November 6, 2024 • 56 mins
Unlock the secrets of bedtime storytelling with our special guest, Andrew Newman, an acclaimed author and founder of Conscious Stories. He sheds light on the remarkable influence of bedtime stories in nurturing the priceless bond between parents and children. Together, we explore how those precious last 20 minutes of the day can be transformed into a powerful tool for emotional and cognitive growth, setting the stage for a lifetime of strong connections.
Dive into the fascinating realm where storytelling meets science, as we discuss the positive impacts of bedtime stories on children's emotional regulation and cognitive development. Discover how these narratives help children sequence events, expand vocabulary, and process emotions in a safe environment, while even assisting in calming their nervous systems for a restful sleep. Through engaging tales like "The Little Brain People," storytelling becomes a gateway to understanding brain functions and behavior, offering a playful yet profound approach to emotional intelligence and community building.
More About Our Guest
Andrew Newman is an internationally-renowned and award-winning author and founder of Conscious Stories, a growing series of bedtime stories purpose-built to support parent-child connection in the last 20 minutes of the day. His early and profound longing for connection with all things spiritual later inspired a career in writing and communication in many forms.
A recognized voice in the conscious parenting movement, Conscious Stories, is a culmination of his background, experiences, and humanitarian efforts, and is intended to bring parent and child into deeper connection with each other.
Connect with Andrew
Find Andrew's boo
Got a story to share or question you want us to answer? Send us a message!
About the podcast
The KindlED Podcast explores the science of nurturing children's potential and creating empowering learning environments.
Powered by Prenda Microschools, each episode offers actionable insights to help you ignite your child's love of learning. We'll dive into evidence-based tools and techniques that kindle young learners' curiosity, motivation, and well-being.
Got a burning question?
We're all ears! If you have a question or topic you'd love our hosts to tackle, please send it to podcast@prenda.com. Let's dive into the conversation together!
Important links:
• Connect with us on social
• Get our free literacy curriculum
Interested in starting a microschool?
Prenda provides all the tools and support you need to start and run an amazing microschool. Create a free Prenda World account to start designing your future microschool today. More info at ➡️ Prenda.com or if you're ready to get going ➡️
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So much of the parenting or teacher role has us
in authority over kids.
We're bigger than them.
We decide the rules, we tellthem what to do and as far as
rank goes, we have rank overthem.
We're literally above them.
And what happens in story timeis we turn side by side and then
(00:21):
the book comes out right and wego into the world of story.
But we're doing it together.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hi and welcome to the Kindled podcast where we dig
into the art and science behindkindling, the motivation,
curiosity and mental well-beingof the young humans in our lives
.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Together, we'll discover practical tools and
strategies you can use to helpkids unlock their full potential
and become the strongestversion of their future selves.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Welcome to the Kindle podcast everyone.
Adrienne, how's it going today?
It is good.
So today, we're going to talk alittle bit about something
called Conscious Stories withAndrew Newman, and I'm really,
really excited, and so I wantedto get a little insight into
what bedtime is like at yourhouse.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Bedtime.
We have a whole thing.
It's quite the routine.
And I feel like it has beensince I've had children, and
it's interesting because myyoungest, when he was little, he
would just go to sleep, andthen I think we created this,
(01:29):
it's like become this wholething, but we did it because he
naturally was fine.
The other two did need us alittle more, and so I do cherish
those moments, though, becausemy 14 year old does not want me
laying in bed with him readingstories anymore.
So I still read to my 12 yearold, where we always read really
great literature now that he'solder and I mean it's all great,
(01:53):
but we dive into some prettybig books and then I read aloud
to my youngest.
What about you?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yeah, reading is a huge part of it.
I feel feel like, likenighttime read alouds is like
probably our key connector inour family, like everyone looks
forward to it.
It's a time where there's nofighting, and I know like when
you have littles, it can bestressful because they're like
loud and, you know, distracting,they don't want to listen and
things like that.
So, um, keep at it, it's worthit.
(02:22):
Eventually they'll they'lllisten.
Um, but yeah, it's just aEventually they'll they'll
listen.
But yeah, it's just a reallyfun time, and sometimes they'll
even come.
It'll be really late andthey'll come into our room and
they'll be like can you justread to us some more?
So I love it.
I've been thinking, though,that I we've been on this
schedule.
That is just like really lateto bed, like so late.
(02:47):
And we need to get back on agood schedule and I need to do
more with my girls.
I think that I put a lot ofeffort into it with the boys the
older two and so we have kindof like a good thing going on.
And, um, I, I realized now likeI think I've kind of been
beating myself up about it alittle bit because I they've
like the girls have always beenlike the little ones.
So it's like, okay, boys, likelet me get the girls to bed real
quick, and then I'll come spend45 minutes reading to you,
(03:09):
cause it's like I'm just puttingthe baby down, kind of Um, and
so I haven't really.
So it's still kind of like that.
It's like, hey, let me put the,let me do bedtime with the
girls really quick, and then theboys get this big long bedtime,
um, cause the girls aren'tquite ready to like listen that
long.
But they've been, they they'lllike sneak in and they'll listen
for a little bit and I'm like,okay, like they're getting to
where they can listen, but again, like the difference in what
(03:31):
they want to be read and allsorts of things, I don't know, I
have not mastered this yet iswhat.
I'm saying and it needs someaddressing Cause I'm like all
right, ladies see ya Like, and Ineed to do better.
So I'm really excited to talkabout conscious stories with
Andrew Newman.
Do you want to tell us a littlebit more about him?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Yeah, I'm super excited to dive into this
conversation because he reallygoes into the brain science of
why this is so important andwhat happens those last 20
minutes of bedtime.
So stay tuned for an awesomeconversation.
So Andrew Newman is aninternationally renowned and
award-winning author and founderof conscious stories, a growing
series of bedtime storiespurpose-built to support parent
(04:17):
child connection in the last 20minutes of the day.
His early and profound longingfor connection with all things
spiritual later inspired acareer and writing and
communication in many forms.
A recognized voice in theconscious parenting movement,
conscious Stories is acombination of his background
experiences and humanitarianefforts and is intended to bring
(04:39):
parent and child into deeperconnection with each other, and
his books do a really great jobat this.
He sent both of us a few of hisbooks and I've been reading
with them with my son, and I'mjust so excited to talk to
Andrew.
Let's go do it.
Welcome Andrew Newman to theKindle podcast.
(04:59):
I am so incredibly excited totalk to you today.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah, fantastic to be here with you.
This is going to be great.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Yeah, so let's dive right in.
Tell our audience who are you,Tell us about your background,
how you came to the work thatyou're doing and what is your
big, why in the world?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, so I write conscious bedtime stories.
You can see a collection ofbooks behind me.
Guys like this, the boy whosearched for silence and I came
out of healing schools andtherapy training in my mid-30s.
I just reconnected to my owncreativity.
How hard it is for grownups torepair the injuries they
(05:50):
sustained when they were kidsand how much energy and effort
and money and resource has to gointo that process.
And it was like surely it'sjust easier to set kids up on
the right path right at thebeginning.
And in the beautiful naivety ofthat I was like I'm going to
America, I'm going to startwriting kids' books and we're
going to weave some of thelessons that I start to see like
(06:10):
we're all dealing with somethings.
You know, the boy who searchedfor silence.
Everybody needs to find silenceinside of ourselves.
Once we've got that anchor, wecan do all sorts of other things
.
If we haven't got that anchor,the world blows us around.
So I was like it doesn't matterwhether you're four or 40 when
you discover that, but it willhelp your life a lot if you can
(06:32):
discover it when you're four,rather than coming to work it
out later in life.
And so Bedtime Stories becamethe place that I geek out and
see how we can help parentsconnect more deeply with kids,
particularly in the last 20minutes of the day.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I absolutely love that.
You said you came to America.
Where did you come to Americafrom?
Speaker 1 (06:55):
I came from Cape Town , south Africa.
That's where I was born and mymom was Scottish, so I've spent
many years between Scotland andSouth Africa.
And my mom was Scottish, soI've spent many years between
Scotland and South Africa.
And then, in 2015, I came toAmerica and started in Boulder,
colorado, but I have been popskipping and jumping all around.
I like to experience new placesevery couple of years.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
That's awesome.
I love it.
I'm curious why children'sstories?
Out of all of the differentways you could have gone into
helping parents or helping kids,why children's stories?
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah, a couple of reasons here.
Firstly, parents are so busy.
Being a parent is thisfull-time job From day one.
You're just on, and I didn'twant to add something into the
task list for parents because Ifelt like that it's already full
.
And so story time is somethingthat's almost inbuilt.
(07:54):
We're like we're going to bedoing it for a certain age group
, between two and six or seven,depending on your kid.
You're going to be tucking themin at night, You're going to be
doing story time, and so it isan easy thing just to change the
content rather than the task.
And then there's another thingthat's interesting in stories
(08:16):
that so much of the parenting orteacher role has us in
authority over kids.
We're bigger than them, wedecide the rules, we tell them
what to do and as far as rankgoes, we have rank over them.
We're literally above them.
And what happens in story timeis we turn side by side and then
(08:38):
the book comes out right and wego into the world of story, but
we're doing it together.
The parenting or teacher rolehas us in authority over kids.
We're bigger than them.
We decide the rules, we tellthem what to do and as far as
rank goes, we have rank overthem, we're literally above them
(09:00):
.
And what happens in story timeis we turn, we turn side by side
and then the book comes outright and we go into the world
of story.
But we're doing it together andit's like you know how you have
the best conversations whenyou're on a long drive, and it's
the side by side posture that'spart of that.
We're both going off.
(09:20):
Here.
We've got a shared intentionand storytime opens up that
space which then opens upconnection, which then allows
the mirror neurons and theco-regulating to happen, where,
hopefully, as the adult in theroom, we're the one with a nice
calm nervous system and we'reable to support theirs and let
(09:43):
them borrow ours we're able tosupport theirs and let them
borrow ours.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I love that you said it's about changing the content,
not the task, because almostevery parent I know does story
time, does bedtime routine, evenif it's really short, because
little ones especially typicallydon't just go to bed, because
they need that co-regulation.
So then you're changing thecontent and I can say I have two
of your books.
I've been reading them to myseven year old at night.
(10:12):
He absolutely it is changing.
So we read stories every singlenight and I can tell you it is
changing our narrative, ourdialogue, his connection to me,
and then we're able to learnconcepts from your book that we
can talk about during the day.
One of the books is the Hug,which is the cutest book.
(10:39):
I love this book so much and heloves it too.
And there's stickers at the end, and so he's been taking the
stickers out and if someone isnot feeling great or grumpy or
angry or whatever in our housewe have a lot of big of emotions
in our house He'll take one ofthose stickers and just put it
on their shirts.
So we had these little stickerslike floating around our house.
(10:59):
So it's really powerful to justby reading two of your books.
How different by changing thecontent.
That has really brought uscloser, even though we have been
doing story time since he waslittle.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Right, that's fantastic to hear.
So for folks who don't knowthat story, the hug is coming
out of the hug factory in themiddle of the heart, gets caught
in the web of sticky thoughts.
And then that sets up thedilemma as to how do I get free,
how do we get the heart flowingagain when it's blocked is
really what we're exploring.
And so do you find at home.
(11:36):
You can now go oh, have you gota sticky thought?
Because that's what I'm hearingfrom teachers.
They're like okay, it lookslike you might have a sticky
thought, can we help you getfree?
And I'm like okay, yes,absolutely.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
We talk about sticky thoughts and I thought I had a
really open, beautifulrelationship with him and some
of the sticky thoughts he sharedwith me were really surprising.
I had no idea that he had someof these sticky thoughts, so it
is really powerful.
I think what you said aboutposture, about being side by
side or we lay in bed togetherso he'll be laying on top of me
(12:12):
versus me being over top of him-I think has been really
powerful too.
