Biblical Sexuality and Intimacy Q&A with Dr. Juli Slattery; Love Languages and Fatherhood with Dr. Gary Chapman

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:00):
Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (00:08):
We're talking family, relationships, love. Uh, there's sometimes when you
come down to this incredible point of crisis where God
can get Ahold of your heart. Had a meeting yesterday
with a guy. Really sweet time. Reminded me again. Guys,
how often do we talk about salvation? Hallucination, thinking you

(00:28):
see something in yourself that isn't there, right?

S3 (00:31):
Very important to talk about. I mean, all of us
had that experience.

S2 (00:35):
My goodness, I keep hearing about it over and over. God.
God will not let me up for air on this one.
And I know why we've got we've got this thing
called Carl. And crew is a big responsibility. Do you
ever feel that?

S3 (00:49):
Yes, absolutely.

S2 (00:52):
Yes.

S4 (00:52):
I definitely feel that every day.

S2 (00:54):
Yeah. And and we and I am I tremble before
the Lord on this one. Because you grab a microphone
like this, we're we're going to be held accountable for
this now. We aren't going to lose our salvation. But
the Bema Seat judgment I want to hear well done,
good and faithful servant. I don't want to see wood,
hay and stubble going up in smoke. Looks like a
bunch of pallets going on fire. And there's us four

(01:16):
standing there witnessing this bonfire. We don't want to see that.

S3 (01:20):
No, please.

S2 (01:21):
Yeah. So we got to be true to what's going on.
And sometimes God just boom. Gives us content out of
the blue. I'm sitting at a Starbucks yesterday and I
wasn't feeling great. I don't know what in the world
happened with me, but I got an upper respiratory thing
being away at this retreat last week, I was up
at a camp in Michigan speaking in the evenings, and
something got me, but I needed to. I needed to

(01:43):
get a nap and then get out the door and
get to this meeting. And have you ever headed into
a meeting and you're like, all right, got to get
to this meeting. Let's go. So I had a meeting
with the team. A staff team made it through that meeting.
And then I had a meeting with a guy, a
guy brother who was at one of our campuses here
in Chicago at 180 Chicago church. And man, beautiful. And

(02:04):
I what I always do when I'm trying to get
to know someone, let's say in this case, this guy
is aspiring to be a leader in the church, and
he's going to be a good one. By the way,
I want to know their story. I don't know where
to start until I know their story. And so I
go just and I want to take the time. I
love hearing story, but story is good. So he starts

(02:26):
peeling this baby back and I'm like, oh my goodness.
And I won't give you all the details leading up
to this point, except that he was heavily involved in
a in churches like deacon, like leading ministry efforts like
crazy and living a double life. And it got to

(02:48):
the point where he's tormented. I mean, he was absolutely
I mean, Young Thunder, he was an older you? Yeah. Okay.
He was absolutely tormented with. Oh my goodness. What is
going on here? And he got to the point where
he said, my secret life. I would rather die and

(03:11):
go to hell than to break my wife's heart with
my secret.

S3 (03:15):
Hmm.

S2 (03:15):
And that's what he told God.

S4 (03:18):
Wow.

S2 (03:18):
Just send me to hell. But don't let me be
found out. Well, as God would have it, his wife's
knowing what's going. Those are strong words, aren't they, guys?

S4 (03:28):
Yeah, it's.

S3 (03:29):
A really strong words.

S2 (03:31):
As God would have it, his wife came to him
one day, and right when he was wanting to break
through and share with her some stuff going on in
his life, his wife came and said, yeah, he said,
could we get some time to talk? She said, yeah,
something's not right with with us. And the way he
said it just opened up the dam and he came

(03:51):
out with the fact that he's been just hammering the booze.
He said, Carl, if you would have seen me on
a Saturday night versus a Sunday morning, you would have gone.
Those are two totally different people. That's not even the
same guy. I'm showing up at church. I've got everything
buttoned down. I'm leading, leading different ministry efforts. I'm kind

(04:14):
of cloaking it here because it's it's in the Chicagoland area,
but leading all these ministry efforts, but live in this
total duplicitous life. His wife knew about the drinking thing,
but she didn't know about the infidelity thing. And all
she said to him is, you got to choose. You

(04:37):
got to choose. He told her when they were on
a road trip. He tells this story publicly, told her
while they were on a road trip, and he said
to drive home About three words spoken. Long road trip.
He said tore my heart out. He said, you know

(04:59):
what it did for me? I was broken. I came
to the end of myself. And I surrendered my life
to Jesus for the first time. He said I was
baptized way back there. I did ministry all over the place,
working with homeless ministries, leading studies for men. Five years ago.
Born again. Five years ago born again. There was a

(05:23):
couple of ways to go here with the story like that,
and it's just not a one off. I mean, if
you were listening last week, you heard the executive director
of the camp maranatha, where I was speaking. Was he vulnerable? Ali.

S4 (05:39):
Oh, boy. I mean, he shared how he was just
getting hammered by alcohol. I mean, he had such a
problem with it, but had managed to keep it all together,
so that no one really was aware of what was
really going on.

S2 (05:55):
Until he couldn't.

S4 (05:56):
Until he couldn't.

S2 (05:58):
And he missed a monster meeting. And this is a guy.
He said it on air. I mean, he was the
president of OnStar. He was big time. Big time. And
he held it together until he couldn't. And he missed
a very important meeting. Meeting. And it all came out.
And you know what happened when he went and told
his wife? You know what she said? I'm so sorry

(06:22):
you've been having to carry this. I'm so sorry you've
been having to carry this. I got a crazy question.
We've never asked this before on air. How did someone's
unconditional love for you in the face of your idiocy?

(06:45):
Be a thing that God used to restore you. How
did someone's love for you in the face of foolishness?
And it can manifest itself in a lot of ways.
How did God use that to show you himself? To
get you back on the path less traveled and really

(07:07):
walking with Jesus. I want you to call in. I
want you to be bold. If you got to remain anonymous,
remain anonymous. It's cool, but I'm asking you to share.
Somebody else needs to hear your story today. 800 555
7898 800 555 7898. You know, it's interesting, man. When

(07:32):
we get our Tookie in a squisher like that. The
last thing we want is someone that will find us out.
And the last thing we expect Is someone who's going
to love us still.

S4 (07:47):
Oh, yeah. Because the shame that you feel, you're just
waiting for somebody else to heap it on even more.
And you feel like that's probably what I deserve.

S2 (07:58):
Yeah. And, you know, when I was. When my heart
was far from God. The last thing I needed and
I got a lot of it was the people who
rubber stamp you being an idiot.

S4 (08:12):
There are a lot of those.

S2 (08:15):
Yeah.

S4 (08:15):
People who will tell you. Oh, come on, it's not
that bad.

S2 (08:20):
Not that bad. Ah, we've all had failings in our life, Ted. Yeah.
So what happened? Someone loved you. They weren't happy with
your behaviour. Maybe you betrayed them deeply. But by way

(08:41):
of the way God used them, it pointed you toward
God's love. I want you to give us a call
right now. You can remain anonymous. It's fine here, guys,
but I'm asking you to blow up the phone lines
right now. 800 555 7898 800 555 7898. Give us

(09:02):
a call. And what all this is related to is
the goodness of God. Cece Winans sings about it. Give
us a call right now. 805 55, 7898.

S1 (09:13):
A basketball mom who's mastered the dad joke. Ali is
in the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (09:21):
It's Garland crew helping you take your next step with Jesus.
And you're helping others today. This is your show. We're
asking you to jump in. It's a bold question we
have for you this morning.

S4 (09:33):
Yeah. Who was it that met you with unconditional love?
In a moment of absolute foolishness? You'd blown it in
some way. But instead of shame, instead of judgment, you
received love. Who did that for you? 800 555 7898
805 55 7898.

S2 (09:52):
Cindy from Florida. Thank you for calling in, Cindy. What's
your story?

S5 (09:57):
Hey, when my son was about ten, I married this guy,
or I started living with him and my son says, mom,
don't marry that guy. Now, this was like years ago.
And when my son had children, they were, I don't know,
4 or 5, six years old. And my son said,
I don't want that man around my children. And so

(10:19):
I chose to not see my grandchildren who lived 20
minutes from me and stick with my husband at age
65 years old. Fast forward, I left him. He was
such a narcissist and God hater and Mr. Negative blah
blah blah. Anyway, so when I left, my son was

(10:39):
begging me, mom, please come live with me. And it's
just been incredible, the peace and that I've got from.
And when God says, don't be unequally yoked, he's not
just whistling Dixie. He means it.

