December 3, 2023 • 27 mins
Grief is not exclusive to death. Guest Shameka Williams, founder of Those Without Mothers, and From Grief to Love, shares her journey with grief and the lessons she learned, including:
- Giving yourself permission to grieve
- How grief, loss, transition intertwine
- What can happen if we don't process our grief
- The difference between processing feelings and stewing in them
- How grief is like a weed
To learn more about Shameka, visit www.thosewithoutmothers.com, or find her on Instagram @shamekaspeaks, @thosewithoutmothers, @thebipolarpodcast, and @fromgriefwithlove.
About Your Host, Carmelita / Cat / Millie Tiu
Mom, spouse, coach, podcaster, wordsmith, legal eagle. Endlessly curious about how we can show up better for ourselves – because when we do that, we also show up better for our kids and those around us. Visit carmelitatiu.com to learn more about Cat, and for info on 1:1 coaching, the mom collective, and her monthly newsletter.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shameka Williams (00:00):
You're going to have to feel the feelings.
And most of us don't wantto do that because it hurts.
Grief will wait for you.
Loss will wait for you.
It will be on the sidelines untilyou're ready to deal with it.
But the longer you take to dealwith the issues, the more it'll
have an effect on you as a person.
(00:21):
Hello, all I'm Carmelita too.
And welcome to season three of know them.
Be them.
Raise them.
Uh, show to help busy, mindful growthoriented moms stay informed and inspired.
As they navigate their daughters,tween and teen years So during
this break between seasonstwo and three, I've been busy.
(00:41):
A good chunk of my busy-ness wasrelated to building my coaching
skills and practice and makingprogress towards my ICF accreditation.
So proud of myself for that.
Um, I also continue to work on acommunity for moms and podcast listeners.
That vision continues toevolve in exciting ways.
(01:01):
And to stay in the know and getupdates or if you're curious about
coaching, head to knowberaisethem.com.
Uh, you can sign up for mynewsletter there and you can follow
@knowberaisethem on Instagram.
And now let's move on to the episode.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Today's guest is Shemeka Williams. (01:20):
undefined
After openly dealing with the lossof her mother, Shemeka realized that
many others needed support and helpdealing with this life changing loss.
Being impactful and speaking life into theworld became a personal mission for her.
And she founded the organization,Those Without Mothers.
(01:41):
She's also a motivational speakerwho has traveled to various colleges,
spreading the word about the importanceof caring for one's mental health.
She realized there was a majordeficit in the mental health
field that centered around grief,specifically losing a parent.
Determined to help fill the gap.
She has continued to present manytools and resources to members of that
(02:01):
community that need a helping hand.
Although Shemeka has helped those inher community, she's determined to aid
those around the world with processingtheir grief in a healthy manner.
Her purpose is her passion.
And her goal is to make sureno one has to grieve alone.
Here's our conversation.
(02:23):
Hi, Shameka.
Thank you for joining me.
Shameka Williams (02:25):
Yes, I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
It is a pleasure to meetyou and be on your platform.
Absolutely.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (02:33):
I just wish the listeners could bask in the
warmth and energy that you exude.
I can see it through the camera.
Of course, podcasts
Shameka Williams (02:42):
you.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: not being a visual, medium. (02:43):
undefined
The listeners may not enjoythat, but I'm just thrilled to
be sharing space with you today.
Shameka Williams (02:51):
Oh, thank you.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (02:53):
So I'd love to hear a little bit about how you got
your start doing the work that you do.
Shameka Williams (02:58):
Yeah.
So I, I got my start initially when mymother passed away, my mother passed
away about I want to say 13 years ago.
And when my mom passed away,I went through a season of
very destructive behaviors.
You know, there was addictions, therewere things that I was trying to do
to fill the hole that my mother left.
(03:19):
And so.
Coming from that I learned thatthere were so many people who were
like me who didn't have any support.
they didn't know howto navigate this space.
And, you know, thank God I was ableto kind of get the therapy I needed
and get the help that I needed.
But one of the things that reallyhelped me was, although I love therapy
I found a grief coach and the differencewas that they guide you, right?
(03:43):
I think therapy is amazing, but I neededsomebody that could walk me day by day
through what I needed to do to kindof navigate this newness in my space.
And because of that I've realizedthat, you know, grief is not
a one size fits all, right?
There are different methodsfor different people.
And so, you know, that'skind of where I came from.
(04:06):
And then as time went on, somany other people that I love
were losing their mothers.
And I created kind of likea private thing for us.
Like, okay, well, we'lljust support one another.
But then it was kind of like, no, youcan't just do it for a private group.
We need to do this publicly.
there are way more people that need thesupport than the people that you know.
(04:30):
And so from that day forward when, youknow, God kind of dropped it in my spirit,
I, I left it and I was like, all right,well, this is what we're going to do.
And you know, I've beendoing it ever since.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (04:42):
I, I love how you took your awareness of your
emotional space and shared that withothers, you and, and took action.
I think a lot of times we folks maysee commonalities with other people.
and it may stay there, but yourcalling clearly was to move forward
and provide support with a broaderaudience, a broader community.
(05:05):
And really helping to processthose tough times, and turning your
grief into a catalyst for growth.
Shameka Williams (05:12):
Definitely.
You can either let it make you bitteror you can let it make you better.
for me for a while it did make me bitter.
Right.
But I realized that I wasn't hurtinganyone but me and that is absolutely
not how my mother raised me or howshe would have wanted me to live.
And so I had to stay firm in the factthat I knew better and I could do better.
(05:32):
And kind of just how I moveforward to help myself grow and
move through those, you know, art.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (05:39):
Yeah.
Well, I love that phrase youjust said about you can be
bitter or you can be better.
you know, when thinking about grief,something that I know you and I are
kind of curious about and can chat abouttoday is this idea to have grief, really
applying to loss in a number of contexts,whether it's loss of an identity,
(06:01):
loss of your particular dream, etc.
Shameka Williams (06:04):
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (06:07):
kind of coping with grief in other contexts as well.
Just speaking from personal experience.
I know that letting go ofthese preconceived notions
you might have for your kids.
