Parental Estrangement and Healthy Boundaries; Encouragement for Widows and Single Adults

Today, on Karl and Crew, we kicked off our weekly theme of “Family Relationships” by discussing how to navigate Parental Estrangement and set healthy boundaries in relationships. We also turned to the phone lines to hear how our listeners handle issues with their family. We asked the question, “What’s one thing you wish you could tell your younger self about handling family disagreements?” We also had a few guests who discussed different aspects of familial relationships. Kris Swiatocho joined us to talk about how single adults can embrace their singleness without succumbing to the pressures of marital expectations. Kris is the Director of The Singles Network Ministries, which equips single adults with ways to navigate and embrace their unwedded walk with Christ. Kris is also the Director of Kris Swiatocho Ministries, which has a primary focus on single adults, women, leaders, and church development throughout the US and Europe. We were also joined by Rachel Faulkner Brown, who encouraged widows as she shared her own story and the ministry she founded, Never Alone Widows, dedicated to serving and supporting widows. Rachel also hosts a podcast called “There is More Podcast” and has co-written “Father’s House”, an eight-week video-driven Bible study. She has also authored the book, “Widow’s Might: 365 Days of Strength for Grief and Loss- Find Comfort, Hope, and Healing.” We then had Lisa Anderson join us to talk about how young adults can cultivate healthy relationships. Lisa is the director of Boundless and Young Adults at Focus on the Family, a ministry that helps young adults navigate life with biblical wisdom and guidance. She is also the host of The Boundless Show and a national conference speaker. You can hear the highlights of today's program on the Karl and Crew Showcast.

If you're looking to hear a particular segment from the show, look at the following time stamps: 

Family Boundaries Discussion [ 00:09- 07:05] 

Parental Estrangement Discussion[07:14- 15:07]

Listener Stories [15:07- 27:13]

Kris Swiatocho Interview (Thye Singles Network Ministries)  [ 27:22-37:30 ]

Rachel Faulkner Brown Interview (Never Alone Widows) [37:40- 48:51]

Lisa Anderson Interview (Boundless and Young Adults) [ 52:10-01:05:57]

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Episode Transcript

S1 (00:00):
Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (00:08):
Hey, guys, we got a heartfelt text that came to
me here, and I want to respond to this as
I did. I responded to this person and, uh, be
sure to text us or call us with questions. Clarity.
Somebody said, Carl, what about if parents us have been
locked out and left on the street without any explanation
or a clue as to why? So going back to

(00:29):
this metaphor, having boundaries in your life is a beautiful thing,
and there's going to be some relationships that are just
straight relationships. You're waving at them from your front porch
and you're extending the love of God, but not up
close and personal. Um, you're living your life in such
a way that's radiant. Um, you're not being punitive, by

(00:51):
the way. This is not punitive. Um, this is called
healthy boundaries, but. And there's some friends that make it
into the gate and they're earning trust. And by the way,
this is why you don't become besties with someone when
you meet them yesterday. You don't pour out everything you, you,
you just begin to get a feel for. Is this

(01:11):
person a person I can trust? And by way of
conversation and shared experiences, you may bring them onto the porch,
you may bring them into the house, and one day
they may be a best buddy. You bring them into
the kitchen. I mean, that's where the best friends hang out, right?
I mean, they're in the kitchen and that's a beautiful thing.
But this is real. Somebody said, what do you do?
I'm a parent. A lot of parents are in this

(01:32):
situation right now. I've been locked out, left on the
street without any explanation or clue as to why. Here's
my advice. It flows from a lot of experience working
with a lot of parents that are in this situation,
love and live from the street in a way that
reveals the deeds of God in your life that are
so compelling they will want to glorify God. That's Matthew 516. 16.

(01:57):
It's a hard situation that you're in, but God can
heal that divide. It may take a good amount of time,
but focus on the fruit bearing life that you have,
and don't let that divide steal your joy. I mean
this from the bottom of my heart. One of the
most compelling things that we can possibly do when parents
find themselves in a situation. And this has really been

(02:19):
ramped up in the last decade here and post Covid,
it's really ramped up. But God is a God of
restoring relationships. And let me tell you how he does this.
He does this by you living so radiantly for Jesus
that your joy is not stolen. The last thing you
want to be is on the street, and those kids

(02:41):
that have put you out on the street and you
don't even know why. You don't want to be caught sulking.
Don't let them steal your relationship and your joy with God.
Live in such a way that they feel compelled. Is
it fair to ask, why am I in the street? Absolutely.
And if they won't offer an answer? Keep living for Jesus.

(03:02):
There's something that is so radiant about a fruit bearing life.

S3 (03:06):
And my experience is that most kids and parents out on.
The road.

S2 (03:20):
Need someone who's got something more than they possess. And
what if that someone was you? What if that someone
was you? So you're on the street. You keep praying.
You can pray from the street. By the way. You
can pray from the street. You can live in a
way that's bearing fruit from the street and watch God
get the glory. It's a hard situation, Ali, and it's

(03:42):
very real.

S4 (03:42):
Today it is. And I you know, I'm anecdotally, I'm
hearing more and more stories like this just from, from
listeners and then just in, in or in day to
day life that this seems. There seems to be almost
an epidemic of kind of the severing of relationships. A
lot of times over political differences. Or you mentioned Covid

(04:03):
differences over how that was handled and this divide between
adult children and parents that I'm hoping we can spend
some more time exploring that at some point.

S2 (04:14):
Yeah. I've got one more thing I want to say
on this. A lot of this has happened as a
result of the deconstructing. I've got this in air quotes,
and the reason I have that is for for a reason.
You can't deconstruct a faith that you never had. I
need you to hear me. You can't deconstruct a faith
you never had. And a lot of these kids that are, quote,

(04:36):
deconstructing and walking away from the church, many of them,
I would say the vast majority, have never come into
an authentic relationship with Christ. And so what they're manifesting
a lot of times is some of it's not ill founded.
Some of it's a bitterness from some kind of legalistic
regime that they felt like they were raised in. And

(04:58):
the other thing that you can do from the street,
and this is very important, don't grovel and don't trip
over yourself trying to own stuff you can't own. But
if you can find something that you can own, that
you're searching your heart and you go, man, my son
or daughter, this one I could have done better on.
It is a beautiful thing. Whether you get a note

(05:20):
back and maybe you're at a point where you've got
to just do you don't have any connection, you got
to do snail mail. If you can own what you
can own, that could be something that breaks down that
wall of divide that's got you out on the street.
So always look to own what you can own. Don't
presume that they're just because they're deconstructing faith that they're

(05:43):
going to that it was ever constructed to begin with.
I think that's a big misnomer that's out there. And
that's a common thing we hear right now.

S4 (05:52):
Oh, absolutely. And many kids who were raised in church
who have walked away and sometimes walked away from their parents, too.
It doesn't just because someone is in church. We talk
about this all the time does not mean that they
are in Christ.

S2 (06:05):
Yeah. Yeah, it's really true. Um, man, my heart just
goes out to you. We've got a lot of people
getting response even to that. But this, this is real.
What we are talking right now to possibly thousands upon thousands,
maybe tens of thousands of parents across the nation and
in Canada and beyond that. Feel this right now. Don't

(06:27):
let it rip off your joy. Stay anchored in Jesus
Christ and you're going to shine brightly. And God's going
to use you friend. Own what you can own and
move on. Watch what God does. Okay. Um. Coming up,
we want to talk to widows, don't we, Ali?

S4 (06:45):
We do. We're talking about all these different family Relationships.
How can we win in community no matter what stage
of life you find yourself in?

