen, right?
(06:09):
So let's start with settingboundaries early.
Boundaries, seriously, in theholiday seasons, are going to be
your best friend.
Like you don't have to say yesto everything, and you can do it
without feeling guilty, too.
So, like telling your in-lawsahead of time, this is where it
(06:30):
really comes in.
Ahead of time, setting themearly, but telling your in-laws,
like, you know, we're keepingthe schedule pretty light this
year, we won't be able to attendevery event because I think it
is super, super, super freakingexpected that somehow you appear
everywhere that day.
There's a lot of pressure, andfrom my experience, like
(06:51):
families will sit and talk aboutoh, so-and-so is late, so and so
this, so and so went to herhusband's instead of coming to
see our family.
Well, you can't be everywhere,and I think that it's pretty
freaking silly and selfish toexpect somebody to spend their
whole day running all over theplace to check off the list and
(07:12):
make everybody happy.
So just tell them, tell themahead of time.
We're keeping the schedule lightthis year, so we probably won't
be able to join in on everyevent.
I think that you should go aheadand explain to your friends.
Like, I don't want to drink atparties, but I'd love to come
over for dinner.
Like, I don't want to feel thepressure of drinking.
(07:35):
So as long as there's as there'sno pressure and you know, people
aren't gonna look at me weirdand like I have a third fucking
eye, I'd love to come.
But if it's like a it's a houseor it's a party where you know
that that's kind of whateverybody does, is they drink
and they gossip and and it couldturn into drama, it could turn
into shit.
Let them know.
Let them know ahead of time.
Like I I'm trying not to drink,or I don't want to drink at this
(07:57):
year's party.
So I'll come for dinner.
Communicating whenever it comesto being a co-parent is super
important.
Um, and you'll hear me referenceto my co-parenting relationship
before he passed away.
We were just not good atcommunicating.
We still said words to kind ofget back at the other person.
(08:21):
It was a very weird controlthing.
Um, but communicating to theco-parent, like, here's what
works for our kids this year,and let's stick to the schedule.
Because that is something thatI've come across in in you know
my my past experience, but thenum friends who co-parent, like
(08:43):
they have agreements, it's indivorce papers, it's in the
agreement.
Um, who is with who on you know,even years, and then uh it
switches for odd years, stufflike that.
But then it comes time for theholidays, and one of one of the
parties is like they try to kindof change the papers and make it
(09:05):
swing in their favor, like thebecause maybe the other person
doesn't remember, or so I thinkit's super, super important
whenever it comes toco-parenting uh to really just
communicate and communicateahead of time and stick to what
you say instead of letting theother party make you feel bad or
like they deserve more time, orno, no pity party, like this is
(09:28):
what we're gonna do this year.
Let's let's stick to theschedule.
Um, I respect your time and yourespect mine.
Now, for back hittingcompliments, it's best to
practice a neutral response, inmy opinion.
And that's like, thanks, Iappreciate it.
(09:49):
But I'm gonna go a step furtherand say, So are you saying, and
I this is just me, I'm nottrying to start shit, but I've
got a way of being able tocommunicate with people like
thanks, I appreciate that.
So did you not expect for it tolook good on me?
Or maybe you can figure anotherway to figure out another way to
(10:09):
say that, but I kind of like toturn it on them, like, thanks, I
appreciate that.
So, did you think it wasn'tgonna look good?
Or are you do did you think thiswasn't my style?
Or I I kind of like to to havethem respond why why they
complimented me in that way.
Because maybe they're not aware.
(10:30):
I think they're aware.
The people that come to mind, Iknow they're fucking aware.
It's their way of getting undermy skin, right?
But maybe they don't know, andmaybe, maybe they can give you
some insight, and maybe you guyswill have a good conversation
out of it.
But if you want to keep it veryneutral, I would just say
thanks.
I appreciate it.
(10:51):
And then probably walk away.
Uh, not trying to be petty, butlike I'd be like, okay, energy,
energy field, not letting youinto my into my aura.
Some actionable steps would beto decide your non-negotiables,
to prepare polite but firmresponses, and to use technology
(11:15):
to reduce your stress.
So, like when you schedulebreaks, um, or the like the
co-parenting thing, having thatschedule ahead of time and
making sure that both of you uhare fully aware of the schedule
or like adding the other personto the calendar, to the Google
calendar.
Um, another way would be to muteyour notifications.
(11:35):
You know, like I've got my phoneset up to where like 8 p.m.
it just goes, I'm like gone tothe world.
We are in do not disturb mode.
And if you if you text me mostdays, I'm it's probably still on
do not disturb.
But that's again because likewhen we mute notifications,
we're less distracted.
Uh, we can focus on what's infront of us, spend more time
(11:57):
with our kids, spend more timewith our partner, like really be
present.
So maybe utilizing some, youknow, muting of notifications
this year would also help youreduce stress and and really
just protect your peace duringthe holidays.
Um, but another thing that Ireally strongly recommend is
just being able to step awaywhen you need it.
(12:18):
So when you feel yourselfgetting frustrated, if you feel
yourself getting triggered, ifyou feel yourself getting mad,
or like you might cry, or just Idon't know what's going on at
these holiday gatherings for youguys, but like I've been in some
situations where I just feel sadand I'm like, I really don't
want to be here, where I feeltriggered and I want to say
(12:39):
something, or there have beeninstances where we're all
drinking and stuff is said andwe can't take it back, and I'm
crying in the backseat of afucking Honda because somebody
said something that just I can'thandle, or I'm not ready to
hear, or I don't understandtheir logic, and I just want to
be accepted, and so I'm I'm leftcrying my eyes out, and alcohol
(13:01):
does definitely does not helpthat, right?
Um, so just being able to stepaway when needed and saying, you
know what?
Jacqueline said, protect mypeace.
That's what I'm doing theseholiday season, and I'm just
gonna step away because usuallywhen you step away, it gives
yourself the opportunity toreally think things through.
Don't say something you're gonnaregret.
(13:21):
Um, and obviously, I feel like Ishouldn't have to say this, but
I we don't condone violence.
Let's not like be ratchet andshit and like throwing fists
this holiday season, um, whichis all the more reason to just
take a deep breath and step thefuck away.
Because I think it's reallyimportant to remember that
protecting your peace is notselfish, it is absolutely
(13:42):
essential.
And I think it's important wedon't make fools out of
ourselves.
Like we could set boundaries andbe respectful, but it doesn't
have to get to that point.
You cannot, and I repeat, cannotpour from an empty cup.
Okay.
So self-care, which I know someof us are familiar with, some of
(14:04):
us keep putting it off, butself-care during the holiday
season doesn't have to be fancy.
It just really has to beintentional, like it just needs
to happen.
So maybe like after a longdinner, you take 15 minutes to
just go outside and breathe.
Okay.
Go outside, get a few good,fresh breaths of air into your
(14:27):
lungs.
