July 18, 2025 • 18 mins
Join us as First Baptist Church Kearney's Minister of Children, Abraham Leonard, interviews Dr. Travis Montgomery on the topic of parenting. Dr. Montgomery shares his unique story, inspiring the world with his helpful insights.
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SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Hello, welcome to the Kearney Kids Parenting Show.
I am your host, Abraham Leonard,Minister of Children at First
Baptist Church Kearney.
(00:20):
I am so glad that you havejoined us.
Welcome to the show, Dr.
Travis Montgomery.
(00:41):
He is a local, a native here inKansas City where we are
located.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great, man.
How are you, Abraham?
I'm doing well.
Could you tell us a little bitabout your family, your
ministry, and just how you'redoing?
SPEAKER_00 (00:56):
Yeah, absolutely, man.
So you mentioned we're native.
We've tried really hard to benative.
I grew up in Southern Missouri,as you know, same town as you,
man, and have been here eightyears with my wife, Lauren.
And we had our kiddos about fouryears ago now, twin boys, and
then a third who's a year and ahalf.
So we've had our hands fullthese past eight years.
(01:17):
And yeah, I'm here at MidwesternBaptist Theological Seminary,
where I lead our online studiesprograms.
The Global Campus is what wecall that.
And I teach as assistantprofessor of Christian Studies,
which means kind of very broadBible, theology, and ministry
classes.
I absolutely love to do that.
I had no idea that I'd be doingthis when I moved here eight
years ago.
I came here to study and to be abetter equipped pastor, and the
(01:40):
Lord has seen fit to make mostof my role here at the seminary
where I equip other leaders, butalso as a local pastor of a
church plant.
So Northside Fellowship is afour-year-old church plant and
I'm one of four pastors thereand just absolutely adore being
there and love our team and I'mso grateful for it.
SPEAKER_01 (01:58):
Well, that's awesome.
That's awesome that you're heretraining pastors and that
includes Me at this point, andso hopefully I'll get to have
you in class at some point.
That would be kind of cool.
Nothing stopping you, man.
Just look for my name.
Yeah, just fine.
Travis Montgomery.
Well, could you tell us,starting off kind of light, do
(02:21):
you have any good parentingmemories?
Maybe a couple of your favoriteparenting memories.
SPEAKER_00 (02:25):
Yeah, absolutely, man.
And this will lean in a littlebit toward some more things I'll
share later.
But our kids have had a lot ofmedical challenges.
And I'll talk a lot about that.
Because it's just so much a partof our story.
But so when I think about liketypical first time parenting
stuff that you have to dealwith, what's been really funny
(02:46):
has been we've had all of thenormal typical first time
parenting stuff, but just liketurned up to 11 with medical
difficulties.
So I talked to so many parentswho have to figure out when they
first bring home their newborn,is this issue, this concern,
this discomfort, whatever, likea big deal that we need to go to
the hospital for or is it likereally not a big deal?
(03:09):
And it was just really funny.
It's crazy to say it's a goodmemory, but looking back now, my
wife and I, brought home one ofour twins who had been
hospitalized for eight months inthe NICU.
And like a week into bringinghim home, he was sick, not doing
well.
And we had to make the callthat...
every young couple, every coupleof newborn, uh, or parents of a
(03:33):
newborn have to make, which is,do we take them to the emergency
room or not?
And it was just kind of funnybeing there and going, actually,
every parent has to do this.
Uh, ours is just sort ofextreme.
And so that was, that was alwaysfun.
Besides that, man, there arejust so many potty training
stories I couldn't even getinto.
Um, but, but the, like, why didyou have to do this three
(03:54):
minutes after we tried to go tothe bathroom?
Why did you have to do it here?
Uh, So, like, you know, forinstance, taking one of our
other boys to a family-friendlyparty at a church member's house
the other day, and we'rewatching The Sandlot, which is
just a fantastic movie that is alittle scarier for kids than I
(04:16):
remembered it being.
But with, like, myfour-year-old, it was, like,
very heightened awareness.
And it was just this cool,magical moment.
Like, we had hot dogs.
We had s'mores.
We were doing that.
