Parenting: Dr. John Marshall

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First Baptist Church Kearney's Minister of Children, Abraham Leonard, interviews Dr. John Marshall on parenting. Dr. Marshall shares his practical, educated, and seasoned insights on parenting in hopes of encouraging parents across the world.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Hello,

SPEAKER_01 (00:11):
welcome to the Kearney Kids Parenting Show.
I am your host, Abraham Leonard,Minister of Children at First
Baptist Church Kearney.
I am so glad that you havejoined us.

UNKNOWN (00:25):
Music

SPEAKER_01 (00:37):
Well, I am so glad to be joined by Dr.
John Marshall for this episodeof Kearney Kids Parenting Show.
John, would you tell us a littlebit about your family, your
ministry, and just how you'redoing?
Sure.

SPEAKER_00 (00:51):
It's good to be with you, Abraham.
Good to see you.
We're so proud of you going toKearney.
I'll be there in February for myeighth consecutive winter Bible
study.
I'm not sure about Pastor Ken.
It has me come back every year,but I'm coming back again, so
I'll get to see you in February.
Ruthie and I are doing fine.
Most of the people there knowus.

(01:13):
Ruthie does have multiplemyeloma cancer, but she's doing
okay with the treatments.
Fatigue is a real problem, so Iappreciate your prayers about
that.
But she's doing okay.
And I had a massive seizure inDecember.
I was already under the nodriving restriction last time I
was at Kearney.
But I'll be able to drive injust a couple of weeks.

(01:36):
After six months, I am thrilled.
So we're doing okay.
We're doing fine.
And we're so proud of you,Abraham.
You're going to First Kearney,one of my favorite churches in
the whole wide world.
No kidding.
It's an amazing

SPEAKER_01 (01:50):
church.
I love being here.
Rightly so.
Would you tell us, would youstart by just sharing a good
parenting memory that you have?

SPEAKER_00 (02:03):
Well, I'm 73 now.
I have a son, 51, and adaughter, 49.
And they're both serving theLord.
They've raised their kids toserve the Lord.
We all live right here together.
We're right here in Springfield.
Except for I do have onegrandson who is at the

(02:23):
University of British Columbiaearning a doctorate in
mathematics.
I have a degree in math.
My son has a degree in math.
Now my grandson's getting aDoctorate of Math.
Ruthie and I were talking aboutthis podcast and she said, what
are you going to tell?
What are you going to say?
And I said, well, I don't know.
But I do have one memory thatstands out.

(02:46):
We would go to Southern BaptistConvention every year.
We're a typical pastor.
You go to the convention.
Church pays for your conventionexpenses.
You're grateful to be there.
Thank you, Lord.
That type of thing.
And then we try to have avacation every And then we pay
for it the next year.
It wasn't until about 25 yearsago, we finally got to where we
were going on vacation withoutincreasing our debt.

(03:10):
But one thing that alwayshappened on vacation to us, and
we find this, this is just sointeresting.
Wherever we were on vacation, wehave pictures of our son being
30 or 40 or 50 feet ahead of us,turning around taking pictures
of our daughter being 30, 40 or50 feet behind us.
It was always that way.

(03:31):
Son was always way ahead,daughter behind.
One of us had to make sure wehad our eyes on the son when I
had our eyes on the daughter.
And I don't know why that sticksout to us, but we always thought
that was so funny.
It didn't matter where we were,where we went.
Son way ahead, daughter waybehind.
So it's just kind of aninteresting little moment for
us.

SPEAKER_01 (03:49):
Yeah, that's awesome.
And I remember going onvacations and having different
memories like that with myfamily as well in my time in my
parents' household.
Could you tell us about somehard times that you have had as
a parent and how you've overcamethem?
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (04:13):
Parenting.
First of all, let me tell you,Abraham, exactly what I feel the
goal of parenting ought to be.
There's two goals.
Number one, to raise yourchildren to love Jesus.
And number two, to make surethat when they become adults,
they're your best friends in thewhole world.

(04:34):
That's two things right there.
And by God's grace, my daddyraised three of us kids for the
Lord, and he would say, how didyou do it?
And he would He never saidanything with this.
He never said grace, grace, allof grace.
I feel the same way about my twochildren.
Grace, grace, all of grace.

(04:56):
We did have, by the anointing ofthe Lord, by his power upon us,
we were able to accomplish thosetwo things.
We were able to raise ourchildren for Jesus.
And number two, they are ourbest friends in the whole world.
They are close to us and we'reclose to them.
The problem in parenting is, Howdo you move from being

(05:18):
disciplinarian to friend?
This is the dilemma of the wholeraising of children.
First of all, you have to decidehow much disciplining you're
going to do.
I feel, this is just myobservation, just anecdotal for

(05:39):
me.
I feel that right now, too manyparents want to start out being
their child's really closefriend.
too early.
You always want to be friendly.
You always want to be a friendto your children.
But I feel that too manyparents, they're trying to
accomplish when their childrenare 3, 4, and 5 what they need
to accomplish when they're 12,13, and 14.

(06:03):
So I think parenting starts withGod in His great mercy, Abraham,
God in His infinite mercyordained that children be
disciplined by the people thatlove them more than anyone else
in the whole world.
The Marine Corps will disciplineyou.
A school principal willdiscipline you.
Police will discipline you.

(06:23):
You will be disciplinedsomewhere.
But God ordained that childrenbe disciplined by the two people
in the world who love them morethan they love anybody else in
the world.
What a great gift this is fromGod.
And I think too many parents aremissing that.
They're not disciplining theirchildren well when they're
young.

