Randomness 2

Some podcasts need to follow their own course and go off script. This is one of those episodes. Join Apostle Dr. Lee Ann Marino and guest Julie Harvey for a return of Randomness as they discuss the essential spiritual lessons God is teaching them right now - on the job and at home - especially as they learn more about the essence of speaking to power. (Intro and Conclusion Track "Ready to Rock" by Yvgeniy Sorokin, https://pixabay.com/users/eugenemyers-40510887/. Empire Transport Track "The Beauty of Green Legends" by DTXN1,https://pixabay.com/users/dtxn1-42017842/.)

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
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Welcome to Kingdom Now, the podcast featuring Faith with an Edge.

(00:54):
As we celebrate the Kingdom of God within you.
I am your host, Dr. Lee Ann Marino, apostle, author, podcaster, professor and theologian,
and founder of Spitfire Apostolic Ministries and all the works that go along with it.
I am excited to share this program with you as we explore the ends of counterculture

(01:16):
Christianity present as you live out the Kingdom of God in your everyday life.
To learn more, visit my website at www.kingdompowerow.org.
And now, our program, which features a variety of formats here, just for you.
Interviews on a variety of relative topics, teaching and preaching proclaim everywhere from my

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North Carolina studio to sanctuary and beyond.
And powerful insights here for now as we turn the world upside down everywhere we go.
Well, good morning, good afternoon, good evening.

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Happy whatever time update is wherever you are.
And to our listeners and all the English-speaking countries because I haven't said hi to you
in a while, we say hi.
We hope that whatever time of day is when you are listening that you are having a good
one.
And I welcome you to this edition of the Kingdom Now podcast and I am your host, Apostle
Dr. Lee Ann Marino here as the Spitfire serving as the voice of counterculture Christianity

(02:23):
where we feature the theme of faith with an edge.
And if you would like to learn more about the world of counterculture Christianity, feel
free to visit my website at www.kingdompowernow.org.
Well, here we are and we have no idea what we are talking about today.
And actually, before you all think that's weird, you should know we've done it before.

(02:44):
So my returning guest, Julie Harvey and I did an episode a while ago called Randomness.
Were we pretty much just talked about whatever was on our mind, whatever God was really showing
us and whatever it was that we were learning in that moment, particularly as pertain to
the work of the Apostle.
What are we going to talk about today?

(03:05):
It's anybody's guess, but we know that we're supposed to be here and we know that there's
a word that's going to drop.
And so before I go on too much, I'd like to turn this over and introduce my guest, Julie
Harvey from Adelaide, Australia, who is not ordinary and is not going to tell people that
she's ordinary.
And before we go on, Julie, sad everybody tell me a little bit about yourself.

(03:28):
Hi, everybody.
And it's so funny that we talked about that last time, but I think every time you ask
me, tell us a little bit about yourself or whatever and I can never normally come up with anything.
And I was thinking about that on and off.
Well, every now and again, I think about it and I laugh about it, about the fact that

(03:49):
every time I come on, I do that, I sort of my mind goes blank.
And I think there's a meme that relates to that.
Tell us a little bit about yourself when you're going around in a circle and people just
think, oh my goodness, I've just forgotten everything about myself.
I don't know why.
And it's quite funny, but I just thought when I was laughing about it to myself, that that's

(04:12):
the thing, you know, I suppose in myself, I am nothing and in God, I am sort of it's like
I'm everything that he's called me to be.
So yeah, I am still finding out what that is, but a little bit changed lately, I guess.
I can see things a little bit clearer, but I still wouldn't really say that I am, you know,

(04:41):
yeah, I still, I'm still sort of like that.
And the funny thing was I had this whole thing thought up.
Of the next time I go on, I'm going to say, and I'm here again at the same gate thinking,
well, what do I really say about myself?
I don't know, I still think that I'm in the process of a lot of things.

(05:07):
I would agree with that.
And I can't really define what I really am because I'm always changing.
Maybe I'm a bit little bit like a chameleon, you know, always changing my colours.
You just want to be trendy.
I do.
I just want to be.
That's it, you know.

(05:30):
Yeah, but isn't it just, you know, I guess it relates to the funny old world that we're
living in at the moment, you know, you've got to be all things to all, all things to all people
sort of thing, you know, so one day you could be, I don't know, a confidant, a confidant,
someone, you know, I tell you everything they go on through and all the feelings and you'll

(05:54):
think, oh my goodness, I, I thought,
my life was bad, no, you know, I don't know.
I just guess I'm here for people to talk to, but I've learnt a lot about my boundaries lately,
you know, about how much I can let people, you know, and I've found that I'm just standing

(06:15):
up for myself more lately.
You know, I don't know.
Am I telling you, I'm probably turning this into, you know, the podcast before I'm even
introduced and leave it at that.
Well, but I was going to say, but you kind of are and I think that some of the things that

(06:36):
you just brought up are kind of relevant because first of all, a lot of people don't change
and therefore they don't stay current and therefore they don't really wind up leaving
an impact.
And so I think that actually when we were talking about doing this episode, I was kind of thinking

(06:57):
about the change myself in that the way I see myself and I see the ministry that I do very
differently than I did maybe 10 or 15 years ago.
And I would say that that change is kind of parallel in a certain way.
I remember in one of these episodes, we did, you came on and you made the point how,

(07:18):
you know, remember when we first got saved and how if we, you know, had too bad thoughts
in a row, we felt convicted for the rest of the day.
Yeah.
And now we're here and we've really kind of transformed through that and in connection
with that and with all of the things that you had just kind of pointed out and said,

(07:42):
I think that all of that does relate to a lot of what's going on and what's coming
for you in that the importance of learning to stand up for yourself and knowing yourself
and having all that identity really matters.
Yeah.
Because I will say that I had an experience yesterday or whether I shared it with you
or not a little bit lian about with my work situation.

(08:05):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And something that occurred and I found myself, I was talking to my co-ordinator about it,
my boss and I, and I was just going to leave it at that, you know, something that
had happened and I was just sort of going to leave it at that and not say anything.
But I just felt so strongly, no, I've got to say something about what's happened.

