July 24, 2025 • 53 mins
Today, on Karl and Crew, we discussed brokenness without God, the importance of love and respect in marriage, and the value of grace in parenting. Young Thunder started off the show as he serenaded us with the song "Love" by Nat King Cole. We also heard from our listeners via text as they shared the brokenness they are experiencing now and how only God can fix it. We then had Dr. Emerson Eggerichs join us to discuss love and respect in marriage. Dr. Eggrichs is an internationally recognized author and speaker on topics including marriage, parenting, communication, and more. Dr. Eggrichs and his wife founded Love and Respect Ministries, which is based on five decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research. He has also authored several books, including the New York Times bestseller, “Love and Respect.” Then Cody Kimmel joined us to discuss the need for grace in parenthood. Cody is the Executive Director of Grace-Based Families, a ministry dedicated to encouraging, educating, and equipping families at every age and stage of life. He has also served as a pastor, professor, and entrepreneur, and he hosts multiple podcasts, including Blueprints. You can hear the highlights of today's program on the Karl and Crew Showcast.
If you're looking to hear a particular segment from the show, look at the following time stamps:
Young Thunder singing "Love" by Nat King Cole [00:08- 04:07]
Listener Texts Read aloud and Prayer(Brokenness) [ 04:17- 15:26]
Dr. Emerson Eggerich (Love and Respect ) [22:58-35:46]
Cody Kimmel Interview (Grace-based Parenting) [ 40:14- 50:25]
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:00):
Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (00:08):
We have it right here, and it's beautiful. We got
a crooner in residence. His name is Young Thunder, and
we have a lot of fun with this. And it's
been a while. Been a long while. Has been so young.
Are you going to stay seated? Are you going to
stand up?
S3 (00:21):
I'm going to stay seated. This time.
S2 (00:23):
You're going to stay seated? Yeah. You're good to go.
Get your throat cleared out?
S3 (00:26):
I think so, yeah.
S2 (00:27):
Fresh.
S3 (00:27):
Feel fresh.
S2 (00:28):
Three hours sleep last night. So you should be good
and ready to go.
S3 (00:31):
Yes. It's perfect.
S2 (00:34):
All right. Back by popular demand and. Oh, man. Uh.
Enough said, young Thunder. Take it away, man.
S3 (00:41):
So scared. Look at me. O is for the only
one I see. V is very, very extraordinary. E is
(01:08):
even more than anyone that you adore. In love is
all that I can give to you. Love is more
than just a game for two. Two in love can
make it. Take my heart and please don't break it.
(01:32):
Love was made for me and you beautiful my man.
S2 (01:37):
Super di on the horns right now. Guys, take it away.
S3 (01:50):
All right, boom! Crew. If you're near your spouse, your
boyfriend or your girlfriend, go on and grab them and
dance to this next bit. Go on, go on.
S2 (02:00):
Young Thunder in residence. Take it away, big dog.
S3 (02:03):
L is for the way you look at me. O
is for the only one I see the. Extraordinary. E
is even more than anyone that you adore. And love
(02:29):
is all that I can give to you. Love is
more than just a game for two. Two in love
can make it. Take my heart and please don't break it.
Love was made for me and you. Love was made
(02:54):
for me and you. Love. I was made for me.
And you.
S4 (03:08):
Yes. Yes.
S2 (03:11):
The crowd goes crazy out there.
S3 (03:14):
That was fun.
S2 (03:15):
Yes, it was fun. Thank you. Young thunder. I was
dialed in there.
S3 (03:19):
Well, I was getting nervous because you build that up,
you're like, we're gonna get it in the show cast.
It's going first. And I'm like, oh, man, I forget
sometimes that I'm singing this. Like, it's like I'm in
front of people because I don't see you boom crew.
So now I'm like, oh man, I'm singing in front
of a lot of people.
S2 (03:34):
They're feeling the love, man. They're feeling the love. You
two can hear that again. Pass it on to friends.
Family by by tuning into our show cast. Just text
the word show to 800 555, 7898. You'll be welcomed
in our show cast with young thunder singing L o
b e and super die little guest pop in on
(03:55):
the horns there. That was beautiful. Your embouchure was dialed
in today. It's, like, really.
S3 (04:01):
Perfect every time.
S2 (04:03):
Appreciate that. Great. Hang on. There's more where that came from.
Coming up.
S1 (04:07):
He's a sports fanatic with a stat for anything you
can think of. Young Thunder is in the crew. It's
curling crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (04:17):
Scarlet crew helping you take your next step with Jesus. Yeah.
I want to remind you. You can come as you are,
experience God, overcome what seems impossible and live as you
never imagined. That is the hope of the gospel. The
gospel changes everything. Everything.
S3 (04:34):
It really does.
S2 (04:36):
Oh it does. Okay, you got a question for you.
Come on, guys, you got to play along. I'm surprised
there aren't more responses here. What's broken in your home
has been broken for a while. That needs fixed up.
What's going on? Boom! Crew. All right. Here. We're getting
some good ones in here. 805. Five. Five. 78. 98.
What's broken in your home needs to be fixed up.
805 55 7898 boxes of stuff from my college days,
(05:00):
some even before that. I'm going to get after it
starting later today.
S3 (05:05):
That's awesome. Yep. Now, I think the important question is
when were the college days?
S5 (05:10):
Are we talking.
S2 (05:11):
Oh, now we got to know. Text them back. Ask
him when where the college is. That's 0609. Thank you
for submitting that one. Cracks me up because I've seen
this happen before and I had to replace one hand
sprayer on my her.
S5 (05:24):
Ah, that means yes.
S2 (05:25):
This is the dude texting in here. That would be her.
So let me reframe it for you. Hand sprayer on
her kitchen faucet. When it never reverts back to regular faucet,
you got the little toggle switch on the head. You
know what I'm talking about.
S5 (05:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
S2 (05:40):
Fancy dancy thing.
S3 (05:41):
And it just stays on the sprayer.
S2 (05:43):
Oh yeah. You've got to get a good quality one
or else within two months it's stuck on something or
you get a little bit of both. That drives me wiggy.
You don't get you don't get the straight faucet. You
get to spray and spray and straight. Oh, no, that is.
S3 (05:58):
Stuck in the.
S5 (05:58):
Middle. I am going places. Yeah, well.
S2 (06:01):
Not water going places, but it's just a combination of
spray and straight water and it's like.
S3 (06:07):
And neither.
S2 (06:07):
Are breaking the.
S3 (06:08):
Rules. Yeah, absolutely. Both are bad.
S2 (06:12):
So okay, so the college person said 1980s. Okay. Yeah.
S3 (06:16):
You do you do have to start. That's awesome.
S2 (06:19):
So just let you know stuff from my college days
even before that I'm going to get after it starting
later today.
S5 (06:27):
That's hilarious. I love it.
S3 (06:29):
That's so.
S5 (06:30):
Good. Oh, okay. A popcorn ceiling, 85, 43.
S2 (06:34):
Yeah, that's got to go. And I know how to
get it down. It's not that hard. You actually spray
soak that ceiling. You get a sprayer, you kind of
soak it down. Not so wet that you've got concrete.
I mean, that you've got drywall falling on your head.
But if you soak the surface of a popcorn surface
because popcorn has to go. It's got to.
S3 (06:54):
Go. It's. Yeah, it's.
S2 (06:55):
You got to get it. You got to get it
out of there. That's not biblical.
S3 (06:59):
That's not biblical.
S5 (07:00):
Okay?
S2 (07:01):
That is a matter of fact. That could delay the
rapture that I mean, that's not a good thing. So
you got to get that fixed, get that part, see
if hose it down and then you take a little
flat edge knife and just.
S5 (07:14):
Really.
S2 (07:15):
Yeah it gets a little loose.
S5 (07:16):
You just scrape it through to me there. That feels
like a somewhat dangerous DIY project. I mean, you're laying
it out like, hey, just go spray your ceiling, get
a butter knife, start scraping the popcorn off, and bada bing,
you got a new ceiling. I don't know, that sounds
like it could go wrong real quickly.
S2 (07:33):
It's not a butter knife. That's where it gets wrong.
S3 (07:37):
Well, like the idea of Ali on a ladder with a.
S5 (07:39):
Butter knife, that's how it sounded in my mind. Sounded to.
S2 (07:42):
Ali. No, you get a broad knife for spreading drywall mud.
Like about a ten inch knife. You spray it down.
And so it's a ten inch knife with a big
hand scraper.
S3 (07:50):
Kind of scrape.
S2 (07:51):
That. Yeah. Any but the butter knife. Now that is dangerous.
S5 (07:55):
I mean, this is broad knife. Butter knife.
S3 (07:58):
They're very different.
S5 (07:59):
Tomato, tomato.
S2 (08:02):
Okay. This is honest. This is honest. I don't know
what to do with it. My wife and I put
a few holes in walls during a very tough time
in our marriage. God pulled us through. She's expressed many
times wanting to fix them. Do that, bro.
S3 (08:13):
She love that. Yeah.
S5 (08:15):
Yeah, because that is almost symbolic. Exactly.
S3 (08:18):
I love it. He's. You know, he said that God's
telling me to fix some wall while she's out of
the house so she can come home and just have
it be fixed. I really love that. I think that's
a great heart.
S2 (08:27):
Here's a fun one. Trimming. Our hallway had water damage
five years ago, so I took it off.
S3 (08:32):
And.
S2 (08:32):
Replaced.
S5 (08:33):
It.
S2 (08:33):
Yet. All right, time to get that. Time to get
that down there. Time to get that new baseball thing
down there. Oh, man, there's some funny ones coming in here.
S5 (08:41):
Oh, good. Oh. Here's one. I'm tearing out my dining room.
And so yeah, it's been four years and they're still
working on.
S6 (08:49):
This dining room.
S5 (08:50):
So I. And these projects. Yeah. There's a room love. Yeah.
S2 (08:55):
By the way, having done a lot of remodels, let
me just tell you here's the rule of thumb. Get
your get your price list together and get your time
timeline together. And triple both of them. Just triple them.
Then go times three for cost and time allowed. Just
go times three. So when you say dudes, here's a
(09:16):
dude tip, honey, I can knock that out in two weeks. No,
that would be six weeks. And that's if you go
full tilt and stay connected to the vine. That's that's
all things going as well as possible. Just little tip there.
All right. There's there's method to this. And now we're
going to get a little more serious shifting gears here
(09:37):
in a big big way Ali what's the question we have.
S5 (09:39):
Yeah we want to know what's broken in your home
relationally that, you know only God can fix. There's the
popcorn ceiling. There's the trim that needs to be fixed
that you can say I'll get to one day. But
then there's the deeper surf, deeper than the surface issues,
those relational issues that need fixing. And you need God
(10:00):
to intervene. Text us what those are. We'll keep you anonymous.
Just text only on this one 800 555 7898 800
555 7898.
S2 (10:12):
And, you know, it'd be helpful too is if you
pinned it down. And it's not just a general we've
got a broken relationship, or we've got some kids that
are out of control or this and that, but spit,
pin it down in a few few words. One sentence,
not a long thing, or else we can't read them.
What are they? And you know what we're going to do?
We're going to pray for him all over North America today.
(10:34):
And even if you don't get yours plugged in here,
I'm sure it's going to be very relevant to your
life what you hear. So we're going to cover these
in prayer. Pray for all the saints on all occasions.
And we're going to do that today 800 555 7898.
S1 (10:50):
She's a choreographer extraordinaire and everything is Greek to her.
Super di is in the crew. It's Carl and crew
on Moody Radio.
S2 (11:00):
Yeah, I know, we turned it around. We started with
what's broken in your home that you need to fix.
And we went with what's broken in your home that
God needs to fix. And we're getting a lot of
heartfelt responses here. We're going to take some time to
pray here in just a couple of minutes. And we're
going to pour it out. Pour out our hearts to God.
I'm praying and believing like never before in my life, guys.
(11:21):
I've seen God move mountains in my life, in my
home and my kids. And he can in yours. All right, Ali,
let's pour out our heart here. What do we got?
S5 (11:29):
Yeah, we've got a 20 year old son relationship with
the family. We've got a marriage that's broken, a short
temper that is needing to be fixed. Uh, laziness with
no motivation. Uh, our son brings grandchildren to see us,
but our daughter in law is kind of estranged from them.
Prayers for my husband's mental health and physical health. The
(11:49):
Holy Spirit to reveal truth to my spouse. Wow. Drift
due to caregiving. A lustful heart. A son who hasn't
spoken to us in some time. My husband is not
a believer. A couple of them back to back that
have broken communication patterns.