Can you dive a little more intothe importance of storytelling,
into, like, child development orbrain development, and kind of
walk us through what's happeningthere whenever we're, you know,
laying together reading thisbook?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
we're talking about these concepts absolutely so.
I geeked out over the last 20minutes of the day because it
got fascinating for me how uhtrauma gets locked in the body a
little T or big T, you knowjust like a small difficult
experience is still part of howI'm going to set up my, my
(12:51):
armoring, my, my belief systemabout whether I'm worthy,
whether I'm safe, whether I'mloved, whether I belong.
Uh, all of that as a, I'mdeveloping it when I'm when I'm
three years old and I haven'teven lived for a thousand days,
you know so.
So the skills aren't there yetand the brain is under-resourced
(13:12):
in the hardest possible momentsit's trying to make a plan that
we then live by that plan forthe rest of our life.
So that's got quite a lot ofcrazy making for us.
So that's got quite a lot ofcrazy making for us.
And the bedtime transition iswhen the brain is changing its
activity.
We know that when we go tosleep we're going to categorize
(13:38):
and store memories from the day.
We're going to be starting tobuild out the neural pathways
for our strategy to stay safethe next day, for our strategy
to stay safe the next day.
And if you've ever been tosleep on an argument, you've
probably experienced it when youwake up and you've basically
spent the whole night arguingand sleep wasn't really a great
function for that.
And so if we can get theco-regulation and the downshift
(14:01):
through story time together inthose last 20 minutes of the day
, then the brain and the nervoussystem's not working in a
defensive way during the night.
It's actually working in a waythat's just calm, it's reset,
rest.
This is a natural healing state.
We wake up in the morning,we're bright, we're ready to go
and we're not worried aboutanything.
(14:21):
That allows confidence to comethrough and shine, allows
self-worth to come through andshine.
So all of that is a wonderfulopportunity to leverage the
growth of self-worth andconfidence for your little ones.
In the classroom environmentwe've got a lot of teachers
using the books as well.
There's a growing understandingof how story time can be used
(14:45):
to improve executive functionskills.
So, for example, if we'retrying to help kids with
sequencing and with memory, wecan just say, after finishing a
story, tell me what happened inthe story, and then they've got
to apply this, they've got to goback, they've got to think
(15:05):
about it, they've got to workout what happened.
The chances are that they'lltell something out of sequence,
then you've got an opportunityto go back to the book and
reflect and go through the pagesagain and then it gets put into
its correct sequence in thememory-mind system.
And we're actually using thatmuscle for the skill that we're
trying to develop in anexecutive brain function using
(15:27):
that muscle for the skill thatwe're trying to develop in an
executive brand function.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
That's so fascinating and I can see this happening in
my kids too.
Like, just the concept oftelling a story is super
powerful.
Sometimes, when they come homefrom school and I'm like, how
was your day?
And they're like fine, I'll saytell me the story of your day,
like I'm watching a movie orsomething like that.
Or like I'm reading the storyof your day, like I'm watching a
movie or something like that.
Or like like well, like I'mreading the book of your day,
right, and just giving them thatframe of like oh, you want me
to like really tell, tell youabout my day.
And then I listen as if theywere reading me a book about
(15:54):
their day.
Um, so I think that's a reallyhelpful context to give kids um
and to help them process thoseemotions.
Um, in kind of like a thirdparty, like I could go to my son
directly and be like hey, Inoticed you know that you were
feeling this way, or that yousaid this and we can talk about
all of those things, and it kindof seems like a little
(16:15):
confrontational almost sometimes.
When I have conversations likethat with my kids.
I feel sometimes they go welland I feel like more connection
and sometimes I'm like, oh, likethat made him feel like
attacked or like criticized insome way, even though that
wasn't my attention.
But if I, if we can experiencethose things kind of and then
(16:36):
talk about other peopleexperiencing those things, like
in a story, that helps us tohave these conversations, learn
this vocabulary, like you'retalking about sticky thoughts,
these concepts.
We have another series of booksthat we love that are kind of
social, emotional type books andI kind of the other night was
(16:59):
bringing some feeling vocabularyup with my daughter, trying to
help her process and see somethings that were going on in her
life, and she just at the endof this conversation did this
big sigh you could tell hernervous system was just like
okay, that felt good to talkabout.
And then she just said, mom,can we have this conversation
every night?
I was like what conversationshe's like the conversation of
(17:21):
my feelings?
And I'm like yes, we can havethe conversation of your
feelings every night and I feellike your books kind of give a
platform for that, thatinvitation and like in a very
gentle, connective way.
So can we hear one of yourbooks?
Will you read us one?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
It helps the parents.
Yeah, let's definitely read abook.
So I mean, one of the thingsthat helps the parents is some
of the things that are built inlike like the, the breathing
practice at the start andactivity page at the end.
It helps you because it's thennot you telling your kid to
breathe, it's me telling yourkid to breathe, and then you're
like you've got to do it as well.
Um, and and those little, thoselittle conversation starters?
(18:02):
Uh, let's jump into a story.
Let's do the little brainpeople Fantastic.
Okay, so, children of all ages,welcome to story time.
Put your feet up and let's kickback and enjoy a story together
.
All of the stories start withthe snuggle breathing meditation
.
This story is dedicatedparticularly to all who think.
(18:24):
And so please join me.
Breathing in, I breathe for me.
Nice breath in, I breathe foryou.
Breathing in and out, I breathefor us and I breathe for all
(18:56):
that surrounds us.
If you need a yawn or stretchstretch, then you're doing it
right.
This is here to help ustransition and to relax, connect
and come into the story.
Once upon a time, on a veryordinary day, deep in the center
(19:23):
of a very ordinary brain, ascary thing happened, deep in
the center of this brain livedthe little brain people.
Hello, little brain people.
Give them a wave.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Dopamine was very good at solving puzzling
problems and making challengingchoices.
His twin sister, serotonin, wasbest at growing feelings of
love, joy and happiness.
On most days, you could see thetwins happily relaxing in the
front of the brain, but not onthis day.
On this day there was a problem.
(20:01):
Uh-oh, on this day there was aproblem.
Uh-oh.
A loud clattering bang gaveserotonin and dopamine a fright.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
A very big fright.
Ah, what happened Ah?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yelled serotonin curling up in a ball, whimpering
.
The world is falling on ourheads, shouted dopamine, running
to hit the panic button.
Running to the back of thebrain where it's all red Cousin,
adrenaline jumped into action,bursting from his security
watchtower barking instructionsDanger, danger, danger.
(20:37):
It's not safe, it's not safe,it's not safe.
The echoing screams offrightened little brain.
People filled all the pathwayswith worry and fear as everyone
braced for lockdown.
In the cloud of chaos, serotoninand dopamine collided and
started fighting for no goodreason.
(20:57):
Totally overwhelmed, the wholebrain just froze.
Luckily, auntie Oxytocin hadmissed all the drama.
She'd been sitting on the potty.
Whoa, what happened here?
She said, her teeth chattering.
She paused breathing calmly,wondering how to help her
panicked, frozen friends.
(21:18):
Hmm, they must be having ayucky brain moment, said
oxytocin.
I know what to do.
She walked to the front of thebrain and gently touched the
all-clear reset button.
Beautiful music played asoxytocin's calming voice flowed
through all the frozen pathwaysyou are safe, you are safe, you
(21:42):
are safe, you are safe, you aresafe, you are safe.
Ah, sighed Serotonin andDopamine, taking deep breaths
whilst wiggling their fingersand toes.
You want to wiggle your fingersand toes?
Oh well, huffed Adrenaline ashe sulked back to the watchtower
, knowing that his job was done.
The twins chatted happily asthey returned to the front of
(22:04):
the brain.
That was scary.
Said Serotonin.
I'm sorry, I got mad at you.
I feel happy again.
I'm sorry too, replied Dopamine.
That was confusing for me.
I'm glad I can think clearlynow.
That night the twins snuggledtogether with their family of
little brain people.
That night the twins snuggledtogether with their family of
little brain people, grateful tobe feeling safe and loved once
(22:25):
again.
They all got the best night'ssleep ever.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
The end and the crowd goes wild.
It's amazing.
Oh the story.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, the language that you're giving kids we talk
about dopamine all the time inthis house but to put it to a
story and characters and forthem to really conceptualize
what is going on in their brainand the language of yucky brain
moments.
So you were on, securelyattached the podcast and I was
(23:00):
listening to it.
I was it as I was prepping forthis talk with you and my son
was in the room and I definitelyhad a yucky brain moment that
day and he totally called me out, but it gave him language
versus.
You know, oh, mom is Because,typically, I mean, I have a lot
of tools, I have a lot ofbreathing strategies, I breathe
every day, I meditate everymorning, I walk for an hour and
(23:24):
I do all these things to takecare of my nervous system.
However, I'm still human and Istill have a lot of, like you
said at the very beginning, likethere's I don't know if you use
the word injuries or trauma,things that happened from
childhood and so that stillcomes up different times and I'm
, you know, triggered by certainthings.
And so it was just the noiseand I was trying to get a
(23:47):
project done and I could justfeel it was flooding and he just
kept.
He was screaming at me, so itwas just our, the battle of the
amygdalas, you know we were justlike going at it.
And but then I, I mean I started, I was just like I can't handle
.
And then I, I paused and I waslike I need to go take a.
But then I, I mean, I started,I was just like I can't handle.
And then I, I paused and I waslike I need to go take a breath.
Then I was listening to yourpodcast and he was like mom,
(24:10):
that was totally.
We both were having yucky brainmoments and I was like you are
completely correct.
So I love the language thatyou're giving kids.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
There's no blame.
I mean no blame and no shame,right?
It's just this thing that'shappening.
We're going to do our best tonot cause damage whilst it's
happening, do the repair that'sneeded after it's happened, and
then one of the things thestories are doing here are
preparing you in advance of ithappening, because we can't
teach our little ones how toresolve a trigger whilst they're
(24:39):
triggered.
We've got to teach them how toresolve it before they're
triggered, and then they mustapply those tools whilst they're
triggered.
We've got to teach them how toresolve it before they're
triggered and then they mustapply those tools when they're
triggered.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, and to do that in a story like, how accessible
is that?
I mean, I've, I've sat my kidsdown and we talked about
dopamine and serotonin in theirbrains they're like nine and 11,
but I think this is likesomething that my four-year-old,
my five-year-old, could access,you know, and to have that
information and to like be ableto recall that, I don't know.
There is just like literallysomething magical about a story
(25:07):
and that being a character thathelps transfer that knowledge
and makes it so accessible, evenwhen you're in that, in that
mode, you know, if I, if my, ifmy kids are having yucky brain
moments and I'm like, oh, lookslike you're dopamine, blah, blah
, blah, blah.
They're like having yucky brainmoments and I'm like, oh, looks
like you're dopamine, blah,blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
They're like mom.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
But if I like did it in a story.
I feel like they'd be like, ohyeah that is.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
It's just like so genius.
Let me pop up that, uh, um,that final page, which is the,
the way that we do the, the, thebrain balance barometer, is
what I'm looking for.
The brain balance barometer,that's what I'm looking for.
Oh, so, yeah, yeah, that's theall clear reset button that
you're seeing on the right,right in the middle there, and
and this is what's happening tous constantly we're going from
the green space where we feelsafe and loved, we're calm,
we're focused, we're happy,we're just, we're just being
(25:56):
ourselves.
Everything's going well.
Something triggers it, whateverit is, um, in, obviously a loud,
clattering bang, and then it'sfight, flight and freeze that
come in, and then it's a processof thawing out of that, and we
can use these tools on theleft-hand side sighing loudly,
breathing into the belly,stretching and relaxing, playing
(26:19):
music, yawning, relaxing,playing music, yawning, and then
even at a point, you got towatch the timing of this, but
because you can't say to a kidwhose brain is in survival mode,
you are safe, um, although,although it does need to be said
.