(08:28):
I couldn't just let it fly, let it slide without, without having my say that I was, and
what a really well, I'm like, I won't go into it of course, but, but what I really say is
I was angry about a certain situation and normally I'm sort of like, I'm a little bit
mousy, I don't, I wouldn't go on about it.

(08:51):
I just, I'd be angry and I might tell my friends or, you know, and guess what happened today
and then another one of my, another one of my work friends that I worked with, I'd go to
my, because I've got to, I worked two jobs and so I would have gone to my second job and
told my workmate they were about it and guess what happened to me today and I probably

(09:12):
would have, you know, and she would have been the recipient of the whole thing, but I just
sort of felt this time, I thought, no, I've got to say something.
I had to sort of say, I'm not happy about this.
I think the other person involved in it, even though I didn't see that other person to their

(09:34):
face or I don't even know who it is because I wasn't told and I don't, that sort of didn't
involve me.
But it was something that had happened and it chose, it caused me to, yeah, I don't really
want to go into it, but it just sort of put me on the back full and I thought, you know,
what had happened was, was not fair.

(09:55):
I was squeezed out of a situation and I was, you know, like, yeah, I can't really go into
it any further without disclosing too much information, but no, I had to have my say.
I had to stand up and say, I don't think this is right.

(10:15):
I think this is wrong.
And in fact, I went a little bit step further than I said, actually, you know, I'm very angry
about this and I told her, you know, and I told her why I was angry about it and I thought,
oh my goodness, it's just straight away, I panicked.
Oh my goodness, I've, like, I haven't gone too far in this because it, it was an email,

(10:35):
you know.
I hope I haven't said too much, but I had to have my say.
And then I started thinking, you know, like you always do, should I have said that?
But she can't make it said, no, that's all right.
I realized that you're venting.
And so what I said, I was venting in the email, I'm sorry, I have to vent about this.
I have to say something.

(10:56):
And so she was understanding, she, you know, she understood me and, and that.
And so I sort of felt, you know, a little bit last night and maybe even a little bit today,
I'm going to, oh, should I really have said that, you know, you sort of go back to that default
setting, you want to call it.
And yeah, and so I still, I'm still thinking, oh, probably shouldn't have said it, but I've

(11:20):
got to stop myself.
No, I had to say it.
I had to say it because, you know, I felt discarded.
I felt like I'd just been thrown away.
No, no, no, yeah, that's all right.
So you spoke to power.
I did.
I sort of just said, I'm not happy with the way it happened.

(11:44):
You know, I'm angry about, and I found, and this is it, I found that once, because I felt
all those emotions before I'd said anything and I wasn't going to say anything and normally
like I said, I would hold back and I would go to work and maybe tell my co worker about
what happened.
And but I thought to myself, no, and so I did what I did.

(12:06):
And but I noticed that once I had done what I did, once I had vented to the person and told
them how I felt, the feelings of anger, they disappeared after that.
I'd said what I needed to say and it just fizzled, it just fizzled away.

(12:26):
Whereas I think if I had just done what I normally did and kept that bottle in, it would have
fizzled away and it would have been even worse if I for me if I hadn't said anything, but
because I said my peace, it became peaceful, I became peaceful.
So I was obviously I was meant to say it.
I had to.

(12:47):
Right.
Right.
No, you were meant to say it.
And that's what the thing that kind of struck me as you were talking about it was
first of all, the ordinaryness of it.
And the reason I say that is not as a put down, but that we often forget that when we are
living life, that our training for better things or bigger things or whatever kind of things

(13:11):
you want to say, very much comes from ordinary life.
And maybe you had to say this and it wasn't the most extraordinary circumstance or maybe
it wasn't one that even in the long run really changed anything because I think we get hung
up on this idea that we should speak and things should always be different.

(13:32):
And life doesn't always life does not always work like that.
But as you pointed out, you had to speak it and it had to be released and you spoke it to
power versus maybe speaking it to somebody that really can't do anything but commiserate
with you.
Yeah.
And in the process, you did get something from it.

(13:52):
Now maybe it wasn't the change you might have dreamed or maybe the situation you wanted
to see a whole different circumstance, but it still mattered.
And it was still speaking to power because you had to take it where it needed to go.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Instead of emotionally dumping on my friend at work who's got enough problems of

(14:15):
her own and I mean, I still told her about it, but it was different.
She wasn't different.
It wasn't like I was handing her a burden to carry.
Do you know what I mean?
Sometimes we do that to people.
They call it emotional dump, you know, you sort of dump on people a little bit.
And maybe we do, sometimes we do.
I mean, it's okay.
You got that sort of accountability with someone like I have with you, but you know, sometimes

(14:40):
people that don't need it, they've got enough of their own problems.
And because we've got nowhere else to go, we take it to them and we ran and raved to them
and they think, probably thinking, oh my God, don't tell me what can I do about it?
And maybe that might make them angry.
Oh, you know, I'm not saying it didn't and that usually doesn't because we can, me and my

(15:05):
other friend can usually talk it out.
But, you know, there's a certain, I don't know, weight behind things sometimes.
And she didn't have to carry that this time.
Like you said, I sent it to where it needed to go.
And I felt an instant release.
And well, I hope my boss on the other end didn't sort of feel weighted by it, but that's

(15:28):
her job.
And that's what just came to me then.
No, that's what she's in that position.
She's getting paid money to, right, these situations.
Exactly.
That's her job.
It's not your job and your friend's job to figure this out.
It's your job to take it to power and then to figure it out and you know, whether it's

(15:49):
look, I understand your frustrated and, you know, don't worry about it, which is basically
what you were told.
Or it's something that maybe sometimes, hey, let's deal with this differently.
It matters.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's quite interesting, you know, that situation only came up yesterday.
And we really, we planned this the other day and we sort of like before it happened and

(16:13):
we sort of, you know, said, well, we'll just have another random conversation.
We'll see where it goes.
And so then the next day, something relevant popped up, popped up, right?
Got you that it was going to happen.
Of course.
Right.
So yeah, it was quite interesting way to open this show sort of things.

