August 22, 2025 • 17 mins
Summary:
Dr. Karalynn Royster explores how to respond when your child returns from their co-parent's home repeating confusing or inaccurate information. This episode provides practical guidance on validating your child's experience while maintaining appropriate boundaries that protect them from adult conflicts.
Takeaways:
• Children asking difficult questions shows they trust you enough to bring challenging topics to you
• Your child is not trying to hurt you when repeating confusing information
• Focus on clarity rather than confrontation
• Avoid phrases that create loyalty binds
• Use the validation, boundaries, and redirection approach to respond effectively
• Document concerning patterns but address them separately from conversations with your child
• Remember that children need emotional safety more than they need complete information
If you’re tired of every conversation with your ex turning into a fight, the High Conflict Communication Bootcamp for Moms is for you. In this self-paced 3 day online course, get scripts, strategies, and a workbook you can use right away, designed for moms in high-conflict co-parenting and parallel parenting. Enroll now for just $19 here.
BestInterest Co-Parenting AppJoin BestInterest App and get 22% off yearly subscriptions with code LITTLEHOUSE22
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Kids First CoParenting System: If you are co-parenting with a narcissist, dealing with a manipulative ex, or feeling overwhelmed by high-conflict dynamics, you are not alone. These resources are designed to help you protect your child’s emotional health and take back control of your co-parenting experience.
Get More Support
- How to Co-Parent with a Difficult Ex Masterclass (Free & Instant Access)
- High Conflict 3 day Communication Bootcamp for Moms
Explore the Kids First Co-Parenting System to learn how to raise emotionally secure kids after divorce, even when your co-parent refuses to change. This is the support system every overwhelmed mom needs.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the Kids First co-parenting podcast the
podcast for smart, intentional,millennial moms raising
resilient kids after separationand divorce.
I'm Dr Carolyn Royster, a childpsychologist coach and a mom.
After thousands of therapyhours with kids caught in the
middle of high conflictconflicthouseholds, I'm here to help
(00:27):
moms like you do it differentlyFrom peaceful co-parenting to
total chaos.
I've got you here.
We talk boundaries, regulationand how to raise a great kid,
even if your ex is beyonddifficult.
We blend science with real lifeand, as always, keep the focus
where it matters on raisinggreat kids.
This is Kids First Co-Parenting.
(00:49):
Welcome to this episode of theKids First Co-Parenting podcast.
I'm Dr Carolyn Royster and I amso happy that you are here
Today.
We're talking about what to saywhen your child is confused by
two stories.
So they're hearing one thingfrom you, they're hearing
(01:09):
another thing from yourco-parent, and what do you do
about that?
When your kid comes back andrepeats something really
confusing or just wrong that'snot what happened that your ex
told them.
It can feel really sticky andit can be really hard to stay
neutral and also be achallenging decision about
(01:32):
whether or not you set therecord straight.
In this episode, you're goingto learn exactly how to respond
in a way that really focuses,like we always do, on putting
your kids and their emotionalwell-being first and their
mental health first, withoutescalating the conflict or
putting your kids in the middle,which is something we're always
really, really careful about inthese difficult two-parent
(01:55):
dynamics.
So welcome, I'm so happy you'rehere.
Some of the examples that I heara lot inside the Kids First
community and from people justin my therapy practice and out
in the world are things like youknow, Daddy said you made us
move, you're the reason we don'thave enough money.
You had an affair.
(02:16):
What's an affair?
What do you do with questionslike that?
What do you do with storieslike that?
What I want you to think aboutis a couple of things.
So your child is confused.
That's why they're bringing itto you, and some of the things
that are important to reallyhighlight here is that it is
(02:38):
actually a really good thingthat your kiddo is bringing this
question to you.
It means they trust you enoughto ask a difficult question, and
by that I mean they trustenough that you're going to not
freak out, shame them, get madat them, be really sad.
So you've done a really goodjob by just laying the
(02:58):
foundation for your child tocome to you and ask a question
like this.