That's something that a number of momsand I have talked about on occasion,
these, these tiny goodbyes as theygrow into their own people, and the
complexities that come with that, you
(06:27):
know,
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567 (06:28):
yeah,
Shameka Williams (06:29):
I think that you put it so well, right?
You said that you don'texpect these things, right?
You don't.
And sometimes you get disappointed basedoff of your own expectations, right?
So grief is not exclusive to that.
It is just exclusive to those thingsthat we lose and that can be yourself
that can, we lose ourselves when webecame, when we become a mom, right?
(06:51):
And.
We oftentimes try to get back to thatperson when we will never be the person
that we were before we had children.
And sometimes when we have thoseexpectations that, hey, I'll
go back to be this person whenthey're grown up is unrealistic.
And then it caused this, this kindof condemnation on ourselves, like,
(07:11):
Oh, well, you know, I did bad.
I didn't do this.
No, it's not that you just you'dnever be that person again.
And I'm big on transition.
Right.
Grief is about transition.
And in order for you to be ableto transition into any space, into
any time period in your life, youhave to be able to adapt to change.
(07:34):
And one of the things thathuman beings in general struggle
with is adapting to change.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (07:39):
Mm, mm,
Shameka Williams (07:41):
and so what I've learned in my space is that my son is 16, right?
And soon he'll be out the house.
And he, he used to be a mama's boy,but now I don't even know, you know,
I see him when I see him, he lived withme, but you know, they do their thing.
One thing that I, I realizeis that me holding on to him.
It's not gonna help him.
(08:03):
It's not.
It's not gonna helphim be a better person.
There are certain, and I had to, like,really talk to some wise people who
said, you being super strict or youwant him in your sight every second
of every day, it's not helping him.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (08:18):
mm,
Shameka Williams (08:19):
Not just that, it's not helping me.
Because oftentimes we leave,when we become mom, we lose
our dreams, our aspirations.
When really, in reality, we need tobe able to show our children that you
can be a mom and still have a life.
You can be a mom and still take careof yourself because if you're a mom
and you're not taking care of yourself,everything else fall , everything else.
(08:41):
And so we have to learn to takecare of ourselves and your identity
has to be bigger than your child.
And I know for somepeople that's like, Oh,
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (08:49):
mm,
Shameka Williams (08:49):
no, your identity has to meet when people ask you who you are.
It has to be more thanjust, well, I'm a mom.
Okay.
And because what happens is thenwhen you're not that, that mom.
In the forefront, youdon't know who you are.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (09:04):
right.
Shameka Williams (09:05):
And so it's so important to hold on to pieces of who
we are, what we like, what we don'tlike in the midst of being a great mom.
we have to stop placing theseexpectations on us because unmet
expectations equals disappointment.
And so we just have to allowourselves to be who we need to be.
And it's going to taketime to get a balance.
(09:27):
But just trying to figure it out isbetter than, you know, just sitting in
it and just saying, well, this, this isall I am because not way more than that.
Way more.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (09:36):
Yeah.
And it's so true how when you become amom, especially when they're little, and
I think it's, it's sort of endemic tothe, the act of raising an infant and a
toddler, like they need you for so much.
And if that becomes your soleidentity, it is a bit dangerous.
Because once they start becomingindependent, becoming their own
(09:58):
people, it, yeah, that, that senseof who am I, how do I function?
I can imagine it manifestsin different ways.
Like you might want to control thingsmore than you should, or you might.
Like you were saying, you just sort oflose the sense of who you are and then, I,
I am a huge believer in, you know, what'sgood for you as a mother is ultimately
(10:21):
what's good for your kids as well.
So if that means self care, if thatmeans pursuing your own dreams, even
in baby steps showing up in that wayfor yourself will ultimately also
help your kids become better people.
Shameka Williams (10:33):
Yeah.
And I think it's also especiallybecause our children watch us.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (10:36):
Yes.
Shameka Williams (10:37):
They are, they are sponges.
I people all the time, if you don't teachyour children, how to deal with trouble,
they are going to figure it out on theirown and sometimes not in the best ways,
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (10:48):
mm, mm hmm,
Shameka Williams (10:50):
so they need to see you going after your dreams.
They need to see you doing self care andtaking time away from them for yourself,
because then when they get older, theyrealize it's okay for me to prioritize me.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: hundred percent, yep, (11:02):
undefined
Shameka Williams (11:03):
Right, because
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567 (11:04):
I
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:05):
they to see
Shameka Williams (11:06):
I, I've seen so many kids like, well, I, I'm not gonna cry.
I'm not gonna, because I watchedmy mother be a superwoman.
She never cried.
She never did.
And we're, in reality,that's, that's not good.
That's not good.
So we need to be able to show ourchildren real emotions and what
really is happening, you know?
And it's necessary.
It's necessary for growthfor them and for you.
(11:26):
Yeah,
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:27):
And on that point about showing emotions,
you know, it brings me back to grief.
And when we experience grief, whetherit be through loss of an opportunity
loss of a friendship, you know, whatwould you say are kind of the top
things to keep in mind or tips fornavigating those sorrowful moments?
(11:48):
How do we move from thatbitter place to a better place?
Mm.
Mm hmm.
Shameka Williams (11:53):
I think one of the main things is processing it.
And allowing yourself to sit with it.
So often we live in amicrowave society now.
And so everything is supposed to be fast.
Like, I'm gonna heal fast.
As long, as long as I justbe like, okay, it happened.
No, you're gonna have to process it.
You're going to have to feel the feelings.
(12:13):
And most of us don't wantto do that because it hurts.
Grief will wait for you.
Loss will wait for you.
So it will be on the sidelinesuntil you're ready to deal with it.
But the longer you take to dealwith the issues, the more it'll
have an effect on you as a person.
And so if you can sit down and say,hey, This is what hurt me, but also
(12:37):
in every loss, there is a lesson.
So a lot of times, one of my mainthings I tell people in my grief support
group is, Hey, you have to find outwhat the lesson is, even in this loss.
if you don't, what happensis you will repeat the same
behaviors when you lose again.
Loss is inevitable.
You know, they taxes and death is the mostsure thing, but loss is a sure thing too.
(13:02):
Right.
You're going to lose throughout your life.
