March 13, 2025 • 45 mins
Shell Sawyer transformed her own devastating divorce experience into a mission to guide others through the financial maze of marriage dissolution. As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, divorce coach, and mediator with over 20 years in the financial services industry, Shell brings compassionate expertise to a process that leaves most people feeling overwhelmed and alone.
"Even though my background was in finance, I had a hard time making decisions during my divorce," Shell reveals, capturing the emotional paralysis that affects even financially savvy individuals. This vulnerability makes her approach uniquely powerful—she understands both the technical requirements and the emotional landscape of divorce recovery.
What separates Shell's methodology from typical financial advice is her holistic vision of post-divorce life. Beyond just splitting assets, she helps clients envision their next chapter, ensuring settlements are not just legally sound but financially sustainable. "Understanding the short and long-term implications of divorce decisions is crucial," she explains, noting how tax consequences can make seemingly fair divisions deeply imbalanced.
Shell's book, "You Are Not Alone: Your Guide for When Divorce is on Your Doorstep," offers practical templates, checklists, and compassionate guidance for those navigating divorce. Her approach combines financial recovery coaching with emotional support, helping clients develop sustainable budgets and emergency funds while acknowledging the grief process that accompanies the end of a marriage.
The path to recovery involves rediscovering yourself through self-care, rebuilding support networks, and finding new purpose. As Shell beautifully articulates, "I look at my last divorce, even though it was hard, as a gift to me. I never would have been able to do some of the things I do now." Ready to transform your divorce experience from purely painful to an opportunity for financial empowerment and personal growth? Shell offers 30-minute complimentary consultations to start your journey toward a brighter future.
Brice Harney
Life On Record
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Love & Light - Keep Hope Alive
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello and welcome.
To Keep Huffle Live podcastToday, I got Michelle Sawyer
here.
Welcome, welcome.
First of all, thank you forhaving me.
Oh, you're welcome, she.
She is a CEO, president andauthor and we're going to be
diving into everything that shedoes.
She's so talented and I lovethis topic we're going to be
(00:25):
talking about today because Ithink everybody goes through it.
But before we even get started,a quick question Out of the
past five years, how manyweddings have you been to?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I think one yeah One In the past five years,
unfortunately Right.
I love weddings.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
I love weddings too.
I really do, and I'm aprofessional photographer,
certified wedding planner, soI've been to so many weddings in
my life but they've slowed downgreatly.
So, yeah, what's going?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
on with that.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I don't know.
I think we need some divorceparties.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
That's probably true.
You might get some business,yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
So, yeah, definitely.
So, when you go into thewedding part, there is something
for you to sign to let thecouple know that you were there.
What are you signing?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
The guest book yes, yes, perfect.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yes, yes.
So one of our biggest sponsorshere is Life on Record and what
they do.
Instead of the guest book, theyhave a vintage rotary phone
that your guests can come in.
They'll walk up to the phone.
Now there's two options.
They can pick up the rotaryphone and leave a message
Congratulations on your big day,we're so excited for you.
(01:50):
Or maybe it's like a groomsmanand they're going hey, dude,
it's about time to put a ring onher finger.
I'm so excited for you too.
Right next to it is a QR codethat your guests can take out
their cell device and scan itand leave a message on their
phone, if that's what they wish.
But what they do is theycollect all these messages from
(02:10):
your friends, your family, andthey burn it either on a 12-inch
vinyl record or they have akeepsake speaker and it's all
personalized, so you get to haveall those messages.
Now I always use weddings as anexample, but it could be for
birthday parties, corporateevents, anniversaries I like
(02:32):
funerals, and also, if you arein a sports team, I use this.
One of the kids broke his legTeam members.
I gave the phone number to calland wish him to get well.
So it's great.
Now their plans only start at$99.
Now you get to keep the phonenumber Number.
You got to return that phone.
(02:53):
Even though, as cute as it is,the phone has to be returned.
But to get more information onLife on Record, visit them at
wwwlifeonrecordcom.
All right, well, let's getstarted.
We got this.
So my question now is who isShell Sawyer, and I love your
(03:15):
first name.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Thank you.
Who is Shell Sawyer?
Well, that isn't that a goodquestion, right?
Who am I?
I, um, I'm a person who was um,who her dad was her hero.
Um, I really enjoyed having mydad, um, for my most of my life.
(03:36):
Unfortunately, he's passed away.
I wish I had a recording of hisvoice.
Um, that would have been nice.
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, that would have been nice.
Yeah, I love that.
Yes, yeah, that would have beengood.
So I, yeah, I grew up.
He was a very much a moneyperson.
He dealt with his finance.
He taught me so much aboutfinances when I was growing up
(03:58):
and I was such a lucky girl thatway, and so when it was time
for me to go to school and getand go to college, finance was
my natural choice.
I became an accountant.
I got my master's in accounting, I worked over 20 years in the
financial services industry andthen we went through a divorce.
(04:21):
I've actually been through two,but my second one was
devastating because I did have adaughter with him and I felt
very overwhelmed during thewhole process and, even though
my background was in finance, Ihad a hard time making decisions
.
So you know, some days I didn'teven want to get out of bed,
let alone make decisions for myfuture and my daughter's future
(04:47):
out of bed, let alone makedecisions for my future and my
daughter's future.
And I wish I had somebody by myside that could help me with
that.
So when everything was all saidand done and you know, the fog
had kind of cleared after mydivorce and it was final, I said
what can I do to help throughdivorce?
So now I'm a certified divorcefinancial analyst that's a
(05:07):
mouthful CDFA.
I'm also a certified divorcecoach and mediator.
So I help people make gooddecisions in their divorce and
hold their hand the whole way sothey can make some good
decisions and if they need alittle help, they've got the
support in me.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I'll be the first to admit wow, my first marriage.
It ended two days before oureight-year wedding anniversary.
I was so blindsided, oh gosh,it hurt.
But my financial decisions, mygoodness, I wish I had you in my
(05:45):
corner.
I never knew there was anybodythere to help guide, you know,
with, you know making thosedecisions, because all I could
think is okay, I'm picking upwhere her dad is missing.
So I want to take her to themovies.
I want her to go to playputt-putt or bowling.
I want to do her to the movies.
(06:05):
I want her to go to playputt-putt or bowling.
I want to do this and that.
And I opened up a credit cardand it was just like stupid.
Me was so young and I have tocall me stupid because I wasted
so much money and it hurt me inthe long run.
So where were you?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I might have even hurt her.
I was probably going through myown divorce at that time, um,
but like not not beingfinancially like independent and
, you know, having your ownfinances in order uh, probably
hurt her a little bit too.
You know, like, maybe she gotto have a lot of fun, but she
probably felt mom pinching herpennies at times too.
(06:43):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Well, she was too young to know that, I think.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
It's just, you know, we learnwe, we learn finances from how
we grow up, right?
There's nothing else reallythat teaches us anything is,
it's usually our parents thatteach us and then maybe some
life experiences, but they don'tteach a lot of it like in
(07:10):
school, right?
Um, maybe how to write a check.
I don't even know if they'deven do that anymore I never
learned that at school, yeahyeah, me either.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
No, I was and I wish they did more of training.
So my dad I didn't learnanything on finances through my
dad, but my mom she would alwaysmake comments, so you need to
save your money for this andthat.
And I remember when I wasengaged she's like can you skip
(07:39):
the wedding and I buy you ahouse?
I stupidly said no.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
I was like man looking back right yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
It was like can.
I try again.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, I love it, that's good.
I love that, though, that shegave you that option.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
She gave you that option yeah, yeah, because we
spend so much money on weddingsright um.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Oh, yes, yes, but you know and plan yeah, I was
planning.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
At age 14 I would.
I knew I wanted to be acertified um.
Well, when I was younger, Iplayed Barbies and my Barbies
were always getting married.
But I wanted to help peoplewith their weddings.
So, and then, when I was like16, I bought a poster board.
I had all the magazines forbridal and I made a vision board
(08:33):
.
This is where my wedding'sgoing to be, these are the
colors, these are the flowers,this is what my cake's going to
look like.
And I rolled it up and I put itin my closet top shelf and when
I got proposed to, I think Iwas like 20.
No, yeah, 20.
So I took that poster board outfrom all those years and half
(08:56):
of it was already correct.
My dresses were on cue, theflowers were on cue and I got
married at a golf um club and itwas the same entryway and
everything.
It was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
But you predicted your wedding.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
That's cool yeah, it was like you had an idea right,
and that was what you stuck withwell, you know, it's something.