Maybe pop in some, you know,earbuds and listen to some good
music.
I don't know what you need todo.
I'd I wouldn't say just, youknow, like don't sit and scroll
on your phone or anything likethat, but going outside and
taking a deep breath and kind ofgrounding your nervous system
again, that's that in itself isan act of self-care.
(14:49):
So when I say it doesn't need tobe fancy, I'd like I truly
freaking mean that.
Uh, if if you're at a gatheringand it's draining, maybe your
reward to yourself is the nextday to schedule a solo coffee
date or to go, you know, buyyourself some flowers or to have
a date with yourself, going fora walk.
(15:11):
Um, that in itself is self-care.
So again, it doesn't take a lotand it gives you something to
look forward to if you're one ofthose people that have a really
hard time, you know, sharingyour energy.
I feel fucking drained after atwo-hour social event.
Like, okay, I want to lockmyself away now for 72 hours
(15:34):
where only my kids or husbandcan be near me.
If you're one of those people,it really does help you um
mentally, and it kind of givesyou something to look forward to
if you have something to lookforward to.
So if I'm going to my in-lawsand I know that it's super
freaking draining, I don't enjoybeing there.
Um, but I want to be there formy husband, I want to show up
(15:57):
for my kids, then okay.
That means that, you know, in aday or two, like I'm I'm taking
myself out to do somethingbecause I feel like that would
cheer me up and that would keepme looking forward to these
events.
So just another idea.
You could journal, you know, youcould journal your feelings
(16:17):
after an uncomfortableinteraction with someone when
they cross the boundary insteadof just going smooth the fuck
off on them, which I'm sometimesit has its place, not gonna lie.
Sometimes people just reallycross boundaries, and you have
to stand up for yourself and sayno, no, no, no, no, no.
You won't disrespect me thatway.
(16:39):
No, just fucking bottom line,no.
But you also really need to havethe emotional intelligence to be
able to know when to justjournal your feelings.
Okay, when they cross theboundary, journal your feelings.
I'm not saying internalize it,I'm saying getting it out in a
healthier way.
(17:00):
Another, you know, form ofself-care could just be saying
no to social media scrollingwhen you feel comparison
creeping in.
So I know that sometimes when Igo to events, sometimes when I
go out, I compare myself, likemy outfit, my nails.
Am I keeping up with myappearance good enough?
Are they talking about me?
(17:21):
Or, you know, people are talkingabout, especially during the
holiday seasons, all these greatthings they're doing, all these
great things they're buying, orall these great gifts they've
received, or all these greattrips they're going on.
And it can be really, reallyeasy to start comparing your
life to someone else's, like me,for instance.
You know, my husband and I havefive kids between the two of us.
(17:41):
He is the breadwinner, he makessome more money out of the two
of us, and it's I can realquickly um chalk myself up to be
worthless and like I, you know,I be ashamed of the fact that my
career is just getting startedand I'm not contributing enough,
and we're not getting to go onall these trips, and it's real
easy to do it.
(18:02):
How do I know?
Because I've done it.
So just saying no to scrollingsocial media whenever you feel
that comparison creeping in andtrying to anchor yourself into
being present is in itself aform of self-care.
Okay.
So I mean during the event, butalso after the event.
You know, don't go hopping onFacebook or Instagram to go look
(18:24):
at everybody's profiles that youwere just at the party with.
Come on, we can find better waysto utilize our time and to
improve our mental health.
So, some actionable stepswhenever it comes to this would
be blocking um out down time inyour calendar.
For instance, like I told you,my phone goes into do not
disturb at it's it's 8 p.m.
(18:46):
Um, having quiet time, uh,making sure that, like, for
instance, whenever I know thatI'm busy for the day, I'll block
off the whole day in my calendarand say it's a me day, uh, and
just really give myself theopportunity to to re hit reset
for myself.
Speaking of resetting, anotheractionable step would be to move
(19:08):
your body to reset your energy.
So I know that oftentimes one ofthe first things we want to do
after we're feeling drained isto just go home and crawl in
bed.
But that isn't always the mosthelpful thing.
So being able to move your bodyand get out, if like especially
if you went to somebody's housewhere you're uncomfortable, you
(19:31):
know they gossip about you andlike it's just you don't fit in.
I know that maybe your firstinstinct is to go home and feel
sorry for yourself, but if youwere to move your body and like
get the aggression out, maybethrough punching a punching bag
or screaming into a pillow ordancing like a fucking mad
woman, you might feel completelydifferent about this situation.
(19:55):
So that's something you can do.
Move your body to reset yourenergy instead of letting them
continue to scython off of it,even when they're not here.
You can use meditation, deepbreathing techniques, or even
journaling to decompress.
So putting all that out there sothat you have a few techniques
to use, um, so that your mentalhealth is top priority, you
(20:20):
know, front of mind, becauseyour mental health should always
come first, especially and evenduring the holidays.
Next up, let's talk aboutmanaging expectations because I
feel like a lot of holidaystress comes from expectations,
it's a combination of hours, butit's a it's also everybody
(20:41):
else's, you know.
Like a little example would begifts.
Like you don't have to spendbeyond your means.
This drives me crazy.
I'm gonna give you a situation,and if they hear it, they
fucking hear it.
But we have family members whothey expect us, again, we have
(21:01):
five kids.
We don't, I mean, we we we makeends meet, but we do not, we're
not, you know, we don't have allthese savings, and five kids
cost a lot.
Let's just say that.
Um, but we have five kidsranging from age four to
sixteen, and we have family thatexpects us to give all the kids,
(21:25):
and when I say kids, I meanthese people are 23 and above.
They're twenty okay, they havejobs, they have they probably
are able to save more than we dobecause uh well, we have a bunch
of kids, and I'm not like this,goes back to the comparison
thing, but it's just so sillybecause every year I ask my
(21:46):
husband, are do are we are wegiving money to everybody's kids
this year?
And it's kind of like it's sillyto me because the I think the
mindset behind us giving theirgrown children who have careers
and limited expenses, we shouldgive them money.
(22:07):
And the logic behind it is thatif they get our kids a gift,
then we should get their kids agift.
But it's just like it's justthat expectation, right?
So I just want to put that outthere.
You don't have to spend beyondyour means.
I know that there's thispressure of, well, I've got to
get them a gift.
Um, and then it may even boildown to like how much how much
(22:31):
you're supposed to spend is anexpectation.
And if you don't spend enough,it means you don't care about
that person enough.
Which I don't know, I don't feelthat way.
I don't even want people to getme gifts.
I think it's like you, if youwere to just like write me a
song and make me feel specialfor a few minutes, that that
feels so much more personal tome than buying me like a little
(22:55):
a little pedicure set orsomething.
Like, I don't need it's probablygonna get you know thrown on a
shelf and not used for quitesome time to like expectations.