So if you can kind of figure out,Hey, when I lose, I need to process my
feelings, but then also use every tip-adapting to change, sitting through
it, and then allowing ourselves to learnthe lessons that need to be taught.
Those things alone can not only helpyou in your situation, but it can
(13:24):
also help you to teach your childrenhow to navigate their own trouble.
Because a lot of times, you know,especially in the younger generation
now we're using alcohol and drugs and,know, we're trying to fill spaces.
Right.
A lot of unhealthy relationships, andthis is something that I experienced.
A lot of my unhealthiest relationshipswere because I was trying to fill
(13:45):
a spot for something that I lost.
And because of that, it was destructive.
It was toxic.
But if had I been able to sit withwhat happened and be able to take the
lessons from it and grow from it, Iprobably would be much better off,
and that that's my suggestion.
You have to sit with it, even if you haveto say, Hey, I need to take two days.
(14:07):
Cry for one day and then figure out,you know, my feelings the next day.
That's fine, too.
fine, too.
You know, so.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: In terms of processing, you (14:16):
undefined
know, that resonates with me.
This idea of you have to figureout, like, take some time to
analyze, feeling the feelings andaddressing what's my takeaway here?
Yeah.
Cause you know, I I've heard itsaid that we gravitate towards what
our nervous system thinks is safe.
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567 (14:35):
Mm hmm.
Mm
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (14:35):
And sometimes just because it's what we're
familiar with, the familiar feels safe.
And if our familiar is negative or toxicor, you know, not necessarily good for
us, that we'll continue those patternsbecause they're quote unquote safe.
But like you were saying, if we learnfrom it, then we can take action
to move through the discomfort,to use that grief to propel you
(14:59):
towards something, towards growth.
So, you know, you, you sort of set upthis example of feeling the feelings,
and sitting with it, and then kind ofmoving forward, how does someone know
whether they're processing or stewing?
That's something that I think people,myself included, sometimes grapple
with, especially when I look at mykids, I think, you know, are they
(15:21):
still processing or are they stewing?
Shameka Williams (15:24):
Yeah, if they, you know, I think when we're processing,
sometimes, you know, we're kind ofin an out of body experience, right?
I think sometimes we're reallythinking about the entire
situation, the entire circumstance.
And we're really trying to processWhat happened and why it happened.
(15:45):
One of the things thathumans need is a why.
I have no idea,
When somebody dies, they'd be like,all right, well, tell me how they died
because they want to know why they
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567: died, right? (15:53):
undefined
Shameka Williams (15:55):
Because we want to find something to identify with
and say, oh, okay, well, they diedbecause they had a heart attack.
Well, I didn't have a heartattack, so I'll be okay.
if it's else, then maybe Ishould go get my blood work
done because they died this way.
We, that's, that's how
audioCarmelita(Cat)Ti21486949567 (16:08):
It's
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:08):
so true.
I think about relationships and breakups.
People wanna know, why did you And then
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567 (16:13):
Exactly.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:14):
to learn.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
. Mm-hmm.
Shameka Williams (16:16):
So the thing about it is if you're processing,
you're thinking about how it'sgoing to affect your future.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:21):
Mm-hmm.
Shameka Williams (16:22):
If stewing, it, oftentimes it's just like you're
sitting there, you're processingit, but you still are not over the
hump of understanding what happened.
You're still like, yeah, well, maybe inanother world, it could be this way, like,
you're, you're still negotiating withyourself about what's happening and, and,
(16:43):
how things could have been different.
Whereas when you're processing,you understand that it happened
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:48):
Right.
Shameka Williams (16:49):
you know, you're like, okay, it's, it's done.
It's, it's the end.
Right.
Whereas stewing sometimes yougo back and forth with yourself.
It's this bargaining chip.
Like, well, maybe if I did thisor no, so that's the difference.
The difference is you knowing it's an endand the other is I'm bargaining that it
might not be the end or it could be that.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (17:11):
Yeah.
What, what I'm hearing you sayis basically acceptance, right?
Where stewing is this refusal toaccept that this is an end, that this
is something to move forward from.
Whereas processing is sortof looking at it for what it
was and choosing to move on.
Hmm.
Hmm.
(17:32):
Yeah.
That makes
a
Shameka Williams (17:33):
it's not neither.
Neither one is easy.
I'm not, I say it like,yeah, just process.
No, it's hard.
It's hard.
It's very hard, but it's necessaryfor you to grow and I am one of
those people that definitely believeseverything happens for a reason.
So there's something that is preparing youeven with this situation as you process
to go to the next level in your life,to go to the next level in your purpose.
(17:57):
And so it was a lesson that youhad to learn so that you could be
better prepared for the next lesson.
That's why it's so necessary to process.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (18:04):
Yeah.
And ─┅┅ you know, what you weresaying about people being wired
to want a why, you know, wantingan explanation that makes sense.
We want, we want things to make sense.
So often we don't have that, right?
Like whether it's loss, unexpected loss,why that person or in a relationship, why,
why did this person make that decision?
(18:24):
Like what?
Yeah.
So understanding that part of thatprocessing is just accepting and
moving on I can see how that's sopivotal and important to really
reaching that place of growth.
Yeah.
Shameka Williams (18:36):
Definitely.
It's, it's necessary and it's vitalin order for you to really be able to
say, Okay, I'm moving through this.
And
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (18:44):
Hmm.
Shameka Williams (18:45):
going to get through this, right.
Because otherwise you'll be stagnant.
And the longer you're stagnant, themore things pile on top of it, you
know, becomes complicated grief,
And complicated grief means things justpiling on top of it and it gets worse.
when you have complicated griefis you literally have to unpeel
back back all of those layers.
(19:07):
Before you can really deal with theroot of the problem, whereas if you're
processing when it happens, you'redealing with the root and you're
going to pull it up from the root.
If you're a gardener, you know, ifyou don't pull the weeds up from
the root, just going to, it's justgoing to grow right back, but if you
pull it up from the root, it's gone.
And that's, that's kind of howyou have to think about it.
Like, Hey, we got to pull this thing upfrom the root so that it doesn't resurface
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (19:32):
I love that.
I love that mental image.