So it's this little dilemmathat we, like the brain, might
not hear it, but it's stillbetter that it's that, that it's
known, and then we learn alittle bit.
(26:40):
Here we say thank you, dopaminefor helping think clearly.
That's part of dopamine's role.
Thank you serotonin for makingme happy part of serotonin's
role.
Thank you adrenaline forkeeping me safe.
Now, cousin adrenaline.
We love that guy, we're so gladhe's here, we don't want to try
and live without him.
And also thank you oxytocin forkeeping me calm.
(27:01):
That's beautiful and I noticedyou had a mini class and all you
were doing was trying to dostory time.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Yeah, I noticed in the pictures that they have like
little antennas that kind ofrepresent those things Like
serotonin has hearts on herantennas and dopamine has a
little puzzle piece.
And those are actually some ofour Pranda core values.
Figure it out and start withheart.
And so I wonder, if we went andlooked at the core values, I
wonder if we could tie a brainchemical.
I'm sure we could find.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
I'm sure we can find our core.
Hey, there's a new story ideasfor you.
There we go, All of our corevalues daring greatly,
foundation of trust, learningover comfort.
I bet we could find thosevalues in all of your books
already and then give you somemore ideas for additional books.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I love it.
Okay, so I imagine that thereare a lot of adults reading
these books and that, just likewe're helping our kids have
these concepts and this language, this is probably new
information to a lot of adultreaders.
This language, this is probablynew information to a lot of
adult readers, a lot of parents,and do you find that it also
(28:10):
helps them, kind of?
Speaker 1 (28:11):
process the like big T, little t traumas of their
lives as well.
Yeah, I mean, one of the mostcommon things that I hear is I
wish I had these books when Iwas a kid, and then later, for
the other parents, I wish I'dhad these books when I had kids
and this is a two-age experience, right, the little and the big,
(28:33):
as you're observing really andI also realized, I mean I
literally took my 30s and didhealing, schools and personal
development.
That's all I did.
I mean, I paid the rent bybeing a waiter and I just
studied and I was immersed in itand I was like, oh, not
everybody does this.
So had I been the guy who hadbecome a parent in my early
(28:55):
mid-20s and that would have setme on a particular path of
career, work, home building, Iwouldn't have had this time.
And so I realized that therewere plenty of parents in that
space who were just coming totheir personal development and,
in a certain way, needed to waitfor their kids to grow up and
leave the house before theycould do it in their late 40s
(29:16):
perhaps.
And so the stories can speak tothe adults who are going.
I sense something, but I don'tknow that I've necessarily got
the language for it.
I know my head gets blocked upwith thoughts and my heart
closes.
But how do I rationalize that?
Make it okay, even insidemyself as an adult, because
(29:40):
often we give ourselves a hardtime about this and it's like,
well, it's happening toeverybody.
Let's, let's find an easier way.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
I think a lot of times when people go to do this
work, there's a lot ofdefensiveness because they feel
like I've been doing my bestwith what I was given and that
has to be enough, right and um,there's kind of a level of uh,
like de-armoring.
That happens when you realizelike, oh, like this isn't a
character flaw in me, it's notthat I'm impatient, it's that,
(30:11):
like I have a human brain with anervous system that is easily,
like you know, it's telling meif I'm safe or not safe.
And this is a common experience, like common to humanity, which
puts me in the normal bucket,not the like broken bucket,
right, and I think that thatjust goes a long way to kind of
(30:32):
normalize this and, like you'resaying, take the blame out of it
, take the shame out of it andjust call it what it is and
embrace it and move forward.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
So really call it what it is and embrace it and
move forward.
So really, really helpful.
Yeah, my hand is often going tomy heart in a day and simply
saying thank you safety system,thank you safety system, thank
you safety system.
Even in the hardest moments,where I'm the most dramatic in
my own actions, internally andexternally, that's my safety
(31:02):
system, and so I can just gothank you, safety system, you
are doing your job.
My safety system never turnsoff, never.
It's always ready to do its job.
Isn't that amazing?
Shouldn't I be grateful forthat?
And if I can bring someappreciation and gratitude to it
in tough moments, I can settlethe spiky edges.
Just that 10%.
(31:23):
Let's just bring it down 10%and then we return to ourselves
faster.
That all-clear reset buttonhappens faster.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
Yeah, and I think it's really powerful that you're
doing it right before a childand a parent goes to sleep.
We had Ned Johnson on thepodcast he was episode 42, and
he talked about the default modenetwork and how the brain
basically is like processingeverything and getting rid of
(31:56):
the junk.
I listened to something I don'tremember what it was on, but it
was almost like the brain'swashing itself during sleep.
So if we can process in thoselast 20 minutes before a child
goes to sleep, I mean howpowerful that we're going to.
I listened to you on a podcastand you said there were so many
(32:16):
things that happened in thosefirst six years of life that we
are constantly trying to heal.
But you know, as an adult, whydon't we really focus on those
first six years of life?
So that they don't have tospend all that time repairing
and trying to figure out youknow what happened or like why
they don't like going to theplayground and then they can
(32:37):
like link it to something thathappened and it was never
processed and because when wesleep we're processing all of
the information that's happeningduring the day.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Right yeah.
One of the other things that Ilike about the stories is the
imagination space and ourschooling systems.
Depending on where you are,actually there's a lot of them
are getting very functionalabout project work for kids at a
very young age, as opposed tohaving the freedom for
imagination, and imagination isessential for visualization, for
(33:10):
dreaming, for goal setting.
It's something we have to beable to, uh, to play with and so
so.
Like we've created the world ofthe hug factory uh, you can,
you can, you can come on in andyou can hang out.
Then I've created the world ofthe brain and you start to see
what's inside there.
Kids interestingly the youngones you go, where's your heart?
(33:30):
They put their hand on theheart, they say where's your
brain?
And they look around.
Right, it's not the same directlink as it is for the heart.
There's this like I don't know,it's my concrete Brains inside
your head, oh, my brain's insidemy head.
It's something that has to belearned a little bit more.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
Yeah, and imagination is so powerful.
So right before we got ontothis podcast, I do have one
kiddo still at home and he'shome all by himself.
His brothers are at school andhe was having a yucky brain
moment and I could tell heneeded my attention.
I was trying to get some workdone, I was preparing, and he
(34:11):
took off my arm of my chair.
He came in and he was likeunscrewing it, and I was like,
oh, buddy, I see that you'rehaving a tough time.
And he was like I'm not puttingyour arm back on your chair.
And I'm like, okay.
And then my husband was likeyou need to your arm back on
your chair.
And I'm like, okay, so, andthen you know.
And then my husband was like,oh, you need to put that back on
and we're giving him all thesedirectives and telling him that
he has to put the arm back inthe chair.
And he was just stuck Like Idon't care, I don't care about
(34:33):
you.
And I was like, okay, what canI do?
I was like I'm going to tapinto story and play.
And so I put a blindfold overmy eyes and he put it in and we
entered this world and we'rerunning around the house.
I was like I can't find you.
It took literally three minutesand all of a sudden he was like
oh, let me go put your arm backon your chair.
So it's really powerful how wecan tap into imagination and he
(34:56):
just walked into the room.
But it's really powerful how wecan tap into imagination to
help kids make sense of theworld.
Really powerful how we can tapinto imagination to help kids
make sense of the world.
And I mean that's just the waythey're wired to, yeah, I guess,
to make sense of the world.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Right.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Hold on one moment.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
You want to say hi.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
This is here.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
You want to say hi to Andrew real quick.
He's excited to meet you.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
This is the author of the Hug Factory.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Can you see the hug book behind me there?
Where's my finger Do?
Speaker 2 (35:26):
you see it.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
He wrote that book.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
And you got this one as well was it.
Yeah, yeah, we read that onetoo, the Boy who Searched for
Silence.
Yeah, we're just chatting aboutstories.
What's your favorite part ofthem?
Speaker 3 (35:41):
All of it stories.
What's your?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
favorite part of them All of it.
I'll come in and say that a lotof what I learned about the
brain I learned from Dr BeckyBailey, whose work is found
under ConsciousDisciplinecom,and it was astounding for me to
realize that you can't talk tokids about brain function and
the relationship between brainfunction and behavior.
(36:06):
They talk about the executivebrain in the front, the
emotional brain in the middleand the survival brain at the
back, and I had some help inwriting the stories from some of
the teachers who know thatframework and we just decided to
do the executive brain at thefront, survival brain at the
back.
But I've been in classrooms, onclassroom visits, where there's
(36:27):
a brain map on the wall wherekids are able to understand
Because we're giving them thelanguage we're feeding
repetitive, repetitive language.
It's like, oh, it looks likethey're in the emotional brain
state.
Let's wish them well and thenwe can take a breath for a
moment and we can connect to ourheart and we can wish them well
(36:47):
.
And when I mean being on thereceiving end of that as a grown
man, when there's like 25 yearolds wishing me well, it's like,
oh, my goodness, melt,completely melt.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
It is.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
That was my first book too, oh my goodness, melt,
completely melt.
That was my first book too.
I don't know if I've told thisstory, but I got a book in the
mail like maybe 10 years ago nowand I had no idea who sent it
to me and I almost threw it awaybecause I didn't know where it
came from and it was easy tolove, difficult to discipline
and I was like hovering it overthe garbage can, thinking like
(37:24):
who sent me this random book?
My mom hadn't sent it to me,like I didn't order this book,
and so I almost threw it awayand some little voice in my head
said don't throw that book away.
And then I put it on the shelffor a year and a half.
And then I got to a place inparenting where I had two
littles and I think I waspregnant with number three and
just having such a hard timethinking that I had to control
(37:44):
their behavior and that theywere bad kids because they
couldn't sit still and listenand they weren't exactly
obedient all the time and I wasbeing this very cut and dry
consequences focused parent.
And then I read that book andI'm like I have been completely
blind to everything that'sactually going on here.
And after I read that book andI'm like, oh, I have been
completely blind to everythingthat's actually going on here.
And after I read that and thenI read Gordon, you felt hold on
(38:08):
to your kids and just likedozens of other influences, but
all kind of stem from that andI'm just so grateful for for
that body of work.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah, amazing, and it just is like you know, you're
reminding me, like what it takesto be the parent.
There you are, you know, twokids, one on the way is what you
said and it was like it's likemy system needed to take a
breath and so, for the folks whoare listening and are here,
(38:39):
you've been with us for 20minutes an hour.
So long you're doing great,like the fact that you're
engaged in the conversation, thefact that you're just you.
I don't, it doesn't matter ifyou're driving the car, if
you're multitasking, doingsomething else you've got you've
chosen to listen to thispodcast.
Uh, you know it's aboutparenting.
We know we're going to exploresomething.
(38:59):
You're hoping to pick up asmall superpower.
That's what parenting is.
You're like that's good enoughWay to go.
Guys, just keep doing that.
That's incredible.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah, amen to that.
I think it's so hard being inthe trenches and living this
every day and it's really hardif you don't have the tools,
like you mentioned at thebeginning of the podcast, that
you know you're the adult,you're the one with the calm
nervous system that the childcan borrow Like.
I don't think I wish that thatwas true for the majority of
(39:36):
adults, but you know that'sthat's a dream, where we're
trying to get to that and a lotof this, like all of this work
that we're doing, can get usthere.
But I think that so many adultsare stuck in that space where
it's like I just like, if onlythis external thing would change
, if my child would listen to me, if they would fall asleep, you
know X, y or Z would change,then I would feel calm and I
(39:57):
think the work that you're doingand through Conscious
Discipline and Becky Bailey'swork, the New Felton Institute,
all these things, what they'recalling us to is just the idea
that you can have that healingthat's a you thing right, that
you can, totally you.
You can do that work and youcan find that peace and and
develop a nervous system thatyou're in tune with and you can
(40:18):
develop tools to reallyunderstand yourself and then
when you then go to try toparent or interact with a
child's the teacher, whereveryou interact with kids, that's
where the magic happens.
It's not.