S2 (12:05):
Yeah, I got more coming in here. We got alcohol
addiction leading to a split here. It looks like. Um,
emotional affairs going on, parenting decisions. And, uh, it was
all begun with a false label, something that wasn't going
to work. And, yeah, we see that we're trying to
(12:27):
disguise this a little bit, guys, but not shouting out
any numbers. We don't see any names here, but we're
just offering up you some prayers here today. And we
know that not everyone's texting in, but already some of
these have covered where you're at. What about what about you?
What's broken in your home? Family relationships that needs to
be mended. And it's God's work. You know, it is
(12:50):
strange from a son, two daughters that are estranged. Their
guidelines for reconciling the relationship, um, looks untenable. Tough stuff, man.
Communication and trust is broken down. Uh, a niece that
has not communicated with her family in over 30 years. Oh, boy. Yeah.
(13:10):
Stubborn characters. Um. Somebody self identifies with anger, pride, bitterness.
That's a great thing to do. That's that's humbling. That's
great for you to self identify. It's one thing to
look at the other person, but to look at yourself
as good. All right, Ali, get a few more. They're
pouring in.
S5 (13:28):
Here. Anger, pride, bitterness, some addiction issues. Um, a marriage
that's in conflict. We've become roommates. Uh, more communication, trust
issues in marriage. Yeah.
S2 (13:42):
We're going to go there right now. Father, we come
before you. Imma pray a little bit here and then
I want you to cap us off. Okay, sister? Yeah. Father,
we just pour out our hearts before you right now,
on behalf of all these broken pieces in homes all
across North America right now, so many that didn't even
text in. But, boy, they can relate to this. So
we got issues of communication. We got issues being confessed
(14:06):
of hard heartedness. Lord, I pray that you would, uh,
move in power by your spirit. Lord, would you honor
the requests of these people that are texting in today?
We've got marriages on the rocks heading for divorce. Some
are in the process of it. God, you're the God
of miracles. I'm asking you to move in the middle
of these marriages. And, Lord, we praise you that as
(14:28):
we go to prayer, you go to work. God, these
children that are estranged and separated from moms and dads,
I pray that you would trouble hearts in those kids.
Have them break down the walls that they've constructed and
Lord move in power. We pray and I thank you
that you're moving as we pray, Lord.
S5 (14:46):
Lord, we thank you that we don't have to rely
on our own understanding. God, that when we acknowledge you
in all of our ways, God, you will direct our steps.
So I pray that you would direct the steps of
those who are looking to you today God for direction,
for hope, for strength, for healing, for restoration, for reconciliation,
for deliverance, for refuge. God, you are the God who
(15:09):
provides and supplies everything that we need. So would you
do that for your people today? God? Would you provide
what's needed when we look to you?
S2 (15:18):
Amen. And let it be. Oh, what a joy man
God move in power.
S1 (15:25):
We pray he was running from God, but God's love
brought him home. Carl is in the crew. It's Carl
and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (15:35):
Uh, boy. Guys, uh, you know, sometimes you just feel like,
want to get away. This is one of those. Why
do you want to get away? Speaking of. Want to
get away? Ali, um. Did you get away?
S5 (15:46):
No. I attempted an escape room for the first time
with my son, my daughter and my two sisters who
are in town. And no. After 60 minutes, we did
not escape.
S3 (15:59):
Were you close?
S5 (15:59):
Really? We thought we were close. Ah, we thought we
were close. The game master who watches the entire thing?
S3 (16:06):
Yes.
S5 (16:06):
Audio and video? Yep. He said you guys need your
own reality TV show. And we said. What was your
favorite moment to watch? What was.
S2 (16:17):
It? What was.
S5 (16:18):
It? Well, at one point, because we really struggled at
the beginning. And if you don't start well, you're not
going to finish well. It's kind of a principle for life.
It took us way too long to figure out how
to get through the first door. So we burned up
about 25 minutes in what probably should have taken about ten.
And so he goes there. Well, there was one point
and he points to my sister. He goes, you guys
actually did it correctly. And he goes, and you see
(16:40):
that little panel over there? It popped open with all
the buttons he goes. And I died laughing as I
watched you see it look the other way and turn
and walk in the opposite direction. Oh, no.
S6 (16:51):
That's so funny. And so here it is.
S5 (16:54):
You're looking all around the room to try to find
sequences and codes, and then you find numbers, but then
you have to figure out, know the numbers. It's not
the obvious one. You got to find the clue on
the wall that tells you the order to put the
numbers in.
S2 (17:07):
I'm actually shocked. I'm actually shocked. I thought for sure
with you and your sisters. Those are.
S6 (17:12):
I'm with you, Carl. You got an attorney.
S2 (17:14):
For a.
S6 (17:15):
Sister? I agree it is.
S5 (17:16):
Such a specialized sort of skill set. I'm really curious
the type of person who is good at escape rooms
because it's not the attorney. It's certainly not the radio host.
We were hopeless. My daughter was pretty good at it.
S2 (17:36):
But not good enough. Not good enough. How far do
you make it through?
S5 (17:40):
We asked him I in my mind, because we were
down to a code and I thought, oh, we just
missed it by a couple seconds. I said, did we
get close? He goes about 60% of the way there.
S6 (17:50):
60%. 60%.
S5 (17:53):
Well, that's about a D I guess we'll take it.
But we got to go back because we feel like
we felt a little defeated.
S2 (17:59):
And so you got to go back.
S5 (18:01):
You got to go.
S6 (18:02):
Back.
S2 (18:02):
And fight the beast again.
S5 (18:04):
Have you done one of these rooms?
S2 (18:06):
I would you believe I never have.
S6 (18:08):
I would love.
S3 (18:09):
You'd.
S6 (18:09):
Love it. You would.
S5 (18:10):
I think you would enjoy it.
S6 (18:12):
Really?
S3 (18:12):
Yeah, you really would. It's that I think that kind
of puzzle solving thing is your your wheelhouse. Carl alley.
Did you guys end up liking each other afterwards? Just
to check? Especially the.
S6 (18:22):
Siblings. The siblings struggled.
S5 (18:25):
The the younger set. My, my. We realized that my
daughter is a total type A personality, and so she
had a pretty set idea as to how she thought
we should do this.
S3 (18:35):
Yeah.
S5 (18:36):
And so she kept going, get out of the way.
Just let me do it. Move! Move! We're gonna do
it my way.
S2 (18:42):
I would have.
S5 (18:43):
Loved to.
S2 (18:44):
Because Eric is not what you'd call a shriveling violet.
S5 (18:48):
So we just. And after about five minutes, I thought,
I'm not going to be able to do this. I
should just leave now. So I kind of stood back.
I only really contributed one coat.
S2 (18:56):
That's hilarious.
S5 (18:57):
I figured out the sequence of one coat, and that
was about my only contribution. Otherwise, I just walked around
the room tapping panels, pushing buttons. You do need to
go back though, because when you do accomplish it, it's
really feels pretty good. It feels good. Yeah. You need
to go back. I'll let you know when I accomplish it.
S2 (19:13):
By the way, quick shout out here, guys. There is
a Gideon International Convention going on in Grand Rapids. We
just got a text from someone, whoever this is, seven four,
one four. We see you, brother or sister? And that's great,
isn't it? Yeah. Gideon, Gideon's are getting together. Okay. In
Grand Rapids this morning. Isn't that awesome?
S5 (19:35):
Good morning, Grand Rapids.
S2 (19:36):
Yeah.
S5 (19:37):
Is that a specific organization?
S2 (19:39):
Well, I'm thinking that this is the organization my dad
was with, if I'm not mistaken.
S3 (19:44):
I mean, the Gideons are still. You mean, were they, like,
you know, when you see a Bible in a in
a hotel or something, that's usually a Gideon's Bible. Oh.
And and so that organization does definitely still exist.
S2 (19:54):
Yeah. My dad would go downtown different hotels, like the
big old Captain Cook Hotel, which is still a classic. And, uh,
he got permission from the former governor who was owner
of that place. And they got they got Bibles in there,
and they went down with, like, boatloads of these Bibles,
and then they go to each floor and they go
play some themselves and pray over them. Isn't that great?
S5 (20:17):
I love that.
S2 (20:17):
Yeah, that was back in the day. But if you've
been to Anchorage and you've stayed at a nice place. Oh,
that's Tammy from Cleveland who's up there in Grand Rapids. Nice.
S3 (20:27):
Oh, Tammy.
S2 (20:27):
That's great. Um, yeah. So my dad, um, yeah, that's
that's a cool thing, by the way. One more quick note.
Do you remember I was on a walk with my
bride yesterday. Talk about random stuff here this morning. Do
you remember the cicadas?
S3 (20:41):
Oh, yeah. I mean.
S5 (20:42):
Cicadas.
S3 (20:43):
Last summer. The big. The big infestation.
S2 (20:46):
That seems so far back now.
S3 (20:48):
Oh, I know.
S2 (20:49):
We looked at our little white picket fence that when
we walked past it a year ago, it was like
you couldn't see the white picket. Barely. I mean, it
was swarmed with things.
S7 (20:59):
It's crawling.
S2 (21:01):
They're gone. They're underground. Won't come out for how long? 20.
30 years. Something crazy?
S3 (21:07):
Yeah, I don't remember what the. There's every kind of
breed of cicada has a different amount of time spent underground.
And last year's was, like, a really long one, so
I don't remember how long it is, but long enough.
I want them to stay under there.
S2 (21:20):
Yeah.
S5 (21:21):
I enjoy.
S2 (21:21):
Somebody. Oh, somebody said, time for a call. And crew
team building exercise.
S8 (21:26):
Do you think we could make it out?
S2 (21:27):
No, I think it would go into that mini series
called Murder She Wrote.
S3 (21:32):
I was going to say team building or team destruction.
S5 (21:35):
I don't know.
S2 (21:36):
This exercise you went in, you went in with four
of you. Why are only three of you here?
S5 (21:40):
Yeah. Okay. I have succeeded.
S9 (21:42):
In these, so maybe, you know, give me a chance.
S3 (21:45):
Let Diana lead us.
S9 (21:46):
I can help you in this, Diana leader.
S5 (21:49):
Diana is the sleeper. She's the one who's going to
get us out. I believe it.
S7 (21:53):
I am the lead.
S2 (21:54):
On substitute shepherd. I'll follow all your way. Substitute shepherd.
You're not going to be the good shepherd, for crying
out loud.
S7 (22:02):
Oh, goodness.
S2 (22:03):
But that's awesome. We should try it sometime.
S7 (22:05):
We should.
S9 (22:06):
It would be fun.
S7 (22:07):
To our manager.
S2 (22:08):
We're talking about fixing broken stuff today in family and relationships. And,
you know, sometimes you look at marriage and you think,
I'm not broken. And then you look a little bit
closer and go, man, but we got some repairs we
can make around here. Anybody feel that way about love
and marriage or are we all good to go here?
S5 (22:26):
I know there's always things that need to be fixed
in marriage.
S7 (22:29):
For sure. Always.
S2 (22:30):
For sure. Boy, have we got a we got a
big dog coming in here. Let the big dogs howl.
S5 (22:41):
I wonder how our guests feels about that. Doctor Emerson
Eggerichs the big dog coming up.
S1 (22:48):
She was trying to earn her way to God, but
God showed her she didn't have to. Ali is in
the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (22:58):
So what do we have on the wall? Right over
your left shoulder there. Ali. Right over your left shoulder.
What do you see up there?
S5 (23:03):
Why.
S2 (23:04):
Why why do we have. Why?
S5 (23:05):
Because the why is the most important thing, but often
the least answered question. We get the who and the
what and the where. Sometimes we miss the why.
S2 (23:15):
Yeah, I was watching this Ted talk years ago now,
and I was struck by this. I thought we talk
especially in faith communities. We talk about this is the what.
This is the how we do it now and then
we leave out the why. And so when it comes
to love and relationships, family, everything that we're talking about
this week. We got a pro in here. Emerson, get
in the raft with us, man. What's the why? What? Yeah.
(23:39):
Get in the raft here, man. Let's go. It's summertime.
S10 (23:42):
I'm all wet. I'm all wet. Oh, man. We could
have got me from the shore.
S2 (23:46):
We're going to dry you out. All right. What's the why?
In marriage, we talk. What and how a lot, don't we?
But what's the why, my man?
S10 (23:53):
Well, one of the whys is, why do we have
marital conflict? Why is it the two people who are
goodwilled end up, you know, having conflict? And I believe
it's because of honest misunderstandings.
S5 (24:04):
Doctor Emerson Eggerichs, our guest right now, internationally known author
and speaker on the topics of marriage, parenting and communication.
He has spoken to many people in many different walks
of life players and spouses in the NFL, PGA, NBA keynote,
and national business events. He's been at universities, mega churches,
CEO groups, and the poorest of the poor in India.
(24:24):
So you have been across the globe. What's the primary
message that you bring to these audiences.