Shameka Williams (19:34):
yes, what you don't deal with, it will come back.
Okay.
And it comes back sometimesunconsciously, it'll come back and you'll
be like, Oh, I thought I dealt with it.
But then you get in anotherrelationship and now the problems
from the other relationship are herebecause you never process it properly.
So, you know, we have to understandthat it all, it all comes together if
(19:54):
we don't process how we've feeling.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (19:57):
Yeah.
I feel like we've covered a lot ofground in a short amount of time.
I'm so grateful for that.
is there anything we haven'tcovered from the perspective of.
Like how you would encourage folks tothink about grief ,processing grief,
and I, I, I wanna make sure there'snothing you feel is left unsaid.
Shameka Williams (20:16):
Yeah, I think the only thing that I would say is that.
You, you are enough.
And oftentimes when we grieve,whether it's a death or whether
it's a loss of a relationship orfriendship or even ourselves, right?
I know a lot of people, my mom,she passed away from breast cancer
and what I found was when shewas diagnosed, she lost herself.
(20:37):
She lost who she was, youknow, before her diagnosis.
And I, I just want peopleto know that you are enough.
you are strong enough to movethrough whatever it is that you lose.
Right?
But you have to reveal it.
What, what you don'treveal, it can't be healed.
(20:59):
So you have to move through it,understanding that I have to let this out.
Whether through a therapist,a coach, a friend.
The longer you keep it in, themore dangerous it becomes to
your spirit and to your mind.
And grief often leads to mental illness.
On my podcast being bipolar, I didn'tfind out that I was bipolar until I
(21:21):
lost my mom because it ignites somethingin your mind and your spirit that you
don't even realize that it's happening.
And so I just encourage people tounderstand that they are not alone and it
happened to them, but it also happened forthem, And sometimes it's hard to see that.
When you're hurting so bad, right.
(21:43):
But there was a there's a reasonfor everything that happens.
And sometimes that's why we have togo back and look at those lessons
and things that we've been through.
It's unfair.
The fact that that my mom isgone is unfair, but I learned
so many lessons from it.
And now I can actually help somebody else.
(22:04):
You never go through things just for you.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (22:06):
Mm-hmm.
Shameka Williams (22:07):
You always go through things to also help other people, and some
of those people are your children, right?
your children need to see you grieve.
They need to see you hurt, becausethey need to know that these are real
emotions, and it's okay to feel them.
So much of society has toldthem you don't need to cry.
You don't need to feel, just get over it.
I had so many people tell me, it'sjust, you'll be fine, just get over it.
(22:30):
You know, and it's just like,I don't think so, you know.
So take your time.
And, you know, it's sad that we don'tgive people more time to for bereavement
like jobs only give three days.
But honestly, you take the time thatyou need, and you got to choose you.
You have to choose you.
I actually left a job becauseI said, no, I have to choose my
(22:54):
mental capacity because if I'm notokay, nothing else will be okay.
So always choose you, always choose you.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (23:02):
Hmm.
you, know, I, I typically wrap upeach podcast episode asking the guest
to share a quote or an affirmation.
And I feel like you've just givenme like five wisdom bombs already.
But on that note, is there any quote orsomething that you would like to share
above and beyond what you've already done,
Shameka Williams (23:23):
Yeah, I, I think the only thing that I would say is that
sometimes we feel like our prayers, ourtears are in vain, but they are not.
So every time you cry.
Whether you believe in God,the universe, whatever it is.
There is someone or somethingthere that is going to lift
you because you have suffered.
(23:43):
Suffering is inevitable.
We know that, but there is anassignment to every tear that you cry
and just don't give up on yourself.
Don't give up and giveyourself so much grace.
We are, especially women,so hard on ourselves.
hard and please give yourself graceand allow yourself to feel what you
(24:04):
need to feel to prioritize yourself.
Because that's the onlyway you'll make it.
What a powerful conversation.
as humans navigating this journey of life.
We invariably deal withchange, transition and loss.
(24:25):
And we know this intellectually, but inour fast paced world, whether it's hustle
culture or capitalism or productivityjunkies or whatnot, It sometimes feels
like it's a lot harder to find thetime to process and reflect on these
things and the impact they have on us.
On some level I think Iused to think of grief.
As being reserved forsituations involving death.
(24:47):
It really wasn't until my divorce and thehuge changes that came along with that.
But I had to confront laws andrecognize grief in a very real way.
So.
It just makes me gratefulfor my chat with Shameeka.
It was a wonderful reminder thatgrief comes in all shapes and sizes.
And we are strong enough to movethrough and grow from all of our losses.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Here are my key takeaways. (25:12):
undefined
Number one.
You can be bitter or you can be better.
When loss happens tous and it will happen.
We can choose how to respond toit and how it will affect us.
Number two.
Recognize that loss and the resultinggrief can show up in a variety of places.
We might mourn a loss of identity,the life we used to have, loss of our
(25:36):
kids as they become more independent.
And of course our daughters dealwith the loss too, whether it's
losing a game or losing a friend.
Loss and grief are not exclusive to death.
Number three.
Remember that grief is like a weed.
You have to deal with it from the roots.
It will continue to grow and wait for you.
It won't just go away on its own.
(25:59):
Number four processing your griefmeans acceptance and learning.
Every loss has a lesson.
And number five, what youdon't reveal you can't heal.
Be courageous and confront yourloss for yourself and your kids.
If we model emotional awareness andself-compassion in times of grief,
(26:19):
we're planting the seeds for ourkids to process in a healthy way too.
To learn more about Shemekaand her organization.
Those without mothers.
Visit www those without mothers.org.
She also hosts the being bipolar podcast.
You can find her and the podcaston Instagram and Facebook.
(26:40):
Look for, @thoseewithoutmothers, atShameeka speaks and that's S H a M E K a
speaks also at the being by polar podcast.
Also at the being bipolar podcast andat coaching from grief without love.
Those links will all bein the show notes as well.
(27:01):
So feel free to go there,check that out and find her.
Thank you so much for joining me today.
A big shout out to you for takingthe time to show up for yourself
and your daughter by tuning in.
I know you have a lot vyingfor your time and attention.
