July 25, 2025 • 52 mins
On this Freedom Friday, we concluded our weekly theme of “Family Relationships” with discussions about how data can help improve marriage and intimacy, as well as how the radical transformation of others can impact our walk with Christ. We turned to Acts 16, where we saw how Paul and Silas witnessed for Christ while in prison in Philippi, and how it transformed the life of a prison guard. We also heard a radical transformation story about the late Hulk Hogan, former professional wrestler, and how he turned to Christ and publicly declared it before his passing. We then turned to the phone lines to hear a freedom story from one of our listeners, Prestina, and we asked her, “Who in your family or circle of friends had such a radical transformation that caused you to repent and turn to God completely?” Then one of our special guests, Shaunti Feldhahn, shared data that can help married couples understand their partners more. Shaunti is a best-selling author, podcaster, blogger, and popular speaker. She received a graduate degree from Harvard University. She was formerly an analyst on Wall Street, so she applies her analytical skills when investigating truths in the home and the workplace. She has also written groundbreaking research books such as “For Women Only” and “For Men Only.” Then Luke Smallbone from For KING + COUNTRY, a musical duo consisting of two brothers, Luke and Joel Smallbone, joined us to discuss the importance of intimacy with God in private. He also shared with us information about the musical duo's upcoming Little Drummer Boy Christmas tour. For more information about For KING + COUNTRY and the tour, visit their website. The duo has been awarded four Grammy Awards, an American Music Award, 10 GMA Dove Awards, a Billboard Music Award, and has garnered over 16,000 streams. You can hear the highlights of today's program on the Karl and Crew Showcast.
If you're looking to hear a particular segment from the show, look at the following time stamps:
Hulk Hogan Interview and Salvation Teaching [00:09-14:01 ]
Listener Freedom Story (Prestina) [14:02- 18:30]
Acts 16 Teaching (Paul and Silas in Philippi) [18:40-26:45 ]
Shaunti Feldhahn Interview (Data in Marriage and Intimacy) [26:55-43:19]
Luke Smallbone ( Private time with God and Drummer Boy tour ) [43:29- 52:52]
Donate to Moody Radio: http://moodyradio.org/donateto/morningshow
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:00):
Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (00:08):
WWE legend Hulk Hogan is dead at the age of 71. Clearwater,
Florida Police said they responded to a medical call Thursday
morning for a cardiac arrest. They said he was treated
at his residence before being taken to the hospital, where
he was pronounced dead. WWE paid tribute to Hogan and
social media post, calling him one of pop culture's most
recognizable figures. Hulk Hogan gave his life to Jesus and
(00:31):
was baptized just 18 months before his death. I'm Jonathan.
That's your update.
S3 (00:37):
Amazing story. That little piece that you just tagged on
there is one of the most profound things that often
doesn't get a lot of mainstream play, but it's there.
I'm thinking about Scottie Scheffler, you know, top golfer in
the world. Oh my goodness Scott. He's got a story
of life transformation.
S4 (00:53):
Oh that's awesome.
S3 (00:54):
And oh yeah I mean it's amazing. And I got
some bad news for you my man.
S4 (01:00):
What's that?
S3 (01:00):
I know when we think about the Yankees, that's one
of the teams. Unless you live in New York, you
love to hate the Yankees. You just love to hate them.
S4 (01:08):
Of course.
S3 (01:09):
The problem is now for me is we got a
brother in Christ who can flat swing the bat. Aaron. Judge.
Aaron Judge is radically committed follower of Jesus. I don't
know if you knew this or not.
S5 (01:21):
I did not know that.
S3 (01:22):
Yeah, he was adopted by two people that I'm going
to get choked up saying. It blew his his admiration
for his mom and dad is one of the most
awe inspiring things you can imagine. And he gives glory
and praise to God that he was adopted by his
mom and dad, and he is so bold with his faith.
(01:46):
At the All star game, they let you write stuff
on your bats. Find out what he wrote on his bat.
I want to think it's a Second Corinthians passage.
S2 (01:53):
Yeah, let me check.
S3 (01:55):
But this kid, Aaron Judge, he flat knows the word,
and he's a big time witness. I'm crying over a
New York Yankee. This is a miracle from God in
itself right now.
S4 (02:05):
Wow.
S3 (02:06):
Um, it's an awesome thing. It's an awesome thing to
see these. I think everybody's encouraged by someone who's got
a very high profile in a very, uh. How do
you say this, uh, effort sports something where it's it's
not common for people to maybe take a stand for Christ,
(02:29):
but they do. Oh. It's huge. Yeah. What do you
have on his bat there, big dog?
S2 (02:32):
Uh, he had Second Corinthians five seven for we live
by faith, not by sight.
S4 (02:36):
Oh, yeah.
S3 (02:37):
Yeah. And he, um. He's he's bold. I mean, his
witness is bold. Scottie Scheffler's witness is bold. I think
Aaron Judge has the best batting average in the bigs
right now. I'm not certain of that.
S4 (02:49):
Yeah, he's I mean, he's.
S2 (02:49):
He's front runner for the MVP race for sure.
S4 (02:52):
So he's got over Ohtani. Oh yeah.
S3 (02:54):
Okay. Which is scary. You can If you can outdo
Shohei Ohtani, you've done something.
S4 (03:00):
Oh, yeah.
S3 (03:01):
Yeah. Um, but Hulk Hogan, this is epic. And this
is part of the story you may not heard. Young thunder,
you pulled it up, didn't you?
S2 (03:08):
Yeah. Uh, this clip is from the 700 club. He
did an interview there before he died, after he gave
his life to Jesus. And this is what he said.
S6 (03:16):
People you know that say they're a Christian, and they
know of our Lord and Savior, but they really don't
know him. You know, everybody I meet is a wrestler
talking about wrestling, but there's a huge difference when you
actually get in that ring, just like you said. And
that's exactly the perfect way to describe it. I get
sick and tired of myself. You know, the two people
in my head, the ego and the real I am.
(03:39):
I mean, I just I just surrendered. I just said,
I can't do it anymore. You know, and I had
went back to, to the Bible, you know, and I
started reading again and I'm either all the way in
or all the way out with whatever I do. So
if you're with me, there's no guesswork. If I'm with
my Lord and Savior, I'm all the way in.
S5 (03:58):
Wow. That was Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan and his real name.
S2 (04:02):
Terry Bollea.
S5 (04:03):
Okay.
S4 (04:04):
Yeah. Wow.
S3 (04:06):
This this brings a great discussion because there's another layer
to this that I want to give you a boom
crew that I don't know that anyone else is going
to talk about this, but it's something that I observed.
His bride, Sky was baptized the same day he was baptized.
And make no mistake about it, Hulk Hogan has a
crazy past.
S4 (04:27):
Oh for sure.
S3 (04:29):
You know, from steroids to partying to womanizing to. I mean,
come on. And he's one of the first ones to
say it. I'm not tromping on a grave here. He'd
be happy to jump in here and say this this morning.
If he was still alive. And Hulk Hogan was radically transformed.
It reminded me of a passage of Scripture in Acts 16.
(04:53):
Let me tell you the story. Paul and Silas are
in prison for the gospel. Goodness sakes, I'm crying today. Man,
this is crazy. This is really cool. And they're praying
and they're singing. And while they're praying and singing, the
(05:14):
the earth began to shake. And it rumbled so much
that it took the jailhouse doors. And it jimmied him
in such a way that the doors swung wide open.
A Roman prisoner guard. Prison guard. He woke up and
he saw these doors opened up. And you gotta you
(05:36):
gotta understand something. If you got a job to guard
a prison, earthquakes ain't an excuse that they got out
of there. It's not an excuse. And when he saw
those doors open, he didn't even look around to see
if there were there. They were there. Because what do
prisoners do when the doors are open, guys?
S2 (05:54):
They leave.
S5 (05:55):
Run!
S4 (05:56):
Run!
S5 (05:57):
Run! Escape!
S3 (05:59):
He didn't run. Silas didn't run. Paul didn't run. He
didn't know that. He grabs a sword and he has
got a sword in his hand. And he's about to
thrust that thing right into his heart. And Paul says,
don't do it. We're here. You know what his response was?
(06:27):
He fell on his knees. And he had one statement.
He said, sirs, what must I do to be saved?
S2 (06:41):
I love that.
S3 (06:44):
Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And Paul
said to him, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and
you will be saved, you and your household. Okay, that's
passage that's often talked about. Let me explain exactly what's
going on here. This is not because dad becomes a
(07:08):
Christian or mom becomes a Christian, that then everybody in
the household is conferred into Christianity. That's what's happened in
our nation now raised in Christian household. My mom and
dad are born again. I was raised Christian. No, you're
not raised Christian. You might be raised in a Christian home,
but you're not raised Christian. You're raised dead in Christ.
(07:30):
You're born with your back to God straight up. Here's
what happened with Hulk Hogan and his wife, Sky, absolutely
convinced of it. His wife's guy saw the Hulkster broken. Humble,
surrendered all in with Jesus not calling himself a wrestler.
(07:50):
That's the metaphor he used in the ring. All in
with Jesus. And I believe what happened was Skye is
she's like, oh my goodness, if God can change this guy,
can he change me? This is the principle out of
acts 16. Make no mistake about it, you will be
saved in your household. Here's the principle. If a Roman
(08:14):
jailer who is agnostic at best, atheistic most probably. Has
a hatred for Jewish people. Let's just get the picture here. Right, guys?
S4 (08:30):
Oh, yeah.
S3 (08:31):
Utter hatred for Jewish people can fall to his knees
and say, what do I need to do to be saved?
That's real, that's that's real. So when when Paul said
to him, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. He knew
(08:52):
what belief was. Belief for him wasn't slipping up his
hand in the crowd and then slipping it back down
and going on and living basically the same way. It
wasn't walking down an aisle to man, I got to
get my ticket stamped. It was full blown repentance. And
Paul said, you will be saved in your household. Why?
(09:12):
Paul knew that nothing is more contagious, that when a
guy who's far from God knows it repents, not just
slips a hand in the air, repents, turns around, is
willing to leave behind his career, his culture. Now, the
risk of it on his life is greater now than
(09:32):
it was when the door swung open on the jailhouse.
It's just powerful. And so we got a Freedom Friday
question for you. And it's as simple it's this simple.
I want you to think about this. Who in your
family or circle of friends had such a radical transformation
(09:55):
that it caused you to say, I'm repenting to repentance
is fundamental to authentic faith. You don't have belief without repentance.
You don't. It's a turning away from everything out here.
It's not walking in perfection, for crying out loud. We can.
I'll prove that to you in my own life. But
(10:15):
it's full blown repudiation of everything I was. And it's saying,
what do I gotta do to be saved? Who in
your circle of family or friends had such a radical
transformation of their life that it caused you to say,
(10:35):
I'm repenting, too? I want you to give us a
call right now. Very specific story. But God rocked your
world because he rocks someone else's world. You saw it
and you go, whoa, what do I need to do
to be saved? I want you to give us a
(10:56):
call right now. If that's your story, I don't I.
We're going to need you in here, because this isn't
this isn't a big, big slice of people, but it's
a slice of people out there in somewhere in North America.