And just...
boy being boy doing his thingand going to the bathroom and
realizing that he had not quitemade it there and so we're like
in the middle of this partytrying to figure out okay how do
(04:38):
I clean you up and change you ina way that isn't going to be
like loud and obnoxious forother people but like I don't
get like you know everythingeverywhere and get you home safe
and all those things.
That's a recent one I thought ofwas this magical outing to watch
the Sandlot and then this majordiaper explosion catastrophe.
(05:03):
It was a good time.
SPEAKER_01 (05:04):
Yeah, that's been different than some of the other
answers that I've got on theshow.
But that's a good parentingmemory.
It was a good one.
Could you tell us just aboutsome hard times that you've had
as a parent and how you'veovercame them?
SPEAKER_00 (05:19):
Yeah, for sure, man.
As I mentioned, our kids were inthe NICU for a long time.
So my wife and I had waited awhile to have kids.
We got married very young, 18and 21.
We waited until our mid-20s totry to have children.
And I look back with a littleregret there, but also just
trust in the Lord's timing andprovidence.
Because now that we have kids, Ijust think, man, wish we'd have
(05:42):
started a lot sooner.
And I'd give that advice toanybody wondering about that.
But there were some good reasonsfor that.
And then as we started trying,it took a couple of years.
We had a lot of difficulty withfertility.
We were in this stage of tryingto figure out diagnostically,
like, why are we not able to getIs my wife not able to get
pregnant?
(06:03):
And we definitely had a hardlimit on what we were willing to
try, but we wanted to know bestwe could what was going on and
why.
And so after about a year and ahalf or two years maybe of
trying and trying to figure thatout, my wife was doing some
diagnostic stuff, doing someblood work.
Some of her blood work came backa little funny.
They had some concerns for herhealth.
And so we went in to do anultrasound and I had just
(06:25):
committed, I'm going to be atthese appointments because there
had been some earlierappointments I didn't go to and
I really regretted it.
So we're just going to be there.
So I took off work and we go tothis appointment.
And we're at this ultrasound andthere's concern, maybe there's
some mass or something going on.
Well, at this reproductiveendocrinologist who's really
(06:48):
concerned for our wife's health,where we're trying really hard
to figure out how to have kids,all of a sudden they realize,
oh, we know what's going on.
Those are your sons right there.
They were not just maybe there'sa baby there, but it was two
boys.
They could tell they were boys.
They guessed that they were 20weeks along.
(07:09):
They were actually 16 weeks.
And we had no clue.
My wife had not been showing.
We had no other real signs.
She had had just reproductiveissues for a long time.
And so we were floored.
Like, we're here praying, God,please help us have kids.
And for almost four months, shehad been pregnant with two, not
just one baby, but two babies.
That was awesome.
(07:30):
Yeah.
We had about two weeks of justlike we're floating on clouds.
This is amazing.
And then a lot of issues startedexhibiting signs of maybe early
labor.
There were some things that thedoctor tried to do.
And so about two weeks of, okay,this is amazing.
We're pregnant with twin boys.
This is what we always wouldhave dreamed of to a lot of
(07:53):
medical emergency, emergencysurgery.
My wife winds up beinghospitalized because one of the
baby's water had broken and theywanted to prevent that.
That was at 22 weeks.
They wanted to prevent him frombeing born that early, but they
also had to monitor forinfection.
And so she was in a hospital.
mostly in a bed for four weeks.
And this is the first time we'veever been parents.
(08:15):
We don't know what it is to beparents.
We're immediately thrust into,we have to protect these
children's lives and we have tomake really hard decisions.
And that is parenting.
We didn't get to warm up to it.
We didn't have nine months ofwhat will it be like to be
parents.
We just immediately had to takecare of these children because
we knew they were ourresponsibility.
We didn't even know them.
(08:35):
They barely knew us.
We were not ready.
We had not prepared.
And through a series of eventsat 26 weeks, our kids were born.
And one of our boys had alreadysustained.
We found out later.
And through that process, even abirth had sustained multiple
brain injuries.
His name's Kai is his nickname.
(08:58):
And his twin, Ben, were bothborn very, very early, of
course, hospitalized for areally long time.