So I really appreciate youchoosing to spend a portion
of your day listening to me.
(27:22):
If you liked what you heard, pleasetell a friend, hit subscribe or follow
in your favorite podcasting platform.
And again, Follow at Novi.
Instagram for quotes from wisewomen, reminders, and a heads up
on upcoming podcasts as well ascoaching offerings, et cetera.
Thank you again for listeningand here's to strong women.
May we know them?
(27:43):
May we be them?
And may we raise them?
You're going to have to feel the feelings.
And most of us don't wantto do that because it hurts.
Grief will wait for you.
Loss will wait for you.
It will be on the sidelines untilyou're ready to deal with it.
But the longer you take to dealwith the issues, the more it'll
have an effect on you as a person.
(00:21):
Hello, all I'm Carmelita too.
And welcome to season three of know them.
Be them.
Raise them.
Uh, show to help busy, mindful growthoriented moms stay informed and inspired.
As they navigate their daughters,tween and teen years So during
this break between seasonstwo and three, I've been busy.
(00:41):
A good chunk of my busy-ness wasrelated to building my coaching
skills and practice and makingprogress towards my ICF accreditation.
So proud of myself for that.
Um, I also continue to work on acommunity for moms and podcast listeners.
That vision continues toevolve in exciting ways.
(01:01):
And to stay in the know and getupdates or if you're curious about
coaching, head to knowberaisethem.com.
Uh, you can sign up for mynewsletter there and you can follow
@knowberaisethem on Instagram.
And now let's move on to the episode.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Today's guest is Shemeka Williams. (01:20):
undefined
After openly dealing with the lossof her mother, Shemeka realized that
many others needed support and helpdealing with this life changing loss.
Being impactful and speaking life into theworld became a personal mission for her.
And she founded the organization,Those Without Mothers.
(01:41):
She's also a motivational speakerwho has traveled to various colleges,
spreading the word about the importanceof caring for one's mental health.
She realized there was a majordeficit in the mental health
field that centered around grief,specifically losing a parent.
Determined to help fill the gap.
She has continued to present manytools and resources to members of that
(02:01):
community that need a helping hand.
Although Shemeka has helped those inher community, she's determined to aid
those around the world with processingtheir grief in a healthy manner.
Her purpose is her passion.
And her goal is to make sureno one has to grieve alone.
Here's our conversation.
(02:23):
Hi, Shameka.
Thank you for joining me.
Shameka Williams (02:25):
Yes, I'm so excited to be here.
Thank you for having me.
It is a pleasure to meetyou and be on your platform.
Absolutely.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (02:33):
I just wish the listeners could bask in the
warmth and energy that you exude.
I can see it through the camera.
Of course, podcasts
Shameka Williams (02:42):
you.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: not being a visual, medium. (02:43):
undefined
The listeners may not enjoythat, but I'm just thrilled to
be sharing space with you today.
Shameka Williams (02:51):
Oh, thank you.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (02:53):
So I'd love to hear a little bit about how you got
your start doing the work that you do.
Shameka Williams (02:58):
Yeah.
So I, I got my start initially when mymother passed away, my mother passed
away about I want to say 13 years ago.
And when my mom passed away,I went through a season of
very destructive behaviors.
You know, there was addictions, therewere things that I was trying to do
to fill the hole that my mother left.
(03:19):
And so.
Coming from that I learned thatthere were so many people who were
like me who didn't have any support.
they didn't know howto navigate this space.
And, you know, thank God I was ableto kind of get the therapy I needed
and get the help that I needed.
But one of the things that reallyhelped me was, although I love therapy
I found a grief coach and the differencewas that they guide you, right?
(03:43):
I think therapy is amazing, but I neededsomebody that could walk me day by day
through what I needed to do to kindof navigate this newness in my space.
And because of that I've realizedthat, you know, grief is not
a one size fits all, right?
There are different methodsfor different people.
And so, you know, that'skind of where I came from.
(04:06):
And then as time went on, somany other people that I love
were losing their mothers.
And I created kind of likea private thing for us.
Like, okay, well, we'lljust support one another.
But then it was kind of like, no, youcan't just do it for a private group.
We need to do this publicly.
there are way more people that need thesupport than the people that you know.
(04:30):
And so from that day forward when, youknow, God kind of dropped it in my spirit,
I, I left it and I was like, all right,well, this is what we're going to do.
And you know, I've beendoing it ever since.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (04:42):
I, I love how you took your awareness of your
emotional space and shared that withothers, you and, and took action.
I think a lot of times we folks maysee commonalities with other people.
and it may stay there, but yourcalling clearly was to move forward
and provide support with a broaderaudience, a broader community.
(05:05):
And really helping to processthose tough times, and turning your
grief into a catalyst for growth.
Shameka Williams (05:12):
Definitely.
You can either let it make you bitteror you can let it make you better.
for me for a while it did make me bitter.
Right.
But I realized that I wasn't hurtinganyone but me and that is absolutely
not how my mother raised me or howshe would have wanted me to live.
And so I had to stay firm in the factthat I knew better and I could do better.
(05:32):
And kind of just how I moveforward to help myself grow and
move through those, you know, art.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (05:39):
Yeah.
Well, I love that phrase youjust said about you can be
bitter or you can be better.
you know, when thinking about grief,something that I know you and I are
kind of curious about and can chat abouttoday is this idea to have grief, really
applying to loss in a number of contexts,whether it's loss of an identity,
(06:01):
loss of your particular dream, etc.
Shameka Williams (06:04):
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (06:07):
kind of coping with grief in other contexts as well.
Just speaking from personal experience.
I know that letting go ofthese preconceived notions
you might have for your kids.
That's something that a number of momsand I have talked about on occasion,
these, these tiny goodbyes as theygrow into their own people, and the
complexities that come with that, you
(06:27):
know,
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567 (06:28):
yeah,
Shameka Williams (06:29):
I think that you put it so well, right?
You said that you don'texpect these things, right?
You don't.
And sometimes you get disappointed basedoff of your own expectations, right?
So grief is not exclusive to that.
It is just exclusive to those thingsthat we lose and that can be yourself
that can, we lose ourselves when webecame, when we become a mom, right?