That's your story. And I want you to call right
now and go. That's my story. That's my story. That's
my story, young Thunder, that's my story. Carl, I want
(11:17):
you to call and give us your story. 800 555
7898 800 555 7898.
S1 (11:29):
She's a choreographer extraordinaire, and everything is Greek to her.
Super die is in the crew. It's Carl and crew
on Moody Radio.
S4 (11:39):
What?
S3 (11:40):
A story comes out of the Hulk Hogan story. Radically
transformed by Jesus about 18 months ago was baptized bold
statement of faith and he told everyone he knew and
he was he was bold down the home stretch. I'm
hearing reports coming back that he he got with Dana
White and different people and just said, this is what
(12:00):
happened to me, man.
S4 (12:01):
I love that.
S3 (12:02):
And it's yeah, it's a compelling thing. And, you know,
here's what happens. A guy like a Hulk Hogan gets
born again. And the impact on his bride Sky and
the impact on others is radical. This is why God uses,
by the way, there's no story of transformation that isn't radical,
because you go from dead in your trespasses and sins
(12:23):
to alive in Christ. Last, let me check. Yeah, sure enough, Allie.
That's radical.
S5 (12:27):
Yes. It's radical. Death to life. Darkness to light. That's radical.
Regardless of the circumstances in your life around that time.
S4 (12:37):
Yeah.
S3 (12:37):
Big time. So we go to this passage in acts
16 and this Philippian jailer. Oh my goodness, earthquake happens
because Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God,
and the prisoners were listening to them, and there was
this huge earthquake, and the doors of the jail cell opened.
(12:58):
And when this Roman soldier got up, he saw the
doors open and he's like, ah, they're gone, man, I'm
just going to kill myself now rather than be tortured
and killed later. And he went to thrust a knife
into his heart and and you know what happened? Paul
shouts out, don't do it, bro. We're alive. We're right here.
(13:20):
We haven't left. He's like, you haven't left. He said,
what do I need to do to be saved? In
an instant he looked at them and said, what in
the world you must be connected with a God? I
do not know. What do I need to do to
be saved? And what they said was believe in the
(13:42):
Lord Jesus Christ, you will be saved, you and your household.
And here's the point. The reason the household gets saved
is because they witness this radical transformation, and it's more
than they can take. And they say, I'm following your Jesus.
I'm repenting too. So we got a story for you.
It's it's a cool one. It's your story. Who and
(14:06):
your family or circle of friends had such a radical
transformation that it caused you to say, I'm repenting to
Pristine and Claremont, Florida. Thanks for calling in Pristina. What
do you say?
S7 (14:18):
Praise the Lord! Thank you for your show. I was
a churchgoer. My grandfather was pastor. My father was a preacher.
I was a churchgoer for a lot of years. But
when my late husband got saved, when the Lord transformed him,
it was so radical. And so he just loved the Lord.
He stayed before the Lord and prayed, and I just
(14:39):
fell on my knees and ask the Lord to, I mean,
I repented and God changed my life and I've not
been the same since. I love the Word of God
and it's just been an amazing walk. I'm so grateful
for now. My husband went to heaven in 2021. My
late husband. But I praise God every day for witnessing
(15:00):
his walk.
S3 (15:02):
This is your. This is your passage, Pristina. Your passage,
your husband, your call. This is your passage, sister. Oh, okay. Pristina,
I'm going to keep you here because I want to
I want I want you to I want you to
pray for people that have this great. I call it
a deception of salvation or this hallucination of salvation. Hallucination
(15:26):
of salvation. A hallucination is seeing something that isn't real. Okay.
And we have a hallucination of salvation in the church today, Pristina.
We do, and it's widespread, sister. People who think they
see something in themselves with God that isn't there. And
I want you. You've shared your story. I want you
to pray for those who are lost and under a
(15:49):
cloak of darkness, thinking they have something they don't have.
Would you pour out your heart right now and pray?
S7 (15:55):
Yes. Our father and our God is in the mighty
name of Jesus that we just come before you, Lord God, humble,
asking Lord God, that you would please save and open
some people's eyes, even if they're sitting right in church
and believing that they're saved. Lord, show them the truth. Lord,
just do a miracle in their lives right now. In
the name of Jesus, we praise you, Lord God, we
(16:16):
thank you. We give you all glory and honor because
you are so worthy to be praised. Amen. Praise.
S5 (16:22):
Amen. Amen.
S3 (16:24):
Oh, Christina. Thank you sister. What a great word, man. Christina.
What a dude you had for a husband, huh?
S7 (16:32):
Well, everybody will tell you that he was an amazing
man of God, amazing teacher of the word And if
I can go further. He was illiterate before he started
reading the word. They kept him in high school to
play football. He was a captain of the football team,
senior high school. But when he got saved, he stayed
before the Lord and begged the Lord to teach him
(16:54):
that word. Wow. And he did. He was an amazing
teacher of the word after being illiterate. Yeah. God is powerful.
S3 (17:04):
God is powerful. Pristina. Thank you. From Claremont, Florida. Thank
you for calling in. Oh my goodness. That's all you
need to hear today. Boom crew right there. There are
so many. There's so many trails with that. But two
big ones please. If you've been a person that's been
in church but you've not repented and you see a
(17:27):
need for a savior, repent and turn over your life
to Jesus today, I beg of you, please. Today is
the day. Today is the day of your salvation. And
if you see somebody radically transformed, genuinely transformed, and you
see what God's done in their life, please this day
(17:50):
fall to your knees and say, I want to follow
the God of that person who's been changed. Today is
the day. No more hallucination of salvation. Eternity is at
stake here, friends. It really is. Wow. Pristina's story.
S4 (18:14):
Ali.
S5 (18:15):
I love, I love that she saw something in her
husband that she did not see in herself. And that
was the turning point.
S3 (18:25):
That was the turning point. She heard the gospel her
whole life. That was the turning point.
S1 (18:30):
He's a sports fanatic with a stat for anything you
can think of. Young Thunder is in the crew. It's
Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S3 (18:40):
The question I have for you this morning with Carl
and crew is, does he. And I mean this from
the bottom of my heart, friend, there is some of
you this morning across North America who have come here today,
and quite frankly, you are broken. And I want to
tell you, you have never been better positioned for God
to do something radical in your life. I want to
take you to a story in the book of acts,
(19:01):
chapter 16. Amazing epic story. The reality of being broken
is that God has you positioned where you can really
understand for the first time that you need a Savior
and his name is Jesus. This scene out of acts
16 is epic. Paul and Silas in prison, guarded by
(19:22):
Roman soldiers. Probably more than one, probably a handful, but
one in particular was responsible for making sure that these
guys stayed in prison. They were singing. All the other
prisoners were are listening to this. These guys, they're singing.
Probably the guards were listening, too, and they're just praying
(19:43):
and singing hymns to God. Paul and Silas, late into
the night. Midnight. Boom. The earth began to shake and
the earth began to shake. And the doors to the
prison were opened up. A Roman guard saw these open
doors and he's like, oh no, they're gone. And he
(20:08):
pulls he pulls a sword out, and he puts the
tip of that sword to his heart, and he's going
to plunge it in. And Paul yells at him, don't
do it. We're here. You know what his response was?
Oh my goodness. He fell flat on his knees. And
(20:30):
he said, what do I need to do to be saved.
It's an epic story.
S5 (20:38):
You know, you think about the power of that moment
of what they were witnessing. I mean, not only did
Paul and Silas stay, the rest of the prisoners did, too.
They were so taken by what was happening in the moment,
by the power of what they were seeing by the
songs that were being sung. Nobody moved.
S3 (20:57):
Nobody moved when they should have.
S4 (21:00):
They should have.
S3 (21:01):
The the jail should have been empty. But they stayed.
And Paul yelled to him, we're here, bro. He was
in awe. Why didn't they leave? He's processing this in
a second. What's going on? Why didn't they leave? And
then he's putting the equation together. They trust in God
(21:22):
at a level that they are not running on man's terms.
They're running by a different clock. And it's the one
true and living God. How do I follow your God?
He said. And Paul looked at him and he says,
you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. This wasn't a
hand in the air. This isn't this isn't some little acknowledgement.
(21:43):
This is full blown repentance. There's no salvation apart from repentance.
When you see the word, believe it in it. The
direct implication is you turn your back on everything that
you were and you're saying, and I'm going this way.
You know what this jailer left? He left a culture.
He left a job. He left friends. And he would
(22:05):
have left family. Except for the fact that Paul said,
you will be saved. And your household. Why? Because his
wife and children would have seen this radical transformation in
his dad. It doesn't mean that they were now in
a Christian home. And so they got saved. No, no, no,
they saw a radically transformed daddy and they were going
to be saved. And the simple question this morning is,
(22:31):
Do you see your brokenness? Are you flat out on
your face before God this morning? You know what God's
saying to you today is your day of salvation. If
you'll humble yourself under my mighty hand and you're going,
I'm humble, girl, I'm broken. I'm at the end of myself.
It could be finances. It could be addictions. It could
(22:53):
be that you're just weary corporate exec. You're just weary
of climbing that ladder. And God's got you broken. You
might have got busted in an infidelity. You might have
gotten busted with a financial crime. You might have got busted,
that you're an addict and you're in church, but you
are hooked on something. You might have gotten busted that
(23:16):
you've been fake your whole life with regard to your faith,
but today you're broken. And I'm telling you, you are
strategically positioned for God to save your soul right now.
And you say, well, how does it happen? Believe in
the Lord Jesus Christ. It's the repentance of the Roman jailer.
It's saying I'm leaving behind whatever it costs. I'm at.
(23:39):
Nothing's holding me back. I'm leaving culture. I'm. I'll. I'll
give you this business. I'll give you my future. I'll
give you all my past. God, I'm giving it all
to you today. And you're surrendering your life to Jesus today.
It's a cry of the soul. It's not even a
fancy prayer. But I do want to ask you. Is
(23:59):
today the day that you're repenting and believing in Jesus
for the first time ever? Is that you? Praise God!
Praise God! People are going to see what God's done
in your life, and you're going to have more of
a witness than you've ever imagined. And if that's you,
I'm going to pray for you. But it's a simple
question are you repenting? Are you turning around saying, I
(24:22):
am falling on my knees, I'm broken, and today I
surrender my life to Jesus. You're acknowledging that Jesus is
the way, the truth, and the life. No one can
go to the father but through him. And you're turning
from your way. You're going his way. You're turning from
your truth. You're embracing the truth. You're a sinner who
(24:42):
needs a Savior. And his name is Jesus. And don't
let the delusion and deception of church activity hold you
back from this new found faith in Christ. And if
this is you right now, wherever you are in this nation,
God's got you right now, wherever you are in North
(25:02):
America or beyond. Today, I'm inviting you. Give it all
to Jesus. Believe. And I'm going to pray for you
in a moment. But right now, Ali, we want to
help these people immediately know where to go in their
relationship with Jesus.
S5 (25:18):
So if that's you, just text the word new to
800 555 7898. If today you are new in Christ, Text.
Nu nu to 800 555, 7898.
S3 (25:36):
Yeah, and this is. This is high stakes, isn't it, Ali?