S2 (11:00):
Yeah. Thank you Cindy. Yeah. Thank you, Cindy, for calling in.
There's some layers to this one. And as a pastor,
I just want to I want to say this, Cindy.
And I know you get this. I'm sure of it. Um,
you know, when we when we make a choice, uh,
to step into a marriage relationship, you know, God is

(11:22):
incredibly redemptive in that because some of you might be
listening right now going, I've missed the signs. I didn't
listen to fill in the blank. Could be a pastor.
Could be, uh, someone who loves you. Could be the
truth of God's word. Here's the crazy maker in this,
because we find all throughout Scripture that God can redeem

(11:43):
some things that are unredeemable. And I don't know details here. Cindy,
I get that, I get that, and I'm, I'm certain
based on the tenor of your voice, you probably had
some good biblical counsel around you. But I think the
moral of that story is out of the mouth of babes,
a ten year old boy said, come on, mama, what

(12:04):
are you thinking about here? And sometimes the greatest cautionary
tales that are told are from people that are closest
to us. And it's like, hold on there, hold on there.
We've got a question for you. And it's this ranges
the spectrum. I mean, this can be from infidelity to, um,

(12:26):
secret financial foolish things that you've done to you name it.
I mean, fill in the blank, guys. It can be
like a friend of mine. It can be like Chris,
the executive director of Maranatha, who had a secret binge
drinking problem, and his wife knew nothing of it. Leadership
of the church knew nothing of it. But somebody love God.

(12:50):
Used to actually break you. That's the story that we
want to hear this morning. Give us a call 800
555 7898 800 555 7898. This is your opportunity to
encourage someone who's really at a Y in the road

(13:10):
right now to take the right path. 805 55 7898.

S1 (13:16):
He was running from God. But God's love brought him home.
Carl is in the crew. It's Carl and crew on
Moody Radio.

S2 (13:25):
Come on in with that pit stop right now. This
is a tough one. We've had a lot of calls
over the years that are Ah, this this story to
a t I mean I can some of them are
etched in my mind. Some some of it is the
extraordinary love of God that came by way of conviction.
And it was God Himself who told you, come on,

(13:47):
let's come out of this right now. Sometimes it's a spouse,
sometimes it's a friend, sometimes it's a parent. But that
love extended to you pulled you out of a mess
that you were in spiritually. 800 555 7898 and sometimes
that response is overwhelmingly great.

S4 (14:04):
You know, comes to mind. For me, it's actually Dave Churchill,
but it comes to mind for you.

S2 (14:11):
Oh my goodness.

S3 (14:13):
On behalf of Carl.

S4 (14:14):
On behalf of Carl, you gotta tell Dave Churchill.

S2 (14:16):
Oh my goodness. Yeah Dave. Yeah that's right on ally.
He's the man for me. He's one of a few.
But he's he's stands out in my mind. So I'm
300 miles north of the Arctic Circle working in the
oil fields for British Petroleum, doing contract work for British
Petroleum through a subsidiary called Veco. So we're staying at

(14:37):
the Taj Mahal of oil field camps. No joking guys.
Hardwood finishes everywhere. Beautiful carpet, unbelievable tile. I mean, this
place and this is 300 miles north of the Arctic Circle.
And it was like the Taj Mahal. I mean, they
had a theater in this thing, like deep slope theater,
high back chairs. I mean, it was amazing. So I'm.

(15:00):
I'm working there. I'm far from God. And they throw
a big open bar rock and roll party. Now, they
don't do this anymore. They don't open bar. Rock and
roll parties aren't happening too much at places of employment.
Open bars used to be a thing back in the day,
but now with all the liability factors, as you can imagine,
that doesn't happen. But they had open bar, booze was

(15:22):
flowing and I'm enjoying this rock and roll band. And
there's hundreds of mainly men hanging out up there just drinking.
And I'm tipping one back. And I look across the
ballroom and there's Dave Churchill. And I'm like, no, not

(15:45):
Dave Churchill. Now, Dave Churchill was a cold church planter
with my mom and dad at a little church outside
of Anchorage, Alaska. And I'm like, no wrong guy. And
he gets eyes with me, big old smile across his face,
and he comes trotting my way. He's meandering along and
I told my buddy, I don't know who said it first,

(16:06):
but I must have been one of the first. Hold
my beer. Get this thing out of my hand. He
saw the beer. He knew where I was at. And
he walked up beside me. And how are you doing, Carl?
I said, I'm doing good, Dave. How are you, man?
So he was a former state trooper, which just spikes

(16:27):
it even more for me. And his former state trooper
is now working security because he's retired from being a
trooper and he's working security for BP, which meant he's
making four times as much as he did as a
state trooper. Being security for British Petroleum.

S4 (16:44):
Given what you knew about him, his former state trooper,
church planner, how did you expect the conversation was going
to go?

S2 (16:52):
I thought he was going to turn from the smiley
Dave to the man. You're breaking your dad's heart here.
You know, you're breaking your mom's heart. You know, we know.
You know I. Because I knew my mom and dad's M.O..
I know Dave's praying for me, right? Because they tell
him this at church. Pray for our son. He's far
from God. And I'm like, oh, no. Here comes point

(17:14):
of the prayer warriors wandering over to me. And no,
it was way worse than that. He just put his
arm around me and said, I just want to tell
you I love you. I hope you have a great
time tonight at the party. Oh, great. Now, you just
ruined my party. Dave, hope you have a great time
tonight at the party. And if you ever need anyone

(17:37):
to talk to about anything. Carl, I need you to
know I'm here for you. Well, that was even worse.
It's just a horrible thing to say to me and
talk about getting sobered up. I had a couple shots
and a few brews in me, and. But I am
now stoned, sober, and I'm standing there. Way to go, Dave.
Just ruined my party. But when the Lord was calling

(18:02):
me out of darkness and into the light, God used
Dave Churchill flashing in front of my face. That man.
That's the love of the father right there. That's the
love of the father. I would have wished as a
young man he would have blasted me. But you're right, Ali.
He's my guy. Dave Churchill I can't wait to see
him in heaven. Can't wait man. I'm going to give

(18:23):
Dave a big old hug, and I won't be afraid
of him because he won't be packing heat on his
side holster. You know?

S4 (18:30):
Right.

S2 (18:31):
He can't lock me up and I won't be lockable.

S3 (18:35):
Won't be lawfully.

S2 (18:36):
Glorified.

S3 (18:37):
Amen.

S2 (18:38):
Oh my goodness. That night, I even had a gram
of cocaine in my pocket. So the amount of condemnation
that I felt over myself, a little bit of conviction,
but mainly condemnation. Oh, it was overwhelming. Dave did nothing wrong.
He did everything right. And that's what we're talking about
this morning.

S4 (18:57):
Who did that for you? Who met you with unconditional love?
In a moment, man. Where you were expecting judgment, shame,
maybe even anger because you'd blown it in some way,
but they just loved you. 800 555 7898 (800) 555-7898.

S2 (19:16):
Yeah. Give us a call right now. Let's light them up.
Let's get these phone lines filled up. It's time to testify.
And here's why. Somebody needs to hear this today. Somebody
at a real Y on the road. And your story
is going to impact them mightily. 800 555 7898. Let's
get a couple quick hits on news here, Young Thunder.

S3 (19:37):
All right. Let's get you updated with a couple of
your top stories for today. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky says
Russia is agreeing to renewed peace talks tomorrow in Istanbul.
The previous two meetings in May and June, resulted in
the transfer of thousands of prisoner of war prisoners and
the remains of fallen military personnel being returned. President Trump
threatened Russia last week with new sanctions to be implemented

(19:59):
in 50 days. If no peace talk is, no peace
deal is reached. Ukraine and Russia have been at war
for nearly three and a half years now. The former
Louisville police officer convicted in relation to the death of
Breonna Taylor, is being sentenced to 33 months in prison.
Brett Hankinson was found guilty of violating Taylor's civil rights
when he fired blindly into her apartment in 2020 during

(20:22):
a botched raid. His bullets didn't hit anyone, and last week,
the Department of Justice recommended he receive one day behind
bars before sentencing for protesters were arrested outside the courthouse,
including Breonna Taylor's aunt. I'm Jonathan. That's your update.