(06:51):
And.
We oftentimes try to get back to thatperson when we will never be the person
that we were before we had children.
And sometimes when we have thoseexpectations that, hey, I'll
go back to be this person whenthey're grown up is unrealistic.
And then it caused this, this kindof condemnation on ourselves, like,
(07:11):
Oh, well, you know, I did bad.
I didn't do this.
No, it's not that you just you'dnever be that person again.
And I'm big on transition.
Right.
Grief is about transition.
And in order for you to be ableto transition into any space, into
any time period in your life, youhave to be able to adapt to change.
(07:34):
And one of the things thathuman beings in general struggle
with is adapting to change.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (07:39):
Mm, mm,
Shameka Williams (07:41):
and so what I've learned in my space is that my son is 16, right?
And soon he'll be out the house.
And he, he used to be a mama's boy,but now I don't even know, you know,
I see him when I see him, he lived withme, but you know, they do their thing.
One thing that I, I realizeis that me holding on to him.
It's not gonna help him.
(08:03):
It's not.
It's not gonna helphim be a better person.
There are certain, and I had to, like,really talk to some wise people who
said, you being super strict or youwant him in your sight every second
of every day, it's not helping him.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (08:18):
mm,
Shameka Williams (08:19):
Not just that, it's not helping me.
Because oftentimes we leave,when we become mom, we lose
our dreams, our aspirations.
When really, in reality, we need tobe able to show our children that you
can be a mom and still have a life.
You can be a mom and still take careof yourself because if you're a mom
and you're not taking care of yourself,everything else fall , everything else.
(08:41):
And so we have to learn to takecare of ourselves and your identity
has to be bigger than your child.
And I know for somepeople that's like, Oh,
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (08:49):
mm,
Shameka Williams (08:49):
no, your identity has to meet when people ask you who you are.
It has to be more thanjust, well, I'm a mom.
Okay.
And because what happens is thenwhen you're not that, that mom.
In the forefront, youdon't know who you are.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (09:04):
right.
Shameka Williams (09:05):
And so it's so important to hold on to pieces of who
we are, what we like, what we don'tlike in the midst of being a great mom.
we have to stop placing theseexpectations on us because unmet
expectations equals disappointment.
And so we just have to allowourselves to be who we need to be.
And it's going to taketime to get a balance.
(09:27):
But just trying to figure it out isbetter than, you know, just sitting in
it and just saying, well, this, this isall I am because not way more than that.
Way more.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (09:36):
Yeah.
And it's so true how when you become amom, especially when they're little, and
I think it's, it's sort of endemic tothe, the act of raising an infant and a
toddler, like they need you for so much.
And if that becomes your soleidentity, it is a bit dangerous.
Because once they start becomingindependent, becoming their own
(09:58):
people, it, yeah, that, that senseof who am I, how do I function?
I can imagine it manifestsin different ways.
Like you might want to control thingsmore than you should, or you might.
Like you were saying, you just sort oflose the sense of who you are and then, I,
I am a huge believer in, you know, what'sgood for you as a mother is ultimately
(10:21):
what's good for your kids as well.
So if that means self care, if thatmeans pursuing your own dreams, even
in baby steps showing up in that wayfor yourself will ultimately also
help your kids become better people.
Shameka Williams (10:33):
Yeah.
And I think it's also especiallybecause our children watch us.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (10:36):
Yes.
Shameka Williams (10:37):
They are, they are sponges.
I people all the time, if you don't teachyour children, how to deal with trouble,
they are going to figure it out on theirown and sometimes not in the best ways,
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (10:48):
mm, mm hmm,
Shameka Williams (10:50):
so they need to see you going after your dreams.
They need to see you doing self care andtaking time away from them for yourself,
because then when they get older, theyrealize it's okay for me to prioritize me.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: hundred percent, yep, (11:02):
undefined
Shameka Williams (11:03):
Right, because
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567 (11:04):
I
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:05):
they to see
Shameka Williams (11:06):
I, I've seen so many kids like, well, I, I'm not gonna cry.
I'm not gonna, because I watchedmy mother be a superwoman.
She never cried.
She never did.
And we're, in reality,that's, that's not good.
That's not good.
So we need to be able to show ourchildren real emotions and what
really is happening, you know?
And it's necessary.
It's necessary for growthfor them and for you.
(11:26):
Yeah,
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (11:27):
And on that point about showing emotions,
you know, it brings me back to grief.
And when we experience grief, whetherit be through loss of an opportunity
loss of a friendship, you know, whatwould you say are kind of the top
things to keep in mind or tips fornavigating those sorrowful moments?
(11:48):
How do we move from thatbitter place to a better place?
Mm.
Mm hmm.
Shameka Williams (11:53):
I think one of the main things is processing it.
And allowing yourself to sit with it.
So often we live in amicrowave society now.
And so everything is supposed to be fast.
Like, I'm gonna heal fast.
As long, as long as I justbe like, okay, it happened.
No, you're gonna have to process it.
You're going to have to feel the feelings.
(12:13):
And most of us don't wantto do that because it hurts.
Grief will wait for you.
Loss will wait for you.
So it will be on the sidelinesuntil you're ready to deal with it.
But the longer you take to dealwith the issues, the more it'll
have an effect on you as a person.
And so if you can sit down and say,hey, This is what hurt me, but also
(12:37):
in every loss, there is a lesson.
So a lot of times, one of my mainthings I tell people in my grief support
group is, Hey, you have to find outwhat the lesson is, even in this loss.
if you don't, what happensis you will repeat the same
behaviors when you lose again.
Loss is inevitable.
You know, they taxes and death is the mostsure thing, but loss is a sure thing too.
(13:02):
Right.
You're going to lose throughout your life.
So if you can kind of figure out,Hey, when I lose, I need to process my
feelings, but then also use every tip-adapting to change, sitting through
it, and then allowing ourselves to learnthe lessons that need to be taught.
Those things alone can not only helpyou in your situation, but it can
(13:24):
also help you to teach your childrenhow to navigate their own trouble.
Because a lot of times, you know,especially in the younger generation
now we're using alcohol and drugs and,know, we're trying to fill spaces.
Right.