S10 (24:31):
Well, it's based on research, but more deeply Scripture, Ephesians 533,
which is the summary statement to the greatest treatise in
the New Testament on marriage. And Paul summarizes it by saying, husbands,
love your wives and wives, respect your husbands. And there's
no pushback on loving a wife. But when we talk
about respecting a man, there is a negative reaction to
(24:53):
that because he hasn't earned it. He doesn't deserve it
and she doesn't feel it. But we define that as
unconditional positive regard toward the spirit of her husband, as
she's confronting issues that upset her about issues that she
doesn't respect.
S2 (25:06):
Whoa. All right, so boil that down. Give us a scenario.
Give us a story that reflects this really well. Both
love and respect.
S10 (25:13):
Well, you could say, you know, wife said, you know,
I just wanted wanted him to talk to me. Instead,
he walked down the hallway in silence. He slammed the
bedroom door behind him. He doesn't love me, you know.
And so I said, well, do you think he was
trying to be unloving at that moment, or could he
have felt disrespected? And she paused and said, well, I
did call him the most selfish person on the planet
(25:34):
right before he walked away from me. And so then
I asked, yeah, well, I talked to her and him,
and then he said, well, she tells me she needs
to talk. That means I've hurt her feelings. Again, I'm
never good enough. She doesn't respect me. So then I said, well,
do you think she's trying to be disrespectful? Or could
she be feeling unloved and insecure about the relationship and
(25:55):
she's trying to connect? He said, well, I guess I
knew she would talk about that heated exchange we had
earlier in the day, so I avoided her. So one
of the things that we try to point out to
people is they get on the crazy cycle without love.
She reacts without respect, without respect. He reacts without love
and then without love. She reacts without respect and without.
And it starts to spin. And I say to people,
(26:17):
have you ever had an issue when suddenly the issue
didn't seem to be the issue and the spirit of
your spouse deflated? Well, you just stood on their air hose.
She needs love like she needs air to breathe. He
needs respect like he needs air to breathe. And when
you step on their hose, they're going to defensively react.
But they're going to defensively react in ways that offend you.
S5 (26:34):
Doctor Emerson Eggerichs our guest right now, so many people
are going to say, well, love and respect goes both ways.
Don't both spouses need both love and respect?
S10 (26:45):
Absolutely, absolutely. And we've asked 7000 people this question. When
you're in a conflict with your spouse, do you feel
unloved at that moment or disrespected? 83% of the men, Ali, 83%
of the men said they feel disrespected. Men are most
often very assured of a woman's love. She says, I
love you every day. He doesn't doubt her love, but
(27:06):
he doesn't think she likes him. And on the other side, 72%
of the women say they feel unloved. And there's not
one movie that ends with the hero embracing the damsel, saying,
I want to rescue. Respect you the rest of my life. Yeah. So,
I mean, it's not that we're trying to say women
don't need respect. They do, and men need love, but
we're talking about the felt need during conflict. And I
(27:28):
always say, if the shoe fits, wear it. If not,
don't worry about it. But we do believe that love
and respect is foundational, and the University of Washington studied
2000 couples for 20 years. And they said love and
respect are the two key ingredients for successful marriage. Well,
the apostle Paul said that 2000 years ago.
S2 (27:43):
I love it. Doctor Emerson agrees with us right now.
He is. Oh my goodness, this guy is so well known.
Got a great work. And we're going to take you
to a website here in a minute that's got free resources,
the whole deal, everything you need. Okay. I have an
assumption I am I am a big believer. Let's talk
to him in here for a second. I'm a big
believer that if a man initiates toward his bride, as
(28:08):
Christ loved the church, there is an irresistibility to that man,
am I wrong?
S10 (28:14):
No, you're not wrong. We don't want to do that.
We don't have fond feelings of love and affection. When
she has contempt, or so we feel. She has contempt
for who we are as a human being. So an
honorable man must decode on that crazy cycle. Is she
really trying to be disrespectful, or is she crying out
because she has a need that only I can meet?
And this isn't a complaint. This is a compliment.
S5 (28:34):
What's the biggest thing that you've seen when in your
teaching all of these years? When couples start to embrace
this as truth? Give us a story. How has this
impacted marriages?
S10 (28:45):
Well, it's huge. Once they are able to decode, you
know that she's not trying to offend me. She's a
good willed woman. And and she says he's not trying
to be unloving. He would die for me if I
don't kill him first, you know? But there is this,
this moment where two people have to decode and they
have to trust that they are defensively reacting on this
crazy cycle and they're not trying to offend them. And
(29:08):
what happens? We take up offense because we keep asking
the person, stop reacting to me this way. 85% of
those who withdraw during a marital conflict is the husband.
Women cannot imagine withdrawing and stonewalling. They want to connect.
And so that can only mean one thing he hates me.
This was described in the University of Washington's, uh, research.
(29:29):
And they call it a descriptor, an act of hostility.
It feels like an act of hostility. So she interprets
his blue conduct through her pink glasses, and she misinterprets
his deepest heart. And, of course, he doesn't do a
good job in representing himself at those moments. He's got
to push through to what Carl is saying and trust
her deeper heart. And if he does, she usually will
(29:50):
soften and say, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
But on the other side, women need to understand that
in the research. Again, when men are in a conflict,
their heartbeats can get to 99 beats per minute. They
feel flooded by that conflict. Women look like they're out
of control, but their heartbeats are normal. But when his
heartbeats get to 99 beats per minute, he's in warrior
mode and he has to calm down. And if Carl
(30:12):
and I were best buddies when we got into a
heated exchange, he would probably say, drop it, forget it,
and we'd kind of separate for a while and calm down.
We wouldn't scream at each other. You're so unloving. You
know we wouldn't know.
S2 (30:24):
Those words would never come off our lips. Emerson, let's, uh,
pressure test this because we know the stats are sad.
There's a lot of Christian. I'm using that in air quotes,
because we got a lot of people in church that
aren't necessarily in Christ. That's one. But we got genuine,
God fearing people who came together. Now there we talk
about a lot around here, but it's true. They're glorified roommates.
(30:46):
They got occasional sex. They've got a couple of kids,
they share accounts, but that's about it. What got them there?
And is it this love and respect thing, or is
there is there this vein of good old fashioned, derailed
disciple that just live in Romans one? And to heck
with you, I'm done. I'm going my own way. What gives?
(31:07):
What comes first?
S10 (31:08):
No, I mean, that's an excellent question. And this is
what I'm all about. I believe, as I said before,
these conflicts exist in answer to the why is because
there's honest misunderstanding. When Sarah and I married in 1973,
we've been married 51 years. I didn't say to Sarah,
you know I hate you and you hate me, so
let's get married. It doesn't go down that way. So
how do two people of goodwill who have love and
(31:29):
respect toward each other, end up becoming those roommates that
you've referenced? I believe these ongoing, um, misunderstandings, you know,
during conflict, he will withdraw 85%. That's unimaginable to her.
So then she says to him, don't do that to me.
And of course, he doesn't respond to her because he's
trying to do the honorable thing by de-escalating the conflict.
(31:50):
So his heart is trying to do the respectful thing.
She feels unloved. She moves toward him to critique the
situation so he'll understand her heart. And she's doing the
loving thing only to be interpreted as disrespectful. Will you
do that for 15 years? And you'll finally start backing
away from each other because you're too vulnerable. So then
you become the roommates, but then you begin to think,
you know, if I really mattered to that other person,
(32:10):
they would listen to me. But we don't understand what
we're doing ourselves innocently, albeit to sabotage the intimacy. And
so we have helped people decode this crazy cycle and
focus on the family sponsored us for, you know, four
years they spent $50,000 to assess the long term impact
of love and respect. And it works. Once couples get
(32:30):
this and they apply what we're saying, it works. It
doesn't mean you're going to stay off the crazy cycle.
Sarah and I get on the crazy cycle. Not too
long ago, she chased me around the house with my
love and respect book, saying, what would you say to
a husband treating his wife the way you're treating me
right now?
S11 (32:45):
Who ever said I love your honesty?
S2 (32:49):
Oh, that is too good, Emerson.
S10 (32:51):
I hid the book. She doesn't do that anymore. He
hid the.
S12 (32:53):
Book.
S2 (32:53):
Yeah. Forget that man. Get it out of here. I
don't want to see that book. Uh, where do we
go from here, Emerson? Straight up. You got a ton
of people. I mean, you got people across North America
listening to you right now. You know, the simplicity of
this message is what makes it powerful. That's why you've
sold 2 million copies. You know that, right? It's simple.
S10 (33:11):
It's just hard and I'm irrelevant. It was in the
Bible before I was born, and it'll be there after
I'm dead, so I don't really count. But I think
we have to trust the Lord. We who are Christ followers. Ultimately,
I do this unto Jesus Christ, who stands beyond the
shoulder of Sarah, that I love Christ, and that I'm
going to be a loving man because I'm loving Christ.
And so to a woman references Jesus Christ. Ephesians 521.
(33:33):
We do what we do out of reverence for Christ.
And so her demeanor is respectful as she addresses issues
that she finds unlovable, unloving, and unrespectable. So there is
this challenge that the Christ follower has. I'm going to
obey this command. This is an imperative form. I'm going
to be this loving man. Apart from my wife's performance.
I'm going to be a respectful, dignified woman apart from
(33:55):
my husband. And that's difficult for us to do because
we feel it's unfair. But what we ultimately have to see,
this may not be a crisis in marriage. It is
a crisis of faith.
S5 (34:05):
Before we cut you loose, give us a thought on
your latest book. You know you got one out just
this year. Speak your mind. Evaluating and unleashing your communication strengths.
What are you going after here?
S10 (34:15):
There are four questions that I ask before I try
to speak. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary,
and is it clear? And I want to be an
effective communicator. We have 80 questions that help us assess
our strengths. It's a strength assessment on communication. And communication
is a big issue. And so we're giving people the
tools to be better communicators. You and Carl are excellent communicators,
(34:38):
but you'd be the first to say we've had to
work at this. And so in this book I talk
about how do we communicate in a way that hopefully
will be effective. It'll influence other people. And I'm very excited.
S2 (34:49):
Yeah, this is great, I tell you. You know what, Emerson?
Straight up truth here. I really think the secret sauce
for what God's doing with you is that you don't
have the. These are the 42 things that I want
you to know about a great marriage. There's like two things,
and you got one to own if you're a man
or a woman. And let's get after it. And this
is powerhouse, bro. I gotta tell you, this is powerhouse. Okay? Boom. Crew.
(35:11):
I got some good news for you. I checked it out.
I did some sleuthing around. I went to his website. Oh,
there's some goodies there. And I mean some good stuff.
And it all doesn't cost money. So a whole bunch
of it's free and you can go get these books
as well. Ali, what do you say?
S5 (35:26):
Text the word respect. Yep. R-e-s-p-e-c-t. Glad I got to
do that. Text respect to 800 555 7898. Respect to
800 555 7898.
S2 (35:40):
Text it respect to 800 555 7898. All the good
stuff right there.
S1 (35:46):
Your shot of hope to help you through the day.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (35:53):
God did it. It's Carl and crew here helping you
take your next step with Jesus. Sometimes the next step
is so tough. You know, grace, we often think, is
permission to kind of live as you like. And even
when we think about, we're going to dive into it
this half hour grace based parenting. You think, oh, Grace
is yeah, we'll let him get a mulligan. They get
another do over a little golf term there. Uh, one
(36:15):
of the. I talk a lot about how I fail
around here, but one of the good moves I made
many years ago came back from a family life weekend
to remember. Uh, my wife and I spoke with Family
Life on weekends to remember for a little over a decade,
saw a lot of lives change, came home and, um,
looking around the house, kind of assessing things. I went
(36:37):
and checked out the blender. My son's at that age
and stage in high school, he was the big dude,
six eight, great basketball player, kind of living on the
not wild side. But yeah, he had that. He had
a good high school spirit, let's put it that way okay, okay.
And I'm like, all clear. My wife comes down. I said,
(36:59):
doesn't look like there were any parties at our home.
You know, you're doing good parent surveillance. She goes, yes
there was. I said, what do you mean? She goes,
here's tissue found up in the bathroom. I said, A tissue.
She goes, Kevin does not use Kleenex.
S9 (37:15):
What a mom. Wow.
S5 (37:17):
That's some real sleuthing.
S2 (37:19):
Isn't that.
S7 (37:19):
Something?
S3 (37:20):
That's good.
S2 (37:21):
So, Kevin, come on downstairs. I want to talk to you.
He comes lumbering down. What's up? Dad? I said, how
was the party this weekend? He looks at me, and
it's that moment of standoff, and he said it was good.
I said, really? He said, tell me about it. He said,
(37:44):
I had a few people over here. Found out later.