Know, I interviewed a lady whotalks about manifest and she's
wonderful because, oh my gosh,she's so right.
I really had to like I didmanifest when I was younger.
(09:35):
I manifest about jobs as I gotolder, Like here's the great
thing, I manifest, I really wantto move to Oklahoma.
And then just like that, and Isaid I am going to get a job.
I like sent so manyapplications and I kept saying,
no, this one I got it.
(09:55):
I feel like I got it.
And it was just the wonderfulfeeling and he hired me
yesterday for my interview.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Wonderful Congratulations and you
manifested that.
Yes, I believe in manifestationtoo.
Right, you have to have someaction involved with the
manifestation, but yeah, Ibelieve in it.
The positive thinking, right.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Oh yeah.
So I mean, and with peoplegoing through a divorce I would
say, if you set those mindsetgoals, just kind of redirect
everything, because that hurt isreal after divorces.
I mean, all I had was a winebottle and Michael Buble.
And then I saw Michael Bublethree times in concert and my
(10:43):
favorite song was Home.
And I remember the stage.
I was like in the middle of thecrowd but it pulled out to the
middle and he was like right infront of me and he sang Home.
I was like wow, this is amazing.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
He helped you get through your divorce.
He really did.
Yeah, michael Buble, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
So, michael, if you hear this on my podcast, let's
interview you get him on here,you can manifest it.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
yes, yes, yeah, start contacting his people now out.
Yeah, definitely yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
So what like okay.
So this goes back to when youwere growing up with parents and
they were teaching you thefinances.
I remember for me, if I didhear anything, it was just like
no, I didn't want to like havethat responsibility or something
.
That was my mindset and I knoweverybody's different, but you
(11:50):
know, for you, you took it, youran with it.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Yeah, I did, I liked it, and I think that that's
probably the key.
You probably, just like a lotof people, don't like finances,
right, like hear it, and they'rejust like la, la, la, like I'm
not interested, especially as akid, right, who wants to sit at
the table with their father andgo over his finances.
Right, I did, I'll admit it,but not everybody's like that.
(12:19):
I have a daughter I don't.
She would never sit with me andtalk about finances.
I think every time I starttalking about it she's like oh
no, here mom goes again.
Right, that's how my daughteris.
I noticed that it sticks.
So, even though I don't thinkshe's listening, I do notice she
has.
She has been right, she's beenapplying some things.
(12:42):
She understands a little bit,so I'm glad, right, yeah, that
is really good from me.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
She's not a finance person like I was.
I think she follows honestlymore of her dad's line, more
than mine.
And then I see my son.
He does follow me in so manydifferent ways, except I never
played sports.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Yeah, he's played sports.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
He's good at sports yeah, yeah, he's played sports.
He's good at sports football,yes, very, very good, yeah so,
and he has an arm.
I mean I think he couldeventually play baseball if he
liked it, because I've seen himthrow a ball fast and I'm like
whoa, I was like I don't wantany baseball coaches to know he
(13:42):
can throw fast.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Because they will capture him right yeah they're
going to make him like baseball.
They are.
Yeah, I always tried so hard toplay sports when I was younger,
but I was never very good at it.
My family would tell you thatNot very good.
I tried, though.
I even had my father as abasketball coach, but I couldn't
(14:05):
make a basket to save my life,so I give him a lot of credit.
I don't know how they do itright.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I don't know, I tried everything or you don't right.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
You have the ability or you don't know, or you don't
right.
You have the ability or youdon't.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
I did gymnastics and volleyball and I was like nope
and then when I got older, at myapartment complex they played
volleyball in the pool and Iloved it.
I played.
The kids all had one end toswim and the adults took the
other end to play volleyball.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Volleyball is fun yeah that's still not good at.
It sounds like you are, so nowI know where she got his
athletic ability from.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I almost got my nose broken by one of the throws so I
yeah yeah, it missed about likethat much and I like, but it
didn't hit my face.
Thank God I was able tomaneuver it and I remember the
guy who did it.
He was like I'm so, so sorry,Let me take you out to dinner.
(15:10):
I was like dinner, but he madea joke because he was just a
neighbor that I didn't know.
And we went to Olive Garden andhe told the hostess well, I'm
going to sit on this side, she'sgoing to sit on this side, and
I was like what, How's that adinner?
I was like is this guy beingserious?
But we turned out to be friendslater on, which was nice.
(15:34):
So, yeah, but like I want toalso dive in, so with the
financial and focusing on is itjust women?
Are you doing men and women?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Well, I do mediation, so that's like taking a couple,
being a third party neutral,and helping them through the
divorce process.
Yes, everything is is eithermen or women.
Whoever would like help, right?
I would say the majority iswomen, just because I feel like
(16:05):
women make a lot of emotionaldecisions during divorce and
they would like to know a littlebit about the finances.
And the finances can be alittle scary, right.
Are you going to be financiallyokay after the divorce?
Right?
What have I?
You know, what did my statelaws require of me?
(16:26):
How much can I get?
You know that every state isdifferent, right, they have
their own laws.
So, knowing that ahead of time,getting yourself educated and
planning you know you weretalking about weddings, right?
Just kind of piggyback off ofthat.
Like we plan for our weddings,right, we sometimes years.
(16:48):
It sounds like you wereplanning for many, many years
before you actually got married.
Right, but no one plans fordivorce, right?
Speaker 1 (16:58):
No, they don't.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
No.
Sometimes they just like jumpright into the arena, Right Well
.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I hate to say it, after the first divorce you
might be planning.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah, yeah, you might be planning during the whole
marriage, right, but I, I slowly, I am a planner myself.
Anyways, I'm a Capricorn.
I don't know, you know, if itcomes natural to Capricorns,
because everything I read aboutCapricorns is that we are
planners, right.
So, I think that's in by nature.
(17:29):
That's what I do, and I helppeople kind of plan for their
divorce right, making sure theyunderstand what they need in
their next chapter right, notjust what they want.
An attorney can help with whatyou want and they can get it for
you.
They can negotiate it, butmaking sure it's affordable is a
really big piece of this right.
(17:50):
Make sure it's affordable.
Understand the different laws.
What are you entitled to?
Iping, I help people come upwith good settlement solutions
for them, right.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
What's going to?
Speaker 2 (18:02):
be the best settle and then negotiating.
So I hold their hand during thewhole divorce process, helping
them along the way, helping themnegotiate a good settlement
option, helping them understand,you know, the short and
long-term implications of thedecisions they're making.
A lot of times there's taximplications that people have to
(18:24):
be very aware of, because evenif it's a 50-50 state, it might
look like 50-50 on paper but itmight not be in reality, because
there might be someimplications that you need to
just be aware of either short orlong yeah yeah yeah
really being educated, right?
I highly recommend that, um,when you're entering the divorce
(18:49):
arena, because it's a placewhere I I think that most of us,
right, we hope for the best andwe hope it's not going to be us
.
We're not going to be astatistic, right, but then when
it does fall on your lap or onyour doorstep, being prepared is
like one of the best things youcan do for yourself, because
(19:11):
being prepared helps you have alittle less fear of what's going
to happen, right, oh, yeah,yeah, yeah, less fear of what's
going to happen, right, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, I think that's true with anything, right yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Like I remember I did have a mediator and they walked
me through the basic steps andeverything, but I had to learn
on my own and it was it's sofoolish of me and it's maybe
because I was so young when Iwas married, nobody told me in
(19:44):
this time of need and the moneyI was making, of course having a
second income, I had no worryabout the food and shopping and
stuff like that.
Do you ever help coach, like,even when they're like after
they're done, especially women,because I know it was hard for
me to learn?
Oh there's food stamps.
Oh there's helping courses togo back in school, oh there's
(20:09):
this.
You know, it's just thoselittle things, and I wish people
like could have told me this isokay If you have children and
you're going to get the childsupport, how to divvy that out
too.
Because you know I was like ohmy gosh, you know this will help
pay the rent and everything.
(20:29):
But in my head it's always beenthis from a kid and I need to
put money away and use it.
So I told myself back in theday that's what I'm going to do
when clothes are needed.
We're going to go get theclothes.
You know, just do a shoppingday, but then, kind of because
it was two times out of themonth, I divvied it up Like
(20:51):
let's help with some of thebills also and then do this and
this and make sure there wassomething fun.
So I feel like I wasresponsible.
But however, like, even thoughit was my goal that I wanted to
start a savings, it was alwayshard to do.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Sure, yeah, I love that you mentioned that, because
one of my services that I offeris being a financial recovery
coach, and that's for people whohave gone through divorce and
they're like now, what, what doI do with my finances?