(16:33):
Yeah.
Training.
Training in ways we don't expect because you know, everybody thinks I'm reminded of
a ministry message that I gave a couple years ago and it was called stop trying to do God's
job.
And I pointed out that when the Israelites took the promised land, the first thing God

(16:55):
had them do was circumcise all the men in set boundary stones.
And I made the joke.
I said, you know, everybody probably thought all they were going to go in there and they
were going to do all this big stuff.
And they were going to do all this important stuff.
And we're here now.
And yeah, and God says, no, y'all go get circumcised and y'all move some rocks.
And it's funny to us, but these things really do matter.

(17:20):
These things where we get our training ground speaking to your boss because you know, if
you can speak to your boss, you can speak to your world leader.
You can speak to a minister.
You can speak to anybody basically.
It's learning these principles in our everyday lives and ways that we often don't consider

(17:40):
but we want to skip.
You know, we want to skip all these steps.
And the interesting thing, too, Lee Ann is later on that night, I was sitting there watching
Telly and I was thinking, I had all these hurt feelings car afterwards and I was sort
of sifting through them and all the rest of it.
And I thought, and what presented itself to me and what the thought that came to me

(18:04):
was.
There's an opportunity here to become better over what's just happened.
You know what I mean?
And it was almost like there was a gate there and I could see it sitting there waiting.
And the scripture that comes to mind is when Cain killed Abel or whether it was before
or after he killed Abel, well, must have been before because he sent to him, the sin is crouching

(18:28):
at your door.
You must master it.
Right.
And that's sort of, am I going to let this situation become bitter?
Am I going to get bitter over this?
Or am I going to learn more from it?
You know, because the hurt feelings started coming up afterwards because I, because once
again, I'm sitting there at the end of the day and the thoughts of everything that happened

(18:51):
again, starting to go through my mind, you know, as they do when you're starting to unwind
and look back on the day and what's happened just sort of start thinking again.
And I was trying, what I really had to try and avoid was stewing over it if you like because
I didn't want it me to be, to keep hold of an offense, you know, because we've got to

(19:15):
try and let that go.
So I had to forgive and I, and I'm just guess to even this morning still thinking about
that I've still got that little bit of a it there in my spirit over it.
And I'm thinking, I've got, I just have to forgive people, just forgive them for what's
happened.
They don't really understand and, you know, I've got to let it go basically.

(19:41):
And I get, I've got to keep, every time it comes back to me, I've got to really, I've got
to let it go again and again for a while.
It'll fade away in the next couple of days.
We'll, we'll fade into the background with all the other new challenges that are going
to come along every day.
Every damn day.
Yeah, that's right.

(20:01):
You know.
So that's how I'm feeling even now.
I think I've got to risk that temptation to, because the night before, because I forgot
to mention this the night before was when I got the email about this client and this situation

(20:24):
and it was after working hours and so my email went back and I asked the question, were
they not happy?
Was the client not happy?
And, and I had to wait overnight for the answer, but my spirit was already feeling a release
and a relief that I didn't have to deal with that situation anymore because basically

(20:47):
that's what happened.
I was released from a certain situation and I don't have to deal with it anymore.
So my spirit was trying to, because really it's a blessing in, in disguise, because there's
a bit of a backstory to it that I won't go into, but it's, it's a blessing in disguise.
And so mentally, I already knew that.
That's interesting.

(21:08):
But I was, once I found out the truth in the next morning she told me a little bit more,
that's when I thought, right, because I sort of expected it.
I knew that I had to tell me a bit more to confirm my thoughts, which were negative about
it, but I was right, you know.

(21:29):
And so once you confirmed it, that's when all the anger came up and yeah, basically, I,
I was expecting it, but I still, I was still angry when I, when I knew for real.
That was, I was right about it.
But what God was trying to, and I know that's how I came back to it last night as well when

(21:53):
I was thinking I brought, was, no, this is a blessing in disguise.
God had already told me, He's released me from it.
It's better for me as well.
But I won't have to deal with that situation anymore.
It's better for me.
But see, even knowing all that, I was still angry.
Yeah.
Well, either way, with the way that other person did it, you know, yeah.

(22:18):
I'm kind of feeling convicted as you talk.
And so I'm going to have to tell my story now.
Oh, that's a couple of days.
So and actually, I haven't really talked to you about any of this because it's like,
I guess that I hadn't really thought a lot about it or hadn't really thought enough about it.
So my day job is for the federal government and I am not going to say what I do or the

(22:42):
agency that I work for.
I do not work for agent orange, just in case anybody is curious about that.
I don't have anything to do with the current administration.
But I work as a civilian employee for the government.
And my major job is data collection and processing.
If I'm going to, you know, kind of summarize it.

(23:03):
And every month, I'm assigned cases and basically you have to get those cases done.
And this month has actually been really, really hard.
So last month, I mean, my cases got done and I didn't really have to do a whole lot.
People did them by mail, people took care of the information online.
I had really cooperative and really helpful people when I had to go deal with them in

(23:26):
person.
And so I like breeze through my cases and I'd like 22, 23 cases.
I breeze through them in about a week.
So much so I'm going to my supervisor and asking for more to make up for some more hours.
And this month has been the opposite of last month.
Yeah.

(23:47):
Well, we'll know.
So, so, so, so, you guys have to be an honest.
Don't think you're out.
Why?
Yeah.
Last month, this month, nobody did it in the mail.
No.
And I had, I was like, oh my God, how am I going to get all these cases done.
And somehow, some way I come to the end of the week and I find that I'm almost half

(24:12):
finished.
So I will still be able to do cases in other counties.
But what came up for me was that I mean, some of the stuff I had a woman lecture me about
her feelings about federal government bullying her and that she felt the agency was threatening
her, which I said, I don't know where she got any of that from because we all have the
same literature that we hand out and no one else felt that way.