S2 (20:36):
Thanks my man. You know, I don't like shoulds, but
I'm going to use a good phone. Lines could be
absolutely jammed. Right now. All we need is you to
call in. Let's get to the heart of this question. Ali,
take it away.

S4 (20:49):
Yeah. When you think about a moment where you had
blown it in some way and there was someone who
received you with love, it could have been shame. It
could have been judgment. And if you're honest, you maybe
deserved any of that, all of that. But someone chose
to love you instead, gave you a picture of the
love of God by how they responded to you in

(21:10):
a moment of foolishness. 800 555 7898 800 555 55. 78. 98.

S2 (21:19):
Yeah. Give us a call right now. Light em up, guys.
Let's fill these phone lines. 805 five, five, 78, 98.

S1 (21:26):
She's a choreographer extraordinaire, and everything is Greek to her.
Super di is in the crew. It's Carl and crew
on Moody Radio.

S2 (21:36):
Carl and crew. One of the toughest things that we
face in this life is coming clean with things that
we know. We're missing the mark on. Sometimes it leads
to authentic salvation. I already shared one story of a
meeting I had yesterday with a man that we're vetting
for leadership, and he's going to be a great leader.
And I'll tell you what qualifies him more than anything else.

(21:56):
He is willing to absolutely come clean on everything now.
Five years he's been in Jesus Christ. And it's a
powerful thing to see. So we're asking you who loved
you enough when you were absolutely blowing it spiritually and
that love. Really helped restore you, actually put you further

(22:19):
on your face. Do you ever notice that, Ali, when
somebody responds rightly to when you're screwing up, it's almost like, ah,
that's even worse.

S4 (22:27):
It'd be easier if I could get angry at you.
Let's go to Jean calling in this morning from Illinois. Jean,
who met you with love instead of judgment.

S5 (22:39):
Well.

S6 (22:40):
It was my husband. Um, I was a closet drinker.
I hid it from everybody. Very active in church, a
lot of church friends. But I hid it very well.
Thought I was hiding it from my husband. But he noticed,
and he would bug me about it, and, um, I
didn't think I had any problems, so I grew very

(23:01):
angry with him, and one day told him, well, if
you're so upset about my drinking, why don't you just
pray about it? And, um. And then he backed off.
He stopped bugging me. And, um, a couple of years later, I, um,
through reading a book called dying for a drink, I
discovered that I did indeed have a drinking problem, that

(23:22):
I was an alcoholic. And, um, I approached my husband
with this information when I realized it and said, I'm.
I read this book and I have discovered the truth
about my drinking. And I was afraid he was going
to be ashamed of me or angry with me. Um,
but instead he just burst into tears and he said,

(23:42):
that's I've been praying all these years for God to
reveal the truth to you about your drinking.

S4 (23:48):
Oh, wow.

S2 (23:50):
When you said two years, Jean, I'm like, oh man,
he was on his knees. Sister. What a good man, huh?

S6 (23:59):
He is. Yes he is. I'm married 56 years, so
he's been helping me. I'm sober 39 years, by the way. And, um,
he's he's helped me through my recovery, and it keeps
me sober.

S4 (24:14):
Oh, boy.

S2 (24:15):
Gene, what a testimony. That's what we're driving at here, guys.
So I'm asking you to fill phone lines right now.
This is very specific. It's very specific. I want you
to think about a time when you were fill in
the blank. I was out filling the blank so far
from God on an issue in my life. Maybe you
were far from God altogether. You were not born again.

(24:39):
And it was a secret. Or maybe it wasn't, but
you wanted to keep it that way. But someone's love
reached in. And God used them so powerfully in your
life that it pulled you out of that funk. Or
maybe you made an admission of something and you thought, oh,

(24:59):
this person's going to be so disappointed in me. But
the opposite was true. 800 555 7898 give us a
call right now. Right now. Light them up. 805, 55, 78. 98. Well,
since we're sharing each other's stories around here. Allie gave
me Dave Churchill. I love it. We know each other

(25:24):
so well. It's like, well, Carl, you got that guy,
Dave Churchill. So classic. But Young Thunder, you got that gal.

S3 (25:32):
I do. I got that gal Shannon, my wife. Uh,
you know, I. Before I really came to Jesus, I
thought I knew him, and I realized that I didn't.
Through this show and the the teaching about hallucination of salvation.
And I didn't know that was a thing before. And
I realized it, and I realized that, hey, I'm living

(25:54):
a lot of ways in a double life. And I'm
saying one thing over here, and I'm living a different
way over here. And I realized I wasn't saved, and
I had a lot of things that I had to, uh,
talk about because I hadn't told anybody about them in
my life. And and my wife took that in love
and walked me through those things. And I'm so grateful

(26:16):
for her because I couldn't have done it without her.
And then also, I felt the immense shame of, hey,
I've been saying I'm a Christian for all these years,
and now I'm realizing I'm not. And that wasn't it
wasn't a thing I was intentionally trying to, you know,
hide or distort something that I knew wasn't real. I

(26:39):
deceived myself, and so. So I'm saying, no, I'm. I'm good,
I'm good. And I realized I, I wasn't and I
was scared to tell her about that because she married
a good Christian man and we're. Yeah. In air quotes.
What's she gonna think when she finds out she didn't?
And so I told her, and I was scared that

(27:01):
she wasn't going to accept it. And she accepted it.
She said, Jonathan, I'm just happy you're here today. That's
good with me. And the amount of freedom that I
was able to feel, because my wife just wanted me
to be with Jesus today. That's all I ever needed.

S2 (27:20):
That's huge man.

S3 (27:21):
Yeah.

S2 (27:23):
Who's the Dave in your life? The Shannon in your life.
Light em up right now. 800 555 7898 800 555 7898.
Taking your calls straight ahead.

S1 (27:38):
He was sharing the gospel on the radio. And then
he got saved. Young thunders in the crew. It's Carl
and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (27:47):
Yeah. We're going to get back to the phone lines here.
I got to do a banner ad, though. You know,
we had Doctor Gary Chapman on earlier today and oh, man,
if we can, if we can get him back in here,
get that if we can let you listen to that again,
that'd be great. But if you can't stick around, I
got to tell you, among the other things that he answered,

(28:08):
we were dealing with pressure testing the five love languages.
How fun was that?

S4 (28:13):
Great. It was great. Yeah.

S2 (28:14):
Oh, guys, was that fun?

S3 (28:15):
Yeah, I loved that.

S2 (28:16):
One of the pressure tests is to the five love
languages work. When you've got a kid that's far from God.
You were an imperfect, but you were a good home.
And it's like, what in the world? And this is
an epidemic right now. When we were touching on this yesterday,
we had so many show casts go out because people
just wanted some encouragement. And I want to encourage you
today if if you if you wonder, does love work

(28:42):
in tough situations, a spousal situation where it's like, what
in the world, man, I've been loving this guy forever.
You're going to be massively encouraged by Gary Chapman's Word,
and I want you to get the show cast again.
Young Thunder, how do we do it, my man?

S3 (29:03):
It's easy. Just text the word show to 800 555, 78, 98.
Text the word show to 800 555, 78, 98. We'll
send you two links. Click the one that's best. Best
works for you. Descriptions of them are right there. You'll
see those two makes it easy. Click on the one.
And then once you get to the home page, it
takes you to click follow on Carl and Crew's home page.

(29:26):
It's all right there at the top of your screen.
Once you click follow, you never have to text the
word show again. You just show back up to that
page and all of our stuff's going to be right
there for you.

S2 (29:35):
Yeah. And what's awesome here is we got a lot
of subscribers. So a lot of people are saying, oh yeah,
I can go listen to that. By 1030 Central time
it'll be loaded up. So text the word show. And
for those of you that already got it loaded up,
bada bing, bada boom, you're going to get a notice
that says we got another one loaded up. So ah, beautiful.
Look at the show. Cast porn out of here. Text

(29:56):
show to (800) 555-7898. 98. Okay, we got a hot question here, Ali.

S4 (30:01):
We do. We're asking you about that person who met
you with unconditional love in a moment of of shame,
of disclosure. Let's go back to the phones. Sherri from Florida.
Who did that for you?

S5 (30:15):
Sharon browning. Uh. Dave Browning and Matthew Browning.

S4 (30:21):
Okay. Tell us about it. What happened?