A lot of unhealthy relationships, andthis is something that I experienced.
A lot of my unhealthiest relationshipswere because I was trying to fill
(13:45):
a spot for something that I lost.
And because of that, it was destructive.
It was toxic.
But if had I been able to sit withwhat happened and be able to take the
lessons from it and grow from it, Iprobably would be much better off,
and that that's my suggestion.
You have to sit with it, even if you haveto say, Hey, I need to take two days.
(14:07):
Cry for one day and then figure out,you know, my feelings the next day.
That's fine, too.
fine, too.
You know, so.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: In terms of processing, you (14:16):
undefined
know, that resonates with me.
This idea of you have to figureout, like, take some time to
analyze, feeling the feelings andaddressing what's my takeaway here?
Yeah.
Cause you know, I I've heard itsaid that we gravitate towards what
our nervous system thinks is safe.
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567 (14:35):
Mm hmm.
Mm
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (14:35):
And sometimes just because it's what we're
familiar with, the familiar feels safe.
And if our familiar is negative or toxicor, you know, not necessarily good for
us, that we'll continue those patternsbecause they're quote unquote safe.
But like you were saying, if we learnfrom it, then we can take action
to move through the discomfort,to use that grief to propel you
(14:59):
towards something, towards growth.
So, you know, you, you sort of set upthis example of feeling the feelings,
and sitting with it, and then kind ofmoving forward, how does someone know
whether they're processing or stewing?
That's something that I think people,myself included, sometimes grapple
with, especially when I look at mykids, I think, you know, are they
(15:21):
still processing or are they stewing?
Shameka Williams (15:24):
Yeah, if they, you know, I think when we're processing,
sometimes, you know, we're kind ofin an out of body experience, right?
I think sometimes we're reallythinking about the entire
situation, the entire circumstance.
And we're really trying to processWhat happened and why it happened.
(15:45):
One of the things thathumans need is a why.
I have no idea,
When somebody dies, they'd be like,all right, well, tell me how they died
because they want to know why they
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567: died, right? (15:53):
undefined
Shameka Williams (15:55):
Because we want to find something to identify with
and say, oh, okay, well, they diedbecause they had a heart attack.
Well, I didn't have a heartattack, so I'll be okay.
if it's else, then maybe Ishould go get my blood work
done because they died this way.
We, that's, that's how
audioCarmelita(Cat)Ti21486949567 (16:08):
It's
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:08):
so true.
I think about relationships and breakups.
People wanna know, why did you And then
audioShamekaWilliams11486949567 (16:13):
Exactly.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:14):
to learn.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
. Mm-hmm.
Shameka Williams (16:16):
So the thing about it is if you're processing,
you're thinking about how it'sgoing to affect your future.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:21):
Mm-hmm.
Shameka Williams (16:22):
If stewing, it, oftentimes it's just like you're
sitting there, you're processingit, but you still are not over the
hump of understanding what happened.
You're still like, yeah, well, maybe inanother world, it could be this way, like,
you're, you're still negotiating withyourself about what's happening and, and,
(16:43):
how things could have been different.
Whereas when you're processing,you understand that it happened
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (16:48):
Right.
Shameka Williams (16:49):
you know, you're like, okay, it's, it's done.
It's, it's the end.
Right.
Whereas stewing sometimes yougo back and forth with yourself.
It's this bargaining chip.
Like, well, maybe if I did thisor no, so that's the difference.
The difference is you knowing it's an endand the other is I'm bargaining that it
might not be the end or it could be that.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (17:11):
Yeah.
What, what I'm hearing you sayis basically acceptance, right?
Where stewing is this refusal toaccept that this is an end, that this
is something to move forward from.
Whereas processing is sortof looking at it for what it
was and choosing to move on.
Hmm.
Hmm.
(17:32):
Yeah.
That makes
a
Shameka Williams (17:33):
it's not neither.
Neither one is easy.
I'm not, I say it like,yeah, just process.
No, it's hard.
It's hard.
It's very hard, but it's necessaryfor you to grow and I am one of
those people that definitely believeseverything happens for a reason.
So there's something that is preparing youeven with this situation as you process
to go to the next level in your life,to go to the next level in your purpose.
(17:57):
And so it was a lesson that youhad to learn so that you could be
better prepared for the next lesson.
That's why it's so necessary to process.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (18:04):
Yeah.
And ─┅┅ you know, what you weresaying about people being wired
to want a why, you know, wantingan explanation that makes sense.
We want, we want things to make sense.
So often we don't have that, right?
Like whether it's loss, unexpected loss,why that person or in a relationship, why,
why did this person make that decision?
(18:24):
Like what?
Yeah.
So understanding that part of thatprocessing is just accepting and
moving on I can see how that's sopivotal and important to really
reaching that place of growth.
Yeah.
Shameka Williams (18:36):
Definitely.
It's, it's necessary and it's vitalin order for you to really be able to
say, Okay, I'm moving through this.
And
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (18:44):
Hmm.
Shameka Williams (18:45):
going to get through this, right.
Because otherwise you'll be stagnant.
And the longer you're stagnant, themore things pile on top of it, you
know, becomes complicated grief,
And complicated grief means things justpiling on top of it and it gets worse.
when you have complicated griefis you literally have to unpeel
back back all of those layers.
(19:07):
Before you can really deal with theroot of the problem, whereas if you're
processing when it happens, you'redealing with the root and you're
going to pull it up from the root.
If you're a gardener, you know, ifyou don't pull the weeds up from
the root, just going to, it's justgoing to grow right back, but if you
pull it up from the root, it's gone.
And that's, that's kind of howyou have to think about it.
Like, Hey, we got to pull this thing upfrom the root so that it doesn't resurface
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (19:32):
I love that.
I love that mental image.
Shameka Williams (19:34):
yes, what you don't deal with, it will come back.
Okay.
And it comes back sometimesunconsciously, it'll come back and you'll
be like, Oh, I thought I dealt with it.
But then you get in anotherrelationship and now the problems
from the other relationship are herebecause you never process it properly.
So, you know, we have to understandthat it all, it all comes together if
(19:54):
we don't process how we've feeling.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (19:57):
Yeah.