It was a few, as in 30 to 60 down
the number.
S7 (37:52):
Oh. Oh, my.
S2 (37:54):
I said, uh, hey, man, I want to talk with
you when you get a minute. We had a tough conversation, guys,
and it was awesome. I said, listen, man, here's the deal.
I don't need you to be a good kid because
I'm a pastor. That's garbage man. I am. Your dad
(38:15):
is not that dad. My worth, my foundation is not
built on your performance. But I got to tell you
something right now, dude. Your soul. I love you, son.
And I don't know where you're at. It was crazy.
Got quiet. He looked at me, sitting in a chair.
He stood up, towered over me. Six. Eight. Now he
(38:35):
was probably six seven. Then he says, you're trying to
scare me. I said, no, I love you, dude. He
runs upstairs. My bride walks in and says, uh. Good move.
I said, oh man, I don't know if that was
good or not. She goes, no, it was good. I
heard the whole thing. About 30 minutes later, he comes
(38:58):
lumbering downstairs and he's crying. He said, I'm not doing well, dad.
Let's go for a drive. We went on this drive
and it was too personal for me to share all
the details, but it was good. Dad and son time,
and he was offloading a ton of stuff. You know, sometimes, Grace,
(39:19):
I think when we hear the word grace, we gotta
give grace. It's like, uh, we we can't have the
hard discussion. Right, Ali?
S5 (39:25):
Right, right. That grace means we can. Okay. We'll just
overlook and move on from this one. We'll pretend it
didn't happen. But I love the quote that you used
so often that your dad said about Grace. I mean,
it's really one of my favorites.
S2 (39:39):
Grace is not permission to live as you like. It's
the privilege to live as we never could before. That's grace.
So how in the world does grace work in the
context of family? Marriage? What's it look like? Uh, we gotta,
(40:00):
we gotta we got a good group of folks that
have a powerhouse ministry, and it's all about grace. We're
going to have the point, man. Coming in just a
couple of minutes.
S1 (40:10):
It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (40:13):
You know, the interesting thing about Jesus is he was
so full of grace, right? And it wasn't permission to
live as you like. It was a privilege to live
as you never could before. Think about it. Tax collectors
in trees. You kidding me? The public wanted to stone
this guy. He's like, come on down. Let's go have dinner.
(40:34):
Woman at the well. Let's go. Guy whose daughter had died.
She's healed. So filled with grace. Grace does not mean
the absence of truth, does it? Cody Kimmel. It doesn't
mean the absence of truth, does it, bro?
S13 (40:50):
No, it does not.
S2 (40:51):
All right. Give us a vision for a grace based home.
What in the world does it look like, Cody?
S13 (40:56):
You know, a grace based home is a place where
we are giving our kids the ability and the freedom
to be different, vulnerable, candid, and to make mistakes without
the fear of severing the relationship with us, that we
can walk alongside them in the midst of all that
(41:16):
they're going through, without them ever fearing that they're never
anything less than our kids.
S5 (41:21):
Cody Kimmel. Our guest right now, executive director of Grace
Based Families, a ministry committed to encouraging, educating and equipping
families for every age and stage of life. You know,
I know a big part of the founding of this
ministry was that you your team was finding that a
lot of the resources offered to parents and to families
had fear or behavior modification, kind of as the primary driver.
(41:45):
Explain why that's not the right approach.
S13 (41:49):
Well, I mean, simply because that's not the way God
approaches it with us. You know, he doesn't drive us
to love him and to follow him through fear. He
draws us towards him through his grace. Uh, you know, I,
I think that's really where we start with the conversation
is how does God treat his own kids. And what
(42:10):
does that look like in the life of our our
own homes as we treat our own kids?
S2 (42:14):
You know, Cody, we got a lot of challenges in
this world that we live in today. And a lot
of social media stuff going on. And I think parents
have kind of a bent toward. I think in this
age and stage and parents and grandparents and people in general,
I think there's a little more freak out factor, you
know what I mean, Alex? Because there's so there's so
(42:34):
many factors out there when we get back. What's grace
based parenting and grandparenting look like in a world that's
got so much stimuli, so many threats, maybe not even physically,
but threats to the soul. Hang on. More with Cody
Kimmel coming up.
S1 (42:51):
You're listening to Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S4 (42:54):
Grace is not permission.
S2 (42:56):
To live as you like. It's a privilege to live
as you never could before and affording that to spouses, kids, grandkids. Man,
it's it's liberating. Cody, give us a picture of grace
and how it can turn something around, my man.
S13 (43:12):
Yeah. You know, I recently was, uh, having what we
call a a heated conversation with one of my kids. Uh,
they were not acting kind of in line with what
I was hoping they would do. I was not acting
in line with what they were hoping we could do.
S5 (43:26):
And.
S13 (43:27):
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, just most parents, I'm sure,
have never experienced this, but we experience this all the time,
and and it just got escalated and escalated and escalated.
The kids stormed off and I'm frustrated. And there was
just this moment where I just remember, you know what? Like,
this is a moment that Grace can heal. And I
(43:47):
it was one of those moments where I was able
to go upstairs, sit down with this kid, and not
only extend grace to him, but I think one of
the beauties about grace, particularly in the context of family,
is that we get the opportunity to have grace extended
to us, where I was able to say, you know what?
In this moment I also made a mistake and I
am sorry. And through that, what was crazy about that?
(44:09):
It took one of the, one of these crazy moments
of parenting with one of our children to this beautiful
moment of parenting, because in the context of us extending
that grace to each other, we were able to actually
come together stronger than we were before, have deeper conversations
and and kind of move forward in this context that
we're not going to be perfect with each other, but
(44:31):
we can be together with it. And that was a
beautiful moment, even just recently.
S5 (44:36):
Cody Kimball, our guest right now, grace based families, you know,
how can we apply grace based parenting in a culture
that right now there's a lot of fear and there's
nothing new under the sun? But for my generation, your generation,
there's there's so much pressure there. We've got social media,
we've got cultural pressure. We've got really drastically shifting, uh,
(44:59):
ideas of what's considered right and good. We've got a
lot of people retreating from public school systems. How do
we apply grace based parenting in a in a culture
where there is so much fear of the influence that
the world's going to have on our kids?
S13 (45:14):
You know, I think, like you said, fear is nothing new.
I think Jesus himself, that's one of the most common
things he said is do not be afraid. And I
think he was able to say that because when we
are with Jesus and when we have grace in our lives,
one of the things that we know is that we
are enough in him. And I think as we as
(45:35):
parents look at the world that we're in and all
that is going on around us, some of it very
legitimate things that we need to be thinking about and,
and processing through is, for one, we know that we
are enough in him. That, uh, the pressures that we
are feeling to maybe compare or live up to some
other standard does not apply, because that's not really where
(45:57):
we get our worth and that Christ is with us
in the midst of it, that we are not entering
into these spaces as parents and as families and as
homes alone. And I think that that's that to me
is really where grace makes the difference is grace is
so founded in relationships that it it really changes the
(46:18):
nature of how we can relate to the world.
S2 (46:20):
You know, it strikes me, Cody, Cody Kimmel, our guest
right now, executive director of Grace Based Families. It strikes
me that you can't give grace if you haven't tasted grace.
I really mean that. Um, what's it look like for
a parent to cultivate a grace based fueling station with
God so that we're not. We're not almost faking grace.
(46:43):
We're really offering grace. You get what I'm driving at here, Cody?
S13 (46:46):
Oh, totally. Yeah. I mean, it is, like you said,
almost impossible to really give grace to other people if
you've not allowed God to give grace to you and
really understood that. You know, one of the things that
we will do a lot is we'll call it like
a grace reset or something like that, where either, you know,
in the mornings you take this moment and just remember,
(47:09):
like God has given grace to us, we are his children,
and because we are his children, we can give that
grace to our children. And whether that's through prayer, whether
that's through Scripture, whether that's just through the community of
other people that also are kind of walking alongside this.
We are reminding ourselves that because of God's grace in
(47:32):
our lives, we can now give grace to the people
in our lives as well.
S5 (47:36):
Cody, we've hit on this a couple times this week.
The the increase in adult children estranged from their their parents.
And a lot of young people, millennials say looking back
on childhoods, that maybe there was some legalism, maybe there
was a lack of grace in the home and parents
kind of reckoning with, did I really mess up my kids?
(47:58):
Was our upbringing that dysfunctional? I'll speak to that. Maybe
a previous culture where there was a lot of legalism,
not a lot of talking through things. How do parents
who now have adult children, where there's some strained relationships,
start to restore that with a grace filled approach? If
they lacked it when their kids were little?
S13 (48:19):
Totally. You know, one of the things that I think, uh,
is a really easy way to start is, is recognizing
and allowing grace to kind of enter into that situation.
Grace starts with an admission that we need forgiveness, and
we need the gift of that love from the other person.
(48:39):
And so if if there's a maybe an older parent
or a grandparent that is estranged from their kid, and
maybe there is a recognition that, you know what, maybe
not everything was where it should be. Start there and say, hey,
I recognize that, but I don't want that to be
what defines the relationship after that. And then, you know,
I think that there's something to be said about kids
(49:00):
who are maybe estranged from their parents, that there's grace
that can be given from them to their parents. Uh,
you know, the beautiful thing is where legalism destroys, where
a law can kind of come in and break relationships apart.
Grace is the thing that can heal and bring it
back together. And so there's no relationship that cannot be
(49:22):
healed by the power of God's grace.
S2 (49:25):
I love it. Cody Kimmel, man. A great man of God. And, uh,
this is really counterintuitive. I want to tell you this
right now. Behavior modification. I think that's what comes naturally.
I use that in air quotes because I it's natural.
Not in the good sense, but what comes supernaturally is
(49:48):
grace based parenting, grace based grandparenting. So we got a
link for you. And, uh, I noticed that on this
website that we're going to link this to, there's some
quick little videos that kind of orient you with what
the world is. Grace based parenting. What's it look like
to have an atmosphere of grace here? And you might
want to thumb around here. They've got great content, great tools. Uh,
(50:11):
so check it out. Ali knows how to get you there.
S5 (50:13):
Just text Grace to 800 555 7898. Text Grace to
800 555 7898. The word to text is grace.
S1 (50:25):
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (50:28):
I want to speak to this for just a second here.
I think it's really important to know this when we
talk about grace wins, you know, heavy handedness and behavior modification.
I think you can get to your desired outcome more quickly,
like immediately. But the amazing thing about grace is that
sometimes our desired outcome and where God wants us to get,
are two different locations. Grace is a tougher road. It
(50:51):
requires a little more conversation. We don't get the immediacy
of response, and it's birthed out of a attitude that says,
I've received grace, God, I'm going to give this away.
And it's a totally different path that we travel, isn't it?
S5 (51:05):
It is. And, you know, it's so important. I'm I'm
learning as your kids get older because when you when
you don't parent from a grace based way when they're
really little, you're right. You can get sometimes the desired
outcome quicker. You can kind of just shut down the behavior.
It's a little bit easier to do when they're young,
but as they get older, if you haven't worked to
(51:26):
cultivate grace based parenting, it's actually harder because it trying
to shut down a teenager and just tell them what
to do and expect them to do it in the
moment often doesn't work. Or maybe that's just maybe that's
just me.
S3 (51:40):
Well, you know what I'm also thinking of of this
that sometimes even as a kid gets older, depending on
the kid it can get, it can stay easy, but
it stays easy because a, a culture of fear has
been implemented and and you can just stay afraid as
a kid when you haven't experienced grace based parenting. And yeah,
(52:02):
maybe your kid will go along. Uh, but it's going
along out of fear. Not going along out of love.
S4 (52:09):
Yeah.
S2 (52:09):
And that that has no runway at all? No. Because,
you know, all you're doing is causing a kid to
store explosives, and you might not see it yet. Yeah.
But you're packing that. You're packing that canister with gunpowder,
and one day it's going to blow.
S3 (52:20):
Up and it'll be big.
S2 (52:21):
And it doesn't necessarily blow up in anger. It can
blow up in a broken heart.
S3 (52:26):
Yep.
S2 (52:26):
It really can. Okay. Uh, boy, if you didn't get
a link to this, I want to tell you, grace
based everything they have. Um, and this is this is
a great link. There's a lot of resources there. A
ton of resources, ton of books, ton of things. But
if you're wanting to make a shift from kind of
behavioral modification, parenting or loving spouse, by the way, Grandparenting,
(52:48):
you can take a different path here. And it is
absolutely beautiful. Grace based Grandparenting is a wonderful book and
me being a new grandparent here about five months ago.