It's not.
Can I modify this child'sbehavior in my classroom through
excellent classroom managementtechniques?
It's like can I show up in this, in this child's behavior in my
classroom, through excellentclassroom management techniques?
Speaker 1 (40:37):
It's like, can I?
Speaker 2 (40:37):
show up in this child's life as a safe place of
warmth and compassion andempathy, and let them borrow my
nervous system as they'redeveloping their own, you know,
as you've said, like theirbelief system about if they're
safe, if they belong, like allof those things that the framing
that we're going to keep forthe rest of our lives.
Um, anyways, tangent on justhow important this work is and
(40:59):
I'm so, so grateful to be a partof it.
I feel like it's just, I'm justgrateful and and we can
motivate why.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Why adult first?
Like if there's an adult isstill like.
I don't know why I need to dothis first, why can't my kid
just do the thing?
We're essentially like a flockof birds.
When one takes off, the entireflock takes off right, and
that's what's happening in ourbrain.
So one bird gets a littlefright, the information is
(41:33):
transmitted through the entireflock instantaneously and the
whole lot move as one.
How that plays out in the brainstate is a five-year-old on the
other side of a kindergartenclass goes into a survival state
because someone takes theirpencil.
Every brain in the class has togo.
What just happened right has togo.
(42:00):
What just happened right has tospark, has to activate again
back into the survival aspect ofthe brain to make sure that
they're okay.
And of course we know that.
You know everyone turns towardsthe loud screaming.
We're all like, we all kind offreeze when it happens and if we
step in in that moment, ourbrain is also frozen.
Our brain is also in survival.
Now how do we regulate fromthat place?
We actually can't.
(42:21):
So we want to have that littleinterruption where it goes okay.
I'm actually allowed as an adultto take a breath in a difficult
moment like this.
No one's going to die if I takea breath.
I've attended to that,Obviously.
If it was a situation that wasthat severe, you would just
attend to it like that.
But now attended to that.
Obviously, if it was asituation that was that severe,
you would just attend to it likethat.
But now you're in the classroom, just take a breath and go, and
(42:44):
then your system starts to comeonline again.
You get to wish the kid well,which is a conscious discipline
tool.
And it's similar in the hug whogot stuck.
When the hug gets stuck, one ofthe keys to getting's similar
in the in the hug who got stuckwhen the hug gets stuck, one of
the keys to getting unstuck isto focus on the heart.
The love is for right.
It puts us into an outboundservice oriented position and
(43:06):
our nervous system just justsettles right down when we get
to have that.
And and that's why adult first,like if we can, if we can do
that, that's how much change wecan affect with it, with a
classroom full of kids.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
I really love the bird analogy, um, because we,
when we see that in nature, wedon't look at that and think
like what a bunch ofdisorganized um, like distracted
, naughty birds, right.
But when we see that behaviorin five-year-olds, we're like
why are they out of?
They're out of control.
Like control, someone controlthose kids.
Like they can't settle down andthey're being naughty and
they're going to get their nameon the board and things like
(43:39):
that.
And like, oh man, if we justunderstood that this is just our
body safety system, it's partof like like a healthy, a
healthy system.
It would just change how we can, um, you know, interact with
them in that moment.
Speaker 3 (43:51):
I think it's also really important to note that
the adult, a fully developedbrain with a fully developed
brain not all adults, we know,uh, you know have fully
developed prefrontal cortexes,but they have more access to
pausing, to those breaks than avery, very underdeveloped brain.
And we're talking aboutfive-year-olds.
They have extremelyunderdeveloped brains and so
(44:13):
they don't have as much accessthat they are a hundred percent
dependent on that adult in aroom on their nervous system.
I'm a certified consciousparenting coach through the Jai
Institute for parenting and thatis what we learned right out of
the gate is parents are goingto come to you with all these
problems that they, their kids,have and they want you to fix
their kids.
We got to start with the parentbecause the kids emulate our
(44:37):
parents.
They're wired to model, Even ifwe don't, if we say one thing
and we're modeling a differentthing, they're going to go off
of what they're modeling.
Their brains are wired andconstructed to be like their
parents regardless if we likethat or not, or like the adult
in the room or whoever they have, you know, an attachment to.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Okay, so I just want you to speak to how attachment
plays into this whole.
Like you know, we've you'vewritten stories so that parents
and kids can connect at nightbefore bedtime, which I think
makes so much sense and like thebroader, the broader goal there
is to build attachment right.
(45:23):
And can you just kind of definewhat attachment is to you and
how you see these stories andkind of this way of parenting
playing into building, tobuilding relationships that have
strong kids, that have strongattachment to their primary
caregivers?
Speaker 1 (45:33):
Yeah, it's interesting because if we start
going into the adult spacearound us, we're going to be
talking about securely attachedor anxious, or anxious avoidant,
and again it's a whole melee oflabels that we're putting on
ourselves pathologically, againsaying we've somehow done
something wrong and we're lessthan and we're not functioning
(45:54):
great.
Which is why my preferred wordis connection, because
connection is a sense of.
There's a sense of we know whenit's happening.
The three of us here areconnected in a conversation.
Occasionally the internetglitches and the connection
drops.
Now we've got a very clearunderstanding of when we're
connected and when we're notconnected, of when we're
(46:15):
connected and when we're notconnected.
We're also able to then dropinto aspects of depth and in a
normal day between a parent andchild, there's plenty of things
that are kind of superficialconnected.
Hey, brush your teeth, you knowlike, put your pajamas on.
(46:36):
Is there connection happening?
Yes, is it the same connectionthat's happening in that moment
when your son is telling you hissticky thoughts after you've
been sitting in bed together for10 or 15 minutes doing story
time, snuggling?
No, those are different depthsof.
I don't know if strength is theright word If we were thinking
(47:00):
of it visually as a rope.
One would be a thin rope andone would be a nice, thick,
woven, strong rope that you'vegot between heart and heart.
Some of my training was in theworld of energetics, so we were
learning about how we hideourselves versus how we show up,
(47:22):
depending on what our patternis.
And that's it.
There's literally.
If you could see the worldthrough the lens of energy,
there's literally a littlethread that goes between me and
you because we're connecting now.
Now the threads between you andyour children are much more
developed because you've gotmuch more time in the
(47:45):
relationship, you've got muchmore equity in it and we want to
be able to have this backwardsand forwards flow of our energy.
It's a little bit like pingpong.
I'm going to hit the ball overthe net and I know you're going
to hit it back so we can keepthe game going.
And if we can keep the gamegoing, I feel better about
myself.
If we can't, then that's whatwould resemble some sort of a
(48:07):
broken attachment process and wedrop out and we're alone.
Ping pong's not as much fun byyourself.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
This is reminding me of.
We did an episode, episode 50,with Howard Glasser, the author
of the Nurtured Heart Approach,and he talks about this a little
bit.
Energy is kind of a currencybetween adults and children.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
So, yeah, wonderful idea.
If there was one thing that Icould teach more of, it be touch
, and and.
Because this was absolutelylife-changing for me and I
didn't grow up in a family wherethere was a lot of physical
affection uh, in my early 20s Ihad to learn how to hug.
It was deeply awkward anduncomfortable for me.
I was like someone would comein.
What are you doing in my space?
I don't understand this um andand and.
(48:57):
To get to the point where therewas pleasure around it and then
so there was.
Later in the time, we start torealize that these hands are
incredible.
And you know, you bang yourknee.
The first thing you do is yourhands go to your knee and that
it sets up a flow of energy thatis helpful for the nervous
system and for the recovery andfor the healing, and the whole
(49:26):
system just starts to go.
I worked with patients in comafor a series of time in South
Africa and in the hospitalenvironment.
And I learned that this is verydistracting to someone in coma.
The moving of the hand up anddown.
It's too much information totry and process.
For someone who's in that dreamstate, a firm, settled touch
with a hand in one place is muchmore comforting than movement
(49:50):
and I was like when I learnedthat, I was like that makes so
much sense for me, for myparticular system.
I'm like just put your hand inone place and I'll feel safe,
I'll know where you are.
Speaker 3 (50:03):
Yeah, I know I really want to take time just to have
gratitude for my brain, because,as you were talking, I had a
visceral reaction when you weretalking about hugs.
Because when I was in college,I was a visceral reaction when
you were talking about hugsbecause when I was in college, I
was a big sister with bigbrothers, big sisters to a
little girl who she lived withher grandparents.
(50:25):
Her mom was incarcerated andthe house was, it was just, they
were hoarders and it was veryfilthy, and so I really
developed this beautifulrelationship with her.
And again, when you said it, Icould just feel this flooding of
emotion in my body, becausewhen I left college and I moved
(50:47):
across the country, I went togive her a hug and I realized
which I'll get emotional thatshe had never been hugged before
and and and I never recognizedin the three years that I was
her big, that that touch, howpowerful it was.
And then, not to get more sad,but once I moved out to Arizona,
(51:09):
she died in a car accident andshe was hit by a drunk driver
who was trying to take his ownlife.
And so it's just so powerful,everything that we're talking
about and what you're doingthrough story to connect adults
to children, teachers tochildren, parents to children is
(51:30):
so incredibly powerful, and Ijust want to thank you for the
work that you're doing, becauseit is going to make a difference
with people that get thesebooks in their hands.
So I would love to ask reallyquick how can teachers and
educators use stories like yoursto enhance learning and
engagement?
Speaker 1 (51:49):
I mean, following the things that we've been touching
in here, let's come back to thebasics.
Do the breathing practice everystory, every time, I don't mind
if it's not my story.
Find a way to do a breath as atransition into your story time
and then you're welcome to usethe activity pages at the end to
reflect back.
You can start to identify whatis the executive function skill
(52:16):
the particular child you'reworking with is lacking and then
just ask a question that startsto bring that back.
Ask a question about time, Aska question about sequence.
Help them focus by asking themwhat the most important part of
the story was or what theirfavorite part of it was.
All of those things aredeveloping functional skills in
(52:38):
the littles and the most youknow.
To state the obvious, we wereall little ones and those little
guys they're going to be big atsome stage and running
governments and teaching inother schools and being models
for their kids.
So it's such powerful work thatthe teachers are doing to be
(53:03):
helping kids at such a young age.
My heart always goes out tothem.
They're on the front line in away that is extraordinary in
terms of service and devotion,and I have so much appreciation
for the teaching community.
Speaker 3 (53:21):
Absolutely, we do too .
And the parents on the frontline as well.
So this is a question we got towrap up.
I mean, I could talk to you foranother couple of hours, but
this is a question we ask all ofour guests, Andrew.
So who is someone who haskindled your love of learning,
curiosity, motivation?
As you're talking, we can tellyou're a very passionate person.
So who has kindled that in you?
Speaker 1 (53:40):
Well, in the story world it was Maurice Sendak with
when the Wild Things Are.
When I learned what he's donewith his art and I had to go
through an exhibition and agallery of it where they
explained it for me to go oh mygoodness, this is brilliant.
(54:01):
The little ways that he startsto use the frame of the page to
recess back into the book toconvey the dream state.
That, to me, got me reallythinking on my own understanding
in the space of really thinkingon my own understanding in the
space of writing andillustrating, and then in the
(54:26):
personal development space.
I've been such a I don't know asuper fan of Dr Shefali's that
when I was first coming into theI had only written a couple of
books.
I didn't know I was starting abusiness, I didn't know I was
going to be doing so much aroundchildren at that stage.
And there I was reading herfirst book, the Conscious Parent
, and I was like, yes, yes, yes,I like that, yes, why has
(54:48):
nobody said it like this before?
And so she's just caught someof my heart there.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
Love that, Okay.
So last question how canlisteners learn more about your
work?
Speaker 1 (54:59):
Yeah, come and hang out at ConsciousStoriescom Visit
on Instagram, which isConscious Bedtime Stories and
reach out, Share what you'restruggling with, what you're
interested in seeing forteachers and schools who'd like
an author visit?