Uh, some other realisticexamples be feeling like you
have to attend every singleparty, even if it's draining
you, even if schedules conflictand you are trying to make
everybody happy.
(23:16):
There's this expectation that ifI don't go, they're they're
gonna think I don't care orthey're gonna talk about me, and
like nobody wants to be talkedabout.
So it's it really is a thing.
It's a thing that happens, andand we don't have to do that.
We just don't have to do that.
We're all adults here, and Ithink we should be able to spend
our holidays the way we fuckingwant to.
(23:37):
Um, another expectation ishosting the perfect holiday meal
when a simple gathering reallywould suffice.
I see it every year.
We have entirely too muchfucking food.
There is always somebodystressed out that they're not
doing enough, they're not makingenough, we don't have enough
sides.
Um, this doesn't like it's gottabe this lavish big feast.
(24:00):
And the reality is that we'regonna throw so much food away.
And really, what matters at theend of the day is spending time
with each other.
You know, that's one thing thatbothers me.
And we're just gonna get off ona quick little tangent right now
because this fucking bothers me.
It bothers me that there's thisexpectation to go to people's
houses and pretend like we allcare about each other this one
(24:23):
or two days a year, but nobody'smaking an attempt all the other
days of a year of the year tospend time with each other.
So, can we make it less aboutthe gifts, less about the food,
and more about the fuckingfamily?
I'm speaking from my ownpersonal experience.
Like some of y'all I don't seebut these two days a year.
(24:47):
And I think it's really silly topretend like if we don't get to
make it to your event, to yourhouse, and and and we spend it,
you know, maybe at my family'shouse this year and instead of
somebody else's family's, whatabout all the other days of the
year that you could hang outwith us?
(25:08):
So there is a silly expectationto be able to be everywhere at
once when the reality is, is arethey spending time with you
outside the holidays?
And if not, okay.
That tells enough in itself tome to be able to remove the
pressure of trying to go toevery party, trying to host this
(25:31):
perfect gathering, um, givegifts that you necessarily don't
have the money for, or just togive them because you're worried
that the um the other people aregonna be mad at you.
When the reality is that likethe economy fucking sucks,
everything's really expensive.
I saw a tiny, a tiny buildingblock set at the dollar store
(25:53):
the other day, and I was like,oh my god, I think I might pick
this up for the boys.
No, I'm not.
It's$30.
It is easily a$10 set, and it'sgoing for$30.
That is insane to me.
So the expectations are kind ofbullshit, and I just want to,
I'm just I'm just here to sayI'm on your side and I'm
advocating for you, okay?
(26:14):
Um, and then the expectations ofyou know, kids, like whenever
we're eating, and or just letthe kids be kids, okay?
Just let them be kids.
Even if they spill something,even if they cry or they don't
behave perfectly, let them befucking kids.
Um, there's this expectation tohave the perfect family photo.
(26:34):
I think it's so funny when it'snot perfect.
So we're just gonna leave thisone where it is.
But they're we're gonna manageour expectations with this.
Like, let them be kids.
It doesn't matter if if they'redressed perfectly, like we don't
all have to have matchingsweaters, right?
Um, and they don't have tobehave perfectly.
(26:55):
So maybe just start with there.
That's how we're gonna managesome expectations, okay?
Actionable steps that I have foryou would be to like redefine
what a successful holiday evenlooks like for you.
Communicate clearly with yourfamily and friends about what
matters to you.
I tell my husband, like, I don'tI don't need to be at
(27:17):
everybody's house this yearbecause what really matters is
getting to hang out with ourkids.
I don't care if both of ourfamilies are mad at us because
we don't go to holiday dinners.
Because I kind of just want tohang out with my kids and you.
Right?
So, what is what does asuccessful holiday even look
like for you?
What feels good for you withouteverybody's expectations?
(27:39):
Um and then just you know,accepting that imperfect
moments, they're part of theseason when we run around like
chickens with our heads cut offand we get so upset that the
tree doesn't look perfect or theturkey didn't come out perfect.
Like, how can we just stop andlaugh about this right now?
(28:01):
How can we stop and laugh andmake this a memory?
Because when you manage yourexpectations, you really do free
yourself from unnecessarystress, and that's what we're
talking about in this episode,right?
Is keeping your peace during theholidays and minimizing your
stress.
Now, finally, look, I'd like totalk about rituals that protect
(28:23):
your peace.
Okay.
I'm talking like these smallones, small intentional actions
that help you stay grounded, um,so that you don't spiral, so
that you don't go into adepressive state, so that you
don't curse somebody out byaccident.
Um, some examples of ritualswould be like morning gratitude
(28:45):
or journaling um or meditationto start the day to where you're
feeling good, you're feelingcentered.
Could be um starting the daywith a fun playlist, starting
the day with a dance party.
There are so many little thingsthat you could do to start your
day off on the right foot.
(29:05):
Um could be choosing just oneenjoyable activity per day that
isn't an obligation.
So maybe going for a walk, maybehaving a call with a friend,
maybe reading a book, uh, butjust something that that you
look forward to.
Because the holidays we'vealready established, they can be
stressful, lots of things areout of your control.
(29:26):
So this goes back to the thingsyou can control.
Um, and if you're pickingintentionally something that
makes you happy, something thatyou enjoy, then if you do a
little something that thatbrings you joy every day, those
those those days that you knowthings spiral.
(29:47):
Maybe it's Thanksgiving, maybeit's Christmas, maybe it's the
traveling back and forth fromhouse to house, and the kids
won't be quiet, and the carrides just suck balls, and it's
just like it's going to helpyour nerves.
Nervous system in the moments ofstress because you have been
giving yourself these moments ofpeace.
Um evening window time, youknow, like having an actual
(30:13):
routine, bath, tea, music,something just for you.
It goes back to like having thatthing that you look forward to.
Um, and then for physicalboundaries, it's really just
about explaining to relativeslike we love your hugs, but the
kids aren't comfortable rightnow.
You know, some of our kids haveuh sensory issues or they're
(30:38):
just not comfortable beingtouched, right?
Like hugs can be very intimate.
And and what are we teaching ourkids when we say, oh, hug
so-and-so, even though you don'twant to?
That's that's teaching them thattheir physical boundaries don't
matter and that people can touchtheir body even if they say no,
right?
So just explain, you know, tellthem from the perspective of a
(31:01):
child, like I, you know, we welove your hugs, but the kids
just they're they're notcomfortable with that right now.
And telling them it's not it'snot necessarily them, it's just
we're teaching them how to howto be comfortable in their own
body and how to also be able torespect their own boundaries.
(31:23):
Building rituals that bring joyand not stress are going to help
you in the moments of stress.
Sticking to your boundaries,even when others push back, is
going to make you trust yourselfmore.
It's going to, you know, createthis respect within your nervous
system that maybe others aren'tgiving you, so that you can
(31:45):
build confidence upon that, sothat you can show up in
situations and speak your truth,hold your ground.