This isn't a hand in the air. This is full
blown surrender. Just like the Roman jail.
S5 (25:44):
Yeah, this is a this is a moment that everything changes.
S3 (25:49):
Everything changes. Text the word new right now. Wherever you are,
get a phone. Grab it. Text the word new to
800 555, 7898. Today is your day, friend. 800 555 7898.
We're going to help you in your first steps with
Jesus just a little bit. We're going to shout out
(26:10):
the last four numbers of your telephone number. But God
brought you here to save your soul today. Just text
one word new to 800 555 7898. The work of
God is done. Our work is to come in behind
that and say, let's go. We want to help you
in your first steps with Jesus. We'll shout out the
(26:30):
last four numbers of your phone number coming up here
in a little bit. But welcome to the family. Text
new to 800 555 7898. This song is for you,
Big Daddy Weave. He makes all things new today.
S1 (26:45):
She was trying to earn her way to God, but
God showed her she didn't have to. Ali is in
the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S3 (26:55):
Well, on this Freedom Friday, sometimes the thing that gives
you freedom is when the lights go on and you
realize that's what I'm doing wrong.
S5 (27:04):
There are things that I've been missing or not seeing correctly.
S3 (27:08):
Yeah. And there's no one better for giving us the
data points on how to get it right. Shante Feldman
with us right now. Shante. Thank you so much for
ducking in here on this Freedom Friday, sister.
S8 (27:20):
Oh, absolutely. Delighted.
S3 (27:22):
Okay, let's break it down. Are you still doing research?
You did it for years. Are you still getting data
points for what makes a dynamic marriage?
S8 (27:31):
I am. It's been fascinating. The last few years. We
did a big one on intimacy, intimacy and money. We
just finished two big studies on those topics.
S3 (27:40):
Well, let's jump into intimacy first. What are you learning?
S8 (27:43):
One of the things that most people don't realize is
getting in the way in their marriage, in this particular area,
is that we think if we're not connecting in, like
maybe some person wants a little bit more connection than
the other. Um, we don't realize it's not because one
person has a lower drive than the other. It's usually
because we have different types of desire. And often there
(28:08):
is something called initiating desire, which is the desire to
pursue it and to kind of think about it all
the time and be ready at a moment's notice. But 73%
of women have a completely different type of desire. It's
called receptive desire. And that works physiologically in the reverse order.
Neither men or women know this. Like, I didn't know
(28:30):
this until I started all the research. We're literally you
don't feel that same sense of hunger and you're deciding
to get engaged. And once you do, then you start
feeling that sense of desire that your spouse may have felt,
you know, ten minutes ago. And and it's like, oh,
so like 73% of women are making a decision based
(28:52):
on how their spouse has made them feel the rest
of the day. It's really, really important to know this stuff.
S5 (28:57):
Shanti Feld on our guest right now, she's a best
selling author, podcaster. She's a social researcher, received her graduate
degree from Harvard, spent some time as an analyst on
Wall Street, now applies her skills to investigating the life
changing truths about relationships, helping relationships thrive. What are some
other myths that need to be debunked when it comes
(29:20):
to just our basic Understanding you debunked one on intimacy.
What about the rest of married life? What are some
common myths out there?
S8 (29:29):
Well, one of the most important ones that gets in
the way of a lot of couples is that men are, like,
super confident in themselves that need to be taken down
a peg or two because they look so confident and
that women are random. So a lot of men think, oh,
I'm just never going to understand my wife, right? Like,
(29:49):
you know, there's a part of her that's just a mystery.
Like it's I'm never going to be able to fully
understand her because women, there's just something random. Well guess what?
When you think that. Which is not true, by the way,
because I can prove that to you statistically. But when
you think that. Guess what happens when you get confused,
you're more likely to just think, well, it's that random
(30:11):
thing I'm never going to understand. I'm going to go
over here and like, work on the deck, you know?
And as opposed to no, actually, women can be understood
and systematized just like anybody else. And so I if
I'm not understanding something, I'm going to press in. I'm
going to actually look for the answer because it's there somewhere,
as opposed to checking out that one thing is a
(30:33):
huge thing for most husbands to be aware of, and
a huge thing for most wives to be aware of.
The debunking the myth is that, well, Carl, if I
can just be honest, you guys look so confident in yourselves.
We believe that the mask that you've put on instead,
we don't recognize that that is just a mask. And
(30:56):
believe it or not, 85% of men on my survey
said that mask is hiding a lot of self-doubt, that
there's an immense amount of self-doubt running under the surface.
And where maybe most women. The question in our heart
and we found this statistically as well is like, am
I lovable? The question in a man's heart isn't really.
(31:20):
Am I lovable for most men now? Some men. Right.
There's exceptions, sure, but for most men, the question is,
am I able? Do I measure up? And so they're
always looking to answer the question am I any good
at what I do? And so it's so easy for
us as women to not recognize that inside that strong,
(31:40):
confident looking husband is is a tender heart that just
wants to do well for you.
S3 (31:47):
I love that this is actually important stuff. Shante Feldman,
our guest right now, researcher, analyst and has done such
work in such great work for women only. For men
only two books that just sold millions of copies a
number of years ago. But she's keeping this beat going today. Uh,
let's we gotta duck over to finances. Finances is.
S4 (32:08):
A.
S3 (32:09):
Huge thing. What have you learned in your research?
S8 (32:12):
Well, it usually comes down to one of the main
things that causes the the friction, right? Like the annoyance,
the frustration on a day to day level is that
we don't realize that we're not valuing what our spouse
is valuing. It's not a surprise that, like, hey, I'm
married to a different person, right? But for some reason,
(32:33):
we don't translate that in our head. And so therefore,
this different person that I'm married to, there is something
that they really strongly value that I just don't think matters.
And so it's like this is the way you should
handle money. And in your head it's like everybody's got
their should. Like, of course, that's just the way you
(32:56):
do it. Like of course you just save a certain
amount every month. It's like, of course, you know, we've
been working so hard, we should save up and take
the vacation so that we can get away and be
gone for a week or two and, like, really unplug.
Of course, that's what we should do as opposed to
the other person who's like, of course we should spend
our money. We're working so hard, we should connect every
(33:16):
two weeks for a really nice date night. Like that's
the right thing that we should do. And it's like
neither of those is wrong or right, but we don't
recognize that there's a value underneath that that's really important to.
S4 (33:30):
Us.
S8 (33:30):
And to our spouse. Yep, exactly.
S5 (33:33):
My guess is, Shanti, that that extends beyond finances. I mean,
I think of Doctor Gary Chapman in the Love Languages.
It's easy to miss each other when we are valuing
different things, right?
S8 (33:45):
Oh for sure. This is one of the things that
you see everywhere. You see it in parenting. You see
it everywhere. Like classic example that we've found in our
both in our studies of men and women and some
of the early studies and some of the later ones
as well, that like, for example, that it's around 80%
of women that they really value, that their children be safe, obviously. Right.
(34:10):
Like every mom listening to this is like, yeah, no duh.
Like that's what why is that surprising?
S3 (34:15):
But Ali's top of that list, by the way. I
just want to I just want to say that Ali's
right up there. I smiled immediately.
S8 (34:23):
There you go. Absolutely. Where it's like, you know, you've
got a little, like a little kid, and you're like,
following them around, like, you know, hey, baby. Oh, you know,
you hurt yourself. It's okay. I'm right here. Whereas a
dad is more likely to value building a sense of adventure,
building independence, building grit. Where, hey, go run. Fly like you,
(34:44):
scrape your knee and suck it up and you get
back up. Yeah. And neither of those is right or wrong.
The anthropologists have actually found that, on average, all over
the world, a father will let a toddler get three
times further away from them than a mom will. And again,
neither of those is right or wrong. We're just different.
S3 (35:07):
Yeah, that is so good. Shaunti. Um, there's a lot
of people. Oh, we've been hitting this this week, and
it's tough. And it happens a lot in Christian homes.
And I've got air quotes there because and I'm talking
about people that are churched and some may not be
truly born again. That's another data point. I'd love to
talk with you about another time. But there's there's a
(35:29):
hunger to connect relationally. Husband, wife, even with kids. What
the data points say. Does it say anything about this
is how we start? Because on this Freedom Friday, we
want to give just some first steps. Does data reveal
this is what we do to start? What do you
say it does?
S8 (35:50):
Yes. There are several things that are really critical. I'm
just going to mention two of them. So this is
going to sound way too basic and it's not too basic.
This is one of the key things that most people miss.
When you are maybe at odds, maybe you started to
feel like roommates, and maybe you're going 100 different directions
(36:11):
with the kids and the activities. I'm raising my hand here.
It's really easy to get disconnected. The problem is, is
when you get disconnected and you start getting annoyed with
each other, it's easy to actually start avoiding that time together,
because that way you're avoiding the conflict, right? Well, it
turns out that the happiest couples. We actually did a
(36:31):
study of what makes the happiest couple so happy. Like,
what are their secrets? What do they do differently? And
one of the things that moved many people from that
place of discontent or even really kind of destructive place
in the relationship to really being extremely happy in their marriage,
is that they just spent extra time together. They just
(36:55):
hung out. They this wasn't, oh, you have to do
a date night every week. I mean, there's nothing wrong
with a date night. That's great. There was nothing like, ooh,
let's do a Bible study together again. Nothing wrong with that,
but just hanging out. Because here's what we found is
that these couples first and foremost the happiest couples. They
had learned to treat each other first and foremost like
(37:17):
best friends. And the most important predictor of friendship is
not shared interests or similar temperaments. Or, you know, those
are all like down there. The primary predictor of friendship
is geographic proximity. You're the best friends with the people
that you see the most often, and you hang out
with the most. And so that's one of the key
(37:38):
things that will flip the switch on. A lot of
couples is just go to the grocery store together, go
to Home Depot together, like go do a hobby together.
I sit on the couch and watch TV together. Like, amazing.
What happens when you start becoming closer friends?
S5 (37:54):
Wow. Okay, Shante, you mentioned two. What's the second one?
S8 (37:57):
So the second one is something that is really, really
crucial to avoid sabotaging that friendship. So one of the
most important factors, statistically, that we found for the happiest
couples is that they chose to believe the best of
their spouse's intentions towards them, even when they were legitimately hurt. Wow.
(38:17):
Like everybody gets hurt. Like, you know, we all can
hurt each other's feelings. And in one of the things
that's very common is that we tend to think that
person knew how that thing that hurt me knew the
how that would make me feel. And they said it anyway.
And you are really honestly believing that person doesn't care
(38:39):
about me. They don't appreciate me. They don't care about me,
whatever that is in your head. It's subconscious, but that's
pretty common. As opposed to like, oh, that still hurts.
But no, I know they love me. I know my
wife appreciates me. I know my husband loves me. And
so they must not have known how that would make
me feel or they wouldn't have said it. What you're
(39:00):
doing is you're choosing to believe the best, not of
the actions, because we can hurt each other, like legitimately hurt,
but of the intentions and the motivations. Yeah.
S5 (39:10):
Shanti Feldhahn, social researcher. Our guest right now. Now, this
type of conversation has become more and more unpopular as
there's been pushback against the idea of there being gender norms. Um,
you laugh because I'm.