S5 (30:23):
Uh, I was addicted to crack, and I broke into
their home, and their son, um, prayed, uh, for the
bad guys, which was me and my co-defendant. And we
got arrested, and I did some jail time, and I
did rehabilitation, and, uh, I've been sober and clean, and

(30:44):
I had a slip, but God put me back on
track again. And I've never been the same. I've over
close to four years sober, and the Holy Spirit really
got Ahold of me this time. I thought I was saved,
and till Until three years ago. And I fell on
my face and I got baptized. This time, God knew
I was serious and the Holy Spirit just just covered me.

(31:07):
And I'm so grateful for that family. They've been walking
with me for 28 years.

S4 (31:12):
So the family who had the home that you broke
into walked with you as you were recovering?

S5 (31:20):
Yes. Yep. And they've been walking with me for 28 years.

S4 (31:25):
Whoa!

S2 (31:26):
Yes. Yes. Sherry and Sherry. Here's what's awesome. God uses
that brokenness to call you to himself. You became an
authentic disciple of Jesus Christ. How sweet is that, sister?

S5 (31:39):
Yes, and he has healed me from my past trauma
and everything.

S2 (31:43):
Yeah. Beautiful. Sherry.

S5 (31:44):
The hardest thing was forgiveness for other people. But once
I forgave them and God knew, I truly forgave them.
I can walk free today. Yeah. And I don't have
shame or guilt.

S2 (31:59):
Yeah. It's real Sherry. You can hear it in your voice, sister.
Thanks for the tears. We love you. Way to go,
Sherry from Florida.

S4 (32:06):
That's a.

S2 (32:06):
Story. Three, three Brownings. He goes through the whole list. Okay.
I broke into their home. I did time, but they
prayed for me, and they walk with me. Are you
kidding me?

S3 (32:18):
That's so cool.

S4 (32:19):
That is unbelievable story.

S3 (32:23):
It's an only God story.

S4 (32:24):
Yes.

S3 (32:24):
Yeah.

S2 (32:25):
Brian, first time caller in Ohio. What's your story, man?

S5 (32:29):
Good morning.

S7 (32:30):
And 2019. Uh, I was in the 23 years of addiction,
and I met this, uh, Derek and Tracy Walker, and, um,
they had this house, and they needed some stuff done
to it, and, uh, I asked him if I could
help him with it. They said yes, and they were

(32:53):
selling the property. And at that time I was in
math and, um, Derek just met me where I was
at and, uh, loved me through it. And he just
kept trusting me with, uh, work and working on the
house and entrusting me in the house. And, uh, he
never took calls on Sunday. Always talked to me about Jesus.

(33:15):
And through that time period, I told him I'd have
the house done in like a week, just on nothing,
saying whatever it took just to get some money. Um,
it wasn't done until July of that year, but in
February of 2020, I accepted Jesus and I was completely
delivered from addiction. Um. Noah draws no remembrance of what

(33:37):
it was like to be high. Complete freedom in Christ. And, um,
since then, I've been walking with Derek and Tracy and, uh,
and now becoming a pastor, and I teach small group
at my church. And. The Lord used him such a
mighty way in my life.

S2 (33:58):
Yeah, Brian.

S7 (33:58):
He actually officiated my wedding, and, um, he just loved
me while I was at. And, uh, it just accepted
me and just just showed me the love of Christ.

S2 (34:09):
Yeah.

S4 (34:11):
Wow.

S2 (34:11):
You know what, Brian? That is beautiful. You know, it
doesn't always go that way. Brian, I want to tell
you about my uncle Cliff. He was a painter contractor,
and he'd go in and get jobs like you, and
he'd get fronted some cash, and then he'd disappear for
a week when he went on a bender. This is
my uncle, my dad's brother, and, uh, my uncle Cliff.

(34:31):
He didn't have a guy like you had around you, bro. Um,
but God graced you with with a good with with
good people around you. God did that. Man did that, Brian.
Way to go, bro. Great story. Love you man. Thank
you for calling in, Brian. First time caller from Ohio.
It's real.

S4 (34:52):
These stories. My goodness.

S2 (34:55):
Yeah. You know, when you get a little bit discouraged about, ah,
what's going on in the world? Just remember. Are you
kidding me? You got the Brownings, you got this couple.
I forget their last name. It was tough for me
to pronounce anyway. And you've got Dave. You've got you've
got Shannon's. You've got you've got all these saints man

(35:15):
that are out there radiating Christ. When the average person
would say, get out of my life. They hung in
there with you. It's pretty cool. You know, what we're
going to do is we're going to put some of
these stories in the show cast. Okay. Super day. Can
we do that?

S3 (35:33):
Most definitely we can.

S2 (35:34):
Yeah.

S3 (35:34):
So she's working on some other stuff.

S2 (35:36):
I know she gave me a thumbs up. She heard me.
But we're going to put some of these stories in
Showcast because you need to hear them again. You can't
get them all, but you need to hear them again.
So come and get it. Maybe this one's the one
that's going. All right. I'm going to get that joke
now for sure.

S4 (35:51):
It's so encouraging.

S2 (35:53):
Oh, it's so encouraging. Just text show to 800 555 7898.
Get subscribed guys. We love you big time. Wow, what
a cool morning, right?

S4 (36:04):
It is. You know, I'm encouraged because, you know, when
someone when we love the Lord, we're able to extend
a supernatural level of mercy and grace that doesn't originate
from us. And we want to be those people that
if somebody comes to you today, whether they've made a
mistake in the workplace or whether it's your kid and
they've blown it in some way, like what a sweet
reminder of how we can be the picture of God

(36:26):
to people by how we respond today. Keep that in mind.

S1 (36:31):
You're listening to Curl and Crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (36:34):
It's Carl and crew, and you two can guess the
name of this group. It says J. I'm looking at
my screen here. J w I'm going to go with Jesus.
Would love Chris Rock super. I'm going to go with that.

S3 (36:47):
I think that's what it would be wrong.

S8 (36:49):
What is it again? Because it's. What is what does
it stand for? Jesus. Walkers living known, resisting status quo,
basically going against the culture. But Jesus. Walkers for short.

S4 (37:00):
Status quo. Is there a Q in there somewhere?

S8 (37:03):
No, but status quo is hyphen is one word. So
that's why.

S3 (37:07):
That's how you fix it. You just make it one word.

S8 (37:09):
That's the walkers living known, resisting status quo.

S4 (37:14):
Okay, okay.

S8 (37:15):
There you go. Huh?

S2 (37:18):
You want to consult on branding, Ali? They might.

S8 (37:21):
Be able to use a different person I.

S4 (37:23):
Love there. I will say I.

S8 (37:25):
Love the song, I love the song, I.

S4 (37:28):
Love.

S8 (37:28):
The song.

S2 (37:28):
I love it, absolutely.

S4 (37:30):
The name is a little confusing, but I do love
the song.

S8 (37:34):
Jesus walkers. You're good. There we.

S2 (37:35):
Go. Yeah. Let's go with Jesus.

S8 (37:37):
Yeah, let's just keep it there, I like that.

S2 (37:39):
So, Ali, you haven't. Let's see. It's been at least
two weeks since I've consulted you on any home. Broken things.
Fix up items around your pad. I am, I am
her consultant.

S8 (37:49):
She you are actually.

S2 (37:51):
Hey, I actually saved you a few shekels on that
one job. When I said hold, hold the phone.

S8 (37:56):
Absolutely.

S4 (37:56):
I try to. I either I either FaceTime Carl or
my dad, depending on who's available first.

S8 (38:02):
And.

S4 (38:03):
Both of them are able to. I flip the camera on.
My husband, by the way, is great with this because
he is the first to admit, like he doesn't like
around the house. Stuff is like it's not his thing
as much, which is okay. Yeah. So yeah. So I
consult you on stuff. I praise God everything is, is
is going is going well? The the latest project was

(38:24):
Brick replacement and that is done as of two weeks ago.
And so I think we're hopefully settling in home ownership man.

S2 (38:31):
Home ownership man if you're renting you need to think twice.
First off interest rates are too high. But secondly, when
you own a home, you know when you get a landlord,
if it's a good landlord and my water heater's broken,
I'll get that fixed today. But when you own a home,
you go. How much for the water heater? That'll be $2,000.

S3 (38:51):
Yeah, it's not fun.

S2 (38:53):
And it's not that much, but it's up there.

S4 (38:55):
No. Well, when you have a home that was a
tear down rebuild. Except they decided to maintain the original bricks,
which are about a hundred years old. You got an
expensive problem when those bricks start to deteriorate.