(06:44):
They're waiting, hoping tobecome, hoping to be their best
friend when they're three yearsold, four years, five years old.
And once again, we loved ourchildren.
They loved us.
We were always hanging out andhaving fun.
But we also made sure ourchildren understood the limits,
there were boundaries.
And then they start to schooland we put both of our children

(07:06):
in the public schools.
They start to school and nowyou're seeing them live in a
world where the boundariesaren't as narrow as yours were,
and now comes the conflict, andwe're working through it, is in
this time period that you haveto become friend.
You gotta talk, you gotta say,now, do you understand why I

(07:27):
don't let you do that?
And then by the time they get adriver's license, essentially,
you have to, by that point,almost be non-disciplinary and
totally a friend.
So that's what Ruthie and Itried to do.
We try to teach our children theways of the Lord.
We disciplined them.
They knew the boundaries.

(07:49):
Both of them, they got one swingat their mother.
Neither of my children ever tooka second swing at their mother.
One time.
We took care of that.
Those are the kind of things Isee in stores and restaurants.
I see kids hitting theirparents.
Holy cow.
What's going on here?
This is wrong.
So you have to start withdiscipline.

(08:10):
But then...
Then I see parents, their kidsturn 14, 15, 16, and they see
their kids are going wild.
Their kids are doing things theyshouldn't do.
Then they try to become thestrict disciplinarian.
It's almost too late.
It's almost too late.
By then, you're releasing,you're lifting the burden, and

(08:33):
now you're moving towardfriendship.
So I would say that has been thephilosophy.
Now, I will tell you somethingelse that happened to me that
helped me incredibly, Abraham.
I was a typical workaholic whenmy children were preschoolers.
I worked all the time.
That's just what I did.
I worked.
You go to work, you work, work,work, work, work, work.

(08:55):
Okay, that's what I did.
And I knew I had not done a goodjob, so I thought I had failed.
But I was listening to JamesDobson one day.
And James Dobson said, if youmessed up as a parent while your
children were little, well, hegot my attention immediately.
He said, you have one moreopportunity.

(09:21):
He said, that is the preteenyears, when like 10, 11, and 12,
you get another chance.
And there was something aboutthat little piece of advice that
rescued me.
I started taking my children toand from school every day.
I mean, it was like anappointment on my calendar.
I mean, I took them to school.

(09:42):
When they came out, I talkedabout their day.
I took them home, and most daysI had to go back to work.
But it was like an appointment.
I got them to school in themorning.
I picked them up.
I talked about how their daywas.
I engaged them in conversation.
That little piece, that littleword from James Dobson, I look

(10:02):
back on it and say that may havedone as much to help me as
anything else that happened tome.

SPEAKER_01 (10:07):
That's good.
That's good.
Well, if you're going to go backin time and give yourself a new
parenting advice, what would itbe?

SPEAKER_00 (10:19):
I would say do the disciplining early.
I would say to myself, don'toverwork.
I worked too hard back in thosedays.

(10:40):
Prioritize your children almostlike something on your calendar.
I have a dear friend, Abraham,whose daddy was a pastor of a
huge church.
He wanted to talk to his dadabout graduation from high
school.
He called his dad's secretaryand set up an appointment so he

(11:03):
could talk to his own dad.
I think I would say to myself,don't be so busy and neglect
your family.
But now I have to temper thatbecause now, Abraham, we have
parents that take their childrenout of church every Sunday for
the whole summer.
They're spending lots of time,and they don't realize.

(11:27):
They're making a statement thattheir children's church is not
important.
That's just dollars to it.
That's the statement they'remaking.
They're going to pay dearly forthat.

SPEAKER_02 (11:33):
So

SPEAKER_00 (11:34):
I feel like I don't want to make the family an idol.
Family can become your God.
I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying for me, as aworkaholic, I would say to
myself, John, put it on yourcalendar.
Set aside the time.
Be the parent you need to be.

(11:54):
That's what I would say tomyself if I had to do again.

SPEAKER_01 (12:00):
That's really good advice.
Now, I want to end on a littlebit lighter note.
I'd like to end by asking if youhave any, you know, just one,
maybe your favorite funnyparenting story.

SPEAKER_00 (12:15):
Okay.
My favorite parenting story isactually my grandson.
My son lost his first wife todiabetes.
So Ruthie and I, for a coupleyears, helped him until he
married.
He married two years later.

(12:36):
Oh, my, I married the mostwonderful lady, thank you, Lord.
But anyway, all right.
Well, my grandson had bought anew pair of pajamas, Scooby-Doo
pajamas.
And I had him between my legs infront of me.
I was leaning over him, and Iwas trying to get to Scooby-Doo.

(12:59):
Pajamas on my grandson.
And he was squirming, of course.
And I said, stand still.
I can't figure out what's thefront and the back.
And he stopped immediately andhe said, Grandpa.
He pointed to his stomach andsaid, this is the front.
He pointed to his backside andsaid, this is the back.

(13:20):
To me, I still think that's oneof the funniest things.
I'm trying to figure out thefront and back of the pajamas.
I said, my poor grandson thinksI don't know what's the front
part of the body and the backpart of the body.
But that's one of my favorites.
I've been telling that story foryears, and my grandson still
hates it.
I tell that story, but I justlove that story.
Well, that's

SPEAKER_01 (13:39):
a good note to end on.
We're so blessed that you wereable to join us on the podcast
today.
Thank you on behalf of myselfand all the listeners for
joining us today.
Thank you for joining me.
I hope this was an encouragementto you.
Please follow the show, leave areview, and share it with the

(14:02):
people around you.