S8 (39:27):
I do.
S5 (39:27):
Laugh. Obviously, everything that you are saying is rooted in data.
It's not just stereotypes. How do you navigate this changing
landscape culturally, where the idea that men do this and
women do this would be offensive to many people?
S8 (39:45):
Well, there's a couple of things that are really important.
And for everybody listening, this is this is important to say.
And every time, like Jeff and I do, you know,
marriage events and we'll speak at churches and invite us
to do whatever. And then one of the first things
that we say before we start the marriage event or
the retreat or whatever is we're going to be making generalizations.
(40:07):
There are always exceptions. Sure, that's the first thing to
note is like, okay, if 80% of men said one way,
by definition 20% didn't. Everybody's an individual. And the key
is use it as a starting point to go to
your spouse and say, is this true? Like, you look
so confident. Really, do you have that kind of self
(40:29):
doubt about whether you're a good dad or a good provider? Like,
is that really in there? And maybe it is. Maybe
it isn't. Right. That I think the number of men who,
for example, were worried about thinking, you know, always on
my back of my mind, do I have the ability
to provide for my family? I think it was something
like 87% or something, but that means 13% didn't. Right.
(40:51):
So use it as a starting point. So that's the
first thing. We always say that right up front. The
second thing is okay, so maybe you've discovered that your
spouse is in the 80% on whatever, whatever the thing is.
And then you've got a decision you have to make.
And this is, you know, one of the things we
(41:12):
always say, we're not telling you what you do, like
what we're doing is giving you, hey, here's what the
happiest couples do, right? Statistically and here's statistically, what we're
seeing is the insecurities that are more likely to be
under the surface of a husband or a wife. And
then you can choose to do what you want to
(41:33):
do with that. But I'm always reminded of Doctor Phil's
a line like, how's that.
S3 (41:38):
Working for working.
S9 (41:39):
For you?
S3 (41:40):
You know what's amazing is these numbers don't lie. They
just straight up don't lie. And it flies in the
face of this gender blender world that Ali's.
S9 (41:49):
Alluding to here.
S8 (41:51):
The thing that's funny about the gender blender thing is
that you have to studiously ignore every speck of neuroscience.
S3 (42:00):
Studiously ignore you right about that.
S9 (42:05):
Oh my goodness. So anyway.
S3 (42:06):
Yeah, I love it, I love it. Shante, I gotta
tell you, this is good stuff, sister. There is so much.
S9 (42:12):
Chock.
S3 (42:12):
Filled in here. But, you know, it's interesting. Ali brings
up a good point. And the irony is the data
doesn't lie. Yes, there's exceptions, but by and large, and
on a couple of those data points, working with men
as much as I do, I got to believe this
question of am I enough? Am I going to make it?
(42:33):
Am I a provider? I think only a trust fund
baby ain't asking that question. If he's a dude, I'm
serious about that.
S9 (42:40):
Seriously?
S8 (42:40):
Well, actually, you're going to laugh. But the study we
did of money, the high net worth individuals, had the
exact same insecurities.
S9 (42:49):
Interesting.
S8 (42:50):
Craziest thing? Yes.
S9 (42:52):
So my pursuit.
S3 (42:53):
Of being a billionaire is for is folly.
S9 (42:55):
Then? Okay. All right.
S3 (42:58):
All right. Shante Feldon, our guest. And she kills it. Guys,
the content is amazing. Millions of people don't lie. We
got a link for you right now with all kinds
of resources.
S5 (43:09):
Ali, text the word only to 800 555, 78, 98.
Text only to 800 555 7898.
S1 (43:19):
You can take them out of Alaska, but you can't
take Alaska out of him. Carl is in the crew.
It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S3 (43:29):
So, Ali, have you ever wondered how in the world
these groups get their names?
S5 (43:32):
Um, yes, I actually have. I wonder from time to time.
S3 (43:36):
For King and country, Luke Smallbone. Come on, you're the man.
You must have been there when you invented this thing.
How did that come about, bro?
S10 (43:44):
Yeah, well, first and foremost, thanks for taking a moment
to chat with me. Uh, look at the beginning of
for King Country. We, uh, from the very early days
of my brother Joel and I, uh, working on music.
We always wanted to have a band name, and we
did one of these games where it was like, hey,
we're not going to leave the coffee shop until we
walk out of here with a band name. And we
walked out of that coffee shop with Joel and Luke,
(44:06):
which is just our birth name. Uh, and but, you know,
we what you realize is names are very difficult to
come up with. And so we were like, well, we're
gonna have to put more thought into this than just,
you know, putting a time stamp. We got to have
a band name by the time we leave. And so
we're actually getting close to finishing our first record. And
my brother had come into the studio. He's like, I
(44:26):
got this new idea for a band name. What about
all the King's Men? I like the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme, but, uh,
our producer at the time actually spun around in his
chair and was like, hey, no, no, no. What about
for King and Country, the old British mantra that they
used to chant before going into battle. And Joel and
I kind of both looked at each other and were like, man,
that's kind of something for King Country. And, uh, and look,
(44:49):
part of the reason why we love the name is
because it's a little bit of a mission statement all
wrapped up in one. You know, the reason why we
do music is for for King, for God and for country,
for people. And so every time people announce, hey, please
welcome King Country, it is a real reminder of the
significance and the purpose of of what we do. So
that's the the story behind the name. Oh, not the song,
(45:09):
but the name.
S5 (45:10):
Luke Smallbone from For King and Country. Our guest this morning.
You know, you mentioned kind of that need to constantly
be reminded of the for King. That's why you're doing it.
How you know, how do you keep bringing yourself back
to that? Because obviously there's the the pressure to continue
to create music. Uh, there's a, the tour that we're
(45:30):
going to be talking about here in a minute, but you're,
you're getting up every morning as a Jesus follower trying
to walk in victory just like anybody else. How do
you keep the main thing, the main thing?
S10 (45:41):
Well, first of all, I will say this. I think
that people look at what we do as well. Their
pressures and their lives are very different and in some cases, circumstantially,
they are a little bit, a little bit unique. But
what I will say is to your point, we're all
very similar. You know, I have the I like to,
you know, what do they say? Pressure is a privilege.
(46:02):
And at some level there is pressure involved. But that's
only if you accept it as pressure. I don't think
having expectations or people, you know, having high hopes for,
you know, what what you do or the work that
you're doing. I don't think that's a bad thing, but
it's a terrible thing if it becomes your identity. And
the only way that you feel loved by God is
if you deliver something good. If you only ever deliver
(46:24):
something that feels, that makes you feel because you're taking
the place of God at that point. And so for me,
we've had a lot going on in all of our worlds, right?
It's been a strange, however many months of of things.
And what I will say is this we've got to
make sure that we just take our individual walk with
Jesus extremely seriously. If you want to learn to be
(46:45):
the most powerful man on earth, the most powerful woman
on earth, do the invisible things extremely well and you
will become great. And I think the thing that people,
they think it's all about what we do on stage
or what we do on our social media Oh, no no, no.
It's all about the things that no one sees. And
so when it comes to a hunger and thirst for Jesus,
it starts not with anybody else around. It starts with
(47:08):
me alone, with scripture, with prayer, learning how to do
those things well, because, guys, we are not designed to
be in some cases, we're designed to be satisfied by it.
But when you've got phones and you've got TVs, our
minds want distraction. But that is not where the power is.
The power is in the stillness and listening. If you
(47:30):
want to learn one of the greatest things that you
can ever learn, learn how to pray. And I know
that sounds so primitive. I'm telling you, you learn how
to pray. You will not face a battle that you
cannot win.
S3 (47:42):
In just a moment, we're going to talk about a
tour that Luke is going to be on with for
King and Country, but I want to linger here for
a moment. Luke, this is really important. I have seen
a real malady in the church. We feature the spiritual
disciplines of giving, of using your gifts of worship. Uh,
serving on Sunday, getting to small group, uh, even praying
(48:05):
in groups and different things like that. But, my friend,
you are hitting money. It's this introspection, solitude, silence, listening
to the voice of God. Because prayer is a two
way proposition. So I'm going to give you the floor. 30s.
Slam dunk. This. You must have a testimony. God's doing
(48:25):
a work in you in this way.
S10 (48:27):
Look, I have not been good at this my whole life.
I was raised in the church and and saw the
fruit of it. But what I started doing is I
found it very difficult to sit for very long. And
so I started with baby steps. I started putting a
timer on my phone. 15 minutes. That's all I was doing,
15 minutes. And I would confess, I would pray. And
one day I woke up and I was like, God,
(48:48):
I just, I don't know, I hear all these people
asking you to do miracles and doing all these different things.
I want to see this stuff. I want to be
brought to tears by the love that you have for
me and the love that I have for you. But
sometimes it doesn't feel genuine. And I kid you not,
towards the end of that 15 minutes I found myself
in tears. This is the type of small miracles that
(49:10):
God wants to do in every one of our lives.
It might not be food, it might not be healing.
In that way it can be. But don't forget the
small things that God is doing in your life that
are extraordinary. He wants to grow. Grow your faith. Grow
where that can go, to where you are praying and
expectant of amazing things. Who knows where that can go.
You know, the longer I'm alive, I realize that the
(49:31):
journey of faith is a journey. It's over the course
of a lifetime. So if we aren't having new revelations
and just new challenges and new convictions, then our faith
is dead. And for me, man, this is just what
I've been. This is just what's been stirring up in
my spirit, stirring up in my heart. And some of
it is because we've taken a little bit of time.
I've been able to put into practice some of these things,
(49:51):
and it's been great. It's been great. There's nothing better
than living a hopeful life. And we get the privilege
of living that life.
S5 (50:00):
Luke Smallbone for King and country. What an exciting thing
that you get to do again this Christmas. You're bringing
back the Drummer Boy Christmas tour. Tell us a little
bit about that.
S10 (50:13):
I haven't done a show this year, believe it or not,
which is new for us. We've been doing this for,
you know, 12, 13 years. But the Christmas tours are
our favorite tours. There's something about celebrating the birth of Jesus,
which is the foundation of everything. You don't get the
resurrection without the birth. And getting in a room together
and seeing some of the greatest songs in the history
(50:35):
of the world. Like, I listen to a lot of music,
but the tried and true version of a great song
is if it's been sung for ten, 12, 13, 20,
30 years. That's a great song. Well, when you get
into Christmas songs, you're talking about songs that are hundreds
of years old. These are the all time greats. And
so for us to be able to come back from
some of our first shows in about a year to
(50:57):
be with you guys. Uh, we're really looking forward to it.
And very expectant. There's something about even just taking some
of this time off to see some of the good
things that are taking place, to be able to celebrate
those things together in a room like that. We're very
much looking forward to it.
S5 (51:12):
We've got Luke Smallbone from For King and Country with
Us Right Now tour coming up, the for King and Country.
A Drummer boy Christmas tour. You've got multiple locations throughout
the US. What's your big goal for this? What do
you want people to leave after hearing? Obviously it's a
lot of percussion. I've heard it's high energy. It's a
favorite of many of your fans. But what do you
(51:33):
want people to leave with?
S10 (51:34):
I think that Christmas time is a very sacred moment.