S2 (06:53):
Yeah, this is Jeremy Camp, guys. We're going to we're
going to mix it up with a special guest. We
got experts all week long here. Widows. It's real. The
pain is real. What can God do? Hang on.

S1 (07:05):
A basketball mom who's mastered the dad joke. Ali is
in the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (07:13):
What he says about you, it's what matters. That's all
about identity in Christ. And we've actually got a week
that we're going to commit to identity coming up here
down the road. We plan these things. Whoop, whoop. We're
way down the road here. And unless the Lord takes
us all out of here, we're going to get to it.
Because understanding who you are in Christ, it's absolutely vital.
As a matter of fact, let's give away a resource

(07:35):
right now because somebody's going, man, I'd love to know
who I am in Christ. Let's do it. Ali.

S4 (07:39):
Oh, yes, I know exactly the one you're talking about.
This is our truth blog. It's just powerful truth from
the Word of God to memorize, to recite, to make
sure that you keep in front of you, in case
you slip into not knowing who you are in Christ,
which happens to all of us, I would say, at
least once a day. We forget even even if it's
just for a moment, something slips in to make us

(08:01):
think that our identity is something other than who we
are in Christ. Text the word truth to 855 five, 7898.
Text truth to 800 555 7898. Carl, can we go
back to this whole boundaries thing we've been talking about
this morning? Sure. So I found this quote online, and
I think it captures it really well. It's it's from

(08:22):
someone who it's unknown, but it says that this is
kind of what sums up what's going on with the
generation that's sort of cutting off their parents. It's it's
a thinking that says you are allowed to terminate your
relationship with toxic family members. You're allowed to walk away
from people who hurt you. You don't owe anyone an
explanation for taking care of yourself. Now, on its face. Okay.

(08:45):
There's some there's some truth there. You you have to
take care of yourself to the extent that you have
to protect yourself. And. But do you feel like this
is capturing it and has it gone too far? Our
sense of protecting ourselves from people who we've labeled quote unquote, toxic?

S2 (09:06):
Yeah, you take that to its full extent. You know what?
You have an entire population of 300 plus million people
in America that don't talk to anyone else because, I mean,
here's the challenge. We can get wrinkled over almost anything.
And I've seen those memes. And what it's creating is
this enormous amount of increased isolation. It's ironic to me, Ali,

(09:30):
that we live in a very isolated world. And with
regard to young people who are severing relationships, it's really
popular now. It's called.

S4 (09:40):
Parental estrangement. There's a name for it.

S2 (09:43):
Oh, there's a name.

S4 (09:43):
Parental estrangement.

S2 (09:45):
Yeah, it's called heartache is what it's called. And both
sides lose and it's happening. It's an epidemic. Um, the.
And it's heartache. Uh, we've gotten numbers of texts this
morning from parents who have. What's that term again?

S4 (10:00):
Parental estrangement.

S2 (10:01):
Yeah. Where they're severing those relationships with moms and dads,
and there's not even answers given. People are inquiring and
there's no explanation at all. I can't even express to
you what that must feel like. I mean, that's overwhelming.
And yet our God is able to. First off, care
for you when you've been pushed out to the street

(10:24):
in a big old wall has been erected there, and
you can't even contact these people. And the call on
our life is to. And this is going to sound crazy,
but I need you to hear my heart on this.
The temptation that Satan wants to do is let that
steal every ounce of joy, Enjoy every bit of an
abiding relationship with Christ. And what that ultimately does, then,

(10:45):
is make you impotent to even have influence in their life.
The greatest influence you can have in a kid's life
that is estranged themselves from you. They've said, no, I'm done, is,
believe it or not, let your light so shine before
wayward kids that they will see your good deeds and
glorify your father who is in heaven. That's a powerful thing,

(11:05):
and it's the only thing I can think of that
besides prayer, which is mountain moving, that can really bridge
that gap.

S4 (11:13):
So we've heard from a couple different people this morning.
And and then just anecdotally, what do you do with
the labels that sometimes get assigned to you? So I'm
going to play the role of a parent of an
adult child. You let's say you're labeled toxic or all
of a sudden your label, your my upbringing or my

(11:35):
raising of my children is now dysfunctional. So there was
something that I've done, apparently that was dysfunctional or that
messed my child up, or now I'm that toxic. This
is the kind of language that's used. What do you
say to parents who've had those kind of lobbed their way?
And although they were not perfect parents, they would not
describe their home as dysfunctional or toxic in any way.

S2 (11:56):
Don't own the label. Don't own it. And and the
the danger here is that we can begin to own
something that isn't true of us. The other thing I'd
say is do own what you can own. It's amazing
what owning something can do in a relationship. And I'm
not talking about finding things that don't exist. I'm talking

(12:19):
about some quiet time alone with the Lord where you're saying, Lord,
search me, know me, try me. See if there was
any hurtful way in me. That in any way caused
injury to my kid. And if there's something that you
haven't owned, I think taking the time to write a
note that fully owns it without qualification is a powerful thing,

(12:41):
but do not own. I've seen parents do this. They
own something that they ought not own. I had a
parent tell me one time that my kid told me
I never gave him sex education on anything, and this
is what they said, Carl. I lived my life getting
my kids in front of the curve. I didn't want
them to learn in the locker room what I know

(13:02):
God wanted to put in their heart. Listen, there's a
spiritual war. Your your son or daughter has spiritual amnesia
about what you did. Well. And you know why? Because
Satan aims to divide at every corner. He is the divider.
And we got to be alert to that. So I
say own whatever you can own. Because the tendency even

(13:24):
on we're talking about this percentage thing. Satan works on percentages.
You can look at an adult kid and go, they're 99.9%
out of whack. And let's just say they are take
that point one. That's yours. Take that point. One. That's yours.
Own it. And you might say, Carl, that doesn't make sense.
I know it doesn't, but life in the kingdom, the
way up is down. The way to go to the

(13:46):
front of the line is go to the back of
the line. And that's not a bad way to go.

S4 (13:50):
Yeah. And if I could offer a word to if
you're listening and maybe you're in a challenging parent situation,
I am now the parent of a 16 and an
almost 13 year old. I'm privileged to have both of
my parents still living. They're both 70 years old. Have
grace for your parents. And the longer you if you
have children, the longer you parent your you are yourself

(14:12):
a parent, the more you will realize that there are
things you're going to miss. You will not be a
perfect parent. I've not been a perfect parent. There will
be some day when my kids hasn't.

S2 (14:22):
We all got trouble.

S4 (14:23):
Wow. There will be some day when my kids are
in their 20s or 30s and they'll say, hey mom,
there was this one thing you didn't get right and
I hope I'm humble enough to hear it from them.
But if you are in that stage of life where
you're parenting your own children and you are tempted to
hold some things against your parents for what they missed,
will you please show your parents grace because you're going

(14:44):
to need it too?

S2 (14:45):
Yeah, that's a good word. That's a good word. Grace
goes a long ways. God showed it to us. We
can show it to others. In fact, if you're a
young person listening today and you've been estranged from your
mom and dad, look at the good stuff they did.
Honor and father and mother sometimes is hard, but look
at the good stuff they did.

S5 (15:07):
I don't care who's wrong or right. I don't really
want to fight no more. Too much talking.

S2 (15:21):
What's the one thing you wish you could tell your
younger self about? Handling family disagreements? I mean, you can
go back and say, boy, if I could have handled
that differently, this is what I would do. Taking your
phone calls this morning 805 55 7898 Michael in South

(15:41):
Side of Chicago. What do you say, Michael?

S6 (15:44):
I would say don't pick sides. Don't pick sides. God
calls us to be peacemakers when you pick sides. Um,
a lot of times you're not even present to witness everything.
And so most times you're wrong. Um, it's just easier
not to pick sides and just go the way of
a peacemaker.