That's one of my favoritethings to go and do a drop-in
and an immersion at a school.
(55:20):
We get to meet the parents, theteachers, the kids.
That's just my favorite thing.
But all of it is centeredthrough ConsciousStoriescom.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Love that.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
We've loved this conversation.
Speaker 1 (55:30):
Such a pleasure.
Yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (55:38):
I'm inspired by what you're doing in your community.
Thanks for having me.
We hope you enjoyed thisepisode of the Kindle podcast.
If this episode was helpful toyou, please like, subscribe and
follow us on social at Prendalearn.
If you have any questions youwould like for us to address on
the podcast, all you need to dois email us at podcast at
Prendacom.
You can also join ournewsletter, the Sunday spark, by
going to our website andsigning up.
Speaker 2 (56:00):
The Kindle podcast is brought to you by Prenda.
Prenda makes it easy for you tostart and run an amazing micro
school based on all of the ideaswe talk about here on the
Kindle podcast.
If you want more informationabout becoming a Prenda guide,
just go to Prendacom.
Thanks for listening andremember to keep kindling.
So much of the parenting or teacher role has us
in authority over kids.
We're bigger than them.
We decide the rules, we tellthem what to do and as far as
rank goes, we have rank overthem.
We're literally above them.
And what happens in story timeis we turn side by side and then
(00:21):
the book comes out right and wego into the world of story.
But we're doing it together.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hi and welcome to the Kindled podcast where we dig
into the art and science behindkindling, the motivation,
curiosity and mental well-beingof the young humans in our lives
.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Together, we'll discover practical tools and
strategies you can use to helpkids unlock their full potential
and become the strongestversion of their future selves.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Welcome to the Kindle podcast everyone.
Adrienne, how's it going today?
It is good.
So today, we're going to talk alittle bit about something
called Conscious Stories withAndrew Newman, and I'm really,
really excited, and so I wantedto get a little insight into
what bedtime is like at yourhouse.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Bedtime.
We have a whole thing.
It's quite the routine.
And I feel like it has beensince I've had children, and
it's interesting because myyoungest, when he was little, he
would just go to sleep, andthen I think we created this,
(01:29):
it's like become this wholething, but we did it because he
naturally was fine.
The other two did need us alittle more, and so I do cherish
those moments, though, becausemy 14 year old does not want me
laying in bed with him readingstories anymore.
So I still read to my 12 yearold, where we always read really
great literature now that he'solder and I mean it's all great,
(01:53):
but we dive into some prettybig books and then I read aloud
to my youngest.
What about you?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yeah, reading is a huge part of it.
I feel feel like, likenighttime read alouds is like
probably our key connector inour family, like everyone looks
forward to it.
It's a time where there's nofighting, and I know like when
you have littles, it can bestressful because they're like
loud and, you know, distracting,they don't want to listen and
things like that.
So, um, keep at it, it's worthit.
(02:22):
Eventually they'll they'lllisten.
Um, but yeah, it's just aEventually they'll they'll
listen.
But yeah, it's just a reallyfun time, and sometimes they'll
even come.
It'll be really late andthey'll come into our room and
they'll be like can you justread to us some more?
So I love it.
I've been thinking, though,that I we've been on this
schedule.
That is just like really lateto bed, like so late.
(02:47):
And we need to get back on agood schedule and I need to do
more with my girls.
I think that I put a lot ofeffort into it with the boys the
older two and so we have kindof like a good thing going on.
And, um, I, I realized now likeI think I've kind of been
beating myself up about it alittle bit because I they've
like the girls have always beenlike the little ones.
So it's like, okay, boys, likelet me get the girls to bed real
quick, and then I'll come spend45 minutes reading to you,
(03:09):
cause it's like I'm just puttingthe baby down, kind of Um, and
so I haven't really.
So it's still kind of like that.
It's like, hey, let me put the,let me do bedtime with the
girls really quick, and then theboys get this big long bedtime,
um, cause the girls aren'tquite ready to like listen that
long.
But they've been, they they'lllike sneak in and they'll listen
for a little bit and I'm like,okay, like they're getting to
where they can listen, but again, like the difference in what
(03:31):
they want to be read and allsorts of things, I don't know, I
have not mastered this yet iswhat.
I'm saying and it needs someaddressing Cause I'm like all
right, ladies see ya Like, and Ineed to do better.
So I'm really excited to talkabout conscious stories with
Andrew Newman.
Do you want to tell us a littlebit more about him?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Yeah, I'm super excited to dive into this
conversation because he reallygoes into the brain science of
why this is so important andwhat happens those last 20
minutes of bedtime.
So stay tuned for an awesomeconversation.
So Andrew Newman is aninternationally renowned and
award-winning author and founderof conscious stories, a growing
series of bedtime storiespurpose-built to support parent
(04:17):
child connection in the last 20minutes of the day.
His early and profound longingfor connection with all things
spiritual later inspired acareer and writing and
communication in many forms.
A recognized voice in theconscious parenting movement,
conscious Stories is acombination of his background
experiences and humanitarianefforts and is intended to bring
(04:39):
parent and child into deeperconnection with each other, and
his books do a really great jobat this.
He sent both of us a few of hisbooks and I've been reading
with them with my son, and I'mjust so excited to talk to
Andrew.
Let's go do it.
Welcome Andrew Newman to theKindle podcast.
(04:59):
I am so incredibly excited totalk to you today.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah, fantastic to be here with you.
This is going to be great.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Yeah, so let's dive right in.
Tell our audience who are you,Tell us about your background,
how you came to the work thatyou're doing and what is your
big, why in the world?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, so I write conscious bedtime stories.
You can see a collection ofbooks behind me.
Guys like this, the boy whosearched for silence and I came
out of healing schools andtherapy training in my mid-30s.
I just reconnected to my owncreativity.
How hard it is for grownups torepair the injuries they
(05:50):
sustained when they were kidsand how much energy and effort
and money and resource has to gointo that process.
And it was like surely it'sjust easier to set kids up on
the right path right at thebeginning.
And in the beautiful naivety ofthat I was like I'm going to
America, I'm going to startwriting kids' books and we're
going to weave some of thelessons that I start to see like
(06:10):
we're all dealing with somethings.
You know, the boy who searchedfor silence.
Everybody needs to find silenceinside of ourselves.
Once we've got that anchor, wecan do all sorts of other things
.
If we haven't got that anchor,the world blows us around.
So I was like it doesn't matterwhether you're four or 40 when
you discover that, but it willhelp your life a lot if you can
(06:32):
discover it when you're four,rather than coming to work it
out later in life.
And so Bedtime Stories becamethe place that I geek out and
see how we can help parentsconnect more deeply with kids,
particularly in the last 20minutes of the day.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I absolutely love that.
You said you came to America.
Where did you come to Americafrom?
Speaker 1 (06:55):
I came from Cape Town , south Africa.
That's where I was born and mymom was Scottish, so I've spent
many years between Scotland andSouth Africa.
And my mom was Scottish, soI've spent many years between
Scotland and South Africa.
And then, in 2015, I came toAmerica and started in Boulder,
colorado, but I have been popskipping and jumping all around.
I like to experience new placesevery couple of years.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
That's awesome.
I love it.
I'm curious why children'sstories?
Out of all of the differentways you could have gone into
helping parents or helping kids,why children's stories?
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah, a couple of reasons here.
Firstly, parents are so busy.
Being a parent is thisfull-time job From day one.
You're just on, and I didn'twant to add something into the
task list for parents because Ifelt like that it's already full
.
And so story time is somethingthat's almost inbuilt.
(07:54):
We're like we're going to bedoing it for a certain age group
, between two and six or seven,depending on your kid.
You're going to be tucking themin at night, You're going to be
doing story time, and so it isan easy thing just to change the
content rather than the task.
And then there's another thingthat's interesting in stories
(08:16):
that so much of the parenting orteacher role has us in
authority over kids.
We're bigger than them, wedecide the rules, we tell them
what to do and as far as rankgoes, we have rank over them.
We're literally above them.
And what happens in story timeis we turn side by side and then
(08:38):
the book comes out right and wego into the world of story, but
we're doing it together.
The parenting or teacher rolehas us in authority over kids.
We're bigger than them.
We decide the rules, we tellthem what to do and as far as
rank goes, we have rank overthem, we're literally above them
(09:00):
.
And what happens in story timeis we turn, we turn side by side
and then the book comes outright and we go into the world
of story.
But we're doing it together andit's like you know how you have
the best conversations whenyou're on a long drive, and it's
the side by side posture that'spart of that.
We're both going off.
(09:20):
Here.
We've got a shared intentionand storytime opens up that
space which then opens upconnection, which then allows
the mirror neurons and theco-regulating to happen, where,
hopefully, as the adult in theroom, we're the one with a nice
calm nervous system and we'reable to support theirs and let
(09:43):
them borrow ours we're able tosupport theirs and let them
borrow ours.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I love that you said it's about changing the content,
not the task, because almostevery parent I know does story
time, does bedtime routine, evenif it's really short, because
little ones especially typicallydon't just go to bed, because
they need that co-regulation.
So then you're changing thecontent and I can say I have two
of your books.
I've been reading them to myseven year old at night.
(10:12):
He absolutely it is changing.
So we read stories every singlenight and I can tell you it is
changing our narrative, ourdialogue, his connection to me,
and then we're able to learnconcepts from your book that we
can talk about during the day.
One of the books is the Hug,which is the cutest book.
(10:39):
I love this book so much and heloves it too.
And there's stickers at the end, and so he's been taking the
stickers out and if someone isnot feeling great or grumpy or
angry or whatever in our housewe have a lot of big of emotions
in our house He'll take one ofthose stickers and just put it
on their shirts.
So we had these little stickerslike floating around our house.
(10:59):
So it's really powerful to justby reading two of your books.
How different by changing thecontent.
That has really brought uscloser, even though we have been
doing story time since he waslittle.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Right, that's fantastic to hear.
So for folks who don't knowthat story, the hug is coming
out of the hug factory in themiddle of the heart, gets caught
in the web of sticky thoughts.
And then that sets up thedilemma as to how do I get free,
how do we get the heart flowingagain when it's blocked is
really what we're exploring.
And so do you find at home.
(11:36):
You can now go oh, have you gota sticky thought?
Because that's what I'm hearingfrom teachers.
They're like okay, it lookslike you might have a sticky
thought, can we help you getfree?
And I'm like okay, yes,absolutely.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
We talk about sticky thoughts and I thought I had a
really open, beautifulrelationship with him and some
of the sticky thoughts he sharedwith me were really surprising.
I had no idea that he had someof these sticky thoughts, so it
is really powerful.
I think what you said aboutposture, about being side by
side or we lay in bed togetherso he'll be laying on top of me
(12:12):
versus me being over top of him-I think has been really
powerful too.
Can you dive a little more intothe importance of storytelling,
into, like, child development orbrain development, and kind of
walk us through what's happeningthere whenever we're, you know,
laying together reading thisbook?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
we're talking about these concepts absolutely so.
I geeked out over the last 20minutes of the day because it
got fascinating for me how uhtrauma gets locked in the body a
little T or big T, you knowjust like a small difficult
experience is still part of howI'm going to set up my, my
(12:51):
armoring, my, my belief systemabout whether I'm worthy,
whether I'm safe, whether I'mloved, whether I belong.
Uh, all of that as a, I'mdeveloping it when I'm when I'm
three years old and I haven'teven lived for a thousand days,
you know so.
So the skills aren't there yetand the brain is under-resourced
(13:12):
in the hardest possible momentsit's trying to make a plan that
we then live by that plan forthe rest of our life.
So that's got quite a lot ofcrazy making for us.
So that's got quite a lot ofcrazy making for us.
And the bedtime transition iswhen the brain is changing its
activity.
We know that when we go tosleep we're going to categorize
(13:38):
and store memories from the day.