S2 (39:09):
Man, you almost have a historic site there.

S8 (39:12):
It is, but just these bricks.

S4 (39:14):
I'm like.

S8 (39:14):
We could have just.

S4 (39:15):
Gotten rid of.

S8 (39:16):
All of it if.

S4 (39:17):
We were just going to tear it down. Why save these?

S8 (39:22):
Makes sense. But yeah, I got a little bit of history.

S4 (39:25):
It's an expensive little bit of history that's attached to
my home.

S3 (39:29):
It's priceless.

S8 (39:30):
It's priceless.

S4 (39:30):
Pricey and priceless.

S2 (39:32):
So a little home fix up thing here is, you know,
if you want to see if something's really fixed or not.
Like Ali's porch.

S8 (39:39):
Yep.

S2 (39:40):
You want to get, like, the whole neighborhood on that thing.
Don't have them jump up and down too hard. But,
you know, you can kind of. All right, everybody.

S4 (39:47):
Everybody come stand on it. See? See if we're.

S8 (39:49):
Good.

S2 (39:50):
Yeah. And the same thing is true with anything. You
got to pressure test it. Like, if you're a plumber,
you know this one. You're sweating pipes and you, you
want to test it. The ultimate way to test it
is fill it with water. And you see if it
can handle the pressure or not. And does it leak
when it comes to five love languages, we're going to
pressure test them. And we've got a kick in the

(40:11):
pants for you. We got some phenomenal content coming up
here with one of our favorites. What's his name again?

S4 (40:18):
Doctor Gary Chapman. Yeah. Of five love languages, fame, fame.

S2 (40:24):
That's the word. It's for real.

S1 (40:26):
Your shot of hope to help you through the day.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (40:33):
So I've got a theory. My theory goes like this.
If you meet a good dude, There's usually a good
dad or dad figure somewhere in the scene back there
in the backdrop.

S4 (40:42):
Okay.

S2 (40:43):
What do you think, Callie?

S4 (40:44):
I think a lot of times that's true.

S2 (40:47):
Yeah. I think it is. I mean, you look at,
you can look at kind of stats and different things
that are out there. We don't need to get into them.
But if you see a good dude, I'm not talking
a perfect dude, but a good dude. You got a
good dad or dad figure behind the scenes. Well, I
got a we got a good dude with us right now.
We do got Doctor Gary. Good. Dude. Chapman. How you doing,

(41:08):
Doctor Chapman?

S9 (41:09):
I'm doing great, guys. Good to be with you.

S2 (41:13):
We've been talking about family relationships. We were just teeing
up a question here. Uh, tell us about your dad
or dad figures in your life. Because there's more than one.
You were raised in the church, right, Gary?

S9 (41:23):
I was yes, yes. Yeah. I had a Christian dad.
He was not a Christian when he married my mother.
But two years after they got married, he became a
real Christian. And he was turned on. So. Yeah. And uh,
had great, uh, example in terms of how he treated
my mom and how he taught me how to work
in the garden and do all kind of things. So, yeah,

(41:46):
I greatly blessed and there's no question about it. Uh,
a person who has a loving father, a good father,
and one who particularly one who knows God, has a
tremendous asset over those who grew up in a home
where they have, uh, a father. That's not a good example,
are they? Have no father in the home. Yeah. And, uh, yeah.

(42:06):
Father's role is exceedingly important.

S2 (42:09):
Really important. You know, I've been reading out of Zephaniah
three this morning. Those are sticky pages, Gary. We don't
get into Zephaniah a lot, but the prophet was speaking
over Judah with a warning. You know, if you go
this way, we got trouble. But a promise that and
one of the phrases here in these five verses I
was reading this morning, four of them, is it God's
going to sing over us? Isn't it good to go

(42:30):
to the word and see pictures of God singing over
kids who get back on track with him. Gary. That's
that's the hope for people that maybe don't have a
great father figure. What do you say?

S9 (42:43):
Yeah, absolutely. You know, God pictures himself as our father.
So all of us, whether we had a good, healthy
earthly father or not, we can have a father in heaven.
And he lays out for us in scriptures. You know
how much he loves us and the things he wants
us to be doing, and he'll help us do those things.
So yeah, absolutely. We're we're not controlled by our history,

(43:06):
you know, having a good father or not having a
good father.

S4 (43:09):
Doctor Gary Chapman, our guest right now, well known marriage counselor, speaker, pastor,
author of the New York Times bestseller, The Five Love Languages.
What's one thing, Doctor Chapman, that you got right as
a father in your own journey, and one thing you
wish you would have done differently?

S9 (43:25):
Well, you know, one thing is spending time with my
son and my daughter individually. Every month I would take
him out for breakfast by himself. And then I'd take
the next week. I'd take my daughter out by herself,
just the two of us. Giving them individual time is
one of the best things that I have, remember. And
then with my son, I would always take him on

(43:46):
a trip every year. You know, we did a lot
of hiking together and all that sort of stuff for
2 or 3 days, and we both have memories of that,
you know, and, and just building memories, I think, is
one of the most positive things that, uh, that I
did through those years. And, you know, I don't to
be honest, I don't have any really glaring, uh, uh.

S2 (44:06):
Regrets.

S9 (44:07):
I wish I'd done this better. Except one thing. I
wish I'd learned how to handle my anger a little
earlier because my son was 13 when I really. We
got into it and I was yelling at him. He
was yelling at me, you know, and I thought, oh, man.
And he walked out of the house and slammed the door.
And I thought, oh God, why am I yelling at

(44:29):
a son I love, you know? But that night was
a it was a wonderful night because he came back.
I apologized to him, and then he apologized to me.
And I said, Derek, why don't we try to learn
how to talk our way through anger and not yell
our way through anger? So the next time you get angry,
you just say, dad, I'm angry. Can we talk? And
I'm going to sit down and listen to you. And

(44:51):
if I'm angry with you, I'll say, Derek, I'm angry.
Can we talk? And that was a turning point in
our relationship. You know, I just wish I'd learned it
a little bit earlier, you know? Yeah.

S2 (45:00):
No. That's beautiful. You know, Gary, let's let's go back
to this anger thing, because anger can bubble up in
all of us. Uh, what's as you've worked with a
lot of people, not only is Gary the author of
the Five Love Languages, he's he's worked until just recently.
And you probably still do meet with a lot of
people as a counselor at a church. And he's rolled

(45:21):
up his sleeves consistently as you peel back anger. What's
going on here? I've some of the best content I've
heard is that there's a fear in there, and it's
a lack of control. What say you, Gary?

S9 (45:34):
Well, you know, I think anger really grows out of
a sense of right and wrong, and we tend to
feel angry when we feel like we've been wronged. But
I think we have two kinds of anger. The Bible
says God is angry every day with the wicked, and
that's because he's righteous and he's laid down guidelines for us.
And when people violate those, God is angry. So we

(45:56):
are made in God's image, and we have a sense
of right and wrong. And when we sense that someone
has done wrong, we feel angry. And so I think
in that sense, anger is a gift of God to
motivate us to try to to right the wrongs that
we encounter in relationships or in society. Uh, but I
think we we're not God. We have two kinds of anger.

(46:17):
We have what may be called righteous anger. Uh, but
we also have what I call, uh, distorted anger. We
get angry when we don't get our way, and much
of our anger falls in this category. It's illustrated in
the Bible and in many, many places. You know, Cain
got angry because God didn't accept his sacrifice.

S2 (46:36):
That's right.

S9 (46:36):
He says he went away angry. Well, you know, he did.
He didn't do what God told him to do. That's
why God was angry at him. So I think learning
how to discern between those two things, because distorted anger
is just selfishness. That didn't get my way. My wife
didn't do what I wanted her to do or, you know, whatever.
And so we need to confess it. Lord, forgive me

(46:59):
for being so selfish that everything has to be my
way and on my timetable, you know, and then. Fine.
You talk about the thing that's in in the family.
You talk about the thing that stimulated the anger. Even
if it's distorted anger, because you're being honest to share
your feelings and how you were hurt or whatever. You know,
and work through those things. Uh, communication is key in

(47:20):
a family, uh, with between mom and dad and between, uh,
the the parents and the children. We've gotta learn to
talk and listen to each other. Uh, even when we have, uh,
you know, feelings like anger and be able to share them.
I remember, uh, in my book on anger, I said,
put a little thing on the refrigerator. Every time somebody's
angry in the family with another family member, go pull

(47:41):
it off. It says, I'm feeling angry, but don't worry.
I'm not going to attack you. But I do need
to talk. Is this a good time to talk? Imagine
your teenage son standing in front of you, reading that
to you. You know, it's just a way of calming
it down. Calm things down. And I've had some people say,
you know, Gary, I was raised on that little thing

(48:02):
on the refrigerator. I never know where it came from, but.