That's an important piece and Idon't want you to lose sight of
that, because it can sometimesfeel like of course of course
they would ask me that.
Or like what I just asked ifyou wanted chicken nuggets.
And now you're asking me aboutour finances or why we moved or
(03:20):
why you moved.
Schools Can be reallyoverwhelming.
That's what I want you to kindof hang on to.
Is that out of all of thepeople in their world likely
your ex included they haveelected to ask you this
difficult question rather thansomeone else.
So that still doesn't reallyhelp with how do you respond,
(03:42):
and that's the piece that we'regonna talk about today.
Are you supposed to correctthem?
Do you defend yourself?
Do you stay quiet?
You know we're not supposed totalk badly about them.
What if my answering thequestion can only be done by
saying something negative aboutmy co-parent?
And I'm not supposed to do that?
And like then, what do I do?
Dr Royster, today's episode,we're going to talk a little bit
(04:06):
about the mindset, the languageto use and just kind of a
framework in the way that yourespond to these questions
without putting your kids in themiddle, all right.
So number one main takeawayhere is that your kiddo is not
trying to hurt you.
They're not trying to accuseyou of anything.
They not trying to hurt you.
They're not trying to accuseyou of anything.
(04:27):
They inadvertently.
Your ex may be accusing you ofsomething, but they're not
trying to hurt you.
The child is not trying to hurtyou.
They don't know all theemotional baggage that comes
with a question like I heardthat you spend all our child
support money on expensivepurses for yourself instead of
food for us, which is ridiculous.
So you know it's not a personalattack on you.
(04:49):
Your child does not think youare irresponsible with money.
Your ex might think that, andthus that's where this question
is kind of coming from.
But I need you to really focusand remember that your child is
just trying to figure out what'shappening in their world with
their really important people,both you and your co-parent.
They want to understand thedynamic and that is why they're
(05:12):
asking the question.
So you aren't necessarilytrying to get them to pick a
side to see your perspective.
You're not really.
You know.
You're focused on clarity, notconfrontation.
Then point number two I want youto think about how and in what
ways you correct the story.
(05:33):
At times correcting the storycan really backfire.
So if you're saying somethinglike that's not true or your dad
lied about that, that may bethe case.
That could very well be what ishappening, and we don't want to
say that necessarily because itcan burden your kid.
(05:54):
It can make them feel that theyhave to choose, that someone's
telling the truth and someone'slying and they have to figure
out who it is.
So it creates an inner loyaltyconflict and we call that a bind
in psychology.
It's like where you can't winright.
Or catch 22 is another phrasesometimes people use.
(06:15):
They come to you and they saysomething like dad says you're
really irresponsible with moneyand that you just waste child
support payments.
Let's say that's what's said.
And you say your dad lies, heis lying to you, I'm very
responsible with your money.
Your child is not going to say,all right, mom.
Well, now I feel an innerloyalty conflict because now I
(06:39):
have to figure out who's tellingthe truth and who's not.
And I know one of you is lyingand inside I love both of you.
But this feels like I have topick a side.
They're not going to say thatit's just going to happen and
it's going to play out in allthese kind of tricky, insidious
ways over time.
You have to be careful about theactual, outright correction of
(07:02):
that is a lie.
That is not true, right?
That's very.
You have to be very carefulabout your response, obviously.
That's why you're listening,but you need to understand why,
and this is the why.
Now, what do you actually say?
What is the step, what's thething that you do?
Well, I want you to focus onthree things validation,
(07:25):
boundaries and redirection.
We talk a lot about this insidethe High Conflict Communication
Bootcamp.
I gave you several skills abouthow to respond to the things
that your kiddo says to you thatyou're like what the F?
Is that Right?
Or how on earth do I respond tothis?
So, again, we're doing like avery quick version of that.
Step one validating your child'sexperience.
(07:48):
It sounds like you heardsomething that was confusing.
That's a really great way tojust be like okay, what I'm
hearing is or wow, that's a lotfor a kid your age to be
thinking about.