It's a sacred moment for families. It's a sacred time
for us in some cases to obviously prepare for Christmas.
And so I think a lot of what the night
is about remembering we live in a pretty distracted world,
but when you get together and you remember some of
these things. You remember singing some of these. There's something
(51:56):
about getting together with a group of people and you're
singing O come All Ye Faithful, and you're singing O
Holy Night together, a Silent night. There's just something about
the remembrance of those moments that I think is very significant.
And I think people need to be reminded of when
you get a group of people with a small little
life together, it lights up the entire room. And I
think sometimes we forget that that light has to be on.
(52:20):
When you come to Christmas, you're reminded of the goodness
of who God is. But then you're also asking yourself
the question of is my light on? How bright is
my light? Yeah, and I think those are the things
that we hope people walk away with.
S3 (52:31):
Luke, thank you for being here. Luke Smallbone, part of
for King and Country. You want tour details? Ali's got
them for you.
S5 (52:39):
Just text the word drummer. We'll send them right to
your phone. You can see where your closest city is.
Text drummer to 800 555 7898. Text drummer to 800
555 7898.
Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (00:08):
WWE legend Hulk Hogan is dead at the age of 71. Clearwater,
Florida Police said they responded to a medical call Thursday
morning for a cardiac arrest. They said he was treated
at his residence before being taken to the hospital, where
he was pronounced dead. WWE paid tribute to Hogan and
social media post, calling him one of pop culture's most
recognizable figures. Hulk Hogan gave his life to Jesus and
(00:31):
was baptized just 18 months before his death. I'm Jonathan.
That's your update.
S3 (00:37):
Amazing story. That little piece that you just tagged on
there is one of the most profound things that often
doesn't get a lot of mainstream play, but it's there.
I'm thinking about Scottie Scheffler, you know, top golfer in
the world. Oh my goodness Scott. He's got a story
of life transformation.
S4 (00:53):
Oh that's awesome.
S3 (00:54):
And oh yeah I mean it's amazing. And I got
some bad news for you my man.
S4 (01:00):
What's that?
S3 (01:00):
I know when we think about the Yankees, that's one
of the teams. Unless you live in New York, you
love to hate the Yankees. You just love to hate them.
S4 (01:08):
Of course.
S3 (01:09):
The problem is now for me is we got a
brother in Christ who can flat swing the bat. Aaron. Judge.
Aaron Judge is radically committed follower of Jesus. I don't
know if you knew this or not.
S5 (01:21):
I did not know that.
S3 (01:22):
Yeah, he was adopted by two people that I'm going
to get choked up saying. It blew his his admiration
for his mom and dad is one of the most
awe inspiring things you can imagine. And he gives glory
and praise to God that he was adopted by his
mom and dad, and he is so bold with his faith.
(01:46):
At the All star game, they let you write stuff
on your bats. Find out what he wrote on his bat.
I want to think it's a Second Corinthians passage.
S2 (01:53):
Yeah, let me check.
S3 (01:55):
But this kid, Aaron Judge, he flat knows the word,
and he's a big time witness. I'm crying over a
New York Yankee. This is a miracle from God in
itself right now.
S4 (02:05):
Wow.
S3 (02:06):
Um, it's an awesome thing. It's an awesome thing to
see these. I think everybody's encouraged by someone who's got
a very high profile in a very, uh. How do
you say this, uh, effort sports something where it's it's
not common for people to maybe take a stand for Christ,
(02:29):
but they do. Oh. It's huge. Yeah. What do you
have on his bat there, big dog?
S2 (02:32):
Uh, he had Second Corinthians five seven for we live
by faith, not by sight.
S4 (02:36):
Oh, yeah.
S3 (02:37):
Yeah. And he, um. He's he's bold. I mean, his
witness is bold. Scottie Scheffler's witness is bold. I think
Aaron Judge has the best batting average in the bigs
right now. I'm not certain of that.
S4 (02:49):
Yeah, he's I mean, he's.
S2 (02:49):
He's front runner for the MVP race for sure.
S4 (02:52):
So he's got over Ohtani. Oh yeah.
S3 (02:54):
Okay. Which is scary. You can If you can outdo
Shohei Ohtani, you've done something.
S4 (03:00):
Oh, yeah.
S3 (03:01):
Yeah. Um, but Hulk Hogan, this is epic. And this
is part of the story you may not heard. Young thunder,
you pulled it up, didn't you?
S2 (03:08):
Yeah. Uh, this clip is from the 700 club. He
did an interview there before he died, after he gave
his life to Jesus. And this is what he said.
S6 (03:16):
People you know that say they're a Christian, and they
know of our Lord and Savior, but they really don't
know him. You know, everybody I meet is a wrestler
talking about wrestling, but there's a huge difference when you
actually get in that ring, just like you said. And
that's exactly the perfect way to describe it. I get
sick and tired of myself. You know, the two people
in my head, the ego and the real I am.
(03:39):
I mean, I just I just surrendered. I just said,
I can't do it anymore. You know, and I had
went back to, to the Bible, you know, and I
started reading again and I'm either all the way in
or all the way out with whatever I do. So
if you're with me, there's no guesswork. If I'm with
my Lord and Savior, I'm all the way in.
S5 (03:58):
Wow. That was Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan and his real name.
S2 (04:02):
Terry Bollea.
S5 (04:03):
Okay.
S4 (04:04):
Yeah. Wow.
S3 (04:06):
This this brings a great discussion because there's another layer
to this that I want to give you a boom
crew that I don't know that anyone else is going
to talk about this, but it's something that I observed.
His bride, Sky was baptized the same day he was baptized.
And make no mistake about it, Hulk Hogan has a
crazy past.
S4 (04:27):
Oh for sure.
S3 (04:29):
You know, from steroids to partying to womanizing to. I mean,
come on. And he's one of the first ones to
say it. I'm not tromping on a grave here. He'd
be happy to jump in here and say this this morning.
If he was still alive. And Hulk Hogan was radically transformed.
It reminded me of a passage of Scripture in Acts 16.
(04:53):
Let me tell you the story. Paul and Silas are
in prison for the gospel. Goodness sakes, I'm crying today. Man,
this is crazy. This is really cool. And they're praying
and they're singing. And while they're praying and singing, the
(05:14):
the earth began to shake. And it rumbled so much
that it took the jailhouse doors. And it jimmied him
in such a way that the doors swung wide open.
A Roman prisoner guard. Prison guard. He woke up and
he saw these doors opened up. And you gotta you
(05:36):
gotta understand something. If you got a job to guard
a prison, earthquakes ain't an excuse that they got out
of there. It's not an excuse. And when he saw
those doors open, he didn't even look around to see
if there were there. They were there. Because what do
prisoners do when the doors are open, guys?
S2 (05:54):
They leave.
S5 (05:55):
Run!
S4 (05:56):
Run!
S5 (05:57):
Run! Escape!
S3 (05:59):
He didn't run. Silas didn't run. Paul didn't run. He
didn't know that. He grabs a sword and he has
got a sword in his hand. And he's about to
thrust that thing right into his heart. And Paul says,
don't do it. We're here. You know what his response was?
(06:27):
He fell on his knees. And he had one statement.
He said, sirs, what must I do to be saved?
S2 (06:41):
I love that.
S3 (06:44):
Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And Paul
said to him, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and
you will be saved, you and your household. Okay, that's
passage that's often talked about. Let me explain exactly what's
going on here. This is not because dad becomes a
(07:08):
Christian or mom becomes a Christian, that then everybody in
the household is conferred into Christianity. That's what's happened in
our nation now raised in Christian household. My mom and
dad are born again. I was raised Christian. No, you're
not raised Christian. You might be raised in a Christian home,
but you're not raised Christian. You're raised dead in Christ.
(07:30):
You're born with your back to God straight up. Here's
what happened with Hulk Hogan and his wife, Sky, absolutely
convinced of it. His wife's guy saw the Hulkster broken. Humble,
surrendered all in with Jesus not calling himself a wrestler.
(07:50):
That's the metaphor he used in the ring. All in
with Jesus. And I believe what happened was Skye is
she's like, oh my goodness, if God can change this guy,
can he change me? This is the principle out of
acts 16. Make no mistake about it, you will be
saved in your household. Here's the principle. If a Roman
(08:14):
jailer who is agnostic at best, atheistic most probably. Has
a hatred for Jewish people. Let's just get the picture here. Right, guys?
S4 (08:30):
Oh, yeah.
S3 (08:31):
Utter hatred for Jewish people can fall to his knees
and say, what do I need to do to be saved?
That's real, that's that's real. So when when Paul said
to him, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. He knew
(08:52):
what belief was. Belief for him wasn't slipping up his
hand in the crowd and then slipping it back down
and going on and living basically the same way. It
wasn't walking down an aisle to man, I got to
get my ticket stamped. It was full blown repentance. And
Paul said, you will be saved in your household. Why?
(09:12):
Paul knew that nothing is more contagious, that when a
guy who's far from God knows it repents, not just
slips a hand in the air, repents, turns around, is
willing to leave behind his career, his culture. Now, the
risk of it on his life is greater now than
(09:32):
it was when the door swung open on the jailhouse.
It's just powerful. And so we got a Freedom Friday
question for you. And it's as simple it's this simple.
I want you to think about this. Who in your
family or circle of friends had such a radical transformation
(09:55):
that it caused you to say, I'm repenting to repentance
is fundamental to authentic faith. You don't have belief without repentance.
You don't. It's a turning away from everything out here.
It's not walking in perfection, for crying out loud. We can.
I'll prove that to you in my own life. But
(10:15):
it's full blown repudiation of everything I was. And it's saying,
what do I gotta do to be saved? Who in
your circle of family or friends had such a radical
transformation of their life that it caused you to say,
(10:35):
I'm repenting, too? I want you to give us a
call right now. Very specific story. But God rocked your
world because he rocks someone else's world. You saw it
and you go, whoa, what do I need to do
to be saved? I want you to give us a
(10:56):
call right now. If that's your story, I don't I.
We're going to need you in here, because this isn't
this isn't a big, big slice of people, but it's
a slice of people out there in somewhere in North America.
That's your story. And I want you to call right
now and go. That's my story. That's my story. That's
my story, young Thunder, that's my story. Carl, I want
(11:17):
you to call and give us your story. 800 555
7898 800 555 7898.
S1 (11:29):
She's a choreographer extraordinaire, and everything is Greek to her.
Super die is in the crew. It's Carl and crew
on Moody Radio.
S4 (11:39):
What?
S3 (11:40):
A story comes out of the Hulk Hogan story. Radically
transformed by Jesus about 18 months ago was baptized bold
statement of faith and he told everyone he knew and
he was he was bold down the home stretch. I'm
hearing reports coming back that he he got with Dana
White and different people and just said, this is what
(12:00):
happened to me, man.
S4 (12:01):
I love that.
S3 (12:02):
And it's yeah, it's a compelling thing. And, you know,
here's what happens. A guy like a Hulk Hogan gets
born again. And the impact on his bride Sky and
the impact on others is radical. This is why God uses,
by the way, there's no story of transformation that isn't radical,
because you go from dead in your trespasses and sins
(12:23):
to alive in Christ. Last, let me check. Yeah, sure enough, Allie.