Oh man, I love that little girl. Going to see
her on Saturday. Um, it's a beautiful thing, guys. It
and it totally. It's a total perspective shift. And I
(53:09):
gotta tell you what's in the fuel. The fuel in
the belly of this is the grace that you receive
from God. I'm convinced we can't give away what we
don't at first experience. But if you have a touchpoint,
like Cody said early in the morning with God where
you experience his grace. Man, it'll it'll shape your day
for you. I don't care what age or stage of
life you're in. So text the word grace to 800
(53:30):
555 7898. Just that one word. Grace. Get linked up.
What we what we try to do with these resources
is we're not trying to crush you with everything under
the sun that needs to be fixed at one time.
So pray you might say I got enough yesterday. That's fine.
We're just offering this up. You don't need to come
and get it. But as you feel led by the Lord,
(53:51):
you can do it. Grace to 800 555 7898.
Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (00:08):
We have it right here, and it's beautiful. We got
a crooner in residence. His name is Young Thunder, and
we have a lot of fun with this. And it's
been a while. Been a long while. Has been so young.
Are you going to stay seated? Are you going to
stand up?
S3 (00:21):
I'm going to stay seated. This time.
S2 (00:23):
You're going to stay seated? Yeah. You're good to go.
Get your throat cleared out?
S3 (00:26):
I think so, yeah.
S2 (00:27):
Fresh.
S3 (00:27):
Feel fresh.
S2 (00:28):
Three hours sleep last night. So you should be good
and ready to go.
S3 (00:31):
Yes. It's perfect.
S2 (00:34):
All right. Back by popular demand and. Oh, man. Uh.
Enough said, young Thunder. Take it away, man.
S3 (00:41):
So scared. Look at me. O is for the only
one I see. V is very, very extraordinary. E is
(01:08):
even more than anyone that you adore. In love is
all that I can give to you. Love is more
than just a game for two. Two in love can
make it. Take my heart and please don't break it.
(01:32):
Love was made for me and you beautiful my man.
S2 (01:37):
Super di on the horns right now. Guys, take it away.
S3 (01:50):
All right, boom! Crew. If you're near your spouse, your
boyfriend or your girlfriend, go on and grab them and
dance to this next bit. Go on, go on.
S2 (02:00):
Young Thunder in residence. Take it away, big dog.
S3 (02:03):
L is for the way you look at me. O
is for the only one I see the. Extraordinary. E
is even more than anyone that you adore. And love
(02:29):
is all that I can give to you. Love is
more than just a game for two. Two in love
can make it. Take my heart and please don't break it.
Love was made for me and you. Love was made
(02:54):
for me and you. Love. I was made for me.
And you.
S4 (03:08):
Yes. Yes.
S2 (03:11):
The crowd goes crazy out there.
S3 (03:14):
That was fun.
S2 (03:15):
Yes, it was fun. Thank you. Young thunder. I was
dialed in there.
S3 (03:19):
Well, I was getting nervous because you build that up,
you're like, we're gonna get it in the show cast.
It's going first. And I'm like, oh, man, I forget
sometimes that I'm singing this. Like, it's like I'm in
front of people because I don't see you boom crew.
So now I'm like, oh man, I'm singing in front
of a lot of people.
S2 (03:34):
They're feeling the love, man. They're feeling the love. You
two can hear that again. Pass it on to friends.
Family by by tuning into our show cast. Just text
the word show to 800 555, 7898. You'll be welcomed
in our show cast with young thunder singing L o
b e and super die little guest pop in on
(03:55):
the horns there. That was beautiful. Your embouchure was dialed
in today. It's, like, really.
S3 (04:01):
Perfect every time.
S2 (04:03):
Appreciate that. Great. Hang on. There's more where that came from.
Coming up.
S1 (04:07):
He's a sports fanatic with a stat for anything you
can think of. Young Thunder is in the crew. It's
curling crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (04:17):
Scarlet crew helping you take your next step with Jesus. Yeah.
I want to remind you. You can come as you are,
experience God, overcome what seems impossible and live as you
never imagined. That is the hope of the gospel. The
gospel changes everything. Everything.
S3 (04:34):
It really does.
S2 (04:36):
Oh it does. Okay, you got a question for you.
Come on, guys, you got to play along. I'm surprised
there aren't more responses here. What's broken in your home
has been broken for a while. That needs fixed up.
What's going on? Boom! Crew. All right. Here. We're getting
some good ones in here. 805. Five. Five. 78. 98.
What's broken in your home needs to be fixed up.
805 55 7898 boxes of stuff from my college days,
(05:00):
some even before that. I'm going to get after it
starting later today.
S3 (05:05):
That's awesome. Yep. Now, I think the important question is
when were the college days?
S5 (05:10):
Are we talking.
S2 (05:11):
Oh, now we got to know. Text them back. Ask
him when where the college is. That's 0609. Thank you
for submitting that one. Cracks me up because I've seen
this happen before and I had to replace one hand
sprayer on my her.
S5 (05:24):
Ah, that means yes.
S2 (05:25):
This is the dude texting in here. That would be her.
So let me reframe it for you. Hand sprayer on
her kitchen faucet. When it never reverts back to regular faucet,
you got the little toggle switch on the head. You
know what I'm talking about.
S5 (05:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
S2 (05:40):
Fancy dancy thing.
S3 (05:41):
And it just stays on the sprayer.
S2 (05:43):
Oh yeah. You've got to get a good quality one
or else within two months it's stuck on something or
you get a little bit of both. That drives me wiggy.
You don't get you don't get the straight faucet. You
get to spray and spray and straight. Oh, no, that is.
S3 (05:58):
Stuck in the.
S5 (05:58):
Middle. I am going places. Yeah, well.
S2 (06:01):
Not water going places, but it's just a combination of
spray and straight water and it's like.
S3 (06:07):
And neither.
S2 (06:07):
Are breaking the.
S3 (06:08):
Rules. Yeah, absolutely. Both are bad.
S2 (06:12):
So okay, so the college person said 1980s. Okay. Yeah.
S3 (06:16):
You do you do have to start. That's awesome.
S2 (06:19):
So just let you know stuff from my college days
even before that I'm going to get after it starting
later today.
S5 (06:27):
That's hilarious. I love it.
S3 (06:29):
That's so.
S5 (06:30):
Good. Oh, okay. A popcorn ceiling, 85, 43.
S2 (06:34):
Yeah, that's got to go. And I know how to
get it down. It's not that hard. You actually spray
soak that ceiling. You get a sprayer, you kind of
soak it down. Not so wet that you've got concrete.
I mean, that you've got drywall falling on your head.
But if you soak the surface of a popcorn surface
because popcorn has to go. It's got to.
S3 (06:54):
Go. It's. Yeah, it's.
S2 (06:55):
You got to get it. You got to get it
out of there. That's not biblical.
S3 (06:59):
That's not biblical.
S5 (07:00):
Okay?
S2 (07:01):
That is a matter of fact. That could delay the
rapture that I mean, that's not a good thing. So
you got to get that fixed, get that part, see
if hose it down and then you take a little
flat edge knife and just.
S5 (07:14):
Really.
S2 (07:15):
Yeah it gets a little loose.
S5 (07:16):
You just scrape it through to me there. That feels
like a somewhat dangerous DIY project. I mean, you're laying
it out like, hey, just go spray your ceiling, get
a butter knife, start scraping the popcorn off, and bada bing,
you got a new ceiling. I don't know, that sounds
like it could go wrong real quickly.
S2 (07:33):
It's not a butter knife. That's where it gets wrong.
S3 (07:37):
Well, like the idea of Ali on a ladder with a.
S5 (07:39):
Butter knife, that's how it sounded in my mind. Sounded to.
S2 (07:42):
Ali. No, you get a broad knife for spreading drywall mud.
Like about a ten inch knife. You spray it down.
And so it's a ten inch knife with a big
hand scraper.
S3 (07:50):
Kind of scrape.
S2 (07:51):
That. Yeah. Any but the butter knife. Now that is dangerous.
S5 (07:55):
I mean, this is broad knife. Butter knife.
S3 (07:58):
They're very different.
S5 (07:59):
Tomato, tomato.
S2 (08:02):
Okay. This is honest. This is honest. I don't know
what to do with it. My wife and I put
a few holes in walls during a very tough time
in our marriage. God pulled us through. She's expressed many
times wanting to fix them. Do that, bro.
S3 (08:13):
She love that. Yeah.
S5 (08:15):
Yeah, because that is almost symbolic. Exactly.
S3 (08:18):
I love it. He's. You know, he said that God's
telling me to fix some wall while she's out of
the house so she can come home and just have
it be fixed. I really love that. I think that's
a great heart.
S2 (08:27):
Here's a fun one. Trimming. Our hallway had water damage
five years ago, so I took it off.
S3 (08:32):
And.
S2 (08:32):
Replaced.
S5 (08:33):
It.
S2 (08:33):
Yet. All right, time to get that. Time to get
that down there. Time to get that new baseball thing
down there. Oh, man, there's some funny ones coming in here.
S5 (08:41):
Oh, good. Oh. Here's one. I'm tearing out my dining room.
And so yeah, it's been four years and they're still
working on.
S6 (08:49):
This dining room.
S5 (08:50):
So I. And these projects. Yeah. There's a room love. Yeah.
S2 (08:55):
By the way, having done a lot of remodels, let
me just tell you here's the rule of thumb. Get
your get your price list together and get your time
timeline together. And triple both of them. Just triple them.
Then go times three for cost and time allowed. Just
go times three. So when you say dudes, here's a
(09:16):
dude tip, honey, I can knock that out in two weeks. No,
that would be six weeks. And that's if you go
full tilt and stay connected to the vine. That's that's
all things going as well as possible. Just little tip there.
All right. There's there's method to this. And now we're
going to get a little more serious shifting gears here
(09:37):
in a big big way Ali what's the question we have.
S5 (09:39):
Yeah we want to know what's broken in your home
relationally that, you know only God can fix. There's the
popcorn ceiling. There's the trim that needs to be fixed
that you can say I'll get to one day. But
then there's the deeper surf, deeper than the surface issues,
those relational issues that need fixing. And you need God
(10:00):
to intervene. Text us what those are. We'll keep you anonymous.
Just text only on this one 800 555 7898 800
555 7898.
S2 (10:12):
And, you know, it'd be helpful too is if you
pinned it down. And it's not just a general we've
got a broken relationship, or we've got some kids that
are out of control or this and that, but spit,
pin it down in a few few words. One sentence,
not a long thing, or else we can't read them.
What are they? And you know what we're going to do?
We're going to pray for him all over North America today.
(10:34):
And even if you don't get yours plugged in here,
I'm sure it's going to be very relevant to your
life what you hear. So we're going to cover these
in prayer. Pray for all the saints on all occasions.
And we're going to do that today 800 555 7898.
S1 (10:50):
She's a choreographer extraordinaire and everything is Greek to her.
Super di is in the crew. It's Carl and crew
on Moody Radio.
S2 (11:00):
Yeah, I know, we turned it around. We started with
what's broken in your home that you need to fix.
And we went with what's broken in your home that
God needs to fix. And we're getting a lot of
heartfelt responses here. We're going to take some time to
pray here in just a couple of minutes. And we're
going to pour it out. Pour out our hearts to God.
I'm praying and believing like never before in my life, guys.
(11:21):
I've seen God move mountains in my life, in my
home and my kids. And he can in yours. All right, Ali,
let's pour out our heart here. What do we got?
S5 (11:29):
Yeah, we've got a 20 year old son relationship with
the family. We've got a marriage that's broken, a short
temper that is needing to be fixed. Uh, laziness with
no motivation. Uh, our son brings grandchildren to see us,
but our daughter in law is kind of estranged from them.
Prayers for my husband's mental health and physical health. The
(11:49):
Holy Spirit to reveal truth to my spouse. Wow. Drift
due to caregiving. A lustful heart. A son who hasn't
spoken to us in some time. My husband is not
a believer. A couple of them back to back that
have broken communication patterns.
S2 (12:05):
Yeah, I got more coming in here. We got alcohol
addiction leading to a split here. It looks like. Um,
emotional affairs going on, parenting decisions. And, uh, it was
all begun with a false label, something that wasn't going
to work. And, yeah, we see that we're trying to
(12:27):
disguise this a little bit, guys, but not shouting out
any numbers. We don't see any names here, but we're
just offering up you some prayers here today. And we
know that not everyone's texting in, but already some of
these have covered where you're at. What about what about you?
What's broken in your home? Family relationships that needs to
be mended. And it's God's work. You know, it is
(12:50):
strange from a son, two daughters that are estranged. Their
guidelines for reconciling the relationship, um, looks untenable. Tough stuff, man.
Communication and trust is broken down. Uh, a niece that
has not communicated with her family in over 30 years. Oh, boy. Yeah.
(13:10):
Stubborn characters. Um. Somebody self identifies with anger, pride, bitterness.