Uh, and protecting like thosesmall moments, the small moments
where typically you would youwould just people please.
Those really add up whenever itcomes to your your peace meter,
(32:08):
if that makes sense.
So, as a recap, number one, itis important that you identify
your stressors.
Number two, it is important thatyou set your boundaries early.
Number three, you prioritizeself-care.
Number four, you manageexpectations.
(32:31):
Number five, you create peacefulrituals for yourself that are
not dependent upon others.
The holidays don't have to drainyou this year.
They can be joyous, they can bea time where you know you are
recharging, reconnecting, uh,not only with others, but with
yourself, because you now havethese five, these five things
(32:55):
that you can do for yourself toprioritize your own peace.
Whereas normally you would justget lost in the hustle and
bustle, the shopping, thecooking, the traveling, all the
things.
I'm not saying people won't getupset by your decisions, by your
decision to, you know, tell themlike this this bothers me, uh,
(33:18):
by setting the boundaries, byprioritizing yourself, by
managing some expectations,right?
By keeping the peace, someonewill be upset by that, I'm sure.
But that's another part of it,is being okay with standing up
for yourself and keeping,maintaining, and protecting your
own peace whenever othersclearly um don't know how to do
(33:44):
the same.
So you might get some pushback,but that's okay because at the
end of the day, I think thatit's really important to be able
to take care of yourself firstso that you can take care of
those that you love around you.
And that's all I have today.
I hope that this lands in yourlap at the perfect time.
I hope that you're not stressingafter you listen to this episode
(34:06):
about the gifts, about all the,you know, overly um eager
expectations that I think a lotof people have, especially when
you are married or you have apartner, like that's when things
start to get a little bit messy,because then you've got the
in-laws um and and you've gotjust more families to make happy
and and people get theirfeelings hurt if you don't spend
(34:29):
time with them and you spend itsomewhere else.
So it you might get pushback,and that's okay, is what I'm is
what I'm telling you, because umI think that it's really
important for you to protectyour peace and uh and to do it
unapologetically because youreally do, you deserve it.
So if you found this episodevaluable or somebody came to
(34:50):
mind and you're like, oh mygosh, she gets so stressed out
every year.
I think that this would helpher.
Make sure that you send thisepisode to somebody or that you
go ahead and hit follow so thatyou don't miss the next episode
coming out.
Um, make sure that yousubscribe, make sure that you go
and listen.
(35:11):
I mean, not listen, uh, leave areview on Apple Podcast.
Um, take a screenshot of thisand tag us in your stories.
Uh, you can tag JacquelineCotton, or you can tag just
women talking shit, or you cantag both, and we'll share it on
both our stories.
Um, but if you enjoyed it, ifyou found it valuable, let me
know, let the world know, letyour friends know.
(35:33):
Because it's just a little, alittle uh Southern woman with a
sailor mouth who gets talkedabout a lot, who talks shit in
her neighborhood.
Um it's just little old me, amom of a blended family of seven
with two pups.
I'm I'm the only person doingthis.
I I I record all the episodes onmy own, I edit them on my own, I
(35:58):
uh publish them, I manage it,um, I fund it myself so far.
So anything that you can do tohelp out, whether that's leave a
review, send it to a friend,subscribe, tag us, whatever you
can do.
Um, or on Spotify, you can leavestars.
If you want to give us all thestars, then every little bit
helps.
(36:19):
Um, and I'd just be so grateful.
Like that would be a good giftfor me this season, is if that
you know, you could hit followor do something.
All the things that I mentioned,I'm I'm my brain's starting to
go.
I think I need some more coffee.
Um, but all in all, I say allthat just to to let you know
that I appreciate you and thosewho do share this podcast, thank
(36:40):
you so much.
Um, but if you haven't thoughtabout doing that yet, it's just
kind of a little reminder thatyour one little action can do a
whole lot for this podcast, forthis little mom who has a big
dream to take this on the roadone day.
Um, and that this is the season.
This is a season of giving andjoy, and that I hope you have
the best one ever.
Um, but if you want to send alittle love my way, I'd
(37:02):
appreciate that.
We do now have the option to toum, what is it called, to
support the show.
And it starts at just$3 a month.
So if you want to throw a littlechange my way, our way, so that
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Right now, I just for the mostpart record on my phone, uh,
(37:26):
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meet people in person, hostevents, stuff like that.
Um, any any monetary gifts thatyou want to send our way.
We are so grateful.
I always say we, but there is nowe, it's just me.
I just I joke about how I'mgonna manifest this big Mel
Robbins team one day.
(37:46):
And so I continue to say we.
But one day it'll catch on.
One day people will know thename, just women talking shit,
and um, and know about thismission that I have to to really
help women um through realconversations on mental health,
through real conversations onyou know, womanhood, um, and
(38:07):
just all of the things that Ithink that women experience in
this journey of personalevolution.
One day they'll know.
They'll know.
And you heard it here first.
So, anywho, I love you all.
Don't forget to come back uh atthe end of this week.
I mean, the end, I mean thebeginning of next week.
So interviews are published onMondays or Tuesdays, and then
(38:30):
the solo episodes are posted onFridays.
Um, but don't forget to comeback next week for an amazing
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Oh, we got a new puppy, butwe'll save that for another day.
(38:50):
Bye.
Hello, beautiful humans.
Welcome back to Just WomenTalking Shit.
I am Jacqueline Cotton, andtoday we are talking about
protecting your peace during theholidays.
We all know that the holidayscan bring joy, and that's what
they're supposed to do, but theyalso bring stress from in-laws
(00:21):
who push boundaries,co-parenting drama, or feeling
pressure to drink at a familygathering to backhanded
compliments or navigatinguncomfortable social gatherings.
We're gonna unpack the realstrategies to stay sane and stay
you.
So if you're ready to protectyour mental health, set
boundaries, and enjoy thisholiday season without burnout,
(00:45):
this episode is for you.
SPEAKER_01 (00:49):
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen,
you're listening to just womentalking shit with your host,
Jacqueline Cotton.
Jacqueline Cotton.
SPEAKER_00 (01:27):
My favorite is the backhanded compliments that come
with in-laws.
Anybody relate?
Co-parenting drama.
I remember when my daughter'sdad was still alive, God rest
his soul.
Um, we always had co-parentingdrama.
It felt like this unspokencompetition almost.
(01:47):
Like, you know, I'm gonna, I'mgonna treat her better, I'm
gonna make her love me more.
It was really stupid andchildish, to be honest.
Like we would always findsomething, but then pretend like
nothing was going on.
Very childish.
And again, God rest his soul.
I wish I would have been thebigger person in so many
situations, but to be frank, Iwas a total bitch.
(02:08):
So we're talking about likescheduling conflicts, gift
exchanges, or last-minutechanges that totally throw you
off.