Wow, a lot of eight-year-oldsaren't worried about money.
It's interesting you'rethinking about that.
(08:08):
It's not a judgment, that's avalidation.
That's you saying okay, I'mhearing that your little brain
is going on something and I'mgrateful you brought it to me
and I want to support you.
Am I hearing you correctly?
It's a really beautiful way tovalidate someone, adult or child
.
Step two shift it towards whatyour child needs in that moment.
(08:31):
What do they need?
What I care most about is whatyou're feeling in the situation.
That's what you're saying toyour child.
You are saying things like youcan always ask me questions and
I'll do my best to answer themauthentically and help you feel
safe and help you understandwhat is appropriate for you to
understand.
And the boundaries piece andthe direction is how you protect
(08:56):
them without over explaining.
So things like that's a reallygrown up conversation.
I will always do my best tomake sure that we take care of
you Right, or something verysimply like sometimes two people
see things really differently.
What matters most is that youknow you're loved and cared for
and that we both really love you.
(09:17):
What we're doing there is we'resaying I get it.
This is really important.
It's also very confusing and Ihave a boundary that I don't
talk to my eight-year-old aboutour finances.
It's not really your business.
What you need to know is thatmoney can be really complicated
for grownups, but it's not yourjob to worry about the finances
(09:38):
in either of our homes.
That's a grownup job, right?
So it's a way of validating andsetting the boundary.
What not to say?
The things I want you to avoidsaying are things like that's
not true, your dad is lying,he's just making shit up.
Don't listen to him.
(09:58):
You'll understand when you getolder.
I'll tell you when you're 18.
That's a really classic onethat I hear.
Or whenever the parenting plansays that you can now talk badly
about each other.
I don't.
It doesn't really make sense tome, but there's a difference
between saying and acknowledging, like you are a child and
(10:18):
children don't need to worryabout things like that, and I'll
tell you when you're older.
The reason that's so toxic isthat you are saying essentially
to your child there is a bigthing here, there's a big like
thing behind the Wizard of Ozcurtain and I'm just not telling
you that which creates a lot ofdistrust and undermines your
(10:42):
co-parents' relationships withyour child or children, which is
not a great idea, right?
We never want to be doing that.
That's not helpful for anyone,just like you don't want them
doing that to you.
So let's avoid those sorts ofphrases.
It can really spark a lot ofshame and confusion.
It escalates quickly when tointervene beyond the
conversation.
(11:02):
What are we doing behind thescenes?
When do we intervene?
When does it become somethingthat you need to address?
Well, this is a very hot topicand very confusing and
complicated.
What you say to your child maybe very different than what you
say to your attorney, to yourfriends, to your co-parenting
(11:22):
coach.
What people are talking to meabout inside Kids First is
obviously different than whatthey're going to say to their
kids at home.
And sometimes the responseyou're going to give is
appropriate and safe and holdsyour child's emotional security
in mind.
And on the back end and on theoutside, or later that night,
(11:44):
you're documenting this in areally intense way and you're
thinking about how do I changeour parenting plan or how do I
respond to my co-parent to makesure that this doesn't continue.
This is becoming a pattern.
It's really toxic.
It's really hurting our child.
These are harder level skillsthat you need more support with,
you need to be able to talkthrough, but at minimum you need
(12:06):
to be documenting and speakingwith your attorney and or your
co-parenting coach or inside ofour community things like that
where you can get the supportabout how to respond.
But what is not okay is to sayto your child something like
tell your dad to stop talking toyou about that, where that's
inappropriate.
(12:27):
He shouldn't be saying anythinglike that to you and you tell
him next time that I'm going to,he's going to have consequences
.
I'm going to take him to courtif he keeps this up.
Obviously, none of you would dothat.
I hope you might be thinkingthat in your head, but you're
not going to say that to yourchild.