We're going to be starting tobuild out the neural pathways
for our strategy to stay safethe next day, for our strategy
to stay safe the next day.
And if you've ever been tosleep on an argument, you've
probably experienced it when youwake up and you've basically
spent the whole night arguingand sleep wasn't really a great
function for that.
And so if we can get theco-regulation and the downshift
(14:01):
through story time together inthose last 20 minutes of the day
, then the brain and the nervoussystem's not working in a
defensive way during the night.
It's actually working in a waythat's just calm, it's reset,
rest.
This is a natural healing state.
We wake up in the morning,we're bright, we're ready to go
and we're not worried aboutanything.
(14:21):
That allows confidence to comethrough and shine, allows
self-worth to come through andshine.
So all of that is a wonderfulopportunity to leverage the
growth of self-worth andconfidence for your little ones.
In the classroom environmentwe've got a lot of teachers
using the books as well.
There's a growing understandingof how story time can be used
(14:45):
to improve executive functionskills.
So, for example, if we'retrying to help kids with
sequencing and with memory, wecan just say, after finishing a
story, tell me what happened inthe story, and then they've got
to apply this, they've got to goback, they've got to think
(15:05):
about it, they've got to workout what happened.
The chances are that they'lltell something out of sequence,
then you've got an opportunityto go back to the book and
reflect and go through the pagesagain and then it gets put into
its correct sequence in thememory-mind system.
And we're actually using thatmuscle for the skill that we're
trying to develop in anexecutive brain function using
(15:27):
that muscle for the skill thatwe're trying to develop in an
executive brand function.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
That's so fascinating and I can see this happening in
my kids too.
Like, just the concept oftelling a story is super
powerful.
Sometimes, when they come homefrom school and I'm like, how
was your day?
And they're like fine, I'll saytell me the story of your day,
like I'm watching a movie orsomething like that.
Or like I'm reading the storyof your day, like I'm watching a
movie or something like that.
Or like like well, like I'mreading the book of your day,
right, and just giving them thatframe of like oh, you want me
to like really tell, tell youabout my day.
And then I listen as if theywere reading me a book about
(15:54):
their day.
Um, so I think that's a reallyhelpful context to give kids um
and to help them process thoseemotions.
Um, in kind of like a thirdparty, like I could go to my son
directly and be like hey, Inoticed you know that you were
feeling this way, or that yousaid this and we can talk about
all of those things, and it kindof seems like a little
(16:15):
confrontational almost sometimes.
When I have conversations likethat with my kids.
I feel sometimes they go welland I feel like more connection
and sometimes I'm like, oh, likethat made him feel like
attacked or like criticized insome way, even though that
wasn't my attention.
But if I, if we can experiencethose things kind of and then
(16:36):
talk about other peopleexperiencing those things, like
in a story, that helps us tohave these conversations, learn
this vocabulary, like you'retalking about sticky thoughts,
these concepts.
We have another series of booksthat we love that are kind of
social, emotional type books andI kind of the other night was
(16:59):
bringing some feeling vocabularyup with my daughter, trying to
help her process and see somethings that were going on in her
life, and she just at the endof this conversation did this
big sigh you could tell hernervous system was just like
okay, that felt good to talkabout.
And then she just said, mom,can we have this conversation
every night?
I was like what conversationshe's like the conversation of
(17:21):
my feelings?
And I'm like yes, we can havethe conversation of your
feelings every night and I feellike your books kind of give a
platform for that, thatinvitation and like in a very
gentle, connective way.
So can we hear one of yourbooks?
Will you read us one?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
It helps the parents.
Yeah, let's definitely read abook.
So I mean, one of the thingsthat helps the parents is some
of the things that are built inlike like the, the breathing
practice at the start andactivity page at the end.
It helps you because it's thennot you telling your kid to
breathe, it's me telling yourkid to breathe, and then you're
like you've got to do it as well.
Um, and and those little, thoselittle conversation starters?
(18:02):
Uh, let's jump into a story.
Let's do the little brainpeople Fantastic.
Okay, so, children of all ages,welcome to story time.
Put your feet up and let's kickback and enjoy a story together
.
All of the stories start withthe snuggle breathing meditation
.
This story is dedicatedparticularly to all who think.
(18:24):
And so please join me.
Breathing in, I breathe for me.
Nice breath in, I breathe foryou.
Breathing in and out, I breathefor us and I breathe for all
(18:56):
that surrounds us.
If you need a yawn or stretchstretch, then you're doing it
right.
This is here to help ustransition and to relax, connect
and come into the story.
Once upon a time, on a veryordinary day, deep in the center
(19:23):
of a very ordinary brain, ascary thing happened, deep in
the center of this brain livedthe little brain people.
Hello, little brain people.
Give them a wave.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Dopamine was very good at solving puzzling
problems and making challengingchoices.
His twin sister, serotonin, wasbest at growing feelings of
love, joy and happiness.
On most days, you could see thetwins happily relaxing in the
front of the brain, but not onthis day.
On this day there was a problem.
(20:01):
Uh-oh, on this day there was aproblem.
Uh-oh.
A loud clattering bang gaveserotonin and dopamine a fright.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
A very big fright.
Ah, what happened Ah?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yelled serotonin curling up in a ball, whimpering
.
The world is falling on ourheads, shouted dopamine, running
to hit the panic button.
Running to the back of thebrain where it's all red Cousin,
adrenaline jumped into action,bursting from his security
watchtower barking instructionsDanger, danger, danger.
(20:37):
It's not safe, it's not safe,it's not safe.
The echoing screams offrightened little brain.
People filled all the pathwayswith worry and fear as everyone
braced for lockdown.
In the cloud of chaos, serotoninand dopamine collided and
started fighting for no goodreason.
(20:57):
Totally overwhelmed, the wholebrain just froze.
Luckily, auntie Oxytocin hadmissed all the drama.
She'd been sitting on the potty.
Whoa, what happened here?
She said, her teeth chattering.
She paused breathing calmly,wondering how to help her
panicked, frozen friends.
(21:18):
Hmm, they must be having ayucky brain moment, said
oxytocin.
I know what to do.
She walked to the front of thebrain and gently touched the
all-clear reset button.
Beautiful music played asoxytocin's calming voice flowed
through all the frozen pathwaysyou are safe, you are safe, you
(21:42):
are safe, you are safe, you aresafe, you are safe.
Ah, sighed Serotonin andDopamine, taking deep breaths
whilst wiggling their fingersand toes.
You want to wiggle your fingersand toes?
Oh well, huffed Adrenaline ashe sulked back to the watchtower
, knowing that his job was done.
The twins chatted happily asthey returned to the front of
(22:04):
the brain.
That was scary.
Said Serotonin.
I'm sorry, I got mad at you.
I feel happy again.
I'm sorry too, replied Dopamine.
That was confusing for me.
I'm glad I can think clearlynow.
That night the twins snuggledtogether with their family of
little brain people.
That night the twins snuggledtogether with their family of
little brain people, grateful tobe feeling safe and loved once
(22:25):
again.
They all got the best night'ssleep ever.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
The end and the crowd goes wild.
It's amazing.
Oh the story.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, the language that you're giving kids we talk
about dopamine all the time inthis house but to put it to a
story and characters and forthem to really conceptualize
what is going on in their brainand the language of yucky brain
moments.
So you were on, securelyattached the podcast and I was
(23:00):
listening to it.
I was it as I was prepping forthis talk with you and my son
was in the room and I definitelyhad a yucky brain moment that
day and he totally called me out, but it gave him language
versus.
You know, oh, mom is Because,typically, I mean, I have a lot
of tools, I have a lot ofbreathing strategies, I breathe
every day, I meditate everymorning, I walk for an hour and
(23:24):
I do all these things to takecare of my nervous system.
However, I'm still human and Istill have a lot of, like you
said at the very beginning, likethere's I don't know if you use
the word injuries or trauma,things that happened from
childhood and so that stillcomes up different times and I'm
, you know, triggered by certainthings.
And so it was just the noiseand I was trying to get a
(23:47):
project done and I could justfeel it was flooding and he just
kept.
He was screaming at me, so itwas just our, the battle of the
amygdalas, you know we were justlike going at it.
And but then I, I mean I started, I was just like I can't handle
.
And then I, I paused and I waslike I need to go take a.
But then I, I mean, I started,I was just like I can't handle.
And then I, I paused and I waslike I need to go take a breath.
Then I was listening to yourpodcast and he was like mom,
(24:10):
that was totally.
We both were having yucky brainmoments and I was like you are
completely correct.
So I love the language thatyou're giving kids.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
There's no blame.
I mean no blame and no shame,right?
It's just this thing that'shappening.
We're going to do our best tonot cause damage whilst it's
happening, do the repair that'sneeded after it's happened, and
then one of the things thestories are doing here are
preparing you in advance of ithappening, because we can't
teach our little ones how toresolve a trigger whilst they're
(24:39):
triggered.
We've got to teach them how toresolve it before they're
triggered, and then they mustapply those tools whilst they're
triggered.
We've got to teach them how toresolve it before they're
triggered and then they mustapply those tools when they're
triggered.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, and to do that in a story like, how accessible
is that?
I mean, I've, I've sat my kidsdown and we talked about
dopamine and serotonin in theirbrains they're like nine and 11,
but I think this is likesomething that my four-year-old,
my five-year-old, could access,you know, and to have that
information and to like be ableto recall that, I don't know.
There is just like literallysomething magical about a story
(25:07):
and that being a character thathelps transfer that knowledge
and makes it so accessible, evenwhen you're in that, in that
mode, you know, if I, if my, ifmy kids are having yucky brain
moments and I'm like, oh, lookslike you're dopamine, blah, blah
, blah, blah.
They're like having yucky brainmoments and I'm like, oh, looks
like you're dopamine, blah,blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
They're like mom.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
But if I like did it in a story.
I feel like they'd be like, ohyeah that is.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
It's just like so genius.
Let me pop up that, uh, um,that final page, which is the,
the way that we do the, the, thebrain balance barometer, is
what I'm looking for.
The brain balance barometer,that's what I'm looking for.
Oh, so, yeah, yeah, that's theall clear reset button that
you're seeing on the right,right in the middle there, and
and this is what's happening tous constantly we're going from
the green space where we feelsafe and loved, we're calm,
we're focused, we're happy,we're just, we're just being
(25:56):
ourselves.
Everything's going well.
Something triggers it, whateverit is, um, in, obviously a loud,
clattering bang, and then it'sfight, flight and freeze that
come in, and then it's a processof thawing out of that, and we
can use these tools on theleft-hand side sighing loudly,
breathing into the belly,stretching and relaxing, playing
(26:19):
music, yawning, relaxing,playing music, yawning, and then
even at a point, you got towatch the timing of this, but
because you can't say to a kidwhose brain is in survival mode,
you are safe, um, although,although it does need to be said
.
So it's this little dilemmathat we, like the brain, might
not hear it, but it's stillbetter that it's that, that it's
known, and then we learn alittle bit.
(26:40):
Here we say thank you, dopaminefor helping think clearly.
That's part of dopamine's role.
Thank you serotonin for makingme happy part of serotonin's
role.
Thank you adrenaline forkeeping me safe.
Now, cousin adrenaline.
We love that guy, we're so gladhe's here, we don't want to try
and live without him.
And also thank you oxytocin forkeeping me calm.
(27:01):
That's beautiful and I noticedyou had a mini class and all you
were doing was trying to dostory time.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Yeah, I noticed in the pictures that they have like
little antennas that kind ofrepresent those things Like
serotonin has hearts on herantennas and dopamine has a
little puzzle piece.
And those are actually some ofour Pranda core values.
Figure it out and start withheart.
And so I wonder, if we went andlooked at the core values, I
wonder if we could tie a brainchemical.
I'm sure we could find.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
I'm sure we can find our core.
Hey, there's a new story ideasfor you.
There we go, All of our corevalues daring greatly,
foundation of trust, learningover comfort.