That's a great thing to do. That's that's humbling. That's
great for you to self identify. It's one thing to
look at the other person, but to look at yourself
as good. All right, Ali, get a few more. They're
pouring in.
S5 (13:28):
Here. Anger, pride, bitterness, some addiction issues. Um, a marriage
that's in conflict. We've become roommates. Uh, more communication, trust
issues in marriage. Yeah.
S2 (13:42):
We're going to go there right now. Father, we come
before you. Imma pray a little bit here and then
I want you to cap us off. Okay, sister? Yeah. Father,
we just pour out our hearts before you right now,
on behalf of all these broken pieces in homes all
across North America right now, so many that didn't even
text in. But, boy, they can relate to this. So
we got issues of communication. We got issues being confessed
(14:06):
of hard heartedness. Lord, I pray that you would, uh,
move in power by your spirit. Lord, would you honor
the requests of these people that are texting in today?
We've got marriages on the rocks heading for divorce. Some
are in the process of it. God, you're the God
of miracles. I'm asking you to move in the middle
of these marriages. And, Lord, we praise you that as
(14:28):
we go to prayer, you go to work. God, these
children that are estranged and separated from moms and dads,
I pray that you would trouble hearts in those kids.
Have them break down the walls that they've constructed and
Lord move in power. We pray and I thank you
that you're moving as we pray, Lord.
S5 (14:46):
Lord, we thank you that we don't have to rely
on our own understanding. God, that when we acknowledge you
in all of our ways, God, you will direct our steps.
So I pray that you would direct the steps of
those who are looking to you today God for direction,
for hope, for strength, for healing, for restoration, for reconciliation,
for deliverance, for refuge. God, you are the God who
(15:09):
provides and supplies everything that we need. So would you
do that for your people today? God? Would you provide
what's needed when we look to you?
S2 (15:18):
Amen. And let it be. Oh, what a joy man
God move in power.
S1 (15:25):
We pray he was running from God, but God's love
brought him home. Carl is in the crew. It's Carl
and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (15:35):
Uh, boy. Guys, uh, you know, sometimes you just feel like,
want to get away. This is one of those. Why
do you want to get away? Speaking of. Want to
get away? Ali, um. Did you get away?
S5 (15:46):
No. I attempted an escape room for the first time
with my son, my daughter and my two sisters who
are in town. And no. After 60 minutes, we did
not escape.
S3 (15:59):
Were you close?
S5 (15:59):
Really? We thought we were close. Ah, we thought we
were close. The game master who watches the entire thing?
S3 (16:06):
Yes.
S5 (16:06):
Audio and video? Yep. He said you guys need your
own reality TV show. And we said. What was your
favorite moment to watch? What was.
S2 (16:17):
It? What was.
S5 (16:18):
It? Well, at one point, because we really struggled at
the beginning. And if you don't start well, you're not
going to finish well. It's kind of a principle for life.
It took us way too long to figure out how
to get through the first door. So we burned up
about 25 minutes in what probably should have taken about ten.
And so he goes there. Well, there was one point
and he points to my sister. He goes, you guys
actually did it correctly. And he goes, and you see
(16:40):
that little panel over there? It popped open with all
the buttons he goes. And I died laughing as I
watched you see it look the other way and turn
and walk in the opposite direction. Oh, no.
S6 (16:51):
That's so funny. And so here it is.
S5 (16:54):
You're looking all around the room to try to find
sequences and codes, and then you find numbers, but then
you have to figure out, know the numbers. It's not
the obvious one. You got to find the clue on
the wall that tells you the order to put the
numbers in.
S2 (17:07):
I'm actually shocked. I'm actually shocked. I thought for sure
with you and your sisters. Those are.
S6 (17:12):
I'm with you, Carl. You got an attorney.
S2 (17:14):
For a.
S6 (17:15):
Sister? I agree it is.
S5 (17:16):
Such a specialized sort of skill set. I'm really curious
the type of person who is good at escape rooms
because it's not the attorney. It's certainly not the radio host.
We were hopeless. My daughter was pretty good at it.
S2 (17:36):
But not good enough. Not good enough. How far do
you make it through?
S5 (17:40):
We asked him I in my mind, because we were
down to a code and I thought, oh, we just
missed it by a couple seconds. I said, did we
get close? He goes about 60% of the way there.
S6 (17:50):
60%. 60%.
S5 (17:53):
Well, that's about a D I guess we'll take it.
But we got to go back because we feel like
we felt a little defeated.
S2 (17:59):
And so you got to go back.
S5 (18:01):
You got to go.
S6 (18:02):
Back.
S2 (18:02):
And fight the beast again.
S5 (18:04):
Have you done one of these rooms?
S2 (18:06):
I would you believe I never have.
S6 (18:08):
I would love.
S3 (18:09):
You'd.
S6 (18:09):
Love it. You would.
S5 (18:10):
I think you would enjoy it.
S6 (18:12):
Really?
S3 (18:12):
Yeah, you really would. It's that I think that kind
of puzzle solving thing is your your wheelhouse. Carl alley.
Did you guys end up liking each other afterwards? Just
to check? Especially the.
S6 (18:22):
Siblings. The siblings struggled.
S5 (18:25):
The the younger set. My, my. We realized that my
daughter is a total type A personality, and so she
had a pretty set idea as to how she thought
we should do this.
S3 (18:35):
Yeah.
S5 (18:36):
And so she kept going, get out of the way.
Just let me do it. Move! Move! We're gonna do
it my way.
S2 (18:42):
I would have.
S5 (18:43):
Loved to.
S2 (18:44):
Because Eric is not what you'd call a shriveling violet.
S5 (18:48):
So we just. And after about five minutes, I thought,
I'm not going to be able to do this. I
should just leave now. So I kind of stood back.
I only really contributed one coat.
S2 (18:56):
That's hilarious.
S5 (18:57):
I figured out the sequence of one coat, and that
was about my only contribution. Otherwise, I just walked around
the room tapping panels, pushing buttons. You do need to
go back though, because when you do accomplish it, it's
really feels pretty good. It feels good. Yeah. You need
to go back. I'll let you know when I accomplish it.
S2 (19:13):
By the way, quick shout out here, guys. There is
a Gideon International Convention going on in Grand Rapids. We
just got a text from someone, whoever this is, seven four,
one four. We see you, brother or sister? And that's great,
isn't it? Yeah. Gideon, Gideon's are getting together. Okay. In
Grand Rapids this morning. Isn't that awesome?
S5 (19:35):
Good morning, Grand Rapids.
S2 (19:36):
Yeah.
S5 (19:37):
Is that a specific organization?
S2 (19:39):
Well, I'm thinking that this is the organization my dad
was with, if I'm not mistaken.
S3 (19:44):
I mean, the Gideons are still. You mean, were they, like,
you know, when you see a Bible in a in
a hotel or something, that's usually a Gideon's Bible. Oh.
And and so that organization does definitely still exist.
S2 (19:54):
Yeah. My dad would go downtown different hotels, like the
big old Captain Cook Hotel, which is still a classic. And, uh,
he got permission from the former governor who was owner
of that place. And they got they got Bibles in there,
and they went down with, like, boatloads of these Bibles,
and then they go to each floor and they go
play some themselves and pray over them. Isn't that great?
S5 (20:17):
I love that.
S2 (20:17):
Yeah, that was back in the day. But if you've
been to Anchorage and you've stayed at a nice place. Oh,
that's Tammy from Cleveland who's up there in Grand Rapids. Nice.
S3 (20:27):
Oh, Tammy.
S2 (20:27):
That's great. Um, yeah. So my dad, um, yeah, that's
that's a cool thing, by the way. One more quick note.
Do you remember I was on a walk with my
bride yesterday. Talk about random stuff here this morning. Do
you remember the cicadas?
S3 (20:41):
Oh, yeah. I mean.
S5 (20:42):
Cicadas.
S3 (20:43):
Last summer. The big. The big infestation.
S2 (20:46):
That seems so far back now.
S3 (20:48):
Oh, I know.
S2 (20:49):
We looked at our little white picket fence that when
we walked past it a year ago, it was like
you couldn't see the white picket. Barely. I mean, it
was swarmed with things.
S7 (20:59):
It's crawling.
S2 (21:01):
They're gone. They're underground. Won't come out for how long? 20.
30 years. Something crazy?
S3 (21:07):
Yeah, I don't remember what the. There's every kind of
breed of cicada has a different amount of time spent underground.
And last year's was, like, a really long one, so
I don't remember how long it is, but long enough.
I want them to stay under there.
S2 (21:20):
Yeah.
S5 (21:21):
I enjoy.
S2 (21:21):
Somebody. Oh, somebody said, time for a call. And crew
team building exercise.
S8 (21:26):
Do you think we could make it out?
S2 (21:27):
No, I think it would go into that mini series
called Murder She Wrote.
S3 (21:32):
I was going to say team building or team destruction.
S5 (21:35):
I don't know.
S2 (21:36):
This exercise you went in, you went in with four
of you. Why are only three of you here?
S5 (21:40):
Yeah. Okay. I have succeeded.
S9 (21:42):
In these, so maybe, you know, give me a chance.
S3 (21:45):
Let Diana lead us.
S9 (21:46):
I can help you in this, Diana leader.
S5 (21:49):
Diana is the sleeper. She's the one who's going to
get us out. I believe it.
S7 (21:53):
I am the lead.
S2 (21:54):
On substitute shepherd. I'll follow all your way. Substitute shepherd.
You're not going to be the good shepherd, for crying
out loud.
S7 (22:02):
Oh, goodness.
S2 (22:03):
But that's awesome. We should try it sometime.
S7 (22:05):
We should.
S9 (22:06):
It would be fun.
S7 (22:07):
To our manager.
S2 (22:08):
We're talking about fixing broken stuff today in family and relationships. And,
you know, sometimes you look at marriage and you think,
I'm not broken. And then you look a little bit
closer and go, man, but we got some repairs we
can make around here. Anybody feel that way about love
and marriage or are we all good to go here?
S5 (22:26):
I know there's always things that need to be fixed
in marriage.
S7 (22:29):
For sure. Always.
S2 (22:30):
For sure. Boy, have we got a we got a
big dog coming in here. Let the big dogs howl.
S5 (22:41):
I wonder how our guests feels about that. Doctor Emerson
Eggerichs the big dog coming up.
S1 (22:48):
She was trying to earn her way to God, but
God showed her she didn't have to. Ali is in
the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (22:58):
So what do we have on the wall? Right over
your left shoulder there. Ali. Right over your left shoulder.
What do you see up there?
S5 (23:03):
Why.
S2 (23:04):
Why why do we have. Why?
S5 (23:05):
Because the why is the most important thing, but often
the least answered question. We get the who and the
what and the where. Sometimes we miss the why.
S2 (23:15):
Yeah, I was watching this Ted talk years ago now,
and I was struck by this. I thought we talk
especially in faith communities. We talk about this is the what.
This is the how we do it now and then
we leave out the why. And so when it comes
to love and relationships, family, everything that we're talking about
this week. We got a pro in here. Emerson, get
in the raft with us, man. What's the why? What? Yeah.
(23:39):
Get in the raft here, man. Let's go. It's summertime.
S10 (23:42):
I'm all wet. I'm all wet. Oh, man. We could
have got me from the shore.
S2 (23:46):
We're going to dry you out. All right. What's the why?
In marriage, we talk. What and how a lot, don't we?
But what's the why, my man?
S10 (23:53):
Well, one of the whys is, why do we have
marital conflict? Why is it the two people who are
goodwilled end up, you know, having conflict? And I believe
it's because of honest misunderstandings.
S5 (24:04):
Doctor Emerson Eggerichs, our guest right now, internationally known author
and speaker on the topics of marriage, parenting and communication.
He has spoken to many people in many different walks
of life players and spouses in the NFL, PGA, NBA keynote,
and national business events. He's been at universities, mega churches,
CEO groups, and the poorest of the poor in India.
(24:24):
So you have been across the globe. What's the primary
message that you bring to these audiences.
S10 (24:31):
Well, it's based on research, but more deeply Scripture, Ephesians 533,
which is the summary statement to the greatest treatise in
the New Testament on marriage. And Paul summarizes it by saying, husbands,
love your wives and wives, respect your husbands. And there's
no pushback on loving a wife. But when we talk
about respecting a man, there is a negative reaction to
(24:53):
that because he hasn't earned it. He doesn't deserve it
and she doesn't feel it. But we define that as
unconditional positive regard toward the spirit of her husband, as
she's confronting issues that upset her about issues that she
doesn't respect.
S2 (25:06):
Whoa. All right, so boil that down. Give us a scenario.
Give us a story that reflects this really well. Both
love and respect.