(24:36):
And another one thought we were giving her a house and I don't know where she got that
idea from.
And then yesterday I had someone literally slam the door in my face.
And what I tell people is that I don't take it personally because these people have no
idea who I am.
You know, they're not doing it.

(24:56):
It could be anybody standing out there.
It could have been Ed McMahon with a check and I think some of these people wouldn't open
the door.
But we, you know, you don't take it personally, but after several hours of that and like
in particular this week, it starts to weigh on you.
You know, you start to really feel badly about whatever it is that you were doing.

(25:19):
And the thing that kind of spoke to me at the same time is that I've been doing a re-edit
on some of my older books and updating covers and updating, you know, little bits of material
here and there and some have been real major overhalls like the ministering LGBTQ book was
a major overhaul.

(25:40):
And the ones I've been doing the past month, I've done, I'm unlike my third or fourth one,
they're very minor, you know, basically a little grammatical error editing and updating my
bio and photo at the back because I have not been blonde for over two and a half years.
So it's definitely updates some of that stuff.

And the book I've been doing at current is A Heart God can use (25:59):
the journey to the center
of his will, which I very highly recommend if you're really wanting to grow in your relationship
with God because as I'm doing it, mind you, I wrote the book.
I am sitting there and recognizing the relevance of things like that you're talking about with

(26:20):
forgiveness because I'm thinking of what Jesus said on the cross and he said, forgive
them for they know not what they do.
That one, I've had that scripture come up, I can't remember the context, but I remember
I had come up for me this week.
There you go.
You're thinking about things, yeah.

(26:41):
There it was because and well, what it came up for me is that these people that I'm dealing
with, they don't know who I am and they don't know what they're talking about and they don't
know who they're talking to and they really don't know.
They just see somebody who's annoying them as far as they're concerned, which if they were
just, they were supposed to do, I wouldn't have to annoy them.

(27:04):
But when it comes down to it, they don't know that someone who is standing on that door
step or who is calling them on the phone is an apostle is somebody who's preached all
over the world is somebody who's written all these books.
They don't know who I am.
I'm sure one of these days I'll get spotted in somebody will go, gee, you look familiar

(27:24):
or they will remember me from something, but we're not there yet.
And so what that kind of says to me is that when we're dealing with these things where these
people are really not doing right boss, when they're really not being kind to us, when they're
really not treating us the way that they should, they really don't know what they're doing.

(27:46):
No, that's wrong.
It's interesting is enough that I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, they have no idea.
And then you'd be the question, well, if they knew what it matter, what would some people
maybe not, but with some people it probably would.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(28:10):
Well that reminds me of another scripture where Jesus was walking along the road with the
two disciples and they, they were God's people.
They didn't know who he was either.
Right.
And along talking for ages and you know, they didn't recognize him did they until revealed
him so all of a sudden they realized who it was.

(28:32):
They were talking to him.
And I think that in those moments like the one you had where you had to speak to power,
I did have to make a judgment call us to whether or not to continue to pursue a case, but
when we have those moments like where you had to speak to power, I think that that is a

(28:54):
reminder of who we are.
And I think even if nobody around us knows, we know.
Yeah, and we need to like, how do I, how do I word this?
It's about we need to respect, I don't know, respect ourselves maybe.
Respect ourselves a little bit more to be able to say.

(29:17):
I mean, of course, there are people that are the exact opposite to that in that, their
full of themselves, mate.
Oh, definitely.
Yeah, no.
And I mean, we don't even need to mention these people at the moment because they're on
the world stage and because we all know who they are.

(29:39):
And we all know that they're sprouting off some of that some, a lot of crap basically.
Yeah.
You know, because they're in this position, they get to do a like and yeah, so it's a certain
extent.
We won't go, we won't, we won't go into that.
It's actually not as simple as people think, but yeah, to a certain extent, it seems that

(30:04):
way.
Yeah, it does.
Yeah.
But they do, we'll just say that they tend to open their mouth and make a lot of mistakes.
So let's say.
And in keeping with that and that's where our training and our preparation comes in because
it's like you say, we don't want to say nothing.
We just want to be able to go about our day and do our job and go home and make our money

(30:30):
and live our lives and not, you know, deal with and having to confront all this stuff.
And so God has to really push us sometimes.
Maybe you know, that's the difference is some of these people they just don't stop talking.
Yeah, that's right.
Sure.
I think they need to.
They need the opposite lesson.

(30:50):
Shut up.
They used to say, go sit down somewhere, you know.
Yes, they did.
I was going to say, I think, well, let me say this.
I think everybody needs the gift of shut up.
Yeah.
And I think we only need the gift of shut up because we need to know when to speak and
when that.
The Bible says this is time to be silent and time to speak.
You notice a time to be silent this first.

(31:10):
And so I very much go on to premise that sometimes we all just need to be quiet.
And we need to wait for that, that urging or that stirring or that pushing.
You know, if we look at people in scripture who spoke power because a lot of people are
talking about this kind of in one context or another nowadays, they either had a vision

(31:33):
or God gave them a word and God sent them with a word.
They didn't just talk because they had to see something.
They said something because they had a message.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I have been going through for the last two or three years.

(31:53):
Another situation where God has had to hold the reins back on me and I have been like,
you know, like they say breaking in a whole wild horse.
And you know, the horse has to be held back.
The horse has to be bitten bright or you know, and there's even a scripture about that
too, about about self-control.

(32:15):
How you've got to learn and I don't know how many times God has had to hold me back.
But since coming into a new, I don't, Realms, not the best word, but I can't really think
of what I'm trying to say.
Well, let's just say a new chapter.

(32:37):
Okay.
Now I'm finding that God is now showing me why he had to hold me back.
If that makes sense.
That always held back so much.
And you know what I am so relieved that I didn't say some of the things or do some of the
things that I wanted to say and do.
I am so grateful that I didn't.