I bet we could find thosevalues in all of your books
already and then give you somemore ideas for additional books.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I love it.
Okay, so I imagine that thereare a lot of adults reading
these books and that, just likewe're helping our kids have
these concepts and this language, this is probably new
information to a lot of adultreaders.
This language, this is probablynew information to a lot of
adult readers, a lot of parents,and do you find that it also
(28:10):
helps them, kind of?
Speaker 1 (28:11):
process the like big T, little t traumas of their
lives as well.
Yeah, I mean, one of the mostcommon things that I hear is I
wish I had these books when Iwas a kid, and then later, for
the other parents, I wish I'dhad these books when I had kids
and this is a two-age experience, right, the little and the big,
(28:33):
as you're observing really andI also realized, I mean I
literally took my 30s and didhealing, schools and personal
development.
That's all I did.
I mean, I paid the rent bybeing a waiter and I just
studied and I was immersed in itand I was like, oh, not
everybody does this.
So had I been the guy who hadbecome a parent in my early
(28:55):
mid-20s and that would have setme on a particular path of
career, work, home building, Iwouldn't have had this time.
And so I realized that therewere plenty of parents in that
space who were just coming totheir personal development and,
in a certain way, needed to waitfor their kids to grow up and
leave the house before theycould do it in their late 40s
(29:16):
perhaps.
And so the stories can speak tothe adults who are going.
I sense something, but I don'tknow that I've necessarily got
the language for it.
I know my head gets blocked upwith thoughts and my heart
closes.
But how do I rationalize that?
Make it okay, even insidemyself as an adult, because
(29:40):
often we give ourselves a hardtime about this and it's like,
well, it's happening toeverybody.
Let's, let's find an easier way.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
I think a lot of times when people go to do this
work, there's a lot ofdefensiveness because they feel
like I've been doing my bestwith what I was given and that
has to be enough, right and um,there's kind of a level of uh,
like de-armoring.
That happens when you realizelike, oh, like this isn't a
character flaw in me, it's notthat I'm impatient, it's that,
(30:11):
like I have a human brain with anervous system that is easily,
like you know, it's telling meif I'm safe or not safe.
And this is a common experience, like common to humanity, which
puts me in the normal bucket,not the like broken bucket,
right, and I think that thatjust goes a long way to kind of
(30:32):
normalize this and, like you'resaying, take the blame out of it
, take the shame out of it andjust call it what it is and
embrace it and move forward.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
So really call it what it is and embrace it and
move forward.
So really, really helpful.
Yeah, my hand is often going tomy heart in a day and simply
saying thank you safety system,thank you safety system, thank
you safety system.
Even in the hardest moments,where I'm the most dramatic in
my own actions, internally andexternally, that's my safety
(31:02):
system, and so I can just gothank you, safety system, you
are doing your job.
My safety system never turnsoff, never.
It's always ready to do its job.
Isn't that amazing?
Shouldn't I be grateful forthat?
And if I can bring someappreciation and gratitude to it
in tough moments, I can settlethe spiky edges.
Just that 10%.
(31:23):
Let's just bring it down 10%and then we return to ourselves
faster.
That all-clear reset buttonhappens faster.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
Yeah, and I think it's really powerful that you're
doing it right before a childand a parent goes to sleep.
We had Ned Johnson on thepodcast he was episode 42, and
he talked about the default modenetwork and how the brain
basically is like processingeverything and getting rid of
(31:56):
the junk.
I listened to something I don'tremember what it was on, but it
was almost like the brain'swashing itself during sleep.
So if we can process in thoselast 20 minutes before a child
goes to sleep, I mean howpowerful that we're going to.
I listened to you on a podcastand you said there were so many
(32:16):
things that happened in thosefirst six years of life that we
are constantly trying to heal.
But you know, as an adult, whydon't we really focus on those
first six years of life?
So that they don't have tospend all that time repairing
and trying to figure out youknow what happened or like why
they don't like going to theplayground and then they can
(32:37):
like link it to something thathappened and it was never
processed and because when wesleep we're processing all of
the information that's happeningduring the day.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Right yeah.
One of the other things that Ilike about the stories is the
imagination space and ourschooling systems.
Depending on where you are,actually there's a lot of them
are getting very functionalabout project work for kids at a
very young age, as opposed tohaving the freedom for
imagination, and imagination isessential for visualization, for
(33:10):
dreaming, for goal setting.
It's something we have to beable to, uh, to play with and so
so.
Like we've created the world ofthe hug factory uh, you can,
you can, you can come on in andyou can hang out.
Then I've created the world ofthe brain and you start to see
what's inside there.
Kids interestingly the youngones you go, where's your heart?
(33:30):
They put their hand on theheart, they say where's your
brain?
And they look around.
Right, it's not the same directlink as it is for the heart.
There's this like I don't know,it's my concrete Brains inside
your head, oh, my brain's insidemy head.
It's something that has to belearned a little bit more.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
Yeah, and imagination is so powerful.
So right before we got ontothis podcast, I do have one
kiddo still at home and he'shome all by himself.
His brothers are at school andhe was having a yucky brain
moment and I could tell heneeded my attention.
I was trying to get some workdone, I was preparing, and he
(34:11):
took off my arm of my chair.
He came in and he was likeunscrewing it, and I was like,
oh, buddy, I see that you'rehaving a tough time.
And he was like I'm not puttingyour arm back on your chair.
And I'm like, okay.
And then my husband was likeyou need to your arm back on
your chair.
And I'm like, okay, so, andthen you know.
And then my husband was like,oh, you need to put that back on
and we're giving him all thesedirectives and telling him that
he has to put the arm back inthe chair.
And he was just stuck Like Idon't care, I don't care about
(34:33):
you.
And I was like, okay, what canI do?
I was like I'm going to tapinto story and play.
And so I put a blindfold overmy eyes and he put it in and we
entered this world and we'rerunning around the house.
I was like I can't find you.
It took literally three minutesand all of a sudden he was like
oh, let me go put your arm backon your chair.
So it's really powerful how wecan tap into imagination and he
(34:56):
just walked into the room.
But it's really powerful how wecan tap into imagination to
help kids make sense of theworld.
Really powerful how we can tapinto imagination to help kids
make sense of the world.
And I mean that's just the waythey're wired to, yeah, I guess,
to make sense of the world.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Right.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Hold on one moment.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
You want to say hi.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
This is here.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
You want to say hi to Andrew real quick.
He's excited to meet you.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
This is the author of the Hug Factory.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Can you see the hug book behind me there?
Where's my finger Do?
Speaker 2 (35:26):
you see it.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
He wrote that book.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
And you got this one as well was it.
Yeah, yeah, we read that onetoo, the Boy who Searched for
Silence.
Yeah, we're just chatting aboutstories.
What's your favorite part ofthem?
Speaker 3 (35:41):
All of it stories.
What's your?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
favorite part of them All of it.
I'll come in and say that a lotof what I learned about the
brain I learned from Dr BeckyBailey, whose work is found
under ConsciousDisciplinecom,and it was astounding for me to
realize that you can't talk tokids about brain function and
the relationship between brainfunction and behavior.
(36:06):
They talk about the executivebrain in the front, the
emotional brain in the middleand the survival brain at the
back, and I had some help inwriting the stories from some of
the teachers who know thatframework and we just decided to
do the executive brain at thefront, survival brain at the
back.
But I've been in classrooms, onclassroom visits, where there's
(36:27):
a brain map on the wall wherekids are able to understand
Because we're giving them thelanguage we're feeding
repetitive, repetitive language.
It's like, oh, it looks likethey're in the emotional brain
state.
Let's wish them well and thenwe can take a breath for a
moment and we can connect to ourheart and we can wish them well
(36:47):
.
And when I mean being on thereceiving end of that as a grown
man, when there's like 25 yearolds wishing me well, it's like,
oh, my goodness, melt,completely melt.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
It is.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
That was my first book too, oh my goodness, melt,
completely melt.
That was my first book too.
I don't know if I've told thisstory, but I got a book in the
mail like maybe 10 years ago nowand I had no idea who sent it
to me and I almost threw it awaybecause I didn't know where it
came from and it was easy tolove, difficult to discipline
and I was like hovering it overthe garbage can, thinking like
(37:24):
who sent me this random book?
My mom hadn't sent it to me,like I didn't order this book,
and so I almost threw it awayand some little voice in my head
said don't throw that book away.
And then I put it on the shelffor a year and a half.
And then I got to a place inparenting where I had two
littles and I think I waspregnant with number three and
just having such a hard timethinking that I had to control
(37:44):
their behavior and that theywere bad kids because they
couldn't sit still and listenand they weren't exactly
obedient all the time and I wasbeing this very cut and dry
consequences focused parent.
And then I read that book andI'm like I have been completely
blind to everything that'sactually going on here.
And after I read that book andI'm like, oh, I have been
completely blind to everythingthat's actually going on here.
And after I read that and thenI read Gordon, you felt hold on
(38:08):
to your kids and just likedozens of other influences, but
all kind of stem from that andI'm just so grateful for for
that body of work.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah, amazing, and it just is like you know, you're
reminding me, like what it takesto be the parent.
There you are, you know, twokids, one on the way is what you
said and it was like it's likemy system needed to take a
breath and so, for the folks whoare listening and are here,
(38:39):
you've been with us for 20minutes an hour.
So long you're doing great,like the fact that you're
engaged in the conversation, thefact that you're just you.
I don't, it doesn't matter ifyou're driving the car, if
you're multitasking, doingsomething else you've got you've
chosen to listen to thispodcast.
Uh, you know it's aboutparenting.
We know we're going to exploresomething.
(38:59):
You're hoping to pick up asmall superpower.
That's what parenting is.
You're like that's good enoughWay to go.
Guys, just keep doing that.
That's incredible.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah, amen to that.
I think it's so hard being inthe trenches and living this
every day and it's really hardif you don't have the tools,
like you mentioned at thebeginning of the podcast, that
you know you're the adult,you're the one with the calm
nervous system that the childcan borrow Like.
I don't think I wish that thatwas true for the majority of
(39:36):
adults, but you know that'sthat's a dream, where we're
trying to get to that and a lotof this, like all of this work
that we're doing, can get usthere.
But I think that so many adultsare stuck in that space where
it's like I just like, if onlythis external thing would change
, if my child would listen to me, if they would fall asleep, you
know X, y or Z would change,then I would feel calm and I
(39:57):
think the work that you're doingand through Conscious
Discipline and Becky Bailey'swork, the New Felton Institute,
all these things, what they'recalling us to is just the idea
that you can have that healingthat's a you thing right, that
you can, totally you.
You can do that work and youcan find that peace and and
develop a nervous system thatyou're in tune with and you can
(40:18):
develop tools to reallyunderstand yourself and then
when you then go to try toparent or interact with a
child's the teacher, whereveryou interact with kids, that's
where the magic happens.
It's not.
It's not.
Can I modify this child'sbehavior in my classroom through
excellent classroom managementtechniques?
It's like can I show up in this, in this child's behavior in my
classroom, through excellentclassroom management techniques?
Speaker 1 (40:37):
It's like, can I?
Speaker 2 (40:37):
show up in this child's life as a safe place of
warmth and compassion andempathy, and let them borrow my
nervous system as they'redeveloping their own, you know,
as you've said, like theirbelief system about if they're
safe, if they belong, like allof those things that the framing
that we're going to keep forthe rest of our lives.
Um, anyways, tangent on justhow important this work is and
(40:59):
I'm so, so grateful to be a partof it.
I feel like it's just, I'm justgrateful and and we can
motivate why.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Why adult first?
Like if there's an adult isstill like.
I don't know why I need to dothis first, why can't my kid
just do the thing?
We're essentially like a flockof birds.
When one takes off, the entireflock takes off right, and
that's what's happening in ourbrain.
So one bird gets a littlefright, the information is
(41:33):
transmitted through the entireflock instantaneously and the
whole lot move as one.