S10 (25:13):
Well, you could say, you know, wife said, you know,
I just wanted wanted him to talk to me. Instead,
he walked down the hallway in silence. He slammed the
bedroom door behind him. He doesn't love me, you know.
And so I said, well, do you think he was
trying to be unloving at that moment, or could he
have felt disrespected? And she paused and said, well, I
did call him the most selfish person on the planet
(25:34):
right before he walked away from me. And so then
I asked, yeah, well, I talked to her and him,
and then he said, well, she tells me she needs
to talk. That means I've hurt her feelings. Again, I'm
never good enough. She doesn't respect me. So then I said, well,
do you think she's trying to be disrespectful? Or could
she be feeling unloved and insecure about the relationship and
(25:55):
she's trying to connect? He said, well, I guess I
knew she would talk about that heated exchange we had
earlier in the day, so I avoided her. So one
of the things that we try to point out to
people is they get on the crazy cycle without love.
She reacts without respect, without respect. He reacts without love
and then without love. She reacts without respect and without.
And it starts to spin. And I say to people,
(26:17):
have you ever had an issue when suddenly the issue
didn't seem to be the issue and the spirit of
your spouse deflated? Well, you just stood on their air hose.
She needs love like she needs air to breathe. He
needs respect like he needs air to breathe. And when
you step on their hose, they're going to defensively react.
But they're going to defensively react in ways that offend you.
S5 (26:34):
Doctor Emerson Eggerichs our guest right now, so many people
are going to say, well, love and respect goes both ways.
Don't both spouses need both love and respect?
S10 (26:45):
Absolutely, absolutely. And we've asked 7000 people this question. When
you're in a conflict with your spouse, do you feel
unloved at that moment or disrespected? 83% of the men, Ali, 83%
of the men said they feel disrespected. Men are most
often very assured of a woman's love. She says, I
love you every day. He doesn't doubt her love, but
(27:06):
he doesn't think she likes him. And on the other side, 72%
of the women say they feel unloved. And there's not
one movie that ends with the hero embracing the damsel, saying,
I want to rescue. Respect you the rest of my life. Yeah. So,
I mean, it's not that we're trying to say women
don't need respect. They do, and men need love, but
we're talking about the felt need during conflict. And I
(27:28):
always say, if the shoe fits, wear it. If not,
don't worry about it. But we do believe that love
and respect is foundational, and the University of Washington studied
2000 couples for 20 years. And they said love and
respect are the two key ingredients for successful marriage. Well,
the apostle Paul said that 2000 years ago.
S2 (27:43):
I love it. Doctor Emerson agrees with us right now.
He is. Oh my goodness, this guy is so well known.
Got a great work. And we're going to take you
to a website here in a minute that's got free resources,
the whole deal, everything you need. Okay. I have an
assumption I am I am a big believer. Let's talk
to him in here for a second. I'm a big
believer that if a man initiates toward his bride, as
(28:08):
Christ loved the church, there is an irresistibility to that man,
am I wrong?
S10 (28:14):
No, you're not wrong. We don't want to do that.
We don't have fond feelings of love and affection. When
she has contempt, or so we feel. She has contempt
for who we are as a human being. So an
honorable man must decode on that crazy cycle. Is she
really trying to be disrespectful, or is she crying out
because she has a need that only I can meet?
And this isn't a complaint. This is a compliment.
S5 (28:34):
What's the biggest thing that you've seen when in your
teaching all of these years? When couples start to embrace
this as truth? Give us a story. How has this
impacted marriages?
S10 (28:45):
Well, it's huge. Once they are able to decode, you
know that she's not trying to offend me. She's a
good willed woman. And and she says he's not trying
to be unloving. He would die for me if I
don't kill him first, you know? But there is this,
this moment where two people have to decode and they
have to trust that they are defensively reacting on this
crazy cycle and they're not trying to offend them. And
(29:08):
what happens? We take up offense because we keep asking
the person, stop reacting to me this way. 85% of
those who withdraw during a marital conflict is the husband.
Women cannot imagine withdrawing and stonewalling. They want to connect.
And so that can only mean one thing he hates me.
This was described in the University of Washington's, uh, research.
(29:29):
And they call it a descriptor, an act of hostility.
It feels like an act of hostility. So she interprets
his blue conduct through her pink glasses, and she misinterprets
his deepest heart. And, of course, he doesn't do a
good job in representing himself at those moments. He's got
to push through to what Carl is saying and trust
her deeper heart. And if he does, she usually will
(29:50):
soften and say, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
But on the other side, women need to understand that
in the research. Again, when men are in a conflict,
their heartbeats can get to 99 beats per minute. They
feel flooded by that conflict. Women look like they're out
of control, but their heartbeats are normal. But when his
heartbeats get to 99 beats per minute, he's in warrior
mode and he has to calm down. And if Carl
(30:12):
and I were best buddies when we got into a
heated exchange, he would probably say, drop it, forget it,
and we'd kind of separate for a while and calm down.
We wouldn't scream at each other. You're so unloving. You
know we wouldn't know.
S2 (30:24):
Those words would never come off our lips. Emerson, let's, uh,
pressure test this because we know the stats are sad.
There's a lot of Christian. I'm using that in air quotes,
because we got a lot of people in church that
aren't necessarily in Christ. That's one. But we got genuine,
God fearing people who came together. Now there we talk
about a lot around here, but it's true. They're glorified roommates.
(30:46):
They got occasional sex. They've got a couple of kids,
they share accounts, but that's about it. What got them there?
And is it this love and respect thing, or is
there is there this vein of good old fashioned, derailed
disciple that just live in Romans one? And to heck
with you, I'm done. I'm going my own way. What gives?
(31:07):
What comes first?
S10 (31:08):
No, I mean, that's an excellent question. And this is
what I'm all about. I believe, as I said before,
these conflicts exist in answer to the why is because
there's honest misunderstanding. When Sarah and I married in 1973,
we've been married 51 years. I didn't say to Sarah,
you know I hate you and you hate me, so
let's get married. It doesn't go down that way. So
how do two people of goodwill who have love and
(31:29):
respect toward each other, end up becoming those roommates that
you've referenced? I believe these ongoing, um, misunderstandings, you know,
during conflict, he will withdraw 85%. That's unimaginable to her.
So then she says to him, don't do that to me.
And of course, he doesn't respond to her because he's
trying to do the honorable thing by de-escalating the conflict.
(31:50):
So his heart is trying to do the respectful thing.
She feels unloved. She moves toward him to critique the
situation so he'll understand her heart. And she's doing the
loving thing only to be interpreted as disrespectful. Will you
do that for 15 years? And you'll finally start backing
away from each other because you're too vulnerable. So then
you become the roommates, but then you begin to think,
you know, if I really mattered to that other person,
(32:10):
they would listen to me. But we don't understand what
we're doing ourselves innocently, albeit to sabotage the intimacy. And
so we have helped people decode this crazy cycle and
focus on the family sponsored us for, you know, four
years they spent $50,000 to assess the long term impact
of love and respect. And it works. Once couples get
(32:30):
this and they apply what we're saying, it works. It
doesn't mean you're going to stay off the crazy cycle.
Sarah and I get on the crazy cycle. Not too
long ago, she chased me around the house with my
love and respect book, saying, what would you say to
a husband treating his wife the way you're treating me
right now?
S11 (32:45):
Who ever said I love your honesty?
S2 (32:49):
Oh, that is too good, Emerson.
S10 (32:51):
I hid the book. She doesn't do that anymore. He
hid the.
S12 (32:53):
Book.
S2 (32:53):
Yeah. Forget that man. Get it out of here. I
don't want to see that book. Uh, where do we
go from here, Emerson? Straight up. You got a ton
of people. I mean, you got people across North America
listening to you right now. You know, the simplicity of
this message is what makes it powerful. That's why you've
sold 2 million copies. You know that, right? It's simple.
S10 (33:11):
It's just hard and I'm irrelevant. It was in the
Bible before I was born, and it'll be there after
I'm dead, so I don't really count. But I think
we have to trust the Lord. We who are Christ followers. Ultimately,
I do this unto Jesus Christ, who stands beyond the
shoulder of Sarah, that I love Christ, and that I'm
going to be a loving man because I'm loving Christ.
And so to a woman references Jesus Christ. Ephesians 521.
(33:33):
We do what we do out of reverence for Christ.
And so her demeanor is respectful as she addresses issues
that she finds unlovable, unloving, and unrespectable. So there is
this challenge that the Christ follower has. I'm going to
obey this command. This is an imperative form. I'm going
to be this loving man. Apart from my wife's performance.
I'm going to be a respectful, dignified woman apart from
(33:55):
my husband. And that's difficult for us to do because
we feel it's unfair. But what we ultimately have to see,
this may not be a crisis in marriage. It is
a crisis of faith.
S5 (34:05):
Before we cut you loose, give us a thought on
your latest book. You know you got one out just
this year. Speak your mind. Evaluating and unleashing your communication strengths.
What are you going after here?
S10 (34:15):
There are four questions that I ask before I try
to speak. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary,
and is it clear? And I want to be an
effective communicator. We have 80 questions that help us assess
our strengths. It's a strength assessment on communication. And communication
is a big issue. And so we're giving people the
tools to be better communicators. You and Carl are excellent communicators,
(34:38):
but you'd be the first to say we've had to
work at this. And so in this book I talk
about how do we communicate in a way that hopefully
will be effective. It'll influence other people. And I'm very excited.
S2 (34:49):
Yeah, this is great, I tell you. You know what, Emerson?
Straight up truth here. I really think the secret sauce
for what God's doing with you is that you don't
have the. These are the 42 things that I want
you to know about a great marriage. There's like two things,
and you got one to own if you're a man
or a woman. And let's get after it. And this
is powerhouse, bro. I gotta tell you, this is powerhouse. Okay? Boom. Crew.
(35:11):
I got some good news for you. I checked it out.
I did some sleuthing around. I went to his website. Oh,
there's some goodies there. And I mean some good stuff.
And it all doesn't cost money. So a whole bunch
of it's free and you can go get these books
as well. Ali, what do you say?
S5 (35:26):
Text the word respect. Yep. R-e-s-p-e-c-t. Glad I got to
do that. Text respect to 800 555 7898. Respect to
800 555 7898.
S2 (35:40):
Text it respect to 800 555 7898. All the good
stuff right there.
S1 (35:46):
Your shot of hope to help you through the day.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (35:53):
God did it. It's Carl and crew here helping you
take your next step with Jesus. Sometimes the next step
is so tough. You know, grace, we often think, is
permission to kind of live as you like. And even
when we think about, we're going to dive into it
this half hour grace based parenting. You think, oh, Grace
is yeah, we'll let him get a mulligan. They get
another do over a little golf term there. Uh, one
(36:15):
of the. I talk a lot about how I fail
around here, but one of the good moves I made
many years ago came back from a family life weekend
to remember. Uh, my wife and I spoke with Family
Life on weekends to remember for a little over a decade,
saw a lot of lives change, came home and, um,
looking around the house, kind of assessing things. I went
(36:37):
and checked out the blender. My son's at that age
and stage in high school, he was the big dude,
six eight, great basketball player, kind of living on the
not wild side. But yeah, he had that. He had
a good high school spirit, let's put it that way okay, okay.
And I'm like, all clear. My wife comes down. I said,
(36:59):
doesn't look like there were any parties at our home.
You know, you're doing good parent surveillance. She goes, yes
there was. I said, what do you mean? She goes,
here's tissue found up in the bathroom. I said, A tissue.
She goes, Kevin does not use Kleenex.
S9 (37:15):
What a mom. Wow.
S5 (37:17):
That's some real sleuthing.
S2 (37:19):
Isn't that.
S7 (37:19):
Something?
S3 (37:20):
That's good.
S2 (37:21):
So, Kevin, come on downstairs. I want to talk to you.
He comes lumbering down. What's up? Dad? I said, how
was the party this weekend? He looks at me, and
it's that moment of standoff, and he said it was good.
I said, really? He said, tell me about it. He said,
(37:44):
I had a few people over here. Found out later.
It was a few, as in 30 to 60 down
the number.
S7 (37:52):
Oh. Oh, my.
S2 (37:54):
I said, uh, hey, man, I want to talk with
you when you get a minute. We had a tough conversation, guys,
and it was awesome. I said, listen, man, here's the deal.
I don't need you to be a good kid because
I'm a pastor. That's garbage man. I am. Your dad
(38:15):
is not that dad. My worth, my foundation is not
built on your performance. But I got to tell you
something right now, dude. Your soul. I love you, son.
And I don't know where you're at. It was crazy.
Got quiet. He looked at me, sitting in a chair.