That's radical.
S5 (12:27):
Yes. It's radical. Death to life. Darkness to light. That's radical.
Regardless of the circumstances in your life around that time.
S4 (12:37):
Yeah.
S3 (12:37):
Big time. So we go to this passage in acts
16 and this Philippian jailer. Oh my goodness, earthquake happens
because Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God,
and the prisoners were listening to them, and there was
this huge earthquake, and the doors of the jail cell opened.
(12:58):
And when this Roman soldier got up, he saw the
doors open and he's like, ah, they're gone, man, I'm
just going to kill myself now rather than be tortured
and killed later. And he went to thrust a knife
into his heart and and you know what happened? Paul
shouts out, don't do it, bro. We're alive. We're right here.
(13:20):
We haven't left. He's like, you haven't left. He said,
what do I need to do to be saved? In
an instant he looked at them and said, what in
the world you must be connected with a God? I
do not know. What do I need to do to
be saved? And what they said was believe in the
(13:42):
Lord Jesus Christ, you will be saved, you and your household.
And here's the point. The reason the household gets saved
is because they witness this radical transformation, and it's more
than they can take. And they say, I'm following your Jesus.
I'm repenting too. So we got a story for you.
It's it's a cool one. It's your story. Who and
(14:06):
your family or circle of friends had such a radical
transformation that it caused you to say, I'm repenting to
Pristine and Claremont, Florida. Thanks for calling in Pristina. What
do you say?
S7 (14:18):
Praise the Lord! Thank you for your show. I was
a churchgoer. My grandfather was pastor. My father was a preacher.
I was a churchgoer for a lot of years. But
when my late husband got saved, when the Lord transformed him,
it was so radical. And so he just loved the Lord.
He stayed before the Lord and prayed, and I just
(14:39):
fell on my knees and ask the Lord to, I mean,
I repented and God changed my life and I've not
been the same since. I love the Word of God
and it's just been an amazing walk. I'm so grateful
for now. My husband went to heaven in 2021. My
late husband. But I praise God every day for witnessing
(15:00):
his walk.
S3 (15:02):
This is your. This is your passage, Pristina. Your passage,
your husband, your call. This is your passage, sister. Oh, okay. Pristina,
I'm going to keep you here because I want to
I want I want you to I want you to
pray for people that have this great. I call it
a deception of salvation or this hallucination of salvation. Hallucination
(15:26):
of salvation. A hallucination is seeing something that isn't real. Okay.
And we have a hallucination of salvation in the church today, Pristina.
We do, and it's widespread, sister. People who think they
see something in themselves with God that isn't there. And
I want you. You've shared your story. I want you
to pray for those who are lost and under a
(15:49):
cloak of darkness, thinking they have something they don't have.
Would you pour out your heart right now and pray?
S7 (15:55):
Yes. Our father and our God is in the mighty
name of Jesus that we just come before you, Lord God, humble,
asking Lord God, that you would please save and open
some people's eyes, even if they're sitting right in church
and believing that they're saved. Lord, show them the truth. Lord,
just do a miracle in their lives right now. In
the name of Jesus, we praise you, Lord God, we
(16:16):
thank you. We give you all glory and honor because
you are so worthy to be praised. Amen. Praise.
S5 (16:22):
Amen. Amen.
S3 (16:24):
Oh, Christina. Thank you sister. What a great word, man. Christina.
What a dude you had for a husband, huh?
S7 (16:32):
Well, everybody will tell you that he was an amazing
man of God, amazing teacher of the word And if
I can go further. He was illiterate before he started
reading the word. They kept him in high school to
play football. He was a captain of the football team,
senior high school. But when he got saved, he stayed
before the Lord and begged the Lord to teach him
(16:54):
that word. Wow. And he did. He was an amazing
teacher of the word after being illiterate. Yeah. God is powerful.
S3 (17:04):
God is powerful. Pristina. Thank you. From Claremont, Florida. Thank
you for calling in. Oh my goodness. That's all you
need to hear today. Boom crew right there. There are
so many. There's so many trails with that. But two
big ones please. If you've been a person that's been
in church but you've not repented and you see a
(17:27):
need for a savior, repent and turn over your life
to Jesus today, I beg of you, please. Today is
the day. Today is the day of your salvation. And
if you see somebody radically transformed, genuinely transformed, and you
see what God's done in their life, please this day
(17:50):
fall to your knees and say, I want to follow
the God of that person who's been changed. Today is
the day. No more hallucination of salvation. Eternity is at
stake here, friends. It really is. Wow. Pristina's story.
S4 (18:14):
Ali.
S5 (18:15):
I love, I love that she saw something in her
husband that she did not see in herself. And that
was the turning point.
S3 (18:25):
That was the turning point. She heard the gospel her
whole life. That was the turning point.
S1 (18:30):
He's a sports fanatic with a stat for anything you
can think of. Young Thunder is in the crew. It's
Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S3 (18:40):
The question I have for you this morning with Carl
and crew is, does he. And I mean this from
the bottom of my heart, friend, there is some of
you this morning across North America who have come here today,
and quite frankly, you are broken. And I want to
tell you, you have never been better positioned for God
to do something radical in your life. I want to
take you to a story in the book of acts,
(19:01):
chapter 16. Amazing epic story. The reality of being broken
is that God has you positioned where you can really
understand for the first time that you need a Savior
and his name is Jesus. This scene out of acts
16 is epic. Paul and Silas in prison, guarded by
(19:22):
Roman soldiers. Probably more than one, probably a handful, but
one in particular was responsible for making sure that these
guys stayed in prison. They were singing. All the other
prisoners were are listening to this. These guys, they're singing.
Probably the guards were listening, too, and they're just praying
(19:43):
and singing hymns to God. Paul and Silas, late into
the night. Midnight. Boom. The earth began to shake and
the earth began to shake. And the doors to the
prison were opened up. A Roman guard saw these open
doors and he's like, oh no, they're gone. And he
(20:08):
pulls he pulls a sword out, and he puts the
tip of that sword to his heart, and he's going
to plunge it in. And Paul yells at him, don't
do it. We're here. You know what his response was?
Oh my goodness. He fell flat on his knees. And
(20:30):
he said, what do I need to do to be saved.
It's an epic story.
S5 (20:38):
You know, you think about the power of that moment
of what they were witnessing. I mean, not only did
Paul and Silas stay, the rest of the prisoners did, too.
They were so taken by what was happening in the moment,
by the power of what they were seeing by the
songs that were being sung. Nobody moved.
S3 (20:57):
Nobody moved when they should have.
S4 (21:00):
They should have.
S3 (21:01):
The the jail should have been empty. But they stayed.
And Paul yelled to him, we're here, bro. He was
in awe. Why didn't they leave? He's processing this in
a second. What's going on? Why didn't they leave? And
then he's putting the equation together. They trust in God
(21:22):
at a level that they are not running on man's terms.
They're running by a different clock. And it's the one
true and living God. How do I follow your God?
He said. And Paul looked at him and he says,
you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. This wasn't a
hand in the air. This isn't this isn't some little acknowledgement.
(21:43):
This is full blown repentance. There's no salvation apart from repentance.
When you see the word, believe it in it. The
direct implication is you turn your back on everything that
you were and you're saying, and I'm going this way.
You know what this jailer left? He left a culture.
He left a job. He left friends. And he would
(22:05):
have left family. Except for the fact that Paul said,
you will be saved. And your household. Why? Because his
wife and children would have seen this radical transformation in
his dad. It doesn't mean that they were now in
a Christian home. And so they got saved. No, no, no,
they saw a radically transformed daddy and they were going
to be saved. And the simple question this morning is,
(22:31):
Do you see your brokenness? Are you flat out on
your face before God this morning? You know what God's
saying to you today is your day of salvation. If
you'll humble yourself under my mighty hand and you're going,
I'm humble, girl, I'm broken. I'm at the end of myself.
It could be finances. It could be addictions. It could
(22:53):
be that you're just weary corporate exec. You're just weary
of climbing that ladder. And God's got you broken. You
might have got busted in an infidelity. You might have
gotten busted with a financial crime. You might have got busted,
that you're an addict and you're in church, but you
are hooked on something. You might have gotten busted that
(23:16):
you've been fake your whole life with regard to your faith,
but today you're broken. And I'm telling you, you are
strategically positioned for God to save your soul right now.
And you say, well, how does it happen? Believe in
the Lord Jesus Christ. It's the repentance of the Roman jailer.
It's saying I'm leaving behind whatever it costs. I'm at.
(23:39):
Nothing's holding me back. I'm leaving culture. I'm. I'll. I'll
give you this business. I'll give you my future. I'll
give you all my past. God, I'm giving it all
to you today. And you're surrendering your life to Jesus today.
It's a cry of the soul. It's not even a
fancy prayer. But I do want to ask you. Is
(23:59):
today the day that you're repenting and believing in Jesus
for the first time ever? Is that you? Praise God!
Praise God! People are going to see what God's done
in your life, and you're going to have more of
a witness than you've ever imagined. And if that's you,
I'm going to pray for you. But it's a simple
question are you repenting? Are you turning around saying, I
(24:22):
am falling on my knees, I'm broken, and today I
surrender my life to Jesus. You're acknowledging that Jesus is
the way, the truth, and the life. No one can
go to the father but through him. And you're turning
from your way. You're going his way. You're turning from
your truth. You're embracing the truth. You're a sinner who
(24:42):
needs a Savior. And his name is Jesus. And don't
let the delusion and deception of church activity hold you
back from this new found faith in Christ. And if
this is you right now, wherever you are in this nation,
God's got you right now, wherever you are in North
(25:02):
America or beyond. Today, I'm inviting you. Give it all
to Jesus. Believe. And I'm going to pray for you
in a moment. But right now, Ali, we want to
help these people immediately know where to go in their
relationship with Jesus.
S5 (25:18):
So if that's you, just text the word new to
800 555 7898. If today you are new in Christ, Text.
Nu nu to 800 555, 7898.
S3 (25:36):
Yeah, and this is. This is high stakes, isn't it, Ali?
This isn't a hand in the air. This is full
blown surrender. Just like the Roman jail.
S5 (25:44):
Yeah, this is a this is a moment that everything changes.
S3 (25:49):
Everything changes. Text the word new right now. Wherever you are,
get a phone. Grab it. Text the word new to
800 555, 7898. Today is your day, friend. 800 555 7898.
We're going to help you in your first steps with
Jesus just a little bit. We're going to shout out
(26:10):
the last four numbers of your telephone number. But God
brought you here to save your soul today. Just text
one word new to 800 555 7898. The work of
God is done. Our work is to come in behind
that and say, let's go. We want to help you
in your first steps with Jesus. We'll shout out the
(26:30):
last four numbers of your phone number coming up here
in a little bit. But welcome to the family. Text
new to 800 555 7898. This song is for you,
Big Daddy Weave. He makes all things new today.
S1 (26:45):
She was trying to earn her way to God, but
God showed her she didn't have to. Ali is in
the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S3 (26:55):
Well, on this Freedom Friday, sometimes the thing that gives
you freedom is when the lights go on and you
realize that's what I'm doing wrong.
