The Difference Between Helping and Being of Service

Too often, when we try to help people it doesn’t go well. We may not understand why they don’t take our feedback or advice. We feel unappreciated. Frequently, they feel patronized. In this episode, Kate offers an alternative approach.

When we help others, we often inadvertently create drama. Sometimes merely offering help creates drama. And this is despite the fact that we often have excellent intentions.

When we offer to help someone, we are implying that we are superior to them in some way. We would not think we would be able to help them if we did not see ourselves as better resourced or more skilled. 

When someone is suffering, they already feel vulnerable. A superiority claim from someone else, however well-intentioned, usually triggers a sense of threat to their status.

In addition, when we help without asking if our help is wanted, we are also claiming that we know what they need and we are frequently wrong.

The alternative is to put ourselves at their disposal and offer to be of service.