S2 (16:01):
You know what, Michael? I'll tell you why. This is
fresh on my heart. Euodia and Syntyche were two women
of God who were working hard with Paul, and they
got sideways with each other. Michael. And you know the
interesting thing about that text? I got to open it
up here real quick. I won't be able to open
it right quick. So let me just give it to you.

(16:22):
What's really cool about this, Michael, is that Paul urges
them to be united in Christ, meaning something was going
on out there with them. Probably wasn't deeply theological. Probably
some stylistic thing. They were two great women of God,
and there was someone helping them sort it out. And
he said, ladies, get united in Christ on this thing. And,

(16:44):
you know, there's something there's something to be said, isn't there, Michael,
about calling everybody up to the high ground rather than
sorting out. And you know what's funny? To ally, these
conflicts are never about big stuff.

S4 (16:58):
Usually it's lots of little stuff that builds up. Right, Michael?

S6 (17:03):
Never. It's never about big, big stuff. And I know
there's a scripture in the Bible that talks about when
you are at that place of anger, it's like you're
pulling up your comfort chair for the devil to sit
down in, and you have a seat. Oh.

S2 (17:16):
Yeah. Good insight Michael. Love you man. Thanks for calling
in today. Taking your calls right now. We've got a
really good question here. Here's what's good right here. Bada
bing bada boom. Proved it I'm going to go to
this text out of Philippians because you might say, man,
I've got a conflict going on with someone. Here's what
Paul urged them. Find unity that we have in Christ.

(17:40):
That's what we've got to aim for. As a matter
of fact, Ali, why don't you tee up this question?
I'm going to get this text ready to go right now.

S4 (17:46):
Yeah. What's one thing that you wish you could tell
your younger self about handling family disagreements or family conflict.
And this could be going back five weeks, five years,
50 years. What's one thing you could tell your younger
self about handling family disagreements? What would you say? 800
555 7898 [phone].

S2 (18:08):
Yeah, I love this, I entreat Euodia and I entreat
Syntyche to agree in the Lord. It's just that simple.
Isn't that something? I mean, there was enough of a
divide where it warranted Paul writing back to them. And
he loved these women, man. They were, They were flat
busting it.

S7 (18:27):
Yeah. And I like the, the the note there. It's
to agree in the Lord. It's not. Hey, you guys
have to agree on this thing you're disagreeing about. It's. No. Hey,
come back. Come back to the important things. Come back
to the fact that the Lord is good. What is
the things that ground us in our salvation? Let's agree
on those things. Find our common ground there. So when

(18:49):
we find things that we disagree about, we don't always
have to say, well, we have to come to an
agreement or there's a problem. It's, hey, there can be
disagreement and we can still love each other.

S2 (18:57):
Well, that's so true. What's the one thing or one thing?
Not the one thing. You might have 40 things. What's
one thing you wish you could tell your younger self
about handling family disagreements? 800 555 7898. We're asking you
to give us a call. Pick up the phone 800
555 7898.

S4 (19:17):
I would definitely say for me, it's bringing things up
at the time and not storing things away for ammunition later.
I remember one conflict in particular with a family member,
and it's what it started is, was a literally a
conversation about a mattress. And then all of a sudden

(19:40):
we weren't talking about a mattress anymore. We were talking
about five years worth of things that had kind of
little things that had piled up. And I realized, why
didn't I bring up these things at the time? Why
did this mattress become kind of the flashpoint for all
these other things? So deal with little things when they
come up. I wish I would have done that a

(20:01):
little bit better.

S2 (20:02):
You know, the interesting thing about that? Uh, my bride
and I. Jujubes. Ginny and babe. Her name is Ginny,
and I call her babe and jujubes. Or my bride. Um,
we spoke with family life for 11 years. Did family
life weekends to remember all over the country. It was phenomenal.
I mean, it was just an amazing time. Great, great

(20:24):
people to work with on those weekends. But you're really
right on with this one, Ali, because there's some of
you right now, people generally fall into two camps. One
is kind of dump it out there right now. That's
the high ridge. Get it out there, clear the air.
If it's anything of consequence, forbearance is a virtue, by
the way. We don't have to bring every little problem

(20:45):
that we have or stylistic thing up to the other person,
but getting it out there is a good thing. And
the reason that that it is, is and I've witnessed
this over and over again, the thing we challenge couples
to do in marriages don't store explosives. When you're holding
on to these things in relationships, especially in marriage, you think, well,

(21:07):
I'm going to stuff it away. I'm going to stuff
it away, stuff it away. Well, it's like a it's
like a galvanized pipe with a cap at one end
and you're putting gunpowder, which is just a little bit.
And if you take a little bit of gunpowder and
put a match to it, it goes. But if you
put gunpowder and gunpowder and gunpowder and gunpowder and gunpowder
into a little galvanized canister, you know what you got?

(21:29):
You got a bomb. That's what you got. So it's
a powerful thing to be able to clear the decks,
because we've all had that. Ali's not alone on this one.
You get into an argument. You hadn't really even thought
about all this other stuff. And then five years worth
of gunpowder comes flying out of there.

S4 (21:47):
Yeah.

S2 (21:48):
It's really true.

S4 (21:49):
And there's nothing. It doesn't end up being a productive
conversation because you can't address five years worth of stuff
in one angry conversation. It's it's it gets defensive. It
is usually bad on both sides. And it's you go
to go away and then have to try to come
back and sort it out a little bit at a time.

S2 (22:10):
Yeah. And you know, it's interesting too, because we live
in a world. I in fact, I was talking to
our campus downtown. I was preaching at 180 Chicago downtown campus.
We have 22 languages spoken, Ali, and I'm in awe
over the unity because there should be. So do you
know how many differences there are with 22 languages? Just culturally.

S4 (22:33):
Sure.

S2 (22:34):
I mean so many. It's hard to get your head around,
but I think if we've if we've done one thing
down there, we've done this right, and that is we've
championed Christ and him crucified, because there's a lot of
little things that you build up with people, that some
of them should fall into that forbearance category. You know
what I mean?

S4 (22:53):
Absolutely. It's like overlooking, you know, an offense. You don't
somebody you don't like that they sit in a certain
seat and you'd rather sit in that, that seat at church,
you know, those kind of things can be overlooked. But
then there are the things that you do need to.

S2 (23:07):
And then there's the things that we need to talk about. Yeah.
And then we can sharpen each other and grow. You're
right on, Ali. Let's go back to the phone lines.
Who do we have? Ali.

S4 (23:15):
Let's go to Shonda calling in. First time caller from Tennessee. Shonda,
what's one thing you wish you could tell your younger
self about handling family conflict?

S8 (23:25):
I would say it's all about love. Um, First of
Manhattan is just not worth the you know, who's right
is not worth not worth the, uh, argument. You know
what I mean?

S2 (23:37):
Yeah.

S4 (23:37):
Yep.

S2 (23:39):
Yeah. The greatest of these is love. The interesting thing
about Paul's teaching is that there were a lot of
aspirations to have different gifts and different things going on.
It's interesting that the greatest of these is love. Why?
Love covers a multitude of sins, man. I mean, it's
by the way, love doesn't mean that you're pushing, uh,

(23:59):
hard stuff underneath the rug necessarily. It just means that
we've got the greater. Yes. That's great. Shonda, first time
caller from Tennessee. Got anyone else there?

S4 (24:08):
Yeah. We've got John from Indianapolis, Indiana, calling in this morning. John,
what's one thing you wish you could tell your younger
self about handling family conflict.