S5 (27:04):
There are things that I've been missing or not seeing correctly.
S3 (27:08):
Yeah. And there's no one better for giving us the
data points on how to get it right. Shante Feldman
with us right now. Shante. Thank you so much for
ducking in here on this Freedom Friday, sister.
S8 (27:20):
Oh, absolutely. Delighted.
S3 (27:22):
Okay, let's break it down. Are you still doing research?
You did it for years. Are you still getting data
points for what makes a dynamic marriage?
S8 (27:31):
I am. It's been fascinating. The last few years. We
did a big one on intimacy, intimacy and money. We
just finished two big studies on those topics.
S3 (27:40):
Well, let's jump into intimacy first. What are you learning?
S8 (27:43):
One of the things that most people don't realize is
getting in the way in their marriage, in this particular area,
is that we think if we're not connecting in, like
maybe some person wants a little bit more connection than
the other. Um, we don't realize it's not because one
person has a lower drive than the other. It's usually
because we have different types of desire. And often there
(28:08):
is something called initiating desire, which is the desire to
pursue it and to kind of think about it all
the time and be ready at a moment's notice. But 73%
of women have a completely different type of desire. It's
called receptive desire. And that works physiologically in the reverse order.
Neither men or women know this. Like, I didn't know
(28:30):
this until I started all the research. We're literally you
don't feel that same sense of hunger and you're deciding
to get engaged. And once you do, then you start
feeling that sense of desire that your spouse may have felt,
you know, ten minutes ago. And and it's like, oh,
so like 73% of women are making a decision based
(28:52):
on how their spouse has made them feel the rest
of the day. It's really, really important to know this stuff.
S5 (28:57):
Shanti Feld on our guest right now, she's a best
selling author, podcaster. She's a social researcher, received her graduate
degree from Harvard, spent some time as an analyst on
Wall Street, now applies her skills to investigating the life
changing truths about relationships, helping relationships thrive. What are some
other myths that need to be debunked when it comes
(29:20):
to just our basic Understanding you debunked one on intimacy.
What about the rest of married life? What are some
common myths out there?
S8 (29:29):
Well, one of the most important ones that gets in
the way of a lot of couples is that men are, like,
super confident in themselves that need to be taken down
a peg or two because they look so confident and
that women are random. So a lot of men think, oh,
I'm just never going to understand my wife, right? Like,
(29:49):
you know, there's a part of her that's just a mystery.
Like it's I'm never going to be able to fully
understand her because women, there's just something random. Well guess what?
When you think that. Which is not true, by the way,
because I can prove that to you statistically. But when
you think that. Guess what happens when you get confused,
you're more likely to just think, well, it's that random
(30:11):
thing I'm never going to understand. I'm going to go
over here and like, work on the deck, you know?
And as opposed to no, actually, women can be understood
and systematized just like anybody else. And so I if
I'm not understanding something, I'm going to press in. I'm
going to actually look for the answer because it's there somewhere,
as opposed to checking out that one thing is a
(30:33):
huge thing for most husbands to be aware of, and
a huge thing for most wives to be aware of.
The debunking the myth is that, well, Carl, if I
can just be honest, you guys look so confident in yourselves.
We believe that the mask that you've put on instead,
we don't recognize that that is just a mask. And
(30:56):
believe it or not, 85% of men on my survey
said that mask is hiding a lot of self-doubt, that
there's an immense amount of self-doubt running under the surface.
And where maybe most women. The question in our heart
and we found this statistically as well is like, am
I lovable? The question in a man's heart isn't really.
(31:20):
Am I lovable for most men now? Some men. Right.
There's exceptions, sure, but for most men, the question is,
am I able? Do I measure up? And so they're
always looking to answer the question am I any good
at what I do? And so it's so easy for
us as women to not recognize that inside that strong,
(31:40):
confident looking husband is is a tender heart that just
wants to do well for you.
S3 (31:47):
I love that this is actually important stuff. Shante Feldman,
our guest right now, researcher, analyst and has done such
work in such great work for women only. For men
only two books that just sold millions of copies a
number of years ago. But she's keeping this beat going today. Uh,
let's we gotta duck over to finances. Finances is.
S4 (32:08):
A.
S3 (32:09):
Huge thing. What have you learned in your research?
S8 (32:12):
Well, it usually comes down to one of the main
things that causes the the friction, right? Like the annoyance,
the frustration on a day to day level is that
we don't realize that we're not valuing what our spouse
is valuing. It's not a surprise that, like, hey, I'm
married to a different person, right? But for some reason,
(32:33):
we don't translate that in our head. And so therefore,
this different person that I'm married to, there is something
that they really strongly value that I just don't think matters.
And so it's like this is the way you should
handle money. And in your head it's like everybody's got
their should. Like, of course, that's just the way you
(32:56):
do it. Like of course you just save a certain
amount every month. It's like, of course, you know, we've
been working so hard, we should save up and take
the vacation so that we can get away and be
gone for a week or two and, like, really unplug.
Of course, that's what we should do as opposed to
the other person who's like, of course we should spend
our money. We're working so hard, we should connect every
(33:16):
two weeks for a really nice date night. Like that's
the right thing that we should do. And it's like
neither of those is wrong or right, but we don't
recognize that there's a value underneath that that's really important to.
S4 (33:30):
Us.
S8 (33:30):
And to our spouse. Yep, exactly.
S5 (33:33):
My guess is, Shanti, that that extends beyond finances. I mean,
I think of Doctor Gary Chapman in the Love Languages.
It's easy to miss each other when we are valuing
different things, right?
S8 (33:45):
Oh for sure. This is one of the things that
you see everywhere. You see it in parenting. You see
it everywhere. Like classic example that we've found in our
both in our studies of men and women and some
of the early studies and some of the later ones
as well, that like, for example, that it's around 80%
of women that they really value, that their children be safe, obviously. Right.
(34:10):
Like every mom listening to this is like, yeah, no duh.
Like that's what why is that surprising?
S3 (34:15):
But Ali's top of that list, by the way. I
just want to I just want to say that Ali's
right up there. I smiled immediately.
S8 (34:23):
There you go. Absolutely. Where it's like, you know, you've
got a little, like a little kid, and you're like,
following them around, like, you know, hey, baby. Oh, you know,
you hurt yourself. It's okay. I'm right here. Whereas a
dad is more likely to value building a sense of adventure,
building independence, building grit. Where, hey, go run. Fly like you,
(34:44):
scrape your knee and suck it up and you get
back up. Yeah. And neither of those is right or wrong.
The anthropologists have actually found that, on average, all over
the world, a father will let a toddler get three
times further away from them than a mom will. And again,
neither of those is right or wrong. We're just different.
S3 (35:07):
Yeah, that is so good. Shaunti. Um, there's a lot
of people. Oh, we've been hitting this this week, and
it's tough. And it happens a lot in Christian homes.
And I've got air quotes there because and I'm talking
about people that are churched and some may not be
truly born again. That's another data point. I'd love to
talk with you about another time. But there's there's a
(35:29):
hunger to connect relationally. Husband, wife, even with kids. What
the data points say. Does it say anything about this
is how we start? Because on this Freedom Friday, we
want to give just some first steps. Does data reveal
this is what we do to start? What do you
say it does?
S8 (35:50):
Yes. There are several things that are really critical. I'm
just going to mention two of them. So this is
going to sound way too basic and it's not too basic.
This is one of the key things that most people miss.
When you are maybe at odds, maybe you started to
feel like roommates, and maybe you're going 100 different directions
(36:11):
with the kids and the activities. I'm raising my hand here.
It's really easy to get disconnected. The problem is, is
when you get disconnected and you start getting annoyed with
each other, it's easy to actually start avoiding that time together,
because that way you're avoiding the conflict, right? Well, it
turns out that the happiest couples. We actually did a
(36:31):
study of what makes the happiest couple so happy. Like,
what are their secrets? What do they do differently? And
one of the things that moved many people from that
place of discontent or even really kind of destructive place
in the relationship to really being extremely happy in their marriage,
is that they just spent extra time together. They just
(36:55):
hung out. They this wasn't, oh, you have to do
a date night every week. I mean, there's nothing wrong
with a date night. That's great. There was nothing like, ooh,
let's do a Bible study together again. Nothing wrong with that,
but just hanging out. Because here's what we found is
that these couples first and foremost the happiest couples. They
had learned to treat each other first and foremost like
(37:17):
best friends. And the most important predictor of friendship is
not shared interests or similar temperaments. Or, you know, those
are all like down there. The primary predictor of friendship
is geographic proximity. You're the best friends with the people
that you see the most often, and you hang out
with the most. And so that's one of the key
(37:38):
things that will flip the switch on. A lot of
couples is just go to the grocery store together, go
to Home Depot together, like go do a hobby together.
I sit on the couch and watch TV together. Like, amazing.
What happens when you start becoming closer friends?
S5 (37:54):
Wow. Okay, Shante, you mentioned two. What's the second one?
S8 (37:57):
So the second one is something that is really, really
crucial to avoid sabotaging that friendship. So one of the
most important factors, statistically, that we found for the happiest
couples is that they chose to believe the best of
their spouse's intentions towards them, even when they were legitimately hurt. Wow.
(38:17):
Like everybody gets hurt. Like, you know, we all can
hurt each other's feelings. And in one of the things
that's very common is that we tend to think that
person knew how that thing that hurt me knew the
how that would make me feel. And they said it anyway.
And you are really honestly believing that person doesn't care
(38:39):
about me. They don't appreciate me. They don't care about me,
whatever that is in your head. It's subconscious, but that's
pretty common. As opposed to like, oh, that still hurts.
But no, I know they love me. I know my
wife appreciates me. I know my husband loves me. And
so they must not have known how that would make
me feel or they wouldn't have said it. What you're
(39:00):
doing is you're choosing to believe the best, not of
the actions, because we can hurt each other, like legitimately hurt,
but of the intentions and the motivations. Yeah.
S5 (39:10):
Shanti Feldhahn, social researcher. Our guest right now. Now, this
type of conversation has become more and more unpopular as
there's been pushback against the idea of there being gender norms. Um,
you laugh because I'm.
S8 (39:27):
I do.
S5 (39:27):
Laugh. Obviously, everything that you are saying is rooted in data.
It's not just stereotypes. How do you navigate this changing
landscape culturally, where the idea that men do this and
women do this would be offensive to many people?
S8 (39:45):
Well, there's a couple of things that are really important.
And for everybody listening, this is this is important to say.
And every time, like Jeff and I do, you know,
marriage events and we'll speak at churches and invite us
to do whatever. And then one of the first things
that we say before we start the marriage event or
the retreat or whatever is we're going to be making generalizations.
(40:07):
There are always exceptions. Sure, that's the first thing to
note is like, okay, if 80% of men said one way,
by definition 20% didn't. Everybody's an individual. And the key
is use it as a starting point to go to
your spouse and say, is this true? Like, you look
so confident. Really, do you have that kind of self
(40:29):
doubt about whether you're a good dad or a good provider? Like,
is that really in there? And maybe it is. Maybe
it isn't. Right. That I think the number of men who,
for example, were worried about thinking, you know, always on
my back of my mind, do I have the ability
to provide for my family? I think it was something
like 87% or something, but that means 13% didn't. Right.