S2 (48:06):
From Jerry Chapman.

S4 (48:07):
Doctor Gary Chapman, our guest right now, you know, so
often there are kind of cycles that occur generations through families,
but also patterns that develop that are hard to break
out of. Sometimes it's something like anger where that's just
the way we communicate. This is a as soon as
something gets tense or as soon as, as soon as
there's some sort of disagreement, how do we start to

(48:30):
break out of those, whether it's anger or something else?
But those patterns, those cycles that go from generation to
generation and just persist?

S9 (48:38):
I think, first of all, we have to recognize that
they're not healthy. They weren't healthy in your parents relationship.
They're not healthy in your relationship. And we have to
acknowledge if it's not kind and loving and tender, you know,
honest but loving, kind and tender, then we have to say,
you know, I don't want to be controlled. I don't
want to be like my father. I don't want to
be like my mother. I don't want to handle anger

(49:00):
the way they handle anger, for example. God can help us.
God is the one who can break bondage, you know? Yes.
If we just do what comes natural, we'll handle things
the same way they did. But we see and realize, hey,
that's not healthy. Father, help me break that habit. God,
we can. We can change anything that for the better,
if we have the help of God.

S2 (49:21):
Yeah. Gary, did you ever, uh, sweat copper together? Solder
copper pipes together?

S9 (49:26):
No, you never have.

S2 (49:28):
Well, there's this thing that we do with when you're
soldering copper pipes. And I know this hasn't worked with
my dad. It's called pressure testing, where you put full
water pressure in there. And actually, more than even what
you're going to use generally, I want to pressure test
your five love languages in some tough situations. Okay. So
we're going to pressure test the five love languages to
see if these things hold water. I know they do.

(49:51):
But sometimes you think does this stuff work? We're going
to hit some tough situations and see what Gary Chapman
says about it. Can the love languages survive storms of
life and can they overcome them? That's coming up.

S10 (50:05):
Wise men say. Only fools rush in. Can't help falling

(50:27):
in love with you.

S2 (50:31):
And young daughter, you got a good playlist in there,
my man.

S3 (50:34):
Thanks, man. Love the classics.

S2 (50:36):
Scarlet crew helping you take your next step with Jesus.
You know, the way to test something is pressure. Test it.
We know this with anything. I mean, something looks good until, uh,
maybe the wind blows against it. Storm comes. Maybe a
water pipe. You want to test it? Put the pressure
to it. See if there's any leaks there. So we're
going to pressure test the five love languages. Doctor Gary

(50:57):
Chapman is our guest right now. You know this this one. Gary.
It gets me choked up. We've got 41 names on
a prayer list that my wife has. Uh, just at
our church, two campuses alone of kids that were raised
in imperfect but good homes, really good homes, Gary. And
they have walked away from the church, and most of

(51:20):
them probably were never authentically in Christ. Do love languages
work when kids are far from God? Tell us about that.

S9 (51:29):
You know, I think they do. I wrote a book
entitled Your New Life with Adult Children, and what you're
describing is all too common in today's culture. It is.
And a part of it has to do with the
culture in which to which they're exposed and the friends
that they they make along the way. But I think
we we have to do what God does. He loves

(51:51):
his children even when they do wrong. Yeah. Now, yes,
he lets us suffer the consequences of our wrong decisions.
And we have to do that with our adult children.
We cannot control them, just like God gives us freedom.
But we can love them unconditionally. Uh, I think it's
illustrated by the prodigal son's father. You know, he didn't

(52:12):
go out there and try to force him to come home.
He just let God work and take him to the
hog pen. And when he finally got to the hog pen,
he came home. But his but his arms of his
father were open. And our arms need to always be
open to our children. I think saying to them, for example,
such things as, you know, uh, I hope I know
you understand that what you're doing deeply hurts me. You know,

(52:34):
sometimes I just weep at night by myself when I
think about the lifestyle you're choosing. But I want you
to know I love you. I will always love you.
I don't care what happens. I will always love you.
You know, we take that approach. And when they. And
then turn them over to God and God will walk,
you know, he knows how to bring them. And, and
and you know, when you move, when you're moving the

(52:56):
wrong way, you're going to end up in a hog
pen somewhere along the line.

S2 (52:59):
Yeah.

S9 (52:59):
That's right. You know. And then then you realize, oh, man,
mama loves me. Daddy loves me. I'm going to go
back home. I think we pray. We pray for them.
I talked to a guy just recently. He said I
hadn't talked to I hadn't talked to my daughter in
four years. And when I called her, she never answered.
When I sent texts, she never answered. I mailed her
birthday card. She never answered. But I prayed and I

(53:21):
had my friends praying, just like you were just mentioning.
And sure have my friends praying. And one day she
called me and said, dad, I want to come home.
I want to have a conversation with you. And she did.
And at that conversation, things were reconciled. She apologized, you know,
and da da da da da. And now they're now
they're talking every day on the phone, every every week
on the phone with each other. So, yeah, we can't

(53:41):
control our adult children, but we can love them whatever
they do.

S4 (53:45):
Doctor Gary Chapman, our guest. Right now, we're pressure testing
the Five Love Languages, which is his New York Times bestseller.
What about in difficult extended family relationships? In-Laws? Sometimes people
might call them outlaws. Different, difficult, extended family relationships. That's
pressure tested here. How can we apply love languages there?

S9 (54:05):
You know, I think if we understand their love language
and if we don't, then we speak all five of
them to our in-laws. And let's face it, there are
a lot of in-law relationships. You know, these are the
kind of things I deal with in my newest book,
which is called A Simple Guide to a Better Marriage.
I got 31 different topics with short chapters on. And
one of them has to do with in-laws because often

(54:27):
there's misunderstandings between in-laws. And I think here's what we
need to be open and honest and just say, I'm
just trying to understand here what's going on. And, you know,
and I want to have a good relationship and that
sort of thing. But I think, uh, if we just say, well,
I'm not going to have anything to do with my
in-laws because they don't like me. Well, you know, liking

(54:48):
you is a choice. They can they can like you
or not like you, but don't. You should never cut
off the relationship with with your in-laws. Uh, I mean,
they may cut it off, and and you can't control that.
But we should always be open, seeking to understand. And
I think many times, because in-laws, some in-laws tend to
be more wanting to be more involved, you know and

(55:10):
do and do things and not even communicate to the
young couple. I remember one couple who said to me,
you know, my parents just come over and drop in
any time of, of, of the evening and at dif
at different days, and sometimes it's just not convenient. And
I said to the guy, I said, well, why don't
you just talk to your father and just, just tell him,
you know, dad, we really want you all to come over,
but could you call and let us know, uh, or

(55:32):
ask if it's a good time? Because it's kind of
been frustrating and he'll understand. You know, he may be
a little miffed at first, but his wife will talk
about it and they'll start doing that. So if it's
something that's particularly bothering you, then you certainly want to openly,
lovingly share it, you know, with the in-laws.

S2 (55:51):
Yeah. Great stuff. Doctor Gary Chapman, our guest. Well, Young Thunder,
aka Jonathan Reinke, you've got one. You want to press
your test? Let's go.

S3 (55:59):
I do. Gary, how do love languages work in a
marriage where Her one spouse is distant from the other spouse.
Maybe it's, hey, I've been I've been loving my husband,
or I've been loving my wife and they're not loving
me back. Can the love languages help with that?

S9 (56:17):
I think it can absolutely transform things. You know, I've
heard people say, well, Doctor Chapman, I read your book
and and my, my husband or my wife's love languages.
So and so. And I've been speaking in now for
three weeks and and they're not responding. I said, okay,
so you're speaking their love language so that they'll speak
your love language. That's manipulation. That's not going to work. Yeah. Yeah.