Right, how do I make the mostof my money?
(21:25):
Because, most of you know, inin a marriage, right, you have
most of time two incomessupporting a house, and now you
have your income supporting awhole new house, right, so
you're almost like it.
It's almost like these twoincomes.
Right now you have two homesthat you have to yeah support
(21:46):
right, so it's like double whatyou were doing before for the
most part.
Um so I offer financialrecovery coaching to help people
come up with a good budget.
I know no one likes to hear theword budget, but it is very
important right To see howyou're spending your money.
It's enlightening, and thenlet's spend your money wisely,
(22:08):
right.
Tell your money where to go,instead of your money telling
you what to do.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Next chapter right right to make the most of it and
save right very important havean emergency fund very important
.
But how do you do all thatright?
Yeah, it sounds like you had agood head on your shoulders when
you were doing it.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Well, not always.
I wish I did, because I willadmit, I was so sad through that
divorce and I would think ofanything like why two days we
were happy, like the week prior,and I just it was just like I
thought it was a joke because Iwas a certified wedding planner.
(22:52):
And when he said, you know, Ifell out of love with you, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, I waslike you're joking, right, Like
I thought it was just a meanjoke because everything was
planned.
But, like, going back to whereI made my mistake is as sad as I
was.
That guided me the depressionguided me of how to use my
(23:15):
finances, and I wish you knowthere was somebody and you
probably do this too, butsomebody to be there to make it
aware like, hey, you might gothrough depression, but don't
let that be the guide and theanswer of just spending Because
I thought, oh, let me go get anew shirt for me, that will make
(23:35):
me happy.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I thought oh let me go get a new shirt for me, that
will make me happy.
Yeah, no, make me feel better.
No, no, retail therapy, I thinkthey call that right, exactly
it can get you into trouble inthe long run too, especially if
it lasts for a long time, right,having somebody by your side
that's more of a rationalthinker, right At that point in
time, very, you know, and theydon't have stake in it they can
(23:59):
help you through that emotionalturmoil, right.
It's very difficult, exactly,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
So, yeah, it's just like that whole roller coaster,
like be careful what you do.
I think the best gift I evergave myself and I wish I paid
attention to this stuff and I'mgoing to say it today because I
think it can really help peoplewith the divorce process is the
best gift you can give yourselfis finding who you are as a
(24:30):
person.
That means journaling andwriting down everything you've
been through, that self-love ohmy gosh, that's going to make
the difference, to make youstronger.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
And now-.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Whatever you can do.
You know it's self-care too,right?
It's taking care of yourself.
And I think, as women too, wehave a hard time with that,
right, because we're used totaking care of everybody else
before we take care of yourself.
And I think, as women too, wehave a hard time with that,
right, because we're used totaking care of everybody else
before we take care of ourselves.
But during a time like this,that self-love, that self-care
is so important, because you'renot going to be able to help
(25:03):
anybody else if you're not in agood space, right?
We probably know that well,right?
Oh, yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
You have to take care of yourself in order to be able
to take care of anybody else.
Like being in an airplane.
Right, put the oxygen mask onyourself first and then.
Yes, it's the same here, right?
Yeah, same thing and you'rehappy, right like even if it's
going outside and walking thedog for a half an hour, do it,
you know.
Uh, if it's spending time withfriends and family, do that, you
(25:36):
know.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Um, make sure, and even if you're, if you're
married and you had no friends,like I really didn't have any
friends, and I remember thedonut shop I met this guy and he
was a lot older than me but webecame friends and he introduced
me to karaoke and when I was 16, I had a sweet 16 birthday and
(25:58):
it was karaoke.
I love to sing and I justdidn't know I was so what's the
word In that marriage.
I was bottled up and didn'tknow anything.
Really I had no clue.
I was like, oh, they gotkaraoke and I remember going to
see what it was like and then Imade so many more friends and
(26:18):
that's really what helped me getthrough a lot of this is having
that support system.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
And maybe I love that you just brought that up right,
because it was almost like ahobby of yours that you started
to do again after your marriage,right, and you were able to get
out there like.
So, whatever your hobby is, foryou it's singing, right.
Some people might like to, youknow.
They like to read books, join abook club, you know.
(26:46):
Or you like knitting?
Find a knitting circle, um, butyou can find support groups
that you like art, go to an artclass, right.
There's so many things that areoffered out there.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Definitely help you move forward those are people
forward right.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yeah, like meetupcom was my biggest savior back in
the day and I even decided torun the DFW event planning
meetup group for eight years andI helped other different
vendors, you know, come togetherin this meeting.
I, eight years, and I just itwas so touching to me that I was
(27:26):
able to organize that andcoordinate that.
But I've always wanted to dothat.
But then I learned I wasn'ttaking care of me and the fact
that I was a photographer and Iwanted to get out there and make
money myself, you know.
So it was like we transitionedand we go through what betters
us, you know, and the one thingI wish my mom or dad would have
(27:50):
told me would be like honey,when you hit 40 years old,
you're going to see the world ina whole new light because
nobody tells you that.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
And probably if they did tell us, we wouldn't even
listen, right, because we'relike oh 40.
That sounds like so far away.
And then it's there, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
And then you actually see the world.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
You think 40s, you know very far away, yeah.
And then you're like, oh, thisis what they were talking about,
oh, yeah it's.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
It's so funny because I'm not gonna hold it back.
I've been married three times.
The other two they were justvery, very not good and I had to
get away for safety reasons.
I'm going to leave it at that.
But even trying right now, atage 47, to kind of because I
believe in love, I believe it'sout there, but just changing
(28:46):
everything and trying to meetsomebody, it can be very
challenging and very hard.
But I notice I make jokes.
I'm like, okay, I just need aboyfriend for like three years,
because at age 50, I'm going tohave menopause and I don't want
to deal with a boyfriend hey,that's the truth I am.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
I'm over 50 now and that menopause is not fun.
No, no you could have a podcastall about menopause.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Well, we talked about it.
I did one yesterday, you did.
Oh, that's awesome.
It was a really good show too.
But it was so funny because,even though I read over it
really quick and interviewing,and here's the honest truth, I
was just thinking life coach,cycle, the things to watch out,
(29:37):
you know.
And then she mentioned periodsand I was so happy.
I was like, wow, this is socool.
So it took me for a full turn.
Yeah, so many questions, justsharing stories too.
But you know, I think you knowlike what you're doing and
helping everybody out with youknow, finding their way,
(29:59):
creating a good pathway for themto stay focused guy or girl, it
is great and how to really likemake your child get through the
process too.
Do you ever give suggestions ifthey need counseling?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Yeah, um, I think therapy is wonderful, right, I'm
a huge proponent of that and Ithink having a therapist by your
side during the divorce processis paramount.
Um, but, yeah, we go throughthings like what does a good
parenting plan look like, right,and and in my book I actually
(30:42):
offer a lot of templates aroundnot just the finances, but also
your children, right, and thingsto think about when you're
going through divorce and how toget them through that in the
easiest possible way, right,yeah, you mentioned books and I
want to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
I'm going to say give me one second.
I'm going to quickly go intoanother sponsor commercial
really quick and then I'm goingto hear all about your book.
I'm so excited because I kindof got its limbs up it and I
think everybody who's watchingthis show is just going to love
it too.
But our second sponsor that Iabsolutely love and you've
(31:21):
probably seen them on Facebookit's called Snap Vans.
It's this black bracelet that Ihave and they come in all
different colors.
Now the word that is on mine ishope.
So imagine that keep hope alive.
But this is considered a mantraword.
Now, on the back they have thiselastic that you can pull out
(31:42):
and let it thump here againstyou.
It sends a signal to the brainto help you.
Now this helps with anxiety,depression, ptsd.
It's helped me with sleep.
I call it my miracle littlebracelet.
But with each mantra word theycome like peace, love, hope.
They just added faith.
(32:02):
And here's the tidbit If youwant the word faith on your
SnapBands bracelet, they have acode.
When you're signing out, putK-H and that gives you the word
faith.
But all the colors they have,the bright rainbowy colors and
then they have like your basicblack, brown, beige to kind of
(32:23):
go with your work outfits andeverything.
I get so many compliments on itand I just love it.
I mean, it's so funny.
I use it in two places.
At church, you know, when I'msaying the prayer I kind of
thump it and, just you know, Ithink to myself what am I
grateful and have gratitude forthis week, and I love it.
(32:46):
It kind of makes me settle andreally kind of rested out, um,
so, which is nice.