S9 (24:17):
Well, I would say, as Jesus said, settle matters quickly.
I mean, if if you get in an argument or
you say something wrong and you cut somebody, solve it
right then and there, because otherwise it's going to turn
into a 20 year divide where you don't talk to
somebody for 20 years over something that might have been
so little. And, um, it just settle it quickly. It's

(24:39):
like Stevie Nicks said, a wound gets worse when treated
with neglect. I mean, you just gotta. You cut em.
You're both bloody. Settle it and get some bandages on
each other and love each other and move on down
the road.

S4 (24:52):
That's good. John.

S2 (24:53):
John, I hadn't I hadn't anticipated. We have Stevie Nicks
theology this morning. That was not on my bingo card,
but I'm down with it. Way to go, John. John
from Indianapolis. Thanks for calling in this morning. This is
good stuff, guys. This last few minutes here. This is
power pack, man. This is where we get down on it,
it and it's beautiful. So I want you to think

(25:15):
about this right now. Today. What's one thing you wish
you could tell your younger self about? Handling family disagreements?
And what might that do? Today, when we're talking family,
we're talking biological family. And and real blood family. The
blood of Jesus Christ family that was spilled for you
and me. I mean, the urging to the urging to

(25:39):
unite people together in heart is replete in Scripture. It
is everywhere. The question of what's that going to look
like for you today? Is there something you need to
forebear on? Is there something that it's like, ah, I'm
going to the wall for something? It's really not that important.
Most often we get hung up on style issues, not

(26:01):
substance issues, but sometimes there's substance issues that need to
be talked about. And can you do that in a
way that's going to honor Christ without going to the
mat on this thing and stirring up a hornet's nest
because of the way you did it. I don't know
what it is today, but God's got a cool plan
for you. Lord, we thank you for relationships. It can

(26:22):
be tough, but we're grateful for them. And we're thankful
that you didn't leave us alone here on earth. We
we have fellowship, father, son, and Holy Spirit. That's beautiful.
But we've got the ability to have close relationships here
on earth that are really going to unite us together,
especially those in the church. Bring us closer to you. So, Lord,

(26:45):
I pray that we wouldn't lose the benefit of being
challenged to grow in you by getting divided over petty
stuff for sure, or leaving unresolved conflict, just kind of
sitting there storing up explosives. So God, would you be
glorified in our life? And if there's someone listening right
now who has a divide with someone that they're your
spirit is telling them, go get this squared away. I

(27:07):
pray that we would right now to you be glory
in Jesus name. Amen.

S1 (27:13):
He was running from God, but God's love brought him home.
Carl is in the crew. It's Carl and crew on
Moody Radio.

S2 (27:22):
So good to know that we are in relationship with God.
Who's for us? He's not against us. I mean, if
you listen closely, you can hear God cheering for you
this morning. I don't know what you're up against, but
I want you to know our God is for us.
There's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
and nothing can separate us from the love of God.

(27:42):
Not famine, nakedness, hardship, sword. Our God loves us. You
might need to camp out today in Romans eight. Just
get there. Bury your head and heart in that text
and watch what God does for you. You know, we
got a growing phenomenon. Used to be back in the day,
if you were 21, 22 years old and you weren't married,
you were over the Hill Gang. I mean, there was

(28:03):
a time when you got married early and that isn't
that many decades ago. And things have changed. We live
in a culture now. The average age of marriage is
getting way older. As a matter of fact, globally the
birth rate in most countries, many countries, especially developed countries, Europe,

(28:24):
they don't have a birth rate that can keep up
with the GDP growth of that nation and sustaining elderly people.
I mean, it's a different world that we live in today. Now,
it was probably three decades ago, four decades ago, when
singles ministries were huge. But are they needed today? And

(28:44):
I think you could build a case almost that they're
more needed today than they've ever been.

S4 (28:50):
Yeah. I mean, I guess you're right. I hadn't really
thought about it like that. But yeah, I mean, with
people getting married later and some people may, I would
say more people choosing to not marry at all.

S2 (29:02):
Yeah. Chris, what do you think? Are we losing it
in here?

S10 (29:06):
You know, now more than ever, we need singles ministry.
We actually. Singles now outnumber married people. And that number
is going to get worse. Because simply, people are not
getting married at all due to all kinds of different
reasons or delayed, um, fear, all kinds of things. And
of course, divorce and widowed. Yep. So our numbers have increased,
and that's not good to me.

S4 (29:28):
Krista Taco, our guest right now, director of the Singles
Network ministry. It's the largest resource in the world for
Ministry two and four, single and young adults. Give us
a little bit of your own story.

S10 (29:39):
Oh, my goodness. I've been in full time ministry. Uh,
my entire adult life. I was a young single back
in the day when single, you know, I thought everybody
was single when they were in their 20s and didn't
think anybody was single over 35. And, uh, and so
we just knew we were single, but I was at
a lost place. I was in a terrible place. I
was not following God. And, um, and I was really struggling.

(30:01):
And then somebody told me about this ministry called Solo
singles offering life to others. And I checked it out.
I hugged the walls for about a year because I
thought if they knew my sin, if they knew who
I was, they would never let me join this group.
And I found out they were pretty much all in
the same place.

S2 (30:19):
How did that ministry help you?

S10 (30:21):
Well, it was people that were that reached out to me.
Some were farther along in their walk, some had matured
and and some were struggling. They were worse than I was.
And so when I found out that we were all
in a similar place life stage trying to figure it
out together, some people were struggling with relationships and family drama,
just like what you've been talking about. But they saw
something in me that I didn't see in myself. They

(30:43):
saw potential through the eyes of God, and that was
my life changing moment. And that's why I do what
I do.

S4 (30:50):
Chris, you know, sometimes people treat singleness as like sort
of a condition that needs to be fixed. You're right
that therefore the solution to you single adult is we
just have to get you married. We got to find
you the right person. Is that the right way to
approach this? I'm guessing no, but I'll let you explain
a little bit more here on Carlin Crew.

S1 (31:12):
She's a choreographer extraordinaire, and everything is Greek to her.
Super die is in the crew. It's Carlin crew on
Moody Radio.

S11 (31:22):
Well, if you are a single adult, you may hear.

S4 (31:25):
Often about someone's niece or nephew or neighbor's daughter or
son who you just have to meet because they would
be perfect for you. Chris Whitaker, our guest right now.
Sometimes if you are single, people can almost treat it
like it's a condition that we need to treat and
solve for you. Have you experienced that yourself and why

(31:47):
is that not the right approach?

S10 (31:49):
Well, I think people don't really understand singleness. If you've
been married a long time, you try to remember your
own singleness. And, uh, you know, we don't have leprosy.
You know, we don't rub off on married people. And
so I just I try to help people understand that
we come in lots of different life stages and backgrounds
and experiences. You know, Jesus is single. And so being

(32:10):
able to help people to understand who we are and
who we aren't. Also, you know, educating married people a
little bit. And I think the more we do ministry together,
we also can value that and then also be able
to help us when we need to do ministry individually.

S2 (32:25):
You know what's interesting, Chris, is that the apostle Paul
championed singleness mainly because you've got that singularity of focus.
You can go gospel all the way. And, Chris, I
want to tell you something. It was probably, goodness sakes,
a few decades ago, I got recruited by Robert Lewis
to go to little Rock, Arkansas and take 13 singles
and see what we could do. And I didn't know

(32:47):
anything about how to how to go forward here. But
I had a heart for people and I thought, maybe
that'll work for singles. And I think sometimes we misunderstand
that singles are people. First and foremost, they're people. And
we started to champion Christ. We didn't talk about singleness
at all, Chris. That thing exploded in growth and some

(33:09):
of the most amazing people. We soon had 500 people
coming on Thursday nights to a single adult event. They
became the army of volunteers for a megachurch in children's ministry.
Speak to the potential that is in single adults when
they get together and become a force for good and
for God.