(56:42):
The biblical love is loving unconditionally, whether they love you
or not. Just like God loved us unconditionally when we
were sinners, he sent Christ to die for us. So
what I sometimes say is, would you do a six
month experiment with me? If your husband will not come
for counseling, he won't go. He won't read a book
on marriage. He won't even talk about us. Let's do

(57:04):
a six month experiment. You speak his love language at
least once a week for six months. And let's just
see what happens. And many times, it's three months or
four months into this before the other person begins to
reciprocate and say, well, let me, you know. Uh, love

(57:26):
stimulates love. The Bible says we love God because he
first loved us. We didn't we didn't start this relationship
with God. He started it. And so the same principle
is true in human relationships. We unconditionally love them in
a language that's meaningful to them, and we do it
consistently over a long period of time. And love tends

(57:48):
to stimulate love. Now, I can't guarantee that every single
time they'll turn around and begin to reach out to you.
But I can tell you, that's the most powerful influence
you can have on your spouse. We can't change our spouse.
We can't make them, but we can influence them. And
if we if we are trying to complain to them
about what they're not doing, we're it's a it's a

(58:09):
negative influence. We're putting them down because in their mind
they're doing some things for us, you know, but we
complain and complain and complain and when we're having a
negative influence. But if we speak love language and speak
love in their language over an extended period of time,
we're having a positive influence on them.

S2 (58:27):
Yeah. Beautiful doctor Gary Chapman, our guest. I got one
quick one here. We got to we got to get
this in. There's a lot of people listening right now
who have been utterly betrayed by a spouse. And extending
a love language feels like feels like a a Band-Aid
on a massive wound. I don't think you propose. Just

(58:48):
love language alone. What do you do? What do you
say to someone who's been absolutely slaughtered at a soul
level with infidelity, with financial mismanagement that just got discovered?
What do you say, Gary?

S9 (59:01):
Well, I think speaking their love language, of course, does
create a more positive influence. But you have to be
honest and open about those kind of things. You can't
simply accept that kind of behaviour and continually. But if
you speak their love language and then confront them and say, honey,
I don't know how you feel, but I feel like

(59:22):
that I've been loving you in the best way I
know how. And I think I've been speaking your love language.
But it does appear to me that you're not interested
in our relationship because you continue with this kind of behavior,
and I love you too much to sit here and
do nothing about it. So I just want you to know, uh,
I'm willing to go for counseling if you're willing to go,

(59:43):
but if you're not willing to go and get help,
then I'm going to I'm going to go live with
my mother for a while. I'm not leaving you. I'm just, uh,
telling you I love you too much to sit here
and do nothing. And, uh, that kind of approach, it's
it's a loving. But it's a tough love. but if
you've preceded it by speaking their love language, they're far
more likely to say, well to themselves, I better do

(01:00:06):
something about this. I mean, they've been kind to me
for a long time here. Now, I'd better deal with this. Uh,
but but if all you've done is criticize them for
two years about the problem, and then you say that
you're going to do tough love, they're probably going to think,
good riddance. I'm sick and tired of you anyway. You know,
so preceding tough love with tender love is the most

(01:00:27):
powerful way to handle that.

S2 (01:00:29):
I love that. You know, I got to tell you, Gary,
we can't get into it now. But that whole element
of separation for the purpose of restoration is something we
don't talk enough about in the church. We go scorched earth.
It's either all in or all out. And I appreciate you,
my friend. Doctor Gary Chapman. Thanks for being with us today, friend.
We really love you here. Appreciate it. We got a link,
don't we, Ali?

S4 (01:00:49):
We do text the keyword love. Just text love to
800 555 7898. For more from our guest, Doctor Gary Chapman.
Text love to 800 555 7898.

S1 (01:01:02):
It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (01:01:05):
We're talking family relationships and one of the most impactful
relationships that we have in a family, for good or
for pain is a dad. And some of you have
dads and you can champion them here today. You can
even give the first name of your dad. How about that?

S3 (01:01:23):
I love it.

S2 (01:01:25):
But we'd love to hear from you. What's that thing
that your dad said to you that marked you for
the good? Give us a call right now. 800 555 7898. Christie,
first time caller in Florida. What do you say, Christie?

S11 (01:01:39):
Good morning. My father would always tell me God comes first,
you come second, and whomever you choose comes after that.
He would tell me that almost every single time I
talk to him.

S2 (01:01:54):
Oh. That's great. What's your dad's first name? Christy.

S11 (01:01:58):
His first name was Kenneth. Um, people who were close
to him called him Nelson.

S2 (01:02:03):
Called him Milton. That's great. Thank you for calling, Christy.
It sticks with you. Ali.

S4 (01:02:08):
It does. What's that thing that your dad said or
did that marked you for the good? 800 555. 78. 98.
Got Erica calling in this morning from Tennessee. Erica, give
it to us.

S12 (01:02:21):
All right, so I want to share with you about
my dad. His name is Russ. Um, and unfortunately, I'm
in Tennessee. He's in Ohio. But I'm so glad that
I get this chance to say that. He has always
told me every time I've seen him, how proud he
is of me. And it wasn't just like, hey, I'm
proud of you. It was hand on the shoulder got

(01:02:42):
my attention. I'm looking in my eyes and tears in
his eyes every time. And that just. I mean, it's
just simple, but, um, I have six boys of my
own now. Um, and so he does that to my boys,
and it just never made me doubt his love and
his care for me. And he still does it to
this day.

S2 (01:03:01):
No. That's beautiful. Erica. Way to go, Erica. What a dad.
We're taking calls. What's that memorable thing that marked you
for the good that your dad said, Kathy. And right
here in Illinois. What do you say, Kathy?

S13 (01:03:15):
Hi, Carol and crew. Um, my father said when I
came home pregnant, um, 41 years ago. Um. Oh, a
new member of the family.

S2 (01:03:28):
You weren't married?

S13 (01:03:30):
No. And that was his response to my pregnancy. I
never thought of it as a new member of the family.

S8 (01:03:37):
Wow.

S13 (01:03:37):
So that's. Yes, dad. That's what I have. I knew
instantly that we had a new member of the family change,
and she's going to be 41 this week. And and
and she has, you know, the family continues. She's got
the next generation. I mean, it's the most loveliest thing
I ever heard when someone is pregnant. It's a it's

(01:04:01):
a new member of our family. And I've said that
a few times in my 40 years since you told
me that. And it's amazing how people will pause. Because
when it's stressful, when there's an unexpected pregnancy, it never
occurs to them that that's a new member of our family.

S2 (01:04:20):
Yeah, that's a good word. You had a good dad, Kathy.
Thank you for calling in. That's beautiful. Let's go back
to the phone lines. Who do we have? Alex.

S4 (01:04:27):
Lisa, first time caller from Michigan. Lisa, what's something that
your dad said or did that marked you for the good?

S14 (01:04:35):
Um, I had a military son, uh, who, um, uh,
committed suicide. I can now talk about it after, like,
five years later. Um, yeah. And, um. And I as
as I, um, you know, went through the journey with them.
I didn't know how ill he was. And so you

(01:04:56):
have those questions afterwards, uh, after they go home to
be with the Lord of, you know, did you do enough?
Did you make the right decision? Yeah. The decisions while
I was assisting him. Yeah. Um, you know, there was
anything I could have did different. Um, questions like that.
And so my dad's response afterwards was, um, uh, not

(01:05:20):
to hold myself accountable for, uh, what I did not know.
And that was a game changer for me.

S8 (01:05:27):
Wow.

S2 (01:05:28):
That's a good dad, Lisa. Thank you. First time caller
from Missouri. Thanks for calling in this morning.

S1 (01:05:33):
You can take him out of Alaska, but you can't
take Alaska out of him. Carl is in the crew.
It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (01:05:42):
So what is it about sexuality? What does it reveal
about us. What does it reveal about Christ in us?
Doctor Julie Slattery is with us. Good morning. Julie, good
to have you with us today.

S15 (01:05:54):
Good to be with you, Carl and Ellie.

S2 (01:05:57):
Uh, we you know, I want to set this up.
I was I don't know if you heard his talk
in there before we came on here, but I was.
I was on X. I've got an aggregator. A really
conservative commentator was making some observations of a kind of
a pop icon. She's getting up there in age now,
but she's still a bit of an icon. No, it's

(01:06:17):
not Madonna for everyone who's trying to guess. But it
was it was. She's like, wow, we've resorted to soft
porn now. By the way, little ear warning for this
entire interview with Doctor Julie Slattery. Little ear warning. Um,
this it was so. It was so disturbing for me thinking.