We had to learn all sorts ofmedical terms, issues, things
that we didn't know anythingabout before, had not had any
training on that know what toexpect when you're expecting,
but could possibly have givenus.
And man, it was really hard.
And about three months later,one of our sons, Ben is his
(09:23):
nickname, got to come home andwe had to learn, okay, he's got
like a monitor and he's gotoxygen and praise the Lord, he
came off that stuff prettyeasily.
And he's had some healthchallenges since then as a
result, but has by and largedone well.
Yeah.
His brother Kai, who had thosebrain injuries, has not done as
well.
He was transferred to a higherlevel NICU for several more
(09:45):
months.
He spent 222 days in the NICU.
And so we were managing.
We brought home our newborn whohas all these needs.
We have one still in thehospital.
I have a job.
There's only two of us tradingout who's going to be at the
hospital and when.
How are we going to take care ofthem?
We had such amazing help fromour church.
They were so helpful, sogenerous.
(10:08):
But man, it was hard work.
And it was our work to do.
No one else could do it becausewe're their only parents.
And eventually, praise the Lord,we got to bring Kai home.
He has full-time medicalassistance.
He has permanent disabilities.
He won't walk and talk unlessthe Lord were to perform a
miracle.
He will always need extensivehealth therapies and healthcare
(10:32):
services.
And man, it has just been thedefining thing of our lives so
far.
And we had been through somedifficult things with family and
health before, but man, it hasjust been the defining thing of
our lives and the definingfeature of our parenthood.
But praise God, our kids arehome and we have a third and
things are what we would callMontgomery good.
(10:55):
When people ask us how we'redoing, like it's its own
category of good, but we'reMontgomery good right now.
And praise God that we'velearned how to be Montgomery
good and that he's helped us todo that.
SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
And it's cool.
I like that you mentioned thechurch, your community of faith
being a part of that.
And that's awesome how acommunity of faith is so vital
in overcoming any hard times andyour hard time as a parent.
So thank you for sharing that.
(11:26):
Of course.
If you were going to go back intime to before you were a dad,
before you found out your wifewas pregnant, and you were going
to give yourself some parentingadvice, what would it be?
Well, I've
SPEAKER_00 (11:41):
already mentioned one would be start sooner.
And not everyone can apply thatthe same way.
And there's wisdom here that theLord gives us.
And I wouldn't necessarily saystart immediately for everybody,
but I'd say start sooner.
there's no getting ready forbeing a parent really.
(12:01):
Um, but there is being formed bybeing a parent, um, God does
some amazing work when he bringstwo people together in marriage
that they can't prepare forbeforehand.
And that will necessarily changethem.
So while there's good things youshould look for in a potential
spouse and a sense of godlinessand maturity and direction in
(12:22):
life, you got to know that thatgodliness, maturity, and
direction are going to changeand grow because you got
married.
Same thing with being a parent.
And so, so it's prepare well andget started.
That would be one thing.
Another thing would just besettle right now that your life
is not your own, but you belongbody and soul to God as the
(12:44):
first answer to the firstquestion the Heidelberg
Catechism tells us.
That's our only comfort in lifeand death, that I'm not my own,
but belong body and soul to theLord.
And all things, to paraphraseand to riff on Romans 8, must
work together for my goodbecause I'm his.
Settle right now.
that being a parent willabsolutely change your life.
(13:05):
And it will change your life inways that are for the better.
It'll change your life in waysthat seem harder or even could
seem worse to you.
But none of it is coming fromyour kids directly.
They just need what they need.
They need what every kid needs.
They might have special needslike our kids do.
None of it is coming directlyBecause you are the way you are,
(13:26):
it's coming from the hand ofGod, your father who loves you.
So settle right now that Godwill give me the children he
gives me, when he gives me, withthe needs that they have and the
personalities that they have,with the means that I have.
And my job is to take care ofwhat he has given me to the best
of my ability.
And it will...
(13:46):
Absolutely cost me other thingsin life.
It'll cost me time.
It'll cost me flexibility andfreedom.
That was my idol.
And I realized it partly throughgetting married and definitely
through having kids.