That was one that reallytriggered me a lot was last
minute changes, right?
He didn't respect my time.
I felt like, and sometimes Ididn't respect his.
(04:40):
So, like someone wanting to hugyour kids, and your kids are not
comfortable with that.
We're gonna discuss that aswell.
Pressure to drink alcohol, evenwhen you don't want to.
This is a big one, especiallyaround here.
I feel like it has become such anorm and such a customary like
(05:02):
way to socialize that it makesyou feel uncomfortable if you're
not drinking.
People like ask a lot ofquestions and make you feel like
an outcast.
So let's talk about it.
What you can do, like before anyof this even happens, is you can
recognize what the triggers areand then grab a notebook, right?
(05:25):
Write down all the things thatstress you out during the
holidays.
Seeing it on paper, I swear,helps you separate what you can
control from what you can't.
And if you are anxious at alllike me, then you probably
already know that a big thingabout anxiety is just feeling
(05:46):
like you are out of control,meaning that you don't have
control, meaning that somebodyelse controls the scenarios, and
that makes you feeluncomfortable because being
anxious is like just worryingabout the future without even
being able to know what you'rereally worrying about.
So instead you worry abouteverything, all the
possibilities of what couldhappen, right?
(06:09):
So let's start with settingboundaries early.
Boundaries, seriously, in theholiday seasons, are going to be
your best friend.
Like you don't have to say yesto everything, and you can do it
without feeling guilty, too.
So, like telling your in-lawsahead of time, this is where it
(06:30):
really comes in.
Ahead of time, setting themearly, but telling your in-laws,
like, you know, we're keepingthe schedule pretty light this
year, we won't be able to attendevery event because I think it
is super, super, super freakingexpected that somehow you appear
everywhere that day.
There's a lot of pressure, andfrom my experience, like
(06:51):
families will sit and talk aboutoh, so-and-so is late, so and so
this, so and so went to herhusband's instead of coming to
see our family.
Well, you can't be everywhere,and I think that it's pretty
freaking silly and selfish toexpect somebody to spend their
whole day running all over theplace to check off the list and
(07:12):
make everybody happy.
So just tell them, tell themahead of time.
We're keeping the schedule lightthis year, so we probably won't
be able to join in on everyevent.
I think that you should go aheadand explain to your friends.
Like, I don't want to drink atparties, but I'd love to come
over for dinner.
Like, I don't want to feel thepressure of drinking.
(07:35):
So as long as there's as there'sno pressure and you know, people
aren't gonna look at me weirdand like I have a third fucking
eye, I'd love to come.
But if it's like a it's a houseor it's a party where you know
that that's kind of whateverybody does, is they drink
and they gossip and and it couldturn into drama, it could turn
into shit.
Let them know.
Let them know ahead of time.
Like I I'm trying not to drink,or I don't want to drink at this
(07:57):
year's party.
So I'll come for dinner.
Communicating whenever it comesto being a co-parent is super
important.
Um, and you'll hear me referenceto my co-parenting relationship
before he passed away.
We were just not good atcommunicating.
We still said words to kind ofget back at the other person.
(08:21):
It was a very weird controlthing.
Um, but communicating to theco-parent, like, here's what
works for our kids this year,and let's stick to the schedule.
Because that is something thatI've come across in in you know
my my past experience, but thenum friends who co-parent, like
(08:43):
they have agreements, it's indivorce papers, it's in the
agreement.
Um, who is with who on you know,even years, and then uh it
switches for odd years, stufflike that.
But then it comes time for theholidays, and one of one of the
parties is like they try to kindof change the papers and make it
(09:05):
swing in their favor, like thebecause maybe the other person
doesn't remember, or so I thinkit's super, super important
whenever it comes toco-parenting uh to really just
communicate and communicateahead of time and stick to what
you say instead of letting theother party make you feel bad or
like they deserve more time, orno, no pity party, like this is
(09:28):
what we're gonna do this year.
Let's let's stick to theschedule.
Um, I respect your time and yourespect mine.
Now, for back hittingcompliments, it's best to
practice a neutral response, inmy opinion.
And that's like, thanks, Iappreciate it.
(09:49):
But I'm gonna go a step furtherand say, So are you saying, and
I this is just me, I'm nottrying to start shit, but I've
got a way of being able tocommunicate with people like
thanks, I appreciate that.
So did you not expect for it tolook good on me?
Or maybe you can figure anotherway to figure out another way to
(10:09):
say that, but I kind of like toturn it on them, like, thanks, I
appreciate that.
So, did you think it wasn'tgonna look good?
Or are you do did you think thiswasn't my style?
Or I I kind of like to to havethem respond why why they
complimented me in that way.
Because maybe they're not aware.
(10:30):
I think they're aware.
The people that come to mind, Iknow they're fucking aware.
It's their way of getting undermy skin, right?
But maybe they don't know, andmaybe, maybe they can give you
some insight, and maybe you guyswill have a good conversation
out of it.
But if you want to keep it veryneutral, I would just say
thanks.
I appreciate it.
(10:51):
And then probably walk away.
Uh, not trying to be petty, butlike I'd be like, okay, energy,
energy field, not letting youinto my into my aura.
Some actionable steps would beto decide your non-negotiables,
to prepare polite but firmresponses, and to use technology
(11:15):
to reduce your stress.
So, like when you schedulebreaks, um, or the like the
co-parenting thing, having thatschedule ahead of time and
making sure that both of you uhare fully aware of the schedule
or like adding the other personto the calendar, to the Google
calendar.
Um, another way would be to muteyour notifications.
(11:35):
You know, like I've got my phoneset up to where like 8 p.m.
it just goes, I'm like gone tothe world.
We are in do not disturb mode.
And if you if you text me mostdays, I'm it's probably still on
do not disturb.
But that's again because likewhen we mute notifications,
we're less distracted.
Uh, we can focus on what's infront of us, spend more time
(11:57):
with our kids, spend more timewith our partner, like really be
present.
So maybe utilizing some, youknow, muting of notifications
this year would also help youreduce stress and and really
just protect your peace duringthe holidays.
Um, but another thing that Ireally strongly recommend is
just being able to step awaywhen you need it.
(12:18):
So when you feel yourselfgetting frustrated, if you feel
yourself getting triggered, ifyou feel yourself getting mad,
or like you might cry, or just Idon't know what's going on at
these holiday gatherings for youguys, but like I've been in some
situations where I just feel sadand I'm like, I really don't
want to be here, where I feeltriggered and I want to say
(12:39):
something, or there have beeninstances where we're all
drinking and stuff is said andwe can't take it back, and I'm
crying in the backseat of afucking Honda because somebody
said something that just I can'thandle, or I'm not ready to
hear, or I don't understandtheir logic, and I just want to
be accepted, and so I'm I'm leftcrying my eyes out, and alcohol
(13:01):
does definitely does not helpthat, right?