Now, if you have more of acollaborative dynamic, it may be
(12:48):
worthwhile to send yourco-parent a message that says
something like hey, you know,kiddo's been asking a lot of
questions about finance.
I know that you are not talkingabout this to them, or I know
you're working really hard onnot talking about it, but I just
want you to be aware this iscoming up.
Here's what I said.
If you want to use thisresponse, you can.
(13:09):
Or if it's more of a parallelparenting dynamic, you would
probably document something likeour kids have been coming back
and saying things about ourfinances.
I'd appreciate if we would keepthat conversation away from
them in accordance with ourparenting plan, right?
So there's a lot of ways youcan handle it.
You should be doing isdocumenting it yourself and then
(13:31):
also documenting an effort,certainly in the early stages of
co-parenting, to be resolvingthe conflict with your co-parent
.
If you're further into theparallel parenting or
co-parenting world, you're justdocumenting it and then
addressing it in a legal matterwith your attorney or your
parenting plan or with the judgewhen the time comes.
(13:53):
It depends kind of where you'reat.
But if you're in a better spot,you're able to bring that to
them and say like look, I knowyou're not meaning to do this or
I know you actually don't feelthis way, but this is what the
kiddo is saying.
Those are all responses thatyou could use.
If it's parallel parenting,you're going to just be
documenting a lot.
(14:14):
If you're feeling like you knowthat this is happening but you
freeze up when your kiddo asksyou a question like this, or
you're really invested in like Ineed them to know my side of
things, that's pretty common.
I hear that a lot inside ourhigh conflict communication
bootcamp, which is just $19, Ispent more on coffee this week
(14:36):
than that.
I give you the exact tools andscripts to use when they're kind
of stuck between stories and aframework for how you can
respond.
You can really feel a littlebit less lost.
It's a starting place for you.
That's the goal.
If you need the link to that,it will be below in the show
(14:56):
notes.
You get all three lessonsspread across three days
automatically sent to you, butyou can start it immediately.
So if, listening to this, you'relike I need support on how to
respond, that's very common,which is why we've created this
quick and easy and veryaffordable way that you can get
started with feeling like youreally understand how to respond
(15:18):
in this situation, because itcan be quite tricky and nobody
wants to make things worse foryour kid above all, and we don't
want to add to the conflictthat's already present.
Please remember, kids don'talways need to know the whole
truth.
They need emotional safety fromyou.
They need that soft place toland and that, just by way of
(15:41):
them asking you these hardquestions, you're doing
something right.
So good job on that.
You don't always have to defendyourself to be a good mom and
you just have to lead with thatsteady, sturdy presence.
I'm so happy you're here, asalways.
If you found something usefulout of this episode, please
share it.
Leave us a review.
(16:01):
If you have specific questionsthat you'd like me to answer on
future episodes, share them withme.
I'm so grateful you're here.
I'll see you next time on theKids First Co-Parenting Pod.
Welcome to the Kids First co-parenting podcast the
podcast for smart, intentional,millennial moms raising
resilient kids after separationand divorce.
I'm Dr Carolyn Royster, a childpsychologist coach and a mom.
After thousands of therapyhours with kids caught in the
middle of high conflictconflicthouseholds, I'm here to help
(00:27):
moms like you do it differentlyFrom peaceful co-parenting to
total chaos.
I've got you here.
We talk boundaries, regulationand how to raise a great kid,
even if your ex is beyonddifficult.
We blend science with real lifeand, as always, keep the focus
where it matters on raisinggreat kids.
This is Kids First Co-Parenting.
(00:49):
Welcome to this episode of theKids First Co-Parenting podcast.
I'm Dr Carolyn Royster and I amso happy that you are here
Today.
We're talking about what to saywhen your child is confused by
two stories.
So they're hearing one thingfrom you, they're hearing
(01:09):
another thing from yourco-parent, and what do you do
about that?
When your kid comes back andrepeats something really
confusing or just wrong that'snot what happened that your ex
told them.
It can feel really sticky andit can be really hard to stay
neutral and also be achallenging decision about
(01:32):
whether or not you set therecord straight.