I feel like we've covered a lot ofground in a short amount of time.
I'm so grateful for that.
is there anything we haven'tcovered from the perspective of.
Like how you would encourage folks tothink about grief ,processing grief,
and I, I, I wanna make sure there'snothing you feel is left unsaid.
Shameka Williams (20:16):
Yeah, I think the only thing that I would say is that.
You, you are enough.
And oftentimes when we grieve,whether it's a death or whether
it's a loss of a relationship orfriendship or even ourselves, right?
I know a lot of people, my mom,she passed away from breast cancer
and what I found was when shewas diagnosed, she lost herself.
(20:37):
She lost who she was, youknow, before her diagnosis.
And I, I just want peopleto know that you are enough.
you are strong enough to movethrough whatever it is that you lose.
Right?
But you have to reveal it.
What, what you don'treveal, it can't be healed.
(20:59):
So you have to move through it,understanding that I have to let this out.
Whether through a therapist,a coach, a friend.
The longer you keep it in, themore dangerous it becomes to
your spirit and to your mind.
And grief often leads to mental illness.
On my podcast being bipolar, I didn'tfind out that I was bipolar until I
(21:21):
lost my mom because it ignites somethingin your mind and your spirit that you
don't even realize that it's happening.
And so I just encourage people tounderstand that they are not alone and it
happened to them, but it also happened forthem, And sometimes it's hard to see that.
When you're hurting so bad, right.
(21:43):
But there was a there's a reasonfor everything that happens.
And sometimes that's why we have togo back and look at those lessons
and things that we've been through.
It's unfair.
The fact that that my mom isgone is unfair, but I learned
so many lessons from it.
And now I can actually help somebody else.
(22:04):
You never go through things just for you.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (22:06):
Mm-hmm.
Shameka Williams (22:07):
You always go through things to also help other people, and some
of those people are your children, right?
your children need to see you grieve.
They need to see you hurt, becausethey need to know that these are real
emotions, and it's okay to feel them.
So much of society has toldthem you don't need to cry.
You don't need to feel, just get over it.
I had so many people tell me, it'sjust, you'll be fine, just get over it.
(22:30):
You know, and it's just like,I don't think so, you know.
So take your time.
And, you know, it's sad that we don'tgive people more time to for bereavement
like jobs only give three days.
But honestly, you take the time thatyou need, and you got to choose you.
You have to choose you.
I actually left a job becauseI said, no, I have to choose my
(22:54):
mental capacity because if I'm notokay, nothing else will be okay.
So always choose you, always choose you.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host (23:02):
Hmm.
you, know, I, I typically wrap upeach podcast episode asking the guest
to share a quote or an affirmation.
And I feel like you've just givenme like five wisdom bombs already.
But on that note, is there any quote orsomething that you would like to share
above and beyond what you've already done,
Shameka Williams (23:23):
Yeah, I, I think the only thing that I would say is that
sometimes we feel like our prayers, ourtears are in vain, but they are not.
So every time you cry.
Whether you believe in God,the universe, whatever it is.
There is someone or somethingthere that is going to lift
you because you have suffered.
(23:43):
Suffering is inevitable.
We know that, but there is anassignment to every tear that you cry
and just don't give up on yourself.
Don't give up and giveyourself so much grace.
We are, especially women,so hard on ourselves.
hard and please give yourself graceand allow yourself to feel what you
(24:04):
need to feel to prioritize yourself.
Because that's the onlyway you'll make it.
What a powerful conversation.
as humans navigating this journey of life.
We invariably deal withchange, transition and loss.
(24:25):
And we know this intellectually, but inour fast paced world, whether it's hustle
culture or capitalism or productivityjunkies or whatnot, It sometimes feels
like it's a lot harder to find thetime to process and reflect on these
things and the impact they have on us.
On some level I think Iused to think of grief.
As being reserved forsituations involving death.
(24:47):
It really wasn't until my divorce and thehuge changes that came along with that.
But I had to confront laws andrecognize grief in a very real way.
So.
It just makes me gratefulfor my chat with Shameeka.
It was a wonderful reminder thatgrief comes in all shapes and sizes.
And we are strong enough to movethrough and grow from all of our losses.
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Here are my key takeaways. (25:12):
undefined
Number one.
You can be bitter or you can be better.
When loss happens tous and it will happen.
We can choose how to respond toit and how it will affect us.
Number two.
Recognize that loss and the resultinggrief can show up in a variety of places.
We might mourn a loss of identity,the life we used to have, loss of our
(25:36):
kids as they become more independent.
And of course our daughters dealwith the loss too, whether it's
losing a game or losing a friend.
Loss and grief are not exclusive to death.
Number three.
Remember that grief is like a weed.
You have to deal with it from the roots.
It will continue to grow and wait for you.
It won't just go away on its own.
(25:59):
Number four processing your griefmeans acceptance and learning.
Every loss has a lesson.
And number five, what youdon't reveal you can't heal.
Be courageous and confront yourloss for yourself and your kids.
If we model emotional awareness andself-compassion in times of grief,
(26:19):
we're planting the seeds for ourkids to process in a healthy way too.
To learn more about Shemekaand her organization.
Those without mothers.
Visit www those without mothers.org.
She also hosts the being bipolar podcast.
You can find her and the podcaston Instagram and Facebook.
(26:40):
Look for, @thoseewithoutmothers, atShameeka speaks and that's S H a M E K a
speaks also at the being by polar podcast.
Also at the being bipolar podcast andat coaching from grief without love.
Those links will all bein the show notes as well.
(27:01):
So feel free to go there,check that out and find her.
Thank you so much for joining me today.
A big shout out to you for takingthe time to show up for yourself
and your daughter by tuning in.
I know you have a lot vyingfor your time and attention.
So I really appreciate youchoosing to spend a portion
of your day listening to me.
(27:22):
If you liked what you heard, pleasetell a friend, hit subscribe or follow
in your favorite podcasting platform.
And again, Follow at Novi.
Instagram for quotes from wisewomen, reminders, and a heads up
on upcoming podcasts as well ascoaching offerings, et cetera.
Thank you again for listeningand here's to strong women.
May we know them?
(27:43):
May we be them?
And may we raise them?
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