He stood up, towered over me. Six. Eight. Now he
(38:35):
was probably six seven. Then he says, you're trying to
scare me. I said, no, I love you, dude. He
runs upstairs. My bride walks in and says, uh. Good move.
I said, oh man, I don't know if that was
good or not. She goes, no, it was good. I
heard the whole thing. About 30 minutes later, he comes
(38:58):
lumbering downstairs and he's crying. He said, I'm not doing well, dad.
Let's go for a drive. We went on this drive
and it was too personal for me to share all
the details, but it was good. Dad and son time,
and he was offloading a ton of stuff. You know, sometimes, Grace,
(39:19):
I think when we hear the word grace, we gotta
give grace. It's like, uh, we we can't have the
hard discussion. Right, Ali?
S5 (39:25):
Right, right. That grace means we can. Okay. We'll just
overlook and move on from this one. We'll pretend it
didn't happen. But I love the quote that you used
so often that your dad said about Grace. I mean,
it's really one of my favorites.
S2 (39:39):
Grace is not permission to live as you like. It's
the privilege to live as we never could before. That's grace.
So how in the world does grace work in the
context of family? Marriage? What's it look like? Uh, we gotta,
(40:00):
we gotta we got a good group of folks that
have a powerhouse ministry, and it's all about grace. We're
going to have the point, man. Coming in just a
couple of minutes.
S1 (40:10):
It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (40:13):
You know, the interesting thing about Jesus is he was
so full of grace, right? And it wasn't permission to
live as you like. It was a privilege to live
as you never could before. Think about it. Tax collectors
in trees. You kidding me? The public wanted to stone
this guy. He's like, come on down. Let's go have dinner.
(40:34):
Woman at the well. Let's go. Guy whose daughter had died.
She's healed. So filled with grace. Grace does not mean
the absence of truth, does it? Cody Kimmel. It doesn't
mean the absence of truth, does it, bro?
S13 (40:50):
No, it does not.
S2 (40:51):
All right. Give us a vision for a grace based home.
What in the world does it look like, Cody?
S13 (40:56):
You know, a grace based home is a place where
we are giving our kids the ability and the freedom
to be different, vulnerable, candid, and to make mistakes without
the fear of severing the relationship with us, that we
can walk alongside them in the midst of all that
(41:16):
they're going through, without them ever fearing that they're never
anything less than our kids.
S5 (41:21):
Cody Kimmel. Our guest right now, executive director of Grace
Based Families, a ministry committed to encouraging, educating and equipping
families for every age and stage of life. You know,
I know a big part of the founding of this
ministry was that you your team was finding that a
lot of the resources offered to parents and to families
had fear or behavior modification, kind of as the primary driver.
(41:45):
Explain why that's not the right approach.
S13 (41:49):
Well, I mean, simply because that's not the way God
approaches it with us. You know, he doesn't drive us
to love him and to follow him through fear. He
draws us towards him through his grace. Uh, you know, I,
I think that's really where we start with the conversation
is how does God treat his own kids. And what
(42:10):
does that look like in the life of our our
own homes as we treat our own kids?
S2 (42:14):
You know, Cody, we got a lot of challenges in
this world that we live in today. And a lot
of social media stuff going on. And I think parents
have kind of a bent toward. I think in this
age and stage and parents and grandparents and people in general,
I think there's a little more freak out factor, you
know what I mean, Alex? Because there's so there's so
(42:34):
many factors out there when we get back. What's grace
based parenting and grandparenting look like in a world that's
got so much stimuli, so many threats, maybe not even physically,
but threats to the soul. Hang on. More with Cody
Kimmel coming up.
S1 (42:51):
You're listening to Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S4 (42:54):
Grace is not permission.
S2 (42:56):
To live as you like. It's a privilege to live
as you never could before and affording that to spouses, kids, grandkids. Man,
it's it's liberating. Cody, give us a picture of grace
and how it can turn something around, my man.
S13 (43:12):
Yeah. You know, I recently was, uh, having what we
call a a heated conversation with one of my kids. Uh,
they were not acting kind of in line with what
I was hoping they would do. I was not acting
in line with what they were hoping we could do.
S5 (43:26):
And.
S13 (43:27):
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, just most parents, I'm sure,
have never experienced this, but we experience this all the time,
and and it just got escalated and escalated and escalated.
The kids stormed off and I'm frustrated. And there was
just this moment where I just remember, you know what? Like,
this is a moment that Grace can heal. And I
(43:47):
it was one of those moments where I was able
to go upstairs, sit down with this kid, and not
only extend grace to him, but I think one of
the beauties about grace, particularly in the context of family,
is that we get the opportunity to have grace extended
to us, where I was able to say, you know what?
In this moment I also made a mistake and I
am sorry. And through that, what was crazy about that?
(44:09):
It took one of the, one of these crazy moments
of parenting with one of our children to this beautiful
moment of parenting, because in the context of us extending
that grace to each other, we were able to actually
come together stronger than we were before, have deeper conversations
and and kind of move forward in this context that
we're not going to be perfect with each other, but
(44:31):
we can be together with it. And that was a
beautiful moment, even just recently.
S5 (44:36):
Cody Kimball, our guest right now, grace based families, you know,
how can we apply grace based parenting in a culture
that right now there's a lot of fear and there's
nothing new under the sun? But for my generation, your generation,
there's there's so much pressure there. We've got social media,
we've got cultural pressure. We've got really drastically shifting, uh,
(44:59):
ideas of what's considered right and good. We've got a
lot of people retreating from public school systems. How do
we apply grace based parenting in a in a culture
where there is so much fear of the influence that
the world's going to have on our kids?
S13 (45:14):
You know, I think, like you said, fear is nothing new.
I think Jesus himself, that's one of the most common
things he said is do not be afraid. And I
think he was able to say that because when we
are with Jesus and when we have grace in our lives,
one of the things that we know is that we
are enough in him. And I think as we as
(45:35):
parents look at the world that we're in and all
that is going on around us, some of it very
legitimate things that we need to be thinking about and,
and processing through is, for one, we know that we
are enough in him. That, uh, the pressures that we
are feeling to maybe compare or live up to some
other standard does not apply, because that's not really where
(45:57):
we get our worth and that Christ is with us
in the midst of it, that we are not entering
into these spaces as parents and as families and as
homes alone. And I think that that's that to me
is really where grace makes the difference is grace is
so founded in relationships that it it really changes the
(46:18):
nature of how we can relate to the world.
S2 (46:20):
You know, it strikes me, Cody, Cody Kimmel, our guest
right now, executive director of Grace Based Families. It strikes
me that you can't give grace if you haven't tasted grace.
I really mean that. Um, what's it look like for
a parent to cultivate a grace based fueling station with
God so that we're not. We're not almost faking grace.
(46:43):
We're really offering grace. You get what I'm driving at here, Cody?
S13 (46:46):
Oh, totally. Yeah. I mean, it is, like you said,
almost impossible to really give grace to other people if
you've not allowed God to give grace to you and
really understood that. You know, one of the things that
we will do a lot is we'll call it like
a grace reset or something like that, where either, you know,
in the mornings you take this moment and just remember,
(47:09):
like God has given grace to us, we are his children,
and because we are his children, we can give that
grace to our children. And whether that's through prayer, whether
that's through Scripture, whether that's just through the community of
other people that also are kind of walking alongside this.
We are reminding ourselves that because of God's grace in
(47:32):
our lives, we can now give grace to the people
in our lives as well.
S5 (47:36):
Cody, we've hit on this a couple times this week.
The the increase in adult children estranged from their their parents.
And a lot of young people, millennials say looking back
on childhoods, that maybe there was some legalism, maybe there
was a lack of grace in the home and parents
kind of reckoning with, did I really mess up my kids?
(47:58):
Was our upbringing that dysfunctional? I'll speak to that. Maybe
a previous culture where there was a lot of legalism,
not a lot of talking through things. How do parents
who now have adult children, where there's some strained relationships,
start to restore that with a grace filled approach? If
they lacked it when their kids were little?
S13 (48:19):
Totally. You know, one of the things that I think, uh,
is a really easy way to start is, is recognizing
and allowing grace to kind of enter into that situation.
Grace starts with an admission that we need forgiveness, and
we need the gift of that love from the other person.
(48:39):
And so if if there's a maybe an older parent
or a grandparent that is estranged from their kid, and
maybe there is a recognition that, you know what, maybe
not everything was where it should be. Start there and say, hey,
I recognize that, but I don't want that to be
what defines the relationship after that. And then, you know,
I think that there's something to be said about kids
(49:00):
who are maybe estranged from their parents, that there's grace
that can be given from them to their parents. Uh,
you know, the beautiful thing is where legalism destroys, where
a law can kind of come in and break relationships apart.
Grace is the thing that can heal and bring it
back together. And so there's no relationship that cannot be
(49:22):
healed by the power of God's grace.
S2 (49:25):
I love it. Cody Kimmel, man. A great man of God. And, uh,
this is really counterintuitive. I want to tell you this
right now. Behavior modification. I think that's what comes naturally.
I use that in air quotes because I it's natural.
Not in the good sense, but what comes supernaturally is
(49:48):
grace based parenting, grace based grandparenting. So we got a
link for you. And, uh, I noticed that on this
website that we're going to link this to, there's some
quick little videos that kind of orient you with what
the world is. Grace based parenting. What's it look like
to have an atmosphere of grace here? And you might
want to thumb around here. They've got great content, great tools. Uh,
(50:11):
so check it out. Ali knows how to get you there.
S5 (50:13):
Just text Grace to 800 555 7898. Text Grace to
800 555 7898. The word to text is grace.
S1 (50:25):
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2 (50:28):
I want to speak to this for just a second here.
I think it's really important to know this when we
talk about grace wins, you know, heavy handedness and behavior modification.
I think you can get to your desired outcome more quickly,
like immediately. But the amazing thing about grace is that
sometimes our desired outcome and where God wants us to get,
are two different locations. Grace is a tougher road. It
(50:51):
requires a little more conversation. We don't get the immediacy
of response, and it's birthed out of a attitude that says,
I've received grace, God, I'm going to give this away.
And it's a totally different path that we travel, isn't it?
S5 (51:05):
It is. And, you know, it's so important. I'm I'm
learning as your kids get older because when you when
you don't parent from a grace based way when they're
really little, you're right. You can get sometimes the desired
outcome quicker. You can kind of just shut down the behavior.
It's a little bit easier to do when they're young,
but as they get older, if you haven't worked to
(51:26):
cultivate grace based parenting, it's actually harder because it trying
to shut down a teenager and just tell them what
to do and expect them to do it in the
moment often doesn't work. Or maybe that's just maybe that's
just me.
S3 (51:40):
Well, you know what I'm also thinking of of this
that sometimes even as a kid gets older, depending on
the kid it can get, it can stay easy, but
it stays easy because a, a culture of fear has
been implemented and and you can just stay afraid as
a kid when you haven't experienced grace based parenting. And yeah,
(52:02):
maybe your kid will go along. Uh, but it's going
along out of fear. Not going along out of love.
S4 (52:09):
Yeah.
S2 (52:09):
And that that has no runway at all? No. Because,
you know, all you're doing is causing a kid to
store explosives, and you might not see it yet. Yeah.
But you're packing that. You're packing that canister with gunpowder,
and one day it's going to blow.
S3 (52:20):
Up and it'll be big.
S2 (52:21):
And it doesn't necessarily blow up in anger. It can
blow up in a broken heart.
S3 (52:26):
Yep.
S2 (52:26):
It really can. Okay. Uh, boy, if you didn't get
a link to this, I want to tell you, grace
based everything they have. Um, and this is this is
a great link. There's a lot of resources there. A
ton of resources, ton of books, ton of things. But
if you're wanting to make a shift from kind of
behavioral modification, parenting or loving spouse, by the way, Grandparenting,
(52:48):
you can take a different path here. And it is
absolutely beautiful. Grace based Grandparenting is a wonderful book and
me being a new grandparent here about five months ago.
Oh man, I love that little girl. Going to see
her on Saturday. Um, it's a beautiful thing, guys. It
and it totally. It's a total perspective shift. And I
(53:09):
gotta tell you what's in the fuel. The fuel in
the belly of this is the grace that you receive
from God. I'm convinced we can't give away what we
don't at first experience. But if you have a touchpoint,
like Cody said early in the morning with God where
you experience his grace. Man, it'll it'll shape your day
for you. I don't care what age or stage of
life you're in. So text the word grace to 800
(53:30):
555 7898. Just that one word. Grace. Get linked up.
What we what we try to do with these resources
is we're not trying to crush you with everything under
the sun that needs to be fixed at one time.
So pray you might say I got enough yesterday. That's fine.
We're just offering this up. You don't need to come
and get it. But as you feel led by the Lord,
(53:51):
you can do it. Grace to 800 555 7898.
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