And especially through havingkids with special needs.
Your ambition, your aspiration,it will change.
You can be you and have a lifeand even pursue a career.
But my fundamental vocation isnot seminary professor.
(14:10):
It's not even pastor.
Before it's either of thosethings, it is...
dad.
Now, we have to talk about howhusband and dad work together
because they do and they'redistinct.
And of course, Christian isahead of all those.
But the things that I thoughtdefine me as a person are a
little less important and alittle less defining because I
(14:31):
have these young people whoreally, really need me and God
has given them to me and me tothem.
So, settle right now.
That would be the advice I'dgive.
I know that's kind of not verypractical.
But the advice I would givewould just simply be to say, if
you think you want to have kids,don't build a future version of
your life that doesn't requireany sacrifice for those kids.
(14:51):
Because I promise you thatfuture version of your life
won't exist.
You will need to sacrifice foryour kids.
And praise God, most days you'llwant to sacrifice for your kids.
So why build some future visionfor your life that doesn't
include the dedication, thetime, the energy, the resources
that go into being a parent ifyou think you want to be a
parent?
SPEAKER_01 (15:11):
That's really good.
That's really good.
I think of taking up our crossand following Jesus, and that
goes into every aspect of lifeand even parenting, as you kind
of described.
I really like that.
I want to end maybe on a lighternote.
Do you have maybe one or acouple of your favorite funny
(15:34):
parenting stories?
SPEAKER_00 (15:37):
Yeah, man.
Well, I guess I got sort of intothat with the– with the the
sandlot um i mean kids just saycrazy things and sometimes they
say to the people they reallyought not to say them to um
praise god we have generallybeen able to avoid that um but
(15:57):
man our kids i'll kind of bringit back to what i was saying
earlier that The problems wehave with our kids because of
their medical needs are reallyjust normal parent problems
turned up to 11, right?
So one was figuring out, afterwe brought Kai home, he has all
these medical needs, and he isreally upset in the middle of
the night.
He doesn't quite cry like anormal kid cries.
(16:19):
He has what's called dystonia,so he'll tense up really bad.
So he wakes up in the middle ofthe night.
He tenses up.
His heart rate's getting reallyhigh.
And we're thinking...
man why do they ever entrustthis child to us he needs
medical attention what do we dowe tried everything man we tried
like every therapy we knew totry we tried emergency
medications that we had beenprescribed and sometimes those
(16:42):
are the right thing they weren'tworking we have like what is
going on and finally after likemaybe half an hour trying to
figure this out all theseexistential concerns of like are
we equipped to be this child'sparents we realized he had a
poopy diaper and he just wasuncomfortable and he didn't know
how to tell us and so So by thattime, though, like think about
this, like he had a poopy diaperand he's been raging out for
(17:04):
like half an hour.
And so the poopy diaper is notstayed in the diaper at this
point.
So we had to like, like getscissors and cut his onesie off
of him.
and he went right to sleep wechanged his diaper and he went
right to sleep and so ourstories are a little bit sad and
weird they're not sad to us wejust think it's funny because
(17:25):
this is our lives these are ourkids um and so it's a good
reminder to us one like nexttime he's freaking out and we've
had to say this for four yearshey just check his diaper before
you do anything crazy before youlike run to the hospital um
because he's still a kid And hestill just needs stuff that kids
need.
And he's special and he's gotspecial needs.
(17:46):
And we've had to do some crazythings as parents to help him.
But sometimes we just have to dothe normal stuff.
And that's been a good lessonfor us.
It makes for some great stories.
And that's the one I got foryou.
SPEAKER_01 (17:57):
Well, that's a good, funny story.
I found it funny as well.
So you're not alone.
Yeah.
On behalf of all the listenersand myself, I want to thank you
for being on the show with metoday.
Yeah, thanks for having
SPEAKER_00 (18:13):
me, Abraham.
Appreciate your ministry,brother.
And I hope it equips churches tocome around parents to help them
be not just in the crazy hardtimes, but just in the everyday
difficulty of being a godlyparent.
I hope it equips and helpsparents to take up their task
seriously.
SPEAKER_01 (18:27):
Amen.