Um, so just being able to stepaway when needed and saying, you
know what?
Jacqueline said, protect mypeace.
That's what I'm doing theseholiday season, and I'm just
gonna step away because usuallywhen you step away, it gives
yourself the opportunity toreally think things through.
Don't say something you're gonnaregret.
(13:21):
Um, and obviously, I feel like Ishouldn't have to say this, but
I we don't condone violence.
Let's not like be ratchet andshit and like throwing fists
this holiday season, um, whichis all the more reason to just
take a deep breath and step thefuck away.
Because I think it's reallyimportant to remember that
protecting your peace is notselfish, it is absolutely
(13:42):
essential.
And I think it's important wedon't make fools out of
ourselves.
Like we could set boundaries andbe respectful, but it doesn't
have to get to that point.
You cannot, and I repeat, cannotpour from an empty cup.
Okay.
So self-care, which I know someof us are familiar with, some of
(14:04):
us keep putting it off, butself-care during the holiday
season doesn't have to be fancy.
It just really has to beintentional, like it just needs
to happen.
So maybe like after a longdinner, you take 15 minutes to
just go outside and breathe.
Okay.
Go outside, get a few good,fresh breaths of air into your
(14:27):
lungs.
Maybe pop in some, you know,earbuds and listen to some good
music.
I don't know what you need todo.
I'd I wouldn't say just, youknow, like don't sit and scroll
on your phone or anything likethat, but going outside and
taking a deep breath and kind ofgrounding your nervous system
again, that's that in itself isan act of self-care.
(14:49):
So when I say it doesn't need tobe fancy, I'd like I truly
freaking mean that.
Uh, if if you're at a gatheringand it's draining, maybe your
reward to yourself is the nextday to schedule a solo coffee
date or to go, you know, buyyourself some flowers or to have
a date with yourself, going fora walk.
(15:11):
Um, that in itself is self-care.
So again, it doesn't take a lotand it gives you something to
look forward to if you're one ofthose people that have a really
hard time, you know, sharingyour energy.
I feel fucking drained after atwo-hour social event.
Like, okay, I want to lockmyself away now for 72 hours
(15:34):
where only my kids or husbandcan be near me.
If you're one of those people,it really does help you um
mentally, and it kind of givesyou something to look forward to
if you have something to lookforward to.
So if I'm going to my in-lawsand I know that it's super
freaking draining, I don't enjoybeing there.
Um, but I want to be there formy husband, I want to show up
(15:57):
for my kids, then okay.
That means that, you know, in aday or two, like I'm I'm taking
myself out to do somethingbecause I feel like that would
cheer me up and that would keepme looking forward to these
events.
So just another idea.
You could journal, you know, youcould journal your feelings
(16:17):
after an uncomfortableinteraction with someone when
they cross the boundary insteadof just going smooth the fuck
off on them, which I'm sometimesit has its place, not gonna lie.
Sometimes people just reallycross boundaries, and you have
to stand up for yourself and sayno, no, no, no, no, no.
You won't disrespect me thatway.
(16:39):
No, just fucking bottom line,no.
But you also really need to havethe emotional intelligence to be
able to know when to justjournal your feelings.
Okay, when they cross theboundary, journal your feelings.
I'm not saying internalize it,I'm saying getting it out in a
healthier way.
(17:00):
Another, you know, form ofself-care could just be saying
no to social media scrollingwhen you feel comparison
creeping in.
So I know that sometimes when Igo to events, sometimes when I
go out, I compare myself, likemy outfit, my nails.
Am I keeping up with myappearance good enough?
Are they talking about me?
(17:21):
Or, you know, people are talkingabout, especially during the
holiday seasons, all these greatthings they're doing, all these
great things they're buying, orall these great gifts they've
received, or all these greattrips they're going on.
And it can be really, reallyeasy to start comparing your
life to someone else's, like me,for instance.
You know, my husband and I havefive kids between the two of us.
(17:41):
He is the breadwinner, he makessome more money out of the two
of us, and it's I can realquickly um chalk myself up to be
worthless and like I, you know,I be ashamed of the fact that my
career is just getting startedand I'm not contributing enough,
and we're not getting to go onall these trips, and it's real
easy to do it.
(18:02):
How do I know?
Because I've done it.
So just saying no to scrollingsocial media whenever you feel
that comparison creeping in andtrying to anchor yourself into
being present is in itself aform of self-care.
Okay.
So I mean during the event, butalso after the event.
You know, don't go hopping onFacebook or Instagram to go look
(18:24):
at everybody's profiles that youwere just at the party with.
Come on, we can find better waysto utilize our time and to
improve our mental health.
So, some actionable stepswhenever it comes to this would
be blocking um out down time inyour calendar.
For instance, like I told you,my phone goes into do not
disturb at it's it's 8 p.m.
(18:46):
Um, having quiet time, uh,making sure that, like, for
instance, whenever I know thatI'm busy for the day, I'll block
off the whole day in my calendarand say it's a me day, uh, and
just really give myself theopportunity to to re hit reset
for myself.
Speaking of resetting, anotheractionable step would be to move
(19:08):
your body to reset your energy.
So I know that oftentimes one ofthe first things we want to do
after we're feeling drained isto just go home and crawl in
bed.
But that isn't always the mosthelpful thing.
So being able to move your bodyand get out, if like especially
if you went to somebody's housewhere you're uncomfortable, you
(19:31):
know they gossip about you andlike it's just you don't fit in.
I know that maybe your firstinstinct is to go home and feel
sorry for yourself, but if youwere to move your body and like
get the aggression out, maybethrough punching a punching bag
or screaming into a pillow ordancing like a fucking mad
woman, you might feel completelydifferent about this situation.
(19:55):
So that's something you can do.
Move your body to reset yourenergy instead of letting them
continue to scython off of it,even when they're not here.
You can use meditation, deepbreathing techniques, or even
journaling to decompress.
So putting all that out there sothat you have a few techniques
to use, um, so that your mentalhealth is top priority, you
(20:20):
know, front of mind, becauseyour mental health should always
come first, especially and evenduring the holidays.
Next up, let's talk aboutmanaging expectations because I
feel like a lot of holidaystress comes from expectations,
it's a combination of hours, butit's a it's also everybody
(20:41):
else's, you know.
Like a little example would begifts.
Like you don't have to spendbeyond your means.
This drives me crazy.
I'm gonna give you a situation,and if they hear it, they
fucking hear it.
But we have family members whothey expect us, again, we have
(21:01):
five kids.
We don't, I mean, we we we makeends meet, but we do not, we're
not, you know, we don't have allthese savings, and five kids
cost a lot.
Let's just say that.
Um, but we have five kidsranging from age four to
sixteen, and we have family thatexpects us to give all the kids,
(21:25):
and when I say kids, I meanthese people are 23 and above.