(40:51):
So use it as a starting point. So that's the
first thing. We always say that right up front. The
second thing is okay, so maybe you've discovered that your
spouse is in the 80% on whatever, whatever the thing is.
And then you've got a decision you have to make.
And this is, you know, one of the things we
(41:12):
always say, we're not telling you what you do, like
what we're doing is giving you, hey, here's what the
happiest couples do, right? Statistically and here's statistically, what we're
seeing is the insecurities that are more likely to be
under the surface of a husband or a wife. And
then you can choose to do what you want to
(41:33):
do with that. But I'm always reminded of Doctor Phil's
a line like, how's that.
S3 (41:38):
Working for working.
S9 (41:39):
For you?
S3 (41:40):
You know what's amazing is these numbers don't lie. They
just straight up don't lie. And it flies in the
face of this gender blender world that Ali's.
S9 (41:49):
Alluding to here.
S8 (41:51):
The thing that's funny about the gender blender thing is
that you have to studiously ignore every speck of neuroscience.
S3 (42:00):
Studiously ignore you right about that.
S9 (42:05):
Oh my goodness. So anyway.
S3 (42:06):
Yeah, I love it, I love it. Shante, I gotta
tell you, this is good stuff, sister. There is so much.
S9 (42:12):
Chock.
S3 (42:12):
Filled in here. But, you know, it's interesting. Ali brings
up a good point. And the irony is the data
doesn't lie. Yes, there's exceptions, but by and large, and
on a couple of those data points, working with men
as much as I do, I got to believe this
question of am I enough? Am I going to make it?
(42:33):
Am I a provider? I think only a trust fund
baby ain't asking that question. If he's a dude, I'm
serious about that.
S9 (42:40):
Seriously?
S8 (42:40):
Well, actually, you're going to laugh. But the study we
did of money, the high net worth individuals, had the
exact same insecurities.
S9 (42:49):
Interesting.
S8 (42:50):
Craziest thing? Yes.
S9 (42:52):
So my pursuit.
S3 (42:53):
Of being a billionaire is for is folly.
S9 (42:55):
Then? Okay. All right.
S3 (42:58):
All right. Shante Feldon, our guest. And she kills it. Guys,
the content is amazing. Millions of people don't lie. We
got a link for you right now with all kinds
of resources.
S5 (43:09):
Ali, text the word only to 800 555, 78, 98.
Text only to 800 555 7898.
S1 (43:19):
You can take them out of Alaska, but you can't
take Alaska out of him. Carl is in the crew.
It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S3 (43:29):
So, Ali, have you ever wondered how in the world
these groups get their names?
S5 (43:32):
Um, yes, I actually have. I wonder from time to time.
S3 (43:36):
For King and country, Luke Smallbone. Come on, you're the man.
You must have been there when you invented this thing.
How did that come about, bro?
S10 (43:44):
Yeah, well, first and foremost, thanks for taking a moment
to chat with me. Uh, look at the beginning of
for King Country. We, uh, from the very early days
of my brother Joel and I, uh, working on music.
We always wanted to have a band name, and we
did one of these games where it was like, hey,
we're not going to leave the coffee shop until we
walk out of here with a band name. And we
walked out of that coffee shop with Joel and Luke,
(44:06):
which is just our birth name. Uh, and but, you know,
we what you realize is names are very difficult to
come up with. And so we were like, well, we're
gonna have to put more thought into this than just,
you know, putting a time stamp. We got to have
a band name by the time we leave. And so
we're actually getting close to finishing our first record. And
my brother had come into the studio. He's like, I
(44:26):
got this new idea for a band name. What about
all the King's Men? I like the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme, but, uh,
our producer at the time actually spun around in his
chair and was like, hey, no, no, no. What about
for King and Country, the old British mantra that they
used to chant before going into battle. And Joel and
I kind of both looked at each other and were like, man,
that's kind of something for King Country. And, uh, and look,
(44:49):
part of the reason why we love the name is
because it's a little bit of a mission statement all
wrapped up in one. You know, the reason why we
do music is for for King, for God and for country,
for people. And so every time people announce, hey, please
welcome King Country, it is a real reminder of the
significance and the purpose of of what we do. So
that's the the story behind the name. Oh, not the song,
(45:09):
but the name.
S5 (45:10):
Luke Smallbone from For King and Country. Our guest this morning.
You know, you mentioned kind of that need to constantly
be reminded of the for King. That's why you're doing it.
How you know, how do you keep bringing yourself back
to that? Because obviously there's the the pressure to continue
to create music. Uh, there's a, the tour that we're
(45:30):
going to be talking about here in a minute, but you're,
you're getting up every morning as a Jesus follower trying
to walk in victory just like anybody else. How do
you keep the main thing, the main thing?
S10 (45:41):
Well, first of all, I will say this. I think
that people look at what we do as well. Their
pressures and their lives are very different and in some cases, circumstantially,
they are a little bit, a little bit unique. But
what I will say is to your point, we're all
very similar. You know, I have the I like to,
you know, what do they say? Pressure is a privilege.
(46:02):
And at some level there is pressure involved. But that's
only if you accept it as pressure. I don't think
having expectations or people, you know, having high hopes for,
you know, what what you do or the work that
you're doing. I don't think that's a bad thing, but
it's a terrible thing if it becomes your identity. And
the only way that you feel loved by God is
if you deliver something good. If you only ever deliver
(46:24):
something that feels, that makes you feel because you're taking
the place of God at that point. And so for me,
we've had a lot going on in all of our worlds, right?
It's been a strange, however many months of of things.
And what I will say is this we've got to
make sure that we just take our individual walk with
Jesus extremely seriously. If you want to learn to be
(46:45):
the most powerful man on earth, the most powerful woman
on earth, do the invisible things extremely well and you
will become great. And I think the thing that people,
they think it's all about what we do on stage
or what we do on our social media Oh, no no, no.
It's all about the things that no one sees. And
so when it comes to a hunger and thirst for Jesus,
it starts not with anybody else around. It starts with
(47:08):
me alone, with scripture, with prayer, learning how to do
those things well, because, guys, we are not designed to
be in some cases, we're designed to be satisfied by it.
But when you've got phones and you've got TVs, our
minds want distraction. But that is not where the power is.
The power is in the stillness and listening. If you
(47:30):
want to learn one of the greatest things that you
can ever learn, learn how to pray. And I know
that sounds so primitive. I'm telling you, you learn how
to pray. You will not face a battle that you
cannot win.
S3 (47:42):
In just a moment, we're going to talk about a
tour that Luke is going to be on with for
King and Country, but I want to linger here for
a moment. Luke, this is really important. I have seen
a real malady in the church. We feature the spiritual
disciplines of giving, of using your gifts of worship. Uh,
serving on Sunday, getting to small group, uh, even praying
(48:05):
in groups and different things like that. But, my friend,
you are hitting money. It's this introspection, solitude, silence, listening
to the voice of God. Because prayer is a two
way proposition. So I'm going to give you the floor. 30s.
Slam dunk. This. You must have a testimony. God's doing
(48:25):
a work in you in this way.
S10 (48:27):
Look, I have not been good at this my whole life.
I was raised in the church and and saw the
fruit of it. But what I started doing is I
found it very difficult to sit for very long. And
so I started with baby steps. I started putting a
timer on my phone. 15 minutes. That's all I was doing,
15 minutes. And I would confess, I would pray. And
one day I woke up and I was like, God,
(48:48):
I just, I don't know, I hear all these people
asking you to do miracles and doing all these different things.
I want to see this stuff. I want to be
brought to tears by the love that you have for
me and the love that I have for you. But
sometimes it doesn't feel genuine. And I kid you not,
towards the end of that 15 minutes I found myself
in tears. This is the type of small miracles that
(49:10):
God wants to do in every one of our lives.
It might not be food, it might not be healing.
In that way it can be. But don't forget the
small things that God is doing in your life that
are extraordinary. He wants to grow. Grow your faith. Grow
where that can go, to where you are praying and
expectant of amazing things. Who knows where that can go.
You know, the longer I'm alive, I realize that the
(49:31):
journey of faith is a journey. It's over the course
of a lifetime. So if we aren't having new revelations
and just new challenges and new convictions, then our faith
is dead. And for me, man, this is just what
I've been. This is just what's been stirring up in
my spirit, stirring up in my heart. And some of
it is because we've taken a little bit of time.
I've been able to put into practice some of these things,
(49:51):
and it's been great. It's been great. There's nothing better
than living a hopeful life. And we get the privilege
of living that life.
S5 (50:00):
Luke Smallbone for King and country. What an exciting thing
that you get to do again this Christmas. You're bringing
back the Drummer Boy Christmas tour. Tell us a little
bit about that.
S10 (50:13):
I haven't done a show this year, believe it or not,
which is new for us. We've been doing this for,
you know, 12, 13 years. But the Christmas tours are
our favorite tours. There's something about celebrating the birth of Jesus,
which is the foundation of everything. You don't get the
resurrection without the birth. And getting in a room together
and seeing some of the greatest songs in the history
(50:35):
of the world. Like, I listen to a lot of music,
but the tried and true version of a great song
is if it's been sung for ten, 12, 13, 20,
30 years. That's a great song. Well, when you get
into Christmas songs, you're talking about songs that are hundreds
of years old. These are the all time greats. And
so for us to be able to come back from
some of our first shows in about a year to
(50:57):
be with you guys. Uh, we're really looking forward to it.
And very expectant. There's something about even just taking some
of this time off to see some of the good
things that are taking place, to be able to celebrate
those things together in a room like that. We're very
much looking forward to it.
S5 (51:12):
We've got Luke Smallbone from For King and Country with
Us Right Now tour coming up, the for King and Country.
A Drummer boy Christmas tour. You've got multiple locations throughout
the US. What's your big goal for this? What do
you want people to leave after hearing? Obviously it's a
lot of percussion. I've heard it's high energy. It's a
favorite of many of your fans. But what do you
(51:33):
want people to leave with?
S10 (51:34):
I think that Christmas time is a very sacred moment.
It's a sacred moment for families. It's a sacred time
for us in some cases to obviously prepare for Christmas.
And so I think a lot of what the night
is about remembering we live in a pretty distracted world,
but when you get together and you remember some of
these things. You remember singing some of these. There's something
(51:56):
about getting together with a group of people and you're
singing O come All Ye Faithful, and you're singing O
Holy Night together, a Silent night. There's just something about
the remembrance of those moments that I think is very significant.
And I think people need to be reminded of when
you get a group of people with a small little
life together, it lights up the entire room. And I
think sometimes we forget that that light has to be on.
(52:20):
When you come to Christmas, you're reminded of the goodness
of who God is. But then you're also asking yourself
the question of is my light on? How bright is
my light? Yeah, and I think those are the things
that we hope people walk away with.
S3 (52:31):
Luke, thank you for being here. Luke Smallbone, part of
for King and Country. You want tour details? Ali's got
them for you.
S5 (52:39):
Just text the word drummer. We'll send them right to
your phone. You can see where your closest city is.
Text drummer to 800 555 7898. Text drummer to 800
555 7898.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.