(01:06:37):
Number one, this is on a main stage. There's like 20,
30,000 people there watching this. And it was it was
Is sex with clothes on. It was crazy. And so
I'm seeing that. And that's not new. I mean, this
stuff's been around forever. All we got to do is
look at Romans one. But I was stunned by this.
That the fruit of exchanging the glory of the immortal

(01:06:59):
God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals
and creeping things, meaning they found substitute gods wherever they could,
is that there was a twisted sexuality, and all we
have to do is read this and he says, you've
exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped
and served the creature rather than the creator. For this reason,

(01:07:19):
God gave them up to dishonorable passions. Women exchanging natural relations.
This is obviously talking about lesbianism, homosexuality of all kinds,
and men doing the same thing. Shameless acts. Why is
sexuality seen as almost the. And it goes on to

(01:07:39):
describe other things covetousness, malice, slanders, haters of God. But
why would Paul spend so much time explaining twisted sexuality
as the fruit of rebellion toward God?

S15 (01:07:55):
Boy, that's a great question. I think your observations are
so important that this this passage in Romans one is
actually a passage about worship, about what happens when our
worship goes awry and we don't recognize the creator, and
instead we worship created things which Karl, in our day
and age, we worship self and we live in a

(01:08:18):
humanistic society. And as you mentioned, Paul lists a number
of things that go wrong. We spiral into moral and
relational chaos. But sexuality is such a powerful gift that
God has given us. It's so intertwined with, um, who
we are as people, with vulnerability, with our desire for intimacy,

(01:08:39):
with our ability to procreate. In some sense, it's maybe
the aspect of us that touches the divine the most
closely that when we get worship wrong, we consistently see
throughout history that sexuality spirals into chaos.

S4 (01:08:59):
Doctor Julie Slattery, our guest this morning. She's a clinical psychologist, author,
president and co-founder of the ministry Authentic Intimacy. Coming up,
we've got some questions that you have submitted for Doctor
Julie Slattery. If you didn't get yours in 805, five, five, 78, 98.

S16 (01:09:16):
You mean the world to me. Are. You.

S4 (01:09:36):
Talking love. Marriage, intimacy. This morning, we've got Doctor Julie
Slattery with us right now, clinical psychologist, author, co-founder of
the ministry Authentic Intimacy. We've received some questions submitted from you,
our listeners this morning. I want to get to a
couple of those, uh, several of them around the same
topic of lack of one spouse, no sexual desire from

(01:09:58):
one spouse, and the ones that have come in this morning,
a wife who no longer has sexual desire. Doctor Julie,
how do you handle questions that come in like that
from usually from one spouse who's saying, my, my husband
in this case doesn't understand that I no longer desire sex,
or from a husband who's saying my wife continues to
reject me. What do I do here?

S15 (01:10:19):
Yeah, boy, that is so common. And there's a lot
of pain revolving around that topic in marriage. Um, it's
also complex and that there can be so many different
barriers that keep somebody from enjoying sex. Everything from, you know,
physical problems to emotional problems to relational. Rational. But I
think what's critical is that we understand everything in marriage,

(01:10:41):
including sexuality, through the lens of the way God calls
us to love each other. And so it's critical that
couples talk about this and that. They say, okay, what
are the barriers? Um, you know, how do we learn
to love each other when we have this difference? And
so I know that this is a question I could
spend about ten minutes talking about, and we have short time. Um,

(01:11:04):
but we have a bunch of resources that can help
couples navigate this and really get to the root of
what is the barrier. How do we in love, like,
reach across that and show, um, unconditional love and work
on intimacy in our marriage?

S2 (01:11:21):
Julie, we've got a lot of questions that have come
in here. One relates to a child that put parents
on notice that they have same sex attraction. They are
heartbroken and wondering, how in the world do we How
do we communicate with that son or daughter?

S15 (01:11:39):
Yeah. Boy, that is heartbreaking. And the kind of story
that unfortunately we hear all too often. I think the
first thing is you want to continue to to keep
that relationship strong. Uh, your your child is fearing that
they're going you're going to reject them and lose that relationship.
So prayerfully invest in the relationship, but also understanding that

(01:12:04):
we live in a culture that is telling people, particularly
children and young adults, to define themselves by their experiences
and their desires. And the Word of God says that
we all have desires from our flesh that are going
to lead to death, that are not trustworthy. And so
I think it's important for these parents to understand that

(01:12:25):
what your kid is going through is not just a
psychological thing, but it's a it's a worldview framing Aiming.
They're being discipled by the culture. And so while you're
standing in love, you also want to help your child
understand that the Bible calls to see not just same
sex desires differently, but all of our desires differently. And

(01:12:48):
a family like this is going to need support. Um,
there are a number of ministries locally where you live
and even digital ministries nationally where you can find some
support because it can be a really lonely journey. And
ultimately we need the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to
show us how do we love our children? Well, through
this kind of thing? And how do we speak truth?

S4 (01:13:10):
Doctor Julie Slattery, our guest this morning, uh, clinical psychologist,
co-founder of the ministry Authentic Intimacy. Great question from parents. Uh,
how do we equip our sons for facing and fighting pornography?

S15 (01:13:25):
Yeah, boy, it's not just sons today, but also daughters
based on the research that are being exposed to pornography.
I think you start by assuming it's not. If your
kids will be exposed to pornography, but when um, and
that can be a sobering statement. But the research tells
us that, hey, we need to start talking to kids
around the ages of 7 or 8 and age appropriate ways.

(01:13:47):
Preparing them for this is out there. Here's what we
want you to do. Um, when you see it, um,
you're not going to get in trouble. Come talk to
us and, um, and really equip them with what God's
designed for sex actually is and how this is, uh,
a source of poison that can be attractive. Um, but ultimately,

(01:14:10):
it's not going to be good for you. Um, having
regular conversations, not just about pornography, but about sexuality, um,
about things we struggle with, about just the grace of
God in our lives really paves the way for kids
to have that ongoing conversation, instead of it being something
that they feel like they have to keep it secret with.

S2 (01:14:30):
Yeah. That's good. Julie Slattery, our guest right now. Julie. Uh,
this is a little ear warning question here, and I'll
rephrase it a bit from what it came in here.
But is sexual self-gratification ever legitimate?

S15 (01:14:47):
Yeah. Boy, that's the number one question that I get
asked whenever I go speak. Um, and we have to say,
first of all, that is not addressed in Scripture, even though, um,
God wasn't shy about laying out a biblical sexual ethic
for us. So it's a complicated question. I think, um,
you know, to answer it simply, I would say we

(01:15:08):
have to go back to what is God's design for
our sexuality. And ultimately, God's design for our sexuality revolves
around covenant around sexual desire, prompting us to pursue covenant, uh,
and the release of sexual intimacy being something that is
a Celebration within covenant. Um, and so, um, self-gratification, you know,

(01:15:32):
is really about the self. It's about what I want,
when I want it. I think that there are some
situations where Christians can say, hey, this is something that
helps me, uh, stay pure and fight temptation. But I
think we have to say, at the end of the day,
at the very least, um, self-gratification is an immature expression

(01:15:53):
of our sexuality and not the fullness of what God
desires for us. And so he wants us to grow
in maturity, whether we're single or married, and experience the
fullness of what he designed sex to be.

S4 (01:16:05):
Doctor Julie, one more for you. I'm going to throw
this one. Someone's asking about dating websites. Is it a
sin to use dating websites to try to connect with someone?
What do you say on that one?

S15 (01:16:17):
Yeah, I don't think. Absolutely. It's not a sin. Um,
but I think, like anything, it's how you use it. Um,
dating websites and apps can make you think about people
as a consumer. You swipe, I don't like this one.
I don't like this one. You begin, maybe to think
of people in terms of the physical qualities or a

(01:16:38):
shopping list. And so I think while dating websites and
apps are a great way to meet people, we have
to check our heart. Um, and are we really pursuing
dating as a consumer instead of prayerfully saying, God, would
you even use something like this to help me find
somebody who is like minded? Um, and so I think

(01:16:58):
the key is really making sure that we value people, um,
not just the people we choose to date, but even
the people that we choose not to connect with.

S4 (01:17:07):
Doctor Julie Slattery wish we had more time. We got
to end it there. But if you want more, she's
got many resources available on her website. There's a podcast
as well. Text authentic to 800 555 7898. Text authentic
800 555 7898.

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Biblical Sexuality and Intimacy Q&A with Dr. Juli Slattery; Love Languages and Fatherhood with Dr. Gary Chapman

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