They're twenty okay, they havejobs, they have they probably
are able to save more than we dobecause uh well, we have a bunch
of kids, and I'm not like this,goes back to the comparison
thing, but it's just so sillybecause every year I ask my
(21:46):
husband, are do are we are wegiving money to everybody's kids
this year?
And it's kind of like it's sillyto me because the I think the
mindset behind us giving theirgrown children who have careers
and limited expenses, we shouldgive them money.
(22:07):
And the logic behind it is thatif they get our kids a gift,
then we should get their kids agift.
But it's just like it's justthat expectation, right?
So I just want to put that outthere.
You don't have to spend beyondyour means.
I know that there's thispressure of, well, I've got to
get them a gift.
Um, and then it may even boildown to like how much how much
(22:31):
you're supposed to spend is anexpectation.
And if you don't spend enough,it means you don't care about
that person enough.
Which I don't know, I don't feelthat way.
I don't even want people to getme gifts.
I think it's like you, if youwere to just like write me a
song and make me feel specialfor a few minutes, that that
feels so much more personal tome than buying me like a little
(22:55):
a little pedicure set orsomething.
Like, I don't need it's probablygonna get you know thrown on a
shelf and not used for quitesome time to like expectations.
Uh, some other realisticexamples be feeling like you
have to attend every singleparty, even if it's draining
you, even if schedules conflictand you are trying to make
everybody happy.
(23:16):
There's this expectation that ifI don't go, they're they're
gonna think I don't care orthey're gonna talk about me, and
like nobody wants to be talkedabout.
So it's it really is a thing.
It's a thing that happens, andand we don't have to do that.
We just don't have to do that.
We're all adults here, and Ithink we should be able to spend
our holidays the way we fuckingwant to.
(23:37):
Um, another expectation ishosting the perfect holiday meal
when a simple gathering reallywould suffice.
I see it every year.
We have entirely too muchfucking food.
There is always somebodystressed out that they're not
doing enough, they're not makingenough, we don't have enough
sides.
Um, this doesn't like it's gottabe this lavish big feast.
(24:00):
And the reality is that we'regonna throw so much food away.
And really, what matters at theend of the day is spending time
with each other.
You know, that's one thing thatbothers me.
And we're just gonna get off ona quick little tangent right now
because this fucking bothers me.
It bothers me that there's thisexpectation to go to people's
houses and pretend like we allcare about each other this one
(24:23):
or two days a year, but nobody'smaking an attempt all the other
days of a year of the year tospend time with each other.
So, can we make it less aboutthe gifts, less about the food,
and more about the fuckingfamily?
I'm speaking from my ownpersonal experience.
Like some of y'all I don't seebut these two days a year.
(24:47):
And I think it's really silly topretend like if we don't get to
make it to your event, to yourhouse, and and and we spend it,
you know, maybe at my family'shouse this year and instead of
somebody else's family's, whatabout all the other days of the
year that you could hang outwith us?
(25:08):
So there is a silly expectationto be able to be everywhere at
once when the reality is, is arethey spending time with you
outside the holidays?
And if not, okay.
That tells enough in itself tome to be able to remove the
pressure of trying to go toevery party, trying to host this
(25:31):
perfect gathering, um, givegifts that you necessarily don't
have the money for, or just togive them because you're worried
that the um the other people aregonna be mad at you.
When the reality is that likethe economy fucking sucks,
everything's really expensive.
I saw a tiny, a tiny buildingblock set at the dollar store
(25:53):
the other day, and I was like,oh my god, I think I might pick
this up for the boys.
No, I'm not.
It's$30.
It is easily a$10 set, and it'sgoing for$30.
That is insane to me.
So the expectations are kind ofbullshit, and I just want to,
I'm just I'm just here to sayI'm on your side and I'm
advocating for you, okay?
(26:14):
Um, and then the expectations ofyou know, kids, like whenever
we're eating, and or just letthe kids be kids, okay?
Just let them be kids.
Even if they spill something,even if they cry or they don't
behave perfectly, let them befucking kids.
Um, there's this expectation tohave the perfect family photo.
(26:34):
I think it's so funny when it'snot perfect.
So we're just gonna leave thisone where it is.
But they're we're gonna manageour expectations with this.
Like, let them be kids.
It doesn't matter if if they'redressed perfectly, like we don't
all have to have matchingsweaters, right?
Um, and they don't have tobehave perfectly.
(26:55):
So maybe just start with there.
That's how we're gonna managesome expectations, okay?
Actionable steps that I have foryou would be to like redefine
what a successful holiday evenlooks like for you.
Communicate clearly with yourfamily and friends about what
matters to you.
I tell my husband, like, I don'tI don't need to be at
(27:17):
everybody's house this yearbecause what really matters is
getting to hang out with ourkids.
I don't care if both of ourfamilies are mad at us because
we don't go to holiday dinners.
Because I kind of just want tohang out with my kids and you.
Right?
So, what is what does asuccessful holiday even look
like for you?
What feels good for you withouteverybody's expectations?
(27:39):
Um and then just you know,accepting that imperfect
moments, they're part of theseason when we run around like
chickens with our heads cut offand we get so upset that the
tree doesn't look perfect or theturkey didn't come out perfect.
Like, how can we just stop andlaugh about this right now?
(28:01):
How can we stop and laugh andmake this a memory?
Because when you manage yourexpectations, you really do free
yourself from unnecessarystress, and that's what we're
talking about in this episode,right?
Is keeping your peace during theholidays and minimizing your
stress.
Now, finally, look, I'd like totalk about rituals that protect
(28:23):
your peace.
Okay.
I'm talking like these smallones, small intentional actions
that help you stay grounded, um,so that you don't spiral, so
that you don't go into adepressive state, so that you
don't curse somebody out byaccident.
Um, some examples of ritualswould be like morning gratitude
(28:45):
or journaling um or meditationto start the day to where you're
feeling good, you're feelingcentered.
Could be um starting the daywith a fun playlist, starting
the day with a dance party.
There are so many little thingsthat you could do to start your
day off on the right foot.
(29:05):
Um could be choosing just oneenjoyable activity per day that
isn't an obligation.
So maybe going for a walk, maybehaving a call with a friend,
maybe reading a book, uh, butjust something that that you
look forward to.
Because the holidays we'vealready established, they can be
stressful, lots of things areout of your control.
(29:26):
So this goes back to the thingsyou can control.
Um, and if you're pickingintentionally something that
makes you happy, something thatyou enjoy, then if you do a
little something that thatbrings you joy every day, those
those those days that you knowthings spiral.
(29:47):
Maybe it's Thanksgiving, maybeit's Christmas, maybe it's the
traveling back and forth fromhouse to house, and the kids
won't be quiet, and the carrides just suck balls, and it's
just like it's going to helpyour nerves.
Nervous system in the moments ofstress because you have been
giving yourself these moments ofpeace.