(33:01):
And I sort of knew that at the time, one I knew, I thought one day I'm going to see why I
was told not to say anything, why God held me back.
No, stay quiet.
When it was killing me, I was bursting at the seams to open my mouth and say, and to do certain
things.
And I just either I wasn't giving it, it felt like, you know, we can always blame the devil

(33:24):
and say, oh, the devil is blocking me.
He's stopping me from doing it.
And some of the time it's God, it is God stopping us and saying no.
And I had to hear no so much that I got so tired of it.
But until I got into this new chapter, let me just say I mean, I won't go into it.
It's rather personal, but I've had a lot of inner changes and come through a lot of stuff

(33:51):
even since our last podcast.
And I can honestly say, I am so grateful.
That I didn't do and say a lot of things that I wanted to do and say.
And now that I'm on the other side of it, I understand that.
And I have more freedom now, but now some of the things that I wanted to say and do, I
am no longer interested in because I know they were never God's will to start with.

(34:17):
So, imagine I'm thinking, I mean, I mean, I don't even know what would have happened
if I had just gone against God and did what I wanted to do.
But it probably would have been a big old mess that would have been harder to clean up after.
On to handle.
Yeah, just to handle the results of, yeah, that's right.

(34:40):
So I have no idea.
Well, I don't have to even worry about that.
I'm not going to, you know, dwell on that too much because let's just face it.
We've got too much to do.
We do. And it's like, you know, you're pointing out with there are times and you went through

(35:01):
a long season where you weren't supposed to say anything.
The season shifted.
You have your voice.
I know like when I first started taking this job or sometimes what I did with with my day
job is that I feel like I could be doing so many other things.
Yeah.
Or I could be, you know, like I could be doing this to that.
But the reality is that is we can obviously hear whether I like it or not.

(35:24):
There are things I'm learning and there are things of value that are very, very essential
to this experience that relate to what we're doing when things start to move in a different
way.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
And then you look back and you think, oh, I'm so glad I didn't do that.
I'm so glad I didn't do that way that I wanted so desperately to go.

(35:46):
And now I'm so glad that I didn't.
And God's ways are always a little bit moved.
They are, oh, we cried for you.
I say that with great hesitation, but yeah, they are.
Yeah, yeah, it's just been a very interesting couple of months.

(36:09):
I must say a lot has changed.
I found a lot of things that I would not have been able to handle 12 months ago.
I am handling them quite well because I'm on the other side of those lessons now.
Right.
And a lot of the things that I was carrying, I'm no longer carrying, you know, and I'm

(36:31):
sure that I mean, we're always going to have challenges and there are always things,
but I just feel I've been through like nights where I felt a lot lighter mentally and spiritually,
because certain chapters are closed out and done.
But I'm still learning from them.

(36:51):
I'm still, you know, as I'm going forward and different things are cropping up, I'm thinking,
oh, I never saw that.
Or isn't that funny?
Now I now I understand that a little bit better.
Now I can see that in it.
And because I'm seeing it from the other side, you know, wow, yeah.

(37:13):
That's amazing.
Wow.
But, yeah, but of course there are always new challenges and new lessons.
So, yeah, that's ongoing.
And new things, still tell us we can't say.
That's right.
Don't forget that part.
That's the part we don't really want to hear.
Because now, yeah, yeah.

(37:35):
It's not become a free for all.
No, well, that's right.
Because I, at the end of last, I don't know whether I mentioned it in our last podcast about
the turning of the water into the wine and how Jesus wasn't released to do that.
And he said, my time has not yet come.
And then all of a sudden it was.

(37:57):
And at the time when I was saying, when I was talking to you about that, I was thinking
things were going to go a certain way and blah, blah, blah.
And they didn't.
But, you know, it still didn't.
It didn't go the way I thought it was.
But it doesn't mean to say that that lesson wasn't relevant at the time because it was still
something that I had to do.

(38:19):
Right.
But once I did that, it unraveled everything.
It sort of unraveled everything that was there that shouldn't have been, you know what
I mean?
And I saw things in a different light that I hadn't seen before and it was painful.
It was hard to go through.
But once I'd been through it, like I said, I was glad.

(38:42):
And then I thought, you know, I'm so glad that I didn't, when God was holding me back with
those reins, I appreciated that now.
I appreciated the times when I was held back.
You know, I guess you could say it's discipline.
It's God's discipline, really.
I would definitely discipline.

(39:03):
He disciplines us for our own good, not for, you know, we think it's horrible and painful
and what does it have to be like this?
And we can get all huffy about things.
But in reality, he's saving us from ourselves.
Our selves, that's right.

(39:24):
It's stopping us from making a big old mess.
And maybe it's only a little mess to clean up, but it could have been a lot.
You know, that's what I'm saying.
You probably still got a little bit of collateral damage to deal with, but nothing like it
would have been if you hadn't, if he hadn't of held you.

(39:46):
So yeah, it's been very interesting.
And that proves to that no matter how spiritual we are.
And I'm saying this very sincerely, okay, I know you're laughing.
But you know, I'm laughing when you're saying that because that's how spiritual we feel.
The Bible says that we see through a glass darkly and no matter how much prophetic insight,

(40:12):
we feel we have no matter how much we think we can get it right or that we have it right,
we can be wrong.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I've had to be taken down a peg or two.
Let me tell you that right now.
I've got to show you things that I thought.
It's like it was humbling experience, but I'm glad I went through, I'm glad now.

(40:38):
Whereas see 12 months ago, I would know, I think about that.
And I think I would never have been able to handle that 12 months ago.
I would have.
That's why it came when it did.
Yeah, it had to weigh.
He couldn't, you know, I couldn't be showing that there and it would have destroyed.
And honestly, in some ways, it would have destroyed me, I think, because I wasn't ready.

(41:00):
So it's like a kid wanting their own way.
We're an adult and we can see, no, you can't have that.
And they're like, boy, but why?
And they beg us and they, you know, all the rest of it and they nag us and I don't want
to bring them.
I don't want to mention it.