In this episode, you're goingto learn exactly how to respond
in a way that really focuses,like we always do, on putting
your kids and their emotionalwell-being first and their
mental health first, withoutescalating the conflict or
putting your kids in the middle,which is something we're always
really, really careful about inthese difficult two-parent
(01:55):
dynamics.
So welcome, I'm so happy you'rehere.
Some of the examples that I heara lot inside the Kids First
community and from people justin my therapy practice and out
in the world are things like youknow, Daddy said you made us
move, you're the reason we don'thave enough money.
You had an affair.
(02:16):
What's an affair?
What do you do with questionslike that?
What do you do with storieslike that?
What I want you to think aboutis a couple of things.
So your child is confused.
That's why they're bringing itto you, and some of the things
that are important to reallyhighlight here is that it is
(02:38):
actually a really good thingthat your kiddo is bringing this
question to you.
It means they trust you enoughto ask a difficult question, and
by that I mean they trustenough that you're going to not
freak out, shame them, get madat them, be really sad.
So you've done a really goodjob by just laying the
(02:58):
foundation for your child tocome to you and ask a question
like this.
That's an important piece and Idon't want you to lose sight of
that, because it can sometimesfeel like of course of course
they would ask me that.
Or like what I just asked ifyou wanted chicken nuggets.
And now you're asking me aboutour finances or why we moved or
(03:20):
why you moved.
Schools Can be reallyoverwhelming.
That's what I want you to kindof hang on to.
Is that out of all of thepeople in their world likely
your ex included they haveelected to ask you this
difficult question rather thansomeone else.
So that still doesn't reallyhelp with how do you respond,
(03:42):
and that's the piece that we'regonna talk about today.
Are you supposed to correctthem?
Do you defend yourself?
Do you stay quiet?
You know we're not supposed totalk badly about them.
What if my answering thequestion can only be done by
saying something negative aboutmy co-parent?
And I'm not supposed to do that?
And like then, what do I do?
Dr Royster, today's episode,we're going to talk a little bit
(04:06):
about the mindset, the languageto use and just kind of a
framework in the way that yourespond to these questions
without putting your kids in themiddle, all right.
So number one main takeawayhere is that your kiddo is not
trying to hurt you.
They're not trying to accuseyou of anything.
They not trying to hurt you.
They're not trying to accuseyou of anything.
(04:27):
They inadvertently.
Your ex may be accusing you ofsomething, but they're not
trying to hurt you.
The child is not trying to hurtyou.
They don't know all theemotional baggage that comes
with a question like I heardthat you spend all our child
support money on expensivepurses for yourself instead of
food for us, which is ridiculous.
So you know it's not a personalattack on you.
(04:49):
Your child does not think youare irresponsible with money.
Your ex might think that, andthus that's where this question
is kind of coming from.
But I need you to really focusand remember that your child is
just trying to figure out what'shappening in their world with
their really important people,both you and your co-parent.
They want to understand thedynamic and that is why they're
(05:12):
asking the question.
So you aren't necessarilytrying to get them to pick a
side to see your perspective.
You're not really.
You know.
You're focused on clarity, notconfrontation.
Then point number two I want youto think about how and in what
ways you correct the story.
(05:33):
At times correcting the storycan really backfire.
So if you're saying somethinglike that's not true or your dad
lied about that, that may bethe case.
That could very well be what ishappening, and we don't want to
say that necessarily because itcan burden your kid.
(05:54):
It can make them feel that theyhave to choose, that someone's
telling the truth and someone'slying and they have to figure
out who it is.
So it creates an inner loyaltyconflict and we call that a bind
in psychology.
It's like where you can't winright.
Or catch 22 is another phrasesometimes people use.
(06:15):
They come to you and they saysomething like dad says you're
really irresponsible with moneyand that you just waste child
support payments.
Let's say that's what's said.
And you say your dad lies, heis lying to you, I'm very
responsible with your money.