Um evening window time, youknow, like having an actual
(30:13):
routine, bath, tea, music,something just for you.
It goes back to like having thatthing that you look forward to.
Um, and then for physicalboundaries, it's really just
about explaining to relativeslike we love your hugs, but the
kids aren't comfortable rightnow.
You know, some of our kids haveuh sensory issues or they're
(30:38):
just not comfortable beingtouched, right?
Like hugs can be very intimate.
And and what are we teaching ourkids when we say, oh, hug
so-and-so, even though you don'twant to?
That's that's teaching them thattheir physical boundaries don't
matter and that people can touchtheir body even if they say no,
right?
So just explain, you know, tellthem from the perspective of a
(31:01):
child, like I, you know, we welove your hugs, but the kids
just they're they're notcomfortable with that right now.
And telling them it's not it'snot necessarily them, it's just
we're teaching them how to howto be comfortable in their own
body and how to also be able torespect their own boundaries.
(31:23):
Building rituals that bring joyand not stress are going to help
you in the moments of stress.
Sticking to your boundaries,even when others push back, is
going to make you trust yourselfmore.
It's going to, you know, createthis respect within your nervous
system that maybe others aren'tgiving you, so that you can
(31:45):
build confidence upon that, sothat you can show up in
situations and speak your truth,hold your ground.
Uh, and protecting like thosesmall moments, the small moments
where typically you would youwould just people please.
Those really add up whenever itcomes to your your peace meter,
(32:08):
if that makes sense.
So, as a recap, number one, itis important that you identify
your stressors.
Number two, it is important thatyou set your boundaries early.
Number three, you prioritizeself-care.
Number four, you manageexpectations.
(32:31):
Number five, you create peacefulrituals for yourself that are
not dependent upon others.
The holidays don't have to drainyou this year.
They can be joyous, they can bea time where you know you are
recharging, reconnecting, uh,not only with others, but with
yourself, because you now havethese five, these five things
(32:55):
that you can do for yourself toprioritize your own peace.
Whereas normally you would justget lost in the hustle and
bustle, the shopping, thecooking, the traveling, all the
things.
I'm not saying people won't getupset by your decisions, by your
decision to, you know, tell themlike this this bothers me, uh,
(33:18):
by setting the boundaries, byprioritizing yourself, by
managing some expectations,right?
By keeping the peace, someonewill be upset by that, I'm sure.
But that's another part of it,is being okay with standing up
for yourself and keeping,maintaining, and protecting your
own peace whenever othersclearly um don't know how to do
(33:44):
the same.
So you might get some pushback,but that's okay because at the
end of the day, I think thatit's really important to be able
to take care of yourself firstso that you can take care of
those that you love around you.
And that's all I have today.
I hope that this lands in yourlap at the perfect time.
I hope that you're not stressingafter you listen to this episode
(34:06):
about the gifts, about all the,you know, overly um eager
expectations that I think a lotof people have, especially when
you are married or you have apartner, like that's when things
start to get a little bit messy,because then you've got the
in-laws um and and you've gotjust more families to make happy
and and people get theirfeelings hurt if you don't spend
(34:29):
time with them and you spend itsomewhere else.
So it you might get pushback,and that's okay, is what I'm is
what I'm telling you, because umI think that it's really
important for you to protectyour peace and uh and to do it
unapologetically because youreally do, you deserve it.
So if you found this episodevaluable or somebody came to
(34:50):
mind and you're like, oh mygosh, she gets so stressed out
every year.
I think that this would helpher.
Make sure that you send thisepisode to somebody or that you
go ahead and hit follow so thatyou don't miss the next episode
coming out.
Um, make sure that yousubscribe, make sure that you go
and listen.
(35:11):
I mean, not listen, uh, leave areview on Apple Podcast.
Um, take a screenshot of thisand tag us in your stories.
Uh, you can tag JacquelineCotton, or you can tag just
women talking shit, or you cantag both, and we'll share it on
both our stories.
Um, but if you enjoyed it, ifyou found it valuable, let me
know, let the world know, letyour friends know.
(35:33):
Because it's just a little, alittle uh Southern woman with a
sailor mouth who gets talkedabout a lot, who talks shit in
her neighborhood.
Um it's just little old me, amom of a blended family of seven
with two pups.
I'm I'm the only person doingthis.
I I I record all the episodes onmy own, I edit them on my own, I
(35:58):
uh publish them, I manage it,um, I fund it myself so far.
So anything that you can do tohelp out, whether that's leave a
review, send it to a friend,subscribe, tag us, whatever you
can do.
Um, or on Spotify, you can leavestars.
If you want to give us all thestars, then every little bit
helps.
(36:19):
Um, and I'd just be so grateful.
Like that would be a good giftfor me this season, is if that
you know, you could hit followor do something.
All the things that I mentioned,I'm I'm my brain's starting to
go.
I think I need some more coffee.
Um, but all in all, I say allthat just to to let you know
that I appreciate you and thosewho do share this podcast, thank
(36:40):
you so much.
Um, but if you haven't thoughtabout doing that yet, it's just
kind of a little reminder thatyour one little action can do a
whole lot for this podcast, forthis little mom who has a big
dream to take this on the roadone day.
Um, and that this is the season.
This is a season of giving andjoy, and that I hope you have
the best one ever.
Um, but if you want to send alittle love my way, I'd
(37:02):
appreciate that.
We do now have the option to toum, what is it called, to
support the show.
And it starts at just$3 a month.
So if you want to throw a littlechange my way, our way, so that
we can um, you know, make thisbigger and better, get new
equipment to record.
Right now, I just for the mostpart record on my phone, uh,
(37:26):
mics, better sound equipment,being able to travel and and
meet people in person, hostevents, stuff like that.
Um, any any monetary gifts thatyou want to send our way.
We are so grateful.
I always say we, but there is nowe, it's just me.
I just I joke about how I'mgonna manifest this big Mel
Robbins team one day.
(37:46):
And so I continue to say we.
But one day it'll catch on.
One day people will know thename, just women talking shit,
and um, and know about thismission that I have to to really
help women um through realconversations on mental health,
through real conversations onyou know, womanhood, um, and
(38:07):
just all of the things that Ithink that women experience in
this journey of personalevolution.
One day they'll know.
They'll know.
And you heard it here first.
So, anywho, I love you all.
Don't forget to come back uh atthe end of this week.
I mean, the end, I mean thebeginning of next week.
So interviews are published onMondays or Tuesdays, and then
(38:30):
the solo episodes are posted onFridays.
Um, but don't forget to comeback next week for an amazing
interview.
And until then, you've got overa hundred episodes to listen to
if you're brand new to thisworld.
So go back and listen to some ofthose.
Uh, and that's all.
I love you.
Oh, we got a new puppy, butwe'll save that for another day.
(38:50):
Bye.
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