S10 (33:29):
Well, the same thing with me. I look at what
I do and who I am, and I tell people
it started with one person that spoke into my life
that believed in me and challenged me. And what? What
could happen? Uh, singles are valuable to God. He wants
to use us. If if while you're waiting and looking
for that one, which, heaven forbid, we are, that's awesome
that people desire marriage. But in the process, God wants

(33:49):
to use you where you are. You don't have to
wait for your purpose. You're in your purpose and being
able to come around each other and support each other
and encourage each other. And that's part of what I do.
I encourage them to be all that God wants you
to be where you are now.

S4 (34:02):
Chris, your heart is to build family relationships among the
single community. Talk a little bit about the single network ministries.

S10 (34:10):
Oh, yes. So just it's just a huge resource to
help churches start and grow ministries, prayer ministries, all kinds
of resources from single parent to those that are widowed, divorced,
those have never, never been married or or desire marriage.
Just being able to help them and give them the
tools to be able to do what God has called
them to do, as well as as a body. And
so I just keep doing what I do and try

(34:31):
to gather those resources around the country, the people who
are doing it well. And so we can help get
those resources to people who need them.

S2 (34:38):
Yeah. Chris Whitaker, she is running point over the Singles Network.
And we're going to give you a link here in
a moment. What's really cool about what you're doing, that
I love is that some singles in waiting for Mr.
or Mrs. Wonderful to come along. That's great, by the way,
but the best way to do it is to be
running the race of faith so that you look up

(35:01):
and you see someone that's running stride for stride for you.
Not camped out. Speak to why mobilizing singles is really
the healthiest thing that we can do. Rather than waiting
for Mr. or Mrs. Right to come along.

S10 (35:15):
Well, most singles, they desire that. But what I really
believe is that the desire community. And so they think that,
you know, getting someone, dating someone getting married is going
to fix my aloneness that my struggles. But actually it's
community is where it happens the best. And so we
try to get them together to understand that. Work on yourself.
Would you date yourself? Would you marry yourself? You know,

(35:36):
would you be your own friend? And so working on
your own walk with God is so critical because the
whole body of Christ benefits. So even if you don't
get married now or it's going to be later, the
whole body of Christ benefits as we come together. Just
like in the book of acts, we we we brought
our resources together and helped each other in our own
individual walks and then as a body, as a family

(35:57):
of Christ.

S4 (35:58):
Now, if you want more on the single ministry network,
just text single to 800 555 7898. Text single to
800 555 7898.

S2 (36:10):
Yeah. We got, uh, give us your best 30s on
this one. Chris. Someone finds himself single today. Right now,
what do you say? What do they do?

S10 (36:19):
Yeah. Don't give up. God is still in your life.
Do not give up. He sees you. He hears you.
He hears your cries. He hears your prayers. And he
will not forget you. So just keep going. Don't quit,
I haven't quit. I'm going to keep doing this till
God tells me to stop.

S2 (36:34):
I love your spirit. You are dynamite, young lady. Chris
Whitaker with us here. And she runs point on the
Singles Network. Ali gave it to you? Just text the
word single to 855 five 7898. What a cool ministry
this is, Ali. What do you say, sister?

S4 (36:50):
You know I love this because that idea that you're
going to be engaged and mobilized and you're going to
find those family relationships in community, that that's if God
has marriage for the single. Who's listening? Awesome. But you
don't have to be alone even as you're waiting for
God to provide. Like, there's I love that idea of

(37:11):
building community.

S2 (37:12):
Yeah. In in waiting to whatever that is. Getting married.
Getting community. She's right on. This will help us start
running the race of faith. This will get us going,
and we'll become healthier than ever. It's a beautiful thing.
Text the word single 805, 55, 78, 98.

S1 (37:31):
He was sharing the gospel on the radio. And then
he got saved. Young thunders in the crew. It's Carl
and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (37:40):
Loss can be incredibly painful. And the question is, when
you lose a spouse. I mean, it can absolutely rip
your heart out. And what's that gap between the loss
of a spouse and the regaining of joy? What's that
look like? Rachel Faulkner Brown with us right now. Rachel.
That loss is painful. And yet, how much time before

(38:04):
the joy returns? Sister. How long was it for you?

S12 (38:07):
Yeah. I mean, you know, for me, I had two
little kids, and so there's just no rest for the
weary when you're raising children and widowed. And so I
hate to say it, but. But, you know, the reality is,
is that we hold joy and pain with opposite hands.
And so you use your right hand as much as
you use your left hand. So you do you can

(38:29):
feel it. I just will say the circuits are dim.
Let me say it that way. The circuits for joy
are dim, and honestly, it never alone. That's what we
work to restore is to help, you know, through even
brain science, through inviting Jesus into these moments is is
restore the joy through enlivening those circuits even in the brain.
So yeah, it's real. It's so real.

S4 (38:52):
Rachel Falkner Brown, our guest right now, she founded Never
Alone Widows, the largest Christian widows ministry, 501 C3 in
the country. What have you learned from your ministry to widows?
What are some of the common themes of what widows
need most from the church community?

S12 (39:09):
Oh gosh, we need so much. But I think the
reality is we really just want to feel seen. We
don't wear name badges when we come to church. So
if you, um, if if you aren't looking for us,
you won't find us. You know, that's the sad reality.
And so really attuning the church, which is what we're
trying to do every day, attuning the church to these needs.

(39:32):
It's not like, you know, widows aren't dying like they
did in Scripture, you know, because we we aren't being
cared for on some level, but they are dying inside
and they feel so alone. And so being seen is
such a big deal. And so our, you know, getting
them in community and churches, partnering with us to to
offer those never alone local groups. This is such a

(39:55):
big deal because we just want to feel like there's
somebody else. Don't we all want that? No matter what
your pain is, you want to know somebody else's experience this.
And and that's the big thing. You just want to
you want to be seen.

S2 (40:08):
I want to hear your story. Because we've got I'm
thinking of two widows that sit in the front row
at our campus in the northwest burbs here at a
church in Chicagoland, and they are so radiant for Jesus.
And yet there's a there's a there's different. This thing
becoming a widow comes at us in different ways. Your

(40:30):
story is a bit unique. I want everyone to hear this.
Pour your heart out for a moment. Rachel.

S12 (40:36):
Yeah, well, I was widowed the first time I married
my college sweetheart. He passed away. I was 23. He
had a massive aneurysm and my best friend's driveway. He
was 27, and, I mean, I was devastated. I was
this young bride. I'd been with him for almost eight years.
I mean, my life, it literally felt like it exploded
in one day. And it did. It really did. It did. Um, yeah.