Thank you for joining me.
I hope this was an encouragementto you.
Please follow the show, leave areview, and share it with the
people around you.
Hello, welcome to the Kearney Kids Parenting Show.
I am your host, Abraham Leonard,Minister of Children at First
Baptist Church Kearney.
(00:20):
I am so glad that you havejoined us.
Welcome to the show, Dr.
Travis Montgomery.
(00:41):
He is a local, a native here inKansas City where we are
located.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great, man.
How are you, Abraham?
I'm doing well.
Could you tell us a little bitabout your family, your
ministry, and just how you'redoing?
SPEAKER_00 (00:56):
Yeah, absolutely, man.
So you mentioned we're native.
We've tried really hard to benative.
I grew up in Southern Missouri,as you know, same town as you,
man, and have been here eightyears with my wife, Lauren.
And we had our kiddos about fouryears ago now, twin boys, and
then a third who's a year and ahalf.
So we've had our hands fullthese past eight years.
(01:17):
And yeah, I'm here at MidwesternBaptist Theological Seminary,
where I lead our online studiesprograms.
The Global Campus is what wecall that.
And I teach as assistantprofessor of Christian Studies,
which means kind of very broadBible, theology, and ministry
classes.
I absolutely love to do that.
I had no idea that I'd be doingthis when I moved here eight
years ago.
I came here to study and to be abetter equipped pastor, and the
(01:40):
Lord has seen fit to make mostof my role here at the seminary
where I equip other leaders, butalso as a local pastor of a
church plant.
So Northside Fellowship is afour-year-old church plant and
I'm one of four pastors thereand just absolutely adore being
there and love our team and I'mso grateful for it.
SPEAKER_01 (01:58):
Well, that's awesome.
That's awesome that you're heretraining pastors and that
includes Me at this point, andso hopefully I'll get to have
you in class at some point.
That would be kind of cool.
Nothing stopping you, man.
Just look for my name.
Yeah, just fine.
Travis Montgomery.
Well, could you tell us,starting off kind of light, do
(02:21):
you have any good parentingmemories?
Maybe a couple of your favoriteparenting memories.
SPEAKER_00 (02:25):
Yeah, absolutely, man.
And this will lean in a littlebit toward some more things I'll
share later.
But our kids have had a lot ofmedical challenges.
And I'll talk a lot about that.
Because it's just so much a partof our story.
But so when I think about liketypical first time parenting
stuff that you have to dealwith, what's been really funny
(02:46):
has been we've had all of thenormal typical first time
parenting stuff, but just liketurned up to 11 with medical
difficulties.
So I talked to so many parentswho have to figure out when they
first bring home their newborn,is this issue, this concern,
this discomfort, whatever, likea big deal that we need to go to
the hospital for or is it likereally not a big deal?
(03:09):
And it was just really funny.
It's crazy to say it's a goodmemory, but looking back now, my
wife and I, brought home one ofour twins who had been
hospitalized for eight months inthe NICU.
And like a week into bringinghim home, he was sick, not doing
well.
And we had to make the callthat...
every young couple, every coupleof newborn, uh, or parents of a
(03:33):
newborn have to make, which is,do we take them to the emergency
room or not?
And it was just kind of funnybeing there and going, actually,
every parent has to do this.
Uh, ours is just sort ofextreme.
And so that was, that was alwaysfun.
Besides that, man, there arejust so many potty training
stories I couldn't even getinto.
Um, but, but the, like, why didyou have to do this three
(03:54):
minutes after we tried to go tothe bathroom?
Why did you have to do it here?
Uh, So, like, you know, forinstance, taking one of our
other boys to a family-friendlyparty at a church member's house
the other day, and we'rewatching The Sandlot, which is
just a fantastic movie that is alittle scarier for kids than I
(04:16):
remembered it being.
But with, like, myfour-year-old, it was, like,
very heightened awareness.
And it was just this cool,magical moment.
Like, we had hot dogs.
We had s'mores.
We were doing that.