Your child is not going to say,all right, mom.
Well, now I feel an innerloyalty conflict because now I
(06:39):
have to figure out who's tellingthe truth and who's not.
And I know one of you is lyingand inside I love both of you.
But this feels like I have topick a side.
They're not going to say thatit's just going to happen and
it's going to play out in allthese kind of tricky, insidious
ways over time.
You have to be careful about theactual, outright correction of
(07:02):
that is a lie.
That is not true, right?
That's very.
You have to be very carefulabout your response, obviously.
That's why you're listening,but you need to understand why,
and this is the why.
Now, what do you actually say?
What is the step, what's thething that you do?
Well, I want you to focus onthree things validation,
(07:25):
boundaries and redirection.
We talk a lot about this insidethe High Conflict Communication
Bootcamp.
I gave you several skills abouthow to respond to the things
that your kiddo says to you thatyou're like what the F?
Is that Right?
Or how on earth do I respond tothis?
So, again, we're doing like avery quick version of that.
Step one validating your child'sexperience.
(07:48):
It sounds like you heardsomething that was confusing.
That's a really great way tojust be like okay, what I'm
hearing is or wow, that's a lotfor a kid your age to be
thinking about.
Wow, a lot of eight-year-oldsaren't worried about money.
It's interesting you'rethinking about that.
(08:08):
It's not a judgment, that's avalidation.
That's you saying okay, I'mhearing that your little brain
is going on something and I'mgrateful you brought it to me
and I want to support you.
Am I hearing you correctly?
It's a really beautiful way tovalidate someone, adult or child
.
Step two shift it towards whatyour child needs in that moment.
(08:31):
What do they need?
What I care most about is whatyou're feeling in the situation.
That's what you're saying toyour child.
You are saying things like youcan always ask me questions and
I'll do my best to answer themauthentically and help you feel
safe and help you understandwhat is appropriate for you to
understand.
And the boundaries piece andthe direction is how you protect
(08:56):
them without over explaining.
So things like that's a reallygrown up conversation.
I will always do my best tomake sure that we take care of
you Right, or something verysimply like sometimes two people
see things really differently.
What matters most is that youknow you're loved and cared for
and that we both really love you.
(09:17):
What we're doing there is we'resaying I get it.
This is really important.
It's also very confusing and Ihave a boundary that I don't
talk to my eight-year-old aboutour finances.
It's not really your business.
What you need to know is thatmoney can be really complicated
for grownups, but it's not yourjob to worry about the finances
(09:38):
in either of our homes.
That's a grownup job, right?
So it's a way of validating andsetting the boundary.
What not to say?
The things I want you to avoidsaying are things like that's
not true, your dad is lying,he's just making shit up.
Don't listen to him.
(09:58):
You'll understand when you getolder.
I'll tell you when you're 18.
That's a really classic onethat I hear.
Or whenever the parenting plansays that you can now talk badly
about each other.
I don't.
It doesn't really make sense tome, but there's a difference
between saying and acknowledging, like you are a child and
(10:18):
children don't need to worryabout things like that, and I'll
tell you when you're older.
The reason that's so toxic isthat you are saying essentially
to your child there is a bigthing here, there's a big like
thing behind the Wizard of Ozcurtain and I'm just not telling
you that which creates a lot ofdistrust and undermines your
(10:42):
co-parents' relationships withyour child or children, which is
not a great idea, right?
We never want to be doing that.
That's not helpful for anyone,just like you don't want them
doing that to you.
So let's avoid those sorts ofphrases.
It can really spark a lot ofshame and confusion.
It escalates quickly when tointervene beyond the
conversation.
(11:02):
What are we doing behind thescenes?
When do we intervene?
When does it become somethingthat you need to address?
Well, this is a very hot topicand very confusing and
complicated.
What you say to your child maybe very different than what you
say to your attorney, to yourfriends, to your co-parenting
(11:22):
coach.
What people are talking to meabout inside Kids First is
obviously different than whatthey're going to say to their
kids at home.