(40:59):
And then two years later, um, I remarried, and Blair
was a fighter pilot in the in the Air Force.
He lived the dream. He dropped bombs. He flew a fighter.
I mean, he was Top Gun, you know, wore a
wore a flight suit every day. And I was like, oh,
my gosh. Sign me up. He loved Jesus. He needed
a wife. He was 35. I mean, you know, it
was all the things. And, um, we married and had

(41:22):
two babies got blown up by Hurricane Katrina. And he
went to fly on a beautiful April day, and the
cable in the wing broke, and he and his student
pilot were killed instantly. And I was 31. He was
39 forever. And, um, he died ten days before his
40th birthday. And I was left widowed again, like Elizabeth Elliot,
who's the only other person at the time that I

(41:43):
knew that had experienced that. And, um, and I was
31 years old and talk about shock to the system.
I mean, I was I couldn't believe it. We had joked.
I mean, we we genuinely had said, oh, well, I've
got my suffering card. I'll never have to. I mean,
we're kind of get the pass the rest of our life.
I'd had the number one stressor is losing a spouse. And,

(42:05):
you know, here I am doing it again. And, I mean,
it was just literally upended my entire life. But I
knew Carl. I knew something bigger was happening. I didn't
know what. And had Jesus shown me, I wouldn't have
been able to handle it. Praise God he didn't. But
I think at the end of the day, I just knew,
oh my word, this is a Genesis 5020 moment. What

(42:27):
you intended for harm. God intended for good in the
saving of many lives. I thought it was for his funeral,
but it was so much bigger than that.

S4 (42:34):
Wow. Rachel, tell us a little bit about, um, what
came out of that? Never alone. widows. This ministry to
to women who have experienced the the pain, the heartbreak
that you've gone through twice. I mean, it's hard to
even wrap your mind around that, but what has God
done through it?

S12 (42:52):
Well, Allie, I only wanted I just really wanted to
help the younger version of myself. I never thought it
would be what it is today. And I think most
ministry leaders are the same. They're like, I just wanted
to do this little thing and God, God gets behind
it and you're like, oh, okay, I guess you're doing
something really big anyway. So I think at really the

(43:12):
core of who I was, I just wanted to gather
women to, to pray for them, to show them that,
you know, I'd made some mistakes I didn't want them
to make and and that I wanted to love on
them through gifts and food and just taking care of
them for 24 hours. And out of that, we've done
39 retreats. We've done, you know, we're about to be

(43:34):
starting our planning for our fifth conference, which is going
to be here in Atlanta in February. And we have,
you know, we'll have 90 local groups across the country
and Canada, which is so exciting. Um, at the end
of 2025 and God was just like, I'm going to
take care of my widow. And oh, by the way,
you raised your hand and we're going to do it together.

(43:55):
And that's what's happened, because I don't know what I'm
doing still, but God does. You know, so it's been
so amazing to watch what his heart is for the widow,
because I think he just needed a yes. And I
was the girl, you know.

S2 (44:09):
Yeah. Rachel Faulkner Brown is our guest right now. You know, Rachel,
I've never met you one on one. But I'll tell
you what. It's there's some question marks that come up
in my mind and they must have for you. It's like,
what did I do wrong? Because you're such a sweetheart
of a young lady. What? What did how did you process? Why, God.

(44:31):
How did you. How did you deal with that?

S12 (44:34):
Well, there is something in me, and I can't explain it. Carl.
But I didn't ask that question. I'm going to be
really honest. I knew. I knew there was something, and
I and this is the thing I knew I had
asked that question when Todd died, and it got me
absolutely nowhere because my friends gave me a plaque that said,

(44:57):
Proverbs three five and six, trust in the Lord with
all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
We are all called to be martyrs, martyrs to the
need to understand why things happen in our life. And
I just was like the second time I was like,
all right, I'm going to ask a better question. Who
did this happen for? And I didn't I didn't do

(45:19):
that immediately. But I will tell you, it became the
very apparent question in my life. There was a who
and it was thousands and thousands of widows. And I
can't explain it. I'll never be able to explain why
I had to lose a husband to ask that question.
Two of them, but I know, I know, that's the
better question. And anyone that's struggling, you're if you are

(45:40):
a Jesus follower, you are called to be a martyr
to the need to understand. And if I could leave
anybody with something this morning, it'll change your life that
that absolute statement will change your life.

S11 (45:51):
Rachel, what's the.

S4 (45:53):
What's the biggest thing that you learned? Because you mentioned
you have a ministry, because you wanted to help the
the younger version of you, not make some of the
same mistakes. Share. Share one, if you don't mind. What's
something that you learned maybe the hard way going through
such heavy grief?

S12 (46:09):
Well, you know, therapy for me growing up was like
for people who were really sick and who really needed
a lot of help. We had two therapists in my town.
One of them was a psychiatrist, and I was like,
sure don't need that. The other one, I don't know.
I mean, we just didn't I didn't we didn't grow up.
I'm almost 50 years old. We didn't grow up in
a therapy culture. Right. And so it took me 11

(46:32):
years to sit with someone, and only because I screamed
at a lady in Kroger and a friend saw it
and she was like, honey, what in the world? That
was like a way overreaction. I mean, it's embarrassing. So
I did, I totally did. She told me I was
going to get cancer because I was buying microwave popcorn,
and I was like, okay, you are crazy. And she

(46:53):
had an oxygen tank and she was on a scooter.
And I was like, what in the world? So I
screamed at her and my friend saw it and she
was like, you've got to get to a therapist. That
was so wrong. I mean, you can't do that. And
I was like, okay, yeah, but she told me. And
that's the thing. Widows are so afraid that they're going
to die and that they're going to run out of money.
And that woman poked the bear at that thing in

(47:14):
me that was like, I'm going to die and leave
my children orphaned. And I ended up with a therapist.
I didn't know how to feel, Ali, I really didn't.
I had just soldiered on for Jesus. I had sung
the song um, or Christian Soldier, and I had just
not felt a thing. I had stood on God's Word.
But you can't just stand on God's word. You have
to feel things to heal things. He made us emotional beings.

(47:36):
He gave us emotions to feel them, not to lead,
but to feel them. And if you don't feel, you
don't heal. And that was my story.

S2 (47:43):
Rachel Faulkner Brown with us right now. We're going to
have a link here in just a moment. I want
to give us, give us, give us the best 30
60s on how do we respond as the body of
Christ to widows, no matter any age of stage of life?
What do you say, Rachel?

S12 (47:59):
Show up. She cannot tell you what she needs, honestly.
And here's the thing. Widows lose their their support 3
to 6 months after the funeral. And so y'all, we
all go on like life. Nothing happened. And she is
changed forever. Her life is imploded. So show up and
at long after the music fades, right. And, um, just

(48:21):
show up and wash dishes, show up and fold laundry.
Call her. I mean, just keep her top of mind
and ask the Lord to remind you that's the biggest
thing we can do.

S4 (48:30):
Rachel Falkner Brown, our guest right now. Text strength. If
you want more on this incredible ministry. Never alone widows
based out of Atlanta, but they have chapters from California
to Maine. Text strength to 800 555 7898. Text strength
to 800 555 7898.

S1 (48:51):
You're listening to Curl and Crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (48:54):
When you fully surrender your life to Jesus Christ, and
you lay it all down for him because he laid
it all down for you, when you say, here it is,
here's my life, God, I'm asking you to do something
in it, man. That's when we can begin to watch
God to do things. And I think there's never kind
of the acid test for the evidence that God can

(49:17):
change us is in relationships.

S4 (49:21):
That's very true, especially relationships that can sometimes bring the
best out of you and sometimes bring the not best
out of you, shall we say? But when you see
those not best or worst moments start to be redeemed.
And you know. Huh? My response there, that wasn't me.
The old me would have gotten really upset, would have

(49:44):
had an angry word, and by the power of the
Holy Spirit, I responded differently. That's growth.