And just...
boy being boy doing his thingand going to the bathroom and
realizing that he had not quitemade it there and so we're like
in the middle of this partytrying to figure out okay how do
(04:38):
I clean you up and change you ina way that isn't going to be
like loud and obnoxious forother people but like I don't
get like you know everythingeverywhere and get you home safe
and all those things.
That's a recent one I thought ofwas this magical outing to watch
the Sandlot and then this majordiaper explosion catastrophe.
(05:03):
It was a good time.
SPEAKER_01 (05:04):
Yeah, that's been different than some of the other
answers that I've got on theshow.
But that's a good parentingmemory.
It was a good one.
Could you tell us just aboutsome hard times that you've had
as a parent and how you'veovercame them?
SPEAKER_00 (05:19):
Yeah, for sure, man.
As I mentioned, our kids were inthe NICU for a long time.
So my wife and I had waited awhile to have kids.
We got married very young, 18and 21.
We waited until our mid-20s totry to have children.
And I look back with a littleregret there, but also just
trust in the Lord's timing andprovidence.
Because now that we have kids, Ijust think, man, wish we'd have
(05:42):
started a lot sooner.
And I'd give that advice toanybody wondering about that.
But there were some good reasonsfor that.
And then as we started trying,it took a couple of years.
We had a lot of difficulty withfertility.
We were in this stage of tryingto figure out diagnostically,
like, why are we not able to getIs my wife not able to get
pregnant?
(06:03):
And we definitely had a hardlimit on what we were willing to
try, but we wanted to know bestwe could what was going on and
why.
And so after about a year and ahalf or two years maybe of
trying and trying to figure thatout, my wife was doing some
diagnostic stuff, doing someblood work.
Some of her blood work came backa little funny.
They had some concerns for herhealth.
And so we went in to do anultrasound and I had just
(06:25):
committed, I'm going to be atthese appointments because there
had been some earlierappointments I didn't go to and
I really regretted it.
So we're just going to be there.
So I took off work and we go tothis appointment.
And we're at this ultrasound andthere's concern, maybe there's
some mass or something going on.
Well, at this reproductiveendocrinologist who's really
(06:48):
concerned for our wife's health,where we're trying really hard
to figure out how to have kids,all of a sudden they realize,
oh, we know what's going on.
Those are your sons right there.
They were not just maybe there'sa baby there, but it was two
boys.
They could tell they were boys.
They guessed that they were 20weeks along.
(07:09):
They were actually 16 weeks.
And we had no clue.
My wife had not been showing.
We had no other real signs.
She had had just reproductiveissues for a long time.
And so we were floored.
Like, we're here praying, God,please help us have kids.
And for almost four months, shehad been pregnant with two, not
just one baby, but two babies.
That was awesome.
(07:30):
Yeah.
We had about two weeks of justlike we're floating on clouds.
This is amazing.
And then a lot of issues startedexhibiting signs of maybe early
labor.
There were some things that thedoctor tried to do.
And so about two weeks of, okay,this is amazing.
We're pregnant with twin boys.
This is what we always wouldhave dreamed of to a lot of
(07:53):
medical emergency, emergencysurgery.
My wife winds up beinghospitalized because one of the
baby's water had broken and theywanted to prevent that.
That was at 22 weeks.
They wanted to prevent him frombeing born that early, but they
also had to monitor forinfection.
And so she was in a hospital.
mostly in a bed for four weeks.
And this is the first time we'veever been parents.
(08:15):
We don't know what it is to beparents.
We're immediately thrust into,we have to protect these
children's lives and we have tomake really hard decisions.
And that is parenting.
We didn't get to warm up to it.
We didn't have nine months ofwhat will it be like to be
parents.
We just immediately had to takecare of these children because
we knew they were ourresponsibility.
We didn't even know them.
(08:35):
They barely knew us.
We were not ready.
We had not prepared.
And through a series of eventsat 26 weeks, our kids were born.
And one of our boys had alreadysustained.
We found out later.
And through that process, even abirth had sustained multiple
brain injuries.
His name's Kai is his nickname.
(08:58):
And his twin, Ben, were bothborn very, very early, of
course, hospitalized for areally long time.
We had to learn all sorts ofmedical terms, issues, things
that we didn't know anythingabout before, had not had any
training on that know what toexpect when you're expecting,
but could possibly have givenus.