The other one is when I'm atthe hospital nobody can find a
vein, and I was just at thehospital take it off and I'm
like, oh my gosh, I want mybracelet.
But even without the braceleton, for my last procedure I just
(33:07):
said I really need the bestperson.
Bring me somebody who has anultrasound, because it takes
eight to nine times to find avein.
I feel like a pin cushion and Iget bruises all over me.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I'm not good with that stuff, so I can understand.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Exactly so, just to wrap it up really quick, all
proceeds go to organizations andfoundations and charities that
you know focus on the anxietyand depression, so I want you
guys to go check it out.
Their website is atwwwsnapbandscom and that is
(33:45):
spelled S-N-A-P-P-B-A-N-D-Zcom,so check them out.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Yeah, especially if you're going through divorce.
I think those bands would beperfect.
Yes, yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
I can't even talk.
There's my blue bird today.
Fearlessness, I like that one.
I would be buying that for likea divorce one Like.
But you know you've got to havethat confidence in you to get
through anything and that justshows you right there with fear.
Fearlessness that you're incharge, you have the power.
(34:22):
Have you ever seen the movielabrath?
Oh sorry, go ahead.
Have you ever seen the movielabrath?
I don't think so.
J Jennifer Cullen, david Bowiewith the little puppets.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
No, I definitely haven't seen it.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
So at the end.
There's one part and I watchedthis movie several times, but
she was like you have no powerover me, and that segment right
there speaks volumes to me.
So no matter what in life orwho's bringing you down, even if
it's, I swear, even if it's ajob to job, relationship, family
(35:04):
, whoever it's like you have,I'm my own decision maker and I
choose that.
Nobody has control of me andwhat I think or do with my life.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Right.
So, have boundaries, right.
Yeah, yes, that's true.
No one else does have controlof us right.
It takes a long time to learnthat in life, but hopefully we
we can, you know, help somebodyelse's life out just a little
more Right.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Exactly, yeah, so they don't have that issue.
Yeah, yep, definitely so.
Um, tell me about the book andyou are not alone.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I love that title, yeah, and the reason why I named
it this way this is the bookit's called.
You are not.
It's your guide for whendivorce is on your doorstep.
The reason why I chose thatname is because, you know,
listening to people talk aboutdivorce, right?
They feel so alone, but Iwanted to give them you know,
the book is all about empathy,compassion, dealing with the
(36:10):
emotional aspects of divorce aswell as the financial piece of
it, so I wanted it to besomething that they could hold
on to and feel like there wassomebody there that was
supporting them the whole way.
Um, that they're not alone,right?
Um, and there's a lot ofsupport out there for them.
Um, because I remember howalone I felt in my divorce.
(36:37):
You feel like you're the onlyone going through that, but
there's a lot of us.
I know that doesn't make itfeel any better, but we're here
to support you.
My book the intention was to bevery compassionate but also
give you some practical advice.
Right, that wasn't?
Didn't feel like I waspreaching to you or was boring.
(36:59):
I have templates in there.
I have checklists for you thatyou can utilize and download and
and help you get through theprocess and be in your best
shape for going through divorce.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
That is amazing Now to my listeners.
This is already on the website,in the storefront, so check it
out.
And definitely you can go buyher book right away too.
So I just love that and I wasso like even the cover of your
book.
I was looking at the picture.
I was like, is that a garden?
(37:35):
But you said doorstep.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Yeah, yeah, I say doorstep because the picture I
was hoping it like depicts likeyou're going through like a door
and it's going to be brighteron the other side, right.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
There's hope for that , that um, and it is brighter.
I um, you know, like I said,I've been through two and it is
brighter.
On the other side, I I look atmy last divorce, even though it
was so hard as it was a gift tome, right, I never would have
been able to do some of thethings that I do now, because I
have more strength than I everthought I ever would.
(38:10):
But you know, there is hope.
Keep hope alive, right?
I love that.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
There definitely is hope and a lot of people like
when you get the bad news orwhatever is happening, you do
feel like there isn't at thetime.
But you know, with each daylike it changes.
And I really feel like it hasto do with our body resting and
falling asleep, because when dayone comes, I mean you may feel
(38:42):
a little bit, but it's most of.
It is kind of I kind of pictureit like well, how do I put this
Almost like God working toclear that memory, or it kind of
like the movie inside out?
They're all working inside ofus.
Hey, we got to get rid of this.
Let's put it in her nothing boxin the back.
But I mean, I you know it getsbetter.
(39:07):
That is my advice.
Will you still think abouteverything, of course, because
that was a big factor in yourlife.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah, and you're grieving right.
So you have to allow yourselfto go through that grieving
process.
You're either grieving likemissing that person, or maybe
you're grieving this life thatyou, you know, had dreamed about
and looking forward to in thefuture.
But you're grieving right andeventually you just keep putting
one foot down.
You're going to get there right.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, you definitely will.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Now I'm going to ask you for our listeners who want
to get in contact with you, ifthey wanted to schedule a
meeting with you and maybethey're out of state.
Do you do Zoom calls and stufflike?
Speaker 2 (39:53):
that yes.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
I offer a 30 minute um complimentary consultation,
um consultation that we couldjust chat and maybe I could give
you some information, but I do,I offer.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
That is wonderful.
That is so wonderful.
I'm glad to hear that.
Oh, the other question I liketo ask.
Going back to the book reallyquick Is it in audio also?
Speaker 2 (40:23):
I am working on that right now.
I'm working on that right now.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I have somebody read it.
Yeah, either you're a reader oryou just like listening to it.
And you know what was it withmy job?
I got a car play that is comingin the mail pretty soon and I'm
so excited about it.
But it has the audio books andI was like I just love listening
to audio books.
I was just like that's going tobe good for my drives, but that
(40:50):
is cool.
So the whole concept of goingthrough writing the book, you
had that feeling I guess it hasto out and people need to read
this.
You know, I know that energybecause I just got done my book
and now I'm at the place of Idon't have a publisher, I don't,
I don't even know the next step.
(41:11):
So, um, but yeah, so I know theenergy it takes to get that
done, but the feeling of whenit's done, you're like this is
the best feeling.
It's like Christmas to me.
Now what to do next?
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Right, right, exactly .
It does feel great yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
So what are your goals for 2025, going into 26?
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, so you can hear me okay, right, yeah, okay, I
have an audio issue with my head.
Um, yeah, I am hoping to get uma.
You know those that are verysimilar to um what we.
(41:57):
You know what the book is about, but some things that you use
that would be um helpful, andsome group group programs as
well.
So that's my 2025 goals that isamazing.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
That is so good.
I'm glad to hear that now.
Have you ever thought aboutdoing a podcast on your own?
yeah, maybe someday yeah gotchagotcha next step you see, yeah,
I tell people, you know, I usedto tell everybody last year I
want to write a book, but I'mnot going to do it.
(42:31):
I my my podcast here is my bookand I, you know.
And then you know, interviewingso many authors and stuff, I
was like you know what I canhave the best of both worlds.
What am I thinking, you know?
And then you know, interviewingso many authors and stuff, I
was like you know what I canhave the best of both worlds.
What am I thinking, you know,yeah, let's do it.
So, yeah, but definitely I loveit.
Well, I just want I'm sorry, Iwanted to ask did we cover
(42:52):
everything?
I know you do so much.
I'm going to make sure we haveeverything covered, you do so
much.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
I'm going to make sure we have everything covered.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Yeah, I think we have.
You know.
Just, I think it's important toget your finances together and
if you need any help with that,let me know.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
Oh yeah, and guys, yeah, like Shel, this has been
amazing.
Like you, your background.
I love everything from yourfather sitting you down,
teaching and putting it for thebetter, better, and not being so
like just a accountant person,like you're really taking
(43:32):
people's hearts and helping mendthem, and that's what hope is
about.
So that is wonderful.
I'm so glad I met you.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
That comes across because I try to have that
compassion and I care aboutpeople's outcomes.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
So yeah, I would definitely say you do.
I can see it.
You just have this glow whenyou talk about it and everything
.
So, yeah, thank you for comingon the show and everything.
So so, guys, wherever you findyour podcasts, you'll be able to
find Keep Hope Alive.
Also, visit our website atwwwkeephopelivepodcastcom.
(44:09):
To the right of it there is aleave a message button that you
can leave a message for Chelleor myself and we will get those
answered right away.
I promise I'm going to send itto her and be like hey, quick
podcast.
But definitely check out allher information.
Go check out the book on ourstorefront.