S2 (49:50):
Yeah it is. Okay, I'm going to do a pop
up poll here. Okay. Little pop up poll. If you
are 30 years or younger and you are listening right now,
I just I'm, I'm wanting to and I need everybody
that's 30 years or younger to do me a solid
here real quick. Just a quick one here. Just say
that's me. Text in and say that's me 30 years

(50:13):
or younger. Text in to our show and just say,
that's me. We've got a expert coming in that works
for focus on the family, on young adults. She is
a wonderful woman of God. But if that's you, if
you're in that age category, I'm just wanting to get
a feel here. Unscientific poll, but anecdotal nonetheless. If you
are 30 or younger, just text. That's me. Here's our

(50:36):
number 800 555 7898. We will not spam you. You're
not on the list or anything like that. If you
are 30 years or younger, just say that's me to 800, 555, 78,
98 right now. Right now, all over the globe, wherever

(50:56):
you are. If that's you, just say, that's me. Here's
the number. Just do us a solid for a second here.
800 555, 78, 90, 800.

S4 (51:07):
Why aren't you texting? I'm just waiting for you.

S7 (51:10):
How do you know I didn't?

S2 (51:11):
Sorry about that. 805, 55, 78, 98. Yeah. Young thunder.

S7 (51:17):
I listen every day.

S4 (51:19):
And you're under.

S7 (51:20):
30 and I'm under 30.

S2 (51:21):
And he just got back from vacation, Vacations. So, yeah,
he's with us.

S7 (51:26):
I'm energized.

S2 (51:27):
We got a lot of that to me. He's pouring in.

S13 (51:29):
Here. We do.

S2 (51:29):
If you're 30 years or younger, not 31. That's the
cutoff age, 30 years or younger text. That's me if
you're listening. Right now, wherever you are in the world,
as many of you as possible, and we won't spam
you or anything, I just want to get a feel
for the audience size here. 800 555 7898 800 555 7898.

(51:51):
This is encouraging coming up here in a moment, we
got a special guest with us.

S4 (51:55):
Yes, she has a ministry or she's over focus on
the family's ministry for young adults. So, hey, you 30
and under, this is for you.

S1 (52:04):
Your shot of hope to help you through the day.
This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.

S2 (52:10):
All right, young Thunder, you can't keep that between you
and me.

S13 (52:13):
What?

S2 (52:13):
No way. A little quick banner ad for something not
to do on vacation. You want to hear what not
to do on vacation, Ellie?

S4 (52:21):
Uh, Okay.

S13 (52:22):
What happened?

S2 (52:23):
Let's go. Young thunder.

S7 (52:24):
Okay. I went to a hot sauce shop with my
brothers and my sister in law. And my wife. And inside,
they had, like, a hot sauce challenge. Where? I don't
know if, you know, Scoville ratings on the heat. It's
like the heat index for for, uh, you know, hot sauces.

S13 (52:40):
Yeah.

S2 (52:41):
Never heard of the Scoville rating.

S7 (52:42):
And there was a challenge from from this place that
you could try a hot sauce that has 8 million Scoville. Uh,
which is like, I don't know, probably 7.5 million, more
than any hot sauce you've ever tried. And I did
two drops of it. I felt it for about 30 minutes. Oh, boy.
That was crazy. I asked the people because you had

(53:04):
to sign a waiver in case you die. Uh, that
it's not their fault.

S13 (53:07):
And I don't know, the.

S2 (53:09):
Shop should be.

S13 (53:09):
Legal. Well, I'm normal.

S7 (53:12):
They sell normal hot sauces as well. But I asked him.
I said, how many drops have you ever seen? Put
someone put on a spoon here. And they said someone
did ten and they got picked up by an ambulance.

S13 (53:23):
Oh. And what?

S7 (53:25):
So I.

S13 (53:26):
Was like, do this because it was fun to.

S2 (53:28):
Crazy. But that's crazy.

S7 (53:30):
It was it was crazy. It was fun though. I'm okay.
I'm here. I don't feel it anymore.

S4 (53:35):
Okay, so Tabasco sauce is 2500 to 5000.

S7 (53:40):
Okay.

S4 (53:40):
And what was the one that you had?

S7 (53:42):
8 million.

S4 (53:43):
Oh, my.

S7 (53:45):
Yeah.

S2 (53:45):
Speaking of hot sauce, do we have Lisa Anderson with
us right now?

S7 (53:49):
We do have Lisa Anderson.

S13 (53:50):
Lisa.

S2 (53:50):
Lisa. Speaking of hot sauce, we got Lisa with us.
How you doing, Lisa?

S14 (53:55):
I am doing well. I'm thinking of the last hot
sauce I had, and I can't quite remember, but, um,
I do love me a good condiment of various types, so.

S13 (54:04):
But not the.

S2 (54:05):
Ones that'll put you in the hospital. Right. You don't
want to be hauled away on a gurney.

S14 (54:09):
Carl, I don't have anything to prove on that front. Okay.
So I'm. I'm just. Okay. I'm the one who's like,
at chick fil A. Which do y'all even? I mean,
I know a lot of your listeners across the country
have it. Oh, yeah, we got it here in Colorado.
I don't know, like, it feels like six months ago,
but it was longer than that. And I'm the one
that orders something there. And I'm like, okay, I need

(54:29):
one of every one of your sauces because I'm not
going to commit to just one. So that's kind of
where I land. I like it. I would say I
don't need to be all hot sauce person. No, not
at all.

S2 (54:41):
There you.

S13 (54:41):
Go.

S4 (54:41):
We've got Lisa Anderson with us right now. Director of
boundless and young adults at focus on the family. You know,
when you. Why this ministry? Lisa? Tell me. We'll start there.
Why a ministry focused on young adults? Why is that
your passion?

S14 (54:57):
Well, first of all, it's just a blast. And actually,
when I started with boundless, I was a young adult.
So that's a little concerning the aging process right there.
But now I'm trying to be that fun older aunt
who kind of has a few things to say to
the youngsters. So that's kind of like my little mentoring
role in it now. But as far as focus is concerned.
It's hilarious because people are always like, isn't focus about

(55:20):
marriage and parenting and just like older people. And I'm like, well,
what better way to prepare people whether they're going to
get married and become parents or not, than to grow
them up in God's word and disciple them and get
their heads on straight and move them along as adults
and help them mature. And so that's what boundless does
in life, in faith, in relationships. We're trying to let them.

(55:44):
I always say, if I'm not getting my audience to
read their Bibles, understand their Bibles, and apply them on
a Tuesday, then what am I even doing? So that's
my role and we have a blast doing it.

S2 (55:55):
Boom! Sister, that is powerful. Lisa, we've loved you. Your
content's dynamite. Let's. Let's break it down. Young adults. What
are their two top greatest needs to prepare them for
life and godliness?

S14 (56:09):
Okay, so let's see. I'm going to say first of
all is to really understand their own identity in the
larger scheme of things. So again, who is God? Who
are they? Why are those two things different and why
does it matter? So that's what we're trying to put
a light on. You know, in a culture now where
every day we are getting questions from our audience like,

(56:31):
why does this even matter? Why am I reading the Bible?
Is it even true? What about the Old Testament? Does
this you know all the kind of things there? Yeah,
there's a lot of challenges that they're having as far
as like, is this whole God thing even real? So
we're trying to set them straight on that and give
them hope and give them courage towards approaching life. Still

(56:51):
understanding that God's in charge. They're not. And they can
be okay with that. So we start there. I would
say when you move, when you move from that, when
you get that straight, then it's kind of then you're
just working out the details. So for example, you know,
I've been hosting our show for a while now, I
would say in the last ten years, especially, um, issues

(57:12):
around mental health and around what it looks like to,
you know, really address the things that are going on
around them, how to practically play that out. Um, again,
even relationally, I mean, post Covid, the amounts of the
level of isolation that younger adults have dealt with the
feeling of purposelessness. So a lot of that we're putting

(57:33):
into place. So it's not about, hey, 20 something, let's
just get you married and you'll be fixed. Uh, that's
no longer going to play with our folks. They need
something bigger, broader and deeper than that. And that's what
we're trying to give them.