And man, it was really hard.
And about three months later,one of our sons, Ben is his
(09:23):
nickname, got to come home andwe had to learn, okay, he's got
like a monitor and he's gotoxygen and praise the Lord, he
came off that stuff prettyeasily.
And he's had some healthchallenges since then as a
result, but has by and largedone well.
Yeah.
His brother Kai, who had thosebrain injuries, has not done as
well.
He was transferred to a higherlevel NICU for several more
(09:45):
months.
He spent 222 days in the NICU.
And so we were managing.
We brought home our newborn whohas all these needs.
We have one still in thehospital.
I have a job.
There's only two of us tradingout who's going to be at the
hospital and when.
How are we going to take care ofthem?
We had such amazing help fromour church.
They were so helpful, sogenerous.
(10:08):
But man, it was hard work.
And it was our work to do.
No one else could do it becausewe're their only parents.
And eventually, praise the Lord,we got to bring Kai home.
He has full-time medicalassistance.
He has permanent disabilities.
He won't walk and talk unlessthe Lord were to perform a
miracle.
He will always need extensivehealth therapies and healthcare
(10:32):
services.
And man, it has just been thedefining thing of our lives so
far.
And we had been through somedifficult things with family and
health before, but man, it hasjust been the defining thing of
our lives and the definingfeature of our parenthood.
But praise God, our kids arehome and we have a third and
things are what we would callMontgomery good.
(10:55):
When people ask us how we'redoing, like it's its own
category of good, but we'reMontgomery good right now.
And praise God that we'velearned how to be Montgomery
good and that he's helped us todo that.
SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
And it's cool.
I like that you mentioned thechurch, your community of faith
being a part of that.
And that's awesome how acommunity of faith is so vital
in overcoming any hard times andyour hard time as a parent.
So thank you for sharing that.
(11:26):
Of course.
If you were going to go back intime to before you were a dad,
before you found out your wifewas pregnant, and you were going
to give yourself some parentingadvice, what would it be?
Well, I've
SPEAKER_00 (11:41):
already mentioned one would be start sooner.
And not everyone can apply thatthe same way.
And there's wisdom here that theLord gives us.
And I wouldn't necessarily saystart immediately for everybody,
but I'd say start sooner.
there's no getting ready forbeing a parent really.
(12:01):
Um, but there is being formed bybeing a parent, um, God does
some amazing work when he bringstwo people together in marriage
that they can't prepare forbeforehand.
And that will necessarily changethem.
So while there's good things youshould look for in a potential
spouse and a sense of godlinessand maturity and direction in
(12:22):
life, you got to know that thatgodliness, maturity, and
direction are going to changeand grow because you got
married.
Same thing with being a parent.
And so, so it's prepare well andget started.
That would be one thing.
Another thing would just besettle right now that your life
is not your own, but you belongbody and soul to God as the
(12:44):
first answer to the firstquestion the Heidelberg
Catechism tells us.
That's our only comfort in lifeand death, that I'm not my own,
but belong body and soul to theLord.
And all things, to paraphraseand to riff on Romans 8, must
work together for my goodbecause I'm his.
Settle right now.
that being a parent willabsolutely change your life.
(13:05):
And it will change your life inways that are for the better.
It'll change your life in waysthat seem harder or even could
seem worse to you.
But none of it is coming fromyour kids directly.
They just need what they need.
They need what every kid needs.
They might have special needslike our kids do.
None of it is coming directlyBecause you are the way you are,
(13:26):
it's coming from the hand ofGod, your father who loves you.
So settle right now that Godwill give me the children he
gives me, when he gives me, withthe needs that they have and the
personalities that they have,with the means that I have.
And my job is to take care ofwhat he has given me to the best
of my ability.
And it will...
(13:46):
Absolutely cost me other thingsin life.
It'll cost me time.
It'll cost me flexibility andfreedom.
That was my idol.
And I realized it partly throughgetting married and definitely
through having kids.
And especially through havingkids with special needs.
Your ambition, your aspiration,it will change.
You can be you and have a lifeand even pursue a career.