If you would like to be a gueston our show, there is a guest
(44:31):
intake form that you can signout to.
Or maybe it's a suggestion of apodcast you want to hear.
I'd be more than happy to getthose, read those and look over
it and you know, who knows,maybe I can manifest against
Michael Bublé, like we talkedabout.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
There we go yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Goals for 25 into 26.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
I mean I do.
I was surprised I got NeilYoung's brother, bob Young.
He's on the show too, so it canhappen it can happen yeah
definitely maybe somebody'slistening to them don't be like,
I know him, he's a friend ofmine.
You know.
(45:13):
My promise is everybody getstreated just like all my other
guests and it's a lot of fun.
So, and that's what life isabout we have to enjoy it, no
matter what we go through.
So all right, so until our nextshow, guys.
I wish you a great week andlove and light.
(45:33):
Bye, guys.
Hello and welcome.
To Keep Huffle Live podcastToday, I got Michelle Sawyer
here.
Welcome, welcome.
First of all, thank you forhaving me.
Oh, you're welcome, she.
She is a CEO, president andauthor and we're going to be
diving into everything that shedoes.
She's so talented and I lovethis topic we're going to be
(00:25):
talking about today because Ithink everybody goes through it.
But before we even get started,a quick question Out of the
past five years, how manyweddings have you been to?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I think one yeah One In the past five years,
unfortunately Right.
I love weddings.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
I love weddings too.
I really do, and I'm aprofessional photographer,
certified wedding planner, soI've been to so many weddings in
my life but they've slowed downgreatly.
So, yeah, what's going?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
on with that.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I don't know.
I think we need some divorceparties.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
That's probably true.
You might get some business,yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
So, yeah, definitely.
So, when you go into thewedding part, there is something
for you to sign to let thecouple know that you were there.
What are you signing?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
The guest book yes, yes, perfect.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yes, yes.
So one of our biggest sponsorshere is Life on Record and what
they do.
Instead of the guest book, theyhave a vintage rotary phone
that your guests can come in.
They'll walk up to the phone.
Now there's two options.
They can pick up the rotaryphone and leave a message
Congratulations on your big day,we're so excited for you.
(01:50):
Or maybe it's like a groomsmanand they're going hey, dude,
it's about time to put a ring onher finger.
I'm so excited for you too.
Right next to it is a QR codethat your guests can take out
their cell device and scan itand leave a message on their
phone, if that's what they wish.
But what they do is theycollect all these messages from
(02:10):
your friends, your family, andthey burn it either on a 12-inch
vinyl record or they have akeepsake speaker and it's all
personalized, so you get to haveall those messages.
Now I always use weddings as anexample, but it could be for
birthday parties, corporateevents, anniversaries I like
(02:32):
funerals, and also, if you arein a sports team, I use this.
One of the kids broke his legTeam members.
I gave the phone number to calland wish him to get well.
So it's great.
Now their plans only start at$99.
Now you get to keep the phonenumber Number.
You got to return that phone.
(02:53):
Even though, as cute as it is,the phone has to be returned.
But to get more information onLife on Record, visit them at
wwwlifeonrecordcom.
All right, well, let's getstarted.
We got this.
So my question now is who isShell Sawyer, and I love your
(03:15):
first name.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Thank you.
Who is Shell Sawyer?
Well, that isn't that a goodquestion, right?
Who am I?
I, um, I'm a person who was um,who her dad was her hero.
Um, I really enjoyed having mydad, um, for my most of my life.
(03:36):
Unfortunately, he's passed away.
I wish I had a recording of hisvoice.
Um, that would have been nice.
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, that would have been nice.
Yeah, I love that.
Yes, yeah, that would have beengood.
So I, yeah, I grew up.
He was a very much a moneyperson.
He dealt with his finance.
He taught me so much aboutfinances when I was growing up
(03:58):
and I was such a lucky girl thatway, and so when it was time
for me to go to school and getand go to college, finance was
my natural choice.
I became an accountant.
I got my master's in accounting, I worked over 20 years in the
financial services industry andthen we went through a divorce.
(04:21):
I've actually been through two,but my second one was
devastating because I did have adaughter with him and I felt
very overwhelmed during thewhole process and, even though
my background was in finance, Ihad a hard time making decisions
.
So you know, some days I didn'teven want to get out of bed,
let alone make decisions for myfuture and my daughter's future
(04:47):
out of bed, let alone makedecisions for my future and my
daughter's future.
And I wish I had somebody by myside that could help me with
that.
So when everything was all saidand done and you know, the fog
had kind of cleared after mydivorce and it was final, I said
what can I do to help throughdivorce?
So now I'm a certified divorcefinancial analyst that's a
(05:07):
mouthful CDFA.
I'm also a certified divorcecoach and mediator.
So I help people make gooddecisions in their divorce and
hold their hand the whole way sothey can make some good
decisions and if they need alittle help, they've got the
support in me.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I'll be the first to admit wow, my first marriage.
It ended two days before oureight-year wedding anniversary.
I was so blindsided, oh gosh,it hurt.
But my financial decisions, mygoodness, I wish I had you in my
(05:45):
corner.
I never knew there was anybodythere to help guide, you know,
with, you know making thosedecisions, because all I could
think is okay, I'm picking upwhere her dad is missing.
So I want to take her to themovies.
I want her to go to playputt-putt or bowling.
I want to do her to the movies.
(06:05):
I want her to go to playputt-putt or bowling.
I want to do this and that.
And I opened up a credit cardand it was just like stupid.
Me was so young and I have tocall me stupid because I wasted
so much money and it hurt me inthe long run.
So where were you?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I might have even hurt her.
I was probably going through myown divorce at that time, um,
but like not not beingfinancially like independent and
, you know, having your ownfinances in order uh, probably
hurt her a little bit too.
You know, like, maybe she gotto have a lot of fun, but she
probably felt mom pinching herpennies at times too.
(06:43):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Well, she was too young to know that, I think.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
It's just, you know, we learnwe, we learn finances from how
we grow up, right?
There's nothing else reallythat teaches us anything is,
it's usually our parents thatteach us and then maybe some
life experiences, but they don'tteach a lot of it like in
(07:10):
school, right?
Um, maybe how to write a check.
I don't even know if they'deven do that anymore I never
learned that at school, yeahyeah, me either.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
No, I was and I wish they did more of training.
So my dad I didn't learnanything on finances through my
dad, but my mom she would alwaysmake comments, so you need to
save your money for this andthat.
And I remember when I wasengaged she's like can you skip
(07:39):
the wedding and I buy you ahouse?
I stupidly said no.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
I was like man looking back right yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
It was like can.
I try again.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, I love it, that's good.
I love that, though, that shegave you that option.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
She gave you that option yeah, yeah, because we
spend so much money on weddingsright um.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Oh, yes, yes, but you know and plan yeah, I was
planning.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
At age 14 I would.
I knew I wanted to be acertified um.
Well, when I was younger, Iplayed Barbies and my Barbies
were always getting married.
But I wanted to help peoplewith their weddings.
So, and then, when I was like16, I bought a poster board.
I had all the magazines forbridal and I made a vision board
(08:33):
.
This is where my wedding'sgoing to be, these are the
colors, these are the flowers,this is what my cake's going to
look like.
And I rolled it up and I put itin my closet top shelf and when
I got proposed to, I think Iwas like 20.
No, yeah, 20.
So I took that poster board outfrom all those years and half
(08:56):
of it was already correct.
My dresses were on cue, theflowers were on cue and I got
married at a golf um club and itwas the same entryway and
everything.
It was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
But you predicted your wedding.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
That's cool yeah, it was like you had an idea right,
and that was what you stuck withwell, you know, it's something.
Know, I interviewed a lady whotalks about manifest and she's
wonderful because, oh my gosh,she's so right.
I really had to like I didmanifest when I was younger.
(09:35):
I manifest about jobs as I gotolder, Like here's the great
thing, I manifest, I really wantto move to Oklahoma.
And then just like that, and Isaid I am going to get a job.
I like sent so manyapplications and I kept saying,
no, this one I got it.
(09:55):
I feel like I got it.
And it was just the wonderfulfeeling and he hired me
yesterday for my interview.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Wonderful Congratulations and you
manifested that.
Yes, I believe in manifestationtoo.
Right, you have to have someaction involved with the
manifestation, but yeah, Ibelieve in it.
The positive thinking, right.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Oh yeah.
So I mean, and with peoplegoing through a divorce I would
say, if you set those mindsetgoals, just kind of redirect
everything, because that hurt isreal after divorces.