(41:23):
Yeah, but, you know, we, we nagged God, look a little kid.
Oh, but come on, God, I want to do this.
I want to do that.
I mean, and he's like, no, no, no.
And then when we grow up a little bit, we think, oh, gee, I'm so glad God didn't give

(41:44):
me what I wanted.
I know that's cliche in a way, isn't it?
Yeah, but it's true.
I mean, it might be cliche, but it's still the truth.
I mean, and that's what spiritual maturity is supposed to be about.
I mean, we can be saved for 20 years and still be a baby because we have not matured.

(42:06):
And I mean, you know, just like that sounds absurd to us in the natural realm, it should
be that absurd in spiritual.
Yeah.
Because he says, but, you know, when we, when we first come to God and we, we, we're all
called children of God, or you're a child of God, but then later on, we become the sons of

(42:26):
God.
So in other words, we've, we've become adults.
We're not children anymore.
We put away childish things, basically.
And, you know, now we can see a little bit more like God sees because we're matureing, we're
growing up with the size of God.
Right.

(42:46):
And no longer tossed it, there's another scripture that talks about being tossed to and
throw by the winds of doctrine by different things, you know, even in our own mind.
We always apply that to teachings that we're hearing like preachers and things, but no,
I think it's the teachings that we sometimes come up within our own mind.
You know, we're all being taught things every day and we teach ourselves a little bit

(43:11):
every day.
You know, we, we study things.
And we look into things, we learn about things.
Yeah.
Ideally.
It's interesting that we can be tossed to and throw by our own teachings, can't we?
And then God will have to say, hang on a minute, that's not quite right.
Right.
May have a little bit of true to it, but it's not quite right.

(43:34):
And I think that's the danger really, isn't it?
Of becoming, you're not, you're not teachable anymore when you, when you've become determined,
I can't be wrong.
I am right about this and I am not going to listen to anybody else.
And that is such a, especially spiritually more than anything else.
That's a very dangerous place to be.

(43:56):
Right.
I think.
Oh, I totally agree.
And I'm thinking about what we talked about on your, on our step so that we did together
about hitting the black and about the concept of hitting the target, you know, we can,
you know, maybe be somewhere on the bulls eye.
Like you say, you know, we might be hitting the red or we might be hitting the white, depending

(44:20):
on whatever kind of a thing it is.
And we can think that that is absolutely the center of God's will for us or the perfect
will or, you know, however you want to put it.
And we can be totally wrong about that.
And you know, we might not be devoid of God.
We might not be, you know, lacking in something in that vein, but we're missing the

(44:41):
insight that we need to move forward.
You know what God just said to me, you could be hit, you could be hitting a whole different
dartboard.
Oh, that's just kind of, it's just kind of like, you know, I thought, oh my goodness, we really
are in trouble.
Okay.
So now if that's the case, and this is why I'm living to that, that would be me.
I don't know how to play darts.

(45:03):
I don't give me, don't give me something with a sharp object and tell me to throw it because
I'll be hitting somebody else's dartboard.
Yeah, yeah, you're even at the wrong dartboard.
You shouldn't even be over there.
Well, you were, see that's how God has to train us.
No, no, no, no, no, no, and he's pulling you back.
I mean, another example, you take your dog for a walk.

(45:24):
I mean, I used to have this little jack Russell Terrier and, oh, yeah.
And so in the end of my husband used to try and take her for a walk, you know, and we'd
put, and she just had a collar and we'd put the lead on the collar and you'd get her
out there and she would just be running and she'd be running trying to run so hard that
she'd be choking herself like, you didn't have one of those little suits.

(45:50):
You know, nowadays I've got a little harness.
Right.
So you put a little harness on them and they're because they're easier to steer with one
of those little harnesses.
But we didn't have any idea where we'll take the dog for a walk.
Gee, that'd be a good idea.
And she used to be pulling on that chain, you know, a
little, a little bit of a shock.
But she'd be choking.

(46:10):
Oh, wait.
So in the end, we sort of gave up walking the dog.
But honestly, just that memory coming back to me of the dog choke.
And that's what we're like as kids.
Oh, yeah.
You got your child, children in God.
We're like little kids.

(46:31):
We weren't listening.
We're choking on that chain because he's had to pull back all the time because we're,
is that dog actually, she got out one, oh, she got out a couple of times and ran away when
there were fireworks.
This one, not.
Uh-huh.
Is he?
She got out and she ran.
She ran all the way to the rack base.
And it was over three miles away.

(46:52):
Oh, my.
It's a long way away.
Like over all the fields by midnight.
And we didn't, we thought she was gone forever.
We drove round and around and around the whole, I mean, I did all night.
My husband went off and got drunk.
And I was with the kids from across the road because they were kids then.
I still know those people to this day and their adults now they're growing up.

(47:15):
It was, it was over 20 years ago.
This happened.
And so we were driving around the car looking for, no, she was completely gone.
We got a fight because she had a disc on so she was registered.
So she had a disc on.
And so we got a phone call the next morning from the rack base that she rocked up there
around midnight and they took her in.
Oh, my.
Hey, took her in and they give her water and give her food.

(47:37):
So we got her back.
It was a miracle that we got her back.
But it took, it honestly, it took years off that dog's life.
She was gray after that.
She went gray.
So she was so frightened of the fireworks because you know what dogs are like with fireworks.
They get to.
Oh, yeah.
So she got out.
I mean, we saw, I see, I had a funny feeling I should have kept her inside.

(48:00):
But I went against my own better judgment.
Because we were across the road.
We went to a party at the house across the road.
We knew the people.
So, but we saw her scale the fence.
And before I could get up out of my seat, she was gone.
There was no way.
She was a fast little dog that you know with her little legs.

(48:23):
And she was gone.
So anyway, just lucky that someone found her.
So yeah, the walking that that dog was just a disaster because you know, and if she'd
got off that lead, that's what I'm trying to say.
Then she'd just run and end up lost.
And we're the same.
If God's not.

(48:43):
If he's not continually looking after us, then guess what?
We're going to be like that dog choking on that chain.
Scale in that fence.
Scale in that.
Scale in that.
We're going to scale the fence.
God puts us on a lead.
We choke on the lead.
There you go.
Because like that horse I was talking about, eventually the horse becomes tame.