And sometimes the responseyou're going to give is
appropriate and safe and holdsyour child's emotional security
in mind.
And on the back end and on theoutside, or later that night,
(11:44):
you're documenting this in areally intense way and you're
thinking about how do I changeour parenting plan or how do I
respond to my co-parent to makesure that this doesn't continue.
This is becoming a pattern.
It's really toxic.
It's really hurting our child.
These are harder level skillsthat you need more support with,
you need to be able to talkthrough, but at minimum you need
(12:06):
to be documenting and speakingwith your attorney and or your
co-parenting coach or inside ofour community things like that
where you can get the supportabout how to respond.
But what is not okay is to sayto your child something like
tell your dad to stop talking toyou about that, where that's
inappropriate.
(12:27):
He shouldn't be saying anythinglike that to you and you tell
him next time that I'm going to,he's going to have consequences
.
I'm going to take him to courtif he keeps this up.
Obviously, none of you would dothat.
I hope you might be thinkingthat in your head, but you're
not going to say that to yourchild.
Now, if you have more of acollaborative dynamic, it may be
(12:48):
worthwhile to send yourco-parent a message that says
something like hey, you know,kiddo's been asking a lot of
questions about finance.
I know that you are not talkingabout this to them, or I know
you're working really hard onnot talking about it, but I just
want you to be aware this iscoming up.
Here's what I said.
If you want to use thisresponse, you can.
(13:09):
Or if it's more of a parallelparenting dynamic, you would
probably document something likeour kids have been coming back
and saying things about ourfinances.
I'd appreciate if we would keepthat conversation away from
them in accordance with ourparenting plan, right?
So there's a lot of ways youcan handle it.
You should be doing isdocumenting it yourself and then
(13:31):
also documenting an effort,certainly in the early stages of
co-parenting, to be resolvingthe conflict with your co-parent
.
If you're further into theparallel parenting or
co-parenting world, you're justdocumenting it and then
addressing it in a legal matterwith your attorney or your
parenting plan or with the judgewhen the time comes.
(13:53):
It depends kind of where you'reat.
But if you're in a better spot,you're able to bring that to
them and say like look, I knowyou're not meaning to do this or
I know you actually don't feelthis way, but this is what the
kiddo is saying.
Those are all responses thatyou could use.
If it's parallel parenting,you're going to just be
documenting a lot.
(14:14):
If you're feeling like you knowthat this is happening but you
freeze up when your kiddo asksyou a question like this, or
you're really invested in like Ineed them to know my side of
things, that's pretty common.
I hear that a lot inside ourhigh conflict communication
bootcamp, which is just $19, Ispent more on coffee this week
(14:36):
than that.
I give you the exact tools andscripts to use when they're kind
of stuck between stories and aframework for how you can
respond.
You can really feel a littlebit less lost.
It's a starting place for you.
That's the goal.
If you need the link to that,it will be below in the show
(14:56):
notes.
You get all three lessonsspread across three days
automatically sent to you, butyou can start it immediately.
So if, listening to this, you'relike I need support on how to
respond, that's very common,which is why we've created this
quick and easy and veryaffordable way that you can get
started with feeling like youreally understand how to respond
(15:18):
in this situation, because itcan be quite tricky and nobody
wants to make things worse foryour kid above all, and we don't
want to add to the conflictthat's already present.
Please remember, kids don'talways need to know the whole
truth.
They need emotional safety fromyou.
They need that soft place toland and that, just by way of
(15:41):
them asking you these hardquestions, you're doing
something right.
So good job on that.
You don't always have to defendyourself to be a good mom and
you just have to lead with thatsteady, sturdy presence.
I'm so happy you're here, asalways.
If you found something usefulout of this episode, please
share it.
Leave us a review.
(16:01):
If you have specific questionsthat you'd like me to answer on
future episodes, share them withme.
I'm so grateful you're here.
I'll see you next time on theKids First Co-Parenting Pod.
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