I mean, all I had was a winebottle and Michael Buble.
And then I saw Michael Bublethree times in concert and my
(10:43):
favorite song was Home.
And I remember the stage.
I was like in the middle of thecrowd but it pulled out to the
middle and he was like right infront of me and he sang Home.
I was like wow, this is amazing.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
He helped you get through your divorce.
He really did.
Yeah, michael Buble, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
So, michael, if you hear this on my podcast, let's
interview you get him on here,you can manifest it.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
yes, yes, yeah, start contacting his people now out.
Yeah, definitely yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
So what like okay.
So this goes back to when youwere growing up with parents and
they were teaching you thefinances.
I remember for me, if I didhear anything, it was just like
no, I didn't want to like havethat responsibility or something
.
That was my mindset and I knoweverybody's different, but you
(11:50):
know, for you, you took it, youran with it.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Yeah, I did, I liked it, and I think that that's
probably the key.
You probably, just like a lotof people, don't like finances,
right, like hear it, and they'rejust like la, la, la, like I'm
not interested, especially as akid, right, who wants to sit at
the table with their father andgo over his finances.
Right, I did, I'll admit it,but not everybody's like that.
(12:19):
I have a daughter I don't.
She would never sit with me andtalk about finances.
I think every time I starttalking about it she's like oh
no, here mom goes again.
Right, that's how my daughteris.
I noticed that it sticks.
So, even though I don't thinkshe's listening, I do notice she
has.
She has been right, she's beenapplying some things.
(12:42):
She understands a little bit,so I'm glad, right, yeah, that
is really good from me.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
She's not a finance person like I was.
I think she follows honestlymore of her dad's line, more
than mine.
And then I see my son.
He does follow me in so manydifferent ways, except I never
played sports.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Yeah, he's played sports.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
He's good at sports yeah, yeah, he's played sports.
He's good at sports football,yes, very, very good, yeah so,
and he has an arm.
I mean I think he couldeventually play baseball if he
liked it, because I've seen himthrow a ball fast and I'm like
whoa, I was like I don't wantany baseball coaches to know he
(13:42):
can throw fast.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Because they will capture him right yeah they're
going to make him like baseball.
They are.
Yeah, I always tried so hard toplay sports when I was younger,
but I was never very good at it.
My family would tell you thatNot very good.
I tried, though.
I even had my father as abasketball coach, but I couldn't
(14:05):
make a basket to save my life,so I give him a lot of credit.
I don't know how they do itright.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I don't know, I tried everything or you don't right.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
You have the ability or you don't know, or you don't
right.
You have the ability or youdon't.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
I did gymnastics and volleyball and I was like nope
and then when I got older, at myapartment complex they played
volleyball in the pool and Iloved it.
I played.
The kids all had one end toswim and the adults took the
other end to play volleyball.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Volleyball is fun yeah that's still not good at.
It sounds like you are, so nowI know where she got his
athletic ability from.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I almost got my nose broken by one of the throws so I
yeah yeah, it missed about likethat much and I like, but it
didn't hit my face.
Thank God I was able tomaneuver it and I remember the
guy who did it.
He was like I'm so, so sorry,Let me take you out to dinner.
(15:10):
I was like dinner, but he madea joke because he was just a
neighbor that I didn't know.
And we went to Olive Garden andhe told the hostess well, I'm
going to sit on this side, she'sgoing to sit on this side, and
I was like what, How's that adinner?
I was like is this guy beingserious?
But we turned out to be friendslater on, which was nice.
(15:34):
So, yeah, but like I want toalso dive in, so with the
financial and focusing on is itjust women?
Are you doing men and women?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Well, I do mediation, so that's like taking a couple,
being a third party neutral,and helping them through the
divorce process.
Yes, everything is is eithermen or women.
Whoever would like help, right?
I would say the majority iswomen, just because I feel like
(16:05):
women make a lot of emotionaldecisions during divorce and
they would like to know a littlebit about the finances.
And the finances can be alittle scary, right.
Are you going to be financiallyokay after the divorce?
Right?
What have I?
You know, what did my statelaws require of me?
(16:26):
How much can I get?
You know that every state isdifferent, right, they have
their own laws.
So, knowing that ahead of time,getting yourself educated and
planning you know you weretalking about weddings, right?
Just kind of piggyback off ofthat.
Like we plan for our weddings,right, we sometimes years.
(16:48):
It sounds like you wereplanning for many, many years
before you actually got married.
Right, but no one plans fordivorce, right?
Speaker 1 (16:58):
No, they don't.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
No.
Sometimes they just like jumpright into the arena, Right Well
.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I hate to say it, after the first divorce you
might be planning.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah, yeah, you might be planning during the whole
marriage, right, but I, I slowly, I am a planner myself.
Anyways, I'm a Capricorn.
I don't know, you know, if itcomes natural to Capricorns,
because everything I read aboutCapricorns is that we are
planners, right.
So, I think that's in by nature.
(17:29):
That's what I do, and I helppeople kind of plan for their
divorce right, making sure theyunderstand what they need in
their next chapter right, notjust what they want.
An attorney can help with whatyou want and they can get it for
you.
They can negotiate it, butmaking sure it's affordable is a
really big piece of this right.
(17:50):
Make sure it's affordable.
Understand the different laws.
What are you entitled to?
Iping, I help people come upwith good settlement solutions
for them, right.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
What's going to?
Speaker 2 (18:02):
be the best settle and then negotiating.
So I hold their hand during thewhole divorce process, helping
them along the way, helping themnegotiate a good settlement
option, helping them understand,you know, the short and
long-term implications of thedecisions they're making.
A lot of times there's taximplications that people have to
(18:24):
be very aware of, because evenif it's a 50-50 state, it might
look like 50-50 on paper but itmight not be in reality, because
there might be someimplications that you need to
just be aware of either short orlong yeah yeah yeah
really being educated, right?
I highly recommend that, um,when you're entering the divorce
(18:49):
arena, because it's a placewhere I I think that most of us,
right, we hope for the best andwe hope it's not going to be us
.
We're not going to be astatistic, right, but then when
it does fall on your lap or onyour doorstep, being prepared is
like one of the best things youcan do for yourself, because
(19:11):
being prepared helps you have alittle less fear of what's going
to happen, right, oh, yeah,yeah, yeah, less fear of what's
going to happen, right, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, I think that's true with anything, right yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Like I remember I did have a mediator and they walked
me through the basic steps andeverything, but I had to learn
on my own and it was it's sofoolish of me and it's maybe
because I was so young when Iwas married, nobody told me in
(19:44):
this time of need and the moneyI was making, of course having a
second income, I had no worryabout the food and shopping and
stuff like that.
Do you ever help coach, like,even when they're like after
they're done, especially women,because I know it was hard for
me to learn?
Oh there's food stamps.
Oh there's helping courses togo back in school, oh there's
(20:09):
this.
You know, it's just thoselittle things, and I wish people
like could have told me this isokay If you have children and
you're going to get the childsupport, how to divvy that out
too.
Because you know I was like ohmy gosh, you know this will help
pay the rent and everything.
(20:29):
But in my head it's always beenthis from a kid and I need to
put money away and use it.
So I told myself back in theday that's what I'm going to do
when clothes are needed.
We're going to go get theclothes.
You know, just do a shoppingday, but then, kind of because
it was two times out of themonth, I divvied it up Like
(20:51):
let's help with some of thebills also and then do this and
this and make sure there wassomething fun.
So I feel like I wasresponsible.
But however, like, even thoughit was my goal that I wanted to
start a savings, it was alwayshard to do.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Sure, yeah, I love that you mentioned that, because
one of my services that I offeris being a financial recovery
coach, and that's for people whohave gone through divorce and
they're like now, what, what doI do with my finances?
Right, how do I make the mostof my money?
(21:25):
Because, most of you know, inin a marriage, right, you have
most of time two incomessupporting a house, and now you
have your income supporting awhole new house, right, so
you're almost like it.
It's almost like these twoincomes.
Right now you have two homesthat you have to yeah support
(21:46):
right, so it's like double whatyou were doing before for the
most part.
Um so I offer financialrecovery coaching to help people
come up with a good budget.
I know no one likes to hear theword budget, but it is very
important right To see howyou're spending your money.
It's enlightening, and thenlet's spend your money wisely,
(22:08):
right.
Tell your money where to go,instead of your money telling
you what to do.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Next chapter right right to make the most of it and
save right very important havean emergency fund very important
.
But how do you do all thatright?