How that plays out in the brainstate is a five-year-old on the
other side of a kindergartenclass goes into a survival state
because someone takes theirpencil.
Every brain in the class has togo.
What just happened right has togo.
(42:00):
What just happened right has tospark, has to activate again
back into the survival aspect ofthe brain to make sure that
they're okay.
And of course we know that.
You know everyone turns towardsthe loud screaming.
We're all like, we all kind offreeze when it happens and if we
step in in that moment, ourbrain is also frozen.
Our brain is also in survival.
Now how do we regulate fromthat place?
We actually can't.
(42:21):
So we want to have that littleinterruption where it goes okay.
I'm actually allowed as an adultto take a breath in a difficult
moment like this.
No one's going to die if I takea breath.
I've attended to that,Obviously.
If it was a situation that wasthat severe, you would just
attend to it like that.
But now attended to that.
Obviously, if it was asituation that was that severe,
you would just attend to it likethat.
But now you're in the classroom, just take a breath and go, and
(42:44):
then your system starts to comeonline again.
You get to wish the kid well,which is a conscious discipline
tool.
And it's similar in the hug whogot stuck.
When the hug gets stuck, one ofthe keys to getting's similar
in the in the hug who got stuckwhen the hug gets stuck, one of
the keys to getting unstuck isto focus on the heart.
The love is for right.
It puts us into an outboundservice oriented position and
(43:06):
our nervous system just justsettles right down when we get
to have that.
And and that's why adult first,like if we can, if we can do
that, that's how much change wecan affect with it, with a
classroom full of kids.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
I really love the bird analogy, um, because we,
when we see that in nature, wedon't look at that and think
like what a bunch ofdisorganized um, like distracted
, naughty birds, right.
But when we see that behaviorin five-year-olds, we're like
why are they out of?
They're out of control.
Like control, someone controlthose kids.
Like they can't settle down andthey're being naughty and
they're going to get their nameon the board and things like
(43:39):
that.
And like, oh man, if we justunderstood that this is just our
body safety system, it's partof like like a healthy, a
healthy system.
It would just change how we can, um, you know, interact with
them in that moment.
Speaker 3 (43:51):
I think it's also really important to note that
the adult, a fully developedbrain with a fully developed
brain not all adults, we know,uh, you know have fully
developed prefrontal cortexes,but they have more access to
pausing, to those breaks than avery, very underdeveloped brain.
And we're talking aboutfive-year-olds.
They have extremelyunderdeveloped brains and so
(44:13):
they don't have as much accessthat they are a hundred percent
dependent on that adult in aroom on their nervous system.
I'm a certified consciousparenting coach through the Jai
Institute for parenting and thatis what we learned right out of
the gate is parents are goingto come to you with all these
problems that they, their kids,have and they want you to fix
their kids.
We got to start with the parentbecause the kids emulate our
(44:37):
parents.
They're wired to model, Even ifwe don't, if we say one thing
and we're modeling a differentthing, they're going to go off
of what they're modeling.
Their brains are wired andconstructed to be like their
parents regardless if we likethat or not, or like the adult
in the room or whoever they have, you know, an attachment to.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Okay, so I just want you to speak to how attachment
plays into this whole.
Like you know, we've you'vewritten stories so that parents
and kids can connect at nightbefore bedtime, which I think
makes so much sense and like thebroader, the broader goal there
is to build attachment right.
(45:23):
And can you just kind of definewhat attachment is to you and
how you see these stories andkind of this way of parenting
playing into building, tobuilding relationships that have
strong kids, that have strongattachment to their primary
caregivers?
Speaker 1 (45:33):
Yeah, it's interesting because if we start
going into the adult spacearound us, we're going to be
talking about securely attachedor anxious, or anxious avoidant,
and again it's a whole melee oflabels that we're putting on
ourselves pathologically, againsaying we've somehow done
something wrong and we're lessthan and we're not functioning
(45:54):
great.
Which is why my preferred wordis connection, because
connection is a sense of.
There's a sense of we know whenit's happening.
The three of us here areconnected in a conversation.
Occasionally the internetglitches and the connection
drops.
Now we've got a very clearunderstanding of when we're
connected and when we're notconnected, of when we're
(46:15):
connected and when we're notconnected.
We're also able to then dropinto aspects of depth and in a
normal day between a parent andchild, there's plenty of things
that are kind of superficialconnected.
Hey, brush your teeth, you knowlike, put your pajamas on.
(46:36):
Is there connection happening?
Yes, is it the same connectionthat's happening in that moment
when your son is telling you hissticky thoughts after you've
been sitting in bed together for10 or 15 minutes doing story
time, snuggling?
No, those are different depthsof.
I don't know if strength is theright word If we were thinking
(47:00):
of it visually as a rope.
One would be a thin rope andone would be a nice, thick,
woven, strong rope that you'vegot between heart and heart.
Some of my training was in theworld of energetics, so we were
learning about how we hideourselves versus how we show up,
(47:22):
depending on what our patternis.
And that's it.
There's literally.
If you could see the worldthrough the lens of energy,
there's literally a littlethread that goes between me and
you because we're connecting now.
Now the threads between you andyour children are much more
developed because you've gotmuch more time in the
(47:45):
relationship, you've got muchmore equity in it and we want to
be able to have this backwardsand forwards flow of our energy.
It's a little bit like pingpong.
I'm going to hit the ball overthe net and I know you're going
to hit it back so we can keepthe game going.
And if we can keep the gamegoing, I feel better about
myself.
If we can't, then that's whatwould resemble some sort of a
(48:07):
broken attachment process and wedrop out and we're alone.
Ping pong's not as much fun byyourself.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
This is reminding me of.
We did an episode, episode 50,with Howard Glasser, the author
of the Nurtured Heart Approach,and he talks about this a little
bit.
Energy is kind of a currencybetween adults and children.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
So, yeah, wonderful idea.
If there was one thing that Icould teach more of, it be touch
, and and.
Because this was absolutelylife-changing for me and I
didn't grow up in a family wherethere was a lot of physical
affection uh, in my early 20s Ihad to learn how to hug.
It was deeply awkward anduncomfortable for me.
I was like someone would comein.
What are you doing in my space?
I don't understand this um andand and.
(48:57):
To get to the point where therewas pleasure around it and then
so there was.
Later in the time, we start torealize that these hands are
incredible.
And you know, you bang yourknee.
The first thing you do is yourhands go to your knee and that
it sets up a flow of energy thatis helpful for the nervous
system and for the recovery andfor the healing, and the whole
(49:26):
system just starts to go.
I worked with patients in comafor a series of time in South
Africa and in the hospitalenvironment.
And I learned that this is verydistracting to someone in coma.
The moving of the hand up anddown.
It's too much information totry and process.
For someone who's in that dreamstate, a firm, settled touch
with a hand in one place is muchmore comforting than movement
(49:50):
and I was like when I learnedthat, I was like that makes so
much sense for me, for myparticular system.
I'm like just put your hand inone place and I'll feel safe,
I'll know where you are.
Speaker 3 (50:03):
Yeah, I know I really want to take time just to have
gratitude for my brain, because,as you were talking, I had a
visceral reaction when you weretalking about hugs.
Because when I was in college,I was a visceral reaction when
you were talking about hugsbecause when I was in college, I
was a big sister with bigbrothers, big sisters to a
little girl who she lived withher grandparents.
(50:25):
Her mom was incarcerated andthe house was, it was just, they
were hoarders and it was veryfilthy, and so I really
developed this beautifulrelationship with her.
And again, when you said it, Icould just feel this flooding of
emotion in my body, becausewhen I left college and I moved
(50:47):
across the country, I went togive her a hug and I realized
which I'll get emotional thatshe had never been hugged before
and and and I never recognizedin the three years that I was
her big, that that touch, howpowerful it was.
And then, not to get more sad,but once I moved out to Arizona,
(51:09):
she died in a car accident andshe was hit by a drunk driver
who was trying to take his ownlife.
And so it's just so powerful,everything that we're talking
about and what you're doingthrough story to connect adults
to children, teachers tochildren, parents to children is
(51:30):
so incredibly powerful, and Ijust want to thank you for the
work that you're doing, becauseit is going to make a difference
with people that get thesebooks in their hands.
So I would love to ask reallyquick how can teachers and
educators use stories like yoursto enhance learning and
engagement?
Speaker 1 (51:49):
I mean, following the things that we've been touching
in here, let's come back to thebasics.
Do the breathing practice everystory, every time, I don't mind
if it's not my story.
Find a way to do a breath as atransition into your story time
and then you're welcome to usethe activity pages at the end to
reflect back.
You can start to identify whatis the executive function skill
(52:16):
the particular child you'reworking with is lacking and then
just ask a question that startsto bring that back.
Ask a question about time, Aska question about sequence.
Help them focus by asking themwhat the most important part of
the story was or what theirfavorite part of it was.
All of those things aredeveloping functional skills in
(52:38):
the littles and the most youknow.
To state the obvious, we wereall little ones and those little
guys they're going to be big atsome stage and running
governments and teaching inother schools and being models
for their kids.
So it's such powerful work thatthe teachers are doing to be
(53:03):
helping kids at such a young age.
My heart always goes out tothem.
They're on the front line in away that is extraordinary in
terms of service and devotion,and I have so much appreciation
for the teaching community.
Speaker 3 (53:21):
Absolutely, we do too .
And the parents on the frontline as well.
So this is a question we got towrap up.
I mean, I could talk to you foranother couple of hours, but
this is a question we ask all ofour guests, Andrew.
So who is someone who haskindled your love of learning,
curiosity, motivation?
As you're talking, we can tellyou're a very passionate person.
So who has kindled that in you?
Speaker 1 (53:40):
Well, in the story world it was Maurice Sendak with
when the Wild Things Are.
When I learned what he's donewith his art and I had to go
through an exhibition and agallery of it where they
explained it for me to go oh mygoodness, this is brilliant.
(54:01):
The little ways that he startsto use the frame of the page to
recess back into the book toconvey the dream state.
That, to me, got me reallythinking on my own understanding
in the space of really thinkingon my own understanding in the
space of writing andillustrating, and then in the
(54:26):
personal development space.
I've been such a I don't know asuper fan of Dr Shefali's that
when I was first coming into theI had only written a couple of
books.
I didn't know I was starting abusiness, I didn't know I was
going to be doing so much aroundchildren at that stage.
And there I was reading herfirst book, the Conscious Parent
, and I was like, yes, yes, yes,I like that, yes, why has
(54:48):
nobody said it like this before?
And so she's just caught someof my heart there.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
Love that, Okay.
So last question how canlisteners learn more about your
work?
Speaker 1 (54:59):
Yeah, come and hang out at ConsciousStoriescom Visit
on Instagram, which isConscious Bedtime Stories and
reach out, Share what you'restruggling with, what you're
interested in seeing forteachers and schools who'd like
an author visit?
That's one of my favoritethings to go and do a drop-in
and an immersion at a school.
(55:20):
We get to meet the parents, theteachers, the kids.
That's just my favorite thing.
But all of it is centeredthrough ConsciousStoriescom.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Love that.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
We've loved this conversation.
Speaker 1 (55:30):
Such a pleasure.
Yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (55:38):
I'm inspired by what you're doing in your community.
Thanks for having me.
We hope you enjoyed thisepisode of the Kindle podcast.
If this episode was helpful toyou, please like, subscribe and
follow us on social at Prendalearn.
If you have any questions youwould like for us to address on
the podcast, all you need to dois email us at podcast at
Prendacom.
You can also join ournewsletter, the Sunday spark, by
going to our website andsigning up.
Speaker 2 (56:00):
The Kindle podcast is brought to you by Prenda.
Prenda makes it easy for you tostart and run an amazing micro
school based on all of the ideaswe talk about here on the
Kindle podcast.
If you want more informationabout becoming a Prenda guide,
just go to Prendacom.
Thanks for listening andremember to keep kindling.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.