(49:07):
Eventually, after so much training, that horse can be ridden.
And you know, is trainable then.
And the horse notice when they're being, when they've done, when they've ridden the horse,
you bring your horse back.
And unless it gets spooked, which is whole another story, you could go into.

(49:28):
You could go into a tangent about that.
When the horse, once the horse is fully trained, the horse can go anywhere.
And I guess that's what God is sort of saying.
You'll be able to go places that you would, you would never be able to go.
If you're untrained, if God can't control you, if God can't, if you can't let God be

(49:50):
in control, basically, then in what you, you really, you can't be trusted.
And you're going to make a man, you're going to make a mess of things.
And I'm sort of thinking about certain things that are going on in the world today.
And you know what I'm going to say.
And I'm not going to go into it.

(50:13):
But there are people that are in positions that shouldn't be in them because, I don't know
what they're doing.
They're out there running like that dog, running like the dog.
And they're going to get lost.
And they're not, they're not teachable.
They're not, they can't, they're, they're unbendable.
They're, they're not.

(50:35):
So they're not really going where God wants them to go.
And people are deceived into thinking that maybe that's what they, you know, they're doing
the right thing.
But I'm telling you now, no, because, because they've never had the experience of being
detained, you know, trained properly.
They don't really know what they're doing.

(50:58):
But it's, it's true of us as people, you know, like, like I was saying.
We, so God says, well, no, you can't be trusted with that.
So you don't move on into your next chapter because you, you can't be trusted, basically.
Mm hmm.
With certain things, whereas if you let God train you down the track, you'll be, you'll

(51:22):
be entrusted.
And, and I'm even thinking of the man with the five talents and the man with the three talents.
With the talents, the talent and the person with the one talent.
And he hit it away.
He thought his talent wasn't good enough.
So he hit it away.
He'll, I can't be bothered with that.
That's just nothing.
He with, he taught it with, you know, with contempt.

(51:44):
So in the end, it got taken away.
And really what it was saying, I think, to me, it's, it just says he could, he just couldn't
be trusted with it.
He didn't do with it.
What God wanted him to do with it.
He just did what he wanted, what he wanted to do.
That's one of the judges.
They did what they wanted to do.

(52:07):
And whatever they wanted to do, and guess what?
It wasn't what God wanted.
And the funny thing is that I didn't say anything because you were talking and you can vouch
that I'd, you know, you were talking and I didn't say anything.
When you were talking, I had judges in my mind and then you started talking about the, the
talents that I was thinking about that problem.

(52:27):
And I think that the way that you put that is very, very important that in other words,
they did whatever they wanted to do with something.
And they did it to their ends.
And judges is a wonderful book to look at what happens when we just do things the
way we want to do them.
Yep.
And yeah, I had that lesson a couple of weeks ago too where God was actually showing me that

(52:49):
with people, just with certain people that I know.
And I looked, was looking at that person, I was thinking, you know, what?
That person's got a lot more freedom than what I've got.
And that person just does whatever the hell they want.
And I was finding myself getting jealous because I'm thinking, you know, what, that's
not fair, God.
Why, to some people, just, they've got so much and they've got so much freedom.

(53:17):
And they've, but you know what, they just do whatever they want.
They just do whatever they want.
I'm thinking, you know what, that's not fair, God.
God just reminded me, you know what, there's a judgment day at the end of all of this.
Amen.
Still a judgment day at the end of all of this.
And every single person that's ever lived is going to stand before God and have to account,

(53:38):
what did you do with what I gave you?
Whether they're saved or not, everyone's been given, I mean, you can tell, oh, that's just
for saved people.
No, no, no, no, no.
Everybody's been given gifts.
Everyone.
Mm-hmm.
Whether you're a Christian or whether you're, whether you're not a Christian, we've got,
God's given everyone something.

(54:00):
And a lot of people like you say, they just do whatever they want and you think to yourself,
that's just so unfair.
But God's saying, I hang on a minute.
You're like that horse being trained by me.
They don't know what the heck they're doing.
They might be having a good time now, but it always catches up with people, you know, one
way or another.

(54:21):
And that's why we're told not to worry about them.
Don't you worry about what's going on with you?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Well, for two people who had no idea what we were going to talk about.
And you had something else to say, I sort of cut it in, cut it in.
No.
No, it's fine.

(54:42):
No, no, it's fine.
I mean, no, we good.
I was going to say, I don't remember what it was.
So like I say that we did pretty good for those of us who didn't know what we were going to
talk about.
Oh, yeah.
On high.
We're about at the end of our episode.
And having been a season guest, you know how this works.

(55:03):
So I typically turn it over to my guest and what is the final thought given all the randomness
that we have covered today that you would like to leave with them?
Well, I guess it's just to remember that you don't know everything because once again,

(55:26):
you might see something in a certain light.
God is holding you back and saying, don't say anything.
Don't say anything.
It's so hard, but when the season changes, you'll either be released to talk or you won't
be, but either way, you will, you will down the track, you'll understand why you had to

(55:47):
be silent and you will be grateful that you didn't do what you thought you.
Because we don't see it all.
We see what you said through a glass darkly.
We don't.
But if we hold on, we will be rewarded.
I mean, I'm just still getting insight from a lot of the lessons that I've learned.

(56:11):
And I just think, I just think, once again, it comes back to trust, trusting God even when
it's so hard to do.
And especially in this day and age where all this stuff is going on in the world and you
just think, and there is really an opportunity to become so fierce.
So, it's so painful with everything that's going on.

(56:34):
But we've just got to remember that ultimately God is in control.
I mean, God's given the reins to man.
And people always say, well, why isn't God doing anything about that?
But God, people that say that, really, you know what?
You don't want God messing with that.
Because if he did, it wouldn't go the way you think it's going to go.