Yeah, it sounds like you had agood head on your shoulders when
you were doing it.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Well, not always.
I wish I did, because I willadmit, I was so sad through that
divorce and I would think ofanything like why two days we
were happy, like the week prior,and I just it was just like I
thought it was a joke because Iwas a certified wedding planner.
(22:52):
And when he said, you know, Ifell out of love with you, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, I waslike you're joking, right, Like
I thought it was just a meanjoke because everything was
planned.
But, like, going back to whereI made my mistake is as sad as I
was.
That guided me the depressionguided me of how to use my
(23:15):
finances, and I wish you knowthere was somebody and you
probably do this too, butsomebody to be there to make it
aware like, hey, you might gothrough depression, but don't
let that be the guide and theanswer of just spending Because
I thought, oh, let me go get anew shirt for me, that will make
(23:35):
me happy.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I thought oh let me go get a new shirt for me, that
will make me happy.
Yeah, no, make me feel better.
No, no, retail therapy, I thinkthey call that right, exactly
it can get you into trouble inthe long run too, especially if
it lasts for a long time, right,having somebody by your side
that's more of a rationalthinker, right At that point in
time, very, you know, and theydon't have stake in it they can
(23:59):
help you through that emotionalturmoil, right.
It's very difficult, exactly,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
So, yeah, it's just like that whole roller coaster,
like be careful what you do.
I think the best gift I evergave myself and I wish I paid
attention to this stuff and I'mgoing to say it today because I
think it can really help peoplewith the divorce process is the
best gift you can give yourselfis finding who you are as a
(24:30):
person.
That means journaling andwriting down everything you've
been through, that self-love ohmy gosh, that's going to make
the difference, to make youstronger.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
And now-.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Whatever you can do.
You know it's self-care too,right?
It's taking care of yourself.
And I think, as women too, wehave a hard time with that,
right, because we're used totaking care of everybody else
before we take care of yourself.
And I think, as women too, wehave a hard time with that,
right, because we're used totaking care of everybody else
before we take care of ourselves.
But during a time like this,that self-love, that self-care
is so important, because you'renot going to be able to help
(25:03):
anybody else if you're not in agood space, right?
We probably know that well,right?
Oh, yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
You have to take care of yourself in order to be able
to take care of anybody else.
Like being in an airplane.
Right, put the oxygen mask onyourself first and then.
Yes, it's the same here, right?
Yeah, same thing and you'rehappy, right like even if it's
going outside and walking thedog for a half an hour, do it,
you know.
Uh, if it's spending time withfriends and family, do that, you
(25:36):
know.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Um, make sure, and even if you're, if you're
married and you had no friends,like I really didn't have any
friends, and I remember thedonut shop I met this guy and he
was a lot older than me but webecame friends and he introduced
me to karaoke and when I was 16, I had a sweet 16 birthday and
(25:58):
it was karaoke.
I love to sing and I justdidn't know I was so what's the
word In that marriage.
I was bottled up and didn'tknow anything.
Really I had no clue.
I was like, oh, they gotkaraoke and I remember going to
see what it was like and then Imade so many more friends and
(26:18):
that's really what helped me getthrough a lot of this is having
that support system.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
And maybe I love that you just brought that up right,
because it was almost like ahobby of yours that you started
to do again after your marriage,right, and you were able to get
out there like.
So, whatever your hobby is, foryou it's singing, right.
Some people might like to, youknow.
They like to read books, join abook club, you know.
(26:46):
Or you like knitting?
Find a knitting circle, um, butyou can find support groups
that you like art, go to an artclass, right.
There's so many things that areoffered out there.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Definitely help you move forward those are people
forward right.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yeah, like meetupcom was my biggest savior back in
the day and I even decided torun the DFW event planning
meetup group for eight years andI helped other different
vendors, you know, come togetherin this meeting.
I, eight years, and I just itwas so touching to me that I was
(27:26):
able to organize that andcoordinate that.
But I've always wanted to dothat.
But then I learned I wasn'ttaking care of me and the fact
that I was a photographer and Iwanted to get out there and make
money myself, you know.
So it was like we transitionedand we go through what betters
us, you know, and the one thingI wish my mom or dad would have
(27:50):
told me would be like honey,when you hit 40 years old,
you're going to see the world ina whole new light because
nobody tells you that.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
And probably if they did tell us, we wouldn't even
listen, right, because we'relike oh 40.
That sounds like so far away.
And then it's there, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
And then you actually see the world.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
You think 40s, you know very far away, yeah.
And then you're like, oh, thisis what they were talking about,
oh, yeah it's.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
It's so funny because I'm not gonna hold it back.
I've been married three times.
The other two they were justvery, very not good and I had to
get away for safety reasons.
I'm going to leave it at that.
But even trying right now, atage 47, to kind of because I
believe in love, I believe it'sout there, but just changing
(28:46):
everything and trying to meetsomebody, it can be very
challenging and very hard.
But I notice I make jokes.
I'm like, okay, I just need aboyfriend for like three years,
because at age 50, I'm going tohave menopause and I don't want
to deal with a boyfriend hey,that's the truth I am.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
I'm over 50 now and that menopause is not fun.
No, no you could have a podcastall about menopause.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Well, we talked about it.
I did one yesterday, you did.
Oh, that's awesome.
It was a really good show too.
But it was so funny because,even though I read over it
really quick and interviewing,and here's the honest truth, I
was just thinking life coach,cycle, the things to watch out,
(29:37):
you know.
And then she mentioned periodsand I was so happy.
I was like, wow, this is socool.
So it took me for a full turn.
Yeah, so many questions, justsharing stories too.
But you know, I think you knowlike what you're doing and
helping everybody out with youknow, finding their way,
(29:59):
creating a good pathway for themto stay focused guy or girl, it
is great and how to really likemake your child get through the
process too.
Do you ever give suggestions ifthey need counseling?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Yeah, um, I think therapy is wonderful, right, I'm
a huge proponent of that and Ithink having a therapist by your
side during the divorce processis paramount.
Um, but, yeah, we go throughthings like what does a good
parenting plan look like, right,and and in my book I actually
(30:42):
offer a lot of templates aroundnot just the finances, but also
your children, right, and thingsto think about when you're
going through divorce and how toget them through that in the
easiest possible way, right,yeah, you mentioned books and I
want to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
I'm going to say give me one second.
I'm going to quickly go intoanother sponsor commercial
really quick and then I'm goingto hear all about your book.
I'm so excited because I kindof got its limbs up it and I
think everybody who's watchingthis show is just going to love
it too.
But our second sponsor that Iabsolutely love and you've
(31:21):
probably seen them on Facebookit's called Snap Vans.
It's this black bracelet that Ihave and they come in all
different colors.
Now the word that is on mine ishope.
So imagine that keep hope alive.
But this is considered a mantraword.
Now, on the back they have thiselastic that you can pull out
(31:42):
and let it thump here againstyou.
It sends a signal to the brainto help you.
Now this helps with anxiety,depression, ptsd.
It's helped me with sleep.
I call it my miracle littlebracelet.
But with each mantra word theycome like peace, love, hope.
They just added faith.
(32:02):
And here's the tidbit If youwant the word faith on your
SnapBands bracelet, they have acode.
When you're signing out, putK-H and that gives you the word
faith.
But all the colors they have,the bright rainbowy colors and
then they have like your basicblack, brown, beige to kind of
(32:23):
go with your work outfits andeverything.
I get so many compliments on itand I just love it.
I mean, it's so funny.
I use it in two places.
At church, you know, when I'msaying the prayer I kind of
thump it and, just you know, Ithink to myself what am I
grateful and have gratitude forthis week, and I love it.
(32:46):
It kind of makes me settle andreally kind of rested out, um,
so, which is nice.
The other one is when I'm atthe hospital nobody can find a
vein, and I was just at thehospital take it off and I'm
like, oh my gosh, I want mybracelet.
But even without the braceleton, for my last procedure I just
(33:07):
said I really need the bestperson.
Bring me somebody who has anultrasound, because it takes
eight to nine times to find avein.
I feel like a pin cushion and Iget bruises all over me.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I'm not good with that stuff, so I can understand.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Exactly so, just to wrap it up really quick, all
proceeds go to organizations andfoundations and charities that
you know focus on the anxietyand depression, so I want you
guys to go check it out.
Their website is atwwwsnapbandscom and that is
(33:45):
spelled S-N-A-P-P-B-A-N-D-Zcom,so check them out.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Yeah, especially if you're going through divorce.
I think those bands would beperfect.