But my fundamental vocation isnot seminary professor.
(14:10):
It's not even pastor.
Before it's either of thosethings, it is...
dad.
Now, we have to talk about howhusband and dad work together
because they do and they'redistinct.
And of course, Christian isahead of all those.
But the things that I thoughtdefine me as a person are a
little less important and alittle less defining because I
(14:31):
have these young people whoreally, really need me and God
has given them to me and me tothem.
So, settle right now.
That would be the advice I'dgive.
I know that's kind of not verypractical.
But the advice I would givewould just simply be to say, if
you think you want to have kids,don't build a future version of
your life that doesn't requireany sacrifice for those kids.
(14:51):
Because I promise you thatfuture version of your life
won't exist.
You will need to sacrifice foryour kids.
And praise God, most days you'llwant to sacrifice for your kids.
So why build some future visionfor your life that doesn't
include the dedication, thetime, the energy, the resources
that go into being a parent ifyou think you want to be a
parent?
SPEAKER_01 (15:11):
That's really good.
That's really good.
I think of taking up our crossand following Jesus, and that
goes into every aspect of lifeand even parenting, as you kind
of described.
I really like that.
I want to end maybe on a lighternote.
Do you have maybe one or acouple of your favorite funny
(15:34):
parenting stories?
SPEAKER_00 (15:37):
Yeah, man.
Well, I guess I got sort of intothat with the– with the the
sandlot um i mean kids just saycrazy things and sometimes they
say to the people they reallyought not to say them to um
praise god we have generallybeen able to avoid that um but
(15:57):
man our kids i'll kind of bringit back to what i was saying
earlier that The problems wehave with our kids because of
their medical needs are reallyjust normal parent problems
turned up to 11, right?
So one was figuring out, afterwe brought Kai home, he has all
these medical needs, and he isreally upset in the middle of
the night.
He doesn't quite cry like anormal kid cries.
(16:19):
He has what's called dystonia,so he'll tense up really bad.
So he wakes up in the middle ofthe night.
He tenses up.
His heart rate's getting reallyhigh.
And we're thinking...
man why do they ever entrustthis child to us he needs
medical attention what do we dowe tried everything man we tried
like every therapy we knew totry we tried emergency
medications that we had beenprescribed and sometimes those
(16:42):
are the right thing they weren'tworking we have like what is
going on and finally after likemaybe half an hour trying to
figure this out all theseexistential concerns of like are
we equipped to be this child'sparents we realized he had a
poopy diaper and he just wasuncomfortable and he didn't know
how to tell us and so So by thattime, though, like think about
this, like he had a poopy diaperand he's been raging out for
(17:04):
like half an hour.
And so the poopy diaper is notstayed in the diaper at this
point.
So we had to like, like getscissors and cut his onesie off
of him.
and he went right to sleep wechanged his diaper and he went
right to sleep and so ourstories are a little bit sad and
weird they're not sad to us wejust think it's funny because
(17:25):
this is our lives these are ourkids um and so it's a good
reminder to us one like nexttime he's freaking out and we've
had to say this for four yearshey just check his diaper before
you do anything crazy before youlike run to the hospital um
because he's still a kid And hestill just needs stuff that kids
need.
And he's special and he's gotspecial needs.
(17:46):
And we've had to do some crazythings as parents to help him.
But sometimes we just have to dothe normal stuff.
And that's been a good lessonfor us.
It makes for some great stories.
And that's the one I got foryou.
SPEAKER_01 (17:57):
Well, that's a good, funny story.
I found it funny as well.
So you're not alone.
Yeah.
On behalf of all the listenersand myself, I want to thank you
for being on the show with metoday.
Yeah, thanks for having
SPEAKER_00 (18:13):
me, Abraham.
Appreciate your ministry,brother.
And I hope it equips churches tocome around parents to help them
be not just in the crazy hardtimes, but just in the everyday
difficulty of being a godlyparent.
I hope it equips and helpsparents to take up their task
seriously.
SPEAKER_01 (18:27):
Amen.
Thank you for joining me.
I hope this was an encouragementto you.
Please follow the show, leave areview, and share it with the
people around you.
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