(56:57):
Right.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Well, I guess that's really my final thoughts on it.
It's just to keep trusting in because you will see it and you'll be grateful that you were
paid when it was hard.
I think that's it.
I think being a being a being when it's hard to be it, it's hard to be it because it's
hard for a reason that devil's pushing you to say something, pushing you out of time.

(57:24):
That's what he always wants.
He wants you to move out of time.
Whether it's, it doesn't matter whether it's on one side of the coin or the other he wants,
he wants you to move out of time.
It doesn't matter how he gets you out of alignment with God.
That's just what he will do.
He will push anything that you feel and I've learnt that too.

(57:48):
Anything that you feel like you're being pushed is more than likely not God.
You need to look to pull back from that and try and sit with it for a while because the devil
is always pushing us to move outside of time.
We just have to hold on.

(58:09):
That song by Wilson Phillips.
Hold on.
Yes, for one more day.
We just have a way.
I can't sing.
So that was terrible.
Hold on.
Hold on.
*RICH man cries*
*RICH man cries*

(58:30):
We give- You know we can even wear age, right?
I know...
I'm gonna have to go listen to that song now after this.
I know this pain!
*RICH man cries*
*RICH man cries*
Yeah, true!
That was great!
Okay, well I thank you for being on here.

(58:50):
And you'll be back, I'm sure you'll pop up.
We gotta record, okay, and I'll be down for it.
How can everybody get in contact with you if they want to?
Well, my page encouragement for today is on Facebook,
and at the moment I'm sort of promoting that a little bit.
I had my profile locked for a long time
because I just felt like I needed to do that.

(59:12):
But God spoke to me about that over the last weekend
and said, you know, that you want me to open up my page
and pin my profile, sorry, unlock it and put-
and pin my page to the top of my profile.
So my profile on Facebook is open now

(59:35):
and it has my page pinned to the top,
encouragement for today on Facebook.
So I get the feeling that God is gonna be maybe revamping it a little bit.
I don't know at the moment,
I'm still sort of tossing around a few ideas about what to do.
But yes, I'm a page encouragement for today on Facebook.
And also discord that we're on there as well.

(59:58):
Lee Ann, if you wanna just get in touch through your website.
Definitely.
So if you're interested in joining our Discord,
we would love to have you.
What you can do is go to welcomeinthisplace.org
and there is a link that says,
join our Discord.
And if you click on it, we will be more than happy to welcome you to it.

(01:00:20):
It's basically our private church server where we have updates
and we can share memes.
We can pretty much do all the same stuff that you do anywhere else.
It's just here you don't have to worry.
We're gonna share your info.
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because we know,

(01:00:41):
yeah, you know what we were saying?
I don't know.
You don't have to worry about any of that.
We're not gonna close it.
And so, you know, we're gonna be there,
but it's definitely not dependent on funding.
(laughs)
No, we're not gonna slash funding.
Absolutely not.
So that's how people can do that.
And as always, I really thank you for being on
and I really do appreciate it when you come on.

(01:01:02):
I know I get a lot out of it.
And I really do thank all of you for listening today.
And if you would like a book, actually,
you'd like the book I mentioned earlier,
which has recently been updated.
And it's not a huge departure from the original
just a few tweaks here and there and a new cover.
You can check out my book,
A Heart God Can Use, The Journey to the Center of His Will.

(01:01:23):
That's a Heart God Can Use, The Journey to the Center of His Will.
It's definitely a book that's a challenge
and that really is designed to help you to be
who God has for you to be as you are.
Yeah, he's a hit the bullseye.
Hit the bullseye.
Exactly.
It's about hitting the bullseye.
It's definitely that book.
And so go on Amazon.com or wherever books are sold

(01:01:43):
and look me up, Dr. Lee Ann B. Marino
and all my titles will come up.
There is something available for everyone
and we have new books coming out soon.
So be watching for that.
Also, if you'd like to learn more about the world
of counterculture Christianity, feel free to visit my website
at kingdompowernow.org.
That's kingdompowernow.org.
If you are looking for something
that connects leadership to leadership,

(01:02:07):
check out my patheos,
column leadership on fire at patheos.com/blogs/leadershiponfire.
Say that five times fast.
That's patheos.com/blogs/leadershiponfire.
That is a leadership blog devoted to all things related to it.
So whether you're in it, interested in it
or think God has something for you in it,
that's definitely something for you to check out.

(01:02:29):
Also connect with me on social media @kingdompowernow.
That's @kingdompowernow.
So I'm on Twitter, TikTok, Blue Sky,
Facebook, Instagram, WordPress, you name it, we're there.
Let's have a conversation and let's connect.
Also, don't be afraid to reach out with your information
because we are going to be working on an email list soon.

(01:02:50):
So definitely send us a longer information
if you are interested in that.
If you're looking for a seminary that's entirely affordable
and can be done from home,
check out apostolic covenant theological seminary at acts176.org.
And if you are in the Charlotte, North Carolina area
and you are looking for a practical church
that is your found family, then sanctuary is waiting for you.

(01:03:13):
Check out the work of sanctuary international fellowship tabernacle.
at, welcomeinthisplace.org.
That's welcomeinthisplace.org.
And if you have a question that's not answered on site,
feel free to reach out and we will get back to you.
And this is Apostle Dr. Lee Ann Marino reminding you
in closing that humility is key to your community.
And so if you want to be greatly used by God,

(01:03:34):
be prepared to walk in humility.
Until next time, be blessed.
Thank you for joining us on the Kingdom Now podcast today.
I pray it is proven to be a blessing in your life.
To learn more about this work, ask a question,
submit feedback, advertise with us on the website.

(01:03:58):
Submit feedback, advertise with us, be a guest,
or donate to support this work.
As our podcast is sponsored by listeners like you,
visit my website which contains essential information,
projects and looks for other points of contact around the web.
At kingdompowernow.org.

(01:04:19):
Also, if you are in our area and would like to visit sanctuary
international Fellowship Tabernacle,
visit welcomeinthisplace.org
Until next time, this is Apostle Dr. Lee Ann Marino reminding you
that the Kingdom of God is within you.
And that means the Kingdom is now.

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