S4 (57:46):
Lisa Anderson, our guest right now. Coming up, let's talk
a little bit more about some of the young adult
you may be feeling like, man, I don't know how
to do this. This whole adulting. Yes, that's a word.
Adulting is way harder than I thought. I feel way
less prepared than I thought I would help for the
young adult coming up with Lisa Anderson.

S15 (58:08):
Forever young I want to be forever young. Do you
really want to live forever? Forever.

S13 (58:21):
Keep it going, baby.

S2 (58:27):
Cell phones are in the air.

S4 (58:30):
Flashlights are shining.

S13 (58:32):
Yes.

S15 (58:34):
Forever young.

S2 (58:39):
Talking to young folks today. This is awesome, Ali.

S4 (58:42):
I love this. We've got Lisa Anderson with us right now.
She is the director of Boundless Young Adults Ministry with
focus on the family. This term, adulting has become quite popular.
It's been some years now, but adulting, the the tasks
that I now am expected to do for myself that
make me feel like an adult. But I don't feel

(59:02):
ready for this whole adult thing. Do you? Is that
the common sentiment that you hear?

S14 (59:09):
I do hear some of that, although it's funny because
I can hear every like grandma and grandpa listening, going like,
oh my word, are we literally going to talk about this?
It reminds me of like, my grandpa who took over
his family farm at 17 and he's like, um, why
are like 20 somethings backpacking across Europe and they can't
get a job? So anyway, okay, so letting letting that lie.

(59:31):
It was just cracking me up. Yeah. Yes. I mean,
it is. And honestly, I'll tell you guys, I mean,
I feel like I'm in this boat. My mom, I
can't I can't sew on a button, y'all onto anything.
I didn't get some life skills that I probably should
have gotten. And I think it's this idea of, okay,
you know, we're like, for example, take the millennials who aren't,

(59:53):
you know, not even totally young adults anymore, or oldest
millennials are now in their early 40s. But, um, at
the same time, they were given they're the most educated
generation out there. So as far as getting degrees, Millennials
have done that and Gen Z is now following up
behind them. But at the same time, they're accumulating all
this stuff, but they're accumulating student loan debt. They are

(01:00:16):
becoming underemployed in their jobs. And so they're frustrated and
even frantic about where am I going with this? Because
my parents and grandparents promised me that if I just
do the work, this is going to be a linear process,
and I'm going to get the American dream. But they're
not getting the American dream. They're getting a load of debt.
They're not really getting into the fields they want. They're

(01:00:39):
having to do gigs on the side. And meanwhile they're
losing out on a lot of general life skills because
they're so busy trying to do the next thing. So
when it comes to adulting, it can be simple stuff like,
you know who's cooking anymore? What are we doing? I mean,
we're just I mean, they certainly know how to do DoorDash. Okay,
so that's good. I guess that's a skill. But as

(01:00:59):
far as like, okay, you know, general life skills and
then relational skills is where they have to be shored up.
And that's, you know, one thing we're trying to talk
about at boundless is what does it look like to
show up as a person who's responsible for yourself, who
cares about other people, who's looking at the big picture?
And also is is learning something we actually do shows
at boundless on, you know, what does it look like

(01:01:22):
to set your own budget? What does it look like
to actually.

S13 (01:01:26):
Cook.

S14 (01:01:26):
Some meals? Some. So, you know, we're trying to get
it really practical.

S2 (01:01:30):
Lisa, uh, let's take a little bit of a tangent here.
The you mentioned it earlier and I want to go
back to it, the word of God. There is a
biblical illiteracy rate in the church today. And I don't
know what this is really a result of. Let's not
parse how we got here, but we've got and I
love digital, I love that, but there's some things on

(01:01:52):
digital Bible apps, for instance, that make it untenable to
hold on to archive easily what you're learning and even
keep it before you. I'm not saying it's hard copy
or die. But how are you addressing the issue of
biblical literacy? I've got a massive heart for this, guys,
I really do. We've got downtown at our campus, church, downtown.

(01:02:14):
We've got so many young adults and, uh. Uh, how
do we how do we do this? Lisa, it seems
like we're starting from scratch here in some ways. And
you know what? That can be a beautiful thing.

S14 (01:02:28):
Yeah. Well, I do want to say, first of all,
I hope that this is encouraging, that Gen Z, in particular,
is seeing rates of revival that are pretty unprecedented. It's
true in recent generations. So they are realizing that this
bill of goods that they've been sold from the culture
and from others is not working for them. And they're saying, man,

(01:02:48):
I mean, they're almost at a level in some of
their schools, in their workplaces where if you're a Christian,
it's it's not even cool. I mean, we're so post-Christian
at this point that they're having to take a stand
for beliefs that they have that used to be, say, 30,
40 years ago, very assumptive in our culture. So they're
now having to draw this line in the sand that's saying, okay,

(01:03:11):
what do you actually believe and why does it matter?
So that's encouraging news. That said that said, I will
say that every time I talk to Gen Zers or
twentysomethings and, you know, your poll at the beginning, now
I'm going to hear from all the 30 somethings, Carl,
who are frustrated, they're like, I'm a young adult. 30
is the new 20. Y'all okay? But anyway, that aside,
you were calling out the 20 somethings, so that's good.

(01:03:32):
But um, but for them I always say, look, find
a way to study the Bible that works for you.
I think putting, you know, structure on it and putting two,
you know, we need structure. But at the same time,
I remember being in youth group growing up and it
was like, if you weren't up at 5 a.m. reading
God's Word, then why are you even trying? You might
not be saved. And I'm just, you know, for me,

(01:03:53):
it's like, man, the freedom I got when I realized, like,
I'm currently reading through the Bible, I've got, you know,
shout out to Paul Tripp in his everyday gospel. That's
what I'm doing. And that works because I set myself
little goals and it's split out. And so I'm telling
our young adults, do what works for you, but don't
get caught up or think that this what I call
meme theology. Just throwing up a screen on Instagram and

(01:04:16):
reading a verse that's not going to handle what you
are walking through in your life right now. So you
need to get people around you who are going to
hold you accountable. Get in a great small group. In
a Bible study, you need people that are walking this
out alongside you. You need people older than you to
help you navigate this. So this is no, no lone
Rangers need apply on this because we've got to get

(01:04:39):
into God's Word together, figure out what he has to
say and walk it out from there.

S4 (01:04:44):
If you want more from Lisa Anderson, our guest right now,
the ministry is boundless. It's a ministry of focus on
the family specifically for young adults. There's a blog. There
are resources where you can get connected, learn more, grow
if you are a young adult, or if you have
a young adult in your life that you'd like to
pass this on to, just text bound to 800 555

(01:05:04):
7898 text bound b o u n d to 800
555 7898.

S2 (01:05:12):
Lisa, I want to thank you. Your heart for God
and people is radiant, sister, and you're a blessing every
time you come on here. It's been a while, but, uh,
I guess I won't call you Lisa Hot sauce Anderson. Right.
Going back to the start of this whole thing.

S14 (01:05:27):
Hey, I will take it. You know what? I'm totally
here for it.

S13 (01:05:31):
That's not bad.

S14 (01:05:31):
It's better than. It's better than what some people call me.
Let's be honest. So I think I'll take it.

S16 (01:05:37):
That's good.

S13 (01:05:38):
Yeah.

S2 (01:05:39):
Grab the grab. The key word. And this is a
great resource for every age and stage of life. Text
bound to 800 555, 7898. Bound to 800 555 7898.
And if you're a young adult man, thank you for
tuning in. And let's go walk with Jesus today.