Yes, yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
I can't even talk.
There's my blue bird today.
Fearlessness, I like that one.
I would be buying that for likea divorce one Like.
But you know you've got to havethat confidence in you to get
through anything and that justshows you right there with fear.
Fearlessness that you're incharge, you have the power.
(34:22):
Have you ever seen the movielabrath?
Oh sorry, go ahead.
Have you ever seen the movielabrath?
I don't think so.
J Jennifer Cullen, david Bowiewith the little puppets.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
No, I definitely haven't seen it.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
So at the end.
There's one part and I watchedthis movie several times, but
she was like you have no powerover me, and that segment right
there speaks volumes to me.
So no matter what in life orwho's bringing you down, even if
it's, I swear, even if it's ajob to job, relationship, family
(35:04):
, whoever it's like you have,I'm my own decision maker and I
choose that.
Nobody has control of me andwhat I think or do with my life.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Right.
So, have boundaries, right.
Yeah, yes, that's true.
No one else does have controlof us right.
It takes a long time to learnthat in life, but hopefully we
we can, you know, help somebodyelse's life out just a little
more Right.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Exactly, yeah, so they don't have that issue.
Yeah, yep, definitely so.
Um, tell me about the book andyou are not alone.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I love that title, yeah, and the reason why I named
it this way this is the bookit's called.
You are not.
It's your guide for whendivorce is on your doorstep.
The reason why I chose thatname is because, you know,
listening to people talk aboutdivorce, right?
They feel so alone, but Iwanted to give them you know,
the book is all about empathy,compassion, dealing with the
(36:10):
emotional aspects of divorce aswell as the financial piece of
it, so I wanted it to besomething that they could hold
on to and feel like there wassomebody there that was
supporting them the whole way.
Um, that they're not alone,right?
Um, and there's a lot ofsupport out there for them.
Um, because I remember howalone I felt in my divorce.
(36:37):
You feel like you're the onlyone going through that, but
there's a lot of us.
I know that doesn't make itfeel any better, but we're here
to support you.
My book the intention was to bevery compassionate but also
give you some practical advice.
Right, that wasn't?
Didn't feel like I waspreaching to you or was boring.
(36:59):
I have templates in there.
I have checklists for you thatyou can utilize and download and
and help you get through theprocess and be in your best
shape for going through divorce.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
That is amazing Now to my listeners.
This is already on the website,in the storefront, so check it
out.
And definitely you can go buyher book right away too.
So I just love that and I wasso like even the cover of your
book.
I was looking at the picture.
I was like, is that a garden?
(37:35):
But you said doorstep.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Yeah, yeah, I say doorstep because the picture I
was hoping it like depicts likeyou're going through like a door
and it's going to be brighteron the other side, right.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
There's hope for that , that um, and it is brighter.
I um, you know, like I said,I've been through two and it is
brighter.
On the other side, I I look atmy last divorce, even though it
was so hard as it was a gift tome, right, I never would have
been able to do some of thethings that I do now, because I
have more strength than I everthought I ever would.
(38:10):
But you know, there is hope.
Keep hope alive, right?
I love that.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
There definitely is hope and a lot of people like
when you get the bad news orwhatever is happening, you do
feel like there isn't at thetime.
But you know, with each daylike it changes.
And I really feel like it hasto do with our body resting and
falling asleep, because when dayone comes, I mean you may feel
(38:42):
a little bit, but it's most of.
It is kind of I kind of pictureit like well, how do I put this
Almost like God working toclear that memory, or it kind of
like the movie inside out?
They're all working inside ofus.
Hey, we got to get rid of this.
Let's put it in her nothing boxin the back.
But I mean, I you know it getsbetter.
(39:07):
That is my advice.
Will you still think abouteverything, of course, because
that was a big factor in yourlife.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah, and you're grieving right.
So you have to allow yourselfto go through that grieving
process.
You're either grieving likemissing that person, or maybe
you're grieving this life thatyou, you know, had dreamed about
and looking forward to in thefuture.
But you're grieving right andeventually you just keep putting
one foot down.
You're going to get there right.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, you definitely will.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Now I'm going to ask you for our listeners who want
to get in contact with you, ifthey wanted to schedule a
meeting with you and maybethey're out of state.
Do you do Zoom calls and stufflike?
Speaker 2 (39:53):
that yes.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
I offer a 30 minute um complimentary consultation,
um consultation that we couldjust chat and maybe I could give
you some information, but I do,I offer.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
That is wonderful.
That is so wonderful.
I'm glad to hear that.
Oh, the other question I liketo ask.
Going back to the book reallyquick Is it in audio also?
Speaker 2 (40:23):
I am working on that right now.
I'm working on that right now.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I have somebody read it.
Yeah, either you're a reader oryou just like listening to it.
And you know what was it withmy job?
I got a car play that is comingin the mail pretty soon and I'm
so excited about it.
But it has the audio books andI was like I just love listening
to audio books.
I was just like that's going tobe good for my drives, but that
(40:50):
is cool.
So the whole concept of goingthrough writing the book, you
had that feeling I guess it hasto out and people need to read
this.
You know, I know that energybecause I just got done my book
and now I'm at the place of Idon't have a publisher, I don't,
I don't even know the next step.
(41:11):
So, um, but yeah, so I know theenergy it takes to get that
done, but the feeling of whenit's done, you're like this is
the best feeling.
It's like Christmas to me.
Now what to do next?
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Right, right, exactly .
It does feel great yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
So what are your goals for 2025, going into 26?
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, so you can hear me okay, right, yeah, okay, I
have an audio issue with my head.
Um, yeah, I am hoping to get uma.
You know those that are verysimilar to um what we.
(41:57):
You know what the book is about, but some things that you use
that would be um helpful, andsome group group programs as
well.
So that's my 2025 goals that isamazing.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
That is so good.
I'm glad to hear that now.
Have you ever thought aboutdoing a podcast on your own?
yeah, maybe someday yeah gotchagotcha next step you see, yeah,
I tell people, you know, I usedto tell everybody last year I
want to write a book, but I'mnot going to do it.
(42:31):
I my my podcast here is my bookand I, you know.
And then you know, interviewingso many authors and stuff, I
was like you know what I canhave the best of both worlds.
What am I thinking, you know?
And then you know, interviewingso many authors and stuff, I
was like you know what I canhave the best of both worlds.
What am I thinking, you know,yeah, let's do it.
So, yeah, but definitely I loveit.
Well, I just want I'm sorry, Iwanted to ask did we cover
(42:52):
everything?
I know you do so much.
I'm going to make sure we haveeverything covered, you do so
much.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
I'm going to make sure we have everything covered.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Yeah, I think we have.
You know.
Just, I think it's important toget your finances together and
if you need any help with that,let me know.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
Oh yeah, and guys, yeah, like Shel, this has been
amazing.
Like you, your background.
I love everything from yourfather sitting you down,
teaching and putting it for thebetter, better, and not being so
like just a accountant person,like you're really taking
(43:32):
people's hearts and helping mendthem, and that's what hope is
about.
So that is wonderful.
I'm so glad I met you.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
That comes across because I try to have that
compassion and I care aboutpeople's outcomes.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
So yeah, I would definitely say you do.
I can see it.
You just have this glow whenyou talk about it and everything
.
So, yeah, thank you for comingon the show and everything.
So so, guys, wherever you findyour podcasts, you'll be able to
find Keep Hope Alive.
Also, visit our website atwwwkeephopelivepodcastcom.
(44:09):
To the right of it there is aleave a message button that you
can leave a message for Chelleor myself and we will get those
answered right away.
I promise I'm going to send itto her and be like hey, quick
podcast.
But definitely check out allher information.
Go check out the book on ourstorefront.
If you would like to be a gueston our show, there is a guest
(44:31):
intake form that you can signout to.
Or maybe it's a suggestion of apodcast you want to hear.
I'd be more than happy to getthose, read those and look over
it and you know, who knows,maybe I can manifest against
Michael Bublé, like we talkedabout.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
There we go yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Goals for 25 into 26.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (44:53):
I mean I do.
I was surprised I got NeilYoung's brother, bob Young.
He's on the show too, so it canhappen it can happen yeah
definitely maybe somebody'slistening to them don't be like,
I know him, he's a friend ofmine.
You know.
(45:13):
My promise is everybody getstreated just like all my other
guests and it's a lot of fun.
So, and that's what life isabout we have to enjoy it, no
matter what we go through.
So all right, so until our nextshow, guys.
I wish you a great week andlove and light.
(45:33):
Bye, guys.
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